I’m A 41-Year-Old Single Mum. I’m Over Dating Men My Own Age.

Posted on 16/05/2026 by Boris Clair

“Who are you waiting for tonight?” Jon, a bartender who has witnessed several of my dates over the years, asks. He tucks his shaggy hair behind his ear before handing a customer a cocktail, then situates himself in front of me and leans on the bar like an old friend, which, at this point, given I’m a regular at this brewery, he pretty much is.

Before I can answer him, my phone buzzes. I glance down and read the message quickly. “Just parked,” it says. I place it face down and look up to meet Jon’s curious gaze.

“Just some guy!” I shrug, taking a sip of my beer and drumming my fingers on the dark wood of the bar. “I don’t know. He seems cool. He’s a musician.”

Jon laughs. “Of course he is,” he says knowingly. He knows I have a soft spot for musicians. And younger men. “How old?” he grins.

I shake my head. “Mind your business.”

A few minutes later, I glance to my right and see the lanky 29-year-old I’ve been chatting with on a dating app through the large, garage-style windows. He’s walking quickly because he knows I’ve been waiting, even though I actually don’t mind sitting at a bar alone.

I like getting to a date early, ordering a drink, and settling in. Still, I find his hustle endearing. I watch him raise his hand to his mouth then release a cloud of smoke into the air before tugging the brewery door open.

He recognises me from behind right away. My long, wavy hair is usually a dead giveaway. I feel his presence behind me, turn my head slightly, and smile before he slides onto his stool.

I’m not often nervous on first dates because the truth is, I don’t care all that much how they go. Why would I? I’m not invested yet, so I’m not overcome by nerves. But not long after he sits down, I’m almost completely at ease. It feels like I’m talking to an old friend who happens to be cute, kind and, well, tall.

I’ve been on maybe a dozen first dates since one of the most brutal breakups of my life, and I haven’t been interested in anyone. But there is something refreshingly gentle about the way this man talks to me.

He’s nervous, but not overly so. And despite his nerves, he manages to laugh at my dumb jokes. He asks me about my writing career, my kids and my Stevie Nicks T-shirt.

Side note: He’s nearly a decade younger than me. But our conversation flows easily. It doesn’t feel forced. And by the end of the date, I’m fairly certain I’m going to see him again.

I didn’t always date younger men. In fact, just after my divorce at age 33, I actively avoided it, imagining that a dose of 40-something maturity was what I needed. I was a grown woman with kids, after all. I didn’t want someone I had to teach. I wanted someone I could learn from. Someone responsible, stable. A grown ass man, if you will.

Dating my own age or older (given I was early to marry and early to divorce) just made practical sense. Or so I thought.

I dated around. A lot. I kept an open mind, and I didn’t discriminate based on the usual criteria – job, height, religion. It was important to me to focus on genuine connection rather than checking boxes that, at the end of the day, don’t matter all that much.

But even with an open mind, and an open heart, more often than not I ended up deeply disappointed by the men I went out with, or sometimes even ended up dating. I did fall in love with an older man – once. But after that relationship imploded, while I continued to seek out what I thought were appropriately aged men for me, I started to feel a sense of hopelessness.

The men I was going out with might’ve been older, but they weren’t more evolved, and they definitely weren’t wiser. In fact, a lot of them seemed to be regressing, as if age and failed relationships had eaten them alive.

Many felt emasculated and emotionally destroyed by their own divorces or past relationships. And while almost all of them said they went to therapy (and even listed it on their dating app profiles), it didn’t show.

After dating them – or sometimes, just meeting them once – I suspected that they used therapy to make themselves feel better, rather than to actually change.

Age had just made them more set in their ways and that rigidity left me annoyed, hopeless and bored to death of hardened men who said they wanted love but were deeply self-involved.

Meanwhile, on the dating apps, men in their 50s seemed to have no qualms about advertising that they wanted a young, hot, “drama-free” woman. I started to ask myself why I couldn’t date younger.

"I have zero shame about the fact that I’d rather date men who are younger than me. In fact, I think more women should do the same," the author writes. — “I have zero shame about the fact that I’d rather date men who are younger than me. In fact, I think more women should do the same,” the author writes.

Was I missing out on connections because I had my age filter set to 35+? Maybe. Maybe not. But dozens (hundreds?) of bad dates later, I decided it was worth looking into – even if only for the experience.

So, I started going on dates with younger men. They weren’t all great. Some lived with their parents or were downright toddleresque. But there were some good surprises, too, like that the younger men I was going out with wanted to try new things. They had a spark. They had confidence that was intact. They were fun and open-minded in a way I didn’t often see in older men.

Likewise, they were more interesting – and interested – and they weren’t afraid to show it. I felt like my confidence in dating had been restored.

Recently, the Netflix show Age of Attraction, which I happily binged, showcased older women dating younger men. While it’s more common in our culture to see older men dating younger women, the series also highlighted the opposite dynamic. And not so surprisingly, some of the women on the show expressed that they felt seen and cared for in a way they had imagined they might never experience again.

As I watched, I felt understood, and at the same time, like I better understood the dynamic I had been living.

While we’ve been led to believe it’s only men who prefer dating younger, two can play at that game. Anecdotally, dating younger guys may help older women who are still vibrant and full of life feel seen. But some researchers say that women are more satisfied when they have younger partners. And according to 2025 research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAs), both men and women experienced higher levels of satisfaction on first dates with someone younger. Therefore, it’s likely not lack of interest that keeps women from dating younger. It’s fear of judgement.

