On Sunday, Amy shared an update with her Instagram followers on Sunday about her second round of the treatment.
“[I] wanted to be open and honest with you all from start,” she began. “So, this cycle, I started feeling sick soon as second lot of ‘red devil’ was going in.
“Got home very tired and started being sick (even with all the anti-sickness). By Friday afternoon the sickness stopped and just waves of nausea. Still taking anti-sickness now.”
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Amy added that she was missing out on a sleep as a result of steroids she was taking, and was also experiencing mouth ulcers.
She continued: “What I’ve found harder this time round and the last few days is the hair shredding […] As much as I prepared myself, waking up everyday gently combing my hair with a wide comb and seeing what comes out is just heartbreaking personally for me.
“I’m only washing my hair once, max twice, a week, not using any heat on my hair or styling it so I just don’t feel like me. So it’s time to bring out the wig I say, and get used to this and help me feel like me.
“I know this won’t last forever, but during this time, and knowing normally these few months are my favourite time of the year, and I feel myself wishing these months away just hurts so much.
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“I know [and I am] telling myself the way you look hasn’t changed Amy who I am inside ([I] still have my chatty annoying spells, mad ideas, determination and want to help others). I’m still Amy!
“Some days last week I’d wake and for the first few seconds you forget, then suddenly it all hits you, the day and challenges ahead, and your new reality, and it’s tough. [I’ve] had a few morning cry’s [sic] and [I’m] learning that’s OK too.
“But I’ve got some dates in the diary on my good periods I’m working towards, and I feel this will really help me and the person I am. Something to look forward and work towards. [I] know through the other side I’ll become a better, stronger person and will feel and look like Amy again!”
Amy ended her message by thanking people for their “lovely messages asking how I am”.
“I want to be open and honest and hopefully help others going through or those supporting those on their journeys too!” She wrote.
“I read them all, just don’t always have the energy to reply but I want you to know it really helps, and means more than you will every know! Not taken for granted and really appreciated and noticed! You truly see how lucky you are to have with amazing loved ones around you! Love to you all.”
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A screenshot of Amy’s Instagram posts
Instagram/Amy Dowden
Although Amy’s treatment means she will not be well enough to compete on Strictly when it returns to our screens next month, she previously shared that she wanted to be “present” during live shows “in some way”.
“If I have to have chemotherapy, I’ll be present in some way, even if I’m in a wig,” she insisted to The Mirror back in June. “I know amazing hair people with Strictly.
“Whether it’s on It Takes Two, or being up in Claudia’s area waiting for the scores, I’ll be there.”
Amy joined Strictly in 2017, and during that time has been partnered with stars including actor Danny John-Jules, EastEnders stars Brian Conley and James Bye, Invictus Games athlete JJ Chalmers, McFly singer Tom Fletcher and presenter Karim Zeroual, with whom she reached the Strictly final back in 2019.
Last year, she performed with CBeebies regular George Webster on the show’s annual Christmas special.
Tens of thousands were without power in Southern California on Sunday night after Tropical Storm Hilary brought damaging winds and the threat of “life-threatening flooding” to the region, prompting warnings across the state and as far north as Oregon and Idaho.
The centre of the storm made landfall in Southern California near Palm Springs on Sunday night after passing through Mexico. Emergency officials urged residents across the state to stay indoors and off flooded roads, and schools in Los Angeles and San Diego cancelled classes on Monday.
“THIS IS LIFE THREATENING FLOODING!!!!!!” the Los Angeles office of the National Weather Service wrote on Sunday night. The agency declared a flash flood warning for parts of Los Angeles and Ventura counties into early Monday morning.
“You do not want to be out driving around, trying to cross flooded roads on vehicle or on foot,” Michael Brennan, the director of the National Hurricane Center, said during a news briefing, per The Associated Press. “Rainfall flooding has been the biggest killer in tropical storms and hurricanes in the United States in the past 10 years, and you don’t want to become a statistic.”
