Autism Goes Undiagnosed In About 90% Of Over-40s. I Asked Experts How To Spot It

Posted on 03/02/2026 by Boris Clair

You might have heard that autism diagnoses are on the rise in the UK. Some even argue it’s being “overdiagnosed”.

But the National Autistic Society says that about 750,000 autistic adults in the UK remain undiagnosed. And a 2025 review estimated that 89% of autistic adults over 40 remain undiagnosed, with that figure rising to 96% for over-60s.

Here, HuffPost UK spoke to the review’s author, research fellow and co-leader of the ReSpect Lab, Dr Gavin Stewart, about why those numbers might be so high, and how autism might show up among older adults.

Why are these numbers so high?

Dr Stewart said that in his research, an overwhelming majority of autistic people aged 40 and older remained undiagnosed.

He explained that there are “many reasons” for that.

“First, the diagnostic criteria for autism have greatly evolved over the past several decades. It was originally conceptualised with very narrow diagnostic criteria,” he said.

“This meant that it was a rare condition, affecting around 1 in 3,000 people in the 1960s.”

But as our understanding of autism expanded, he said, so too did the diagnostic criteria; autism is now recognised as a “spectrum affecting around 1 in 100 to 1 in 33 people.

“This means that many middle-aged and older people were likely overlooked when they were young as they did not fit the narrow diagnostic criteria being used at the time.”

Some members of this group, however, can go on to get a diagnosis under the new criteria, he added.

Why does it matter if people stay undiagnosed into older age?

Having autism without realising it can affect people’s lives in many ways, the study author told us.

“For some, it might mean that they are not able to access help and support that would be available to them if they did have a diagnosis. For example, autistic people often benefit from additional support while as a child in school, or as an adult when in higher education or in employment.”

Their physical health might be affected, too.

“Autistic people often have more complex health support needs, including age-related health conditions as they get older. While accommodations can be made to make healthcare more accessible for autistic people, if the person has not been recognised,” Dr Stewart said.

And a lack of tailored support can take its toll on autistic people’s mental health, too.

“They are more likely to become socially isolated and have poorer well-being, which in turn can lead them to be more susceptible to periods of crisis like suicide.”

What are some signs of undiagnosed autism in over-40s?

Some signs of autism are “common” among both diagnosed and undiagnosed autistic people, said Dr Stewart.

These can include:

1) Social difficulties

“In social situations, an autistic person might find it hard to read what other people are thinking or feeling, and they might struggle to tell when someone is joking or being sarcastic.

“Making and maintaining friendships can feel effortful, and people might
perceive them as being quite blunt or uninterested without meaning to. This might make them feel quite anxious and uncertain in social situations, meaning they prefer to be on their own.”

2) Very consistent and rigid routines

“In daily routines, an autistic person might have a strong preference for sameness, so doing things the same way every time, and when things change, it can be quite distressing,” said Dr Stewart.

3) Special interests

“They may also have very focused interests, which can be beneficial for
some but not always.”

4) Becoming overwhelmed and/or overstimulated often

“They may also find certain sensory environments quite
overwhelming, and notice details that many other people do not, like the way a room smells or the buzzing of overhead lights.”

Dr Stewart noted that some autistic people, especially women, will have learned to “mask”, meaning they “have learned to hide parts of themselves to fit in
better, but this is an effortful process and can have an impact on their wellbeing.”

What if I think I have autism?

Dr Stewart advised speaking to a healthcare professional, like a GP, if you think you might have autism and want to explore an assessment.

“There are also charities and organisations, like the National Autistic Society in the UK, who can provide information about accessing autism assessments as an adult,” he added.

You can reach out to the National Autistic Society through this link.

Meltdowns In Kids With AuDHD Are Never A ‘Choice’ – Trying This With Your Child Might Help

Posted on 01/10/2025 by Boris Clair

Every parent knows how difficult it can be when their child is struggling to regulate themselves.

But for parents of children with AuDHD – those who are both autistic and have ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) – it can be especially tough to navigate emotional outbursts that seem to come out of nowhere.

In my experience, understanding the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum is crucial in knowing how to respond – and how to help.

What’s the difference?

A tantrum is a way of expressing frustration or attempting to get something. It is typically goal-oriented and usually the child has some control over it – for example, if they get what they want, they are usually able to calm down.

A meltdown is not a choice. It’s a neurological response to overwhelm – whether that’s too much sensory input, emotional stress, or cognitive demand.

Meltdowns are associated with the range of intense emotional regulation challenges that can accompany AuDHD. Importantly, meltdowns stem from a loss of control, not a desire to gain it.

An emotional safety plan can help

An emotional safety plan is a proactive, collaborative tool that helps children identify their emotions, recognise their triggers, and explore personalised strategies for managing distress.

It can be as simple as a colourful chart or journal page created together with your child, divided into spaces to note what each emotional state looks and feels like, what might have caused it, and what helped in those moments.

Involving your child in building their plan is key: it not only gives them a sense of ownership, but also helps them reflect on their own needs, feel heard, and develop vital self-awareness skills over time.

This can provide children with the tools to “name it to tame it”, putting words to feelings, to help reduce distress. This can be empowering, in addition to providing a sense of validation and control.

