We Talked To A Couple Into ‘Hot Husbanding,’ A Kink Where Sharing Is Caring

Posted on 25/04/2025 by Boris Clair

Sharing is caring. Or at least that’s how people who are into “hot husbanding” feel.

The kink got mainstream attention last month, when comedian Nikki Glasser went on “The Goop Podcast” and talked about “sharing” her on-and-off-again boyfriend, Chris Convy, with other women.

Glasser went on to liken her kink to “lending my friend a hairdresser.”

Glasser and Convy’s arrangement isn’t a two-way street; the comedian, who hosted the Golden Globes in January, has said in the past that she’s not looking to have sex with other men, though it “might be [her] thing someday.” If Glasser’s boyfriend was into “sharing” her, they’d be hotwifing. (The kink is also sometimes called “stagging.”)

What, exactly, is hot husbanding? There are myriad ways couples (and single) get their hot husbanding rocks off, so no one definition could encompass it all. But broadly speaking, “it’s putting the focus on a partner’s desire to show off their hot husband,” said Heather McPherson, a marriage and family therapist and sex therapist in Austin, Texas.

“A hot husband is someone that is so attractive and ‘hot’ they function almost like a status symbol for their partner,” McPherson said. “The partner may also take pleasure in sharing him with others as part of the experience.”

For some, it might just be talking about the idea with their partner that’s a turn-on. Others venture out and find other women to have sex with their partners.

“From the male’s point of view, it’s difficult to say, ‘hey, I’ve got a partner, but let’s go out and have a sexual encounter.’ Most women just think I’m out to cheat on my partner.”

– Chase, a 48-year-old “hot husband”

The dynamic exists in the same kinky universe as cuckoldry or cuckqueandom ― where a man (a cuckold) or woman (a cuckquean) takes pleasure in watching their partner have sex with someone else. (Or hearing details of their partner’s sexual intimacy with a third party or established partner.)

There’s consent and boundaries with both kinks, but they differ in one key way: Those into hot husbandry aren’t generally turned on by any humiliation aspect of being “cheated on” the way a cuckquean is, McPherson explained.

Oftentimes, partner swapping is about having subversion in safety, said Jess O’Reilly, a sexologist and host of the “Sex With Dr. Jess” podcast.

“With the support of a caring partner, you get to challenge monogamous norms and break taboos,” she told HuffPost.

Sitting back and watching while your boyfriend or husband does all the work can be kind of hot, too.

“If you’re the voyeur or supportive partner, you don’t have to be the center of participation or attention. You can relish in the erotic without physically articulating,” O’Reilly said.

It varies, but for most women into hot husbanding, they don’t want their partner getting emotionally involved.

That’s true for Glasser, who explained that an emotional connection is off limits for her boyfriend. That said, for her, she does feel some rivalry toward the other women: “I think it’s definitely the competition thing of like, ‘Ooh, maybe he will leave me for her. I gotta step it up.’ I kind of like that,” she said on the podcast.

"With the support of a caring partner, you can challenge monogamous norms and break taboos by engaging in erotic pleasure with a third party," said Jess O’Reilly, a sexologist and host of the "Sex With Dr. Jess" podcast. — “With the support of a caring partner, you can challenge monogamous norms and break taboos by engaging in erotic pleasure with a third party,” said Jess O’Reilly, a sexologist and host of the “Sex With Dr. Jess” podcast.

What it’s like to have ― and be ― a “hot husband”

To delve deeper into hot husbanding, we spoke to Chase, 48, and Scarlit, 43, a couple who’ve been together for 18 months and are exploring their kinky side. (Both asked to use pseudonyms to protect their privacy.)

Their desire to hot husband stemmed from them exploring threesomes together about six months into their relationship.

“I remember the specific moment when I was watching him with her. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being involved, but something about watching her reactions and his sexual fulfillment was mesmerizing,” Scarlit said. “Like he was my own personal porn star and I got to pick the partners.”

Scarlit said she felt intrigued, aroused and powerful in that moment ― and also a sense of compersion. (In the polyamory community, compersion is the pleasure you derive from your partner’s pleasure.)

“While I do sexually satisfy him, he also has the desire to see how he can make other women’s bodies react sexually,” Scarlit explained.

One thing Scarlit is not after is feeling like a cuck. Humiliation isn’t sexy at all to her, and the pair is careful about Chase potentially developing feelings.

“I just love watching the satisfaction he receives and provides,” she said. “I’m not at all interested in him having any relations with the female outside of the bedroom. Getting to know them on a personal level is a big turn-off. Even the thought of a date is very threatening to me.”

But watching another woman have the “the best sex of her life” and give thanks to Scarlit after? She’s definitely into that: “Mentally, it’s more ‘I allowed that, and you are welcome,’” Scarlit said. “It’s the power of my position. That I was able to provide that.”

Chase ― the hot husband ― admits that at first, hearing that his new girlfriend wanted to “share” him felt like a trap: He’d been asked to do something along the lines of cucking in the past, but in both cases, he suspected the women were prone to jealousy so he shied away from it.

“The difference between them and Scarlit is that she actively went out and pursued a third for us,” he told HuffPost. “So as we’ve explored it more, the more excited and aroused Scarlit has gotten. She’s been actively looking for cuckcake.” (That’s the term for the female partner the hot husband has sex with.)

