How To Handle A Conversational Narcissist

Posted on 07/04/2026 by Boris Clair

A healthy conversation has a natural rhythm, a give-and-take in which both people feel heard, understood and valued. But with some people, that balance never quite happens.

That’s the case with what experts call “conversational narcissism.”

“Conversational narcissism is a communication style wherein an individual centres themselves in conversations, engages in oneupmanship, fails to ask follow-up questions and has a difficult time maintaining interest in what other people have to say,” Natalie Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told HuffPost.

A conversational narcissist can leave you feeling drained and like you couldn’t get a word in edgewise. They tend to be inattentive and lack curiosity.

“Whatever you share is quickly met with a more extreme or more compelling version of their own experience,” said Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples and family therapy. “Over time, the conversation stops feeling like an exchange and starts to feel one-sided. It results in leaving an interaction feeling unsatisfied and empty.”

Conversational narcissists don’t necessarily have narcissistic personality disorder, though some may fall somewhere on the narcissism spectrum.

“It’s also important to note that many of us have been guilty of conversational narcissism from time to time,” said Lauren Maher, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in anxiety, trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. “If you notice that you’ve inadvertently done this, take a breath, make sure that you bring the conversation back to the original speaker and follow up by asking them questions about their experience.”

There are also best practices for those who find themselves interacting with a conversational narcissist. Below, experts break down ways you can navigate these situations while protecting your energy and reclaiming your voice.

Acknowledge your feelings ― but try not to take it personally.

“First, acknowledge any feelings that are arising for you ― such as frustration, indignation, anger, disappointment or loneliness,” Moore said. “Engaging in an interaction with someone who is a conversational narcissist can bring up lots of intense feelings, especially if you’re someone who spends effort maintaining balance in conversations who values reciprocity in relationships.”

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If I’m grabbing lunch with a friend who tends to over-talk, I might say right at the start, ‘I’ve had such a heavy week and I really need to vent for a few minutes ― is it OK if I go first?’

– Dr. Sue Varma, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University Grossman School of Medicine

Try not to take someone’s conversational narcissism too personally.

“Know that what you’re experiencing has nothing to do with how interesting or valuable you are, but has more to do with the other person’s ability to take an interest in you,” Moore said.

Consider that a conversational narcissist might also be a kind and generous person in other ways.

“Look at the overall, bigger consistent picture,” said Dr. Sue Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University Grossman School of Medicine and author of “Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being.”

“Is the person able to celebrate your wins and be happy for you and be there for you in your time of need? That to me is most important. If they are a true, solid, loyal friend, you can and should give them grace.”

Be direct about what you need.

“Keep in mind what your objective is in your communications with this individual,” Moore advised. “If your goal is to be seen, heard and understood, you will probably be frustrated and not get what you want. But if your goal is to communicate something specific, find a pause or an opportunity to interrupt and get straight to the point.”

Take a more efficient, practical approach. Adding a little structure to your conversation can ensure you achieve your goal. Being clear and direct about what you need is crucial.

“Set the intention,” Varma said. “If I’m grabbing lunch with a friend who tends to over-talk, I might say right at the start, ‘I’ve had such a heavy week and I really need to vent for a few minutes ― is it OK if I go first?’”

Set limits.

“Protect your peace and walk away if the conversation doesn’t become two-sided or beneficial in any way,” said communications consultant and author Amelia Reigstad.

Setting limits around how much you engage and share can help keep intense emotions at bay.

“If you find that a person is not willing to take accountability for their behaviour, or you feel drained, resentful or even a bit ‘used’ after conversations with this person, then this may be a sign that you need to set much stronger boundaries with this person,” Maher said. “This may include excusing yourself from the conversation or setting a time limit for yourself on how long you will participate in the conversation.”

Dealing with a conversational narcissist requires direct communication and boundaries.

If the conversational narcissist in question is also a fundamentally narcissistic person, you’re better off saving your energy than continuing to engage with them or falling under their control.

