These ‘Sacrifice Scorecards’ Tell Us A Lot About How Parents Are Being Failed

What have you given up since becoming a parent?

It might be precious time spent with your newborn – the UK’s paternity leave is the worst in Europe forcing many dads back to work before they’re ready. It might be career progression, a pay rise or even your job (85% of women leave the full-time workforce within three years of having their first child).

It might be your savings or any extra income you are forced to make in order to pay for full-time childcare, which can range from £60 to £100 per day (government help with these costs is applicable to some, not all).

A new study on fatherhood from Equimundo, which polled 8,000 parents and caregivers across 16 countries, found fathers value care more than ever – but are increasingly stretched to breaking point.

The study found parents don’t have the time, resources, or support to care for their families without constant strain, which it dubbed a “crisis”.

Savings (and safety nets) are drained, hours are cut to work around the school day (four out of five parents said their employer won’t allow flexible working), job security hangs in the balance, and study and leisure time quietly disappears.

Malte Mueller via Getty Images

The sacrifices parents make

The report’s “sacrifice scorecard” asked the world’s mums and dads what they have had to give up in order to care for their loved ones.

It found parents are making six to eight separate sacrifices to provide care for their children.

One in four had to refinance their homes to pay for care services, one in three turned down a professional advancement to provide care, almost two-thirds worked overtime to bring home extra pay, and half took on a second or third job to increase their income.

It’s no wonder then that three in four dads, and four in five mums, are losing sleep over their financial future.

The report highlighted how these sacrifices can also fuel increased anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and higher alcohol consumption. It noted fathers have higher odds than mothers of falling into the high-distress group, with younger dads most at risk.

Its authors summarised that fathers want to be present and active in the daily lives of their children, but are held back by norms and policies that haven’t caught up – and it’s placing great strain on families.

Elliott Rae, founder of Parenting Out Loud and Equal Parenting Week, said the sacrifices dads are having to make, per the new research, tell “a new version of the same story that we have heard” from mums over the years.

“This isn’t about competition between the sexes; it’s about recognising that both parents are continually having to make sacrifices because of societal structures that make parenting in the UK akin to the ‘wipe out’ obstacle course tryouts,” he said.

“Unequal parenting leave means that mums are set up as the primary carer and dads are set up as the chief provider, and both parents then struggle to excel in each other’s lanes.

“We need to set parents up as equals from the get-go by levelling up paternity leave, and then we need to instil flexible working practices that allow mothers to work to their full potential instead of making themselves smaller in order to ‘have it all’ and dads to be able to be the present dads that they want to be.”

Gary Barker, president and CEO of Equimundo, responded that while “men are doing more of the care work and finding meaning and happiness in doing so”, families everywhere “face enormous challenges to provide basic care”.

He called on men to “demand and advocate for the care services we all need”.

Lee Chambers, founder of Male Allies UK, wants to see changes to policies that better support parents.

“The problem is we’re asking dads to be providers first and then telling them they need to do 50:50 childcare too. They want to do it, they want to be there, but there’s still a huge pressure to work like you don’t have kids,” he said.

“The reality is something has to give and without policies in place to support dads to be dads, they end up taking a hit as a family, both financially and mentally.

“We need to create balance – put structures in place that enable mums to work without getting paid less than dads for doing so, and we need to enable dads to be dads by giving them time off to bond and care for their children.

“We need to close the gaps if we want any hope of reaching equality at work and home.”

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UK’s Paternity Leave Changed This Week, But Dads Say It ‘Doesn’t Go Far Enough’

Dads-to-be now have the right to paternity leave from the first day in a new job, rather than having to wait six months to be eligible.

The change means that from 6 April, new dads can take two weeks of paternity leave from day one of a new job – however, this will not be paid leave unless they’ve worked for their employer for more than 26 weeks.

Dads can receive £194 per week or 90% of pay (whichever is lower).

But campaigners are saying the change “doesn’t go far enough” to improve the UK’s measly paternity leave offering, which has been slammed as the worst in Europe.

Ultimately, many want to see dads’ leave extended from the current offering of two weeks, to six weeks, as default.

Elliott Rae, founder of Parenting Out Loud and Equal Parenting Week, said the latest changes to paternity leave are “much needed”, but dads “should have been entitled” to it already.

“Paternity leave in the UK is dire and fixing something that should never have been an issue in the first place doesn’t go far enough,” he said.

“We need to start changing the way we think about families and valuing the roles of dads and partners more. Dads want to step up, and it’s high time we let them.”

