From BDSM To Sordid Affairs: What Emerald Fennell’s Wuthering Heights Gets Right About 18th Century Sex

Posted on 24/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Whether you loved it or you hated it, Emerald Fennell’s sexually-charged reimagining of Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights – featuring a brooding Jacob Elordi – still has us all talking over a week after its cinematic release. While the original 1847 novel didn’t feature any sex scenes, Fennell’s film is far more ‘Heathcliff, it’s me, it’s Cathy, I’m horny.’

But for all the sneaking out of bedroom windows, romping in carriages, grinding in the moors, finger sucking and… puppy play that Fennell portrays in her take of Wuthering Heights, how much of this raunchery was actually going on during the period in which the original novel was set?

When you think of sexy periods of time in history, we tend to think of the promiscuity of the Ancient Romans or even the more recent free love movement of the 1970s – not the late Georgian era. So before we all start wishing that we could jump in a time machine to 1770 and find our own Heathcliff to romp about the moors with, we asked leading UK historians what sex and relationships back then were actually like.

Social Class Dictated Your Sex Life

Right from the first opening scene, Fennell’s version of Wuthering Heights features public hand jobs at the gallows and crowds snogging during a frenzied public hanging in an impoverished town centre – and you’ll be surprised to know the film was actually onto something historically accurate.

As the London Museum explains, public executions were more like a fair and a party atmosphere would be in the air as thousands of people gathered to watch someone’s final moments. Gruesome, we know – however, apparently it wouldn’t be enough to turn the Georgians off.

You see, according to Dr. Ruth Larsen, Senior Lecturer in History at the University of Derby, pre-marital sex was really common among poorer classes during the time in which Wuthering Heights was set (1770 to around 1801). “Poorer people tended to marry older and engage in sexual activity prior to that, especially those living in urban areas,” she tells HuffPost UK.

So: thousands of people, likely from poorer classes, gathering en masse in an urban area with drinking and partying going on? You do the math – it would appear that this is a big old tick for Fennell’s uninhibited Wuthering Heights adaptation.

But what about those lucky enough to be born into aristocracy? Unfortunately you wouldn’t be ‘getting lucky’ as often as your less well-off counterparts.

“For the wealthier classes, it was very unusual for women to have sexual relations before wedlock,” Dr. Larsen explains. For people like Cathy, pre-marital sex would be off the cards as “the usual form of courting would have been through assemblies, formal gathering and family acquaintances.”

The sense of familial obligation, to uphold the positive reputation of the family, was felt by many, not just the richest in society – and the film yet again gets this right with Edgar Linton, whom Cathy marries, despite her love for Heathcliff in order to improve her family’s social standing.

And her choice wouldn’t have been uncommon in the late Georgian era either. As Dr. Larsen adds: “For most young women, marriages were an opportunity to find their place in society, to become mistress of the house and, if they were landed, of the estate. To decide to take a different path would have been seen by most people as unwise.”

The Logistical Nightmare Of Affairs In Georgian Britain

Of course, the sauciness in Fennell’s Wuthering Heights really ramps up when Heathcliff and Cathy give up yearning and instead start a steamy affair (cue the famous sex scene montage).

However, as easy as the duo make it look, having an affair in the late 18th century was far from plain-sailing.

“The scenes where Heathcliff crawls in through Cathy’s window are very much representative of the literary tropes we love today, but this might have been difficult to pull off in historical reality,” Lauren Good, Senior Content Producer from HistoryExtra, tells HuffPost UK.

If you were rich enough, you’d be lucky enough to have a separate bedroom to that of your spouse (as Margot Robbie’s iteration of Cathy thoroughly enjoys), however your bedroom would be adjoined – which, as Good points out, “isn’t ideal in allowing for a quick exit from your illicit lover!”

And if you did manage to get some time alone with your ‘bit on the side’, trying to then have sex wasn’t straightforward thanks to the fashion of the era.

“Women’s dress of the era wouldn’t have been so easy to get into,” Nichi Hodgson, author of the Curious History of Dating: From Jane Austen to Tinder explains.

“Women typically wore a chemise, corset, under petticoat, hoop skirt or crinoline, over petticoat and long sleeved gown – plus gloves.” Good luck trying to remove all of that while your husband snores next door.

At least Cathy wouldn’t have had to try and get her knickers off, as Hodgson points out that drawers did not come into fashion until the 1870s: “If a hooped skirt tipped to one side, you may have got an eyeful!”

In fairness to Fennell, we don’t see a nude Cathy in any of the film as Heathcliff navigates her many, many layers of opulent clothing during the daytime sex scenes in the montage – so once again, we have another historical accuracy win!

The Surprising Sadomasochism Of The Late 18th Century

Excuse our phrasing but buckle up – this might be the most surprising historical accuracy of the entire film.

Arguably the most shocking portrayals of sex in Fennell’s film come in the shape of sadomasochistic relationships, namely two servants enjoying off screen flagellation in the stables and Isabella Linton’s submissive role to Heathcliff’s dominant. And it turns out, in the words of Hodgson, “bondage and kink were alive and well in the 18th century!”

“We often assume that the stricter societal expectations placed upon those who lived centuries before us translated into their intimate lives, but that wasn’t always the case,” Good explains.

“We might dismiss this as shock factor in Wuthering Heights but flagellation, as Hilary Mitchell told us at HistoryExtra, ‘played a prominent role in English sex work from about 1700 onwards’.”

