What We Can Learn From Olympians About Performance Anxiety

Posted on 19/02/2026 by Boris Clair

I don’t know about you but suddenly all of my friends are experts on skiing, figure skating and snowboarding – and it’s all thanks to the 2026 Winter Olympics completely captivating them all.

I mean, who can blame them?

The drama, the skill, the absolutely terrifying risks they take as athletes — these sports are not for the faint-hearted and for us, the audience, they make for an incredible viewing experience, even for those who don’t usually care about sports.

All of this got me thinking, though, how do they cope with performance anxiety?! I struggle to keep it together for a Zoom presentation to 12 people. Can you imagine knowing the world has its eyes on you and the country you represent is depending on you to win?

Couldn’t be me.

What Olympians can teach us about performance anxiety

Writing about the mental health impacts of being an Olympian back in 2021, Dr David M. Lyreskog, of the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Oxford, said: “In elite sports teams, the prevalence of depression and anxiety is sometimes as high as 45%, and in adolescent elite sports the prevalence of eating disorders is approximately 14%. The pursuit of performance – of excellence – does not appear to be a healthy one.”

Among the wider population, mixed anxiety and depression is Britain’s most common mental disorder, with 7.8% of people meeting the criteria for diagnosis, according to the Mental Health Foundation.

So, how do almost half of Olympians cope with anxiety when they’re supposed to be at the top of their game? And what can we learn from them?

Writing for the official Olympics website, four-time swimming Olympian-turned-sports psychologist Markus Rogan shared how he had been an anxious athlete and had learned four key lessons to get him through bouts of anxiety.

These include:

1. ‘Growing through anxiety’ and connecting with loved ones you trust

“It’s easy to surround yourself with people when you’re amazing, but maybe you can explore relationships with those who are there with you when you’re down,” he said.

2. Facing tough questions

When your brain is racing with ‘what if’ questions, ask yourself why you’re worried about this. Is the worry founded or are you just having anxious thoughts?

3. Asking people for their opinions

Sometimes, our anxiety simply comes from the unknown. Ask your loved ones to help. Ask them what you’re afraid to hear and trust them to protect you as they do so.

4. Not ignoring your thoughts

Sometimes bad thoughts are just bad thoughts, but once you label them, you can work on them. “Don’t forget that even the most profound thought is still just a thought,” he assured.

Speaking to Psychology Today, Dr Cindra Kamphoff, who has worked with professional and Olympic athletes for two decades, shared how she supports them following Olympic performances.

She said: “After the Olympics, we debrief. We evaluate what worked, what didn’t, and how to grow from the experience. Then we reset goals and begin preparing for the next competition.

“Confidence and mental performance are ongoing processes, not event-specific interventions.”

We’ve got this.

Wonder Man Introduces Viewers To Box Breathing – And Therapists Can’t Get Enough

Posted on 17/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Marvel’s latest hit TV show follows the story of Simon Williams (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II), an aspiring actor struggling in the entertainment industry who’s desperate to star in a major remake of his favourite childhood superhero film, Wonder Man.

Simon meets fellow actor Trevor Slattery (Sir Ben Kingsley), and the pair strike up a friendship as they attempt to bag themselves life-changing roles in the new film.

The pair get into a few scrapes throughout the series, and we see Simon struggling with anxiety, his racing thoughts and emotions getting the better of him.

In one scene, Trevor teaches Simon about the art of “box breathing” to regulate himself, which the actor then continues to utilise throughout the series.

While it’s not a new technique, viewers who weren’t previously familiar with this breathing exercise have now adopted it in their own lives, with positive results – especially when they’re feeling anxious.

What is box breathing?

As the exercise involves holding your breath, Medical News Today notes that people with high blood pressure or who are pregnant should consult a doctor before trying it.

To give it a go, draw a box in your mind – or in the air in front of you with your finger:

Breathe in for four seconds, while drawing along one side.
Hold your breath for four seconds, while drawing along the next.
Breathe out for four seconds, while drawing along the third side.
Leave your lungs empty while you draw along the fourth side.

Mental health pros are big fans of this breathing technique.

Counselling Directory member Donna Morgan tells HuffPost UK: “Box breathing is one of the simplest and most effective tools I use in my work as an anxiety therapist.

“I smile when clients mention they first saw it on Wonder Man, because popular culture sometimes introduces people to techniques that are genuinely powerful.”

Breathing properly (that is, utilising your lung’s full capacity) has many benefits –it can reduce stress and anxiety levels, slow heart rate, lower blood pressure, and sharpen focus.

Morgan explains that box breathing is effective because it creates balance and predictability, “which is incredibly reassuring for an anxious nervous system”.

“What makes it so effective is not just that it distracts the mind, but that it directly influences physiology. Slow, controlled breathing stimulates the vagus nerve and supports the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest and repair,” she shares.

Counselling Directory member Sabah Moran agrees it’s an effective strategy to help regulate stress hormones and activate the parasympathetic nervous system, taking our body back to its ‘rest’ state.

When we are anxious, our fight or flight response is activated leaving us with those classic symptoms: raised heart rate, shallow breathing, sweaty palms and that nauseating feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“The controlling of the breath both in and out, allows the levels of oxygen and carbon dioxide to be back in balance. Adrenaline and cortisol can leave the system,” Moran adds.

Donna Morgan noted that when we consciously slow the breath and create even counts, “we send a clear message to the brain that we are safe”.

“We have the power to do this. Over time, clients learn that they can influence their own state rather than feeling hijacked by it,” she added.

Love box breathing? Try the ‘5,4,3,2,1 method’

In addition to box breathing, both therapists love grounding techniques such as the 5,4,3,2,1 method, which is designed to bring someone out of anxious thinking and back into the present moment by using the senses.

It works like this:

5. Name five things you can see.
4. Notice four things you can feel or touch.
3. Identify three things you can hear.
2. Notice two things you can smell.
1. Name one thing you can taste or one thing you appreciate.

Explaining why it works, Morgan says: “When someone is anxious, the amygdala is activated and the brain is scanning for threat.”