Elliott (left) and Oliver (right)
Elliott (left) and Oliver (right)

Prior to the new changes, some dads were forced to take annual leave rather than paternity leave because their partners became pregnant shortly after they started a new role.

Oliver, from Gloucester, was one of them. He began a new role while his wife was pregnant. “Paternity leave entitlement should always have been in place from day one, regardless of whether you’ve switched roles,” he said.

“During the early days of parenting, having annual leave to use for illness or child care is vital, so using up a big chunk of your entitlement, or not being able to take time off at all, isn’t fair.

“We now need to use this momentum to drive forward more change and more rights for dads. We need to stop policy getting in the way of parenting.”

Hundreds of dads and partners plan to join a ‘Push for Paternity’ pram march on Saturday 2 May, in London, Leeds and Manchester, calling for a fairer paternity leave system.

Joeli Brearley, founder of Growth Spurt, added: “We should be embarrassed by how far behind the rest of Europe we are on parental support. We offer the worst paternity leave in Europe, one of the weakest maternity pay systems, virtually no meaningful support for parents of children with SEND, and a childcare system that quietly forces parents out of work and back to the kitchen sink.

“These changes are a step in the right direction. But let’s be honest, we are still at the foothills of a very steep climb if we want to properly support working families.”

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Prepare To Belly Laugh Hard At This Dad’s Tips For Getting Babies To Sleep

Getting babies to sleep can feel like an impossible task – and it’s something comedian George Lewis knows all too well.

In one of his more recent videos, the father-of-three can be seen shushing and bouncing a baby to sleep, before trialling some more, ahem, avant-garde sleep techniques.

And if you’re a parent, you’re sure to relate.

“Go to sleep now or I’m going to set fire to this,” says the comedian, while standing next to the cot holding Ewan the sheep.

“I don’t actually want you to go to sleep,” he says in the next breath, trialling a bit of reverse psychology. “I think you should stay up all night.”

Next on the dad’s list of techniques is peer pressure. Perched casually by the side of the cot, stroking his face, he says: “So apparently all the cool babies have been getting early nights recently… Yeah, that’s just what I’ve heard.”

Lewis also trials whale sounds, bargaining and the threat of cancelling Christmas. At one point he’s standing near the cot with a 4-pint bottle of milk.

But it’s the last tip that seems to do the trick: boring his child with chat about Bitcoin.

The 37-year-old from Manchester told HuffPost UK: “My baby isn’t sleeping at the moment so I’ve been desperately searching Instagram and TikTok for advice.

“Once you try everything and it still doesn’t work you start resorting to crazy threats and ultimatums that a baby is obviously not going to understand.

“I thought it’d be funny to do a ‘how to’ video that isn’t particularly helpful but reflects our desperate behaviour as parents.”

Parents dubbed the video “hilarious” and many seemed to think the Bitcoin tip – while a joke – was actually pretty genius.

There were also plenty of suggestions from others about the lengths they’d go to to get their little ones to sleep.

“I used to read books in a really boring voice, then I would fall asleep and they’d stay awake,” said user rachlbc.

“Just put a recording on of the finance review work Teams call,” added hannahlou1983.

Another commenter, nicoledanica, said the video was “spot on”. She added: “I’m a nurse and I used to give detailed lectures to my son about anatomy and physiology when he was a baby and would wake up in the middle of the night.”

Whatever works!

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Ronaldo Interview: Dads Shouldn’t Feel Bad For Taking Time To Care For Kids

Cristiano Ronaldo has claimed Manchester United officials “didn’t believe” him when he needed to take time off because his baby daughter was unwell.

The footballer has opened up about life at the football club in an explosive interview with Piers Morgan, in which he also criticised the club’s football manager Erik ten Hag and accused the club of “betraying” him.

And while the timing and nature of the interview hasn’t gone down well with everyone, his comments about receiving a lack of empathy over his daughter’s illness has struck a chord with some – particularly dads.

It’s raised the question of how and why in 2022 fathers are still being made to feel bad for taking time out to care for their kids.

Ronaldo suffered a huge loss earlier this year when his son died during childbirth. His twin sister Bella survived, however when she was hospitalised with an illness, the father-of-five needed to take time out and implied in an interview with Piers Morgan on TalkTV that some at the football club were less than sympathetic about it.

“I spoke with the director of, and the president of, Manchester United and they kind of didn’t believe that something [was] going wrong, which made me feel bad,” he said.

“I am never going to change the [prioritising of the] health of my family for football… and it was something that really hurt me because they doubted my word that I struggled, especially Bella and Geo.