The end of my date with the younger musician, who did go on to become my boyfriend, was further proof. After he paid for dinner (without even making me reach for my wallet), I invited him back to my house for one more beer. We sat knee to knee on my couch, and my two dogs curled up on either side of us.

We listened to music and talked about concerts and politics before finally, I told him that 11pm was past my bedtime, and he had to go home. I walked him to the door, then stood on my tippy-toes as he hovered over me. A smile spread across my lips just before we kissed for the first time.

Age isn’t just a number, no matter what anyone says. With it comes experience and new ways of looking at life. But for a lot of older men, whose lives or romantic relationships didn’t pan out the way they’d planned, their experiences haven’t exactly shaped them for the better. It hasn’t equipped them for partnership, love or even romance. It’s often done precisely the opposite.

And to be real, I have enough of my own battles, demons and stressors to fight. I don’t need a man I have to drag through life or who weighs me down or makes me feel heavier. I’d rather be with someone who lifts me up and makes me feel seen, or no one at all.

In the end, the musician and I went our separate ways, for reasons unrelated to age. Now I’m back to dating again at 41, which mostly just looks like staying open to connections, or scrawling my phone number for a cute, younger bartender while paying my tab, like I did last week. It looks like occasional swiping on men from around 25 to 40; I toggle the age limits sometimes.

I’m not opposed to dating older men again, but I have my guard up with them. Younger men still feel more confident, open and less fragile.

As a single mum in my 40s, I’m not exactly dating to marry. But I am dating with the intention of solid connections, and younger men have been refreshing where men my age and older were mostly frustrating.

I have zero shame about the fact that I’d rather date men who are younger than me. In fact, I think more women should do the same.

Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@huffpost.com.

5 Sex Positions That Can Be Dangerous After 70, According To Sex Experts

Posted on 10/05/2026 by Boris Clair

As you age, your go-to sex positions might not age as gracefully alongside you. After decades of showing off your flexibility in bed, you may notice as you enter your 70s that your joints ache, your back hurts and you maybe can’t bend as easily as before.

Arthritis and other age-related conditions may also come into play – issues that likely didn’t affect you when you were younger. Not to mention there’s the age-old (no pun intended) myth that your sex life somehow “ends” after a certain age.

“Body image shifts, loss of a long-term partner and deeply internalised ageism are among the biggest barriers to intimacy after 70,” Alicia Sinclair, sex educator, founder and CEO of Le Wand, told HuffPost.

“Sexual desire doesn’t have an expiration date, and neither does the need for connection and pleasure. Open communication with a partner – being explicit about what feels good and what doesn’t – often leads to greater intimacy than couples experienced in earlier years.”

Arthritis and other conditions may affect sex as you age.

Which means sex isn’t off the table after 70. Instead, it simply requires more adaptability and a better understanding of what works and what doesn’t.

Below is a list of sex positions that can become risky or uncomfortable after 70, – and expert-backed advice for what to try instead.

Traditional missionary (particularly for the bottom partner)

“This one catches people off guard,” according to Annette Benedetti, sex and intimacy coach and host of the podcast Talk Sex With Annette.

“Seventy-five percent of hip fractures happen in women, and bone density takes a nosedive after menopause. [The top partner’s] weight pressing down on [the bottom partner’s] hips and pelvis during missionary is exactly the kind of sustained force that can snap a fragile femur. Add vaginal atrophy and deep thrusting from above, and you’re also looking at vaginal tears and bleeding.”

Adds Sinclair: “Lying flat with a partner’s weight on top can compress the spine and make it difficult to breathe, especially for anyone with osteoporosis, spinal stenosis or limited hip mobility.”

Instead, Sinclair recommends using a wedge or positioning pillow under the hips to reduce lumbar strain or shifting to a side-lying position that keeps the spine in a neutral position.

Benedetti suggests flipping the dynamic with a modified cowgirl position, with the receiving partner on top, sitting upright on their partner’s lap or kneeling. “[The kneeling position] is what orthopaedic specialists recommend for women with osteoporosis. She controls the depth, the pace, and the pressure goes through his body, not hers.”

Doggy style (kneeling)

“Sustained kneeling puts significant pressure on the knees and wrists, and the position can destabilise the lower back,” Sinclair said. “For anyone with knee replacements, arthritis or balance issues, it’s a real injury risk.”

Benedetti adds that rear-entry positions with deep thrusting may also become uncomfortable over time. “With age – especially after menopause or other hormonal changes – internal tissues can become shorter, thinner and more sensitive. What once felt pleasurable can start to feel uncomfortable or even painful, with a higher risk of irritation or small tears.”

As an alternative, Sinclair recommends a supported standing variation, where one partner leans over a bed or cushioned surface, keeping weight off the knees entirely.

Another option is spooning. “You get a similar rear-entry angle and sense of closeness, but the receiving partner can control depth by adjusting their leg position,” Benedetti said. “It also removes pressure from the knees, wrists and shoulders, making it a much more comfortable choice overall.”

Adapting your favorite sex positions to your body and your comfort is the right choice at every age.

Legs up over shoulders positions

“This position demands hip flexion that older joints often can’t handle safely, especially for people with hip replacements or conditions like arthritis,” Benedetti said. “It can also create very deep penetration at a time when tissues may be more sensitive. That’s a challenging combination.”

The better option? Reclining with a pillow wedge under the hips. Keep the knees bent and slightly apart, with the hips gently elevated to achieve a similar angle — without putting excess strain on the joints. This allows for better alignment and comfort while reducing orthopaedic risk.

Cowgirl / reverse cowgirl (on top)

“This requires quad strength, hip flexibility and balance – all of which decline with age,” Sinclair said. “A fall or sudden movement can cause hip fractures or knee injuries, which are among the most serious fall-related injuries in older adults.”

