You’re Probably Not Asking Your Younger Relatives These Questions – But You Should

Posted on 14/03/2026 by Boris Clair

Baby boomers and Gen-Xers, we know younger generations are giving you a hard time these days. Your millennial and Gen Z relatives don’t always understand where you’re coming from or what you’ve experienced, and their stereotypes about your generation may seem undeserved.

If you’re craving deeper relationships with your younger relatives, one powerful way to bridge the gap is to ask thoughtful questions to get to know what matters to them and how you can best show up for them. Questions like these can open up a more fulfilling way of relating to each other.

We asked three experts on family dynamics to suggest meaningful questions to ask younger relatives, which they’ll deeply appreciate. And they may lead to you learning some important things about your loved ones. Win-win.

1. “How are things going?”

It may seem obvious, but asking this question in a way that shows you truly care about the answer can help your loved one open up.

“Family members tend to assume they know everything about one another,” Everett Uhl, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told HuffPost. “Asking open-ended questions encourages detailed responses rather than a yes/no or simple (good, fine) answer.”

Engaged listening will make all the difference in how the conversation goes. “If one continues to listen, stays curious and makes neutral statements (‘I support your position here; I totally agree with you; you are making total sense’), there is opportunity for continued dialogue with depth,” Uhl said.

“This benefits both parent and child as there will be deeper understanding between generations and each will understand the other’s inner world more.”

Family members might assume more about one another than they should — but asking questions and directly sharing can benefit everyone.

2. “Where do you see yourself in three years?”

Your younger relatives are in a different phase of their lives, which means that their days are very different, as are their goals for the short and long term. So asking about their hopes for the future can really help you understand where they’re coming from and figure out how you can support them no matter what stage they’re at.

“This question allows you as the parent to really see and be with your child in their life stage and understand what is important to them,” Uhl said. “This can lead to a back and forth about the life stage the adult child is in and if they are interested in moving to the next one, or if they are happy staying where they are a little longer.”

This question can replace more intrusive ones, such as “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?” with empathy and curiosity. “This open-ended question lets the adult child share their wants, hopes and dreams about the future without the burden of pressure to be in a life stage by a certain age,” Uhl said.

3. “What does support look like to you right now?”

All three experts suggested you ask your younger relatives some version of this question – it’s that important for a thriving intergenerational relationship.

“This question does something quietly radical: It assumes that support is wanted and that the older relative is willing to provide it in whatever form is actually useful, not just the one they’re most comfortable with,” Saba Harouni Lurie, marriage and family therapist and founder of Take Root Therapy, told HuffPost.

“By asking rather than assuming, the older relative opens the door for the younger relative to be explicit, which is itself a form of respect. And for younger generations who have often felt like their needs were either invisible or inconvenient, simply being asked can be meaningful before a word of the answer is even spoken,” she continued.

Whatever the answer is – whether it be financial or emotional support or something else entirely – try your best to be open to it and to find ways to provide that support in a way that works for both of you.

4. “What am I missing?”

This is a winning question because it invites your child or younger relative to share what has perhaps felt difficult in your relationship or simply what’s important to them in life right now, and it demonstrates that you’re willing to look at your “blind spots” (because we all have them), said Harouni Lurie.

“The conversation that follows might surface moments the younger relative felt misunderstood or hurt and never knew how to bring up,” she added. “Or, it might open into bigger territory: the political climate, evolving values, the ways the world has changed in ways that aren’t always visible from the outside.”

Your family member will be grateful for your curiosity and open-mindedness.

Intentional open-minded conversations can deepen your relationships over time.

5. “Is there an expectation you feel I have of you that is weighing you down that I can release you from?”

We all grow up in families that have specific expectations of us in one way or another, whether these are explicit or implicit. Depending on our individual personalities and trajectories, though, some of these expectations can start to feel heavy – even if it’s totally unintentional.

“Expectations are the dirty word in parenting adult children,” said Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker. “They ruin relationships, damage trust, hurt a child’s self-worth, and place a burden on them that is not theirs to carry. They can put a child in the position of choosing between keeping peace with their parents or fulfilling their own needs, dreams, and desires.”

Knowing this, you likely want to help free your relative from any inadvertent expectations they may be living with, which is where this question comes in. When you ask, try your best to avoid getting defensive and listen with an open heart.

6. “Is there anything from our family’s history you want to understand better?”

We are all shaped by our family histories in big ways, and chances are your younger relatives have many questions about the values, events and traumas that have made up the generations before them.

“Younger relatives are often deeply curious about, and are being shaped by, family history that they were shielded from or handed down in incomplete or distorted form,” Harouni Lurie said. “Asking this question signals something important: that the older relative is willing to be honest, even about the hard things.”

Where previous generations might have preferred to leave the past in the past, younger generations are often highly introspective and want to better understand their family history.

“And with this question, the older relative becomes someone who wants to reckon with the past rather than guard a particular version of it,” Harouni Lurie added.

7. “What evidence do you need from me to know that I love you unconditionally?”

You love your children (or nephews or nieces, etc.). For you, that’s a given. But for them, they may need more hard proof than you think.

“Listen carefully to how your child responds to this question. Do you notice hesitancy? Defensiveness? Nervous laughter?” Hickem said. “Whatever their response, reinforce that nothing could change your love for them. But let me caution you on this: Do not say this if you are not certain you mean it. It is better to leave this question alone than to offer words you cannot stand behind.”

8. “Do you know what I really like about you?”

Loving your child or younger relative is one thing, but liking them for who they are is another.

“This may sound elementary, but when people are asked what their parents like about them, there is often a puzzled look or a joking response like, ‘I was the kid who didn’t keep them awake at night,’” Hickem said.

Being able to share the things you love and like about one another in an earnest, open way can be a powerful way to make your loved one feel seen and valued.

When asking this question, “parents should have a list ready in both their head and their heart of what they genuinely like about their child,” Hickem said. “Even if you have to reach back into childhood or adolescence to remember qualities you may not see clearly right now, look for the unique features that make them who they are.”

Asking this question and engaging in the conversation that ensues can help your loved one feel seen and valued, which in turn will naturally deepen your relationship.

9. “Is there any fear connected to our differences that we need to talk about?”

The socio-political climate today creates a huge rift between older and younger generations, something that has a significant effect on families. “We no longer know how to disagree without taking it personally or making the other person wrong or bad,” Hickem said.

