Advancing Your Goals and Your Processes

As we’re coming to the end of the third quarter of 2020, how are you feeling about the progress you’ve made during the last three months? Are you satisfied or dissatisfied? Or do you have mixed feelings?

I like to review each closing quarter to reflect on what I actually got done. Usually I’m pleased when I see what I completed and experienced. This is relatively easy for me since I habitually maintain a log of accomplishments and experiences on a quarter-by-quarter basis, so I review this list at the end of each quarter. I find it more useful to compare one quarter’s progress to the previous quarter instead of measuring progress against my actual goals. Then I can see if I’m improving quarter by quarter.

After this little review, I look ahead to the next quarter and think about what I’d like to experience next. Several days ago I set my goals for the fourth quarter of this year, so I can start thinking about them well before the quarter begins.

One feeling I have about the upcoming quarter is that it’s time to advance. The past quarter involved a lot of small projects, and in the new quarter I’m ready for bigger ones. The two big ones are to create and publish a new deep dive course on creative productivity and to write the first draft of a novel.

I’ve created courses before but never on this particular topic. I’ve never written a novel before. So these are both advancement goals. Just engaging with them involves stepping into new territory.

I love advancement goals because they aren’t just more of the same. They stretch our characters. They dance with risk. They require exploration and experimentation. And they deliver such a sweet sense of accomplishment afterwards.

With advancement goals I find it particularly important to frame them carefully. The process of achieving them is at least as important as the end result. I want the process of advancement to feel wondrous and rewarding, like Indiana Jones exploring a new temple in search of hidden treasures.

So the advance isn’t just about reaching the end goal. It’s important to advance the process too – to engage with life in new ways that feel purposeful and meaningful. Using the same old process to achieve a new result-based goal seems boring and not as growth-oriented. A machine can run the same algorithm repeatedly. As a human I want the process to grow and evolve with me each time. A stale process may be fine for a Roomba but not for a human being.

I don’t just want to create a new course and write my first novel. I want to advance the way I create courses, and I want to advance into fiction with a sense of appreciation and discovery. Ten years from now I want to remember that I loved creating the course and loved writing the novel. I want the memories of enjoyment and appreciation and wonder, not the memory of being stuck in a dull or stressful process. Remembering some struggle is okay too – I’d rather struggle a bit than be bored.

Is it really an advance if you’re seeking a result, but your process feels like a step backwards in terms of lifestyle enjoyment? Are you advancing towards a goal while feeling like you’re simultaneously retreating into stress, worry, and attachment? If so, can you really call that an advance?

When you advance towards a new goal, be sure to advance your process too. Set goals not just for outcomes but also to explore and improve your relationship with life. Make it part of your goal to advance your character too. Make it part of your goal to create memories you’ll cherish for years.

Don’t just advance towards a new goal. Also advance the way you set and achieve goals.

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Studying Your Actual Behaviors

Observing your behaviors and responses like a scientist observing apes in the jungle can be useful for spotting opportunities for growth and improvement.

While it’s tempting to see yourself as a conscious human being making fresh decisions each day, you can also benefit by seeing yourself like an animal or robot responding to stimuli in a pre-programmed or instinctual manner.

Observe your own stimulus-response patterns, as if you never really had a choice in between. Then consider that you can get different behaviors from yourself if you change the stimuli. Give yourself different inputs, and watch your behaviors change automatically.

Then your personal growth challenge isn’t to try harder or to push yourself to be more disciplined or to do a better job of doing what you think you should do. Your challenge is to determine the right stimuli that will trigger your automatic behaviors to get you moving in the right direction.

Pay less attention to how you want to be or how you believe you should be, and pay more attention to how you actually are. Note how you actually behave. Then you can make decisions based on your real behavior patterns to get results instead of hoping that you’ll somehow behave better than you actually do.

As a simple example, I used this mindset to lose 20 pounds in the past four months, and it was pretty easy. I didn’t push myself to change my eating habits. I didn’t try harder. I didn’t have to exert more discipline. I simply changed the inputs to trigger different behavioral outputs. I started food logging, which gave me the additional input of observing which foods and how much I was eating each day. This took only minutes per day and was super easy to maintain as a habit. Upon seeing that extra data each day, my brain automatically updated its models and changed my behaviors, which in turn altered my results. So I changed the stimuli which in turn generated different responses.

