What It Says About You If You Hate The New Year

Posted on 01/01/2026 by Boris Clair

I’ve always found “Auld Lang Syne” exceedingly depressing. It’s not meant to be cheery, it’s meant to be contemplative. A musical cue to encourage New Year’s Eve revellers to reflect on the year that’s coming to close before celebrating what’s to come ahead.

But I listen to it and just get sad, not reflective. (Same obviously goes for “Same Old Lang Syne,” Dan Fogelberg’s ballad about meeting his old lover in the grocery store in the frozen food section around the holidays, but that one’s meant to be a moper.)

As an adult, I realised that I found the whole new year – New Year’s Eve, that first week or so of January – a bummer. Maybe it’s feeling like I didn’t get enough done in the last year, or the outsized pressure to set new goals. (And it’s definitely sometimes that gnarly post-New Year’s Eve party hangover.)

Turns out, I’m not alone in not loving New Year’s.

“Lots of my clients express a feeling of low mood, motivation and sadness approaching the new year,” said Akua K. Boateng, a psychotherapist in Philadelphia. “I’d say about a quarter of my caseload feels it, so it’s prevalent.”

We frame the new year as a “fresh start,” but that can feel overwhelming, said Priya Tahim, a psychotherapist in Washington, D.C.

“People are encouraged to evaluate their lives, compare progress, and set big goals, often without acknowledging how exhausting the year may have been,” she explained. “That combination can naturally trigger sadness or self-doubt.”

What else is at play if you’ve got a case of New Year’s angst like me? Below, therapists like Tahim and Boateng unpack a few factors.

It can be a period of unkind self-evaluation

As another year comes to a close, we naturally turn inward and begin to take stock of our lives ― and we’re not always kind in our self-assessments.

“We live in a culture of vision boards, grind and constant comparison. It’s easy to feel like you are surrounded by reminders of what has not happened yet ― goals still out of reach, plans that changed and expectations that went unmet,” Boateng said.

“For high achievers, this time of year can become a tender trigger, inviting waves of self-doubt and harsh self-evaluation,” she added.

Perfectionism often shows up as anxious dread about the future and the pressure to have a clear direction, Boateng explained, especially when life feels uncertain or off-course.

“In those moments, it is common to quietly think, ‘I thought I’d be further along by now,’ and to wonder what to do next,” she said.

“For high achievers, this time of year can become a tender trigger, inviting waves of self-doubt and harsh self-evaluation,” said Akua K. Boateng, a psychotherapist in Philadelphia.

The new year can intensify awareness of time passing

For people with ageing parents, grandparents or other loved ones, the start of a new year can prompt reflection on how little time they may have left with them, said Rebecca Leslie, a psychologist and owner of Best Within You Therapy & Wellness practice in Atlanta, Georgia.

“This awareness can also bring up sadness, grief or even guilt about how the past year was spent,” she said. “It can also result in people thinking about whether enough time or presence was given to important relationships.”

If you love the holiday season, you’re probably sad that it’s coming to a close

Every year, my mom gets upset when the Christmas tree has to come down, and the local oldies station stops playing the Christmas music they’ve had programmed since Nov. 1.

That’s a common feeling, Leslie said.

“People may have taken time off work. The streets are filled with lights, and stores play cheerful songs,” she said. “With New Year’s comes the end of this season. It is back to reality. It is back to the typical routine. This shift can be similar to how some people start to feel sad on the last day of vacation. Even though they are still on vacation, they know the end is near.”

"With New Year’s comes the end of this season. It is back to reality," said Rebecca Leslie, a psychologist and owner of Best Within You Therapy & Wellness practice in Atlanta, Georgia. — “With New Year’s comes the end of this season. It is back to reality,” said Rebecca Leslie, a psychologist and owner of Best Within You Therapy & Wellness practice in Atlanta, Georgia.

Alternatively, you may be burnt out from the holidays

Emotional and physical burnout from the holidays is common come early January, too.

“Expecting big energy, optimism or transformation while still burned out can feel overwhelming rather than inspiring,” Tahim said.

If you’re already feeling alone, you may feel doubly that way around the holidays

We tend to associate New Year’s Eve with parties, closeness and celebration. But when there are no clear pathways to any of that – no invitations, no traditions, no “people” to be with – the night can quietly amplify feelings of disconnection or simply not being in the mood to celebrate at all, Boateng said.

“For many, social isolation is not just an occasional experience but an ongoing reality,” she said. “The ache of feeling alone, hungry for connection or longing for romance can feel especially hard when social media timelines are full of highlight reels that appear to show the abundance of joy, friendship and intimacy.”

January is also just a gloomy season

January is in the dead of winter – it’s cold, dark and gloomy – and that can easily affect your mood.

“Seasonal influences, like seasonal affective disorder, weaken our ability to bounce back from NYE emotional triggers and inner negative dialogue because we may not be going out as much,” Boateng said. “The winter blues are real and create a perfect environmental scenario for New Year’s blues.”

“For many, social isolation is not just an occasional experience but an ongoing reality,” Boateng said. “The ache of feeling alone, hungry for connection or longing for romance can feel especially hard when social media timelines are full of highlight reels that appear to show the abundance of joy, friendship and intimacy.”

How to deal if you get depressed every new year

Remember: January isn’t a diagnostic tool or a moral scorecard. We may trump it, but at the end of the day (or year, as it were), it’s just a month. If New Year’s feels activating, try to get back in your body, Tahim said. Pause the self-judgment and focus on regulation first: sleep, routines and emotional containment.

“Sustainable change comes from realistic, values-based goals, not shame-driven overhauls,” she said. “You don’t need a reinvention; you need nervous-system support and consistency.”

