The Questions Your Boomer Relatives Wish You’d Actually Ask

Posted on 01/03/2026 by Boris Clair

There have always been generational conflicts, but the chasm between baby boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) and other generations after them seems particularly hard to bridge.

Between changing values, hyper-polarised politics, and the radical shift in financial stability and opportunity, it doesn’t take a genius to see why some younger individuals find it challenging to relate to their elders.

As challenging as it may feel sometimes, there’s a simple solution for those wanting to experience more closeness with their boomer relatives and to understand them better: ask more questions.

Simple curiosity, by way of a thoughtful question, can make people feel heard and respected – and can also help change your perspective on why someone you love thinks the way they do, why they are the way they are. That dialogue may prove to be one of the most rewarding ones you undertake.

Asking more questions is a great way to start the conversations you're longing to have with your loved one. — Asking more questions is a great way to start the conversations you’re longing to have with your loved one.

“In my work with families, I’ve noticed that older relatives are rarely waiting to be corrected,” Anna Marchenko, a licensed mental health counsellor and principal practitioner at Miami Hypnosis and Therapy, tells HuffPost.

“What they tend to want is to be understood in the context of the world they grew up in. These questions often slow conversations down in a way that makes real understanding possible.”

HuffPost asked family therapists to suggest some starter questions boomer relatives wish they’d get asked more – and they may appreciate having these conversations more than you could ever know.

‘What do you wish people asked you about more?’

If you’re new to opening this kind of dialogue with an older relative, the best start is often… to ask what they want to be asked. Yes, it’s a little like cheating, but this question in itself can lead the way to so much understanding on both sides.

This question “gets at what a parent may want to share more in their relationship with you,” Sarah Epstein, a marriage and family therapist who specialises in family dysfunction, told HuffPost. “Maybe they wish you asked about their health, their hobbies, their careers or their travels.”

For Epstein, this question can open the door to a new dynamic between your parent or older relative and you. “Asking shows an interest in not only having parents support you, but you to invest in them,” she said. “You can then lean into that more by asking about their current excitement and stressors.”

Remember: the point of asking questions in the first place is to allow your relative to feel heard, so open-ended and even apparently vague conversation starters work like a charm.

‘What was your family like when you were growing up?’

Imagine you were meeting a new friend for coffee. You are likely to ask questions about their upbringing. While you may already know the basics about your relative, like where they grew up and how many siblings they have, asking them about their family of origin is an amazing way to get to know them better – and even forge a new kind of relationship with them.

As well as the more general, “What was your family like?” Epstein also recommends asking more specific questions, such as, “What were your parents like?” or “Who in your extended family were you closest with and who were you not close with?”

“As their child, you only see their adult relationships, not the ones they experienced as children themselves,” Epstein said. “Asking these kinds of questions humanises parents to their children and other younger relatives, and gives parents a chance to tell their children more about themselves. It opens up possible vulnerable topics, like what felt good and what felt difficult in their upbringing and how they managed that.”

‘What did the world expect from you when you were young?’

This is an amazing question to get people to reflect on what the world’s expectations of them might have cost them – as well as any gifts they might have brought.

When asked this question, “people usually talk about pressure rather than nostalgia,” Marchenko said. “They describe growing up fast, being needed early, and making tradeoffs that were not optional. It helps younger relatives see that many values were shaped by necessity rather than preference.”

This line of questioning may also naturally lead into other similar revelations from your older relative, such as how systems of power worked in the environment they grew up in and what beliefs their upbringing created that they may have challenged later in life, says Marchenko.

You never got to know your parents or grandparents in certain ways — because you simply weren't there for it. But it's a perspective you won't want to miss out on. — You never got to know your parents or grandparents in certain ways — because you simply weren’t there for it. But it’s a perspective you won’t want to miss out on.

‘When you look at the world now, how does it feel to you?’

One of the greatest obstacles to creating mutually respectful relationships with our older relatives today is the stark difference in values and politics younger generations often have. But phrasing a question like this opens the door to curiosity rather than immediately creating defensiveness.

“This avoids debates about progress and invites reflection instead,” Marchenko said. “People speak about gains and losses at the same time, which allows disagreement without turning anyone into the problem.”

‘Is there anything you still feel responsible for passing on?’

“This reframes older generations as caretakers rather than obstacles,” Marchenko said. “The answers are usually less about advice and more about values, restraint, and hard-earned perspective.”

This is a great question because they may have previously avoided sharing their thoughts on this subject for fear of how they might be received. For you, hearing about how your relative views their potential legacy may also be eye-opening and perspective-shifting.

‘What feels good in our relationship right now? What doesn’t?’

In the same way that you may find some aspects of your relationship with your older relative difficult, they might too. If you can ask this question and receive the answer without getting defensive, the two of you might be able to work together to deepen the relationship and smooth over areas of discontent.

“When you ask straight out how the relationship feels, you can start to have open, honest discussions about how the relationship is going,” Epstein said. “It may turn out you each have things you love doing together, or discussing, that you can double down on. You may also identify things your relative has been feeling about the relationship that you can then work on together. The easiest route to clarity is gently, respectfully asking about the other person’s experience.”

