Category Archives: work

What To Do When You Forget Someone’s Name

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We’ve all been there: upon walking into the office, an acquaintance cheerfully greets you by name and you pause, frantically searching your brain for theirs.

You don’t want to disrespect them by saying the wrong name, but just saying “hey” seems so generic. Do you come clean about your memory lapse?

Here’s how experts say you can address the conundrum strategically and still keep your relationships intact.

You may consider a subtle approach first

If you are at an event and you see someone you know but you can’t remember their name, introduce yourself first, because it often prompts that person to say their name too. That’s what Mary Abbajay, president of the leadership development consultancy Careerstone Group, recommends.

“That is a signal for you to say your name back,” Abbajay says. But don’t think you are being sly about your strategy. Many people will recognise that it means you don’t know their name, she says.

One other indirect approach is to discreetly ask someone else to tell you the other person’s name, Abbajay adds.

If you are in a conversation that will continue later, consider asking the person to put their contact information in your phone. Or if the conversation needs to move to email, try asking, “Can you tell me how to spell your name to get the email right?” suggests Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and executive coach.

Better yet, ask them directly and apologise.

Avoiding saying someone’s name every time you see them will only get you so far.

“I think people fake it too long, and then they meet that person three or four times, and then they are too embarrassed to ask their name,” Abbajay says. “The best thing is to nip that in the bud right away. The second time you meet them, say, ‘Remind me of your name again. Thank you so much.’”

Don’t minimise your actions and say, “Oh I do this all the time.” If this is your third or fourth time asking their name, that deserves a bigger mea culpa, Abbajay says. People’s names are important to them, and you want your apology to come across as sincere.

Don’t make it too big a deal, though, either.

“We feel an internal pressure to remember people’s names after they tell us once, but that’s not fair, and truly, most people understand that,” says Lawrese Brown, the founder of C-Track Training, a workplace education company. “Even if it’s a close colleague, some of us are better with names than others and some of us forget things easily in general.”

“The biggest mistake is to be overly apologetic like there is something wrong with you,” Neo says. “Being gracious and pleasant about it can be useful.”

Don’t get discouraged if it happens more than once. Learning names takes time, Brown says, but what pushes her to ask for name reminders is to remember there are worse alternatives: You can make the wrong guess and call that person by an incorrect name, or you can be impersonal and never say their name.

“In the short term, asking may feel embarrassing, but that’s a temporary feeling,” Brown says. “The feeling of letting someone know that you care enough to call them by their name is what they’ll remember.”

Write down names whenever possible and try saying a person’s name when you first meet them.

Brown says that writing down someone’s name is what works best for her as far as remembering them.

Research has shown that writing things down helps our brains really retain what is being said. A 2014 study in Psychological Science, for example, found that students who wrote notes down on paper had better comprehension and retention of what was being taught than students typing on their laptops.

If you don’t have access to a pen or paper, try using your voice. Here’s a pro tip: Use someone’s name within the first minutes of meeting someone.

Abbajay says that in meetings she facilitates, she will ask people to introduce themselves even if some people already know each other as a way to help her remember names. When people introduce themselves, she diagrams where they are sitting and what their names are.

That way, “When I’m in the meeting, I can start using people’s names. If you use somebody’s name quickly when you meet them, chances are you are going to remember their name,” she says.

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The Most Ridiculous Questions And Requests People Have Faced In Job Interviews

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You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

“How would you fit a giraffe into a fridge?” An asinine question in most settings, but especially peculiar during a job interview.

And yet, these kinds of ‘quirky’ and arbitrary lines of questioning seem to be commonplace during the interview process.

In an attempt to make people think ‘outside the box’ or on their feet, hiring managers are coming up with increasingly difficult (and frustrating) tasks and questions for interviewees.

And to make matters worse, many are leaving the applicants hanging once it comes to feedback or finding out the results of the conversation.

So, what does it say about their work culture when recruiting staff act like this when imbued with such powers?

For starters, if you’re being put in a difficult and tricky situation at the earliest stage of the job, then it might not be the best indication of the company’s treatment of employees. And it also means they have no regard to the preparation that applicants may have completed in anticipation of a more traditional interview.

After all, how does anyone answer how they’d put a giraffe in the fridge, or what words they’d have on their tombstone, or how they’d fare if locked in a room and asked to complete a challenge (all real requests)?

Here are some of the most ridiculous requests people have received:

It’s understandable that companies would try get creative with their asks, and indeed some are known for tough brainteasers that showcase the best of people, but most of us can agree that some questions are just a bit bizarre and show nothing about the person.

That’s what Hannah Langford, 31, from the North West, felt when she went for a job in law in Manchester.

She tells HuffPost: “I had a training contract interview at a law firm about 10 years ago and was asked two bizarre questions: ‘Why don’t polar bears eat penguins?’ and ‘How much water does it take to fill St Paul’s Cathedral?’.

“These questions made me doubt myself and I felt confused as to what answer was expected (i.e., was I expected to give an actual answer to the water question or was my thought process what they were interested in?).”

Langford ended up pivoting to a different sector altogether, deciding to work in charity.

Ramla*, 26, from London, can relate to navigating random questions that don’t relate to the job. “A charity that had many interview stages (and didn’t even give feedback after despite saying it would) had some interesting questions,” she recalls.

“One was about who’s your most problematic friend and why you are still friends with them. Another was about the last time you lost your temper.

“I’m not sure how far these questions really test someone’s values. No matter what you say, they’d have to take it with a pinch of salt because it’s an interview, not a chat with your best friend.

“These questions felt a bit like an interrogation. Surely what I’ve achieved and the places in which I’ve created transformative change should speak for itself – or at the very least, they could ask me directly about that?”