But before we get ahead of ourselves, it’s worth noting that BSDM-inspired activities were most likely services that men paid for, or engaged in with women in their service (female maids were often treated as household sex workers) as Hodgson explains.

And as for Isabella panting on a lead, you can forget about it happening in real life she adds – “not because those sort of dynamics didn’t exist but because no middle class gentleman and woman would ever be that brazen in front of a visitor like Nelly Dean in the film.”

While the release of Wuthering Heights has us yearning for moody Georgian era romance, it’s surprising how much of it is rooted in reality. If we do hop in that time machine, we’ll just have to remember to pack easier to remove clothing.

Here’s What You Should Know Before Having Sex In Front Of Your Dog

Posted on 21/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Most dog owners would love to spend every minute of every day with their pups. Alas, life gets in the way of that for many of us, which means trying to maximise whatever time we have together.

But what about when we want to get frisky with another human? Should we let our four-legged friends stay in the room? Or is it better to separate ourselves from our dogs before we start stripping down?

That’s what we – Raj Punjabi and Noah Michelson, the co-hosts of HuffPost’s “Am I Doing It Wrong?” podcast – aimed to find out when we recently chatted with Dr Emily Levine, a board-certified veterinary behaviourist and the owner of Animal Behavior Clinic of New Jersey.

“When [my boyfriend] Benji and I have sex, we don’t let [our dog] Jumi on the bed, but he’s in the bedroom, and I feel a little bit weird about it,” Michelson admitted. “I feel like he doesn’t exactly know what we’re doing. What do you think about this from a behaviour standpoint?”

Levine said this is a common question she often gets from pet owners.

“For most dogs, it just doesn’t matter,” she said. “If they’re not bothered by it, it doesn’t matter at all. Dogs don’t have this hang-up like people do about things. They sort of live in the moment.”

However, there are some behaviours that signal a dog should not be present

“Where we shouldn’t have the dog in a room when people are having sex is when the dog tries to intervene,” Levine told us.

“There are lots of dogs who have a little bit of FOMO … like when people are like hugging, the dog wants to join in and so the dog is just like, in a happy way, ‘Hey! What’s going on here?’ and that just ruins the mood.”

Other pups might be uncomfortable for a more worrisome reason.

“There are also dogs who will get very distressed because of the sounds that are being made [during sex],” she said. “They may interpret some of those sounds as aggression [happening to] you, and then it’s not fair to the dog to have them in the room for that.”

Levine advised giving our furry friends a treat or a toy – either in the room or in another room – to keep them occupied until we’re done getting busy.

We also tackled a question from a listener about a similar – yet very different – scenario.

“We recently adopted a new dog and he loves to lick our older dog’s penis,” the listener said. “What’s going on there? And is there any downside to this or should I just let them go at it?”

“There are different reasons a dog may lick another dog’s penis,” Levine said. “It may be that there are just so many good odours in [that area] that they’re attracted to that.”

She also noted that they might be enjoying a taste that is present on or around the dog’s genitals.

“We want to make sure the dog doesn’t have like some sort of yeast infection or something in there that’s making it more attractive to the other dog,” she said.

What about the dog who is letting his friend lick him? “If he’s allowing this, he probably just thinks it feels good, or it does feel good,” she explained.

Levine told us she wouldn’t be worried about the behaviour if it’s happening “here and there”, but if it’s ongoing, it could cause problems.

“The concern about it going on for too long or too frequently is it’s possibly setting up for an infection in the penis that’s being licked.”

We also chatted with Levine about how to address unwanted barking, why some dogs get more aggressive as they get older, what to know before you let dogs and kids play together and much more.

Listen to the full episode above or wherever you get your podcasts.

Have a question or need some help with something you’ve been doing wrong? Email us at AmIDoingItWrong@HuffPost.com, and we might investigate the topic in an upcoming episode.

This Is The Psychology Behind Why You Can’t Get Over THAT Ex

Posted on 18/02/2026 by Boris Clair

We all know that Wuthering Heights is not about a love that we should aspire to, right? We know that their bond was eventually very toxic, that they mistreated each other and everybody around them, and it ended anything but happily ever after.

All of that being said, watching Emerald Fennell’s take on the novel can definitely remind you of a certain ex. Not the one you had an amicable split with, not the ‘fun summer fling’. No. This ex is the one that you had the senselessly passionate relationship with. Everything was aflame and when it ended, you went no-contact. Probably because your friends begged you to.

It’s not romantic but it’s definitely alluring: the thrill of the chase, the passion between you, the way they took up residence in your head and squeezed into every thought… they’re pretty unforgettable, probably quite toxic, and seeing a highly stylised version on-screen with this blockbuster can easily reignite certain memories.

Why you can’t get over your toxic ex

On paper it should be easy, but getting over this kind of ex is not simple, much like the bond itself – as divorce coach Carol Madden notes on Medium: toxic relationships take longer to heal from than healthier ones.

Speaking to Business Insider, relationship expert Jessica Alderson explained that these kind of relationships are a bit like an addiction, saying: “They are often characterised by extreme highs, during which relationships seem perfect and magical, followed by crashing lows, which are usually caused by a partner pulling away or acting out – this can make people feel alive.”

Once the relationship finally ends, your body can still crave this unpredictability. She added: “The emotional rollercoaster can make it harder to move on and accept that the relationship wasn’t meant to be.”