Asking whether these differences between you and your younger relative cause them any fear gives “a parent the opportunity to clarify the difference between disagreeing about social issues, political concerns, or personal values and loving their child for who they are,” according to Hickem. “The relationship always matters more than the issue.”

Disagreeing on particular issues can feel really difficult, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy relationship that also includes disagreement. “Respect, compassion, sincere curiosity, and love can bridge differences,” Hickem said. “Parents may need to say, ‘I may not understand how you landed where you did, but I know you, I respect you, and I trust that you take these things seriously.’”

10. “How do you think we could have more fun at family gatherings?”

Many people end up dreading family gatherings because of their complex relational dynamics, but it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, why have family gatherings at all if the guests don’t enjoy them? This question can encourage some beautiful dialogue about how to make family get-togethers occasions everyone looks forward to.

“We might not be able to take a family trip to Disney World anymore, but creating quality time and fun memories matters,” Uhl said. “This could allow for flexibility around who hosts during the holidays, roles that members play and/or contributions that family members provide. Sharing what would improve the overall experience or motivate family members to have more quality time together can strengthen the connection between generations.”

My Family Didn’t Want Me To Know Who My Grandpa Was. At 13, I Finally Found Out Why.

Posted on 08/03/2026 by Boris Clair

Most people sign their names on forms, emails and notes without giving it a second thought, but every time I write my name or introduce myself, there’s a twinge of hesitation.

Last week, I stood in a small art gallery in the East Village and stared at a list of names spelled out in black vinyl letters and affixed to a wall near the entrance. As people moved through the space looking at the actual artwork, I stood with my eyes locked on my own name, slowly analysing each letter. I was simultaneously proud and disgusted because I couldn’t shake the fact that my accomplishments are linked to the name of a man who assaulted my grandmother, refused to acknowledge my father’s birth and doesn’t even know I exist.

In the latter years of World War II, as part of the WAVES (Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service) program, my grandmother Josephine Jovino, born and raised in Sunset Park, Brooklyn, was shipped out to the Naval Air Station in Jacksonville, Florida, where she worked as an aviation mechanic. While living there, she met Cecil. They went on a single date, he sexually assaulted her, and they never spoke again after that night. My grandmother had not only experienced a great trauma, but she soon discovered she was pregnant with her abuser’s child. She sent a letter to Cecil telling him about the pregnancy, but he never responded.

My father, William Jovino, was born later that year, and together, Josephine and baby Billy, as he was affectionately called, returned to Brooklyn to live with Josephine’s parents. It was 1947, and being a single mother was not necessarily unusual because of the vast number of fathers who died in the war, but openly having a child outside of wedlock was not socially acceptable. Due to fears about how my father would be received in the neighbourhood, my great-grandparents firmly encouraged my grandmother to change not only my father’s name, but also hers, to Short, Cecil’s surname, thereby giving the impression that she was previously married and that Billy was born legitimately.

Seventy-nine years later, Short has been passed to my older brother, my mother, my brother’s wife, my 4-year-old nephew and me.

A portrait of the author's grandmother Josephine during her time serving in the Navy (1944). — A portrait of the author’s grandmother Josephine during her time serving in the Navy (1944).

I never gave much thought to my last name when I was growing up. I was more preoccupied with having to constantly correct the pronunciation of my first name, Ciarán (“KEER-awn”), which was a battle I slowly abandoned in elementary school, when I dropped the accent and went by the still-difficult-to-pronounce but more familiar “KEER-an,” like Kieran Culkin. As I grew accustomed to answering to everything from “Karen” to “Syrian” in the cacophony of mispronunciations of my name, I gained a greater sensitivity to the meaning and power of names. When I discovered the origins of my family’s last name, I was dumbfounded.

My grandmother was a social worker for the majority of her life, a devout Catholic and fluent in French. These are facts I learned from reading her biography on a paper handout at her funeral when I was 7 years old. I also learned she was born with a different last name than mine: Jovino. I innocently inquired about this and was met with an intensely disproportionate amount of animosity from my father, which made me even more curious.

I knew my dad grew up without ever meeting his father, and from the ferocity with which he spoke of my absent grandfather whenever I asked, I learned early on not to bother him with questions about this mysterious figure in our lineage. Instead, I directed all sensitive inquiries to my mom. When I asked her why Grandma’s whole family had the last name Jovino and we didn’t, she didn’t dismiss me, but coolly said, “You’ll understand when you’re older.” I asked my brother, who was five years older than me, and he said Short must have been our grandpa’s last name. “But we don’t have a grandpa,” I asserted.

Six years later, when I was taking a computer research class in middle school, I was tasked with making a family tree. I grew up using the internet, so even at 13, I was able to find birth records, marriage certificates and other details to fill out a thorough tree on the maternal side of my family by starting a seven-day trial on Ancestry.com. I came across very little information about my dad’s side — until I remembered the name Jovino. However, I realized I didn’t even know my paternal grandfather’s first name.

I went home and presented what I had discovered at school that day. I didn’t have to do much after that to get my mom to tell me the truth. I had no delusions about my paternal grandfather being a war hero or secret rock star, but I wasn’t expecting him to be a monster.

My maternal grandmother was the gentlest person I ever met. She spoke at a volume barely above a whisper, smiled and said hello to everyone we passed on the street, and spent hours of her days volunteering at her church. I was heartbroken knowing that she was not only assaulted by this man, but also had to take his name and be constantly reminded of him. I was also filled with rage on her behalf. From that point on, I constantly pleaded with my parents to change our last name to my grandmother’s original surname. I printed forms, found articles with detailed instructions, and one year, I even created matching shirts for everyone with “Jovino” printed on the backs.

My enthusiasm was met with somber indifference. My parents also hated what the name represented, but they didn’t see the point of changing their name after so many years. The harder I pushed, the sadder my dad seemed to get, so I gave up that fight when I was 17 and began to concentrate on a new goal: finding Cecil and forcing him or his family to acknowledge my family’s existence.

The only things I had to aid me in my search were his name and his military record. It turns out more than one Cecil Short was enlisted during World War II, which made things more complicated than I expected. I tried messaging a couple of relatives of the various Cecil Shorts I found online, but none of them responded. Rather than continuing to grope in the dark and jump down every online rabbit hole I found, I tucked my feelings away. After some time had passed, my animosity receded into a silent discomfort that I was able to tolerate.

The author (middle), his older brother and his grandmother in 2004.