Maximum sustained winds were near 45 mph, but weather officials expected the storm to weaken into a post-tropical cyclone by early Monday. Large parts of California and Nevada were expected to see 3 to 6 inches of rain, with some areas experiencing up to 10 inches in total.
The intensity of the storm and the fact that a hurricane was heading toward California at all has already sparked concerns from climate scientists who have long warned such events will only become more frequent and more severe as climate change continues. It’s too soon to say if Hilary was made more severe by our warmer world, but researchers released a shocking report in 2020 that found climate change is already making hurricanes stronger.
If you feel like you’ve been working like a dog, let us offer you the internet equivalent of a big pile of catnip: hilarious tweets about pets.
Each week at HuffPost, we scour Twitter X.com (is Elon Musk fur real?) to find the funniest posts about our furballs being complete goofballs. They’re sure to make you howl.
(And if you want more, no need to beg ― you can check out last week’s batch right here.)
When it comes to penises, size is a sensitive topic. No matter how many times you hear “it’s what you do with it that matters”, a lot of people still feel insecure about the size of theirs. According to Lloyds Pharmacy, around 45% of people with penises believe that theirs is small. However, the pharmacy, only 1.6 inches or less is considered to actually be medically small and therefore eligible for treatment.
If you are feeling insecure, though, and feel that your insecurities may be impacting your performance between the sheets, there are some sex positions that are perfectly suited to small penises.
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Sex positions for deeper penetration
According to Private Gym, experts in sexual performance, these are the best positions for deeper penetration:
X Marks The Spot
For this position, your partner lies down in front of you with their pelvis positioned at the same height as yours with one or both legs on your shoulders. Then, as you penetrate your partner, slowly raise their butt and back, crossing their ankles on your chest as you continue moving. According to the experts at Private Gym, crossing at the ankles increases your partner’s tightness and having your pelvises at the same height maximises penetration and depth.
Pile Driver
We cannot read the name of this without laughing. We love a get-to-the-point sex position! In this position, your partner lays on their back with each leg swung over their head, towards the floor.Now you squat over them which we know sounds deeply unsexy (yes we’re still laughing, sorry) and penetrate. To maximise penetration and offer more opportunity to stimulate the balls or clit, you can vary this position by spreading the legs outwards into a spread eagle. So, despite the name and the ‘squatting’, this is a deeply intimate position that promises fireworks for both of you.
Doggy Style With A Tighter Twist
Of course, we’re all familiar with doggy style. A favoured position with many In fact, this all-fours delight is the most commonly searched sex position in the world! However, in this snug twist, the receiving partner keeps their legs closed together, forming a tighter fit for the penis and gives opportunity for more teasing of the body while being incredibly intimate.
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The Nirvana
Snuggle right into bliss with this position. Have your partner lay in front of you and you above them, with your legs spread outside of theirs, making them tighter. This alternative missionary position is even better if you slide your hands below their butt for deeper penetration and snugness. Lovely.
Basically, it really is what you do with it that matters!
Can you feel the Kenergy? Thanks to a frankly scene-stealing turn as Barbie’s existential crisis-ridden, beach-loving boyfriend in Greta Gerwig’s billion dollar movie, Ryan Gosling has once again proved that he’s one of the most versatile film stars around right now.
Heartbreaking leading man? Tap-dancing musical performer? Oscar-nominated indie star? A plastic doll who is convinced the patriarchy is all about riding horses (this one probably makes more sense if you’ve seen Barbie, which we implore you to do if you haven’t already)? The man can do it all.
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And when it comes to hitting the red carpet, the chat show circuit or awards shows, he never seems to take himself (or his fame) too seriously.
Here are just some of our favourite Ryan Gosling moments…
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If you’re ever in need of an instant pick-me-up, may I direct you to Alison Hammond’s legendary This Morning interview with Ryan and his Blade Runner 2049 co-star Harrison Ford?
Alison set the tone by admitting she’s never seen the original Blade Runner movie and then describing her interviewing technique as “bleak, dystopian, [and] an absolute nightmare to be honest with you”, before the whole thing got progressively more chaotic, with Ryan pouring out a miniature whiskey, collapsing into giggles and pretending to walk off camera in outrage.