This method redirects attention to neutral sensory data, however. “That shift reduces cognitive spiralling and signals safety to the nervous system. It also engages the prefrontal cortex which supports rational thinking and emotional regulation,” she adds.

“Like box breathing it is simple. We may not be superheroes on screen, but we all have the capacity to influence our own mind and calm our nervous system when we understand how it works.”

Clearly, Trevor is onto something…

All eight episodes of Wonder Man are available to watch on Disney+ now.

You’re Not Being Ghosted. You’re Just Addicted To ‘The Ping’

Posted on 03/08/2025 by Boris Clair

No one likes being ghosted. But what if you’re not actually being ghosted? What if the other person is genuinely just…busy? But someone being busy and feeling ghosted can often feel like the same thing when dating in a culture that expects instant responses.

As Monica Berg, relationship expert and author of “Rethink Love,” explains: “For many of us, especially those with anxious attachment patterns that were formed in early childhood, a pause in connection can feel like abandonment — not because it’s the reality of the situation, but because it reminds us of old feelings and stories.”

When we’re in the early stages of love, we’re flooded with cortisol, dopamine and all the chemical chaos that makes infatuation feel urgent and obsessive (the feeling of “butterflies,” for example). Layer in those unresolved attachment stories from childhood, and suddenly we’re reliving them in real time.

Waiting by the phone never gets any easier. But you can reframe these moments to make them less anxiety inducing.

“If we believe we’re ‘not enough’ or that ‘everyone abandons me,’ then even a delayed text can feel like confirmation of those beliefs,” Berg said.

How Instant Text Gratification Messes With Your Head

While dating apps can often feel like “The Hunger Games,” and no one wants to waste time or emotional investment on a swipe, this obsession with immediate responses from someone who is essentially a stranger can create unrealistic expectations for many single people. It dismisses the reality that the other person may have their own schedule, priorities or boundaries, none of which are necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you.

Still, the absence of a ping on your phone can trigger a defensive response: “He can’t be that busy. He must not be into me,” or “I don’t want someone too busy to text me.”

“The constant accessibility of modern communication — texts, DMs, voice notes, read receipts — creates the illusion that we should always be available,” Berg said. “Especially in new relationships, this immediacy can feel intoxicating at first: They messaged again! They’re thinking of me! But very quickly, it can become anxiety-inducing and even addictive,” she explains.

But that reaction, Berg adds, often reinforces a cycle of emotional dependence on the ping itself. The dopamine hit we get when someone we like — or think we like — texts us back becomes the metric for our self-worth.

Receiving texts and notifications triggers a dopamine hit — the neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure and infatuation. Pairing the constant contact with the consistent dopamine can make “us feel a false sense of intimacy, when real trust and intimacy evolves over time,” Berg said.

The false intimacy of text-based relationships can make pauses or gaps in talking so much more upsetting.

“Instead, we can find ourselves diving headfirst into emotional enmeshment,” Berg adds. “Boundaries — both energetic and emotional — become blurred, and we’re starting off in codependency, fantasy and expectation.”

Psychologically, she said, this sets us up for attachment dysregulation. “Our nervous systems become hijacked by anticipation, constantly scanning for connection or perceived rejection, and we are caught in an infatuation loop that will inevitably end — whether we end up together or not.”

Building on this, psychotherapist Israa Nasir explains how the dopamine feedback loop in texting and dating apps specifically keeps us focused on external rewards ― likes, replies, matches ― rather than turning inward to consider if we truly like the person.

“When we rely on external validation (like someone texting back, matching with us, or complimenting us) we’re outsourcing our sense of self-worth to others,” she explains. “These moments of approval trigger dopamine spikes, reinforcing the idea that we are only ‘OK’ when someone else chooses us.”

The more we rely on others for reassurance, Nasir adds, the less we develop and trust our own internal coping mechanisms. Which means when someone doesn’t text back, “the brain interprets it as a threat, triggering anxiety, self-doubt and shame. This keeps us in a reactive loop, instead of a grounded state.”

Nasir also points out that dating apps are deliberately “gamified,” designed like slot machines to maximise user engagement, not necessarily emotional well-being. “This behavioural design wires us for compulsive checking and distorted thinking patterns, making it harder to form secure, healthy connections.”

Making Peace With The Lack Of ‘Ping’

So what should you do if you feel panicked or dysregulated when you don’t hear back from a romantic interest within a certain timeframe?

Berg recommends seeing the trigger as an invitation to grow. “When that familiar panic sets in, the first thing to do is pause. Breathe. Call it out. You might even say out loud, ‘Here is my old story. I feel it, but I know it’s not real.’ From here, you can now challenge the story instead of letting it run the show. I often say that we don’t have control over our first thought, but we do have control over our second.”

Berg admits that challenging these habitual, negative thought patterns is a skill that is required in any phase of a relationship but especially in these early moments. “It can also help us to remember that love, real love, isn’t built in instant replies — it’s built in trust, in patience, in spiritual growth.”

And remember that a pause in communication isn’t always a rejection. “Often, it’s just life,” Berg said. “Our lives are so fast-paced and busy. What’s more important is the work of learning to regulate and soothe our own nervous systems, not outsource our peace of mind or our sense of worth to someone else’s response times. This is the shift from what I call ‘reactive interest’ to ‘conscious interest.’ And it’s where real connection begins.”

Nasir offers practical guidance on navigating the ambiguity of digital communication, including differentiating between whether someone is actually ghosting you or simply someone needing space or living their life offline.

“Track patterns, not moments: Look at their overall communication habits. Were they consistently responsive before, or had replies already started slowing down? Consider time and context: If it’s been a few hours or even a day, they may just be living life offline,” she explains. “Ghosting typically involves a sudden, complete drop-off with no explanation over an extended period (usually a week or more).”

“Reduce time doom-scrolling or waiting for a ping. Instead, engage in meaningful, self-affirming activities: friendships, hobbies, creativity, solo travel or dining, rest. These fill your emotional reserves and make dating feel like a part of life, not the whole thing.”

