This Trend Is Exploding Among Millennials And Gen Z – And Honestly, It’s Worth Celebrating

Posted on 31/01/2026 by Boris Clair

As more research emerges about the harmful health effects of alcohol, fewer people – namely, younger people – are consuming it.

According to a 2025 Gallup poll, 54% of American adults say they drink, the lowest percentage since Gallup started polling.

With fewer folks relying on alcohol as a social lubricant, a healthier way to interact with others has gained traction. Enter “daylife”, a term coined by the fitness social app Sweatpals.

“Daylife” refers to daytime social outings involving alcohol-free fitness as a way to meet new people with similar interests.

“It’s just the concept of using wellness, using movement as a way to meet, as a way to get entertainment and to socialise, versus relying on alcohol,” Sweatpals co-founder Salar Shahini told HuffPost.

People are certainly still using alcohol-fuelled gatherings to meet new people, whether at a happy hour or a full-on party. But it’s less popular among young millennials and members of Gen Z as they drink less than older generations.

Shahini thinks this shift is partly due to the Covid-19 pandemic. “During Covid, all we could do for a few years was get together outside and just move and work out.”

For younger generations, that type of activity became the norm, Shahini said. During the pandemic, at-home fitness equipment and at-home fitness apps also surged in popularity.

But now, community-based fitness such as Hyrox competitions (which are commonly team-based) and run clubs are only becoming more popular – proof that people are looking for community.

“And we’re going to see more of that,” Shahini predicted.

More and more young people are turning to social gatherings that don't center alcohol. — More and more young people are turning to social gatherings that don’t center alcohol.

“Daylife” allows people to make new friends without centering alcohol

People who are drawn to daylife-aligned activities want to meet people and want to go out, but don’t want social gatherings to be centered on drinking, according to Shahini.

Research shows that alcohol consumption is linked to a higher risk of cancer, including colorectal cancer and breast cancer and an increased risk of dementia.

Beyond the health impacts, Kathryn Cross, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks in Atlanta, said people are avoiding alcohol for its mental health impact, too.

“We are seeing that people are starting to prioritise other activities and other forms of socialisation just because we are in a season where everybody, for different reasons, is feeling heavy and alcohol tends to highlight heaviness in many different ways,” Cross said, “whether that’s aggression, irritability, sadness, it kind of traps people in their mind a little bit, and people are trying to find a better outlet for being so internalised in their thoughts.”

Shahini added that people are aware of the side effects of drinking alcohol – hangovers, bad sleep, getting drunk, bad decisions – which is also leading this shift.

Movement-based social gatherings lead to feelings of joy and accomplishment

“When you work out and feel that high that comes from working out … you keep feeling better. I think that’s much more interesting,” Shahini said.

People want to take care of themselves, he noted, which is a major feature of the run clubs, Pilates classes and other fitness activities that are booming in popularity right now. And while exercise helps you build muscle, bone strength and cardiovascular fitness, it also has measurable mental health benefits.

“Exercise stimulates the release of endorphins, the feel-good hormones in your body, which would help reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression,” Cross said.

Joining a fitness class or run club to meet people already gives you a baseline level of connection

If you go to a certain gym or certain fitness club, you already have something in common with the other people there, Shahini said. You have similar fitness interests and you probably live in the same area.

This makes it easier to build a friendship with someone. Think about it: You can bring up your latest workout or your new fitness goal with another person who understands the kinds of workouts you do.

Social connections help us feel less isolated, Cross added, which is necessary in a country that has an epidemic of isolation and loneliness.

If you want to try out daylife, start with gyms in your area – sign up for classes on the same day and time each week so you eventually get to know the people who go to the gym then. You can also look at local groups on Facebook to learn more about local Pilates groups, running clubs and more, Cross noted.

When you do eventually make it out to one of these fitness groups, don’t be nervous about meeting or talking to new people. As mentioned above, you already have something in common.

Plus, “everyone is looking for an opportunity to feel seen by others, and everyone could use connections,” said Cross.

Help and support:

There Are Clear Body Language Signs Someone Thinks You Are Annoying

Posted on 25/01/2026 by Boris Clair

We’ve all been there: mid-story, mid-vent, mid-enthusiastic ramble, and suddenly the other person’s energy shifts. Their smile fades. Their eyes wander down to their phone. Their whole body seems to quietly scream: “Please stop.”

Most of us don’t realise when we’re annoying someone. We just think we’re being ourselves.

We might think we’re offering the type of advice our spouse really needs to hear right now. We think sharing our story from last night’s gym session is just as funny to our friend as it was to us. Or we might (wrongly) assume that filling the silence with the latest story about our cat is a welcomed icebreaker for our co-workers in the break room.

But what might feel normal or relieving to us can feel like irritation to another.

The thing about annoyance is that it’s rarely announced out loud. People – whether on the playground or in the office – are often too polite to say, “Hey, you’re annoying me right now.” Instead, it shows up through subtle changes in posture, facial expressions, tone and attention.

While we might not always be liked by everyone, which is totally normal, if we’re not quick to notice the signs that we’re annoying someone, we might continue not reading the room and further alienate the people around us.

According to the licensed psychologists HuffPost spoke with, these quiet cues are often more honest than words. Here are the body language signs to watch for when you’re annoying someone.

Their face gives them away

Not everyone has a poker face – no matter how hard they might try.

“Annoyance may first appear in a person’s face,” says Dr. Michele Leno, a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele.

Subtle eye-rolling, a sudden blank expression or looking away while you’re talking – these are all red flags that you’re annoying someone.

