14 Underrated Sex Positions That Will Get You There Quicker Than Doggy

Posted on 10/10/2026 by Boris Clair

These days, for many couples, doggy style has become the default alternative to missionary, even among those who consider themselves sexually adventurous.

For many couples who aren’t acrobats, it can feel like there are only two choices: missionary or doggy. I don’t know about you, but I’m not holding myself up in a plank for several minutes, and there’s no chance my partner is lifting me against a wall.

The good news? There are plenty of sex positions that sit comfortably in between. If you’ve found yourself stuck in the doggy rut, it might be time to switch things up.

1. Sideways 69

The 69 position has essentially become a punchline at this point, but the two-sided oral position is one to behold. And it doesn’t have to be as demanding as the classic version.

“Traditional 69 can get surprisingly athletic,” explained Lisa Opel, sex educator at MYLO, a brand that sells intimate wellness and pleasure products.

“Turning onto your sides keeps the simultaneous oral but means nobody has to hold themselves up like they are midway through a core workout. Hands and toys are easy to bring in too. And if one person gets so distracted by receiving that they forget what they were doing, just roll with it, you’ve accidentally transitioned into oral or Pillow Princess, which is hardly a tragedy.”

2. The Lazy Susan

A lot of standing sex positions look fun, but seem like they’d wreak havoc on your joints and send blood rushing to your head. The lazy Susan, also known as the couch surfer, is the low-key antidote to all those wild, acrobatic positions. It’s convenient for a quickie, especially if you’re already hanging out in the living room.

The receiving partner bends over the arm of a couch while the giving partner enters them from behind. The receiver can grind against the firm-but-cushy arm for multiple forms of stimulation with minimal effort.

This position can also be applied to beds, and comes recommended by Bryony Lees, sex educator at sextoys.co.uk.

“One partner lies comfortably towards the edge of the bed while the other stays beside it,” Lees shared. “It changes up the angle without too much hassle, and you can use a pillow underneath the hips if you want more elevation.”

Looking to take this position up a notch? Have the receiver cross their ankles, which can engage their pelvic floor and gluteal muscles more tightly around the giving partner’s penis or dildo.

3. Lazy Doggy

All the perks of doggy style, without the effort. Once you go lazy doggy, you may have very little motivation to get back up. It’s essentially the same position, just lying down. Lisa Finn, a sex educator at Babeland, is always recommending this one.

“One of my most recommended positions is actually a riff on doggy, since there’s no arguing that the perks of doggy style sex are something that a lot of partners understandably seek out,” Finn explained.

“Lazy doggy (or assisted doggy) is a ‘hit-it-from-the-back’ position like doggy style, but instead of the receiving partner being on all fours, they’re lying over a positioning pillow or something else that props up their core, like the arm of a couch. Having yourself propped up on a positioning pillow allows the hips to open more, giving easier and deeper access for the person penetrating, as well as better angles for G-spot or prostate stimulation for the receiver.”

Finn continues: “Unlike standard doggy, in lazy doggy your weight is supported by the pillow underneath you, which means you don’t have to worry about using your arms to prop yourself up, which can be difficult to sustain on a soft surface like a mattress. Not having to worry about supporting your weight can allow you to really relax and focus on sensation, rather than balance.”

4. Grinding The Corn

Georgina Vass, a relationship and sex therapist, recommends the coital alignment technique (CAT), also known by its rather more entertaining name: “grinding the corn.”

“Coital alignment technique, or ‘grinding the corn,’ is a variation of the missionary position designed to optimise the likelihood of the female, or bottom, partner achieving orgasm through clitoral stimulation,” she explained.

“Rather than the standard in-and-out motion of missionary, the position uses a slow, controlled rocking, or ‘grinding,’ motion.

“The idea is that most of the clitoris lies beneath the surface in a wishbone shape. If the partner on top applies pressure to the vulva of the partner below, the unseen parts of the clitoris can be stimulated, potentially helping the bottom partner reach orgasm.

“To try CAT, start in the missionary position. The top partner then shifts their body slightly forward – their chest may end up closer to the other partner’s face. The bottom partner stays in the usual missionary position, with their legs open. Both partners should be pelvis-to-pelvis, with the penis or toy angled downward.

“Once the penis or toy is partially inserted, both partners can move away from the familiar in-and-out motion and instead ‘grind’ against each other using a rhythmic rocking movement.”

You don’t have to have hinges to do all these positions.

5. The Hot Seat

If you like spooning, there are plenty of ways to switch up this lazy position.

The big spoon sits on the edge of the bed or a chair – which can be a great option if you have back issues – while the little spoon sits on top, facing away. The position offers some serious G-spot stimulation, along with the rear-entry angle that keeps so many of us coming back to doggy style.

But unlike doggy style, seated spooning gives the receiving partner much more control. They can easily adjust the depth and speed of penetration using their legs, making it a comfortable option for anyone who wants to stay in control without having to do all the work.

“If you’re usually having sex lying down, switching to a seated position can instantly make things feel exciting and fresh,” Finn explained. “The classic spooning position is already great for G-spot/prostate stimulation, and sitting gives the receiving partner even more control of the angle to find what feels best by leaning forward or back.”

6. Mutual Masturbation

There’s something inherently sexy about watching a partner touch themselves, and Tara Suwinyattichaiporn (also known as Dr. Tara), an intimacy and relationships expert and co-host of Celebs Go Dating, thinks it’s a low-stakes way to spice up your sex life. She wants us to try mutual masturbation the next time we have the urge to fall back on doggy style.

“This position involves partners lying next to each other and engaging in self-pleasure, either manually or with toys,” Suwinyattichaiporn explained.

“This is an amazing position for low effort while still involving each other’s sexual energy and orgasming together, which can be very bonding. Bonus points if partners can also engage with each other physically – for example, giving the male partner a few hand strokes or kissing. The male partner can kiss and lick the nipples while both engage in self-pleasure. Spicy, fun, easy and no penetration needed for orgasm.”