– Israa Nasir, psychotherapist

If you suspect you’re really being ghosted, Nasir suggests asking directly, once. “If you’re unsure, it’s OK to check in with a grounded message. If there’s no response after that, it’s information, not necessarily personal failure.”

When nothing is guaranteed in love or life and when dating feels like it’s doing more harm than good now more than ever, Nasir further emphasises the importance of building emotional resilience.

“The most important thing is to make sure your entire life is not centred on romance or dating,” she said. “Reduce time doom-scrolling or waiting for a ping. Instead, engage in meaningful, self-affirming activities: friendships, hobbies, creativity, solo travel or dining, rest. These fill your emotional reserves and make dating feel like a part of life, not the whole thing.”

She also recommends building in regular check-ins with yourself after interactions: “How did I feel? Did I show up as myself? This centres your experience, rather than obsessing over theirs. Practice sitting with discomfort—like the unknown of a delayed reply — without reacting impulsively. Use grounding tools like breath work, movement, or journaling to stay present. This rewires your nervous system to see uncertainty as tolerable, not dangerous.”

As Berg puts it: “The goal of a relationship is not constant contact or infinite good feelings — it’s real connection, which can only occur slowly over time.”

10 Psychologist-Backed Ways To Ease Anxiety In 10 Minutes

Posted on 22/04/2025 by Boris Clair

According to Mental Health UK, over 8 million people in the UK live with an anxiety disorder. This equates to around just over 1 in 10 people. If you’re one of them, know that you are far from alone.

However, sometimes knowing that you’re not alone and that the thoughts and feelings you’re having are anxiety isn’t enough. In the throes of an anxiety episode, it’s hard to imagine feeling calm again.

However, according to Dr. Bijal Chheda, Consultant Psychologist and Founder of Nos Curare, sometimes all it takes is just a few moments to rest your mind and body, bringing your anxiety levels down and providing much-needed clarity.

10 steps to reduce anxiety in 10 minutes

Journal to prevent chronic stress

Dr. Chheda advises: “Writing down your thoughts can be a powerful tool for managing anxiety. A quick journaling session helps offload worries, especially about things that are hard to share with friends or family.

“Journaling can even help you gain a wider perspective on situations, helping prevent chronic stress from building up until you reach a breaking point.”

She adds that by putting pen to paper, you create a structured way to process emotions, making it easier to let go of anxious loops.

“Journaling can also become a therapeutic habit when done creatively. Use stickers or coloured pens in a small but intentional effort to make the practice more engaging.

“Establishing a routine, whether it’s daily or weekly, helps turn journaling into a ritual that supports reflection and personal growth.”

Sip a warm beverage to soothe the nervous system

From a cup of tea to a mug of hot cocoa, there’s a reason sipping a warm beverage feels so comforting – it has a direct impact on your nervous system.

Dr. Chheda says: “Warm drinks help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, otherwise known as the ‘rest and digest’ system. It sends signals to your body that it’s safe to relax by triggering the release of oxytocin, a hormone associated with relaxation.

“I suggest drinking herbal teas like chamomile or peppermint, both of which can be particularly effective in reducing tension, both physically and mentally. A warm mug of golden milk, made with turmeric and honey, is another soothing option that counteracts stress-induced inflammation.”

If you don’t fancy those, she advises that even a simple cup of warm water can have a calming effect.

“It’s best to avoid caffeinated drinks, such as coffee or fizzy drinks, as they can increase heart rate and cortisol (stress) levels.”

Tap on acupressure points (EFT tapping) to release anxiety

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) involves lightly tapping specific acupressure points on the body while focusing on the anxiety-inducing thought.

“By stimulating specific parts of the body called ‘meridian points’, you can release emotional blockages and release negative emotions associated with a particular issue.

“It does this by calming the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response, and has been shown to reduce cortisol levels and calm the amygdala (the brain’s ‘fear centre’). By tapping on areas like the forehead, collarbone, under-eye area, and side of the hand, you can help interrupt anxious thought patterns and calm the mind.”

Meditate to slow down racing thoughts

Meditation is one of the most effective ways to ease an anxious mind, even when done in short bursts, the psychologist advises.

“Taking just a few minutes to focus on your breath while repeating an affirmation can create a sense of reassurance, especially in times of overthinking. This mindfulness practice can slow down racing thoughts and lower stress levels, shifting your mind away from ruminating.”

Power nap to boost energy levels

If anxious thoughts make you want to go straight to bed, good news – Dr. Chheda recommends just that. Only for 10 minutes, though.

“A quick power nap can work wonders for an anxious mind.

“When you’re exhausted, your body produces more stress hormones, which can make anxiety feel worse. Sleeping, even for just 10 minutes, can reduce mental fatigue as well as improve mood and focus, enabling you to concentrate and handle demanding situations.”

Count backward from 100 to ground yourself

Anxiety often thrives in a restless mind, making it difficult to focus.

“A simple grounding exercise like counting backward from 100 can redirect your mind away from spiralling thoughts and act as a mental ‘pause’ button. You can say each number out loud or only in your mind, but make sure you do the countdown slowly and intentionally.

“Engaging your working memory with a structured task can help you interrupt the anxious cycle and bring your attention back to the present moment. If you still feel anxious afterwards- don’t worry, simply repeat the process until you feel grounded.”

Try exercise snacking to trigger feel-good hormones

If the thought of doing long stretches of exercise does nothing but make your anxiety worse, Dr. Cheeda recommends doing short bursts of exercise for 2-10 minutes in something that’s called ‘exercise snacking’.

“This approach is especially helpful for managing anxiety, as these brief sessions effectively release physical tension and lower stress hormones without the need for a full workout.

“Simple examples of exercise snacks for anxiety relief include a 10-minute brisk walk, stair climb, deep stretching or a quick set of squats and lunges. These mini workouts provide immediate relief by triggering the release of endorphins (the feel-good hormones) and rapidly reducing cortisol levels.”