As she put it, we need to regulate before we reinvent.

“Limit comparison, practice self-compassion, and remember: Sustainable change happens with consistency and nervous-system safety, not January pressure,” she said.

It’s worth recognizing that these are hard, challenging times outside of whatever’s going on personally for you.

“During these moments, remind yourself that you are doing your best in an unpredictable and changing world,” Boateng said. “You may not be where you wanted, yet, as you would a dear friend, be gentle, be kind and speak with love.”

How To Tackle The Holiday Blues And Enter A New Year Calmly

Posted on 31/12/2025 by Boris Clair

Personally, I find the holidays hard. I love Christmas as a concept but with three of my closest family members dying during this season, it just feels a little too tender for me.

One of my favourite Christmas songs is called “It’s Christmas So We’ll Stop” in which the singer describes Christmas as a chance to breathe during difficult times, a moment to forget the heavy weight of our lives. Then he goes on to say “next day life went back to its’ bad self”.

This is how it feels to me, and many of us. Life hits harder after moments of reprieve and celebration.

According to a medically reviewed article by Health Central, 64% of us struggle with post-holidays depression.

How to cope after Christmas

Writing for The Conversation, Jolanta Burke, Associate Professor, Centre for Positive Health Sciences, RCSI University of Medicine and Health Sciences has given her advice for muddling through.

First, she explains, this slump makes perfect sense: “During the festive period, dopamine levels tend to rise. Anticipation of celebration, time spent with others, indulgent food and festive rituals all stimulate this feel-good system.

“Compared with everyday life, the brain experiences a powerful boost. Even thinking about Christmas before it arrives can activate these pathways, creating a surge of sensory excitement.”

I can relate to this. The build-up to Christmas is almost always more fun than the day itself.

Burke adds: “Once Christmas is over, dopamine levels naturally fall back to their usual baseline. This sharp contrast between heightened stimulation and everyday routine can leave people feeling flat, unmotivated or low. This is the familiar post-Christmas slump.”

As for helping yourself…

Re-establish your routine ASAP

Burke says: “Re-establishing your usual routine as soon as possible can also help. Returning to regular bedtimes and wake times supports your circadian rhythm and helps your body regain a sense of normality.

“Exposure to daylight soon after waking is especially useful, as natural light signals to the brain that the day has begun. A short walk around midday, when light levels peak, can further support energy and mood.”

Make plans for the month ahead

Burke urges: “Scheduling small activities, social connections, or goals gives you something to look forward to and softens the emotional contrast between the festive season and everyday life. Practising presence and finding small moments of enjoyment each day can also help restore balance.”

We’re going to be okay.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

This 2026 Bookish Travel Trend Could Improve Your Mental Health

Posted on 15/11/2025 by Boris Clair

In all the chaos of the world, isn’t it lovely that reading is becoming cool again? As we reported earlier this year, Google searches for “book club” are at their highest in years, and Eventbrite say the number of book club events on the platform has increased by 350% since 2020.

Now, in their Unpack′26 report, the leading travel experts at Expedia reveal that ‘Readaways’ are surging in popularity ahead of 2026 travel.

Working in collaboration with holiday rental site Vrbo, they found that 91% of travellers admit that for 2026 trips, they’re interested in taking a trip centred around reading, relaxation and quality time with loved ones.

So, what is a ‘Readaway’ really?

So, it’s more than just taking some books abroad which is of course incredibly common. ‘Beach Reads’ are called that for a reason, right?

“It’s not new to take a stack of books on vacation, and that’s not what Readaways are,” says Melanie Fish, VP of Communications at Expedia Group.

“These are restful retreats shared with fellow book-lovers, where the real adventures unfold on the page – from a quiet corner in a cozy library, a porch swing, or a pool lounger.”

Reading on a porch swing while sipping a coffee and enjoying the outdoors in comfort? Isn’t that literally the dream?

It isn’t always quite countryside trips, either

Ben McLeod, General Manager at hotel The Social Hub in Glasgow says: “I always ask people why they’re visiting, and more and more I hear that they just want to get away from it all and get lost in a book or two. People are really looking for ways to switch off and step away from their phones.

“Traditionally, you might think people would head to the countryside to read, but while our lobby is busy and there’s always loads of different things happening, I’m always struck by how many guests I see immersed in a book. There’s something special about slowing down in the middle of a busy city.”

Reading is also great for your mental health

If, like me, you are one of the 25% of people in the UK that live with mental health issues, a trip like this may be exactly what you need for a little relief. Studies have indicated that reading can enhance social, mental, emotional and psychological wellbeing.

It also increases resilience and wellbeing for older people, so much so that the Mental Health Foundation recommends reading books and playing musical instruments as a way to preserve mental health in old age.

I will be BOOKing (get it) my own trip very soon.

If You Feel Overwhelmed By The News, You May Be Experiencing This

Posted on 13/11/2025 by Boris Clair

It’s no understatement to say the past decade and particularly past five years have been rough. A global pandemic in which 7 million people died worldwide, the cost of living crisis, a terrifying rise in far-right politics and a devastating genocide against Palestinian people just to name a few.

Is it any wonder that according to leading mental health charity Mind, around 1 in 3 adults say that their mental health has declined compared to pre-pandemic levels?

Now, researchers from the Boston University have warned that this culmination of devastating news could soon result in a type of trauma that was previously unnamed.

The researchers warn that many of us will be experiencing “vicarious trauma”: distress from secondhand exposure to traumatic events through news, our screens, or from comforting those traumatised by these events.

