I Thought My Mum Had A 20-Week Miscarriage. I Just Discovered It Was A Secret Abortion.

Posted on 02/12/2023 by Boris Clair

When I was 8 years old, my mom, who was about 20 weeks pregnant, flew to Boston with my then-stepdad. She returned without a bump or a baby.

When she got home, she was devastated. So was I, because I’d always wanted a little sister. I’d been thrilled when my mother’s belly started to grow, and people began congratulating her everywhere we went.

She’d remarried less than a year before that, and the transition of having a new man in the house had been tough for my younger brother and me. A new baby was something we could all rally around, so it was especially difficult for all of us when my mom started experiencing complications.

At the beginning of her second trimester, right after she’d started telling people she was pregnant, she began bleeding and cramping. I spent a lot of afternoons at my cousin’s house while my mom attended doctor appointments. She’d return to pick me up, and I’d find her whispering in the driveway with my aunt. One night after dinner, we had a family meeting where she told us that the baby had a heart problem and would need surgery right after it was born.

The bleeding continued, and there were more doctor appointments and late-afternoon pickups and whispered conversations. A few weeks later, my mom went to Boston. When she returned, a new word was added to my second-grade vocabulary: miscarriage. At the time, I was old enough to know the baby was gone, but too young to understand or remember any specifics.

Still, my mom’s “miscarriage” shaped my perception of pregnancy. I understood its fragility.

The author and her mom at Christmastime when the author was in elementary school.

In the fall of 2017, just as the Memphis air was turning from humid to crisp, my mom and I went for one of our regular morning walks. She was between chemo treatments for the stage 4 cholangiocarcinoma she was battling, and I had just taken my first positive pregnancy test. I hadn’t told her yet. My mom didn’t even know my husband and I were trying. I was only about four weeks pregnant, and I was afraid of getting her hopes up at a time when she really needed things to believe in, so I decided to wait to share my news until my doctor detected a heartbeat at the six-week appointment and I had an ultrasound picture to show her.

As we walked under the canopy of brown and burnt orange leaves, I asked her questions about when she was pregnant with me: “How did you feel? What was it like? Did it hurt?” This was something I’d started doing about many different topics ― I sought out information I wanted to know from her and asked questions while she was still around to answer them.

But that morning, my mom didn’t have many answers about when she was pregnant with me. “I don’t remember,” she told me. “You forget the hard parts, so you can do it again.”

We walked around a big curve in the road, and I thought about the poppy seed-sized embryo inside of me. My mom turned to look at me. I expected her to offer some insight about morning sickness or food cravings, but she changed the subject.

”You know it had genetic abnormalities, too?” she said out of nowhere. Actually, I didn’t know this, because she never talked about the baby she lost. ”My body kept trying to abort it, but it couldn’t. That’s why I kept haemorrhaging.” Her voice was faraway as she mentally traveled back to that time.

Now, almost four years after my mom’s death and five years after that conversation, I still remember it vividly — the crunch of leaves under our feet, the exact bend of that road, the mild weather of the day. The moment was a glimpse into the experiences of my mom’s that I could never access ― a reminder that she’d die with so many untold stories.

One day last summer, as I watched my two kids playing under the bright pink blooms of the crepe myrtles in our backyard, I began bleeding. It was a very early miscarriage, nothing like what my mom had been through. But it still made me think of her and that conversation. I couldn’t know the extent of her much-worse tragedy, but I, too, was experiencing a third pregnancy that would never be. My miscarriage — this third baby that would not be — made me feel connected to her.

It wasn’t until last month, when Tennessee’s total abortion ban went into effect, that I finally understood my mom didn’t have a miscarriage. Technically, legally, she had an abortion.

The author and her mom in November 2016. "This was right after I got engaged, two days after doctors found a mass in her liver," she writes. — The author and her mom in November 2016. “This was right after I got engaged, two days after doctors found a mass in her liver,” she writes.

Tennessee’s ban is one of the strictest in the country. It does not include an exception for incest or rape, or for the life of the mother. Instead, the law offers the possibility of an “affirmative defence,” which allows the doctor, if charged with a Class C felony, to argue that an abortion was necessary “to prevent the death of the pregnant woman or to prevent serious risk of substantial and irreversible impairment to a major bodily function of the pregnant woman.”

As I read the law’s language and understood that women in Tennessee were no longer guaranteed equitable, potentially lifesaving health care, I thought back to my mom’s words: That’s why I kept haemorrhaging.

I had to know what happened in Boston. I was almost certain the pregnancy had put my mom’s life at risk and that she’d had to get an abortion, but I needed corroboration. I called my great-aunt who lives in Boston, and she immediately answered the questions I’d never known to ask.

“Yes, it was an abortion,” my great-aunt told me. “It wasn’t a viable pregnancy. It was endangering your mom’s life. It was an extremely difficult situation, and she’d had to travel to Boston for the procedure because it wasn’t legal in Tennessee.”

My great-aunt didn’t remember the specifics about why the pregnancy wasn’t viable. I knew there was only one person who’d been to those appointments with my mom and might know everything: my former stepdad.

It took me weeks to text him. We hadn’t spoken since their acrimonious divorce, the year after I graduated from college. I wasn’t even sure he’d be receptive to these questions. The experience was so long ago, and it had been so painful.

But he was immediately responsive, and willing to share the details he remembered. He told me the foetus had a chromosomal abnormality, misshapen kidneys, a hole in the heart, and structures at the oesophagus and rectum that prevented the processing of amniotic fluids. My mom’s health was also at risk because she kept bleeding. The neonatologist said they needed to make a decision.

The specialist referred them to an abortion clinic in Tulsa, Oklahoma. When my mom called the clinic for more information, the receptionist warned her that patients were usually harassed when entering the facility. So my mom called her aunt in Boston, and she connected her to a doctor at a hospital there.

The author's mother holds the author's daughter a few minutes after she was born in August 2018. "It is one of the few pictures I have of them together," the author writes. "My mom's health declined quickly, and she died four months later." — The author’s mother holds the author’s daughter a few minutes after she was born in August 2018. “It is one of the few pictures I have of them together,” the author writes. “My mom’s health declined quickly, and she died four months later.”