Have a digital detox to refocus

According to UK Addiction Centres, people in the UK are spending over 24-hours every week online, and of those surveyed, more than half admitted to having an internet addiction.

Dr. Cheeda recommends that people take a break from their phones saying: “Screens are a constant source of mental stimulation and entertainment, but excessive exposure can make anxiety worse. ‘Doomscrolling’, or the act of endlessly consuming negative news on social media, can overload the brain and heighten stress levels.

“Taking a short break from digital devices, even for just 10 minutes, allows your mind to reset and refocus on the present. A digital detox can help reduce mental clutter, limit exposure to digital noise, and give your eyes a much-needed break. Replace screen time with a calming activity such as journaling or meditating instead. You can also step outside, stretch, and simply enjoy a moment of quiet.”

Breathing exercises to regulate heart rate

When anxiety kicks in, your heart rate often speeds up, making you feel even more on edge.

When this is taking hold, Dr. Cheeda recommends controlled breathing exercises, such as deep belly breathing (focusing on the movement of your abdomen as you breathe) or box breathing (inhaling, holding, and exhaling all while counting to four), to regulate your heart rate.

“By slowing down your breath, your body transitions out of its ‘fight or flight response’ and signals to your nervous system that it’s safe to relax. In turn, this process also lowers your heart rate and blood pressure.

“This is why breathing techniques like these are commonly used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) by qualified therapists, to help manage anxiety and panic attacks. Just a few minutes of focused breathing can help restore a sense of calm.”

Declutter your space for mental clarity

Your physical space can reflect your mental state. If you’re feeling anxious, tidying up a small area, like your desk, bedside table, or even just your bag, can create a sense of order, according to the psychologist.

“Clutter can act as a stressor, so cleaning up your space for 10 minutes can help create a calmer, more organised environment. As well as this, decluttering can serve as a small, tangible achievement that signals to your brain that you’re regaining control over your surroundings.

“However, don’t tackle everything at once to avoid being overwhelmed, I advise to go slowly by choosing a specific area or category to declutter first. As well as this, consider regularly getting rid of things that don’t bring you joy or serve a purpose anymore.”

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

‘Air Hunger’ Is A Symptom Of Anxiety We Don’t Talk About Nearly Enough

Posted on 14/04/2025 by Boris Clair

When Seeley Lutz, a 26-year-old from Alexandria, Virginia, feels overwhelmed — either in a social situation or by all she has to get done — she said she feels like her body starts to shut down.

“I often feel like there’s something heavy sitting atop my chest or blocking my airways, leaving me unable to breathe,” Lutz said. “It truly feels like you’re suffocating even when there’s plenty of oxygen available.”

What she’s experiencing — and what many people experience — is called “air hunger.” John Scott Haldane and James Lorrain Smith coined the term in a 1892 paper. And it’s a common symptom of anxiety, although people rarely talk about how it feels ― or even know that it has a name.

Simply put, air hunger is the feeling that you can’t get enough air. From a medical standpoint, it’s referred to as dyspnea. When anxiety causes it, it’s tied to the “fight or flight” response.

“When we perceive a threat, whether real or imagined, the brain signals the body to enter fight-or-flight mode,” explained Gayle Watts, a clinical psychologist with Turning Tides Psychology. “This activates the sympathetic nervous system, which increases heart rate, tenses muscles and alters breathing patterns.”

To the body, a threat isn’t always as primal or life-threatening as being chased by a bear. It can also be giving a presentation, experiencing a trauma trigger or anything in between.

When your sympathetic nervous system is activated, you may hyperventilate or breathe too quickly or shallowly. That’s where the feeling like you can’t get enough air comes in.

And unfortunately, what may feel instinctual can make matters worse. “Paradoxically, the more we focus on our breathing and try to ‘fix’ it, the more we reinforce the cycle of anxiety and air hunger,” Watts added.

Anxiety and air hunger can become cyclical: You feel anxious, so you experience air hunger, and then struggling to breathe triggers more anxiety. You may then become anxious about, well, feeling anxious, rather than the original threat.

Kyle Elliott, a tech career coach who has anxiety disorders and lives in Santa Barbara, California, has experienced this firsthand. “The stress of the situation caused further anxiety and panic, which only made it seemingly more difficult to breathe,” he said. “I’ve never experienced something so scary before.”

What exactly is behind that? “Anxiety can amplify the perception of breathing difficulties by increasing attention to respiratory sensations, sometimes even when there is no actual physiological distress,” said Harry Cohen, a psychologist and author of ”Be The Sun, Not The Salt.” “The bottom line is that it appears very real to us and feels bad.”

The good news is it won’t last forever. “Air hunger typically subsides relatively quickly,” said Jenelle Thompson-Keene, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks in Champaign, Illinois, specialising in anxiety, coping skills and stress.

If it happens frequently, is intense, or lasts longer than a couple of minutes, or is accompanied by chest pain or nausea, she encouraged seeking help from a professional. Otherwise, the coping skills below should do the trick.

There are a few therapist-backed ways to manage air hunger and your anxiety.

How To Manage Air Hunger

Several physical and mental techniques can calm your body in mere moments. Here are some examples the mental health clinicians shared:

Expose yourself to cold temperatures.

Going outside on a colder day, washing your hands with cold water, taking a cold shower and even dunking your face in a bowl of ice water can calm your anxiety. Thompson-Keene explained it can slow your heart rate. Basically — and at least in the case of dunking your face — you’re triggering the “dive reflex.”

Ground yourself with your senses.

Another way to manage anxiety — and therefore air hunger — is by getting in touch with your five senses with the 5-4-3-2-1 technique.

“Try naming five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste,” Watts said. “This brings your awareness back to the present moment and helps disrupt anxious thought patterns.”

Change your posture.

Even in comfortable positions and when air hunger isn’t an issue, you may not be able to breathe as well. So, it’s especially important to be mindful of how you’re sitting during an air hunger “attack.”

