Rihanna Shares The 1 Thing That Helped Her Personal ‘Rediscovery’ After Having Children

Posted on 21/04/2024 by Boris Clair

Rihanna didn’t have to find love in a hopeless place; instead she found it in her very own closet after adjusting to motherhood.

While speaking with BBC News at the Wednesday launch party of her collaboration with Puma in London, the singer explained how she went through somewhat of a fashion metamorphosis following the birth of her two young sons, RZA and Riot.

“With the first pregnancy, I feel like I was able to wear heels all the way through,” she recalled.

“But then with the second pregnancy, you have a toddler, a belly, it’s winter, you have a coat, a baby bag. You’re like, heels? Hmm, maybe not. That’s why I got a little bit more creative with my comfortable style.”

The Fenty Beauty mogul shared her feelings that she got “too comfortable” in her second pregnancy, with Riot.

“And then I got too comfortable after I had my second kid and I just was in robes, PJs, sweats. And now I’m playing again. Now I’m having fun with my clothes,” she said.

Rihanna and her partner, A$AP Rocky, welcomed their first son, RZA, in May 2022. The “Diamonds” crooner gave birth to Riot in August 2023.

She said getting back to her fashionista vibes in public again has given her “a rediscovery”.

Rihanna donned a sheer black ensemble while attending the Dior show during Paris Fashion Week in March 2022.

Now that she’s gotten the hang of motherhood, she said, she’s able to “allow myself that space mentally to approach my closet and create stuff”.

“After a while when you have kids, you think [fashion] is the dumbest… it really is the least important thing,” Rihanna explained. “But it does something for you as a woman, and as a mum, that’s important for us.”

Rihanna notably broke the internet with her stylish, belly-baring maternity ensembles, so it’s totally on-brand that she explained to BBC News why she “refused to buy maternity clothes.”

“I approached it like everything else I approach in fashion,” she said. “I just want to do things my way. I just want to always stitch it up and put my own twist on it.”

“But I just refused to buy maternity clothes, really and truly. I was like, whatever fits was what’s going to work. And that made me challenge myself to get clever with style,” the singer added.

Henry Cavill To Become A Dad As He Confirms Partner Natalie Viscuso Is Pregnant

Posted on 16/04/2024 by Boris Clair

Henry Cavill has shared that he is set to become a father.

On Monday evening, Henry confirmed to Access Hollywood that his girlfriend of three years, Hollywood exec Natalie Viscuso, is pregnant with the couple’s third child.

“I’m very excited about it,” the British actor revealed. “Natalie and I are both very excited. I’m sure you’ll see much more of that.”

Asked whether seeing Henry Golding, The Ministry Of Ungentlemanly Warfare, as a parent inspired him to become a dad, the former Superman star insisted: “I mean, he didn’t inspire me to do that. My parents did.”

<div class="js-react-hydrator" data-component-name="YouTube" data-component-id="8064" data-component-props="{"itemType":"video","index":6,"contentIndexByType":1,"contentListType":"embed","code":"

