“If your parents were poor, I would say don’t worry about this. And if your parents had 2 to 3 million in their IRA accounts, I would say don’t worry about this. But your parents are middle-class, and in this case, that’s a problem.”

An elder care lawyer said this to me when my father was diagnosed with Lewy body dementia. While navigating his care needs over the past six years and contending with the emotions of watching him slowly deteriorate, worrying about paying for care is a constant.

My parents are middle-class thanks to my father’s union job, which provided a decent wage and a modest pension. When my mother went back to work, the company matched her 401(k) contributions. She put in as much as possible, scrimping in the short term to plan for the long. It would be by no means a lavish retirement, but enough for peace of mind.

Three years ago, at 72, they started taking their 401(k) Required Minimum Distributions. The money provided an added cushion to their social security and pension income, and they seemed secure. What they didn’t plan for was a catastrophic illness not covered by Medicare.

Like the majority of Americans, they don’t have long-term care insurance because they could not afford the premiums. The cost of my father’s memory care is rapidly depleting their nest egg. It is not clear what will happen to them when the money runs out — none of the options are good, which is a terrifying feeling.

If my father had cancer or heart disease, he would probably live at home with some home care covered by Medicare. But with dementia, an umbrella term used to describe everything from Lewy body dementia to Alzheimer’s and much more, Medicare deems the needed care as “custodial” or “companionship” and says this care can be provided for by family members.

“We don’t consider dementia a medical issue,” a Medicare rep told me, to my great disbelief. But my dad’s brain — which can no longer translate commands to his muscles — is not working properly, which certainly seems like a medical issue. He cannot take a shower, use the bathroom, take his pills, get dressed or walk unaided. He cannot be left alone. He cannot put together logical sentences.

My mother cared for him at home for as long as she could, but by mid-January, when we moved him to a memory care facility, her physical and mental health were giving out. I balanced helping them with my demanding career, which was exceptionally challenging.

“Families are in crisis, and no one is talking about it,” said a friend who lives in New York and flies frequently to Michigan to manage her mother’s dementia care.

I’m not a policy wonk or elected official. I’m not a medical doctor or a social worker. I’m simply a daughter who cares about her parents. And I’m a citizen looking around at our irrational health care system and feeling helpless, enraged and scared.

Here are some suggestions for how we might begin to talk about this crisis.

First, neurologists should mention financial planning at the onset of disease — especially when dementia can hit people in their 50s, 60s and 70s. My father saw two doctors, and neither mentioned long-term care or offered the help of a social worker. When I asked the second doctor about the prognosis, he brushed me off, saying, “My advice is to go home and live each day. Your father seems like a happy guy.” When I later asked about home care, he told me to “Google Visiting Angels.”

Because brain diseases are mysterious, doctors will not predict how long my father will live (and therefore, how much money is necessary). But doctors should warn families of the financial challenges particular to dementia care, especially when there is a spouse. There is living to plan for, even if that feels perverse while dying is taking place.

Second, policymakers should reconsider how Medicare can better support dementia patients. Classifying the care needs as non-medical companionship, especially in the later stages of the disease, is terribly misguided.

Recently, my father lost his ability to walk and feed himself; we are told the next phase could be forgetting how to swallow.

The brain is our most vital organ — if it doesn’t work, that is a medical issue affecting the whole body. My father is in a memory care facility where nurses and other staff trained in dementia provide treatment 24 hours a day. Families can provide assistance, but only to a certain degree.

Finally, middle-class families should plan for aging, sickness and death, even though it’s hard to discuss. Having some basics in place — wills, powers of attorney, health care proxies, a trust for a home before a disease is too far along — is a good first step and way of starting a conversation.

Further, families should understand what long-term care covers and costs. The average cost of memory care in New Jersey, where my parents live, is an astounding $8,150 a month. Those of us in middle age should start to plan for ourselves, especially since long-term care insurance is no longer viable for most people due to outrageously high premiums and caps on coverage.

My father is a gem of a human being, beloved by all who meet him. He and I are extremely close. He taught me how to swim, to hike, to ride a bike, to drive a car. He taught me to be curious, to delight in the ocean, to appreciate nature and fresh air, to love to eat, to devour chocolate in all forms, to laugh at the silliest things, to give others the benefit of the doubt, to believe that most people in the world are good and kind, to be confident in myself and trust my decisions, and to be loving and grateful.