“Don’t ‘over-fuel,’” Varma said. “Sometimes, being a ‘great listener’ actually encourages the behaviour. If you’re giving 100% of your focus to someone who isn’t giving it back, it’s OK to lean back, give shorter responses, and politely wrap things up when you’ve hit your limit.”

Adjust your expectations.

“If the pattern continues, it’s also important to adjust your expectations and protect your own energy,” Ross said. “Not every relationship will offer the kind of mutuality you’re looking for, and recognising that can help you engage more intentionally, rather than leaving interactions feeling depleted.”

Come to terms with what the a conversational narcissist can actually provide.

“Manage your expectations,” said therapist and “Disarming The Narcissist” author Wendy Behary. “You’re not going to get a whole lot back in the way of a real, reciprocal conversation ― the real give and take of ‘I see you, I feel you. I sense you. You see me, you feel me. You sense me.’”

Practice empathic confrontation.

“I think if it’s someone who’s really intimate in your life, you may want to use the beautiful strategy of empathic confrontation,” Behary said. “Say, ’I know you’re very excited about what you want to share with me, but I have to tell you, I’m feeling a little bit forgotten in what I just shared with you. I feel like we moved very quickly from my experience into your experience, and I just want to be honest with you because you’re my dear friend, or because you’re my husband or whoever.”

With an acquaintance, you might choose to simply set limits or avoid them, but a more direct approach could be preferable for someone with whom you’re more intimately involved.

“Empathically confront them and hold them accountable for this very self-absorbed way of communicating,” Behary said.

Use gentle pivots to redirect the conversation.

“I’m a big fan of the ‘gentle pivot,’” Varma said. “You can say, ‘I love hearing about your trip, but before we move on, I really wanted to finish telling you about my new project.’ Believe it or not, the other person may genuinely be interested in hearing what you have to say and want to know what you’ve been up to.”

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A person who is not narcissistic will usually reflect on their behavior, take accountability, and try to make more space for you in future conversations.

– Lauren Maher, licensed marriage and family therapist

You can “reclaim the ball,” so to speak, in a way that still protects your energy.

“Re-direct the conversation back to you ― ‘Thanks for that, great point, however, I’d love to share my perspective,’” Reigstad said.

Humour is another way to get a word in edgewise. Make a playful comment or joke to ease the tension of this dynamic.

“If you find yourself regularly interacting with a conversational narcissist, you can first try lightly interjecting with something along the lines of ‘Hang on… I’d love to finish that thought,’” Maher said.

Talk about their conversational narcissism.

“If this type of behaviour is coming from a lack of awareness or habit, then gently bringing this behaviour to their attention could shift the pattern,” said Chelsey Brooke Cole, psychotherapist and author of “If Only I’d Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth.”

“You can start by saying things like, ‘I’d like to talk about something else for a while,’ ‘Our conversations are starting to feel very unbalanced,’ or ‘I feel like when I’m speaking you’re not really listening. Can we talk about that?’”

With time and accountability, the habit of conversational narcissism can shift.

“A person who is not narcissistic will usually reflect on their behaviour, take accountability, and try to make more space for you in future conversations,” Maher said.

The key is to be honest about your feelings and the patterns you’re noticing, but in a relational way.

“Rather than criticising, speak from your own experience,” Ross said. “‘I notice that when I share something important, I feel more supported when you stay with what I’m saying, rather than shifting to your own experience.’ Being clear about what you need ― more listening, more presence ― can sometimes create an opening for change, especially if the person isn’t aware of how they come across.”

Dealing With A Narcissist? The ‘BIFF’ Method Could Help

Posted on 20/01/2026 by Boris Clair

You might have heard of “grey rocking”, a method which experts say can make dealing with narcissistic and high-conflict people a little easier.

It involves keeping comments and responses to antagonistic individuals short, boring, and emotionally uninvested.

And, therapist Danielle Pinals shared on her Instagram, the “BIFF” method might help those dealing with a narcissist ensure they don’t “allow you to get derailed by emotional manipulation or control”.

