Feeling Unmotivated Right Now? Blame The Month

Posted on 18/09/2024 by Boris Clair

My first thought on waking this morning was “ugh, I can’t wait to get back to sleep again tonight”.

Contrast this to sunnier, happier, more productive August me, who took up 6am workouts and made her own sourdough, and the September version of myself is looking pretty drab and unmotivated.

But at least I can comfort myself: everything, it seems, slumps this month.

“The month of September has been, on average, the worst month for the stock market going back more than a century,” NPR writes.

Over half of workers feel demotivated after summer ends too, Forbes reports.

We’re even less likely to work out in autumn. But why does it feel like our motivation takes a tumble as soon as the first leaf does?

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sorry boss, can’t come in today. the air has that early fall feeling

— trash jones (@jzux) September 9, 2024

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sorry boss, can’t come in today. the air has that early fall feeling

— trash jones (@jzux) September 9, 2024

Part of it may be down to seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

“Significant” SAD affects about 3% of the UK population, the Royal College Of Psychiatrists (RCOP) says.

The depression-like symptoms may come about thanks to the lack of light in colder months.

“If you have SAD, you may find it hard to wake up on a winter’s morning and can often feel sleepy during the day,” the RCOP says, adding that ”you may crave chocolate and high carbohydrate foods, such as white bread or sugary foods”.

Though the NHS says symptoms tend to be worse in December, January and February, SAD can start as early as September.

Then, there’s the post-summer (and potentially post-holiday) blues.

Dr Sherylin Thompson, a counselling psychologist, told the BBC: “After a period of relaxation there’s the stress of a new academic year, or work getting busy, but also healthy routines and habits.”

“It can be worse if you’re feeling stuck in the routine, and haven’t got a choice, but it can be a chance to change things,” the doctor added.

As if all that wasn’t enough, there are also additional work demands.

For many industries, the rapidly approaching Q4 is the most financially important, and knowing the added demands are coming can summon that “back-to-school” feeling.

Add kids’ school routines into the mix and it’s no wonder autumn “to-do lists… are never-ending,” psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani told Stylist.

“This can emotionally and psychologically impact our internal systems which in turn has an impact on our mood.”

What can I do about it?

Even though it’s the last thing you’re likely in the mood for, staying active and social in the cooler months is key to staying mentally healthy.

“When the days are shorter, it is important to make a clear routine about when we’re going to fit in exercise, get to the gym, see our friends,” clinical psychologist Dr Camilla Rosan told the BBC.

If you can, enjoy the season’s beautiful leaves while they’re still around, Dr Suglani told Stylist.

“Research suggests the importance of being in nature on our mental health, so try to get out in daylight as this is when your brain will produce melatonin and serotonin which will result in a better night’s sleep and reduce the autumn mood slump,” she shared.

Lastly, the NHS says you should see a GP as soon as possible if you’re experiencing symptoms of SAD and are struggling to cope.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

NHS 111 Is Now Providing A New Mental Health Service, Here’s Everything You Need To Know

Posted on 27/08/2024 by Boris Clair

People facing a mental health crisis in England can now access support through NHS 111.

The service, which is available now, offers another vital lifeline to those experiencing mental health difficulties. A similar service is available in Scotland and Wales.

According to the BBC: “The number connects to a local team of call handlers with mental health training, alongside nurses and clinicians who are available around the clock.

“The team can organise a mental health assessment, send out a crisis team and flag up help available in the local area. A talking-therapy service is also available – people can refer themselves to it online via nhs.uk”

How to access the NHS mental health helpline

The mental health charity Mind estimates that around two million people on waiting lists for NHS mental health care and the latest NHS figures show that mental health services have treated an extra one million people a year compared with six years ago.

The new integrated service can give patients of all ages, including children, the chance to be listened to by a trained member of staff who can help direct them to the right place, says NHS director for mental health Claire Murdoch.

“So, if you or someone you know needs urgent mental health support, please call 111, and select the mental health option.”

The mental health option is option 2, so those looking for support can simply call 111 and choose option 2 to be directed to the support that they need.

Rethink Mental Illness chief executive Mark Winstanley said: “A mental health crisis is traumatic and disorientating, and getting help as quickly as possible is vital. The last thing people need when they or a loved-one is in crisis, is uncertainty about where to turn.

“The NHS have made it easier to access urgent support via 111, building on provision already in place through crisis lines. We welcome this important step.”

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

My Mum Knew I Was Having Suicidal Thoughts. Here’s How She Gave Me My Life Back.

Posted on 19/07/2024 by Boris Clair

“Everyone’s depressed,” my mother said when I told her about the sick dread and the lead in my legs that made taking a walk seem unbearable. At 32, I was living in the ice-encrusted city of Buffalo, New York, with its many shades of gray, slogging my way through a gloomy English Ph.D. program. The bed was my world, the only place where I could slip into the fleeting death of sleep.

