Liz Truss Writes To Civil Service Again Over ‘Matter Of Deep Concern To British Public’

Posted on 18/07/2024 by Boris Clair

Liz Truss has spoken up once again about her name appearing in an official briefing document this week, claiming this should be a “matter of deep concern to the British public”.

The former PM lodged an official complaint on Wednesday with the country’s most senior civil servant, Simon Case, after she was mentioned three times in briefing documents published for the King’s Speech.

Her “disastrous” mini-Budget was referenced repeatedly in the notes, which still are available on the official government website.

Case has since directed officials to remove the Truss’s name.

But less than 24 hours later, the ex-PM published yet another letter asking him to investigate further about how her name appeared in the official documents, with eight follow-up questions.

She asked: “Have you opened an investigation into how this happened?

“Who was the senior civil servant who gave final sign-off to the document?

“How many other civil servants had sight of the errant pages before they went to press?”

She also asked if there was a “breach of the Civil Service code” by mentioning her name and if any civil servants found to be responsible would be held to account.

“How many physical copies of the errant document were printed and have you made efforts to recover and pulp unissued copies of it?” Truss added.

She also asked if the opinion of a think tank attacking a politician could be regarded as a “key fact” in a document, and added: “Will you share the conclusions of whatever investigation you are undertaking?”

Truss said she is “very disturbing” her name made it into the Civil Service document, and “impugned my name without evidence”.

She continued: “That not a single person who drafted, edited, proofed or signed off so significant a document saw fit to challenge the slurs against me would only go to suggest that there is a settled view in Whitehall which accepts the narrative of my political opponents without challenge.

“This should be a matter of deep concern to the British public.”

All mentions of Truss in the briefing notes appear to have been pulled after she complained yesterday.

The online documents previously said Labour were planning on rolling out a Budget Responsibility Bill which would “ensure that the mistakes of Liz Truss min-Budget cannot repeated” with a “fiscal lock”.

Another reference said: “The fiscal lock is intended to capture and prevent those announcements that could resemble the disastrous mini-Budget.”

The final one said: “The Institute for Government have said that ’Rachel Reeves has made welcome moves to improve fiscal policy making – Liz Truss’s autumn mini-Budget is a lesson in how not to do fiscal policy.”

Truss lost her seat in the general election as part of the humiliating Tory defeat.

She has since flown to the US to endorse Donald Trump, the Republican nominee for the upcoming presidential election.

Security Experts Warn That Young People Are At Risk Of Revenge Porn

Posted on 18/07/2024 by Boris Clair

New research into revenge porn has revealed that young people are at the risk of abuse.

The report, conducted by major cybersecurity firm Kaspersky with support from the Revenge Porn Helpline, a UK charity helping adult victims of intimate image abuse, is the largest ever to understand the extent of the intimate image abuse (or ‘revenge porn’) problem globally.

While younger generations tend to think that they are more tech-savvy than their elders, the study has revealed a fundamental shift in attitudes towards online sharing of intimate images.

Of the poll of over 9 thousand people worldwide, a quarter admitted that they have shared images of themselves with people they are chatting to, with the number increasing to 50% amongst 25–34-year-olds.

Security experts urge people to take caution when sharing intimate images

A third of the UK respondents confirmed that they either know somebody who has survived revenge porn or have actually experienced it themselves. The report also highlighted that this form of abuse is particularly pronounced among younger generations, with 69% of 16-24 year-olds and 63% of 25-34 year-olds reporting such experiences.

David Emm, Principal Security Researcher, Kaspersky, said: “Our research highlights the increasing normalisation of a critical societal issue: the public, especially younger individuals, are sharing intimate images in increasing numbers without considering the consequences.

“Over the past 25 years, technology has made capturing and sharing such images effortless, and there have been significant shifts in behaviour and attitudes towards online dating, accelerating the trend of sharing intimate messages.”

Emm advised that awareness of the risks that are being taken can empower people to make more informed digital choices.