If you’re keen on doing the position, Sinclair recommends using a supported seated straddle – sitting face-to-face in a sturdy chair or using a dedicated intimate machine like The Cowgirl with a low, stable platform, which distributes weight differently and reduces fall risk dramatically.

Standing sex

“Balance and bone density both decline after 70, and the one-year mortality rate after a hip fracture sits around 25%,” Benedetti said. “A fall during sex isn’t a punchline; it’s a serious event.”

What can you do instead? Benedetti suggests using a sturdy armchair. One partner sits while the other straddles. Face-to-face, full-body contact – all the closeness without the risk of a fall.

Sex might look and feel different in your 70s than it did in previous decades, but it doesn’t mean it has to feel less pleasurable. With a better understanding of the body’s changing needs, couples can adapt their sex life rather than give up on it.

What Happy Vs Unhappy Married Couples Bring Up Most In Sex Therapy

Posted on 17/04/2026 by Boris Clair

About 20% of Brits say they feel somewhat sexually incompatible with their partners; a factor you might think determines their levels of happiness.

But speaking to HuffPost UK, sex therapist and intimacy coach Leigh Norén said that “oftentimes unhappily married couples and happily married couples bring up the same sorts of issues in sex therapy”.

What tends to be different, though, is how they present and the causes behind their concerns.

What do happy vs unhappy married couples bring up most in sex therapy?

Both groups often come in to discuss “mismatched libidos, erectile unpredictability and orgasm issues,” the sex therapist said, “but the sexual problems affect the couples in different ways”.

Among happy couples, there might still be a lot of physical, but non-sexual, affection, she added.

They’ll also have, “A lot of emotional connection. But it’s no longer translating into sex for various reasons.

“For instance, they might feel more like roommates than lovers because their identities have become enmeshed. They act like a collective and do everything with one another, as opposed to being two individuals who have chosen to live together and have both separate and joint lives.”

Meanwhile, for unhappy married couples, “mismatched libidos or a sexless marriage might have come about because of different views of sex, or because one partner is responsible for the mental load and has started to feel resentful. When sex has become a chore for one of the partners, it can quickly escalate into high conflict or avoidance.

“When that avoidance becomes the norm, it moves from avoiding sex to avoiding anything that could ‘send the wrong signal’, so physical intimacy lessens over time, leading eventually to the erosion of emotional intimacy, too”.

How you talk about sex matters, too

It’s not just the topics themselves that matter, Norén told us. How you talk about sex can reveal a lot, too.

“Oftentimes, unhappily married couples struggle communicating at all about sex, just as they might do about other things in their relationship. There’s often a sense of one of the partners being ‘in the right’, and the other being ‘in the wrong’ about how they function sexually,” she said.

“Perhaps the high desire partner says stuff like ‘it’s not normal to never want sex’, and the partner with low desire says ‘all you care about is sex’… Fundamentally, the unhappy couples aren’t on the same team, whereas the happily married ones tend to be more on the same team.”

Happily married couples tend to find communication a lot easier and less likely to follow rigid scripts about what a “good” sex life should look like, she continued.

Though it’s not always that black and white, she added: “whenever any couple comes to sex therapy, there is usually a part of the sexual problem that is negatively affecting the relationship”.

How can I improve my relationship and communication around sex?

It sounds a little obvious, Norén said, but talking openly about sex with your partner is “usually one of the first and best steps to take if you want a happier marriage and sex life.

“Just like the rest of us, our sexuality evolves over time, meaning what once turned your partner on might not anymore, and as we age, our genitals tend to get less sensitive.”

Letting things fester can cause resentment and blame.

Educating yourself about sex can help, too. “We know surprisingly less than we think we do about things like how libido really works, and common sexual difficulties in relationships and why they come about. The more we know, the less likely we are to spin into anxiety over it, and the more likely we are to solve it quicker.”

And lastly, the sex therapist said, don’t be afraid to try something new.

″Step out of your comfort zone from time to time. For instance, yes, you may love oral sex, but what happens if you try something else that feels slightly intimidating but also exciting?

“You’ll likely find it infuses a bit of humour into your sex life, a bit of vulnerability that can be really gratifying, and a bit of spice that can make you more aroused,” the expert advised.

How To Tell If Your Standards Are, In Fact, Too High

Posted on 04/04/2026 by Boris Clair

Having standards when dating is important. But sometimes we get so caught up in the pursuit of the perfect partner that we let those standards get in the way of meeting quality people.

When you’re swiping through a dating app and find yourself rejecting person after person, it’s worth asking: Are your standards too high?

“With dating apps, it is easy to dismiss someone in seconds with a swipe,” Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert, told HuffPost. “You are looking at a human being, but we get used to not realising it is an actual soul, a living and breathing person.”

It happens to the best of us; no one wants to risk another failed relationship. And with the right mindset, standards can actually help you weed out the wrong potential partners.

But what kind of high standards are actually self-sabotaging, and which ones are worth keeping? Here’s what dating experts want you to know.

The Most Common High Standards Dating Experts See

From physical traits to lifestyle preferences, dating experts have heard just about every standard one could set.

Winston has had clients arrive at her sessions with exhaustive checklists resembling a child’s Christmas list. Once, she had a male client who refused to go on a second date with a beautiful, highly educated woman who shared his values and hobbies. His reason? She was 5-foot-1, and he wanted his future children to have a shot at playing basketball.

Some standards, like patience and emotional intelligence are worth holding out for. Others, like a very specific height window? Not so much.