Vicarious trauma is inevitable, according to the experts

One of the researchers, Laura Captari, a researcher and psychologist said in an interview with Futurity: “It’s not possible to bear witness to suffering, to tragedy, without it kicking up big existential questions, whether we hear about it in the news or we’re watching it on our screens.

″‘Am I safe? Who can I trust?’ What’s particularly challenging in today’s world is that we’re an increasingly polarised and fragmented society, and people engage with social media in all different ways.

“For some people, it can really strengthen their connections, but for other people, it can be pretty isolating.”

Professor Steven Sandage, a researcher and psychology professor adds: “A trauma response is a survival mechanism to turn on hypervigilance and alertness. For any of us that feel under threat and with serious trauma effects, it’s gotten stuck in place as a hypervigilant alarm response.

“We can expect that it’s going to be harder to reset that in environments where there’s lots of polarisation.”

It may affect people differently

Speaking on our exposure to violent imagery on social media, Captari says: “It’s not just about what any of us are exposed to, it’s also about our relationship to what we take in, our ability to make sense of it.

“Does it consume our minds in an obsessive way? People’s social proximity is going to impact their experience of seeing violence through social media.”

He adds that for those directly or indirectly involved, it will be more damaging to their nervous system to see these stories than those who are just spectators. He explains: “If they are part of that community [victimised by the violence] or hold an identity overlapping with the people impacted, that’s going to activate their nervous system.

“So if I identify as queer, and there’s a mass shooting at a queer club, that’s going to hit me differently than the student next to me in class who doesn’t have a queer identity.”

The experts advise using social media more mindfully

While many of us think of social media as escapism or even admit to just doomscrolling, the psychologists recommend a more mindful approach to our scrolling habits.

Captari recommends that when you’re opening social media apps, you ask yourself these questions: “What am I hoping for when I pull up social media? What needs am I trying to meet?

“Is it to connect, to zone out, to amuse myself, to stay up-to-date with what’s happening in the world? How are my mind and body reacting to what I’m seeing?”

He also advises against living online as many of us do, saying, “We also need connection with people in real space and time, connection with nature, movement, for caring for our nervous system.

“We as humans can have morbid curiosity and get stuck in a state of “freeze” when something terrible happens, just watching it on repeat, trying to wrap our heads around it.”

Sandage adds: “Young adults have some of the highest rates of mental health vulnerability, and some of the lowest rates of utilisation of mental health services. This happens in the midst of an awful lot of stress on young people.

“Sometimes young people, I think, feel, ‘I need to face what’s going on in the world,’ which is a courageous commitment to not avoid what’s happening. But if it’s happening in a context of isolation, with few relationships or resources in which to metabolise all that, it’s not a good recipe.”

Take care of yourself.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Can’t Imagine Yourself Old And Happy? You May Have A ‘Sense Of Foreshortened Future’

Posted on 08/11/2025 by Boris Clair

I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve always blanked when someone asked me about my five-year plan or inquired whether I wanted to get married or have kids.

My future feels like it has nothing to do with me, and I struggle to envision it – in general, though, the idea of hitting milestones never felt like it “fit” me.

I also felt vaguely as though I was going to die at 20, then 30 (I wonder if the goalposts will move again). It’s a phenomenon friends have described, too.

So, I felt enormous relief in discovering the term “a sense of foreshortened future”, which may be more common than you realise.

What is a “sense of foreshortened future”?

BACP member Alec Williams, a trauma-focused therapist based in London, said: “A ‘sense of foreshortened future’ isn’t simply just thinking that one’s life will be short”, though that can be a part of it.

“It often goes much deeper and can undermine a person’s entire worldview.

“Often,” he explained, “it happens due to an individual experiencing an extreme traumatic event… that shakes the very foundation of how they experience the world.”

Those with a “foreshortened sense of future” might lose all sense of trust in their environment, no longer believing that it can be a safe place where they are valued and cared for.

“Previous commitments, projects, interests or things they were looking forward to can begin to feel meaningless and become difficult to make sense of. The future of one’s life can often feel collapsed and insignificant,” the therapist added.

“In everyday life, this might mean not making long‐term plans, feeling separate or disconnected from the world or people, or believing that investing in the future is pointless.

“Over time, this can affect all aspects of someone’s life and heap a heavy strain on interpersonal relationships. How do you plan a future with someone who no longer trusts or believes in it?”

Why does “a sense of foreshortened future” happen?

Per Williams, trauma can leave you mentally stuck in your time (or times) of distress.

It “can disrupt continuity in time so that a person feels cut off from a
’before’ and an ‘after’”, he said.

“A catastrophic traumatic event, such as torture, can lead to a change in the
structure of time-based experience… they might not just have difficulty in
imagining the future, but experiencing time in a way where the future fails to
present itself as fully meaningful or available.”

This can sometimes make you feel “othered”.

Because people with a sense of foreshortened future may have a different understanding of both the past and the present (as well as what’s coming next), Williams says that “The future may still exist intellectually, but it lacks the availability and meaning that often allows for planning and hope.

“The world as they knew it has gone, and things that once held meaning are no longer relevant. The future is now either too unknown or too unsafe to engage with.”

It is not as simple as a fear of death, he added. “It’s a seismic shift in worldview that alters a person’s ability to move forward with their life and comprehend a future.

“This can lead to withdrawal. If the future life feels insignificant or meaningless,
the effort required to stay connected and invest in relationships, work, and
long‐term planning can feel futile.”

What can I do if I have a “sense of foreshortened future”?

Therapy can be a great step forward, says Williams. “We can help clients reconnect to what they care about, restore trust in the world, and rebuild time-based experience around past, present and future, helping them to put trauma back on the timeline.”

This way, he hopes, “once again, the future can belong to them, rather than being unreachable due to trauma”.