“When someone is irritated, their nervous system activates a mild fight-or-flight response,” Leno explained. “Micro-expressions – like an eye roll – are quick, unconscious ways the body tries to release tension.”

In other words: even if they’re still nodding politely, their face may already be telling you how they really feel.

They look at their phone

This one is pretty much universal. “When someone looks at their phone, it often shows boredom or annoyance,” Samantha Whiten, a clinical psychologist, told HuffPost. “They’re using a socially sanctioned way to get out of talking to you and hoping you take the hint.”

In today’s always connected culture, phones provide an easy escape. But when someone is genuinely interested in you, they stay engaged, and if they do get interrupted, they usually apologise and try to come back to the conversation.

If you continuously encounter someone gazing down at their phone when you open your mouth, chances are, you annoy them.

They start distancing themselves

If someone is annoyed with you, you may feel them pulling away – emotionally, physically or both.

“Did they walk away when you entered the room? Did they indirectly refuse to engage in conversation with you? If so, you may annoy them,” Leno said.

They may avoid you by declining invitations that include you. Texts might become sporadic or ultimately leave you on read.

It’s hard not to take this behaviour personally, but as Leno notes, people typically act like this when they feel “overwhelmed, and in an effort to protect their personal space, they keep their distance.

A person’s emotional bandwidth may not accommodate anxiety-producing situations, so they remove themselves as needed.”

They sigh, fidget or take deep breaths

Those exaggerated inhales you heard from your co-worker when you started talking about your latest Netflix obsession? They’re not random.

“We need to protect our well-being at all times,” Leno said. So behaviours like deep breaths, fidgeting or shifting in place, she said, are all physical attempts to calm the nervous system and reset when tension is building, aka when you’re annoying someone.

If someone suddenly starts sighing or picking at their fingernails while you’re talking, it may be their body signalling overload.

Their arms cross over their chest

Seeing someone with crossed arms doesn’t necessarily mean you have to hike up the thermostat at work – it’s often about protection.

“This is a defensive posture,” Whiten said. “The person is trying to put up a virtual shield.” If crossed arms are paired with looking away, a lack of smiling or silence, it’s a strong sign the person feels intruded on or overwhelmed.

That’s your cue to give them space.

Their tone changes

Listen not just to what a person says to you but how they say it.

“If a person goes from calm and engaged to flat or high-pitched, they may be attempting to reduce tension,” Leno said. Short answers like “yes” or “no” when more detail would normally come are another giveaway. This goes for text messages too.

Tone shifts often happen when someone wants out of a conversation but doesn’t feel comfortable saying it.

They yawn – openly

Most adults can usually control their yawns. So when someone yawns right in front of you?

“Some part of them is hoping you’ll notice and disengage,” Whiten said. ”If someone combines this with looking away or an unsmiling or quiet demeanour, it is best to conclude that you may be irritating or overwhelming them, and move to talk to another person.”

What to do if you realise you’ve annoyed someone

First: pause. “Listen without offering advice or judgment,” Leno said. “Ask what is needed instead of assuming.” Simply slowing down and being curious can de-escalate tension quickly.

The simplest tool to become more self-aware of your behaviour? Watch how people respond to you.

“The best way to understand how your behaviour affects others is to notice their reactions to your presence,” Leno said.

And if you suspect something is off, a gentle, honest conversation can help clear the air.

At the same time, it’s OK to accept that not everyone will love your communication style. “It’s important to be authentic,” Leno said. “If someone is unreasonably irritated by who you are, it may be healthier to create distance than to contort yourself to please them.”

You Probably Need More Age-Gap Friendships

Posted on 13/01/2026 by Boris Clair

The numbers 15 and 20 might sound reasonable when you’re deciding how much to tip your server at a restaurant. But when they refer to an age gap between romantic partners, they’re more likely to raise eyebrows.

Even if you’re not a fan of May-December romances, experts say that age-gap friendships are one type of intergenerational relationship we can all get behind. According to research, we tend to gravitate toward people who are similar to us, a phenomenon called homophily.

Consequently, our friend groups often include people who share our interests, education, politics and life experience.

When your friends are of a similar age, it’s hard to avoid comparing your life to theirs. “One of the benefits of having older friends who are in a different life stage is the freedom to share without conflicted feelings,” a licensed clinical psychologist said.

And while it might seem like a good idea to prioritise friendships with people you can relate to, you might be missing out on what other generations have to offer. Below, experts discuss the benefits of befriending someone who is 10-plus years older or younger than you.

The real benefits to having older friends

You’re less likely to doubt your pace in life.

When your friends are of a similar age, it’s hard to avoid comparing your life to theirs. Maybe they just received a promotion or set off on their honeymoon. On the outside, you might be congratulating them for reaching these milestones, but it’s only natural to worry about falling behind.

“One of the benefits of having older friends who are in a different life stage is the freedom to share without conflicted feelings,” Charlynn Ruan, a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder of Thrive Psychology Group, told HuffPost. “We can share our wins without feeling like we are bragging or triggering our friends who might not be doing well in that area.”

Jenny Woo, a Harvard-trained emotional intelligence researcher and founder/CEO of Mind Brain Emotion, and author of 52 Essential Relationships, agreed, saying, “Age-gap friendships help younger people zoom out from the comparison trap by reminding them that timelines are flexible and growth is nonlinear.” An older friend can provide a safe space to talk without the pressure of having to compete or project an image of success.

They act as mentors and surrogate family members.

