Turns Out Men And Women Experience Very Differently – Here’s Why

Posted on 03/06/2023 by Boris Clair

Depression is an extremely common mental illness, affecting 1 in 6 adults in the UK and usually in combination with other mental health conditions like anxiety, stress, and loneliness. It’s still a massively undertreated condition with only 15% of women getting treatment for it and 9% of men. Women are also twice as likely to experience depression than men.

The differences don’t end there, though.

It turns out that the way the two sexes react to and experience the symptoms of depression are different, too.

Depression Between The Sexes

Depression can hit as early in life as adolescence and for girls, this means struggling with body image, guilt, feelings of failure, difficulty concentrating and general sadness. For boys, this manifests as losing interest in their usual activities and to be more downcast and tired in the morning.

As they get older, women are more likely to see their depression manifesting with stress, sadness, and sleep problems while men will experience irritability and anger outbursts.

It is also worth noting that transgender teens are at a much more elevated risk of developing depression and half of LGBTQI+ people have experienced depression, with three in five also suffering from anxiety.

Why Do The Sexes Experience Depression Differently?

A new study of over 270,000 participants found that prediction methods that take into account gender are more precise in determining an individual’s genetic predisposition to depression than those that do not consider gender.

Until now, depression has been treated without gender being considered but this research has highlighted the importance of gender-based treatments due to both the body’s development of the illness and the widely different ways that it can manifest.

The researchers found 11 sections of DNA associated with depression in women and only a single section in men.

This study also found that depression was linked to metabolic diseases like diabetes and also linked to obesity in women.

Researchers hope that this first-of-its-kind study will help to guide future gender-specific treatment.

Get Help With Depression

If you’re struggling with depression or think you could be, speak to your GP to get the support that you need. Treatments for depression can include talking therapies and medication. Your GP will work with you to identify the best treatment for you. The mental health charity Mind has advice on resources for mental health self-help too.

Nick Jonas Describes The Public Mishap That Led Him To Seek Therapy

Posted on 24/05/2023 by Boris Clair

Nick Jonas said this week that a botched guitar solo at the 2016 Academy of Country Music Awards led him to see a therapist.

The youngest member of the pop sibling trio the Jonas Brothers discussed stage anxiety on the Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard podcast Monday, recalling what he called the “tragic guitar solo debacle”.

Jonas was backing up Kelsea Ballerini on her song Peter Pan and he’d rehearsed, he said, for what seemed like a “million times”. He said was “feeling really confident about it.”

“I started off, it’s fine, and as I walked towards her, I just went completely blank and I hit a wrong note and blacked out, basically, and clocked that it was wrong and I couldn’t stop,” the “Jealous” singer said.

Jonas took a ribbing on social media and tried to shrug off the mishap as a “brain fart”. But the effects were long-lasting.

“In retrospect, I can kind of laugh about how big I thought it was. But it did travel more than I wish it would’ve, and it did cause me to go into therapy,” he said.

“To this day and [after] hours of unpacking it, I can’t really figure out exactly what happened, but I was rushed right into a car and right to a plane after it.

“And I looked at my manager, I was like, ‘I think that was bad’. I was in shock, kind of. And then it was like a really traumatic moment that shaped the pressure I put on myself to be perfect and to always be ‘on.’”

Jonas recalled other mishaps, like forgetting lyrics when he performed on Broadway in Annie Get Your Gun as a boy, but he called the CMA blunder “the worst moment”.

Here’s a longer look at it, beginning at 1:32:30:

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The Jonas Brothers, who got back together in 2019, are set to tour extensively in August, September and October.

How Happy Are People In The UK Compared To The Rest Of The World?

Posted on 20/03/2023 by Boris Clair

The UK has officially dropped two places in the annual World Happiness Report compared to last year.

That means we only just make it into the world’s top 20 happiest countries, according to an annual league table of the almost 137 nations sponsored by the UN.

The scientists who analyse the data found that Finland came out on top for the sixth year in a row while Afghanistan is the most unhappy country in the league table.

Here are the top 20 happiest countries in the world, in order:

1. Finland
2. Denmark
3. Iceland
4. Israel
5. Netherlands
6. Sweden
7. Norway
8. Switzerland
9. Luxembourg
10. New Zealand
11. Austria
12. Australia
13. Canada
14. Ireland
15. US
16. Germany
17. Belgium
18. Czechia
19. UK
20. Lithuania

The UK was in 17th last year, while the US has climbed up the ranks this year from 16th to 15th.

