Why ‘Write A List’ Is An Insulting Response To Housework Inequality

91% of women with children spend at least one hour a day on housework, compared with 30% of men with kids, the European Institute for Gender Equality shared in 2021.

According to the same data, working women spend 2.3 hours a day on housework, whereas working men spend 1.6 hours on it daily.

These are, of course, only averages; some men will do as much as women, and some more. Additionally, not all domestic labour imbalances will fall along gendered lines (though in most mixed-gender relationships, it’s likely to).

But no matter what, or who, the cause of chore inequality, chances are anyone who brings up being on the more labour-intensive side of it will have heard “write them/me a list!” at least once.

I have grown to despise that advice in relationships where one person is already doing the bulk of the domestic work. Here, we spoke to relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, about why I might not be alone.

“Write a list” profoundly misunderstands the nature of domestic inequality

Roos said that, while she understands that the idea aims to “create a fairer share of the home labour, I think this advice in reality fails to address the core problem”.

It creates more work for someone who, by nature of being given the task, likely already does the lion’s share of domestic labour, she said.

“When one of the partners is expected to write a list and manage things, they also get all of the responsibility for the situation in their lap as they then must see what needs to be done, to prioritise and organise, and plan and follow through… [which is a] big workload.

“This tip also tends to add to the myth that (usually) women should just ‘know how to run a home and a relationship’, as if it were a skill you’re born with rather than something you learn and build up together with your partner,” she added.

Plus, Roos said, it adds to the feeling that one partner is “helping” another, implying that household work is inherently one partner’s domain.

And a single list assumes that housework is static, that noticing, judging, pre-empting, remembering, and reacting to changes and unexpected shifts in your household’s needs isn’t a huge part of the mental load.

“That said,” Roos told me, “I think it’s [a] pretty stupid piece of advice that in reality tends to make things worse rather than solving anything between you”.

What should couples do instead?

OK, so Roos agrees that the dreaded list should be off the table. But given that domestic labour inequality is so pronounced, and that at least some of the parties involved probably want to improve that, what should we do instead?

“I think the focus should be shifted… to share[d] responsibility,” the therapist told us.

Instead of assigning a “project manager” role to one partner, she added, “Ask yourselves what’s your shared responsibility, where the two of you can take more initiative and where you can lead, and communicate around what tasks you feel more keen on doing and try to split it between you in a fair way”.

It’s important to find a way to follow up on that, too, she continued, “for example, by sitting down and having a check-in every second week where both of you take a shared responsibility of communicating how it goes, what you can do better or change and what you should keep on doing the same.”

The partner who has historically done less in the home needs to understand why this is important, however, she added.

“To make them understand that, you might need to sit down and have a talk where you honestly explain how it feels to you when they say [things like], ‘Just tell me what to do and I do it’… you’re not their parent, and this dynamic easily makes it feel that way, which isn’t sustainable in the long run.

“And lastly, don’t forget that this is something you’ll need to tweak and adjust with time as life changes… household labour needs to stay up to date with your situation,” she ended.

“Finding the balance is therefore nothing you do through one set solution, but by having an ongoing process around the labour work at home!”

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Hate Throwing Stuff Out, But Need More Space? ‘Reverse Decluttering’ Could Help

What a rotten mix of traits I have. I love collecting new stuff, hate throwing things out, and also adore free space and clear counters.

That means I can spend hours stressing over my cluttered cupboards, despairing about what could happen if I threw away that once-beloved trench coat, all to end up in a frozen, stressed state.

If that sounds like you, Bill Parkinson, a bedding expert from Sleepy Piglets, may have a solution.

“If you struggle with decision fatigue, reverse decluttering is a great way to ease into the process with a more positive mindset,” he explained.

What is “reverse decluttering”?

The process is pretty simple (and rather like Marie Kondo’s joy-sparking rule) – instead of trying ot work out what you want to lose, consider what you couldn’t live without.

“Rather than starting with what to get rid of, begin by setting aside the things you know you want to keep,” Parkinson said.