On 3 March, The ‘Worm Moon’ Will Turn Blood Red

Posted on 27/02/2026 by Boris Clair

On 3 March 2026, the “worm moon” – a name given to the full moon in March – will rise.

And due to an event called a total lunar eclipse, this year, it’s set to look deep red from some parts of the Earth.

What is a total lunar eclipse?

This can only happen during a full moon. It occurs when the Earth gets into a position right in between the moon and the sun, making the surface of the moon look dimmer.

When the moon moves into the inner part of the Earth’s shadow (its umbra) in a total lunar eclipse, the Earth’s atmosphere filters the light from the sun to the moon.

Why will March’s “blood moon” be red?

During a total lunar eclipse, the light on the moon has to pass through our atmosphere.

Because shorter waves of light, like blue and purple tones, scatter faster than their longer-length cousins, red and orange, the moon can look reddish or orange during the event.

“It’s as if all the world’s sunrises and sunsets are projected onto the Moon,” NASA said.

This is sometimes called a blood moon, thanks to the colour.

The more dust in our atmosphere, the redder the moon is likely to look.

When will the “blood moon” happen?

It’s set to happen on 3 March, 2026. And while the time the moon actually spends in the Earth’s umbra is just under an hour, Space.com said that “the show goes on for much longer than that”.

The eclipse will “peak” at 11:33am GMT. At this point, the moon will move closest to the centre of the Earth’s shadow, as part of the “eclipse maximum”.

Where can I see the March blood moon?

Sadly, it won’t be visible from the UK or Ireland – nor will it be seen from Africa or Europe.

But views from North America, the Pacific area, Australia, and parts of East Asia are expected to be particularly stunning.

Why is the March moon called the “worm moon”?

Per Royal Museums Greenwich, the name comes from Native Americans, who coined the term because of “the worm trails that would appear in the newly thawed ground” in March.

Other names include the death moon, crust moon, sap moon, and chaste moon.

And, of course, this month, it counts as a “blood moon” too.

I Swapped A 10k Step Goal For A ‘3-3-30’ Method Lunch Walk – It’s Much More Efficient

Posted on 26/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Though the 10,000 steps a day “rule” is actually a marketing gimmick, there is some merit to getting a few thousand paces under your belt (or should that be soles?) daily.

Some research suggests that 7,000 steps a day can help to lower heart disease, cancer, type 2 diabetes, depression, and falls risk, and can even reduce your likelihood of all-cause mortality by 47%.

But since I gave up my sleep tracker, I’ve grown a little weary of step-counting devices too. So, I tried a 3-3-30 walk on my lunch break instead (experts say a midday stroll can help to boost our mood and health in winter and early spring).

That’s because some research says the half-hour activity could improve your blood pressure, aerobic capacity, and strength even more than “regular” walking,

What is 3-3-30 walking?

It’s a type of interval training, a bit like the “Jeffing” or “run walk run” method is for runners.

It involves walking briskly for three minutes, then more slowly for another three minutes, on repeat for half an hour.

A study into the technique concluded that “High-intensity interval walking may protect against age-associated increases in blood pressure and decreases in thigh muscle strength and peak aerobic capacity”.

These results were stronger for the interval walking group than the steady-pace walkers.

Speaking to HuffPost UK previously, doctor and consultant practitioner, Dr Hussain Ahmad, said: “If you’re aiming to maintain general health, brisk walking for at least 150 minutes a week (about 30 minutes a day, five days a week) can help reduce the risk of heart disease, improve mood, and support weight management”.

Brisker walking is associated with a 20% lower risk of early death compared to 4% for slower walkers.

Just to add the vitamin D-boosting cherry on top, doing the surprisingly efficient workout when the sun is at its highest – from 11am to 3pm – can boost your mood, sleep, and energy in the cooler months.

Some goslings and a swan that made my lunchtime walk even more worthwhile

So, how did it go?

I don’t know if it was because I tried 3-3-30 walking on the same day this year’s endless barrage of storms gave way to sunshine, but I couldn’t believe how much it boosted my mood.

It’s also way more practical than my noble, but unrealistic, step count goals, which sometimes required either an earlier wakeup than I can usually manage or a dark, depressing post-work stroll.

A plus: because I wasn’t checking my step count during the walk, I was able to concentrate more on the nature around me (including some impossibly cute fluffy gislings, pictured above).

That meant the walk was more sustainable, more enjoyable, and (probably) more efficient. No wonder I’ve been trying to get friends and family on board.

The Science Behind ‘Headline Anxiety’: Why Our Brains Detach And How To Cope

Posted on 26/02/2026 by Boris Clair

It goes without saying that we are living through incredibly hard times. We are facing innumerable environmental crises, there is an alarming rise in far-right ideologies and we’re still feeling the social hits of the Covid-19 pandemic.

So, how do we cope? Why can we get up, make a cup of coffee, go to work and tune into our everyday life while knowing that we are surrounded by The Horrors? Are we monsters?

Well, no. But we are feeling emotionally detached and this is something our brains do to protect us. Unfortunately, it can also make us numb to what’s happening around us and less likely to take action.