France, on the other hand, dropped out of the top 20, placing 21st while Lithuania took its place.

Ukraine actually ranked 92nd, rather than 98th as it did in 2022 – analysts believe this increase is due to a shared purpose among the population within the war-torn nation.

The report, which has been released annually for 11 years, is based on 100,000 people’s own assessments of their happiness combined with economic and social data.

For this year’s summary, data from social media was used to assess people’s feeling before and after Covid.

Each country is given a happiness score between one to 10 on an average of data over a three-year period – so this year’s looked back to 2020.

There actually wasn’t much of a gap between different scores within those in the top 20 with No.1 Finland scoring 7.804 out of 10, and No.20 Lithuania scoring 6.763.

The report, produced by the UN-backed Sustainable Development Solutions Network and Centre for Sustainable Development at Columbia University in New York, also found most countries remained pretty stable over the last three years in the ranks.

Surprisingly, the Covid pandemic did not make us all unhappier, with people around the world remaining “remarkably resilient” – in fact, there’s been a higher level of acts of kindness reported by individuals since the pandemic.

Facts Are Facts – Four Day Working Weeks Work, So Give Us Them

Posted on 21/02/2023 by Boris Clair

The world’s largest trial of a four-day workweek is complete and there’s good news – it had such a positive outcome the majority of companies said they would be happy to offer a shorter working week to their staff.

61 companies from different sectors were involved in the trial, which ran for six months starting from June of last year.

Managers ensured that salaries stayed the same for staff who participated in the study.

″There’s been a decline in the number of sick days taken during the period of the trial. Before the trial, on average, each person would take four or five sick days per year – that’s down to less than two,” Chief Executive Mark Downs says.

So can we finally admit that we don’t need to work five days a week? When news of a possible four-day working week first emerged, people were skeptical.

“The combination of industry time commitments varying so greatly across the board, as well as close to universal workforce shortages across the board, creates an ecosystem simply incapable of supporting the continued running of certain businesses with working hours under 37.5 hours a week,” Sarah Austin, founder, and director at the Lloyd’s Bank British Business Excellence Awards, previously told HuffPost UK.

“However, this does not mean employee wellbeing should be shelved – businesses that can’t, at this time, adapt to a four-day work week model, can still promote and initiate employee mental health holiday allowances, childcare flexibility and, where possible, hybridisation to not only support their employees, but to also allow them to remain competitive in the current job seeker-led market.”

Nichola Johnson-Marshall, co-founder of cultural transformation consultancy, Working Wonder, is also skeptical this will work for every workplace.

“It’s also great to see commitment and actual trials for a new format of working pattern around a four day (paid for five) working week,” she says, “but we believe that this should be approached as a starting point rather than the end goal and not introduced universally.”

Lockdown has shown us that there are better ways of working than “just how we have worked before”, she adds. So simply cutting working hours might not be the best solution to better work-life balance.

Employers were concerned that a shorter working week wasn’t feasible. Would workers be able to complete goals and meet their targets in a four-day working week? The results from the trial show it’s possible.

It turns out people stop pulling sickies too. The number of sick days taken by 2,900 staff involved a study surveyed by the University of Cambridge and Boston College dropped by around two-thirds.

39% of employees reported that they were less stressed. Two-day weekends come and go, it feels like you don’t have enough time to rest. “Weekends can be quite hectic, so it has been quite nice to have that extra day to see your friends and family, and then you get that extra day off during the week to do all your chores or to have that time to relax,” Tessa Gibson, a senior accreditation officer at the Royal Society of Biology, said.

Overall, it looks like the four-day working week can work. “This is a major breakthrough moment for the movement towards a four-day working week,“Joe Ryle, Director of the 4 Day Week Campaign, says.

“Across a wide variety of different sectors of the economy, these incredible results show that the four-day week with no loss of pay really works.”

This 72-Hour No Phone Digital Detox Is Not For The Weak

Posted on 20/02/2023 by Boris Clair

72 hours without a phone. No constant messages from the WhatsApp group chat, no doom-scrolling on Instagram, and no spoilers on Twitter from last night’s Love Island episode. Sound like a dream come true? You might need to opt for a digital detox.