7. Face-Off

The best sex sometimes happens off the bed. Don’t worry, we won’t make you risk rug burn for a good orgasm. How about bringing a chair into the mix? It’s time to face off with your partner.

“One partner sits on the edge of the bed or on a sturdy chair while the other straddles them, facing towards them,” Opel explained. “The receiving partner gets plenty of control over depth and rhythm without needing a full squat or endless leg strength. You get kissing, eye contact if that’s your thing, and lots of access for hands. It works just as well for strap-on sex, which makes it easy to adapt across different bodies and couples.”

And if there happens to be a mirror beside you both, all the better.

8. The Velvet Spoon

Kate Moyle, a psychosexual therapist for LELO, the sexual wellness brand, is a big fan of switching up existing positions. Step aside, spooning – it’s time for the velvet spoon.

“A slower, less active position doesn’t necessarily have to mean boring, and spooning is a position with gentle but great versatility,” Moyle explained.

“Partners lie side by side, facing the same way, with the penetrating partner positioned behind. While it’s a non-facing position, it still offers a sense of intimacy and closeness, particularly as you can easily adapt it with neck kissing. The neck is one of the most popular non-genital erogenous zones due to its high density of nerve endings, which makes it very sensitive.”

Moyle continued, “You can also add other forms of simultaneous stimulation, such as nipple play and clitoral stimulation, either manually by either partner or by introducing a sex toy. A wand-style toy or bullet vibrator are good options for this, as they can be held by either partner or positioned and held by the thighs of the front partner. Another option would be a small finger vibrator, which can again be worn by either partner.

“A good water-based lubricant is also the perfect addition for clitoral play with either hands or a vibrator.”

9. Free-Hand Spooning

Ally Iseman, a relationship coach certified by the International Coaching Federation, wants you to level up your spooning with some hands-on action.

“Lie on your sides facing the same way, with the receiving partner’s back tucked against the penetrating partner’s chest,” she said. “The receiver slides their top knee forward toward their chest to open up the angle. Enter from behind, then trade thrusting for a slow, deep, synchronised rocking motion that keeps your hips pressed together. Use a belt to lasso your hips together if you’re both open to a little bondage, too.”

“In this position, you both have a hand free, so one of you can put it to the clitoris or hand the job over to a small vibrator,” she continued. “Or the receiving partner can guide the penetrating partner’s free hand wherever they want it along their torso, chest, hips, or neck, like that scene in the movie ‘Ghost.’

“Spooning keeps the rear-entry angle people love about doggy and gives the clitoris its seat back at the table. Nobody is holding up their own body weight, and nobody is watching your face for a reaction. A watched pot never boils, and a watched vulva rarely orgasms. Orgasm needs enough physical stimulation and enough psychological safety for the body to surrender. The ‘boring’ positions are often the ones that deliver both.”

10. The Sledge

“If you’re looking to switch things up, The Sledge can be a fun one to explore together,” explained April Maria, sexologist and sex educator at the sex toy brand Hot Octopuss. “It’s very similar to the missionary position; however, the top partner turns and lies in the other direction.”

“This position is not only easy to achieve and doesn’t require any bending or flexibility, but it also gives plenty of control over the movement, pace, and extra accessibility to the genitals. Both partners can use their hands to add extra touch to areas such as the clitoris, testicles, perineum and anus.”

Now for the logistics of this sleigh ride. “One partner lies on the bed with their legs slightly separated,” Maria explained. “The other partner sits on top, facing away, stretches their legs to their partner’s shoulders, and rests their chest on their partner’s legs.”

11. The Lotus

“The Lotus sounds much fancier than it actually is,” Lees explained. “One partner sits down while the other straddles them face-to-face. Being this close also makes it easy to add other kinds of stimulation at the same time, and combining different sensations can be great if orgasm is the goal.”

This position not only offers great grinding potential, but is extremely intimate. You get to have your bodies pressed flush together. Even without penetration, we recommend this position for the added sensations and intimacy.

12. Pillow-Supported Missionary

The most boring sex positions can get a complete makeover with one simple accessory. Sometimes that’s a bullet vibrator or a pair of handcuffs. Other times, it’s just a pillow.

“Sometimes all you need is a pillow,” Lees explained. “Placing one underneath the hips during missionary slightly changes the angle of the pelvis, which can make it easier to find the position that feels best for you. Once you’ve found that sweet spot, you can keep the angle and rhythm consistent rather than constantly readjusting, which can be really helpful when you’re trying to build toward orgasm.”

You can buy a pillow designed specifically for sex, or simply use one you already have. We’d recommend changing the pillowcase afterward, though.

13. Butterfly

The butterfly is a surprisingly low-effort position that adds extra intimacy and pleasure without requiring Olympic-level flexibility.

“Butterfly is a great pick if you’re into deeper penetration,” Finn shared. “With the penetrating partner standing, they can find a deeper angle, while positioning the receiving partner at the edge of the bed opens the hips for even more access.”

In this position, the receiving partner lies on their back at the edge of a bed or other sturdy surface, while the penetrating partner stands or kneels between their legs. The penetrating partner does most of the work, while the receiving partner can adjust their legs for comfort or to change the angle of stimulation.

Finn continued, “Since the receiving partner is lying down and doesn’t need their arms to support their weight, their hands are open to be able to touch themselves – or are available to be tied up, like with a set of bed restraints. And because of the angle, butterfly makes eye contact easy, which can be a major bonus if you like seeing your partner’s reactions and watching each other as you play.”

14. Snow Angel

Despite the frosty name, this position can even be a great option during a heatwave, since you’re not pressed up against each other the whole time.