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2. When he organised a Ken flashmob for Greta Gerwig’s birthday
What better way to celebrate a milestone birthday and a huge box office success than with a themed flashmob, tbh?
When Barbie director Greta Gerwig turned 40 earlier this month, Ryan marked the occasion by sending a group of dancing Kens to turn up at her Pilates class to throw shapes to his song I’m Just Ken, who were later joined by a squad of Barbies to perform a routine to Dance The Night, another favourite from the film’s soundtrack.
By the end of this extravaganza, which was captured on film and shared on the Barbie movie’s Instagram account, Greta seems to be crying happy tears, and we don’t blame her one bit.
3. When he took his Kenergy to the Barbie red carpet
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Any one of Ryan’s red carpet appearances during the Barbie press tour would be deserving of a spot on this list, like when he told reporters how to best channel their Kenergy and reminded them they are, in fact, “Kenough”.
But if we had to pick a favourite, it would be this run-in with reporter Amelia Dimoldenberg, who asked Ryan about the best way to find a Ken of her own. He then advised her to drop something, suggesting that a true Ken will pick it up before quickly moving on so as not to invade your space – which inevitably lead to Amelia dropping her notecards.
Proving he’s a true Ken at heart, he picked them up, saying: ‘Here, you dropped this’, before walking off.
4. When he paid tribute to Eva Mendes in his Golden Globes speech…
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After picking up the Golden Globe trophy for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy for his role in La La Land back in 2017, Ryan used his winner’s speech to shout out his partner Eva Mendes.
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“I’d like to try and thank one person properly, and to say that while I was singing and dancing and playing piano and having one of the best experiences I’ve ever had on a film, my lady was raising our daughter, pregnant with our second and trying to help her brother fight his battle with cancer,” he said. “If she hadn’t taken all that on so that I could have this experience, it would surely be someone else up here other than me today.”
5. And at the Barbie premiere
Ryan Gosling on the Barbie world premiere red carpet
Axelle/Bauer-Griffin via Getty Images
OK, we said we’d only pick one Barbie red carpet moment, but this one is too sweet to skip over.
Ryan and Eva rarely attend high-profile events together, but at the film’s LA premiere, he found a way to pay tribute to his wife through his outfit, accessorising his pink suit with a chain necklace featuring a letter ‘E’ pendant (in the iconic Barbie font, of course).
6. When he brought his dog along for a chat show appearance
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To be perfectly honest, sometimes the celebrity chat show circuit can get a little bit boring, with the same old backslapping between the host and the guests, the same softball questions and the same old relatable anecdotes being trotted out again and again. So when a star decides to do something a little bit different with their ten minutes on the chat show sofa, we’re all for it, like when Ryan decided to bring his dog George along to film an appearance on The Jimmy Fallon Show back in 2011.
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“He’s more interesting than I am, so I just thought it would be helpful,” he said at the time.
7. When he had to mediate between some very cute puppies
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We’ve seen Ryan’s love of dogs. So now it’s time to appreciate… Ryan stepping in to mediate between some puppies.
When he and Barbie co-star Margot Robbie sat down to film a Q&A with Buzzfeed, accompanied by a gang of extremely tiny, extremely adorable puppies, Ryan ended up getting sidetracked when he noticed that one dog in particular kept getting caught up in scraps with his fellow dogs.
Seeing Ryan very politely remonstrating with the puppy in question, calling him “my dude”, is something we didn’t know we needed.
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Back in the day, Ryan was an all-singing, all-dancing, metallic Hammer-pants wearing child star – a fact that talk show hosts just love to remind him of, as it gives them a good excuse to pull some video evidence from the archive.
And so during a 2017 appearance on The Graham Norton Show, Ryan was a pretty good sport when Graham’s producers dug out a clip showing him dancing to Cathy Dennis’s Touch Me, the only male performer in an otherwise all-girl troupe.