Even though the baby had chromosomal abnormalities and too many physiologic issues to correct, and even though my mom’s body kept trying to abort the baby naturally, it was still an unthinkable decision, my former stepdad said. They sought counsel from their Episcopal priest and diocesan bishop. They consulted another doctor in Memphis. Ultimately, the doctor in Boston reaffirmed that the foetus was not viable and wouldn’t live if carried to term. Because of this, and because of the risk to my mom’s health, they decided to proceed with the abortion.

I’ll never know what my mom experienced during that procedure. Though it was an abortion ― and a choice she made ― she still considered it a “miscarriage,” and went on to describe it that way to the few close friends with whom she discussed it. I know it was traumatic, and that is why my family never talked about it. Most importantly, I know it was a procedure my mom needed for her safety, and one that other women will need for their own.

Chrissy Teigen recently revealed that, like my mom, what she had claimed was a miscarriage was actually an abortion. “I told the world we had a miscarriage, the world agreed we had a miscarriage, all the headlines said it was a miscarriage,” the model said. “And I became really frustrated that I didn’t, in the first place, say what it was, and I felt silly that it had taken me over a year to actually understand that we had had an abortion.”

There are so many reasons why someone may not admit that they’ve had an abortion ― from fear and grief to the nightmarish political climate and simply wanting to keep their medical decisions private ― and all of them are valid. The bottom line is abortion needs to be safe, legal and accessible for anyone who wants or needs one.

Despite the deep trauma of her abortion, I know that my mom was profoundly grateful she could get one. It ensured she’d live and allowed her to keep being my mom. While I did not know my mom’s story until recently, I know that if she were here today, she would be outraged by what has happened in this country ― and what’s still happening. I know she’d want lawyers to challenge the abortion bans that various states have enacted. I know she’d want Lindsey Graham to understand the devastating effect that a federal 15-week abortion ban would have on the health of women and people with uteruses. I know she’d want voters to support candidates who champion abortion rights. And I believe she’d be proud of me for speaking up now and telling her story in the hope that it might matter ― that it might mean something and maybe even help do something.

Ultimately, she’d want women to have access to the procedure that protected her life. And she’d want them to have it regardless of where they are in their pregnancy, or which state they live in.

Sarah Hunter Simanson received her MFA from Vermont College of Fine Arts. Her writing has appeared in Salon, Romper and The Daily Memphian. She is currently working on her first novel.

So THAT’s How To Introduce Your Kids To Spicy Foods

Posted on 25/11/2023 by Boris Clair

Anyone who spends time around young children can attest to the fact that picky palates are common. Bold flavours ― especially those that involve heat ― often take little kids by surprise, and many react to the unfamiliarity with loud and adamant refusal. My almost-2-year-old niece, for example, is a mini foodie who loves just about every dish she tries … unless hot peppers are involved. One bite of salsa or guacamole, and she’s in full meltdown mode.

I, on the other hand, have loved spicy foods since I was a toddler (at least, according to my mom), and my adoration for peppers, chilli powder, cayenne, hot sauces and all other capsaicin-loaded eats has persisted into adulthood. That makes me wonder: Can spice tolerance be learned? Can kids develop a taste for spicy foods, even if they’re not immediate fans? And if so, how can a parent go about facilitating this while respecting their child’s preferences?

To answer these questions, we asked licensed nutritionists and dieticians who work with children to provide some guidance on the best ways to introduce young kids to spicy foods — and how to give them the space and the support to decide whether they like these dishes.

Children can begin to encounter seasoned foods at 7 to 12 months.

Most babies begin their foray into solid foods with soft and easy-to-eat items like warm cereal and pureed fruits and vegetables. Generally speaking, these intro foods feature gentle flavours and aren’t seasoned with salt or spices. At around the 7-month mark, though, Los Angeles-based registered dietician Blanca Garcia says that “most families with spicy foods in their cultures start giving infants foods with flavours. [Examples include] beans cooked with onions, garlic or black pepper, ginger, ginger tea and turmeric. For other cultures, spices can also include [mild] curries and garam masala. These foods are not spicy, but they do have flavours that can give the palate the foundation for what is to come.”

Begin by exposing kids to aromatic spices without heat.

As Garcia said, spices that deliver big flavours but don’t include capsaicin (the active component that causes the burning sensation prompted by hot peppers) can whet a child’s palate for more intense spices down the line.

Dawn Kane, a certified food scientist and the regulatory affairs manager for Little Spoon, advises first introducing aromatic spices without heat — think cinnamon, basil, mint or cumin — to kids.

“Start with a small amount to get your little one familiar with the ingredient and gradually incorporate it into more and more meal occasions,” she said. “Adding these spices can help expose your little one to a range of flavours and ingredients, helping to mitigate a future picky eater.”

When it comes to ‘hot’ foods, wait until your child has the ability to clearly say yes or no.

Adding foods with capsaicin to your child’s diet should wait until the child in question can clearly articulate their reaction to these dishes.

Registered dietician and certified nutritionist Reda Elmardi recommends waiting until after the age of 2 to try giving your kids spicy foods, both because of their physical development — she said kids’ taste buds become fully developed around that age — and because children deserve the agency to determine their own comfort levels with hot spices, which can be painful for some people to eat.

Gradually add spice to dishes that your child already enjoys.

Carefully easing your child into the experience of eating spicy food is a smart move.

“Start with a small amount of spice and serve with foods your child already enjoys,” advised registered dietician Johna Burdeos. “For instance, this might be in the form of a spicy dip to go with favourite finger foods, or a spicy sauce or gravy served with noodles, pasta, rice or potatoes. Increase the spiciness gradually, as your child’s tolerance evolves.”

Be careful with the amount of salt you use.

To mitigate the intensity of the spices and/or peppers you use in your recipe — which is always advisable, but especially when you’re cooking for kids who haven’t gotten used to spicy foods yet — keep a close eye on the amount of salt that you’re adding to the dish. Salt can heighten the perception of heat and make a spicy dish feel especially fiery.