For Emma Hathorn, dating expert at Seeking.com, the standards themselves aren’t the problem. It’s when people associate their specific standards with perfection and refuse to engage with people who are otherwise really compatible that it becomes an issue.

“I actually push back on the idea of having standards that are ‘too high’ entirely,” she told HuffPost. “Most of the standards people criticise, such as wanting emotional maturity, ambition, or financial stability, are not unrealistic. They are signals of compatibility and shared values.”

When High Standards Can Actually Work For You

“Standards are healthiest when they reflect self-respect,” Hathorn said. For example, ask yourself whether a person shares your values or wants similar things in life. Those core values are key to a long-lasting relationship.

Lifestyle standards, such as being “outdoorsy,” an adventurous eater or preferring city life over the suburbs, can also be healthy because they often reflect how someone wants to live day to day, Hathorn adds. Relationships are built around everyday habits, and these factors usually point to compatibility in routines.

Then there’s emotional effort, which includes communication, maturity, and how one can invest in the relationship.

“A lot of people focus on surface traits like looks, but one of the most important predictors of a healthy relationship is how much effort someone puts into showing up consistently,” said Hathorn. “Those qualities determine whether a connection actually grows over time.”

When These Standards Work Against You

Aside from shrinking the dating pool, some high standards can become a form of avoidance, Hathorn said: “A standard should help you identify alignment, not disqualify someone who might otherwise be a great partner.”

“The difference between someone with high standards and someone who is emotionally unavailable is willingness,” Hathorn continued. “High-standard daters are ready to build something meaningful with the right person. An emotionally unavailable person might actively avoid the right person.”

Sometimes high standards have nothing to do with finding the right person. “People set rigid criteria because they’re trying to avoid vulnerability,” Hathorn said. “In those cases, the standard isn’t about finding the right person; it’s about protecting themselves from risk.”

Rigid criteria can also be a means of avoidance. It's easier to avoid being challenged emotionally if you've already decided no one can meet your standards. — Rigid criteria can also be a means of avoidance. It’s easier to avoid being challenged emotionally if you’ve *already* decided no one can meet your standards.

How To Tell Whether Your Standards Are Sabotaging You

So how do you know if your standards are working for you or against you? Hathorn suggests asking yourself this question: Do your standards represent a value or an image? “Wanting a partner who is emotionally mature, financially responsible, or ambitious reflects values,” she explained. “Wanting someone who fits a very specific aesthetic or status symbol is usually about image, and not always something someone can change.”

Also, remind yourself to think realistically about what you want out of a match. “Some people come to me wanting a 10 in looks, a 10 in intelligence, a 10 in professional success, and a 10 in personality,” Winston said. “That is just not possible, and no one can embody that.”

When meeting someone new, ask yourself if your hesitations are based on values or fear.

“When it’s genuinely not a match, the disconnect usually shows up in core areas like goals, lifestyle, communication style, or emotional availability,” Hathorn explained. “When it’s self-sabotage, people often walk away because things feel unfamiliar, vulnerable, or ‘too good to be true.’”

And when in doubt, remember that standards should serve as guidelines, not gospel. Take another one of Winston’s clients, who she said narrowed her original list of standards to three important ones, only to end up marrying her first match. The kicker? “He didn’t have anything on the list!”

The Issues Straight Women Bring Up Most In Sex Therapy

Posted on 07/03/2026 by Boris Clair

Sexologist comment provided by licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos.

Last week, sexologist and therapist Sofie Roos shared the issues straight men most often brought up in sex therapy.

And this week, she spoke to us about straight women.

Here, she shared the topics she hears about most frequently:

1) Having a lower sex drive than their partner

“The single most common problem straight women bring up with me is that their sex drive has decreased or is overall low, while their partner is way more interested in being intimate, leading to worries and tension in the relationship,” Roos told us.

She added that women may be more likely to compare their lust levels to their partner’s, and feel their lower desire poses an “issue”.

2) Pain during penetrative sex

Experiencing pain during sex thanks to conditions like vulvodynia, vaginal dryness, or pelvic floor issues is “extremely common” among this group, said Roos.

“What most don’t know is that there’s both a physical and mental part… pain leads to fear, and fear leads to deeper problems,” leaving some in a vicious cycle.

3) Not orgasming during partnered sex

Straight women have long suffered from “the orgasm gap”. The sexologist said this doesn’t seem to be going away.

“Many straight women are having a very hard time orgasming during intimacy with their partner, and they don’t know how to solve it,” she said.

4) Body image issues

“I’ve met countless straight women that are extremely aware of how their own bodies look, smell and feel… they think so much about age, weight and how they are seen that it becomes difficult to just let go and be in the moment,” Roos added.

5) Losing desire thanks to the mental load

In straight relationships, the mental load – or having to think about, keep track of, and remember the endless tasks that keep a household going – still predominantly falls on women’s shoulders.

And the sexologist said that can have a knock-on effect in the bedroom. Doing “all the planning… as well as all the emotional work in the relationship” can “lead to higher stress levels, which makes the body de-prioritise desire”.

6) Not putting their own pleasure first

“I often meet women who describe themselves as having a hard time with setting their sexual needs and boundaries first, as they’ve been taught to be accommodating rather than prioritise what they want and don’t want,” she stated.

So, uh, any advice?

Yes. The sexologist said that accepting shifts in your levels of lust and trying alternative forms of intimacy, like “oral sex, massage, kisses, caresses and more mentally-focused pleasure, such as roleplaying or dirty talk,” may help.