“They let me dance there for free because I was a guy, because if you had a guy, you would win,” he explained.
How old was he at the time of the performance? “Old enough to know better,” he sighed.
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We’d heard him sing on The Mickey Mouse Club as a kid, and during his role as jazz pianist Sebastian in La La Land, but surely Ryan’s most groundbreaking contribution to the world of music came when he recorded I’m Just Ken.
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The simultaneously hysterical and heartbreaking 80s-stye power ballad that crops up during the third act of the Barbie movie, and features the immortal rhyming couplet “I’m just Ken / Anywhere else I’d be a 10”, capturing the pathos of being Barbie’s essentially superfluous boyfriend.
We don’t know whether to laugh or cry when we hear it – although seeing Ryan emoting while wearing that ridiculous fur coat and headband combo nudges us towards the former.
10. When he poked fun at Avatar on Saturday Night Live
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Ryan proves his low-key comedy genius in this Saturday Night Live sketch, in which he plays a man tortured by a great cinematic mystery of the modern age: why did Avatar director James Cameron use Papyrus font for the logo of his multi-billion dollar movie?
“He just highlighted Avatar, he clicked the drop-down menu and then he just randomly selected Papyrus, like a thoughtless child,” Ryan’s character tells his therapist (played by his future Barbie co-star Kate McKinnon) as he tries to get to the heart of his obsession. “Was it laziness, was it cruelty?” he asks, pondering Cameron’s motivation, before exploding into an Oscar clip-worthy meltdown when a well-meaning friend tells him that the film’s team “clearly modified” the original typeface.
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“Whatever they did, it wasn’t enough,” he fumes. There’s also shades of self-pitying I’m Just Ken-energy at play here, which just makes it funnier.
Do you often find that when you’re attracted to someone, they are a stranger to you and the more you get to know somebody, the less attracted you are to them, even if they haven’t done anything in particular to make you feel that way? You could be what’s known as, ‘Fraysexual.’
Fraysexuality is often described as being the opposite of demisexuality. Demisexual people can only get aroused with people who they have a deep connection with. Both demisexual and fraysexual sexualities fall onto the asexual spectrum.
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Dr. Edward Ratush, Board Certified Psychiatrist, sex therapist, and co-founder of SOHOMD, explained that fraysexuality “falls under the umbrella of the asexual spectrum because of the specific aversion a fraysexual individual will have toward sexual contact with their most intimate partner. Simply stated, the more a fraysexual person is emotionally connected with their intimate partner the less they are inclined to have overt sexual desire for this partner.”
Though, it is important to note that fraysexual people don’t always necessarily identify as asexual and the term asexual is used as an umbrella one that fraysexual falls under.
Signs that you may be fraysexual
According to Dr Ratush, you might be fraysexual if:
You lose sexual interest with a long-term partner
You find yourself craving romantic stability and connection with a partner, despite the decline in sexual attraction
You have a high interest in new experiences
Your sexualinterest is unstable
You find maintaining sexual desire challenging
There is a disconnect between emotional and physical attraction
How to maintain a relationship if you’re fraysexual
Of course, in a monogamous, long-term relationship, this can be a tricky obstacle to get around but it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Be honest with your partner about how you’re feeling and how you experience attraction.
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Sex therapist David Lerman says that workarounds are possible and it sometimes just takes a little longer for fraysexual people to become aroused –”Just because we are not aroused initially does not mean we are unwilling to be stimulated and aroused.”
However he added that it can be difficult to be in a relationship with somebody that doesn’t necessarily feel sexually attracted to you, saying, “Feeling sexually wanted and attractive by our partners is a large emotional need for most humans, particularly those practicing monogamy.”
He added that fraysexual people practicing in ethical non-monogamy often find it helps keep their spark with their primary partner alive.
The actor became the official face of Dior’s new J’Adore fragrance last year and has seemingly been accused of going under the knife ever since. In an interview Friday with Allure, the 48-year-old put those sleuths in their place.