Paediatric dietician Cathy Monaghan of Weaning.ie in Ireland urges you to “ensure there is no salt in the spice blends that you are using, and avoid added salt.”

Don’t force your kid to eat spicy foods, but make these dishes available to them if they want to try again.

If you introduce a spicy dish to your child and learn that they dislike it, you may assume that you missed your chance to instil a love of heat in your kid’s tastebuds. Luckily, registered dietician and nutritionist Allison Tallman of SportingSmiles.com assures us that all is not lost — as long as you let your child dictate the pace of future spicy food encounters.

“If your kid continues to disapprove of spicy foods, you can continue to offer them in small quantities, and again, one at a time,” Tallman said. “Do not push your child to eat it, though, as it may build up resentment. Give your child the choice to consume the food when and if desired.”

If your children help you prepare spicy dishes, take proper precautions.

Inviting your children to participate in the cooking process can help develop their overall interest in food, and letting them help as you prep a spicy meal could encourage them to give the completed dish a try. That said, special precautions need to be observed when you and your kids handle hot peppers or seasonings. Kids tend to rub their eyes and faces a lot, which can be very painful if their fingers have touched capsaicin.

“Safety measures for cooking with spicy peppers include being mindful of knives and the hot stove/pans so they don’t get cut or burned. It would also be very helpful to use gloves so they don’t get the capsaicin on their skin or in their eyes and feel those burns,” explains paediatric dietitian Courtney Bliss of Feeding Bliss in Phoenix.

31 Too-Real Tweets About Parents Having ‘The Talk’ With Their Kids

Posted on 25/11/2023 by Boris Clair

As awkward as it may feel, there comes a time when every parent must have “the talk” with their children. But those early efforts to explain where babies come from don’t always go as planned.

Fortunately, you can always laugh about it! Below, we’ve rounded up 31 hilarious tweets about trying to have the sex talk with your kids.

Throwing A Mattress Out A Window, Burning Shoes … Are Shock Tactics In Parenting A Good Idea?

Posted on 07/10/2023 by Boris Clair

Arnold Schwarzenegger, 76, has filled many roles in his life — bodybuilder, actor, politician — and people have scrutinised his performance in these very different realms. Schwarzenegger is also a father of five, and he’s recently been opening up about some unconventional parenting tactics he used when raising his children.

Schwarzenegger shares Katherine, 33, Christina, 31, Patrick, 30, and Christopher, 26, with ex-wife Maria Shriver. He disclosed in 2011 that he fathered a son, Joseph Baena (now 26), with the family’s housekeeper.

In an appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Monday to promote his upcoming book, “Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life,” Schwarzenegger explained, “For the way I grew up, I was lenient, but I think for American standards I was probably strict.” He demanded that all of his children “make their own bed, scrub their own showers, they have to clean their own toilet and they have to wash their own clothes.”

One day, in response to his son repeatedly letting the nanny make the bed, Schwarzenegger said, “I opened up the doors, grabbed the mattress and threw it out the balcony down into the swimming pool.” Patrick then had to retrieve the mattress and pillows, which his dad had also tossed out the window.

The former Republican governor of California also reported that he threw his daughter’s shoes into the fireplace and burned them after she failed several times to put the shoes away properly.

He also said he taught his son to turn off the lights when he left his bedroom to conserve electricity by unscrewing one lightbulb each time he forgot — until his son was left in the dark.

“He was 5 years old, and he was freaking out going alone into his room at night when it was dark,” Schwarzenegger said. “I put the lightbulbs back, [and] from that point on he always turned off the lights.”

Though these incidents are unusual, every frustrated parent has had the thought, “Someone needs to teach that kid a lesson!”

Even if they’re effective, are shock parenting tactics a good idea? HuffPost asked child therapists to weigh in on the pros and cons of this approach to managing kids’ behaviour.

The Potential Effect Of Shock Tactics

Schwarzenegger related these incidents with pride, triumphant that they had been effective.

There are some advantages to an outsized reaction. “Shock tactics can get your child’s attention for sure. And it can be useful in breaking habits,” psychologist Jen Hartstein told HuffPost.

But there are a number of potential downsides, including damaging your child’s trust, increasing their anxiety and depression, and harming your relationship with them.

Though Schwarzenegger explained that he told his daughter he would burn the shoes if she left them in the wrong place again and then followed through on this promise, such a drastic move — particularly when unplanned and executed in the heat of the moment — might cause anxiety or lead a kid to conclude that a parent is unsafe.

A child might wonder, “If I do this, how’s my dad going to react?” said Jennifer Kelman, a licensed clinical social worker who is a mental health expert on JustAnswer. If your reactions are sometimes extreme, “that child learns to walk on eggshells,” she told HuffPost.

Hartstein pointed out that these kinds of tactics often rely on evoking shame in your child. “If your child becomes afraid of you or worried that they will be shamed for making mistakes, it will negatively impact trust,” she explained, which is “the basis of a child/parent relationship.

“It can also cause young people to have an increase in anxiety or depression due to being invalidated and taught through fear, not reinforcement and support.”

Alternative Ways To Encourage Kids To Change Their Behavior

A shock tactic might achieved its desired result: your kid changing their behaviour. But there are other ways to accomplish this that won’t involve risks to your relationship — or destruction of property, for that matter.

Kelman offered the example of explaining to your kid that if they leave their shoes out again, they will have to do some volunteer work with a community organisation. It’s a consequence but a less punitive and frightening one.

In the example of making the bed, Kelman suggested stripping the sheets from the bed and making the child wash them and remake the bed. This tactic would hopefully deter a child from failing to make their bed again and doesn’t pose any physical or psychological danger.

It’s important for parents to set boundaries, Kelman explained. These will be different for every family, but whatever boundary is set should be consistently enforced.

“There needs to be a consequence when time and time again, your child is crossing that boundary and not respecting it,” Kelman said.

“Setting your boundary, being clear on what the consequences are, if it’s not met, and then sticking to it without being harmful,” she continued, is a healthy way for parents to respond to kids’ behaviour.

However, it’s important to spend more time focusing on what your child is doing right rather than what they are doing wrong.

