In his keynote speech at the Tory conference in Manchester, Jenrick joked about her ongoing unpopularity with voters.
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Truss lasted just 49 days in Downing Street after her mini-Budget crashed the economy and sent mortgage rates soaring.
Jenrick drew a comparison between his party’s former leader and two Tories who were quickly booted out of the Big Brother house.
He said: ”[Former Conservative MP] Sir Michael Fabricant went on the Big Brother house. He lasted four days.
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“Last week, one of our party’s most energetic campaigners, Emily Hewertson, entered the Big Brother house. She lasted 11 hours. She didn’t even get to spend the night.
“And now I’ve heard that a third Tory blonde is in negotiations to enter the Big Brother house – Liz Truss. But the negotiations have broken down. She’s asking to be paid by the minute.”
As the audience laughed at their former leader’s expense, Jenrick said: “Too soon, perhaps. Too soon.”
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His jibe came after he told the conference earlier this week that the mini-Budget had been “cack-handed and un-conservative”.
“There were big mistakes from that period,” Jenrick said. “We have to be honest about that, and in doing so, we can begin to rebuild the public’s trust.”
Truss hit back on X: “Rob is a self-styled critic of the Blairite establishment but has completely failed to take on their false narrative about 2022 or mention the role of the Bank of England.
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“Until the Conservative Party is honest about what happened in 2022, they are destined to remain at 16 per cent in the polls.”
Though you might think extreme fatigue, regular headaches, and even unintentional weight loss are nothing out of the ordinary, both a GP and a cancer doctor have previously told HuffPost UK they could signal deeper health issues.
They can reveal everything from anaemia to more serious conditions. The key is to get them checked out to be on the safe side, the experts advised.
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And now, cardiologist and scientist Dr Ernst von Schwarz has shared the four signs he’d always see a doctor about, no matter how innocuous you might believe them to be.
These are:
1) Pressure in your chest
“Chest pressure or pain is always suspicious of a lack of oxygen in the heart,” the doctor told us.
Per the NHS, sudden pressure, “squeezing”, or even burning sensations in your chest are worth calling 999 over as they could be a sign of a heart attack.
Even if the pressure or pain comes and goes rather than arriving suddenly, you should still speak to your GP.
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2) Shortness of breath when you’re not being active
It’s normal for your breathing to get a little heavy after a jog or in your spin class. But if your breath is laboured when you’re sitting down or doing minimal movement, Dr von Schwartz said that could be a red flag.
“Shortness of breath can have a multitude of causes, from heart failure to ischemia to pulmonary issues such as asthma, COPD or pneumonia, vascular issues such as pulmonary emboli, [or] intoxication, anxiety, and panic attacks, among others,” he shared.
3) Fainting
This is always worth getting checked out, the cardiologist told us.
It can also be “a result of orthostatic dysregulation [low blood pressure after going from sitting or lying down to standing], as in POTS, or [a] lack of oxygen in the brain caused by very low or very high heart rates”.
The NHS said that though it’s likely not serious, you should always see a GP if you’ve fainted.
Per the NHS, these can last seconds or minutes. But Dr von Schwartz said he’d see a GP if they pass the five-second mark.
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That’s because “palpitations can be caused by harmless extra beats or short atrial runs, but also by potential life-threatening ventricular tachycardia,” he said.
Definitely see your doctor if palpitations keep coming back, if they last longer than a few minutes, or if you have a heart condition or a family history of heart conditions.
Several countries have now said they will pull out of Eurovision unless Israel is banned, but during a new interview, chancellor Friedrich Merz made it clear he supports the opposite view.
Asked by German broadcaster ARD if he’d back calls to boycott Eurovision in the event that Israel is not allowed to return, Merz responded: “I would support this. I think it’s a scandal that this is even being discussed. Israel has a place there.”
It’s worth pointing out that Germany is one of Eurovision’s “Big Five” countries, meaning they contribute the most financially, and are therefore allowed to pass straight through to the final each year without taking part in earlier stages of the contest.
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German Chancellor Friedrich Merz
via Associated Press
The other countries in the “Big Five” are the UK, France, Italy and Spain, the latter of which has already said it will not return to Eurovision in 2026 if Israel is allowed to compete again.
Official discussions among competing Eurovision broadcasters about Israel’s involvement were first held over the summer, though no consensus was reached at that time.
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Around this period, it was reported by Israel’s N12 News that the national broadcasters for Germany and Italy had threatened to pull out of Eurovision if Israel is not permitted to return to the event in 2026.