“Historically, across many cultures we used to live in much more supportive multi-generational communities where younger people had access to older individuals who had more life experience and advice to pass down,” Natalie Moore, LMFT, owner of Space for Growth Therapy & Coaching, told HuffPost. She said that many of her clients, most of whom are in their 20s and 30s, don’t have emotional support from mentors or role models.

“So, it makes sense that younger adults would seek out older friends to fill that gap,” she said. “Additionally, so many adults do not have positive relationships with their parents, so an older friend can act as almost a surrogate parent to provide the type of support they need.”

Aside from support, an older friend can promote a sense of continuity by sharing memories and traditions. For example, they can pass along recipes or inspire you to take up so-called “grandma hobbies,” like crocheting, knitting and gardening. We know from research that taking a break from your phone can improve your mental health.

They can enhance your personal growth

If you spend a lot of time interacting with same-age peers, especially online, this can limit your perspective on the world. “We often see this where millennials and Gen Zs complain about the tone-deaf responses of older generations to their struggles to buy houses and afford to move out,” Ruan said. In this politically divisive climate, it’s important to be able to have respectful conversations with people who see the world differently than you do.

“An older friend can offer candid, judgment-free feedback without the power dynamics of a parent or boss,” Woo said. Whereas a peer can empathise with the current job market, an older friend can tell you what it was like to make a career pivot or adjust to life in a new city.

In addition, someone who is 20 years your senior is more likely to have experience with navigating career uncertainty, identity questions or relationship concerns. “Younger people often feel more motivated to invest in their physical and emotional well-being when they see the real impacts in someone older,” Woo said.

It’s not just the younger friend who benefits — here’s why you might want a younger bestie

They add variety and spontaneity to your life.

“Being around someone younger can reignite a sense of vitality, spontaneity and playfulness,” Woo said. You can learn about new trends and technologies, or rediscover past hobbies and interests. For instance, a 2024 study found that playing a musical instrument can keep your mind sharp as you age.

Similar to young adults, the trend of having friends who are similar to you persists as you get older. “This can cause people to become narrow-minded and judgmental, so having younger friends can help keep your mind open and curious,” Ruan said.

Moore agreed, explaining that a younger friend may expose an older friend to new ideas or ways of seeing the world. “This can challenge them to be more relevant with current events, technology or the ever-changing zeitgeist,” she added.

You can share without competing

“Sadly, social comparisons don’t lessen that much with age,” Ruan said. An older friend may struggle to find support from same-age peers. For example, they might feel judged for having their adult children move back home or continuing to work because they can’t afford to retire.

“Sharing these concerns with a younger friend can feel liberating because the younger adult can just listen and express comfort without the compulsion to give unhelpful advice,” she said. A younger friend may also be more empathetic about marriage and kids, considering they’re closer to the beginning of their journey.

“Being around someone younger can reignite a sense of vitality, spontaneity and playfulness,” a Harvard-trained emotional intelligence researcher said.

Their friendship can offer a renewed sense of purpose

“The act of sharing hard-earned wisdom gives older friends a sense of purpose and value, which can counteract ageism and a fear of irrelevance,” Woo said. Research shows that having a sense of meaning and direction can help you weather life transitions such as divorce, retirement or an illness diagnosis.

In fact, “There’s a phenomenon of brain development where younger adults are more geared toward learning, whereas adults in midlife and beyond are more inclined toward sharing what they’ve learned,” Moore said. She said that this makes sense from an evolutionary perspective because a younger person with less life experience has more learning to do than someone who has knowledge that can benefit future generations.

How to make sure your age-gap friendship doesn’t become one-sided

Sometimes, age-gap friendships can resemble a mentorship relationship where the younger person is expecting career advice or networking opportunities. In such cases, an older friend might have a hard time being vulnerable because they feel pressured to have all the answers.

“If an older friend is falling into a role of providing all the advice and not receiving any, they could point that out or adjust their behavior,” Moore said. Likewise, Ruan suggested encouraging your older friend to speak about their struggles, so it becomes a two-way street. You can also make a habit of asking them for updates on things they’ve shared recently to avoid doing all the talking or advice-seeking.

Over time, the younger friend may eclipse their older friend’s accomplishments. “This can cause a strain on the relationship if there is an undercurrent of teacher and student in their dynamic,” Ruan said. Your relationship is more likely to survive if you’re both willing to be vulnerable and support each other through periods of loss and transition.

Woo agreed, saying that it’s best to avoid having an age-gap friendship that’s focused primarily on mentorship. Her advice was to set boundaries, so the younger friend doesn’t come to rely on the older friend as a therapist or life coach. She also suggested participating in activities that aren’t centered on advice-giving, such as physical activity and shared interests like art projects or a book club.

“Healthy age-gap friendships are built on mutual respect and curiosity,” Woo said. “Both people should bring effort and energy to the relationship.”

Members Of Gen Z, ‘The Loneliest Generation,’ Share How They Make Friends

Posted on 25/12/2025 by Boris Clair

According to an Oxfam poll, loneliness doens’t just affect older generations – almost half (47%) of Gen Z, or those born between around 1997-2012, say they often feel lonely.

In fact, according to their data, Gen Z were the loneliest generation of them all.

49% of those asked said the trend was down to a lack of social opportunity. So I was intrigued to read the responses to a post shared to r/GenZ, which asked other forum members to share “How tf to make friends”.

“I barely have any friends, and I commute to college so I don’t get the same social opportunities, and I don’t have a job ATM,” u/Shot_Veterinarian215 wrote.

“And I know lots of people meet online, but how are you supposed to turn that into an actual in-person connection and friendship?”

Here are some of the top responses:

1) “Don’t discount people older than you as potential friends.”

