One In Five People Who Get Procedures Like Tattoos Or Piercings Experience Bad Side Effects

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Many People Who Used Help To Buy Could Have Bought House Without It

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Best And Worst UK Seaside Destinations Revealed – The Winner May Surprise You

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Queen’s Birthday Honours: 15 Foster Carers Who Looked After 1,000 Kids Between Them Made MBEs

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‘Alarming’ Rise In Self-Harm Rates Among Young Women, Study Shows

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Edgy Goals

If you often find yourself rebelling against your own goals, your goals aren’t rebellious and edgy enough for you.

You’re trying to set goals like everyone else, but you’re not like everyone else, so stop trying to fit in. Start setting goals that you’re not allowed to set. Turn your rebelliousness into motivational fuel by setting goals that are edgy and rebellious to begin with. Otherwise you may find your goals way too boring and unmotivating, and you’ll eventually quit.

Do you give yourself enough latitude to explore rebellious or edgy goals?

Even though some of the stuff I did when I was younger was a bit crazy, I often found edgy goals easier to achieve because they were so much fun.

Here are some simple rebellious goals I achieved during the early 1990s:

  • Steal every bottle of White-Out from the UC Berkeley student store in one day (many dozens of bottles).
  • Steal a $40 ping pong paddle from a locked cabinet of a sporting goods store.
  • Go out for a day of shoplifting with a friend till we filled the back of his pickup truck with stolen appliances. (We ended up filling much of the cab too, even having large boxes on our laps as we drove back.)
  • Find a way to consistently steal items with sensors on them.
  • Learn to count cards at BlackJack and play in the casinos in Vegas, including getting all of my meals comped.

I kept running into a conflict whereby someone would punish my edgy fun and try to set me straight, including four arrests. What gives?

Eventually I’d had enough punishment and tried to straighten myself out. But that didn’t work either. I felt like a shell of myself. Trying to make meaningful progress in life felt like pushing through molasses. Without sufficient edginess I couldn’t stay consistently motivated. There would have to be extreme time pressure and some kind of threat for me to get much done, and even then I couldn’t always motivate myself to push through.

If you’re the type of person who got into trouble when you were younger, always getting punished for this and that, why are you trying to play it straight today? If you struggle to achieve relatively straightforward goals, perhaps you’re not the kind of person who can play it straight and expect to succeed. Perhaps you’re too much of a rebel for that strategy to work.

The key breakthrough was when I asked a simple question:

What can I do that feels edgy, rebellious, and fun but isn’t illegal?

What might be against the rules? What might push some boundaries? What would have some element of risk?

I figured there must be some interesting goals I could pursue that would feel edgy but still be legal. I could still break some rules and have fun doing so.

Eventually this led me to achieve some goals that felt edgy but weren’t illegal, such as:

  • Graduate from college in 1.5 years instead of 4 years
  • Retain my freedom, and never be anyone’s employee again after graduating college
  • Turn blogging into a viable business, starting at a time when most people didn’t know what blogging was, and those that did mostly thought of it as personal journaling with no viable business model

Knowing how to set edgy goals served me well, and to this day I still love projects and pursuits that feel edgy to me. If there’s no edge, then what’s the point of doing them?

Here are some more recent accomplishments from the past few years, all of which had an element of edginess to them:

  • Create and launch an online club where members encourage each other to step up their ambition and their heart-alignment
  • Do a 40-day water fast while making daily YouTube videos of the experience
  • Create a highly original 60-day audio program in 60 days about a different way of relating to life, the universe, and everything.
  • Do a six-in-seven (earn $100K+ in 7 days or less)
  • Marry a delicious Canadian, and import her permanently 😉

If I try to set and achieve a “normal person” goal, the goal will suffocate me. And if you’re reading my blog right now, I seriously doubt that you’re a normal person either.

If a normal person would look at your goals and think they’re cool, that isn’t cool at all. A normal person should look at your goals and exclaim, “The horror! The horror!”

If no one thinks that your goals are too edgy or too rebellious or just plain weird, you’re playing the game of life without enough risk and fun.

Consider this standard: A good goal for you will torment a normal person.