“No, Mom,” I said. “I don’t think everyone is depressed.”

I’d seen evidence of this at a winter street fair: a man wearing a baby in a front holster close to his heart; the baby in a white snowsuit like a winter starfish; the way the man absentmindedly cradled her and kissed the top of her head; the pure blue water of peace in his eyes.

I knew the man was happy. At that moment, on that day, in that world, it was, for this man, good to be alive.

“They are depressed,” Mom insisted. “They just hide it.”

My mother, a high-strung Irish Bostonian, believed that life troubles should be endured without complaint. She had survived a bitter childhood where her stepfather had visited her room at night, and when she told my grandmother, my grandmother said: “You imagined it.” As an adult, my mother reasoned it was nothing to dwell on.

With me, she was softer. When I was a child and feeling low, she used to pour me some milky tea in a china cup and invite me to tell her my worries. The taste of her love soothed me. But even then, her impulse was to shoo feelings away. Nothing was as bad as it seemed, now was it? When tea time was over, one was meant to get on with one’s life.

“I don’t want to believe that everyone’s depressed,” I said.

“Well, it’s true,” she insisted.

But I shook my head. Hope was an amulet that I gripped to stay alive.

My trouble started in college at the University of Vermont. It came on me like a flu. One minute, I was trudging to classes in the bright snow and conversing easily with friends. The next minute, I was mute in bed in the foetal position. I slept for 20 hours at a time, rising only to ransack my roommate’s store of Cheetos and Ring Dings. My mother was so frightened that she called the dean of my college and demanded that he do something. I was put into counselling.

The sorrow returned as a low-grade haze of numbness in my 20s. My mother and I were sitting in a car watching a sunset over Lake Champlain. I stared at the streaks of pink and gold as if they were trapped behind a pane of glass.

“I think it must be beautiful,” I said. “But I can’t feel it.”

She sipped her tea from a thermos. “You can choose to feel it,” she said.

When I moved to Buffalo, it followed me. During sunless days of trying to write a dissertation in a drafty apartment, a drumbeat of a voice berated me: You are a loser and have always been a loser. You are so fat, you are hideous. You won’t be able to do it. You will be publicly humiliated if you try.

These thoughts were like little scorpions stinging my mind, and I would fantasise about opening up my skull and placing balm on my brain to soothe the pain. With the lows came brittle highs of tight-wire anxiety — an electrical hum — telling me that something catastrophic was on the verge of happening. Thoughts of death were constant. I considered the options carefully, taking bleak comfort in the planning.

But what about my mother?

“You are my life,” she first told me when I was 3 years old, and she repeated it so often that it became knitted into my consciousness. As an only child, I knew it was my duty to stay alive for her. I was to be the emissary of happiness.

“Maybe it’s our family,” I said to my mom at last. “Maybe just everyone in our family is depressed.”

I had thought about this before. Irish melancholy is romanticised, but in my family, it was a banal truth. Drink was the main antidote. Amid hilarious stories, wit and rowdy fun at weddings, there was a thread of sorrow running through us.

Each of us sought a cure: drugs, work, food. But not doctors or prescribed medications. Those were taboo — reserved for those locked up in Mattapan, one of the cruel asylums in Massachusetts that got shut down after an explosive documentary on mental institutions in the 1970s.

“Maybe.” My mother finally conceded the thread of darkness in our family.

Because she knew the roads. She knew the deadened agony of hanging the laundry when the black dog was at the door. In the 1960s, she bought a red Karmann Ghia. She used to drive too fast. What was she leaving behind in the rearview mirror? Was it her stepfather? My parents’ disappointing marriage? Her unrealised dreams of being a writer?

“Your problem is you have no problems,” she said when I was in Buffalo and repelled one of her pep talks. I was in a state of anguish, and I could see that she was afraid.

I stopped going to her for help. I sought out a psychiatrist, medication and meditation in my 40s. I was diagnosed as bipolar. This explained the mysterious bouts of euphoria when I’d buy 14 pairs of shoes online and hide them from my boyfriend in the closet. I suddenly understood sleepless periods when I would write all night and be convinced that I was writing the great American novel, but later found the pages rambling and incoherent.

The medication has helped. I started walking to the Brooklyn Botanical Garden every day in spring to watch the flowers bloom — first purple crocuses, then red and yellow tulips, then pink cherry blossoms, and finally the miracle of lilacs.

I went into recovery for an eating disorder that had plagued me since I was 14. I never spoke of my diagnosis with my mother. I was afraid of her reaction. In the conversation, I imagined, she’d shake her head and say, “Don’t be so dramatic.”

