‘Bare Beating’ Might Be The Most Irritating Public Habit Right Now

Posted on 22/02/2026 by Boris Clair

Have you ever been trapped on a train carriage with someone watching TikToks from their phone without headphones? Or seated on a plane by a passenger blasting music? Or even stuck in a doctor’s office waiting room as a fellow patient broadcasts radio commentary on a sports stream?

If so, you’ve experienced what some call “bare beating”. This term refers to the act of playing music, videos, podcasts or other audio out loud in public without headphones – essentially treating shared space like a personal living room.

“This. Is. Rude. There just is no other way to slice it,” said Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and host of the Were You Raised by Wolves? podcast.

“You’re imposing your choices on a captive audience. Nobody decided they wanted to listen to that YouTube video, and yet here we are all having to endure it without our consent.”

Jodi R.R. Smith, the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, agreed, emphasising that bare beating is “unequivocally rude”.

“The presumption that everyone wants to listen to what you are listening to is simply unacceptable,” she said. “This is doubly so if others are unable to move away from you – at work, in an elevator, on public transportation, etc.”

In those tight quarters, what might even seem like low or moderate volume to you can feel disruptive to someone sitting inches away.

“Whether the distraction is visual, or noise related, when someone is intruding on another person’s public space, it’s not easy to look away and ignore,” said Diane Gottsman, the author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of The Protocol School of Texas.

“Think of it this way: if a child was doing it in a public space, tight quarters or a restaurant, others would be annoyed and blame the parents for not adjusting the behaviour. When an adult does the same thing, it’s important for them to self adjust and be respectful of others in close proximity.”

Children might get grace for this behaviour because they aren’t as aware of social norms, but for adults who should know better, it’s simply rude. And depending on where you are, it might even be subject to legal penalties.

“Some people just aren’t mindful of how their behaviour affects others and simply have no idea how far phone speakers can carry sound,” Leighton said. “Spoiler alert: It’s way farther than you think.”

Are you guilty of "bare beating" in public? Here's what etiquette experts think of the "unequivocally rude" behavior. — Are you guilty of “bare beating” in public? Here’s what etiquette experts think of the “unequivocally rude” behavior.

Indeed, “bare beaters” don’t necessarily have negative intent and are sometimes blissfully unaware.

“The reason people are doing this is because they are trying to pass the time or may not even realise their volume is offensive,” Gottsman said. “But when you’re sitting inches away from another person, even lower noises are amplified.”

There may even sometimes be understandable reasons for the behaviour. Someone with hearing difficulties may not realise how loud their device is, or they may be experiencing technical issues. Still, Gottsman said, unless it’s an emergency, the courteous move is to wait to listen to the audio when you’re in private.

“Of course, using earbuds and utilising captions is a reasonable option,” she added.

And while bare beating feels like a modern behaviour, it’s not entirely new.

“Forcing strangers to become your unwilling audience has been an issue that’s plagued humanity since the dawn of time,” Leighton said.

Smith pointed out that methods and norms have shifted over the decades.

“Back in the ’80s, being a DJ to those in your surrounding area was actually considered the norm,” she said.

“The person with the giant boombox would play it so that everyone nearby could enjoy the sound,” she said.

“But times change and nearly everyone has the ability to listen to what they like almost anywhere – so long as they are wearing headphones or earbuds.”

For those who flout modern etiquette rules by bare beating, sometimes all it takes is a gentle nudge.

Smith recalled a recent experience at an airport gate where a man was loudly streaming a soccer game on his phone as it was time to board.

“After a few minutes, I turned and asked him what he was watching,” she said. “He excitedly told me his favourite team was playing. I told him that I was having a hard time hearing the boarding announcements and asked if he could use earbuds. He gave his head a quick shake and looked around sheepishly.

“He had not realised how loud his phone was or how many people were giving him ‘the look.’ He apologised to me and the others around him as he put in his earbuds.”

Still, Gottsman emphasised that deciding whether to speak up is a judgment call.