“Research suggests that punishment does not teach new behaviours,” Hartstein explained. Punishment can be important, but positive reinforcement is more effective in getting your child to change their ways.

“If you want to teach new behaviours or want your children to change behaviours, you have to reinforce the things you want while ignoring the things you don’t want,” Hartstein said, adding that children want attention and will try to get it any way they can, even when that attention is negative.

Positive reinforcement is the basis of systems like sticker charts, but it can also be as simple as consistent praise (“Great job putting your shoes on the shoe rack! Thank you!”)

Of Course, You Will Snap At Some Point — It’s What You Do After That Matters

Although few of us will pitch a mattress out the window, almost all of us will have an outsized reaction to our child’s behaviour. When our requests or reminders are repeatedly ignored, we eventually lose it — sometimes in a unique way but predominantly just by yelling.

“All of us are humans, whether we’re parents or children, and we do lose our minds. We do get our buttons pushed, and we may not always react well,” Kelman said.

In addition to scaring our children, yelling definitely qualifies as negative attention. It’s not the kind of positive reinforcement that is more likely to change their behaviour. It can also scare your child.

Such moments, however, actually offer you a chance to connect with your child and strengthen your relationship.

Kelman explained: “This is your opportunity to go back to child and say, ‘You know what? I was reflective on how Mommy handled it. I didn’t love how I handled it. I lost my mind. I’m so sorry if you were scared. I’m so sorry, and I want to do it better next time.’”

Doing this shows your child that you, too, are a fallible human. It also models for them “that you can go back and apologise and be expressive about your feelings” and teaches them “that you’re safe and that they can come to you when they lose their mind,” Kelman said.

“We should never just beat ourselves up” when we explode like that, she said. “We have to go back and be open and vulnerable. You’re teaching so much to your child. … We want them to be able to feel safe enough to come to us.”

The 1 Thing More People Wish They Knew About Before Giving Birth

Posted on 23/09/2023 by Boris Clair

When it comes to birth, we tend to focus on the prize. Having a child emerge from your body is, obviously, the main event. It’s followed by delivering the placenta, sometimes referred to as the “afterbirth.” Luckily, this part is usually pretty quick and painless — you may barely register that it’s even happening.

But in the hours and days that follow, your body will experience another minor milestone: the first postpartum poop. If you’re lucky, this will also be fast and forgotten as soon as you flush. However, given what your body has been through, the buildup to this event can be anxiety-inducing.

Here’s what you need to know, as well as some tips to ease discomfort.

How this poop is different

There are a number of factors that may make this particular trip to the bathroom feel more significant.

First, you may not have had a bowel movement in a while. “If you had a long induction or a long labor, and you haven’t eaten in a long time, you probably don’t have a lot that needs to come out. It may take several days,” Dr. Andrea Braden, an OB-GYN who practices in Georgia, told HuffPost.

Constipation may also be a side effect of pain medications, fluctuating hormones, or simply your own hesitation.

If you’ve had a cesarean section or an assisted delivery (via vacuum or forceps), or you’ve had a tear or episiotomy repaired with stitches, you may be in pain from that, and understandably reluctant to do anything that might aggravate your discomfort. But holding in your stool can make things worse.

“Some people will actually try to hold it in and not have a bowel movement, which causes constipation,” Braden said.

Haemorrhoids, which are common during this time, can also cause pain when you go to the bathroom.

While this is all uncomfortable, it isn’t unexpected.

“In my 26 years of experience, at least 90% of my clients have had trouble using the restroom after birth,” Kali King, a doula in Virginia, told HuffPost.

Tips for a smooth move

Stool softeners or laxatives can help you get that first bowel movement out without straining, which you’ll want to avoid if you ended up with stitches after your delivery.

“The goal would be to not push when you have a bowel movement,” Braden said. “You want it to come out very easily, because the pushing can cause a lot more pain and pressure on the incision sites, no matter where the incision is.”

King recommended light exercise or abdominal massage, as well as a squat position to help get things moving more easily.

Lori Bregman, a doula in Los Angeles, noted that staying hydrated is another way to prevent constipation. If you’re looking for something other than water, she recommends coconut water, bone broth and electrolyte drinks (like sports drinks). Fibre-rich foods like fruits and vegetables help, too.

A tablespoon of coconut oil can act as a natural stool softener, Bregman said, and a foot stool such as a Squatty Potty can help you get into a comfortable position while you’re on the toilet.

You’ll also be given a peri-bottle, a little plastic bottle that you can use to squirt water on your nether regions to clean yourself after going to the bathroom. This is much more comfortable than dry toilet paper, particularly if you had stitches in that area.

Haemorrhoid help

Haemorrhoids are “swollen blood vessels in the rectal area that develop from the pressure [of] your growing uterus and increased blood flow. They can be itchy and painful,” Bregman said.

Unfortunately, if you have them at the end of a pregnancy, delivery can exacerbate the problem. “They are extremely common during pregnancy and can get a lot worse especially if you pushed for a long time,” Braden explained.

Studies show that about 40% of people who give birth suffer from hemorrhoids before, during or following delivery. Pushing for longer than 20 minutes is associated with haemorrhoids, as are assisted deliveries (forceps or vacuum). Your provider may mention that you have them when they examine you after delivery, and you can also ask them directly.

The good news is that haemorrhoids “usually resolve on their own,” King said.

There are many things you can do to reduce the discomfort of hemorrhoids. Bregman recommends:

chilled or frozen witch hazel pads with drops of vitamin E oil
frozen leaf of an aloe vera plant
sitting on a donut pillow
using a footstool while on the toilet
sitz baths
ice
comfrey root ointment
acupuncture

When to call the doctor

Hemorrhoids can cause bleeding in the rectal area, but if you don’t have them, or you’re uncertain, bloody stool is definitely something to report to your health care provider.

As far as constipation, it’s probably time to call the doctor “if you haven’t had a bowel movement in a week and you’re feeling quite constipated,” Braden said.

Other symptoms that you’d want to report to your provider include “pain, swelling not going away, infection, weird smell, lots of bleeding and an intuitive feeling that something doesn’t feel right — always trust and follow that,” Bregman said.