Things came to a head again in 2021 when my nephew was born. It felt completely unnecessary to have this brand-new, innocent baby be anchored down by a legacy of trauma and shame due to his last name. I was 23 at the time and equipped with a liberal arts post-grad moral superiority complex that gave me the skills and passion to make a far more convincing argument than I had in the past, but, once again, it fell on uninterested ears. I had become politically active during my college years, which coincided with Donald Trump’s first term, the start of the MeToo movement and George Floyd’s murder. I spent hours and hours organizing protests and going to marches, sit-ins, and demonstrations on behalf of strangers, yet in my own family, it felt as though the ghost of a genuine villain was perpetually haunting us, and there was nothing I could do about it.

The current Short family is composed of my father, who was raised in a very stereotypical working-class Italian-American household in Brooklyn during the 1950s, my mother who was born and raised in the Bronx by her parents (two Jamaican immigrants), myself and my brother (two Upper West Siders who are mixed race but identify and visually present as Black), my brother’s wife (a Chinese immigrant), and now my nephew, who is Chinese, Black, Italian, and whatever Cecil is. My family’s complex cultural heritage has been completely flattened into the generic surname of a white man, who, based on my calculations, was born in the South in the early 1920s.

I know nothing about Cecil’s lineage or what his feelings were about identity politics, but his surname enduring through various generations of racial amalgamation is hardly unique. Through forced assimilation, slavery, prejudice faced by immigrants, and various other forms of colonisation that have shaped our country, cultural erasure via altering or completely changing names is nothing new in America.

I’m now 27 years old, engaged to be married, and facing the question of whether I want my fiancée to share my last name. When considering the broader context of my family’s name, I’ve come to realise that my biggest issue with our surname is what it conceals and, in turn, who it celebrates. Beneath every last name are hundreds of ancestors whose impact on a lineage gets a little bit dimmer and more obscured with every passing generation. One can only have so many hyphens in a name.

While I still feel a deep-seated unease about having Cecil Short’s last name, I cannot escape the fact that I’m his descendant, and I’ve realised that to change my name would be to abridge my family’s story. What feels far more resonant for me is to embrace and acknowledge the peaks and valleys in my lineage. Rather than running away from a shameful family secret, I believe facing it head-on and chronicling it will allow me to finally move forward and give a new context to my name. I now believe that my surname doesn’t represent shame but instead honors what my grandmother endured. By embracing her perseverance and maintaining a record of where my family has been and how we got to where we are now, I hope our story won’t be forgotten, even when the names of my descendants inevitably change.

Ciaran Short is a multidisciplinary artist and writer born and raised in New York City. His work explores New York culture and often tackles issues of race and masculinity. He is a cofounder of All Street Gallery, an art collective and gallery with two locations in Manhattan’s Lower East Side, which exhibits work by emerging and underrepresented artists. He holds a master’s degree in media studies from The New School.

Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@huffpost.com.

The Questions Your Boomer Relatives Wish You’d Actually Ask

Posted on 01/03/2026 by Boris Clair

There have always been generational conflicts, but the chasm between baby boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) and other generations after them seems particularly hard to bridge.

Between changing values, hyper-polarised politics, and the radical shift in financial stability and opportunity, it doesn’t take a genius to see why some younger individuals find it challenging to relate to their elders.

As challenging as it may feel sometimes, there’s a simple solution for those wanting to experience more closeness with their boomer relatives and to understand them better: ask more questions.

Simple curiosity, by way of a thoughtful question, can make people feel heard and respected – and can also help change your perspective on why someone you love thinks the way they do, why they are the way they are. That dialogue may prove to be one of the most rewarding ones you undertake.

Asking more questions is a great way to start the conversations you're longing to have with your loved one. — Asking more questions is a great way to start the conversations you’re longing to have with your loved one.

“In my work with families, I’ve noticed that older relatives are rarely waiting to be corrected,” Anna Marchenko, a licensed mental health counsellor and principal practitioner at Miami Hypnosis and Therapy, tells HuffPost.

“What they tend to want is to be understood in the context of the world they grew up in. These questions often slow conversations down in a way that makes real understanding possible.”

HuffPost asked family therapists to suggest some starter questions boomer relatives wish they’d get asked more – and they may appreciate having these conversations more than you could ever know.

‘What do you wish people asked you about more?’

If you’re new to opening this kind of dialogue with an older relative, the best start is often… to ask what they want to be asked. Yes, it’s a little like cheating, but this question in itself can lead the way to so much understanding on both sides.

This question “gets at what a parent may want to share more in their relationship with you,” Sarah Epstein, a marriage and family therapist who specialises in family dysfunction, told HuffPost. “Maybe they wish you asked about their health, their hobbies, their careers or their travels.”

For Epstein, this question can open the door to a new dynamic between your parent or older relative and you. “Asking shows an interest in not only having parents support you, but you to invest in them,” she said. “You can then lean into that more by asking about their current excitement and stressors.”

Remember: the point of asking questions in the first place is to allow your relative to feel heard, so open-ended and even apparently vague conversation starters work like a charm.

‘What was your family like when you were growing up?’

Imagine you were meeting a new friend for coffee. You are likely to ask questions about their upbringing. While you may already know the basics about your relative, like where they grew up and how many siblings they have, asking them about their family of origin is an amazing way to get to know them better – and even forge a new kind of relationship with them.

As well as the more general, “What was your family like?” Epstein also recommends asking more specific questions, such as, “What were your parents like?” or “Who in your extended family were you closest with and who were you not close with?”

“As their child, you only see their adult relationships, not the ones they experienced as children themselves,” Epstein said. “Asking these kinds of questions humanises parents to their children and other younger relatives, and gives parents a chance to tell their children more about themselves. It opens up possible vulnerable topics, like what felt good and what felt difficult in their upbringing and how they managed that.”

‘What did the world expect from you when you were young?’

This is an amazing question to get people to reflect on what the world’s expectations of them might have cost them – as well as any gifts they might have brought.

When asked this question, “people usually talk about pressure rather than nostalgia,” Marchenko said. “They describe growing up fast, being needed early, and making tradeoffs that were not optional. It helps younger relatives see that many values were shaped by necessity rather than preference.”

This line of questioning may also naturally lead into other similar revelations from your older relative, such as how systems of power worked in the environment they grew up in and what beliefs their upbringing created that they may have challenged later in life, says Marchenko.

You never got to know your parents or grandparents in certain ways — because you simply weren't there for it. But it's a perspective you won't want to miss out on. — You never got to know your parents or grandparents in certain ways — because you simply weren’t there for it. But it’s a perspective you won’t want to miss out on.