“Is it rude to intrude on other people‘s personal space? The answer is yes,” she said. “But understand that we cannot determine another person‘s reaction, and if you can ignore it for a very short subway ride, it’s probably best to do so.”

Regardless of whether you choose to confront someone over this behaviour, the important thing is to avoid bare beating yourself. Remember: Just because you can press play doesn’t mean everyone else signed up to listen.

You Might Be ‘Vaguebooking’ Without Even Realising. Here’s What It Says About You.

Posted on 02/01/2026 by Boris Clair

Celebrities always manage to keep us guessing. Remember when Justin Bieber posted about love and forgiveness, even if he didn’t deserve it? More recently, Britney Spears deleted her Instagram account after several concerning yet vague posts.

It’s not only celebrities who make cryptic posts on social media. A friend might share a photo with the caption, “People forget who was there for them”. Social media researchers call this practice vaguebooking.

“It’s when someone posts an intentionally vague message on social media that is designed to elicit questions or attention without fully divulging what’s wrong,” said Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist and founder of Comprehend the Mind. “This behaviour is so common, but it’s not the healthiest way of communicating.”

If you come across these posts, you might wonder if you should respond or keep scrolling. Below, experts discuss the signs of vaguebooking, why people engage in this behaviour, and how to address it.

There are a few ways to recognise vaguebooking

People commonly share life updates on social media, from birthday celebrations to job losses. An example of vaguebooking is posting a picture of your dog with the caption “prayers needed”. By omitting information about your dog’s condition, you might be hoping for someone to ask what’s wrong.

Similar to sadfishing, vaguebooking involves attention-seeking, but it’s often low on detail and context. “These posts are highly ambiguous yet personal and often occur after a romantic breakup or friendship fallout,” said Jenny Woo, Harvard-trained emotional intelligence researcher and founder/CEO of Mind Brain Emotion.

The person who is vaguebooking may not be comfortable sharing the entire story. So, they’ll hint at a breakup by posting, “I’m done being taken for granted.” Or they’ll use inspirational language to hide an insult, such as “I’m cutting toxic people out of my life because I deserve better,” Woo said.

Often, these posts leave recipients wondering what happened and how they can help, said Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at Passionerad. For example, posting, “I will be away for some time, I need it,” could mean that the person is dealing with an illness or taking time to focus on a new business. You can’t tell unless you ask.

People vaguebook to avoid rejection

Sometimes, people vaguebook because they’re hoping to connect but are afraid of being judged or rejected. According to research, vaguebooking is associated with greater loneliness and participation in online gossip. “Those who are lower in emotional stability or higher in introversion may use vaguebooking to test who cares enough to ask, ‘Are you OK?’” Woo said.

People also vaguebook because they’re trying to reach a specific individual and believe they have no choice but to “triangulate an audience,” Hafeez explained. Triangulation involves bringing a third party into a conflict to ease the tension. In this case, they triangulate other social media users either to gain their support or provoke a reaction from the person who upset them.

Thais Gibson, founder of The Personal Development School, agreed, saying that vaguebooking might be a last resort when you or the post’s intended recipient isn’t willing to speak and resolve your disagreement. Although it’s not a healthy approach, vaguebooking allows you to express hurt feelings indirectly. And, as it turns out, your attachment style influences how you handle conflict.

If you've been on social media, you've likely come across a "vaguebooker" — or perhaps you're guilty of doing it yourself. — If you’ve been on social media, you’ve likely come across a “vaguebooker” — or perhaps you’re guilty of doing it yourself.

It also depends on your attachment style

You may have heard that there are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant (dismissive avoidant), and disorganized (fearful avoidant). “Securely attached individuals are the least likely to vaguebook, because they’re the most equipped to handle conflict directly,” Gibson said. Although they tend to have unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict, people who are fearful avoidant (disorganized) aren’t as likely to turn to social media for support, she said.

Conversely, when anxiously attached individuals don’t receive validation from the person they’re fighting with, they’ll try to get it from other sources, including friends, family, or social media. “They’re looking for closeness and support, but find it difficult to ask for help,” Roos added.