Here, we spoke to relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, about how (and when) to try the BIFF method.

What is the BIFF method?

Coined by Bill Eddy at the High Conflict Institute, the term stands for “brief, informative, friendly, and firm”.

In other words, don’t spend too long explaining yourself, stay courteous, make sure you relay only the relevant information, and stick to your guns.

An example, the High Conflict Institute explained, could be getting a very long, angry text accusing you of being a terrible person and mother because you asked your coparent to take the kids to your boss’s birthday during their stay.

A BIFF response, they said, would be: “Thank you for responding to my request… Just to clarify, the party will be from 3-5 on Friday at the office, and there will be approximately 30 people there.

“There will be no alcohol, as it is a family-oriented firm, and there will be family-oriented activities. I think it will be a good experience for them to see me at my workplace. Since you do not agree, then of course I will respect that and withdraw my request, as I recognise it is your parenting time.”

When should you use the BIFF method?

Aside from being useful for navigating situations like divorce and coparenting, Roos said, “it can also be helpful during conflicts at work, with relatives and your partner’s family.”

This does not have to be limited to people you suspect of narcissm, though it may be useful then too.

In fact, she added, “I would recommend people to use the BIFF method when they notice that the conversation starts to get loaded, [accusatory], or [circular and] aggressive. It’s especially useful in written communication, such as in emails or SMS.”

Following the BIFF method significantly decreases the chance of escalation, she added.

“I see this as a great way to protect both yourself and the relationship in question as it helps you set boundaries without being cold, cynical or aggressive,” she ended.

“And while it’s far from easy all the time, it’s definitely a strategy worth getting better at as it’ll help you long term with getting more peaceful, communicative and mature relationships, no matter if they’re private or professional.”

5 Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be A Narcissist (And How To Deal)

Posted on 14/04/2022 by Boris Clair

Throughout your career, you will encounter difficult co-workers who drain you, bore you and annoy you. But a narcissistic co-worker is one of the worst types to deal with.

They are insecure and cannot handle criticism. They can make their failures seem like they’re your responsibility, hurting your self-esteem to boost their own. And according to Marie-Line Germain, a professor of human resources and leadership at Western Carolina University and author of “Narcissism at Work: Personality Disorders of Corporate Leaders,” narcissists often find “safe havens” in the workplace.

“They very often end up in very top positions in organizations because they are smart, they are able to manipulate others,” Germain said. “The workplace is perfect for that. If they do well, they will be recognized. They will get a promotion. They will be looked at as prestigious. That’s not necessarily something they can get from their personal relationships.”

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder can include an inflated sense of self-importance, fantasies of perfection and superiority, a sense of being special and unique, a need for praise and attention, a strong sense of entitlement and a tendency to exploit others.

It’s important to note that it’s up to trained professionals to make an official diagnosis, but knowing how a narcissist operates can help you learn to set hard boundaries when you’re forced to team up for a project with someone who seems to fit the profile.

Here are the big differences between a co-worker with a need for admiration and high confidence in their abilities and a co-worker who’s exhibiting narcissistic traits:

1. Confident colleagues are OK with others being the center of attention. Narcissists always have to have the last word.

Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and executive coach who works with people who have dealt with narcissistic abuse, said that a need to steal your thunder is a hallmark trait of narcissism in self-aggrandizing co-workers. They may talk over you or interrupt you frequently, she said.

Confident colleagues can celebrate your success and want to see their co-workers shine, while a narcissistic colleague will insert themselves into “any topic, even if it is completely irrelevant, and they will hijack and make it about them,” Neo said.

2. Narcissists are charismatic charmers — until your relationship no longer serves them.

At the beginning of a work relationship, narcissists are good at impressing and manipulating their targets to feel like the center of attention, Germain said. But when you stop helping them feel superior and important, don’t be surprised if you see a sudden change in their attitude toward you, even if it’s months or years later.