“Sitting hunched over can create a sense of restriction, making air hunger feel worse,” Watts said. “If you’re struggling with breathlessness, try sitting up straight or standing and rolling your shoulders back to open up your chest.”

Do a breathing exercise or technique.

As Watts mentioned, people may try to take deeper breaths when they’re experiencing air hunger — it’s only instinctual. And it can make symptoms worse.

“Instead, slowing your breathing and focusing on a structured pattern can help rebalance oxygen and carbon dioxide levels,” she said.

Watts encouraged the 4-7-8 technique: Inhale through your nose for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth for eight seconds.

“This helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which signals to your body that you are safe and can relax,” Watts added.

Cohen also suggested controlled breathing exercises, such as diaphragmatic breathing. Essentially, that technique is about taking deep breaths, feeling your stomach rise as you inhale and sink as you exhale.

“Studies show that focusing on breath patterns enhances respiratory stability and reduces the unpredictability that often fuels panic,” he said.

Try cognitive reframing.

This cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) skill encourages changing your perspective to be more realistic and helpful.

In the case of air hunger, it might look like this: “Air hunger is a perception, not a true lack of oxygen.”

“By understanding the role of the brain in amplifying sensations, people can learn to reinterpret the experience as non-threatening, reducing the emotional distress associated with it,” Cohen explained.

Repeat a positive mantra.

One Thompson-Keene suggested was “I’m safe and this will pass.”

She added, “It is a way to help ground your mind and body in the present moment.”

Practice mindfulness-based stress reduction.

This toolkit is similar to some of the other tips. In practice, it might look like breath awareness, body scans and mindful movement.

Its usefulness is research-backed, too. Cohen said it “has been shown to decrease anxiety by improving one’s ability to interpret bodily sensations accurately, reducing the tendency to catastrophise normal fluctuations in breathing.”

Further, a study in JAMA Psychiatry found it as effective as the gold-standard drug, escitalopram, for patients with anxiety disorders.

Give yourself a ‘butterfly hug.’

This technique incorporates breathing and cross-body tapping, Thompson-Keene said, which many find helpful. She shared this YouTube video that explains how to do it. In short, put your left hand on your right arm and vice versa. Then, tap your arms, focus on breathing, and repeat positive mantras to yourself.

Lutz is a fan of this one. “I’ve found that butterfly hugs sometimes help with this feeling, which is great,” she said.

Whichever tip you use, and however long it takes to work, remember you will survive this, too.

“In a very short period of time, you should be feeling much better,” Cohen said. “Remember, what you’re feeling does feel unpleasant, but it will soon pass.”

Anxious At Christmas? Your Love Language Can Help You Cope

Posted on 20/12/2023 by Boris Clair

Andy Williams famously sung the words “it’s the most wonderful time of the year” but for a staggering 1 in 3 Brits, it’s a time for mental health “nosedives” according to Mental Health UK.

For many of us, it’s less a time of celebration and more to do with gritting our teeth and getting through it. There can be plenty of reasons for this including broken families, the pressure of expectation, and if you already have mental health problems, the overriding themes of joy can just make you feel more alienated than ever.

However, according to Emily Carr from CreateGiftLove, we can make the most of this season by identifying our love languages and using them to cope.

How love languages can help you cope with Christmas

If you appreciate words of affirmation, use them on yourself

Words of affirmation is a common love language and it basically means you tend to feel most loved and appreciated when people verbalise that to you. However, Carr urges that if this is you, you don’t need to wait for others to express their love.

She said: “Positive self-talk goes a long way. Create an affirmation and say it to yourself several times a day. Have it written on an object such as a keyring so that every time you see it, you’re reminded of that affirmation.”

She continued to say this is something that can actually ease anxiety. “Getting into the habit of using affirmations with breathwork can work to lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and ease anxiety,” she adds.

If you appreciate quality time, reframe how that seems to you during festivities

Quality time at Christmas doesn’t always feel like it’s worthwhile, even to those that recognise it as their love language.

Carr urges people to remember that quality time can be whatever you need it to be. If you’re not looking to get drunk at your pal’s Christmas party, maybe arrange a quiet evening with them in your home.

If you are all about acts of service, now is the time for familial Christmas elves

No, seriously. If you feel valued and loved from acts of service, ask your loved ones to help with your Christmas to-do list.

Whether that’s picking up gifts, helping you wrap them or even mundane house cleaning ahead of hosting guests. Your loved ones want to help you, and you value the help, it’s a win-win!

Receiving gifts doesn’t have to be costly

While you may feel most loved when you receive gifts, you’ll know that for you, it’s not about the price tag but instead the thought that went into a gift. It’s the same for your loved ones, too.

Don’t fall into debt trying to keep up with materialistic trends and instead get them something personal to them such as framed photographs.

If you love physical touch, prioritise that over the endless group chats

Festive season also means planning season and if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the endless threads planning parties, get togethers, and the day itself, mute them. Plan a certain time of day to reply and otherwise give yourself the mental headspace.

Instead, make plans for a cuddly date with your partner or even meet a friend for coffee and a Christmas hug.

If nothing else, remember it’ll be over soon enough and you just need to get through it by being kind and patient to yourself.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

January Is Notorious For Job Layoffs. Here’s To Manage The Anxiety

Posted on 09/01/2023 by Boris Clair

January marks the start of a new year and many fresh beginnings – but it also kickstarts a grim month of layoffs.

In the first week of January alone, Amazon, Vimeo and Salesforce disclosed plans for mass layoffs. In a letter to employees, Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff said the company is cutting 10% of its workforce, explaining it had “hired too many people leading into this economic downturn we’re now facing.”

Over the last 10 years, January has been on average one of the most common months for layoffs, according to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics data. The reason is largely calendar-driven, experts say.

“We often see quite a bit of layoffs in January,” says Sarah Rodehorst, co-founder of Onwards HR, a company that helps businesses conduct layoffs.

“As they analyse their data from the last year, what budgets they have going forward, they really are planning strategies for the year, so there’s often a lot of restructures, reorganisations.”