The snow angel takes inspiration from the classic missionary position but gives it a bit of an upside-down twist. The receiver lies flat on their back while the giver lies the other way around, face down. Think of it as 69, but with your genitals positioned together rather than at each other’s faces.

The receiver then wraps their legs around the giver’s back to elevate their pelvis for better penetration. They’ll be very much in the driving seat when it comes to thrusting, while the giver can hold onto their butt to help control the motion. There should also be some nice clitoral grinding in the process.

“The snow angel position provides an angle of entry that’s much different than most other positions, which provides a really unique sensation with each thrust,” Finn explained. “The position also allows for plenty of body-to-body contact, which is great if you like grinding or more pressure against the clit during sex. And unlike with most penetrative positions, the receiving partner is the one that gets a front-row view of their partner’s butt, giving plenty of opportunity to bring some back door stimulation into the mix. Use fingers or a toy to stimulate around the rim or to explore some penetration/prostate play, or simply squeeze, slap, or spank their cheeks as you play.”

Yes, We’re All Worried About Our Sex Drives Right Now

Posted on 07/07/2026 by Boris Clair

There’s no “normal” amount of sex for couples to have, therapists told HuffPost UK previously. In fact, some research has found that only 26% of couples do the act once a week or more.

According to Prof Caroline F Pukall, a professor of psychology who was involved in a new paper on libido, “Sexual desire concerns are one of the most common reasons people seek sex or couples therapy, yet most research has focused on low desire itself or differences in desire between partner”.

Her research, published in the Journal of Sex and Martial Therapy, sought to “better understand how people personally think about and worry about their libido, including what makes them concerned and how those concerns vary across different relationship statuses, genders, and sexual orientations”.

The paper found that over half – 67.1% – of participants worried about their sex drive.

Why were these numbers so high?

The researchers looked at 1,317 respondents to a social media survey. Almost 80% of these were in a committed relationship.

They were asked questions like how often they engaged in sexual activity, how often they desired to do so, how high they percieved their libido to be, and whether they ever worried about their libido.

Almost 60% of the respondents said “yes” to the last question.

Some of the most common concerns included:

Worries about their libido being too low (47.5% of the worried group),
Worries about their libido being mismatched with their partners’ (42.4%)
Worries their sex drive was too high (7.6%).

Of those who worried about their low libido, most people said their biggest concern was not being able to meet their partners’ needs.

Nearly half of the people who responded said they missed how interested in sex they used to be.

Women were much more likely than men to say they were worried about thier sex drive.

Why did people say their sex drive changed?

People in relationships, especially relationships lasting a year or more, were likelier to report both lower libido and increased worry about their sex drive.

Common reasons given included mental health issues, stress, fatigue, parenting responsibilities, medications, and negative body image.

Age didn’t seem to affect how high people’s libido was, not did it seem linked to how worried they were about their sex drive.

Prof Pukall said this study might not be fully representative of most adults, as respondents reached the survey through a podcast about libido, so may be more interested in most in the topic – possibly due to their concerns.

Still, she said, “The biggest takeaway is that concerns about libido are extremely common, and many people worry about whether their desire is ‘normal’….

“Participants frequently described concerns about having lower desire than they wanted, changes in desire over time, or differences between their own desire and a partner’s.”

The ‘Kivin Method’ For Oral Sex Could Elevate Things In The Bedroom In A Major Way

Posted on 09/05/2026 by Boris Clair

Once you’ve figured out how to give decent oral sex, it’s easy to go on autopilot. You know the basics, your partner’s not complaining, you might even have a little trick you’ve worked on through the years – why mess with success?

But bedroom skills, like anything else, can always use a little levelling up. And when it comes to cunnilingus, there’s one small adjustment that sex experts swear can upgrade the experience for both of you: the Kivin method, aka the sideways method.

Not to be confused with some random guy named Kevin’s go-to move, the Kivin method is an oral sex technique that relies on a perpendicular position: instead of facing the receiver head-on, the giver lies across their body, aligning their lips side-to-side. Usually, the receiver has one or both legs raised atop the giver’s shoulder, to allow more access.

The technique focuses on stimulating the clitoris, vulva and perineum from the side with the tongue, creating broader stimulation that some people find more intense and pleasurable. (The perineum is that diamond-shaped expanse of skin, muscle, and tissue located between the anus and the genitals.)

Usually, the receiver has one or both legs raised to allow the giver more access. For the visual learners, here’s what it looks like:

As for the name, the origins of the technique – who’s Kivin? – are a little hard to pin down, but the method is bandied about often by sex educators online, and it got a mention in 2001 in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex.

Sex therapists and sexologists we spoke to said taking a sideways approach to oral sex naturally changes the stimulation. It also might be more comfortable for the giver, especially for their neck, said Sadie Allison, a sexologist and author of Ride ’Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking. (Bucking is a subject for another day.)

Because you’re not craning your neck at an awkward angle the whole time, you can usually keep going longer, which means more pleasure for the receiver. The position also opens the door to mixing in other kinds of sex play, making the whole experience feel a little less routine and more exciting.

“Your hands are free in a different way, so you can easily touch breasts, stomach, thighs, and hips from a new angle, creating a fuller experience,” Allison told HuffPost. “Internal stimulation can be easier to incorporate. With this new position, it can be easier to provide vaginal, G-spot, or even anal play at the same time.”

And since the giver’s body is now more within reach of the receiver, they’re also free to caress, touch or otherwise be more engaged in the moment.

“This makes for a more intimate and connected experience,” Allison said. “Try rubbing their shoulders, playing with their hair, or tease their nipples.”

Obviously, every clitoris-haver is different, and not everyone is going to love what Kivin brings to the table. But if you want to try it on your partner now that you’ve got the basics down, here are a few additional tips on how to assume the position.

The Kivin method could foster more of an emotional connection. If you're the receiver, caress and touch your partner. Tell them how they're making you feel. — The Kivin method could foster more of an emotional connection. If you’re the receiver, caress and touch your partner. Tell them how they’re making you feel.

