7 Sneaky Signs Of Resentment In Relationships

Posted on 20/09/2025 by Boris Clair

Over the course of a relationship, you’ll likely encounter complex and difficult emotions, from jealousy to grief to shame. All sorts of feelings can test a couple’s bond, but one of the more stealth yet destructive emotions is resentment.

“Resentment in a relationship can be toxic and harmful if left unaddressed,” Damona Hoffman, host of The Dates & Mates Podcast, told HuffPost. “It often builds up over time when one or both partners feel hurt, ignored or misunderstood.”

Often in relationships, there’s resentment around unequal division of labor or feeling unappreciated.

“It can begin to occur due to imbalances in your relationship, such as one partner carrying more of the mental load, whether it’s pressure to manage parenting, financial or domestic responsibilities,” said Samantha Burns, a couples therapist and relationship coach.

Resentment can manifest in subtle ways that aren’t always super apparent to your partner – or even to yourself. HuffPost asked Hoffman, Burns and other experts to share some of the sneaky signs of resentment in relationships.

Changes in communication

“Pay attention to shifts in communication and in how you express yourselves and react to one another,” said Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specialising in couples and family therapy. “Is there more sarcasm, more edginess or a negative tone?”

Take a look at what might be happening beneath the surface if you detect changes in the tone, frequency or style of your communication with your partner.

“Signs of resentment can be insidious and small verbal and nonverbal behaviours, such eye-rolling, sighing, criticising, a general lack of respect or value for your partner’s opinions or actions, and invalidation that overtime builds up and overtakes many of your interactions,” Burns said.

Passive-aggressive comments, subtle digs, scoffing and belittling what the other person says can all point to resentment. There could be a sense of moodiness or short closed-end statements that cut off actual conversation as well.

Keeping score

“Partners harbouring resentment may start keeping track of each other’s mistakes or past wrongdoings, using them as ammunition in future conflicts,” Hoffman said.

Sometimes this score-keeping is unspoken, while in other situations it might be more explicitly expressed.

“Someone might be bringing up past grievances frequently, focusing on tit-for-tat,” said Mabel Yiu, a marriage and family therapist and founding director of Women’s Therapy Institute.

There might also be a sense of tracking who is contributing more to keeping things running smoothly or working harder.

“You might feel as if you constantly have to sacrifice your own wants and needs,” said April Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapy associate at Millennial Life Counseling. “You lack empathy for them or their excuses.”

Avoiding spending time together

“It’s healthy for couples to have their own interests and friends they see separately, but if one or both partners seem to be finding excuses to avoid another or get out of spending solo time together, that’s a big red flag,” Hoffman said.

Ask yourself if you’re feeling withdrawn or emotionally disconnected from your partner. Maybe you aren’t interacting as much as you used to.

“Are you avoiding certain conversations or spending time together? Are you making excuses for being less available?” Ross said.

Criticism and blame

“According to Dr. John Gottman, criticism is one of the biggest signs of trouble in a relationship,” Hoffman explained.

Indeed, his “four horsemen” of a relationship apocalypse are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.

“Are you feeling more critical of your partner’s family, close friends, work situation – and do you find yourself judging, complaining or nitpicking – or vice versa?” Ross asked. “Do you find yourself feeling superior – ‘what is wrong with him/her? I would never do something like that.’ Do you feel contemptuous instead of mildly annoyed when your partner is late, or doesn’t clean up, or any number of small things?”

Take note if the way you deal with conflict and differences has shifted to a more critical approach.

“Another sign of resentment is blaming – making the other person the scapegoat for their unhappiness,” Yiu said.

Complaining behind their back

In addition to frequently nitpicking or complaining to your partner about things they do, a sign of resentment might involve how you talk about your partner to other people.

“Do you find yourself complaining behind your partner’s back, assuming the worst instead of the best of a particular miscommunication or conflict?” Ross said.

A little venting to your friends here and there is fine, but pay attention if it starts to feel excessive. Are you only talking about your partner as though they’re a terrible person?

“Oftentimes when someone is resentful in a relationship, they may have less empathy for their partner,” said Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes.

Resentment has a tendency to bubble to the surface in one way or another.