‘When you look at the world now, how does it feel to you?’

One of the greatest obstacles to creating mutually respectful relationships with our older relatives today is the stark difference in values and politics younger generations often have. But phrasing a question like this opens the door to curiosity rather than immediately creating defensiveness.

“This avoids debates about progress and invites reflection instead,” Marchenko said. “People speak about gains and losses at the same time, which allows disagreement without turning anyone into the problem.”

‘Is there anything you still feel responsible for passing on?’

“This reframes older generations as caretakers rather than obstacles,” Marchenko said. “The answers are usually less about advice and more about values, restraint, and hard-earned perspective.”

This is a great question because they may have previously avoided sharing their thoughts on this subject for fear of how they might be received. For you, hearing about how your relative views their potential legacy may also be eye-opening and perspective-shifting.

‘What feels good in our relationship right now? What doesn’t?’

In the same way that you may find some aspects of your relationship with your older relative difficult, they might too. If you can ask this question and receive the answer without getting defensive, the two of you might be able to work together to deepen the relationship and smooth over areas of discontent.

“When you ask straight out how the relationship feels, you can start to have open, honest discussions about how the relationship is going,” Epstein said. “It may turn out you each have things you love doing together, or discussing, that you can double down on. You may also identify things your relative has been feeling about the relationship that you can then work on together. The easiest route to clarity is gently, respectfully asking about the other person’s experience.”

‘Inheritourism’ Explains Why People Travel The Way They Do

Posted on 07/02/2026 by Boris Clair

“Land snorkelling.”

“Sleepcations.”

“Noctourism.”

There’s a seemingly endless array of quippy terms to describe rising travel trends and preferences.

One particularly interesting term is “inheritourism”, which really gets to the heart of why different individuals travel the way that they do and how family plays a role.

Below, travel experts break down the meaning of “inheritourism”, as well as the benefits and drawbacks of this holiday phenomenon.

What is ‘inheritourism’?

“Inheritourism reflects how travel preferences are passed down across generations,” said Jess Petitt, senior vice president or strategy, insights and full service brands at Hilton.

“Many people inherit travel preferences from their parents, with family experiences often shaping how people travel well into adulthood.”

A 2026 travel report from Hilton identified “inheritourism” as a notable trend for the new year – with 66% of travellers surveyed by the hotel brand saying that their parents have influenced their choice of accommodations, 60% saying they guided their choice of loyalty programs and 73% saying they shaped their general travel style.

“I think inheritourism shows up most clearly in how people define what ‘comfortable’ travel looks like,” said travel blogger Esther Susag. “Many travellers inherit not just destinations, but entire travel styles from their parents. For example, I often notice that people who grew up only doing cruises or all-inclusive resorts tend to gravitate back to those formats as adults.”

Travellers accustomed to the ease of having everything in one place might be more hesitant to go off the beaten path with independent accommodations, hidden gem destinations or locations that require more planning or cultural navigation.

“That same pattern extends into how people pay for travel,” Susag said. “I’ve noticed that travellers whose parents used travel credit cards and understood points and miles tend to feel much more comfortable navigating loyalty programs and booking elevated experiences. On the other hand, people who grew up saving for years for one big trip and paying mostly in cash or with a single credit card often carry that same cautious mindset forward and are hesitant to open multiple cards or experiment with points strategies.”

She added that many parents remain deeply involved in their adult children’s travel decisions, often financing trips with their own loyalty points or preferred brands. Multigenerational travel is increasingly popular, thus exposing new generations to the same kinds of choices.

“Over time, that becomes their baseline for what travel ‘should’ look like,” Susag said. “As travel has become more expensive and more intentional, people are less willing to experiment and more likely to stick with what they know works. That often means repeating the travel patterns they grew up with, whether that’s specific destinations, hotel brands or trip formats.”

It’s only natural that people who grew up vacationing in a certain way as children would adopt similar travel behaviors as adults.

It’s only natural that people who grew up travelling in a certain way as children would adopt similar preferences. Katy Nastro, a spokesperson and travel expert for the flight alert service Going, pointed to the cliché “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”.

“I personally grew up going to warm beach destinations to escape the New York winter every February,” Nastro said. “I wholeheartedly believe that the desire for a warmer weather destination during the month of February versus a cold weather trip is not just a preference but is now a personality trait inherited from my family travels as a child.”

She believes the same pattern is evident in the families attracted to “the magic of Disney” with Disney theme parks vacations over multiple generations. Our early memories can inform what we find meaningful and rewarding as we grow up.

“My family chooses the mountains over the beach always, because it’s where I grew up vacationing – and if you ask me, it’s just better,” Petitt said. “Those experiences are also what I’m excited to share with my kids, building on those memories. If we never visit a beach as a family, that would be OK by me.”

Family travel habits strongly influence people’s choices – but is that a good thing?

“Any travel is beneficial in my opinion,” Nastro said. “And in theory, inheritourism can create generational travel because people are inclined to continue the tradition of travel to a certain place, hotel, etc. The only downside may be that this perpetuates a blinder affect where people don’t tend to branch away from what they know, and thus never really explore beyond their comfort zone.”

She added that inheritourism might lead people to miss out on good deals if they can’t look beyond the specific brands or locations they’ve “inherited”.

“Travellers may avoid less popular destinations or more immersive experiences because they feel less predictable or convenient,” Susag said. “That said, awareness is growing, and many people are starting to challenge those habits once they realise there are other ways to travel that still feel safe and rewarding.”

Overall, she sees a mix of downsides and benefits to the influence of inheritourism today.

“On the positive side, inheritourism makes travel more accessible and lowers the barrier to entry for a lot of people,” Susag said. “It also encourages multigenerational travel and shared experiences, which can be incredibly meaningful.”

Inheritourism can serve as “a foundation, rather than a fixed path,” she emphasised. Travellers can carry forward meaningful traditions but also cultivate their own.

“People tend to start by recreating the trips and habits they grew up with, then adapt them as their confidence grows and their priorities shift,” Susag said. “Whether that means exploring less traditional destinations, traveling more independently or becoming more intentional about how they spend on travel, many travellers eventually build on what they inherited rather than abandoning it altogether.”

As in other areas of life, parents tend to set the norms and serve as trusted sources for young adults as they make decisions.

“In a world of digital overwhelm and an abundance of choice, travellers are looking to their inner circle to inform their travel decisions,” Petitt said.