Explore your own desires, perhaps through masturbation, and communicate them with your partner. “As a majority of women can only reach all the way via clitoral stimulation, I also advise focusing more on that, either with your hands, mouth or a sex toy,” the sexologist said.

Remember also that “pain during sex isn’t normal”, so it’s important to seek professional help if you experience it.

And keep in mind that “your sex life isn’t isolated from the rest of the way you live, so try to look at your diet, sleep schedule, exercise habits, how you drink, how you deal with stress and how your relationships are,” she concluded.

From BDSM To Sordid Affairs: What Emerald Fennell’s Wuthering Heights Gets Right About 18th Century Sex

Posted on 24/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Whether you loved it or you hated it, Emerald Fennell’s sexually-charged reimagining of Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights – featuring a brooding Jacob Elordi – still has us all talking over a week after its cinematic release. While the original 1847 novel didn’t feature any sex scenes, Fennell’s film is far more ‘Heathcliff, it’s me, it’s Cathy, I’m horny.’

But for all the sneaking out of bedroom windows, romping in carriages, grinding in the moors, finger sucking and… puppy play that Fennell portrays in her take of Wuthering Heights, how much of this raunchery was actually going on during the period in which the original novel was set?

When you think of sexy periods of time in history, we tend to think of the promiscuity of the Ancient Romans or even the more recent free love movement of the 1970s – not the late Georgian era. So before we all start wishing that we could jump in a time machine to 1770 and find our own Heathcliff to romp about the moors with, we asked leading UK historians what sex and relationships back then were actually like.

Social Class Dictated Your Sex Life

Right from the first opening scene, Fennell’s version of Wuthering Heights features public hand jobs at the gallows and crowds snogging during a frenzied public hanging in an impoverished town centre – and you’ll be surprised to know the film was actually onto something historically accurate.

As the London Museum explains, public executions were more like a fair and a party atmosphere would be in the air as thousands of people gathered to watch someone’s final moments. Gruesome, we know – however, apparently it wouldn’t be enough to turn the Georgians off.

You see, according to Dr. Ruth Larsen, Senior Lecturer in History at the University of Derby, pre-marital sex was really common among poorer classes during the time in which Wuthering Heights was set (1770 to around 1801). “Poorer people tended to marry older and engage in sexual activity prior to that, especially those living in urban areas,” she tells HuffPost UK.

So: thousands of people, likely from poorer classes, gathering en masse in an urban area with drinking and partying going on? You do the math – it would appear that this is a big old tick for Fennell’s uninhibited Wuthering Heights adaptation.

But what about those lucky enough to be born into aristocracy? Unfortunately you wouldn’t be ‘getting lucky’ as often as your less well-off counterparts.

“For the wealthier classes, it was very unusual for women to have sexual relations before wedlock,” Dr. Larsen explains. For people like Cathy, pre-marital sex would be off the cards as “the usual form of courting would have been through assemblies, formal gathering and family acquaintances.”

The sense of familial obligation, to uphold the positive reputation of the family, was felt by many, not just the richest in society – and the film yet again gets this right with Edgar Linton, whom Cathy marries, despite her love for Heathcliff in order to improve her family’s social standing.

And her choice wouldn’t have been uncommon in the late Georgian era either. As Dr. Larsen adds: “For most young women, marriages were an opportunity to find their place in society, to become mistress of the house and, if they were landed, of the estate. To decide to take a different path would have been seen by most people as unwise.”

The Logistical Nightmare Of Affairs In Georgian Britain

Of course, the sauciness in Fennell’s Wuthering Heights really ramps up when Heathcliff and Cathy give up yearning and instead start a steamy affair (cue the famous sex scene montage).

However, as easy as the duo make it look, having an affair in the late 18th century was far from plain-sailing.

“The scenes where Heathcliff crawls in through Cathy’s window are very much representative of the literary tropes we love today, but this might have been difficult to pull off in historical reality,” Lauren Good, Senior Content Producer from HistoryExtra, tells HuffPost UK.

If you were rich enough, you’d be lucky enough to have a separate bedroom to that of your spouse (as Margot Robbie’s iteration of Cathy thoroughly enjoys), however your bedroom would be adjoined – which, as Good points out, “isn’t ideal in allowing for a quick exit from your illicit lover!”

And if you did manage to get some time alone with your ‘bit on the side’, trying to then have sex wasn’t straightforward thanks to the fashion of the era.

“Women’s dress of the era wouldn’t have been so easy to get into,” Nichi Hodgson, author of the Curious History of Dating: From Jane Austen to Tinder explains.

“Women typically wore a chemise, corset, under petticoat, hoop skirt or crinoline, over petticoat and long sleeved gown – plus gloves.” Good luck trying to remove all of that while your husband snores next door.

At least Cathy wouldn’t have had to try and get her knickers off, as Hodgson points out that drawers did not come into fashion until the 1870s: “If a hooped skirt tipped to one side, you may have got an eyeful!”

In fairness to Fennell, we don’t see a nude Cathy in any of the film as Heathcliff navigates her many, many layers of opulent clothing during the daytime sex scenes in the montage – so once again, we have another historical accuracy win!

The Surprising Sadomasochism Of The Late 18th Century

Excuse our phrasing but buckle up – this might be the most surprising historical accuracy of the entire film.

Arguably the most shocking portrayals of sex in Fennell’s film come in the shape of sadomasochistic relationships, namely two servants enjoying off screen flagellation in the stables and Isabella Linton’s submissive role to Heathcliff’s dominant. And it turns out, in the words of Hodgson, “bondage and kink were alive and well in the 18th century!”