He is the most mentally healthy person I know, and to lose him this way — with his compassionate, calm, beautiful brain failing — feels particularly unjust.

Still, I cannot simply sit in this grief and just be present with him in whatever time we have left because there is always more research to do, more Medicaid planning to try to understand, more numbers to crunch, more lawyers to call, more anxiety to manage, more hoops to jump through while navigating a disjointed health care system.

To couple this slow loss, this long goodbye, with extreme worry and uncertainty about my parents’ finances — How many months or years will he live? Can we afford that? Will my mother be able to stay in her house? Where will she go if we have to sell it? — is brutal and draining and tiring.

Every time I visit my dad, our beginning is the same. He takes one look at me, registers who I am, and says, “I love you so much.” This sentence is usually the only clear one I get. During those precious moments, I get to be simply a daughter. But the moments are fleeting, for the financial problems and stress are never far away. It should not be this way for me or my family, or for anyone. If illness can lead to bankruptcy, I’d say our system is broken.

Kate Ferranti has nearly 25 years of experience in labor organizations, small business, and now higher education, with roles in executive leadership and management, operations and communications. She lives with her partner in Brooklyn, New York.

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Shania Twain is in her fearless era.

The country-pop diva talked about embracing menopause and why she’s proud to be flaunting more than ever in an interview with the New York Post’s Alexa magazine published Wednesday.

Twain ― a five-time Grammy winner with a number of hits to her name, including “That Don’t Impress Me Much” and “Man! I Feel Like a Woman!” ― described the experience as a rewarding challenge.

“I think menopause was a very good thing for me because there were a lot more things changing in everything about me physically that I had to very quickly come to terms with,” Twain, 58, said.

“Menopause taught me to quickly say, ‘You know, it may only get worse. So just love yourself now. Just get over your insecurities — they’re standing in your way. And fear is standing in your way,’” she explained.

“I always sing about being fearless and all of that. I go there when I write. But I’m not living it the way I’m writing it. And I want to live the way I write. I’m more fierce than I ever was because I really demanded it about myself.”

That new outlook inspired Twain to bare her soul, and more, for the cover of her single “Waking Up Dreaming,” which came out last year.

Talking about her topless, Western-themed photo shoot, she said: “I think I needed to capture where I am right now, because it’s a moment that I want to remember.”

“So I just had to be brave about it, to own it,” she said. “And I felt really good that I felt like, ‘Yeah, I’m OK with that.’ I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror every day. I’m perfectly the way I should be. This is the way I should be at my age. I’m fine with it. And I’m not afraid of it anymore. It’s all good.”

The Canadian singer-songwriter struck a similar tone around the time of the song’s release last year.

“I am a woman in my late 50s, and I don’t need to hide behind the clothes,” she told People magazine. “I can’t even tell you how good it felt to do nude shooting.”

“I was just so unashamed of my new body, you know, as a woman that is well into my menopause,” she said. “I’m not even emotional about it; I just feel okay about it. It’s really liberating.”

Isn’t there something so thrilling about finding a truly stellar and game-changing product? It’s a huge joy, and you want to tell everyone how great it is and use it all the time and bask in its glory and congratulate yourself for choosing it and see other people experience it, too. It’s so satisfying to see good results that make a purchase truly worth it.

That’s how I feel about Revision Skincare’s YouthFull Lip Replenisher, which I bought last month while on a mission to find something that would care for and address my aging lips. My lips have gotten just as much sun damage as the rest of my face over the last nearly-five decades, and it was starting to show in fine lines. I’m not overly bothered by signs of aging, but I do want to take care of my face, and of course I can’t just slap some retinol cream on my lips like I can on my crow’s feet. Lip skin is wildly delicate.

I figured one of the most promising lip-safe active ingredients would be peptides, given that certain peptides can have skin-restoring abilities and help address things like loss of firmness, dullness and fine lines, and others are solid antioxidants. Although they don’t produce quick miracles — no skin care does — peptides can be effective, and some are gentle enough to be included in lip products. I tried a few of them, including Hailey Bieber’s peptide lip gloss (what can I say? she has good skin!), but nothing was really doing it for me.