“You may feed their needs, so there is no need for them to display any of those negative signs,” Germain said. “It’s when trouble brews for them that they start showing all of the negative behaviors.”

3. They believe the ends justify the means, and display a consistent lack of empathy to colleagues.

Germain finds the lack of empathy to be a cornerstone of narcissism, one that distinguishes narcissistic co-workers from merely confident ones. They do not care if their success comes at your expense, and they may steal your ideas.

“They will do anything for that prestige, that power,” Germain said. “It doesn’t matter if they have to steal your ideas to appear as brilliant.”

“NPD individuals have a difficult time understanding the feelings of other people, if they even care to understand them,” she said, because “they are on a relentless hunt to guarantee their own narcissistic supply of attention, of approval, prestige, admiration, understanding, encouragement, power, perfection, money, sometimes even beauty.”

This lack of empathy can also manifest as selfishness, disregard and a lack of compassion for other people. Narcissistic types can use their power to belittle and harass you.

They may display disregard, in particular, when your repeated attempts to set “hell no” boundaries are not honored, Neo said.

“They will take every chance to erode upon your boundaries,” she said. “Trample upon [your boundaries] so that they can lower the bar at every successive attempt and train you to put you in your place, so that you… play the role that you are smaller and a lot more deferential to them.”

4. They can’t handle criticism.

Narcissistic colleagues don’t reflect on or own up to mistakes. They lash out when they hear negative feedback, because the way they perceive it, “you are not just criticizing their work, you are criticizing their self-worth,” Germain said.

They make you feel small to make themselves feel big. If a person loses control and gets angry at you for offering some constructive criticism, that’s a red flag for narcissism, she said.

5. Narcissistic co-workers believe you’re either with them or against them.

There is no neutral ground with narcissistic colleagues.

“They have a very dichotomous approach to life. It’s all or nothing. It’s either good or bad. You’re either a winner or loser,” Germain said. “They don’t do well with defeat.”

If you support a narcissistic co-worker, you are on their good side. “But the day you criticize them, the day you no longer support them… then you will cross over to the enemy side,” Germain said.

To deal with a narcissistic co-worker, do your best to limit your interactions.

Luckily, unlike with narcissistic bosses, narcissistic co-workers have less direct control over your career. But they can still mount smear campaigns and wreck your work experience if they see you as an enemy. Here are some tips on how to deal:

Withdraw. You have every right to set boundaries, even if a narcissist tells you otherwise, Neo said. Germain recommended limiting the attention and praise you give a narcissist.

Narcissists want you to engage with them and lose your temper. Sometimes, the best option for how to deal with one is to limit your interactions as much as possible.

“They love to see people lose their cool. Part of it is a power play. Part of it is a bit of sadism. They want to make you look like a loose cannon, so they can tell you in the future that you are being sensitive and difficult,” Neo said. “Don’t try to hold them accountable all the time. Accountability is what gets you suckered in.“

Document your own contributions. Narcissists are likely to throw you under the bus, so it’s important to keep track of your accomplishments on projects. “You may have to justify your own contributions. It’s sad, but it’s true,” Germain said. She recommended looping people in on certain emails and communications to increase the visibility of your contributions if you’re forced to work with a narcissist on a project.

Go to HR with the narcissistic abuse, and consider an exit strategy if necessary. If the narcissist is berating and belittling you, and you are losing sleep over it, you should take it to human resources, Germain said.

Unfortunately, narcissists tend to be high performers who are often valued by their organization. If a move to a different team is not possible, or if you feel like your complaints are not being heard, Germain recommends job-hunting elsewhere.

“It’s really hard to imagine that you as the victim need to leave, but that’s a self-protective tactic,” she said. “You need to remain proactive by not only recognizing the damaging facets of the NPD person on your work, but also on your well-being. Well-being must remain your focus.“

Lean on your support system outside of work. Germain said narcissistic co-workers are good at gaslighting you into feeling like you are the problem, so it’s important to find a sounding board with a loved one or a therapist who can help you see that “there is nothing wrong with you,” she said.

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