How to get over an ex

Clinical psychologist Dr Ruth Ann Harpur suggested that after a relationship breaks down, people will naturally try to seek answers about where it all went wrong – and while it’s a “crucial step” in the early moments of the breakup, it’s important not to keep going over every detail of the relationship and your ex’s behaviour.

If you get stuck ruminating, you become “tied to the past” and end up reliving the pain, she suggested. So, her advice is to: “Understand that ruminating on past abuses may feel safe but it keeps you from living fully in the present and building healthier relationships.”

She also urges people to focus on activities they really enjoy to keep busy and connect with themselves again, and to open themselves to new friendships and relationships.

Experts at Calm have a guide to getting over a relationship with advice that includes:

Clearing out physical reminders of them.
Allowing yourself to feel your feelings.
Limiting or cutting contact with them, including on social media.
Setting new goals.
And seeking therapy.

It isn’t easy, but you can move on.

Coital Alignment Technique: Why This Sex Position Reliably Gets Women Off

Posted on 15/02/2026 by Boris Clair

You’ve probably heard of the orgasm gap: in heterosexual relationships, women statistically have fewer orgasms than men. Much can — and should! — be done to improve that, starting with a better understanding of what your partner needs to reliably get off. A good place to start is upgrading your go-to bedroom moves.

Take the missionary position, for example. You and your partner may count this classic sex position as a favorite because of the intimacy it provides, but sex therapists say one small tweak can take it from “good” to much, much better.

The “coital alignment technique,” aka CAT, is a modified version of missionary sex, where the man rides a little higher, sliding his body up an inch or two so that the base of the penis rubs against the woman’s clitoris.

Here’s a little visual aid:

In one study of women who were unable to orgasm from missionary sex, published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, those who learned the CAT reported a 56 percent increase in their orgasm frequency.

CAT is a game-changer because most women need a little clitoral stimulation to get off, said Megan Fleming, a New York City-based psychologist and sex therapist. Penetration alone doesn’t always do the trick.

“Roughly two-thirds of women don’t have an orgasm with penetration alone,” Fleming told HuffPost. “CAT offers direct pressure and rocking and grinding that gives women additional clitoral stimulation.”

So how do you assume the position, so to speak?

Sadie Allison, a sexologist and author of Ride ’Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking, gave us a rundown:

Start in the traditional missionary position, she said, with a small pillow under the woman’s hips, to give her some lift and support the pelvis angle.

“After you gently slide inside, shift your body up several inches, positioning yourself so your pelvis is directly on top of hers,” she said. “You should be higher up on her now, with your chest near her shoulders versus face-to-face. With this new alignment, your penis shaft is now providing pleasurable friction against her vulva and clitoris with every stroke.”

To up the ante, put a little more work into grinding, Allison said.

“While staying snug and pressed against her, grind and gyrate your pelvis in small circles against her vulva,” she said. “Try visualizing her clitoris as you press on it, and resist the temptation to lift off and thrust in and out. Just keep your penis snugly inside her, and find the rhythm she needs. ”

“You’ll know it’s working when you feel her holding you tighter and pulling you closer with her legs!” she added.

There’s an extra bonus for guys, too, outside of providing partners with intense pleasure, said Lori Buckley, a sex therapist and author of 21 Decisions for Great Sex and A Happy Relationship.

“An extra benefit is that this may also help men last longer since they don’t experience the same heightened arousal that fast, deep thrusting provides,” Buckley said.

Win-win. Now go get busy.

A Couple Asked Me To Help End Their Marriage. They Didn’t Expect A 30-Year-Old Secret To Come To Light.

Posted on 07/02/2026 by Boris Clair

“You made a sex tape?!”

Susannah turned to her husband, Ron, mouth agape. He looked down, his cheeks reddening.

“It was right after college. I was experimenting,” he mumbled, twisting in his seat. “No big deal.”

As a couples therapist, I am always looking for how to mend the frayed edges of a relationship, but Susannah and Ron were different: they had come to my office to end their marriage.

I practice what I call breakup therapy — a short-term treatment I developed for couples who want to end their relationships without bitterness.

The premise is counterintuitive: instead of looking forward toward separate futures, we look backward at the relationship itself. It’s structured to look at the beginning, middle and end of their time together with exercises that focus on both their gratitude as well as their resentment.

The work culminates with the couple crafting a shared narrative about their union and literally writing it down – a story of what worked and ultimately what did not. Then, I ask them to sign it. In this way, they resolve the many unanswered, and often unasked, questions that can trap couples in recriminations and keep them from moving on.

The idea was born from my own bitter divorce. After my split, I was plagued by questions that repeated on an endless loop in my brain: “What was I thinking?”; “Why didn’t I see that red flag?”; “What is wrong with me – I’m a therapist and I should have seen what was happening.”

Then, one day, my therapist asked me a different question: who was I when I decided to marry? Suddenly, my internal feedback loop stopped.

“You’re asking me who I was, not why I married him?” I said, skeptically.

“Yes, I am,” she answered. “Marriages can be as much about identity as they are about a union. What were you trying to solve — or avoid — by marrying him?”

The question unlocked something for me. I’d been full of anger at myself, but I hadn’t really taken responsibility for my own actions. With her help, I crafted a story that I could hold onto about what function the marriage had served for me. Truly owning my choices helped me have more compassion for myself and less anger. The most startling realisation? When I had created a story that hung together, the nagging questions ended for good.