“The coolest people I know have always been older than me. Commonalities transcend generations. You probably have more in common than you realise.

“My most recent community of friends has been older people that I have connected with while regularly going to my local dog park.”

Credit: u/royberry333

2) “All of my friends that I didn’t meet during my education, I met while participating in my hobbies.”

Credit: u/Shyinator

“I’ve found that a large part of friendship is mutual admiration, and it can be as simple as through hobbies,” u/Who_am_i_to_say_so agreed.

3) “You have to talk to people.”

“For an introvert like me, it’s an absolute nightmare, but that’s really what it is. Starting conversations based on small interactions.

“Becoming a regular at places also helps – like gyms, dog parks, and coffee shops. Join clubs, community theatre, sports, a pottery studio, etc. Go to meetups, community events, and free things.

“It comes very naturally to some people, and for others it has to be a very intentional process.”

Credit: u/SeaMollusker

4) “Other than school, I’ve made some amazing friends at my local farmers market of all places.”

Credit: u/Over-Transition9609

5) “I made dozens of friends in the local running community.”

“A few more at wine tastings. A couple I met in the grocery store.”

Credit: Vivid-Kitchen1917

When Did Friendship Get So Expensive?

Posted on 01/11/2025 by Boris Clair

Ever heard of “wedding sprawl”? It’s a phenomenon that The Atlantic describes this way: “as couples strive to keep up with cultural perceptions and their friends’ lives, they can end up putting financial and logistical strain on their guests”.

And according to the Financial Times, “friendflation” – the rising cost of celebrating your mates – is on the up too.

They point out that the average cost of attending a wedding has risen to £450, while the mean price of attending a hen or stag weekend in the UK is a whopping £779.

Now, new stats suggest an even bleaker state of affairs: it seems simply maintaining close friendships sets women back £2,414 a year on average. For men, it’s £2,994.

Why has friendship gotten so expensive?

In this research, conducted by Rakuten, those surveyed listed a lot of reasons.

44% said distance was a barrier: on average, respondents said they spent £586 going back and forth to see their friends.

Birthday celebrations added up to a mean of £555 a year, while birthday gifts totalled £453 a year – drinks and meals, meanwhile, cost £465.

No wonder 36% of people surveyed said they prefer cheaper meetups involving things like home-cooked meals and walking.

Additionally, Prof Jeffrey Hall, communications studies professor at the University of Kansas and director of the Relationships and Technology lab, told the Financial Times that our lack of “third spaces” – places like parks, libraries, and shopping centres, where people can hang out without spending money – doesn’t help.

“There’s no question that this public concept of the third space [is] in decline. There are very few places that you can congregate that don’t have some sort of entry fee,” he said.

So, “people try to create friendship-like experiences that are expensive. So then it becomes normative to say I’m going to oblige my friends to go on this trip together”.

How can I handle “friendflation”?

Though just under a third (32%) of respondents to the Rakuten poll said the money they spent on their friends was completely worth it, that leaves a majority who are at least somewhat unhappy with the cost.

Bola Sol, a savings expert at Rakuten, said that setting up a designated “friendship fund” to manage these costs could help and says that being honest with your mates about your financial status could help them to come to cheaper compromises.

Still, that can be a tricky conversation to have – if possible, try “jumping the gun” and setting up your own lower-cost activities first.

“Low-cost rituals such as walking together, sharing a meal at home, and having a long chat can be more meaningful than expensive plans. Ultimately, value connection over consumption,” Dr Jenny van Hooff, a sociologist from Manchester Metropolitan University, told Grazia.

My Best Friend And I Are Straight Married Men, And We Tell Each Other ‘I Love You’

Posted on 18/10/2025 by Boris Clair

“I love you,” Doug said to me.

“I love you, too,” I answered before we pushed the red hang-up buttons on our iPhones at the end of our weekly call.

My wife gave me a funny look, as she did weekly, at the affectionate way we always concluded our conversations. I suspect his wife did, too.

Doug has been my best friend since 1980, when we played Little League baseball together in Providence, Rhode Island. His team, which had yellow uniforms, was coached by a rough guy who would line the boys up before every game and whack their groins with a bat to make sure they were wearing their cups.

My team, outfitted in blue uniforms, was sponsored by a social club in the working-class Fox Point section of the city. Our end-of-the-season party was held in the smoky, dimly lit bar of our sponsors, where we sat at chipped wooden tables to consume our sodas and pizza.

A couple of regulars, parked in their usual spots, would watch us with bemused smiles as they nursed their beers. Some of us would end up occupying those same bar stools when we grew up. Some wouldn’t.

At the time, it was hard to predict who would fall into which camp.

Doug and I met on the base paths, though we can’t remember if he was running and I was playing first base or the other way around. Looking at us, it wasn’t obvious that this was a friendship that would deepen for decades.

Even at that age, he was tall, handsome and had an easy way with people that drew them in. I was of average height, skinny and more of a smartass. He was a Red Sox fan, while I followed my dad, a native of the Bronx, in rooting for the Yankees. His family was Protestant; mine Jewish. He became a lawyer; me, a doctor.

Our relationships with our fathers drew us together, though, as we both struggled to navigate them. My dad helped coach my baseball team, and in an effort to dismiss any accusations of favouritism, went overboard in proving that I would receive no special treatment.

He drove to games, the team’s baseball equipment packed loosely in the trunk of his Dodge Dart, while I walked separately. When I struck out, he threw his hat into the dirt of the dugout’s floor, disgusted at my inadequacies. If I missed a throw to first base, he wouldn’t talk to me for days.