Unfortunately, eccentric questioning seems to be commonplace in the job interview space, when that time could be far better utilised talking about the things that bring us joy, what we’re passionate about, what we look forward to.

Because, truly, no one knows how to fit a giraffe into a fridge. And nor should they.

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

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How To Stop Obsessing Over A Mistake At Work

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Making mistakes happens to all of us in our careers. But some of us hold on to these mistakes longer than others.

Maybe you lie awake at night still feeling queasy and anxious over the way you frustrated a client by accidentally giving them the wrong information. Maybe you are avoiding co-workers on your team because you feel like they are all judging you for that error, even though it happened last week. If either of these scenarios sounds familiar, you may be prone to obsessing over mistakes.

What fuels these constant worries is the shame of feeling completely inadequate and fear of others discovering your lack of capabilities, says Tanisha Ranger, a Nevada-based clinical psychologist. Once you start obsessing over mistakes because of your shame, it can steamroll into bigger problems like perfectionism.

“Shame often gives way to perfectionism, and perfectionism makes mistakes feel monumental. Essentially, ‘If I don’t do everything perfectly right then I am a failure and everyone will see my defectiveness,’” she says. “I’ve had many clients who struggled with obsessing over mistakes at work. [They lay] awake at night ruminating and beating themselves up over a mistake, not an intentional or careless mess-up, but a mistake.”

There’s a better way to acknowledge a mistake while still letting it go. Here’s how:

1. Put the mistake in perspective

After you make an obvious mistake at work, you may want the ground to swallow you up to save you from the embarrassment, shame and anxiety of facing your co-workers again.

If these worries are keeping you up at night, challenge those thoughts by getting more realistic with your thinking, suggests Shannon Garcia, a psychotherapist at States of Wellness Counselling.

“Will the world end? Nope,” she says. “Will you get fired? Highly unlikely. Will you receive constructive feedback from your boss? Maybe. Will owning up to your mistake be uncomfortable? Probably. Have you survived past mistakes? Seems like it, if you’re reading this. Will you survive this one? Yes!”

Sometimes accidental oversights do hurt your job performance, but it’s important to not catastrophise what happened.

“Sure, it caused a delay. Yes, it may have cost the company some money. OK, it negatively impacted job performance. But is it actually the end of your career? Really? Likely not,” says Ranger. “Shrinking things down to their right size, not ignoring/suppressing and also not overblowing or exaggerating, is an important part of letting things go.”

If it helps, try putting yourself in the shoes of co-workers who have also made mistakes. Once you see the compassion and sympathy you hold for their slip-ups, you may be more inclined to be compassionate about your own.

“When a co-worker has made a mistake in the past, is it something you’ve judged them immensely for? Did you spend your day thinking endlessly about their mistake? No. People at work are likely reacting the same way,” Garcia says. “No one is thinking about this more than you are.”

2. Learn that you don’t have to beat yourself up as penance

To move past a mistake, you also need to rethink what it means to learn from a mistake. If you think turning over every angle of how an interaction with your boss could have gone better, for example, take a deep breath. Give yourself permission to release those thoughts, says organisational psychologist Laura Gallaher of the consulting firm Gallaher Edge.

People ruminate because they believe there are payoffs to worrying so much; they think “A conscientious person would worry about this,” Gallaher says.

“When you know that you can simultaneously be a conscientious person, and also forgive yourself to move forward, it will be easier to do so.”

What Garcia tells her clients the most is “be nice to yourself,” she says. Reframe your worries in a more positive light.

“The fact that you are anxious about it means you care. That’s what your boss, co-workers and customers care about the most,” Garcia says. “Try not to beat yourself up over it. Create an affirmation to repeat to yourself whenever those negative self-talk thoughts pop up: ‘I accept my mistake, I choose to learn from it, and I am moving forward.’”

If you are stuck in the world of “could’ve/should’ve” in regards to your error, be honest with yourself about what you did not know.

Ranger says she works with some clients by asking them to consider why they supposedly “should have known better.” “It’s always so enticing to impose our current knowledge and wisdom on a past version of ourselves that could not have known to make that decision with the information we had at that time,” she says.

3. Don’t hide the mistake. Own what happened, but don’t take on other people’s judgement, too

When you make a big blunder at work, you may instinctually want to shut down, repress it, and forget it ever happened.

If you feel the urge to withdraw, challenge yourself to do the opposite. Be the one to bring it up in conversation with co-workers or your boss.

“If it was something that inconvenienced them, apologise for it,” Garcia says. “Then it’s a conversation happening where you are involved, people are likely to be gracious, and everyone can move on from there.”

It may sound counterintuitive, but being transparent about your mistake and its impact can be healing. “It can feel like a cold shower – before you do it, you fear it and feel uneasy or anxious,” Gallaher explains. “In the moment of being open, it can feel unpleasant at first, but once it’s over, you actually feel more refreshed 99% of the time. Taking accountability without blaming anybody is the most healing.“

Once you model being open and accountable, it may encourage others to do so as well. “Most of the time, when you lead with self-accountability, that vulnerability is courageous, and courage is contagious: People usually respond with their own self-accountability as well,” Gallaher says.

Of course, sometimes being honest about a mistake can also inspire eye-rolling judgement and harsh criticism from mean-spirited colleagues. You should hold yourself accountable for your mistake, but the judgement of your peers is not something you need to take on, too.

“Let them know what you intend to do differently to try to prevent something like this from happening in the future, and then accept that they may move on or they may not. It is outside of your control,” Ranger advises. “Taking on other people’s emotions is detrimental to yourself and makes it difficult for you to treat yourself with the kindness and compassion you deserve from you.”

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Can We Ever Really Recover From Burnout?

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You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

“I’ve had splinters on my feet, I’m physically exhausted, I’ve had breakdowns. All the detox time in the world doesn’t change how burned out I am.”