Key emotional states you can map together

Here are some common emotional states your child may experience, and ways you can support them through each one:

Hyper-arousal (meltdowns)

A meltdown is an intense, involuntary reaction to being overwhelmed, often as a result of stress and exhaustion. It may present physically, such as kicking or self-harming; verbally, such as screaming or shouting; and/or emotionally, such as through crying.

Meltdowns are highly individual and situational, with many potential causes, such as sensory overload, changes in routine, loud environments, and an inability to communicate effectively.

Co-regulation is a highly effective strategy to manage a child’s meltdown – stay calm and regulate yourself, while validating their experiences.

Reducing demands and sensory input, such as turning off lights or providing noise-cancelling headphones, can also be very helpful.

Establishing a safe physical space and toolkit for when a meltdown occurs, tailored to an individual’s needs, can provide an important foundation of safety.

Identifying potential triggers can flag opportunities to plan effectively, such as by using visual aids to plan transitions or changes.

Dysregulation (overwhelm)

Dysregulation is linked with overwhelm, such as from sensory input, emotional demands, or social expectations. Masking (suppressing natural responses to ‘fit in’) takes a toll on the nervous system, often resulting in emotional outbursts when this becomes unsustainable.

For example, a common scenario is when an AuDHD child arrives home from school and ‘releases’ overwhelm in a ‘safe’ environment, having masked all day. This can be referred to as the ‘shaken Coke bottle’ effect, where dysregulation builds up pressure internally, until this becomes external.

Overwhelm could appear as ‘naughty’ or ‘rude’ behaviour, which may be more accurately described as decompressing and adjusting.

Identifying these experiences with your child can help signpost potential strategies for support. For example, providing predictable decompression time before any conversations or demands after arriving home from school, or predictable rituals, can provide space for healthy decompression.

‘Normal’/balanced

Many AuDHD children grow up feeling like they need to adapt to what others expect – smiling when distressed, hiding self-soothing activities, or mimicking social behaviours, for example. This can make it difficult for them to understand what they actually need, or what it feels like to be authentically themselves.

Helping them to identify their own version of ‘normal’ (by identifying situations where they feel safe to unmask) and their sensory preferences can empower them to know their own baseline. This enables them to better recognise dysregulation, including when and how to seek support.

Reframing masking in this way can help AuDHD children (and adults) understand the difference between harmful suppression and strategic adaptation in masking, moving towards conscious choices, as opposed to involuntary reactions.

Dysregulation (numbness)

Not all dysregulation looks explosive – sometimes, it can manifest as becoming numb, distant, or zoned out, failing to follow instructions. This stress response may be a form of dissociation, where the brain temporarily disconnects to protect itself from overwhelm or perceived danger.

Such behaviours may be misunderstood as ‘rudeness’, ‘laziness’ or ‘not paying attention’, when the individual is in fact likely freezing up mentally and physically.

Triggers could include high pressure environments (such as classrooms), feeling criticised or misunderstood, or sensory overload, which builds up slowly.

Helping children to identify that these experiences aren’t ‘normal’ – or their fault – can be empowering. This can not only enable children to identify early warning signals, but also helpful activities to move through such states.

For example, creating mindfulness routines, such as counting breaths or colours, can help to centre their focus, in addition to identifying tools such as fidget toys to offer grounding through sensory input.

As a parent, providing non-intrusive presence, or grounding activities such as a firm hug (if your child is comfortable with this) can be highly effective. Ultimately, compassion can help them move into a state of safety.

Hypo-arousal (or shutdown)

Hypo-arousal is an intense state of nervous system under-action, often referred to as a shutdown. This is an internalised response, where the body and brain effectively go into ‘power-saving mode’ to survive overwhelm, effectively switching off.

Although highly individual, signs of shutdown can include selective mutism, where they become unable to speak. Children might become non-responsive, and extremely fatigued, withdrawing from interaction or situations and becoming detached from their surroundings.

Triggers for this involuntary response could include being told off, a lack of sleep, or an inability to communicate their needs. Certain sensory stimuli – such as smells, lights, noises, textures or movements – could also result in a shutdown.

In all situations, it’s crucial to prioritise the safety and wellbeing of the child, such as gently guiding them to a less stimulating, safe environment, and respecting their personal space. Avoiding pressure, such as to talk or communicate, is important, and pre-identifying alternative communication methods such as hand signals can be highly effective.

Practicing grounding and self-soothing techniques in a safe environment, such as deep breathing, or identifying calming activities such as colouring or journaling, can also help to form the basis of an emotional safety plan.

These plans can help empower children

Every child’s experience will be very different, but they likely already have a lifetime of experiences to draw upon and identify their own unique triggers and strategies that have helped them.

Having a step-by-step list of things to do in situations that trigger emotional dysregulation can be a highly empowering touchpoint, especially within states of overwhelm.

Just like you wouldn’t be able to stop crying just because someone told you to, neither can children – especially when they’re AuDHD. However, these plans can bridge the gap, providing a window into their invisible experiences, enhancing awareness and empathy.

Ultimately, kindness and understanding are key to supporting AuDHD children. Avoiding judgement, demonstrating reassurance and providing well-informed, tailored support is key to creating environments where AuDHD children can thrive – not just survive.

The experiences I’ve mentioned above are not ‘bad’ – they are simply part of a normal reaction to a world that isn’t designed for their unique neurological makeup, but all AuDHD children deserve to feel happy, safe, and empowered as they are.