My mental illness is a balancing act that requires constant maintenance. I get good sleep; I walk every day; I reach out to friends; and I’m honest with my doctors. But sometimes I get tired of being vigilant, get out of my routine, and slip back down. It feels so familiar to drape the robes of my depression around me again, and I’ll take to my bed. For years, I kept a store of pills in my drawer — just in case.

One night, over a few glasses of wine, my mother and I relaxed into a state of truth-telling. Once I had stopped treating her as my therapist, our relationship had improved.

“I have one request,” she said slowly.

I had no idea what was coming.

“If you are ever set on doing it — if you have really made your mind up — I’m asking you for one last thing: I want you to call me.”

This was the first time we had spoken of such things in years.

“I know how bad it gets,” she said. “I want you to call me. And if, after we talk, you still want to do it, I won’t try to stop you. It is your life to do with as you choose.”

We sipped our wine.

At that moment, I felt a flood of relief. She was finally acknowledging that what I was going through — what I had always gone through — was real. By making this request, my mother was putting a phone call between me and death.

With those six words — “I want you to call me” — I felt she was giving me my life back. Worrying about what my death would do to her had often stayed my hand, but I had never developed the desire to live for myself.

This conversation changed me, but it could not change the dynamic of my relationship with my mother completely. I was still afraid to tell her about my diagnosis. I mentioned it in passing one day, and it was met with silence.

My mother still believed in the power of will to chase away bad thoughts. She came from a different generation where emotional struggles were to be borne alone. I had watched her bear the abuse of her childhood in silence. I had watched her muscle through her grief when my father left. And when dementia slowly took her mind, I watched her rage, but never cry. Her way was an idea of strength that would never seek help. Her way was not my way. But she broke the silence between us and spoke of the things we must never speak about. And that saved me. As I learned in my recovery, “We are only as sick as our secrets.”

My mother passed away three years ago. I no longer have a promise to keep. But in its place is a new promise to myself. I cling ferociously to life and sound the alarm whenever that resolve weakens. I learned how to sound the alarm on my own. The ability to be ferocious is something I learned from my mother.

Julia Anne Miller is a writer in New York City whose writing has appeared in the New York Times, Salon and Smithsonian. She has performed in such storytelling venues as “Stripped Stories” and “Speak Easy.” Her essay “Sharing a Cab and My Toes” was read by Greta Gerwig for the New York Times Modern Love podcast. She is working on a collection of essays entitled “My Life in Cake.” She can be found at https://julia-anne-miller.com.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

What Does It Mean When Something ‘Scratches Your Brain’?

Posted on 06/07/2024 by Boris Clair

“The way she says MFer scratches my brain just right,” one user wrote on TikTok referencing a lyric in Sabrina Carpenter’s song “Please Please Please.” “… something in this performance scratches my brain so well …” one person tweeted about a performance from the TV show “Glee.”

This slang phrase has been all over social media lately. From songs to visual performances to simple sounds, many things are “scratching” people’s brains.

Despite the widespread understanding of what it means, thanks to context clues, the phrase isn’t quite clear. How can something scratch your brain? What does that feel like?

“The phrase ‘scratches your brain’ is often used to describe a sensation that deeply engages your mind, yields a strong emotional response, or provides a sense of relief or satisfaction like an itch,” said Janet Bayramyan, a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist.

Think of the near-euphoric feeling that comes with scratching an itch, but remember it’s mental rather than physical.

The curiosity and wonder that can lead up to that scratching sensation can also be “brain scratchers.” They can signal someone “is attempting to try to figure something out or to try to think hard about something that may be difficult or troubling to understand,” added Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counsellor with Thriveworks in Jacksonville, Florida. Basically, a thought or situation that’s puzzling, provides uncertainty or is confusing, she explained, will do the trick.

What Leads To A ‘Brain Scratch’?

While it’s a fun phrase, it’s not just that, either. Here’s what can trigger the phenomenon, according to therapists:

Something intellectually stimulating.

In other words, a challenge “that captivates your attention and makes you think deeply,” Bayramyan said, listing puzzles and complex ideas as a couple of examples.

That’s what Kritsas believes is the biggest contributor, too. “The cause of ‘brain scratching’ might be something that is puzzling, new or something that our brain cannot automatically come up with an answer to,” she said. If it’s easy or routine, it’s probably not scratching (or engaging) your brain.

A sensory pleasure.

Sounds, textures — all types of sensory input that feel satisfying or pleasurable count, according to Bayramyan. “These can be sensations associated with ASMR,” she added. Think anything from “clicky” keyboards to fidget toys.

Feeling emotionally moved.

Have you ever listened to a song or looked at a piece of art that resonated with your emotions and made you feel “some type of way”? This is another “brain scratcher,” Bayramyan said.

Kritsas agreed that songs, sounds, visual arts and other forms of media can bring about an emotional reaction or memory that feels like a brain scratch or sense of peace. “It can also remind us of something happy or provide ‘relief’ if it is something we’ve been thinking about,” she said.

