Honoring Your Hidden Goals

When you look back on the past calendar quarter, consider what you actually got done, even if your actions and behaviors didn’t align well with your stated goals. Your time went somewhere, so where did it actually go?

Use the lens of seeing everything you did as an accomplishment, even if your main achievement was watching Game of Thrones. Instead of beating yourself up for what you didn’t do, take a deeper look at what you did do.

So then your achievements might actually look like:

  • Watch Game of Thrones.
  • Spend two hours per day on Facebook.
  • Exercise sporadically, averaging about 30 minutes per week, mostly Yoga with Adriene videos.
  • Gain 10 pounds of fat.
  • And so on…

Now consider what goals you would have set at the start of the quarter if you wanted to match what you actually did during those three months. Take a step back from the actions, and see if you can connect them with a grander meaning. Why did you do these items? What did you gain from them? These are your hidden goals.

For example, your hidden goals based on the actions above might be:

  • Take a break from the world each day with a deep dive into fantasy entertainment.
  • Leverage the benefits of online socializing each day, so I can feel connected to people while also keeping my distance, thereby allowing me to have plenty of flexible alone time.
  • Let my body go a bit, so I can use that as a reason for not going out as much instead of having to focus on the virus situation. Also give me a reason to continue staying home even when the virus situation clears up.

Try to put a semi-positive frame on each hidden goal. Consider that you may have done what you did because you overlooked important desires that weren’t represented in your stated goals.

Maybe you actually did want to spend more time alone. Maybe you did want more downtime. Maybe what you actually did wasn’t just procrastination – maybe your actions were purposeful in ways you didn’t necessarily see as you went through the quarter.

Use what you learn from this while considering your goals for the next quarter. Would you like to elevate one or more of your hidden goals to give them a better form of deliberate expression?

For instance:

  • Do a deep dive into fantasy by reading all of the Harry Potter books in order.
  • Do a 30-day challenge of inviting a 30-minute Zoom call with a different Facebook friend each day, so I get to connect with people more deeply.
  • Go vegan for the next 90 days, and spend about two hours every Saturday experimenting in the kitchen with different recipes while streaming appealing Netflix series in the background.

By noticing where your time actually went and considering that it may have been purposeful, you can reveal desires that you may have been denying, and then you can give those desires more conscious forms of expression.

You may also discover that your hidden goals reveal hidden fears. Perhaps you’re not feeling ready to face your other goals, and you need to build more readiness first.

Sometimes our stated goals are overly narrow. Other desires still demand expression, and if we ignore them when setting goals, they’ll just express themselves through less conscious behavior patterns.

If you give more deliberate expression to your hidden goals, you can potentially satisfy a wider range of desires. Balancing your goals can help you balance your behaviors and therefore your results as well.

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Advancing Your Goals and Your Processes

As we’re coming to the end of the third quarter of 2020, how are you feeling about the progress you’ve made during the last three months? Are you satisfied or dissatisfied? Or do you have mixed feelings?

I like to review each closing quarter to reflect on what I actually got done. Usually I’m pleased when I see what I completed and experienced. This is relatively easy for me since I habitually maintain a log of accomplishments and experiences on a quarter-by-quarter basis, so I review this list at the end of each quarter. I find it more useful to compare one quarter’s progress to the previous quarter instead of measuring progress against my actual goals. Then I can see if I’m improving quarter by quarter.

After this little review, I look ahead to the next quarter and think about what I’d like to experience next. Several days ago I set my goals for the fourth quarter of this year, so I can start thinking about them well before the quarter begins.

One feeling I have about the upcoming quarter is that it’s time to advance. The past quarter involved a lot of small projects, and in the new quarter I’m ready for bigger ones. The two big ones are to create and publish a new deep dive course on creative productivity and to write the first draft of a novel.

I’ve created courses before but never on this particular topic. I’ve never written a novel before. So these are both advancement goals. Just engaging with them involves stepping into new territory.

I love advancement goals because they aren’t just more of the same. They stretch our characters. They dance with risk. They require exploration and experimentation. And they deliver such a sweet sense of accomplishment afterwards.

With advancement goals I find it particularly important to frame them carefully. The process of achieving them is at least as important as the end result. I want the process of advancement to feel wondrous and rewarding, like Indiana Jones exploring a new temple in search of hidden treasures.

So the advance isn’t just about reaching the end goal. It’s important to advance the process too – to engage with life in new ways that feel purposeful and meaningful. Using the same old process to achieve a new result-based goal seems boring and not as growth-oriented. A machine can run the same algorithm repeatedly. As a human I want the process to grow and evolve with me each time. A stale process may be fine for a Roomba but not for a human being.

I don’t just want to create a new course and write my first novel. I want to advance the way I create courses, and I want to advance into fiction with a sense of appreciation and discovery. Ten years from now I want to remember that I loved creating the course and loved writing the novel. I want the memories of enjoyment and appreciation and wonder, not the memory of being stuck in a dull or stressful process. Remembering some struggle is okay too – I’d rather struggle a bit than be bored.