Leanne Maskell is the founder and director of ADHD coaching company ADHD Works, and the author of AuDHD: Blooming Differently – a new book offering practical help and advice for AuDHD individuals and those who support them.

I Run An Assessment Clinic – Here Are 7 Signs Of Autism To Be Aware Of In Children

Posted on 14/09/2025 by Boris Clair

It’s estimated that one in 100 children in the UK is autistic – yet diagnosis for can often be lengthy and complicated.

Swansea University research found it takes, on average, six years longer to diagnose autism in girls than boys.

The study, which involved 400 people, found three-quarters (75%) of boys received a diagnosis before the age of 10 compared to half (50%) of girls.

While the average age of diagnosis was between four and six for boys, in girls it was between 10 and 12 years old, the BBC reported.

Early diagnosis is key to being able to support a child’s development and wellbeing – and as part of this, parents can be aware of the signs to look out for in children so they can begin to seek diagnosis.

While every child is unique, there are common indicators parents can be mindful of, ranging from physical patterns like differences in eye contact and speech, to cognitive preferences like routines and special interests.

Here, Dr Bijal Chheda, consultant psychologist and founder of Nos Curare, a private clinic specialising in neurodiverse care, has shared seven early signs of autism for parents to know.

1. Limited eye contact

“One of the earliest and most noticeable signs of autism in young children is inconsistent eye contact,” the psychologist told HuffPost UK.

You might notice your child avoids directly looking at others’ faces – including yours. They might sometimes glance briefly during interactions, but with minimal reactions.

The expert stressed this “shouldn’t be taken as rudeness or lack of affection”.

“This habit reflects how children with autism tend to process social cues, finding it difficult or even draining to participate in everyday conversations,” she said.

“By limiting eye contact, they allow themselves to focus on processing their surroundings in a way that feels less intimidating and more manageable.”

If you’ve noticed this in your child, it might help to provide them with gentle encouragement and low-pressure one-on-one sessions to help them become more comfortable with social engagement.

2. Delayed speech development

Language delays are common early indicators of autism, said Dr Chheda.

“Some children may not start saying their first recognisable words until around 12-18 months, which is much later than the typical developmental range,” she noted.

“Meanwhile, others may have a limited vocabulary or struggle with forming sentences well into adolescence.”

The expert noted delays can occur because children with autism “often process language in a more analytical way, making it harder for them to grasp context”.

As a result, they may find it harder to imitate sounds or follow basic conversational patterns, she suggested.

“However, autistic children are highly perceptive, and these delays usually coexist with strong non-verbal skills, such as pointing or using sounds to express their needs,” she said.

3. Repetitive movements

Some children might display patterned behaviours such as spinning, rocking, or looping the same phrases – these are signs of autism known as ‘stimming’.

“These rhythmic movements and sounds often serve as self-soothing mechanisms that regulate emotions and process stimuli,” said the psychologist.

″‘Stimming’ provides autistic children with predictable stimulation, reducing anxiety or helping the child cope with overwhelming situations.

“While sporadic repetition is normal in most children, as this can be a way to practice new skills or explore their immediate surroundings, intense patterns may indicate a cognitive difference,” she said.

As interrupting these habits may lead to instant emotional outbursts or sudden aggression, her advice is to provide safe spaces for stimming, “where children can soothe themselves and redirect their focus, without discouraging the behaviour entirely”.

4. Lack of social engagement

Children on the autism spectrum may avoid group play, not respond to their name, or show minimal interest in forming meaningful connections with others, said the expert.

“While not intentional, sensory sensitivities like taking part in small talk may disrupt their preference for predictability,” she said.

“This may trigger the practice of ‘masking’ wherein they suppress autistic traits (like stimming, limited eye contact, or repetitive speech) and mimic neurotypical behaviours to fit in.”

Children can find it really hard to socialise – and being forced to do so can trigger anxiety in some – so Dr Chheda advises starting by encouraging small interactions in familiar settings while respecting their need for breaks and letting them express themselves naturally, so they don’t feel the need to mask.

5. Sensitivity to sound or touch

Perhaps one of the more well-known signs of autism is a heightened sensitivity to stimuli. “These responses are linked to how their nervous system interprets body signals, including physical or emotional reactions to certain noises, lighting, or textures,” said Dr Chheda.

“For example, some children with hypersensitivity may cover their ears in response to common sounds like tapping, vacuum cleaners, or clinking utensils.

“On the other hand, hyposensitive or under-responsive children may not feel certain sensations as strongly, usually seeking more intense sensory input by tapping surfaces or holding tightly onto objects like their favourite stuffed animals.”

If you notice this in your child, you can help them by creating calm environments that offer sensory breaks, with easy access to safe items that satisfy your child’s needs.

“When they are ready, gradually introduce new sensations at a comfortable pace with the guidance of a qualified professional,” added the expert.

6. Resistance to change

Plenty of us are creatures of habit and don’t particularly love change, but a strong preference for predictability is common among children with autism. You might notice that sudden shifts in daily schedules, including meals and bedtimes, can trigger distress and even lead to meltdowns.

“When children with autism experience frequent disruptions to their routines, it can contribute to feelings of unease, leading to demotivation and low mood,” said the psychologist.

Her advice is: instead of demanding immediate changes, introduce small adjustments gradually and provide visual schedules to help children adapt.