It’s never a bad idea to stretch if you know you’re likely giving oral later.

If you know you’re getting busy later and want to try a new position, it’s a good idea to stretch and limber up first, said Greg Kilpatrick, a psychotherapist and sex therapist in Pasadena, California.

“We stretch at the gym, before and during a run or yoga,” he said. “All of these other activities where we really want our bodies to show up, sex shouldn’t be any different.”

Try it on the sofa with the giver on their knees.

Keeley Rankin, a sex and relationship coach in San Francisco, actually thinks the Kivin method would be great if the receiver was lying on a sofa and the giver was kneeling on their knees, tipping their head to the side. It might be an easier position to get into than both people being flat on the same surface, she said.

“I think one of the most important things with anything having to do with sex, especially oral sex, is enthusiasm, and so much of that is needing to be comfortable while doing it,” Rankin said.

“You’re not going to have a ton of enthusiasm if you’re worried how your neck is going to feel tomorrow,” she said. So don’t be afraid to tweak your oral sex position and do what works for you, even if you’re in the middle of performing.

Or, try it with the receiver lying on their side.

You can also try a version where the receiver lies on their side, Allison said.

“Bend the top leg and lift it slightly to open up,” she said. “Then you come in from the side in the ‘T’ position. Same concept, just a different feel.”

You also may want to incorporate a pillow (or a sex pillow) under the hips while the receiver is on their back.

“The giver can lie on their stomach, and it really does feel like everything is perfectly presented – easy access, great angle,” she said.

Let your partner know how it’s feeling.

Oral in general is an interesting topic, Kilpatrick said, because it really illustrates how what we expect to feel great to a partner may not actually feel all that great, or how something we expect to feel “eh” can be total fireworks.

“This is particularly the case in heterosexual sex; there are plenty of erogenous areas that can be totally missed without exploration and conversation,” he said.

For instance, he said, it might not intuitively make sense to a male partner to give his female partner’s labia attention until he learns that his scrotum is made of very similar tissue and he likes his balls played with.

Similarly, openly talk about what you liked or didn’t like about the Kivin method.

“When we slow down and make connections like this, it suddenly can make more sense, and lead to more opportunities for pleasure,” Kilpatrick said.

Make the most of the access you have.

Giving oral sex sideways is a great opportunity to try what Allison likes to call “The Velvet Glide”. We’ll let her explain.

“Create a soft seal with your lips over the entire vulva and keep a gentle, steady suction – nothing too intense,” she said. “Then slowly glide side-to-side along the full length of the vulva. Let it feel smooth and continuous as if you were gliding your puckered lips across corn on the cob.”

The key here is consistency and coverage.

“With the Kivin method, you’re stimulating more areas at once and building anticipation instead of focusing only on the clitoris,” she said. “There are thousands of pleasure enhancing nerve endings all over the inner labia as well, and you’ll be offering more coverage for heightened sensations.”

The Issues Straight Women Bring Up Most In Sex Therapy

Posted on 07/03/2026 by Boris Clair

Sexologist comment provided by licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos.

Last week, sexologist and therapist Sofie Roos shared the issues straight men most often brought up in sex therapy.

And this week, she spoke to us about straight women.

Here, she shared the topics she hears about most frequently:

1) Having a lower sex drive than their partner

“The single most common problem straight women bring up with me is that their sex drive has decreased or is overall low, while their partner is way more interested in being intimate, leading to worries and tension in the relationship,” Roos told us.

She added that women may be more likely to compare their lust levels to their partner’s, and feel their lower desire poses an “issue”.

2) Pain during penetrative sex

Experiencing pain during sex thanks to conditions like vulvodynia, vaginal dryness, or pelvic floor issues is “extremely common” among this group, said Roos.

“What most don’t know is that there’s both a physical and mental part… pain leads to fear, and fear leads to deeper problems,” leaving some in a vicious cycle.

3) Not orgasming during partnered sex

Straight women have long suffered from “the orgasm gap”. The sexologist said this doesn’t seem to be going away.

“Many straight women are having a very hard time orgasming during intimacy with their partner, and they don’t know how to solve it,” she said.

4) Body image issues

“I’ve met countless straight women that are extremely aware of how their own bodies look, smell and feel… they think so much about age, weight and how they are seen that it becomes difficult to just let go and be in the moment,” Roos added.

5) Losing desire thanks to the mental load

In straight relationships, the mental load – or having to think about, keep track of, and remember the endless tasks that keep a household going – still predominantly falls on women’s shoulders.

And the sexologist said that can have a knock-on effect in the bedroom. Doing “all the planning… as well as all the emotional work in the relationship” can “lead to higher stress levels, which makes the body de-prioritise desire”.

6) Not putting their own pleasure first

“I often meet women who describe themselves as having a hard time with setting their sexual needs and boundaries first, as they’ve been taught to be accommodating rather than prioritise what they want and don’t want,” she stated.

So, uh, any advice?

Yes. The sexologist said that accepting shifts in your levels of lust and trying alternative forms of intimacy, like “oral sex, massage, kisses, caresses and more mentally-focused pleasure, such as roleplaying or dirty talk,” may help.

Explore your own desires, perhaps through masturbation, and communicate them with your partner. “As a majority of women can only reach all the way via clitoral stimulation, I also advise focusing more on that, either with your hands, mouth or a sex toy,” the sexologist said.

Remember also that “pain during sex isn’t normal”, so it’s important to seek professional help if you experience it.

And keep in mind that “your sex life isn’t isolated from the rest of the way you live, so try to look at your diet, sleep schedule, exercise habits, how you drink, how you deal with stress and how your relationships are,” she concluded.

Ask A Sexologist: Why Don’t I Feel In The Mood For Sex Until My Partner Initiates?