“We often assume that the stricter societal expectations placed upon those who lived centuries before us translated into their intimate lives, but that wasn’t always the case,” Good explains.

“We might dismiss this as shock factor in Wuthering Heights but flagellation, as Hilary Mitchell told us at HistoryExtra, ‘played a prominent role in English sex work from about 1700 onwards’.”

But before we get ahead of ourselves, it’s worth noting that BSDM-inspired activities were most likely services that men paid for, or engaged in with women in their service (female maids were often treated as household sex workers) as Hodgson explains.

And as for Isabella panting on a lead, you can forget about it happening in real life she adds – “not because those sort of dynamics didn’t exist but because no middle class gentleman and woman would ever be that brazen in front of a visitor like Nelly Dean in the film.”

While the release of Wuthering Heights has us yearning for moody Georgian era romance, it’s surprising how much of it is rooted in reality. If we do hop in that time machine, we’ll just have to remember to pack easier to remove clothing.

Here’s What You Should Know Before Having Sex In Front Of Your Dog

Posted on 21/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Most dog owners would love to spend every minute of every day with their pups. Alas, life gets in the way of that for many of us, which means trying to maximise whatever time we have together.

But what about when we want to get frisky with another human? Should we let our four-legged friends stay in the room? Or is it better to separate ourselves from our dogs before we start stripping down?

That’s what we – Raj Punjabi and Noah Michelson, the co-hosts of HuffPost’s “Am I Doing It Wrong?” podcast – aimed to find out when we recently chatted with Dr Emily Levine, a board-certified veterinary behaviourist and the owner of Animal Behavior Clinic of New Jersey.

“When [my boyfriend] Benji and I have sex, we don’t let [our dog] Jumi on the bed, but he’s in the bedroom, and I feel a little bit weird about it,” Michelson admitted. “I feel like he doesn’t exactly know what we’re doing. What do you think about this from a behaviour standpoint?”

Levine said this is a common question she often gets from pet owners.

“For most dogs, it just doesn’t matter,” she said. “If they’re not bothered by it, it doesn’t matter at all. Dogs don’t have this hang-up like people do about things. They sort of live in the moment.”

However, there are some behaviours that signal a dog should not be present

“Where we shouldn’t have the dog in a room when people are having sex is when the dog tries to intervene,” Levine told us.

“There are lots of dogs who have a little bit of FOMO … like when people are like hugging, the dog wants to join in and so the dog is just like, in a happy way, ‘Hey! What’s going on here?’ and that just ruins the mood.”

Other pups might be uncomfortable for a more worrisome reason.

“There are also dogs who will get very distressed because of the sounds that are being made [during sex],” she said. “They may interpret some of those sounds as aggression [happening to] you, and then it’s not fair to the dog to have them in the room for that.”

Levine advised giving our furry friends a treat or a toy – either in the room or in another room – to keep them occupied until we’re done getting busy.

We also tackled a question from a listener about a similar – yet very different – scenario.

“We recently adopted a new dog and he loves to lick our older dog’s penis,” the listener said. “What’s going on there? And is there any downside to this or should I just let them go at it?”

“There are different reasons a dog may lick another dog’s penis,” Levine said. “It may be that there are just so many good odours in [that area] that they’re attracted to that.”

She also noted that they might be enjoying a taste that is present on or around the dog’s genitals.

“We want to make sure the dog doesn’t have like some sort of yeast infection or something in there that’s making it more attractive to the other dog,” she said.

What about the dog who is letting his friend lick him? “If he’s allowing this, he probably just thinks it feels good, or it does feel good,” she explained.

Levine told us she wouldn’t be worried about the behaviour if it’s happening “here and there”, but if it’s ongoing, it could cause problems.

“The concern about it going on for too long or too frequently is it’s possibly setting up for an infection in the penis that’s being licked.”

We also chatted with Levine about how to address unwanted barking, why some dogs get more aggressive as they get older, what to know before you let dogs and kids play together and much more.

Listen to the full episode above or wherever you get your podcasts.

Have a question or need some help with something you’ve been doing wrong? Email us at AmIDoingItWrong@HuffPost.com, and we might investigate the topic in an upcoming episode.

This Is The Psychology Behind Why You Can’t Get Over THAT Ex

Posted on 18/02/2026 by Boris Clair

We all know that Wuthering Heights is not about a love that we should aspire to, right? We know that their bond was eventually very toxic, that they mistreated each other and everybody around them, and it ended anything but happily ever after.

All of that being said, watching Emerald Fennell’s take on the novel can definitely remind you of a certain ex. Not the one you had an amicable split with, not the ‘fun summer fling’. No. This ex is the one that you had the senselessly passionate relationship with. Everything was aflame and when it ended, you went no-contact. Probably because your friends begged you to.

It’s not romantic but it’s definitely alluring: the thrill of the chase, the passion between you, the way they took up residence in your head and squeezed into every thought… they’re pretty unforgettable, probably quite toxic, and seeing a highly stylised version on-screen with this blockbuster can easily reignite certain memories.

Why you can’t get over your toxic ex

On paper it should be easy, but getting over this kind of ex is not simple, much like the bond itself – as divorce coach Carol Madden notes on Medium: toxic relationships take longer to heal from than healthier ones.

Speaking to Business Insider, relationship expert Jessica Alderson explained that these kind of relationships are a bit like an addiction, saying: “They are often characterised by extreme highs, during which relationships seem perfect and magical, followed by crashing lows, which are usually caused by a partner pulling away or acting out – this can make people feel alive.”

Once the relationship finally ends, your body can still crave this unpredictability. She added: “The emotional rollercoaster can make it harder to move on and accept that the relationship wasn’t meant to be.”