“This helps set the tone for a productive session by focusing on what’s already useful or valued in your space. That small win naturally makes the decisions that follow feel less overwhelming, while helping you to feel more confident and in control from the outset.”

Indeed, some research has found that employees who set short-term goals were more likely to complete them.

“Once your essentials are set aside, it’s much easier to look at what’s left and decide what to donate, recycle or move on,” Parkinson continued.

’Tis the season for regifting, too

If you really don’t like the idea of throwing your possessions away, Parkinson said, “Regifting is a great way to give good quality items that you don’t have time to sell a second life.

“A barely-used lamp, for example, could be exactly what someone else is looking for. Passing items on makes the process feel more rewarding and intentional, especially if you’re someone who struggles with the guilt of letting things go.”

After all, he explained, “What tends to slow people down when decluttering is the idea that they might sell everything at a later date. In reality, those ‘sell’ piles often sit around for weeks and can often be mistaken for rubbish in your next clear-out.”

Bedrooms are particularly susceptible to accumulating clutter for this reason, he stated.

“Being decisive about what to actually give away is what turns a declutter session into real progress.”

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The Fridge Setting An Expert Says Could Be Ruining Your Wine

If (like me) you feel pretty intimidated by the world of wine, Lauren Denyer, a WSET School London wine educator, has some words of reassurance.

“There is a certain amount of pretension that can come with wine, which can be very off-putting and often incorrect,” the expert, who regularly breaks “the rules,” previously told HuffPost UK.

She’s not above popping ice in white wine, drinking red as a mixer, putting good wine in your spag bol, and using the same glass for Christmas champagne as you do for your midweek supermarket Chablis.

But if you want to keep your wine tasting its best for as long as you can, wine expert Colin Simpson of Into the Vineyard said you keeping an eye on your fridge setting actually is a rule worth sticking to.

What’s the best fridge setting for wine?

It depends on the type of wine and how long you’re keeping it refrigerated. But in all cases, Simpson advised, we should avoid “Keeping wine at temperatures well below ~7°C for long periods.”

This, he says, is because “Fridges can store wine temporarily, but prolonged cold may dry out the cork, allowing air in and risking spoilage”.

When corks dry out, they shrink. This allows oxygen to enter the bottle, “accelerating chemical reactions that can spoil flavour and aroma,” he stated.

By the way, if you have a bottle of wine standing up in your fridge door shelf, you might be placing it in double jeopardy.

That’s not just because this part of your cooler sees the most temperature fluctuations, Simpson said.

Lying your wine on the side also, “Keep[s] the cork in contact with the wine. This prevents drying and unwanted oxygen exposure”.

How should I store wine, then?

Again, it really does change per bottle. But Simpson says that in general, “Chemical reactions in wine happen faster at higher temperatures, which is why cool, consistent storage is ideal.

“It slows reactions to a steady, desirable pace. The pH of wine shifts slightly with temperature, but its actual acidity remains stable unless extreme conditions trigger chemical changes.”

Store your wine on its side, away from direct sunlight, in a cool, still area. A wine fridge is ideal for really special bottles, but whether you have one or not, try not to go below ~7°C.

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How Bad Is It To Walk Around Barefoot At Home? Doctors’ Answers May Surprise You.

When you walk in the door and kick off your shoes, does it actually hurt the health of your feet to walk around barefoot on hard floors? It’s not the most comfortable feeling, but doctors say there can be some benefits — with a few caveats.

First, let’s start with a definition of barefoot: According to the Cambridge Dictionary — and experts ranging from podiatrists to dermatologists — walking barefoot means having no shoes or socks on.

“Barefoot is skin to ground,” explained licensed clinical podiatrist Dr. Robert Conenello. “Anything else is considered to be shod, as even socks alter the mechanics of movement.”

There are benefits to going barefoot at home.

“I’m a big advocate for going barefoot at home,” Conenello said. “[The practice] increases intrinsic muscular strength within the feet.”