“Surprisingly, dismissive avoidant (avoidant) is the second most likely attachment style to vaguebook,” Gibson said. Since they find it hard to be vulnerable, they often use passive-aggressive communication. For example, they might post a vengeful song about an ex or make philosophical-sounding comments, like “Whoever is meant to be with you will stay in your life.”

There’s another reason celebrities specifically vaguebook

“Some celebrities vaguebook to speak their truth without risking a media backlash,” Woo said. Perhaps, they’re expressing regret over something they’ve done or trying to take back control of a narrative that’s been distorted in their eyes. Since celebrities live under constant scrutiny, social media allows them to share while maintaining some level of privacy, Hafeez said.

Alternatively, they could be speaking to universal themes people can relate to, such as love, forgiveness, loss, and pain. “So, when they post in broad, spiritual, or poetic terms, they can be both vulnerable and seeking connection, without giving up the whole story,” Hafeez said.

“Other times celebrities may use cryptic posts strategically as emotional clickbait or a cliffhanger to sustain fan engagement and curiosity,” Woo said. Roos agreed, saying that celebrities may use vaguebooking to create a buzz and stay relevant.

There are tactful ways to respond to vaguebooking

It’s natural to be curious when you come across a cryptic post from someone in your network. “But resist the urge to respond immediately, at least publicly,” Hafeez said. “The post could be a cry for help or an internal monologue they don’t expect anyone to read, or something in between.”

Her advice concerning family and friends was to send them a private message, such as, “Hey, I saw your post, and I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.” This is a non-intrusive way to validate them and give them space to share if they wish. People generally feel more supported when others communicate directly as opposed to commenting on a public thread, Gibson added.

“If it’s someone you’re not that close to, it’s OK to just read it and move on,” Hafeez said. “Not every post is an invitation to be involved or invested.” Roos agreed, saying that it’s all right not to respond, but if you suspect the post is about you, it’s best to reach out to them directly.

Approaching conflict head-on creates strong ties in relationships. Gibson suggested saying, “Hey, I get the sense that some of these posts are about me. I could be wrong, but I hope that you would talk to me directly so we can work through it.” Here, you’re setting a boundary that if there’s an issue, you want to address it one-on-one.

“If you’re the one who’s vaguebooking, it’s not that you’re doing something really bad,” Gibson said. “You are trying to feel seen, heard, and cared for. Those are all human needs.” Talking to a trusted individual, like a therapist, can help you find more direct and honest ways of expressing your needs besides airing them on social media.

8 ‘Micro-Habits’ That Can Help You Live A Happier, Healthier Life

Posted on 22/02/2025 by Boris Clair

If you’re like most people, you’ve probably tried to follow a new big habit just to find yourself faltering a few days later. Maybe you made it a goal to follow a plant-based diet only to find yourself reaching for bacon at breakfast. Or maybe you promised yourself you’d read four books a month only to scroll social media instead.

There’s a reason it’s hard to adhere to a new behaviour. “Many people struggle with motivation because they set goals that are too ambitious or require drastic lifestyle changes,” said Israa Nasir, a therapist and author of Toxic Productivity.

This is where a certain type of approach ― known as a micro-habit ― comes into play.

“Micro-habits remove that overwhelm,” Nasir said, noting that they “improve well-being by reducing the gap between intention and action.”

“There are two parts to a micro-habit,” Nasir continued. First “it is a small, easily repeatable action that requires minimal effort but has a compounding positive impact. When you do it consistently, it creates a large impact.” Second, “micro-habits fit seamlessly into your existing routine, unlike big habit overhauls that can feel overwhelming.”

Micro-habits tend to have a compounding effect because they trigger the brain’s dopamine response, which is the brain’s reward chemical, explained Gina Cleo, the director of the Habit Change Institute in Australia.

“So that reinforces the habit loop — when we get a hit of dopamine, our brain’s like, ‘whoa, that felt really good, we should do that again,’ and so our brain actually starts to make us want to do that habit again,” Cleo said.