How emotional detachment keeps us moving

VeryWellMind explains: “Emotional detachment refers to being disconnected or disengaged from other people’s feelings. It can involve an inability or unwillingness to get involved in other people’s emotional lives.

“While this detachment may protect people from stress, hurt, and anxiety, it can also interfere with a person’s psychological, social, and emotional well-being.”

It is completely understandable that we don’t know how to cope and so instead mentally detach without even knowing that we’re doing it. In fact, sometimes it’s necessary. Think of dealing with death admin following the loss of a loved one. Sometimes you just have to keep going.

This can lead us to something called ‘compassionate fatigue’

Psychology Today explains that while this phrase is most often applied to emergency and healthcare workers, “A secondary definition of compassion fatigue refers to the experience of any empathetic individual who is acutely conscious of societal needs but feels helpless to solve them.”

Sounds very familiar.

The psychology experts explain that it can be treated, though: “You can counteract such fatigue through regular exercise and healthy eating, a commitment to adequate rest and regular time off, and time in therapy. It also helps to set emotional boundaries without barricading yourself from the world.”

Reducing screen time is also incredibly beneficial.

Punch The Monkey’s Plush: Why Animals, Including Humans, Love ‘Cuddle Therapy’

Posted on 25/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Primate expertise provided by Dr Luke Duncan, a postdoctoral research fellow, primatologist, and part of the University of Warwick’s ApeTank. Therapy comment by relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos.

If you’re 1) on social media and 2) have something resembling a heart, chances are it’s been broken by the Japanese macaque, Punch, from Ichikawa City Zoo in Japan.

The adorable monkey, whose mother abandoned him, has gone viral for clutching an IKEA orangutan plush to help manage his feelings of abandonment (the burnt orange stuffed toy has since sold out in multiple stores).

But why do animals, including humans, so often turn to stuffed toys in our times of need, or as a more everyday source of comfort?

One study suggests that dogs can become almost “addicted” to their toys, which another paper says may boost their welfare. Over a third of adults sleep with a plush every night.

Here, we spoke to primate expert Dr Luke Duncan and therapist Sofie Roos about the “cuddle therapy” a variety of species can get from stuffed toys.

Emotional support plushes are pretty common among adults, and could be helpful for distressed animals

Punch’s toy orangutan was given to him to help him handle the loss of his parent. According to Dr Duncan, that move makes sense.

“Young primates are biologically programmed to cling to their mother ― it’s a normal and essential part of emotional and psychological development,” he told us.

“Harry Harlow’s foundational research in the 1950s and 1960s showed that infant rhesus monkeys overwhelmingly preferred a soft cloth surrogate over a wire one that provided milk, demonstrating that tactile comfort is a powerful driver of attachment behaviour in infants.”

So, while the goal should always be to provide a “safe, living social partner of the same species,” in a pinch, “A soft surrogate, in the form of a plush toy, can… provide meaningful comfort for an orphaned infant primate.

“While a plush toy cannot replace a real mother, it may help alleviate distress in the short term.”

And Roos said that while humans – and almost certainly other animals – know our toys aren’t really alive, they can “work as a ‘transition object’, which… stands as a symbol for safety when an important person is no longer with us”.

Among adults, she added, stuffed toy use offers a kind of “cuddle therapy”, which provides a combination of physical touch and pressure that a lot of animals find soothing.

“Physical touch, [even] from an object, can make our body calm and feel safe.”

Then, there’s the fact that, generally, toys don’t leave us.

“For people who lose someone important, and have wounds connected to abandonment and an insecure attachment, the cuddly toy can give a feeling of not being completely alone, which for some becomes a saviour,” the therapist said.

“We’re born with a… need to… belong, and this need stays with us until the day we die. A stuffed animal doesn’t get any less good at giving us this just because we grow older.”

Perhaps that’s why 44% of adults hold on to their childhood toys.

The therapist doesn’t think it’s that different to using meditation apps

Lots of animals, including humans, “are born social, and seek closeness, warmth and touch. A cuddle toy can work as a complement to give that safety, care and attachment we so strongly seek, especially if we feel lonely,” said Roos.

This is not unlike what may be happening with Punch: Dr Duncan shared, “Physical contact with a soft object can help regulate [primate] stress responses and provide a sense of security during a vulnerable period”.

Roos continued, “Many also connect the cuddle toy with childhood, a time most look back at as easier and more protected, where the stuffed animal can stand as a symbol for that time when we felt cared for, comforted and soothed in another way.”

In fact, the therapist doesn’t think relying on a stuffed toy for “cuddle therapy” is all that different to other forms of self-soothing.

“When looking at what the cuddle toy does for you, it’s not far away from what using mindfulness apps, yoga, stress balls or weighted blankets do – the stuffed animal is just less socially accepted, even though in my [opinion], it works better than many other more accepted methods of dealing with stress, loneliness, overthinking and anxiety.”

From BDSM To Sordid Affairs: What Emerald Fennell’s Wuthering Heights Gets Right About 18th Century Sex

Posted on 24/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Whether you loved it or you hated it, Emerald Fennell’s sexually-charged reimagining of Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights – featuring a brooding Jacob Elordi – still has us all talking over a week after its cinematic release. While the original 1847 novel didn’t feature any sex scenes, Fennell’s film is far more ‘Heathcliff, it’s me, it’s Cathy, I’m horny.’