Solving a problem or curiosity.

There’s almost nothing worse than having a word on the tip of your tongue or a question you can’t quite answer. So, “finding an answer to a question that has been puzzling you can provide a sense of relief similar to scratching an itch,” Bayramyan said.

The Benefits of Having Your ‘Brain Scratched’

Let’s just say it’s a good thing that “brain scratchers” are everywhere, as they “can definitely have benefits,” according to Kritsas. That goes for both the emotional and cognitive parts of your mental health.

According to Bayramyan, benefits include:

Reducing stress and promoting relaxation.
Elevating mood, leading to feelings of happiness and contentment.
Sparking new ideas and fostering innovative thinking.
Providing opportunities for shared enjoyment and bonding with others, which strengthens social connections.
Promoting neuroplasticity, or the brain’s ability to form new neural connections, which is essential for long-term cognitive health.

Kritsas added that it can also:

Stimulate our brain.
Allow us to challenge ourselves to learn a new skill, solve a puzzle or think about something more in depth.
Bring about peace of mind.
Boost levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that deals with pleasure and motivation.
Minimise levels of stress, especially when there’s a resolution of sorts.

So go all in with these “brain scratching” experiences. This is your excuse to listen to “Heartbreak is one thing, my ego’s another …” from Sabrina Carpenter’s “Please Please Please” on repeat — not that you needed it.

Psychologist Reveals What Kids Of All Ages Need From Their Parents

Posted on 26/06/2024 by Boris Clair

No two parents are the same, meaning that no two parenting styles are the same but, according to one psychologist, there is one universal thing that all children want, no matter their age or your approach to parenting.

Dr Becky, a psychologist at Good Inside, shared on her TikTok channel that she believes parents often make the mistake of trying to find solutions for their children when the children don’t necessarily need solutions — they just need to be heard.

She said: “Your child is looking for your support, not your solutions.”

How to be a better listener for your child

Dr Becky explained: “This is true at every age. Let’s say you have a toddler and they can’t figure out a puzzle and they’re frustrated.

“They’re looking for you to say ‘this is a hard puzzle!’, not, ‘I’ll do that piece for you.’”

The psychologist added that even with older kids who are learning how to read, they’re looking for empathy. She recommended parents tell their own experience of learning to read and said validating their feelings that reading is tricky is better than doing it for them.

Dr Becky summarised saying: “Our kids, like us, are looking for our support. Not our solutions. When they have our support, guess what? They’re really good at coming up with solutions on their own.”

According to the UK’s leading youth mental health charity, YoungMinds, your body language when actively listening matters, too. The experts advised: “Give your child time to speak while you are fully focused. Try to relax your facial expression and body position.

“Put yourself at the same height or lower than them. Nod or make a sound to show you have heard and make eye contact (but don’t insist that they do).”

When you put it that way, it is actually quite simple.

@drbeckyatgoodinside

Parenting truth: Our kids’ feelings need support, not solutions. Try this: Next time your child is having a hard time, say, “I hear you”, “That stinks” or “I’m so glad you’re sharing that with me” instead of allowing your fixing / advice / solution voice to take over. I think you’ll be amazed by what happens next.

♬ original sound – Dr. Becky | Psychologist

This Is How Being A People Pleaser Is Ruining Your Career

Posted on 30/05/2024 by Boris Clair

Being a ‘people pleaser’ sounds like a good thing on the surface, right? You please people?

However, as the British composer Elizabeth Parker once said: “The only thing wrong with trying to please everyone is that there’s always at least one person who will remain unhappy. You.”

This couldn’t be more true in the workplace. While working hard and helping your colleagues can feel good and progress your career, you may soon find yourself burnt out and bitter.

Careers expert and founder of Social Media Jobs, Rob Phelps, spoke with us to explain why people pleasing in the workplace can be harmful, and how to break the cycle.

The dangers of people pleasing in the workplace

It’s a recipe for burnout

While it may just feel like doing ‘small’ things to help others, Phelps warns that saying yes to everything, taking on extra work on top of your own to-do list and prioritising other people’s needs over your own can lead to ‘serious burnout’.

Phelps said: “The constant state of busyness can take over and make it difficult to focus on your core responsibilities, and potentially mean mistakes or missed deadlines, for the sake of helping too many people with their own deadlines.”

It can make you almost invisible

If you spend a lot of your time making sure that you’re helping other people, it’s likely that your own voice and needs will get lost.

Phelps said: “People pleasers often shy away from advocating for themselves or putting forward their ideas, so it can be difficult to get noticed for your contributions and ideas.”

He also warned that this lack of visibility can reduce your chances of getting a promotion or being put forward for new challenges or projects.

It can weaken boundaries

Phelps warned: “People pleasing often means weakening your boundaries, both professionally and personally.