By giving myself a little more input attached to every meal, my internal circuitry responded differently. I didn’t have to be or become anyone different. I didn’t have to try to change my behaviors. All I had to do was change the input patterns in a very modest way. Once my brain had a little bit more data, that was enough for it to respond with different behaviors.

Sometimes you can achieve better results by taking your ego and identity out of the picture. See your brain as a pure stimulus-response creature. Imagine that your behaviors are pre-programmed and automatic, and you can’t really control them consciously day by day. Notice that you just react to events most of the time. Then observe that you can change those events to create different inputs for your brain to chew on, and this can cause you to output different behaviors and therefore get different results.

Then it’s just a matter of experimenting with the inputs to see how different changes affect your outputs.

Don’t beat yourself up for not responding differently than you already do. Just observe: Okay, this is how my brain responds to these inputs. Then if you want different results, look for ways to perturb the inputs till your brain starts outputting different behaviors, which will naturally lead to different results.

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Becoming More Resilient

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Your Most Valuable Minutes

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Create Your Day

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The Trepidatious Concertgoer

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Give the Truth a Voice

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Quick Daily Evaluation

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Long-Term Time Logging

Now that I’ve been food logging for 15+ weeks straight, the simple practice of writing down what I eat each day has made me want to revisit another practice: time logging.

I’ve done time logging before and have found it useful, but I don’t think I’ve ever done it for more than a week or two at a stretch.

On a short-term basis like a few days or a week, time logging is good for doing a quick recalibration. You may notice some areas where you’re wasting time, which will become glaringly obvious in the first day or two of logging. But what about the subtler issues that may not show up during that time?

Even after 105+ days of food logging, I’m still maintaining the habit. As you might guess there are diminishing returns, so the insights I’m learning now are more subtle than what I figured out during the first few weeks.

The main reason I’m still food logging is that the habit itself is beneficial, and since it’s so habitualized now, it would be harder to stop than to continue. I do it by default without thinking about it. Since maintaining the habit is still yielding positive effects, like helping me optimize how I eat and losing weight with ease, it’s a no-brainer to keep it going. So it’s not just about what I learn from the logs. The logging practice helps me stay on track and apply what I’ve learned.

This makes me extra curious about time logging. Of course it’s beneficial over the span of a few days, but what if I maintained a daily time long for 100+ days in a row? I can see how that could be very beneficial.

I’d surely still be discovering more insights after 10+ weeks. Maybe they’d be pretty minor by that time, but it wouldn’t be entirely worthless to go that long just for the learning experience.

But I think the best gains wouldn’t come from discovering new areas of improvement but from the ongoing daily awareness. If I keep logging day after day and week after week, I always have to face the data. There’s no way to return to blissful ignorance, like I could do with a short-term trial. So I expect this would improve my ability to apply what I learn more consistently. The daily logs could serve as rails to keep me on track.

Imagine time logging for a week and then stopping. You might see that you wasted a lot of time on unproductive activities that week. Then you could end the experiment by telling yourself, “Okay, I see what I need to fix.” But did you actually fix it afterwards? How long did your fix last? Or did you just continue the same habits afterwards and shove the awareness of that problem into a back corner of your mind?

It’s a very different situation when you make this level of awareness inescapable. Every day you must face it with no ability to escape it. If you take a minute or two to review your logs at the end of each day, it’s going to generate a reaction within you, such as a feeling of accomplishment or disappointment. That’s a good form of personal accountability.

Even if your tracking commitment is temporary, it could help you create a meaningful change in your habits (and your results) if you maintain the habit long enough. You could also lean in with a 30-day commitment and then extend it as long as you like the results.

I like this idea in principle, but tracking all of my time feels like a lot more work than tracking what I eat. When I did time logging in the past, it could feel burdensome or invasive, and my logs were a bit hard to decipher afterwards. That’s because I’d update the log whenever I switched activities. So the intervals between entries would differ from day to day. I’d have to review them in more detail afterwards, figuring out how much time I actually spent on various activities. I don’t favor this style of logging for a long-term approach.

I’ve also tried some time tracking apps. They always sound good in principle but suck in practice. I feel like they get in my way more than help me. Some people seem to like them, but I always find that the added complexity of trying to remember how to use them isn’t worth the pretty charts and graphs.