Is it really an advance if you’re seeking a result, but your process feels like a step backwards in terms of lifestyle enjoyment? Are you advancing towards a goal while feeling like you’re simultaneously retreating into stress, worry, and attachment? If so, can you really call that an advance?

When you advance towards a new goal, be sure to advance your process too. Set goals not just for outcomes but also to explore and improve your relationship with life. Make it part of your goal to advance your character too. Make it part of your goal to create memories you’ll cherish for years.

Don’t just advance towards a new goal. Also advance the way you set and achieve goals.

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Studying Your Actual Behaviors

Observing your behaviors and responses like a scientist observing apes in the jungle can be useful for spotting opportunities for growth and improvement.

While it’s tempting to see yourself as a conscious human being making fresh decisions each day, you can also benefit by seeing yourself like an animal or robot responding to stimuli in a pre-programmed or instinctual manner.

Observe your own stimulus-response patterns, as if you never really had a choice in between. Then consider that you can get different behaviors from yourself if you change the stimuli. Give yourself different inputs, and watch your behaviors change automatically.

Then your personal growth challenge isn’t to try harder or to push yourself to be more disciplined or to do a better job of doing what you think you should do. Your challenge is to determine the right stimuli that will trigger your automatic behaviors to get you moving in the right direction.

Pay less attention to how you want to be or how you believe you should be, and pay more attention to how you actually are. Note how you actually behave. Then you can make decisions based on your real behavior patterns to get results instead of hoping that you’ll somehow behave better than you actually do.

As a simple example, I used this mindset to lose 20 pounds in the past four months, and it was pretty easy. I didn’t push myself to change my eating habits. I didn’t try harder. I didn’t have to exert more discipline. I simply changed the inputs to trigger different behavioral outputs. I started food logging, which gave me the additional input of observing which foods and how much I was eating each day. This took only minutes per day and was super easy to maintain as a habit. Upon seeing that extra data each day, my brain automatically updated its models and changed my behaviors, which in turn altered my results. So I changed the stimuli which in turn generated different responses.

By giving myself a little more input attached to every meal, my internal circuitry responded differently. I didn’t have to be or become anyone different. I didn’t have to try to change my behaviors. All I had to do was change the input patterns in a very modest way. Once my brain had a little bit more data, that was enough for it to respond with different behaviors.

Sometimes you can achieve better results by taking your ego and identity out of the picture. See your brain as a pure stimulus-response creature. Imagine that your behaviors are pre-programmed and automatic, and you can’t really control them consciously day by day. Notice that you just react to events most of the time. Then observe that you can change those events to create different inputs for your brain to chew on, and this can cause you to output different behaviors and therefore get different results.

Then it’s just a matter of experimenting with the inputs to see how different changes affect your outputs.

Don’t beat yourself up for not responding differently than you already do. Just observe: Okay, this is how my brain responds to these inputs. Then if you want different results, look for ways to perturb the inputs till your brain starts outputting different behaviors, which will naturally lead to different results.

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Becoming More Resilient

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Your Most Valuable Minutes

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Create Your Day

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The Trepidatious Concertgoer

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Give the Truth a Voice

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Quick Daily Evaluation

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Long-Term Time Logging

Now that I’ve been food logging for 15+ weeks straight, the simple practice of writing down what I eat each day has made me want to revisit another practice: time logging.

I’ve done time logging before and have found it useful, but I don’t think I’ve ever done it for more than a week or two at a stretch.

On a short-term basis like a few days or a week, time logging is good for doing a quick recalibration. You may notice some areas where you’re wasting time, which will become glaringly obvious in the first day or two of logging. But what about the subtler issues that may not show up during that time?

Even after 105+ days of food logging, I’m still maintaining the habit. As you might guess there are diminishing returns, so the insights I’m learning now are more subtle than what I figured out during the first few weeks.

The main reason I’m still food logging is that the habit itself is beneficial, and since it’s so habitualized now, it would be harder to stop than to continue. I do it by default without thinking about it. Since maintaining the habit is still yielding positive effects, like helping me optimize how I eat and losing weight with ease, it’s a no-brainer to keep it going. So it’s not just about what I learn from the logs. The logging practice helps me stay on track and apply what I’ve learned.

This makes me extra curious about time logging. Of course it’s beneficial over the span of a few days, but what if I maintained a daily time long for 100+ days in a row? I can see how that could be very beneficial.

I’d surely still be discovering more insights after 10+ weeks. Maybe they’d be pretty minor by that time, but it wouldn’t be entirely worthless to go that long just for the learning experience.

But I think the best gains wouldn’t come from discovering new areas of improvement but from the ongoing daily awareness. If I keep logging day after day and week after week, I always have to face the data. There’s no way to return to blissful ignorance, like I could do with a short-term trial. So I expect this would improve my ability to apply what I learn more consistently. The daily logs could serve as rails to keep me on track.

Imagine time logging for a week and then stopping. You might see that you wasted a lot of time on unproductive activities that week. Then you could end the experiment by telling yourself, “Okay, I see what I need to fix.” But did you actually fix it afterwards? How long did your fix last? Or did you just continue the same habits afterwards and shove the awareness of that problem into a back corner of your mind?