“Your time, expertise, and energy are valuable, and constantly giving them away for free can lead to frustration and resentment, and this can start to bleed into your personal life too.”

He said that you may find yourself checking work emails while on holiday, or saying yes to taking on more tasks when you’re actually off sick, or even accepting friend requests from colleagues on private social media accounts — all of which are ignoring your own boundaries and comfort levels.

How to break free from people-pleasing

Understand why you do it

Phelps said: “The first step is understanding why you feel the need to please everyone around you.

“Is it a fear of disapproval? A lack of clarity on your own goals that makes you take on extra work to avoid having time to work out what you really want?”

He added that talking to somebody you admire at work or even friends and family can help you to get to the root of the underlying cause and address the patterns and start saying no.

Know your own worth

Recognise your skills and contributions! You deserve to be valued for what you bring to the table, and when you feel invisible it can have a serious impact on your confidence in your abilities.

Phelps advised: “Take time to reflect on your accomplishments and successes, to boost your confidence and help you advocate for yourself more effectively.”

Set and keep boundaries

Phelps said: “Setting boundaries isn’t just about saying no to others, it’s about saying yes to yourself. When you prioritise your own growth and wellbeing, you become a more efficient and fulfilled member of the team.”

To do this, you need to learn to politely say no to taking on tasks that aren’t part of your job, explain that you’re prioritising your own workload and offer alternatives solutions if possible.

Phelps added: “You might be surprised at how understanding people are when you stick to your boundaries rather than saying yes to everything.”

Advocate for yourself

Sometimes you have to remind people of everything you do if they’re not paying attention. Don’t be afraid to share your ideas and opinions, even if they’re different from what everyone else is saying. Your perspective is valuable and deserves to be heard.

Be patient with yourself

Finally, Phelps urged, you need to be patient with yourself.

He said: “Remember that change is a gradual process, and after years of saying yes, it can feel strange to start saying no. Be patient with yourself and celebrate progress.

“By putting yourself first, you’ll be able to achieve a healthier work-life balance, and ultimately have a more fulfilling and successful career, rather than letting your desire to keep everyone else happy hold you back.”

5 Ways Therapists Personally Deal With FOMO

Posted on 21/05/2024 by Boris Clair

FOMO, or the fear of missing out, is a common feeling, especially in a social-media obsessed world where every activity is documented. It involves the perception or belief that others may be doing better, more exciting things while you’re left out.

Though experiencing FOMO is totally normal and valid, it can also negatively affect your self-esteem, self-worth and happiness. Speaking to HuffPost, therapists who frequently deal with FOMO described how they handle it in their own lives, and offered advice for others who struggle with the feeling:

1. They shift their mindset

Sometimes you need to adjust your mindset when thinking about FOMO, according to Erica Basso, a licensed psychotherapist and the founder of Erica Basso Therapy. Instead of focusing on an experience you lost out on, consider what you may have gained in that same time period.

“I once heard someone say ‘JOMO’ –– the joy of missing out –– and that really stuck with me,” Basso said, noting that she often used to dwell on “what I was missing out on, how my life was lacking, and not feeling great about it.”

“But when I reframed it as ‘well, what’s the joy in missing out on this?’ it really enlightened what I could focus on that was positive,” she said.

For example, if you missed a party and stayed in, think about how you may have indulged in self-care or the relaxation that your body and mind desperately needed.

2. They take some deep breaths when FOMO feels overwhelming

Taking a deep breath when experiencing FOMO may cultivate a sense of calmness.

“FOMO often triggers the body’s stress response, activating the sympathetic nervous system, also known as the fight-or-flight response,” said Israa Nasir, a therapist and the founder of Well.Guide. “Focused breathing techniques, such as deep diaphragmatic breathing or box breathing, can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body’s relaxation response.”

Nasir recommended this box-breathing exercise: Find a quiet space, close your eyes, then inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for another four seconds, and exhale slowly for another four seconds to complete a “box,” or cycle. Nasir said she engages in these breathing cycles for around 90 seconds to feel at ease.

3. They set boundaries

When thinking about FOMO, remind yourself that you don’t have to attend every event or engage in every activity you were invited to.

Emma Giordano, a therapist at Empower Your Mind Therapy, makes sure to check-in with herself and prioritize her boundaries. It’s unrealistic to expect to do everything you want to, she said.

For instance, if you feel like you have to work instead of going out with friends, focus on how you take care of your responsibilities first by setting that as a boundary, since work is important to you.

In practice, this could mean politely declining invitations to be more intentional with your time, said Nekeshia Hammond, a psychologist, author and speaker.

If scrolling on social media triggers your FOMO, try putting boundaries on your screen time. You might set a stopwatch when you open an app or log in online, capping these activities to a few minutes per day.