In Conscious Growth Club, we do a themed 30-day group challenge at the start of each month. I believe next month’s theme has to do with sparking joy, so anyone who wants to do the challenge gets to pick a daily activity that they believe will spark joy for them. Then the challenge is to do that activity every day for 30 days in a row.

I often like doing these challenges, but I felt out of sync with this one since I didn’t feel that time logging fit the theme. That’s when I realized that maybe it should fit the theme. I thought that if this habit doesn’t spark joy, maybe my approach is wrong.

Food logging sparks joy for me. I like doing it each day, and I feel no resistance to it at all. It’s like a mini-game that I play each day. It’s satisfying to review the completed puzzle of what I’ve eaten each day and to see what I did right and what could be improved.

This encouraged me to tweak the way I do time logging to make it spark joy for me.

If I’m going to do daily time logging for at least a month and possibly many months in a row, it has to be easy. I can’t feel like it’s disrupting my normal workflow or getting in my way. This means it should not require a lot of writing. I don’t want to fuss with specialized apps. The logs should be short enough that I can review each day at a glance and see where my time went. If I’m spending 30 minutes a day recording entries and reviewing them afterwards, that would be way too much.

I usually spend no more than 5 minutes per day to maintain my food log. With time logging I’m willing to go up to 10 minutes a day, but not more than that, including the time I spend reviewing the logs.

I don’t need to be super granular. It doesn’t matter when I go to the bathroom or how many minutes I spend on emails. I want to focus on the broad strokes first.

My old time logging approach would look like this:

5:00a Get up, brush teeth, dress, get water
5:15 Go running
6:15 Walk in park
6:25 Shower, dress
6:35 Make breakfast, eat
7:00 Blogging
...

But for my new approach I want to try something like this:

5 - Run
6 - Eat
7 - Blog
...

So it’s much simpler and quicker but at the expense of detail. I’ll just have one entry per hour, which would be 17 lines total in a typical day for me, depending on when I go to bed. That fits nicely in a small notebook, as long as it has at least 17 lines per page.

If I forget to record an hour or two, I can update the log afterwards since it will be in my recent memory.

If I want to do more detailed logging for some parts of the day, I can still do that, but I won’t make that part of the baseline habit. I can always be more detailed when I feel like it. Some weeks I might focus more closely on certain parts of my day, like optimizing my morning routine. I like this level of flexibility.

The exact borders between one activity and the next don’t matter that much to me. Whether I spend 75 or 90 minutes on an activity isn’t normally significant.

What I really want to know is where the bulk of my time is going. I want answers to questions like these:

  • How much time did I invest in creative work this week?
  • How much effort did I put into marketing this month?
  • Why does it feel like I did (or didn’t) get much done this week?
  • Am I spending enough couple time with Rachelle?
  • Am I connecting with friends as much as I’d like?
  • Are there better ways to spend my evenings?
  • Which days do I feel best/worst about? Why?
  • Which activities have I been neglecting?
  • If I want more time for some type of activity, what could I do less of?
  • Am I taking enough time off?
  • What are the best ways to spend my time off?
  • Which activities sharpen the saw for me?

So it’s the big-picture balance that I want to work on here. That’s more important to me than making low-level tweaks right now.

I liked this idea enough that I figured, why wait? So instead of starting on September 1st, I started yesterday morning.

Within Conscious Growth Club, I can still frame this as a 30-day challenge for September since this way of time logging does spark joy for me. I’m excited for what I’ll learn from it and how it will help me improve.

I’ll probably go considerably longer than 30 days if I can keep this low-maintenance while still being useful. I approached food logging with an open-ended attitude when I started, so I think I’ll use the same mindset here.

I’m also wondering where else I could explore daily logging. I’ve done many variations of this in the past, but so far food logging and time logging have been the most interesting. I could see real potential in doing some sort of social logging or perhaps logging of Internet usage, although time logging will cover that to some extent.

Have you tried time logging before? What’s the longest you’ve ever done it? Wanna join me for a 30-day challenge, starting September 1st?

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A Solution to Admin Baiting

One issue that would sometimes arise in our old public discussion forums could be described as admin baiting.

This is when some members assert the right to ask an administrative question, challenge a community rule or its application, or challenge an admin decision – by posting a message in the forum community for all to see.