This is the experience of Anthony*, a tech worker, 34, from London. After being asked to work weekends, weeks of late shifts, only then to be swapped onto earlies without warning, Anthony’s job has left him totally drained. So much so he’s quit his job without securing another. “I just can’t take anymore of this.”

Anthony isn’t alone in this state of mind. By the end of 2021, burnout was affecting more than 79% of UK workers, according to research by the HR tech company Ceridian, with 35% of people reporting high or extreme levels.

Nearly half (49%) of those surveyed in research cited an increased workload as a cause. The ongoing pandemic, post-Covid recovery, and the so-called Great Resignation, have left employers squeezing more out of their workers than ever before. And it’s causing a physical and mental health crisis.

Is there a chance of recovery? How long does it take to get over burnout?

We’ve seen buzzwords like self-care, wellness weekends and digital detox become the norm, but they risk ignoring the broader picture – that short stints of respite or relaxation don’t counteract the strenuous, back-breaking and brain-fogging nature of work under capitalism.

So what can we do? The obvious solution – if the Great Resignation is anything to go by – is to leave workplaces, even professions, that are bad for our health.

It’s what Lana*, 26, a social services worker in New York City, had to do to get some relief from her burnout.

“I quit working in the most toxic field possible in which I was forced to travel all over the city to unsafe locations. I got no support while dealing with people in extreme suffering/people who are dying. So I decided to get out of the field,” she tells HuffPost.

“Now I do my job and come home. No travel, no dying, I don’t stay late and I don’t take work home with me.

“My burnout was affecting me and my clients. I had to take a good hard look at myself and give myself the freedom to breathe again.”

Lana says she appreciates not everyone can leave their job immediately, especially given how expensive the cost of living is right now.

But if you are experiencing burnout, she says, it pays to make a change, rather than attempting simply to work through it.

“Finding new work definitely isn’t the only way to get over burnout, but you have to know when it’s time to take a break or reevaluate,” she says. “I feel like we owe it to ourselves.”

And while you might not completely be able to get over this block, there are some things you can do to mitigate burnout.

Jo Davidson, a business strategist who predominantly mentors female entrepreneurs, says she sees burnout among her clients all too often.

Recognise when you’re being pushed too much, she says. “Acknowledge that burnout is a result of the body telling us to stop. But we choose to ignore it, and don’t listen,” she tells HuffPost. “Taking changes is important because going back into exactly the same situation will only ever delay the healing.”

So how long can you expect to take to recover? Well, there is no right answer as the journey isn’t so linear.

“Recovery from burnout is definitely affected by how long it has been going on and how the individual recognises they have it and how actively they want to overcome it. For some it may be 10-12 weeks, however for others it can take years.”

10 steps to dealing with burnout

Davidson says there are ways you can aid your own recovery, whether that ultimately means leaving a job – or not. Here are some of those steps:

1. Acknowledge that it exists
2. Track stress levels (use an app, journal)
3. Identify the stressors and step away from these situations
4. Seek professional help. This is a strength not a weakness
5. Create a work life balance that includes time to have fun and rest
6. Change jobs if it is really badly affecting your mental health
7. Be kinder to yourself and keep a gratitude journal
8. Own it and believe that you can change it
9. Create a healthy sleep schedule and diet
10. Set boundaries.

While these are ways as individuals that we can ameliorate our conditions, remember that setting personal boundaries may not change the demands of your job wholesale.

This requires a company-wide push, or if you’ve got enough seniority in your role, a persistence in demands to change the wider work culture. Work should be a complementary part of our lives, not the thing that makes it unliveable.

*Names have been changed and surnames omitted to offer anonymity.

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

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How Soon Is Too Soon To Quit A New Job?

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The urge to quit a relatively new job can be an uncomfortable feeling, but it is not uncommon. According to a 2018 survey from the recruiting service Jobvite, 30% of new employees leave their jobs within the first 90 days of getting hired.

The top three reasons quitters gave were that the role did not meet expectations from the job interview process (43%), a one-time incident that made them want to leave (34%), and bad company culture (32%).

During the Great Resignation, more of us may be saying our farewells sooner. “Talent has a little bit more of an upper hand,” and old-school rules of sticking it out at a hard job may no longer apply in certain cases, said Mary Abbajay, president of the leadership development consultancy Careerstone Group and author of “Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.”

But before you give notice and join the league of early quitters, consider why you want to leave so soon after starting. Sometimes it can take a few months to feel comfortable in a new role and with new colleagues. And if you’re at the beginning of your career, it’s helpful to know that first-job blues are typical.

“You want to make sure you are not leaving just because you don’t like working, as you are getting used to the difference to being in school and being at work,” Abbajay said. If it is indeed the first-job blues, she recommends sticking it out for a year to gain experience you can talk about in future interviews.

But you should also trust your gut if something feels off.

“We have to dispel this myth that we have to sit in agony if it’s not working out,” said career coach Jasmine Escalera, who does not subscribe to the “stick it out” mentality.

Here are three scenarios in which it is definitely not too soon to quit a job:

1. You find yourself in a toxic job.

Nothing drives people out quicker than a toxic work environment. According to a FlexJobs survey from February and March of more than 2,000 U.S. employees, “toxic company culture” was the top reason people cited who felt they had to quit their jobs in the past six months.

This is for good reason. A difficult boss like a micromanager can be annoying to deal with, but they can be managed. A toxic boss, on the other hand, will corrode your soul and is an active threat to your health.

Abbajay noted that a difficult boss “may be impulsive, they may be poor communicators. Their style of working just isn’t aligned with your style of working. A toxic boss is a boss that is dehumanizing, a boss that is abusive, a boss that is screamer, a shouter… [With] a toxic boss, you are going to start to feel less than, you are going to be consumed with the stress of dealing with this person.”