Before hot husbanding, O'Reilly said to "talk more generally about what turns you on and off and be curious and open about concerns, hesitations and questions you may have." — Before hot husbanding, O’Reilly said to “talk more generally about what turns you on and off and be curious and open about concerns, hesitations and questions you may have.”

To find these women, the couple has engaged in dozens ― maybe hundreds — of conversations with people on Reddit, but very few have resulted in actual dates. They opened FetLife accounts (a social network for the kink community) but found that women wanting to be cuckcakes were few and far between.

“We attempted to open an account on Tinder, the app known for hookups, and it turns out they ban you permanently if you try to look for threesomes or cuckcakes,” he said.

And most women on Bumble are looking for relationships with emotional stability and longevity, not strictly sexual relationships, Chase said.

“From the male’s point of view, it’s difficult to say, ‘Hey, I’ve got a partner, but let’s go out and have a sexual encounter,’” he told HuffPost. “Most women just think I’m out to cheat on my partner.”

That said, he does have a date next week with a woman Scarlit gave the green light to months ago, she said, “only because she’s moving out of the country.”

As that statement suggests, there’s some potential for complications here.

“For Scarlit, the fear is from me deciding to move on with one of these trysts,” Chase said. “So she’s asked that I not attempt to independently engage in sexual activities with someone from my past because they have access to me outside of her.”

She’s also free to read his communications with other women if she feels jealousy or if a woman tries to message him behind her back with longer-term goals.

“The thought of the date makes me very jealous, not the sex,” she said. “But it’s also a boundary I’m wanting to push to expand our kink more.”

As Chase explained, “We’re only looking for partners for us ― for me, physically and for her, mentally ― together. ”

Some basic tips on hot husbanding (or otherwise partner swapping)

If you’re hot husband-curious, it’s worth sharing your fantasies with your partner, O’Reilly said. “Talk more generally about what turns you on and off and be curious and open about concerns, hesitations and questions you may have,” she said.

Be realistic about expectations, too, because they may not always be met. (We’re pretty monogamous-centric in this country, and even genuinely hot husbands get turned down. Take it from Chase.)

It’s also important to be mindful of treating third parties with care, O’Reilly said. Their desires, needs and boundaries are just as important as yours.

From personal experience, Scarlit advised people to only explore the kink if they have full trust and open communication with their partner.

“I think there has to be a level of emotional intelligence in both partners, and a lot of understanding,” she said. “The best tip I got was ‘only move as slow as the slowest person in the relationship,’ and so far, that’s worked for us.”

Though new to hot husbanding, she and Chase have already learned a lot about themselves and each other from it, which she credits to all the transparency required for a healthy wife or husband swap. (Talking about how you want to watch your boyfriend go down on someone has a way of opening up all communication floodgates.)

“I’m surprised how it’s seemed to change our dynamic all the way around and make talking about anything feel so easy,” Scarlit said.

Dealing With A Narcissist? You Need To Use This Genius ‘Grey Rock Method’

Posted on 14/04/2025 by Boris Clair

Dealing with a narcissist, or even any kind of antagonistic person, can be challenging to say the least. It’s hard to communicate effectively with someone who actually isn’t committed to conflict resolution.

Enter the “grey rock method.” This strategy offers a helpful way to protect your peace while navigating interactions with difficult people, particularly narcissists.

So what exactly is the grey rock method? Below, experts break it down.

What is the grey rock method?

“The grey rock method is a communication strategy intended to minimise conflict and drama from narcissists and other high-conflict people,” Virginia Gilbert, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told HuffPost. “Think of a simple grey rock that’s so nondescript-looking that it almost fades into the background. It doesn’t engender an emotional response from the viewer. Essentially, you want to ‘be’ that grey rock and communicate in a manner that’s as ‘boring’ as possible ― keeping things brief, sticking to facts and avoiding anything that comes across as emotional so you don’t unwittingly invite drama from your high-conflict person.”

People tend to try this method when they have to interact with someone who stirs up chaos and drama and blames them for things, whether it’s an ex-spouse, an emotionally immature parent or someone else in their life.

“Your responses include statements like ‘Yes,’ ‘No,’ ‘That’s interesting,’ or ‘We’ll see,’” said Chelsey Brooke Cole, a psychotherapist specialising in narcissistic abuse. “You don’t share about your ups and downs, or highs and lows. You don’t talk about your emotions, goals, dreams, hopes or aspirations.”

Basically, don’t give a manipulative person anything they can use against you in the future. Avoid providing “narcissistic supply” ― which is the attention, validation, emotional response, drama or anything that fuels their inflated sense of self and power. The goal is to be dull and unengaging.

“In some ways, it’s similar to how certain animals feign death to avoid being attacked by predators ― the predator loses interest when there’s no chase. Similarly, by presenting as unreactive and emotionally flat, the narcissist often becomes bored and may eventually stop engaging altogether,” said Hannah Alderete, a licensed mental health counsellor and the author of “Break Free From Narcissistic Mothers: A Step-by-Step Workbook for Ending Toxic Behaviour, Setting Boundaries, and Reclaiming Your Life.”

What are the benefits of using this method?

“If you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic person, you know how draining it can be,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Natalie Moore. “Implementing the grey rock method can help you take your personal power back in the relationship. If you’ve tried communicating your needs directly with the person or tried setting firm boundaries to no avail, the gray rock method can be a great last-ditch effort to create distance between yourself and the narcissist.”