Posted on 16/01/2026 by Boris Clair

Not all lust is the same, licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, told HuffPost UK.

Sure, there’s the better-known spontaneous desire ― a sudden, proactive urge that can cause the spark that initiates sex.

But Roos said that though “many people have gotten the idea of the lust being something that ‘just should pop up’… this is rarely the reality”.

Instead, she explained, a lot of us experience “reactive desire”.

What is reactive desire?

For those with “reactive desire,” lust only, or mostly, kicks in in response to another’s expression of attraction.

That can be “someone taking the initiative to [create] closeness, physical touch and a flirty atmosphere,” she said.

Desire can kick in once those with “reactive desire” feel sexually wanted she explained.

There is nothing wrong with feeling this way, Roos added; it’s “common”.

How can I tell if I have “reactive desire”?

Roos gave three signs:

“Rarely spontaneously feeling that ‘I want to have sex right now’” urge,
Feeling desire ramp up “when your partner initiates kisses and physical touch,”
Worrying or feeling confused about your approach to sex, as while “you rarely [feel like initiating] getting intimate, still when you have sex, it’s pleasurable and feels good”.

How can “responsive desire” affect your sex life?

On the plus side, “responsive desire tends to make the sex more focused on the foreplay, the emotional connection and pleasure, not performance,” Roos said.

This is especially true if you’re both aware of your lust types.

But if you don’t communicate about your desires, the sexologist added, “A partner can also misread your lack of initiative as you not being interested or attracted anymore, or that you’re rejecting them”.

Additionally, “you can start doubting yourself and wonder if you actually want sex anymore, which can lead to pressure and stress that becomes a downward spiral”.

Your partner might have a responsive desire type too, in which case, “your sex life is at risk of slowing down”.

How can I have a better sex life with “responsive desire”?

Communication, as ever, is key.

“Explain that you not taking initiative isn’t is because you’re not interested in and attracted to your partner, and to set words on how your lust works, for example, by saying ‘I often get in the mood first when we already have started to get intimate, which makes it difficult for me to be the one who initiates intimacy,’” Roos told us.

Mention what gets you going, whether it’s your partner expressly communicating that they want to have sex with you or engaging in physical touch.

“Don’t forget to [affirm] your partner and show appreciation when they are taking the initiative… that will increase the chance of them keeping doing so!”

What if neither my partner nor I initiate sex, but love when we have it?

It’s “way more common than people might think” for both partners to have a responsive desire type, said Roos.

In fact, it’s sometimes “the reason behind a dead bedroom despite both of you actually being interested in sex.

“I recommend starting with relieving the initiative by deciding that it mustn’t mean ‘I want sex now,’ but instead is a way of saying, ‘I want to open up for intimacy.’”

Deciding to create low-pressure intimacy plans ahead of time or having romantic rituals that naturally build lust can help, too, she added.

“Get a table at a restaurant and go for a romantic dinner, decide on having a massage session at home this weekend, have a routine of showering together one day a week or go to sleep at the same time, and do so naked,” she suggested.

Lastly, she ended, “be curious instead of judging yourselves or each other. See the lust as something that can grow, develop and change with time.

“When two people with responsive desires work together as a team to find the ways that work for you, you can create a safe, playful, passionate and living sex life together!”

Apparently This Is What Straight Men Wanted More Of In Sex In 2025

Posted on 31/12/2025 by Boris Clair

A lot of us won’t look back so fondly on 2025 but, if dating app Feeld’s latest findings can tell us anything, we’re all still feeling pretty open minded and pretty damn horny.

Ah, the human spirit.

Last week, we reported that the fastest-growing sexuality in 2025 was heteroflexibility and now we can reveal the sex act which has risen by 200% in 2025: pegging.

So, what is pegging?

Pegging was a term coined back in 2002 by sex columnist Dan Savage who was referring to a cisgender woman using a strap-on dildo to penetrate her cisgender male partner.

However, as with all words, language can evolve and now on their website, Ann Summers explains: “Pegging is the act of one partner taking the lead in penetrative anal sex using a strap-on. While it’s often associated with women using a harness on their male partners, that’s far from the only way to enjoy it.

“Whether you’re queer, trans, non-binary or just looking to mix things up, pegging can be a thrilling way to explore power dynamics, penetration and pleasure. For those already dabbling in anal play, pegging can be a natural next step.”

So, why has pegging grown in popularity?

Dr. Luke Brunning, a lecturer in Applied Ethics who specialises in love and relationships at the University of Leeds explains: “Pegging has shifted from taboo to mainstream preference. Feeld data shows cis men are driving the surge — a sign of decreasing stigma around anal pleasure, regardless of gender and sexuality.

“This trend reflects expanding definitions of masculinity and growing curiosity about pleasure beyond traditional scripts.”

Dr Brunning is hopeful that this is part of a bigger picture of deconstructing masculinity and men exploring pleasure beyond heteronormative norms.

He says: “It does point towards a vision of masculinity that is more comfortable talking about the body, pleasure, female agency.”

Here’s hoping.

A Sexologist’s 7 Rules For Great Sex During And After Menopause

Posted on 30/11/2025 by Boris Clair

Though you might associate menopause with hot flushes, that’s just one of 62 symptoms linked to the phase.

Menopause and perimenopause are also associated with changes to your sex drive and even differences in your vaginal and vulvar tissue.

And seeing as the entire menopausal process can last for decades, it seems unfair to expect people to navigate it without much guidance on their changing bodies and needs.

Which is why we spoke to licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, about how to establish a healthy sex life during and after menopause.

Here, she shared her seven rules:

1) Accept changes to your lust levels

“During and after the menopause, your lust tends to change. Some people get less interested in sex, while others [develop] a [stronger] desire,” Roos said.

“It’s also common to experience a different or deeper and more emotionally based lust than before.”