Stop being so damned obedient all the time.

Where’s the fire?

If your current goals aren’t inspiring you, take the old goal list and burn it.

When you have a good goal, the goal ignites you like a match lighting a torch, and that torch keep burning long enough to drive that goal across the finish line. If you keep feeling that you must push yourself with low motivation, your goal probably sucks. Throw out that goal – just give up – and set a goal that has more fire in it. Stop going for security, and go for character growth instead.

People think that risk is a bad thing that they should avoid. So they often set goals that they could easily achieve if they were motivated enough. And then ironically they can’t feel motivated enough.

Look at your goals and ask which ones you could easily achieve if you were 100% motivated to achieve them, all day every day, until you crossed the finish line. If you realize you could definitely achieve every goal by that standard – that the only think stopping you is putting in the time and having enough motivation to keep taking consistent action – I suggest that’s a weak goal. It means there isn’t much character growth and edginess in the pursuit.

Instead, set goals that even if you were 100% motivated to achieve, you’re still not sure how you’re going to pull off that goal. In order to achieve the goal even with sky high motivation, you’re still going to have to stretch yourself, such as by developing new skills, new strategies, and new connections. You’re going to have to expand your previous limitations in order to achieve the goal.

The fire comes from knowing that even if you do your absolute best with daily perfect motivation, you may still fail. Success isn’t guaranteed. Just to have a shot at success, you have to do your best and then some.

Even if you don’t always succeed in achieving such goals, the experience of feeling ignited is so much more fun that trying to be normal.

As you work on an edgy goal, you grow as a person, and that growth is immensely rewarding. That’s the real treasure to be found. The goal is like a MacGuffin in a story – a plot device. The goal exists to help drive the story forward, but the story of how the goal is achieved is often a lot more interesting than the final achievement of the goal.

Perhaps it’s time to make a new list of goals for yourself. Bring the edginess back. Set goals that are against the rules. Set goals that people will tell you that you’re crazy to pursue. Set goals that no one else would care about but you. Set goals that look scary but also like they’d be a hell of a lot of fun. Set goals that you’re not sure you can achieve even if you had 100% consistent motivation to pursue them. Set goals that would torment a normal person.

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Volunteer Week: These Heartfelt Letters Show The Incredible Impact Of The UK’s Most Selfless Heroes

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The #1 Reason People Fail at 30-Day Challenges

Many people fail with 30-day challenges, usually not making it past the first week. And the #1 reason for failure is that they didn’t make a crystal clear commitment to do a specific activity for all 30 days.

Giving your mind a clear enough commitment is a key to success with 30-day challenges. Committing to 5 minutes per day of a specific activity in a specific location at a specific time of day is usually a lot more effective than a vague commitment to “do some exercise” each day.

A clear commitment is binary. Either you did it or you didn’t. There’s little or no wiggle room to give yourself credit for non-compliance.

If you say you’re going to “exercise for 30 days in a row” then does walking count? What about cleaning? Decluttering? Grocery shopping? If you racked up some credits on your Apple Watch for moving a bit, will you count that as your exercise for the day? If you were to ask 10 different people if you’ve successfully completed your challenge for the day, would they always agree? If it’s not certain that every reasonable person would agree, your challenge definition is probably unclear.

If your definition of success is vague, it’s almost a given that you’ll see your standards slip as you go, and within a week or two, your 30-day challenge will have faded completely. Then you’ll beat yourself up for not being disciplined enough.

Lots of people have never completed even one 30-day challenge. And they think it’s due to a lack of discipline. It often is, but not in the way you might think.

When I do a 30-day challenge, most of the discipline happens before Day 1. It’s the mental discipline to clearly decide on the parameters and make a real decision to do the challenge. I get myself to the point of being all-in before I start. The discipline happens in the pre-challenge setup work. This may also include enlisting social support and clearing out any naysaying influences. If I’ve decided to do the challenge, I’ll do it, but my brain needs to understand the nature of the commitment before I feel like I’m all-in. I need to set myself up to succeed in advance. If I don’t frame the challenge properly, I’ll fail at it just like everyone else.