When you stop allowing yourself to be used as narcissistic supply, they will likely disengage from you. “Grey rocking” is also a great way to de-escalate conflict and protect yourself in toxic or abusive dynamics.

“It can be especially useful in short-term or unavoidable interactions ― like a phone call, family gathering, or any situation where you sense manipulation or baiting,” Alderete said.

Keeping your responses to them short, factual and limited to the scope of what you need to discuss with a narcissist is also a form of boundary-setting in itself. Going grey rock creates emotional distance and minimises the amount of personal information you give the other person.

“This is important because narcissists use what they know about you to manipulate you more effectively,” Cole said. “For example, if a narcissist knows you’ve been betrayed in previous relationships, they’ll claim you have ‘trust issues’ when you call them out on their inconsistencies. Narcissists also love baiting you into long conversations because this is how they feel powerful and in control. Without grey rocking, you end up engaging, explaining and defending yourself a lot more than you wanted to, which only feeds their ego and feeling of superiority.”

“Grey rocking” is also a great way to de-escalate conflict and protect yourself in toxic or abusive dynamics.

By refusing to take the bait or display an emotional reaction, you limit their ammunition and ability to hit your pain points. Cole compared the narcissist’s new situation to throwing a dart with a blindfold on ― they might hit the bullseye, but their odds are significantly lower.

“The grey rock method is particularly useful in the early stages of separating from an abusive partner or during volatile exchanges. It can also be helpful with toxic coworkers or colleagues,” said Tina Swithin, author of “Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle.”

When you’re facing a conflict with someone at work or engaged in a legal dispute, the grey rock method can allow you to keep your correspondence civil ― which can be useful if it ends up in front of a judge or the HR department. You want to ensure you come across as reasonable.

“The other benefit is that, over time, it will relieve you of the toxic hope that anything you could ever say will give the high-conflict person in your life an epiphany, or get them to see your side of things,” Gilbert said. “Clinging to this hope can make you miserable, which can then lead you to fire off an overly dramatic email in a burst of frustration.”

Even just one angry email from you gives them something to point to as “proof” that you’re the bad guy and they’re the true victim, she added.

“Initially, you might feel that you’re placating the high-conflict person in your life by using the grey rock method,” Gilbert said. “But if using it over time helps you detach from their craziness, feel calmer and focus on people who are good for you, that’s a huge win for you.”

Are there any downsides?

“Grey rocking is not a sustainable long-term strategy, as it can become emotionally and psychically draining to dull yourself down repeatedly,” Alderete said.

She believes this temporary fix is best used sparingly, in time-limited interactions or as a last resort when you need to conserve your energy.

“Individuals who pride themselves in their own self-growth and healing journey may feel as though grey rocking is a Band-Aid solution versus actually addressing a deeper relationship issue,” Moore said. “You may need to consider a more complete plan to handle the narcissist, such as setting boundaries or disengagement.”

She added that implementing this method can also make some folks feel uncomfortable and inauthentic. People pleasers and fawners might experience guilt or anxiety.

“If you’re the type of person who is generally an open book and enjoys sharing themselves with others, it might feel very awkward or unnatural to be so ‘blah.’” Moore said.

Keep in mind that some narcissists might actually escalate their harmful behaviour in response to the loss of attention, validation and control they feel. So you’ll ned to feel prepared to deal with the aftermath and have additional strategies in your arsenal.

“While gray rock is helpful in theory, it can backfire in certain real-world contexts, especially in family court or co-parenting situations,” Swithin noted. “When someone appears cold, detached or robotic in written or verbal communication, it may be misinterpreted by judges, mediators or professionals as combative, uncooperative or emotionally unstable.”

Having seen how judges and other family court professionals view survivors who utilise grey rock, she developed a more adaptable, strategic communication style called “yellow rock.”

“Yellow rock helps individuals remain calm, polite and firm ― while also protecting their credibility in legal and professional settings,” Swithin said, adding that it combines “the emotional boundaries of grey rock” with a more pleasant and thoughtful tone.

If the gray rock method isn't right for a certain situation, you can also try the "yellow rock" approach. — If the gray rock method isn’t right for a certain situation, you can also try the “yellow rock” approach.

The goal is to bring a cordial, cooperative and more emotionally accessible vibe while still keeping engagement and unnecessary information minimal.

“This version allows for a bit more warmth, which can be helpful in contexts like co-parenting or social interactions where others are present,” Alderete said. “For example, instead of flat responses like ‘no’ or ‘oh,’ yellow rocking might sound like ‘no, thank you” or “oh, that’s interesting.’”

Cole similarly recommended pleasant yellow rock responses in co-parenting or work settings, with examples like “Thank you!” “The weather is great today!” “Yes, pickup is at 3 p.m. See you then!” or “I appreciate you getting that done.”

“Because gray rock excludes pleasantries like ‘please’ or ‘thank you,’ narcissists twist your communication and claim you’re being uncommunicative, difficult, rigid or bitter,” she explained. ”And at work or in custody situations, you need to come across as the kind, considerate person you are. Yellow rock allows you to bring you to the conversation, while keeping personal information, emotional reactions or sensitive topics at the door.”

How can you implement the grey rock method effectively?

“To use the grey rock method effectively, keep in mind that the purpose is to protect your emotional energy ― not to punish or retaliate against the narcissist,” Alderete said. “The goal is psychological safety through disengagement.”