Responding to these rumours, a spokesperson from Germany’s Südwestrundfunk (SWR) told HuffPost UK in July: “The Eurovision Song Contest is a major musical event that has brought people across Europe and beyond together for decades – diverse and respectful, regardless of origin, religion, or belief.
“The ESC is a music competition organised by EBU broadcasters, not governments. The Israeli broadcaster KAN adheres to applicable regulations and has been an integral part of the music competition for more than 60 years. We affirm their membership and the core values of the ESC.”
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Germany’s culture minister Wolfram Weimer previously issued a statement of his own condemning calls to boycott the event next year should Israel remain part of it.
“Eurovision was founded to bring nations together through music. Excluding Israel today goes against this fundamental idea and turns a celebration of understanding between peoples into a tribunal,” he said in a statement.
“It’s precisely because Eurovision was born on the ruins of war that it should not become a scene of exclusion. Eurovision is based on the principle that artists are judged on their art and not on their nationality. The culture of cancellation is not the solution — the solution is diversity and cohesion.”
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Austrian singer JJ is the reigning Eurovision Song Contest champion, with next year’s event due to take place in Vienna following his win
via Associated Press
A Eurovision spokesperson previously told HuffPost UK: “We understand the concerns and deeply held views around the ongoing conflict in the Middle East. We are still consulting with all EBU Members to gather views on how we manage participation and geopolitical tensions around the Song Contest.
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“Broadcasters have until mid-December to confirm if they wish to take part in next year’s event in Vienna. It is up to each Member to decide if they want to take part in the Contest and we would respect any decision broadcasters make.”
So you’d best believe I’m a regular peruser of Reddit’s r/todayilearned (TIL), where netizens share the mildly interesting scraps of trivia they, well… learned, today.
This species, Agaricus bisporum, increases in flavour and deepens in colour as it ages. Button is the mildest and palest variety: its very subtle taste may have made it the most popular kind on our shelves.
People were as surprised as I was to learn the info
Replying to the original post, Redditor u/diabloman8890 joked that the pale, creamy version we’re all used to counts as “Teenage mutant inbred mushrooms”.
“One mutation in 192[6] and now it’s the default, nature’s marketing win,” u/bebleich marvelled.
But u/Preeng was a little less impressed, commenting: “And nothing new since then? Not a blue one or a red one? Lame.”
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Ultimately, though, as u/DConstructed pointed out, ”[Once] you cook them, they’re all brown anyway.”
Dutch comedian Eline Van der Velden, the head of AI production studio Particle6, which developed Tilly, said she wants the AI character to be the next Scarlett Johansson.
But not if the rest of Hollywood has its way.
After Van der Velden announced what she calls “the world’s first artificial intelligence talent studio” at a film festival and said Tilly had talent agents hoping to sign her, this news of potential representation sparked widespread Hollywood backlash.
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Multiple actors’ unions havereleased statements condemning Tilly. Actors have also accused Tilly’s makers of stealing real people’s images to make the AI-generated character.
“And what about the hundreds of living young women whose faces were composited together to make her?” actor Mara Wilson posted on social media. One Nashville-based musician even claims that Tilly is her doppelganger.
The company behind Tilly denies that the character was created with stolen images.
“Tilly was developed entirely from scratch using original creative design,” Particle6 said in a statement to HuffPost. “We do not and will not use any person or performer’s likeness without explicit consent and fair compensation.”
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After outcry, Van der Velden said Tilly was “not a replacement for a human being, but a creative work – a piece of art” in a social media statement.
But no matter how original or creative you believe Tilly to be, she is definitely drawing from tired old tropes about women and raising unsettling implications for real working people, AI experts caution. Here’s what you need to know.
Tilly reinforces more of the same tired beauty standards for women
Tilly Norwood is not real, but the AI character is causing a real debate over how women’s images get used. Above are images from Tilly’s Instagram account.
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For one, Tilly replicates a narrow idea of what generative AI thinks a woman should look like.
In a Washington Post investigation of three of the leading AI image tools, the Post found that generative AI thinks beautiful women should look thin, young and white – which is exactly how Tilly looks.
Particle6 did not answer HuffPost’s questions about Tilly’s appearance.
What we see on social media – including the accounts set up for Tilly on TikTok, Facebook and Instagram – might have long-term effects on how people view their own real bodies.
Safiya Noble, a professor at the University of California, Los Angeles, and the author of the book Algorithms of Oppression, said Tilly is a continuation of the kind of distortions that social media photo filters cause people.