Per VeryWell Health, being mindful of your thoughts, seeking positive activities, connecting with others and reducing avoidance where possible, practising self-care, and choosing actions aligned with your values often may help too.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

‘AI Psychosis’ Is A Real Problem – Here’s Who’s Most Vulnerable

Posted on 24/08/2025 by Boris Clair

For many people, AI has become a tool for work, trip planning and more, and while it has certain productivity and creativity benefits, it also comes with negatives such as its environmental impact and the fact that it can replace jobs (and, in turn, cause layoffs).

Beyond this, more and more news has come out about the dangerous impact it can have on emotional and mental health, including a relatively new phenomenon known as AI psychosis.

“Psychosis is when a person is having a really difficult time figuring out what’s real and what’s not … sometimes they may be aware of it, sometimes they might not be,” explained Katelynn Garry, a licensed professional clinical counsellor with Thriveworks in Bowling Green, Kentucky.

Psychosis can be triggered by lots of things, including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and severe depression, along with certain medications, sleep deprivation, drugs and alcohol, Garry noted.

In the case of AI psychosis, “it’s defined as cases where people have increasing delusional thoughts that are either amplified by AI and possibly induced by AI,” said Dr. Marlynn Wei, a psychiatrist, AI and mental health consultant, and founder of The Psychology of AI.

AI psychosis is not a clinical diagnosis, but is instead a phenomenon that’s been reported anecdotally, explained Wei. Like AI technology, AI psychosis is a new condition that experts are learning every day.

“It’s not yet clear if AI use alone can cause this, but it can be a component that contributes to delusional thoughts and amplifies them,” she said.

It also doesn’t look the same in every person. “There’s different categories of delusions — hyper-religious or spiritual delusions when people believe the AI chatbot is a God … there’s grandiose delusions where people believe … they have special knowledge. And then there’s also romantic delusions,” which is when someone believes they’re in a relationship with AI, Wei explained.

No matter what kind of psychosis someone is dealing with, AI is based on user-engagement and is taught to validate inputs, explained Wei.

“People are using these general purpose [large language models], like ChatGPT, initially, to validate their views, but then it spins off and amplifies [and] it kind of validates and amplifies their delusion,” Wei added.

AI can feed the delusions that accompany psychosis, added Garry. Since AI is meant to agree with you, if you want to get a certain answer out of AI, you can pose questions that easily make that happen, noted Garry.

So, AI can seemingly back up delusional thoughts, making them seem even more real.

It's important to have guard rails around when and how you use AI. — It’s important to have guard rails around when and how you use AI.

There are certain groups who are more vulnerable when it comes to AI use.

The use of AI chatbots is not inherently dangerous, and not everyone is at risk of AI-induced psychosis. While some people will be able to use AI safely, whether for work, weekly meal planning or vacation planning, others won’t be able to do so.

Research is ongoing to determine who is at higher risk of AI psychosis, but those who are more vulnerable seem to include folks with schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, severe depression and bipolar disorders, said Wei.

Although, it can also occur in folks with no known mental health history, Wei added. Certain medications can also put someone at higher risk of psychosis, Garry said.

“In terms of what might be risk factors, I don’t think we know, but just from understanding, I think the risk factors are people who are more socially isolated, don’t have social support, maybe lonely or in a more vulnerable position … over-reliance [on AI] and creating a dependence on it, an emotional dependence,” Wei said. “There’s no research, so we don’t know. These are just hypotheses,” noted Wei.

If you’re worried about a loved one’s AI use (or your own), Garry said there are some things you should look out for.

“Are they feeling like someone is out to harm them? … Are they sleeping? Are they isolating from others? Are they staying up all night to talk to chat? Are they not going out and having real conversations with real people?” Garry said.

These are all red flags. If someone struggles to stop using AI for a period of time — like taking a break from AI when they go on vacation or out for the work day — or has a bad reaction when asked to limit their use, you should take notice.

If you or a loved one exhibits these behaviours you should seek help from a mental health professional, Garry said.

You should create rules around your AI use to keep you (and your kids) safe.

To safely use AI, it’s important to have boundaries with it, Garry said. Those could be guard rails regarding when you use it or how you use it.

First, not using an AI chatbot when you’re in a vulnerable state is one important boundary. “When you’re feeling really low, call a friend. Don’t talk to chat,” Garry said.

“And then at night, especially when no one else is awake around you and you’re feeling lonely, don’t talk to chat either because that’s going to create that reliability [of] ‘Well, when no one’s here to talk to, I can talk to this,’” she said.

This is also important for your children, Garry said. Teach them not to use AI when they’re feeling down or for emotional needs, she noted.

“Start educating your kids on the risk of [AI] and that [it] is not a professional,” Garry said.

If they do start relying on AI for support, ask them what led them to this so you can understand what they’re going through and help them find a better solution, Garry said.

On a larger scale, “advocating for changes in AI legislation, regulations, all of those things to make sure that they’re not just putting out AI without these safeguards there,” Garry said.

AI should not be a replacement for therapy.

“These general purpose AI chatbots like ChatGPT and Claude, they were not designed to be people’s therapists, or to detect this kind of behaviour or how to manage this [kind of behaviour],” Wei said.

The companies behind these tools are working on improvements, but being someone’s therapist still isn’t the main task of AI chatbots, she noted, despite the fact that’s increasingly why people use them.

“One of the top uses right now of generative AI is as your therapist or companion, for emotional support,” Wei noted. And this is dangerous.

AI can’t pick up on nonverbal cues, it can’t offer compassion or see the signs of a mental health crisis, added Garry. And unlike conversations with a therapist, your messages to ChatGPT aren’t confidential, said Wei. Meaning, your innermost thoughts could be leaked.