If you feel stuck with toxic bosses and colleagues, don’t linger. “Once you recognize the toxicity, or the organization’s toxicity, you should think about getting out,” Abbajay said.

Escalera agreed with this assessment. Having escaped a toxic work environment in the past, she finds that toxic work cultures cause trauma and make it impossible for you to be confident and capable in your professional life.

“The longer you are there, the deeper those cuts are going to be, and the harder it is going to be to leave, because you start to change the perspective of how you think about yourself,” she said.

2. The job is a radical mismatch with what you were promised in interviews.

You shouldn’t wait too long for circumstances to improve if the job you were sold by recruiters and hiring managers is radically different in reality. This likely means there’ll be no learning opportunities ahead, no internal mobility and no alignment with your planned career future.

If you believe a mismatch in roles is fixable, talk to your manager and colleagues about what you feel you deserve and what you need to see change, Escalera advised. But don’t put undue pressure on yourself to stay in a job that isn’t suitable.

Escalera said she experienced a mismatch when a leadership and mentorship role she interviewed for at a hospital turned out to be different than what was discussed. She tried to talk with her supervisor to get her responsibilities more aligned with the expectations she had from the interview process but was basically told, “‘This is what it is,’” she said.

She left the job within five months and has no regrets: “If I could’ve left in five days, I would have.”

3. You get a better offer that aligns with your goals.

If you get a dream job offer soon after you start a new job, you should reflect on whether the new opportunity is the better choice for your future career success, regardless of how short your current tenure is, Escalera said.

If the new opportunity is “going to get you to that end goal quicker and faster, you have to do what’s in best service to you,” she said.

Abbajay warned, however, that too many one-year-and-under stints on your resume can be a bad look to prospective employers. Your next potential employer may think, “Why should I invest in you if you’re not going to invest in me?” she said.

Still, there’s a way to positively spin this in job interviews. When Escalera was asked in interviews about her short stint in the mismatched hospital job, she was candid about how the role was different than promised and didn’t align with where she wanted to go. Her advice to job seekers is to be transparent about past mismatches, while also being clear that as a result of the experience, you now know that this new opportunity is the best role for you, she said.

“You have to be internally very strong and internally have a purpose to move your career in the direction that you want.”

– Jasmine Escalera, career coach

If you are wrestling with guilt about bailing on a relatively new job for something better, that’s normal. Escalera said she has experienced this guilt as a Latina who grew up in public housing and whose parents wanted safety and stability for her career.

“It puts a ceiling on what you believe is possible for you when you come from backgrounds like that. It makes you feel like, ‘If I got this, then I should just settle in it, and I should just keep it… because this is better than where I came from, this is better than even what my parents have at the age of 60 years old, and I am 40,’” she said. “You have to be internally very strong and internally have a purpose to move your career in the direction that you want, and you have to make decisions coming from that purpose, but that is really hard when there are really a lot of external voices.”

In the end, you are in the driver’s seat of your career — not your new boss, or your new company, or your family. If you have a gut feeling that a job is not going to be good for your well-being or future, you should listen to that feeling, regardless of whether the warning comes in the first few months of the job.

Often, there are times “when you knew something wasn’t right, and instead of connecting with that feeling, you tried to push that feeling down,” Escalera said, noting that’s a mode of thinking she has moved away from. “What I try to do now is entertain the feeling.”

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Never End A Job Interview Without Doing These 3 Things

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During a job interview, your nerves and adrenaline may be at an all-time high. That’s why it helps to be prepared.

Ideally, the actual experiences and skills that you share will help you stand out. But how you end the interview can leave a really critical last impression.

“If a candidate does a bad interview, nothing they can do at the end is going to save them,” said Daniel Space, a senior human resources business partner for large tech companies.

“I have seen a good interview get docked a little bit because of how badly the end went. … I have seen ‘medium’ interviews go really, really well if a candidate can make a last attempt [to stand out at the end].”

As the clock winds down to the end of your interview, there are key opportunities you can take to help solidify your position as a top finalist. Here’s what you need to remember to do:

1. DO come prepared with targeted questions that show you have done your research. But DON’T invite criticism.

After the hiring manager or panel asks you questions, there is usually a time toward the end of an interview where they will ask, “What questions do you have for me?”

Don’t say you have no questions and call it a day.

“I’ve had executive-level candidates sometimes, who at the end of the interview … they only ask one question,” said Laura Hunting, CEO of Found By Inc., a talent agency and executive search firm specializing in design. “That’s not a good sign. It signals a lack of interest, a lack of strategic ability, a lack of experience. So I think really coming prepared to interview with follow-up questions is important and can make or break the experience.”

The best questions to ask are those that come up after you do some reflection on what you want out of your next job and what you have heard from interviewers about the role.

Hunting recommends first getting crystal-clear about what core qualities you are looking for in your next job so that you leave an interview getting the information that you need to make a decision.

If you are job-hunting to escape uncommunicative, unhelpful bosses, for example, try asking questions about things that can be deal-breakers for you, such as, “How do you measure success? How will you know whether you hired the right person three months from now? What are the most successful team members doing differently from the average team member?”

If you are seeking more hands-on management, ask, “What does your onboarding process look like?”

“You learn right away whether you are going to be thrown to the wolves,” Watkins said.

If you want to make sure all the bases were covered in your interview, Hunting said you can ask, “Is there anything else that I can answer for you that would help you understand more about me and my skills and experience?”

“That really helps interviewers have one last chance to get a sign on anything that’s missing,” Watkins explained.

“Anytime that you can create as smooth an interview experience as possible … it makes that person on the other end feel that much better about how you can contribute.”