Then I took one last stab at it when I spotted Revision’s peptide treatment at Dermstore. Designed to target visible signs of lip aging, it not only has several peptides including palmitoyl tripeptide-1 and palmitoyl tripeptide-38, but also other research-backed ingredients like vitamins E and C and green tea that can work well in tandem with peptides, plus very solid moisturizers like shea butter. I put it on overnight — more on that choice below — and let me tell you, I could actually tell a difference the very next morning.

My lips hadn’t been in terrible shape, but they definitely seemed smoother than they’d been in years. They weren’t puckery. They didn’t look wrinkly. And they certainly felt supremely healthy. I kept going with overnight use, and within days felt like this it was making a real difference. I was honestly floored when I woke up each morning, and kept being reminded during the day when they just felt so freshly smooth all the time. And given how little of it I have to squeeze out to give my lips a solid coat, I feel like this one tube is going to last for an almost comically long time (a relief given that $40 is way more than I typically spend on a lip balm).

I will note that when I first put this on, I immediately knew it wasn’t going to be a product I’d wear much during the day, despite Revisions’s guidance of applying it three times daily. It’s pretty thick and sticky (if you are constantly pulling your hair out of your lip gloss, you know the struggle). But as one reviewer noted, this is actually the product’s superpower, because it absolutely does not budge, even if you wear it overnight. “Although some reviews complain about the tackiness of the balm, that’s actually what is so great about this product!” wrote a Dermstore customer named Lizzie. “It sticks to lips better than any other balm I’ve tried.”

I can attest to this. Each morning when I wake up, it’s still there as if I just applied it. I sleep on my side, but it doesn’t melt off or get on my pillow. The fact that it clings so hard and lasts so long gives me some assurance that all those little peptides really are hard at work while I sleep, safely ensconced on my lips in a very stay-put formula.

Although some reviewers do enjoy it wearing this formula as a daytime gloss, many others are using it overnight only, too, and say it makes their lipstick easier to apply the next day. Some aren’t so concerned with fine lines, and simply use it for dry, cracked lips in winter or desert climates (and they say it’s hugely effective for that). Read some promising thoughts from verified Dermstore purchasers and Amazon reviewers below:

“Love this product. The day it arrived I used it twice, at noon and before bed. When I woke up in the morning I did a double take in the mirror. My 46 year old lips were reminded me of the 18 year old lips in my senior pictures! They were more defined on the edges, and a bit more plump. The results after one night were amazing!” — Julie at Dermstore

“I have a pretty epic lip balm graveyard in my beauty cabinet so I was not expecting much from this, but it knocked my socks off! It’s so good. Very thick and sticky, but that helps it stay on all night. I just wipe off the residue in the morning and my lips look amazing. I have not had a single skin flake since I started using this. I also love the smell, which is very delicate. Will definitely repurchase.” — Anonymous at Dermstore

“There are tons of lip moisturizers and masks and I’ve tried many of them. They essentially have the same end result…temporary hydration of the lips. None of them have ever really wowed me until I tried Revision! What makes it different? It adheres to the lips unlike any product that I’ve ever tried. I apply it at bedtime and it is STILL there in the morning! That kind of adherence means that the active ingredients make contact with the lips longer so they can work their magic. My lips are hydrated and plumped all day long with just a night time application so it’s very cost effective as well.” — Laura at Dermstore

“It actually works! My Dermatologist recommended this to me. Results are noticeable some in the beginning but with daily use (throughout the day) my lips are fuller, less wrinkles! (age 46)” — Amy Gragg at Amazon

“I am embarrassed to say how many of these tubes I’ve purchased since first using it after lip injections in August. There is absolutely nothing that comes close in both appearance and function. It stays on for hours and my lips are plump, hydrated and regaining their natural healthy tone and texture. My only complaint is that there isn’t a punch card because I will be buried in this lip treatment.” — Jessica at Dermstore