I have seen this same process unfold for many couples. But often, in the course of these sessions, new things surface.

“Susannah?” I said, surprised to hear the hurt in her voice. “This feels like a big deal for you. Why is that?”

Ron and Susannah had not been the most willing subjects for breakup therapy. During our first session, Ron blurted out: “You’re like a medical examiner doing autopsies on dead relationships! Your scalpel hurts. I don’t think you know what it feels like to be humiliated.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” I answered softly. “I have a teenager.”

Ron was not mollified.

“This feels stupid,” he said on another occasion. “She’s done, I accept that. What is there to say? This feels like horseshit.”

“See what I’m working with here?” Susannah said, throwing up her hands and shifting away from Ron on the couch. “I knew he wouldn’t take this seriously.”

“No, he’s right,” I said. “If it’s really true that you fully accept and understand her decision, Ron, then this is horseshit. But is that true?”

His silence was all the answer I needed.

Over the next few sessions, we went over how they’d fallen in love (“It just made sense, we fit”); the birth of their three children (“The unit held us together”); the unraveling of their connection (“We were ships in the night for as long as I can remember, but then one day I woke up and just wanted more from life”).

We mapped the patterns their marriage had fallen into over the course of three houses, two cross-country moves and their children’s exodus from home. It was a saga spanning decades.

Then, in our fourth session, Ron mentioned the sex tape.

“Something about this is landing hard on you,” I said to Susannah, her mouth still ajar. “Why?”

“Yeah, why?” Ron echoed.

Susannah paused and looked out the window.

“It’s that you … you tried something that – I don’t know – was out there … bold and different.”

A tear welled in a corner of her eye.

“It’s not you. You’re not brave! Or, at least you haven’t been with me, not in all these years together.”

Then she began to cry. Ron and I looked at one another.

“Susannah?” Instantly, I regretted breaking the silence.

“All this time, I decided you just couldn’t try new things,” she managed after a while. “I gave up.”

Ron put up his palms. “What is happening?” he said, exasperated.

“But if you can do that …” she continued. “What was it? Did I just not ask? Did I build my life around a lie?” She looked lost. “Was it that you never really loved me enough?”

She turned back to Ron and banged her fist on the couch.

“I did ask! I asked you to look at porn together when we stopped having sex, to take classes with me, to go on that whale-watching tour. … You just ignored me!”

This time, I held my tongue.

“Is that a thing?” she went on, turning to me. “That you can reach the end of a relationship and not even have known what was possible?”

“I made that tape 30 years ago,” Ron blurted out. “She’s upset over something I did when I was a totally different person!”

This was the impasse that I had expected, that arrives in most of my breakup therapy work – the moment when two people realise that as well as they think they know each other, there are things they don’t know or have lost track of. It’s my job to help them hold that bitter realisation. Then it’s my job to help them arrive at forgiveness or some kind of reconciliation – if not with each other, then with what happened to them.

“It was 30 years ago, Ron,” I said. “But you aren’t a different person. You’re the same person, and she’s wondering why you couldn’t have been that with her.”

I turned to Susannah and said, “You have a right to be hurt, but were you truly honest with him? Did you give him the space and the safety and the encouragement to be that person? Do you think you both can forgive each other for what you weren’t?”

It was three weeks before they appeared again in my office, having canceled two sessions in between appointments.

“I was stirred and moved by what happened here last time,” Susannah began. “When we left, I thought: Maybe there’s enough left between us?”

Ron’s eyes were downcast.

“But I realised I can’t,” she said. “I just can’t open up that part of me with him anymore. I want … I need this divorce.”

I nodded. “Ron? How do you feel?”

“I can see where we are … I’m not fighting it.” His voice broke. “I’m just really sad.”

Often it requires some kind of shock to break through the built-up layers of anger, resentment and disappointment in a couple in order to illuminate the cracks in their relationship – something true that has been avoided or left unsaid. In this case, it was the surprise of an ancient transgressive act that lay bare how little they knew each other and how misaligned they’d become.

Susannah moved closer to Ron on the couch and laced her fingers with his.

“You guys seem calmer – closer. Tell me what you are feeling,” I said.

I knew something about that calm after the storm. After my own divorce, we had maintained an uneasy truce for years, until one long car ride after dropping our daughter at camp. As we rode in silence, I suddenly remembered my therapist’s question: Who was I when I decided to get married? For the next two hours, we talked over that question and everything else, and together realised how lonely we had been — two Israelis who, instead of understanding why we had both chosen to leave, had clung to each other and to a shared language. Before long, we were laughing as we had not laughed since the early days of our marriage.

“So, where do we go from here?” Ron asked me in their last session.

“Well, in my experience, when a marriage ends, a different relationship can sometimes be created,” I said. “That’s up to you guys. All endings are sad, but not all endings have to leave you broken. There’s an opportunity here to get to know each other in a different way. And …” I leaned forward to make eye contact with each of them “… to know yourselves better.”

After they left, I sat quietly in my chair for a while. I allowed myself to remember that moment in my therapist’s office when I realised that I had been using my marriage to escape a question I had been avoiding and what a relief it had been to finally face it.

When a sex tape from decades ago unlocks two people’s grief, it’s not so much about the end of the road as it is about the roads never taken – the versions of a marriage they never tried. It is a sad moment, but also a generative one.

They’d come to me to bury their marriage. What they found instead was a way to know each other – maybe for the first time in years – even as they said goodbye.