It’s a very different situation when you make this level of awareness inescapable. Every day you must face it with no ability to escape it. If you take a minute or two to review your logs at the end of each day, it’s going to generate a reaction within you, such as a feeling of accomplishment or disappointment. That’s a good form of personal accountability.

Even if your tracking commitment is temporary, it could help you create a meaningful change in your habits (and your results) if you maintain the habit long enough. You could also lean in with a 30-day commitment and then extend it as long as you like the results.

I like this idea in principle, but tracking all of my time feels like a lot more work than tracking what I eat. When I did time logging in the past, it could feel burdensome or invasive, and my logs were a bit hard to decipher afterwards. That’s because I’d update the log whenever I switched activities. So the intervals between entries would differ from day to day. I’d have to review them in more detail afterwards, figuring out how much time I actually spent on various activities. I don’t favor this style of logging for a long-term approach.

I’ve also tried some time tracking apps. They always sound good in principle but suck in practice. I feel like they get in my way more than help me. Some people seem to like them, but I always find that the added complexity of trying to remember how to use them isn’t worth the pretty charts and graphs.

In Conscious Growth Club, we do a themed 30-day group challenge at the start of each month. I believe next month’s theme has to do with sparking joy, so anyone who wants to do the challenge gets to pick a daily activity that they believe will spark joy for them. Then the challenge is to do that activity every day for 30 days in a row.

I often like doing these challenges, but I felt out of sync with this one since I didn’t feel that time logging fit the theme. That’s when I realized that maybe it should fit the theme. I thought that if this habit doesn’t spark joy, maybe my approach is wrong.

Food logging sparks joy for me. I like doing it each day, and I feel no resistance to it at all. It’s like a mini-game that I play each day. It’s satisfying to review the completed puzzle of what I’ve eaten each day and to see what I did right and what could be improved.

This encouraged me to tweak the way I do time logging to make it spark joy for me.

If I’m going to do daily time logging for at least a month and possibly many months in a row, it has to be easy. I can’t feel like it’s disrupting my normal workflow or getting in my way. This means it should not require a lot of writing. I don’t want to fuss with specialized apps. The logs should be short enough that I can review each day at a glance and see where my time went. If I’m spending 30 minutes a day recording entries and reviewing them afterwards, that would be way too much.

I usually spend no more than 5 minutes per day to maintain my food log. With time logging I’m willing to go up to 10 minutes a day, but not more than that, including the time I spend reviewing the logs.

I don’t need to be super granular. It doesn’t matter when I go to the bathroom or how many minutes I spend on emails. I want to focus on the broad strokes first.

My old time logging approach would look like this:

5:00a Get up, brush teeth, dress, get water
5:15 Go running
6:15 Walk in park
6:25 Shower, dress
6:35 Make breakfast, eat
7:00 Blogging
...

But for my new approach I want to try something like this:

5 - Run
6 - Eat
7 - Blog
...

So it’s much simpler and quicker but at the expense of detail. I’ll just have one entry per hour, which would be 17 lines total in a typical day for me, depending on when I go to bed. That fits nicely in a small notebook, as long as it has at least 17 lines per page.

If I forget to record an hour or two, I can update the log afterwards since it will be in my recent memory.

If I want to do more detailed logging for some parts of the day, I can still do that, but I won’t make that part of the baseline habit. I can always be more detailed when I feel like it. Some weeks I might focus more closely on certain parts of my day, like optimizing my morning routine. I like this level of flexibility.

The exact borders between one activity and the next don’t matter that much to me. Whether I spend 75 or 90 minutes on an activity isn’t normally significant.

What I really want to know is where the bulk of my time is going. I want answers to questions like these:

  • How much time did I invest in creative work this week?
  • How much effort did I put into marketing this month?
  • Why does it feel like I did (or didn’t) get much done this week?
  • Am I spending enough couple time with Rachelle?
  • Am I connecting with friends as much as I’d like?
  • Are there better ways to spend my evenings?
  • Which days do I feel best/worst about? Why?
  • Which activities have I been neglecting?
  • If I want more time for some type of activity, what could I do less of?
  • Am I taking enough time off?
  • What are the best ways to spend my time off?
  • Which activities sharpen the saw for me?

So it’s the big-picture balance that I want to work on here. That’s more important to me than making low-level tweaks right now.

I liked this idea enough that I figured, why wait? So instead of starting on September 1st, I started yesterday morning.

Within Conscious Growth Club, I can still frame this as a 30-day challenge for September since this way of time logging does spark joy for me. I’m excited for what I’ll learn from it and how it will help me improve.

I’ll probably go considerably longer than 30 days if I can keep this low-maintenance while still being useful. I approached food logging with an open-ended attitude when I started, so I think I’ll use the same mindset here.

I’m also wondering where else I could explore daily logging. I’ve done many variations of this in the past, but so far food logging and time logging have been the most interesting. I could see real potential in doing some sort of social logging or perhaps logging of Internet usage, although time logging will cover that to some extent.

Have you tried time logging before? What’s the longest you’ve ever done it? Wanna join me for a 30-day challenge, starting September 1st?

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