But for all the sneaking out of bedroom windows, romping in carriages, grinding in the moors, finger sucking and… puppy play that Fennell portrays in her take of Wuthering Heights, how much of this raunchery was actually going on during the period in which the original novel was set?

When you think of sexy periods of time in history, we tend to think of the promiscuity of the Ancient Romans or even the more recent free love movement of the 1970s – not the late Georgian era. So before we all start wishing that we could jump in a time machine to 1770 and find our own Heathcliff to romp about the moors with, we asked leading UK historians what sex and relationships back then were actually like.

Social Class Dictated Your Sex Life

Right from the first opening scene, Fennell’s version of Wuthering Heights features public hand jobs at the gallows and crowds snogging during a frenzied public hanging in an impoverished town centre – and you’ll be surprised to know the film was actually onto something historically accurate.

As the London Museum explains, public executions were more like a fair and a party atmosphere would be in the air as thousands of people gathered to watch someone’s final moments. Gruesome, we know – however, apparently it wouldn’t be enough to turn the Georgians off.

You see, according to Dr. Ruth Larsen, Senior Lecturer in History at the University of Derby, pre-marital sex was really common among poorer classes during the time in which Wuthering Heights was set (1770 to around 1801). “Poorer people tended to marry older and engage in sexual activity prior to that, especially those living in urban areas,” she tells HuffPost UK.

So: thousands of people, likely from poorer classes, gathering en masse in an urban area with drinking and partying going on? You do the math – it would appear that this is a big old tick for Fennell’s uninhibited Wuthering Heights adaptation.

But what about those lucky enough to be born into aristocracy? Unfortunately you wouldn’t be ‘getting lucky’ as often as your less well-off counterparts.

“For the wealthier classes, it was very unusual for women to have sexual relations before wedlock,” Dr. Larsen explains. For people like Cathy, pre-marital sex would be off the cards as “the usual form of courting would have been through assemblies, formal gathering and family acquaintances.”

The sense of familial obligation, to uphold the positive reputation of the family, was felt by many, not just the richest in society – and the film yet again gets this right with Edgar Linton, whom Cathy marries, despite her love for Heathcliff in order to improve her family’s social standing.

And her choice wouldn’t have been uncommon in the late Georgian era either. As Dr. Larsen adds: “For most young women, marriages were an opportunity to find their place in society, to become mistress of the house and, if they were landed, of the estate. To decide to take a different path would have been seen by most people as unwise.”

The Logistical Nightmare Of Affairs In Georgian Britain

Of course, the sauciness in Fennell’s Wuthering Heights really ramps up when Heathcliff and Cathy give up yearning and instead start a steamy affair (cue the famous sex scene montage).

However, as easy as the duo make it look, having an affair in the late 18th century was far from plain-sailing.

“The scenes where Heathcliff crawls in through Cathy’s window are very much representative of the literary tropes we love today, but this might have been difficult to pull off in historical reality,” Lauren Good, Senior Content Producer from HistoryExtra, tells HuffPost UK.

If you were rich enough, you’d be lucky enough to have a separate bedroom to that of your spouse (as Margot Robbie’s iteration of Cathy thoroughly enjoys), however your bedroom would be adjoined – which, as Good points out, “isn’t ideal in allowing for a quick exit from your illicit lover!”

And if you did manage to get some time alone with your ‘bit on the side’, trying to then have sex wasn’t straightforward thanks to the fashion of the era.

“Women’s dress of the era wouldn’t have been so easy to get into,” Nichi Hodgson, author of the Curious History of Dating: From Jane Austen to Tinder explains.

“Women typically wore a chemise, corset, under petticoat, hoop skirt or crinoline, over petticoat and long sleeved gown – plus gloves.” Good luck trying to remove all of that while your husband snores next door.

At least Cathy wouldn’t have had to try and get her knickers off, as Hodgson points out that drawers did not come into fashion until the 1870s: “If a hooped skirt tipped to one side, you may have got an eyeful!”

In fairness to Fennell, we don’t see a nude Cathy in any of the film as Heathcliff navigates her many, many layers of opulent clothing during the daytime sex scenes in the montage – so once again, we have another historical accuracy win!

The Surprising Sadomasochism Of The Late 18th Century

Excuse our phrasing but buckle up – this might be the most surprising historical accuracy of the entire film.

Arguably the most shocking portrayals of sex in Fennell’s film come in the shape of sadomasochistic relationships, namely two servants enjoying off screen flagellation in the stables and Isabella Linton’s submissive role to Heathcliff’s dominant. And it turns out, in the words of Hodgson, “bondage and kink were alive and well in the 18th century!”

“We often assume that the stricter societal expectations placed upon those who lived centuries before us translated into their intimate lives, but that wasn’t always the case,” Good explains.

“We might dismiss this as shock factor in Wuthering Heights but flagellation, as Hilary Mitchell told us at HistoryExtra, ‘played a prominent role in English sex work from about 1700 onwards’.”