Note: Names and some details have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals appearing in this essay.

Sarah Gundle, Psy.D., is a psychologist in private practice and an assistant professor at the Icahn School of Medicine, Mount Sinai Medical Center. She is currently writing a book about breakups. You can find her on Instagram @dear_dr_sarah.

Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@huffpost.com.

A&E Doctors Share The Most Ridiculous Sex-Related Injuries They’ve Seen

Posted on 17/01/2026 by Boris Clair

Sex should be a fun and satisfying time – not something that puts you in the emergency room. And yet, it happens more often than you think.

Emergency rooms see it all – including what happens when sex goes sideways. From objects that disappear to injuries that require surgery, doctors say the biggest problem isn’t curiosity or experimentation. It’s waiting too long to get help because you feel ashamed.

“Most sex-related injuries are preventable, and none of them should be a source of shame,” Dr. Martina Ambardjieva, a urologist and ER physician, told HuffPost.

“What does cause problems is waiting too long to seek care because of embarrassment. If something feels wrong, pain, bleeding, swelling, or an object that refuses to come out, just come in. Trust me, we’ve seen it all.”

These kinds of injuries are quite common, according to doctors, but shame often keeps people from getting the help they need.

Two emergency physicians shared some of the most common – and most alarming – sex-related injuries they’ve treated, along with what people should know if something goes wrong.

Penile fractures are as dramatic as they sound

Ambardjieva said the “classic penile fracture” is one of the most urgent sex-related emergencies she sees.

“It’s exactly as dramatic as it sounds – a loud ‘crack,’ immediate swelling, and a lot of panic,” she explains. It most often happens when the penis slips out during thrusting and forcefully hits a partner’s pelvis.

“A penile fracture occurs when the tunica albuginea, the tough fibrous sheath surrounding the erectile tissue, tears,” she explains. “When the penis is erect, that tissue becomes thin and stretched, making it vulnerable to sudden bending or impact – even though there’s no bone inside.”

If someone delays seeking care, the torn tissue can heal improperly. “That can lead to permanent curvature, painful erections, or long-term erectile dysfunction,” Ambardjieva said. “This is the one sexual injury where time really matters.”

Objects that get ‘lost’

Ambardjieva said foreign objects getting “lost” in the body are a routine part of ER and gynaecology work.

“I’ve removed all kinds of items that weren’t designed to go inside the body – cucumbers, carrots, sprays – and I’ve also seen objects in the male urethra, like a pencil,” she said. “People are usually terrified and embarrassed, but it’s more common than they think.”

The problem often comes down to using objects without a flared base, smooth shape, or any kind of safety stop. That’s why you might run into this phrase: “If it has no flare, it shouldn’t go up there.”

Where something is inserted also matters. The vaginal canal is a closed space, so objects can get stuck but won’t travel deeper into the body. “The rectum, however, has no anatomical stop and creates suction, meaning objects can be pulled further inside,” Ambardjieva explains. “The urethra is narrow and delicate, making insertions particularly dangerous.”

If you’re embarrassed to come into the hospital because you’ve inserted something that’s become stuck, Ambardjieva hopes you’ll reconsider and not let the stigma keep you from getting care.

“It’s important to normalise this. We remove lost objects every week in the emergency and urology practice,” Ambardjieva said. “It’s a common medical issue – not something to be ashamed of.”

Vaginal tears and bleeding after sex

Small vaginal tears are another frequent reason for ER visits, especially among postmenopausal women or anyone dealing with vaginal dryness.

“Even a small tear can bleed more than people expect, which really scares them,” Ambardjieva said.

Friction, insufficient lubrication, or a tense pelvic floor can all cause micro-tears. She notes that water-based lubricants can dry out quickly, increasing friction, while silicone-based lubes stay slippery longer and can reduce tearing.

Bleeding, Ambardjieva said, becomes more concerning if it doesn’t slow, comes with large clots, severe pain, lightheadedness or difficulty urinating. In other words, head to the emergency room as soon as possible.

Testicular torsion during sex

While less common, Ambardjieva has seen testicular torsion triggered during intercourse. “It’s sudden, sharp testicular pain – and it’s an emergency until proven otherwise,” she said.

Torsion happens when the spermatic cord twists, cutting off blood flow. Without treatment within about four to six hours, the testicle can be permanently damaged or lost. Some men are more vulnerable because of anatomical variations that allow the testicle to rotate more freely inside the scrotum.

“Circulation is blocked due to the twisting of the spermatic cord,” Ambardjieva explains. “Without rapid treatment, usually within four to six hours, there is a real risk of permanently losing the testicle, because of lost lasting ischemia (insufficient blood flow).”

Condom mishaps

Broken condoms or condoms that get stuck inside are another source of anxious ER visits.

“These are usually very easy for us to remove safely,” Ambardjieva said, adding that problems tend to come from incorrect sizing, not enough lubrication, expired condoms, heat exposure, or using oil-based products that weaken latex.

Bruising from oral sex

Not all sex injuries come from penetration.

“I’ve seen bruising and swelling just from overly enthusiastic suction,” Ambardjieva said. “It’s usually harmless, but if the swelling is severe or the penis starts bending, get checked.”

Broken capillaries can leave marks that look alarming but usually fade within days. However, spreading bruising, significant pain, fever, difficulty urinating, or a bent penis should be checked out, which may indicate infection or deeper tissue injury.

