Being Appreciated as a Creator

If you’re a creative artist, how important is it for your work to be appreciated by the people you serve?

I’d say that it’s pretty important to be appreciated as an artist. This isn’t about needing validation from other people. This is about serving people who will receive your work with gratitude.

If you are appreciated, it’s probably because you’re providing something of value to people, something that resonates with them and that they care about. You’ve earned that appreciation. I don’t think this needs to be your main reason for creating art, but it’s healthy to incorporate this into your big picture mindset of your life of an artist. When you create and share your art, you’re inviting people to experience and appreciate what you’re sharing. So can you allow yourself to be appreciated?

If someone doesn’t appreciate my work, what sense would it make for them to visit my website or to enroll in my courses? What sense would it make for me to try to serve them? It doesn’t make sense to serve people who don’t appreciate your work. So focus your attention as an artist on people who WILL appreciate your work. Think of your audience as consistent only of the appreciative people.

Remember that you aren’t creating for everyone. You’re just creating for the appreciative people. That’s one reason you needn’t worry about critics. If a critic shows up, and they don’t appreciate your work, then clearly they’re lost. The critic showed up where they don’t belong. So you can simply nudge them out, or direct them to something they may actually appreciate.

It may take some time to calibrate yourself to the right audience, but you want to keep investing where the appreciation is. If you aren’t building an audience of appreciative people, then you’re building an audience of unappreciative people? What sense does that make?

For me appreciation is a given. If my work isn’t appreciated by someone, then that person isn’t in my audience. Maybe they’re lost and need directions elsewhere.

It’s certainly in my mind, for instance, that I’m creating the new Amplify course for the people who will appreciate it. This course is for creative people who want to be more productive since those people are very likely to appreciate how the course will help them. For those that wouldn’t appreciate it, it’s not for them.

I don’t create just to create. I always create for people, often for people that I’ve met. When I wrote my very first article five years before I started blogging, it was for a specific audience. I wrote that article for a software trade association that I was a member of, and the article was published in their newsletter. I didn’t write an article into a void and hope someone out there would read it. I’ve always written articles for real human beings that I felt would appreciate reading what I wrote.

When I started my blog in 2004, I already had a small audience for it because I’d been writing articles on the side for the five previous years. So I started my blog to share more with the people I was already writing for. The audience grew a lot from there, but I didn’t start a blog with zero readers. What would be the point in creating for no one in particular, hoping that someday people might show up? I think I would have found that demotivating.

What if you have no audience? Yeah, don’t do that. Always have an audience, even it’s just one person.

With my computer games business, I had no audience to start with before I wrote my first game, right? Wrong. My first audience was just a handful of people. This included my girlfriend, my sister, and a few friends that I’d invite to my apartment to playtest the games I was writing.

Whenever I tried to create something with no audience of real people in mind, that project would never see the light of day. That was a fantastically reliable recipe for failure.

As tempting as it can be for creative artists who are first starting out, I encourage you to drop this idea of creating into a void and hoping to find an audience later. Find your starting audience before you create anything. A one-person audience is totally fine – plenty of room to grow.

I’ll also say that the audience is more important than the projects. Serve the people who will appreciate your work, and they can encourage and support you across many different projects. They can send such an avalanche of help your way if you serve them personally. I’m still serving some people who’ve been reading my work since 1999. They appreciate me, and I appreciate them. Our long-term, trust-based relationship is way more important than any one project.

If I want a project to succeed, I know I must create it for real human beings from the start. And if I begin with this intention, my creative work will also end up serving people I didn’t know and wasn’t thinking about at the time, so the appreciation and support will grow.

Sometimes I write articles with just one person in mind. Sometimes I write articles with certain types of people in mind – still including real people that I know. On rare occasions I’ll write an article with myself as the audience in mind, but usually I reserve that kind of writing for private journaling. But the intended audience always consists of at least one real human being.

What’s definition of art? Here’s one:

art: the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.

Note the phrase “producing works to be appreciated.” That implies that the work must be created for someone to appreciate.

So if you’re not creating work to be appreciated, are you still creating art? Nah. I don’t know what you’re creating, but it isn’t art. Art is social. Art is created for people to appreciate.

Now that doesn’t have to be the only reason for creating. You can create for a wide variety of reasons, but consider that appreciation had better be one of those reasons.

I think we can also grant you a pretty wide latitude for what you consider to be appreciation. You can create art that challenges people, that upsets people, that makes people curse aloud, and yet on some level they may still appreciate those experiences. Even for work you consider deplorable, there’s a good chance that someone actually appreciates it. So this really isn’t a very difficult standard to meet. If you simply bother to aim for it, you’ll probably meet this standard fairly easily.

But if there’s zero appreciation, then I don’t think you can claim that you’ve created art. And that usually stems from a failure to include appreciation (on a personal level, as felt by a real human being) as part of your original intention.

Don’t think that it’s vain to create for appreciation. Think instead that it’s lame and pointless to create for no appreciation. If no one appreciates what you’re creating, then you are indeed just wasting your time. But an easy way to avoid that is to create with appreciation in mind. Make appreciation part of your intention for creating. If you do that, you’ll probably receive plenty of it.

I hope you appreciated this article. I wrote it for you. 😉

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Amplify Course Is Now Open for Enrollment

Our new Amplify deep dive course on creative productivity has launched. I invite you to join if you’re interested in improving your creative flow. You can watch the invitation video to learn about the course here:

Amplify Course

The main purpose of Amplify is to help you make major improvements to your creative flow and creative output. There are 5 core transformations that we’ll be working on together:

  • Overcome creative anxiety, so creative work becomes light-hearted, free-flowing play
  • Improve creative consistency, so you can reliably finish your creative projects
  • Attract an aligned audience that appreciates, encourages, and supports you
  • Build your creative courage to make bigger and bolder contributions
  • Generate abundant and sustainable income from your creative flow

Amplify is an audio course. There are 4 lessons already published, and we’ll be building it up to at least 60 lessons in March and April, with new lessons being added each week. There will be lots of writers, artists, musicians, app developers, designers, YouTubers, and all sorts of creative people going through this experience together. So it’s going to be a fun explosion of creativity. 😊

Since many people wanted this deep dive to have a social aspect as well, I’m also going to host 8 live Zoom calls for all course participants – every Wednesday at 10am Pacific time from March 10 to April 28. These calls will include group sharing, breakout discussions, and Q&A. This gives you the flexibility to approach Amplify as a solo introspective journey, a social journey, or a mix of both. You’ll find a link to register for the calls in the Amplify portal after you enroll.

If you’d like to learn more about the course, please see the Amplify invitation page, which will give you all the details. I’d recommend watching the invitation video on that page to see if the course interests you. That should really give you a good idea of what the course is about, along with extra details about the changes we’ll be working on together.

There’s a launch discount too, which saves you 40% on your enrollment if you sign up by Friday, March 12th. So if you want the discount, you’ve got some time to decide.

I also added a sign-up counter to the top of the Amplify invitation page, so you can see how many people have joined so far (not counting Conscious Growth Club members, who also get access as part of their membership).

I hope you’ll join us for this one – it’s going to be a fun and fascinating deep dive.

Hugs! ❤️

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The 5 Major Transformations Creative People Want

Here’s an update on the new Amplify course on creative productivity that will be launching by the end of the month. I figured out the major transformations we’ll be working on together, so in this post I’ll share those with you.

First off, I appreciate all the generous feedback that people sent in response to the February 3rd email to my email list. I asked about people’s creative struggles, dreams, and desires regarding their creative flow, and the responses were super insightful.

I actually cried a few times while reading some of the emails. I felt honored by the authenticity and depth that people shared. In particular, this one line that someone shared really got to me emotionally:

The sad part is that with becoming older and having kids I quit my side project ideas earlier and earlier.

This reminds me of the saying, “Don’t die with your music still in you” that I learned from Dr. Wayne Dyer. It’s a powerful reminder of what’s at stake here.

Here’s another line that really stood out for me:

I want to be a safe space for people.

That’s such a beautiful and compact way of expressing caring for the people we serve.

It took me several days to read through all the feedback, including replying to everyone who responded. I took a ton of notes on this feedback, and my notes added up to almost 40K words – practically a book right there. Then I spent more time reviewing, pondering, and condensing the ideas to figure out the transformations that people wanted.

Initially I got it down to a list of 16 transformations, and then I was able to condense further to 5 major transformations. Would you like to know what they are? Here’s what it boiled down to:

1. Stressful resistance → Light-hearted, free-flowing play

  • Feeling pressured, nagged, stressed, frustrated, guilty, disappointed, blocked, overwhelmed → relaxed confidence; having abiding trust in yourself as a creative pro
  • Creating with stress, fear, anxiety, shame, perfectionism → creating with a light-hearted, free-flowing playfulness of spirit
  • Impostor syndrome; doubts about value → confidence and certainty in value delivery

One of the most common desires people had was to change their relationships with their creative work. People are tired of stressing out with anxiety when they try to be creative, and they recognize that a dysfunctional relationship here is counter-productive. They want to ENJOY the experience of creating from start to finish, emphasis on JOY.

Notable Quotes From Feedback

  • Long track record of creative blocks, frustrations, and procrastination
  • I put my self-esteem on the line when approaching a new project.
  • Frustrated that my productivity and creative projects are slaves to my emotional states and external circumstances
  • I’m terrified of my creativity. I don’t know why. Maybe it feels like a force that, once unleashed, will be too wild and out of control.
  • I often look at my creative work and worry that it’s complete rubbish.
  • I was so disciplined and good at (unconsciously) forcing myself to do things that I’ve pushed myself into intense anxiety.
  • These struggles are costing me my youth.
  • The struggle of me being afraid to start is costing me the progress I could have been making all these years.
  • I’ve found most projects immediately or eventually infused with anxious feelings.
  • There’s a part of me that is pretty sure that my creative inclinations are self-indulgent and can’t possibly benefit anyone.
  • Afraid of looking fake
  • There seems to be a point where my enthusiasm about the project switches to loads of resistance.
  • Scared it won’t be anything worth sharing so why begin in the first place
  • I rarely feel satisfied with what I create.
  • Feeling like whatever I create is never good enough for others to see
  • Every time I write a chapter, I doubt myself or think why the hell would anyone take my advice.
  • Change my mindset from feeling neediness, trying to be right and avoid making mistakes and being wrong to following through with the project, sense of lightness and engagement as opposed to resistance
  • Less pushing and feel more pulled
  • Less relying on accountability and more genuine excitement, satisfaction and confidence
  • I want the whole damn wall to come crashing down and I want to be filled with creative inspiration and fire.
  • Regular, sacred, and delightfully enjoyable time devoted to creative output during my week.
  • Enjoy picking my instrument up again, the way I did when I skipped school to just jam, and write music all day.
  • That level of connection, with the self, the instrument, music and the listener is the holy grail.
  • Experience a joyful and playful relationship with the creative process.
  • I want it to feel like play.
  • Integrating ease into my creative process

2. Unstable or inconsistent progress → Reliable and consistent flow of creative output

  • Not finishing what you start; fizzling out → finishing and shipping completed projects; capturing opportunities instead of letting them pass you by; a process that converges towards publishing
  • Inconsistent, haphazard, or unbalanced workflow → stable, consistent, and reliable workflow you can trust; hitting your stride; maintaining momentum
  • Low creative output → prolific output; seeing your collective work grow notably each year
  • Confusion about priorities and process → clarity in priorities and process; reliable systems
  • Insufficient time and energy → plenty of time and energy for creative projects

People are tired of piling up projects that die on the vine. One common refrain I heard was: “I have no shortage of ideas! The problem is that I’m not seeing enough of them through to completion.” People want to trust themselves to follow through and finish, but they’re clinging to approaches that degrade self-trust and build up self-doubt instead. Many could use help upgrading their systems and practices, so they can prioritize better and follow through with consistency. A lot of people struggle with dropping or switching projects partway through.