And while the micro-habit may not seem as rewarding as a huge goal, that’s actually not true. Our brains don’t know the difference between a big habit and a small habit; you’ll get that dopamine hit whether you wake up and follow a micro-habit like taking a sip of water before having coffee or a full-blown habit like having water and breakfast before coffee, Cleo explained.

All that to say, micro-habits can have some major rewards. And while they can exist in any part of life ― such as your relationships, personal growth, exercise or mental health ― there are certain micro-habits that tend to offer the biggest rewards. Here’s what they are:

1. Take a breath before reacting or making a decision

Cleo said a lot of folks report being reactive when they don’t want to. And whether that means agreeing to plans when you don’t really feel up for it or snapping at someone you love, there is one micro-habit that can help you in pressure-filled moments: taking a breath.

“Taking one big, deep breath before reacting helps to regulate emotions, reduce stress and just regulate the nervous system,” Cleo said.

2. Make your bed in the morning

Making your bed each morning is a simple micro-habit that only takes a minute or two but is one of the best behaviours to adopt, said Emma Mahony, a therapist who works with patients in Pennsylvania.

“It also signifies the day is started and … you’re setting yourself up to come back to a nicer bed later on that day,” she noted.

3. Write down one thing you’re grateful for every day

While big goals like daily mindfulness or prayer may not be something you’ve historically stuck to, a quick gratitude practice can be the key to feeling more fulfilled and joyful.

Cleo recommends that you write down one thing you’re grateful for each morning when you wake up or each night before bed — and that’s it. This micro-habit can take just a minute or two each day.

“The gratitude practice … actually just trains your brain to focus on the positive,” Cleo explained. “It releases serotonin, which gives us that beautiful feeling of contentment and safety.”

4. Do a quick stretch every hour

Anyone who works a desk job knows how easy it is to go hours and hours without getting up. Cleo said making a goal of doing a quick stretch once an hour is a great way to not only show your body some love, but to boost circulation and prevent stagnation throughout the day.

This could be a quick, 10-second micro-habit where you fold forward to touch your toes, do a cat cow stretch or gently do a few wrist stretches. There’s no wrong way to do your stretching, and you’ll feel good after it’s done.

Micro-habits allow you to create a new routine without the overwhelm that can come from huge, overarching goals.

5. Get some fresh air first thing in the morning

One of Mahony’s favourite micro-habits that she does daily is getting fresh air within the first hour that she’s up. This could mean going for a stroll to get coffee or just opening up the door and getting fresh air in your face — it doesn’t have to be a full-blown outdoor workout or a long walk.

If you can’t get outside right away, Mahony said to just make it a goal to get out at some point during the day.

“I know a lot of us work from home, so that’s important … you’re connecting with nature and fresh air,” she said. “I also think [for] me it, particularly in the morning, signifies the start of the day.”

6. Spend time unplugged from your phone

Most American adults feel like they’re on their phones too much but will meet this problem with lofty phone-use goals that are tough to stick to.

Instead of creating goals that are too big, Cleo recommends micro-habits around unplugging that are actually manageable (and even rewarding). Cleo has no-phone zones in her home ― her dining room and her bedroom ― that force her to live unplugged when in those spaces.

But to start even smaller, you could make a micro-habit of putting your phone down while you eat or when you watch your favourite show. This enhances mindfulness, she noted.

7. Drink more water

Drinking water has a multitude of benefits for your physical health, including lubricating your joints, assisting in the body’s waste-removal process and allowing your organs to work properly.

Drinking more water is always a good goal but can be hard to achieve — which is where a micro-habit can help.

“Trying to wake up and drink a glass of water, or making sure you have a glass of water with every meal that you have” are two good places to start, said Mahony.

“I feel like a lot of people are like, ‘I need to drink more water,’ but then they’re like, ‘oh, I don’t have a water bottle,’ or ‘oh, I can’t drink that much in a day,’” she said. “Try to drink one glass more than you did the day before, and if yesterday you didn’t drink any water at all, try to have one glass today.”