When things go seriously wrong

Dr. Jared L. Ross, an assistant professor at the University of Missouri, has seen some extreme cases.

Several years ago in St. Louis, he said he treated a patient who inserted his pet gerbil into his rectum with lubrication: “He ended up in the ER with rectal bleeding. We were able to get the gerbil out, but unfortunately, the gerbil wasn’t so lucky; he had already suffocated.”

In December 2024, Ross said he treated two patients on the same Christmas shift whose wives were out of town.

“One had inserted a full-sized LED lightbulb into his rectum. It required anaesthesia and surgical removal,” he said. “Shortly after, another patient arrived with his wife’s vibrator lodged inside. Both myself and the other ER doc on shift tried again, but no luck, we had to call the surgeon back. I remember he remarked it was a pretty fancy one, rechargeable batteries. I can’t imagine how those conversations went when their wives got back in town.”

So it’s unsurprising that Ross encourages people to come to the ER if they run into an issue like this (or a less extreme one), but also to be more proactive about safety when it comes to the rear end. “If you’re into inserting things into your rectum, use devices designed for that so they don’t get lost,” he said.

The bottom line

Both doctors stress that shame is what causes the real harm, wacky hijinks aside.

“Sexual injuries and accidents are far more common than people realise,” Ambardjieva said. “Emergency clinicians truly aren’t judging. We’ve seen it all.”

Pain, bleeding, swelling, or an object that won’t come out are all signs to seek care – sooner rather than later.

“Bodies are vulnerable, sex is physical, and sometimes things go wrong,” she adds. “Getting help early is always the right, responsible thing to do.”

Ask A Sexologist: Why Don’t I Feel In The Mood For Sex Until My Partner Initiates?

Posted on 16/01/2026 by Boris Clair

Not all lust is the same, licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, told HuffPost UK.

Sure, there’s the better-known spontaneous desire ― a sudden, proactive urge that can cause the spark that initiates sex.

But Roos said that though “many people have gotten the idea of the lust being something that ‘just should pop up’… this is rarely the reality”.

Instead, she explained, a lot of us experience “reactive desire”.

What is reactive desire?

For those with “reactive desire,” lust only, or mostly, kicks in in response to another’s expression of attraction.

That can be “someone taking the initiative to [create] closeness, physical touch and a flirty atmosphere,” she said.

Desire can kick in once those with “reactive desire” feel sexually wanted she explained.

There is nothing wrong with feeling this way, Roos added; it’s “common”.

How can I tell if I have “reactive desire”?

Roos gave three signs:

“Rarely spontaneously feeling that ‘I want to have sex right now’” urge,
Feeling desire ramp up “when your partner initiates kisses and physical touch,”
Worrying or feeling confused about your approach to sex, as while “you rarely [feel like initiating] getting intimate, still when you have sex, it’s pleasurable and feels good”.

How can “responsive desire” affect your sex life?

On the plus side, “responsive desire tends to make the sex more focused on the foreplay, the emotional connection and pleasure, not performance,” Roos said.

This is especially true if you’re both aware of your lust types.

But if you don’t communicate about your desires, the sexologist added, “A partner can also misread your lack of initiative as you not being interested or attracted anymore, or that you’re rejecting them”.

Additionally, “you can start doubting yourself and wonder if you actually want sex anymore, which can lead to pressure and stress that becomes a downward spiral”.

Your partner might have a responsive desire type too, in which case, “your sex life is at risk of slowing down”.

How can I have a better sex life with “responsive desire”?

Communication, as ever, is key.

“Explain that you not taking initiative isn’t is because you’re not interested in and attracted to your partner, and to set words on how your lust works, for example, by saying ‘I often get in the mood first when we already have started to get intimate, which makes it difficult for me to be the one who initiates intimacy,’” Roos told us.

Mention what gets you going, whether it’s your partner expressly communicating that they want to have sex with you or engaging in physical touch.

“Don’t forget to [affirm] your partner and show appreciation when they are taking the initiative… that will increase the chance of them keeping doing so!”

What if neither my partner nor I initiate sex, but love when we have it?

It’s “way more common than people might think” for both partners to have a responsive desire type, said Roos.

In fact, it’s sometimes “the reason behind a dead bedroom despite both of you actually being interested in sex.

“I recommend starting with relieving the initiative by deciding that it mustn’t mean ‘I want sex now,’ but instead is a way of saying, ‘I want to open up for intimacy.’”

Deciding to create low-pressure intimacy plans ahead of time or having romantic rituals that naturally build lust can help, too, she added.

“Get a table at a restaurant and go for a romantic dinner, decide on having a massage session at home this weekend, have a routine of showering together one day a week or go to sleep at the same time, and do so naked,” she suggested.

Lastly, she ended, “be curious instead of judging yourselves or each other. See the lust as something that can grow, develop and change with time.

“When two people with responsive desires work together as a team to find the ways that work for you, you can create a safe, playful, passionate and living sex life together!”

Try These Things To Improve Your Relationship In 2026

Posted on 03/01/2026 by Boris Clair

If you want to have a happier and healthier relationship in 2026, you don’t necessarily need a major overhaul of your love life. Just setting a simple, well-defined goal or two can make a big difference over the year’s course – though you’ll probably start seeing benefits much sooner than that.

We asked therapists to reveal the little things couples can do on a regular basis to make their relationship that much better in the coming year.

