‘I Have To Talk Like Gru’: 13 Parents Share The Weirdest Things Their Kids Do Before Bed

When it comes to kids’ bedtime routines, we all have those little things that help make the process that bit easier – the set number of (3,934,586,098) bedtime stories, the little pyjama dance, the teeth-cleaning song (just me?).

Recently, the brilliant minds behind Instagram account @betchesmoms asked parents to share the weirdest part of their child’s bedtime routine – and the answers are undeniably funny.

From the kid who has to snuggle a (fresh) nappy, to the boy who gets two minutes to look at the weather app, I am so relieved it’s not just our household who’s going through this bizarre parenting rite of passage.

Here are the best responses…

  1. He has to see a picture of a time he was sad and then a time he was happy.

  2. Three washcloth puppets have to join us for book time. They don’t come out any other time.

  3. We have to sing rockabye baby to each family member by name, including the dog.

  4. We say “ahoy matey” as the last thing before turning off the lights.

  5. She sleeps with a clean diaper as if it’s a stuffed animal.

  6. I must throw his blanket from the chair onto his bed, then he runs exactly four laps.

  7. She must be holding my arm skin. Sleeves are not acceptable.

  8. We have to look out the window until we see a bus drive by so she can say good night to the bus.

  9. 2-year-old went through a phase where she had to watch YouTube videos of Ferris wheels being constructed.

  10. My daughter just raw-dogs two slices of American cheese.

  11. We used to have to sing happy birthday to everyone she’s ever met plus the entire gang of Sesame Street, individually.

  12. I have to talk to her like Gru from Despicable Me and say “Goodniiighttt, leettle guorrrl.” Even I’m creeped out.

  13. Two-minute timer for him to look at the weather app on my phone.

How to get your child to go to bed

If you spend about a thousand years putting your kid to bed, welcome to the club. The good news is there are certain things you can be doing to get your kids to wind down a bit easier.

Sleep consultant Jenna Wilson at Little Dreams Consulting and sleep coach Dave Gibson caught up with baby retailer JoJo Maman Bébé to share their sleep hacks. And perhaps the most important of all is sticking to the same bedtime (even with the evenings getting lighter).

“Consistency is the key here as this conditions our brain to anticipate sleep is coming,” said Gibson.

“The ideal bedtime routine would involve doing a series of relaxing rituals in the same order at the same time each night.”

With younger children, it’s really important to not vary bedtimes too much, he said, suggesting “15 minutes either way is fine”.

“If they need to stay up later than usual, put them down for a nap during the day so they have some ‘sleep in the bank’. It’s important to maintain the schedule on weekends too,” he added.

For Wilson, a good evening routine looks a bit like this: some quiet play time in a dimly lit room and a story before sleep. Experts also agree that we shouldn’t be using devices an hour before bed (sorry miniature weather app fans).

“It can be tricky to have quiet time before bed but aim for 10-15 minutes inside with the curtains closed and a lamp on so your child can start to produce melatonin (the hormone which helps sleep),” Wilson said.

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Prepare To Belly Laugh Hard At This Dad’s Tips For Getting Babies To Sleep

Getting babies to sleep can feel like an impossible task – and it’s something comedian George Lewis knows all too well.

In one of his more recent videos, the father-of-three can be seen shushing and bouncing a baby to sleep, before trialling some more, ahem, avant-garde sleep techniques.

And if you’re a parent, you’re sure to relate.

“Go to sleep now or I’m going to set fire to this,” says the comedian, while standing next to the cot holding Ewan the sheep.

“I don’t actually want you to go to sleep,” he says in the next breath, trialling a bit of reverse psychology. “I think you should stay up all night.”

Next on the dad’s list of techniques is peer pressure. Perched casually by the side of the cot, stroking his face, he says: “So apparently all the cool babies have been getting early nights recently… Yeah, that’s just what I’ve heard.”

Lewis also trials whale sounds, bargaining and the threat of cancelling Christmas. At one point he’s standing near the cot with a 4-pint bottle of milk.

But it’s the last tip that seems to do the trick: boring his child with chat about Bitcoin.

The 37-year-old from Manchester told HuffPost UK: “My baby isn’t sleeping at the moment so I’ve been desperately searching Instagram and TikTok for advice.

“Once you try everything and it still doesn’t work you start resorting to crazy threats and ultimatums that a baby is obviously not going to understand.

“I thought it’d be funny to do a ‘how to’ video that isn’t particularly helpful but reflects our desperate behaviour as parents.”

Parents dubbed the video “hilarious” and many seemed to think the Bitcoin tip – while a joke – was actually pretty genius.

There were also plenty of suggestions from others about the lengths they’d go to to get their little ones to sleep.

“I used to read books in a really boring voice, then I would fall asleep and they’d stay awake,” said user rachlbc.

“Just put a recording on of the finance review work Teams call,” added hannahlou1983.