“We had one week in hospital because Bella had a big problem and I didn’t go to the pre-season because of that.”

Manchester United said “the club will consider its response after the full facts have been established” and told HuffPost UK that at this time, it has no further comment.

While it’s clear there’s a lot more to unpack between Ronaldo and Manchester United, the interview has prompted conversations about the way dads are treated by employers – and the need for change.

“There’s certainly a lack of sympathy when it comes to dads whereby the world of children is not really their world,” writes journalist Martin Robinson for The Book of Man.

“If something demands time out for men, that’s not really on,” he said in response to the Ronaldo interview, citing the fact two weeks paternal leave is still the standard for dads in the UK – which is barely anything when you think of what a huge life event the birth of a child is.

There are clearly still incidences where men are expected to continue working, keeping a stiff upper lip, while women care for their children at home. And that reeks of sexism.

The lack of sympathy from employers is an issue that’s cropped up when Nigel Clarke has spoken to dads through the support group he runs called Dadvengers.

When a child is ill or you’ve got a situation where a father needs to take time off work to care for their child, Clarke suggests some organisations automatically focus on it being a “childcare issue” rather than thinking about the fact the dad must actually be really worried about their child.

“They make an assumption it’s a childcare issue and why should the father be taking time from work to deal with that? which in itself is wrong,” he says.

StefaNikolic via Getty Images

He suggests it’s largely a generational thing, with older generations thinking this way much more than younger men – so some organisations are a lot more forward-thinking than others.

“Organisations, businesses and communities in general need to appreciate that the way we parent as families is changing,” he continues.

“Before it was maybe more about women taking care of their children, but nowadays it’s going to be much more shared.

“We have to acknowledge the landscape is changing – and as workplaces, as communities and people in general, we need to make changes.”

It can be immensely stressful when you need to be with your child because they’re sick and your employer is not supportive.

Steve*, 51, from Northumberland, knows this all too well. He says a former employer withdrew a promise of flexible work which, as a solo parent, caused him a lot of stress.

“They argued that I specifically wasn’t allowed to be at home with my daughter when she was off school because I was a single dad so I would be child-caring, not working,” he tells HuffPost UK.

The dad, who works in communications, believes that while what Ronaldo has said about his football club was “ill-advised”, he can see where he’s coming from as the pandemic has caused a lot of undue stress on society – and then there’s obviously the hugely traumatic ordeal of losing his child.

“We don’t think clearly when we’re depressed, sad and stressed. We don’t have enough mental capacity to concentrate on everything,” he explains.

“You can’t compartmentalise work and personal issues. It’s possible and reasonable to say that while what Ronaldo said was ill-advised, it was also understandable.”

The first part of Ronaldo’s interview will air on TalkTV on Wednesday November 16 at 8pm.

*Surname removed to provide anonymity.

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The 10 Best Embarrassing Dad Jokes, As Picked By The Nation

What makes a classic dad joke? Some might say one that’s fundamentally unfunny. But we have more appetite than you’d expect for the cringe.

Ahead of National Tell-A-Joke day on August 16, Moonpig has surveyed the nation on our true feelings about dad jokes – as well finding the ones that actually land. It turns out that dad jokes make a lot of us warm and fuzzy with nostalgia and some even manage to make us laugh, rather than groan.

Almost half (49%) of those surveyed said they find dad jokes funny – not so bad, then – although the older you are, the less likely you are to find your own dad funny. Surprisingly, 64% of Gen Z say their dad makes them laugh, compared to 36% of those over 55.

As to which city takes the dad joke crown, the fathers of Liverpool are funniest (or at least have the most appreciative audiences), followed by Cardiff and Birmingham in the top three. And when it comes to low tolerance, neither Norwich or Brighton has much time for dad jokes, calling them “annoying” or even “disgusting”.

Of course, we all know the obviousness of the punchline is what makes a dad gag iconic, nor does a good(/bad) pun go amiss, which may explain why so many old classics make the following list of the nation’s favourites.

1) What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

2) Why do Dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one.

3) What’s the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-Hurty.

4) A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, “sorry we don’t serve food here.”

5) What did the ocean say to the beach?

“Nothing, it just waved.”

6) “Dad, did you get a haircut?”

“No, I got them all cut.”

7) My wife asked me to stop singing ‘Wonderwall’ to her.

I said, “Maybe…”.

8) What is brown and sticky?

9) I slept like a log last night.

Woke up in the fireplace!

10) I used to hate facial hair.

Then it grew on me.

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