How to protect yourself against revenge porn

The experts urge people to follow this advice to stay safe:

Think before you post. Be mindful of who you share your data with and when. Always consider how the content you share online might be interpreted and used by others
Understand which messengers are safe and which have end-to-end encryption
If you think you are a victim of revenge porn, keep evidence, and report it to the police and platforms where you believe your data is available
Always check the permission settings on the apps you use, to minimise the likelihood of your data being shared or stored by third parties – and beyond – without your knowledge
Use a reliable security solution like Kaspersky Password Manager to generate and secure unique passwords for every account; resist the temptation to reuse the same one
Utilise StopNCII.org, a global online tool to help protect intimate images from being shared online across some of the most widely used platforms across the world

Help and support:

If you, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police. If you are not in immediate danger, you can contact:

The Freephone 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline, run by Refuge: 0808 2000 247
In Scotland, contact Scotland’s 24 hour Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline: 0800 027 1234
In Northern Ireland, contact the 24 hour Domestic & Sexual Violence Helpline: 0808 802 1414
In Wales, contact the 24 hour Life Fear Free Helpline on 0808 80 10 800.
National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0800 999 5428
Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
Respect helpline (for anyone worried about their own behaviour): 0808 802 0321

This Photo Of Female Labour MPs Reveals Another Bleak Reality For The Tory Benches

Posted on 18/07/2024 by Boris Clair

A new photo of the Labour Party has put the Tories’ electoral defeat in another, rather unflattering light.

All of the female MPs elected for Labour gathered for a historic image in Westminster Hall this week, making it pretty clear for their political opponents just how many of them there are.

In fact, there are 189 female Labour MPs now – almost half of the total 411 seats it won in the election.

That’s more than there are Tory MPs (of any gender) in this parliament.

It’s yet another blow to the beleaguered Conservatives, who already endured their worst-ever electoral defeat.

Having secured just 121 seats in the election, the Conservatives now have 29 female MPs – that works out to less than a quarter of its total parliamentary party, a detail which did not escape Labour MPs and party supporters online.

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In 1924 there was uproar in the press when the newly-elected Ellen Wilkinson appeared in Parliament in a green dress. Goodness knows what they’d have made of Labour’s 190 women MPs a hundred years on! pic.twitter.com/L8x7rdnNIO

— Nan Sloane (@NanSloane) July 18, 2024

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In 1924 there was uproar in the press when the newly-elected Ellen Wilkinson appeared in Parliament in a green dress. Goodness knows what they’d have made of Labour’s 190 women MPs a hundred years on! pic.twitter.com/L8x7rdnNIO

— Nan Sloane (@NanSloane) July 18, 2024

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What an phenomenal sight to behold!

We now have 190 @UKLabour women MPs. That’s more than all the Tories MPs.

And our diversity is growing and growing!

Excited to see and feel what a difference a Labour Government will make to my constituents in Brent and the country pic.twitter.com/7ZgMrTNQLz

