Most of us associate being given more power (and, therefore, responsibility) at work with a higher chance of promotion and even potentially better pay.
But speaking to HuffPost UK, Adrien Kallel, a recruitment specialist at international hiring agency RemotePeople, said that sometimes, it can be a warning sign.
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“Sometimes, people assume the worst only after it’s already happened,” the expert said.
“But by recognising the patterns early on, you can prepare and protect yourself. Keep your CV current, stay in touch with your wider network, and build good relationships with recruiters, that way you’re ready to move if needed.”
Why would being given more responsibility hurt my career?
Though more trust and a broader job scope can seem like a welcome and promising change (and often is), Kallel cautions that if it comes out of nowhere and is overwhelming, it can be a “trap.”
“This tactic can be subtle,” the recruiter said. “A manager might present it as a development opportunity. You’re told it’s your time to shine, maybe even hinted that a promotion is around the corner.
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“But if the expectations suddenly become unrealistic and you’re set up to miss targets, it could be part of a plan to phase you out.”
Putting an overwhelming amount of work on an employee may be a sneaky way to label them as “underperforming,” he advised. That way, a manager can point to their inability to meet impossible goals when phasing a worker out.
What should I do if I notice this happening?
“If your objectives are being dramatically adjusted, or the workload triples with no clear timeline or support, it’s essential to protect yourself,” Kallel stated.
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“Start by calmly raising your concerns in writing, not just verbally.”
You should be as specific as you can in your wording. Ask, What are the new expectations? What support will be provided? What does success look like under these new terms?
“Getting this in writing shows you’re willing, but also creates a record if the situation worsens,” Kallel says.
Even though it’s not a great feeling, the expert says workers should trust our guts.
“If something feels off, it probably is,” he admitted.
“These are conversations worth having early, not when HR is already involved.”
I stared out floor-to-ceiling windows at the frigid Hudson River. It was just days before the winter-holiday slowdown at work, and in that stark industrial room, all of my colleagues stared, too, just like we had the prior December (and the one before that).
An executive spoke coldly about budget cuts and the need to maximise value by remaining “lean and mean”. Then we were ordered back to our desks, which were lined up in long rows a floor away.
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First there was silence. Then the firings began.
One by one, I’d hear a phone ring and pray it wasn’t mine. If it was, it meant I’d soon be leaving my desk for the last time. After a fateful walk to Human Resources to sign paperwork, I’d then be escorted out of the building while an ex-coworker would pack up my things.
Years later, tears still fill my eyes remembering taping up boxes for my friends. One second they were there, and the next they were gone without even a goodbye. I was always the lone survivor, and some days, the guilt was enough to make me want to follow them out the door.
Year after year, the layoffs continued, but I remained. Once a part of a small editorial team of three at one of the world’s most famous lifestyle brands, by the end, I was a sad and scrappy team of one. My second to last joyful season of firings, my boss was cut. Then one year later, they fired the editor beneath me and decided I could handle things on my own.
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You are a rockstar! You are so efficient! Take this raise! Hooray, you!
When I couldn’t keep up with the workload, I was told to work harder. Faster.
“But it’s too much,” I pleaded.
“Stop with the negativity,” they said.
After one too many days spent crying in the bathroom with no friends left in sight, I finally broke. I quit my job without anything lined up, a bold move that would become an even bolder 10-year pattern that I never could have anticipated as an eager kid barely out of college.
For the next decade I repeated this cycle: Get a shiny new job. Get promoted. Get burnt out. Quit. Writing it now, it seems rather obvious I had a problem. But living through it, I felt like I was anything but the problem. They were the evil employer. I was the prized employee who never got fired. Not only that, after each valiant, dramatic resignation I put in, my friends would applaud me.
You’re so brave! So inspiring! So true to yourself!
However, toward the end of each one of my fateful job finales, another pattern had emerged – one people didn’t see. I’d stop eating. Lose weight. Have panic attacks. My anxiety would ultimately become unbearable, and that’s when I’d get up the gusto to quit. So brave and inspiring, right?
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I gave every job everything I had. My mornings, my breaks, my nights, my weekends, and of course, every hour in between. As a result, I was spared through countless slaughterings. I mean come on: What boss would ever dream of firing a person like that? A human so dedicated, she’d jump through flaming hoops to get her job done.
Then something unexpected happened: I burnt out on life – not just work – and realised I was actually just a human with absolutely no boundaries.
Zero. Zilch. None.
Courtesy of Liz Regalia
“This was a shiny new headshot taken in 2019 with the start of a (yet another) new job,” the author writes.
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Through the blur that was the years spent “building my career,” I met a man and he asked me to marry him. He was wonderful and caring, and he still is. We were happy together, so when he got down on one knee, I said yes despite having been adamantly against the idea of marriage my whole life.
My mother, after I told her the news, didn’t say congratulations but: “Wow, I really didn’t know if you’d say yes.”
Well, yes mum. I did. Why? I didn’t know how to say no.
Hell, “no” wasn’t even in my repertoire. I did whatever I needed to keep the peace. Keep a good GPA. Keep money in my bank account. But now my inability to set a boundary when it came to honouring my own happiness was officially catching up.
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After six years of marriage, the truth of never wanting an “I do” in the first place had crept up in a myriad of ways, and soon it was yelling at me so loudly that I couldn’t drown it out anymore. So, I quit my marriage, too.
After my divorce, I started therapy. That’s where I’d learned just how much my lack of boundaries had been sending me running in circles my whole life. Ignoring my own needs had become second nature. It ensured things didn’t change. It ensured people stuck around. And as it’d turn out, it also ensured I stayed employed. And, at the heart of everything, it ensured some part of me felt safe.
But what felt like winning – whether it was friends, promotions or love – had actually been losing what mattered most. I’d lost time to pursue my dream of writing a book, friendships that kept me afloat, and ultimately, myself because I never learned to set a boundary to keep people from taking too much of me. So I set out to do just that.