As much as possible, the sexologist advised, try not to “panic” about these changes.

“See it as a chance to discover something new, rather than trying to go back to how things used to be… if you can accept that things won’t be the same, you also open up the door for better pleasure than pre-menopause.”

2) Lube is your BFF

Vaginal dryness can increase during menopause thanks to changes in your oestrogen levels. This “tends to make sex uncomfortable, which puts many in a negative loop where they get less interested in sex due to it not feeling as good anymore,” Roos stated.

“Therefore, take the help of lube, ideally a silicone-based option of good quality, and make sure to use a lot – this will be a saviour!”

3) Take more time to warm up

Some research suggests that menopause may mean some people take longer to “get going” in the bedroom, as hormonal changes lead to different levels of sensitivity.

“This means that you should invest more time in foreplay, and switch up how you do it,” advised Roos.

“Try a sensual massage, kiss and cuddle longer, focus more on slow touches that build up in intensity, and don’t be afraid to take the help of sex toys such as vibrators, which can help blood to flow [more easily] to the vagina.”

4) Rediscover masturbation

Partnered sex is only one side of the equation here. Roos said menopause is a great opportunity to work out how to offer your own body what it needs, too.

“Discover new ways of turning yourself on, for example, by reading sex novels or watching new types of porn… invest in sex toys, especially vibrators, use lots of lube, and build up the pleasure [over] a longer time,” she stated.

“Also, be open to adapting and changing the way you masturbate based on how things feel and what works, and don’t give up if it takes some time to find solo sex that feels as amazing as before… You will get there eventually.”

5) Communicate with your partner

If you have a partner, they may benefit from learning about any changing needs, too, Roos said.

“Try to have a good, honest and respectful communication around intimacy. Boundaries and needs get even more important when the body changes, so make sure to open up [about] what feels good, what doesn’t work as it used to, and what you’re curious about trying.

“Invite and help your partner to help you have good sex, and don’t keep it to yourself, as that often leads to stress and anxiety, which is a real killer for [your] sex drive. It’s the two of you in this!”

6) Try pelvic floor exercises

“I really recommend strengthening the pelvic floor as that helps manage many menopause symptoms, especially symptoms related to sex… it leads to higher sensitivity, more pleasurable intimacy, and a better ability to orgasm,” said Roos.

A 2022 paper found that Kegels and lube both improved sexual function in menopausal women, with Kegels potentially being the more effective of the two.

7) Stay playful

It sounds obvious, but Roos said that remembering sex is meant to be fun is key to a better connection with your body – whether you’re pre-, post-, or mid-menopause.

“Switch the mindset of sex being something you need to perform, to it instead being a moment of emotional and physical intimacy, playfulness and… pleasure.

“The less pressure, the easier it is to find your own lust and sexiness during and after menopause,” she ended.

Why You Sometimes Feel Sad After Sex, Even When It’s Good Sex

Posted on 22/11/2025 by Boris Clair

When he was in his early 20s, Los Angeles-based writer Brandon G. Alexander often felt an inexplicable sadness after sex, even when it was “good” sex with people he liked.

“The best way to describe the feeling is empty or sometimes shame, depending on my relationship and intention with the person,” the 30-year-old founder of the men’s lifestyle site New Age Gents told HuffPost.

“Our culture teaches men how to be physically connected to someone, but we ignore the truth that sex is highly emotional and spiritual. The idea that a man wouldn’t feel something before, during or after sex is unrealistic, but most have become so conditioned to think otherwise.”

What Alexander experienced years ago is what researchers call “post-coital dysphoria.” PCD, as they refer to it, is a condition marked by feelings of agitation, melancholy, anxiety or sadness after intercourse, even when it’s good, consensual sex. The condition can last between five minutes and two hours.

It’s also called “post-coital tristesse,” which literally means “sadness” in French. In the 17th century, philosopher Baruch Spinoza summed it up this way: Once the “enjoyment of sensual pleasure is past, the greatest sadness follows.”

Many studies have examined the first three phases of the human sexual response cycle (excitement, plateau, orgasm), but the resolution phase has often been overlooked.

That’s starting to change, though. In a 2015 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, almost half of the women surveyed reported experiencing PCD at some point in their lives, and around 5 percent said they’d felt it regularly within the past month.

A new study from the same researchers published in June suggests that PCD is almost just as prevalent in men: In an online survey of 1,208 male participants, around 40 percent of men said they’d experienced PCD in their lifetime, and 4 percent said it was a regular occurrence.

In excerpts from the survey, men admit to feeling a “strong sense of self-loathing” about themselves post-sex and “a lot of shame.” Others say they’d experienced “crying fits and full on depressive episodes” after sex that sometimes left their significant others worried.

“Men who may suffer from PCD think that they are the only person in the world with this experience, but they should recognize that there’s a diversity of experiences in the resolution phase of sex.”

– Robert Schweitzer, a psychology professor at Queensland University of Technology in Australia.

Despite the number of men who reported experiencing PCD, it’s challenging for researchers to study it because most men are reluctant to talk about it, said Robert Schweitzer, the lead author on both studies and a psychology professor at Queensland University of Technology in Australia.

“Men who may suffer from PCD think that they are the only person in the world with this experience, but they should recognise that there’s a diversity of experiences in the resolution phase of sex,” he told HuffPost.

“As with many diagnoses, it provides some relief to be able to name the phenomenon.” (Schweitzer is still collecting accounts of people with PCD for his ongoing research.)

As to why it’s so common in both men and women, a study of twins suggested that genetics may play some sort of role. PCD is also often linked with sexual abuse, trauma and sexual dysfunction, but that’s certainly not always the case; in this latest study, the majority of the men who reported PCD hadn’t experienced those issues and were in otherwise healthy, satisfying relationships.