— Dawn Butler ✊🏾💙 (@DawnButlerBrent) July 17, 2024

","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Dawn Butler ✊🏾💙","author_url":"https://twitter.com/DawnButlerBrent","cache_age":86400,"description":"What an phenomenal sight to behold! We now have 190 @UKLabour women MPs. That’s more than all the Tories MPs.And our diversity is growing and growing!Excited to see and feel what a difference a Labour Government will make to my constituents in Brent and the country pic.twitter.com/7ZgMrTNQLz— Dawn Butler ✊🏾💙 (@DawnButlerBrent) July 17, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Dawn Butler ✊🏾💙 on Twitter / X","type":"rich","url":"https://twitter.com/DawnButlerBrent/status/1813568883275792638","version":"1.0"},"flags":[],"enhancements":{},"fullBleed":false,"options":{"theme":"news","device":"desktop","editionInfo":{"id":"uk","name":"U.K.","link":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk","locale":"en_GB"},"originalEdition":"uk","isMapi":false,"isAmp":false,"isVideoEntry":false,"isEntry":true,"isMt":false,"entryId":"6699184be4b0e9707971bdef","entryPermalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/labour-mps-photo-reveals-harsh-truth-about-tory-benches_uk_6699184be4b0e9707971bdef","entryTagsList":"government,labour,conservatives,@ai_seo_headline","sectionSlug":"politics","deptSlug":null,"sectionRedirectUrl":null,"subcategories":"","isWide":false,"headerOverride":null,"noVideoAds":false,"disableFloat":false,"isNative":false,"commercialVideo":{"provider":"custom","site_and_category":"uk.politics","package":null},"isHighline":false,"vidibleConfigValues":{"cid":"60afc140cf94592c45d7390c","disabledWithMapiEntries":false,"overrides":{"all":"60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4"},"whitelisted":["56c5f12ee4b03a39c93c9439","56c6056ee4b01f2b7e1b5f35","59bfee7f9e451049f87f550b","5acccbaac269d609ef44c529","570278d2e4b070ff77b98217","57027b4be4b070ff77b98d5c","56fe95c4e4b0041c4242016b","570279cfe4b06d08e3629954","5ba9e8821c2e65639162ccf1","5bcd9904821576674bc55ced","5d076ca127f25f504327c72e","5b35266b158f855373e28256","5ebac2e8abddfb04f877dff2","60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4","60b64354b171b7444beaff4d","60d0d8e09340d7032ad0fb1a","60d0d90f9340d7032ad0fbeb","60d0d9949340d7032ad0fed3","60d0d9f99340d7032ad10113","60d0daa69340d7032ad104cf","60d0de02b627221e9d819408"],"playlists":{"default":"57bc306888d2ff1a7f6b5579","news":"56c6dbcee4b04edee8beb49c","politics":"56c6dbcee4b04edee8beb49c","entertainment":"56c6e7f2e4b0983aa64c60fc","tech":"56c6f70ae4b043c5bdcaebf9","parents":"56cc65c2e4b0239099455b42","lifestyle":"56cc66a9e4b01f81ef94e98c"},"playerUpdates":{"56c6056ee4b01f2b7e1b5f35":"60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4","56c5f12ee4b03a39c93c9439":"60d0d8e09340d7032ad0fb1a","59bfee7f9e451049f87f550b":"60d0d90f9340d7032ad0fbeb","5acccbaac269d609ef44c529":"60d0d9949340d7032ad0fed3","5bcd9904821576674bc55ced":"60d0d9f99340d7032ad10113","5d076ca127f25f504327c72e":"60d0daa69340d7032ad104cf","5ebac2e8abddfb04f877dff2":"60d0de02b627221e9d819408"}},"connatixConfigValues":{"defaultPlayer":"8b034f64-513c-4987-b16f-42d6008f7feb","clickToPlayPlayer":"5a777b9b-81fe-41a6-8302-59e9953ee8a2","videoPagePlayer":"19654b65-409c-4b38-90db-80cbdea02cf4"},"topConnatixThumnbailSrc":"data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAEAAAABCAQAAAC1HAwCAAAAC0lEQVR42mNkYAAAAAYAAjCB0C8AAAAASUVORK5CYII=","customAmpComponents":[],"ampAssetsUrl":"https://amp.assets.huffpost.com","videoTraits":null,"positionInUnitCounts":{"buzz_head":{"count":0},"buzz_body":{"count":0},"buzz_bottom":{"count":0}},"positionInSubUnitCounts":{"article_body":{"count":7},"blog_summary":{"count":0},"before_you_go_content":{"count":0}},"connatixCountsHelper":{"count":0},"buzzfeedTracking":{"context_page_id":"6699184be4b0e9707971bdef","context_page_type":"buzz","destination":"huffpost","mode":"desktop","page_edition":"en-uk"},"tags":[{"name":"government","slug":"government","links":{"relativeLink":"news/government","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/government","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/government"},"relegenceSubjectId":4941492,"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/government/"},{"name":"labour","slug":"labour","links":{"relativeLink":"news/labour","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/labour","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/labour"},"section":{"title":"Politics","slug":"politics"},"topic":{"title":"Labour Party","slug":"labour-party","overridesSectionLabel":false},"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/labour-party/"},{"name":"Conservatives","slug":"conservatives","links":{"relativeLink":"news/conservatives","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/conservatives","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/conservatives"},"section":{"title":"Politics","slug":"politics"},"topic":{"title":"Conservative Party","slug":"conservative-party","overridesSectionLabel":false},"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/conservative-party/"}],"isLiveblogLive":null,"cetUnit":"buzz_body","bodyAds":["

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What an phenomenal sight to behold!