This transformation crosses between the mental and emotional space, and a lot of solutions you’ll find elsewhere don’t build this bridge very well, so the mind and heart remain in a constant tug of war. Your mind wants one thing, and your heart wants another. What we need here is to get them agreeing upon and committing to a common goal. I have a lot to share about how to do that – it has to do with choosing projects differently up front, before you begin.

Notable Quotes From Feedback

  • Started, half-finished projects litter the house
  • Subtly eroding the feelings of significance and importance I have in life
  • The sad part is that with becoming older and having kids I quit my side project ideas earlier and earlier.
  • My projects fail because I switch to other projects that are new and shiny and I quit my previous ones.
  • I end up quitting when it stops being fun.
  • Get pulled away and the pause becomes power off
  • I’m fussing about ideas.
  • I keep second guessing myself.
  • Constantly second-guessing my choice of projects
  • Hard time prioritizing and executing
  • Interrupted almost daily by other obligations
  • My energy is too limited.
  • Not to get distracted by the shiny object syndrome
  • A large part of my energy is already being used up by the discipline required to sit down and be productive.
  • I never seem to have enough time or energy in a day.
  • It’s a balancing act with everything else I have going on in my life.
  • My funnel is more of a straw.
  • Preserving the mental and physical energy to put towards creative projects when I have to devote so much time to a job
  • Create something uniquely genuine that I can be proud of.
  • Having a smooth content production mind-set and system that makes product creation pleasurable, productive, and profitable
  • Get into that flow state when I want to.
  • How to easily load and re-load my state of flow
  • Step in and out of creativity without losing momentum.
  • How best to balance making forward progress on business tasks and projects while at the same time allowing space for creative projects
  • Sustainable habit of creative self-expression
  • A creative, flowing, balanced, fun, challenging but easy-going life
  • Generate creative outputs at will.
  • I have so much light and love inside that’s been SCREAMING to GET OUT in a kind and gentle way.
  • Lungs that long to express the depths of our universe and a soul who’d like to be felt and understood by other beings surrounding me

3. Unappreciated or ignored → Appreciated, respected, loved, and encouraged

  • Feeling unappreciated; being ignored or forgotten; unsure if your art matters to people → being appreciated and valued; connecting with people’s hearts; belongingness; feeling at home here; having people encourage you to create
  • No audience or misaligned audience → aligned audience of people who appreciate, respect, and love you; people you enjoy serving and who encourage, inspire, and motivate you

Many people struggle with a lack of connection to the people they could be serving. They either don’t have an audience yet, or they have a misaligned audience that doesn’t seem to care much. Life is very different when you attract an audience that appreciates your creative work and keeps encouraging you.

Some key mindset (and heartset) shifts we’ll work on in Amplify involve the relationship you develop with your audience. There’s a big difference between creating in a void and creating for real people that you care about.

What many people don’t realize that the audience matters more than the projects in most cases. When you have a strong connection with an aligned audience, that relationship can help carry you through many inspired projects. This is very different than creating something in a void all by yourself and then hoping to surprise some random audience with your brilliance… someday… eventually.

Notable Quotes From Feedback

  • When it seems like no one notices or cares about what I’ve done, I get demotivated.
  • I feel I cannot do it by myself in silence and be successful.
  • Discouraging to think that a project I’m spending so much time on may never be seen
  • Be OK with not everyone loving what I do.
  • Have a reality that constantly inspires me.

4. Little or no impact → Bold contributions and ripples

  • Little or no impact → making a rich and meaningful contribution; creating ripples that align with your values; putting a dent in the universe; making your mark on this world in a way that no one can take away from you; summoning courage and boldness
  • No platform or outlet → stable platform that you like; ability to find or create new platforms
  • Small scale projects only → ability to follow through on larger works and see them to completion; scaling up
  • Lacking key skills → Developing, upgrading, and stretching your skills; providing value as you build your skills

Some people would really love to create more impact, especially by learning how to shift from short-form content like articles, YouTube videos, and social media updates to long-form content like books, albums, screenplays, and courses. Others want to build larger audiences, so they can positively impact the lives of more people. People recognize that it takes courage to set ambitious goals, and reliable follow-through is essential. It’s not enough to just think big and then fizzle out.

Notable Quotes From Feedback

  • My biggest creative projects have been too overwhelming, resulting in quitting before completion.
  • Easier to get into the flow while creating something but as soon as I need to market my project or share it with others, I fizzle out
  • Realizing I don’t yet have the ability to do the project in the way I envisioned
  • I feel like I just have to suck it up and grind through enough practice to become good enough at something that other people might possibly start to care.
  • How to approach a big project like writing a book or starting a new business and sustaining motivation until completion
  • Having the courage to pick a project that you feel is a little scary but you know you will figure out, and that really inspires you
  • Deliver creative output that can create ripples across humanity.
  • Trust that I can create something that can contribute to others while also helping me be the bold explorer of life that I want to be.
  • Create boatloads of value.
  • [Providing] Relief in knowing someone else out there recognizes their pain, sees them, puts their hearts longing into words on a page that they can read and feel less alone in the world
  • I want to be a safe space for people.
  • Consistently increase my skills and skill sets.
  • Bring into reality what I imagine.
  • Offering genuine value to others while at the same time clarifying my thoughts through my writing

5. Scarcity-driven income and caged lifestyle → Abundant income and enriching lifestyle

  • Little or no income from creative work → abundant income for a comfortable or wealthy lifestyle
  • Having an unwanted job or boss → making a good living as a creative pro; time freedom; location freedom; freedom to choose your own projects; knowing you can always make extra money from your creativity when you want

This one was no surprise. A lot of people want to step into a sustainable lifestyle of being a creative pro who earns an abundant living from their creative flow. Several people specifically mentioned they’d love to do something similar to what I do, either with the medium of blogging or with podcasting, videos, writing books, composing music, etc. People especially want time freedom.

Some people just want to complete some creative projects on the side, especially projects that can add supplemental income streams. They may want to write a novel or a screenplay because they feel they have an interesting story idea, but they don’t necessarily want to become a full-time writer.

Notable Quotes From Feedback

  • A day job that was killing my soul
  • The fact that I should make money from my art to keep my business afloat paralyzes me and stresses me out.
  • Afraid of being some money-grubbing wannabe who wastes people’s time and dollars
  • Costing me the amazing life I know I am capable of living
  • How to create consistent, recurring income through creative projects
  • Set up a side business to eventually turn it into my main source of income.
  • Cool if this lifestyle paid for itself
  • Publish a creative project in a way that creates lots of value for others that also allows me to be fairly/well compensated.
  • Actually making my living as a writer
  • I want to make art a foundation of my life.
  • Remove the need to have a boss or work for an employer permanently.
  • Find something that I really enjoy working on to the point that I can’t imagine doing anything else for work for the rest of my life.
  • Pick projects and really let myself go and be immersed in them, without ever worrying about money.
  • Get enough traction with my creative pursuit that I can make it my primary work.
  • Lead a life centered around my curiosities and personal growth. I’d love my life to feel like one wild, grand adventure.
  • What if I were known as an artist and creator?

So basically what people want here is: lightness, consistency, appreciation, contribution, and abundant support for their creative flow.

What do you think of these transformations?

I really like this list. It gives me tons of ideas for reframes, processes, and practices to cover in the course lessons.

Are these transformations possible? Yes, they are. They’re not easy though.

For many creative pros who are happy with their creative flow and enjoy great results, it took years or even decades to go through these transformations. For me personally it took more than a decade of full-time creative work before I really feel like I started hitting my stride – probably about 15 years if I’m honest about it. So much of this involved unlearning what I thought I knew about creativity and productivity. The models I picked up from elsewhere in society just didn’t serve me very well. I got better results from introspective analysis of my projects, results, motivations, and values. I began figuring out the patterns in my own behavior, so I could better predict which types of projects I’d finish. Then I knew when I could bet big and reliably follow through.

So don’t expect a 6-lesson mini-course that you can plow through in a day. A quickie isn’t going to get us there. There’s a lot to unpack here. We can take this journey together, but it won’t be a short one. The upside is that we can potentially shave years, maybe even decades, off your learning curve here.

I actually began compiling a list of lesson ideas as I read through the emails, and now I have 87 ideas on that list. Some of them could be condensed and combined, but it’s fair to say we can have at least 60 lessons for this course, on par with Submersion (60 lessons) and Stature (65 lessons). There are just so many juicy insights to cover here.

Format

Here’s what I can tell you regarding the course format.

Audio was the clear winner based on the feedback people shared, so we’ll go with audio for the core lessons – same as we did for the Submersion and Stature courses. Lots of people said they prefer audio lessons over video for flexibility reasons. People like to listen while walking, running, driving, cooking, cleaning, etc. It’s easier for people to immerse themselves in audio lessons, much like listening to a podcast, and the visual aspect isn’t really needed for this kind of topic.

We’ll provide text transcripts for all of the audio lessons too. Some people said they prefer reading to listening. We’ll publish the text transcripts as we go, so you’ll get a written version of the whole course too.

I’ll aim to keep the lessons fairly compact, around 15 minutes each, which is what we had for Stature. That way you can listen while having a meal or doing other tasks. A good pacing would be to listen to one lesson per day, but you can go through the course at whatever pacing works for you. Some people like to go through the courses at a slower pacing to really take the time to digest and practice the ideas in each lesson. Many people have told me they’ve gone through our courses more than once, and each time it’s a different experience. I love that feedback because I designed the courses with that intention in mind – I see them as courses for life that will still provide meaningful insights 10, 20, or 30+ years from now. They’re all anchored in timeless, universal ideas and solutions.