“When seeking an experience beyond what is familiar, inherited preferences and trusted travel habits serve as a starting point for discovering something new. The key is balance – while inheritourism offers comfort and confidence, the greatest benefit comes when those familiar influences open the door to exploration, rather than limit it.”

‘I Was An Estranged Child. Here’s What I Wish Parents Knew About Going No-Contact’

Posted on 21/01/2026 by Boris Clair

Estrangement, and especially the estrangement of adult children from their parents, has been a big topic in the past few months.

Oprah Winfrey invited a panel of therapists to talk about the “rising trend” of estrangement on her podcast, for instance. One of the experts controversially blamed “therapy” for “inflammatory reactions” to parents’ behaviour.

And Sir David and Victoria Beckham’s relationship with their son Brooklyn has proven, well, rocky in the past year, too.

We don’t know the particulars of that case for sure.

But with so much attention around the topic of estrangement, we spoke to Dorcy Pruter, the founder of the Conscious Co-Parenting Institute, who began her business after reconnecting with her father following years of estrangement.

Here, she shared “the hard truth most [estranged] parents aren’t ready to hear (at least not at first)”.

“Going no-contact is never the first choice”

Some parents may feel blindsided by their grown-up child going no-contact.

But “going no-contact is never the first choice,” Pruter said. “It’s the last resort of a child who didn’t feel safe, seen, or sovereign in the relationship.”

She added that there is often no single moment that leads to a break.

Instead, “it begins with small moments of emotional misattunement. Dismissed feelings. Subtle control. A child becomes the parents’ emotional regulator.

“It can look like ‘loving too much’ or ‘doing everything for them,’ when in reality, the parent may have unknowingly made their child responsible for their self-worth.”

For the parent, she said, they might really feel they gave their child everything.

“So when a parent finds themselves mystified by estrangement, the most powerful question they can ask is not ‘What went wrong?’ but: ‘What truth did my child not feel safe enough to tell me?’

“Is it helpful to reflect? Yes, but only if the reflection is rooted in curiosity, not guilt or blame. Parents must be willing to trade the need to be ‘right’ for the courage to reconnect. That means listening to the silence not as a punishment, but as a message.”

How can I tell if my grown-up child is distancing themselves from me, and what can I do if they go no-contact?

Another reason parents might feel shocked by their child’s distance, Pruter told us, is that they struggle to notice early signs of disconnection for what it really is.

“There are often early signs of withdrawal, short or transactional conversations, and emotional distance, but many parents miss them because they interpret that distance as rudeness or ingratitude, rather than disconnection,” she said.

And if your child has already gone no-contact, she recommended taking that as an opportunity to “heal [your] own wounds, take radical responsibility, and become safe for their child again, even if that child never returns.

“I often tell my clients that reconnection isn’t about changing your child’s mind. It’s about transforming your own heart.”

‘My Mum Expects Me To Care For Her In Old Age. How Do I Tell Her I Can’t?’

Posted on 26/10/2025 by Boris Clair

Over-50s own 78% of the UK’s property wealth, and the Financial Times reports that one in five “Boomers” are millionaires (largely due to soaring property prices).

But, like all modern wealth, this is a story of deep inequality. The Centre For Ageing Better says that roughly 18% of older people live in relative poverty; one in six over-55s have zero retirement savings, and 9-12% of rough sleepers are believed to be over 55.

Which means that renting long past retirement age, never mind costly nursing home care, is out of the question for many.

That might lead some, like the mother of Redditor u/Swimsmoke, to assume their children will help with their housing, care, and costs in their old age.

But, like the 6.6 million UK adults who say they wouldn’t know where to start with the commitment, the site user said they’re not sure they’re able to do it.

We asked Dr Barbara Sparacino, an adult and geriatric psychiatrist also known as The Ageing Parent Coach, how to handle the situation.

The original poster (OP) feels guilty

Writing to the forum r/AmItheAsshole (AITA), the OP said that her 63-year-old mother retired from her career 15 years ago but has been making money through a soap business since.

“She lives in a small studio and has a car but not much else to her name,” the woman added, stating that her mother is quite frivolous with her spending and likes to travel a lot.

Ahead of a hip surgery, her mum has started to think about what her future will look like and expects her 30-year-old daughter to “help”.

OP has a few reservations. Firstly, their relationship is a little fraught, and the poster says their mother delivered “bare minimum” care in their teens.

Then, guilt, money, and time come into it.

“I also feel some amount of responsibility for the woman who birthed me, a woman who had a hard and traumatising life as well – but I don’t have the resources to help in any real capacity,” they wrote.

“I don’t have money to throw at the problem, I don’t want to use all my time off for the year taking care of her, and I wouldn’t get paid if I take leave, which I won’t even qualify to take until another six months from now.”

She ended, “AITA for putting myself first here?”

Honesty is the kindest policy

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Dr Sparacino said that, “Often, these expectations are unspoken. A parent might have spent years believing you’d ‘step in one day,’ even if that was never discussed.

“When you finally say you can’t, guilt and fear can flood in, but honesty is an act of love, too.”

There is no point offering something you cannot emotionally or financially afford, she added. So, try to stay clear-sighted and precise about what you’re really able to offer – even if that doesn’t feel like much.

“Maybe you can help plan for future care, find resources, or support them emotionally, but you can’t take on full-time or financial responsibility. That’s not neglect; that’s setting a boundary rooted in realism and care,” the psychiatrist said.

She recommends saying something like, “Mum, I love you and want you to be well supported as you get older. But I can’t be your full-time caregiver. I’d like to help you make a plan so you’ll have what you need.”

Dr Sparacino added that your parent might respond with fear, anger, or sadness.

“Try to respond with calm empathy: ‘I know this is hard to hear, but I want us to plan ahead so neither of us faces this alone,’” she stated.

“You’re not rejecting your parent; you’re protecting both of you from burnout, resentment, and crisis later on. Love without boundaries leads to depletion, not devotion.

“If you’re struggling with this kind of conversation, you don’t have to figure it out alone, reach out to a professional experienced in ageing and family dynamics for guidance and support.”

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Well-Intentioned Parents Often Say This 1 Common Phrase – And It’s More Damaging Than You Realise

Posted on 08/09/2025 by Boris Clair

Many parents nonchalantly refer to their children, whether babies or adults, as their “best friend”. It can be an offhanded comment about an infant daughter or a declaration to the room at your child’s 30th birthday party.