She recommended offering short, emotionally neutral responses such as “Yeah,” “OK,” or “Oh,” and avoiding any attempt to explain or defend yourself. Cole similarly suggested vague grey rock replies like, “I hear what you’re saying, let me think about that,” “I’m not able to talk about that right now,” or “That’s interesting.”

These types of responses tend to extinguish a narcissist’s attempts to provoke or manipulate because they aren’t getting the reaction they crave.

“Avoid telling stories, sharing your emotional reactions to things or going into any detail,” Moore said. “Limit eye contact and keep your facial expressions as flat and neutral as possible.”

You can also adapt your gray rock approach based on the context. When composing an email or other correspondence, make sure you’re calm as you write and then as you send it.

“Wait 24 hours and reread the draft before you send it, making sure it’s not inflammatory,” Gilbert said, adding that you might also consider working with a mental health professional if you’re struggling with the method and engaging with this person generally.

Once you decide to implement the grey rock method, expect things to get worse before they get better. Grey rocking shifts the power dynamic in relationships, so the other person might feel thrown off when they’re no longer able to bait, trigger or manipulate you to respond how they want.

“It’s likely that initially, the toxic person will lash out in anger or act contemptuously by calling you names, mocking you or upping the ante,” Cole said. “Or the more vulnerable a narcissist is, the more they respond to grey rock with victimhood rather than anger. They might say something like, ‘Do you not even care about me now?’ ‘What happened to you?’ ‘I can’t believe you’re treating me like this,’ or ‘I thought you had a kind heart.’”

She compared the experience to setting a boundary with a child who hasn’t had any before.

“They push the limits until they see where the edge is,” Cole said. “Stay consistent, and stay boring. Eventually, the narcissist is likely to find a more interesting target.”

In the meantime, try to take deep breaths and remain committed, even if the method feels antithetical to your open, agreeable nature. Remember that grey rocking is reserved for antagonistic people looking to exploit and manipulate, not for those who genuinely want to connect with you. Don’t relent, or they’ll realise they can get the response they want if they push back enough.

“It’s like giving a toddler the toy they wanted after they throw a huge fit ― the next tantrum will be even bigger,” Cole said. “Keep using neutral responses, even if you don’t immediately get the results you want. Keep being consistent, and over time, they will likely lose interest and try to bait someone else instead.”

‘Orgasms Made Me A More Patient, Less Stressed Mum’

Posted on 05/04/2025 by Boris Clair

It was a typical weekday afternoon when Catherine S., a mother of four and part-time office clerk, decided to start taking her pleasure seriously.

“I was stressed, tired … and didn’t feel like making dinner,” she recalled. Glancing over her calendar, she felt even worse.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t love my life, because I did,” she added. “It was just becoming obvious that I needed to do something to feel a little better.”

So she started listening to spicy podcasts during her work commutes. Soon, she felt inspired to put her own erotic pleasure on her to-do list.

“My goal wasn’t to have orgasms, exactly, but I gave myself 15 minutes with my vibrator once a week, which is how I [climax] easiest,” she said.

Catherine nearly skipped her first session due to a headache. But when her phone alert sounded, she raced to her bedroom and went for it. “My headache was better after [my orgasm],” she said, “and so were my moods.”

Now, several months of weekly sessions later, she often anticipates the practice as much as her morning coffee. The most dramatic benefit, she said, came as a surprise: “Orgasms have made me a more patient, less stressed out, and more loving mum.”

Results like Catherine’s aren’t surprising to sexuality experts. While orgasms can’t alleviate all parenting-related challenges, they offer a range of advantages worth embracing.

More pleasure, less stress

Orgasms flood your system with feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, explained board-certified sexologist and sex coach Lanae St. John.

“Basically, they’re a shortcut from wired and overwhelmed to calm and content,” she said. “If stress has you clenched up like a fist, an orgasm is the unclench … the kind that makes you think, ′Why don’t I do that more often?’”

If you do up the frequency, even better. “When orgasms become a regular part of your routine, they’re not just reactive stress relief – they’re proactive emotional maintenance,” she said.

“Think of it like watering your nervous system. Don’t wait until the plant’s wilted.”

Emotional regulation and patience

It makes sense that erotic releases help Catherine feel more patient with her kids. Beyond stress relief, orgasms can guard against a short emotional fuse.

“Orgasms help regulate the central nervous system, calming you down,” said Nicolle Dirksen, a sex and couples therapist and clinic owner at Clover Counseling. “This can help you respond to parenting challenges with a calmer, cooler head.”

Improved rest from orgasms may help your emotional health, too. A study using Fitbit technology showed that women who orgasmed before bed slept longer than women who didn’t.

Given that sleep loss interferes with the parts of your brain that regulate your moods, more sleep can mean fewer angry, anxious and irritable moods.

Modelling body positivity and self-love

While your little ones obviously won’t be around for your orgasms, they can benefit from any emotional strength they facilitate.

“Kids are sponges, soaking up all of the vibes you give off — even, sometimes, those feelings you hold about yourself,” Dirksen explained.

“Prioritising your own pleasure can help reinforce positive feelings about your body, which means you can model for your children self-love and a positive relationship with your body.”

Catherine feels that her orgasmic play is bolstering her body confidence, and that her kids reap benefits. She especially appreciates that her nonbinary teen, who recently went through appearance-related bullying, will increasingly see “someone who’s unafraid to be in their body … without looking like a model”.

Improved partner connection

If you’re co-parenting with a sexual partner, shared orgasmic forays may deepen your bond, according to Dirksen.