Unplugged is the UK’s original ‘off grid cabin’ escape which invites anyone who is a self-proclaimed busy body the ultimate break to switch off by embracing a ‘digital detox’ to help improve their overall well-being.

Let’s be honest, most of us are constantly connected, if not glued to digital devices, inundated with notifications, and stuck in the trend of being fashionably ‘busy’ all the time.

It’s ideal for people who are constant busybodies, workers, parents, and couples. Whilst at Unplugged, visitors will spend 72 hours without any screen time. Within that time, guests will reap the benefits of a true digital detox by improving problems associated with high screen time, such as brain fog, poor sleep quality and anxiety.

On arrival, guests will be asked to lock their digital devices, including mobile phones, in a lockbox for three days. These are then swapped for an old-school Nokia mobile (Snake included), a physical map to explore the scenic surroundings, and an instant camera with film.

Also within the cabins include; books, board games, and a functioning kitchen for cooking and dining with no WIFI available.

“What happens when you remove all distractions from the equation and truly switch off and relax? The result: a recharged mind, a clearer perspective, and a sense of calm that has been missing,” co-founder Hector Hughes says.

“50% of the adult UK population spend 11 hours a day behind the screen so we’re offering them a truly unique opportunity to spend less time distracted by their devices and give them the time to think, create & achieve.”

Unplugged currently have sixteen beautiful cabins around London and Manchester, with plans confirmed to expand this number to 50 in other UK locations by the end of 2023.

Can you give up all things digital for three days? You can book your digital detox here.

The Rudest Things People Can Say To Someone With Anxiety

Posted on 16/02/2023 by Boris Clair

People with anxiety tend to have persistent fear and worry about everyday situations. In most cases, these feelings are unwarranted — the result of considering “what ifs” that are unlikely to happen.

However, for those with anxiety, these concerns are very real and can be extremely distressing.

When someone comes to you with a worry they have, it’s important to know how to respond. But unfortunately, not many people know what to say in these situations, and they end up being unintentionally impolite.

“People say rude things to those with anxiety because they simply do not understand it, and society has not learned how to properly handle these conversations,” said Kelly McKenna, a licenced clinical social worker and anxiety expert.

“It might also make you feel uncomfortable when someone else shares their emotions and vulnerabilities with you, which could lead to comments that come off rudely.”

HuffPost spoke with a few therapists and mental health professionals to get insight on the impolite things you can tell someone with anxiety and why they aren’t helpful.

‘It’s All In Your Head – Stop Worrying So Much.’

Trust us when we say that the person with anxiety knows that it is in their head ― that’s one of the hardest parts. And those with anxiety can’t simply stop worrying so much. It’s not like they can flip a switch to make their anxiety magically disappear. If it was that easy, people wouldn’t feel so anxious all of the time.

“Although one might say this to help ease someone’s anxiety about a situation, it’s actually very dismissive and invalidating,” said Dr. Kristin Gill, a psychiatrist and the chief medical officer at Minded, an online psychiatry company designed for women. “It can come across like something is ‘wrong’ with the person experiencing anxiety and may cause more frustration.”

‘Calm Down’

Anyone with anxiety can tell you that they’ve been told to “calm down” before. (Trust us: If we could, we would.)

This kind of comment can be extremely invalidating, especially in moments of distress.

“It’s dismissive and communicates to the person experiencing anxiety that they are too much and are probably irritating whoever is saying this,” said Crystal Britt, a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Get Psyched Therapy & Coaching. “Anxious people typically already feel like they’re burdening people, so this one just drives the point home.”

‘At Least You Don’t Have It As Bad As…’

You may be familiar with the saying “comparison is the root of all evil,” and a similar idea applies when talking about anxiety. While someone may not have the same set of issues as a friend or family member, that doesn’t make their problems any less valid — they are just different.

“Comparison to a perceived worse lived experience can belittle the emotional experience of the person you’re supporting,” said Leia Charnin, a licenced psychologist in North Carolina. “When comparisons like this are received, the listener may feel ashamed that they feel anxious. Thus, this feedback can make the receiver feel worse.”

‘Just Power Through It’

It can take a lot of courage to be vulnerable about anxiety with another person, and being met with this phrase can minimize what someone is actually going through.

“It’s not always possible to ‘power through it,’” Gill said. “Someone with a clinical anxiety disorder might not be able to get over it with the snap of a finger. They need support and encouragement to work through their anxiety and make steps towards progress.”