","type":"video","meta":{"author":"Access Hollywood","author_url":"https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiKGMZZmZXK-RpbKJGXgH3Q","cache_age":86400,"description":"Henry Cavill is going to be a father! While chatting with Access Hollywood at the New York City premiere of \"The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare,\" the actor confirmed that he is expecting a child with girlfriend Natalie Viscuso. \"I’m very excited about it. Natalie and I are both very excited about it. I’m sure you’ll see much more of that,\" he shared. Plus, Henry revealed what it was like working with Guy Ritchie on the film. \"The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare\" hits theaters April 19.\n\n» SUBSCRIBE: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToAccess\n» Visit Our Website: http://accessonline.com\n\nGet More Access :\nFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/accesshollywood/\nTwitter: https://twitter.com/accesshollywood\nInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/accesshollywood/","options":{"_cc_load_policy":{"label":"Closed captions","value":false},"_end":{"label":"End on","placeholder":"ex.: 11, 1m10s","value":""},"_start":{"label":"Start from","placeholder":"ex.: 11, 1m10s","value":""},"click_to_play":{"label":"Hold load & play until clicked","value":false}},"provider_name":"YouTube","thumbnail_height":720,"thumbnail_url":"https://i.ytimg.com/vi/AsLnipY_A_E/maxresdefault.jpg","thumbnail_width":1280,"title":"Henry Cavill Confirms He’s Expecting A Baby w/ Girlfriend Natalie Viscuso (EXCLUSIVE)","type":"video","url":"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsLnipY_A_E","version":"1.0"},"flags":[],"enhancements":{},"fullBleed":false,"options":{"theme":"news","device":"desktop","editionInfo":{"id":"uk","name":"U.K.","link":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk","locale":"en_GB"},"originalEdition":"uk","slideshowAd":{"scriptTags":[],"otherHtml":""},"slideshowEndCard":{"scriptTags":[],"otherHtml":""},"isMapi":false,"isAmp":false,"isVideoEntry":false,"isEntry":true,"isMt":false,"entryId":"661e1b69e4b0f8e522dbe040","entryPermalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/henry-cavill-confirms-girlfriend-natalie-viscuso-pregnant_uk_661e1b69e4b0f8e522dbe040","entryTagsList":"uk-celebrity,henry-cavill","sectionSlug":"entertainment","deptSlug":null,"sectionRedirectUrl":null,"subcategories":"parents","isWide":false,"headerOverride":null,"noVideoAds":false,"disableFloat":false,"isNative":false,"commercialVideo":{"provider":"custom","site_and_category":"uk.entertainment","package":null},"isHighline":false,"vidibleConfigValues":{"cid":"60afc140cf94592c45d7390c","disabledWithMapiEntries":false,"overrides":{"all":"60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4"},"whitelisted":["56c5f12ee4b03a39c93c9439","56c6056ee4b01f2b7e1b5f35","59bfee7f9e451049f87f550b","5acccbaac269d609ef44c529","570278d2e4b070ff77b98217","57027b4be4b070ff77b98d5c","56fe95c4e4b0041c4242016b","570279cfe4b06d08e3629954","5ba9e8821c2e65639162ccf1","5bcd9904821576674bc55ced","5d076ca127f25f504327c72e","5b35266b158f855373e28256","5ebac2e8abddfb04f877dff2","60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4","60b64354b171b7444beaff4d","60d0d8e09340d7032ad0fb1a","60d0d90f9340d7032ad0fbeb","60d0d9949340d7032ad0fed3","60d0d9f99340d7032ad10113","60d0daa69340d7032ad104cf","60d0de02b627221e9d819408"],"playlists":{"default":"57bc306888d2ff1a7f6b5579","news":"56c6dbcee4b04edee8beb49c","politics":"56c6dbcee4b04edee8beb49c","entertainment":"56c6e7f2e4b0983aa64c60fc","tech":"56c6f70ae4b043c5bdcaebf9","parents":"56cc65c2e4b0239099455b42","lifestyle":"56cc66a9e4b01f81ef94e98c"},"playerUpdates":{"56c6056ee4b01f2b7e1b5f35":"60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4","56c5f12ee4b03a39c93c9439":"60d0d8e09340d7032ad0fb1a","59bfee7f9e451049f87f550b":"60d0d90f9340d7032ad0fbeb","5acccbaac269d609ef44c529":"60d0d9949340d7032ad0fed3","5bcd9904821576674bc55ced":"60d0d9f99340d7032ad10113","5d076ca127f25f504327c72e":"60d0daa69340d7032ad104cf","5ebac2e8abddfb04f877dff2":"60d0de02b627221e9d819408"}},"connatixConfigValues":{"defaultPlayer":"8b034f64-513c-4987-b16f-42d6008f7feb","clickToPlayPlayer":"5a777b9b-81fe-41a6-8302-59e9953ee8a2","videoPagePlayer":"19654b65-409c-4b38-90db-80cbdea02cf4"},"topConnatixThumnbailSrc":"data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAEAAAABCAQAAAC1HAwCAAAAC0lEQVR42mNkYAAAAAYAAjCB0C8AAAAASUVORK5CYII=","customAmpComponents":[],"ampAssetsUrl":"https://amp.assets.huffpost.com","videoTraits":null,"positionInUnitCounts":{"buzz_head":{"count":0},"buzz_body":{"count":0},"buzz_bottom":{"count":0}},"positionInSubUnitCounts":{"article_body":{"count":6},"blog_summary":{"count":0},"before_you_go_slideshow":{"count":0}},"connatixCountsHelper":{"count":0},"buzzfeedTracking":{"context_page_id":"661e1b69e4b0f8e522dbe040","context_page_type":"buzz","destination":"huffpost","mode":"desktop","page_edition":"en-uk"},"tags":[{"name":" uk celebrity","slug":"uk-celebrity","links":{"relativeLink":"news/uk-celebrity","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/uk-celebrity","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/uk-celebrity"},"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/uk-celebrity/"},{"name":"henry cavill","slug":"henry-cavill","links":{"relativeLink":"news/henry-cavill","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/henry-cavill","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/henry-cavill"},"relegenceId":2799944,"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/henry-cavill/"}],"isLiveblogLive":null,"cetUnit":"buzz_body","bodyAds":["

\r\n\r\n HPGam.cmd.push(function(){\r\n\t\treturn HPGam.render(\"inline-1\", \"entry_paragraph_1\", false);\r\n });\r\n\r\n","

\r\n\r\n HPGam.cmd.push(function(){\r\n\t\treturn HPGam.render(\"inline\", \"entry_paragraph_2\", false);\r\n });\r\n\r\n","

\r\n\r\n HPGam.cmd.push(function(){\r\n\t\treturn HPGam.render(\"inline-2\", \"entry_paragraph_3\", false);\r\n });\r\n\r\n","

\r\n\r\n HPGam.cmd.push(function(){\r\n\t\treturn HPGam.render(\"inline-infinite\", \"repeating_dynamic_display\", false);\r\n });\r\n\r\n"],"adCount":0},"isCollectionEmbed":false}”>

[embedded content]

Henry and Natalie first announced they were an item in an Instagram post back in April 2021.

“This is me looking quietly confident shortly before my beautiful and brilliant love, Natalie, destroys me at chess,” he wrote at the time, alongside a photo of the pair sitting at a chessboard.

A few months later, they made their first public appearance together at the premiere of Henry’s film Enola Holmes 2.

Per Elle, Natalie previously worked at Legendary Entertainment, the company which helped produce Enola Holmes, as well as Man Of Steel, another of Henry’s films.

Henry and Natalie pictured together in January

Back in 2018, Henry said that it was his “biggest dream in life” to start a family.

A year earlier, he told Men’s Health magazine that his fitness was important to him as he wanted to be an active father in the future.