I’ll also provide a written Summary Guide, which will include a one-page bullet list summary of each lesson, just like we had with Stature and Submersion. I’m leaning towards including written exercises for each audio lesson (like journaling prompts) as we had with Stature too. Some people said they appreciated that extra invitation to go deeper into the ideas. I think this course would be a good fit for that as well. There are a lot of people in my audience who enjoy looking deep into themselves from different angles, which raises their self-awareness and self-understanding. This helps them to discover their own a-ha moments.

While some people only want to approach this course as a solo introspective journey (similar to Submersion and Stature), most people recognized that it would be good to have at least some kind of social element to this deep dive, so they can connect with other creatives as we go. Many people were gung-ho about that, recalling how much they enjoyed the social aspect of Deep Abundance Integration. Some people offered this suggestion while acknowledging some inner resistance to the idea, noting that it would very likely be good for them to engage with other creatives… while also admitting to a bit of anxiety about connecting in this way. I can understand that. People want to come out of their shells a bit more, but they also recognize that it may take some courage to do so.

So here’s what I’m thinking…

In addition to the audio lessons, we can provide some live Zoom calls too, perhaps one call per week for 1.5 to 2 hours each time. These calls will be optional for you. We’ll provide them for the people who see value in having a social element to this journey. So you’ll have a chance to engage with other creative types as we go through this deep dive together.

I imagine doing at least 6-8 of these calls as we go. I can keep hosting them for as long as it takes to build out the lessons.

So I won’t be using these video calls for the core lessons like we did in Deep Abundance Integration. I want the core material to be in the audio lessons. I’d like to make these calls more focused on you and the other people going through the course with you. So this could include opportunities to hear about other people’s creative journeys, how people are applying the ideas from the course, extra Q&A with me, and perhaps some breakout rooms where we can engage in smaller groups with focused sharing and discussion topics. I envision these calls as another way to engage with the material and each other.

We can co-creatively evolve how we structure these calls as we go. I also think the calls could help people improve their ability to create in a flowing and playful way without so much stress and anxiety. If you participated in Deep Abundance Integration, you could probably tell that I had fun creating the course, playfully cracking jokes with people as we went – and even growing a beard throughout the course after it was suggested. So I imagine these calls being light, fun, and playful.

I think this could be a really nice combo. We’ll have the depth, focus, and introspective nature of structured, compact audio lessons. And we’ll have the light, fun, and social engagement of the Zoom calls.

I still need to figure out the timing for the Zoom calls, but it will probably be around 10am Pacific time on a weekday.

We can record the Zoom calls and share the recordings for those who can’t make the live calls, but I do think they’ll be more beneficial to attend live for those who want a more social experience. We’ll also have open text chat on these calls, just like we did with DAI, and we’ll make the chat logs available to everyone. That way if someone shares something beneficial like a book recommendation, you’ll have a record of that. You can also keep the chat window closed if you don’t want to participate in it. Some people loved the open chat, especially the humor and playfulness of it, while others preferred not to even look at it because they found it distracting for them. You’re free to choose what sort of engagement works for you.

I might also use a different Zoom format for these calls. With the DAI course, we used the webinar format, so only Rachelle and me were on camera, and everyone else could communicate through the text chat (which was very active on every call!). I think that made sense back in 2018. But now that so many more people are familiar with Zoom, I’m leaning towards doing this new deep dive in a Zoom meeting format. That means we’ll all be able to see each other on video. People can easily hide their video if they don’t wish to be on camera, but for everyone who wants to be seen, we can all see each other. I think this would create a more social vibe. We’ll just have to be judicious about using the mute button since there could be hundreds of people on these calls. I think it could be fun though. Last month I emceed a Transformational Leadership Council event with 100+ people on the Zoom call, and it was nice to see everyone’s faces and visual reactions.

A few people suggested having a discussion forum or Facebook group. I deleted my Facebook account in January (and Instagram too), so I can rule out a Facebook group since I’m not interested in engaging more on Facebook. A lot of people in my audience are turned off by Facebook as well. A Slack channel wasn’t popular either.

We have a private forum for Conscious Growth Club, which is great for those who want to engage with the people who are most invested in this community, especially across multiple deep dives and courses. I don’t feel aligned with the idea of spinning up a new discussion group or forum for each deep dive course that we do. I leaned into that for previous deep dives, such as when someone else created a forum for DAI participants, and we had a Facebook group for Stature. In each case I don’t think it was really a great fit for the experience. There are a small number of people who always ask for something like this, but I don’t think it’s the right medium to really deliver and support the transformations we’re looking for. I prefer other approaches like live, in-person events (when we’re not in pandemic mode) and Conscious Growth Club for long-term support and engagement across multiple years. So I think we’ll skip having a forum or discussion group for this one. I think our focus will be better without it.

My aim here is to provide the ultimate creative productivity course, filled with rich and practical insights and practices that can permanently improve your creative flow. I’m putting a lot of thought into figuring out the right combination of pieces to encourage and support the transformations that people want to experience.

Pricing

This is still tentative, but I’m leaning toward $497 for the price with a launch week discount down to $297. I think for everything we can provide here, that’s pretty generous and should be nicely affordable for the majority of creatives in my audience who really want to engage with this deep dive.

I’m designing this to be a super high-value course, one that could easily warrant a $2K price. I think it will be better than most of the $2K+ courses and programs I’ve taken. Many $2K courses are no better than much less expensive courses in my opinion. The main difference is that they’re offered to different audiences, such as entrepreneurs or business owners.

I want this course to be more accessible since it can provide major benefits for people which will serve them well for life. If I price it at $2K, then I’m really targeting creative pros who will regard it as a career investment. That would be a different kind of audience than I’d like to serve with this deep dive. I’d like this course to provide strong value for established pros as well as for people who have creative leanings and want to really explore that in great depth. This includes people who feel they may have a book, a blog, a song, or a YouTube channel inside them, wanting to be expressed and shared.

I don’t want to go below $297 though. I think if we drop it below that, we’ll attract more dabblers who aren’t as serious about these transformations. More people would join for curiosity’s sake. And that won’t be as good for having quality interactions on the live calls. And for some pros the investment could begin to feel too trivial, so they’re not really bought into the experience as much.

I want there to be a high enough commitment such that most of the people engaging in this deep dive together really want to get their money’s worth. Having some positive pressure and anticipation is healthy for us. I also want to balance this with making the course highly accessible for the people who could really benefit from it, which isn’t only established creative pros but also people just starting on their creative journeys.

Offering $297 for the launch price and $497 for the long-term price just feels right to me. It seems like the right balancing point when I consider how invested people will feel. When people feel invested enough, they’re more likely to finish the course, and that’s the main key to extracting the gains.

For the first several weeks, we’ll be co-creating this course together. I like offering a substantial launch discount because we create these courses as we go, and it’s nice to have a bigger group going through the course as we build it. That benefits me too since then I get a lot of feedback and suggestions as I record new lessons each week. I also enjoy the extra social energy from knowing that people are listening to the lessons shortly after I record and publish them – I find that very motivating.

I think for someone who’s a good match for this course, $297 should be pretty irresistible. It’s hard to imagine a creatively inclined person not receiving many times that much value from this course. What is it worth to someone to finally get their books written and published, their albums created, their audiences built and expanded, and to have an enjoyable lifestyle as a creative pro if that’s their goal?

Incidentally, I also expect to record a lesson on pricing since it can be tricky to put a price on creative work.

The launch discount will be good for at least 5 days – maybe 7 or 10 days – after we invite people to start joining. I’ll let you know the sign-up deadline to get that discount when we launch.

My Feelings About the Upcoming Launch

A fellow Conscious Growth Club member recently asked me how I feel about the upcoming launch and course development since I’m clearly taking on a big creative responsibility here. She wondered if I was feeling anxious or stressed or excited about it. Here’s what I shared – to give you a glimpse of what my interior experience is like:

  • curiosity
  • intrigue
  • a sense of adventure and discovery
  • commitment
  • resolve
  • a sense of connection to the people involved
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • a feeling of being gifted with a big responsibility
  • willingness
  • acceptance of the work ahead
  • thinking of the laughs and tears and shifts people will have along the way
  • imagining all the new creative works that will be spawned by this: books, blogs, albums, paintings, live events, etc.
  • thinking about the people who really need this experience and how beautiful it will be for them
  • caring and compassion for all the struggles and frustrations people have been dealing with
  • appreciating this wonderful opportunity to help in a meaningful way
  • imagining the ideas flowing together in a nice modular structure
  • imagining meeting up with people in person, where they tell me about their transformations and I get to congratulate them and feel compersion for what they’ve accomplished
  • feeling proud of the people who’ll soon be going through the course and the deep inner work they’re about to do
  • feeling honored that I get to play this role and engage with such great spirits along the way

Much of the emotion I experience comes from thinking about the people who’ll be going through the course and what it will be like for them. I do get excited about that.

It’s an emotional journey for me to create a course like this. I will laugh and cry many times along the way. I’ll have a-ha moments as I figure out new pieces. And it will be fun to connect with people on live calls and see them engaging with each other. Several people mentioned that they don’t have anyone to connect with like this. I love that I can bring people together for such a noble purpose. Playing this role lights up my heart.

It’s a feeling of being called to serve a tremendous need and saying yes with an open heart and mind. It feels very right all around – right topic, right people, right timing.

I share this in case it helps you gain some extra insights on the framing that works for me when I’m engaging with a major new creative project

I think what gets a lot of creative people stuck is that they put their project first in their mind, and the people they’re serving are buried somewhere in the backs of their minds, almost like an afterthought. I find it much more productive and flowing to create with real people in mind. That’s been true for all the years I’ve been blogging. I didn’t just start writing into a void, hoping that people would show up. I actually began writing articles 5 years before I started my blog, always for specific groups of people, beginning with a group of software developers.

Helping you find the right audience is going to be a significant part of this course. I would say that this is even more important than helping you to complete any particular creative project. If you find the right audience and learn how to genuinely connect with them, those relationships can carry you across many creative projects for many years. That’s why I haven’t burned out after 16+ years of blogging. It’s not the medium or the content that keeps me going. It’s the people.

That’s why I can write a giant message on a weekend morning and enjoy the process. I know some people aren’t going to read this much. I know some people will unsubscribe at the sight of it. But the people who revel in these kinds of ideas are the ones I’m really here to serve and connect with – that’s where all the joy is.

When Is Amplify Launching?

We’ll launch the course as soon as we’re ready to go. I still need at least one more week to prepare everything. I’d like to record a few lessons up front, so people have something to listen to right away when they join. Then we’ll co-create the rest of the course as we go, adding more lessons each week till it’s done.