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With the help of my therapist, I started saying no to plans I didn’t want to do. I started saying no to holidays if it meant being around family members who belittled me. I even started to say no to friends who didn’t know how to set boundaries of their own. That’s when something all-too familiar happened: My team shrunk at work, and I was asked to pick up the slack. It felt like the ultimate test, and I accepted:
No, I cannot work extra hours because we are short-staffed.
No, I cannot do two jobs because someone left.
No, I cannot hit two project deadlines instead of one by Monday.
I uttered that last one on a Friday, but I made a fatal mistake afterward. When my boss pushed me harder to hit both deadlines, instead of sticking to my guns, I said the two words that have gotten my people-pleasing self into more sleepless nights than any others: “I’ll try.”
I woke up with a tightness in my chest on Sunday morning. The work was still not done despite trying my damndest the day before. Could I try to finish it if I worked another seven-hour day? Yes. Would I have to cancel plans with friends? Yes. Would I have to forgo working on my manuscript? Yes. Then, in spite of my ego wanting so badly to please, I decided the answer was no.
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“Ignoring my own needs had become second nature. It ensured things didn’t change. It ensured people stuck around. And as it’d turn out, it also ensured I stayed employed. And, at the heart of everything, it ensured some part of me felt safe.”
Come Monday, instead of feeling like a hero walking into work like I often did at the beginning, I felt nauseous. I immediately admitted to my team that no, I was not able to hit the deadline, but I tried. An hour later, my boss called me into her office.
“It’s less than a month into the new year, and I already hear you saying ‘no,’ again,” she said exasperated. “It’s unacceptable.”
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Little did she know, I’d spent the past three years in therapy practicing how to say exactly that: N-O. Two little letters that when put together had the magical ability to set a boundary that would protect me from burning out and betraying my integrity. But little did I know that when you finally learn that no is indeed an acceptable answer, you will also quickly discover who disagrees. By the end of the week, I was fired.
That Friday, I was escorted out of the building. My friends were left to pack my things from my desk in small boxes like I had done so many times for others. I felt like a complete failure, not yet seeing the longer story buried beneath the surface of how I got here. But I do now. What felt like a mortifying public defeat was actually my biggest internal victory yet.
The people-pleaser in me died that week, and I admit that I completely crumbled after getting kicked to the curb. In many ways, my worst fears were realised: staying true to yourself by setting boundaries can result in an enormous amount of pain. But from the rubble, I emerged as someone else.
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Looking back, with no full-time job in sight, I’ve made the hard decision not to look for one. As a recovering over-achieving people-pleaser who has struggled so hard to learn to set boundaries, the risk of signing up to work for someone else who doesn’t respect them is simply too great for me.
Right now, I’ve decided to work jobs that don’t demand more than I can give. As a result, I have restored friendships and even finished the book I dreamed of writing. Yes, it’s scary going my own way. Yes, some people doubt I can make it work. Yes, I feel lonely and uncomfortable most days. But, no: I will not let that stop me.
Courtesy of Liz Regalia
The author (left) celebrating the single freelance life in New York City with her best friend at the end of 2024.
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Liz Regalia is a writer and editor based in Charleston, South Carolina. She has over a decade of experience covering lifestyle, health and wellness for a variety of national publications, and has also overseen digital content programming and editorial strategy at various media companies. She just completed her first novel which she hopes will find a publishing home very soon.
With the rise of AI-powered writing assistants, typing up your job application can be quicker than ever.
OpenAI’s ChatGPT, for example, is a chatbot powered by machine learning that can write out detailed resumes and cover letters in less than five minutes with the prompts you give it. But if you are doing this, know that recruiters can tell.
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“Easily 25% of apps appear to be AI-generated,” said Bonnie Dilber,a recruiting manager with app-automation company Zapier.
And these blatant examples do not leave a winning impression on recruiters. At worst, “it signals to me that the person may not know what they are talking about or how to blend AI-generated content with their own ideas,” Dilber said.
The Biggest Tell You Used AI On Your Job Application
The biggest red flag, recruiters said, is when your application reads like a copy-pasted, robotic and formulaic template.
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If you are using an AI-powered writing assistant, think of the hundreds of other job candidates who are doing the same. For recruiters who sift through many applications, the ones that are done through AI become obvious, because they have similar sentence structures and they use the same case studies.
Dilber gave the example of asking “Why are you interested in this position?” on a job application and getting candidates who use the same word-for-word response of “Company’s mission of ‘insert mission statement’ resonates with me and my experience in ‘insert their current job.’”
“First time I saw it, it was cute, the next few times, it becomes obvious they all plugged this into the same tool.”
– Bonnie Dilber, a recruiting manager with Zapier
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“After seeing this exact same response over and over again, it becomes clear that the candidates are all using AI,” she said.
When the application asked about how to use Zapier’s product, which automates tasks, Dilber said, “a bunch of people all came up with the same use case of a flower shop. First time I saw it, it was cute. The next few times, it becomes obvious they all plugged this into the same tool.”
For Gabrielle Woody, a university recruiter for the financial software company Intuit, the telltale sign of a ChatGPT-written application is also the “robotic tone” that is markedly different than how early-career professionals actually talk.
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“I almost always see words like ‘adept,’ ‘tech-savvy’ and ‘cutting-edge’ repeatedly now on resumes for tech roles,” she said. “I mostly review intern and entry-level resumes, and many of the early-career candidates I reviewed were not using those terms in their applications before ChatGPT.”
“A good recruiter can spot an AI-written application from a mile away,” said Laurie Chamberlin, head of LHH Recruitment Solutions in North America. For her, the clear giveaway is the generic buzzwords.
“We might catch candidates listing skills like ‘excellent communicator’ or ‘team player,’ but they don’t back them up with real-life examples,” she said. “The absence of specificity, authenticity and personal touch can be a red flag.”
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In some cases, it’s obvious because of the lack of editing. Tejal Wagadia, a recruiter for a major tech company, said that she will see job applications that still have the font, parentheses or phrasing like “add numbers here” that ChatGPT will give in its summarised answers.
“They will literally copy and paste that into their resume without any kind of editing,” Wagadia said. This can backfire for candidates, because it signals you are careless. “If you’re missing that level of detail, it shows the employer that you’re not detail-oriented. Yeah you use technology, but not well,” she added.