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“Those distortions, even though they are seemingly unreal, they circulate so much in our culture that then are celebrated and … liked and hearted,” Noble said. “And that certainly has a psychological and emotional toll on us.“
A 2022 study on Instagram found that browsing how other people looked on the popular social media platform was linked to “detrimental outcomes” around body dissatisfaction in young women.
Tilly’s obedience might be the most unsettling part about “her”
Above all, Tilly reveals a lot about how corporations value women’s work.
Alexandra Mateescu, a researcher with Data & Society’s Labor Futures program, said what she found most interesting and unsettling about Tilly’s existence came from a line in a Particle6 video where she appears in her first role.
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In an AI-generated comedy sketch from Particle6, Tilly gets cast to be in a TV show. A man then states, “She’ll do anything I say; I’m already in love.”
That line suggests “this vision of this feminine, docile, cute, young actress who won’t talk back or complain about working conditions or anything,” Mateescu said.
That’s why, for Mateescu, her biggest worry with Tilly is “more about these kinds of marketing exercises being used as a cudgel, particularly for actors at the bottom of film industry hierarchies, to discourage them from demanding better working conditions under this threat of potentially being replaced”.
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Mateescu said she has seen this power dynamic in other creative industries, like modelling. She recently co-authored a paper on how generative AI is making it easier for companies to use a model’s image and measurements and alter them without a model’s knowledge or compensation.
In her research, “people at the top of the industry, both photographers and top models, they could view AI as this creative tool in their arsenal to be able to enhance their creative practices,” Mateescu said. But struggling models doing profit-driven e-commerce catalogs were more negatively impacted. “And I think that’s sort of the same pattern we see across industries.”
In this sense, Tilly might represent a bigger existential threat to vulnerable, newer actors who do not have the same power and networks as A-list stars.
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In Noble’s view, Tilly’s existence normalises “controlling women’s images” and the idea that it’s OK to “make women do what we want them to do. That culture is prevalent all around us”.
Avoiding “AI personhood” might be the best way to deal with Tilly
Tilly is not real, but it’s normal if you’re confused over what to call her. That might be by design.
Noble pointed to the character saying, “I may be AI generated, but I’m feeling very real emotions right now” in a post appearing on her Facebook page as an example of the kind of misrepresentation this AI-generated actor perpetuates.
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“The more kind of anthropomorphised they are, the more misleading and deceptive they are to the public,” Noble said. “This is why these technologies are so incredibly dangerous.”
One way to resist is to be more careful about how you talk about AI-generated projects like Tilly.
Instead of seeing Tilly as an “actor,” as her profile describes her, or as the next Scarlett Johansson, as her creator hopes her to be, experts suggest you should see her for what she really is – a marketing product.
That’s why Noble suggests against calling Tilly art and instead categorising Tilly as the latest example of low-quality, spam-like “AI slop”.
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And try to avoid referring to Tilly as an actor. “We should call it ‘it,’” Noble said. “We should talk about it like a machine learning model.”
“The notion of AI personhood is a marketing exercise and a legal manoeuvre that I don’t think we should buy into,” Matreescu said. “Tilly is not an actress any more than, like, Sid the sloth from the ‘Ice Age’ movies is an actor. It’s just a digital likeness.”
The number of delegates attending key events at the Conservative Party conference seems to be depressingly low, judging by photos of the main hall.
It’s the party’s first annual gathering since Kemi Badenoch won the leadership contest last November and the atmosphere appears to be particularly flat.
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While it’s not too surprising – considering the Tories’ historic loss at the 2024 general election and how they are currently polling at just 16% according to YouGov – it’s a bleak reminder of just how much has changed for the party who were in government only 15 months ago.
Sky News’ Amanda Akass noted that it was “not exactly a packed hall” for the shadow chancellor Mel Stride’s speech today – and attached a photo of a room which appeared to be about two-thirds empty.
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GB News also said it was the “quietest” Tory conference seen in the last nine years in an interview with Stride – although he tried to pass this year’s gathering off as a “turning point” for the party.
Ellie Costello asks the Shadow Chancellor Mel Stride, whether the poor attendance at the Conservative Party conference is a sign that the Tories are ‘dying’.
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Ellie Costello asks the Shadow Chancellor Mel Stride, whether the poor attendance at the Conservative Party conference is a sign that the Tories are ‘dying’.
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Naturally, Labour took a pop too, comparing Stride’s claim that the Tories are the “party of hope” and “the party of the future” to the small audience size…
The Home Office announced on Sunday that it would be granting police forces new powers to put conditions on repeat demonstrations.