Put limits on your phone use

Designated screen time isn’t just for kids: Adults can benefit from setting some parameters, too. Indeed, one of the biggest complaints Roseville, California, therapist Kurt Smith hears from his clients is that their partners are constantly on their phones. This year, commit to unplugging for a set period of time each day, whether that’s before breakfast in the morning or an hour before bed at night.

“Make a joint resolution, not just an individual one, to set a time limit on social media and phone use when you’re together,” said Smith, who specialises in counselling men. “Challenge yourselves to make a list of fun, enjoyable alternative things you can do together instead of the isolating behaviour being on our phones brings.”

Designate time each day to connect with your partner

Just as you put doctor’s appointments and work meetings on your calendar, you should be just as intentional when it comes to making time for your partner. You can even use the 45-minute window you normally would have spent watching your Instagram stories to catch up and connect with your significant other IRL.

“Something as simple as trying out a new recipe or playing a board game can foster connectivity, improve communication skills and increase relationship satisfaction,” said Chicago-based therapist Anna Poss.

And sorry, sitting together on the couch binge-ing the latest season of The Crown doesn’t count. To make the most of this time, turn off distractions and tune into each other.

“Mindful time should prioritise bonding behaviours such as eye contact, touch and communication,” said Los Angeles psychologist and sex therapist Shannon Chavez. “Keep the conversation light by focusing on gratitudes, what has sparked joy in your day or things you are looking forward to in the week.”

Commit to doing something spontaneous together once a month

Keeping the spark alive in your relationship takes a bit work, but it's so worth it. — Keeping the spark alive in your relationship takes a bit work, but it’s so worth it.

For long-term couples, it’s all-too-easy to fall into the same ol’ humdrum routine. To counteract the monotony, Smith recommends thinking back to the fun, spontaneous things you did together in the early days of the relationship.

“My wife and I once jumped in the car at 10pm and drove 90 minutes through the snow to Lake Tahoe,” Smith said. “We sat in a diner for a couple of hours and then drove back. Got up the next day and went to work.”

As your responsibilities grow (e.g. parenting, paying bills, moving up at work), it may be harder to pull off last-minute grand adventures. But committing to spicing things up in small ways can still help keep the spark alive. That might mean scoring concert tickets the night of the show or walking by a pottery studio and deciding to pop in for a class.

Make a weekly sex date with your partner

When life gets busy, sex is often one of the first things to fall by the wayside. Scheduling sex may not sound all that sexy, but doing so ensures it will actually happen – even when you have a lot on your plates. Dedicating time for physical connection means reaping benefits like improved intimacy in the relationship, as well reduced anxiety and perhaps a stronger immune system, too.

“Let go of the goals around sex and set the intention of a time where you can give and receive pleasure with your partner,” Chavez said. “Making a regular sex date can take off the pressure around initiation and lower expectations around spontaneous sex.”

Schedule monthly money talks

According to a 2014 Money Magazine survey, 70% of married couples argue about money – making it a more common source of conflict than other fraught topics like household chores or sex. Too often, couples will put off having these conversations for too long or they avoid discussing finances altogether.

“After a couple of months splurging during the holidays, January is always filled with dread as the credit card bills come due,” Smith said. “Make a commitment to once or twice a month sit down for 15 minutes and talk about your financial lives together. Do this proactively rather than reactively and your relationship will definitely be better for it.”

Practice gratitude daily

Gratitude is strongly and consistently linked to greater happiness. And the benefits of a gratitude practice can positively impact everything from your own physical and mental health to your relationships.

“Make a resolution as a couple to express your gratitude more often and in meaningful ways,” Poss said. “Become more aware of the things your partner does to help you and your relationship thrive. Then let your partner know what it means to you and share your gratitude.”

That might mean remembering to say thank you for even the basic things your partner does, like taking the dog for a walk or packing your lunch. Or consider starting a gratitude jar or journal where you two can write down things you’re thankful for each day.

‘Tis The Season To Share The Mental Load – Keeping Christmas Merry, Not Messy

Posted on 13/12/2025 by Boris Clair

Every parent knows that the merriment and magic-making surrounding Christmas requires time, energy, and often more capacity than any of us have.

Upended schedules, school plays, non-uniform days, PTA events, parties, end-of-year work deadlines, gift-giving, cooking, baking, entertaining – the mental load, which is hard enough to juggle at the best of times, gets thrown into a pressure cooker.

And if one of you assumes the other is happy to manage everything, it won’t take long to reach breaking point.

It’s no wonder the first working Monday of the new year is often referred to as “Divorce Day”, when the strain over the holidays gets too much, and old wounds and buried resentments resurface.

For most couples, divorce isn’t on the cards. But the holidays can still churn up emotions we’ve managed to bury for most of the year; resentment and frustration can boil over and explode during this intensified time.

If you find yourself feeling withdrawn, short-tempered, unsupported, unseen and unheard – you’re not alone.

Take a step back and think about this while wearing your professional hat: would you ever host a major event without a detailed plan? Would you ever launch a new product without a communications campaign? And would you ever do the whole thing alone?

Think of your household as a mini organisation, and December is your biggest annual event. You need to come together as a team to make it a success.

So, set a time to sit down with your spouse or partner (and the kids if they’re old enough), and use the following questions as a guide. The end result is (hopefully) a smoother, happier, argument-free holiday season.