He explained that the primary benefit of walking barefoot is the reinforcement of the muscles in the feet, which tend to weaken “as we age and wear shoes.” These muscles are closely linked to our overall mobility, so their deterioration can contribute to reduced movement as we get older.

“Many of the pathologies that I see in my practice are due to the inability to engage these muscles for normal movements and metabolic efficiency,” Conenello added.

Dermatologist Dr. Hannah Kopelman agreed with that overall assessment, and also mentioned that going barefoot at home can have some unexpected benefits for the skin on your feet.

“Walking barefoot at home … allows your skin to breathe, which can help prevent moisture buildup and reduce the risk of fungal infections like athlete’s foot,” she explained.

Although not directly related to dermatology, walking barefoot at home can also offer a secondary skin-related advantage, one connected to sensory stimulation and overall wellness.

“Feeling the texture of different surfaces underfoot can be grounding and relaxing, almost like a mini reflexology session,” Kopelman said. “For those without underlying skin or foot conditions, this can be a natural way to connect with your environment and promote mindfulness.”

To put it concisely, opting to go shoeless and sockless in your clean home helps fortify your feet, providing long-term rewards while also reducing the risk of skin conditions. Additionally, it offers a kind of natural massage, which can be surprisingly relaxing.

But there are some potential downsides.

One potential downside of walking barefoot indoors is the increased exposure to irritants or allergens on the floor, such as dust, pet dander or cleaning chemicals, as Kopelman pointed out. For individuals with sensitive skin or chronic conditions like contact dermatitis or eczema, this could be a significant concern.

While Conenello acknowledges similar risks — such as stepping on pathogens like fungi in moist environments — he is quick to emphasise that “proper hygiene can help mitigate these risks.”

“Wash your feet frequently, dry them thoroughly and moisturise,” he advised.

Other painful risks associated with going barefoot include the potential for slipping on slick or wet surfaces, or stepping on something hard and sharp that could cause injury. As anyone who has ever stubbed a toe or accidentally stepped on a Lego can attest, such incidents can be excruciating. Kopelman points out that individuals with diabetes or poor circulation are more vulnerable to severe consequences, as “even a minor foot injury can lead to serious health issues.”

It's a good idea to wear something protective on your feet if you're standing to cook for a long period of time.

Vladimir Vladimirov via Getty Images

It’s a good idea to wear something protective on your feet if you’re standing to cook for a long period of time.

Kopelman also noted that, while walking barefoot can help strengthen muscles, the repeated practice of doing so on hard surfaces could potentially lead to foot fatigue or plantar fasciitis, a condition where the tissue connecting the heel bone to the toes becomes inflamed.

“Over time, the lack of cushioning can put stress on the joints, especially in those who already have foot or joint issues,” she explained.

There are times when you should wear shoes or socks.

Though Conenello is generally a proponent of going barefoot, he advises wearing foot support when engaging in tasks that involve standing for extended periods of time — like when cooking.

“When standing for long periods barefoot, there can be excessive load to one area of the foot,” he said. “Even my professional cooks usually benefit from a shoe that allows them to balance weight over their entire foot.”

To illustrate the concept further, he made an analogy. “[Let’s say] that you developed some decent core strength through performing some planks,” he said. “I would not suggest you start adding significant time or weight to your exercise routine prematurely.”

There is, of course, a middle ground: socks.

According to Conenello, “there is nothing wrong with wearing socks.” They’ll simply decrease the benefits associated with being barefoot. “There is now a filter between the ground and the foot,” he said.

Kopelman added that socks can offer “minimal protection from minor abrasions or allergens while still allowing your feet to feel relatively free.” Direct contact with surfaces that may harbor bacteria or irritants is also minimised when wearing socks.

Taking all the pros and cons into account, walking barefoot at home — especially on clean and well-maintained floors — is not only safe, but generally healthy … unless you’re dealing with some sort of skin condition (think psoriasis, eczema or athlete’s foot, for example) that could be exacerbated by the presence of bacteria.