Rodehorst says she is seeing an uptick in layoffs for the tech, retail, banking and insurance industries in the new year. If a company in those fields hasn’t made an announcement, she says, “chances are there is some planning happening.”

Another reason could be that many bonuses are typically awarded in January, too. “That’s a time when you also give bonuses, and so if you are trying to be mindful and not particularly ethical about who gets those and how much they get, some companies may try to take advantage of this” and lay off eligible employees instead of giving them their bonus, says Sandra Sucher, a professor of management at Harvard Business School who has researched layoffs.

If you’re worried about losing your job this month, that can send you into a spiral of panic and deep anxiety. Take a deep breath and plan accordingly. Here’s how to deal if you know or suspect a layoff is coming.

Recognise first that these intense feelings are totally normal

Losing a job is among the most psychologically stressful things we ever go through. One study asked 112 professionals to do a retrospective checklist of their most stressful life events, and losing a job as head of the household ranked above divorce, hospitalisation due to illness or injury and the death of a close friend.

Something that can help alleviate the anxiety? Focusing on what you can control instead of worrying about whether you will be laid off on some uncertain date. The decision to lay you off may have already been made weeks ago, so Gregory Tall, a workshop facilitator who coaches managers, does not recommend “working your tail off” in an attempt to be spared.

If you have heard rumours about layoffs coming, Tall instead advises assuming that you will be laid off and planning for that future. “It’s easier to cease all preparations than to begin all preparations if you don’t,” he points out.

Calculate your finances and document what you want to save now. This is the time to calculate and save for your emergency fund. Tall says to ask yourself, “Am I immediately in trouble? Because if so, I need to think right now about how to generate income.”

And while you have a job, save client testimonials and past performance evaluations that will aid you in a future job hunt. If you believe you may lose your job for discriminatory reasons, legal experts advise documenting everything now so that if you are suddenly let go, you can be prepared to take your evidence to a lawyer.

Reflect on what you’re good at and what you want to be good at. Losing a job can also be a time to reset and do a career pivot. If you do not know what you want to do next, Sucher recommends take a week or two to note which company stories interest you, what industries they are in, and what it is about them that interested you.

And if you have trusted colleagues, try asking them about your strengths. When she was contemplating a career move from Fidelity Investments to the faculty at Harvard Business School, Sucher says she asked trusted co-workers, “What was I good at?” to get insights that were helpful and sometimes surprising.

This exercise can also be a much-needed boost to your confidence.

“If you do get laid off, that is an assault to your ego,” Sucher says, noting that questions of “Why was I chosen when they weren’t?” are painful, regardless of how quickly you find your next job. “The people who do best at recovering from layoffs are people – and this is demonstrated from research – who have a positive mindset and they don’t blame themselves for the fact that they got laid off.“

See it as an opportunity to job-hunt. Although January is a month with heavy layoffs, it’s also a month where you are more likely to get a new job, too. Rodehorst says it’s the month where companies make the most new hires.

“A company that may be having layoffs may also be hiring in other areas,” she says, adding later that, “It’s the month with the highest level of change. The hiring and firing side, just as companies look to restructure their organisation and plan for the future.”

If Flying Is Giving You More Anxiety Than Ever, Here’s How To Cope

Posted on 15/12/2022 by Boris Clair

During college, I grew a tumour that meant I hung out quite frequently in MRI machines. Though I’d never had a problem before, I found myself newly and severely claustrophobic – laying in a tiny tunnel for hours, arms raised overhead, will do that.

What I never saw coming was that phobia transferring to other small spaces, namely, airplanes. I’d developed severe anxiety around flying, stemming from that claustrophobia. Once the flight attendants closed the doors, and I was stuck there for a few hours, I was history. Since then, I’ve been on a mission to overcome flight anxiety because who wants to hang out in the Midwest their whole life?

It turns out I’m far from alone — up to 40% of Americans (and one in 10 Brits) have some sort of flying anxiety, from fearing a plane crash to worries about close contact with others. Or, like me, they don’t want to be stuck. Still, others dread navigating the airport, worrying their valuables might be lost or that they could encounter an issue with security doubting their intentions. Flying anxiety has become such an issue that some airlines like British Airways even offer courses, such as their Flying with Confidence one-day class, to get you back in the air.

There’s likely even more of a spike in flight anxiety thanks to the pandemic, according to Susan Zinn, a psychotherapist and author of “The Epiphanies Project.”

“That is why there’s been an uptick in airplane phobias, fear of flying, and feeling out of control, or road or flight rage — people all of a sudden get triggered that bring them back to a time in our recent past where they felt so out of control,” Zinn said.

Here’s what experts say we can do to reduce our anxieties about airplanes.

Expose yourself to the aspects of flying (preferably with a mental health professional)

For Johnny Jet, a worldwide traveler and expert who has been to over 70 countries, his traveling fears started with a doctor’s comment. He was headed on a 27-hour flight when his asthma doctor commented that he “might have a problem breathing on a plane because the cabin is pressurised.”

This led to a full-blown panic attack at a New York airport ahead of the flight, which he called “one of the worst days of his life,” and prompted an almost four-year-long fear of flying.

Exposure to planes and airports ended up being, ironically, part of the solution. “Speak to the flight crew, take a course, read books, go to the airport and do practice runs,” he suggested.

This type of activity ― known as exposure therapy ― can help your brain adapt to the situation over time and take some of the fear and uncertainty away from flying. It’s best to try this with a therapist who is trained in doing this.

Zinn added that medication might also be necessary for some people in tandem with preparation. She’s worked with clients who have spent several months practicing for a flight before the real trip.

Get strategic about your seat selection

Right after 9/11, Zinn had to jump on a plane out of New York for a business trip. She was terrified as their flight was escorted by air marshals openly carrying weapons. She was one of many who would develop a new fear of flying, which caused nausea and panic attacks.

One strategy that helped her was carefully picking a seat that made her feel comfortable. “I always still to this day will sit on the outside aisle [seat] to make sure I can always get up, versus kind of being stuck on the inside, which made me feel better,” she said.