I follow a structured process for doing course launches, so I’m working from a detailed checklist, which converges on launching. In fact, I’m thinking of including that checklist as one of the course bonuses since it shows how I break a large project down into a step-by-step workflow that gives reliable results. I’ve been refining this process with each launch, so it’s pretty solid now. It would be relatively straightforward to adapt it to other types of projects as well.

I hope you enjoyed this update. If you’d like to share extra feedback about anything here, just send me a message to let me know. Otherwise I’ll invite you to join us in Amplify when we’re good to go, assuming you’re on the email list to get such invitations.

Also, if you know any other creative people who’d likely benefit from this course, please share this post with them, or tell them about the opportunity some other way. You could also invite them to join my email list, so they’ll be notified when the launch happens.

This will be a deep and fascinating journey for those who choose to experience it. Are you in yet? ❤️

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Benefits of Eating Raw

It’s wonderful to be on Day 7 of my year of eating raw. I think I’m past the initial detox phase, and I’m flowing nicely into the beneficial part of this experience. It really has been super easy to reload these habits – not really a challenge, just a different way of experiencing life.

As part of my prep for this year, I reviewed some old blog posts and journal entries from my previous raw foodism times, so I could recall the benefits I documented. Then I compiled them into a big list. I’ll share that here, so you can get an idea of what motivates me to be a raw foodist this year. It’s something I’ve always wanted to re-explore more deeply.

First off, it really is very different from eating cooked vegan. As good as it feels to be vegan and as many benefits as that provides, so much gets significantly amplified when eating raw. The improvements are very noticeable, even after just a week.

Let’s go down the list:

Restful Sleep, Less Sleep, and Dreams

My sleep is deeper and more restful. I normally sleep 30-60 minutes less per night while eating raw, which means more waking hours. I’ll likely have less afternoon drowsiness as well, so I may not take as many afternoon naps. Yesterday I was struck by how alert and awake I feel through the whole afternoon.

I have very rich and vivid dreams each night on a raw diet, which really helps me stay deeply asleep. It often feels like my dreams are 2-3 days long, like complex adventure stories. My dream recall improves significantly too.

Also when I do get tired at the end of the day, sleepiness comes on more gradually, so I can stay up a bit later when I want. When I eat cooked food, the attack of drowsiness tends to come up quickly. On raw foods I can easily dismiss any drowsiness, and it goes away if I engage in any kind of activity. So the initial onset of drowsiness is more like a gentle notification that I can dismiss if I want.

Calm, Clear Mind and Enhanced Intelligence

My mind is so much calmer and clearer. It’s way easier to focus and to make aligned decisions. The mental boost is one of my favorite benefits, and it always kicks in relatively quickly.

I feel like my mind has 30% more RAM for thinking. This could even increase as the year progresses. This will be a great year for making decisions and implementing some new plans. Any kind of high-level thinking or planning work feels so much easier.

That extra mental RAM makes a huge difference. I can hold more complex thoughts and connections in my mind simultaneously, which makes it easier to think about the ways different projects relate to each other. This is wonderful for seeing the big picture of how my life and business are unfolding, and it’s especially good for looking at a large to-do list and immediately seeing the true priorities pop right out.

Consequently, I set different priorities when eating raw. I look at my old priorities and instantly recognize flaws in them, and then I fix them within minutes.

Faster Thinking

My mind feels like it runs faster too, but at the same time it feels less effortful. I observe that I flow through work more quickly and feel less fatigued afterwards.

Life Seems Easier

The extra mental capacity makes projects that previously looked daunting seem lighter and easier. I look at issues that seemed complex before, but on a raw diet they seem like no big deal. I know I can easily do them.

Faster Writing

I can write about 30% faster while eating raw. My mind will think further ahead automatically. After last year’s deep dive into blogging (and the extra training that provided), I could really be a writing and creative powerhouse in 2021 if I wanted to. Instead of more volume though, I want to invest in more depth this year.

I’m especially curious to see how this affects my course development work this year. I think it’s going to make the work feel a lot easier.

Reduced Cravings and Addictions

Cravings for unhealthy foods go down. So do compulsive and addictive behaviors of all types. It’s much easier to avoid distractions. This creates more freedom and discipline to make aligned choices. I’m already feeling increased desire for healthy, living foods, and cooked foods are losing their appeal.

It feels like I have more conscious control over myself and where I direct my thoughts and energy.

More Energy

I feel significantly more energetic in my body and emotions. I enjoy great energy flow when I need it. It’s easy to get more done each day, like 20-30% more action. That adds up.

I don’t have to put off as much to future days. Yesterday I finished all the items on a to-do list I made for the day. I haven’t done that in a while. Usually I have to put off a few tasks till the next day sine I tend to be ambitious about what I try to squeeze into a day. Now it feels like my energy is in better balance with my ambition.

This actually makes me wonder if my sense of what I can get done in a day is calibrated to be accurate when I’m eating raw, so if I eat cooked food, I’ll always fall short of that.

Easier Breathing

My breathing feels easier and deeper, like my lungs are working more efficiently. It’s like I’m breathing in cool, minty air all the time… or maybe the air I’m taking in has somehow become more oxygen-rich.

Happier Emotions

I feel happier when eating raw, often euphoric. That’s a wonderful feeling to experience. I’m more optimistic about life as well. I feel more appreciation and gratitude. This is all effortless – it just happens.

I wonder how many people would permanently cure depression if they just ate a raw diet. I don’t see how I could possibly feel depressed eating this way, even if I tried. This way of eating generates too much positivity juice. It’s nice to know that this is how the human body is supposed to feel when we’re simply breathing.

Joint and Muscle Health

Eating raw and staying caffeine-free greatly improves my joint health. It’s easier to move. My joints and muscles feel looser, and I tend to be more flexible. My body feels more relaxed and flowing, not quite as solid and almost more liquid.

Stronger Nails

My nails grow stronger on raw foods. This takes a while though. Other modes of detoxification also help create stronger nails.

Better Sex

Having sex while eating raw is wonderful, like hearing the full symphony instead of just a few instruments.

Sex feels richer, more pleasurable, and more emotionally connected. Orgasms feel even better. Sex feels a little less physical and bit more spiritual and emotional. The physical aspect is still very nice, but the other aspects get turned up louder by comparison.

I also prefer having sex for much longer while eating raw, savoring the subtleties of the experience. Going for an hour or more feels really pleasurable and connected, especially emotionally. I knew one raw foodist who enjoyed making love for 2-3 hours. It’s a very rich and expressive way of connecting with someone.

The relationship with the person really impacts the experience. I can’t separate myself from her experience because I’m super sensitive to her feelings as well as my own. So mutual love and caring really matters.

Cleaner Body

My body feels cleaner and purer inside – somehow lighter and floatier. Every part feels like it’s running cleaner (heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, etc).

Some sense of heaviness floats away. I feel like my cells have been scrubbed and cleansed, so everything runs better.

Different Gut Bacteria

My gut bacteria will change over time to align with healthy raw foods. This will improve my digestion and overall health and energy. My bowels get cleaner too, like they’ve been scrubbed out. Food feels more energizing.

Better Skin

Eating raw is very good for my skin, on my face and all over my body.

If you’ve ever seen before and after photos of someone who’s been eating raw for 6+ months, the difference is often remarkable. You can see it in the face so clearly. After a while on raw foods, the skin is cleaner and more youthful, often glowing.

The one exception was when I ate only 10% of calories from fat (80/10/10 diet) and got very dry skin on my hands after a few weeks. Including more fat in the diet solved that issue.

Thicker Hair

I used to have thinning hair, but investing in raw foods (and some additional detox methods) thickened it up again. It wouldn’t surprise me if my hair grows thicker still this year.

Weight Loss

Some people lose a dramatic amount of weight when they go raw for a while, like 25+ pounds in a month. I don’t expect anything like that, but as the body releases toxins, it tends to release extra fat as well. I normally get a bit leaner whenever I eat raw.

This year I’m also curious as to what I might learn from eating raw while also maintaining a daily food log. I’ve been food logging everything I eat for almost 8 months now.

Fitness Improvements

I get stronger while eating raw. I have more endurance. I breathe easier during exercise. Exercise feels better too.

If all I do is switch to raw, I can do 5-10 extra push-ups with no extra training. My muscles don’t tire out as quickly, and the push-ups feel easier too.

Last year I really got into hour-long morning runs, and I intend to continue that this year. Since running feels easier and more enjoyable on a raw diet, I may aim to go a bit further or faster as well.

I enjoy going for longer walks too. The extra endurance makes it feel good to walk longer.

Lower Appetite

My appetite will probably go down as digestion becomes more efficient. Eventually I may be inclined to eat less food. This takes a while to kick in though, maybe several months. I’m not sure if this will happen consistently, but I have experienced it in the past.

Once I’ve been raw for a while, I also find it relatively easy to skip meals if I need to. It’s not as important to eat on a regular schedule. My energy still feels good when I drift for a while without eating.

Easier Fasting

It’s easier to fast from a raw base, partly because I won’t have to detox as much. And fasting can be more efficient in its ability to detox me further.

Eyesight Improvement

Many raw foodists report eyesight improvement. I’ve noticed some improvements in terms of visual awareness, like I can take in more of my visual field all at once and feel more aware of what’s going on. I seem to be less mentally myopic.

More Sensitive Taste and Smell

My senses of taste and smell will improve, even within the first 30 days.

Every time I’ve eaten raw for 30+ days, cooked food tastes better afterwards. Cooked food dulls the senses. Raw food restores those senses.

Enjoying Fitness Classes

When it becomes viable to return to in-person fitness classes, I’ll likely enjoy them even more. Doing yoga and other workouts will feel better. I may enjoy challenging myself with some harder workouts since my body will handle them with greater ease. I’ll be able to push myself more and improve my fitness faster. I can handle harder workouts.

Rebuilding a Raw Body

Since we are what we eat, my body will gradually rebuild its muscles, organs, and tissues from raw foods instead of cooked. This can make my body more efficient over time. Apparently a body built from raw ingredients functions better than one built from cooked ingredients.

Since raw foods are way lower in toxins than cooked foods, this means a less toxin-filled body as well. Detoxing from what modern society puts in our bodies is a lifetime effort – this will remain important as long as we have biological bodies. The one thing I wished I’d learned early in my health journey was the critical importance of doing what’s necessary to reduce the level of toxicity in the body. I thought going vegetarian in my early 20s was a huge step when it was barely anything relative to what actually matters most health-wise.

Better Heat Tolerance

My body is way more heat tolerant on raw foods, so the hot summer days in Vegas are nothing to me. Going for a walk in 110-degree weather is delightful. It feels really good to soak up the energy of the hot sun, as if I’ve turned into a plant who thrives on sunlight.