4. They allow themselves to feel their FOMO

In a society that is always on the go, sometimes it may be beneficial to just sit with your FOMO, said Basso. Confronting your anxious thoughts might be uncomfortable, but it can also give you a sense of agency and awareness in exploring why you’re feeling this way.

“Being aware of your emotions and thought patterns may enable you to recognize when FOMO arises,” Hammond said, adding that this “empowers me to respond with clarity and intentionality, rather than being swept away by fleeting desires or external pressures.”

5. They practice gratitude

Practicing gratitude while experiencing FOMO is one way to combat the feeling. Nasir said she creates a daily gratitude practice to shift her focus from what she’s missing out on to what she’s grateful for in the present moment.

“Whether it’s through journaling, meditation or simply taking a few moments to reflect, acknowledging the positives in your life can help counteract feelings of FOMO and foster a greater sense of contentment and fulfillment,” she said.

10 Undeniable Benefits Of Working From Home, According To Science

Posted on 08/04/2024 by Boris Clair

Four years since the COVID-19 pandemic forced businesses to shut down office spaces around the world, remote and hybrid work seems here to stay.

About a third of US workers who can work from home now do so all the time, according to a Pew Research Center survey from March 2023. (The majority of U.S. workers – 61% – do not have jobs that can be done from home, Pew notes.)

Still, there are a lot of work-from-home skeptics out there – most of them C-level business executives. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has remarked that engineers “get more done” in-office, and JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon said that remote work “doesn’t work for those who want to hustle” while calling all US-based employees back into the offices in May 2021.

Companies that insist on mandatory full-time attendance at the office do so at their own peril; today’s employees value the autonomy that comes with remote or hybrid work and are increasingly leaving workplaces that forget they have lives outside their 9-to-5.

In March 2022, Microsoft’s second annual Worker Trend Index found that 53% of respondents prioritise their health and well-being over work, “and if unhappy, more than half of Gen Z and millennial respondents said [they’d] seriously consider switching employers over the next year.”

Of course, working from home is not without its drawbacks. Many working women say they feel greater conflicts between their job and family roles while teleworking, and studies have shown increased rates of depression and anxiety during remote work. (Though it’s worth noting, most of the research was conducted while respondents were living through an active pandemic ― stressful in its own right.)

Still, with increased social support and systems put in place by managers and organisations trained in managing hybrid teams, research also suggests there’s plenty of benefits to working from home. Below, 10 studies and surveys that quantify just how game-changing remote work can be for employees and companies.

Remote workers experience a better work-life balance

Prior to the remote work era, a healthy work-life balance often felt like a pie-in-the-sky goal for workers: nice to idly dream about but never quite attainable. Now, it’s more in reach: Among hybrid workers who are not self-employed, 71% say working for home at least partially helps them balance their work and personal lives, according to the Pew Research survey.

They don’t feel micromanaged, either, despite being out of the office and outside the eyeline of their bosses. The same Pew survey found that employees who work from home at least some of the time (71%) say their manager or supervisor trusts them a “great deal” to get their work done when they’re out of the office.

Working remotely can halve an office worker’s carbon footprint

Working from home isn’t just good for your morale, it’s also pretty good for the planet. According to research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences last year, people who work remotely all the time produce less than half the greenhouse gas emissions of on-site employees.

Hybrid work arrangements help some, too. Working remotely two or four days a week reduced an individual’s emissions by up to 29% compared with office workers.

In 2015, Xerox reported that its teleworkers drove 92 million fewer miles, reducing carbon dioxide emissions by nearly 41,000 metric tons.

Working remotely two or four days a week reduced an individual’s emissions by up to 29% compared with office workers.

Remote workers tend to eat more healthy ― up to a point

Research on remote work can be a little contradictory – is it good for your mental health or does it lead to depression? – so in December 2023, British researchers set out to interpret over 1,930 academic papers on teleworking and hybrid work arrangements.

What they found was that people working from home tend to feel lower rates of stress, eat healthier meals and have lower blood pressure.

The study, funded in part by the British National Institute for Health and Care Excellence, pointed out some negatives, too. One of the studies reviewed found that 46.9% of employees working from home had put on weight. Another study put that number around 41%. Remote workers also tended to drink and smoke more.

A downside for workers: Remote employees work longer hours

Though working from home is often equated with laziness and low productivity, the aforementioned British study found that remote workers tend to work longer hours and that their work is more likely to bleed into evenings and weekends. Regrettably, they’re also less likely to take sick time.

Another study – this one tracking more than 60,000 Microsoft employees over the first half of 2020 – found that remote work led to a 10% boost in weekly hours.

One drawback was less collaboration. The Microsoft study, published in the journal Nature Human Behaviour, found that cross-group collaboration dropped by about 25% of the pre-pandemic level.