“I’ve tried so many lip masks. Laneige, Tatcha, First Aid Beauty (was amazing and now discontinued), Bite, Fresh, Ole Henricksen, Kiehl’s (tastes and smells fantastic, lasts on lips for 4 minutes)…Tarte, Buxom, Dior, was a Burt’s Bees fan for a decade. BB is nice and keeps the moisture in, but no active ingredients to nourish. Revision is serious business… I travel for work, am on planes and changing climates weekly. My lips are soft and nourished. I’m over 50, and no lip lines. **Can’t recommend strongly enough. 10/10**” — Kimberly S at Amazon

“Didn’t want to love this product due to the price point but it really works. Gives me a plump lip filler look when left on overnight. Definitely prefer this to the laneige lip mask. It does have a sticky/tacky feel so best to use overnight vs during the day.” — Lindsey at Dermstore

Shenae Grimes-Beech knows a thing or two about aging in the public eye.

The “90210” actor sent a message via Instagram last week to people who find it necessary to comment that she’s “aged terribly” whenever she posts “a nostalgic clip from my past life as a TEEN actor.”

“Thing is … I’m just … aging. I’m nearly 34 years old with 2 kids, what the hell do you expect?!” Grimes-Beech wrote in her post, alongside a video of her explaining the same message to her followers.

The actor said she knows “how easy it is to lose grip on reality and judge yourself harshly when you’re inundated with images of seemingly effortless ‘perfection’ every day.”

She added that she is “100% for a bit of Botox or filler or whatever it is you choose to do to feel confident in your skin” and explained that she’s “been debating a boob job big time since breastfeeding two children.”

“That said, I think transparency when it comes to beauty standards is more important right now than ever before,” the “DeGrassi” entertainer continued. “I have so much respect and admiration for the badass, beautiful women I follow that open up about these topics, whether you choose to age naturally or with a little help from your friends.”

Grimes-Beech is one of a handful of celebrities in Hollywood who have been open about their experience of getting older in the spotlight.

Former “Family Ties” star Justine Bateman realized people had a lot of opinions about her aging when she went to Google her name while researching something when she was in her early 40s.

“I put in my name, Googled my name ― Justine Bateman ― and then the autocomplete came up, which was ‘looks old.’” Bateman, now 57, said in an interview with “60 Minutes Australia” earlier this year.

“I was like, ‘What?’ And I looked at the pictures that they had as evidence, and I couldn’t see what they were talking about,” she said, adding that she doesn’t “give a shit” about what people think.

“I think I look rad,” Bateman added. “I think my face represents who I am. I like it.”

If you’re over 50 years old, you’ve probably noticed that food affects you a little bit differently than it did when you were younger. While a nightly bowl of ice cream used to be a delicious, harmless nightly staple, you might find that this habit now has a bigger impact on your health or makes you feel a certain way.

It’s possible that your doctor has talked to you about eating in a way that promotes bone strength or keeps your blood sugar in check, and there’s good reason for that. As we age, our nutritional needs change, and the phrase “you are what you eat” becomes more relevant than ever before.

Women see estrogen levels drop with menopause, which leads to a decrease in bone mass and an increased need for calcium-rich foods that can help stave off osteoporosis. And for both women and men, bodies lose the ability to produce insulin as easily over time, leading to blood sugar imbalances and the potential development of Type 2 diabetes. The metabolism slows down, too, particularly after age 60 — which means calorie-heavy foods are more likely to cause weight gain. And considering that heart disease is the No. 1 killer in the United States, eating a heart-healthy diet is key.

We know, we know. We’re delivering a lot of depressing news here. With that in mind, certain foods can be beneficial when it comes to keeping age-related health issues at bay. Here, a geriatrician and registered dietitians share the top foods people over 50 should pick up at the grocery store.

Because salt can contribute to high blood pressure, Dr. Nina L. Blachman, a geriatrician at NYU Langone Health, suggests limiting salt as much as possible. “Instead of salt, I recommend seasoning foods with herbs,” she said. Flavorful herbs like parsley, saffron or rosemary can go a long way when it comes to adding flavor to your food with little or even no salt.

According to nutritionist Tara Tomaino, a registered dietitian, beans (think chickpeas, black beans, etc.) are a great option for people over 50.