Sauna sessions will feel cooler to me, and my body will sweat more easily to stay cooler.

But I’ll be more sensitive to the cold, so I’ll bundle up more in the colder months. It often drops below freezing in the winter in Vegas. This weekend the low here will be 34F / 1C.

Spicy food is one way to stay warmer. I especially love guacamole with habanero peppers, which are super spicy. I once got some of their juice on my lips by licking a knife I used to chop them. My lips felt like they were on fire, and I had to ice them for an hour. So I’m extra cautious with those peppers now. Jalapeños are a milder substitute.

My normal body temperature will drop a little as well, so I’ll run cooler internally too.

Lower Blood Pressure

My blood pressure is normal even on cooked foods, but my blood pressure will naturally drop a bit further while I’m on raw foods. One time I measured a drop of 14/3 in the first 30 days. It’s still in the normal healthy range but a bit healthier still.

Less Stress

It’s harder to feel stressed or overwhelmed while eating raw. My attitude towards any types of challenges tend to be pretty chill – a feeling of relaxed confidence. I think that’s a byproduct of having energy abundance and a sharp mind backing you up at all times. Life’s problems don’t seem so big; you know you’ll be fine just by using a fraction of your available resources.

Easier to Meditate

I feel more present in the moment on a raw diet. It’s easier to meditate due to better focus and a calmer mind. I’m also less likely to feel drowsy while meditating. But oddly I feel like meditation is less important.

Enjoying Music More

I enjoy listening to music more when I eat raw. Music seems richer and more nuanced. I feel like I’m listening with more of my brain. Even when listening to songs I’ve heard many times before, they feel fresh and revitalized. It’s like the music goes deeper into me and says more to me. This results in increased feelings of appreciation when I hear it.

I often play music while I work. Even though I’m playing the same artists and songs from before, I enjoy their music more.

More Enjoyable Travel

Since my body feels better and I have more energy, I’ll likely enjoy travel experiences more when that becomes viable again. I have to make some adaptations to eat raw on trips, but I expect that it will be worth it, especially if I prepare well for those trips in advance by making some dehydrated foods as fallback snacks.

I haven’t enjoyed eating raw on trips when I went in unprepared, but when I did prepare well, those experiences were great. This aspect also gets easier with more practice. I’m hoping I can do some travel later this year to practice this more.

More Synchronicities & Universal Cooperation

This is a harder one to explain, but it shows up powerfully every time.

Somehow I seem to be more aligned with the flow of life when eating raw. Synchronicities increase markedly. I feel very in tune with the Law of Attraction. My desires manifest with greater ease, flow, wonder, and delight. I feel like the universe is even more on my side than before. My relationship with reality improves. I get a lot of that “I can do no wrong” feeling where so many things just work out swimmingly.

I wrote a ponderous post about this last month with some musings about why this happens.

Super Strong Immune System

Raw foods are terrific for maintaining a strong immune system. I’ve never gotten sick while eating raw. That has only happened when I strayed back to cooked foods – then I’m pretty much guaranteed to get sick right away.

When I’ve been around sick people who are coughing and sneezing while I’m in raw mode, I can almost feel this extra pathway of communication from my body, telling me that I’ve been exposed to something but not to worry – my immune system is on the job and can handle it with ease. I might catch the faintest whiff of a symptom of illness, and then it’s gone.

I’m not going to go out maskless, and I do intend to get immunized for COVID when that becomes available. But I do feel like eating raw provides a significant boost against infections and illness, probably against COVID too, so this may give me a substantial risk reduction for the year.

Intuition and Psychic Abilities

My intuition will be much stronger, and I’ll be more accurate at picking up psychic impressions. I’ll get some helpful insights that could benefit myself and others.

I think this is due to the brain working more efficiently and running cleaner.

Another effect is that I find it easier to trust my intuition because it comes through clearer and stronger. I’m less inclined to doubt it. Consequently, I act in alignment with my intuition more often.

More Attractiveness

People are likely to find me more attractive. I’ll get more invitations of various sorts. While out in person, people will be more likely to start up conversations with me, to make side comments to me, or to be flirtatious.

I’m sharing this based on past experiences. Whenever I’ve eaten raw, I’ve seen an increase in people reaching out to me and wanting to connect in some way. I don’t think this is about looking good visually since it happens in person and online. I think it has to do with some kind of energetic effects.

This has the side effect of making the world seem friendlier, more social, and more engaging. I also don’t feel like I have to push myself as much socially because people reach out to connect with ease.

One of the most beautiful social experiences of my life was attending a raw food festival in Sedona with 3000 other raw food enthusiasts. That was an unforgettable glimpse of how humans are meant to interact and engage with each other. Basically take anything you’ve seen from Trump supporters, and imagine everyone doing the opposite behaviors. It’s heavenly to be surrounded by people smiling and beaming love constantly. Talking to anyone about anything is effortless.

I think a lot of social anxiety would be eliminated if more people ate raw.

Empathy and Alignment Sensitivity

I feel more empathy and compassion towards people. World events stir up more emotion in me.

Consequently, I have to be extra careful about alignment and boundary management. Aspects of my life that I could handle on a cooked food diet become harder to handle on raw foods. I crave more purity, decency, honesty, and caring in connections with people. I crave more depth and soulfulness.

Misalignments feel doubly misaligned and can’t remain unresolved. Yesterday I announced on Facebook that I’ll be closing my accounts there (business and personal). I’ll be off that service by the end of the week. I was already thinking about leaving last month, but when I switched to raw foods, that decision became a no-brainer.

Emotional Amplification

Raw emotions are stronger emotions. Sorrow feels sadder. Anger feels madder. Motivation feels more motivating. Since the body has lots of extra energy, you get more amped up emotional juice too. It’s really hard to find a raw foodist who’s emotionally numb.

This is a mixed blessing. Sometimes it’s the most difficult aspect to handle because it’s really hard to go against your feelings when you eat raw. So if you go this route, you’d better be willing to follow a path with a heart. If you’re on a heartless path when you go raw, you’ll probably end up tearing that path to shreds, which will be a good thing since you’ll soon replace it with something much more aligned.

If you can’t even hear the voice of your heart much, you’ll surely hear it loud and clear after eating raw for a while.

Faster Decisions

I experience less internal friction when making decisions, especially less doubt. There’s a more direct line from idea to action. When I get an idea, instead of holding onto it and mulling it over for a while, I’m more likely to flow into action without really trying.

This means fewer ideas die on the vine. More gets done. I spend less time deciding and more time doing and experiencing.

The Year Ahead

The benefits above are relatively predictable based on what I’ve experienced many times before from eating raw. Most of these kick in noticeably within the first month, while other aspects tend to build up more gradually. Even after just the first week, I’m already observing some of these effects. I feel very different than I did just a week ago – all in a good way.

I’ve never eaten all raw for a full year straight though. Six months was my previous record for continuous raw, although I did eat raw for most of 2008. So I’m super curious about whether some of these effects will amp up even more over time or if I’ll observe any new changes along the way. I’m happy to share any meaningful insights that come up.

Life really takes on a whole different flavor when eating raw. All of these changes add up to a new day-to-day experience.

I have a pretty good baseline of stability in my life and business right now, and I want to see how eating raw perturbs that equilibrium. It’s going to be fun to find out.

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Relational Goals

A nice way to identify goals, especially for the New Year, is to clarify how you’d like to upgrade your relationships with different aspects of life. Then identify and commit to action-based goals that you expect would improve these relationships.

For example, you have a relationship with:

  • money
  • your body
  • each key person in your life
  • your work
  • your habits
  • your daily routine
  • your exercise routine
  • your diet
  • sleep
  • life
  • reality
  • your skills
  • your emotions
  • your past self
  • your future self
  • your website
  • your home
  • your workspace
  • your lifestyle

You could start by rating each of these relationships on a scale of 1-10. Which of your most important relationships are getting relatively low ratings? These are areas where your current way of relating isn’t working for you. So accept the obvious truth that you must stop relating to these low-rated areas in the same ways you’ve been doing in the past.

Now go another step and describe your existing relationships with the weaker areas. Then contrast this with how you like these relationships to be. You may find clues to your desired relationships within your stronger areas.

Suppose you rated your relationship with money as a 2 out of 10. Perhaps this relationship is full of tension, stress, worry, and anxiety. Clearly your current way of relating to money isn’t working for you. So accept that you must relate to money differently going forward. You must heal the broken relationship.

So where would you like to take this relationship? How would you like to see it improve? Suppose your answer is that you want to relate to money with feelings of ease, lightness, confidence, flow, abundance, playfulness, fun, and trust. Perhaps you want to enjoy and appreciate money and not fear it or stress out about it.

You can transform this relationship with money to make it the way you want it to be, but you have to pick the right kinds of goals that are aligned with this transformation. This means you have to pick different money-related goals than you did in the past. You can’t keep picking goals that stem from a broken relationship. You have to shift to goals that can heal, repair, and upgrade this relationship.

What sense does it make to set income goals such as to make a certain amount of money if you’re piling them on top of a broken relationship? That would be like adding more furniture to a house that’s on fire. If the relationship isn’t working, don’t add more. Set goals to turn that relationship in a more aligned direction.

Often when a relationship isn’t working well, it’s because you aren’t being very strong in your boundaries. It’s the same with relationships among human beings. Without good boundary management, you’ll likely end up miserable.

Targeting a goal like “make more money” is like saying you want to connect with more people – that only works if you’re already good at boundary management. It makes little sense to use this approach if you’re filling your life with abusive relationships. You’re just inviting more conflict and abuse then.

Using our money example, here are some sample goals that may help you transform the relationship in the direction you want it to go:

  • If your job isn’t aligned with ease, lightness, confidence, flow, abundance, playfulness, fun, and trust, quit the job. If the job is keeping you from creating your desired relationship with money, it has to go. Henceforth make sure that your approach to income generation is aligned with your desired relationship with money. Don’t settle for less.
  • Buy a small item or upgrade one of your possessions just because you’ll enjoy and appreciate it. Gift yourself with a joyful expenditure to remind yourself that you can enjoy money with ease and lightness. Each time your mind tries to stress over the minor expense, use this item to remind yourself to align with trust and abundance. Keep it around as a symbol of your pending transformation. Remind yourself that you never would have bought this item if you were stuck in stressful scarcity thinking.
  • Perform a small act of kindness for someone else. Give a small but playful gift. Do a little favor for someone. Lean into the feeling of having excess capacity. So this is another goal to do some specific action that’s incompatible with your old relationship with money. The key is to start taking actions that your old relationship style wouldn’t allow you to take but which are nicely compatible with your new relationship style.
  • Brainstorm a list of 100 different ways to generate income that are aligned with ease, lightness, confidence, flow, abundance, playfulness, fun, and trust. Review this list each day for 30 days in a row. After you review the full list each day, pick one item and let yourself daydream about actually doing it for five minutes. This will begin training your mind to start thinking in a direction that’s more aligned with your new relationship with money.
  • Do a modest-sized passive income project based on something you’ll enjoy. Create a new stream of income in a way that honors your desired relationship with money. For instance, one Conscious Growth Club member recently designed and published a new journal that she sells on Amazon, thereby creating her first passive income stream.

