If you know me, you’re probably tired of hearing me rattle on about my running, walking, and strength training adventures (sorry, loved ones).
That’s partly because I’m insufferable. But it’s also because I never imagined I’d get into sports – before the age of 23, I hated the idea.
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Now, though, I worry I’ve become a victim of the same conscientiousness some research suggests might have put me off physical activity for years. Until about two months ago, I found myself skipping as many as three workouts a week – if I wasn’t giving it 100%, I reasoned, I’d better not go at all (this, despite knowing that any exercise is better for you than none).
But recently I’ve been enjoying the delights of the “crappy,” half-assed workout, and my exercise routine has never been more consistent.
I spoke to Anna Mathur, psychotherapist and author of the upcoming book The Good Decision Diary, about the joys of doing something badly instead of skipping it altogether.
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Unrealistic goals can lead to burnout
The author told me that ambition isn’t a bad thing, but goals rooted in shame or unrealistic expectations can set you on a fast path to disappointment.
“This leads to feelings of stress, pressure, unease, burnout, etc.,” she shared.
“Lofty goals often fail because they ignore the gritty reality of life, our fluctuating energy, ever-changing resources, the unexpected curveballs, responsibilities in other areas of our lives, and our nervous system state.
“We might set out with ‘I’ll wake up at 5am and run every day’ and when we inevitably miss a day because we’re sick, exhausted or had a late night at work, we feel like we’ve failed.”
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As someone who used to bail from my beloved jogs unless I felt I could finish a record-beating 10k, I found myself nodding at her advice.
To combat unfair and inflexible goals, be they for a new squat PR or a crochet project, the therapist sticks to what she calls “the 70% rule… if a choice feels 70% good enough, it’s probably time to act.
“Waiting for the perfect moment or plan can keep us in a state of paralysis and stop us from starting. Half-doing something (going for a 10-minute walk instead of a 45-minute workout, writing a messy journal entry instead of none at all) is often how momentum builds and we take the pressure off.”
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I have at least 70% conviction to work out most days, and if that only leads to a 45% effort, well, so be it.
In fact, even my 10-minute walk to the gym is so much better than nothing than I realise in the moment – even if I turn around and leave once there.
How can I tell that a goal is backfiring?
A few weeks ago, I spent three days pretty much solely in bed, dreading the prospect of my newly adopted gym routine.
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This, despite the fact that my running PR was the best it had ever been, and my squats were the heaviest I’d tried.
That’s because, Mathur cautioned, “Good decisions aren’t just about the outcome (although that’s where we’re culturally taught to focus: on the external, the deliverables, the achievements) – they’re about how they make you feel on the way there too, how you grow as you go, whether you resent the aim, burn out trying to get there.
“One sign that a goal is backfiring is when it starts creating more anxiety than momentum,” she added.
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“Maybe it’s affecting your sleep, mood, or relationships. Maybe it’s fuelling rumination, shame, or a harsh inner critic, or you keep falling short or ‘failing.’”
Though a backfiring goal might look impressive from the outside, she continues, it might be time to reconsider or reconfigure it once it leaves you feeling disconnected from yourself.
“A good decision feels like something you can return to, that doesn’t carry that all-or-nothing, walking-on-a-tightrope quality, and is not something you’re constantly bracing against,” she ended.
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My new, more flexible routine (if I miss my previous early-or-nothing morning slot, fine; I’ll do something a little less machine-heavy in my crammed 6pm gym) is one example, but the approach works for a far wider range of goals too.
The Good Decision Diary by Anna Mathur publishes 7 August 2025 (Penguin Life, £16.99)