King recommends that you not allow your provider “to downplay your symptoms.” If you feel that this is happening, you can look for a second opinion.

Easy Recipes To Cook With Kids: Sticky Chicken And Fruity Loaf Cake

Posted on 23/09/2023 by Boris Clair

Getting children involved in the kitchen is something mother and author Annabel Karmel is incredibly passionate about.

So it’s perhaps no surprise then that her latest (and 50th) recipe book My First Cookbook is jam-packed with simple yet nutritious recipes that adults and kids can both get involved with making.

As busy working parents it can be hard to find the time and creativity, not to mention ingredients, to devise nutritious home-cooked meals, which is where My First Cookbook can help.

Expect fun lunchbox ideas such as Caterpillar Sandwiches, big batch meals like Teddy Bear Pasta and seasonal specials like Monster Pizzas and Gingerbread Men.

The book helps children learn essential hands-on kitchen skills – from simple sandwich making all the way to cake baking.

If you’re stuck for mealtime inspiration this weekend – and have a bit of time to spare to get your kids involved in the kitchen – we’ve got two of her brand new recipes to share.

Sticky chicken with sweet potato fries

Nobody can resist this sweet, sticky chicken, especially with healthy baked fries.

Serves 4 | Prep time 40 mins | Cooking time 25 mins

You’ll need: baking tray, baking paper

Ingredients

3 tablespoons ketchup
3 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons honey
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
500g (18oz) boneless chicken thighs, sliced into strips
3 medium sweet potatoes, scrubbed
2 tablespoons sunflower oil
1 teaspoon chopped thyme
3 tablespoons semolina

Method

Put the chicken into a medium mixing bowl. Add the ketchup, soy, honey and garlic, and mix together to coat the chicken. Leave for 30 minutes, then arrange on a baking tray lined with baking paper.

Preheat the oven to 200°C (400°F) Fan. Slice the sweet potatoes into thin chip shapes. Place on a baking sheet lined with baking paper. Add the oil and thyme. Season with salt and pepper, and coat with semolina to make them crispy. Mix everything up with your hands. Spread out on the baking sheet in a single layer.

Put both baking sheets into the oven. Cook for about 25 minutes, until the chicken is cooked and golden brown and the fries are lightly golden and cooked through.

Banana and blueberry loaf cake

Slice up this fruit-filled loaf to make a delicious doggy face.

Serves 8 | Prep time 20 mins | Cooking time 60 mins

You’ll need: 900g (32oz) loaf tin, baking paper

Ingredients

150g (2/3 cup) butter, softened
125g (3/4 cup) light brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
200g (7oz) overripe bananas, mashed, plus extra slices
225g (2 cups) self-raising flour
1 teaspoon mixed spice
100g (3.5oz) blueberries

To decorate

banana
a few blueberries
a few raspberries

Method

Preheat the oven to 160°C (325°F) Fan. Grease and line a loaf tin with non-stick paper.

Whisk the butter and sugar together in a mixing bowl until fluffy. Add the eggs, vanilla, bananas, flour and mixed spice. Whisk together using an electric hand whisk.

Fold in the blueberries and spoon into the loaf tin. Bake in the oven for 50 mins-1 hour until well risen and lightly golden.

Slice into slices and arrange on a plate to look like a dog’s face and ears. Add banana slices and blueberries for the eyes and nose, and a raspberry for the tongue.

My First Cookbook by Annabel Karmel is available to buy now for £12.99.

I Quit My Job To Stay Home With The Kids — And It’s Not What You’d Expect

Posted on 22/09/2023 by Boris Clair

Simi Sapir immigrated to New York City from Israel when she was 10 years old and grew up watching her parents hustle, taking on multiple jobs to provide for their four children. Her mother worked in a day care and a supermarket, and her father, who had a master’s degree in engineering, took to driving a taxi at one point in order to bring in income.

By the time she was a teen, Sapir was spending her summers working as a camp counselor. Over the years, she worked at the same supermarket as her mother, a store and a pizza shop.

“I think immigrant mentality, especially growing up in Queens, New York, it was like, you work — and not only do you work, but it’s in your blood to work. And I think that was, from a very early age, instilled in me,” Sapir told HuffPost.

She carried this commitment to paid work and financial independence through college, at one point taking a semester off to work in order to be able to pay for school. After graduation, she headed at full speed into a career in business, and by the time she turned 30, she’d already overseen the acquisitions of two companies. Hers was “the perfect VP of sales resume,” she said, and she didn’t slow her pace when she became pregnant — even hopping on an airplane when she was eight months along in order to close a deal.

Simi Sapir left a successful, demanding career in business to care for her daughter full-time.

As planned, Sapir returned to her position 12 weeks after her daughter’s birth. The pandemic had hit, so she was working from home while a nanny cared for the baby. But working her usual long hours no longer felt manageable.

Every day, she said, felt like “a crazy grind.”

“I just felt like, ‘Why is my kid with somebody from 9 to 5, and I can’t go to my kitchen because if she sees me, she starts screaming [and] then I feel bad.’”

Early morning calls from her CEO, she found, now felt like “a sacrifice” and “intruding into my personal time.”

The tipping point came when her boss offered her a new job title that would come with more responsibilities and a salary increase — the sort of offer that Sapir would’ve jumped at earlier in her career. This time, however, she looked at the offer and said, “This is just not worth it.”

After 16 months of what she describes as the push and pull of this situation, Sapir quit. Yes, she was exhausted — but she didn’t leave because she felt incapable of continuing. Rather, she left because she felt confident that full-time mothering was the right move.

The company offered more flexibility, part-time work and increased compensation to try to convince Sapir to change her mind. But she was resolute.

What they didn’t understand, she said, was that “it’s not the money.”

“The idea that I want to jump into this new chapter in my life, which, by the way, is not — as I tried to explain to them — is not less important or more important; it’s equally a different chapter. Just like you focus on your career, you can focus on your family.”

“About one month back into work, I knew it was not going to work out.”