Note that these goals are specific and actionable, and they’re intended to shift the relationship from the undesirable to the desirable. When you focus on the relationship you want, you’ll set different kinds of goals. You won’t just be pushing yourself to go further down an old path with an old relational style that isn’t working for you anyway.

Getting the relationship right is the key to sustainable motivation. How will you motivate yourself to work on income generating projects if you’re relating to this area of life with stress and worry? You’ll probably procrastinate and do something else instead because it will make you feel better.

Remember that all of your relationships with different parts of life exist in your mind. Therefore you have the power to change them.

If you can elevate your relationships with different areas of life to a place of feeling good even when the circumstances look challenging, this creates an intelligent base for further investment. You’ll want to keep investing because it will feel good. The motivation is similar to being in love with someone. You naturally want to spend time together because it feels good to do so. And when a human relationship isn’t working well, you’re more likely to want to avoid each other.

This is a simple but powerful frame for setting goals that not only give you a sense of achievement, but they also improve your day-to-day quality of life. Moreover, this approach helps you gain access to bigger achievements and explorations that require more commitment, investment, and motivation – and to enjoy the process of working towards those goals.

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Hard Cares

What do you care about?

Go ahead and rattle off your initial list – the people you know, doing a good job at work, making a positive difference in the world, etc.

Then dig deeper.

What are your high-risk cares? What do you care about internally but never share because you might be judged for it? What are your unusual cares?

Once you go beyond the the easy-breezy cares, what are the harder cares that require more investment or risk?

Here are some of mine:

  • I care about the long-term future of humanity and where it’s heading.
  • I care about politics. I respect and admire good leadership and intelligent decision making. I find the opposite deplorable.
  • I feel a connection with people who are feeling alone right now, not getting their needs met, wondering if they’ll ever find someone to share their life with or if they’ll even pull out of the slump they’re in. I care about helping them. I like playing the role of being a stable, positive presence in their life, someone who will keep encouraging them with limitless patience.
  • I care about the people who are in hospitals right now, many dying from COVID, especially those wishing they had more time to live. Sometimes I imagine what it’s like to not be able to breath.
  • I care about my relationship with this reality. This is a wondrous dimension of existence. I want to keep this relationship rooted in trust. I want to keep making this relationship stronger as I grow older.
  • I care about my wife. I want her to have a fabulous life full of delightful experiences, playful adventures, warm cuddles, sensual pleasures, inspiring challenges, and cherished memories. I love seeing her stretch herself as we grow together. I love that we are each other’s best friends.
  • I care about death. I want its presence to keep reminding me to live fully and not to settle for partial matches. I like that it keeps me aware of the potential pain of regret, sometimes with gentle reminders and sometimes with powerful ones.
  • I care about animals, especially those in the factory farming system that suffer daily in ways that would be unimaginable to humans. I would love to see humanity graduate to a more caring relationship with animals.
  • I care about technology. Its evolution fascinates me. I love seeing how my relationship with tech has evolved since the 1970s. It’s fun to think about how it will continue to evolve and what possibilities are just over the horizon.
  • I care about my character. I want to look within myself and like and appreciate what I see. I want to delve into the darkest regions of myself and replace shame, fear, and guilt with love, forgiveness, appreciation, and warmth. I want to live as a fully integrated being, not as a collection of parts arguing amongst themselves.
  • I care about my relationship with time. I want it to be my friend and ally, not my enemy. I want to look forward to my later years with positive anticipation and pre-appreciation, not with worry or angst. I want to look in the mirror and smile as I watch myself getting older.

Some of these cares led to major changes in how I live my life or how I run my business.

Hard cares are very motivating, but they’re difficult invitations to accept. It’s challenging to move beyond the easy-breezy cares and to admit that they just aren’t giving you enough motivational juice.

When I imagine doing things that other people seem to care about, like showing up to a corporate job each day, they just seem demotivating and pointless… like why would I want to waste my precious life on that, even for one day?

But I can easily get myself to spend days on end delving into esoteric aspects of personal growth that few people who like corporate jobs would understand or care about, but these explorations matter to me.

If I want to experience a life that flows with lots of motivational juice, I have to pursue and explore what I truly care about, not what society expects me to care about. This includes accepting that my cares are good and that they’re mine to explore and understand.

One care that’s been fascinating me a lot lately is my relationship with aging. I turn 50 in a few months, so knowing that I’m about to enter a new decade of my life is pushing this idea to the front of my mind. Society in general has a tremendously negative relationship with aging. I want to create a vastly more positive relationship with this aspect of life.

My hard cares are mostly relationships with different aspects of life. I care about making those relationships healthy, positive, and rich in appreciation. When I spot a relationship that isn’t working, I ask myself if I truly care about that relationship, and then I think about what changes I’ll need to make to invest in long-term improvement.

Investing in hard cares, especially by defining them as relationships, works very well.

I found it difficult to care about money, but I was able to care about my relationship with money. I didn’t want that relationship to be full of stress and angst. I wanted it to be full of abundance, playfulness, trust, creativity, and fun. I still don’t care much about money, but I love that I’ve been able to create this kind of relationship with money. I appreciate the relationship way more than the money itself.

I found it difficult to care about business, but I definitely care about my relationship with my business. I want this relationship to be rich in exploration, variety, connection, purpose, positive ripples, creative flow, and inspiration. I also want my relationship with my business to be light, playful, and flexible, not so heavy and controlling. I never want to feel trapped by my business. I want to feel engaged and uplifted. The desire to have this kind of relationship led to some careful decisions, including avoiding many “opportunities” that could easily turn the experience into a stressful trap. I love my business, and I want to keep that relationship happy and healthy for many more years.

I encourage you to take a hard look at the relationships with parts of your life that aren’t working so well. Describe the current relationship based on how you feel about it. Then describe how you’d like that relationship to be. Recognize that these are your hard cares, and to get aligned with them, you’ll need to make some hard decisions.

Be willing to say no to relationships that aren’t working for you. Elevate your hard cares from “nice to haves” to the level of “must haves.”

Many years ago I tolerated partial matches in my professional and personal life. I treated my hard cares as soft cares. That was very unsatisfying.

It was tough to go against the social grain and to demand better relationships from life. It was hard to admit the truth that these relationships really do matter a lot to me, and I’m not willing to sacrifice what I want to live up to someone else’s expectations.

It was hard to say, “No, I’m not just going to suck it up and suppress my feelings.”

It was hard to leave… again and again… till I got these relationships right.

But oh it was so worth it.

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Secure Attachment and Investment

In psychology there are three general ways to relate to other people, depending on how you interpret and manage emotional risk.

  • You can avoid deep emotional investments in people (avoidant attachment).
  • You can try to control other people (anxious attachment).
  • You can intelligently bond with people and invest in secure relationships (secure attachment).

You can generalize these dispositions to consider how you relate to different areas of life. Are you hiding? Are you over-controlling? Or are you securely investing?

There’s really a spectrum here for different aspects of life and for relating with different types of people, so in practice there are a lot more than just three options.

Your root relationship is your relationship with reality itself. That’s the most important one to get right because it’s the one from which all other relationships flow. All of your relationships are a part of your reality, so if your base relationship with reality is shaky, that will negatively affect all the others. This relationship is so important that I created the full 60-day Submersion course to help you explore, improve, and invest deeply in this core relationship to make it stronger and healthier. Do you feel grounded and secure in this life? That answer needs to be a yes.

Another relationship that’s critical to get right is your relationship with yourself. This is what the 65-lesson Stature course delves into in tremendous detail. It’s the deepest and most thorough self-exploration course that I’m aware of. The purpose is to help you face the full-spectrum truth about yourself and and to develop a healthy and empowering lifelong relationship with all aspects of yourself, including your inner critic, your inner child, and more.

From here you can consider relationships with people and with other aspects of life.

Our next deep dive (for the first quarter of 2021) will be about creative productivity. This new course will help you develop a healthy and secure relationship with your own creative flow. This doesn’t just mean doing creative work like writing or game development. It means managing the creative flow of your entire life as well. What kind of life are you creating? Do you like the direction your life is going? Are you over-steering or under-steering? How can you intelligently manage this flow on each time scale, hour by hour, year by year, and decade by decade, especially with an increasing rate of change?

For many years I’ve enjoyed a secure and healthy relationship with my creative flow, but I didn’t always have that kind of relationship. I had to work through issues like procrastination, selecting projects for the wrong reasons, seeing too many projects die on the vine, feeling too anxious about certain modes of expression (public speaking, being live on camera), overplaying the importance of money, etc.

I continue to invest in improving this relationship, which is really a collection of many different relationships. This year I discovered more depth and nuance in my relationship with creative output through the 365-day blogging challenge. If I wasn’t securely bonded in this relationship, it could have been a difficult year requiring a lot of discipline. But I was exploring a relationship that was already very healthy and positive, so I found the overall experience to be beautiful, warm, and relaxing.

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries connects with these ideas as well. We can’t deeply invest our time and energy in relationships with everyone and everything. Do you know which relationships you want to deepen and which relationships you’d prefer to avoid? Do you know where you want to plant your social and emotional flag? Is that flag securely planted where you want it to be?

I especially love the depth of exploration that comes from secure bonding, so I can really invest long-term.

One of my personal flags is securely planted in a vegan lifestyle and vegan ethics. I’ve invested almost 24 years of my life in this path, and I want to keep investing for the rest of my life. I love being vegan, and my relationship with veganism keeps growing stronger and deeper. Next year I want to deepen this relationship even more by investing in a full year of a raw foods lifestyle.

I also really enjoy the secure bonding I have in my relationship with Rachelle. Lockdowns and social restrictions seem almost trivial when I get to spend each day with her. I never tire of spending time with her. Day after day I always look forward to even more time with her – hours, days, weeks, months, and years ahead. I love investing in our relationship.

Here’s the key that I struggled with for a long time: the notion of settling. I got stuck for so long by trying to settle for less than I really wanted.

The problem with settling for a partial match is that you don’t feel good enough about the relationship to full invest in it. Some part of you always holds back. The thought of investing may even give you a queasy feeling.