Doug’s Dad, an owlish history professor who spent most of his time in a home office from which we were eternally banned, never attended a game. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even notice Doug for days.

One father too present, the other too absent. Doug and I turned to each other to make sense of these dads – and for reassurance that we weren’t bad kids.

When my dad threw a tantrum at my batting foibles, I’d look across the field and meet Doug’s calm brown eyes. Not your fault, they’d say. I came to his games to cheer him on.

“We loved each other, even back then. But at that age, at that time and where we grew up, we would never say it out loud.”

Siblings – and we each had one – are thrust upon us. Best friends you get to choose. And we chose each other.

We loved each other, even back then. But at that age, at that time and where we grew up, we would never say it out loud.

As is true with any long-term relationship, we had our ups and downs. In high school, Doug’s father finally noticed him, didn’t like what he saw, and Doug left to join his mother, who was living in Massachusetts.

We lost touch until our first summer after starting college. Doug tracked me down to the restaurant where I was working and left me a note with his address and phone number – he was staying with his sister by then. We took up again as if no time had passed. I still have the note.

Over the following years, we met each other’s girlfriends and went out to restaurants and movies as couples. I told him excitedly that I was going to propose, and he did the same before his proposal. Then, after the fact, we called each other to review every detail of how it had gone. We organised each other’s bachelor’s parties, were groomsmen at one another’s weddings and were early visitors to see each other’s first children.

We didn’t express our love, though, until my wife and I separated, in 2004. Doug and his wife had divorced by then after she stunned him one night by announcing that they were inherently incompatible and might as well just get it over with. For months after their split, I talked with him daily and told him he was a good person, that he was loveable. Eventually, he believed me.

I remember the exact moment we said it, too. I had moved to a dingy apartment that I had furnished with a small kitchen table, two chairs, an old couch and a futon. Broken, devastated at my own failure in marriage and at the thought of losing my young son, I sat on the bare floor of the bedroom sobbing into the phone as Doug listened, soothed and calmed.

“I love you,” he said, stressing the I. “I love you.” No matter what I thought of myself, or what the rest of the world might say, Doug would always love me.

“I love you, too,” I answered, reassured by him, and as if we had been saying these words to each other for years.

This time, he called me every day for months until I could reassemble the pieces of myself, the closing signature to our conversations now firmly established.

“I kiss my boys and tell them how much I love them just as much as I do my daughter.”

We both married again, both to women, both happily, and served as each other’s groomsmen one more time. Our families get together every year, despite the thousand miles that separate us, and our kids refer to the adults as uncles and aunts. We’re not gay – though we joke that if we were, we would choose each other as husbands.

Our wives look at us funny when we say that, too.

A cultural shift has occurred in the 40 years since Doug and I played Little League baseball with each other, and it isn’t as strange today for two straight men to express their feelings for one another as it once was.

However, we recognise that our openness still isn’t the norm, so we try to model how we treat each other for our children, so hopefully, it will be the norm for them. We say the words as they listen to our calls, and I kiss my boys and tell them how much I love them just as much as I do my daughter.

Over time, Doug and I developed our routine of weekly phone calls, and text a lot in between. The topics of our tête-à-têtes range from how work is going to recent bike rides to the occasional boyhood reminiscence, but always settle on parenting.

I now attend my kids’ sporting events and cheer them on from the sidelines. Doug coaches his daughter’s soccer team. Still, we worry about the relationships we’ve developed with our own children. I ask Doug for advice on how he would handle the issue of the week that has arisen in my family, and he does the same with me. I tell him how much I admire the father he has turned into; he echoes the compliment back.

And then we tell each other “I love you,” a lot more comfortable in saying the words out loud than when we were younger, and maybe a little more comforted in the dads we, ourselves, have become.

This piece was originally published in June 2021 and we’re rerunning it now as part of HuffPost Personal’s “Best Of” series.

Mikkael A. Sekeres, M.D., M.S. is Chief of the Division of Hematology and Professor of Medicine at the Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center, University of Miami. He is a widely published essayist and the author of “When Blood Breaks Down: Life Lessons From Leukemia” (The MIT Press). Follow him on Twitter at @MikkaelSekeres.

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I Don’t Have Time For My Friends. What Can I Do?

Posted on 18/10/2025 by Boris Clair

I don’t know if “hypocrite” is exactly the right word, but I’m definitely proof that knowing better does not always mean doing better.

For instance, I know how bad it is to check your clock and doom-scroll after waking up at 3am. And yet I still do it: my insomnia persists.

I’m also well aware that close, healthy relationships with other people are key to living a longer and healthier life. Having great mates can even lower your risk of dementia.

So why do I have 14 unread texts at the moment, and how come the idea of dragging my weary bones to an after-work event has made me sob in the past?

I love my friends, but if I’m honest, I am too exhausted by life and its endless admin to make plans as much as I’d like to.

This is not fair of me, and I feel awful about it, but it seems to be a common concern: a 2024 study found that less than half of us spend as much time as we’d like with our mates, which makes sense since we hang out under half the amount we used to 10 years ago.

And, per Dating.com, Google searches for “don’t have time for friends” have jumped +163% this month.

If you’re in the same boat, what should you do? Here’s what Dr Uma Darji, a family doctor, and Lee Thompson, co-founder of Flash Pack (a travel company that brings solo adventurers together), told us.

Feeling too tired for friends is, sadly, all too common

Ironically, you are not alone in feeling too fatigued to hang out.