“My face is changing, and I love that my face is changing and aging,” she told the outlet. “[But] people think I had a facelift. They’re like, ‘What did she do to her face?’ I’m like, ’Bitch, I’m just aging! It doesn’t mean I got bad plastic surgery. This is just what happens.”
Theron won Hollywood over in the 1990s with roles in The Devil’s Advocate and The Astronaut’s Wife, and scored an Oscar for her role in Monster (2003), where she gained 40 pounds to portray serial killer Aileen Wuornos.
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Theron quickly shed that weight “overnight” as a 27-year-old but realised her metabolism had slowed after gaining 35 pounds for “Tully” (2018) and needing an entire year to lose it. The mother of two is now most interested in challenging Hollywood’s beauty standards.
“I’ve always had issues with the fact that men kind of age like fine wines and women like cut flowers,” Theron told Allure. “I despise that concept and I want to fight against it, but I also think women want to age in a way that feels right to them.”
Theron urged people to “be a little bit more empathetic” about everybody’s unique “journey.”
Vianney Le Caer/Invision/Associated Press
Theron ultimately mourns her 25-year-old body “more than my face” and told the outlet she misses being able to perform stunts “and not even hurt tomorrow” — and said she “can’t walk” if she goes to the gym after taking a seemingly trivial three-day break.
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The native South African is fortunately distracted from these issues regularly by her kids.
Theron said her eldest was recently “so embarrassed” after spotting one of her Dior ads and told her: “All my friends are gonna see this. I mean, can you just wear a shirt?” While she’s since taken her fame in stride, Theron wants the dialogue around aging to mature.
“I think we need to be a little bit more empathetic to how we all go through our journey,” she told Allure. “My journey of having to see my face on a billboard is quite funny now.”
Dating apps are a minefield, especially when it comes to writing bios. Where do you start? What do you even say? How do you save yourself from the absolute terror of having your profile shared on social media for people to laugh at? How do you make a good impression? How do you get everything about you across in so few words? How do you resist the urge to uninstall the apps entirely and hope to meet somebody the old fashioned way?
Thankfully, the dating nerds at Tinder have worked hard to find out the best possible way to craft a bio so that you’re saying all that you need to say but without being too much or, god forbid, cringe.
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How to write a great dating app bio
So, you are unique and individual and your profile should definitely convey that but there are still some rules to follow, according to research conducted by popular dating app Tinder.
So, first of all, word count. Keeping things succinct is difficult but Tinder found that the optimum length is around 15-45 words. Within these words, though, the dating gurus found that 45% of single 18-24 year olds prefer when their potential match is clear about what they want in their dating app bio.
Additionally, 40% of people that used the Relationship Goals feature said that they are looking for a long term relationship compared to just 13% that said they were looking for a short-term connection. Basically, you need to be clear about what you’re looking for and if you’re not sure – say that!
Moreover, 50% of young singles say those who share their hobbies and interests in bios are more likely to catch their attention. The research also reveals that 51% of young singles are more likely to consider a dating profile when the person has given an insight into their personality. It’s almost like if you show that you’re willing to put real effort into a dating app bio, chances are, you’re willing to put more effort into… other things. You know.
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Experts at Tinder also recommend that when you’re getting started, you should use 4-5 photos that really show your personality and if you’re a fashionista – show it off! 40% of young singles would be more likely to match with someone with good dress sense in their dating app pics. Having a verified account also makes a huge difference; nobody likes a catfish!
Which is the best prompt to use on dating apps?
Finally, we have the minefield of prompts. How do you choose which one to go for? How do you show your most authentic self through a prompt? Well, according to research by Hinge, the best prompt to go for is “the way to win me over is”.
It’s thought that this is vague enough to give an interesting answer without asking people to try too hard to answer. The other favourites included ‘my simple pleasures’, ‘I go crazy for’, ‘together, we could’ and ‘my most irrational fear’.
You’re reading Between Us, a place for parents to offload and share their tricky parenting dilemmas. Share your parenting dilemma here and we’ll seek advice from experts.