“Regularly orgasming with a partner increases and improves intimacy and connection, two things that [tend] to decline once you become parents,” she said.

“This increased connection can help remind you that you’re teammates, something that can be super important during those tougher days of parenthood.”

Catherine and her husband often feel like “sliding doors,” she said, given their contrasting schedules.

When she told him about her orgasm sessions, they decided to plan occasional pleasure dates. “We may or may not have sex,” she said, “but we make time, even 20 minutes, to connect … where we both get to have pleasure.”

When pleasure feels out of reach

Prioritising your pleasure can be challenging while child-rearing. And your mindset can play a big role.

“Parenting often comes with a lot of guilt … especially about anything we think might be self-serving,” Dirksen explained. “Self-pleasure feels like a luxury, saved only for the perfect circumstances: enough time, privacy, energy … things parents have very little of.”

To turn that around, she suggests a reframe: “Focusing on and prioritising your kids’ needs makes you a great parent. But making time for your own needs and pleasure is also a sign of a great parent.”

And when time runs scarce, incorporate delight into the mundane. “Wear something that makes you feel sexy or listen to music that moves you while you wash the dishes or do the laundry,” she said. “Savour your morning coffee, distraction-free.”

**Giving yourself grace (and pleasure)**

Lastly, don’t stress if sex doesn’t appeal to you like it used to, which is common during baby years and for mums (and any parents) who bear the brunt of caregiving. That may change as your kids gain independence or you gain support. Regardless, there’s no sexual epitome to strive for.

For many parents, it’s challenging to “switch seamlessly between the roles of caregiver and sexual being,” according to Jillian Amodio, a licensed therapist and author. “It’s OK to be exactly where you are, to explore the ‘why’ behind these changes, and, if desired, to take steps toward reconnecting with your sensual self in a way that feels authentic to you.”

What matters most, it seems, is prioritising personal pleasure of some kind, starting with whatever mental shift it takes to get there.

“Stop treating pleasure like it’s dessert, something you get after everything else is done,” said St. John. “It’s a resource…[that] helps you function, connect and recharge. Sometimes it’s three minutes of quiet. Sometimes it’s dancing in the kitchen. Sometimes it is a quick solo sesh before bed, because you know it’ll help you sleep.”

‘My Wife Wants Me To Become A Stay-At-Home Dad. Are My Financial Terms Fair?’

Posted on 22/03/2025 by Boris Clair

In a 2020 YouGov poll, 38% of mothers and 14% of fathers said they thought having kids hurt their careers.

That can take the form of reduced hours, taking fewer opportunities, and leaving the workplace entirely, respondents shared. “All of these factors tend to lead to stagnating or lower pay,” YouGov added.

In a now-deleted Reddit post, a site user asked members of r/AITAH (Am I The A**hole Here) whether that trade-off deserved financial compensation from their spouse.

So, we spoke to divorce lawyer and CEO of OW Lawyers Michelle O’Neil about whether the demands were fair.

A father wants a share of his wife’s property in return for becoming a stay-at-home dad

The post author said his pregnant wife, who makes substantially more money than he does, told him he was expected to become a stay-at-home dad when their first child was born.

The suggestion – which had not been discussed with the father beforehand – left the poster uneasy because he didn’t like how that might play out in the event of a divorce.

When he brought this up to his wife, he suggested she offer him a share of her property as a safety net in return for the career stagnation, lack of pay, and financial insecurity the lifestyle change could expose him to.

She didn’t seem comfortable with the arrangement, leading the poster to wonder whether or not his demands were unfair.

A divorce lawyer said his demand makes sense

O’Neil said that in her decades-long career, she’s seen firsthand “how decisions like this can create significant financial disadvantages for the spouse who steps away from their career”.

“While becoming a stay-at-home parent is a deeply personal decision, it must be made with full awareness of the long-term financial risks,” she continued, “particularly in the event of a divorce.”

Additionally, the divorce lawyer calls the discussion – or lack thereof – around the change a “red flag”.

“When one spouse dictates a major life change rather than engaging in a collaborative discussion, it often signals deeper power imbalances in the relationship which lead to bigger issues,” she told HuffPost UK.

“Decisions about career sacrifices, parenting roles, and financial security should be mutual, not unilateral.”

Explaining that staying home to look after a child can lead to a loss of earning potential, a smaller pension, a lack of asset equality, and financial dependence, O’Neil said the husband’s request for equity in the home is “a smart negotiation move”.

Though not everyone can offer a share of their home to mitigate those risks, the divorce lawyer advised: “Marriage is a partnership, and both spouses’ contributions – financial and otherwise – must be valued and protected.

“If one spouse makes a career sacrifice, the financial risks should be acknowledged and mitigated before the decision is made, not after.”

Does ‘Vabbing’ Actually Make You Irresistible To Men? I Asked A Sexologist

Posted on 18/03/2025 by Boris Clair

Ever heard of vabbing? No?

Well, nor had I until this morning (how I cherish my life before then).

Turns out the phrase refers to a social media phenomenon (it would be inaccurate to call it a trend, as most people seem appalled by it) that involves wiping vaginal secretions on your pulse points. Yes, really.

In a now-deleted TikTok video, a site user said: “I swear if you vab, you will attract people, like a date, a one-night stand. Or you’ll just get free drinks all night.”

“Elle Woods should have been teaching vabbing instead of the bend and snap – it’s more effective,” the TikToker added.