Quick access to the bathroom, where you can splash cold water on your face to “shock your system” when you feel panic is another tool that helps, Zinn explained. If financially possible, upgrading to first class for more room or choosing an exit row for more legroom might also help, Jet added.

Experts recommend choosing a seat that brings you the most comfort if you're worried about getting on a plane. — Experts recommend choosing a seat that brings you the most comfort if you’re worried about getting on a plane.

Find a deep breathing method that works for you

It may be an annoying suggestion to hear, but breathing exercises are often given as a recommendation for anxiety because they work. Zinn said she often suggests her patients practice intentional breathing exercises, like five-finger breathing, where you take deep inhales and exhales as you trace the outline of your hand.

Doing this can help calm the panic that arises before it turns into a full panic attack, Zinn said.

Pack some sour candy in your carry on

Zinn also suggested eating some sour candy, such as a WarHead, to force your brain back into reality. The candy’s tartness can help you better focus on the moment rather than the fear or “what if?” during flying. It’s another way to practice mindfulness.

Learn the “why” behind air bumps

Adam Banks, a retired pilot based in New York, said the turbulence is one of the most concerning parts of flying for anxious passengers. Understanding what it is might help you see it as more normal and less of a sign of impending doom.

“Turbulence is just shifting winds. If you fly into a puffy cloud, the airplane is going to get a bump,” he said. “Airplanes are designed to handle these bumps. If you’re sitting over the wing, you can see the wings flex as they absorb turbulence. Turbulence might feel like the airplane is moving around thousands of feet, the reality is the airplane is probably only being jostled a few feet.”

Ground yourself in facts

Zinn said that dealing with both physical anxiety and our mind’s perception of danger plays a role in calming down, so statistics might help. For example, the annual risk of dying in a plane crash is only one in 11 million. You are much more likely to die from sunstroke, a bee sting, consuming a hot substance or even being attacked by a dog.

For me, flying in a tiny space will probably always be a struggle. But armed with some tools and tricks, flying is doable again, and I’m no longer doomed to the Midwest for life.

Pregnant And Worrying Loads? Clinical Psychologists Want You To Know This

Posted on 30/10/2022 by Boris Clair

When you’re pregnant, levels of worry can ramp up to never-before-seen levels.

Much of those nine months can be spent worrying obsessively about miscarriage, whether you’re eating or doing the right things to keep your baby healthy, whether your baby is moving enough, and the impending birth.

It’s a lot. So it’s perhaps no surprise then that one in 10 women will struggle with pregnancy anxiety, which can begin to rule their lives.

It’s the subject of Break Free From Maternal Anxiety, a new book penned by three NHS clinical psychologists: Dr Fiona Challacombe, Dr Catherine Green and Dr Victoria Bream.

The trio use cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) techniques to explore how women can cope with persistent and distressing worries about pregnancy and becoming a mother. Here are some of the things we learned from it.

1. Pretty much every mum-to-be will feel anxious at some point during their pregnancy

If you’re pregnant and feeling anxious, know you’re not alone.

From worries about whether your baby is moving enough to how you’ll cope with the birth (and all of the uncertainty that surrounds that), pretty much every mum-to-be on the planet will experience anxious thoughts at some point.

“They aren’t pleasant or comfortable and they certainly aren’t spoken about enough,” write the authors, “but they are a near universal part of pregnancy and parenthood.”

In fact, research has shown that 100% of new mothers experience intrusive, unwanted thoughts about something bad happening to their newborn in the first weeks after birth.

If you have the odd worry here and there, you probably don’t need to read a book on pregnancy anxiety. But if worries seem to crop up daily and they’re stopping you from doing things, read on.

2. ‘Problematic worry’ is something to watch out for

There’s a difference between the odd anxious thought and problematic worry, where you get stuck in repeated loops of negative anxious thinking that feel hard to stop, control or turn away from.

It’s one of the most common problems in pregnancy and postnatally, according to the book, with about 8% of women experiencing it.

The authors share the story of one mum, Hestia, who was 32 weeks pregnant and constantly worrying about every decision she made about her baby. Some worries she had included: ‘What if I haven’t included everything on my birth plan?’ and ‘What if lose my job when I am on maternity leave?’.

While some people might have these kinds of thoughts and move on, she would find it difficult to move her attention to other things and would become irritable, unable to concentrate on work or reading books and then she became reluctant to leave her house.

When anxiety starts to impact your day-to-day life, it’s time to seek help. As Dr Fiona Challacombe explains: “The perinatal period is a time of big changes, emotionally, physically and socially, so it’s often assumed that anxiety is a normal part of this.

“However, when anxiety persists and is having an impact on your daily life and functioning then it is likely to be an anxiety problem.”

3. Tackling worry isn’t about what you worry about, but the way you think about it.

One of the things the book is keen to convey is that rather than trying to tackle the worry itself, you need to focus on solutions which tackle the way that worry works.

A strategy the authors advise is to ask yourself whether the worry you are having is actually important – ie. will anyone else care about this tomorrow? Or will you care it about it on your deathbed?

If it isn’t important – and you firmly believe that – they recommend trying to continue with what you are doing, and if your worries come back, to treat them as white noise in the background.

If it is an important worry, then they recommend defining what the problem is that underlies the worry – and then generating as many solutions as possible for that problem.

4. Setting a ‘worry-free zone’ or planning a time to worry could help

Another way to tackle worry is to set a worry zone, say the authors. This is basically where you make a conscious decision to put your worries to one side for a set time in the day.

One idea they suggest is that whenever you have a snack, you can “try to focus away from worry and enjoy every second of your crisps or chocolate”.

It’s a well-used technique in CBT for worry problems, they add, and as you get more practice, you can try to increase the worry-free zones and take control.

It sounds weird but the clinical psychologists also suggest planning a time when you will worry, and deliberately postponing worrying until that specific time.

“This is a useful strategy to free yourself from the relentless worrying, by setting a particular time when you can come back to worries you have noted in the day,” they say.