Regular, in-person therapy and online therapy can come with hurdles such as costs, insurance coverage and simply making the time to actually go to therapy.

It’s no wonder people are turning to AI for emotional support, especially as the country faces a loneliness epidemic. But this isn’t what a traditional AI chatbot is meant for.

AI can create a “false sense of connectedness,” said Garry. For true connection, reach out to loved ones or seek new connections. While that is certainly easier said than done for everyone, and especially people who are more isolated from others, it’s crucial.

“I’m going to push you to get out of your comfort zone a little bit. So that’s going to those work events, maybe talking with someone in your classroom that you haven’t talked to before. It’s reaching out to someone who you haven’t talked to in 20 years … you never know what that could build or rebuild,” Garry said. “And going out as much as you can, even to just the gym, the mall, walking around in those places you never know who you’re going to run into.”

If you aren’t up for leaving your house and meeting people, “even joining social media groups — at least you know that is a real person on the other end of that,” said Garry.

Once again, if you are struggling with your mental health, AI isn’t the answer.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

If You’ve Been Feeling Uninspired And Apathetic At Work, You May Be Experiencing This

Posted on 08/08/2025 by Boris Clair

We have all had our bad days and even weeks at work but what happens when the feelings associated with these days just don’t seem to pass? Well, you may be experiencing something that two experts have dubbed “rustout”.

Writing for The Conversation, Sabrina Fitzsimons Co-Director of DCU CREATE (Centre for Collaborative Research Across Teacher Education), Lecturer in Education, Dublin City University and David Smith, Lecturer, School of Applied Social Studies, Robert Gordon University explain the phenomenon.

Explaining that rustout is on the other end of the spectrum from burnout, they explain: “This is when employees become bored, apathetic and unmotivated, often doing the minimum necessary work. This can result in them procrastinating, browsing social media or looking for something more stimulating elsewhere.”

Sound familiar?

So, what causes rustout?

The experts explain: “Rustout is mental and emotional decline caused by repetitive, mundane tasks and ongoing professional stagnation. Unlike burnout, which results from work overload, rustout arises from underutilisation and a lack of stimulating work.

“It can be amplified when a workplace values efficiency and meeting specific outcomes over professional engagement, leaving people feeling invisible or replaceable. In other words, it occurs when people are not challenged enough.”

Do rather than the over-demand which can cause burnout, rustout comes from not being needed enough. Grim.

Isn’t this just quiet quitting though?

While the behavioural responses to rustout may seem to mirror quiet quitting, the researchers explained that those who experienced rustout most frequently, teacher educators, are not deliberately stepping back from responsibilities.

They say: “While most described enjoying their work and its variety, we found an undercurrent of symptoms and experiences indicative of rustout. We believe our findings may have resonance with other occupational settings.

“Rustout may sound a bit like the social media trend of quiet quitting. However, the teacher educators we spoke to were not deliberately stepping back from their duties or plotting their exit. In fact, they remained highly committed to their students – making their situation even more frustrating.”

That does sound incredibly frustrating.

In fact, once the researchers digged deeper in their interviews with teachers, they found that teachers “spoke of the joy it was possible to find in their work and the many brilliant, inspiring young people they had helped to nurture.”

However, the researchers admitted, some had lost this enthusiasm.

Talking is essential

The experts warn that not talking about how you’re feeling can only make the situation continue, urging: “Nothing is being rocked when staff are working and doing their jobs.

“This silence benefits institutions in the short term, since it maintains stability and delays difficult conversations. However, in the long term, it can contribute to retention issues, a negative workplace culture and possibly reduced innovation.”

The solution, they add, is integrating rustout into the mental health agenda in workplaces, just as burnout is.

“Employers must acknowledge that the wellbeing of their employees is integral to overall success.”

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

When I Was 7, I Stopped Feeling Any Kind Of Pain – Now I Know Why

Posted on 02/08/2025 by Boris Clair

I got my wisdom teeth pulled without anesthesia or laughing gas.

When the dental surgeon sent me home with a packet of prescription-strength Advil, I didn’t take it. Instead, I drove to the community centre and taught my weekly guitar class, my cheeks swelling into grapefruits as my students practiced their D-G-A chord progressions.

Ego-wise, calling out wasn’t an option (I was only loveable because I was reliable, I told myself) and this didn’t warrant a sick day, anyway. I barely felt a thing.

I also don’t remember feeling discomfort when my knee popped out in gym class, or when I fainted during a sweltering marching band parade, or when my appendix almost exploded.

My high pain tolerance didn’t just apply to physical wounds, either; it also dulled the emotional ones. Fear, guilt, awkwardness, jealousy, grief, heartache – I could numb it all.

I learned this skill when I was 7 years old.

My older brother had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. Emotions swelled inside of him, too big to contain, so he’d punch holes in the walls, or burst into our rooms at 3am, or threaten to end his life. Reactions only fuelled the fire – my mother’s anxiety and my father’s guilt like kindling below the log.

Coaxing my brother up from a low or down from a high required a calm, collected presence – someone who could stifle their reactions and use logic to mediate the situation. Someone whose own emotions didn’t get in the way. I was the ideal candidate.

By middle school, my parents had started relying on me to deescalate his episodes. When I succeeded, I was called all of the things I wanted to be: a good girl. The easy one. Such a blessing. Twice, the dispatchers on the other end of the 911 call complimented my maturity and bravery. So did the cops who took my brother to yet another inpatient facility.