‘You Just Need To Sleep/Exercise/Pray More’

It’s true that sleeping and exercising may help improve symptoms associated with anxiety. However, when someone comes to you expressing concern and worry, this is one of the last things they want to hear.

“Listen, if one simple tweak in our day could fix our anxiety, we would have already done it,” Britt said. “This statement feels like a trump card, communicating that you’re done having a conversation about this. Mental health issues rarely have simple solutions.”

‘It’s Not A Big Deal’

While it may not seem like a big deal to you, the person feeling anxious would highly disagree. That’s one of the most challenging aspects about having anxiety — everything seems worrisome.

“‘It’s not that big of a deal’ is a form of emotional bypassing. While factually this response may make sense to the speaker, the receiver may feel ignored, misunderstood and even more alone,” Charnin said. “This type of message can unintentionally ignore what is important at that moment to the person with whom you’re speaking.”

These Soothing Illustrations Are The Perfect Balm For Overwhelmed Mums

Posted on 15/01/2023 by Boris Clair

Motherhood is full of conflicting emotions. It can be beautiful and joyful and fun, but it can also be demanding and confusing and overwhelming at the same time.

In artist and poet Azalia Suhaimi’s illustrations, the Malaysia-based mother of two offers comforting reminders to parents navigating these ups and downs.

Many of her illustrations, which she shares on her Instagram account, @azaliasuhaimi, begin with the words “Dear Mama.” But she said they apply to dads and other caregivers, too.

“My artworks are titled ‘Dear Mama’ as they mostly began as love letters to myself, like self-reminders on a bad day,” Suhaimi told HuffPost. “When I decided to share them with the world, I then began building a community of like-minded mothers, all of whom I have really loved connecting and exchanging stories with.”

Suhaimi started her Instagram account several years ago when she was “going through the postpartum blues.” At that time, she would share her own photography with poetic captions that talked honestly about motherhood.

“I scrolled through social media and saw all these picture-perfect Instagram photos of mothers enjoying their new babies,” she said. “I felt weird and alone and left out, like I was the only one struggling with these difficult feelings while every other mother out there seemed to be having the best time of their lives.”

Then, during the Covid lockdowns, she took a digital art course online and began creating illustrations for her posts.

In her work, she enjoys capturing the raw and real moments of parenthood, raising awareness of maternal mental health issues and offering solidarity to other parents in the thick of it.

Suhaimi’s kids are now ages eight and four. She said this is her favourite phase of motherhood so far.

“I can finally sit a bit and reflect on all the lessons I’ve learned from the struggles of early motherhood the past few years. And you can see these reflections on my artworks.”

As an artist, Suhaimi hopes to make parents feel less alone in their own journeys, whatever they’re going through.

“Parenthood is hard and messy as it is, so it’s nice to have solidarity, and a safe space where we can talk about the hard things without being judged and where our feelings are validated,” she says. “And I hope my artworks provide that safe space.”

Another important part of Suhaimi’s message is reminding parents to give themselves more grace.

“Some of my darkest moments of parenthood were really made darker simply because I wasn’t kind to myself,” she said. “I easily judged myself and concluded myself as a bad mom when what I faced was simply just a bad day.”

For Suhaimi, learning to practise self-compassion made “a whole lot of difference” in how she parents her kids and in her motherhood experience.

“So I hope that my artwork can help remind other parents and myself too – I still need the reminder – to practise self-compassion,” she says.

To see more of Suhaimi’s work, you can follow her on Instagram or visit her website. Below, check some of her heartfelt illustrations.

5 Signs Your ‘Dry January’ Should Maybe Be A Permanent Thing

Posted on 06/01/2023 by Boris Clair

So you’re trying Dry January – aka a month of no alcoholic beverages. Perhaps you’re doing it to save money, because you’re worried you drink a little too much or because your friend doesn’t want to do it alone.

Regardless, there’s probably a part of you that’s “sober-curious,” meaning you’re thinking about how alcohol affects you and your life.

As you skip out on drinks throughout the month, you may notice signs that make you even more sober-curious. Maybe you realise how much you’ve been relying on alcohol or how much better your life is without it.

Below, experts share the signs your Dry January challenge should become a more permanent part of your lifestyle and list tips for sticking with it.