– Lisa Ziemba

Lisa Ziemba, a Colorado mom who is expecting her second child next month, had a similar experience after her daughter was born two years ago. When her maternity leave ended, she returned to her position as the manager of HR for a group of construction companies.

Ziemba was working from 8 in the morning until 5 or 6 at night, with a 40-minute commute each way. She was putting in additional hours after getting her daughter to bed as well. “I was getting like maybe an hour a day with her — which just did not feel right.”

Of her decision to leave her job, Ziemba told HuffPost, “I didn’t see it coming, going into my maternity leave. But about one month back into work, I knew it was not going to work out.”

As with Sapir, Ziemba’s superiors tried to dissuade her with offers of flex time and increased compensation.

“We kind of went back and forth where they were like, ‘What can we give you?’ And I was like, ‘I need time.’ They were like, ‘That’s the one thing we can’t give you.’”

Who are today’s stay-at-home mothers?

The decision to spend time with their young children at home is one that mothers like Ziemba and Sapir have made consciously. Having experienced life in both worlds, they decided to extend their time in the role of what we typically refer to as a stay-at-home mother.

It’s a bit of a misnomer, Sapir notes, “Because I’m literally never home.”

It’s also a far cry from the old June Cleaver image of a mom who never pursues a career or acquires any of her own income and dedicates any time she’s not with her children to cooking and housekeeping.

“I don’t even own an apron,” Sapir noted.

A recent report from Mother Untitled, a digital community for mothers “choosing to pause or shift [their] career to make room for family life,” reveals that, while they’re up against some of the same stereotypes, the lives of today’s full-time mothers and their expectations for the future are markedly different than those of their predecessors.

The report details a survey of 1,200 mothers who had left or were considering leaving their jobs for full or part-time stay-at-home motherhood. The mothers were between the ages of 25-54 and had bachelor’s degrees, children under age 18 at home and a minimum annual income of $25,000 (ages 35-34) or $35,000 (ages 35 and up).

In some cases, these mothers worked part-time or occasional hours, often remotely. They likely worked up until their transition to parenthood and anticipated returning to the workforce in some capacity in the coming years.

A majority of the mothers surveyed, 7 in 10, said that they “chose to pause their careers for parenthood.” In comparison, 1 in 10 felt forced out of their jobs, while 2 in 10 felt both that they chose and were forced.

Elizabeth Burdett didn't plan to become a stay-at-home mom. She said the opportunity "fell into my lap." — Elizabeth Burdett didn’t plan to become a stay-at-home mom. She said the opportunity “fell into my lap.”

If you’re wondering what that last category could possibly look like, Elizabeth Burdett’s story illustrates the way that an economy shifting toward gig work can push parents away from full-time employment. And some, like Burdett, find that they prefer the place where they’ve landed.

Burdett worked full-time from home writing content for a website and returned to this position (with the support of a nanny) once her maternity leave was up. Then, around the time she found out she was pregnant with her second child, the company was sold, and Burdett was laid off.

As she was both expecting a baby and preparing for a move, Burdett decided not to pursue another full-time position. She did freelance work before her second son was born and again between his birth and the arrival of a third child.

“Since having all three of them, I have dabbled a little bit in some freelance writing and copyediting work, but for the most part, I am home with my boys,” Burdett told HuffPost. “I do a little copyediting work, but 80-85% of the time, I’m a stay-at-home mom.”

“I didn’t at first intentionally say, ‘I am quitting my job, I want to stay at home,’ but it fell into my lap,” she said.

Still, she sees the arrangement as a choice her family made to suit its current needs. “We are making the decision to have me be at home and experience those early years. I want to,” she said.

“I’m well aware that I have the privilege to make that decision if I want to work or not,” she added.

Of course, there are also still mothers who have always wanted to stay at home with young children and simply follow through with that plan. Emily Holewczynski is a mother of five in the Chicago area who left her job as a marketing manager for a law firm when her first child was born.

Emily Holewczynski, a mother of five, always planned to be a full-time mother to her children.

“It sounds anti-feminist, but it’s what I’ve always wanted to do,” Holewczynski told HuffPost. “My mom stayed home with me, and I’m actually the oldest of five kids as well. It’s what I knew, and I was blessed and fortunate enough to have a wonderful childhood. And in my mind, a large part of that was because my mom was there every day with us.”

“I just knew that if I was lucky enough to be in a financial position where I could do that for my kids, that I wanted to be able to,” she added.

Holewczynski appreciates that staying home gives her control over the handling of her children’s needs.

“It gives me peace of mind to in knowing that some of those more delicate moments are being handled by by me — the person who loves [my daughter] the most,” she said.

Most mothers in the survey said their reasons for staying home included wanting to spend time with their child (83%) and not missing their child’s learning/developmental milestones (77%). In comparison, 62% cited the cost of child care as a reason for staying home.

Seventy-two percent said the loss of household income was worth the advantages of having a parent at home. However, their financial lives were not free from stress. They worried about having to rely on their partners for income (56%), not having enough money for leisure activities (52%) and not having enough money for emergencies (41%). The longer women had been in the workforce before deciding to stay home, the more likely they were to have financial worries.

The full-time mothers of today still face old stereotypes.

While today’s stay-at-home mothers are choosing to leave the workforce and see the benefits of their decision, they face a lot of the same challenges as women of generations past. Sixty-eight percent of those surveyed, for example, reported that they felt underappreciated.

The idea that mothers should put their children first and themselves last is also alive and well. When asked to select the different ways they measured their success from a list of options, 54% of the full-time mothers selected their children’s mental health. Thirty-one percent selected their kids’ physical health. Yet only 19% selected their own mental health — the same percentage that chose “If my home is clean and organised” — and a scant 4% selected their own physical health.

Full-time mothers understand that the work they’re doing is important and has a huge impact on their families. At the same time, they know that their unpaid labor is dismissed by society at large — and, as the report suggests, they often dismiss it themselves by neglecting their own needs.

When you’re a full-time, unpaid child care provider, for example, it can feel strange to pay someone else for a few hours of child care.

Ziemba says she is able to meet her child care needs by turning to local family members. She also belongs to a child care co-op, and this grants her a few hours a week to do work for a foundation she is involved in.