“If I ever have kids one day, I want to be the dad who’s running round after them,” he said, adding: “I want to be a fit and healthy dad, not hobbling round like, ‘OK, I’m just going to catch a breather’.”

My Toddler Refused To Drink Milk, So I Tried These Calcium-Rich Foods Instead

Posted on 11/04/2024 by Boris Clair

The first year of an infant’s life is dependent on milk. Whether you choose to breast feed or give formula, milk makes up all the calories they need.

Of course after 6 months of age you can start weaning them on to food, but this is to get infants ready for eating solids as part of their daily diet by 12 months. Before that, food is essentially getting them to practice the skill of eating.

However, if they are eating solids, the milk intake will be less than it was when they were infants.

Above the age of 12 months, children can have full fat cows milk instead of formula, and the NHS recommends you give your child at least 350ml (12oz) of milk a day.

But what happens if your toddler refuses milk all together?

My daughter began to refuse milk completely at 14 months after we decided to transition her to a beaker instead of bottle. This came as a shock because for the first year of her life all she did was drink milk.

She also wasn’t great at eating solid foods at 14 months, but that might have been because of the amount of milk she was drinking before she quit cold turkey.

After a lot of stressing, I learned that if your child doesn’t drink milk, it’s actually OK as long as you make up the calcium in other ways.

Children from the age of 1 to 3-years-old need 350mg of calcium a day and the NHS suggests you can give two servings of foods made from milk, such as cheese, yoghurt or fromage frais if your child doesn’t have milk.

You should be giving your child a variety of calcium-rich foods as well as keep offering milk as they might eventually find their way back to it. According to the Centre of Family Medicine you can try adding milk to foods to up their intake.

These foods can include:

pancakes,
scrambled eggs,
smoothies,
breakfast cereals
oats/porridge

With foods that are usually made with water, you can also try replacing with milk.

If you’re really worried about the lack of calcium your child is getting, make sure to contact your GP.

The One Scientific Reason You SHOULD Spend Time With Your Grandchildren

Posted on 01/04/2024 by Boris Clair

In fact, according to research, spending time with the little ones not only helps you stay social, it can also help with your mental health and some medical issues.

186 grandmothers took part in a study conducted by The Women’s Healthy Ageing Project in Australia, and researchers found that those who looked after their grandkids one day a week had a lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s and were more likely to offset dementia.

However, the research also found that looking after grandkids for more than five days a week could have a negative effect on cognition. So, while daily care could be burdensome, weekly visits had clear benefits.

An article looking into the impact of grandparenthood also found that grandchildren can make life “more fulfilling” and give grandparents a “new life purpose”. Because grandparents can find time with their grandkids so satisfying, the study noted that this can then potentially reduce mental health issues, improve cognitive abilities and physical strength – all of which can lead to a “better self-perceived quality of life”.

So there you have it, those blessed with grandkids and grandparents shouldn’t underestimate just how lucky they are. It’s not just a wholesome bond, it’s actually great for their health!

3 Ways To Make Ramadan Special For Kids That AREN’T Fasting

Posted on 04/03/2024 by Boris Clair

As Ramadan approaches, parents of young kids like myself are trying to find ways to teach our children about the Holy month.

With older kids, it can be easy to explain what the month means and how we can use it to minimise bad habits. But with toddlers and young children there needs to be a balance of making the time fun and exciting, alongside teaching them its importance.

As Muslims, children are obliged to fast once they hit puberty. Before this during Ramadan, kids will usually partake in family meals such as Iftar (opening of the fast), build the habit of praying five times a day and use the time to understand the importance of helping the less fortunate.

However, as the month places a huge importance on fasting for older children, younger kids might feel left out and want to do more to get into that Ramadan feeling.

So, here are some ways you can help to make the month special for young children that aren’t able to fast. These tips have been suggested by the creators of Salam Occasions, an online store where you can buy Islamic toys, books and decorations.

Decorate your home

Making changes in your home during Ramadan can really help kids differentiate the month of Ramadan from other months.

Children love to help out, so why not let them join in to put up some bunting? Salam Occasions have a range of balloons and acrylic decoration pieces that can transform your prayer space to make it even more exciting for the kids.

Do activities

Learning doesn’t have to be boring – when teaching your young children about Ramadan and what it means, bringing in colouring books can be a game-changer!

Alongside this you can even get your kids to have a healthy competition of designing a mosque, to teach them about the importance of praying together.

One of the three founders of Salam Occasions, Raheema, says: “My three-year-old would probably be able to tell you more about Ramadan than I would because of these books!

“A lot of people are turning to Islamic board books and colouring. As a parent I’ve introduced everything to my daughter from birth and by now she knows a lot more duas (prayers) and stories of Prophets than I did at that age!”

Countdown to Eid

Counting down to a special day definitely makes the month more exciting, building up towards Eid is a great way to get your kids involved.

Now that a lot more Muslim-owned companies are creating advent calendars to help children feel more connected, you can use these to teach them a lesson a day.

You can even DIY your own and tick off each day with a ‘moral of the day’ or ‘word of the day’ related to Ramadan. Alongside this you can even use the countdown to get your child to put £1 a day aside for charity.

This can really cement the idea that Ramadan is all about helping others and being a better person.

Either way, once it gets to Eid, the day where Muslims celebrate and mark the end of the month, your child will feel accomplished looking back at the past month!

At the end of the day, Ramadan is about learning how to be a better person. Whether it’s helping your kids break bad habits such as not fighting with siblings, or using the month to educate them about religion and morals — these tips are sure to get your young kids involved in wanting to learn more.