Eventually, I wore my robotic mask into the world to see how other people responded. Teachers loved that I got straight As and never spoke out of turn. Friends stopped calling me bossy. Adults deemed me “one of the most well-mannered children they’d ever met”.

It seemed that everyone else liked me better when I had no needs of my own, so somewhere along the line, my emotional suppression went from a temporary tactic to a permanent state of being. By the time my best friend died by suicide when we were 19, I felt almost nothing.

The author and her best friend Will on a trip to Disney World in 2008, four years before his death.

This skill had its perks, but it also had its detriments: all logic and no emotion makes Maria an abysmal girlfriend. The only thing I could feel was the hit of dopamine that accompanied a new love interest, so I sabotaged relationship after relationship in pursuit of it.

Yes, I was incapable of feeling pain – but I was also incapable of empathy, vulnerability, and connection.

At 28, I ended a three-year relationship with a good guy so I could pursue an impulsive fling with a not-so-good one. Something had to give. I was tired of being a romantically inept robot. Desperate to figure out what was wrong with me, I booked an appointment with a psychologist who specialised in childhood trauma.

Right off the bat, she diagnosed me with a dissociative disorder.

If I were capable of feeling anything, I would’ve felt relief. My high pain tolerance suddenly made so much sense.

According to WebMD, “dissociation is a break in how your mind handles information,” and that includes sensory inputs from your body.

One study in The Journal of Pain found that those with PTSD-induced dissociation exhibited hyposensitivity to pain. Basically, the higher the dissociation, the higher the tolerance. An overload of trauma can cause the nervous system to shut down entirely.

In one of our intake sessions, I asked my therapist why I felt so addicted to my numbness. Her response was fascinating.

“Your body has its own pain-relief system, and it actually produces opioids,” she said. “When you’re dissociated, the endogenous opioid system is in overdrive. You’re pumping out endorphins all the time to protect yourself from emotional or physical pain. Like any drug, it’s addictive.”

In other words, I didn’t need anaesthesia because I was constantly making my own.

I wanted to be human again. I wanted to feel love, joy and gratitude – but, like a bottle of Vicodin, dissociation was my coping mechanism.

The author playing guitar in her bedroom at the height of her dissociative disorder.

So much of my identity was tied up in my numbness. I believed I would no longer be fiercely reliable. I’d have to call out sick from work. I’d have to stop answering my phone at all hours of the night for the people who loved me because I lacked boundaries. I’d be susceptible to illness, anxiety, stress, and worst of all, heartbreak. I would no longer be the girl who could handle anything.

I didn’t know who I was without my dissociation, but I wanted to find out.

Four weeks after my diagnosis, I started Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR. It’s a psychotherapy technique that uses bilateral eye movements to stimulate memory processing, which helps the brain recover from trauma. Essentially, you focus on your worst memories and move your eyes back and forth.

My hopes were not particularly high. How could something as small as eye movements fix something as big as depersonalisation-derealisation disorder?

But EMDR worked, and it worked fast.

In my first EMDR session, my therapist told me to focus on my earliest negative memory while I watched a blue square bounce back and forth on my computer screen. I did it once: Nothing. Twice: Nada. Three times: Nope. And then the dam broke open. Sensations poured into my cells. I could feel everything, all at once.

One emotion loomed especially large, casting a shadow over the rest: I was terrified of being unlovable. That’s why I left everyone else before they could leave me — before they could sense the messiness underneath the cold, polished armour.

This odd therapy technique completely overrode my body’s hyperactive pain-relief system. Over the next 48 hours, I experienced all of the hurt, grief, abandonment and heartache I had blocked out for the past two decades. It was excruciating, and I wanted nothing more than to turn back into a robot.

The author and her boyfriend Seb picking apples on a gorgeous fall day.

But with the help of EMDR and this knowledgeable, compassionate therapist, I kept going. We spent the next four years sifting through these memories and emotions, finally processing them so I could let them go.

When pain arose, I felt it. I let the messiness settle in my body, making peace with its presence. Despite the raw discomfort of vulnerability, the hurt of rejection, the guilt of past mistakes, and the occasional panic attack, I resisted the foggy, familiar lure of numbness.

I’m still tempted by it – I’m sure all addicts are – but I’ve never gone back.

Now, I’m in a healthy relationship with a kind, supportive man. He slept over one night two years ago and never left, but I don’t feel the urge to jump ship. I no longer want to chase the dopamine hit of someone new. I want this man to know and accept every part of me, the way I’ve come to know and accept every part of myself.

While I’m not cured (healing is a nonlinear, never-ending road), I’ve learned that pain is a fundamental part of life. Without it, you’re not truly living. It’s the catalyst for transformation. It’s the compass that leads you toward growth. It’s the contrast that illuminates all the beautiful parts of being a fractured, feeling human being.

Maria Cassano is a writer and editor whose work has appeared in Bustle, CNN, Food & Wine, Allure, NBC, The Daily Beast, Elite Daily, and YourTango, among dozens of other publications. Represented by Emma Fulenwider at WordServe Literary, Maria’s memoir about healing from dissociation, “Numb, Party of One,” is currently out on submission to publishing houses. Learn more about it at mariacassano.com/numb.

Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@huffpost.com.

5 Signs Your People-Pleasing Is Actually A ‘Survival Mode’

Posted on 26/07/2025 by Boris Clair

Chances are you either know, or are, a “people pleaser” ― someone who feels the urge to please others, sometimes at your own expense.

It can make you reluctant to say “no” to others, anxious about speaking up for your own needs, and suspicious that the people in your life are always taking advantage of your “helpful” nature.

But speaking to HuffPost UK, Dr. Bijal Chheda, consultant psychologist and the founder of neurodiverse-inclusive mental health clinic Nos Curare, sometimes the instinct can be a form of “fawn mode.”