But before we get ahead of ourselves, it’s worth noting that BSDM-inspired activities were most likely services that men paid for, or engaged in with women in their service (female maids were often treated as household sex workers) as Hodgson explains.

And as for Isabella panting on a lead, you can forget about it happening in real life she adds – “not because those sort of dynamics didn’t exist but because no middle class gentleman and woman would ever be that brazen in front of a visitor like Nelly Dean in the film.”

While the release of Wuthering Heights has us yearning for moody Georgian era romance, it’s surprising how much of it is rooted in reality. If we do hop in that time machine, we’ll just have to remember to pack easier to remove clothing.

If You Sleep In The ‘Flamingo Position,’ We Have News For You

Posted on 23/02/2026 by Boris Clair

When you wake up in the middle of the night, do you find that you’re sleeping on your stomach or your side? Or do you consistently wind up on your back with the sole of one foot tucked against the calf of your other leg?

If so, you sleep like a flamingo. And if you’re on TikTok or Instagram, you might come across an influencer claiming this sleep position signals you’re stressed out or carry pain in your hips.

While this sleep position isn’t inherently dangerous – and, in fact, may be most comfortable for your body – it may suggest you need some extra support in certain cases, said Laura Nolan, a psychotherapist who specialises in somatic therapy. Here’s what to know.

Why do people end up in the “flamingo position”?

Nolan said she most commonly sees people sleeping this way when they have hypermobility, a condition in which joints stretch beyond their typical range of motion. Many people with joint hypermobility syndrome experience loose joints, joint instability and chronic pain.

“Hypermobility is linked to neurodivergence and many of the neurodivergent adults I work with report sleeping in more unconventional ways, including in the flamingo posture as well as with clenched fists or T. rex hands,” she said.

Sleeping in the flamingo position may be a habit acquired through experience and repetition. Or perhaps you wind up in this position because of chronic pain or a physical injury, Nolan added.

It’s also possible that consistently sleeping in this position – which could be unstable for some – could further strain your joints or even result in muscle stiffness, she explained. “Our bodies are complex,” she noted.

The flamingo position doesn’t immediately mean you are hurting your joints

The flamingo position isn’t an automatic red flag. Nolan said it’s entirely possible that this position is simply a cosy way for you to sleep. “It can be normal and healthy to sleep in the flamingo position,” she explained.

Jade Wu, a board-certified sleep psychologist, similarly said we naturally sleep in positions that are most comfortable to us. “Often being in this position simply shows that someone feels most comfortable doing it,” she added.

In fact, if you’re on your side with a leg up – a variation of side sleeping – the flamingo position may lower your risk of sleep apnoea and other breathing problems, Wu noted.

As a somatic psychotherapist, Nolan is more curious about what feels good about sleeping in this position rather than assuming you have “stuck stress” in the body or that something is wrong.

How to find a comfortable (and safe) sleeping position

Nolan encourages people to have a relaxed, easeful approach to sleeping. “Having too much scrutiny over how you sleep, including by thinking you are sleeping wrong or engaging in sleep perfectionism, will likely worsen sleep quality for those with existing issues,” she said.

Unless an orthopaedic health care provider or another physician has advised you to stop sleeping like a flamingo to avoid putting pressure on certain joints, there’s no need to stop, according to Wu.

Rather than forcing or training yourself to sleep in certain positions, get creative about how you can support your body while you snooze, Nolan advised.

For example, if you tend to sleep like a flamingo, consider adding a pillow underneath your knees. If you’re more of a T. rex sleeper, consider holding something in your hands, like a stuffed animal or pillow. “Be creative,” Nolan said.

If you feel stressed at bedtime, carve out some time to unwind – by practicing yoga, mindfulness or deep breathing – after dinner. Another technique Nolan recommends is progressive muscle relaxation, which involves tensing then relaxing various muscle groups. As you move between body parts, notice how each one feels.

“Remind yourself that stress is not all bad and we have many easy and quick ways of completing the stress response,” Nolan said.

My Senior Dog Couldn’t Walk Anymore. Before She Died, She Led Me To My Husband.

Posted on 22/02/2026 by Boris Clair

“JUST BRING BACK MY MAYAAAAAAAA,” I sobbed into the phone to my then-boyfriend of two years, Tom.

He had just left our East London apartment for a two-hour journey to the specialty vet hospital, where our 13-year-old paralysed chiweenie waited to be picked up. Housebound with Covid, I waited impatiently for him to return with the love of my life.

Tom knew that Maya had always been my soulmate. She had been at my side since I was 19 and going to college in Greenwich Village. She gently snorted in my bag as I snuck past security into my film class, where a treat from my professor awaited her. Bouncy and bright, Maya romped through the city with me, often drawing adoration from passersby for her cuteness.

We were inseparable. I would wake to the surge of traffic or the rumble of street construction below, Maya nuzzled into my dark hair. Up we went to the coffee shop’s takeout window, where, surprise, surprise, more treats were ready for her taking. On the subway, to friends’ houses, on road trips across state lines, and on flights home to sunny, smoggy Los Angeles, Maya came along every step of the way.