– Laura Hunting, CEO of a talent agency and executive search firm

Keep in mind that there are questions that can do more harm than good. Space warned against asking a question like “Do you have any reservations about me?” because he has seen firsthand how this question can backfire.

“What you are doing is asking this person to think about you in a negative light,” Space said. “And I’ve met so many managers who just feel incredibly awkward after being asked that. You are just going to get a boring basic answer: ‘I think you’ve answered all of my questions at this time.’ Is that really the impression you want to leave?”

2. DO thank people by name and make eye contact.

Thanking people for their time as you end the interview is one basic yet important way to show your professionalism. But if you want to go one step further, make a point to thank them by name.

“Most of the times when we are interviewing, we are so nervous, we are like ‘OK great, thanks,’” Space said, noting that for others, “There is a magic to hearing your name.”

Doing this can be as simple as saying the interviewer’s name and thanking them by title with language like, “‘As a VP of HR, I know you are really busy and I wanted to let you know I appreciate our conversation and I look forward to next steps,’” Space shared as an example. “Making sure you are leaving off with the best possible impression will do a lot of good for you when [interviewers] then go on to the debriefing.”

Hunting said candidates can forget the power of body language, such as eye contact, while thanking an interviewer and giving facial cues to show they are being an active listener. But she noted that these basic actions make job interviews, particularly remote video interviews, feel more organic and natural.

“For better or for worse, how people feel in an interview, it’s a bias,” Hunting said. “It’s going to skew them one way or the other. Anytime that you can create as smooth an interview experience as possible … it makes that person on the other end feel that much better about how you can contribute.”

3. DO clarify if a thank-you note is expected. And if yes, DO follow up with a personalized one to keep the conversation going.

Thanking people in a follow-up note can be helpful on a case-by-case basis. At some companies, interviewers may find it totally unnecessary for you to follow up, while at others, they may expect you to do so.

“There are so many managers that indicate they are a little bit uncomfortable with a thank-you note because they know they are getting a copy-and-pasted template that someone just looked for online, and they don’t know how to respond to it,” said Space, who finds a thank-you note to be an unnecessary administrative burden for job candidates.

When in doubt, Hunting recommends determining what the expectations may be regarding thank-you notes.

Watkins said if you are going to follow up by thanking those you spoke with, don’t just reply all; send individual messages. “If there are five people interviewing you, there are five opportunities to share something interesting, impactful after your interview,” Watkins said.

Make a point to ensure your message isn’t generic. Often, people write something like, “‘I really enjoyed talking to you about X/Y/Z position. If you have any questions about X position, let me know.’ Well, yeah, that’s obvious,” Watkins said. “What I would like to see people do is use that as an opportunity to sell themselves. You are your best marketer, regardless [of] what it is that you do.”

Watkins suggested that if you take notes during your interview, note key points each person has mentioned so you can personalize your thank-you messages.

“If you can tie that to a success that you have had … at some point in your career, the thank-you note is a great way to bring that up,” Watkins said.

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How To Cope When You’re The Only One Wearing A Mask At Work

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Under the latest Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidance, more than half of the U.S. population lives in an area now considered to be low or medium risk for COVID, and residents there can go indoors without a mask. Many states have also loosened mask mandates, and a lot of workplaces no longer require employees to wear masks as a result.

If you’re still most comfortable with a mask on indoors in an office setting, you may suddenly find yourself to be in the minority. And when you are one of the only people with a face mask during meetings, it can feel socially awkward.

That’s why it can help to remember why masks are effective and to have a strategy in place if a colleague does inquire about your mask. Epidemiologists and other COVID experts weighed in on one-way masking benefits, and offered conversation strategies for mask-wearers:

1. Keep in mind that masks still work and we’re still in a pandemic.

If none of your co-workers are wearing masks, you may wonder if there’s a point to you wearing one. But well-constructed, tightly-fitting masks do offer protection, even when others are not wearing them, too.

“They do work. Somebody who is wearing a respirator in an office setting is going to get a fair degree of protection from doing that,” said Dr. Mark Rupp, chief of the Infectious Diseases Division at the University of Nebraska Medical Center.

“Any mask is better than no mask,” said Jose-Luis Jimenez, a professor at the University of Colorado Boulder and an aerosols scientist. “To make up for the fact that other people are not masking, you should wear a high-quality mask.”

Jimenez described high-quality masks as ones that are breathable, with a good filter that prevents most aerosols from being inhaled, and with a secure fit that has no gaps on your face, such as an N95 mask.

“Have the strength of your convictions and realize you may be the smartest person in the room”

– Dr. Mark Rupp, chief of the Infectious Diseases Division at the University of Nebraska Medical Center

And keep in mind the public health stakes. “What you are doing is minimizing the chance that you inhale a respiratory disease. That’s the big reason to stay masked,” said Charlotte Baker, an epidemiologist in public health at Virginia Tech. Although cases are declining in the U.S., there is still plenty of COVID out there. Around 1,800 deaths continue to be announced most days.

“There is no need to feel embarrassed or apologetic for wearing a mask,” Rupp said. “In most communities in the United States today the level of transmission continues to be substantial. … It’s headed in the right direction, but there is still a lot of COVID that is being transmitted in our communities.”

2. Understand that wearing a mask for your job doesn’t have to be ‘always’ or ‘never.’

Rupp said masking should not be seen as a choice between never wearing your mask at work or always having to wear a mask at work. You should be open to changing your mind depending on individual circumstances.

“You may feel safe and not wear a mask going into a setting where there is a lot of room and few people and a short duration of time,” Rupp said. “Whereas you might feel very uncomfortable making that same decision in a smaller, crowded setting that you are going to have to be present for an hour.”

Rupp cited your community’s virus transmission rates, your building’s indoor ventilation, your colleagues’ vaccination status, and your own health risks as factors to consider before taking off your mask. Here’s the CDC tracker for checking out your county’s transmission rates.