1. You realise all you’ve missed out on because of drinking

While alcohol is something many of us turn to when we feel upset, want to have fun or need to wind down, it can also limit our lives. For example, when you’re drunk, you can’t drive to a Zumba class or play with your baby niece.

“Dry January presents a host of opportunities to experience what we otherwise might have missed out on,” says Brook McKenzie, the chief operating officer at Renewal Lodge by Burning Tree, an addiction treatment center. With all that extra time you had during Dry January, he explained, you might have gotten to try something new and exciting.

Further, you might recognise all you missed out on — either in general or sober. “Often, due to the prevalence of alcohol in our culture, people can go years — even decades — without having experienced things like a first kiss, an intimate conversation, a child’s first steps, a movie, meal, birthday, [or] Christmas without the use of alcohol,” says James Hartley, a U.K.-based counsellor who’s been sober for three and a half years.

2. Your interests change

According to Hartley, you may find your old interests boring or need to re-find the value of something without a drink.

“Enjoying yourself without alcohol takes some relearning, and you might find that some things you thought you enjoyed, you actually don’t, and you might find that you start developing new interests,” he says.

For example, you might find more value in small group gatherings than parties, or enjoy playing recreational soccer over drinking alone at home.

3. You feel better emotionally, mentally and physically

As you probably know, alcohol can make you feel groggy, moody and nauseous, to start. So, abstaining from it has many benefits.

“You might experience an increase in energy, alertness, positive thinking, less depressed symptoms, more restful sleep and overall an improvement in your well-being,” says Cathrin Moeller, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Thriveworks in Colorado Springs, Colorado, who specialises in addiction, depression, coping skills, stress and relationships.

Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, explained how this works: “As we all know, alcohol is a depressant and it impacts our brain’s ‘happy’ hormones, like serotonin and dopamine,” she says. “One of the benefits of cutting out alcohol is that you’re likely to feel more balanced in mood, less anxious, etc.” Those changes may help you at your job, too, as work feels more doable and less stressful.

4. Your relationships have improved

Since alcohol can take us away from friends, family, special events and more, you may have noticed the deepening of your relationships in Dry January.

“People are coming around [you] more, they are [giving] positive feedback that drinking less has been good for them, and [your] interactions with people are more genuine and less superficial,” says Kendall Phillips, a licensed professional counselor.

Connecting with others in a meaningful way is vital to our well-being. It can lengthen your life, strengthen your immune system and lower levels of anxiety and depression.

5. Staying away from alcohol was difficult for you

If you notice distressing emotions come up more than they have in other months – and wish you could quiet them with a drink – that could be because you used alcohol to numb them in the past, according to Moeller.

“If that is the case, it is important to seek support in working through this with a licensed mental health professional,” she adds.

Ultimately, it comes down to dependence. “The main difference between social drinking and being a ‘problem drinker’ is reliance,” Touroni says. Some signs of reliance she shared are struggling without having alcohol to turn to, thinking about alcohol a lot and feeling like you need it in social situations.

“If during this period a person is having physical, emotional or psychological cravings and withdrawals, this does signify a more serious problem,” adds Dee Johnson, an addiction therapist based at Priory Hospital Chelmsford in the UK. As a result, staying away from alcohol may be especially difficult – and something you need professional help with, she says, as Dry January can be dangerous for people whose bodies are addicted to alcohol.

Dry January is a good way to examine your relationship with alcohol and decide whether you should make more concrete changes to your drinking habits.

Do those signs necessarily mean you’re dealing with addiction?

The short answer: No. However, continuing to pay attention to your relationship with alcohol is crucial.

“Alcohol misuse is usually a slow burner that increases subtly over time, to the point that as physical tolerance levels slowly increase, it is quite common for the realisation to hit that there really is an issue only at crisis or near to [the] crisis point,” Johnson says.

(FYI, the signs of alcoholism include feeling powerless to alcohol, drinking in high-risk situations, developing a tolerance, noticing withdrawal symptoms without it, facing problems in your personal and professional life because of your need for alcohol, and more.) Also, Johnson adds, you don’t have to drink “every day” or “just the hard stuff” to have an addiction.

Truth be told, we all have something we turn to when we need to cope: sex, food, alcohol, yoga, friends. To some degree, that’s normal and OK. The problem is when it interferes with your life and well-being.