During Hurricane Sandy, it was Maya and me against the world. No power, no running water. Maya and I traipsed along the Westside Highway at twilight, a Blessed Virgin Mary candle ablaze as a torch, walking past what felt like a post-apocalyptic downtown.

Maya even moved across the pond with me to London when I turned 30 – a reset after a five-year relationship abruptly ended.

She first moved in with my mum, who FaceTimed me at least four times a day while I spent the longest three months of my life waiting for her to arrive.

When she finally did, I felt whole, like I could exhale and lean into my new London chapter.

A few months later, Maya, almost 12, lost mobility in her back legs. I placed her in a leather duffel bag (unzipped, of course), threw in some blankets and rushed into the November night to the same specialty vet hospital, which would become our refuge for the next three years.

Still in my yoga pants and sweatshirt from that afternoon, the only thing I could think about was getting Maya better. I kept reassuring her, “It’s OK, it’s going to be OK,” even though I was ultimately reassuring myself. Stroking her soft face and trying to keep the tears back, I knew our lives would never be the same.

“Intervertebral disc disease,” the neurologist said. “She needs a spinal fusion immediately.” With only a 50% chance of regaining movement in her hind legs, I began to prepare for whatever came next.

Maya glowed in her new neon pink set of wheels. She zipped along the Hackney Canals with even more flair than before, drawing even more smiles in her new form than she had on four legs.

It was during this period that I met Tom. We both swiped right, and I planned for him to meet Maya on our third date. By then, I had accumulated a handful of dog sitters for her. While she could be home alone for up to four hours, for special nights out, I needed backup.

Maya was still figuring out her new self and was scooting all over the apartment in her white puffy diapers. As soon as I brought Tom up to meet her, Maya had an accident all over a floor pillow. Embarrassed, I began to apologise.

“It is not a bother,” he laughed as he picked her up. “Come on, you. Let’s get you cleaned up,” he cooed as he reached for the kitchen roll.

It was at that moment that I knew Tom was here to stay. During lockdown, he would drive from the other side of London and spend the entire weekend with us, giving Maya baths, making a duvet fort for her so we could watch The Twilight Zone, and going for long walks with Maya rolling beside us. He would even adorn her with origami crowns. My plus-one became a plus-two.

Tom and Maya in our yard in London, December 2020.

On our first family holiday in summer 2020, we rented a cottage in the Cotswolds, where Maya rolled in green fields sprinkled with cows grazing. When she grew tired and needed a rest, Tom would scoop her up in his arms, like a bride being carried over the threshold, and blow on her face to cool her down.

When the three of us finally moved in together, our priority was securing a ground-floor apartment so Maya could come and go with ease. Our entire existence centered on Maya. It was never just Tom and me, but rather the three of us, moving as an imperfect unit into this new, cohesive life together.

As our love deepened, Maya’s age began to catch up with her. Despite being the ultimate roller girl, more health issues began to pile on: hyperparathyroidism, myoclonic seizures, pancreatitis and blindness. During this time, she would be up all night, distressed, howling and crying.

We took turns, surviving on three hours of sleep, our collective mental health wearing down, yet we persevered. On these late nights, I would turn on sound bath playlists, sing to her and do everything in my power to keep her settled on the futon we had set up in the living room. We would not give up on our Maya.

In January 2024, we celebrated her 16th birthday together. Our only measure of time was her comfort. As long as she was still eating, still bright-eyed and not in pain, we kept going. She had traded in her wheels for a stroller, and we pushed her everywhere, her head poking out to take in the breeze.

Maya was on a cocktail of medication, and our lives revolved around the rituals of caring for her – giving her syringes of medicine, hiding pills in peanut butter, cooking for her. She was a metronome, and our lives played to her rhythm.

Maya flew home with me that spring. By now, she could not be left alone, so it was easier to travel with her to ensure round-the-clock care. During this time, I felt Maya’s clock was running out.

Maya's 15th birthday party in London, February 2024. — Maya’s 15th birthday party in London, February 2024.

I knew an engagement was just around the corner. I had found the ring in his sock drawer, and I kept saying how important it was to me to have Maya at our wedding. She would be the bouquet, as I dreamed of carrying her down the aisle.

Tom would not be marrying just me; he would also be making a vow to her.

Within 48 hours of returning to the UK, Maya was rushed to the emergency vet because she could no longer breathe on her own. We began Googling videos on how to build an oxygen chamber at home from a plastic storage container. Tom found all the parts we would need and was ready to pick up the oxygen tank when the call came. It was time.

We sat with her on our laps for five hours, crying as we looked through all the photos of our many adventures over the years: Maya gliding in Williamsburg, a soggy Tom holding an even soggier Maya after a lake dip, Maya in her skulls and crossbones sweater, us singing happy birthday to her. And then my worst fear finally happened. Her spirit had grown too big for her now very tired body.

I was devastated. I don’t remember getting into the car or Tom driving us home. He held my hand and, through his own tears, led me into our now very empty apartment. Even though he was tucking me into bed and telling me to try to rest, I felt truly alone for the first time in 16-and-a-half years.