“Whether canned or dried, beans are a great food to incorporate in the diet for people 50 and over,” she said. “Beans are a great source of fiber as well as plant-based protein. Fiber is a key nutrient for heart health, blood-sugar management and weight control. If purchasing canned beans, be sure to rinse and drain them to get rid of the packing liquid and excess sodium. Aim to eat half a cup of beans per day by adding them to salads or soups.”

In case you haven’t heard, cottage cheese is making a major comeback — and luckily, Tomaino said, it’s a great option for people over 50.

“This high-protein food is a great choice for any meal of the day or even snacks,” she said. “Pair cottage cheese with fruit for a sweet and salty combo or blend into a dip to enjoy with fresh vegetables. Choose low-sodium or no-salt-added cottage cheese if high blood pressure is a concern.”

Choose from your favorite leafy greens, Tomaino suggests: spinach, kale, chard, collard greens and even broccoli.

“These vegetables are high in fiber, iron, magnesium, potassium and calcium, which are all crucial to heart health. Leafy greens are also low in carbohydrates and calories, making them an excellent addition to the diet if you are trying to manage weight and blood sugar.”

All kinds of berries, including strawberries, blueberries and blackberries, are packed with health benefits for people over 50.

“Berries are high in antioxidants, which help mitigate inflammation and provide the body with anti-cancer properties,” Tomaino said. “Berries are also high in fiber, making them an excellent fruit choice for those managing blood sugar. Choose organic berries (fresh or frozen) when possible. Eat them on their own or add to oatmeal, yogurt, salads or smoothies.”

Salmon, ideally wild-caught, is a top food for people over 50 due to it’s omega-3 content, Tomaino said.

“Omega-3 fatty acids are beneficial to heart health and have also been linked to brain health,” she said. “Lower in saturated fat than red meat, salmon is a great protein choice to include in the diet at least once a week. Broiled salmon with veggies makes an easy weeknight sheet pan meal.”

Almonds, walnuts, flaxseeds and chia seeds are rich in heart-healthy fats, fiber and essential nutrients, explained nutritionist Marine Melamed. “They can help maintain healthy cholesterol levels, support digestive health, and provide a source of plant-based protein,” she said.

Skip the fatty cuts of meat and opt for lean cuts of chicken and turkey, or even eggs. “Lean sources of protein like poultry, lean cuts of meat, eggs and plant-based proteins (tofu, legumes, lentils) are essential for muscle maintenance, immune function and wound healing,” Melamed said.

Whole grains are another great option for the 50-plus crowd. “Quinoa, brown rice, whole wheat and oats are high in fiber and complex carbohydrates,” Melamed said. “They provide sustained energy, aid in digestion, and help regulate blood-sugar levels, reducing the risk of developing metabolic diseases.”

While nutritional needs and limitations do become more complex as we get older, with a few simple diet tweaks you can come up with simple, delicious ways to modify your diet. So get that grocery list started!

Before “pandemic” became a household word, my husband Keith received an email from one of our neighbors. I’ve changed his name, but frankly, Jim could be any older person, living alone with children hours away.

Jim said he was afraid he’d die and no one would find him for days and asked if Keith would check in on him regularly with a call, email or text. Keith said, “Sure,” and wrote down his children’s contact information, just in case.

“Love our neighbor as ourselves” — that was our guideline. But as Jim declined mentally and physically, we began to ask ourselves how we could help without enabling him to stay in a dangerous living situation.

Keith and I had retired to this small rural neighborhood of 12 families. All of us chose the location for the mountains, forests, quiet, and privacy afforded by multi-acre lots. How-are-you waves when passing on the gravel road that connects our properties and the annual owners’ association meetings — that was about the extent of our interaction. But with the pandemic, we became more deliberate about checking on one another.

Even though we’d noticed deterioration of Jim’s exterior house maintenance during the pandemic, we weren’t overly concerned about him until he had a single-vehicle accident on the mountain road one evening. He was not injured, though his truck took a beating. More concerning was that he didn’t have a reasonable explanation for what had happened.

Keith contacted his children, and they arrived that weekend. We offered to meet with them at our house. Jim did not attend.

“The house was as we expected,” his son said, “piles of trash and pizza boxes.” We weren’t surprised either, having seen our parents let things go in their later years.