How Recruiters Feel About Using AI Overall
Ideally, you use AI writing tools as a starting point, recruiters said. Woody said ChatGPT can help job candidates generate ideas about which experiences to present on their resumes: “You can ask ChatGPT to break down a job description or identify the most relevant skills and experiences for the position you’re applying to.”
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In other words, AI writing assistants can help you write a first draft, but you need to edit and write your final draft with specific, detailed experiences only you know to share.
Wagadia advised making your job search “targeted and not templated.” So don’t mass-apply with hundreds of AI-generated job applications.
“It’s better to have five targeted applications where you put in effort than 100 where the other person can clearly tell that you’re not interested,” Wagadia said.
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And don’t lie. Tech and digital marketing recruiter Kelli Hrivnak cautioned applicants against using the suggested achievements generative AI tools can create in their answers if they are not true: “If you have misled the company, then this jeopardises your integrity as an employee,” Hrivnak said.
Ultimately, a strong job application will include personal anecdotes and specific achievements that are relevant to the role you’re applying to. That level of good storytelling cannot be automated.
“If the company was simply looking for AI-generated work, they’d use an AI tool,” Dilber said. “They are trying to hire a human for the unique things only humans can offer, so make sure your application showcases that.”
“Boy, you almost did something really dumb,” I chastised myself when I logged off my computer one day last week.
I thought of all the people I read or hear about who fall for the grandparent scams or the one that goes something like, “We’re the FBI, and your account has been hacked. Withdraw the rest of your money, put it in a shoebox, and we’ll come and get it and keep it safe for you.”
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How could anyone not have heard about these scams, I‘ve wondered. They’re all over the news. And then I, too, almost fell for one ― a fake job offer.
I hadn’t read much about employment scams because, stupidly, I never thought I’d run into one. I just wanted one or two more part-time clients for my freelance writing business, and the Indeed job board frequently had some possibilities. Also, I had just deleted two early career positions to shave a few years off my age after seeing the suggestion in a magazine. So when I skimmed the subject lines of my incoming email that morning and saw a positive-sounding email about a position, my only thought was that revising my resume had worked. And so quickly!
I received confirmation messages whenever I applied to gigs, so I didn’t pay much attention to the subject line until I realised — thought — an actual company was getting back to me. I had been looking at part-time copy editing and proofreading jobs, and voila! a health care company was interested in my qualifications and just wanted me to take a proofreading test.
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The business name used was that of an actual company, but I had applied to so many health systems over the previous months that I didn’t think to check further into job titles at the company or email addresses, for example. I was tired of hunting for work, so I was multitasking that morning and not paying enough attention.
When I opened the email for the job, I met “Caroline,” a woman from HR who gave me the test and said she wanted to meet over Teams. No alarm bells rang. I use Teams all the time. I took the test, and later that afternoon she got back to me and reported I passed with flying colours. I didn’t find it as difficult as one I had taken for another health system — which I didn’t pass. Most of the questions were general and easy, like, “Why is proofreading so important when it comes to health system material?” I convinced myself that was an OK question, like the company might have wanted to know if candidates realised patients may be reading life-threatening medical directions, for example.
The HR woman then launched into more information, including about the company culture and benefits, and even sent me information on the latter and asked me to sign the form to indicate I’d read it and then send it back. I did send it, but not before I questioned her on the statement about full-time work, reminding her I wanted the part-time role also advertised. I asked to see the job post again — I couldn’t find it on Indeed anymore — and she said it had been taken down. Much later, I realised there likely had been no job post for this scam position.
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“About the full-time reference … everyone has to work on staff for the first three months,’’ she said.
“After that you can request a different arrangement. You’ll also start with five days of training, paid, of course,” she added.
Then she returned to spouting information, such as how my skills fit the job perfectly and that she’d introduce me to the supervisor I’d report to before we were done. She praised my experience again, and I complained to my husband that the process was taking too long. He asked, “Are you sure it’s not a scam?” I shot him a look that meant I was too smart to fall for that.
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On the second day of my onboarding, the woman asked if I had a certain model Mac, with very specific specifications, and at least six types of software I’d be using.
“No,” I told her, and I levelled with her. “I don’t think the job is for me. I don’t use a Mac, I don’t know how, and I’m not familiar with any of the software you mentioned.”
“That’s OK,” she answered. “You’ll learn it all in training. You might want to look at some of the tools tonight before tomorrow’s training.”
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“Wow, it starts right away?” I wondered. I wasn’t crazy about that.
“Now, we’ll have our vendors send you all this, and we’ll send you a check to pay them,” Caroline wrote.
BINGO. That’s a hallmark of many scams.
Now it all fell into place. I went back and checked the email from which she had written me a few times: caroline@healthcarecompanyus.com. (I’ve changed the name of the actual company.) The “US” on the end was a big clue that this was a scam. Then I looked more closely at her name and the supposed supervisor’s name. Caroline Brown and Linda Smith. Another big mistake on their part, using such generic names (except if you were oblivious, like me). Their names hadn’t even registered initially. My stomach dropped. I checked LinkedIn.
“Uh, Caroline, neither you nor Linda are on LinkedIn,” I interrupted.
She took a minute to answer. “Oh, I wiped everything from LinkedIn when my husband died,” she said.
“No … any top HR person and a supervisor at a big health company are going to have a profile on LinkedIn,” I responded, letting her know I was on to her.I stopped communicating with her after that.
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At that point the grammar in her text messages changed and someone with poor English took over. The new scammer offered me a signing bonus of $600 and said I’d receive an email the next morning with information on the items I’d be receiving along with strict instructions on how to deposit the paycheque to pay for them. A “paycheque” to pay for items made no sense. I deleted everything related to the scam, starting with what they said was their Teams account.
I had broken some cardinal rules I would find on the internet about employment scams and some that I realised myself. A few of these are:
Do not meet on Teams or in a chat room or the like. Get a valid company phone number.
Make sure you see the hiring manager’s face and talk to the person and hear their voice.
Check the person’s profile on LinkedIn.
Do not give banking or other personal information until you are further along in the hiring process and it makes sense to do so.