It’s a phrase that, generally, comes from a good place. But if a parent actually treats their child as a best friend, such as by sharing personal stories or swapping gossip, it can become a problem.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to spend time with your child and [if] you find that you have fun hanging out with them, that is great, but when you are referring to your child as your best friend, that is a blurring of boundaries,” said Holly Humphreys, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks in Roanoke, Virginia.

This can cause the relationship dynamics to move from parent-child to parent-friend or parent-counsellor, she noted.

“So, you’re actually putting your child into a different category when you say that they’re your best friend, and then that can lead into oversharing of personal details that your child should not know about,” Humphreys noted.

It can also cause problems for both the kid and the parent in other realms, too. Here’s what therapists want you to know:

Your young children should absolutely never be your “best friend”

It’s always a no-no for parents to refer to and treat a young child as their best friend, therapists say. And that’s true whether you have kids in elementary school, middle school, high school or college.

The idea that your young child is “your best friend” may come from a loving place, “but even with good intentions, it points to a deeper issue,” said Carrie Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach.

“Kids need their parents to be their parents. They need [their parents] to be the safe, guiding adults in their lives, not their peers. And when those lines get blurred, it makes it harder to set boundaries and actually parent well,” Howard explained.

If you treat your kid like your best friend, they may not want to listen to you when you do set rules. Or, they may feel pressure to care for you, either emotionally, practically or both. This role-reversal is known as parentification, Howard explained.

“A child can’t be their parent’s best friend without feeling some unspoken pressure to meet the needs of the parent that just aren’t theirs to meet,” said Howard.

“Children aren’t developmentally equipped to be a parent’s primary emotional support system.”

– Kyndal Coote, licensed social worker

Kyndal Coote, a psychotherapist, said when she hears a parent refer to their young child as their best friend, her first concern is the emotional burden that’s falling on the child.

“Children aren’t developmentally equipped to be a parent’s primary emotional support system. They don’t have the tools to do that, their brain is not even developed,” Coote said.

If a child is a parent’s primary emotional support system, the child may feel responsible for managing a parent’s feelings, she noted. “And that is a very, very heavy burden for someone who should just be focused on learning how to manage their own development,” added Coote.

As children get older, this kind of emotional burden can cause the child to feel insecure in their decision-making and lead to guilt when prioritising other relationships, such as romantic partnerships, Coote said.

“When we rely too heavily on our children in adolescence or in childhood, that relationship is just going to continue to be enmeshed as the child grows into an adult child,” said Meredith Van Ness, a psychotherapist and the owner of Meredith Van Ness Therapy.

(Enmeshment is a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which someone lacks boundaries and autonomy in a family.)

The line is a little more blurred with adult children, but they still shouldn’t be your “best friend.”

With adult children, this is a much more nuanced issue and likely depends on the relationship and the family, Van Ness said.

Treating your adult child as your best friend isn’t as damaging as treating a young child that way, because adult children can understand grown-up issues, but it can still be problematic and is not advisable.

“With adult kids, the dynamic is a bit different. Sometimes these relationships can feel very close and even look like a friendship in some ways – you might talk on the phone every day or spend a lot of time together, and that can be really wonderful, but I caution parents not to mistake that closeness for a peer-to-peer best friend relationship,” Howard said.

When your child becomes an adult, they’ll start to have their own relationship woes and other grown-up problems. “And they should still be able to come to you as their parent,” Humphreys said.

More, the parent-child history doesn’t just disappear when a child grows up, which can lead to an imbalance in the so-called “best friendship,” Howard said.

“Think of it this way, in my role as a therapist, ethically, I can’t be friends with my clients when they discharge from treatment, even though we’re both consenting adults, and there’s an important reason for this. It’s really hard to have a truly mutual, healthy, give-and-take relationship when there’s been a significant power differential in the past, like with therapist [and] client or parent and child,“
Howard explained.

Former roles in a relationship leave an imprint, Howard added. “It’s hard to erase that history of who had more power, influence or responsibility in the relationship,” Howard noted.

This can then make the relationship vulnerable to bad boundaries and blurred lines, Howard noted.

Finance adds another power dynamic to this relationship, Van Ness added.

Parents often pay the dinner bill for their grown-up children or give them money for the grandkids. This isn’t so common in friendships.

While it's OK to be friendly and warm to your child, you shouldn't lean on them as you would with a best friend. — While it’s OK to be friendly and warm to your child, you shouldn’t lean on them as you would with a best friend.

There are red flags that the parent-child friendship has gone too far

There can certainly be an aspect of friendship within a parent-child relationship, but you have to understand when that goes too far, Howard said.

“We want to maintain boundaries with our kids … these are long-standing relationships, so we don’t want to infringe on those boundaries by burdening [our kids] with our emotions that we really need to rely on someone else for,” Van Ness said.

If a child, no matter the age, has to become the emotional caretaker of the parent, it’s a red flag that the parent-child friendship has crossed a line, said Van Ness.

“Unfortunately, that happens with young children when parents get divorced,” said Van Ness.

This may look like one divorced parent trying to get a child to “side with them” instead of the other parent, Van Ness said.

Oversharing personal details that your child shouldn’t know is another sign that the relationship isn’t healthy, Humphreys said.

“You should not be going to your child to discuss marital difficulties, problems with other people, that sort of thing,” Humphreys added.

“If you find yourself doing that, then that’s a red flag that you need to have more peer-to-peer relationships,” said Humphreys.

“It’s hard to erase that history of who had more power, influence or responsibility in the relationship.”

– Carrie Howard, licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach

Instead of reaching out to your child about these things, you should aim to talk to your significant other, a friend, another parent, or a sibling, Humphreys noted.

“You should not be relying on your child to help you get through situations. That puts a lot of pressure on a child, and also, if you are going to them when you’re having marital issues or relationship issues, that puts them in the middle a lot of times with the other parent or the other significant person in your life,” Humphreys said.

If you find yourself getting jealous of your child’s friendships or romantic relationships because you feel threatened by the bond, that’s also a bad sign, Coote said. You should want your child to have other happy and healthy relationships.

If you lean on your parent or child too much for support, there are other places to go

If you think you’ve been leaning on your parent or child a little too hard and treating them as that “best friend” role, it’s OK. In most cases, it comes from a place of love.

“This is everybody’s first human experience, so the first thing I tell parents is, it’s not your fault that you weren’t taught healthy relationship skills and you didn’t have the tools to develop that — most of us didn’t get an education on managing your emotions and [emotional] intelligence and relational intelligence and that sort of thing — but, even if you didn’t get that education and you didn’t have that healthy example, it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to do something about it and develop those skills as adults so you don’t unintentionally harm your kids,” said Coote.