“Likewise, individuals with diabetes, neuropathy or poor circulation should avoid barefoot walking due to the increased risk of unnoticed injuries or infections,” Kopelman said.

Going barefoot selectively seems to be the best option. Moderation is, indeed, key.

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The Secret To Sparkling Baking Trays Is Hiding In Your Food Cupboard

I don’t know what it is about baking trays. Maybe it’s the fact that we’ve designed them for a lifetime of inferno-like suffering in our ovens – but no matter how carefully I clean mine, they seem to get incredibly filthy in a matter of months ― almost as if they’re doing it on purpose.

Forget sponges. Forget dish brushes. Once my baking trays have achieved the crusted-on hue of shame, it feels like nothing will help to clean them.

So you can imagine how intrigued I was to hear from Tasting Table that the humble spud could help to remove the rust from my trays.

All I have to do, they advise, is halve a raw spud, dip the potato in washing-up liquid and salt or baking soda, and get to scrubbing. I was sceptical too ― but having tried it, I’ll never go back.

I know! It works because potatoes are high in something called oxalic acid, which is sometimes sold in its pure form as a rust remover.

When this comes into contact with rust, it creates a substance called iron oxalate, which can easily be washed away with water and soap.

The addition of washing-up liquid will help to cut through grease, while salt and baking powder will exfoliate the surface of your trays.

Sweet potatoes are higher in rust-reducing oxalic acid than other kinds, Tasting Table points out.

Yep! I’ve tried wrapping my entire oven (baking trays included) in clingfilm overnight after applying a baking soda paste before ― this worked brilliantly.

You can also try submerging your baking trays in hot, soapy water for a minimum of half an hour before scrubbing away the grime. This works, but requires a lot of sink space.

Baking soda and boiling water can also do the trick, Oven Pride suggests (though keep your hands safe during this method).

And of course, you can’t go too far wrong with a wire scourer and good ol’ elbow grease…

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Is It Just Me, Or Does Tap Water Get Colder In Winter? I Asked An Expert

I’ll be completely honest here: I know as much about plumbing as I do marine biology or rocket science (which is to say, next to nothing).

So when I told a friend “you know, I always think tap water is way colder in water,” I had no idea how to respond when she asked how I thought that’d happen.

An even more embarrassing admission; I’m not even sure where the reservoir that holds the water that runs through my sink is, or if it’d even be possible for the liquid in it to be affected by the weather.

So, I thought I’d ask Myles Robinson ― former boiler repair company owner and current CEO of UK Composite Doors ― whether I was losing it in the run-up to Christmas, or if this was a real thing.

So… Is tap water really colder in winter?

Yes, Myles says.

He told HuffPost UK: “tap water is definitely colder in the winter. It all comes down to a combination of factors, the water source, the pipes, and how they interact with the colder weather.”

“Most water systems draw from reservoirs, rivers, or groundwater. In winter, these sources naturally drop in temperature, especially in areas with freezing conditions,” he continued.

“Even groundwater, which is insulated by the earth, gets colder as the ground above freezes. So, the water entering your home starts off colder during winter months.”

If you’re thinking “wait, wouldn’t it warm up in the pipes?”, we were in the same boat ― but Myles has answers.

“Pipes running through unheated spaces, like basements, crawl spaces, or underground, are understandably more exposed to the colder air or ground temperatures in winter,” he explained.

“As the water sits in these pipes, it cools even more before reaching your tap. The longer the run of pipe from the main supply to your tap, the more pronounced this cooling effect can be.”

Does tap water get hotter in summer too?

I knew I wasn’t imagining lukewarm glasses of water in the colder months!

“Interestingly, in the summer, the opposite can happen. Heat from the air or soil can warm up the water in your pipes, making it feel less refreshing than winter’s icy flow,” Myles said. Huh!

By the way, if freezing tap water is bothering you, the home expert says there are steps you can take to get rid of the problem.

“If you’re noticing your tap water feels shockingly cold in winter, especially in older homes, you might want to check if your pipes are insulated,” he told HuffPost UK.