It’s important to stress that the practice, which is a portmanteau of “vagina” and “dabbing”, really hasn’t taken off – it seems to be more of a point of viral outrage than an actual trend.

Still, I thought I’d speak to sexologist, therapist, and author at Passionerad Sofie Roos about whether the original controversial clip had any merit whatsoever.

And?

Kind of, but not really, the expert said.

“A study published in 2020 found that heterosexual men can smell women’s sexual arousal, and one part of that is the vaginal secretions, especially the lubrication that’s produced when [women are] turned on,” the sexologist explained.

So, there might be a real appeal in the scent – but not in the context of “vabbing,” Roos reckons.

“Research published in Science Direct 2006 finds that female pheromones are very dependent on the social context to work, so wearing vaginal secretions as a perfume in any not-so-sexually-loaded situation will most likely have a disgusting effect,” she shared.

“In my opinion… it’s better to use a good-smelling perfume of high quality” if you want to attract a date, Roos continued.

Smelling of, er, secretions is just “unhygienic” in the wrong context.

Pheromones may actually matter, though

Obviously, there’s no need to “vab.” But speaking to TIME, Noam Sobel, a professor in neurobiology and smell expert, said that our partner’s BO might have more of a say in how much we fancy them than we realise.

“The underlying theory is that you somehow select immune compatibility in a mate” through scent, he told the publication.

Still, Gary Beauchamp, president of the Monell Chemical Senses Centre, told TIME that it’s hard to work out how much, say, sweat actually influences our attraction.

“There are so many things going on with humans, in terms of how you select somebody you want to be with or get married to or have children with… isolating the odour part to it has been very, very difficult.”

It’s far safer to bet that doing something like “vabbing” is a turn-off, don’t you think?

‘She Asked Me If I Wanted To Go Half On A Baby’: People Share Their WTF Dating Moments

Posted on 16/03/2025 by Boris Clair

If there is one thing that single people can tell you, it’s that not every first date is magical. Some are actually very far from it.

Take me, for example, I once turned up to a date with somebody I thought I liked a lot, only to be told by him that he hated animals and giving to charitable causes. He also wore a t-shirt saying: “I was sober once, worst hour of my life.” It’s safe to say, we were not a match.

However, after reading through a recent Reddit thread, I’m starting to believe that my bad date was actually, by most measures, pretty good – and I got off lightly.

Posting on /r/AskReddit, i_like_maps asked: “What’s the biggest ‘wtf?!’ moment that you’ve had a on a first date?”, and the responses they received were… interesting to say the least.

One person’s hobbies were a little… too much

User Addicus commented: “We met online, chatted a bit, and decided to meet. Now, this was not a hook up situation. We both were, and clearly stated that we were, looking for a long term situation.

“She was cute, seemed smart and reasonably funny. When we got to talking about hobbies and interests, I told her I liked to read, sail, was into motorcycles and playing music. She mentioned that she ‘enjoyed live music, the theatre and the occasional Saturday night gangbang’.”

Ah. Well. Good for her?

Another person had a bananas approach to snacking

Apprehensive_Flan88 recalled: “Took me back to her place asked me if I wanted a snack brought out two fully rotten black bananas and two spoons cracked hers open and started going to town on the compost banana goo kept looking up at me like expecting me to do the same.”

Bleugh. To each their own.

One single had no time to waste when it came to babies

DatboyTeedy revealed: “First Date with a woman about 7-8 years older than me. Convo was going fine at applebees but then she asked me if wanted to go half on a baby. Then she told me her clock is ticking and she wants a kid with me. Needless to say that was the only date.”

Who doesn’t love a woman who knows what she wants?

A little criminal damage got in the way of this date

Joyofresh had quite the first date journey. They recalled: “Met a girl in a cafe, agreed to [a] drink later that week. Day came she didn’t respond. Whatever.

“Later she reached out to me again saying she lost her phone and we started dating. After a month she told me actually the day we originally agreed to a first date she was in jail for breaking into her ex’s apartment…”

I’ve heard some excuses in my time but that one is new even for me.

A third party slithered into this first date, unnoticed

Korar67 said: “Went out on a date. At the end we started making out. Something felt weird on my ear. I pulled back and saw a snake sticking out of the sleeve of her sweater. It was her pet snake. It had been in there the whole time.”

Sure! Why not!

I’m A Sex Expert — 4 Steps For Women Who Struggle To Orgasm

Posted on 11/03/2025 by Boris Clair

Getting off, the big O, la petite mort, cumming… There is a plethora of ways to describe the female orgasm and yet, many of us still aren’t quite making it to that final moment.

In fact, according to sexperts at Lovehoney, data shows that just 15% of women can orgasm during penetrative sex alone.

Additionally, 2023 research by Durex found that only 5% of women would say that they always orgasm during sex.

So, why is this?

It partially comes down to The Orgasm Gap

Of course, we know that the journey can be just as fun and enjoyable as the destination but, if we’re very honest with ourselves, not being able to orgasm can be pretty frustrating, to say the least.

The disparity between men and women having orgasms is defined as ‘the orgasm gap’.

Psychology professor Laurie Mintz wrote about this phenomenon for The Conversation and said the main reason for it “is that women are not getting the clitoral stimulation they need”.

“And cultural messages about the supremacy of intercourse feed into this. Indeed, countless films, TV shows, books and plays portray women orgasming from intercourse alone,” said Mintz.