8. Read a page of a book each night before bed

You don’t have to commit to reading an entire book or even a full chapter to reap the calming benefits of reading. One micro-habit Mahony is trying to get into is reading a page of a book before bed.

“The last thing I do before I close my eyes shouldn’t be my phone,” she said.

She suggests making a goal of reading one page of a book, or even a magazine or letter, before going to sleep.

“You could spend one minute with it, but I think allowing yourself that space before you go down, instead of having your phone consume your thoughts before bed, is also really important,” she said.

When establishing your micro-habits, be honest about where you are right now

When deciding what micro-habits are best for you, Mahony stressed that you should be honest with yourself about where you are now. Ask yourself what you’re capable of and what micro-habits you can actually stick to.

According to Mahony, sticking to a micro-habit helps you build trust in yourself — and when you build trust in yourself, you’re more likely to go back to the micro-habit. If you continuously set lofty goals and not meet them, that can create a negative relationship with that goal.

“Please be kind to yourself, and that looks like having a genuine, honest conversation about where you’re at right now,” Mahony said. “So, if you are someone who’s staying in bed all day, be honest about what you’re capable of doing. That could be something very small … maybe that just means you open your door and you take in a deep breath and then go back in bed for the day.”

Whatever you do, don’t allow comparison to set your micro-habits for you. Your micro-habit will look different from your partner’s or parent’s or neighbor’s micro-habit, and that’s OK.

For those who don’t know where to start, Cleo suggested looking at the big habit you’re trying to create and breaking that down into 100 pieces — those little pieces are your micro-habits.

Whether you choose to focus on meditation, physical health, mental health, finance, socialisation or career goals, there is no wrong way to set a micro-habit. Instead, whatever tiny steps you take toward your goal will only make your brain feel good and your goal that much closer.

They Might Seem Gross, But These 5 ‘Bad Habits’ Are Actually Good For You

Posted on 11/02/2025 by Boris Clair

If you think you do not have any bad habits, you’re lying to yourself. We all do. It’s fine!

Do I need to see my loved ones picking their noses? Not so much – but if they do it in the comfort of their own homes, no judgement here. We all have our vices, right?

We need a little less shame about our misdeeds and a little more acceptance. Especially since, it turns out, some of our favourite bad habits can actually be good for us.

The bad habits that can be good for you

Farting too much

Of course, we all know that farting once or twice a day is normal but excessive farting just seems… a bit much? A bit gross? Well, it turns out we are all prudes because actually, Healthline advises that the average person farts 10-20 times a day.

Additionally, Harvard Health explains: “It’s normal to have some air in the digestive tract. Air accumulates when you swallow, and the process of digestion generates gases as well.

“When too much builds up, the body releases it. Passing gas keeps the pressure within the intestinal tract low and prevents painful stretching of the stomach and intestines.”

Swearing

Swearing is definitely more socially acceptable these days but of course, not everybody is comfortable with it and if you’re a super sweary person, you may feel that it’s a habit you need to break.

However, it can actually be good for you. A study from Keele University found that swearing can increase a person’s pain tolerance by up to 33%. What’s more, another study suggested it can be a great coping mechanism for dealing with stress.

So, if you need a good ol’ profanity-filled rant, go for it.

Sleeping in

Sleeping in sounds like something we all want to do more but, realistically, waking up later than planned can leave us feeling like we’ve ‘wasted’ a day.

However, if you tend to sleep poorly through the week and treat yourself to a restful snooze at the weekend, you could be doing wonders for your heart health, according to a study published by the European Society of Cardiology.

The experts report: “For the significant proportion of the population in modern society that suffers from sleep deprivation, those who have the most ‘catch-up’ sleep at weekends have significantly lower rates of heart disease than those with the least.”

20% less, in fact. Treat yourself.

Gossiping

We are all well aware that gossiping can be harmful but, when done properly, it is both harmless and actually good for you socially.