“What’s important is the relationship you have to that thing and whether, in the long term, that is preventing you from living a fuller and more contented life,” Hartley adds. “Whether you term yourself as ‘an addict’ is irrelevant: The truth is, you have a problem with the way things currently are, and it may be worthwhile having a go at changing that a little.”

Tips For Exploring A Sober Lifestyle

Regardless of how you define your relationship with alcohol, what can help you avoid it (especially when it’s basically everywhere)? Here are some options, straight from these experts:

Working with a therapist
Asking your family and friends to support you
Practicing new coping skills
Leaning in to your religion or spirituality
Finding new hobbies and interests
Asking someone to be your accountability partner
Attending meetings focused on quitting alcohol
Not going to bars
Taking it one day at a time
Thinking about how much better you feel
Brainstorming your goals (those related to staying sober and other ones).

If you slip up, be gentle with yourself. This happens, and your hard work isn’t lost. “It is part of the journey to experience setbacks, as with any goal,” Moeller said. “Think of it as part of the journey versus a failure.”

Remember, you’re not alone in what you’re going through, and help is out there.

Help and support:

Help! My Kid Hates How They Look In Photos

Posted on 03/01/2023 by Boris Clair

Deidre Belton, like parents everywhere, knows that her child is absolutely adorable. When Alexander was small, he became accustomed to Belton and other doting relatives telling him, “You’re such a handsome little boy.”

His usual response? “Yes, I am.”

Belton has noticed, however, that as he approaches puberty, he is showing signs of taking a more critical eye to images of himself — examining them with the gaze of his peers instead of that of his adoring family.

For a school project, he was tasked with bringing in a baby photo. But when Belton provided him with one, he refused to take it in, saying, “I’m just worried somebody will say I look like an alien.”

Belton, who is from Missouri, United States, remembers thinking, “What is going on?” Realising that her own body-consciousness was impacting her child, Belton has begun to check the comments she makes about her own appearance. This strategy, coupled with keeping Alexander off of social media, has been effective — for now.

But Belton is bracing for the turmoil around self-image that adolescence will bring, particularly in a day and age when everyone’s bodies are so thoroughly documented.

“All they see is images,” Belton observed, describing her son’s generation. “All day they’re on the computer, they’re on a tablet … and then they’re very critical of themselves and other kids. It’s like the older that they get, the more conscious that they become about their self-image and how they look.”

HuffPost asked several experts how parents can support their children through this phase of looking at themselves critically and help them maintain a positive relationship with their bodies.

Expect self-criticism, but don’t condone it

There isn’t one age at which kids begin to criticise pictures of themselves, but “becoming critical is not uncommon when one is at an awkward time in growth and development,” psychologist Crystal Williams tells HuffPost.

The route that their body takes into adulthood can be a source of struggle for adolescents.

“Girls usually mature before boys and many put on weight before they grow taller, which feels shameful in our ‘never too thin or too rich’ society. Boys, who on average will end up taller than girls, can be shorter than girls in middle and early high school, which can be embarrassing,” says Dr Michael Rich, director of the Digital Wellness Lab at Boston Children’s Hospital.

“Whatever their bodies do, they feel that everyone is looking at them and judging their appearance unfavourably,” Rich continues.

Dietician and intuitive eating coach Alissa Rumsey, author of the book Unapologetic Eating, says: “I have worked with a lot of clients who share with me that they first became aware of the idea that their body was ‘wrong’ around the time of puberty, due to comments from peers, family members, doctors or other adult role models.”

Such physical changes often bring about a fixation on appearance. But that doesn’t mean that parents should simply accept their child’s negative talk.

“If the self-criticism becomes debilitating, destructive or pathological,” Williams says, then parents should seek professional help.

Just because the situation isn’t grave doesn’t mean you should meet your child’s self-criticism with silence, however. Talking with them can help you assess what’s going on and show them that they have your support.

Resist the urge to jump in and contradict their criticism

You may be dying to say: “But you look amazing!” Try to fight this urge and hold your tongue.

“As a parent, it is only natural for you to want to ‘fix’ everything for your child and to take these painful feelings away – but it’s not that simple. Know that your child feeling this way is not your fault, and you can sit with them in these feelings,” says Rumsey.

Ask open-ended questions

When your child says something critical about the way they look in a photo, “be curious,” Williams advises.

She suggests asking questions such as, “What makes you say that about yourself?” or “What would you change about yourself if you could? And why?”