Emotional outbursts or coldness

“Resentment is clever in the way it masks itself as anger,” Henry said. “You may think you’re upset with your partner for not unloading the dishwasher, but soon realize the gradual build-up of unmet expectations has actually turned to resentment. Resentment may have crept its way into your relationship if you find yourself in a continuous loop of feeling increasingly irritable around them.”

Resentment can manifest in emotional outbursts or cold behaviour as those pent-up feelings are released. Resist the urge to boil these deeper issues down to pure anger or sadness.

“You may find an increase of conflict about small things that always seem to come back to a larger past issue, feelings of disgust and disdain and feelings of overwhelm and high stress,” said Alysha Jeney, a relationship therapist and founder of Modern Love Counselling.

“Oftentimes resentment is a reaction of being overly stressed – being in the fight, flight or freeze part of our nervous system – for an extended period of time and not knowing how to come back to the parasympathetic nervous system of rest and digest. We feel exhausted, stressed and need help, but sometimes don’t know how to get it.”

This can make us more easily angered or annoyed by our partners. We may even villainise them because we don’t feel seen, heard or supported, which could activate inner wounds from our past.

“You might begin to assume that your partner is intentionally trying to anger, annoy or upset you, instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt – which leads to you interacting defensively and perpetuating the negative dynamic,” Burns said.

A change in intimacy

“Resentment can affect physical and emotional intimacy, causing a decline in affection, sex, and emotional connection,” Hoffman said. “I find that couples who get to the point of resentment have actually had a slowing or lack of intimacy for months or even years.”

One or both of you might pull away both emotionally and physically and show less interest in intimacy.

“Ask, are you less interested in sex, affection, being close?” Ross said. “And of course all of this can be true in the reverse as well. Maybe you notice what you’re getting from your partner doesn’t feel quite the same – less tolerance, more distance, less connecting, less prioritising one another.”

Whether you’re experiencing a sense of physical and emotional distance, increased criticism or a temptation to keep score, just remember that resentment does not have to mean the end of a relationship.

“If you detect resentment in your relationship, talk about it as soon as possible,” Needle urged. “As soon as you sense an issue, communicate about it rather than let something fester or an issue go unresolved.”

In addition to fostering healthy communication, she recommended working on forgiveness, gratitude, compassion and finding a middle ground to deal with resentment. If resentment continues to affect your relationship, seek the help of a mental health professional.

Is ‘Marital Hatred’ Really Normal? I Asked Experts

Posted on 01/06/2025 by Boris Clair

“What is ‘normal marital hatred’?” podcast host Tim Ferriss asked on his show recently.

Therapist Terry Real, who coined the term, explained: “The essential rhythm of all relationships is harmony, disharmony, and repair… when you’re in that dark phase, you hate your partner.

“That’s OK. It’s part of the deal… don’t sweat it. You can get through it.”

I have to confess, though I’m not married, I’ve never once felt I hated my long-term partner. I felt a little shocked by the term, but maybe I’m missing a trick?

So, I spoke to Dr Carolina Estevez, a clinical psychologist at SOBA New Jersey, and BACP-registered psychotherapist Daren Banarsë, who owns a private practice in London, about whether the term is as wild as I find it.

Hatred is a strong word, but flickers of frustration are normal

“You can love someone deeply and still have moments where you think, ‘Wow, you are driving me absolutely nuts right now,’” Dr Estevez said.

“That doesn’t mean your relationship is falling apart – it usually just means you’re two people who spend a lot of time together and deal with life’s stress side by side.”

Then, she explained: “There is also relationship OCD, where someone gets stuck obsessing over their relationship, like questioning if they love their partner or panicking when things are not perfect.”

It’s very intense and can be “distressing” – you should seek expert help if you suspect you have it.

Banarsë agrees that “momentary, intense frustration or anger towards a partner is surprisingly common and normal in healthy relationships,” adding he often sees couples “catastrophising” these moments.

“The myth of constant marital bliss can create unrealistic expectations, where any conflict is mistaken for evidence that something is fundamentally wrong,” he added.

How can I tell if my “marital hatred” is concerning?

Both experts agree that flat-out, long-lasting “hatred” is a red flag.

“If those negative thoughts start piling up or turning into constant resentment or emotional distance, that is when it is worth paying attention,” Dr Esteves shared.

″‘Marital hatred’ – if we are talking about those occasional flashes of annoyance or ‘I need five minutes away from you’ – can be part of a normal, functioning relationship [but] when those feelings take over or go unspoken for too long, they become a problem.”