The survey found that grandparents were the child care providers that full-time mothers most often turned to, with 39% using this option. But for those without family nearby, there seemed to be few alternatives.

“I have a very hard time wrapping my head around asking for help, considering I am [a] full-time, stay-at-home [mom],” Burdett said. At the same time, she has seen how taking a little time away for herself has “rejuvenated” her and has value.

“Just because you’re home doesn’t mean you don’t need support — but it’s something I struggle with,” she said.

What will be the next chapter?

Most of the mothers in the survey and all of the mothers HuffPost spoke to plan to do paid work again at some point. Few, however, have their sights set on a typical 9-to-5 office job.

Mothers in the survey reported that the top things they would look for in their next job were: flexibility (85%), stress level (74%) and salary (71%). Those jobs probably won’t look like the full-time-plus corporate positions that Sapir and Ziemba once had — and they aren’t longing for that kind of work again anytime soon.

Motherhood has shifted their priorities and their perspective, they say, and their needs and desires have changed.

Ziemba doesn’t have plans to return to work until her youngest child is in preschool — and she and her husband still haven’t decided how many children they’d like to have. So work is years away, but she imagines perhaps working more for the foundation she’s involved in or setting up her own home organizing business.

No matter which avenue she pursues, she’s not currently feeling any rush to get there.

“I’m no longer driven by the fear of, ‘How long am I going to be out and is it going to ruin my career?’” she said.

“I was really fearful when I left that I was ending my career. And since then, I’ve met so many women who have also left to care for their young kids and have gotten back into the workforce and have found roles that are actually more interesting and engaging than the ones that they had before. And it’s shifted my mindset a lot,” Ziemba said.

Several of the mothers interviewed are interested in writing-related work, which can frequently be done on a freelance basis with flexible hours.

“The notions of stay-at-home and working mother are no longer black and white,” Neha Ruch, CEO of Mother Untitled, told HuffPost. “There’s a gray area.”

In contrast to what many people assume, full-time mothering no longer looks like it did in the 1970s. Today’s mothers, Ruch explained, are more educated, have more equal relationships with their partners, and are more digitally connected than any previous generation.

These mothers, she continued, want “to basically take a lot of the consciousness they brought to their career and bring it to the home for a period of time.”

In a post she made on LinkedIn to announce her decision to step back from her career, Sapir wrote: “Ultimately, if you are doing something you love with people you love in a place you love, you’re going to create something of great value to the world.”

The 1 Bathroom Item You Should Always Lock Away If You Have Toddlers

Posted on 20/09/2023 by Boris Clair

Being a parent is exhausting. It feels like every five minutes you’re doing something to prevent your child from hurting themselves.

‘Don’t jump off that. Watch your fingers in that door. You can’t eat that.’ I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve uttered these words at home in the past year.

And in a bid to keep little ones safe, so many items have to be stored out of harm’s way – from buttons and coins to cleaning products, nail scissors and medicines.

But one commonly used household item that you probably haven’t thought about hiding away is the bath plug. And here’s why you should.

A mother’s warning about the danger of leaving your bath plug out is going viral again – two years after it was first posted – with lots of parents (myself included) completely oblivious to the hazard a plug could pose.

Instagram account CPR Kids, a baby and child first aid education page, said it saw a post in a mum’s group from a parent called Illi, who’s based in Australia, about the shocking sight she was met with at 4am when her toddler decided to get in the bath.

The parent recalled how her four-year-old son – who is usually a deep sleeper, but miraculously woke up on this occasion – roused them from their sleep, shouting that his brother was in the bath and needed help.

“We found our cheeky, adventurous two-year-old in the bath fully-clothed with nappy and everything on,” said Illi.

“He had pulled up a stool to climb in (he’s never climbed in on his own before), put the plug in, turned the tap on and the bath was overflowing and the bathroom was flooding.

“The scariest part and something I feel deeply traumatised by is that he had clearly been trying to get out for a while and had given up and was tired… he was kneeling on his knees and falling asleep in the water.

“I just can’t believe what a close call this was.”

The parent said it’s something she never thought could happen – and so many parents agreed, now and then.

“I’m so incredibly grateful my four-year-old woke up as we would never have heard (our room is at the other end of the house),” the mum continued.

Thankfully the story has a happy ending and Archie, who was two at the time, was checked over by a medical professional and was completely fine.

“A few minutes more and this could of been a very different story,” warned the mum.

After the ordeal, the parents put a lock on the bathroom door and locked the plug away in a cupboard. They also put an alarm sensor on the then-toddler’s door so they knew if he was up about about.

“I hope this story can educate other parents because honestly I consider myself to be REALLY on top of child safety, every effort is taken to ensure the safety of our kids at all times but I honestly just never thought of locking away the plug,” she posted at the time.

Responding to the repost from CPR Kids, one mother wrote: “OMG how scary! Thank you for sharing and raising awareness. I’m locking my plug in the cupboard right away.”

Another mum said: “I remember reading this story two years ago and I have kept the bath plug out of reach every night since. So scary.”

And for those with built-in bath plugs, CPR Kids shared some additional tips for safety-proofing the bathroom, saying parents could try doorknob covers, safety chains, or bolt locks.

This Mum Is Going Viral For Teaching Her Sons Life Skills Sans Gender Roles

Posted on 06/09/2023 by Boris Clair

Payal Desai is on a mission to make sure she’s raising boys who can take care of themselves and their emotions.

The teacher and mom from New Jersey is going viral on TikTok for sharing a series of life lessons that she’s giving her sons Carter, 7, and Dev, 3.

The videos ― which are soundtracked to Luniz’s 1995 hit “I Got 5 On It” and conclude with Desai deadpanning to the camera ― show the mom of two teaching the boys how to be non-dusty husbands to their future partners. (For the unfamiliar, “your dusty son” has become something of a meme lately; to be dusty is to exhibit an undesirable mix of laziness and general scrub-like behaviour.)