Less commuting time means more time for work

Remote employees are working more because they’re spending less time stuck in traffic. One 2023 University of Chicago study looked at data from 27 countries and found that remote workers saved 72 minutes in daily commuting time. On average, employees spent about half an hour of that extra time engaged in daily work, which comes out to more than two hours a week.

Since the pandemic, some social scientists have highlighted the downside to eliminating the daily commute: In one 2022 study published in the Organisational Psychology Review, researchers argued that commutes are a source of healthy “liminal space” – a time free of constraints from work and home that gives people a chance to recover from the workday and mentally prepare for reentering the home.

“Without the ability to mentally shift gears, people experience role blurring, which can lead to stress,” the study’s co-authors wrote in The Conversation. “Without mentally disengaging from work, people can experience burnout.”

Remote or hybrid work options may help with employee retention.

Worried about losing your employees to more enticing offers? Give them the chance to work from home. In 2019, video conferencing company Owl Labs surveyed 1,200 U.S. workers between the ages of 22 and 65 and found that remote workers were 13% more likely to stay in their current job for the next five years than on-site workers.

When asked if the opportunity to work remotely would make them happier, 83% of the survey respondents agreed, while 80% agreed that working remotely would make them feel like their employer cares.

People of colour say they’re able to manage stress better working from home

More Black professionals want flexible work policies than their white, Asian and Latino colleagues, according to a 2021 study conducted by The Future Forum, a research consortium organised by Slack.

Black workers reported a 50% increase in their sense of workplace belonging and a 64% increase in their ability to manage stress when they began working from home.

In the wake of the pandemic and office closures, many Black Americans spoke of how draining microaggressions in their office environments can be.

“Most of my interactions with my co-workers are very focused on the work that we’re doing, and for me, I appreciate that,” Christina, a Black software engineer, told HuffPost in 2021 after switching to remote work. “Sometimes hearing your co-worker’s opinions on current events are not really the most inclusive opinion. It’s nice that I don’t have to delve into that with them.“

Black workers reported a 50% increase in their sense of workplace belonging and a 64% increase in their ability to manage stress when they began working from home.

Mothers and caregivers report higher rates of well-being with hybrid work

A March 2023 study out of the University of Melbourne found that women – especially mothers and caregivers – reported improved well-being when they’re given the option to work from home. The researchers posited that such flexibility helps women balance paid employment with unpaid caregiving and household duties, which women disproportionately bear the brunt of.

Remote work has been a benefit for people with disabilities, too

Workers with disabilities appreciate the option to work from home because it reduces transportation and accessibility challenges they face going into the office every day. It also allows them to better manage chronic health conditions.

“Before COVID-19, work from home was generally not popular, and disabled people had to try hard to get these accommodations,” Meenakshi Das, a software engineer focused on accessibility, told HuffPost in 2021. “It took a pandemic for people to realise how accommodations are low-cost and totally doable, and I hope it stays that way.”

There’s benefits for employers, too. Almost two-thirds of disabled employees believe they were more productive when working from home than at an office or external workplace, according to a 2023 study out of the University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia.

Workers with disabilities appreciate working from home options because it reduces transportation and accessibility challenges they face going into the office.

Employees with flexible schedules tend to have better mental health

Employees at workplaces that prioritize flexibility and higher job security are less likely to experience serious psychological distress or anxiety, according to a March 2024 study published in JAMA Network Open. The study, which polled more than 18,000 U.S. workers, defined “job flexibility” as the ability to adjust their own work schedule to meet personal demands.

Workers with flexible schedules were 13% less likely to experience daily anxiety, 11% less likely to experience weekly anxiety and 9% less likely to experience anxiety several times a year. The researchers also found that increased flexibility and job security led to reduced absenteeism ― a win for everyone involved.

This Is What Your Bedtime Procrastination Is Doing To Your Sleep Quality

Posted on 09/03/2024 by Boris Clair

Do you ever find yourself putting off going to bed? It’s so strange, we complain about how tired we are all day, how much we’d love just a couple more hours in bed but when the time actually comes, suddenly there’s another episode we need to watch, another chapter to read, just one more scroll of social media.

We’re our own worst enemies.

According to Max Kirsten, Resident Sleep Expert for Panda London, this is actually something called ‘bedtime procrastination’ or ‘bedtime delay’ and it is the act of unnecessarily delaying going to bed despite having the intention to sleep.

What is bedtime procrastination and how do we overcome it?

According to Kirsten, there are several factors that contribute to bedtime procrastination:

Psychological factors

Kirsten warns that stress, anxiety, and mood disorders can contribute to bedtime procrastination. Even just the thought of facing another day, unresolved issues at work or home, can make bedtime seem daunting, prompting sleep delaying as a temporary distraction.

Poor time management

If you’re prone to procrastination throughout the day, that is likely to seep into your evening, warns Kirsten. This can lead to people postponing bedtime in favour of completing tasks or indulging in leisure activities.