“Accommodating their need for structure, such as giving advanced notice of upcoming changes, can help children prepare and feel more secure, making transitions easier,” she added.

7. Special interests

“Children with autism often develop deep interests in specific topics or activities called ‘hyperfixations’,” added Chheda. “These hobbies may seem unusual in intensity or subject matter compared to their peers, leading to challenges in group or classroom settings.”

The psychologist pointed out that many parents worry that this extreme interest in a specific area could limit social development.

But “we must highlight that these special interests can actually act as leverage for learning, skill-building, and connecting with others who share similar passions,” she said.

Her advice is to encourage exploration of these niche interests in safe and structured ways. “You can enroll them in inclusive special needs programs or incorporate these fixations into educational activities, using them as a bridge to develop any delays in communication and problem-solving skills,” she added.

People Love To Ask Invasive Questions About My Son’s Autism. These Are The Only Ones I’ll Answer

Posted on 22/08/2025 by Boris Clair

My son, who starts second grade soon, is autistic and largely nonverbal.

We don’t live in a world that’s made for neurodiverse folks. And while there’s so much out there that tries to push kids like mine to conform into neurotypical spaces, it’s really on us to bend the world for them.

That’s why I talk to our neighbours, the folks running nearby stores, members of our community, about his autism. As a result, he has a favourite corner deli, where the owners know him. A thrift store where, when we walk in, an employee turns the music down, smiling at me from across the aisles. A bookshop where the booksellers don’t mind him sitting at the little kid’s table for half an hour, even when he unpacks a bag of Lego.

As a father, I will pry the world apart with my bare hands if I have to, if it means he can find a way through. But outside of these specific situations, I’ve never liked talking about my son’s autism with other people.

Growing up as a marginalised person, particularly as an adopted person of colour who didn’t really fit into any one space, a lot of irritating questions regularly came my way. “Where are you from, from?” perhaps being the favourite.

And while I had plenty of canned responses, none were ever satisfying, and I was always tired. No one likes to continuously explain their existence.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned the concept of “it’s not your job to educate everyone”. It quickly became a core part of how I walk through the world. I was frustrated. I didn’t want to keep justifying myself to people who didn’t understand.

They could just go Google. It’s not that hard to learn about adoption, or what being a transracial adoptee means. Why waste my time, why make me cut myself open for you?

When our son was first diagnosed, there were a lot of questions from family and friends. Most of them were genuinely well-meaning, but as he grew older, some of them started to feel more and more ignorant and intrusive. I got angry. I snapped on phone calls, out at dinner. And that shield went up once again.

It wasn’t my job to educate everyone.

But in the last two years, something has changed. My child started going to school, then started wanting to go to the park, to playgrounds. He was trying to be social, even without the words. And in that world that tries to make neurodiverse folks bend and change, he deserved every opportunity, every run on a slide, every jump in a splash pad. A classroom, a summer camp. A childhood.

Then the questions started to happen again.

But they weren’t coming from the adults. The other parents mostly looked at us silently, from the corner of their eyes, as I showed up with my kiddo in a wagon while the rest of their children walked; or when he jumped around as their kids sat still; or when he got wildly upset over someone touching his backpack and had to unpack the entire thing so he could make sure everything was just the way he needed it to be.

The side eyes and furrowed brows are seared in my brain. Even if they don’t recognise me at the local grocery store, I sure remember them. I’m a father first and a Scorpio second.

So no, the questions didn’t come from those adults. They came from their kids.

“Hi, are you his Dad?”

“Why do you take him everywhere in that wagon?”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Why doesn’t he talk?”

“He won’t play with me, why not?”

“Why does he keep spinning around like that?

“How can I help?”

At 6 or 7 years old, they were full of questions, but they were also full of empathy. Between drop off and pick up at school, at neighbourhood block parties, and at this year’s summer camp, little kids frequently asked these gentle questions, sometimes while a nearby parent tried to shoo them away or tell them what they were asking was inappropriate.

Maybe Past Me would have felt the same. The part of me that insisted “it’s not my job to educate everyone”. But I think that changes when the person you’re trying to educate people about can’t do it for themselves. When you have a chance to alter the world for your child, even a little bit.

So, I started to answer the questions. Just a quick sentence here or there.

“Oh, well he’s autistic. He experiences the world in another way.”

“Sometimes he gets overstimulated, and moving around helps. It’s called stimming.”

“It’s called being nonverbal. Words are hard, but he does communicate.”

“He experiences sensory things differently. So touching is sometimes very uncomfortable.”

And so on. My responses were always met with a thoughtful look, a smile. An “I want to try that!” and a kid spinning around themselves, arms stretched out in the morning sun.

I’m hopeful, staring down second grade. He’s got great teachers and a great community. And there are kids with empathy everywhere, even if some of the adults have lost it over the years.

Where I once thought it wasn’t my job to educate everyone, now I wish that more people would ask these questions in the gentle, well-meaning way kids do. That instead of the stares and the whispers, they would be curious and brave, like children who only want to understand.

Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@huffpost.com.

5 Signs Your People-Pleasing Is Actually A ‘Survival Mode’

Posted on 26/07/2025 by Boris Clair

Chances are you either know, or are, a “people pleaser” ― someone who feels the urge to please others, sometimes at your own expense.