Be wary of excessive praise.
Never accept a check to pay for items you need for a job.
If something feels odd, trust your gut.
I emailed media relations at the real health care company and also an executive there that I found on LinkedIn. I thought they might want to know about these people and take it further, if possible. No one wrote back. I contacted Indeed as well, and an employee there emailed me and offered suggestions. The one that stood out was to call the police if I had lost money. Thank goodness I hadn’t. For as much as my ego was bruised, I can take solace in that.
These scammers groomed me for the better part of two days. I can count even more red flags in our conversations, but I would rather not rehash everything else I overlooked. It’s embarrassing. For example, remember the “Indeed Job Invite” subject line I mentioned? I seem to recall an exclamation point at the end of “Invite.” What actual company would include an exclamation point in such a message or even use that phrase? I can’t believe I breezed past it. And any mail should have come from the actual health care company.
I try not to beat myself up too much over this incident. I’m a perfect example of how people can be vulnerable in this economy, especially if they’re in a rapidly shrinking field (such as journalism, mine) or if they’re at an age where they’re worried about age discrimination.
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Still, I admit it, I felt stupid after escaping the con artists. Initially I thought I could never tell anyone about what I had done, and I was sure I would not want to write about it. Then I threw caution to the wind and thought, “What the heck. It happened, and I learned several lessons (like pay more attention when it comes to job hunting — duh).”
Because of my experience, I’m a little more humble about the truism “everyone makes mistakes.” Now that I’ve walked in the shoes of job hunters caught, or almost caught, in a scammer’s web, I better understand how someone can go down this path, besides the reasons I’ve already listed. The desire to work at home — or to continue to work at home when companies are calling people back to the office — can be a big one. Or, surely there is a good number of people who’d give anything to own their own business or be their own boss, as some of the scammers advertise. People who find themselves in a situation like this are not stupid. They are human, with human desires that have a big pull. Maybe my story can help others recognise this, also.
Venting to Mumsnet members, a site user expressed a sentiment many parents seem to relate to online: they are “sad about grandparents not helping [with] childcare,” and feel let down by their lack of a “village”.
In a separate TikTok video, a millennial mum asked: “What if childcare costs are so expensive because there is a lack of grandparents’ willingness to help watch the kids?”
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Responding to that video, a Gen X grandmother argued: “It’s not that grandparents are unwilling to watch their grandchildren – it’s that grandparents are still working full-time.”
Speaking to HuffPost UK, Chan said: “Grandparenting in 2025 looks significantly different from what Baby Boomers experienced” ― not least because grandparents themselves aren’t, as older generations’ parents may have been, comfortably retired from a single-income home.
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“According to the Grandparents Today National Survey by AARP, the youngest grandparent today is around 38 years old, and the average age for becoming a first-time grandparent is 50,” she said.
“This shift challenges the traditional image of grandparents as retired figures with abundant free time,” Chan said.
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Baby boomers and Gen X “recall their grandparents as retired, financially stable figures who could indulge them,” she added, but can’t always say the same about themselves.
Then, there’s location to consider.
While “weekly visits remain a regular part of life” for those who still live close to their grandchildren, adult children increasingly live far away from their own mums and dads.
So, “with increasing geographic distance, Baby Boomers are turning to smartphones and video calls to stay emotionally connected,” Chan added.
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Many grandparents are trying the best they can, the expert said
Of course, some grandparents might simply be uninterested in their grandchildren’s lives – that’s unfortunate and can feel very difficult.
But many are trying their best in the same difficult economy all of us are struggling through, Chan said.
Using a grandfather in his 70s as an example, Chan shared: “Despite still working part-time, he takes immense pride in supporting his granddaughter, particularly as she navigates life after her parents separated.
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“He shared how he helped her purchase essential household appliances for her new home, eager to ensure she had what she needed to start fresh,” she added.
“This generational shift in grandparenting highlights the changing dynamics of family life. Baby Boomers grew up with grandparents who were mostly retired, financially secure, and had time to indulge in their lives.
“Today’s grandparents are more active and involved, balancing work, caregiving, and financial pressures. Yet, through it all, they remain deeply committed to their grandchildren’s well-being.”
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She concluded: “The core of grandparenting hasn’t changed, what has evolved is how grandparents show up for their families.”
In a 2020 YouGov poll, 38% of mothers and 14% of fathers said they thought having kids hurt their careers.
That can take the form of reduced hours, taking fewer opportunities, and leaving the workplace entirely, respondents shared. “All of these factors tend to lead to stagnating or lower pay,” YouGov added.
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In a now-deleted Reddit post, a site user asked members of r/AITAH (Am I The A**hole Here) whether that trade-off deserved financial compensation from their spouse.
So, we spoke to divorce lawyer and CEO of OW Lawyers Michelle O’Neil about whether the demands were fair.
A father wants a share of his wife’s property in return for becoming a stay-at-home dad
The post author said his pregnant wife, who makes substantially more money than he does, told him he was expected to become a stay-at-home dad when their first child was born.
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The suggestion – which had not been discussed with the father beforehand – left the poster uneasy because he didn’t like how that might play out in the event of a divorce.
When he brought this up to his wife, he suggested she offer him a share of her property as a safety net in return for the career stagnation, lack of pay, and financial insecurity the lifestyle change could expose him to.
She didn’t seem comfortable with the arrangement, leading the poster to wonder whether or not his demands were unfair.
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A divorce lawyer said his demand makes sense
O’Neil said that in her decades-long career, she’s seen firsthand “how decisions like this can create significant financial disadvantages for the spouse who steps away from their career”.
“While becoming a stay-at-home parent is a deeply personal decision, it must be made with full awareness of the long-term financial risks,” she continued, “particularly in the event of a divorce.”
Additionally, the divorce lawyer calls the discussion – or lack thereof – around the change a “red flag”.
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“When one spouse dictates a major life change rather than engaging in a collaborative discussion, it often signals deeper power imbalances in the relationship which lead to bigger issues,” she told HuffPost UK.
“Decisions about career sacrifices, parenting roles, and financial security should be mutual, not unilateral.”