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That means if a protest has taken place at the same site for weeks on end and caused “repeated disorder”, officers could force organisers to hold the event elsewhere.
The Home Office said anyone who breaches these conditions risk arrest and prosecution.
It comes after the Met Police arrested nearly 500 people at protest against the proscription of the Palestine Action group in London on Saturday.
The march went ahead despite calls from the government and the police for the protests to be postponed out of respect for Thursday’s deadly synagogue attack in Manchester where two people were killed.
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Home secretary Shabana Mahmood said current legislation is also being reviewed to make sure it is being applied fully.
Mahmood said: “The right to protest is a fundamental freedom in our country. However, this freedom must be balanced with the freedom of their neighbours to live their lives without fear.”
She added: “Large, repeated protests can leave sections of our country, particularly religious communities, feeling unsafe, intimidated and scared to leave their homes.
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“This has been particularly evident in relation to the considerable fear within the Jewish community, which has been expressed to me on many occasions in these recent difficult days.”
Speaking on LBC, the home secretary defended the new measures and insisted it was a good use of police time.
She said: “I have no truck with this argument that suggest that police resources are better deployed elsewhere, enabling mass criminality by people who have a political point to make.”
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LBC presenter Lewis Goodall said that human rights organisations are starting to accuse Britain of “showing authoritarian tendency” by arresting people for doing nothing more than “holding up placard”.
She replied: “What Britain is doing is making sure the law of our land is maintained.
“It is not ‘holding up a placard’, and I really must pick you up on that, Lewis, in holding up a placard, you are breaking the law because you are supporting a proscribed organisation.”
Shabana Mahmood denies that the government is showing signs of ‘authoritarianism’ as they continue to clamp down on peaceful protest. pic.twitter.com/FzByKvbPVb
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Shabana Mahmood denies that the government is showing signs of ‘authoritarianism’ as they continue to clamp down on peaceful protest. pic.twitter.com/FzByKvbPVb
Independent MP Jeremy Corbyn, who used to be Labour leader, described the crackdown as a “disgraceful assault on the right to protest”.
Many other critics compared it to the Conservatives’ enhancement of police powers during their time in office, and claimed Labour were “giving the incoming Reform government everything they could wish for”.
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I can’t possibly see this being misused! Zero chance that people who don’t like pro Palestine protests will see their own causes affected! There’s no chance whatsoever that the government could seek to clamp down on protests on domestic issues! https://t.co/23w7Eh1T48
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I can’t possibly see this being misused! Zero chance that people who don’t like pro Palestine protests will see their own causes affected! There’s no chance whatsoever that the government could seek to clamp down on protests on domestic issues! https://t.co/23w7Eh1T48
Remember – the restrictions on free speech that you support for those who you disagree with, will one day be used to restrict your free speech. https://t.co/fZS41KCCd3
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Remember – the restrictions on free speech that you support for those who you disagree with, will one day be used to restrict your free speech. https://t.co/fZS41KCCd3
The right to protest is what defines us as a democratic society. Protests, though sometimes inconvenient or disruptive, are a fundamental right of British citizens. There will be times when we disagree with a cause or how it is expressed, but enforcing laws that restrict protest… https://t.co/Lc2Y40F700