“Proper insulation won’t stop the water from being cooler—it starts that way from the source, but it can keep your pipes from freezing, which is a much bigger concern!’’

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I Used To Be A Cleaner ― This 1 Vacuuming Mistake Is Ruining Your Sleep

As a former cleaner, I notice the little details (like polished taps and doorknobs, or truly streak-free windows) that show an expert level of cleaning.

You don’t have to be a cleaner to meet those standards; I’ve even had clients whose homes were pro-looking spick and span before I turned up.

Even in those houses, however, an important part of the bedroom was almost always ignored.

Freddie Garnham, Lighting Design Engineer at Dyson, shared that “unseen dust mites, allergens and dust contribute to an unhygienic environment” in our sleeping space in one neglected area in particular.

Which is?

People, you are meant to vacuum your mattress.

It makes sense when you think about it ― you may already vacuum your sofa, but for some reason, mattresses always seem to evade deep cleans.

That’s not a great idea, Garnham says.

“Regularly vacuuming your mattress will ensure a cleaner and more hygienic sleeping environment and a sleep undisturbed by allergies,” he said.

“While the frequency will depend on the mattress itself, it is recommended to be cleaned every six months with bedding changed once a week to keep dust and allergens at bay.”

He’s not alone. Speaking to Ideal Homes, Jane Wilson, manager of Fantastic Cleaners, said: “Regular vacuuming of your mattress can help remove allergens, dust mites, and dirt, contributing to a cleaner and more hygienic sleeping environment.”

She added,“It’s generally safe and beneficial for most types of mattresses. This includes mattresses with materials such as foam, latex, innerspring, hybrid, and memory foam.”

How should I vacuum my mattress?

The good news is that you don’t need a specially designed tool for the task: a plain old Henry or other vacuum will do.

Mattress Online says you should get the nozzle on the bed part and begin “using small circular motions over the entire mattress to make sure you lift all of the dust, dirt, hair and dead skin.

“If you have one, you can also use an upholstery attachment to make vacuuming a little easier, but it’s not essential.”

Once you’ve tried it, we can almost guarantee you’ll never go back.

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Sorry To Interrupt, But I Think I Just Found The Prettiest Candles In The UK

We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, HuffPost UK may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

As autumn creeps in, I’ve been enjoying a lot more “Tavern food”-style evenings in. And in an attempt to romanticise my at-home dinners, I’ve had my eye out for some really, really pretty dinner candles.

Turns out I didn’t need to look further than my own city, though.

Pygmalion London’s hand-poured candles, which are made using vegetable wax, natural dyes and 100% cotton wicks, were first made on Rosanna Philpott’s kitchen table in 2021.

Three years later, the brand (and its offerings) have expanded ― and much as I hate to give up my best-kept decor secret, I reckon you deserve to see what’s on the table (teehee) here.

The candles, which stand at 29cm tall, burn for roughly 10 hours.

And while it seems like a cardinal sin to light, say, this pair of black and white Twiglet candles, even their stumps are gorgeous.

That’s because the waves on candles like the Twiglet and Botanist designs (pictured below) go all the way through the candle, so you won’t lose that gorgeous finish after the first (or second, or eighth) burn.

Whereas some other brands simply paint their candles’ designs onto their surfaces, Pygmalion’s candlemakers create their works of art by hand-pouring naturally dyed vegetable waxes into a candle shape.

That means you won’t be catfished by, say, the stripes in this pair of Humbug candles ― they’ll look as good during your first course as they do hours into your post-dinner DMCs.

Even the more intricate designs of these Terracotta candles should be able to withstand the heat (literally and figuratively).

Like all Pygmalion candles, they come packaged in creamy recycled Italian paper.

Pygmalion London

Speaking of that packaging ― it’s so luxe-looking I’ve considered sending a box to a friend in lieu of flowers before.

You can get pairs like this Highbury set sent to their home, maybe even with a text about grabbing dinner together soon (far better than a wilting carnation, if you ask us).