From the perspective of an individual member, this makes some degree of sense. That person is a member of the community and asserts the right to pose such questions or challenges, expecting a staff member to answer them. From their perspective it may seem similar to sending an email or private message to a staff member. They could also justify posting the message publicly by considering that maybe other members would like to chime in as well, or perhaps others might be interested in the answers. So yeah, on that level I agree that it may seem like a reasonable thing to do.

This practice gets very problematic when you consider the admin perspective though. From the admin’s viewpoint, it’s much easier to see why this sort of behavior could be seen as an unreasonable form of entitlement.

Interestingly, I virtually never see this kind of behavior in certain groups that I’ve participated in, including groups consisting of entrepreneurs, coaches, or website owners. When I think about the culture of those groups, I’d say that most members would likely consider it rude or obnoxious to do this. Those community cultures wouldn’t reward this kind of behavior and would frown on it if a member did this, especially if it happened semi-regularly. They’d expect admin-related matters to be handled privately. When admin matters are handled within the public space of the group, there can be a real risk of stirring up drama and distraction for the community.

In other communities, this type of behavior can be very common, including in communities I’ve managed. A lot of communities have it; it’s usually just a question of how much. If you’ve ever managed your own community, how often have you seen members practice admin baiting? Did you feel obligated to answer publicly?

In our public forums, I didn’t see this as too big of a deal. We had a dozen volunteer moderators, so the load was spread around. My ex-wife Erin and I were also active in the forums, so we could field these types of questions or concerns when they came up. We didn’t necessarily see it as a problem, just a routine part of managing an online community.

The reason I use the admin baiting label is that from an admin perspective, there’s a sense of obligation to personally reply. You want to be helpful to community members, including answering questions and addressing concerns. But those good intentions can really trap you sometimes, even when you can see the nature of the trap well in advance.

For many instances of admin baiting, a quick reply or two is all it takes to handle the request – no big deal. But what if the matter is contentious? What if other members have different opinions about the initial post? What if you can predict that it would lead to a complex discussion, and you’d rather not take the time to engage in that? That’s where it begins to feel like you’ve been baited into a potential time and energy sink. Have you ever taken the bait and felt icky about it afterwards?

What if you simply ignore such requests? Community members may not like that. You may not like it either. Some may start trying to answer on your behalf, with posts that start with, “Maybe they …” or “Maybe it’s because …” Some members may post false or misleading answers – it happens. Members could even start debating with each other about it, right in front of you. If you wait too long, members may start posting conspiracy theories to explain your silence.

If you give a quick, short reply, some members may be unsatisfied with it, concluding that you’re being illusive. They may ask more follow-up questions, which only draws more attention to the discussion, inviting even more replies from other members. And if you reply to those, you may invite even more.

On the other hand, if you provide a long answer, trying to dispatch with the issue in a single reply, you actually give people more hooks to latch onto for asking more follow-up questions and/or debating with you.

How this plays out will differ greatly from group to group, but it’s easy for it to appear that you have no good options. As soon as a member posts the initial admin baiting message, you may feel that you have little choice but to take the bait, even if you can predict that there will be negative effects without much upside, like stirring up a lot of drama.

I’ve experienced this dynamic in Conscious Growth Club as well, ever since we started in 2017. In the beginning, having open discussions about the administrative aspects of the group made sense to me. It was a co-creative effort, I maintained a progress log within the group, and these open discussions seemed like a good way to be transparent with members and keep them in the loop. It felt sort of like maintaining a friendly open door policy.

Sometimes it was a bit draining though. I didn’t always want to share information on decisions if I thought people might want to debate it a lot, especially if I was busy with other projects. Sometimes I also felt that people over-stepped in their demands for info, as if they were entitled to interview me about the details whenever a member quit the group or was ejected. More than one I would see an admin baiting post and say to myself, “Oh great… this is going to lead to some drama for a few days.”

I adapted as best I could. I learned to detach emotionally, answer honestly, and let such discussions run their course. I got used to dealing with all sorts of member dynamics. I’ve a lot of practice since I’ve been involved in online communities since 1994, including founding a few of them. I’ve spent well over 10 years of my life as the head admin of one community or another. For some reason though, it took me a really long time to feel like I really understood admin baiting and why it can be so problematic. Basically I dealt with so much of it that I developed strong coping skills over a period of years without stopping to question the framing behind the issue.