6 Habits To Avoid If You Don’t Want To Spoil Your Kids

Posted on 23/02/2024 by Boris Clair

Parents don’t set out to raise spoiled children, but we do care for them from the time that they are helpless infants, and this can launch us into habits that involve doing lots of things for them. But as children grow, we need to ensure that they are doing more for themselves, and not expecting you — or anyone else — to cater to every one of their needs.

Some object to the idea of labelling children “spoiled.” They aren’t fruit to be tossed away, after all, and it is their behaviours, not who they are, that we don’t approve of. “Children behave in the ways they are taught,” Jeff Yoo, a licensed therapist at Moment of Clarity Health Center, told HuffPost. “I don’t like to label any kid with a negative,” he continued.

Yet we know that’s it not good for kids to always get what they want. “Spoiled tends to reference privileges, often without a sense of them being earned or that they’re taken for granted. We also think of spoiled children as lacking empathy,” Matt Lundquist, a psychotherapist in New York City, explained to HuffPost.

We want our children to be able to get along with others, share, show respect to adults, understand that their behaviour has consequences and not assume that they will always get their way. To encourage these attitudes and behaviours instead of “spoiled” ones, we asked experts which habits parents should avoid. Here’s what they had to say.

1. Making excuses or apologising on behalf of children.

It makes sense for a parent to mention that a fussy baby or toddler is overtired because they missed a nap, but as kids’ get older they should be held accountable for their behaviour, even if they’re having a bad day. Lundquist recommended that parents neither make excuses for children being unkind or apologise on their behalf.

Forcing a child to apologise rarely brings about a heartfelt apology, but a quick, private conversation in which you ask a kid whether they think what they did was acceptable and how it might have made the other person feel can often inspire a child to make a genuine apology on their own.

2. Failing to enforce boundaries or limits.

It’s no secret why parents sometimes cave to their children’s demands. Breaking down and allowing for more screen time, or buying the requested item, can feel a lot easier than coping with the tantrum that may result if you stand strong and refuse. But while capitulating in this way may “win” you the battle, it can lead to you losing the war.

“It is easier to give into bad behaviour to get immediate reactions that satisfy the parents’ needs at the moment. However, the negative consequences to the child may and do last a lifetime,” Yoo said. These consequences can include poor impulse control and other kinds of dysfunction.

Because children will test boundaries, “consistency is the key,” Yoo continued. If you’ve said the iPad has to be turned off when the timer dings, stick to it every time you use this strategy. If you sometimes say this and don’t follow up, children will realise it right away.

Communicate to your child that they may have feelings about the boundary, but they still have to adhere to it. You can say, “I see you are angry about having to turn off the iPad in the middle of your game” or validate their feelings in another way without giving in to their demands.

3. Protecting children from the consequences of their behaviour.

If a child misbehaves at school, for example, and is given detention or some other consequence, it’s important to not jump in to spare the child from the consequence. (Unless your child is being discriminated against.) Doing so can signal to a child that they are special and don’t need to follow the same rules as other children, and undermines the authority of teachers or other adults who care for your kid.

4. Replacing things too quickly.

If a child has lost a beloved item, a parent’s instinct is usually to replace it as fast as possible. But this doesn’t always give children a chance to experience their sadness. Allowing a child to have these kinds of feelings teaches them that they’re resilient and can handle tough situations.

Children also need to know that they can’t always count on immediate gratification, and they need opportunities to practice waiting.

5. Writing off poor behaviour as “kids being kids.”

“There’s a sense with kids who don’t experience enough limits that being unkind isn’t much of a big deal or, more problematically, that there’s something special about them that exempts them from having to do the work of kindness and caring,” Lundquist said.

While it’s true that kids can be cruel or engage in bullying, that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences for it — as well as support for the child who was hurt.

6. Inconsistent discipline.

“When discipline is inconsistently used to teach rules … this fosters confusion about what is and is not acceptable,” Yoo said.

It isn’t easy, but sticking to your boundaries and consequences will serve your kids (and you!) best in the long run.

When you are upholding boundaries or following through with consequences, make sure your kids understand that it is their behaviour that you disapprove of — not them. You love your kids unconditionally, but when they misbehave, you call them out on it. Doing so, Lundquist said, is “an important part of children coming to tolerate, for themselves, this idea — ‘I’m pretty great, but sometimes I can be hurtful, and those are all parts of me.’”

When you do introduce a new behaviour intervention, such as a consequence or a rule, you can expect some initial difficulty, Lundquist explained. “Kids (like all of us) don’t like limits and, typically, when a limit is introduced (or there’s a new effort to really enforce a rule that’s been too loose), they’ll push back.” It can be a challenge, but parents need to remain strong in these moments and remember that “the fact that setting a limit generates intense pushback doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea,” Lundquist said.

On the other end of the spectrum, someone may hear you being effusive with your kids and warn you that you’re going to spoil them, but celebrating your children’s achievements isn’t what leads to entitled behaviour.

“There is no amount of praise … hugs and high fives that will make a child spoiled. Far too often, nurturing and praise are maligned under the umbrella of a kind of anti-spoiling strategy,” Lundquist said.

He emphasised the importance of kids appreciating their own complexity, and understanding that they are capable of both kind and unkind actions.

“Spoiling kids is much more about preventing kids from experiencing the unpleasant parts of themselves than doing too much supporting and celebrating what’s great about them,” he continued.