Be open to putting a mask back on as we learn more about the latest COVID developments, too. “Six weeks from now, or three months from now as a new variant starts to be described, they may decide, ‘You know it’s time for me to put the mask back on,’” Rupp said.

3. Remember that social awkwardness around masks is real, but it helps to remember your original reason for wearing one.

“Social pressure is very real. We can be talked out of anything if enough people dissent to our point of view,” said clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula.

She cited social psychologist Solomon Asch’s research on conformity, which found people were more likely to give a wrong answer when they heard other people give that wrong answer out of a motivation to avoid conflict.

Your decision to wear a mask is none of your colleague’s business. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of why you are masking indoors, but if sharing one helps you feel less awkward, keep it brief, Durvasula advised.

“Make it about yourself and don’t turn it into a polemic on public health and responsibility,“ she suggested. “If a person chooses to wear a mask that is their right, but it can turn difficult if the mask-wearer frames it as virtue.”

Whether you are doing so to protect the health of others or for your own personal risk tolerance, Durvasula advised not engaging too much about it in the workplace: “Don’t take the bait.”

Baker said if it makes you feel more comfortable, it’s alright to deflect to another topic if it comes up or “just be stern one time, and say, ‘Look I’m going to wear it, I don’t want to hear anything else about it. It has nothing to do with you.’”

Pep talks can also help when you feel peer pressure, too. Baker shared what she tells herself when she finds herself to be one of the only maskers in social settings.

“I’m immunocompromised, so I tell myself I don’t want to die,” she said. “Two is: ‘I’m doing this for my family.’ I want to see my nieces, I want to see my nephews. I want them to grow up in a healthy world. If I wear my mask, I get to go see them. And I’m also setting a good example. And third is: ‘My mom is senior … and I need to keep myself healthy so I don’t get her sick.’”

Baker noted that for people who have become numb to pandemic risks, external motivations like a vacation or a concert you want to be healthy to go to can also help. “Whatever that motivator needs to be for you, figure out what it is. Write it down, so you see it,” she said.

Once you know your why, remind yourself of it when you want to waver from your original decision to wear a mask. And if you need an affirmation, take it from Rupp.

“Have the strength of your convictions and realize you may be the smartest person in the room,” he said.

Experts are still learning about COVID-19. The information in this story is what was known or available as of publication, but guidance can change as scientists discover more about the virus. Please check the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for the most updated recommendations.

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People Share The Hobbies That Changed Their Relationship With Work: ‘It Has Truly Been Mind Blowing’

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You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

You’ve had a long day at work, your muscles ache for sitting in the same position for too long, or your legs for standing too long, and you’re tired. All you want to do is eat a warm meal and slouch in front of the TV or laptop while you scroll your phone. And then repeat for the next four days.

Work can be draining – you’re required to carry out the same monotonous tasks daily, helping companies get richer, with little regard to own your wellbeing and happiness.

The only relief is the weekend, which is often reserved for refuelling, catching up with loved ones, or completing life admin.

But there are things we do throughout the week that reinvigorate us, make us feel alive and skilled, and happy. Those are hobbies.

While in the last decade, hobbies have taken a turn towards hustle culture – monetising our past-times so we can make more money – the pandemic has allowed us to rediscover the little things that have a big impact on us.

With working from home becoming an ordinary staple, we have more time than ever to cultivate social and personal activities.

We spoke to some people about the hobbies that are changing how they approach work culture.

Marcio Delgado, a London-based and influencer marketing manager, 41, says the pandemic has shifted how he organises his week.

“During lockdown I started to take my dogs for a one-hour walk right in the middle of the day to break the monotony. Although life is fairly back to normal in London now, I have not changed that,” he says.

“Before 2020 I would build my life around my working hours, basically blocking almost any time I possibly had between 9 to 6pm to attend the office and sit in front of a computer. Now that the world is a bit hybrid, I have inverted priorities and still able to work as much – or more – than before.”

Marco with his dogs Albie and Sam

Marco Delgado

Marco with his dogs Albie and Sam

For Rosie Thomas, an ADHD coach from Berlin, something people don’t often do as a hobby had a significant effect on her.

“Going to sauna regularly has changed my life,” she tells HuffPost.

“I was always against going to saunas because I tend to hate the heat, but in January I decided to try it out. I started going regularly and it has truly been mind blowing.

“I have ADHD so my mind is typically running about eight consecutive trains of thought (minimum). I’ve struggled with meditation, yoga, any form of silence. But the sauna enables me relax and think clearly.”

Not only does it help Thomas relax, the sauna is also useful for her work.

“I’ve come up with some amazing ideas for my business in the sauna, solved a couple of problems I was struggling with, and begun sleeping more deeply,” she says.

“Now, if I’ve got some bad brain fog or I’m feeling a bit low and I have time between my 1:1 coaching clients, I’ll go for a quick sauna session and truly come out feeling like a new person.”

Not a bad hobby to have

Rosie Thomas

Not a bad hobby to have

Similarly, Natalie Arney, 39, an SEO consultant from Brighton, has found multiple hobbies bringing life to her week.

Among crafty activities such as punch needle, scrapbooking, and cross stitch, one hobby stands out for Arney – choir.

“I have a couple of things I like to do, but the one that’s impacted me the most so far this year is joining a choir. I started in January this year and it has really helped me with work and my week,” she says.

“I go every Wednesday evening during term time, and this term we had a concert to get ready for. I absolutely love the choir because it gives me something to look forward to, and the community it has created is so supportive and caring.”

Natalie has chronic pain and choir has helped her mentally and physically

Natalie Arney

Natalie has chronic pain and choir has helped her mentally and physically

Choir practice also helps Arney in another area – getting out of the house.