Recently there was another round of this in CGC, which led to days of discussion and many dozens of posts, and some members still consider it unresolved to their satisfaction. Along the way I kept feeling that there was something entirely wrong with this approach.

I’m not entirely sure if this is related, but I’m also doing a 31-day dietary experiment this month – no grains, no legumes/beans, and no sugar for the month of August. I often experience improvements in mental and emotional clarity when I experiment with more restrictive diets. So it’s possible that this was a contributing factor to seeing the problem from a different perspective.

Eventually this question popped into my mind, and it was a game-changer for me:

Is it reasonable for members to assume the right to engage in admin baiting by posting a question, challenge, or demand related to community policies or admin decisions within the community forums, and thereby to obligate me (or any staff member) to answer them?

What do you think? Do you think that’s a reasonable privilege that a community member should have? Think about it. What’s your honest opinion on this?

Even though this privilege isn’t explicitly granted or promised, I think a lot of community members assume that it’s reasonable. They may even feel it’s unreasonable to be told otherwise. And so they may engage in the practice without even giving it much thought. It’s not unlike sending an email, right?

But if I were to ask other community managers or entrepreneurs this particular question, I think more of them would shake their heads and recognize just how unreasonable it is. It’s a disempowering obligation.

That’s when I finally realized – this assumption isn’t reasonable at all. It’s actually a ridiculously unreasonable expectation that anyone in the community should be able to assert the right to bind me to a potentially time-consuming group discussion – any time they want, as often as they want.

Note that this is entirely different from one-on-one communication, like sending someone an email. Expecting decent customer service does seem reasonable – privately.

This problem can easily creep up on admins in a slippery slope manner. Many admin-related questions are no problem to answer publicly in a forum setting. Some are just a little more complex but still easily dispatched. But every now and then, usually at random intervals, a more complex or contentious case of admin baiting can occur, and now you’re looking at many hours of work – and potentially some community drama – if you accept that invite.

Do you, as a community admin, have the freedom to say no to such invitations? Can’t you just decline, especially when you can clearly see the downsides of getting involved?

Well, how would you do that, assuming you care about maintaining a quality community with a positive and mutually supportive culture?

Will it work if you ignore it? No, we covered that already. In many cases that will make it worse.

Will it work if you reply, “No comment” or equivalent? Probably not since some members may interpret that as meaning that you have something to hide.

The problem is actually upstream. Once someone has engaged in admin baiting, your good options are limited, and they all require some time investment – time that could be better spent elsewhere.

Admin baiting is like going to a party at someone’s house, and sometime during the party, you click your glass to get everyone’s attention, and then you ask the host a question, or you challenge the host to explain something, or you demand that the host change or fix something at the party. You’ve effectively baited the host into having to respond, not just to you but now to everyone in the room. And no matter what kind of reply the host gives, anyone else in the room may assert the right to continue discussing, debating with, or interviewing the host. This could last for a minute… or 10 minutes… or the rest of the evening. The host never really had a good option after being put on the spot, and their ability to engage with the party the way they’d have preferred was derailed to some extent.

For in-person settings like a party or live event, this kind of behavior is typically considered a bit obnoxious except in certain limited settings. But people tend to think differently about online communities. They don’t see all the other people while looking at a forum window, so the social cues aren’t the same.

Within the past several days, I pondered how to solve this problem. I still want to serve community members. I still like being able to provide some transparency. Is there a win-win solution that would serve the same purpose without the practice of admin baiting?

If we take admin baiting off the table, what could we do instead? I think the basic solution looks like this (and “thank you” to the friend who suggested this phrasing):

Take it outside.

In other words, handle administrative issues privately, via one-on-one communication such as email or private messages. Don’t handle them within the community space in front of all of the other members.

Such interactions are likely to be faster and shorter, and they don’t clutter the community with admin-related discussions (especially lengthy ones).

Admin baiting often turns into member baiting as well. Generally speaking members usually prefer to engage with a community on the basis of the community’s core focus and purpose. But if an admin-related discussion arises, especially a complex or contentious one, it can easily draw other members into the discussion, even though they’d probably be better served by focusing on other discussions instead.