“In fact, the more the good stuff is cheered, the easier it is to absorb the hard stuff.”

I’m A Sex Therapist – Here’s 4 Things You NEED To Do To Help With Intimacy After A Baby

Posted on 09/02/2024 by Boris Clair

Starting a family is one of the biggest milestones in a relationship and it is impossible to overestimate the total joy of your baby arriving.

It’s therefore understandable that when your little bundle of gorgeousness is here, that they demand all your attention and that leaves precious little time for anything else.

Most parents complain about their lack of sleep, messy homes, and a total inability to have a shower some days. However, we don’t always discuss the impact that parenting can have on your relationship, and especially on your sex life. If it does get raised, it’s often laughed off – “how can I even think about sex when I’m covered in baby vomit!” – but maintaining intimacy can be a real challenge for some couples and can lead to relationship difficulties further down the line if not addressed.

In support of HiPP Organic’s new campaign, ‘The Parenting Connection’, I, as a psychosexual and relationship therapist, want to encourage open dialogues among new parents – helping them address the balance between parenthood and maintaining a strong relationship as a couple.

Don’t panic! It’s never too late to start addressing intimacy difficulties even if it’s been a while since you did the deed. Pressure, anxiety and shame are total libido killers, so try to step more into a compassionate mindset. That’s especially important near Valentine’s Day when there can be huge pressure to have the perfect relationship! Remind yourself that it’s understandable that your mind hasn’t been on your sex life, but that it doesn’t have to be like this forever. Why not start by talking to your partner about how you feel and how you would like to improve the intimate side of your relationship.
Seize the small moments. It doesn’t have to be about waiting until you have the energy to jump into bed together. You might be waiting a long time! Instead, small touches and moments of affection can make a big difference. Try giving your partner a hug and a kiss when you see them after work. Give them your eye contact when you talk. Touch them gently on the arm or back when you’re discussing your days. These small acts can mean so much when you’re both in need of some physical attention.
Create a sexual menu. This takes the pressure off you having to have full sex, which might be tricky if the birth partner is still healing. A sexual menu can be a fun exercise for you both to share some different ideas for intimacy, such as bathing together, sensual massage or slow dancing. It also helps you to think about what you do want, rather than focusing on what you don’t. Ticking things off your new menu can add a much needed injection of novelty which is key for healthy relationships, so have fun!
Try the 3 Minute Game. It’s so simple! Just ask each other 2 questions: “where would you like me to touch you for three minutes?” and “where would you like to touch me for three minutes?”. Breaking intimacy down into three minute chunks is a fantastic way to help you think about touch positively and willingly, as well as helping to improve your communication around intimacy.

It’s hard to prioritise your relationship when life is so exhausting, but we know that life satisfaction increases with relationship satisfaction so it’s worth the effort if you can. Remember that little and often is much more sustainable than trying to do grand gestures, and those small acts of intimacy can really build up to a much closer and more connected relationship. Good luck!

Elinor Harvey is a psychosexual and relationship therapist.

A TikToker Sparked Outrage For Questioning ‘Priorities’ Of Working Parents

Posted on 27/01/2024 by Boris Clair

The birth rate in the United States has shown an overall decline over recent decades. People are choosing to have fewer children, having children later in life and increasingly deciding to remain child free. There are multiple factors contributing to this trend, including access to reproductive healthcare (limited to a much smaller number of states since the fall of Roe) and increasing educational and career opportunities for women.

More and more, Millennials say that they’re choosing not to have kids because they can’t afford it. A Newsweek poll of 1,500 adults from April 2023 that asked, “If the cost of living was lower, would you consider having a child?” found that 30% of respondents overall answered yes. Among respondents ages 18-34, that jumped to over 50%.

A number of Millennials have expressed their hesitations about having children on TikTok, with some citing the US Department of Agriculture estimate that the cost of raising a child born in 2015 would be $233,610 over the first 17 years.

In response, one 22-year-old TikToker (who does not have children) posted a rebuttal of these claims, explaining that, in her view, families paying for childcare were choosing to “prioritise” their careers, as opposed to having one parent stay home to care for the children. If Millennials simply choose instead to prioritise having children, she insinuates, they could do so. She gives the example of her own family. She states her father chose to “grow” his salary in order to support her mother and the 11 children she stayed out of the workforce to raise.

Her video, which she took down and then made public again, has gone viral and the commenters have spared her no mercy in their criticism. Yet the overall tone of her claim ― that parents could afford children if only they put in a little more effort ― is not uncommon.

But it’s unfair to compare the financial situation of Millennials to that of previous generations. While the cost of housing has risen precipitously, salaries have not gone up in sync — and most of us don’t live in fairyland gardens where we can water our salaries and watch them grow.

“Most of us don’t live in fairyland gardens where we can water our salaries and watch them grow.”

In 2023, the median price of purchasing a home in the US was $412,000, or 5.5 times the 2022 median household income of $74,580. In 1980, the median price of a home was $47,200, which was only 2.2 times the 1980 median household income of $21,020. Millennials aren’t imagining things. Their salaries don’t stretch half as far.

In addition, the soaring cost of higher education means that many are shouldering crushing student loan debt. Americans owe a total of $1.75 trillion in student loans, an average of $28,950 per borrower. This debt makes it difficult to save for a down payment on a home, or whether unpaid leave from work to care for a new child. (The US has long been an outlier among developed nations in offering zero weeks of paid parental leave.)