Parents have a lot to juggle in their own lives, as well as their children’s lives. So it’s no surprise then that when tweens (and teens) start to act out, it can feel like you’re teetering on the edge.
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Ripples are felt far and wide – on your own mental health, on your relationship – the whole situation can swiftly spiral.
“My child is ruining my marriage. My eldest is almost a teenager and this year has been tough on her. She’s lost a lot of friends in school, has had to deal with a new sibling taking our attention and she’s got a rare pain condition. We have tried so hard to be supportive. We’ve tried giving her advice, attention, space, support, solutions and bent over backwards to be kind to her. It’s been hard though because she’s responded with an attitude that stinks and acting like she doesn’t care.
“I’m honestly at a loss because I don’t know what to do and me and my husband have had so many rows about her and her behaviour. We’ve just had a huge blow up and I honestly don’t know if we can come back from this. He’s so angry that she’s gone to do nice things today after speaking to me like shit and I was cross too and things were said that blew up. I can’t stop crying. I feel awful. I’ve failed as a mother and a wife.”
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So, what can they do?
1. Be kind to yourself
Counselling Directory member Jenny Warwick says that, first and foremost, parents in this position need to prioritise themselves. “You have not failed as a mother or wife,” she says. “This is the time when you need to be kind to yourself.
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“Remember, you won’t be able to help others if you feel drained and exhausted. Taking breaks for self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary.”
Family Lives, a charity supporting families, recommends that parents take time to relax; treat themselves occasionally; talk about their concerns with friends, partners or online forums; and learn techniques for coping with low mood, sadness and depression or anxiety.
2. Know that the tween period is really hard for all involved
Research actually suggests the tween period – when children are eight to 13 years old – are the hardest years of parenting.
According to parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith, this is because they are much more emotionally exhausting, not to mention less rewarding than, say, the toddler years when your child still relies on you for so much and is learning a lot, too.
Warwick agrees that this period can be “particularly tricky” to manage for parents. “Part of being a tween is finding independence and forging their own path, resulting in a strong push away from their parents,” she explains.
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“As far as you are concerned, this has come out of nowhere and feels personal. However, recognising this as a typical part of preteen development can make the emotional burden easier to bear.”
On top of that, she acknowledges it sounds like the daughter is going through a lot – navigating shifts in friendships, coping with a pain condition and a new sibling.
But while this might contribute to her behaviour, “none of this gives her an excuse to be rude”, adds the counsellor.
If your child appears to be particularly struggling mentally, it might be worth speaking to your GP or a mental health charity – like The Mix, YoungMinds and Relate – for further advice.
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3. Remember: your daughter still needs you
When your child is pushing you away, it might be tempting to just let them – especially when their attitude towards you leaves little to be desired – but Warwick suggests the daughter needs her parents now more than ever.
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That said, the way to offer support to her is very different at this stage in her life than when she was younger, she suggests.
“Helping her find solutions is much more effective than jumping in to fix things for her. This can be a hard change in approach for parents to make, but it is the way forward,” says Warwick.
At the same time, you need to prioritise yourself and help your daughter recognise that your life doesn’t revolve around her, suggests the therapist.
4. Carve out time to be with your partner
When you welcome a new child, your relationship can instantly be put on the back-burner – add wider family discord into the mix, and things get trickier.
It will undoubtedly put pressure on a romantic relationship. And, to top that off, children can sense any tension, which might prompt further behavioural changes.
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“You and your husband need to be on the same page regarding parenting,” says Warwick. “It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, too, with a new child.”
Verywell Family recommends parents try the following tips to help get back on the same page:
Determine what the consequences are for your children breaking rules in your home and stick to them.
Create parenting rules together and if you don’t agree on some of them, talk it out. Then share these rules with the wider household.
Back each other up in front of the kids and don’t disagree with each other in front of them.
Listen to each other, compromise where you can, and remember you’re on the same team.
Warwick’s advice to this parent is to give the relationship some care, “as it’s much easier if you are in this together”. This means taking time to be together as a couple to maintain a connection.