The first step in breaking this pattern is developing your own support system, Coote added.

“Do you have healthy adult friendships? Are you good at managing your own emotions independently? Do you know how to regulate your emotions? Can you sit with difficult emotions?” Coote asked.

“You can have warm, loving relationships while still maintaining that role as their parent. It’s almost like mentorship rather than friendship. You’re not their equal, you’ve been on the planet much longer than them, so you really shouldn’t even developmentally feel like they’re equal,” Coote said.

Whether your child is six, 16 or 36, the parent’s job is to “guide them toward independence, not keep them close to meet your emotional needs,” Coote noted.

“Our goal as a parent is to raise our kids so that they can be independent,” Van Ness said.

“We really need to know that our parents are going to be OK without us and that our kids are going to be OK without being in their lives so fully,” said Van Ness.

Leaning on your child (or your parent) as your best friend only puts unfair pressure on them and takes away from all the great aspects that can exist in a parent-child relationship.

‘I’m Glad My Parents Aren’t Invited To My Sister’s Wedding. Was I Wrong To Tell Them That?’

Posted on 08/06/2025 by Boris Clair

Wedding planning is incredibly stressful. There’s the expense, the (surprisingly political) guest list, the weather – to name just three stressors.

And that’s without the added complication of a difficult family dynamic.

Sometimes, as Redditor u/ThrowRAsisterswed shows, the tensions can build so high that the couple don’t even want to invite their own parents to the big day.

Writing to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here), the site user asked: “AITAH for telling my parents they were deserve to be kicked out of my sisters wedding?”

So, we asked relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, about how to decide whether you should cut your relatives out of the celebration.

The bride-to-be’s brother is the “golden child”

The original poster (OP), who is the bride’s sister, says their parents have always given their son more leeway than the rest of their children.

“He has been babied to the point of uselessness by our mum and dad, and that’s made him an entitled slob,” she wrote, adding: “he could do wrong in my parents’ eyes.”

The brother has always performed “pranks” on his sister, “Kelly,” who is soon to be married. These included pulling her dress up at a family wedding.

As an adult, Kelly has distanced herself from her family. But at her recent engagement party, her sister said she brought the family back together again.

At this event, the brother tried to “prank” Kelly again by pouring water all over her. He was stopped by Kelly’s fiancé, who was so annoyed by the brother’s behaviour that he banned him from their wedding.

When their parents tried to justify their adult son’s actions, Kelly and her fiancé decided to ban them from the wedding, too.

Her sister told their parents she was right to do so, asking: “AITAH for telling my parents that they sucked a parents and deserved to be kicked out of my sisters wedding?”

Ask yourself 3 questions to see where your boundaries should lie

Roos tells us that though you might feel guilty about enforcing them, boundaries are “not a punishment towards others, but a protection for your own well-being.”

Those can sometimes include cutting your parents out of your wedding.

Still, she admits it’s a “loaded” topic, and has suggested some questions to ask yourself when considering which course of action to take.

Have your parents consistently ignored or diminished your boundaries, for instance?

If so, Roos says, “that’s a sign that setting a big boundary such as not inviting them to your wedding might be necessary to fully relax, be yourself and have a great time at your own wedding.”

Secondly, how do you feel when you spend time with your parents? Feeling tense or stressed about their presence is a red flag, she warns.

Lastly, “ask yourself what your wedding day would feel like without them – would it be easier to have a great day due to not needing to worry about criticism, drama, sneaky comments, or guilt?

If you are feeling relieved of the thought of them not coming… then that’s a strong indicator” you shouldn’t invite them, the therapist ends.

Sounds like in this case, the Redditor is in the right.

‘I Refused To Give My Siblings Any Of Our Grandma’s Inheritance. Am I Wrong?’

Posted on 08/04/2025 by Boris Clair

Money makes families argue at the best of times. Add grief and old grudges to the mix, and it’s no wonder one in five of us has squabbled with our loved ones about inheritance.

It seems that’s what happened to Redditor u/FantasticEagle6062, who told the members of r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here) that he’d accepted his grandmothers’ entire inheritance without splitting a cent with his father or step-siblings.

So, we thought we’d speak to Fei Chen, former investment strategist and current CEO of Intellectia AI, as well as Joseph Fresard, a lawyer at Simasko Law, about how to handle the issue.

The poster had lived with his grandmother until she died

The original poster (OP) had a difficult relationship with his father and step-siblings, who he says bullied him.

He added that neither his father nor his stepmother seemed to care about their cruel treatment, which his grandmother noticed and hated.

Because the poster’s dad didn’t like the grandmother siding with his son, the poster didn’t speak to his grandmother for years – but as soon as he could leave, OP lived with her from 17 to 23, looking after her until her “sudden” death.

“When grandma died she had a strong will in place,” OP continued.

“She left my dad $100. That was the minimum she could leave him so he couldn’t sue for the rest, which she gave to me.”

The poster got the house, some investments, and his grandmother’s remaining money. But his father and step-siblings and father are upset at his taking the full amount, claiming it amounts to disrespecting his family.

“I told him she was right and they were all monsters and that they didn’t deserve anything,” the poster ended, before asking “AITA?”.

“His legal rights are clear”

Family tensions aside, Fresard told us that “If the will or trust leaves it only to him, his legal rights are clear, and he does not have to share it with his step-siblings. It also appears that her nan’s wishes are clear, that the inheritance was for him only.”

Chen agreed, but added: “Feuds between family members over inheritances aren’t typically about money – they’re about recognition, equity, and emotional heritage.

If one member of a family, like the Redditor, has been the exclusive caregiver, there’s a deep sense of entitlement earned. But without open, honest conversations well before the will is read, assumptions build – and blow.”

Both experts agree that whenever possible, it’s both legally and morally better to discuss any will division as soon as you’ve written it up.

“If you are the recipient of an inheritance and it is causing tension, it may help for the family to meet with the attorney who drafted the plan for all to be reassured about the wishes of the decedent and their reasoning,” Fresare advised.

After all, as Chen says, “More has been lost fighting than lost through poor investing. The most underutilised estate tools are transparency, planning, and empathy.”

‘I Was Made to Feel Like a Nuisance’: How Death Admin Becomes A Second Trauma For Grieving Families

Posted on 15/02/2025 by Boris Clair

Losing a loved one is something we all will experience at some point – and unfortunately, no prior loss can prepare us for the ones that lie ahead and the world-shattering emotions that come with them.