Then there is the cost of childcare itself. While it’s true that a number of people, usually women, leave the workforce to care for children because the cost of childcare totals as much, or more, than their salaries, there are also reasons people keep a job beyond the arithmetic of a pay cheque. Some people work in order to maintain health coverage for their families. The consequences of leaving the workforce aren’t limited to the present: workers lose out on seniority, pensions and social security earnings when they take time away.

But it’s not unusual for a parent’s salary to be decimated by childcare costs. The Department of Health and Human Services established 7% of family income as the benchmark for affordable childcare. Yet, according to Care.com’s 2024 Cost of Care Report, families are spending an average of 24% of their income on childcare. Sixty percent of families are spending 20% or more.

Here at HuffPost, we have been highlighting some of these families’ stories in our series Banking On Childcare. By sharing their childcare expenses and their struggles, these parents paint a portrait of the complicated, and at times heartbreaking, decisions families are forced to make in order to provide for their children.

Here are some of the things they have said about their kids, their jobs and their priorities:

“I’m still paying student loans, and that’s $350 a month. My car payment’s $400. We’re told, ‘Go to school, go to college, you’ll be fine.’ And I’m going to be paying my loans until I’m 52, I think it works out to. So I’m not giving my kids a chance — I can’t save anything for them, to help them not be in this position. And that’s what really breaks my heart. In addition to [that], I feel like I’m just missing their whole lives because I’m too busy trying to survive and work a million jobs.” — Ashley P., Pennsylvania (Read full story: ‘When You Subtract What I Pay For Child Care, I’m Only Making $10 An Hour’)

“To go from two pretty decent incomes to literally cutting our income in half was hard. We tried to mentally justify it with, ‘Oh, but look how much we’re saving on day care’ and all of this, but at the end of the day, you’re still at a loss.” — Rachael Gomez, Texas (Read her story: My Family Of Five Lives On $90,000 A Year And ‘It’s A Struggle’)

“I literally worked seven days a week. I took extra assignments at school, I would do aromatherapy [sales], anything that I could find to supplement my primary income. Anything where I was able to work online, I would do that, so that I would have the income but not have to be concerned about paying for additional childcare.” — Sherrie Bain, California (Read her story: I’m A Single Mother With A Ph.D., And ‘I Literally Worked Seven Days A Week’ To Make Ends Meet)

“When you’re planning to have children, you’re aware of the need to create a college fund, like everybody talks about. You need to plan for college when you’re having kids, but you have 18 years to generate that fund. No one ever warns you about the cost of early childcare. And if you’re lucky, you have three months to plan for that, maybe nine months if you’re really on top of it. Nobody talks about it, but your hands are tied. You’re gonna quit your job, or you’re gonna have to pay.” — Deanna Conley, Rhode Island (Read her story: ‘Everyone Talks About This Village, But There Really Isn’t A Village’: The Reality Of Child Care)

“I need these [subsidized childcare] funds to always be there in order to have the ability to work and to thrive for my family and for myself. This is what would help me and other families a lot: That the funds are always there, that they don’t make it too complicated for us to apply in order to thrive, in order to triumph. Because for a lot of women, a lot of single mothers, it’s very difficult to get ahead.” — Luz Quevedo, Oregon (Read her story: How I Make State-Funded Child Care Work As A Single Mom)

“I’d definitely like to get [my 3-year-old] into something more full-time next year, but I just don’t know how feasible it would be. If I did get a full-time job and put him in full-time preschool, then we would probably not qualify [for subsidized care] and so I would just be paying for childcare. It wouldn’t make any sense. I don’t even think we’d break even, to be honest.” — Michelle Dewalt, Washington (Read her story: I Work As A Part-Time Nanny So I Can Care For My Own Children)

Ida Rodriguez of Massachusetts and her daughters

“There has to be some level of understanding. We can’t expect people to work all this time, but then at the same time, not be flexible. I can’t tell you how many employers I’ve had in the past that were like, ‘Your child is sick? Well, why don’t you just give your child Tylenol and still come in.’” — Ida Rodriguez, Massachusetts (Read her story: What I Spend On Child Care As A Mom Who Makes Under $30,000 A Year)

″We’re kind of at a crossroads where one of us is probably going to have to leave our job because of the current situation and how unaffordable it’s becoming. And so we’re looking at, do we choose to lose health insurance? Or do we lose a big chunk of our income?” — Lucie Benevise, Virginia (Read her story: I Make $22 An Hour In Roanoke, Virginia. This Is What I Spend On Childcare)

The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 13-19)

Posted on 20/01/2024 by Boris Clair

Newsletter sign-up

HuffPost UK Parents Newsletter

Sign up and we’ll email you a weekly dose of parenting stories, covering everything from pregnancy and birth, to babies and toddlers. We’re in this together.

By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you’re agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.

I’m An Extreme Bodybuilder. When I Posted This Breastfeeding Pic, People Freaked.

Posted on 13/01/2024 by Boris Clair

Imagine this: You are standing under bright show lights on a stage in front of a few hundred people. You have no clothes on, except for a tiny, sparkly, $400 bikini that’s been glued to your chest and butt. You are orange and pungent with spray tan, which you got after standing fully naked in front of a stranger with a paint gun who asked you to spread your glutes to make sure the tan gets in all of your crevices. You will walk to the centre of the stage in 4-inch heels to be judged by a panel of five people who will look for any jiggle of fat, any pock of cellulite, any unsymmetrical or underdeveloped muscle to determine your ranking among others. Most people around you are rooting against you.