Criticism “could really be masking gender confusion, early development stress — being the tallest, developing larger breasts, being in a bigger body — physical malady/disability, or even an eating disorder,” Williams continues.

In order to help, you’ll have to first figure out the nature of the issue.

“Talk with them about the story they are telling themselves about their body, and where these beliefs came from,” advises Rumsey.

She adds that you can help them reframe an image by asking them questions about what was going on or how they felt when the photo was taken.

You can also help them to identify this voice of their inner critic and strategise about ways to respond the next time they “hear” it.

“Ask your child what they might say to a friend” voicing similar concerns, Rumsey suggestes.

Strategically share your own experience

If your child says something negative about the way they look in a photo, “the best response is not to reassure the child – they won’t believe you anyway,” says Rich, but to talk about a similar reaction you had when you were their age.

“This takes the focus off the child and the image of concern, acknowledges with warmth and humour that the parent struggled with similar feelings, and shows the child that they are OK with it now,” Rich continues.

Model good digital citizenship by asking your child for permission before posting photos of them.

Be aware of the ways social media can amplify kids’ feelings about their appearance

The emotional arc of adolescence hasn’t changed, but technology has shifted their experience and “amplified their developmentally normative, if uncomfortable, self-consciousness,” says Rich.

Kids are constantly taking selfies and live-streaming, documenting their every move — “as if, undocumented, it didn’t happen,” Rich notes.

The barrage of images, many warped by filters, means that today’s kids “are susceptible to constant comparison and chasing after an impossible standard,” says Rumsey.

“The underlying messages tied up in these images, such as appearance being directly tied to a person’s morality and worth and that our bodies need changing to be accepted, respected, and loved in this society,” can cause harm, she says, even when the individual images themselves are innocuous.

If you notice your kids using filters on their own pictures, ask them why.

“Filters are most frequently used for fun, but can be used to redirect attention away from a perceived flaw,” Rich says.

If your child is upset about a photo someone else posted of them, it may be worth learning more about the situation.

You should also be aware that “unflattering photos of others can be posted, with or without filters that exaggerate ‘flaws,’ as a form of cyberbullying,” he says.

If your child is posting photos of others, ask them how they’ve selected the images, and how they think the people in them might feel about seeing them shared.

You should also talk to your child about who they’re following on social media, and how looking at posts makes them feel.

Encourage them “to follow individuals and role models with diverse body types and unfiltered photos and unfollow those that promote unrealistic standards,” says Rumsey.

Emphasise all the other things you love about your child

When you’re looking at pictures together, you might comment on physical traits you love about your child that are unique to them: a dimple, their smile, the way they resemble a family member.

In our appearance-obsessed culture, it’s also important to recognise the things you love about your child that have nothing to do with the way they look. “Reinforce the attributes that have nothing to do with appearance or beauty,” says Williams.

When you comment on your own appearance, your child is listening

Watch what you say about people’s appearances — including your own

As Belton quickly realised with her son, kids become more critical of their own appearance when they’re exposed to this kind of criticism, even when it’s not directed at them.

You might never tell your child that they look fat in a photo, but if you’re saying it about yourself, they’re still receiving the message.

“Avoid all body-shaming talk without glamourising thinness,” advises Williams.

Whether you’re taking photos or looking at them, Rumsey suggests “focusing on the memories or feelings of that moment, and avoiding any comments of physical appearance of anyone’s body”.

Be mindful when you’re the one taking photos of them

Rich recommends not forcing kids to pose, as “the way they feel will be written all over their face.”

He advises taking shots of your kids doing activities that they love. When they’re focused on something they care about rather than the fact that you’re taking a picture, “their true personality and love for what they are doing will show through,” says Rich, and you’ll have an image that more accurately reflects who they are at the time.

You should model responsible digital citizenship by showing your kids any pictures of them you would like to post, asking for their permission and respecting their decisions.

When you want to take a photo, Rumsey says that phrases such as, “I want to document this delicious meal with you all” or “I want to remember this joy we are feeling together” can situate your intention in memories and relationships rather than appearance. She also advises putting your phone aside after a couple of shots, “rather than taking several and trying to find the ‘perfect’ one”.

As for family and group photos, you’ll have to balance the long-term value of having the picture with your child’s preferences.