Last year, HuffPost UK reported: “Gossip can be good for disseminating information about people’s reputations, which can help recipients of these tips connect with cooperative people while avoiding selfish ones.”

Just, don’t go too hard on people OK?

Not showering daily

Personally, I shower every other day. I feel a little gross when I admit this to others but I am pretty happy with my routine.

Thankfully, Harvard Health backs this approach, saying: “While there is no ideal frequency, experts suggest that showering several times per week is plenty for most people (unless you are grimy, sweaty, or have other reasons to shower more often).

“Short showers (lasting three or four minutes) with a focus on the armpits and groin may suffice.”

Excellent.

5 Food Habits People Say Are Socially Acceptable, But Really Shouldn’t Be

Posted on 07/11/2024 by Boris Clair

As somebody that used to believe that there was nothing more decadent than an entire block of brie after a night out, I do not have much of a high horse when it comes to other people’s guilty pleasures.

However, upon reading a Reddit thread titled, “What is socially acceptable but you still shouldn’t do it?”, I’m starting to think that my cheesy indulgence might actually be forgivable.

Don’t read these while you’re eating…

The top-rated comment was about a person after my own heart, saying: “I saw someone sat on a bench eating a ball of mozzarella like an apple once”

What can I say, us soft cheese aficianados don’t need crackers.

User Effective_witness_63 (probably shouldn’t have) admitted: “I’ve drank pots of yoghurt in public before, people do look at you like you’re some kind of savage tho lol.”

Spoons exist for a reason!!!

Another added a story about a customer at their old workplace, saying that the customer would buy a steak bake and milk and then “take a bite then swig before chewing it all up together.”

They added that this was the customer’s Saturday treat, to which Glitterkelxo responded: “I wish I never read this.”

Huge mood.

User Doorwedge added a comment that actually made me gasp VERY loudly, saying: ”[I] Had a temp job in a warehouse and as part of a guys lunch he ate 3 Oxo cubes straight out of the foil.”

Heartburn?! No?!

Commenter The_cake_in_Matilda added: “Guy at my old work (supermarket) used to get a full Victoria Sponge, sit in the break room with a fork and go to town on one……EVERY SINGLE SHIFT.”

A king, a hero, and frankly, not somebody that deserves judgement from the monstrosity that was the cake in Matilda.

The one that really made me gag, made me question humanity and wonder if there is any good in the world, though, was: “I once was on a bus when a guy reached into his bag and picked out an onion which he preceded to eat like an apple.”

Horrified.

6 Habits To Avoid If You Don’t Want To Spoil Your Kids

Posted on 23/02/2024 by Boris Clair

Parents don’t set out to raise spoiled children, but we do care for them from the time that they are helpless infants, and this can launch us into habits that involve doing lots of things for them. But as children grow, we need to ensure that they are doing more for themselves, and not expecting you — or anyone else — to cater to every one of their needs.

Some object to the idea of labelling children “spoiled.” They aren’t fruit to be tossed away, after all, and it is their behaviours, not who they are, that we don’t approve of. “Children behave in the ways they are taught,” Jeff Yoo, a licensed therapist at Moment of Clarity Health Center, told HuffPost. “I don’t like to label any kid with a negative,” he continued.

Yet we know that’s it not good for kids to always get what they want. “Spoiled tends to reference privileges, often without a sense of them being earned or that they’re taken for granted. We also think of spoiled children as lacking empathy,” Matt Lundquist, a psychotherapist in New York City, explained to HuffPost.

We want our children to be able to get along with others, share, show respect to adults, understand that their behaviour has consequences and not assume that they will always get their way. To encourage these attitudes and behaviours instead of “spoiled” ones, we asked experts which habits parents should avoid. Here’s what they had to say.

1. Making excuses or apologising on behalf of children.

It makes sense for a parent to mention that a fussy baby or toddler is overtired because they missed a nap, but as kids’ get older they should be held accountable for their behaviour, even if they’re having a bad day. Lundquist recommended that parents neither make excuses for children being unkind or apologise on their behalf.