The engagement came six weeks later, while I was waiting for a taxi to Heathrow to fly back to New York. It would be the first time I would be in the city without her. Maya’s vet gave me an envelope of bluebells to plant in her honour. On that solo trip back to NYC, I walked down Sixth Avenue, turned left onto 13th Street, and stood in front of the apartment where Maya and I first became inseparable.

Maya's representation at the author's wedding in the Cotswolds, July 2025. — Maya’s representation at the author’s wedding in the Cotswolds, July 2025.

Maya had always been my constant, my heartbeat outside my body. Losing her was like losing a piece of myself, the glue that held my world together. Kneeling, I spread some dirt beneath a tree and scattered the seeds.

Across the ocean, I knew my person was waiting for me. His love for Maya over those four years was one of the greatest acts of devotion I had ever witnessed. Our love for her and the shared grief of her absence would now be a journey Tom and I would navigate – together.

Jordan Ashley, Ph.D., is a writer and the founder and executive director of Souljourn Yoga Foundation, a nonprofit creating transformational yoga retreats that support girls’ education worldwide. Learn more at souljournyoga.com.

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‘Bare Beating’ Might Be The Most Irritating Public Habit Right Now

Posted on 22/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Have you ever been trapped on a train carriage with someone watching TikToks from their phone without headphones? Or seated on a plane by a passenger blasting music? Or even stuck in a doctor’s office waiting room as a fellow patient broadcasts radio commentary on a sports stream?

If so, you’ve experienced what some call “bare beating”. This term refers to the act of playing music, videos, podcasts or other audio out loud in public without headphones – essentially treating shared space like a personal living room.

“This. Is. Rude. There just is no other way to slice it,” said Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and host of the Were You Raised by Wolves? podcast.

“You’re imposing your choices on a captive audience. Nobody decided they wanted to listen to that YouTube video, and yet here we are all having to endure it without our consent.”

Jodi R.R. Smith, the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, agreed, emphasising that bare beating is “unequivocally rude”.

“The presumption that everyone wants to listen to what you are listening to is simply unacceptable,” she said. “This is doubly so if others are unable to move away from you – at work, in an elevator, on public transportation, etc.”

In those tight quarters, what might even seem like low or moderate volume to you can feel disruptive to someone sitting inches away.

“Whether the distraction is visual, or noise related, when someone is intruding on another person’s public space, it’s not easy to look away and ignore,” said Diane Gottsman, the author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of The Protocol School of Texas.

“Think of it this way: if a child was doing it in a public space, tight quarters or a restaurant, others would be annoyed and blame the parents for not adjusting the behaviour. When an adult does the same thing, it’s important for them to self adjust and be respectful of others in close proximity.”

Children might get grace for this behaviour because they aren’t as aware of social norms, but for adults who should know better, it’s simply rude. And depending on where you are, it might even be subject to legal penalties.

“Some people just aren’t mindful of how their behaviour affects others and simply have no idea how far phone speakers can carry sound,” Leighton said. “Spoiler alert: It’s way farther than you think.”

Are you guilty of "bare beating" in public? Here's what etiquette experts think of the "unequivocally rude" behavior. — Are you guilty of “bare beating” in public? Here’s what etiquette experts think of the “unequivocally rude” behavior.

Indeed, “bare beaters” don’t necessarily have negative intent and are sometimes blissfully unaware.

“The reason people are doing this is because they are trying to pass the time or may not even realise their volume is offensive,” Gottsman said. “But when you’re sitting inches away from another person, even lower noises are amplified.”

There may even sometimes be understandable reasons for the behaviour. Someone with hearing difficulties may not realise how loud their device is, or they may be experiencing technical issues. Still, Gottsman said, unless it’s an emergency, the courteous move is to wait to listen to the audio when you’re in private.

“Of course, using earbuds and utilising captions is a reasonable option,” she added.

And while bare beating feels like a modern behaviour, it’s not entirely new.

“Forcing strangers to become your unwilling audience has been an issue that’s plagued humanity since the dawn of time,” Leighton said.

Smith pointed out that methods and norms have shifted over the decades.

“Back in the ’80s, being a DJ to those in your surrounding area was actually considered the norm,” she said.

“The person with the giant boombox would play it so that everyone nearby could enjoy the sound,” she said.

“But times change and nearly everyone has the ability to listen to what they like almost anywhere – so long as they are wearing headphones or earbuds.”

For those who flout modern etiquette rules by bare beating, sometimes all it takes is a gentle nudge.

Smith recalled a recent experience at an airport gate where a man was loudly streaming a soccer game on his phone as it was time to board.

“After a few minutes, I turned and asked him what he was watching,” she said. “He excitedly told me his favourite team was playing. I told him that I was having a hard time hearing the boarding announcements and asked if he could use earbuds. He gave his head a quick shake and looked around sheepishly.

“He had not realised how loud his phone was or how many people were giving him ‘the look.’ He apologised to me and the others around him as he put in his earbuds.”

Still, Gottsman emphasised that deciding whether to speak up is a judgment call.

“Is it rude to intrude on other people‘s personal space? The answer is yes,” she said. “But understand that we cannot determine another person‘s reaction, and if you can ignore it for a very short subway ride, it’s probably best to do so.”