How to get over an ex

Clinical psychologist Dr Ruth Ann Harpur suggested that after a relationship breaks down, people will naturally try to seek answers about where it all went wrong – and while it’s a “crucial step” in the early moments of the breakup, it’s important not to keep going over every detail of the relationship and your ex’s behaviour.

If you get stuck ruminating, you become “tied to the past” and end up reliving the pain, she suggested. So, her advice is to: “Understand that ruminating on past abuses may feel safe but it keeps you from living fully in the present and building healthier relationships.”

She also urges people to focus on activities they really enjoy to keep busy and connect with themselves again, and to open themselves to new friendships and relationships.

Experts at Calm have a guide to getting over a relationship with advice that includes:

Clearing out physical reminders of them.
Allowing yourself to feel your feelings.
Limiting or cutting contact with them, including on social media.
Setting new goals.
And seeking therapy.

It isn’t easy, but you can move on.

Coital Alignment Technique: Why This Sex Position Reliably Gets Women Off

Posted on 15/02/2026 by Boris Clair

You’ve probably heard of the orgasm gap: in heterosexual relationships, women statistically have fewer orgasms than men. Much can — and should! — be done to improve that, starting with a better understanding of what your partner needs to reliably get off. A good place to start is upgrading your go-to bedroom moves.

Take the missionary position, for example. You and your partner may count this classic sex position as a favorite because of the intimacy it provides, but sex therapists say one small tweak can take it from “good” to much, much better.

The “coital alignment technique,” aka CAT, is a modified version of missionary sex, where the man rides a little higher, sliding his body up an inch or two so that the base of the penis rubs against the woman’s clitoris.

Here’s a little visual aid:

In one study of women who were unable to orgasm from missionary sex, published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, those who learned the CAT reported a 56 percent increase in their orgasm frequency.

CAT is a game-changer because most women need a little clitoral stimulation to get off, said Megan Fleming, a New York City-based psychologist and sex therapist. Penetration alone doesn’t always do the trick.

“Roughly two-thirds of women don’t have an orgasm with penetration alone,” Fleming told HuffPost. “CAT offers direct pressure and rocking and grinding that gives women additional clitoral stimulation.”

So how do you assume the position, so to speak?

Sadie Allison, a sexologist and author of Ride ’Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking, gave us a rundown:

Start in the traditional missionary position, she said, with a small pillow under the woman’s hips, to give her some lift and support the pelvis angle.

“After you gently slide inside, shift your body up several inches, positioning yourself so your pelvis is directly on top of hers,” she said. “You should be higher up on her now, with your chest near her shoulders versus face-to-face. With this new alignment, your penis shaft is now providing pleasurable friction against her vulva and clitoris with every stroke.”

To up the ante, put a little more work into grinding, Allison said.

“While staying snug and pressed against her, grind and gyrate your pelvis in small circles against her vulva,” she said. “Try visualizing her clitoris as you press on it, and resist the temptation to lift off and thrust in and out. Just keep your penis snugly inside her, and find the rhythm she needs. ”

“You’ll know it’s working when you feel her holding you tighter and pulling you closer with her legs!” she added.

There’s an extra bonus for guys, too, outside of providing partners with intense pleasure, said Lori Buckley, a sex therapist and author of 21 Decisions for Great Sex and A Happy Relationship.

“An extra benefit is that this may also help men last longer since they don’t experience the same heightened arousal that fast, deep thrusting provides,” Buckley said.

Win-win. Now go get busy.

A Couple Asked Me To Help End Their Marriage. They Didn’t Expect A 30-Year-Old Secret To Come To Light.

Posted on 07/02/2026 by Boris Clair

“You made a sex tape?!”

Susannah turned to her husband, Ron, mouth agape. He looked down, his cheeks reddening.

“It was right after college. I was experimenting,” he mumbled, twisting in his seat. “No big deal.”

As a couples therapist, I am always looking for how to mend the frayed edges of a relationship, but Susannah and Ron were different: they had come to my office to end their marriage.

I practice what I call breakup therapy — a short-term treatment I developed for couples who want to end their relationships without bitterness.

The premise is counterintuitive: instead of looking forward toward separate futures, we look backward at the relationship itself. It’s structured to look at the beginning, middle and end of their time together with exercises that focus on both their gratitude as well as their resentment.

The work culminates with the couple crafting a shared narrative about their union and literally writing it down – a story of what worked and ultimately what did not. Then, I ask them to sign it. In this way, they resolve the many unanswered, and often unasked, questions that can trap couples in recriminations and keep them from moving on.

The idea was born from my own bitter divorce. After my split, I was plagued by questions that repeated on an endless loop in my brain: “What was I thinking?”; “Why didn’t I see that red flag?”; “What is wrong with me – I’m a therapist and I should have seen what was happening.”

Then, one day, my therapist asked me a different question: who was I when I decided to marry? Suddenly, my internal feedback loop stopped.

“You’re asking me who I was, not why I married him?” I said, skeptically.

“Yes, I am,” she answered. “Marriages can be as much about identity as they are about a union. What were you trying to solve — or avoid — by marrying him?”

The question unlocked something for me. I’d been full of anger at myself, but I hadn’t really taken responsibility for my own actions. With her help, I crafted a story that I could hold onto about what function the marriage had served for me. Truly owning my choices helped me have more compassion for myself and less anger. The most startling realisation? When I had created a story that hung together, the nagging questions ended for good.

I have seen this same process unfold for many couples. But often, in the course of these sessions, new things surface.