Explaining that staying home to look after a child can lead to a loss of earning potential, a smaller pension, a lack of asset equality, and financial dependence, O’Neil said the husband’s request for equity in the home is “a smart negotiation move”.
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Though not everyone can offer a share of their home to mitigate those risks, the divorce lawyer advised: “Marriage is a partnership, and both spouses’ contributions – financial and otherwise – must be valued and protected.
“If one spouse makes a career sacrifice, the financial risks should be acknowledged and mitigated before the decision is made, not after.”
It’s easy to scroll through TikTok or Instagram and see your favorite influencers sharing glamorous updates, whether that’s opening free gifts, walking red carpets or traveling.
At first glance, it looks like influencers are living their dream life ― and, in a way, they are. They have access and opportunities the general population doesn’t normally get, simply because of their follower count. But on the other hand, social media is a glorified highlight reel, and it does come with dark sides — even for people whose job is to be on social media.
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According to a 2023 Morning Consultsurvey of 1,000 Gen Zers, 57% of them wanted to be influencers. That statistic is a clear example of how this career path is becoming more popular among young adults and the general population. But there are a few downsides you should know first.
To get the lowdown, we spoke to influencers about the dark sides of influencing they wish more people knew about. Here’s what they had to say:
Being an influencer is time consuming
Most jobs feel long and draining, whether you’re working a nine-to-five in an office or scheduled for a 12-hour shift at a clinic. When it comes to being an influencer, although the hours might not be predetermined, the time put in is still the same ― and sometimes even more.
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“Being a content creator involves tons of editing, concept development and collaboration with brands,” said Savannah Vinson, a New York City-based influencer with almost 200,000 followers on TikTok. “For instance, a simple voiceover can take me six hours, not including the time spent filming or editing. It’s not always glamorous, even though people often think it is.”
Aside from creating the content itself, there’s also a lot of back and forth that goes on between brands before filming and posting take place. For example, for Vinson, time is spent coordinating visits and planning transportation to different locations in New York City and beyond to capture the content itself.
Not to mention the fact that social media makes us feel like we always have to be “on.” The same holds true for influencers ― you’re never truly unplugged from your job, making the actual working hours much longer than you think.
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Social media can be fake
Aside from being time-consuming, Vinson told HuffPost that social media can be incredibly disingenuous.
“Everything looks polished, but behind the scenes, it’s all about angles, lighting and editing,” she said. “I try to show the full experience, but you can’t always trust what you see online. It’s important to follow your gut and remember that things aren’t always as perfect as they may seem.”
On social media, most people post their happiness and successes. Think about what you personally post; chances are you’re not constantly sharing about your conflict with your partner or the criticism from your boss at work. You’re also likely not uploading a photo you feel is unflattering. The reality is that there’s often a lack of vulnerability and truth about the full spectrum of your life, and that can be draining.
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“I try to show the full experience, but you can’t always trust what you see online. It’s important to follow your gut and remember that things aren’t always as perfect as they may seem.”
– Savannah Vinson
Influencing can be detrimental to your mental health.
Peter Petrella, an Orlando-based influencer with 85,000 followers on TikTok, told HuffPost it can be hard to navigate strangers’ opinions and mean comments ― and that can take a toll on your overall mental health.
“Speaking online means that you’re speaking to millions. It’s safe to say that no matter what you say, there’s going to be someone that doesn’t agree or doesn’t like what you have to say ― and some people can be not so nice,” he said.
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Petrella noted that he had to learn to not let the comments section discourage him and post regardless of what people think.
“Being able to stay true to your own integrity while not letting those that disagree get in your head is a learned mindset that becomes essential when you take the path of becoming an influencer,” he said.
You can’t control the algorithm — and that can affect your success
Although an influencer might have a lot of followers, that doesn’t necessarily mean every video they post is going to perform well.
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“Sometimes, most random things go well, and something you thought was going to go viral does not perform as you wish,” said Karina Achaeva, a New York City-based influencer with more than 950,000 followers on TikTok. “It’s truly impossible to control the algorithm most of the time.”
This can be hard for influencers because this is the main way they get followers, but it also can be hard from a business perspective. This is because brands they work with have certain expectations when it comes to engagement (likes, comments, views and more) ― and your income can rely on that engagement. When the algorithm doesn’t surface your content, it can be challenging to meet those goals.
At the end of the day, influencing does come with a lot of perks: it can be lucrative, a way to make your own schedule and there’s obviously the potential for internet fame. But there are still some challenges, similar to any profession. Just remember that everything you see on your feed isn’t always reality.
“Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”
Ever since I entered the workforce about a decade ago, I’ve noticed versions of this expression on inspirational posters, mugs, online memes, laptop stickers and more. The phrase speaks to the idea that if you are passionate about your work, it won’t feel like a chore or a burden, but rather an enjoyable and fulfilling experience in which you want to take part.
This is all a nice idea, but even in a job you love, is it really possible to feel like you’re never working? I spoke to career coaches, psychologists and people who genuinely love their jobs to find out what they think about the expression and how it relates to the reality of work.
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It makes sense why the phrase appeals to people.
“When so many people are stressed and burnt out by work, the idea that you could have a job that doesn’t ‘feel like work’ is incredibly appealing,” said Lauren Appio, a psychologist, executive coach and organisational consultant who specialises in mental health at work. “It’s aspirational and soothing for people who live in a culture like ours in the U.S., where there is little social safety net and people typically have to work very hard to make ends meet.”
Many people have very negative relationships with their work. Gallup’s latest State of the Global Workplace report showed job dissatisfaction to be at an all-time high, along with staggering rates of unhappiness and disengagement.
“You hear about the ‘Sunday Scaries’ or a ‘case of the Mondays,’” said career strategist Ana Goehner. “Some people also believe that everyone hates their job. This expression gives people hope that finding a job they love makes their negative feelings about work go away.”
While people commonly attribute the quote to Confucius, there’s very little information regarding the origin of “find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day.” Some citations of the expression date back to the 1980s, but it seems to be even more prominent in the Etsy era of embroidered quote pillows and inspirational memes.