What is “fawn mode”?

“While many people are familiar with the classic stress responses ‘fight, flight, or freeze,’ there’s a fourth overlooked reaction called ‘fawn mode,’” Dr Chheda told us.

“Fawn mode is a psychological response to threat where, essentially, people-pleasing is turned up to become a survival strategy.”

But instead of causing you to flee from or confront a perceived threat, “fawn mode” means you become hyper-attuned to the needs and expectations of those around you.

It can happen to people who were bullied or exposed to an emotionally unsafe environment in childhood, the expert said, but it can also start in adulthood following toxic work, romantic, familial, or platonic relationships.

“Because they fully believe that their safety or acceptance depends on keeping others happy, people in fawn mode feel the need to work extra hard in the moment to maintain peace,” the psychologist shared.

For those on the autism spectrum, fawning behaviours “may overlap with masking or the act of camouflaging one’s real traits as a way to blend in with social expectations.

“They do this consciously in order to minimise rejection or avoid criticism, often resulting in burnout.”

Those with ADHD may face similar pressures, she continued.

What are the signs I’m in “fawn mode”?

Per Dr Chheda, you may be in fawn mode if:

1) Saying no feels impossible, even when you’re overwhelmed.

You might find it hard to set boundaries, even ones that are sorely needed, the psychologist said.

“Even when your own energy or time has been depleted, you tend to prioritise others’ needs to avoid conflict or confrontation.”

2) You are constantly anxious about upsetting others.

“This heightened anxiety makes every interaction feel like a test where one wrong move could lead to disapproval or instant abandonment,” Dr Chheda told us.

This can make clear, honest communication “exhausting.”

3) Apologising has become a reflex or automatic response.

Find yourself saying “sorry” out or habit, even if you’ve done nothing wrong?

“In these instances, apologising has become a default response used to smooth over situations or deflect potential criticism,” explained the psychologist.

“Over time, this habit can blur the lines of personal responsibility.”

4) Your sense of self-worth depends on being needed.

Some people in “fawn mode” tie their self-worth to how useful they feel they are to other people.

“In turn, this dynamic makes it hard to recognise your own personal needs or prioritise self-care without feelings of guilt,” Dr Chheda stated.

5) You feel responsible for how other people feel.

You might be hyper-vigilant about other people’s emotions and moods.

“This constant monitoring can leave you emotionally exhausted. In focusing so much on others, it becomes easy to lose sight of your own feelings or identity,” the pro told us.

What should I do if I think I’m in “fawn mode”?

You don’t have to turn a lifetime of habits around in a day, Dr Chheda revealed.

“Self-awareness is the first step to breaking free from fawn mode. Take time to reflect on when these behaviours began and how they have been reinforced throughout your life,” she advised.

“Once you have done this, you can start setting micro-boundaries. Begin with small steps like saying no to low-stakes requests or pausing before agreeing to things.”

The process of untying your worth from the needs of others can be lonig and tricky, the psychologist ended, but is ultimately worth it.

You Might Have A ‘Depression Room’ In Your House And Not Even Realise It

Posted on 19/07/2025 by Boris Clair

It’s well-known that depression takes a toll on physical and mental health as feelings of isolation, loneliness, despair and low energy prevail.

One area that doesn’t get as much attention? Depression’s impact on your physical space, like your home or bedroom – but a conversation about this is starting on social media.

Folks on platforms like Instagram and TikTok are posting videos of their “depression rooms” – spaces filled with old laundry, trash, dirty dishes, takeout boxes and more that weren’t attended to when someone was feeling low. The videos show people cleaning their (or their loved ones’) “depression homes” or “depression rooms.”

“‘Depression room’ is this term that has entered into the pop psychology lexicon lately, and it refers to the living space of a person in the grips of a depressive episode,” said Dayton Olsen, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks in Roanoke, Virginia.

“A ‘depression room’ describes a living space that has become noticeably cluttered or chaotic because the person living in it is experiencing depression,” said Kobe Campbell, a licensed clinical mental health counsellor in North Carolina.

“It’s not about laziness or lack of care, it’s a sign that the inner world has become so heavy or disorganised that maintaining the outer world feels impossible,” Campbell added.

There’s a clear reason “depression rooms” happen.

“The state of the room becomes a mirror of what is happening internally,” Campbell noted.

“It’s amazing what even just a brief glance into someone’s living space can say about how that person’s doing,” Olsen said. A picture – or video, in this case – speaks 1,000 words, he added.

“These awful depressive episodes, they do to a person’s living space what they do to a person. They rob them of the ability to just care for themselves, to tend to themselves and their space,” Olsen noted.

“Depression impairs executive function, which is the area of the brain that helps us plan, prioritise and follow through on tasks,” said Campbell.

When you’re depressed, everyday tasks and chores feel overwhelming, Campbell added.

"Depression rooms" — the messy bedrooms and homes that reflect the lack of motivation that happens when someone is depressed — are trending on social media. — “Depression rooms” — the messy bedrooms and homes that reflect the lack of motivation that happens when someone is depressed — are trending on social media.

People who’ve dealt with depression describe it as a period of timelessness “where they can’t remember back, necessarily, to a time where they didn’t feel depressed, and they can’t imagine a future where they feel differently,” Olsen said.

“They’re just frozen in this awful emotional pain, and what that translates to so often is this difficulty to do what so many of us typically do when we’re well, which is to make small investments in our future – brushing our teeth, vacuuming, folding laundry, bathing, eating regularly, all of these things that don’t necessarily require a ton of energy or mental bandwidth but they do require looking ahead to the future and investing in that. And depression robs us of that,” Olsen explained.