There are tonnes of strategies like this in the book, as well as advice on coping with intrusive thoughts and phobias.

Dr Fiona Challacombe says: “CBT is a very effective treatment for persistent anxiety and our own research trials show that it can be effective for maternal anxiety in various forms.

“We have seen many parents use the techniques described in the book to get control of and overcome their anxiety, with benefits to them and their families.”

Break Free from Maternal Anxiety: A Self-Help Guide for Pregnancy, Birth and the First Postnatal Year will be published October 27 by Cambridge University Press (£12.99).

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

How To Stop Obsessing Over A Mistake At Work

Posted on 29/04/2022 by Boris Clair

Making mistakes happens to all of us in our careers. But some of us hold on to these mistakes longer than others.

Maybe you lie awake at night still feeling queasy and anxious over the way you frustrated a client by accidentally giving them the wrong information. Maybe you are avoiding co-workers on your team because you feel like they are all judging you for that error, even though it happened last week. If either of these scenarios sounds familiar, you may be prone to obsessing over mistakes.

What fuels these constant worries is the shame of feeling completely inadequate and fear of others discovering your lack of capabilities, says Tanisha Ranger, a Nevada-based clinical psychologist. Once you start obsessing over mistakes because of your shame, it can steamroll into bigger problems like perfectionism.

“Shame often gives way to perfectionism, and perfectionism makes mistakes feel monumental. Essentially, ‘If I don’t do everything perfectly right then I am a failure and everyone will see my defectiveness,’” she says. “I’ve had many clients who struggled with obsessing over mistakes at work. [They lay] awake at night ruminating and beating themselves up over a mistake, not an intentional or careless mess-up, but a mistake.”

There’s a better way to acknowledge a mistake while still letting it go. Here’s how:

1. Put the mistake in perspective

After you make an obvious mistake at work, you may want the ground to swallow you up to save you from the embarrassment, shame and anxiety of facing your co-workers again.

If these worries are keeping you up at night, challenge those thoughts by getting more realistic with your thinking, suggests Shannon Garcia, a psychotherapist at States of Wellness Counselling.

“Will the world end? Nope,” she says. “Will you get fired? Highly unlikely. Will you receive constructive feedback from your boss? Maybe. Will owning up to your mistake be uncomfortable? Probably. Have you survived past mistakes? Seems like it, if you’re reading this. Will you survive this one? Yes!”

Sometimes accidental oversights do hurt your job performance, but it’s important to not catastrophise what happened.

“Sure, it caused a delay. Yes, it may have cost the company some money. OK, it negatively impacted job performance. But is it actually the end of your career? Really? Likely not,” says Ranger. “Shrinking things down to their right size, not ignoring/suppressing and also not overblowing or exaggerating, is an important part of letting things go.”

If it helps, try putting yourself in the shoes of co-workers who have also made mistakes. Once you see the compassion and sympathy you hold for their slip-ups, you may be more inclined to be compassionate about your own.

“When a co-worker has made a mistake in the past, is it something you’ve judged them immensely for? Did you spend your day thinking endlessly about their mistake? No. People at work are likely reacting the same way,” Garcia says. “No one is thinking about this more than you are.”

2. Learn that you don’t have to beat yourself up as penance

To move past a mistake, you also need to rethink what it means to learn from a mistake. If you think turning over every angle of how an interaction with your boss could have gone better, for example, take a deep breath. Give yourself permission to release those thoughts, says organisational psychologist Laura Gallaher of the consulting firm Gallaher Edge.

People ruminate because they believe there are payoffs to worrying so much; they think “A conscientious person would worry about this,” Gallaher says.

“When you know that you can simultaneously be a conscientious person, and also forgive yourself to move forward, it will be easier to do so.”

What Garcia tells her clients the most is “be nice to yourself,” she says. Reframe your worries in a more positive light.

“The fact that you are anxious about it means you care. That’s what your boss, co-workers and customers care about the most,” Garcia says. “Try not to beat yourself up over it. Create an affirmation to repeat to yourself whenever those negative self-talk thoughts pop up: ‘I accept my mistake, I choose to learn from it, and I am moving forward.’”

If you are stuck in the world of “could’ve/should’ve” in regards to your error, be honest with yourself about what you did not know.

Ranger says she works with some clients by asking them to consider why they supposedly “should have known better.” “It’s always so enticing to impose our current knowledge and wisdom on a past version of ourselves that could not have known to make that decision with the information we had at that time,” she says.

3. Don’t hide the mistake. Own what happened, but don’t take on other people’s judgement, too

When you make a big blunder at work, you may instinctually want to shut down, repress it, and forget it ever happened.

If you feel the urge to withdraw, challenge yourself to do the opposite. Be the one to bring it up in conversation with co-workers or your boss.

“If it was something that inconvenienced them, apologise for it,” Garcia says. “Then it’s a conversation happening where you are involved, people are likely to be gracious, and everyone can move on from there.”

It may sound counterintuitive, but being transparent about your mistake and its impact can be healing. “It can feel like a cold shower – before you do it, you fear it and feel uneasy or anxious,” Gallaher explains. “In the moment of being open, it can feel unpleasant at first, but once it’s over, you actually feel more refreshed 99% of the time. Taking accountability without blaming anybody is the most healing.“

Once you model being open and accountable, it may encourage others to do so as well. “Most of the time, when you lead with self-accountability, that vulnerability is courageous, and courage is contagious: People usually respond with their own self-accountability as well,” Gallaher says.

Of course, sometimes being honest about a mistake can also inspire eye-rolling judgement and harsh criticism from mean-spirited colleagues. You should hold yourself accountable for your mistake, but the judgement of your peers is not something you need to take on, too.

“Let them know what you intend to do differently to try to prevent something like this from happening in the future, and then accept that they may move on or they may not. It is outside of your control,” Ranger advises. “Taking on other people’s emotions is detrimental to yourself and makes it difficult for you to treat yourself with the kindness and compassion you deserve from you.”