Rumsey suggests that if your child opts out of a group photo, “this might also be an opportunity to sit with your child and talk about their thoughts, feelings and fears about being in family photos.” Set aside your own agenda, listen and validate their concerns.

If your child feels the support of you or other family members, it “can lay the foundation for creating a more neutral reaction to photo experiences in the future,” she says.

How To Pull Off A Therapy Session In The Middle Of Your Workday

Posted on 03/01/2023 by Boris Clair

Just as you take care of your physical health, therapy is an important aspect of taking care of your mental health. Making a therapy appointment can be a tricky task, especially if your therapist’s schedule overlaps with your workday.

It’s normal to experience a range of intense emotions following your therapy session. Understand that it may seem tough to transition back to work if you’re feeling emotionally and mentally drained. There are also a few ways to make going about your to-do list a little easier post-session.

If you plan to schedule your appointment during work hours, aim for a day when your workload may be lighter and you can work from home, if possible. Moreover, try to block some additional “transition time” in your schedule for after the visit, says Katie Duke, a nurse practitioner on the health care advisory board of the Figs clothing company in Santa Monica, California.

If you have the appointment on a busier workday, it is also helpful to inform your therapist if there are any important meetings that are happening after the session so that the therapist can also be mindful about tailoring what is talked about in the visit, says Alyssa Mancao, a therapist and founder of Alyssa Marie Wellness in Los Angeles.

Mancao also recommends being aware of time so you can spend the last 10 minutes of the visit on coping techniques to transition back to “work mode.”

And if you need a little extra help beyond that, here are a few expert-approved tips on how to pull yourself together after therapy if your appointment is during work:

Go for a walk

Mancao recommends going for a 15-minute walk after your therapy session to help calm your nervous system and transition your mind from being in “therapy mode.”

Take some time to get some fresh air and go for a walk outside or make a few rounds in your office building, if possible.

Try a quick breathing exercise

Deep breathing is a practice that helps cultivate mindfulness, aka. the ability to be present. Mindfulness can help calm your busy mind, improve your mood and reduce any stress you may be experiencing.

“Taking slow, controlled breaths that engage the diaphragm sends signals to our brain to evoke calmness and relaxation,” says Andrea Elkon, a psychologist with Best Within You Therapy & Wellness, based in Atlanta.

She recommends trying the following diaphragmatic breathing practice:

Aim to count to at least four as you inhale, imagining your diaphragm as a balloon filling with air
Exhale for at least another four counts, releasing all of the air

Taking a moment to unwind after your workday therapy session will help you better jump back into your tasks.

Give yourself a little pep talk

If you’re feeling especially overwhelmed or drained after your therapy session, understand that it is completely OK to feel this way. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t let your inner voice criticise you.

“Instead, remind yourself that seeing a therapist is one of the best investments you can make for your mental health and well-being. Shift your focus on how seeking therapy has made a positive difference in your life,” Duke says.

Engage your senses with a distraction

When you focus on your senses in the present, it will shift your attention away from the painful memories and emotions that therapy might trigger, Elkon says.

To engage your senses, try activities like colouring, rubbing lotion on your hands, playing with a fidget toy or drinking a cup of hot tea or a very cold drink.

Nourish yourself with a snack

If you scheduled a therapy appointment during your workday, make sure to have a snack and water on hand after the session.

“Your body will likely have a stress response to the therapy session, leaving you feeling depleted, and having a healthy snack with some water is a way to nourish yourself,” says Kristin Meekhof, a therapist and author of A Widow’s Guide to Healing.

Jump into your to-do list or plan an event

It may be comforting to feel in control by tackling some items you’ve been putting off.

“Engaging in some sort of task that involves your thinking or planning brain will quiet the emotion centres and help you feel centred in the moment,” says Neha Chaudhary, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of BeMe Health, a mobile mental health platform.

Chaudhary recommends drafting an email to someone at work (but not sending it!), writing down a grocery list or meal plan for the week, or thinking about the next place you want to travel and what activities you would do there.

Take it slow when going back to work

It’s normal to feel like you need to occupy your mind with work-related things immediately after your therapy appointment. However, be sure to not ignore any emotions you may be feeling.

Take slow steps as you start completing your work duties, and keep a journal handy to write down any of your thoughts and feelings as they come, says Regine Muradian, a psychologist based in California.

“Give yourself some grace, and remind yourself that you don’t need to finish everything today,” she says.

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