","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Rebecca Ferguson MBE","author_url":"https://twitter.com/RebeccaFMusic","cache_age":86400,"description":"The right to protest is what defines us as a democratic society. Protests, though sometimes inconvenient or disruptive, are a fundamental right of British citizens. There will be times when we disagree with a cause or how it is expressed, but enforcing laws that restrict protest… https://t.co/Lc2Y40F700— Rebecca Ferguson MBE (@RebeccaFMusic) October 5, 2025\n\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Rebecca Ferguson MBE on Twitter / X","type":"rich","url":"https://twitter.com/RebeccaFMusic/status/1974787468005195953","version":"1.0"},"flags":[],"enhancements":{},"fullBleed":false,"options":{"theme":"news","device":"desktop","editionInfo":{"id":"uk","name":"U.K.","link":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk","locale":"en_GB"},"originalEdition":"uk","isMapi":false,"isAmp":false,"isMobile":false,"isAdsFree":false,"isVideoEntry":false,"isEntry":true,"isMt":false,"entryId":"68e243d9e4b0d3ae4b89ff22","entryPermalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/labour-accused-of-being-worse-than-tories-amid-new-protest-clampdown_uk_68e243d9e4b0d3ae4b89ff22","entryTagsList":"lbc,shabana-mahmood","sectionSlug":"politics","deptSlug":null,"sectionRedirectUrl":null,"subcategories":"","isWide":false,"isShopping":false,"headerOverride":null,"noVideoAds":false,"disableFloat":false,"isNative":false,"commercialVideo":{"provider":"custom","site_and_category":"uk.politics","package":null},"isHighline":false,"vidibleConfigValues":{"cid":"60afc140cf94592c45d7390c","disabledWithMapiEntries":false,"overrides":{"all":"60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4"},"whitelisted":["56c5f12ee4b03a39c93c9439","56c6056ee4b01f2b7e1b5f35","59bfee7f9e451049f87f550b","5acccbaac269d609ef44c529","570278d2e4b070ff77b98217","57027b4be4b070ff77b98d5c","56fe95c4e4b0041c4242016b","570279cfe4b06d08e3629954","5ba9e8821c2e65639162ccf1","5bcd9904821576674bc55ced","5d076ca127f25f504327c72e","5b35266b158f855373e28256","5ebac2e8abddfb04f877dff2","60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4","60b64354b171b7444beaff4d","60d0d8e09340d7032ad0fb1a","60d0d90f9340d7032ad0fbeb","60d0d9949340d7032ad0fed3","60d0d9f99340d7032ad10113","60d0daa69340d7032ad104cf","60d0de02b627221e9d819408"],"playlists":{"default":"57bc306888d2ff1a7f6b5579","news":"56c6dbcee4b04edee8beb49c","politics":"56c6dbcee4b04edee8beb49c","entertainment":"56c6e7f2e4b0983aa64c60fc","tech":"56c6f70ae4b043c5bdcaebf9","parents":"56cc65c2e4b0239099455b42","lifestyle":"56cc66a9e4b01f81ef94e98c"},"playerUpdates":{"56c6056ee4b01f2b7e1b5f35":"60b8e525cdd90620331baaf4","56c5f12ee4b03a39c93c9439":"60d0d8e09340d7032ad0fb1a","59bfee7f9e451049f87f550b":"60d0d90f9340d7032ad0fbeb","5acccbaac269d609ef44c529":"60d0d9949340d7032ad0fed3","5bcd9904821576674bc55ced":"60d0d9f99340d7032ad10113","5d076ca127f25f504327c72e":"60d0daa69340d7032ad104cf","5ebac2e8abddfb04f877dff2":"60d0de02b627221e9d819408"}},"connatixConfigValues":{"defaultPlayer":"16b0ecc6-802c-4120-845f-e90629812c4d","clickToPlayPlayer":"823ac03a-0f7e-4bcb-8521-a5b091ae948d","videoPagePlayer":"05041ada-93f7-4e86-9208-e03a5b19311b","defaultPlaylist":"2e062669-71b4-41df-b17a-df6b1616bc8f"},"topConnatixThumnbailSrc":"data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAEAAAABCAQAAAC1HAwCAAAAC0lEQVR42mNkYAAAAAYAAjCB0C8AAAAASUVORK5CYII=","customAmpComponents":[],"ampAssetsUrl":"https://amp.assets.huffpost.com","videoTraits":null,"positionInUnitCounts":{"buzz_head":{"count":0},"buzz_body":{"count":0},"buzz_bottom":{"count":0}},"positionInSubUnitCounts":{"article_body":{"count":9},"blog_summary":{"count":0},"before_you_go_content":{"count":0}},"connatixCountsHelper":{"count":0},"buzzfeedTracking":{"context_page_id":"68e243d9e4b0d3ae4b89ff22","context_page_type":"buzz","destination":"huffpost","mode":"desktop","page_edition":"en-uk"},"tags":[{"name":"LBC","slug":"lbc","links":{"relativeLink":"news/lbc","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/lbc","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/lbc"},"relegenceId":3547103,"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/lbc/"},{"name":"shabana mahmood","slug":"shabana-mahmood","links":{"relativeLink":"news/shabana-mahmood","permalink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/shabana-mahmood","mobileWebLink":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/shabana-mahmood"},"url":"https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/news/shabana-mahmood/"}],"isLiveblogLive":null,"isLiveblog":false,"backfillRelatedArticles":[],"cetUnit":"buzz_body","enableIncontentPlayer":false,"bodyAds":["
The right to protest is what defines us as a democratic society. Protests, though sometimes inconvenient or disruptive, are a fundamental right of British citizens. There will be times when we disagree with a cause or how it is expressed, but enforcing laws that restrict protest… https://t.co/Lc2Y40F700
But, speaking on the first day of the Conservatives’ annual conference in Manchester, Badenoch tried to downplay criticism that she needed to do more to help her party.