Does this sound like your worst nightmare?

For me, it’s excitement, focus and a wild rush. It’s where I thrive.

I’ve been in the fitness industry for almost 10 years now, the back half of which being what I consider extreme fitness, a world of the relentless pursuit to grow larger muscles and shrink any remaining deposits of fat that have dared to stick around. It’s gruelling. It’s sweaty, exhausting, time-consuming and expensive.

Your body hurts and your mind plays tricks on you, turning every glance in a mirror into an all-out dissection of any physical imperfection. Your muscles get big and your ego gets bigger. You can walk through a crowd and think I am the leanest, strongest, most muscular person here and then get home to look in your mirror and think I am a shrimp, I am pathetic, I don’t stand a chance. It’s physical and psychological warfare with yourself. I love it.

Prepping for a bodybuilding competition involves excruciating diet manipulation, rigorous amounts of cardio and long hours in the weight room. At my most intense, I’ve spent nearly three hours a day lifting weights and doing cardio. I’ve eaten the same meal of chicken, cucumbers and vinegar twice a day every day for weeks on end. I’ve packed pathetic Pyrex bowls of bland, macronutrient balanced meals to parties and dinners where I looked away from the mac and cheese and desserts and bit into another cold piece of chicken.

“[Extreme fitness is]… grueling. It’s sweaty, exhausting, time consuming, and expensive. Your body hurts and your mind plays tricks on you, turning every glance in a mirror into an all out dissection of any physical imperfection.”

So much of competitive bodybuilding is the focus on the physical body while keeping the reins tight on the mental self. I stand in the shower thinking about my deadlift form and fall asleep practicing my stage posing routine in my head: “Ladies, turn to face the rear. Ladies turn to face the front,” flex the back, pop the glutes, draw in that core, again and again and again until you cannot get it wrong. It is all-consuming.

I was in the midst of this competition training when I found out I was pregnant. As you may guess, pregnancy and competitive bodybuilding do not go together, so I gave up on my dream of competing temporarily. I lifted weights all throughout my pregnancy, my baby bump protruding from under my T-shirts as I repped out pull-ups or strained under a barbell. I looked ridiculous waddling around the weight room, trying to maintain any shred of muscle or strength that I could as my belly got bigger and bigger. I had a horrific home birth, and I give full credit to my pregnancy exercise and stamina for bringing me through it.

Then I settled into mom life. I lost my baby weight quickly and slowly eased back into exercise. Suddenly, standing on stage seemed on the horizon again. I got back in contact with my coach, and we developed a plan. There was just one problem: I was breastfeeding and I had no intention of giving it up.

Extreme fitness and breastfeeding rarely ever play in the same arena. They are inherently counter-intuitive. One assumes hardness, aggression and a controlled wasting away. The other cultivates images of vitality, warmth, nurturing and womanly suppleness.

Many women lose their delicate milk supply if they have a drop in body fat. I was planning an almost total loss in body fat. I was planning hours of pounding weights and pavement, as well as tight calorie control. It is a nearly impossible feat to cause your body fat to plummet into non-existence and keep a milk supply, but I was determined to make it happen.

Jordan Musser (left) at two months postpartum vs. Musser (right) at two weeks before her first postpartum competition. The photos were taken just under a year apart, with six of those months spent recovering from childbirth and the other six months actively training for the competition.

I was not shy about telling people I was a breastfeeding bodybuilder. On the day I first competed post-baby, I told a crowd of women backstage that I was still breastfeeding, and a hush fell over them as they turned to look at me with their overly tanned and stunned, disbelieving faces.

I kind of enjoyed the uncomfortable beat that I almost always got after dropping this fact. Inevitably, I would get one of three responses. There were the “way to go mama!” girl-power people who thought it was crazy but kick-ass. There were the “Oh, you’re still breastfeeding people,” who probably didn’t approve of breastfeeding in the first place, and certainly not nursing a 10-month-old. And then there were the slightly (or more than slightly) appalled “is that even healthy?” people.

This last response bothered me because, honestly, it’s a good question. Is it healthy? Is it fair to expect that my body will still produce a substance from the chicken and spinach I am providing it that will feed my ever-developing and growing infant child? Is it fair to pursue a goal born of my own vanity at the possible expense of my baby girl? Is it worth it? If my milk dries up because I have failed to maintain the bodily balance needed for successful nursing on purpose, have I failed as her mother? What kind of mother risks nourishing her child for the opportunity to prance around mostly naked on stage and win a cheap trophy? What kind of mother takes so much time for herself that she can log hours in the gym ― enough time to build a hardened, muscular physique ― when most moms don’t get enough “me” time to take a shower? Are breastfeeding and extreme fitness simply so incompatible as to be impossible to exist together? And, ultimately, am I doing something wrong?

If you ask a doctor about breastfeeding and bodybuilding, they will most likely tell you it is a bad idea. Most medical professionals frown on bodybuilding in and of itself. It is, after all, a controlled starvation. It is a kind of disordered eating with an end goal of winning a trophy. It is a strange and often misunderstood world.

Musser and her daughter working out together.

There are responsible ways to go about achieving such extreme results, and I pride myself on being as healthy as I can be in my most unhealthy state. The fact of the matter, however, is that when you are working to achieve a “stage leanness” with little-to-no body fat, you are depriving your body of things it needs. You are sometimes lacking in vitamins and nutrients, and you are utterly devoid of fuel.