Depression also robs folks of their energy and motivation, which can make things like doing the dishes or hanging up your clothes feel impossible.

“Depression room” cleaning is a way to break the depression feedback loop.

“When you think about psychology and mental health, there’s this feedback loop between your thoughts, your feelings and your behaviours,” explained Taisha Caldwell-Harvey, a psychologist and the founder and CEO of The Black Girl Doctor, an online therapy and wellness platform.

When your behaviour changes, and you’re no longer cleaning your bedroom or letting dishes pile up, it also influences how you think, talk to yourself and how you feel, she said.

“It’s all a circle, it’s all a loop, and so you might look around and say, ‘Oh, I’m gross, I’m lazy,’ and then if you say that, now you’re going to have [thoughts like] ‘I shouldn’t be doing this,’ ‘I’m a bad person,’ and that’s going to trigger emotions that are connected to that – now I’m sad, I feel guilty, I feel bad,” Caldwell-Harvey said.

If you feel bad, why would you do anything around your house? If you tell yourself you’re lazy, why would you pick up after yourself?

“It’s all a circle, it’s all a loop, and so you might look around and say, ‘Oh, I’m gross, I’m lazy,’ and then if you say that … that’s going to trigger emotions that are connected to that — now I’m sad, I feel guilty, I feel bad.”

– Taisha Caldwell-Harvey, psychologist and founder and CEO of The Black Girl Doctor

The clean-up depression room videos on social media are a way to break this feedback loop and make people feel better, Caldwell-Harvey said.

“Most of the times, we can’t just tell ourselves ‘feel better,’ right? The feeling [aspect] is the hardest one to try to interrupt… we usually let that one be for a minute and start with something that is an easier place, and so behaviour activation is a big one that is usually easier for people to do,” Caldwell-Harvey said.

“So, while you feel like crap, while you’re still telling yourself these negative things, you can force yourself to do a behaviour. We call it behaviour activation. And so it could be something like clean up your room, [or] it can be something as small as clean up this corner of your room,” she added.

If you don’t have it in you to clean your whole kitchen, set a timer for five minutes and clean for just that amount of time.

“So, you clean for five minutes, and now you think, ‘Oh, I did one small thing,’” she said. Being able to say to yourself, “I did one small thing” can lead to a tiny bit of hope and even a commitment to do five more minutes of cleanup the next day, she added.

This breaks the cycle and interrupts the pattern, she explained.

Depression robs folks of their motivation, which makes tasks like cleaning feel impossible.

You can also always use your home as a visual mental health check.

“Our environment influences our emotional health. A 2010 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that women who described their homes as cluttered or unfinished had higher levels of cortisol and more feelings of fatigue and depression compared to those who described their spaces as restful and restorative,” said Campbell.

“So, even small acts of tidying can help signal safety to the nervous system,” Campbell noted.

Beyond signalling safety, your home can give you a peek into your emotional and mental health, which is important as it’s hard to keep tabs on the small mental health changes that lead to big declines.

Usually, people wake up one day and feel totally depressed, but it doesn’t happen overnight, Caldwell-Harvey said. “You actually have a decline,” she said.

One way to keep tabs on your mental health and be aware of the decline is by using your bedroom or home as a mental health check, Caldwell-Harvey added.

“A lot of times, your environment really is telling you how you’re doing, and so it’s a good question to ask – ‘What is my environment telling me about what’s happening right now?’” she said.

If you do have a depression room, don’t be ashamed.

Depression is heavy, isolating and scary. If you have a depression room during times of low mood, that’s OK. “If you have a ‘depression room,’ you are not alone,” said Campbell.

“Feeling shame about it is understandable, but misplaced. Clutter isn’t a character flaw, it’s a flag signalling that you need more support than you can offer yourself,” she added.

It’s also a sign that you’re struggling and need additional care, Campbell noted.

Beyond taking a few minutes to clean your depression room, make social plans and create structure for yourself within your home, added Olsen, whether that’s waking up at the same time, logging on to work at a certain time or simply having a glass of water before bed.

And know when you need extra support.

“I always want to be really careful when we talk about stuff like this,” said Caldwell-Harvey.

While content about “depression rooms” can help people feel less alone and increase conversations about depression, “I also am really cautious that we’re not glamorising suffering, and that we’re not further stigmatising people that are in a clinical depression that needs treatment,” she said.

You can have symptoms of depression and not have clinical depression, Caldwell-Harvey explained. But for those with clinical depression, things like room cleaning, behaviour changes or daily mantras aren’t going to be enough to boost your mood.

If two weeks go by and you still aren’t feeling good, you may need more support, she noted.

“If you’re struggling and you are trying this stuff, and you’re just like, ‘Yeah, this ain’t doing it,’ that’s when we want you to reach out for help,” she said. “That is what therapists are for. Medication is really effective for depression – medication and talk therapy are both extremely effective for depression,” Caldwell-Harvey added.

For some people, a depression room – and depression – may be a short-lived occurrence, but for others, it’ll be a longer challenge.

“Cleaning your room is not going to take away grief. It might make you feel better for a minute, and that’s great if it does, but again, you probably need to talk to somebody and process it and do all the things that are going to give you the long-term relief from what you’re going through,” she said.

“Not all messy rooms are depression rooms. Not all depression shows up that way,” she added. Some depressed people have spotless homes, and some non-depressed folks have cluttered, messy spaces, Caldwell-Harvey added.

But if you know your depression room is just that, be sure to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

“The goal isn’t to flip a switch that changes you immediately. Healing requires tiny, consistent acts of kindness toward yourself, because caring for your space is caring for yourself, said Campbell.