Another commenter, nicoledanica, said the video was “spot on”. She added: “I’m a nurse and I used to give detailed lectures to my son about anatomy and physiology when he was a baby and would wake up in the middle of the night.”

Whatever works!

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People Are Sharing The Things They Believed As Kids (Which Turned Out To Be Untrue)

When you’re a kid there are lots of things you believe that aren’t necessarily true.

Most of the time this is down to what your parents have told you (like the police will tell you pull you over if you don’t turn the light off in the back of the car), but other times it’s just what you’ve made up in your head – and nobody has questioned it, so it’s taken as gospel.

In an amusing thread posted on Mumsnet, user @Carryonrunning asked the masses: “What do you remember from your childhood that you now realise you really misunderstood?”

Cue, a hilarious thread of eyebrow-raising confessions… (If you’re a parent reading this, it’s a useful reminder that kids take things very literally.)

I thought you got given an actual sack when you lose your job

“My dad came home from work one day with a hessian sack he’d acquired from somewhere. He then told my mum, ‘I’ve been given the sack’. It took me years to realise that a) he was joking and b) you don’t get given an actual sack when you lose your job.”

– BlossomCat

I thought you became an adult at 100 years old

“As a young child I thought you became an adult at 100 years old. Imagine my shock when someone at primary school told me it was just 18. I had a full on existential crisis when I realised most people don’t even live to 100!”

– Flustration

I thought you were meant to drive with one wheel either side of the central road line

“My family didn’t have a car, so my main experience of driving when I was really young was my grandad. He only drove us occasionally and from these rare experiences I worked out that the white line in the road was a guideline to keep you straight – a wheel each side of it. When I got to about 8 I began to wonder how cars going in opposite directions could both straddle the centre line without crashing. As I got older I realised my grandad was a really bad driver.”

I thought ‘cash back’ was free money

“In the shop when my mum and dad answered that they didn’t want cash back I always wondered why they turned down free money.”

– EdithGrantham

I thought it was the last day of the world

“I remember leaving primary school one day and I heard the teacher say to a friend’s Mum, ‘It’s the last day tomorrow.’ I must have been about five. I actually thought she meant that it was the last day of the world. I remember laying in bed that evening and worrying and worrying… In the end I went downstairs, crying to my Mum and asked her if it really was the last day of the world the next day.

“To my amazement, she looked at the calendar. I remember thinking, surely the people who make the calendars wouldn’t know when the last day is?! In reality she was just checking that it definitely was the last day of term. She hugged me and explained that the next day was just the last day of term, not Armageddon!”

– Feelinghurt2

I thought my mum’s heart would miss a beat and she would die

“I heard my mum talking on the way home from picking me up at school, to some of her mum friends. She said something like ‘my heart missed a beat’ and from that moment on for YEARS I was afraid that hearts could do this. I worried that my mum’s heart would miss more beats and she would die, or that my heart might miss a beat and something bad would happen. I’d lie in bed listening to my heartbeat and wondering if I’d notice if it missed one…”

– Vroomfondleswaistcoat

I thought giving the middle finger meant ‘up and over’

“I remember my dad giving the 1 finger salute when driving and me asking my mum what that meant. With a rather frosty look at my dad she said it meant up and over. I then got confused as to why I got into trouble doing it.”

I thought the olden days were actually black and white

“I thought that the ‘olden days’ really were black and white and there really was no colour – just like the photographs. I thought that at least they had grey and different tones of black and white.”

– Whatthechicken

I thought To Let signs meant public toilet

“I used to think that when you saw a ‘To let’ sign on a building, it was a polite way of saying there’s a public toilet in there.”

– MathsMum3

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33 Tweets About Every Parent’s Least-Favourite Activity: Slime

Good news: There is an inexpensive, fun, creative, hands-on activity that combines science and art and keeps your kids away from their screens.

And now it is in your couch cushions, your carpet, your kids’ hair and nooks and crannies of your home you didn’t even know existed. What an educational delight!

Does it dissolve in vinegar? Sure. But you’re going to have to scrub your hands raw to get it off of everything it touched, and then afterwards you’ll smell like a pickle.

Here, the funny parents of X (formerly Twitter) share their true feelings about the wonder substance that is slime.

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34 Tweets From Parents That Reveal The Truth About School Projects

If you’re the parent of a school-aged child, there will inevitably come a moment when they ask for help with a school project — bonus points if this happens the night before said project is due.

Do you zoom off to the crafts store in search of supplies? Give them a lecture about responsibility? Roll up your sleeves and grab a Pritt stick? Sigh dramatically and pour yourself a glass of wine?

The funny parents of Twitter (formerly X) have been there, done that and are here to tell you about it. Read the hilarity below:

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Need A Laugh? Check Out The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

One of my kids begs for sushi, orders crab at every place it’s on the menu, and just asked me if we can make açaí bowls.

One of my kids can tell what brand a chicken nugget is by a sniff.

I’ve parented them both the same. Cut yourself some slack, parents of The Picky Ones.

— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) July 30, 2023

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