That was me in my first business. I liked many aspects of game development, but I too often felt like I was falling short when it came to contributing, making a difference, and really caring about people as much as I could. There was a certain coldness to the work, and I wanted to invest in more warmth. It was always going to be a partial match for me, so I could never unlock 100% of my desire to invest. Some part of me was always going to have doubts, wondering if maybe I should be doing something else.

My first marriage followed a different trajectory. I did feel very invested in it in the early years, but eventually incompatibilities grew, and it became clear that each of us wanted to invest in different directions. Looking back I do feel good about investing in that relationship while it lasted. I also see that it was best for us to move on when we could no longer truly invest in building a life together going forward.

What I love about my life today is that I feel securely bonded with people and aspects of life with which I’m can really invest long-term.

I can also see where I’m not investing as a sign that I may be dealing with a partial match, in which case the solution isn’t to settle but rather to find a full match where I can really invest.

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A Growth Heartset

You may have heard about the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset and how important a growth mindset is for self-development. You may not have considered how important a growth heartset is too.

While a growth mindset is wonderful, it’s not enough. There are plenty of people with growth mindsets who struggle, burn out, and give up. And even when they don’t give up, it’s painful to watch sometimes because they invite struggle, struggle, and more struggle. They keep trying to “earn” happiness and fulfillment, and it keeps eluding them. They may work hard and try hard, but they always look like they desperately need a massage or a vacation… or a vacation full of massages.

What’s going on? Such people may have a growth mindset, but if they lack a growth heartset, they’re very likely to find themselves grinding through year after year of struggle with no end in sight.

A few lists can help clarify this.

A growth mindset includes:

  • opportunity awareness
  • expecting that you’ll keep learning and growing
  • never using “I don’t know how” as an excuse
  • expecting that you’ll gain new skills
  • expecting that you’ll continue to improve your skills and gain new skills
  • expecting to become more capable over time
  • investing in long-term self-development
  • job and career flexibility
  • adaptability to change
  • deliberately challenging yourself
  • setting stretch goals
  • inviting and embracing new experiences
  • willing and able to make new friends and build new relationships
  • maintaining strong personal boundaries (so your boundaries aren’t being violated by. misalignments)
  • learning and bouncing back from failure (resilience)

A fixed mindset includes:

  • opportunity blindness
  • figuring that you’ve already learned most of what you need to know
  • figuring that school is for learning and life after school is for doing
  • identifying with your job or career
  • identifying yourself based on personality attributes
  • identifying yourself based on what you’re good at or not good at and not expecting that to change much over time
  • resisting change
  • expected to earn a pre-determined annual salary (fixed income mindset)
  • feeling stuck with the same social group (fixed social/family mindset)
  • dismissing ideas and opportunities with the “I don’t know how” excuse
  • tolerating boundary violations
  • avoiding failure by not trying

If you’ve been reading my work for a while, it’s very likely that you lean towards a growth mindset. It’s probably obvious why a growth mindset is better for you.

The next two lists, however, can be more polarizing. For some people these will be at least as obvious as the two lists above. For others there may be some surprises that invite self-examination and reassessment, especially the items related to aging.

A growth heartset includes:

  • seeing your biggest fears as invitations to grow and expecting to eventually master what you fear (such as public speaking)
  • expecting to eventually outgrow your major fears, knowing that someday you will no longer feel fear in those situations
  • feeling pleasure and enjoyment from facing fears
  • weaving playfulness, fun, and other positive emotions into your goals
  • shifting away from overly head-based goals that don’t excite you emotionally
  • expecting that your boldest and most courageous years are still ahead of you
  • doing some things just for fun, completely shamelessly
  • expecting to become happier and to have more fun as you age
  • looking forward to your future years with positive anticipation, including your 70s, 80s, and beyond
  • growing in boldness and courage over time
  • expecting to be emotionally stronger and more confident in your later years
  • expecting to set and achieve more ambitious goals as you age
  • taking alignment problems seriously, knowing that you’ll do whatever it takes to solve them
  • being willing to let go of people who aren’t aligned with the direction you want to go and the kind of life you want to have
  • falling more deeply in love with your life with each passing decade
  • expecting your relationships to become more aligned and harmonious
  • expecting to appreciate and enjoy your relationships even more as you age
  • feeling centered, grounded, and at home here (even while alone)
  • speaking your truth and letting your social circle realign as needed
  • feeling inspired and encouraged by people who are further along similar paths (seeing them as allies, not competitors)
  • feeling patient, persistent, hopeful, and determined
  • being willing and able to fully commit yourself to new actions and behaviors, even when you aren’t sure how they’ll turn out
  • investing in a relationship with reality based on deep and abiding trust
  • expecting to trust life even more as you age
  • appreciating vulnerable honesty in yourself and others
  • embracing intelligent risk taking
  • being coachable and willing to ask for help, advice, or coaching
  • wanting and expecting to care even more as you age (about people, animals, life, social issues, etc)
  • deeply enjoying and appreciating your leisure time
  • knowing that your feelings matter tremendously
  • knowing that you can always invite and tune in to the flow of inspiration

A fixed heartset includes:

  • feeling threatened by change
  • avoiding growth experiences that require facing fears
  • expecting that your fears will always be your fears
  • fearing or worrying about aging (dreading getting older)
  • feeling clingy and attached to what you have and not wanting to risk it
  • worrying about financial decline or financial threats
  • complaining about what you don’t want
  • feeling jealous or envious of people who have what you struggle to achieve
  • feeling discouraged, impatient, or frustrated when your goals take longer than you’d like
  • unwillingness to fully commit yourself
  • unwillingness to take emotional risks that could lead to failure or rejection
  • dismissing your feelings as less important than your logical thoughts
  • avoiding commitments that would require a significant emotional risk or emotional investment
  • feeling like you must justify doing “just for fun” activities (such as to your spouse or to colleagues)
  • feeling guilty or unsettled when taking time off
  • setting vague goals like “make more money” or “get healthier” (no real commitment, no emotional investment, also highly ineffective)
  • being too proud, self-sufficient, or timid to seek help, advice, or coaching
  • feeling alienated, disconnected, and alone (and expecting this to continue)
  • feeling that you must hide your true self from the world
  • avoiding actions that could invite criticism
  • staying emotionally aloof or emotionally anxious
  • expecting to retire someday (in terms of reducing your emotional investment in life)
  • never really knowing if you can trust this reality and therefore holding back on your willingness to invest
  • holding back on expressing your feelings
  • surrendering to the “fact” that no one will ever say “I love you” to you and mean it

Which way does your heartset currently lean?

If you know in your mind that you can grow, but your heart isn’t onboard with that, you’ll likely succumb to a lot of struggle and stuck-in-your-headness. You’ll often be pushing against your own emotions instead of enjoying the long-term benefits of strong, positive motivation that helps you flow through life with lightness and fun.

The good news is that you can use that fancy growth mindset of yours to recognize and acknowledge the importance of developing a growth heartset too. You can learn to spot the predictable problems that could throw your life off track, such as fear of aging and lack of commitment, and you can decide to work on improving these aspects. When you begin to grasp the value of emotional alignment, that’s a big step in the right direction.

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Heartstorming

Heartstorming is brainstorming with the heart (or the emotional part of your brain).

The mental kind of brainstorming is good for generating problem-solving ideas. It’s useful for mapping out the logical space of solutions. Generate lots of ideas, and sift through them to pick the best ones.

That kind of brainstorming, however, is terrible for setting goals and priorities, especially big picture goals for your life.

That’s because you can’t set priorities dispassionately. Goals are emotional in nature. The logical brain doesn’t distinguish between the value of brushing your teeth versus transforming someone’s life. You have to feel your way into priorities.

Evaluating Options

How do you evaluate options on a brainstorming list? You’ll likely evaluate them based on effectiveness, practicality, or impact – or something along those lines.

To evaluate options on a heartstorming list, look for emotional resonance. Look for passion, excitement, playfulness, love, joy, silliness, connection, scariness, etc. Look for ideas that rile you up and make you want to take action. Look for ideas that might scare or embarrass you. Notice which ideas keep drawing your attention, even if they seem a bit ludicrous.

What if none of your ideas are like that? Then you suck at heartstorming. That’s okay. Lots of people suck at this because many of us are taught a different way of thinking that gets in the way of heartstorming. We learn to silence the voice of our hearts. Big mistake… but we can correct that.

Young children tend to be naturally good at heartstorming. Ask a kid what they want for a gift. Then listen to their answers. Are they brainstorming or heartstorming? You’ll probably see mostly heartstorming, including answers that may be impractical or illogical but which clearly have some emotional resonance.

You probably knew how to do heartstorming when you were very young. Did you lose touch with this skill? Have you forgotten (or overlooked) the value of doing this as an adult? How’s that working out for you?

The Value of Heartstorming

I rely on heartstorming more than brainstorming for making decisions about what to do with my life. I imagine what would be fun, fascinating, courageous, a little bit insane, growth-oriented, social, creative, and so on. I look for emotional resonance. Then I pick something that fascinates me, and I push my brain to get with the program. My brain almost always objects initially – it’s stubborn that way – but the heart is very powerful when it leads.

A brainstormed goals list would include things like making a certain amount of money. That’s boring as hell, Mr. Scrooge. It’s logical, but why should the heart care? It probably doesn’t care. So where will the fire come from? Your motivation to act will probably evaporate as soon as you set a goal like that. Your money goal just makes everyone yawn.

A heartstormed goals list will include weird and wild ideas that you’re afraid to share with other people. But some of these goals will excite your heart anyway. And if you describe them to other people, their brains will likely reject those goals, but their hearts may feel some resonance. And if they’re really in tune with their hearts too, they may even encourage you to go for it.

One of my heartstormed goals is to visit every Disney theme park in the world with my wife. We’ve been to all six USA parks, so we have six left: Paris (2), Hong Kong, Shanghai, and Tokyo (2). Is this a logical goal? Nope! It just sounds like fun. So we’ll probably do it (when it’s safe to do so). We’ve been to Paris twice before, so it would be a simple matter to pick that one up, but this goal will also get us to visit Asia finally.

I especially love that I have a wife who enjoys working on heart-based goals and having heart-based experiences together. That’s a special kind of joy when I can share a wild idea with her, and her reaction is basically, “You had me at hello.”

Heartstormed goals that feel emotionally resonate are easier to act on. Motivation is emotional, so if you lean into the emotional aspects, it’s way easier to flow into action.

What’s also great about heartstormed goals is that because action is easier, you can achieve more goals. Additionally, you’ll pick up some head-based goals that come along for the ride; they’re easier to achieve when you use a heart-first approach.

I like to pick fun and interesting projects that also happen to generate income, as opposed to setting income-based goals. I do my best to make the income-generating parts fun too. One day I earned $30K while spending a day at Disneyland with my wife. Doing an online launch while going to Disneyland isn’t a logical goal, but it is fun and motivating. I enjoy the silliness of it. And oddly it’s easier for me to earn money in ways that are silly or unusual.