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“I think this mantra is almost as millennial as ‘live, laugh, love,’” said Kate Kennedy, author of the upcoming book “One in a Millennial” and host of the “Be There in Five” podcast. “I’m not sure when it became widespread, but I remember hearing it a lot in the early 2010s, whether it was a product of being post-recession, the start-up boom, or being in peak ‘Shark Tank’ America.”
Having entered the workforce amid the economic downturn of the Great Recession, Kennedy believes many young people were made to feel lucky to have any job at all.
“There comes the point of burnout where a lot of the joy is sapped from the hobby when it becomes your meal ticket.”
– Kate Kennedy
“That built-in sense of indebtedness to our employers normalised having a job you tolerated that paid the bills, so having a job you loved seemed like the most glamorous dream of all,” she said.
Meanwhile, technological advancements expanded our career options, with full-time bloggers, Instagram influencers and entrepreneurs monetising their hobbies through e-commerce and other new sources of income. Social media compounded the shift, as we saw people “just like us” showing off their flexible schedules, financial success and other aspects of these new aspirational work lifestyles.
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“It’s hard not to find other people’s lives and careers more desirable based on how they portray them online,” Kennedy said. “It’s almost like the volume of options and the frequency of seeing successful examples of exercising those options created a sense of ‘elsewhere’ for careers, where during the moments you are feeling job dissatisfaction, it’s hard not to idealise doing something else.”
But the reality is often detached from the ideal.
“It’s important to acknowledge that not everyone has the luxury of choosing a job they love,” said Elizabeth Pearson, a women’s career coach and author of “Career Confinement.” “For many people, their work is simply a means to an end, and they may not find much enjoyment or fulfilment in it. Additionally, even if you do love your job, there will still be times when it feels like work ― deadlines, difficult projects and long hours can all take a toll on your energy and motivation.”
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Having a job you love is no guarantee that you won’t face challenges, difficult co-workers and other obstacles that make it feel like work, at least sometimes.
Stressful situations, terrible bosses, difficult co-workers, economic downshifts and other obstacles can arise no matter how passionate you feel about your work. Thus, “find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life” is, for most people, more of a feel-good statement than a feasible reality.
“I see this idea sold to service professionals: Work for yourself and do what you love,” Goehner said. “But few people discuss the challenges of building a business and performing tasks you dislike. Few people talk about the issues you face and all the learning involved. Doing what you enjoy should be the norm, but it’s still work. You are still trying to make a living.”
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Even if you have the freedom to take a leap and monetise your hobby, it probably will still feel like work at times.
“There comes the point of burnout where a lot of the joy is sapped from the hobby when it becomes your meal ticket,” Kennedy said. “The biggest issue for me when I started a product-based business was not having access to capital to outsource or hire out many of the functions to get off the ground efficiently, so it all fell on me to figure out, which ended up with me working way more hours for a lot less money than I made in my corporate job.”
The job doesn’t magically feel like it’s not work once you’ve found a sustainable way to make a comfortable living, either.
“I absolutely love my job, and I’m still beat by the end of the day,” Appio said. “It requires deep, sustained focus and active emotional processing and regulation for hours at a time. Outside of my sessions, I also complete paperwork, manage all of my billing, marketing and communications with clients and colleagues, offer consults for prospective clients, develop and deliver trainings, and pursue continuing education.”
Any job comes with difficult days, including one that overall brings fulfilment and joy. And it’s normal to not always want to devote the required time and effort to the job.
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“Even when you find work you love, jobs are temporary,” Goehner added. “In our current economy, you won’t likely spend your entire career with one company and do the same tasks. Even people who dedicate their lives to their careers may have tough days or perform tasks they dislike. You do what you enjoy, receive pay and hopefully get recognised for your efforts.”
What you ‘love’ doesn’t always translate to success or happiness.
“Telling others to ‘do what you love!’ is an oversimplification. Doing what you enjoy is not enough. Doing what you’re good at ― and being willing to stick with something, even when what was fun is no longer so fun ― can be just as important,” said Gorick Ng, a career adviser at Harvard University and author of “The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right.”
Consider whether you can leverage certain skills or expertise to succeed in your field.
“Maintaining the belief that work you love isn’t actually ‘work’ can create shame for people who feel burnt out or overwhelmed by work that they do truly love. This is especially common in work like health care, mental health and education.”
– Lauren Appio
“The expression doesn’t help people see possibilities based on where they are in their careers now,” Goehner said. “You can use your skills, gain new ones and find a workplace where you use 60-70% of the skills you enjoy. Sometimes, feeling a sense of expertise and having the freedom to share that at work can help you feel a sense of purpose or connection with your job.”
If you’re feeling drawn to a completely different path, give it a lot of thought and do your research. Ng emphasised that the idea of something is often more interesting than the thing itself.
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“Would I like to be a musician? Sure! Can I sing to save my life? No!” he said. “And does singing the same song over and over again in a different city each week still sound fun when I haven’t been home for six months? I’m not so sure.”
“Your number one passion may not be a realistic career,” Goehner added. “I’d love to take care of baby pandas, but the likelihood of this happening is minimal. Also, what you love may not provide a decent living for yourself or your loved ones. It could be a source of income, but you may need to supplement it with another job. Love doesn’t always pay the bills.”
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Even if you love a hobby like photography or baking, that doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily love the business of doing that hobby as a career.
Additionally, consider how you feel about the business of the thing you love, not just the activity or hobby itself.
“It’s great to have a dream job, but it’s also important to remember that you may not like the day-to-day tasks associated with monetising that dream,” Kennedy said. “I started a handmade business selling home decor where I hand-painted things, and I loved the category, I love working with my hands and being creative and I loved the idea of self-employment. But I didn’t spend most of my days doing an artist’s work ― I was mostly buried in things I was less passionate about, like shipping, fulfilment, customer service, and inventory management before I could afford help in those areas.”
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Ng shared a time he met a talented photographer and asked if he wanted to pursue his art as a full-time career.