It can make you reluctant to say “no” to others, anxious about speaking up for your own needs, and suspicious that the people in your life are always taking advantage of your “helpful” nature.

But speaking to HuffPost UK, Dr. Bijal Chheda, consultant psychologist and the founder of neurodiverse-inclusive mental health clinic Nos Curare, sometimes the instinct can be a form of “fawn mode.”

What is “fawn mode”?

“While many people are familiar with the classic stress responses ‘fight, flight, or freeze,’ there’s a fourth overlooked reaction called ‘fawn mode,’” Dr Chheda told us.

“Fawn mode is a psychological response to threat where, essentially, people-pleasing is turned up to become a survival strategy.”

But instead of causing you to flee from or confront a perceived threat, “fawn mode” means you become hyper-attuned to the needs and expectations of those around you.

It can happen to people who were bullied or exposed to an emotionally unsafe environment in childhood, the expert said, but it can also start in adulthood following toxic work, romantic, familial, or platonic relationships.

“Because they fully believe that their safety or acceptance depends on keeping others happy, people in fawn mode feel the need to work extra hard in the moment to maintain peace,” the psychologist shared.

For those on the autism spectrum, fawning behaviours “may overlap with masking or the act of camouflaging one’s real traits as a way to blend in with social expectations.

“They do this consciously in order to minimise rejection or avoid criticism, often resulting in burnout.”

Those with ADHD may face similar pressures, she continued.

What are the signs I’m in “fawn mode”?

Per Dr Chheda, you may be in fawn mode if:

1) Saying no feels impossible, even when you’re overwhelmed.

You might find it hard to set boundaries, even ones that are sorely needed, the psychologist said.

“Even when your own energy or time has been depleted, you tend to prioritise others’ needs to avoid conflict or confrontation.”

2) You are constantly anxious about upsetting others.

“This heightened anxiety makes every interaction feel like a test where one wrong move could lead to disapproval or instant abandonment,” Dr Chheda told us.

This can make clear, honest communication “exhausting.”

3) Apologising has become a reflex or automatic response.

Find yourself saying “sorry” out or habit, even if you’ve done nothing wrong?

“In these instances, apologising has become a default response used to smooth over situations or deflect potential criticism,” explained the psychologist.

“Over time, this habit can blur the lines of personal responsibility.”

4) Your sense of self-worth depends on being needed.

Some people in “fawn mode” tie their self-worth to how useful they feel they are to other people.

“In turn, this dynamic makes it hard to recognise your own personal needs or prioritise self-care without feelings of guilt,” Dr Chheda stated.

5) You feel responsible for how other people feel.

You might be hyper-vigilant about other people’s emotions and moods.

“This constant monitoring can leave you emotionally exhausted. In focusing so much on others, it becomes easy to lose sight of your own feelings or identity,” the pro told us.

What should I do if I think I’m in “fawn mode”?

You don’t have to turn a lifetime of habits around in a day, Dr Chheda revealed.

“Self-awareness is the first step to breaking free from fawn mode. Take time to reflect on when these behaviours began and how they have been reinforced throughout your life,” she advised.

“Once you have done this, you can start setting micro-boundaries. Begin with small steps like saying no to low-stakes requests or pausing before agreeing to things.”

The process of untying your worth from the needs of others can be lonig and tricky, the psychologist ended, but is ultimately worth it.

These 6 Signs Of ‘Laziness’ May Prove You Actually Just Need Support

Posted on 25/06/2025 by Boris Clair

Author and psychologist Devon Price doesn’t just think “lazy” is a harsh term – in an interview with NPR, he said he doesn’t think the attribute really even exists.

Instead, the expert suggests, the word is bandied about to shame people into prioritising productivity over health.

Speaking to HuffPost UK, consultant psychologist and founder of London mental health clinic Nos Curare, Dr Bijal Chheda, said that so-called “laziness” really can be a sign of mental health issues and neurodivergence.

She shared seven behaviours some may label “lazy” that might indicate you actually need more support:

1) Struggling to get out of bed

“For many people living with mood disorders, such as depression or bipolar disorder, just getting out of bed in the morning can feel impossible,” Dr Chheda said.

“This is especially the case after high-energy periods where intense emotional highs are followed by a sudden crash that reflects physically.”

During very high-activity spells, people with bipolar can push themselves far beyond their limits, the psychologist told us.

“In these cases, exhaustion is so overwhelming it can feel physically paralysing, making even simple tasks feel impossible.”

2) Skipping basic self-care steps

Missing showers, not brushing your teeth, and wearing the same clothes for days can leave some people feeling “lazy.”

But, Dr Chheda told us, “Neglecting personal hygiene or even basic self-maintenance tasks, such as eating regularly, can actually stem from feelings of numbness or hopelessness, symptoms often linked to major depressive disorder (MDD).”

During these times, the brain shifts into survival mode, leaving your previous routine in the dust.

“It’s not a lack of responsibility, but a sign that the mind is prioritising basic emotional survival over everyday functioning,” she shared.

3) Withdrawing from social occasions

Cancelling plans, though impolite, can be a sign of overwhelm, says Dr Chheda.

“To many neurodivergent individuals, especially on the autism spectrum, this can be a protective response to overstimulation,” she wrote.