“Popular men’s magazines also give advice on intercourse positions to bring women to orgasm. And while some of the positions do include clitoral stimulation, the message is still that intercourse is the central and most important sexual act.”

It can also be down to a health concern

If you can’t orgasm from penetrative sex or clitoral stimulation, you may have a condition called ‘Anorgasmia’.

Medical experts at Mayo Clinic explain: “Multiple factors may lead to anorgasmia. These include relationship or intimacy issues, cultural factors, physical or medical conditions, and medicines.

“Treatments can include education about sexual stimulation, sexual enhancement devices, individual or couple therapy, and medicines.”

If you are having sexual difficulties, speak to your GP or reach out to relationship experts at Relate.

Four steps you can take to reach orgasm

Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, says: “Achieving better orgasms for women involves a combination of understanding your body, communication, and addressing both physical and emotional factors.”

Get to know your own body better with masturbation

“Ensure that you don’t overlook self-exploration and masturbation,” Knight urges.

“Spending time exploring what feels good to you, and trying different techniques such as using fingers, sex toys, lube and varying positions can help you understand your body better.”

Knight reveals that while the data at Lovehoney shows that just 15% of women can orgasm during penetrative sex alone, that number jumps to 46% when using a sex toy.

Communicate with your partner

If you have a partner, open up to them about the problems that you’re having.

Knight advises: “Openly discussing what you both like, providing guidance during sex, and engaging in mutual exploration can help with intimacy and satisfaction from orgasm.”

That sounds pretty fun, actually.

Try to relax

Trying to coax your body into an orgasm when you’re mentally at a heightened stress level probably won’t get you very far.

Instead, Knight suggests that you try relaxing with deep breathing, meditation, or yoga, being present in the moment, and building anticipation through prolonged foreplay to heighten arousal and intensify your orgasm.

Check in on your emotional wellbeing

“Emotional and relationship factors are equally important when it comes to having a satisfying sex life,” adds the sexpert.

“Building emotional intimacy with a partner, addressing unresolved conflicts, and having a positive body image through self-love and acceptance will help transform how you feel in the bedroom.”

We’re rooting for you.

Maura Higgins And Danny Jones’ Alleged Kiss Has Split Fans. But What Officially Counts As Cheating?

Posted on 05/03/2025 by Boris Clair

The Sun recently shared footage of former Love Islander Maura Higgins and ex-McFly member Danny Jones, which they claimed showed a “drunken kiss” between the pair at this year’s Brit Awards.

The clip outraged some fans, with one asking “How could he do this?”.

But some people don’t think the very blurry, pixelated clip gives a solid enough base for allegations of cheating.

Others think the fact that Maura, Danny, and Danny’s wife Georgia Horsely still follow one another on Instagram is proof the “peck” was “innocent”.

We might never know what actually went on (none of the three have spoken about the alleged incident since).

But it does raise a question we thought we’d bring to relationship expert and sexologist Sofie Roos and matchmaker Susan Trombetti ― what actually counts as cheating?

There’s more than one type of cheating

Trombetti told HuffPost UK: “There’s emotional cheating, physical cheating, and micro cheating.”

These are set by the boundaries that exist between the couple, which change from relationship to relationship.

“Micro-cheating” can involve something as small as liking a model’s Instagram pictures, Roos says.

These “grey areas” are the ones you should be more vocal about ― “while most people agree that sleeping with someone else is considered cheating, it’s often the small things you think differently about, so those are most important to talk through.”

If you’re not sure whether something like a peck crosses an unspoken line, Trombetti says: “Anytime lying and secrets are involved, that’s a good indicator there is cheating.”

“The act of intimacy counts as cheating whether it’s physical or emotional with the exception of open relationships,” she adds.

“Intimacy can be emotional or physical and that’s why emotional affairs can be devastating. It doesn’t matter if you are physical or not.”

So… was the ‘kiss’ cheating?

The intent behind the action is what matters most, both experts agree.

“Cheating is cheating as established by the boundaries you both have stated… It’s called trust,” Trombetti told us.

If your partner knows they wouldn’t like you to do what they’re doing, that’s a sign their intent isn’t to benefit the relationship.

As the matchmaker said, though, we don’t know what the rules or intent between Danny Jones and wife Georgia were, or even what really happened between the I’m A Celeb contestants.

So unless we hear otherwise from the people involved, we can’t call it cheating, even if it’s something we wouldn’t be happy with.

Sorry, But There’s No Such Thing As A Toolkit For Heartbreak

Posted on 14/02/2025 by Boris Clair

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

Recommend me a heartbreak playlist?

What’s the best food to eat when you have a broken heart?

When my last relationship ended, I absolutely bombarded Google – and my longsuffering friends – with questions like this. My life had never felt so turbulent – in the space of an evening I not only had nowhere to live but also had no idea what the coming weeks, months, years – hey, the rest of my life – were going to look like.

If that sounds overdramatic, it’s meant to.

Believe me, I was astonished – and perhaps a little embarrassed – at how in-pieces I was. I knew that breakups happened to everyone. I knew that by most standards, mine was a decent one – reasonably mutual, no terrible behaviour on either side, definitely the right thing. And I knew – I promise I knew – that a relationship was only one part of a full and interesting and joyful life. Yet I genuinely felt like I cannot and will not cope with how awful this is.

Enter the very specific questions.