We now have 190 @UKLabour women MPs. That’s more than all the Tories MPs.

And our diversity is growing and growing!

Excited to see and feel what a difference a Labour Government will make to my constituents in Brent and the country pic.twitter.com/7ZgMrTNQLz

— Dawn Butler ✊🏾💙 (@DawnButlerBrent) July 17, 2024

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When Diane Abbott entered parliament in 1987 there were just 40 female MPs in total. Today there are 263 and Labour has 190 of them – more than the entire number of Tory MPs in opposition. Much still to do, but worth taking a moment to recognise how far women have come. https://t.co/roVExNblhx

— Linda Green (@LindaGreenisms) July 18, 2024

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Much still to do, but worth taking a moment to recognise how far women have come. https://t.co/roVExNblhx— Linda Green (@LindaGreenisms) July 18, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Linda Green on Twitter / X","type":"rich","url":"https://twitter.com/LindaGreenisms/status/1813896701142507691","version":"1.0"},"flags":[],"enhancements":{},"fullBleed":false,"options":{"theme":"news","device":"desktop","editionInfo":{"id":"uk","name":"U.K.","link":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk","locale":"en_GB"},"originalEdition":"uk","isMapi":false,"isAmp":false,"isVideoEntry":false,"isEntry":true,"isMt":false,"entryId":"6699184be4b0e9707971bdef","entryPermalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/labour-mps-photo-reveals-harsh-truth-about-tory-benches_uk_6699184be4b0e9707971bdef","entryTagsList":"government,labour,conservatives,@ai_seo_headline","sectionSlug":"politics","deptSlug":null,"sectionRedirectUrl":null,"subcategories":"","isWide":false,"headerOverride":null,"noVideoAds":false,"disableFloat":false,"isNative":false,"commercialVideo":{"provider":"custom","site_and_category":"uk.politics","package":null},"isHighline":false,"vidibleConfigValues":{"cid":"60afc140cf94592c45d7390c","disabledWithMapiEntries":false,"overrides":{"all":"60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4"},"whitelisted":["56c5f12ee4b03a39c93c9439","56c6056ee4b01f2b7e1b5f35","59bfee7f9e451049f87f550b","5acccbaac269d609ef44c529","570278d2e4b070ff77b98217","57027b4be4b070ff77b98d5c","56fe95c4e4b0041c4242016b","570279cfe4b06d08e3629954","5ba9e8821c2e65639162ccf1","5bcd9904821576674bc55ced","5d076ca127f25f504327c72e","5b35266b158f855373e28256","5ebac2e8abddfb04f877dff2","60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4","60b64354b171b7444beaff4d","60d0d8e09340d7032ad0fb1a","60d0d90f9340d7032ad0fbeb","60d0d9949340d7032ad0fed3","60d0d9f99340d7032ad10113","60d0daa69340d7032ad104cf","60d0de02b627221e9d819408"],"playlists":{"default":"57bc306888d2ff1a7f6b5579","news":"56c6dbcee4b04edee8beb49c","politics":"56c6dbcee4b04edee8beb49c","entertainment":"56c6e7f2e4b0983aa64c60fc","tech":"56c6f70ae4b043c5bdcaebf9","parents":"56cc65c2e4b0239099455b42","lifestyle":"56cc66a9e4b01f81ef94e98c"},"playerUpdates":{"56c6056ee4b01f2b7e1b5f35":"60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4","56c5f12ee4b03a39c93c9439":"60d0d8e09340d7032ad0fb1a","59bfee7f9e451049f87f550b":"60d0d90f9340d7032ad0fbeb","5acccbaac269d609ef44c529":"60d0d9949340d7032ad0fed3","5bcd9904821576674bc55ced":"60d0d9f99340d7032ad10113","5d076ca127f25f504327c72e":"60d0daa69340d7032ad104cf","5ebac2e8abddfb04f877dff2":"60d0de02b627221e9d819408"}},"connatixConfigValues":{"defaultPlayer":"8b034f64-513c-4987-b16f-42d6008f7feb","clickToPlayPlayer":"5a777b9b-81fe-41a6-8302-59e9953ee8a2","videoPagePlayer":"19654b65-409c-4b38-90db-80cbdea02cf4"},"topConnatixThumnbailSrc":"data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAEAAAABCAQAAAC1HAwCAAAAC0lEQVR42mNkYAAAAAYAAjCB0C8AAAAASUVORK5CYII=","customAmpComponents":[],"ampAssetsUrl":"https://amp.assets.huffpost.com","videoTraits":null,"positionInUnitCounts":{"buzz_head":{"count":0},"buzz_body":{"count":0},"buzz_bottom":{"count":0}},"positionInSubUnitCounts":{"article_body":{"count":7},"blog_summary":{"count":0},"before_you_go_content":{"count":0}},"connatixCountsHelper":{"count":0},"buzzfeedTracking":{"context_page_id":"6699184be4b0e9707971bdef","context_page_type":"buzz","destination":"huffpost","mode":"desktop","page_edition":"en-uk"},"tags":[{"name":"government","slug":"government","links":{"relativeLink":"news/government","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/government","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/government"},"relegenceSubjectId":4941492,"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/government/"},{"name":"labour","slug":"labour","links":{"relativeLink":"news/labour","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/labour","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/labour"},"section":{"title":"Politics","slug":"politics"},"topic":{"title":"Labour Party","slug":"labour-party","overridesSectionLabel":false},"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/labour-party/"},{"name":"Conservatives","slug":"conservatives","links":{"relativeLink":"news/conservatives","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/conservatives","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/conservatives"},"section":{"title":"Politics","slug":"politics"},"topic":{"title":"Conservative Party","slug":"conservative-party","overridesSectionLabel":false},"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/conservative-party/"}],"isLiveblogLive":null,"cetUnit":"buzz_body","bodyAds":["