“This is new to you, common but not easy,” I said. “There are services you can put in place, as we did for our parents, and resources. In the meantime, how can we help?”

Jim’s son was already assisting with finances and legal matters; his daughter said she’d check on housekeeping, coordinate with doctors, and research elder-care services covered by his insurance. We agreed to visit Jim more often, to be their “eyes and ears on the scene.”

Jim admitted to having balance and memory problems. We noted other concerns along with his poor eating habits: lack of social interaction, misplacing personal items, and inability to properly care for his beloved dogs. Jim had built a fenced area when he got the two dogs eight years ago but had never walked them, and now he couldn’t. So, when I stopped to check on Jim during my mid-afternoon writing break, I walked his dogs. Minimal, not nearly enough, but we had our own dogs to walk too.

It was hard to see Jim’s decline. Should we have been doing more? Yes, but more could turn into a full-time job, infringe on his independence, and give him and his children a false sense of security.

In less than a year, Jim had two more unexplained one-vehicle accidents. By then, everyone in the neighborhood was worried about him. We encouraged his children to pursue a driving evaluation for their father and left it at that.

There are many federal and state government and organizational resources and articles about how to help older people. Regional agencies, such the Jefferson Area Board for Aging in our community and local social services, are good places to start as well as safety nets for low-income seniors, hardship cases, or those without family. Seniors need on-site teams for help and support: trusted friends, good neighbors, church members. Recommendations for “team” members include visiting often, offering meals and transportation, helping with home maintenance, listening, and watching for scams and pet neglect.

We now invite Jim for dinner every Tuesday — picking him up and driving him home— so he has a decent meal and social interaction once a week. Keith regularly emails Jim’s son, while Jim’s daughter and I text each other. She found a physical therapist to help her dad with balance exercises. The therapist also delivers groceries she orders online.

In a pinch during times when Jim’s truck is in the shop, I drive him where he needs to go and pick up milk, orange juice, and his prescriptions when I’m otherwise out and about. But we draw the line with house maintenance, personal care, and regular transportation, even though driving is our biggest concern: his safety and the safety of those he might encounter on the road.

Keith and I have re-missioned to second careers — we’re both writers — and have other commitments. Although it is an honor and a blessing to help our neighbor, we do not want to love grudgingly. Jim and his children often express gratitude, but ultimately, they must figure this out. He has options and is able to pay for services but is more afraid of losing his privacy or having to leave his home than he is of dying alone. And there’s the rub, as it is for many.

“Hey, Jim,” I yelled in his entry one afternoon. His two large dogs came barreling down the stairs — there are lots of stairs in Jim’s three-level house. The house felt uncharacteristically cold, and it was the middle of winter.

“Hey,” Jim said to me. He sat on the top step of the stairs. “When I got up this morning, it was 55 degrees in the house and the heat was off. Guess I ran out of propane.”

“Have you contacted the company?” I asked.

“Not yet. I have to find my phone. I started a fire in the basement stove.”

Until recently, he’d heated his house with firewood. Now I wondered if he remembered how to do so safely. Instead of asking and risk hurting his pride — and our relationship — I pulled out my cellphone. “While you find your phone and call the propane company, I’ll text your daughter so she can help you with this,” I told him. I leashed the dogs. “I’ll touch base with you again when we get back from our walk, OK?”

Things often disappear in Jim’s house, including his watch and phone. I’d get “I can’t reach Dad” text messages from his daughter and reply, “I’ll check on him when I’m down there.” Another line drawn, except when his cellphone went missing for two days. His daughter had installed a phone tracker, which he could ping from his computer. So, she coached him on my phone until I found his phone pinging under the sofa upstairs where he sleeps.

Jim’s dogs need grooming, and so does he — shave and haircut. But Tuesday dinners, dog walk check-ins, and occasional “in a pinch” helping are how things stand. We love our neighbor — within reason.

On Fridays, Keith and I review the week as we celebrate our happy hour together. We are blessed to have each other — and to hold each other accountable for personal and household care and social behavior. We’re baby boomers in our seventies. Our children also live hours away.