Regardless of whether you choose to confront someone over this behaviour, the important thing is to avoid bare beating yourself. Remember: Just because you can press play doesn’t mean everyone else signed up to listen.

The Alzheimer’s Symptom You Might Not Expect – Or Worse, Blame Yourself For

Posted on 22/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Alzheimer’s is a horrible disease that has uniquely devastating effects on the people who have it and their loved ones.

Common symptoms include memory loss; struggling to plan, complete tasks or solve problems; feeling confused; experiencing new problems with speaking and writing; misplacing items; making poor judgment calls; social withdrawal; and more.

While those symptoms are ones we often hear about, they aren’t the only ones. There’s a symptom that many caregivers aren’t aware of and think is a result of “bad” caregiving: agitation.

“It’s critical to first appreciate that agitation is a symptom of brain changes caused by Alzheimer’s disease, not poor caregiving,” said Dr. Richard Stefanacci, the medical director of Inspira LIFE, a senior living program.

“The brain damage from Alzheimer’s makes people prone to agitation regardless of how loving caregivers are,” said Stefanacci, who also specialises in older populations and Alzheimer’s.

According to information the Alliance of Aging Research sent to HuffPost, “agitation” in this sense can present itself in a variety of ways: pacing, trying to leave, angry outbursts, profanity, hitting, mood swings, throwing items and more.

Caregivers may blame themselves, AAR continued, thinking it’s a result of their burnout, introducing a new routine or not being patient enough.

Dr. Nikhil Palekar, the director of the Stony Brook Center of Excellence for Alzheimer’s Disease at Stony Brook Medicine, said there’s a stigma when it comes to this specific symptom.

“Caregivers often feel they might be doing something wrong, which is causing their loved one with Alzheimer’s to react in an uncooperative, hostile or agitated manner, without realizing that agitation in Alzheimer’s is very common, with rates ranging from 56% in early stages to 68% in the moderate-severe stage of the disease,” he said.

How Alzheimer’s can cause agitation symptoms

Like with other Alzheimer’s symptoms, it all comes down to the brain.

“Alzheimer’s disease is the result of brain damage to areas of the brain that control emotions, decision-making and behavioral responses,” Stefanacci said.

“This neurological damage explains why people with Alzheimer’s may react strongly to situations that wouldn’t have bothered them before the disease progressed to this point.”

More specifically, we’re looking at neurotransmitters. “Alzheimer’s disease results in dysregulation and a decrease in three neurotransmitters (chemical messengers) in the brain – serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine – resulting in symptoms of agitation,” Palekar said. Keeping in mind that those neurotransmitters help with mood, motivation, energy, anxiety and more, this makes sense.

We also have to consider environmental factors. For example, the holiday season – or other high-commotion events – can exacerbate agitation and its causes.

“Large gatherings with unfamiliar faces, disrupted routines, unusual foods and changes to previously familiar environments can cause agitation in someone with Alzheimer’s, especially [in] later stages of the disease,” Stefanacci continued.

“Most critical is to make adjustments and accommodations to reduce the stress, such as maintaining routine and familiarity.”

There is hope for Alzheimer’s agitation

Whether you experience agitation from Alzheimer’s or love someone who does, know that hope is not lost. Below, doctors share tips and other helpful information that can help you manage this symptom together:

Create and maintain routines

Consistent daily schedules with meals, activities and bedtime are key, according to Stefanacci. When you do have to prepare your loved one for a change, he encourages doing it ahead of time if/when you can and trying to maintain other routines.

Avoid arguing when possible

If the person with Alzheimer’s has a harmless belief, Stefanacci recommended not arguing with them about it. Rather, he said to focus on the emotion behind what they’re saying and remember that you can’t reason with an Alzheimer’s-damaged brain.

Use calming approaches

While difficult at times, staying calm and helping the person with Alzheimer’s stay calm is important. Speak in a calm, reassuring voice, play familiar music they enjoy and reduce confusing noise, Stefanacci said.

Know that there are helpful treatments available

It’s easy to feel hopeless when someone has Alzheimer’s, and to think that small interventions won’t make a difference. That’s understandable – and thankfully not true.

“This symptom can be effectively treated with behavioural interventions as well as medication, which is FDA-approved for the treatment of agitation in Alzheimer’s disease,” Palekar said.

To get to that point, he recommended discussing any agitation-like symptoms with the patient’s medical provider.

Similar to the tips above, Palekar listed some specific, non-pharmacological interventions that can decrease agitation, too:

Maintaining a daily routine and structure
Reducing noise and clutter
Gentle touching
Soothing music
Reading
Walking (ideally outside in the sunlight)
Staying busy with distractions, like snacks, objects or fun activities
Avoiding stimulants, such as caffeine, late in the day.

Take care of yourself as a caregiver

Being a caregiver is hard work, to understate it. Stefanacci urges these individuals to seek support from other caregivers, support groups and counselling. He also mentioned giving yourself permission to simplify or skip holiday traditions that are simply too overwhelming.

In short, it’s “normal” for someone with Alzheimer’s to show agitation – and that’s on Alzheimer’s, not anything the caregiver has done.

As someone with Alzheimer’s or their loved one, know that you are not alone, and that people are available and want to support you.