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When Diane Abbott entered parliament in 1987 there were just 40 female MPs in total. Today there are 263 and Labour has 190 of them – more than the entire number of Tory MPs in opposition. Much still to do, but worth taking a moment to recognise how far women have come. https://t.co/roVExNblhx

— Linda Green (@LindaGreenisms) July 18, 2024

Costs of UK fertility treatments has resulted in prospective parents seeking treatment abroad

Fertility Family said: “The cost of fertility treatment has had a huge impact on the way people are seeking help.

“According to the results of the survey, the high cost of fertility treatment in the UK has driven over one in four people to spend over £10,000 on both treatments and investigative procedures.”

This has led to people considering going abroad for fertility treatment thanks to the allure of lower costs. However, of those seeking fertility treatment in a foreign country, only 14% believe that clinics abroad have a higher success rate.

The attitudes of health professionals don’t help either. Over 50% of the respondents said that they felt dismissed by medical professionals when they discussed fertility problems, and only a third felt listened to.

This desperate situation, which seems near-impossible to navigate, has had a huge impact on people’s mental health. Half of the respondents admitted that they feel ashamed due to their difficulties in trying to conceive.

Others admitted that they believe those around them think ‘less’ of them because of their infertility, which further highlights the need for more mental health considerations within fertility support.

Dr Gill Lockwood, Consultant at Fertility Family, said: “Although the psychological struggles of infertility can be overwhelming, many patients ultimately reach some type of resolution.

“Some of the alternatives include becoming parents to a relative’s children, adopting children, or deciding to adopt a child-free lifestyle. Needless to say, this resolution is usually psychologically demanding, and patients may feel forever impacted by the experience of infertility.”