We pray not to burden anyone but know when our time comes we will, no matter how well we plan. There are no magic wands, and no one to make these issues go away. But after cleaning out decades of accumulation from our parents’ homes, we promised ourselves not to keep more than we need. And after watching Jim’s decline and experiencing our own, we have more patience and compassion for those who need help due to aging.

“I think we’re still hitting all points,” Keith said. “Physical, spiritual, intellectual, family, community. We’re attenuating gracefully, but conscious of our slipping.” I nodded.

“We will outlive our time here on the mountain,” I said, and he nodded. But for now, we are still in the third stage of life, our third season, autumn, the harvest. Time to reconnect and prepare for the winter we know is to come: the fourth and final stage.

There’s great strength in facing the realities of aging and death, in preparing for the inevitable rather than denying it. That’s how we love ourselves and others. Community. Not easy, never perfect, almost always messy, but a good goal all the same.

Carole Duff is a veteran teacher, flutist, naturalist, and writer of narrative nonfiction. She posts weekly to her long-standing blog Notes From Vanaprastha and has written for Brevity blog, Mockingbird, Streetlight Magazine,The Perennial Gen (now The Sage Forum), for which she is a regular contributor, and other publications. Her book “Wisdom Builds Her House” will be released in early 2024 through Brandylane Publications. Carole lives in Virginia’s Blue Ridge Mountains with her husband, writer K.A. Kenny, and two large, overly friendly dogs.

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Eyebrows play several crucial roles. They frame your face and help you express emotions, like surprise, happiness and anger. They also help protect your eyes from moisture and light.

But as you get older, you may notice your eyebrows start to look a little wispy.

“It is true that most people will develop sparse eyebrows as they age,” New York-based board-certified dermatologist Dr. Lian Mack told HuffPost. “With age, the eyebrow hair follicles become senescent, often producing thinner, finer hairs.”

Around the time you reach your 40s, your levels of the hormones estrogen or testosterone start to decline. And with that comes hair thinning and hair loss.

Along with your hair’s natural reaction to aging, several other factors can cause your eyebrows to thin. “It may be related to age, over-plucking, treatments like chemotherapy, thyroid disease, hormonal fluctuations or an unbalanced diet,” Mack said.

Dermatologists say there are several ways to deal with thinning eyebrows, including at-home remedies and doctor’s office treatments. Here’s how to handle sparse eyebrows.

The natural aging process affects the hair-growth cycle, said Dr. Ife Rodney, a board-certified dermatologist. This can decrease eyebrow density and thickness.

“Aging can also cause a decrease in the production of melanin, the pigment responsible for hair color, resulting in lighter and sparser eyebrows,” Rodney said.

Hormonal changes, including a drop in estrogen and testosterone, can contribute to the problem. Nutrient deficiencies, including of vitamin A, vitamin B7 (biotin), zinc and iron, can slow hair growth. Thyroid disease may lead to eyebrow hair loss and skin conditions, like eczema or psoriasis, or the autoimmune disease alopecia areata could affect your eyebrows.

Genetics play a role, too. Mack said the number of hair follicles you have and your eyebrow thickness are genetically predetermined.

“If an individual is starting out with fewer eyebrow hairs, it may simply appear as if they are losing hairs more rapidly than someone who biologically has more hairs from birth and is of a similar age,” she explained.

And if you’re prone to genetic hair loss, you might be more likely to experience thinning eyebrows, Rodney said.

If you’ve already noticed your eyebrows are looking thin, dermatologists say there are a few things you can try to slow the process:

• Keep a healthy diet that’s rich in antioxidants, including a rainbow of fruits and vegetables.
• Take vitamin E, biotin and iron supplements to speed up hair growth.
• Avoid overplucking.
• Apply sunscreen to your eyebrows, as UV rays can damage sensitive hair follicles.
• Avoid using scrubs or other skin care and cosmetics with harsh chemicals and opt for all-natural products.
• Use a serum to encourage eyebrow growth (see more below).
• Talk to your dermatologist about the best course of action.

There are a couple of things you can do to address eyebrow thinning and make your eyebrows look a little fuller.