“This type of sensory overload is typically triggered by loud environments or unpredictable social dynamics, causing them to retreat from group settings for indefinite periods at a time. In these instances, even brief conversations or small talk can be extremely mentally taxing.”

4) Procrastinating

Sometimes, the psychologist explained, there’s a science behind why you keep putting that one task off.

“Due to low dopamine levels (the hormone associated with motivation and reward), for example, individuals with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) often have difficulty with task initiation,” she told us.

“Combined with time blindness (the inability to keep track of time) it makes it harder to gauge how long certain tasks will take.”

5) Decision fatigue

If the thought of choosing dinner one more time is enough to make you nope out of the meal altogether, Dr Chheda says that may be a red flag.

“If someone’s default answers are ‘I don’t care’ or ‘you choose,’ they might not be indecisive or indifferent. In fact, they might just be mentally exhausted,” she advised.

People living with generalised anxiety disorder or high-functioning depression may be especially more likely to show the sign, the expert continued.

“While often appearing composed on the outside, their minds work in overdrive, internalising their issues. As such, the burden of making daily decisions while battling intrusive thoughts wears down the brain, making even the simplest choices feel debilitating.”

6) Not following through on your goals

Not doing what you said you would can make you feel guilty, but sometimes it’s down to your dopamine, Dr Chheda said.

“These patterns are… classic symptoms of emotional dysregulation caused by low dopamine levels, common in individuals who suffer from bipolar disorder and ADHD. This is why these two conditions are often misdiagnosed as one another.”

Some with the condition can have weeks or months of intense, overactive motivation, followed by long, uninterrupted lulls.

“The turbulence makes it difficult to maintain momentum, forcing them to leave goals unfinished, even ones they were once excited about,” the psychologist ended.

Noticing one, more, or all of these signs does not definitely mean you are neurodivergent or have a mental health issue.

But if your day-to-day life is affected by your mood, stress, or exhaustion, speak to a professional about how to address it.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Think ‘Overdiagnosis’ Is A Problem? Try Getting An Autism Assessment

Posted on 18/05/2025 by Boris Clair

Neurologist Suzanne O’Sullivan recently told The Times that “overdiagnosis” is a scourge these days, including among those with suspected autism.

But do the stats bear these claims out?

The National Autistic Society says that roughly 750,000 autistic adults in the UK remain undiagnosed; the Children’s Commissioner’s 2024 report on waiting times for assessment and support for autism found wide “inequalities between the most and least advantaged children” seeking assessment.

With the latest NHS figures on diagnosis waiting times having just been released (sharing that just under 90% of those with suspected autism have had open assesment referrals incomplete for at last 13 weeks), we spoke to The National Autistic Society about why difficulties getting assessed might be more of a risk than so-called “overdiagnosis.”

“An autism diagnosis can be life-changing”

Mel Merritt, Head of Policy and Campaigns at the National Autistic Society, tells us: “The number of people waiting for an autism assessment in England has rocketed to more than 224,000 people – that’s nearly the population of Luton or Portsmouth.”

It is also a 23% increase from last year’s figures, and a 76% rise over the past two years.

“The waiting list has more than tripled since the publication of the National Autism Strategy in July 2021, despite its promise to reduce diagnosis waiting times and improve support,” Merritt continues.

This is also despite the NHS itself saying people should not have to wait for more than three months to be assessed.

“An autism diagnosis can be life-changing and in some cases lifesaving, but getting an autism assessment shouldn’t be this hard… the average wait is now over 14 months,” the spokesperson shares.

“The assessment can be the first step to really understanding people’s needs and, too often, people can’t get support without a diagnosis, although this shouldn’t be the case.

“Additionally, people shouldn’t have to pay to get the support they need for themselves or their children.”

The Children’s Commissioner’s 2024 report found that “the most disadvantaged children with neurodevelopmental conditions are most likely to
have their life course permanently altered by long wait times.

As a Guardian writer puts it, “No one is simply ‘slapping’ an autism diagnosis on anybody, at least not in the NHS.”

Endless wait lists are “traumatic”

Though there is an increased demand for assessments (especially among “previously overlooked demographics such as women and girls”), the National Autistic Society tells us there is not a corresponding supply.

And even once you pass the “traumatic” wait time, “The diagnosis process is not a simple, quick process and can involve hours of recounting traumatic experiences and focusing on perceived deficits.”

Merrit ends, “Autistic people and their families face a constant fight for support in all aspects of their lives, and this often starts with long, traumatic waits for a diagnosis.

“The Government must provide urgent funding for diagnosis services to end this worsening crisis, and make sure autistic people and their families get the support they need when they need it.”

‘Don’t Assume Quiet Is OK’: How Overwhelmed Schools Miss Autism In Girls

Posted on 16/04/2025 by Boris Clair

“I believe autism shows up to everyone differently, no matter the gender,” TikTok star and body positivity advocate Miah Carter tells HuffPost UK.

Still, she says, “I 100% believe schools are still really unequipped when it comes to understanding autism. I think a lot of girls, like myself, mask their struggles really well. It can get completely missed.”

The National Autistic Society says this is common.

“Autistic women and girls may be better at masking their difficulties in order to fit in with their peers and have a more even profile of social skills in general,” they shared in their advice for teachers; autistic girls are diagnosed at a later age, on average, than autistic boys.