An issue that a few members care enough about to engage in a private exchange with an admin could blow up to rope in 3x, 5x, or 10x as many members if discussed openly in the community space. That potentially creates a lot more burden for both the admins and the members.

Now if an admin sees that multiple members are having the same sort of requests through private interactions, the admin can disseminate relevant information more widely, such as by adding an item to a FAQ or by sending out a group email. But in that case it’s a choice – an option – not an immediate obligation.

I saw many other potential benefits to the removal of admin baiting, including better focus for the community, fewer distractions, better community morale, and more value for the members. Consequently, I’ve opted to test this approach in CGC. Yesterday I updated our member rules and guidelines to prohibit admin baiting in the community, steering members to handle admin-related items through private communication, including admin-related questions, sharing feedback on decisions, and more.

It’s barely been 24 hours, and I’m already seeing benefits from this approach. For starters, it’s predictable that this will save a lot of time, energy, and angst down the road. My wife Rachelle is our Community Manager, and she’s also pleased with this change since it makes her job much easier too.

Secondly, the initial feedback and questions that are coming through privately have been thoughtful, useful, and actionable. I like that communicating with a member one-on-one feels more intimate than doing it in the public space of the community forums. I can focus more intently on one person’s questions, comments, or concerns instead of seeing a long page of mixed messaging to decipher.

I can understand that some members may see this as a move away from transparency because we won’t be having open discussions about admin policies and decisions in the forums. I thought about that in advance, and my thinking was that this is probably a neutral type of change transparency-wise. It doesn’t limit my ability to share information with the members. It just gives me more options for doing so.

If I really want to do so, I can still invite an open discussion regarding a policy or decision if I think it would be useful and reasonable. So I always have that option; it just isn’t obligatory. I can see some situations where that might be useful and productive.

Also, there’s still the open door for members to share the same types of issues. We’re just handling this communication outside of the community space.

I like quality feedback, especially when it’s actionable. I’m okay with some debating now and then. I like helping customers and CGC members. And gradually I’ve been learning that some communication is much better suited to a private, one-on-one format.

Even when you consider the transparency aspects, it’s easier to be transparent in one-on-one communication, especially when the relationship is high-trust, and you can customize the communication for each person.

In some ways this is similar to the decision I made not to have public comments on my blog. I actually started with having comments when I began blogging in 2004, but I removed that option in 2005 after it reached about 100 comments per day. What happened afterwards was that I received private feedback via email that was much lower in volume and much higher in quality. I found that to be a very positive change, which is why I’ve kept it this way for 15 years now. I have no regrets about that; it still seems like it was a wise change.

Interestingly, people are more likely to add posts to a community discussion than to send a private message about it. A blog post that might have garnered 100 public comments may generate only a few private emails, sometimes none at all. A forum post on an issue that could have generated dozens of replies may generate just a handful of private messages.

You might think there would be a lot of redundancy from having to field the same types of questions and comments privately, but it’s actually the opposite. There’s way more redundancy when discussions are public. When people send private messages, they tend to be more unique and varied. I’m still pondering why that is. Maybe it’s because people are strongly influenced by what they read in a discussion, and it narrows their focus.

I genuinely feel this type of change is better for our members too, although I can understand why it may be harder to see that when the change is still fresh. I imagine that it will take some members a bit of time to get used to it, but I think they’ll grow to like it when they see how much simpler and smoother it is for all involved.

I think it has a lot of promise, but it is reversible, so if for some reason it doesn’t work out, we can always revert back to the old ways if necessary. I’d be reticent to return to the old reality though, and I’m hopeful that this change will prove itself to be an intelligent, win-win solution. It’s also pretty flexible, so if problems arise there are still plenty of ways to tweak it. In fact, if you know of a better approach than what I’ve outlined here, please do let me know about it. I’m still on the lookout for intelligent communication practices for online communities.

Lastly, I want to make it clear that I harbor no resentment towards anyone who has engaged in this practice in any community I’ve managed. It’s the behavioral pattern and its consequences that I’m addressing here. I surely must admit that in some communities, I occasionally engaged in admin baiting too, not seeing it from the admin perspective at the time. Going forward I want to watch out for this pattern within myself and do my best to “take it outside” for matters that would be more gracefully handled in private.

It’s interesting what solutions can emerge when we look at a problem or challenge from multiple angles.

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