How to start sharing the load over Christmas

With a shared calendar, review all necessary events: school plays, worship services, Christmas parties, family gatherings.
In work settings we use the word ‘objective’. For the family, let’s stick to priorities. Take a deep breath, and each share your top two priorities for the holiday. (Use this opportunity wisely! These should be selfish. Maybe you don’t want to do dishes for two hours on Christmas night, or you want several hours on Boxing Day to do shopping, or you want to attend your work party and stay late without guilt.) Name what is truly important to you and respect each other’s wishes. It might help to add WHY these are important: maybe they don’t want to do dishes, not because they are lazy, but because they love the end-of-the-day snuggles with kids by the tree. Maybe shopping on Boxing Day is the alone time needed to get through the remainder of the school holiday. Maybe the work party is a way to get on the boss’s good side going into the new year.
If your kids are old enough, ask them their priorities as well! If the kids are still little, agree on three priorities you know they love.
Look at everyone’s priorities collectively and talk about how to keep those as the focus. Are any of them conflicting? Do you have the resources to make everything happen? If any priorities cannot be met, reset expectations now to prevent disappointment on Christmas morning. What are you going to let go of this year because it’s just too much?
Now it is time to make a mini action plan. Create a to-do list together, including everything that needs to happen to meet everyone’s expectations. Include deadlines, and decide who is taking responsibility for which task. Be careful to divide as evenly as possible (including all the gift lists) – one person should not be taking on 80% of the tasks. It’s good to discuss consequences too: what is going to happen if one of you drops the ball and doesn’t complete their list? What impact will that have on the family?
Finally, set follow-up meetings. Sit down together 1-2 times a week throughout the holidays to check in, troubleshoot, see where you might need additional help, and hold each other accountable.

It’s time to leave resentment in 2025 and let the holidays be the start of something new.

Rachel Childs is a parenting equity expert, founder of Parents That Work and co-host at Equal-ish, the parenting podcast.

A Sexologist’s 7 Rules For Great Sex During And After Menopause

Posted on 30/11/2025 by Boris Clair

Though you might associate menopause with hot flushes, that’s just one of 62 symptoms linked to the phase.

Menopause and perimenopause are also associated with changes to your sex drive and even differences in your vaginal and vulvar tissue.

And seeing as the entire menopausal process can last for decades, it seems unfair to expect people to navigate it without much guidance on their changing bodies and needs.

Which is why we spoke to licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, about how to establish a healthy sex life during and after menopause.

Here, she shared her seven rules:

1) Accept changes to your lust levels

“During and after the menopause, your lust tends to change. Some people get less interested in sex, while others [develop] a [stronger] desire,” Roos said.

“It’s also common to experience a different or deeper and more emotionally based lust than before.”

As much as possible, the sexologist advised, try not to “panic” about these changes.

“See it as a chance to discover something new, rather than trying to go back to how things used to be… if you can accept that things won’t be the same, you also open up the door for better pleasure than pre-menopause.”

2) Lube is your BFF

Vaginal dryness can increase during menopause thanks to changes in your oestrogen levels. This “tends to make sex uncomfortable, which puts many in a negative loop where they get less interested in sex due to it not feeling as good anymore,” Roos stated.

“Therefore, take the help of lube, ideally a silicone-based option of good quality, and make sure to use a lot – this will be a saviour!”

3) Take more time to warm up

Some research suggests that menopause may mean some people take longer to “get going” in the bedroom, as hormonal changes lead to different levels of sensitivity.

“This means that you should invest more time in foreplay, and switch up how you do it,” advised Roos.

“Try a sensual massage, kiss and cuddle longer, focus more on slow touches that build up in intensity, and don’t be afraid to take the help of sex toys such as vibrators, which can help blood to flow [more easily] to the vagina.”

4) Rediscover masturbation

Partnered sex is only one side of the equation here. Roos said menopause is a great opportunity to work out how to offer your own body what it needs, too.

“Discover new ways of turning yourself on, for example, by reading sex novels or watching new types of porn… invest in sex toys, especially vibrators, use lots of lube, and build up the pleasure [over] a longer time,” she stated.

“Also, be open to adapting and changing the way you masturbate based on how things feel and what works, and don’t give up if it takes some time to find solo sex that feels as amazing as before… You will get there eventually.”

5) Communicate with your partner

If you have a partner, they may benefit from learning about any changing needs, too, Roos said.

“Try to have a good, honest and respectful communication around intimacy. Boundaries and needs get even more important when the body changes, so make sure to open up [about] what feels good, what doesn’t work as it used to, and what you’re curious about trying.

“Invite and help your partner to help you have good sex, and don’t keep it to yourself, as that often leads to stress and anxiety, which is a real killer for [your] sex drive. It’s the two of you in this!”

6) Try pelvic floor exercises

“I really recommend strengthening the pelvic floor as that helps manage many menopause symptoms, especially symptoms related to sex… it leads to higher sensitivity, more pleasurable intimacy, and a better ability to orgasm,” said Roos.

A 2022 paper found that Kegels and lube both improved sexual function in menopausal women, with Kegels potentially being the more effective of the two.

7) Stay playful

It sounds obvious, but Roos said that remembering sex is meant to be fun is key to a better connection with your body – whether you’re pre-, post-, or mid-menopause.

“Switch the mindset of sex being something you need to perform, to it instead being a moment of emotional and physical intimacy, playfulness and… pleasure.

“The less pressure, the easier it is to find your own lust and sexiness during and after menopause,” she ended.