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Rick and I were sitting in the bishop’s office, holding each other’s hands and our Book of Mormon, on our first Sunday in our new ward. The bishop offered us a handshake and a prayer, and settled behind his desk.

“Brother and Sister, welcome!” he said. “Tell me about yourselves.”

We’d been together for five months — engaged within a month of meeting and married four months later. I was a substitute teacher. Rick was working construction. We lived in a tiny apartment, with no health insurance and a combined savings of $300.

“Are you aware of the prophet’s counsel on having children?” the bishop asked, looking directly at Rick.

Not allowed more intimacy than a kiss before being married, Rick and I were one month into a more carnal relationship. We blinked at him awkwardly. The bishop stared at Rick with commanding eyes.

“Heavenly Father will bless you,” he said. “The prophet urges us to not delay.”

I was pregnant by August.

A week before our wedding, I told Rick he shouldn’t marry me. I wasn’t sure that I could be a devout Mormon wife and mother.

The church had an explanation and a rule for everything. My life was prescribed to me by men. The penultimate goal: a temple marriage. The ultimate goal: a gaggle of children to indoctrinate.

The church has manuals for each year of childhood. They are full of saccharine lesson plans on how to pray, what to eat, read, watch, wear. How to be a neighbor, a friend, an obedient servant of the Lord. How to spend time and money, stay sexually pure, repent of sin. How to become worthy.

Doubt was the devil’s work, and it had festered in me since I was a small child. I felt suffocated by the rules, but I knew no other way.

“You are the one for me,” Rick insisted. He thought the Lord would fix me.

"Four months after we met, Rick and I married in the Mount Timpanogos Temple in American Fork, Utah, on January 11, 2002," the author writes. — “Four months after we met, Rick and I married in the Mount Timpanogos Temple in American Fork, Utah, on January 11, 2002,” the author writes.

By our third anniversary, we had two baby girls, 15 months apart. Each night in bed, Rick read aloud from the Book of Mormon while tears leaked into my ears.

When I gave birth to my second daughter, I knew I could not teach my children to be Mormon. Rick finally recognised my suffering, and we broke free.

I quickly discovered that leaving a world of blind obedience was, in a sense, like death. Every part of my life had been dictated by the rules of Mormon men. I didn’t know my own mind. While my girls were learning to crawl, I was frantically trying to find a sense of self, but it was impossible to grow up faster than my babies.

I did the easy things first. I bought tank tops and colourful underwear and shorts that did not skim my kneecaps. I drank coffee. I sampled gin and vodka from tiny bottles. I spent money on Sundays. I dared to say the word “fuck” out loud.

Firsts happened in the bedroom, too.

We were new to the neighbourhood when I bumped into the woman next door, who insisted I come by that evening. She was hosting a ladies’ night with other moms on the block. If she mentioned it was a “passion party,” I was too innocent to catch on.

She greeted me at the door with a hug and rattled off a list of wines. I had never had wine, so I just pointed at an open bottle. Glass of red in hand, I sat, then noticed the woman across from me, flanked by her mother, holding a huge gyrating dildo with metal rows of beads spiralling inside the ropy shaft. Next to me, an Avon lady-looking woman with an open suitcase full of fake penises waited for me to settle. My soul left my body when the dildo made its way into my lap.

Everyone can see me holding this penis and this wine. Someone’s mom can see me.

We were all given plastic sticks with a swipe of birthday cake-flavoured lube to suck off. Then we took turns stumbling to the powder room with a Q-Tip with a tingle cream swiped on the end, to be applied to our clitoris. I applied the cream with an obedience not unlike what I once used to navigate secret temple rituals.

Someone’s mom has been in here, touching her clit.

Her daughters know.

I am someone’s mom.

The author and Rick's three kids enjoying vacation in Madison, Wisconsin, in June 2016. "At least one was wearing eyeliner," the author writes. "They have no memory of the Mormon rule book." — The author and Rick’s three kids enjoying vacation in Madison, Wisconsin, in June 2016. “At least one was wearing eyeliner,” the author writes. “They have no memory of the Mormon rule book.”