More often than not, Schweitzer thinks PCD is a culmination of both physical and psychological factors. Physically, orgasms activate a flood of endorphins and other feel-good hormones, but the neurochemical prolactin follows, resulting in a sometimes intense comedown. Psychologically, the paper establishes a correlation between the frequency of PCD and “high psychological distress” in other aspects of a person’s life.

Sometimes, the psychological factors are compounded by the knowledge that no emotional connection exists with a sexual partner, said Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a Los Angeles-based sex therapist unaffiliated with the study.

“Some of my clients, especially males with sex addictions, report post-coital dysphoria because deep down, they know there is no bond between them and the person they are sleeping with,” she told HuffPost.

Other times, patients worry that their partners just weren’t that into the sex.

“If you believe your partner was just ‘taking one for the team’ and not genuinely interested in sex, it can lead to a sense of shame and guilt,” Resnick Anderson added.

What’s important to remember, she said, is that sex can mean different things at different stages of your life. And as these recent studies show, nuanced, complicated post-coital feelings are completely natural.

“We need to have more conversations about men and intimacy. The more we tell guys it’s OK to feel ― or protect your heart by waiting to sleep with someone sometimes ― the more we’ll change the old ideas around men and sex.”

– Brandon G. Alexander, lifestyle writer

There may be ways to curtail the negative feelings, too: For starters, stick around rather than high-tailing it out the door after a hookup session – or if you’re in a relationship, cuddle instead of heading to the living room to watch Netflix.

A 2012 study on the resolution phase of sex showed that couples who engage in pillow talk, kissing and cuddling after intercourse report greater sexual and relationship satisfaction.

And be honest about your emotions after sex, without assigning blame to yourself or your partner. As the growing research shows, men and women feel a full spectrum of emotions after sex, and that’s perfectly normal.

That’s something that Alexander, the writer who experienced PCD often in his 20s, had to learn on his own as he approached his 30s.

“As a guy, you shouldn’t numb out or try to deal with PCD in silence,” he said. “We need to have more conversations about men and intimacy. The more we tell guys it’s OK to feel – or protect your heart by waiting to sleep with someone sometimes – the more we’ll change the old ideas around men and sex.”

‘I’m A Sexologist – Hypnosis Gave Me My First Touch-Free Orgasms’

Posted on 15/07/2025 by Boris Clair

The big O can be hard enough to achieve at the “best” of times; 61% of men and a mere 30% of women say they finish every time they have sex.

So, the idea of a “hands-free” orgasm can sound a little far-fetched. Nonetheless, experts agree it’s certainly possible (whatever your genitalia).

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Dr. Tara (a professor of sexual communication, a Kinsey-certified sexologist, and resident sexpert on Celebs Go Dating) said that for her, the process was made possible through hypnosis.

“I learned that it’s possible to have an orgasm, and in some cases even multiple, full-body, convulsing orgasms, with absolutely no physical touch and no penetration,” she shared.

It’s about acceptance and relaxation, the sexologist says

Dr Tara, who went to a retreat to learn about the hands-off experience, said she was sceptical about the claim at first.

“As someone who is Western-educated and academically trained, this was almost impossible to believe,” she shared.

“We’re taught that physical stimulation is required for orgasm, but apparently, it’s not. You can actually feel orgasmic sensations simply through listening to someone’s voice and entering a hypnotic state.”

Hands-free masturbation, sometimes called “hypnosex,” often relies on sounds; either a recorded voice “talking you through it,” or a series of noises that create vibrations.

In Dr Tana’s case, she learned about the theory of “hypnosex” first, “including the stages (essentially it’s pre-talk, induction, trance work, and re-emergence).”

“The teacher explained how to guide someone into feeling deeply relaxed,” she added.

“People are a lot more suggestible when they are in the trance state. At the end of the first day, I was hypnotised by the teacher’s partner, who is both a professional dominatrix and a skilled hypnotist.

“During that session, I experienced a ton of pleasurable sensations in my body.”

The third day, she continued, was dedicated to learning to hypnotise others “and also how to be a better receiver, which is about surrendering and letting go.”

How can I achieve a hands-free orgasm?

“I believe this work can benefit everyone, including men (!), but especially people who’ve never had an orgasm or those healing from sexual trauma who want to explore their bodies without touch or penetration,” Dr Tara told us.

“But it’s really for anyone open-minded enough to explore what pleasure can look like when it starts in the mind.”

Listening to hypnotic tracks designed to help you achieve a hands-free orgasm, trying audio porn, or even trying an in-person hypnosis session may help.

Those are not the only methods, though. “Orgasmic breathing,” which Sarah Deysach, a sex educator, told Healthline involves “the deep diaphragmatic breathing used in some forms of meditation and yoga, and… taking deep, intentional breaths,” may help.

Relaxation, willingness to experiment, patience, and “letting go” are key to success, experts agree.

A Strange Condition Ruined My Sex Life For 40 Years. Then A Doctor Said 1 Word That Changed My Life.

Posted on 05/07/2025 by Boris Clair

I couldn’t have been more than 19 years old when, as a happy-go-lucky UCLA student, I looked down at my penis and decided I was dying.

Cancer, I thought, noticing small red bumps at the tip of my penis. Since I wasn’t having sex with anyone — not for lack of trying, I might add — what else could they be? I was doomed before it was even legal for me to drink.

A quick trip to the university’s emergency room followed, where, under harsh lights, a female doctor held and studied my genitals, then, in front of a female nurse, broke out into laughter.

“My husband has those,” she told me. “They’re varicose veins in an uncommon place. Nothing to worry about. Go Bruins!”

It turns out, I had a lot to worry about… but not for reasons the doctor dismissed.

As a young, gay actor who moved to New York City right after college, in 1987, having red bumps on my penis wasn’t exactly the invitation to sex that I was hoping to find. Not every guy I slept with noticed, but the ones who did often thought they were a sign of AIDS, herpes or god knows what else. I’ve never forgotten the man who said, simply, that I was “a whore,” and, since he was in a relationship with another man, he couldn’t take any risks. Um, kettle…?