Dr Darji admitted, “When you’re juggling work, family, and the daily chaos of adult life, friendship can start to feel like another item on your to-do list. I see this all the time in my patients, and honestly, I’ve felt it too.

“The truth is that mental and emotional exhaustion don’t just make us tired, but they also make us withdraw. Although catching up with a friend should feel energising, it can feel overwhelming when your brain is in survival mode.”

Thompson, meanwhile, said that he spent much of his 30s neglecting his friendships for the sake of his business.

“By the time I hit my 40s, the impact hit me hard – I felt long stretches of loneliness because I hadn’t nurtured the friendships that really mattered,” he shared.

Interestingly, both told me that some degree of letting go is crucial if you want to rebuild your friendships.

Dr Darji said you should try as hard as you can to release any guilt you might feel. “You’re not a bad friend for being tired. Adult friendships don’t have to look like they did in college,” she said.

“What matters most is staying emotionally connected, not necessarily seeing each other constantly.”

Thompson stated, “I’ve learned that friendship doesn’t need to be complicated.” He began lowering the expectations he had for himself and his friends, and has been much happier since.

How can I maintain friendships when I’m exhausted?

Like Thompson, Dr Darji said remodelling your social expectations to fit your adult life is key.

“I suggest adjusting expectations. If you aren’t up for a long dinner, try to engage with a short voice note or quick meme exchange to keep the lines of communication and connection alive without draining you,” she stated.

“Try to combine social time with activities you already do, such as walking with a friend while kids play or catching up while shopping for groceries, calling a friend when driving.

“Be honest with your friends, you don’t have to pretend that you can do it all.”

Thompson makes an important point, though; once you have adjusted your expectations to fit what is possible for you, stick to your new rules.

The business co-founder says he puts “one dinner in the diary every month with my closest friends, and we never cancel.

“It’s the most important meeting I have all month because it energises me, helps me feel seen, inspires me and gives me space to breathe outside work and family life.”

While it might sound exhausting, the two experts told me, the payoff is definitely worth it.

“Connecting with others is essential to our emotional well-being,” Dr Darji explained.

“A short interaction can refill our cups in ways that only rest can’t… always remember that.”

Thompson, meanwhile, called it a “small investment that pays off massively for your mental health and happiness”.

WTF Does ‘Stay As Long As You Like’ Actually Mean?

Posted on 09/10/2025 by Boris Clair

You know what sends chills down my spine? The phrase “stay as long as you like” – I get the feeling the person saying it does not actually mean I can live rent-free for the next decade at their home, but I wonder if a one-night stay under those terms would seem offensively short.

(See also: “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help”. Anything? Really?)

According to a Reddit thread shared by u/ProofDazzling9234 on r/AskUK, it seems I’m not alone.

“I have British friends in the UK who invited me to stay with them when I visit the UK. They said I can stay with them as long as I want but I don’t want to overstay my welcome,” the Singaporean poster asked.

“Do they really mean that?”

We asked the founder of Etiquette Expert, Jo Hayes, for her thoughts.

The term means different things in different cultures

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Hayes said that the phrase means so many different things across cultures and individuals that when someone extends such a “generous and hospitable” invitation, you should take it as “genuine”.

However, she says, there’s a caveat: this should only be assumed “as long as your presence doesn’t start smelling like a dead fish”.

In other words, it’s not so much about decoding what your host might theoretically mean with their kind offer as it is recognising when you’re overstaying your welcome.

“Having house guests can be great or terrible, depending on the host and the guest. We all have different levels of introversion/extroversion, different capacities for small talk, [and] different needs for alone time,” she told us.

“If the host and guest are drastically mismatched on any of the above, the house stay situation could get very old, very quickly.”

Well-matched guests and hosts may never notice this issue, Hayes continued. But if you notice tension in the household, communicate clearly with your hosts.

“Be aware of signs of weariness/exhaustion/‘I’m over this’ in the host,
and if that happens, firstly communicate (‘I insist you tell me if you need me to move on, zero offence!’), and/or, if it’s clearly not working, simply make a decision to wrap it up,” she recommended.

“Keep things light and polite – [say] ‘Thank you so much for having me,’ [and give them] a kind gift to thank them for their hospitality, etc.”

How can I be a great house guest?

Though you can never tell in advance exactly how you and your host will get along, the etiquette pro has some rules for those seeking to maximise their odds of remaining in their friend’s good books.

“Guests, don’t loaf about,” she commented.

“Contribute to the household, help wherever you can, make it so the hosts are glad you’re there. Be quick to help with cooking, dishes, taking trash out, and
unloading the dishwasher. Keep the place clean. Offer to vacuum, etc.”

For hosts, she ended, “give your guests breathing room. Don’t hover, encroach on their need for personal/ alone time.

“Kind, calm, clear communication is the MO for making the deal sweet for all concerned.”

This 1 Child Psychology Lesson Will Make You A Better Parent – And Improve Every Relationship You Have

Posted on 04/10/2025 by Boris Clair

Want to be a better parent, friend or colleague?

There’s a simple lesson from psychologists that you can adopt right now to improve your relationships – no matter the age of the person who is confusing or upsetting you. It’s the difference between assuming the best or the worst in people, also known as the most or least generous interpretations.

“Most of us jump right to an ‘LGI’: the least generous interpretation,” said Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and author of Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, who has helped to popularise these terms.

That’s because we likely grew up with people who taught us “to associate bad behaviour with bad intentions or being a bad person,” Kennedy said.

Even trained psychologists like Kennedy deal with this impulse. “When my child snaps or ignores me, my brain automatically goes to: ‘They’re being defiant. They don’t respect me.’”