The BBC’s Kuenssberg tried to bring up the topic by saying: “While you have been working out exactly what you wanted to do, the Conservative Party’s position – which was already dreadful – has got worse –”
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But Badenoch cut in: “Laura. Polls are not elections.
“If I had rushed out and said all those things right at the beginning, people would have said, ‘Why should we believe you? Why have you suddenly changed?’
“Simply saying something doesn’t mean you’re going to be fine in the polls.
“What you’re saying is a counterfactual. You don’t know that if I had rushed out all of those things right at the beginning that we would be doing well. You have no idea.
“What I’m doing is being very consistent. I’m saying, vote for me, we will get through this, we’re going to have very clear credible plans, they’re not going to fall apart the minute someone asks a question like you get with Reform.”
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During the same interview, Badenoch did actually refuse to many detailed questions about her new plan to control the country’s borders by removing 150,000 people with “no right” to be in the UK per year.
When Kuenssberg asked where these so-called illegal migrants would be deported, the Tory leader said: “I am tired of answering these irrelevant questions about where they should go. They will go back to where they should be or another country, but they should not be here!”
The MP for North West Essex also used her time on air to lay into Labour, claiming: “We’re not going to waste our time in opposition – like Labour did, they had 14 years in opposition, and they’ve got nothing.”
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But the Tory leader has been heavily criticised herself for taking such a long time to come up with many firm policies, despite winning the leadership contest last November.
Kuenssberg concluded their interview by asking Badenoch: “What if the problem is you?”
She replied: “I was elected to do exactly what I am doing now. And I think Conservative Party members are going to keep their faith in me.”
She refused to say she would resign if the Tories performed poorly in the May local elections.
🚨🎥 WATCH: Kemi Badenoch hits back at claims her slow policy rollout hurt the Tories’ polling
\"What you’re saying is counterfactual. You don’t know that if I had rushed out all those things right at the beginning that we would be doing well, you have no idea\" pic.twitter.com/pBt6Wr1vpy
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You don’t know that if I had rushed out all those things right at the beginning that we would be doing well, you have no idea\" pic.twitter.com/pBt6Wr1vpy— Politics UK (@PolitlcsUK) October 5, 2025\n\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","thumbnail_height":614,"thumbnail_url":"https://pbs.twimg.com/amplify_video_thumb/1974761474930212864/img/SzAX8EQuHwWKDK9Y.jpg:large","thumbnail_width":1108,"title":"Politics UK on Twitter / 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🚨🎥 WATCH: Kemi Badenoch hits back at claims her slow policy rollout hurt the Tories’ polling
“What you’re saying is counterfactual. You don’t know that if I had rushed out all those things right at the beginning that we would be doing well, you have no idea” pic.twitter.com/pBt6Wr1vpy
Family Beef is our family advice column at HuffPost Family. Have a beef you want us to weigh in on? Submit it here.
Dear Family Beef,
My Dad’s (58) new girlfriend (28) is only two years older than me (F26). I want him to be happy but I can’t get over how creepy it is that she was in elementary school the same time I was, that she was still in diapers when he was changing mine. It’s just weird. He has had other girlfriends since divorcing my mom, but they were all in their 40s and 50s and felt more age appropriate. So I’ve never had a bad reaction like this.
He keeps asking me and my boyfriend to go to dinner with them and making comments about how we’ll “get along so well” and I keep finding excuses to avoid it. I find the whole thing embarrassing and don’t want other people in my life to see and judge him as a creepy old cradle robber..
Is this something I should talk to him about or ignore until it hopefully goes away?
— I Don’t Want A Sister Step Mom
Dear Sister Step,
Oh, you’re absolutely allowed to be weirded out. Validating the weird-out here. That’s not to say that their relationship itself is weird, though.
This is one of those situations where what you feel matters, but not nearly as much as what the two adults in a relationship feel about each other. But your ambivalence isn’t uncommon or necessarily irrational either. Two things can be true!
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These days, so-called “age-gap” relationships get a lot of flak because, as you allude to in your letter, there’s a lot of judgment floating around. There are situations where the older partner may have more obvious power or sway over the younger partner (emotionally, financially, etc.), and the cartoonish stereotypes of older individuals perpetually chasing youth or younger people looking for a “sugar parent” to spoil them. These dynamics can happen and can be frustrating to watch from the sidelines — but, ultimately, it’s up to those two adults to decide what kind of relationship they want to be in and how they are with one another.