“For me, things like being overstimulated or shutting down were just seen as me being ‘dramatic’ or ‘too sensitive,’” Miah, diagnosed at six, continues.

“I wasn’t being listened to, I was being labelled. Teachers often dismiss signs as just being shy, rude, or moody, and that can be really damaging.”

So, we thought we’d speak to experts about how schools might misunderstand signs of autism in general, and among autistic girls more specifically.

“Most don’t receive extensive training in neurodiversity”

Dr Erin Lamb, CEO and president of the Gateway School for students with autism, developmental disabilities, and communication disorders, says: “Teachers are often on the front lines of early developmental observation, but most don’t receive extensive training in neurodiversity or how autism can present differently from the traditional (and often male-centred) clinical profile.”

This can make autism hard to spot, she says, “especially in cases where the child is highly verbal, academically capable, or able to ‘mask’ their challenges – traits often seen in girls.

“So while many teachers care deeply and observe thoughtfully, systemic gaps in training and awareness can lead to missed or delayed identification of autism.”

Meanwhile, Dr Ray Romanczyk from the Institute for Childhood Development at Binghamton University says: “You can’t make everyone an expert.

“And autism, especially in girls, is one of those things where the range of presentation can be from the very subtle to the very clear, and so to expect perfect identification by other than experts is really a hard goal to achieve,” he continues.

So, while he thinks “we can do a lot more where education comes in,” the expert stresses that “so much pressure has been put on educators to identify everything.

“It’s very difficult, and the younger the child, the more subtle, the more difficult.”

It’s not about blame

Autistic therapist and founder of The Sensitive Empowerment Community, Julie Bjelland, says: “It’s not about blame – it’s about awareness. We can do better when we understand more.”

“Most teachers aren’t trained to see autism outside the classic presentation,” she adds. “And schools are overwhelmed.”

Still, she recommends, “Don’t assume that quiet means OK. Or that good grades mean thriving. Many autistic students work so hard just to survive the school day. And when they get home, they fall apart from the effort of holding it all in.”

Miah tells HuffPost UK that improvements need to happen beyond the stage of spotting signs of autism.

“We need more training in schools, more patience, and way more understanding of neurodiversity,” she shares.

As Dr Romanczyk says, it’s not always possible for teachers to diagnose and accurately spot every instance of autism; nonetheless, experts all seem to agree that increased patience and improved training can make the experiences of autistic people easier.

‘It Treats Us Like Children’ – What 5 Autistic People Think Of Netflix’s Love On The Spectrum

Posted on 12/04/2025 by Boris Clair

Love On The Spectrum season three recently hit Netflix, much to fans’ delight.

A family member of mine, who is autistic and whose dating dramas could honestly fuel a movie franchise, is among them; they got me into it as soon as it went live, and is hooked on the new season.

Speaking to Tudum, executive producer and co-creator Cian O’Clery said he enjoys how its participants “represent the diversity of the spectrum.”

But some autistic people feel that the show, of which the editing is sometimes seen as ‘infantilising’ the cast, is a little ‘patronising’, and actually may give a reductive view of autistic people.

So, we thought we’d ask some autistic people to give us their thoughts on the show.

Of course, these are just a few voices and far from a unified stance on the Netflix hit; people’s thoughts will naturally differ according to each individual.

“My experience as an autistic woman leads me to have conflicting emotions about Love on the Spectrum.”

Katherine Rundell, a writer at Academized.com, told us she had mixed feelings.

“I value the program’s approach to presenting autistic people’s experiences while they explore the deeply human and vulnerable aspects of dating,” she told us.

“Autistic people seldom receive portrayals with emotional depth and even less frequently demonstrate attempts at connection and intimacy therefore this show addresses a significant absence.”

Still, she says, she can’t help but find the show’s approach a little “patronising.”

“The narration seems to treat autistic individuals like children while targeting a neurotypical audience who might react with ‘oohs’ and ‘awws’ instead of focusing directly on the autistic people featured in the show,” she said.

“The show’s tone focuses too much on portraying individuals as endearingly quirky… We seem to be under study rather than being comprehended.”

And while Rundell acknowledges other dating shows use dating coaches, she thinks “their function in this program seems to suggest that autistic individuals require training to become attractive to neurotypical standards” and that it ignores “the legitimacy of neurodivergent ways of showing affection, attraction, or communicating.”

“The series contains beautiful intimate scenes where individuals authentically connect with each other in their unique ways which transcends the editing process,” she concluded.

“And when it’s good, it’s really good. I wish the show would dive deeper into its subjects while posing tougher questions and empowering autistic people to share their personal narratives.”

“I recommend everyone to watch it”

Jessica Whalley, author of The Autistic Mom, says she’s “obsessed” with the show.

“As an autistic person, I made it a priority to watch this from season one,” she added. Her favourite storyline is the one between Abbey and David.

“I tell everyone I know, neurotypical and neurodivergent, to watch the show – not only is it heartwarming, [but] it also shares that autistic adults want and need love and the realities, struggles and joys of that journey.”

“I see myself in the show”

Late-diagnosed mother Erin K Arceri told us she “was a high-masking autistic person most of my life – until my health collapsed about a decade ago, and I couldn’t hide it anymore.”

“I love Love on the Spectrum,” she continued.

“I see so much of myself in many of the people on the show. It’s helped me feel less alone and more seen.”