“Doing this lets you devise a plan of action together and establish agreed-upon boundaries for your family,” she adds.
Help and support:
Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.
Gentle parenting is a lot like Marmite – you either love it or you hate it.
Case in point: a parent has taken to Mumsnet’s ‘Am I Being Unreasonable?’ forum to reveal they think gentle parents are “setting their kids up for a lifetime of friendlessness and struggling to hold down a job”. Ooof.
“You get one chance to build the neural pathways that guide you for the rest of your life and if you don’t learn that you’re not the centre of anyone else’s universe as a young kid, you never will,” they wrote.
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Well, you can imagine how that went down. “I think you’ve misunderstood gentle parenting. Wildly,” someone responded in the comments section.
“I think you mean passive or permissive parenting,” said another.
So, what is gentle parenting then? (And why do some people think it’s the devil?)
Gentle parenting is composed of four main elements, according to Verywell Family, these include: empathy, respect, understanding, and setting firm boundaries.
This parenting style focuses on being compassionate while also enforcing consistent boundaries. It’s about teaching, not punishing.
“My DF’s [dear friend’s] sons are being gentle parented, never told off, always calmly spoken too and explained everything and given the option to talk about their feelings,” said one parent on the Mumsnet thread.
“Both massive brats who are violent to other children, constantly demanding attention and breaking toys if they don’t get it. Constantly asking for treats, sweets, cake, etc., I guess never hearing a straight ‘no’ must encourage this. Can’t bear to organise playdates anymore.”
Another person said of the parenting approach: “Gentle parenting means when your child beats up another child or wrecks somebody’s house you say in a calm voice ‘no darling we don’t do that’.”
There were a lot of comments – we’re talking hundreds – on the forum, but the general consensus was that the above is absolutely not what gentle parenting is.
“I am so sick and tired of people slating what they think is gentle parenting (when they are actually just describing lazy, shit parenting),” a parent responded on the thread.
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“I’ve never shouted at my six year old, never had to. He’s brilliantly behaved, yes he does things wrong and acts up but I don’t need to shout or make him cry and dish out punishments.”
An example of gentle parenting in action
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, who specialises in the psychology and science of parenting and is generally regarded as the founder of the gentle parenting movement, offers a handy example of gentle parenting in action.
A two-year-old has found some shampoo and, unbeknown to their parent, has started to pour it out onto the bathroom floor and in the bath. Then they’ve used someone’s toothbrush to swirl it around and make patterns.
“In this example, permissive parents would allow the toddler to carry on, reluctant to apprehend, knowing if they take the shampoo and toothpaste away the toddler will cry,” Ockwell-Smith explained on her website.
But she added this isn’t true gentle parenting.
“A truly gentle parent would take the shampoo and toothpaste from the toddler, explain why they cannot play with them, offer them an alternative for ‘messy play’ with limits, such as using pouring toys whilst the toddler is in the bath, and sit with them during the resulting tears and tantrum that will ensue,” she said.
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Does gentle parenting work?
Studies suggest it has lots of benefits. According to Forbes, research suggests gentle parenting could decrease the risk of childhood depression and help kids self-regulate.
The parenting style also promotes a secure attachment, which could result in children being more curious, self-reliant and independent.
Of course, as with anything, there are drawbacks, too: it’s time-consuming, can be hard for parents to implement if they were parented differently, and requires a heck of a lot of patience.
But parents who have followed it agree that in the end, it can pay dividends.
“I followed some (not all) gentle parenting approaches and I think it paid off in spades. They are lovely, kind children who absolutely know the world doesn’t revolve around them,” said one parent on Mumsnet.
Another added: “Reading through examples of gentle parenting, we probably did lots of it although didn’t realise it had a term. It seems normal to me to listen and respect your children, not shout at them, teach them to think of others, explain reasoning instead of just being the ‘behave this way because I said so’ type.
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“I think explaining things, listening to them, respecting their opinions, is much more time consuming but really pays off in the teen and adult years. Our kids know we are reasonable, and that they’re important, so they respect us because they like us.”