“An adult child has come to understand power dynamics and is used to a level of separation with their parents’ generation,” sexologist and couples clinician Dr. Lexx Brown-James, told HuffPost. “So having a parent dating someone of similar age can feel discomforting because we make the connection that a parent could be dating one of our friends or someone that we could even date.”
To me, it’s not a bad idea to take a little space while you figure out why you feel the way you do. Talk with some trusted neutral parties (friends! your partner! a therapist!) before engaging with your dad and this partner. You might need to purge the “WTF” feelings in a safe, non-toxic way. And that gives you a better chance at responding to the situation you’re actually in rather than just reacting to the scariest stories you’ve been telling yourself about the situation.
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“Not meeting a parent partner first off is absolutely a worthwhile strategy and there are a few considerations,” Brown-James notes. “In the ’Ber months of the year, is this person coming to family functions especially? Also, is your parent being safe? There can be questions around health, technology, and other factors that some times elder generations are less savvy with, how much do you as the child want to be involved? Also, know that choosing not to meet the partner, may create some resentment or hurt in your parental relationship. That can cause grief for both of you.”
Avoiding the conversation entirely, though? That won’t be beneficial to any of these relationships. Sure, you may “luck out” and this relationship could go just a few weeks or months before fizzling out – but the T. rex method of “stand still until the scary, uncomfortable or awkward thing is gone” really isn’t ever as effective as we’d want it to be.
But, Brown-James does note that you might want to consider a few things before you initiate a conversation.
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“Consider what your parent is looking for in bringing this to you. Are they looking for permission, are they just sharing, are they wanting feedback, are they wanting you to participate in a family structure? Once intentions are set, you can decide your boundaries and share them,” Brown-James said. “In less safe relationships, where maybe there is more expectation on a child to confirm or agree, there might need to be a further distance.”
Elizabeth DeVaughn, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship specialist, also adds that playing through the pain of this discomfort and having the conversation can serve to deepen your parent-adult child relationship in the long run.
“The discomfort she’s feeling could be a beautiful opportunity to connect with her dad authentically. She can name the discomfort she’s feeling while also expressing that she’s working through the details of the discomfort with a therapist or with friends,” DeVaughn said. “This way, she gives herself space to process while staying open to the fact that her dad may be building a great relationship with this new woman.”
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I know I would be so morbidly curious enough to want to witness the pair together myself, to really understand if they have something special or if the May-December situation is actually as cartoonish as my nightmares. Some of these dynamics are actually just normal couples who make each other happy. But you won’t know what their situation actually is if you keep them at arm’s length and, if it is as bad as you fear, you can be an informed observer.
Now, if you do decide to power through the discomfort and have dinner with them, here are a few other ways to make that process a little bit easier on you:
Practice some radical acceptance
Ultimately, your dad is an autonomous person as is his 28-year-old GF. Whatever ride they are on together is theirs — and whether or not there’s a lasting love there (or if the age difference gets in the way) is something they need to find out for themselves.
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So this is where you have to pull out the “radical acceptance” that therapists are always going on about: You’re not in their relationship, and you can’t make the call on what is “right” for them.
“Radical acceptance means acknowledging reality, rather than resisting the relationship,” Dr. Greg Gomez, Clinical Director at The Oasis Rehab in California “In this situation, it is recognising that the parent has chosen to remain in the relationship regardless of the age gap. This is beyond the child’s control.”
You can, however, have boundaries. You don’t need to want to hang out with him and his partner at this stage in their dating life. You can respectfully side-step the hangs for a bit longer until you get a sense of how lasting this relationship might be.
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You can also use some of these tried-and-true strategies for first meetings to make this less of a “Four Seasons” eye-roll situation and more of a “short getting-to-know-you chat with a new person” situation:
Bring a buddy! Having your partner there with you or a trusted friend along as your wing-person could also be a helpful buffer to bring down the temperature of this meeting in your head.
Humanise the new girlfriend. Even if you don’t want to talk about your discomfort just yet, you can ask your dad to tell you more about this partner as a human being. What are her hobbies? What did they do on their first date? These little details can help humanise his new partner and help you connect. This keeps her from becoming a boogeyman in your head.
Build-in a hard out. The best part of going anywhere is leaving. Make a plan with a clear end time so you do not feel like you’re trapped. (I love a “let’s get lunch at 1, but we have to leave by 3.”) It sets expectations and offers you a little bit of a light at the end of the social interaction tunnel.