“I don’t feel fully represented”

Another anonymous source told HuffPost UK that while they enjoy the show, they feel it leaves a portion of the autistic experience out.

“Lots of the families [in the show] seem to have quite a lot of money. But lots of autistic adults are not well off.”

Still, they say, the “drama” of the show has been fun to watch, and they like how the show depicts autistic desire and affection.

“I have dated since I was a teenager and now people might understand that is normal,” they added.

“There’s still a long way to go”

Autistic psychotherapist and founder of The Sensitive Empowerment Community, which “supports sensitive and autistic individuals,” Julie Bjelland, says she also feels conflicted.

“I’ve watched Love on the Spectrum with a blend of appreciation and concern,” she shared.

“While I’m grateful that the show brings conversations about autism and dating into the public eye – and appreciate the inclusion of LGBTQ+ representation – I believe there’s still a long way to go in how autistic people are portrayed.”

One of her main concerns, she says, is that the show focuses on “surface-level depictions of autism, often reinforcing the idea that autistic people are childlike or incapable of independence.”

She says she’d “love to see greater representation of those of us who may not ‘look autistic’ by traditional standards but who are navigating dating, intimacy, and deep emotional connection through an autistic lens.”

Season one included Kaelynn Partlow, who has fewer support needs than other cast members and has since said she thinks she wasn’t included in season two because of her preference for a neurotypical boyfriend and her strong communication skills. Still, she shared on TikTok, “I get it.”

Bjelland, however, likes the inclusion of dating coach Jennifer Cook, who is herself autistic.

“I hope future seasons continue that momentum – by involving more autistic voices behind the scenes and expanding representation to include late-discovered adults, LGBTQ+ folks, and those whose communication and relational styles are more subtle or internal,” she said.

There Are 8 Key Autism Terms – It’s Time You Learned Them

Posted on 01/04/2025 by Boris Clair

Recent studies reveal that about 700,000 people in the UK are autistic, which works out as around one in every 100 people in the population. Research also indicates that the numbers could be twice as high, as there are so many people still undiagnosed.

With this in mind, Dr Selina Warlow, a clinical psychologist and owner of The Nook Neurodevelopmental Clinic, has shared a glossary of terms that give insights into some of the traits of autism, providing support when it comes to recognising symptoms.

She says: “Conversation around neurodiversity is becoming normalised, and that’s so positive to see.

“But the figures show a need for more awareness to help people identify whether they [are autistic], so they can start their assessment journey. Receiving a diagnosis can open access to expert resources that support autistic people to thrive in society.”

From masking to autistic burnout – a psychologist explains 8 traits of autism

Stimming (Self-Stimulatory Behaviour)

“Stimming is a term that refers to repetitive movements or sounds often associated with autism to manage sensory overload. This includes rocking, tapping, hand-flapping and spinning”, explains Dr Warlow.

While these aren’t exclusive to autistic people, autistic people are more likely to use them as tools of self-regulation.

“Masking is behaviour autistic people may use to hide their true characteristics to match those of neurotypical individuals”, says Dr Warlow.

“This could involve copying facial expressions, planning conversations in advance, or holding in ‘stimming’, for example swapping hand clapping, with playing with a pen.”

Autistic burnout

“Autistic burnout – being extremely tired both mentally and physically – can be associated with the act of ‘masking’ (concealing autistic behaviours) for a long period of time, or sensory or social overload.”

Dr Warlow shares that some of theymptoms of autistic burnout include withdrawal from social life, reduced performance, and increased sensitivity to certain stimuli.

Literal thinking

For some autistic people, language is always very literal, which can result in confusion with figures of speech, irony or indirect requests.

“For instance”, Dr Warlow adds, “being told to ‘pull your socks up’ might be understood literally, not as a motivational phrase, so using exact words may be more helpful during conversations.”

Assessment

Prior to diagnosis, a person showing signs of being autistic may choose to be assessed. This process can either happen through the NHS by visiting your GP or you can seek a private assessment.

Dr Warlow says that a diagnosis can be both “an emotional, but also empowering time”, while you learn about autism and adjust your lives to cater for its strengths and needs.

Hyperfocus

Hyperfocus is where an autistic person is able to focus intensely on an activity, and can become absorbed in it to the point of forgetting about the time. This is useful in work or hobbies but can result in neglect of other aspects of life such as food or rest.

Dr Warlow advises: “If it is possible to identify hyperfocus patterns, alarms can be used to help keep tasks moving.”

Special interests

Autistic people can have a particular interest which they find fascinating and dedicate lots of time to learning about. Special interests usually begin presenting in childhood but can also form as an adult. Special interests could include anything from dinosaurs or superheroes to hobbies like gardening.

Dr Warlow adds: “Chris Packham is an example of a person with autism who turned his childhood special interest in animals into a successful career, becoming one of the UK’s best-loved natural world TV presenters.”

Dr Warlow reveals that the term AuDHD – a combination of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) – is gaining traction in the neurodiverse community, with over 12,000 monthly Google searches, 375,000 posts on TikTok and 172,000 hashtags on Instagram.

“Many autistic people also have ADHD, which can bring certain benefits and difficulties at the same time. While autism is characterised by a desire for sameness and a focus on details, ADHD is defined by impulsivity and difficulty focusing.”

If you think you may be autistic, speak to your GP for a referral.