Rodney said these products contain ingredients like peptides, biotin and panthenol, which promote hair growth and improve the appearance of your eyebrows. She recommends RevitaLash RevitaBrow Advanced Eyebrow Conditioner ($111) with biotin, green tea and ginseng.

Mack said one of her favorite eyebrow serums is RapidBrow Eyebrow Enhancing Serum ($39.99). “The formulation contains a number of peptides and conditioning ingredients to improve eyebrow density,” she said.

Eyebrow pencils, gels and powders can fill in sparse brows and create the illusion of fullness, at least temporarily, Rodney said. She recommends the Charlotte Tilbury Brow Cheat Micro Precision Brow Pencil ($40.50).

“When choosing an eyebrow pencil or powder, select a shade that closely matches your natural eyebrow color for a more natural look,” she said.

Dermatologists can offer treatments for your thinning eyebrows, depending on the cause, Mack said.

“A board-certified dermatologist can diagnose and work up the underlying cause of your eyebrow thinning,” she added. “Once the diagnosis is confirmed, he or she can create a customized treatment to target the cause of your eyebrow thinning.”

Intralesional Kenalog injections, or tiny diluted steroid injections, can help reduce inflammation around the hair follicle, Mack said. This procedure is often used when eyebrow thinning is related to an underlying autoimmune issue.

Platelet-rich plasma (PRP) injections can address thinning related to natural aging. Mack said this involves drawing a patient’s blood, spinning it down in a centrifuge, and then isolating the PRP, which is injected into the skin to revitalize hair follicles.

Dermatologists can also prescribe medication, like minoxidil (Rogaine), to stimulate hair growth and thickness, Rodney said. Other treatments include laser or light therapy or KeraFactor treatments.

“Remember that the effectiveness and availability of these treatments will vary from person and doctor,” Rodney noted.

Professionally trained microblading treatments are an option that purely fixes the aesthetics, not the actual thickness of your brows. The procedure is a semi-permanent cosmetic tattoo that involves using tiny needles to create hair-like lines along your eyebrows that give the appearance of fullness, Rodney said.

“Microblading is an effective tool for semi-permanent, natural-looking enhancement,” she said, adding that her own eyebrows are microbladed. “It’s safe when done by a qualified technician, effective and long-lasting.”

But microblading does come with a few risks, such as allergic reactions, scarring, infections and the potential that you just might not like the results, Rodney added. You’ll likely need touch-ups every couple of years, too, Mack said.

All summer, people have been obsessing over the aging filter on TikTok, which is so spot on that some dermatologists have praised its accuracy. But queer men across the social media platform have been completely freaking out at the elder versions of themselves — and we need to talk about it.

Whether it’s gay men joking that they need to “drive off a cliff” or pointing out how much they “hate it here,” there seems to be a genuine animosity toward the aging filter. And although they’re mostly jokes, I can’t help but feel that these TikToks point to a deeper problem within our community: Many of us are extremely uncomfortable with the thought of getting older.

Of course, aging can be scary for anyone. But in the gay community specifically, youth tends to be such a high metric for self-worth that gay men often struggle with getting old, and derogatory terms like “sugar fossil” are common among older queer men.

There’s more to it than being less desirable, though; aging can also bring to mind how the AIDS crisis left us without so many of the people who would now be elder queers.

And the reality is that the messaging we all receive daily about gay men — from pop culture to Hollywood — doesn’t really prepare us to think about life beyond youth. It sometimes feels like there’s no road map for getting ready to live as older queer men. Our shortsightedness is evident in the spaces we’ve built for ourselves, especially considering that gay spaces tend to take the form of nightclubs and bars, which usually cater to younger people.

But if we’re lucky, we’re all going to get older, and it’s time we start to seriously address that stigma. When we’re no longer young and we need new kinds of physical and emotional support, some of us could end up in community centers where we might not feel comfortable being ourselves. In fact, a 2018 survey found that 34% of LGBTQ+ adults ages 45 and older were worried about having to hide their identities to access suitable housing. We should all be thinking about that a little bit more.

As queer men, it’s time to accept that we won’t always look young, and that our looks are not a direct reflection of our worth. This TikTok filter is, frankly, too harsh of a wake-up call — but if we need to laugh till we cry with some form of acceptance, I’m OK with that.