That said, jovially saying to guys, “relax, they’re just varicose veins,” didn’t work as well as my former doctor insinuated. Perhaps I should have had her write a note.

In reality, who could really blame these men for being suspicious? Guys were dropping dead from AIDS on a daily basis, and vigilance was everything. I spent a lot of time trying to have sex in the dark or simply praying that guys wouldn’t examine my tip too closely. Many a hard-on was deflated just worrying one of my hook-ups would suddenly scream out, “Dude, what’s wrong with your dick?!” One guy did just that.

Even in the midst of the AIDS pandemic, I slept with a lot of strangers (I always used protection for intercourse), and to them, I was just another dick — pun intended. I’m certain that, if the situation had been reversed, I’d have had a difficult time believing the varicose vein story, too.

During the periods when I had steady boyfriends, the situation diminished because they trusted me and knew I wouldn’t place them in harm’s way. (Although I’ve read reports to the contrary, I’ve never once had one of the blood vessels break, during sex or otherwise.)

However, even those men weren’t always polite about my “deformity.” One guy I dated for a long time told me that having oral sex with me was like eating ice cream with nuts — and he didn’t like nuts. Charmed!

I’ve spent a lot of my life single, though, and as I grew older in a new century, I learned that no matter what time of life you choose to be sex-positive, there will always be a target on your back from groups who find sex with multiple partners shameful.

I also found that as I got older, most complaints would come from men much younger than myself. Being a “Dilf” or a “Daddy” has been a sweet time of life for me, but the sexual scrutiny from millennials and Generation Z has become more intense. I’ve had guys show up at my door and get naked, then, after foreplay, examine my penis like I was having a medical exam. Some were polite when they walked out the door, some were not.

Since this rarely happens with men close to my age, I chalked it up to retro-fear of older men — an AIDS-era residue that meant those of us who were sexually active during that horrifying time were still physically scarred.

By 2022, I’d had enough. I was seeing a man 20 years younger than myself and having a great time, until the night he abruptly stopped oral sex and demanded to know why I had bumps on my penis. I told him they’d always been there and that he’d just never noticed, which he didn’t believe, and he said he never wanted to see or talk to me again. I’ve not spoken to him since.

I immediately made an appointment with my doctor, pulled down my pants in the office, and asked if there was anything that could be done about my grotesque abnormality.

After yet another bright-light examination, mixed in with small talk of his impending wedding and honeymoon, he told me that, contrary to what my initial doctor said, the bumps were not varicose veins, but more than likely angiokeratoma, benign blood vessels that form on the skin. His diagnosis was delivered in a tone so carefree I definitely wanted him to write a note to future lovers.

He gave me a referral to an excellent dermatologist in New York, Dr. Bradley Glodny, who, when he studied my penis — sometimes I think my flaccid package has gotten more attention than the stiff version — confirmed that I had genital angiokeratoma, and said that, for an affordable price, he could remove them via laser.

“Yes, please,” I said faster than he could turn on the equipment to fix my equipment.

When I told him that my dates were often repulsed by my groin area, he asked, flatly, “What kind of people do you go out with?”

Fair point.

I haven’t always been the best judge of character when hormones get in the way.

“What I’m baffled by — and what shocks me upon reflection — is that I ignored seeking help for my condition for 40 years, and, just as insane, I took the opinion of one doctor without seeking a second opinion.”

A week of healing went by, and, as promised, almost all of the bumps disappeared (some were too tiny to remove). My self-esteem and self-confidence jumped up 100%, and my sex life since then has become substantially more fulfilling. I had no idea that hearing Dr. Glodny say that one word could change everything.

In the bedroom, I’ve become, like, “Hey, feel free to examine my penis. Nice, isn’t it?” and “Sure, we can have sex in bright light. Sounds like fun!”

Since an internet search returned lopsided statistics on how many people have my condition, I asked Dr. Glodny for his thoughts.

“While I cannot give you an exact statistic, I believe that most men over the age of 30 have at least a few angiokeratomas in their genital area,” he said, adding that they become more prevalent as we age.

What I’m baffled by — and what shocks me upon reflection — is that I ignored seeking help for my condition for 40 years, and, just as insane, I took the opinion of one doctor without seeking a second opinion. Varicose veins run in my family, and I have them on my legs, so it did seem like a legit diagnosis. But doctors, lest we forget, are simply professionals with theories, and should always be questioned.

Part of me was embarrassed, too, to even discuss such a sensitive part of my anatomy with a stranger, let alone have them examine it. Clearly, I’ve grown up on that front. I hope that if you’re reading this and have any skin condition that scares or confuses you, you won’t be as stubborn as I was and seek help immediately.

I don’t regret having an active sex life — quite the opposite. But I should have been more dismissive of the men who disbelieved me when I told them they were safe. I accepted humiliation in the hopes that I could score some hot ass. (Remember the guy who called me a liar? I recently reached out to him so he could see the “new and improved” me. He never responded, and, frankly, I think I dodged a bullet.)

Like most guys I know, I want all of my body to be appreciated — the muscles, the hairy chest, the penis. We all have physical imperfections, wherever and whatever they may be. When we are humiliated on any level, it only increases the kind of body fascism that needs to be eradicated.

Laser removal for angiokeratoma doesn’t last forever, and I have them tweaked about once a year. Yeah, it hurts — a lot. Yes, insurance doesn’t cover it because it’s considered cosmetic. And, yes, I have to go off the market for a good week or two afterward. But at this point in my life, skipping out on the procedure and going back to hiding in the sexual shadows would be just plain nuts.

David Toussaint is a four-time book author, journalist, professional screenwriter and playwright, and actor. He lives in Manhattan with his pug, Deja.

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