“I’ve had to train myself to pause and ask: ’What’s the most generous interpretation here? Maybe they’re tired. Maybe they’re overwhelmed. Maybe they don’t yet have the words for what they’re feeling, and so their out-of-control behaviour is the only way to let me know what’s going on.“

It can take some time, but once you learn to make this switch, you might be surprised by how differently you see every toddler tantrum – or miscommunication by a friend or partner.

“That tiny mindshift changes everything,” Kennedy explained. “It doesn’t mean I excuse behaviour. … Ironically, we have to understand a behaviour to help someone change their behaviour.”

Why ‘most generous interpretation’ works so well with adults and kids

Are you practicing an "MGI" or an "LGI"? It can make all the difference. — Are you practicing an “MGI” or an “LGI”? It can make all the difference.

“MGI isn’t just a parenting trick – it’s a life skill,” Kennedy said, because it forces us to separate who someone is from what they are doing and put their behaviours in perspective. When you use it on kids, you get to be the curious, empathetic adult you want kids to grow up to be.

“Kids learn: People can get it wrong sometimes, and there’s often more going on for someone than meets the eye,” Kennedy said. “Because when you help your kid realise they can be curious about their behaviour instead of meeting it right away with judgment and blame, curiosity is what allows them to reflect and move forward in a productive way – whereas shame and blame keep us frozen and make it very difficult to change.”

And it applies to adults, too. With couples, using a more generous interpretation of someone’s behaviour can help bridge divides after doubts and betrayals.

“When I work with couples in therapy, I will ask clients directly: ‘Do you detect malice in what your partner is saying?’” said Brendan Yukins, a licensed clinical social worker and relational therapist at The Expansive Group. “Often when we directly ask ourselves if we think someone is doing something on purpose, we see that ‘LGI’ is an illusion that our brain is casting to protect us from being harmed again. Realising that someone else is trying their best to love us can lead to deep, meaningful healing.“

And it also makes us see “bad friend behaviour” with more understanding eyes. Kennedy gave the example of a friend being late to meet up with you. In this case, the least generous interpretation is to think, “She doesn’t value my time,” and feel judged and distant as a result.

But what if you took the “most generous interpretation” approach? If instead you think, “‘She might be juggling a lot today,’ you’re more likely to feel connected and understood,” Kennedy said.

Once you embody this mindset, you can help be the change you wish to see in others.

It’s OK to use the ‘least generous interpretation’ sometimes, too

Your least generous interpretation is a neurological connection that gets hardwired every time you think the worst of someone. Yukins said it’s “an expression of our anxiety in trusting others.” That’s why it’s good to challenge these negative beliefs.

“If you are able to disrupt the signal, even a little bit, it gives your brain a fraction of a second to catch itself before going into an anxiety spiral,” he said.

“In my own life, I use ‘abducted by aliens’ when someone’s late for a meeting,” Yukins said. “It takes me out of the drudgery of everyday and introduces a playful element that keeps my brain open to interpretation.”

Of course, sometimes it’s more than OK to stop giving adults the benefit of the doubt, especially when they continually disrespect or mistreat you.

“Cycles of abuse or neglect often feature a hurtful person who insists that others continue to give them MGI even when they deserve LGI,” Yukins said.

He noted that if you suspect someone is purposefully hurting you, this is when it’s all right to set boundaries and reclaim your time: “Maybe leave the last text you sent without a follow-up, or schedule a self-care night if they seem hesitant to put you on their schedule.”

MGI is a muscle you can build every day for your wellbeing

Many kids and adults have good intentions that our brains overlook. Using an MGI mindset helps you learn this for yourself.

“The key is not deceiving your brain into trusting everyone,” Yukins said. “Rather, it’s to use MGI over and over again until you find through your own research that most people have the best intentions.”

It won’t just help with how you view others. It will help you be more gentle and understanding with yourself as well.

“Our natural inclination if our trust has been broken is to assume the worst of others,” Yukins said. But when we keep jumping to the worst conclusion of people’s behaviours, “Eventually, we will begin to distrust our own intentions. This can make the world smaller.”

And the great part of this psychology lesson is how you can start using it right away.

Kennedy equates MGI to a muscle. “We have to work it out and build that muscle in calm moments to have a greater likelihood of being able to flex it in the heat of the moment,” she said.

Experts Say This Common Behaviour Is The Chicken Way Out Of A Friendship

Posted on 27/09/2025 by Boris Clair

Friendship breakups are the worst. They hurt just as much as a romantic breakup, and sometimes, even more.

As someone who’s been through a ton of friend breakups, I can tell you that the pain never really goes away. Certain platonic relationships have a special level of intimacy that usually can’t be matched by a romantic partner. I mean, I still mourn ex-friendships from 15 years ago. Ex-boyfriends? Hardly.

That’s weird, right? Not at all, according to relationship experts.

A friend breakup can hurt just as much, if not more, than a romantic one.

“Some friendships can feel even deeper than your blood family — especially when you’re not close to blood family,” explained Angelika Koch, relationships and breakup expert at Taimi, an LGBTQ+ dating app. “This can add a layer of complexity when it comes to walking away from a friendship that no longer serves you.”

“Breaking up with a friend can feel more complicated than ending a romantic relationship because we don’t have the same cultural scripts or language for it,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Saba Harouni Lurie, the owner and founder of Take Root Therapy. “With romantic relationships, we understand that sometimes people aren’t compatible or that feelings change, but with friendships, there’s often an expectation that they should last forever or only end due to major betrayals.”