In one viral clip, she encourages Carter to make space for his feelings so he’ll know it’s normal to express what’s going on inside when he’s in a relationship. “Teaching my son to write down his feelings when he’s upset so your daughter won’t have to deal with his impulsive outbursts,” her caption reads.

Payal Desai/TikTok

“I want to equip my sons with tools in dealing with their emotions, but also let them know that there is always space for them, too,” Desai said.

In another clip, Dev watches as his mom gets rid of peach fuzz above her lip so he’s not weird about women having body hair. “Teaching my son that facial hair on a female is perfectly normal so he never thinks it’s ok to embarrass someone for it,” it reads.

Payal Desai/TikTok

Desai’s video about normalizing female facial hair is particularly popular. “I thank you for this from the bottom of my heart, from someone who was constantly bullied for her peach fuzz and hairy arms/legs,” one woman wrote in the comments.

In another, she reminds Carter it’s important to do an equal share of chores around the house. (You might think younger couples would be more egalitarian in their approach to household chores, but according to studies, you’d be wrong.)

“Teaching my son that dirty clothes go IN the hamper so your daughter doesn’t have to pick his underwear up off the bathroom floor every night,” she typed.

In an interview with HuffPost, Desai said that she and her husband are trying to raise boys who can take care of themselves and not bottle up their emotions.

“Too often boys are told to ‘suck it up’ and hide their true feelings, and eventually, to ‘man up,’” she said. “I want to equip my sons with tools in dealing with their emotions but also let them know that there is always space for them, too.”

Desai was inspired to create the series after watching a comedic TikTok series from Eric Taylor — @girldad_e, as he’s known online — about raising daughters who know their worth and can recognise and steer clear of people’s “dusty sons.”

“I told my sister I wanted to do this trend but from the perspective of a mom of boys, and the first video really took off,” Desai said. “I then realised there was so much ground to cover.”

Payal Desai/TikTok

In another clip, Desai washes dishes with her son so his future partner doesn’t have to “deal with a man who was catered to his whole life.”

Though most of the comments on the videos are supportive (“First boy mom on TikTok that’s not toxic, love to see it,” “Is it too late to send this to my mother in law?”), some have remarked that they found the videos problematic.

“Picking up your underwear, being able to make something to eat for yourself and self regulation are not a favour or a gift to other women or people for that matter,” one woman wrote in an Instagram repost of the videos. “It is the literal bare minimum parents should teach their kids irrespective of gender.”

Desai disagrees with that line of criticism.

“If it were ‘standard,’ then many more people would live their lives according to these lessons,” she said. “The problem is it is not standard, and these are issues of equity we have to start talking about. I know it makes some people feel uncomfortable, but change only happens in discomfort.”

Payal Desai/TikTok

In one video, Desai and her sons Carter, 7, and Dev, 3, watch women’s soccer so “they understand what it means to be an ally to women.”

She has acknowledged feedback about referring to her sons’ future partners, promising to use more inclusive language. By and large, though, the response to the videos has been positive.

“Over the course of a month, my following on the platforms have skyrocketed, and I am so thankful it’s sending this positive message to dispel traditional gender roles and norms,” she said.

Dev and Carter, meanwhile, got a kick out of appearing on “Good Morning Philadelphia” TV show last week while his parents discussed the viral clips.

“Carter especially really got it more after the morning show!” Desai said. “He has enjoyed the recognition and understands the weight it holds.”

To see all of her videos, head to Desai’s TikTok or Instagram page.

Strictly’s Oti Mabuse Gets Candid About One ‘Beautiful Life Lesson’ Pregnancy Has Taught Her

Posted on 01/09/2023 by Boris Clair

Former Strictly Come Dancing professional Oti Mabuse has shared a candid Instagram post about the “huge adjustments” she’s made due to her pregnancy.

Over the weekend, Oti announced that she and her husband, fellow dancer Marius Lepure, are expecting their first child, and in a follow-up Instagram post, revealed she had to take an extended break from dancing early on in her pregnancy due to the nausea it triggered.

“I actually do enjoy working out lately again,” she explained. “In the beginning it was the one thing along with dancing that would cause my nausea so I stayed away for the longest of time.

“This obviously was a huge adjustment for my body, mental health and stamina and came with another huge but beautiful life lesson. I am creating a human being and whatever my body needs I should listen to it.

“But now that I can walk, run [and] lift weights again… I’m excited to get active again.”

Oti joked: “And this new ass… OH MY DAYS. I love it.”

In her original post announcing her pregnancy news, Oti wrote: “This is new for us, scarier than swimming with sharks, jumping off cliffs or even swinging from bridges, but the best news we could have ever asked for.

“We love our little bundle of joy so much already… and can’t wait to see what our future will now look like as family of three plus Leo [the couple’s dog].

“It’s been a beautiful journey so far with close friends and family and nearly over but we have learnt a lot a long the way…. Christmas is about to get even louder.”

The South African performer followed this with a beautiful video in which she was seen sharing her happy news with her husband, Marius, as well as different family members and friends.

Oti is most well-known for her seven-year stint as a professional on Strictly, during which she made TV history as the only dancer to have won the show in two consecutive series.

More recently, she joined the panel of ITV’s Dancing On Ice and served as a judge on The Masked Dancer.

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Category Archives: Parents

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Children can begin to encounter seasoned foods at 7 to 12 months.

Begin by exposing kids to aromatic spices without heat.

When it comes to ‘hot’ foods, wait until your child has the ability to clearly say yes or no.

Gradually add spice to dishes that your child already enjoys.

Be careful with the amount of salt you use.

Don’t force your kid to eat spicy foods, but make these dishes available to them if they want to try again.

If your children help you prepare spicy dishes, take proper precautions.

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I Quit My Job To Stay Home With The Kids — And It’s Not What You’d Expect

Who are today’s stay-at-home mothers?

The full-time mothers of today still face old stereotypes.

What will be the next chapter?

The 1 Bathroom Item You Should Always Lock Away If You Have Toddlers

This Mum Is Going Viral For Teaching Her Sons Life Skills Sans Gender Roles

Strictly’s Oti Mabuse Gets Candid About One ‘Beautiful Life Lesson’ Pregnancy Has Taught Her