“His response surprised me,” Ng recalled. “He said, ‘I love taking photos, but I hate the business of taking photos. The minute I start relying on photography to pay the bills is the minute I’ll stop loving it.’ Be honest with yourself if you’re thinking of turning an interest into a career. Do you love the business of doing something as much as you love doing the thing itself? Not everyone will say yes to this question and that’s OK.”
The expression sets up workers for dissatisfaction and shame.
One problem with this idea about work? “It can keep people preoccupied with finding their ‘dream job’ and experiencing a chronic sense of dissatisfaction,” Appio said. “Because if your work feels like work ― as work does ― does that mean you’re doing something wrong?”
This fantasy of doing what you “love” and never feeling like you have to work can also lead to feelings of guilt or shame for those who don’t take a huge leap. This is especially true in the age of social media when we frequently see “creators” sharing all the highlights of their careers and few if any of the downsides.
“When I was in a corporate job, I wondered if I had ‘sold out’ or forwent meeting my potential by working in the corporate world,” Kennedy said. “Sometimes, it creates a fear that you actively chose to do something you don’t love when you could have followed your passion.”
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There’s a sense of guilt for those who do make the choice to pursue a passion-based career.
“Maintaining the belief that work you love isn’t actually ‘work’ can create shame for people who feel burnt out or overwhelmed by work that they do truly love,” Appio said. “This is especially common in work like health care, mental health and education. Professionals in these areas may feel guilty or ‘ungrateful’ for experiencing compassion fatigue or needing a break.”
She also believes the “find a job you love and you’ll never work” expression can be used to further devalue creative or mission-driven work.
“If you love your job, people will often tell you that you ‘didn’t get into it for the money,’” Appio said. “But we all work to earn money, and even if we’d do our work for free in a different world, we all deserved to be paid well for the work we do.”
But it’s not completely off base.
“This is actually an expression that I believe in myself, and there have been moments where I lived it,” said career coach Jasmine Escalera. “The thing is, I do believe the expression needs to be tailored because it isn’t just about finding work you enjoy, but finding work that is connected to your purpose, to your passions and to your strengths.”
She believes a job that integrates the skills or tasks you’re particularly good at can make you feel inspired and as though you’re not working at all.
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“The company culture is such an integral part of enjoying the work, as well,” Escalera said. “So I would say not just find a job you love, but find an environment that will let you be the most successful version of you, and you’ll never feel like you have to work a day in your life.”
Other experts offered their own rewrites of the expression.
“To make the expression accurate, I’d say, ‘Find a job you enjoy and that recognises your efforts, and build time for hobbies and activities that bring purpose outside of work,’” Goehner said. “You are more than your job.”
“I’d tell people if they haven’t found a job they love, to find a job comprised of tasks they like and do what they love on the side,” Kennedy added. “Jobs are often more about the day-to-day than the broader industry or buzzwordy job description, and paying attention to the type of work you find engaging can be a good way to find job satisfaction within the confines of being employed by someone else.”
Whether you’ve monetised a hobby or simply work to pay the bills and seek greater purpose elsewhere, Ng noted that there is no objective right or wrong in your approach to your career, just a difference in personal choices and values.
If you do want to find meaning in work, however, he shared this rewrite: “Find something that brings you joy and purpose every day, and you’ll always have something to look forward to.”
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“Ultimately, the idea that you should ‘find a job you love’ is a good one, but it’s not always realistic or feasible,” Pearson echoed. “Instead, it’s important to strive for a job that aligns with your values and provides some level of fulfilment, while also being realistic about the fact that work is still work, even if you love it.”
This story was previously published on an earlier date.
Being a ‘people pleaser’ sounds like a good thing on the surface, right? You please people?
However, as the British composer Elizabeth Parker once said: “The only thing wrong with trying to please everyone is that there’s always at least one person who will remain unhappy. You.”
This couldn’t be more true in the workplace. While working hard and helping your colleagues can feel good and progress your career, you may soon find yourself burnt out and bitter.
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Careers expert and founder of Social Media Jobs, Rob Phelps, spoke with us to explain why people pleasing in the workplace can be harmful, and how to break the cycle.
The dangers of people pleasing in the workplace
It’s a recipe for burnout
While it may just feel like doing ‘small’ things to help others, Phelps warns that saying yes to everything, taking on extra work on top of your own to-do list and prioritising other people’s needs over your own can lead to ‘serious burnout’.
Phelps said: “The constant state of busyness can take over and make it difficult to focus on your core responsibilities, and potentially mean mistakes or missed deadlines, for the sake of helping too many people with their own deadlines.”
It can make you almost invisible
If you spend a lot of your time making sure that you’re helping other people, it’s likely that your own voice and needs will get lost.
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Phelps said: “People pleasers often shy away from advocating for themselves or putting forward their ideas, so it can be difficult to get noticed for your contributions and ideas.”
He also warned that this lack of visibility can reduce your chances of getting a promotion or being put forward for new challenges or projects.
It can weaken boundaries
Phelps warned: “People pleasing often means weakening your boundaries, both professionally and personally.
“Your time, expertise, and energy are valuable, and constantly giving them away for free can lead to frustration and resentment, and this can start to bleed into your personal life too.”
He said that you may find yourself checking work emails while on holiday, or saying yes to taking on more tasks when you’re actually off sick, or even accepting friend requests from colleagues on private social media accounts — all of which are ignoring your own boundaries and comfort levels.
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How to break free from people-pleasing
Understand why you do it
Phelps said: “The first step is understanding why you feel the need to please everyone around you.
“Is it a fear of disapproval? A lack of clarity on your own goals that makes you take on extra work to avoid having time to work out what you really want?”
He added that talking to somebody you admire at work or even friends and family can help you to get to the root of the underlying cause and address the patterns and start saying no.
Know your own worth
Recognise your skills and contributions! You deserve to be valued for what you bring to the table, and when you feel invisible it can have a serious impact on your confidence in your abilities.
Phelps advised: “Take time to reflect on your accomplishments and successes, to boost your confidence and help you advocate for yourself more effectively.”
Set and keep boundaries
Phelps said: “Setting boundaries isn’t just about saying no to others, it’s about saying yes to yourself. When you prioritise your own growth and wellbeing, you become a more efficient and fulfilled member of the team.”