Why More Of Us Are Ghosting

One similarity between friendship breakups and romantic breakups is the upward trend of ghosting, that is, the practice of abruptly ending communication without explanation.

“‘Ghosting’ — as we understand it in 2025 — has increased in frequency over the past decades, likely due to the integration of social apps into everyday life and shifts in communication norms,” said Morgan Cope, assistant professor of psychology at Centre College and an expert on interpersonal relationships. “Around 13% of people report having ghosted someone in the past, and 23% report having been ghosted in the context of romantic relationships.”

“We started to see a shift [in ghosting] after the pandemic in friendships as well as relationships, where people have become more protective of their peace,” Koch said. “The pandemic caused everyone to face their mortality, which caused many people to become protective of their own energy.”

But it’s what Harouni Lurie told HuffPost that I believe encapsulates the root problem behind ghosting: “Unfortunately, most people are not well-versed in having difficult and honest conversations, and may elect to ghost a friend instead of trying to understand if the relationship can grow and change.”

I can relate to what these experts are saying, because even though I’ve been on the receiving end of a ghosted friendship multiple times, I found myself ghosting several friends over the past five years for exactly the reasons Koch highlighted.

I know the sorrow of being discarded by someone I thought was my ride-or-die, so why would I ever engage in the same insensitive behaviour I’ve rebuked for years? Wild as it sounds, I genuinely believed both parties would avoid further heartache if I just cut and ran (or rather, hit that block button). After all, isn’t it easier to hide behind a block button? Or to just leave those texts on read indefinitely?

Turns out I was wrong: While ghosting a friend may feel like a more “gentle” way to break up in the heat of the moment — you avoid a messy argument and potentially hurtful words — it’s not the healthiest approach in the long run.

Ghosting Isn’t A Gentle Way Out Of A Friendship

“Ghosting is cruel when the other person is still reaching out and uncertain about what’s happening,” Rose from New Orleans, who asked to use just her first name to protect her privacy, told HuffPost. “I don’t think it’s gentle — I think it’s callous and cowardly.”

Rose knows the agony of being ghosted all too well. She endured a devastating breakup where she was ghosted by not one but two friends. “I was absolutely gutted by the situation,” she said. “Not just the rejection and abandonment, but the way they closed ranks to keep me out. It was probably the most painful friend breakup I ever experienced.”

If you’re contemplating ghosting a friend you no longer vibe with, you may want to take Rose’s story into consideration first. “Many people have a deep fear of hurting others and move through life trying to cause as little harm as possible,” acknowledged Koch.

But abruptly tossing someone aside comes with significant consequences. “To many people, ghosting — which is a passive way to leave a relationship — feels like a gentle breakup,” Koch continued. “Unfortunately, this can cause confusion and a lack of closure on the end of the friend who is being ghosted.”

“We mustn’t confuse niceness (not having to tell someone you don’t want to see them anymore) for kindness (providing a clear rationale and explaining your feelings) when it comes to ending a relationship,” added Cope.

We Can Blame The Tech (At Least A Little Bit)

I’ll be the first to admit that social media has made me far more comfortable ghosting friends than it should. To be clear — and this is in no way an excuse — the people I’ve ghosted were mainly social media and/or online friends. Since we never saw each other in real life and were interacting primarily through Instagram DMs and texts, it was all too simple to hit that block button.

“I do think social media block buttons have made it easier for some people to cut ties on their end and move on,” agreed Rose, though that doesn’t mean she supports the practice. “With friends from offline, or online friends you’ve got a real built-up history with, I don’t think ‘block and move on’ is the best way to deal with conflict.”

“While we probably have a lot of work to do around learning to communicate,” Harouni Lurie said, “technology has likely exacerbated our problems.”

“With texting, it can be really easy to misunderstand someone and to lose nuance in a conversation,” she continued.

Guilty as charged: Even though I was raised on the art of chatting on the phone for hours on end, I’ve spent the past decade-plus ditching direct conversation with friends and relying almost entirely on texts.

Perhaps, given the potential for misunderstanding, we should reconsider the lost art of phone calls (scheduled only, please!).

Ending A Friendship Respectfully

Although ghosting isn’t a kind way to end a friendship, it’s OK to walk away from certain friends if you feel the relationship isn’t working anymore.

Honesty is the best policy, if that’s the case.

“If you’re the one ending the relationship, having a difficult conversation about the friendship and why it’s not working can afford you the opportunity to practice being honest and authentic, to advocate for yourself, and to have compassion for yourself and for your friend,” Harouni Lurie said.

She also reiterated that while it’s “challenging,” it’s “not impossible to end a friendship amicably.” Harouni Lurie advised approaching the discussion “with compassion, and respect for both your needs and theirs.” Start by acknowledging the good parts of your friendship and what you’ve appreciated about this person. Then, you can share your feelings about why you don’t think you’re compatible anymore.

“Being specific about what isn’t working can be helpful,” continued Harouni Lurie, but it’s important to “focus on your own experience rather than making it about their flaws.” Even though you may be frustrated with your estranged friend’s inability to understand anything about your life (it’s me, hi!), this is not the time to air those grievances.

Some examples Harouni Lurie offered are less critical of your friend and more of an emphasis on what you need:

“I’ve realised I need more space right now.”
“I think we’ve grown in different directions.”

After you’ve explained your reasons, Cope recommended giving your friend the courtesy to respond to your breakup decision.

“These conversations will not be easy,” she warned. “Our brains are motivated to establish and maintain social relationships to help us stay alive and thriving. But when we need to, we can end relationships and friendships in a way that prioritises everyone’s dignity and well-being.”