My clit was on fire as someone poured me a second glass of wine. Eventually I found myself in a home office alone with the saleslady and her suitcase.

I did not order the beaded dildo. I did order my first vibrator ― not out of bravery, but out of obligation I felt to the woman selling them. I was following the rules of the party.

My sex education had consisted of a variety of lessons at church. Our teacher gave us gum to chew, and then asked us to spit it in the trash. Without our chastity, we were told, we would be used-up gum that no man would choose.

I learned that losing my virginity before marriage was akin to murder. My cousin gave me an Albertsons sack of Harlequin romance novels, which I read and hid from my parents. The sex scenes filled me with shameful desire and a sexual vocabulary limited to “his shaft” and “her mound.”

Once I was home, I told Rick about the party: the comfortable way moms and daughters passed around vibrators, cock rings and butt plugs, none of which I had ever seen or understood just a few hours before. I realised how vast the work would be to grow myself up.

As our girls began preschool, my desire to know the right way to mother was all-consuming. Is it OK to let them play with a pretend coffee maker? Should preschoolers wear a two-piece swimsuit? A sundress with thin straps? Is it bad to take the Lord’s name in vain if we don’t believe in the Lord?

The older my girls got, the deeper my yearning for those glossy church manuals grew. Mormon children are taught to speak in front of the congregation each month. Perched on moms’ hips — their breath hot in our ears with the right words — we spoke: “I know this church is True.”

With that knowing came all the answers we’d ever need, given to us by worthy men.

The author and Rick in Portland, Maine, in May 2023. "Rick and I celebrate growing together through radical change in our 22 years of marriage," the author writes. — The author and Rick in Portland, Maine, in May 2023. “Rick and I celebrate growing together through radical change in our 22 years of marriage,” the author writes.

Without God’s plan, “I don’t know what I’m doing” was the incessant white noise in my mind. I was trying to teach my daughters a language I had never heard before.

We completed our family with a third baby girl while I white-knuckled through their obsession with Lady Gaga (“Disco Stick”) and Flo Rida (“Blow my whistle, baby”). I let them wear sundresses. I felt out of control, with no sense of the consequences of my choices.

Knowing my own mind was slow work. I learned I like pinot noir and black coffee. I learned I could skip cake-flavoured lubes.

We barrelled into the tween years. I confided in my mom friends, and they assured me they felt stressed too. They worried about grades, carpool and vegetables. But I wanted to know… should kids wear eyeliner? Watch “Grey’s Anatomy”? Drink Starbucks? Wear a top the size of a sports bra to school?

Sex and relationships in the teen years has been a hum of low-grade panic. I want someone to take over this part. I want to be their guide. Surely, there is a space between no plan at all and already-chewed gum.

A few months ago, I was having dinner with a friend who is more conservative than I am with kids younger than mine. I told her I was considering buying my teenagers vibrators. She gasped loud enough to draw attention. She couldn’t imagine a worse idea. But I’m not sure. I want them to know their own bodies — to enter sexual relationships from a position of confidence and understanding. My friend was scandalised.

“They’ll get one for themselves — as adults,” she said. She’s sure I’m crossing a line. Am I going too far? I haven’t decided. But I’m starting to understand that the right decision isn’t in a manual. It’s the one I will make.

Our kids are now 20, 19 and 14. I’m no longer Mormon, and no longer a stranger to myself.

I thought I was leaving my Mormon heritage behind. Now, I realise I’m not unlike my pioneering ancestors, dragging their belongings across the plains to a new life. Modern parenting is the new frontier. I still envy their certitude, the way they were free of the burden of answering their own questions. But the manuals of men no longer contain my answers. Like every mother out here in the wild world, we must write our own.

Meg Poulin is a freelance writer and textile artist based in Connecticut. She’s passionate about telling the truth about motherhood. Despite her revolt against her Mormon roots, she still wears aprons, bakes cakes from scratch and embroiders while watching TV. She is currently helping her three children move into their own wide worlds.

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