Try to be ‘happy for their happy’
A term that comes up a lot in non-monogamous and poly circles that might be helpful for you? Compersion. This means that you’re able to be happy for the happiness that you can feel over someone else’s happiness. (The Buddhist term “mudita,” or a sympathetic joy, is similar as well).
It’s a really lovely idea that can benefit all of your relationships when you put it into practice: You don’t need to love or cheer on every decision your loved one makes, but you can look to see if they are happy in this relationship — and try to access the part of you that is genuinely thrilled for that happiness.
“Radical acceptance can be hard,” Brown-James said. “Here is where compersion comes into play. Can you be happy for your parent’s happy? Isn’t that what really matters most?”
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You said it yourself: You want your dad to be happy — and this relationship, even if you don’t understand it, might just be something that makes him feel that way.
Advice From Our Readers
Some of our Platinum HuffPosters offered up their own advice on this question. Here’s what they had to say:
“Let Dad have his fling.”
“I would say let the Dad have his fling.The longer she ignores him the more attractive the younger woman will seem to him. Maybe she should meet her & try to see what it is that he sees in her. It can’t hurt to try [and] it would make her Dad happy. Life is too short for this kind of drama.”
—Sue McCarthy
“Give Dad grace.”
“Did Dad ask for your opinion on his dating life? You want him to be happy, but you want him to make you happy, as well? Grow up. You’re not a child any longer and Dad’s a grown man. It’s not his job to make you happy, he doesn’t need to run his life according to your comfort level. Your entire complaint is about you, not Dad. You’re worried about being embarrassed for whom? Yourself? Dad doesn’t seem to be worried. Stop whining and judging and give Dad grace. If he’s happy, the problem is you, not him. Don’t run away and pout, have an honest conversation with Dad, share your feelings with love and compassion, keeping in mind that you do not have the right to define happiness for another person even if that person raised you and loves you. This lady may or may not be a temporary relationship for Dad, but the damage you’re doing to your own relationship with him may not be easily healed. The biggest question for you: is your selfishness really worth the price you might pay?
— Respectfully submitted for your consideration by Lynne M, a 74 year old woman with wisdom that’s come at a price.
“Speak with him.”
“As long as your dad dates this person, the issue will not go away. You should definitely speak with him. Hearing from you on how uncomfortable dinner would make you is respectful and necessary.”
Nobody’s perfect: we all mess up from time to time. But when that happens at work, the stakes can be pretty significant.
For instance, writing to r/AskUK, site user MoonlightByWindow shared that the HR in their friend’s workplace recently sent out a mass email congratulating a worker on their new promotion to manager.
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After much ado, though, it turns out this was likely a mistake. “A few hours later, HR announced that they’ve ‘suddenly’ realised that someone else would be better suited for the role,” the poster wrote.
They asked other members of the forum, “What’s the biggest cock-up by HR that you’ve witnessed?”
Here are some of the most-upvoted responses:
1) “HR came to see me a told me to collect my things and meet them in the office with a higher-up. So I did.”
“They then informed me I was being suspended from my job pending both an internal investigation and a possible criminal investigation. I was suspected of gross misconduct (theft of money) and harassment.
“My manager looked dumbfounded during [this], as did I. HR had somehow got themselves confused: I was the victim of the harassment and the witness to the theft of money.”
“That’s a fuck up of epic proportions,” u/EastEven5980 replied.
2) “At my level, everyone’s contract stated that employees needed to give three months’ notice, [while] the company only needs to give one month’s notice to let you go. ”
“But mine read that the company needed to give me three months’ notice. So when redundancy came round, I was in quite a strong position.”
“I once received an offer letter paying me £90,000 per month instead of per year,” u/ang14 replied.
“The actual contract I received later fixed it, but that was nice to dream about.“
4) “HR accidentally sent out a spreadsheet with every job title listed, with its salary, instead of just sending it to a director.”
“Imagine the amusement as literally hundreds of staff launched grievances about pay disparity. It ended up costing circa £10m… to settle the grievances.”
6) “I got added to a private Slack channel discussing a colleague’s disciplinary, with a bunch of messages advising the manager heading the investigation on how to phrase questions to make them difficult to respond to.”
7) “HR had a server which was split into two sections: 1) a whole company reference section with things like company policies, handbooks, and how-to guides, and 2) a private section… which had employee files, payroll, etc.”
“They were migrating to an online HR platform, so someone in HR created an Excel export with everyone’s personal info to be added to the new system. Names, personal addresses, contact info, bank details and salary.
“Guess which area of the server they saved it on.”