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To do this, you need to learn to politely say no to taking on tasks that aren’t part of your job, explain that you’re prioritising your own workload and offer alternatives solutions if possible.
Phelps added: “You might be surprised at how understanding people are when you stick to your boundaries rather than saying yes to everything.”
Advocate for yourself
Sometimes you have to remind people of everything you do if they’re not paying attention. Don’t be afraid to share your ideas and opinions, even if they’re different from what everyone else is saying. Your perspective is valuable and deserves to be heard.
Be patient with yourself
Finally, Phelps urged, you need to be patient with yourself.
He said: “Remember that change is a gradual process, and after years of saying yes, it can feel strange to start saying no. Be patient with yourself and celebrate progress.
“By putting yourself first, you’ll be able to achieve a healthier work-life balance, and ultimately have a more fulfilling and successful career, rather than letting your desire to keep everyone else happy hold you back.”
During your first week at a job, what you do or say can leave a lasting impression on your new colleagues. And you want to make sure it’s a good one.
That’s because, while you may have gotten the job, the evaluation is not over. Your new boss, your new department — there will be many eyes carefully assessing how you fit with the team.
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HuffPost asked career experts about the actions and strategic missteps that will make you memorable in a bad way as a new hire and what you should do instead to ensure you’re received positively.
1. You’re late.
It’s normal to get lost in a new building or to underestimate your new commute, but if you’re late to meetings on your first week, you will make a bad first impression about your time management skills.
“You don’t want to be showing up to meetings three or four minutes late … you want to be respectful, be punctual,” said Mary Abbajay, president of the leadership development consultancy Careerstone Group.
To account for time you may spend lost, give yourself at least a half hour more than you need to get to work or a meeting.
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2. You are a know-it-all.
When you’re a new hire, people will be evaluating your competence, commitment and compatibility, said Gorick Ng, a Harvard career advisor and creator of the “How To Say It” flashcard series for professional communication.
You may think that pointing out what is wrong or what does not align with how you’ve seen things done before will show your competence. But being overly confident in your own expertise will win you more enemies than allies.
Even if you privately believe that your new employer’s way of getting work done is outdated, be open-minded and curious.
You can show that curiosity by asking polite questions. So, “Rather than say, ‘This isn’t how we did things at _____,’ try saying, ‘This is interesting! Could you help me understand the thought process behind _____? It’s a bit different from what I’m used to, but I’m excited to learn your way of doing things,’” Ng said.
You also want to show that you’re a quick learner who is dedicated to getting up to speed. When in doubt, try saying, “I know you said earlier that _____ is important. Would this be an example?” Ng suggested.
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3. You don’t play the ‘new card.’
Patricia Schwartz, an executive coach who works with new hires, said playing the new card is a strategic advantage new hires should leverage.
“You can interact with people that you might feel more intimidated to interact with later,” she said.
But you need to be thoughtful about your first impression. Don’t just send every colleague the same generic message, because that “risks coming across as spammy,” Ng said.
When in doubt, Ng said you should focus on “building relationships with the people that you are already meeting and then introduce yourself to the people that you will soon work with, with a message like, ‘Hi! I’m _____ and I’m the new _____. Just thought I’d introduce myself!’”
4. You don’t follow the dress code.
What is appropriate to wear for a job can vary, so don’t assume your T-shirt and jeans will work.
“Dressing inappropriately is also a mistake that I think people make,” Abbajay said.
Typically, your hiring manager will let you know how buttoned up you need to be for the office. If they say that “we have a very informal culture” during your interview, then “that means they probably are more of a Friday casual look,” Abbajay said.
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If they haven’t told you what is and isn’t OK to wear yet, you should be able to look it up. Often, employee handbooks outline dress code policies. You could also ask your new boss or team member, “What is the general dress code here?” Abbajay suggested.
5. You overshare.
There is a clear line between being cordial and assuming an intimacy you don’t actually have with a new co-worker. Don’t cross over into the latter in your first week.
“I was working with this woman once we were new colleagues. And in our first time working together on a task, she told me so many things about her personal life that were just TMI, like how she left her first husband,” Abbajay said. “All of these things really made me want to avoid her … it was just too much too soon.”
6. You gossip.
Are you noticing whispered arguments and muffled laughs when certain colleagues walk in? When you join a company, you are also joining its culture, where there can be warring factions.
Be careful not to engage if you get roped into gossip about other team members.
“Do not align yourself with any group in your first week,” Abbajay said. “Just listening is kind of engaging. So I would either excuse myself, change the topic or turn around and say something nice about the person they’re gossiping about if you have met them.”
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7. You don’t touch base with your manager.
Out of all the people you will meet during your first week, the most important relationship you need to establish is the one you have with your boss.
“A very high percentage of people will leave their jobs because of the relationship with the boss,” Schwartz said.
To build that foundation of trust between you and your boss, you need to align your communication style and get on the same page about what’s important.
Ideally, your boss is checking in with you during your first week to have that conversation. But if they are not, you should proactively ask for a one-on-one meeting before the week is over.
“A lot of times bosses don’t reach out because maybe they just got busy, they didn’t hear from you or they’re managing a lot of people,” Abbajay said. “But this is why you should not take that as a sign that they don’t want to talk to you.”
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Here are strategic questions career experts previously told HuffPost that you should ask your new boss to understand them better:
What’s the best way to approach you with a question?
How would you like to communicate day-to-day and week-to-week?
What work, project or priority is top-of-mind for you right now?
Observe if you get lukewarm or enthusiastic support for your questions. Managers are evaluating your early performance, and you should be too.
The first week is “so much information. It’s really overwhelming,” Schwartz said. To learn what’s important, she suggested taking notes about how staff talk about their jobs and your experience being there, or debriefing with a friend to get a second opinion.
She also said you should reflect on whether your manager is playing their part or if more of the responsibility to get up to speed keeps falling on you.
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“Usually the first few months [are] often a probationary period. So the employee also is determining, ‘Is this a good match for me?’” Schwartz said.
By asking the right questions and paying attention to the culture of your new company, you can figure out if your new job is or isn’t a good fit sooner rather than later.