I also understand the long-term importance of nailing these challenges. If I get good at them, I can leverage these challenges to kick off many new explorations, build new skills, create new habits, and more. The long-term payoffs for success are huge. For instance, I’ve been vegan for 22+ years because I started with a challenge to go vegan for just 30 days. Similarly, if you keep stringing yourself along with one failed challenge after another, you’re setting yourself up for decades of disappointment. So if you’re going to do these, stop kicking your ass on Day 10 when you realize you’ve already quit. And pre-kick your ass 10X harder before you even begin Day 1.

When you’re doing a 30-day challenge, honoring your commitment has to be one of the most important parts of your life. If you keep stringing yourself along with failure after failure, you’re hurting your future self.

When people succeed with a 30-day challenge, the success happened mentally and emotionally before Day 1 even started. There’s usually clear evidence that a real commitment has been made. It’s the difference between telling a friend “let’s get together sometime” versus agreeing to meet at a specific time and place and being absolutely certain that you’re going to show up.

Think of it like a legal contract. You want the details of the agreement with yourself to match the overall intention. A contract that merely says “let’s agree to do some stuff this month” is likely to go nowhere. Same goes for a B.S. declaration like “work on my social skills” or “improve my productivity.” If your intention is so vague that I can’t accurately predict what you’ll be doing each day, you probably won’t make it past the first week.

Write down your 30-day commitment before you begin. Then rate it on a 1-10 scale, where a 1 is super vague like “improve my finances,” and a 10 is clear language suitable for a legal contract. In my experience most people won’t score higher than a 3 with this rating. They’ve set themselves up to flake in advance, just the way any flake would: Let’s get together sometime. Sure, let’s do that.

At least 80% of success with a 30-day challenge happens before Day 1. Did you fully commit to a clear and specific activity? Was it defined well enough that a lawyer would approve of the clarity and specificity?

Sometimes I need to play it safe when a challenge can be risky, and I give myself an out if I think I need it. I did that with the water fasting challenge. It didn’t feel safe to 100% commit to many days with no food, so I made a list of potential problems to familiarize myself with the danger signs, and I gave myself room to quit if I perceived that my health was at risk. I had no significant problems though and ended up going for 40 days. A legal contract can have these kinds of exemptions too. So it’s fine to practice risk management when there are practical risks to consider.

When you gain enough experience with these challenges, and you can trust that your internal standards will be high enough, you can sometimes use a more vague definition and get away with it. But even so, it’s still usually better to be specific.

Think of your contract with yourself as the floor (not the ceiling) of what you’re going to do. You can always outperform the specs of a contract. But when you have a rough day, you may sometimes do only the minimum, so make sure that minimum is good enough to satisfy you and get some decent results. You can do more when you’re feeling up to it.

Whenever you attempt to make a change in your life patterns, some part of your brain is going to resist. It expects the old patterns to continue, and it freaks out a bit when the input changes. That’s normal. But you’d better be aware of the existence of this part of yourself, and you need to intelligently compensate for it. A good way to do that is with a clear commitment that’s fully understood. This helps your brain get into sync with the new expectations before you begin. If those expectations are fuzzy, your brain won’t successfully get past this freakout period, and it will use whatever wiggle room you permit it to pull back to your old reality, even if that reality wasn’t serving you well.

When you fail at a 30-day challenge, there’s a reason for it. For most people that reason for failure could have been spotted at the start of Day 1: the lack of a clear and committed decision. They flaked on the challenge before it even started, and there’s little chance of making it past the first week. They didn’t do what it took to succeed in advance.

Actually doing a 30-day challenge tends to be very rewarding, motivating, and fun – if you’ve set it up correctly. The discipline required to complete such a challenge isn’t as much as it seems – again, if you’ve set it up correctly.

My favorite 30-day challenges have been those that introduced me to new modes of living. They expanded my possibility space. They permanently shifted my relationship with reality. Some are still paying dividends years or even decades after I did them.

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Rob Lowe Has Nothing Nice To Say About Prince William’s Hair Loss

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WH Smith Has Been Voted The Worst High Street Shop… Again

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