So if you’re after a present that looks like you found it in a gorgeous, out-of-the-way boutique or just want to be the “I found that brand first!” person in your friend group, I recommend browsing through Pygmalion’s stock.

We’ll never tell…

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Cat Trees Are Actually Really Important For Cats’ Well-Being, According To A Behaviourist

If you share a home with a cat, you’ve probably noticed: Cats tend to seek out heights. What cat owner among us hasn’t caught their pet leaping onto counters or soaring onto shelves so high up that we can’t reach them without a ladder or stepping stool?

This love of high spaces is part of cats’ natural instincts, according to Stephanie Merlin, a certified feline behaviorist and cat well-being educator who runs the popular Instagram account @thefulfilledfeline.

“Cats are both predator and prey, so having a high vantage point is a natural way to help them feel safe and secure,” Merlin wrote. “This isn’t just about fun and games; it’s deeply rooted in their biology.”

One way to support your cat’s evolutionary need for heights is through investing in a cat tree, a dedicated structure with multiple tiers for cats to climb and perch on. The benefits of cat trees “go way beyond offering vertical space,” Merlin explained. “Many include scratching surfaces, cozy beds, hidden nooks and plenty of spots to leap and explore.”

Cat trees crucially provide cats with space to express their natural instincts, Merlin noted, and failing to provide this space can have consequences for you and your pet. “Without these outlets, cats can become bored and frustrated, leading to stress and potentially destructive behaviors, such as scratching furniture,” she explained. Cats may even “hid[e] out of fear because they lack the security of a high vantage point.”

Especially if your household has two or more cats, a cat tree “can be a game-changer,” Merlin wrote.

This is because, in multi-cat homes, cats are essentially sharing their territory and, in their view, competing for limited resources. “Without enough space and separate ‘pathways’ where cats can avoid each other, conflicts are more likely,” as well as increased tension, Merlin explained. “Vertical space offers a fantastic way to expand a cat’s ‘real estate’ and avoid these conflicts.”

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To Pre-Rinse Or Not To Pre-Rinse? The Age-Old Dishwasher Argument Has Finally Been Settled

I don’t know about your household, but mine faces the same debate on repeat: should you rinse your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, or not?

I’d always thought both sides made a valid point ― until I heard from Ian Palmer-Smith, appliance expert at Domestic & General, about the topic.

“One of the biggest dishwasher myths is that you need to rinse items before loading them,” he shared via email.

Here’s his reasons against pre-rinsing, as well as some other dishwasher tips from the pros.

Why shouldn’t you rinse your dishes before placing them in the dishwasher?

Palmer-Smith says that, in short, the practice is just a bit useless: “Pre-rinsing plates is a bit like hand washing your car before taking it to the car wash.”

Then, there’s the added boiler costs of using extra hot water (which, though likely not a huge percentage of your bill, are best avoided if not needed).

“In reality, [rinsing before dishwasher use] uses extra unnecessary hot water and typically won’t improve the results. Modern dishwashers use high temperatures designed to break down stubborn stains with little trouble,” he says.

Of course, that’s not to say you should just lob a loaded plate into your appliance, he adds. Scraping is the way forward, Palmer-Smith says, as too much gunk can clog your machine.

He concedes, however: “If you have a pan with some burnt-on food residue it can be a good idea to give it a soak beforehand.”

Still, it’s bad news for the rinsing regiment.

Dishwashers are more energy-efficient than you might think

In case you think I’m escaping the Dish Debate scot-free, you’re wrong; I’m usually a proponent of hand washing, because I always thought dishwashers used way too much energy.

But according to Palmer-Smith, I’m in the wrong.

“Even without pre-rinsing, dishwashers generally use less hot water than hand washing,” he says (that is, of course, if you have a dishwasher already).

“On average, a dishwasher uses water four times more efficiently than washing by hand so if you are running a load when the appliance is full, this can actually ease your energy bills more than most think,” the appliance pro adds ― and it turns out that science agrees.

Well, that’s a load of stress (literally) off my hands…

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