“I struggle with my mental and physical health, and up until I joined choir, I didn’t do much outside of the house that wasn’t to do with work (I’m a freelancer, so it’s easy to lock myself away), but now, aside from going shopping or out for a meal, I’ve also got choir to go to,” she says.

“Singing also really helps you physically and mentally, including helping with breathing, posture and muscle tension, and releases neuro-chemicals too – which as a person who lives with chronic pain, I really benefit from!”

Hobbies are subjective – one person’s enjoyment might be another person’s idea of boredom – but no matter what brings someone happiness, hobbies and interests outside of work are the ultimate acts of resistance against capitalism.

They bring us pleasure without the expectation of procuring money or making us more marketable to recruiters.

So swim in the seas, pamper yourself in a sauna, curl up with a book in a local library, lift weights, knit, shoot hoops.

Whatever brings you joy.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

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5 Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be A Narcissist (And How To Deal)

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Throughout your career, you will encounter difficult co-workers who drain you, bore you and annoy you. But a narcissistic co-worker is one of the worst types to deal with.

They are insecure and cannot handle criticism. They can make their failures seem like they’re your responsibility, hurting your self-esteem to boost their own. And according to Marie-Line Germain, a professor of human resources and leadership at Western Carolina University and author of “Narcissism at Work: Personality Disorders of Corporate Leaders,” narcissists often find “safe havens” in the workplace.

“They very often end up in very top positions in organizations because they are smart, they are able to manipulate others,” Germain said. “The workplace is perfect for that. If they do well, they will be recognized. They will get a promotion. They will be looked at as prestigious. That’s not necessarily something they can get from their personal relationships.”

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder can include an inflated sense of self-importance, fantasies of perfection and superiority, a sense of being special and unique, a need for praise and attention, a strong sense of entitlement and a tendency to exploit others.

It’s important to note that it’s up to trained professionals to make an official diagnosis, but knowing how a narcissist operates can help you learn to set hard boundaries when you’re forced to team up for a project with someone who seems to fit the profile.

Here are the big differences between a co-worker with a need for admiration and high confidence in their abilities and a co-worker who’s exhibiting narcissistic traits:

1. Confident colleagues are OK with others being the center of attention. Narcissists always have to have the last word.

Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and executive coach who works with people who have dealt with narcissistic abuse, said that a need to steal your thunder is a hallmark trait of narcissism in self-aggrandizing co-workers. They may talk over you or interrupt you frequently, she said.

Confident colleagues can celebrate your success and want to see their co-workers shine, while a narcissistic colleague will insert themselves into “any topic, even if it is completely irrelevant, and they will hijack and make it about them,” Neo said.

2. Narcissists are charismatic charmers — until your relationship no longer serves them.

At the beginning of a work relationship, narcissists are good at impressing and manipulating their targets to feel like the center of attention, Germain said. But when you stop helping them feel superior and important, don’t be surprised if you see a sudden change in their attitude toward you, even if it’s months or years later.

“You may feed their needs, so there is no need for them to display any of those negative signs,” Germain said. “It’s when trouble brews for them that they start showing all of the negative behaviors.”

3. They believe the ends justify the means, and display a consistent lack of empathy to colleagues.

Germain finds the lack of empathy to be a cornerstone of narcissism, one that distinguishes narcissistic co-workers from merely confident ones. They do not care if their success comes at your expense, and they may steal your ideas.

“They will do anything for that prestige, that power,” Germain said. “It doesn’t matter if they have to steal your ideas to appear as brilliant.”

“NPD individuals have a difficult time understanding the feelings of other people, if they even care to understand them,” she said, because “they are on a relentless hunt to guarantee their own narcissistic supply of attention, of approval, prestige, admiration, understanding, encouragement, power, perfection, money, sometimes even beauty.”

This lack of empathy can also manifest as selfishness, disregard and a lack of compassion for other people. Narcissistic types can use their power to belittle and harass you.

They may display disregard, in particular, when your repeated attempts to set “hell no” boundaries are not honored, Neo said.

“They will take every chance to erode upon your boundaries,” she said. “Trample upon [your boundaries] so that they can lower the bar at every successive attempt and train you to put you in your place, so that you… play the role that you are smaller and a lot more deferential to them.”

4. They can’t handle criticism.

Narcissistic colleagues don’t reflect on or own up to mistakes. They lash out when they hear negative feedback, because the way they perceive it, “you are not just criticizing their work, you are criticizing their self-worth,” Germain said.

They make you feel small to make themselves feel big. If a person loses control and gets angry at you for offering some constructive criticism, that’s a red flag for narcissism, she said.

5. Narcissistic co-workers believe you’re either with them or against them.

There is no neutral ground with narcissistic colleagues.

“They have a very dichotomous approach to life. It’s all or nothing. It’s either good or bad. You’re either a winner or loser,” Germain said. “They don’t do well with defeat.”

If you support a narcissistic co-worker, you are on their good side. “But the day you criticize them, the day you no longer support them… then you will cross over to the enemy side,” Germain said.

To deal with a narcissistic co-worker, do your best to limit your interactions.

Luckily, unlike with narcissistic bosses, narcissistic co-workers have less direct control over your career. But they can still mount smear campaigns and wreck your work experience if they see you as an enemy. Here are some tips on how to deal:

Withdraw. You have every right to set boundaries, even if a narcissist tells you otherwise, Neo said. Germain recommended limiting the attention and praise you give a narcissist.

Narcissists want you to engage with them and lose your temper. Sometimes, the best option for how to deal with one is to limit your interactions as much as possible.