“Susannah?” I said, surprised to hear the hurt in her voice. “This feels like a big deal for you. Why is that?”

Ron and Susannah had not been the most willing subjects for breakup therapy. During our first session, Ron blurted out: “You’re like a medical examiner doing autopsies on dead relationships! Your scalpel hurts. I don’t think you know what it feels like to be humiliated.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” I answered softly. “I have a teenager.”

Ron was not mollified.

“This feels stupid,” he said on another occasion. “She’s done, I accept that. What is there to say? This feels like horseshit.”

“See what I’m working with here?” Susannah said, throwing up her hands and shifting away from Ron on the couch. “I knew he wouldn’t take this seriously.”

“No, he’s right,” I said. “If it’s really true that you fully accept and understand her decision, Ron, then this is horseshit. But is that true?”

His silence was all the answer I needed.

Over the next few sessions, we went over how they’d fallen in love (“It just made sense, we fit”); the birth of their three children (“The unit held us together”); the unraveling of their connection (“We were ships in the night for as long as I can remember, but then one day I woke up and just wanted more from life”).

We mapped the patterns their marriage had fallen into over the course of three houses, two cross-country moves and their children’s exodus from home. It was a saga spanning decades.

Then, in our fourth session, Ron mentioned the sex tape.

“Something about this is landing hard on you,” I said to Susannah, her mouth still ajar. “Why?”

“Yeah, why?” Ron echoed.

Susannah paused and looked out the window.

“It’s that you … you tried something that – I don’t know – was out there … bold and different.”

A tear welled in a corner of her eye.

“It’s not you. You’re not brave! Or, at least you haven’t been with me, not in all these years together.”

Then she began to cry. Ron and I looked at one another.

“Susannah?” Instantly, I regretted breaking the silence.

“All this time, I decided you just couldn’t try new things,” she managed after a while. “I gave up.”

Ron put up his palms. “What is happening?” he said, exasperated.

“But if you can do that …” she continued. “What was it? Did I just not ask? Did I build my life around a lie?” She looked lost. “Was it that you never really loved me enough?”

She turned back to Ron and banged her fist on the couch.

“I did ask! I asked you to look at porn together when we stopped having sex, to take classes with me, to go on that whale-watching tour. … You just ignored me!”

This time, I held my tongue.

“Is that a thing?” she went on, turning to me. “That you can reach the end of a relationship and not even have known what was possible?”

“I made that tape 30 years ago,” Ron blurted out. “She’s upset over something I did when I was a totally different person!”

This was the impasse that I had expected, that arrives in most of my breakup therapy work – the moment when two people realise that as well as they think they know each other, there are things they don’t know or have lost track of. It’s my job to help them hold that bitter realisation. Then it’s my job to help them arrive at forgiveness or some kind of reconciliation – if not with each other, then with what happened to them.

“It was 30 years ago, Ron,” I said. “But you aren’t a different person. You’re the same person, and she’s wondering why you couldn’t have been that with her.”

I turned to Susannah and said, “You have a right to be hurt, but were you truly honest with him? Did you give him the space and the safety and the encouragement to be that person? Do you think you both can forgive each other for what you weren’t?”

It was three weeks before they appeared again in my office, having canceled two sessions in between appointments.

“I was stirred and moved by what happened here last time,” Susannah began. “When we left, I thought: Maybe there’s enough left between us?”

Ron’s eyes were downcast.

“But I realised I can’t,” she said. “I just can’t open up that part of me with him anymore. I want … I need this divorce.”

I nodded. “Ron? How do you feel?”

“I can see where we are … I’m not fighting it.” His voice broke. “I’m just really sad.”

Often it requires some kind of shock to break through the built-up layers of anger, resentment and disappointment in a couple in order to illuminate the cracks in their relationship – something true that has been avoided or left unsaid. In this case, it was the surprise of an ancient transgressive act that lay bare how little they knew each other and how misaligned they’d become.

Susannah moved closer to Ron on the couch and laced her fingers with his.

“You guys seem calmer – closer. Tell me what you are feeling,” I said.

I knew something about that calm after the storm. After my own divorce, we had maintained an uneasy truce for years, until one long car ride after dropping our daughter at camp. As we rode in silence, I suddenly remembered my therapist’s question: Who was I when I decided to get married? For the next two hours, we talked over that question and everything else, and together realised how lonely we had been — two Israelis who, instead of understanding why we had both chosen to leave, had clung to each other and to a shared language. Before long, we were laughing as we had not laughed since the early days of our marriage.

“So, where do we go from here?” Ron asked me in their last session.

“Well, in my experience, when a marriage ends, a different relationship can sometimes be created,” I said. “That’s up to you guys. All endings are sad, but not all endings have to leave you broken. There’s an opportunity here to get to know each other in a different way. And …” I leaned forward to make eye contact with each of them “… to know yourselves better.”

After they left, I sat quietly in my chair for a while. I allowed myself to remember that moment in my therapist’s office when I realised that I had been using my marriage to escape a question I had been avoiding and what a relief it had been to finally face it.

When a sex tape from decades ago unlocks two people’s grief, it’s not so much about the end of the road as it is about the roads never taken – the versions of a marriage they never tried. It is a sad moment, but also a generative one.

They’d come to me to bury their marriage. What they found instead was a way to know each other – maybe for the first time in years – even as they said goodbye.

Note: Names and some details have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals appearing in this essay.

Sarah Gundle, Psy.D., is a psychologist in private practice and an assistant professor at the Icahn School of Medicine, Mount Sinai Medical Center. She is currently writing a book about breakups. You can find her on Instagram @dear_dr_sarah.