Forcing a child to apologise rarely brings about a heartfelt apology, but a quick, private conversation in which you ask a kid whether they think what they did was acceptable and how it might have made the other person feel can often inspire a child to make a genuine apology on their own.

2. Failing to enforce boundaries or limits.

It’s no secret why parents sometimes cave to their children’s demands. Breaking down and allowing for more screen time, or buying the requested item, can feel a lot easier than coping with the tantrum that may result if you stand strong and refuse. But while capitulating in this way may “win” you the battle, it can lead to you losing the war.

“It is easier to give into bad behaviour to get immediate reactions that satisfy the parents’ needs at the moment. However, the negative consequences to the child may and do last a lifetime,” Yoo said. These consequences can include poor impulse control and other kinds of dysfunction.

Because children will test boundaries, “consistency is the key,” Yoo continued. If you’ve said the iPad has to be turned off when the timer dings, stick to it every time you use this strategy. If you sometimes say this and don’t follow up, children will realise it right away.

Communicate to your child that they may have feelings about the boundary, but they still have to adhere to it. You can say, “I see you are angry about having to turn off the iPad in the middle of your game” or validate their feelings in another way without giving in to their demands.

3. Protecting children from the consequences of their behaviour.

If a child misbehaves at school, for example, and is given detention or some other consequence, it’s important to not jump in to spare the child from the consequence. (Unless your child is being discriminated against.) Doing so can signal to a child that they are special and don’t need to follow the same rules as other children, and undermines the authority of teachers or other adults who care for your kid.

4. Replacing things too quickly.

If a child has lost a beloved item, a parent’s instinct is usually to replace it as fast as possible. But this doesn’t always give children a chance to experience their sadness. Allowing a child to have these kinds of feelings teaches them that they’re resilient and can handle tough situations.

Children also need to know that they can’t always count on immediate gratification, and they need opportunities to practice waiting.

5. Writing off poor behaviour as “kids being kids.”

“There’s a sense with kids who don’t experience enough limits that being unkind isn’t much of a big deal or, more problematically, that there’s something special about them that exempts them from having to do the work of kindness and caring,” Lundquist said.

While it’s true that kids can be cruel or engage in bullying, that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences for it — as well as support for the child who was hurt.

6. Inconsistent discipline.

“When discipline is inconsistently used to teach rules … this fosters confusion about what is and is not acceptable,” Yoo said.

It isn’t easy, but sticking to your boundaries and consequences will serve your kids (and you!) best in the long run.

When you are upholding boundaries or following through with consequences, make sure your kids understand that it is their behaviour that you disapprove of — not them. You love your kids unconditionally, but when they misbehave, you call them out on it. Doing so, Lundquist said, is “an important part of children coming to tolerate, for themselves, this idea — ‘I’m pretty great, but sometimes I can be hurtful, and those are all parts of me.’”

When you do introduce a new behaviour intervention, such as a consequence or a rule, you can expect some initial difficulty, Lundquist explained. “Kids (like all of us) don’t like limits and, typically, when a limit is introduced (or there’s a new effort to really enforce a rule that’s been too loose), they’ll push back.” It can be a challenge, but parents need to remain strong in these moments and remember that “the fact that setting a limit generates intense pushback doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea,” Lundquist said.

On the other end of the spectrum, someone may hear you being effusive with your kids and warn you that you’re going to spoil them, but celebrating your children’s achievements isn’t what leads to entitled behaviour.

“There is no amount of praise … hugs and high fives that will make a child spoiled. Far too often, nurturing and praise are maligned under the umbrella of a kind of anti-spoiling strategy,” Lundquist said.

He emphasised the importance of kids appreciating their own complexity, and understanding that they are capable of both kind and unkind actions.

“Spoiling kids is much more about preventing kids from experiencing the unpleasant parts of themselves than doing too much supporting and celebrating what’s great about them,” he continued.

“In fact, the more the good stuff is cheered, the easier it is to absorb the hard stuff.”

WellnessMaster

Get The Latest News on Holistic Wellness

Tag Archives: habits