Spending too much time with screens and technology

The convenience of phones and tablets means that it’s easier than ever to engage in stimulating activities late into the night. The blue light emitted from these screens can interfere with our sleep-wake cycle, making it harder to fall asleep, even once the devices have been put away.

How bedtime procrastination impacts our sleep

Disrupts the circadian rhythm

Kirsten warns that consistently delaying bedtime can disrupt the body’s internal clock, making it harder to fall asleep and wake up at the same time each day. This inconsistency can then lead to sleep disturbances and contribute to insomnia and sleep deprivation.

Poor sleep quality

Even if you do fall asleep after procrastinating, the quality of your sleep may be compromised. According to Kirsten, sleep that is fragmented or interrupted by frequent awakenings is less restorative and can leave individuals feeling groggy and unrefreshed upon waking.

Impact moods and mental health

Sleeping poorly can impact your mental health and emotional well-being, leading to irritability, mood swings, difficulty concentrating and heightened stress levels. Kirsten urges that over time, chronic sleep deprivation may contribute to the development or exacerbation of anxiety and depression.

How to stop procrastinating before bed

Make sure you have a consistent routine

Kirsten recommends that you establish a regular bedtime and wake-up time and ensure that you stick to it even on weekends as consistency helps to regulate the body’s internal clock and promotes better sleep quality.

Create a relaxing bedtime routine

Developing a calming bedtime routine signals to your body that it’s time to wind down. Kirsten recommends reading, taking a warm bath or trying some relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation.

Limit screen time before bed

Avoid using electric devices for at least an hour before bed, as the blue light emitted from them can interfere with melatonin production and disrupt sleep.

Address any underlying issues

If you feel that stress, anxiety, or mood disorders are the underlying cause of your procrastination, seek support from a mental health professional.

Help and support:

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

We Are Therapists – Here’s How To Stop Seeking Approval From Others

Posted on 16/12/2023 by Boris Clair

According to Psychology Today, 85% of people worldwide report having low levels of self-esteem.

Self-esteem relates to how we think and feel about ourselves and how much value we believe we have as individuals, according to NHS Inform. This means that if your self-esteem is low, you’re more likely to focus on your setbacks than your successes. Additionally, people with low self-esteem often ignore their own achievements and positive things about themselves and tend to be needlessly self-critical.

When we’re experiencing these confidence dips, it’s likely that we’ll look for validation of who we are in other people — a behaviour known as ‘seeking external validation’, according to Psych Central.

If this all sounds familiar to you, advice from licensed therapists Nick Tangeman and Dr. Jim from podcast ‘Pod Therapy’ might be exactly what you need.

How to overcome low self-esteem

Back in April this year, the therapists took to social media platform Reddit saying, “We are Therapists hosting a R-Rated podcast called “Pod Therapy”, Ask Us Anything for Mental Health Awareness Month!”

One user, So1337, asked”, “It took me a long time to realise that I was constantly seeking my esteem and sense of self-worth from others. What are some things I can do to 1) look inward for my own worth and 2) stop seeking validation so much?”

The therapists responded to the commenter saying, “First, it’s not inherently bad to get a sense of ourselves from the perspectives of others. Humans are social animals, we value community and its normal for us to want to please others and desire their approval.

“However, as you’ve realised, this often becomes toxic to us. Maybe the people we look to for approval will never give it, can’t give it, or have a myopic view of reality and we shouldn’t trust their judgement of us in the first place. Maybe people around us see our conspicuous flaws and fail to be curious or interested in who we really are. Or maybe we are just surrounded by assholes.”

The therapists then recommended taking the following steps:

Reflect on who you are as a person

The therapists unsurprisingly recommended looking inwards as the first step saying, “Get a list of personality description words from the internet. Look through that list and circle as many positive qualities about yourself as you can find which you relate to. Then reflect on each of the words you circled, recalling memories and experiences you’ve had which you feel exemplify that word.

“Make it a ritual in your life to review your day, your week, your month and your year through the lens of what your personal goals for yourself were, where you’ve grown as a person, and what you are proud of.”

They said this is important because, “part of how we let go of the voices of others is to consciously hear our own voice, so we have to make this a practice in your life.”

Be direct about your needs

The therapists pointed out that when we’re looking for external validation, we’re often doing so passively and laying expectations without actually indicating what we need. They said, “While it’s natural to seek validation from others, we often do so in a passive way that is unsatisfying. We are *hoping* somebody will thank us, compliment us or affirm us.

“We post online that we are sad or feeling down to fish for some positive feedback (which isn’t wrong to do). But a better way is to approach a few quality people in your life from time to time and tell them that you need a reminder of what they like about you, or admire in you, and ask if that is something they can take a moment to give you.

″I like being direct and honest about what we need from others because it gives them an opportunity to think about it and get closer to providing what we need.”