Brainstormed goals make your brain lazy. Your brain will come up with the most dreadfully dull and predictable ideas that you probably aren’t going to implement anyway.

But if you assign idea generation to your heart, it will fill up your list with wild and crazy ideas, some of which will indeed be stupid, but others will be fun and worthwhile. The best ideas will challenge your brain to stretch creatively. They’ll expand your conception of what’s possible. They’ll wake you up.

Would you rather earn an extra $30K by slaving away at some corporate job for however long that takes? If so, keep generating ideas from your headspace. For the heart, earning an extra $30K is a fun and silly goal – pretty easy when you’re motivated and creative.

Would you rather put your heart in charge of your project choices and demand more from your brain? Why the hell can’t you earn $30K in a day while going in rides at Disneyland? And do this with your best friend and lover that you enjoy spending time with? Create fun memories together, and get paid for the experience. With the heart there’s no compromise. You get enjoyment and results. You get a full, rich, and balanced life.

The logical brain generates embarrassingly crappy priorities – so uncreative, unambitious, and uninspiring.

When you do heartstorming, you’ll probably be laughing and crying along the way. Sometimes you’ll get scared by an idea. You should FEEL something as you generate ideas. The emotion should get stronger as you dive deeper into heartspace.

How to Heartstorm

Give this a try. It’s very easy, but it does take practice.

Open a new page in your journal. Write at the top what kind of list you want to make. Then start typing or writing ideas. But instead of focusing on your brain to generate ideas, put your attention on your heart. Go into your heartspace, and listen from there. Invite your emotions to speak. Tell your logical brain to shut up for a while. Invite your heart to generate ideas.

Pretend you’re four years old again. You can do this. It’s a no-brainer. 😉

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Being a Source of Pleasure

To extend the topic of yesterday’s article on your relationship with pleasure, let’s flip that idea around and consider what it’s like for someone else to relate to you on the basis of pleasure.

How do you feel about playing the role of being a source of pleasure for someone else?

Such a relationship can be corrupted by weaving in manipulation, lying, abuse, victimization, etc. And just as with yesterday’s article, I encourage you to set aside those aspects because they aren’t endemic to pleasure-based connections.

Is it possible to connect with someone simply on the basis of giving and/or receiving pleasure without weaving in any negative aspects? Could you keep the pleasure aspects simple, clean, healthy, fun, and pure?

Of course. Many people connect this way very naturally. They’ve developed a healthy relationship with pleasure that’s good for them and for others.

It’s tempting to throw away the whole concept of sharing pleasure with someone when you’ve lost your childhood innocence about it and you’ve been subjected to abuse. Pleasure isn’t to blame for that though.

Abuse and pleasure don’t have to mix. Some people are adamantly opposed to mixing them. You can still engage with the purity and simplicity of pleasure-based connections without making them complicated.

Imagine having another person in your life who is willing and able to do things for you that feel really good. And suppose they enjoy playing that role for you. And suppose they’re honest about their intentions and you can trust them.

For some people it might seem like a monumental task to reach this point. For others it’s just their normal daily reality.

For me it’s been both. These days it seems totally natural as part of the daily flow of abundance, both to play this role for someone and to have someone in my life who enjoys playing this role for me. It’s delightful to enjoy pleasure abundance instead of pleasure scarcity.

But it’s so easy to push this kind of pleasure away, both in terms of giving and receiving, when you wrap negative aspects into it. It’s very easy to succumb to a dysfunctional relationship with pleasure.

For me the negative aspect I wrapped into it involved guilt and shame, mainly because that’s what I was taught from childhood. Pleasure was some kind of temptation from the devil and couldn’t be trusted. Many activities that felt good were deemed sinful and wrong. Sometimes I did things just for fun that I later had to confess to a priest as sins and ask for forgiveness. You can imagine what a messed-up relationship this creates with pleasure itself. It was confusing to grasp why some pleasure was wrong and some was okay when it didn’t align with my intuitive impressions.

It took a while to unload and release this corrupted mindset. Admittedly it’s still a part of me today, but I can at least see it for what it is and set it aside when it tries to rise up. It’s especially helpful to have reference experiences to remind me that sharing pleasure with people is actually really nice and that not every situation needs to be approached with suspicion and jadedness.

I also learned that some previous forms of pleasure do feel wrong to me, so I no longer engage in them. For instance, I don’t relate to animals’ bodies as products to be bought and consumed. I can never achieve a purity of pleasure there because this type of action always feels wrong and abusive to me. Trying to cultivate a pleasure-based relationship with animal abuse, as I was taught growing up, only pulled me out of touch with my deeper feelings.

Because of so many negative associations to pleasure, it’s hard to simply invite a pleasure-based experience, but the biggest blocks really are internal. When you transform and purify your relationship with pleasure, you’re much more likely to connect with others who feel similarly, and you’ll probably feel more compassion towards people who still wrap fear, guilt, or shame into it.

Another risk is that if you don’t come to terms with your relationship with pleasure, you may develop a distrusting and jaded relationship with this part of you that endures for years or decades. And that may make it hard to connect with people because a lot of human connection flows through the realm of pleasure. People will give you space instead of inviting you to share experiences with them because they’ll sense that you prefer to keep your distance.

What I found especially helpful here was to take a deep and honest look at my own intentions for pleasure-based connections and to consider how I really felt about them. Which intentions seemed good and honorable? What seemed problematic? Where were the right boundaries for me?

Is it wrong to want a hug? A make-out session? A massage? A sexual experience? A kinky sexual experience?

I had a lot of gunk in my mind that wrapped guilt, shame, or fear into many types of experiences that didn’t require those negative associations. Why feel guilty about receiving a massage from someone who willingly gives it? This guilt about receiving also corrupted the experience of giving, as if giving pleasure to someone automatically did them a disservice by potentially stirring up some negative feelings related to receiving pleasure. It was difficult to see that many people simply don’t have such negative associations to pleasure. That’s because these associations are learned, and we don’t all have the same learning experiences.

I found it especially helpful to journal about this to work through my thoughts and also to discuss this with people on similar journeys. It was eye-opening to connect with people who didn’t have negative associations to giving or receiving pleasure. For them it just seemed like a normal and natural thing to do… no big deal. They could still be cautious about risks and make careful choices regarding partners, but this caution didn’t devolve into suspicion of pleasure itself. They still trusted pleasure.

Take a look at your relationship with pleasure on the giving side. How do you feel about serving as a source of pleasure for someone else? Are you ever in the mood for that? Do you ever feel like it’s okay or even fun and rewarding to allow someone to enjoy you for their own pleasure? Could you do this without feeling resentful, abused, victimized, or used in a bad way?

Under the right conditions, I like playing this role. It’s nice to make someone feel good. It’s nice to be enjoyed and appreciated as a source of pleasure for someone. I like making people feel good. I love the simplicity and the purity of it. It’s a delightful way for humans to connect.

There are lots of ways to be a source of pleasure for someone. Maybe someone finds you intellectually stimulating. Maybe they want to do something physically or sexually pleasurable with you. Maybe they love your sense of humor or your positive attitude. Maybe they enjoy your beauty, they love hearing the sound of your voice, or they just feel delighted to be in your presence.

Do you ever feel this way towards other people? How do you feel about someone feeling this way towards you?

Could you even say to someone, “Enjoy my body. Have fun with me. Do whatever you like. I want you to feel good”? Does that seem exciting or threatening? Of course you can still specify any boundaries to define your limits.

How would you feel if someone said these things to you? Could you receive this happily and deservedly without feeling like you have to earn it? Could you say a “hell yes” to it? Or is it too much muchness?

This is an area where we can benefit tremendously from more honest and courageous communication. Instead of having to disguise pleasure-based intentions and sneak or manipulate your way into someone’s space, we could just be honest and upfront about what we’d actually like to share and explore together.

Suppose that what you really want is to explore a pleasure-based experience with someone. Could you invite or offer that when you realize that it’s what you want? Or do you need to disguise your intention and pretend you want something else?

My romantic relationship with Rachelle began with a mutual intention to share and explore pleasure together. We didn’t go on any dates first. We simply decided to play together. We wanted to enjoy each other. Co-creating and co-exploring fun and pleasure have been embedded in our relationship from the start, and this is still a significant part of our relationship today. We enjoy making each other feel good – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I like being a source of pleasure for her, and she likes being a source of pleasure for me. As I noted in a previous article this week, we see each other as gifts.

If you’d told me 30 years ago that I could someday have a relationship like this, I wouldn’t have believed you. It was a long journey to recover from so many negative associations to pleasure. But I have to say that it’s been an immensely rewarding path. In fact, I think I enjoy pleasure even more because of how much work I had to do to clean up this relationship and restore it to a state of health, flow, and abundance.

How do you begin such a journey, especially if your concept of pleasure is wrapped up in negative past experiences or associations? You decide that it’s time to heal this relationship. That won’t happen overnight. It may in fact be a very long journey, but it begins with the decision to heal your relationship with pleasure.

You can have a lot of pleasure in your life – every day if you want. You can share pleasure with willing partners, free of fear, shame, or guilt. You can restore your relationship with pleasure to a pure and healthy state. You can have abundance instead of scarcity in this area of life.

Pleasure isn’t evil. It isn’t addictive. It isn’t dangerous. It isn’t abusive. It isn’t unsafe or unhealthy.

Pleasure is satisfaction. It’s smiling. It’s feeling good. It’s a hug from reality. It’s a gift.

How will you relate to this gift?

Healing this relationship is just one phase of the journey. Beyond that you can continue to explore and elevate this relationship, such as by weaving in caring, beauty, playfulness, and curiosity. Once you feel safe and secure in the space of pleasure, you can also do a bit more risk-taking to explore your boundaries and other people’s boundaries if they’re willing. You can map out more of the possibility space to discover where the most delightful gifts are.

Do you trust pleasure? Do you think it’s a curse that just messes people up? Or can you see it as an invitation? It really is an invitation to grow, to heal, to connect, to align with abundance, and to have more fun in life.

Your relationship with pleasure is a delicate one to get right. It may seem like it’s leading you astray now and then, and sometimes you may be tempted to swear it off completely, but the invitation to dance with it is always present, and pleasure is a very patient dance partner.

Here’s another key benefit of healing this relationship. As you go through this inner journey for yourself, you can also help others who also want to heal this relationship. That helps to put this challenge in context. You’re not just healing this relationship for yourself alone. This isn’t just about your own pleasure. Your healing journey will also influence and uplift others who want to heal this relationship too. This may help you see that this is a more meaningful and purposeful pursuit than you initially realized.

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