For those of us who have to face the financial admin that’s left behind when somebody dies, there is a compounded grief as we try to navigate the institutions and paperwork that are an essential part of death admin.

In fact, in Octopus Legacy’s Human Cost of Dying report, families rank financial institutions among the least helpful when dealing with a loved one’s death.

These findings reflect the stories of people like Rosie and Lucy, who have faced overwhelming hurdles in the wake of their loved ones’ passing.

HuffPost UK spoke with Rosie and Lucie about the traumatic obstacles they faced following their losses – and what needs to change.

Rosie’s mother dying left her with an unmanageable amount of admin

Rosie lives in Edinburgh with her husband and three children.

Back in 2003, Rosie’s mother came to live with the family. But sadly in 2009 she suffered from a ruptured aortic aneurysm, was rushed to hospital and placed in the high-dependency unit.

Speaking with HuffPost UK, Rosie explains how her mother’s health deteriorated over time: “She was non-responsive for a couple of weeks – and as she woke up, it became evident that something wasn’t right.

“She had suffered a stroke during the operation and was eventually transferred to a hospital which supported stroke rehabilitation. From there, she was eventually well enough to come home.”

Unfortunately, their family’s peace didn’t last long.

“A few months later, as I was coming home from a run, I saw my mum waving at me from a bedroom window. I then watched her fall,” says Rosie.

“I ran home and found that she had suffered another stroke – we returned her to the local stroke unit, and then back to the rehabilitation hospital. This time, she wasn’t in for stroke rehabilitation but in a geriatric ward. She never left.”

The family experienced a prolonged period of grief prior to her passing

Rosie admits: “For me the grieving process was initiated in 2009 when she first went into emergency surgery. This was a long, tortured process of gradually watching my mother losing herself.

“My mother had been a force of nature, immensely practical and sensible. If there was a problem, my mother would find a way to resolve it.

“There were moments, during her rehabilitation when her very strong sense of humour would peep through. She would have a twinkle in her eyes watching the banter between staff on the ward. She would beam at me or my children when we came to visit – and pat our hands.”

But mostly, as she watched her mum deteriorate, she grieved.

“When my mum died it was a release. For her – and for all of us. We could actually say goodbye,” says Rosie.

Thankfully, the funeral went smoothly. Rosie and her family shared stories of her mother and bonded with others over their stories.

But the financial admin following the funeral was when the problems started

Rosie is self-employed and offered to work on the financial side of her mother’s estate on behalf of her siblings for an agreed fee. However, it wasn’t as simple as she had expected it to be.

“My mother had 13 ISAs with different institutions,” Rosie says.

“When my father died, my mother had become really interested in money management. She had invested in the stock market and had also taken advantage of great rates each year for her TESSA (tax exempt special savings scheme) and ISA allowance.

“I discovered that each bank had different requirements in order to close the accounts. Some required a death certificate certified in a branch. Some required a death certificate certified by a lawyer. Some required correspondence just from me. Some required correspondence from all three siblings. No two of the financial institutions I approached required the same process.

“The details are woolly now – but I remember sending endless letters / forms to my siblings for them to sign and return.”

The admin put a strain on Rosie’s relationship with her siblings

For Rosie, it seemed bizarre that there wasn’t a standard process that institutions used.

“Had I known at the outset, I would not have proposed to complete this work, particularly given the fact that my mother had died in Scotland, but her will was drawn up in England,” she says.

The siblings ended up needing to engage a legal firm to complete the work anyway.

“The whole process was time consuming, resulting in me spending far longer on the process than I had anticipated. Rather than supporting each other in a period of loss, we were really discussing who wanted a footstool, a salad bowl – or who had signed what form,” she says.

“The length of the process created friction between me and my siblings to the point that we had periods of not speaking following this time.”

One silver lining during this dark time was that Rosie’s mother had already been through the process of settling an estate when her husband died in 1993.

“As a very practical person, she had written a list every year, of all her assets and where they were. That was invaluable,” says Rosie.

“My mother had also taken the precaution to open joint accounts with each of us, so that we would be able to access funds in the event of her death.”

The admin following the loss of her husband put Lucie’s life on hold for years

After losing her husband during the pandemic, Lucie encountered administrative hurdles that sent her back to when she lost her husband.

Between receiving questions from pension providers like “could you have saved your husband?” and having bailiffs sent to her property, Lucie spent the next two years battling against a range of institutions.

Her life was on pause, and she was forced to relive the trauma of finding her husband dead every single time.

Speaking with HuffPost UK, Lucie says that young widowers face a wealth of obstacles that leave them unable to process their grief: “There are very few widows, particularly young widows, who can leave the financials to sort themselves out.

“Mostly, we really need that cash to keep going and enable at least a sense of stability at a time which is so destabilising. Having to relive your trauma, deal with what seems so trivial (yet unfortunately vital) takes strength and clarity which is so challenging to achieve at this time.

“Instead of focusing on self or family, one has to really focus on getting through a challenging process which means setting aside the grieving process – which, in my view, prolongs the process.”

Financial institutions left Lucie feeling overwhelmed and frustrated

If Lucie could suggest anything to organisations that frequently speak with grieving families, it’s better training. She urges: “Have specifically trained teams with appropriate scripts and understanding of the challenges.

“Additionally, ensure that customers are regularly reminded to provide statements of wishes, emergency contacts, nominated representatives who can deal with financials in the event of death or critical illness.”

She also believes that empathy can go a long way

Following a loss, particularly the loss of somebody very close to you, the world can feel like such a strange place – like you are the walking wounded and nobody quite understands the particular pain that you are feeling.

This is compounded by a lack of empathy in institutions that aren’t suitably prepared to work with people going through something so life-altering.

Lucie admits: “I was made to feel like a nuisance. So many inappropriate questions about the nature and circumstances of my husband’s death, none of which were relevant.

“Because I was pushing hard for resolution, I was made to feel like I was in the wrong and almost not grieving enough. It was a genuinely awful process.”

Lucie shares a warning to couples and families

Some of this is still unavoidable for families in the wake of a death, but Lucie believes preparation is essential.

She advises: “Agree on where you will store passwords. Communicate well about what financial products you have and where the information is.

“Draft a will. Complete your expression of wishes and update them regularly. Get comfortable talking about money and death.

“My biggest reflection is that these were not conversations we had; I had no idea where my husband’s paperwork was and most of it was on his laptop, the password of which I did not know… Share this stuff!”