Breastfeeding thrives on fuel. Breastfeeding is best when you have a caloric reserve to work from. Ultimately, your baby is eating what you are eating, and when your diet is vinegar and chicken, it means that your breast milk reflects that. Your body will prioritise feeding your child and create the most nutrient-dense milk possible, but it can only do so much.

At the height of my competing, my daughter was still primarily breastfeeding for sustenance. I am trained in nutrition, and I knew that I could be depriving her if I wasn’t careful to make sure I was eating in a way that served both her growing body and my fitness goals.

Throughout my prep for competition, fat was my main focus. I ate a high-fat, high-protein, nutrient-heavy diet (including chicken, turkey and lean red meats, eggs in their whole form, full-fat dairy, sweet potatoes, large quantities of green vegetables, green smoothies and occasional protein shakes) and monitored my milk supply closely along with my coach. He kept detailed tabs on my nursing and made sure that, even up to the day before the competition, I was eating an abundance of fats. I certainly never anticipated that I would have a man asking me, “And how is your milk?” at least twice a week, but I did, and I was thankful.

I couldn’t take any of the usual supplements I would normally take other than creatine due to possible crossover into my breast milk. I certainly didn’t take any drugs or physique enhancers, and I fully avoided the diuretics so common in regimes leading up to competitions. Often, competitors will deplete themselves of water in order to come in hardened on stage. When you’re still breastfeeding an infant, being dehydrated is simply not an option.

I also knew that the chemicals from the spray tan shouldn’t be consumed, especially by a baby, so I made sure to cover any body parts that might come in contact with her mouth before getting the tan. My skin looked wild, but it kept her from ingesting anything nasty or potentially harmful.

I was, in a sense, making the task of becoming ready to step on stage as hard as possible for myself for the sake of my baby. I had no advantages. I had no shortcuts. I was trying to find that delicate balance between nourishing my body so I could nourish my baby’s body and depleting my body without depleting hers.

Musser and her daughter about three months after the 2019 bikini competition.

I constantly grappled with the selfishness of extreme fitness juxtaposed with the selflessness of new motherhood. Shouldn’t I be feeling that evolutionary shift that removes any inward focus and forces me to see only my child, I wondered.

In the end I came to two conclusions that have followed me into parenting a toddler and beyond:

I will do what is in the best interest of my child and do whatever it takes for that cause, but…
In order to stay true to my own needs and thus be a more physically and emotionally available mom, I will prioritise myself and my time regarding my bodybuilding.

I saw too many moms getting lost in the potential monotony of motherhood and whittling away themselves as human beings. They lost themselves for their children, and while there may be something admirable about that, I felt that without a compass of self I would harbor a feeling of resentment toward this little person who took the me out of me.

Fitness is me. It is as inherent to me as breathing or laughing. If I lose it, I have lost myself. Without me being the best version of myself, my child will not thrive. In order to pour into my daughter, I must first be filled myself. Fitness fills me. I will do the dishes, I will change the diapers, I will read the silly train book at least 12 times a day and I will pursue my bodybuilding goals.

With all of these things in mind, I posted the photo at the top of this essay to my Instagram account. In the photo I am sitting on stone steps outside of the competition venue in which I just won first place in both of my entered categories. I am spray-tan orange, wearing a rhinestone-encrusted purple bikini, holding up two ridiculous trophy swords, with my daughter in my lap, latched on and nursing away. My hair is bleached blonde and wild and I am beaming with accomplishment.

“I am entrusted with the wellbeing of my child, and I will always do what is best for her. I did something that almost no one has done. I did it healthfully. I did it responsibly. I did it in a way that served both my child and me, as a human, as a woman, and as a mother.”

For a few hours, my normal quantity of likes from friends and family trickled in. Then, like a faucet opening, hundreds of strangers were flooding my page with comments and likes. The overwhelming majority of these were positive. Women from all over the world were supportive, impressed and pro-breastfeeding. There are, however, always those who disapprove.

As a mom, disapproval is even more gnawing. It makes you reevaluate every tiny decision, second-guess every sound conclusion you’ve come to. Some members of my family were confused and put off by my feat. Women messaged me to tell me they were shocked by the risk I had taken with my child’s health, that they would never do the same, that they were creeped out. Even some in my own bodybuilding community saw what I had accomplished as weird and unhealthy. Even they, the niche of the niche, thought I had done something too out of the box.

The decision to undertake extreme fitness and breastfeeding was no one else’s decision to make but mine and the outcome of it ― good or bad ― falls squarely on my shoulders alone. I am entrusted with the wellbeing of my child, and I will always do what is best for her. I did something that almost no one has done. I did it healthfully. I did it responsibly. I did it in a way that served both my child and me, as a human, as a woman and as a mother.

The female body is amazing. I breastfed a baby all the way through contest prep, through all the cardio and through all the calorie cuts. We never had even a slight decrease in milk supply, or any hint of a lack of nutrition for her. I smiled on stage as I accepted my first-place trophies and grabbed my daughter from the audience to nurse her then and there. It was a triumph for both of my goals, both of my loves in life: this capable, chiseled, muscular body, and my sweet, gentle, baby girl.

Jordan Musser is a fitness competitor, breastfeeding advocate, personal trainer and nutrition coach from Williamsport, Pennsylvania. She spent six years in the U.S. Air Force and now focuses on her growing family and postpartum fitness program, Badass Mothers. For more from her, visit thebadassmothers.com and check her out on Instagram.

WellnessMaster

Get The Latest News on Holistic Wellness

Category Archives: Parents