“They love to see people lose their cool. Part of it is a power play. Part of it is a bit of sadism. They want to make you look like a loose cannon, so they can tell you in the future that you are being sensitive and difficult,” Neo said. “Don’t try to hold them accountable all the time. Accountability is what gets you suckered in.“

Document your own contributions. Narcissists are likely to throw you under the bus, so it’s important to keep track of your accomplishments on projects. “You may have to justify your own contributions. It’s sad, but it’s true,” Germain said. She recommended looping people in on certain emails and communications to increase the visibility of your contributions if you’re forced to work with a narcissist on a project.

Go to HR with the narcissistic abuse, and consider an exit strategy if necessary. If the narcissist is berating and belittling you, and you are losing sleep over it, you should take it to human resources, Germain said.

Unfortunately, narcissists tend to be high performers who are often valued by their organization. If a move to a different team is not possible, or if you feel like your complaints are not being heard, Germain recommends job-hunting elsewhere.

“It’s really hard to imagine that you as the victim need to leave, but that’s a self-protective tactic,” she said. “You need to remain proactive by not only recognizing the damaging facets of the NPD person on your work, but also on your well-being. Well-being must remain your focus.“

Lean on your support system outside of work. Germain said narcissistic co-workers are good at gaslighting you into feeling like you are the problem, so it’s important to find a sounding board with a loved one or a therapist who can help you see that “there is nothing wrong with you,” she said.

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It’s Not Normal For Our Work Places To Leave Us In Tears

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You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

Finding a quiet toilet cubicle, a vacant conference room, or any corner of the office or work floor you can privately sob. Sound familiar?

Crying at work isn’t an alien experience for many of us. And since the pandemic, those who have been propelled to the WFH environment can weep away without shame and the judgemental glances of their co-workers.

It can be a cathartic experience, to let out your work frustrations and stresses before carrying on with your responsibilities. You might even have an open policy at work where all sentiments are welcome.

While it’s good to let your emotions out and express yourself, we must also ponder the question – should our work places be making us cry?

It’s no secret that employment, no matter in which form, is stressful and occupies much of our thoughts. But our employment isn’t supposed to dominate our emotion in the way it does.

Work under capitalism has terrorised our emotion – we’re forced to constantly be switched on, available, regulate our feelings on demand (think how often we have to suppress anger, indignation, sadness at work and put on a face), and offer ourselves as capital toward businesses much more successful than we as workers are.

So when it feels like we’re hamsters on a never-ending wheel, with the bills and responsibilities mounting on us, with little room to breathe, it’s easy for our emotions to overspill and reach breaking point – often ending in tears.

Lucy*, 43, from Northampton, can relate all too well to this. “In my 20s and 30s, I cried a lot at work, for various reasons. I was figuring out who I was and my work place often wanted me to be someone that just wasn’t my personality. I ended up in tears because my work kept expecting me to be more assertive and forceful, which is the opposite of who I am.”

But Lucy had to keep her feelings private because, she says: “I think they would have seen crying as a weakness or unprofessional and unbusinesslike.

“Our workplaces just expect us to navigate our own emotion without any effort to remedy any ill feelings.”

But, Lucy admits, it does also depend on your profession. “Some are better than others with helping people. My workplace also provided a certain number of therapy sessions per issue you were having but I don’t think a lot of people even knew about it.”

Similarly, for Nora*, 29, a deputy lighting director at a theatre in London, not only has her job left her weeping in the past, she doubts little would change if bosses were aware of the toll they had on her.

She tells HuffPost: “My work place made me cry because of severe lack of resources and time and constant pressure to complete goals by an unmovable deadline under adverse circumstances. I was regularly working 60hr+ weeks with minimal breaks, high levels of physics and mental work and increasing demands of productivity.”

Like many of us, Nora kept her feelings hidden.

“I didn’t let work see me cry, instead I removed myself to a private location. If they had seen I think they would have responded well emotionally, i.e being initially caring and empathetic but fundamentally no actual structural or practical changes would be made.”

The experience has left Nora with little belief in workplaces to care genuinely about their employee’s wellbeing.

“I think workplaces put on a show, in most cases even earnestly, of supporting our emotions and mental health but in practice don’t actually have any infrastructure or ability to back these up,” she says.

“Most middle management are not themselves emotionally equipped or trained to deal with mental health or emotional breakdowns and yet are expected to solve problems usually caused by industry wide issues created and perpetuated by those at the highest level.”

So why is work so emotionally charged and how can we have a better grip on our emotions?

Well, it’s due to the nature of work itself and not a personal failing, says wellbeing psychologist Dannielle Haig.

“The workplace can be highly charged emotionally due to the fact there are numbers of humans grouped together in an environment that can be highly pressured with difficult interactions, personality differences and deadlines and so on,” she says.

“You become so emotionally exhausted that you’re vulnerable to external stressors and can no longer control your emotions. This is a sign that you need to take a break, you need some recovery time where you are investing in yourself and allowing your emotional batteries to recharge.”

But emotions arise from somewhere. You might consider addressing the stimulus – is it a difficult boss, a toxic environment?

Haig adds: “If you are feeling resentment for example, then it is time to build your boundaries and to start saying no to others and yes to yourself. If you’re feeling anger, then it’s a signal for you to remove yourself from the situation and once calm, to approach a situation from a different angle. The more you lean into your emotions and get curious about them rather than just allowing them to happen or trying to stop them, the more emotionally agile you’ll become.”

In an ever precarious job market, compounded with the cost of living crisis, most of of us are hyperaware of our earnings and employability, we might even be willing to put up with mistreatment, regardless of its emotional and mental cost.

But we’re also protected by labour rights and, in most places, a nascent understanding of work place harms and toxicity.

If we’re left in constant tears, it’s okay to question our employers, table open discussions, speak to HR, and try to change the environment, instead of toiling away to our own detriment, emotionally and physically.

*Names have been changed.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

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