It’s interesting, looking back, how much I was hoping I could gamify my way out of heartbreak. That if I followed the right ‘ten easy steps to healing a broken heart’ then I would be miraculously cured – tomorrow.

This kind of thinking probably owes a lot to self-help books. How To Win Friends and Influence People. The Power of Positive Thinking. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The Secret. These are titles that have wormed their way into pop culture and parody, that sell in their millions even as they’re criticised for being full of pseudoscience at best and charlatanism at worst.

What they all promise is certainty – that even at the most devastating rock-bottom of your life (or perhaps the humdrum bleurghness of your life!) – you can follow a neatly-packaged process and emerge triumphant.

Don’t get me wrong, lots of things did help me navigate my heartbreak. I will always be an advocate of the walk-and-talk during times of emotional strife, and pulling on my hiking boots for a wet weekend in Yorkshire with my closest friends did soothe the soul – even if I was sobbing every five minutes. Getting extremely drunk whilst playing Catan with my new housemates also made a positive difference – at least for that evening. The following morning – not so much.

Convincing myself that I just needed to meet someone new, like now and going on an app overdrive – including drinks with three separate people in a single day – was probably a mistake. Though I like telling the story a few years on.

But the point is that none of these things was a miracle cure – not collectively and certainly not individually. Some took me backwards even as they took me forwards. The path through heartbreak is not linear.

This contrast between the desire for concrete answers and the rather messier reality of recovering from a broken heart is what inspired my debut novel, Instructions for Heartbreak. Four friends, all heartbroken in different ways, come together and create a kind of manual, writing down the lessons they’ve learned. This advice is pooled at the end of each chapter. How will post-breakup sex feel? Should you cut off all your hair? Why exactly does getting outside help?

It also inspired my accompanying Substack, where I ask writers to recommend seven things to soothe a broken heart – books among them. It’s interesting, reading these, to notice how much commonality there is. So many people recommend being by water as an opportunity to think and reflect (pun intended). Tea has come up more than once as the ultimate drink to soothe the soul – and with an important element of ceremony. But there are plenty of contrasts too, and I’ve loved learning about people’s favourite comfort reads, building a whole new heartbreak playlist and adding new films to my must-watch list.

Because moving through heartbreak might be a meander rather than a sprint, but it turns out there are myriad things out there that will make a positive difference. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all heartbreak toolkit – but there are infinite different ways you can build your own.

And really, isn’t that more comforting?

9 Dating Horror Stories That’ll Make You Spit Out Your Tea

Posted on 09/02/2025 by Boris Clair

Dating apps have been going for years now, but it seems some users still don’t quite understand what is okay – and what’s totally inappropriate – to divulge to the people they’ve swiped right on.

Case in point, one Mumsnet user recently took to the platform to share her own “horror stories” from her time on dating apps which she says have put her off “for life”.

While calling on others to share their torrid tales, the user (with the extremely relevant username: stayawayyyyyfromdatingapps) said: “I got an absolute shiner off of tinder say to me ‘I really want you to be my girlfriend, so you can see to my trouser cannon every day’.”

The post, which featured a whole host of other dating stories, inspired others to share their own anxiety-inducing anecdotes and all we can say is… good grief.

1. Got to an organised drinks first date, and the guy had those white stringy bits all around his crusty lips.

I kept licking my lips in the hope he’d do the same and kept thinking fuck me if he kisses me I’m going to have to see the hygienist.

– stayawayyyyyfromdatingapps

2. I had one ask how much it would cost to put a baby in me…

When told where to go, he said he was genuinely asking as believed redheaded women produced superior babies.

I had no idea where to go with that lol. What an absolute creep.

– YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt

3. He used his son’s photo who was about 27…

Turns out he was about 47 and he couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t interested. Hm I’m 23 pal.

– Packingcube

4. On a first date (and last) date with a man who asked me my nationality. When I said German, he said ‘oh yes, big feet small boobs’.

I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

5. [My] Profile clearly said ‘have children, don’t want more’. Matched with a guy, chatted a bit then met for coffee. One of the first things he said was ‘is the no more children thing negotiable?’

I said ‘no, it isn’t.’ He said ‘really, even having met me now I still couldn’t persuade you to have my child’. So I said ‘well I have only met you for 10 mins, but I definitely don’t want more children with anyone.’ His response, ‘let’s have a proper date, you will be begging to have my babies before the nights out.’

Declined the offer of a proper date!!

– Everintroverte

6. He said ‘boom’ at the end of sentences. ‘I’m going into town – boom!’

Also used ‘I’m on fire’ a lot. Pity he wasn’t.

– witwatwoo

7. As I walked into the pub the first thing he said was ‘you’re actually quite pretty. We just need to sort out your hair and clothes’.

I turned around and walked out.

He had very little hair, was wearing a T-shirt that needed ironing and his profile photo must have been at least 10 years out of date!

– Smokesandeats

8. Not me but my friend went for a date with a bloke who paid for dinner with a 50% off voucher and told her it was his treat but she could only have a main course as that’s what the voucher covered.

When they walked to the car park, he asked is [sic] she wanted to get into the back seat of his car and unleash his beast – he was 56!!!

– TwistedWonder

9. I also had one guy move the time back and hour, show up with all his mates then disappear off for half an hour leaving me with his friends and returned to ask me if I wanted to go back to his.

When I said no he said he didn’t fancy me anyway and wanted to get back with his ex.

– OnlyFannys