For Banarsë, “the concerning threshold isn’t whether negative feelings occur, but rather their pattern, duration, and impact”.

He explains: “When contempt becomes the dominant emotion, criticism outweighs appreciation, or when negative thoughts lead to emotional withdrawal lasting weeks rather than hours, these are legitimate warning signs.”

So, while he wants to dispel the “myth of perpetual harmony” in marriage, he also suggested regular, overwhelming “hatred” for your spouse is not “normal”.

‘I Stopped Splitting Rent With My Husband After 1 Sentence From My Mother-In-Law. Did I Overreact?

Posted on 12/05/2025 by Boris Clair

Cheating isn’t just limited to romantic partners, experts say – “financial infidelity,” or lying about or concealing money-related issues, can sting just as much.

It can take the form of fibbing about debt, secret spending, and even lying about your secret wealth.

It seems Redditor u/Hexylpuff is going through the latter struggle.

Writing to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here), the 31-year-old asked: “AITAH for finding out I’ve been unknowingly paying rent to my husband and his mom for TWO YEARS?”

So, we spoke to William “Bill” London, a divorce attorney and partner at Kimura London & White LLP, about how to talk money with your spouse.

The couple have been married for two years

The original poster (OP) says she married her husband “Brian” two years ago.

The pair moved into a flat supposedly rented at a discount from a “family friend” after their wedding, and have always split bills evenly. This includes both rent and utilities.

For the poster, this costs about £530 a month (admittedly an amazing deal for a rental).

But OP says that at a barbecue recently, she overheard her mother-in-law say, “It’s nice getting rent from Brian’s place” and “how smart they were to keep it in the family.”

On confronting her husband, OP says she found out her mother-in-law owned the flat and that Brian’s name is also on the papers.

“He never told me. Just let me keep paying rent for two years like a clueless roommate,” she shares.

Apparently, he never told her because “she never asked.” Her husband said she was “overreacting” because the “rent” was so reasonable.

But the poster feels blindsided, saying, “It’s not just the money, it’s the secrecy.”

She ends: “I told him I won’t keep paying until we talk about a fair setup. Now he’s acting like I’m the problem.”

“It crosses the line from privacy to deception”

London tells HuffPost UK that financial strain ends more marriages than most of us realise.

“While every couple sets their own financial boundaries, I believe that in a marriage – especially one involving shared expenses – full financial transparency is not just healthy, it’s essential,” he adds.

In this case, the lawyer thinks that, “When a partner consciously misrepresents important fiscal information to the other, as by pretending to have non-existent housing costs, it crosses the line from privacy to deception.”

This can destroy the trust needed for a healthy marriage, he continues.

“Married couples are expected to be transparent about important financial information,” he advises.

“This doesn’t mean total merging of their finances or the disclosure of all trivial expenses, but hiding ownership of a mortgage-free property and asking a spouse to share in imaginary financial burdens is manipulative behaviour needing a direct confrontation.”

In other words, OP hit the nail on the head when she said the money isn’t the main issue – it’s about respect, trust, and honesty.

‘My Wife Wants Me To Become A Stay-At-Home Dad. Are My Financial Terms Fair?’

Posted on 22/03/2025 by Boris Clair

In a 2020 YouGov poll, 38% of mothers and 14% of fathers said they thought having kids hurt their careers.

That can take the form of reduced hours, taking fewer opportunities, and leaving the workplace entirely, respondents shared. “All of these factors tend to lead to stagnating or lower pay,” YouGov added.

In a now-deleted Reddit post, a site user asked members of r/AITAH (Am I The A**hole Here) whether that trade-off deserved financial compensation from their spouse.

So, we spoke to divorce lawyer and CEO of OW Lawyers Michelle O’Neil about whether the demands were fair.

A father wants a share of his wife’s property in return for becoming a stay-at-home dad

The post author said his pregnant wife, who makes substantially more money than he does, told him he was expected to become a stay-at-home dad when their first child was born.

The suggestion – which had not been discussed with the father beforehand – left the poster uneasy because he didn’t like how that might play out in the event of a divorce.

When he brought this up to his wife, he suggested she offer him a share of her property as a safety net in return for the career stagnation, lack of pay, and financial insecurity the lifestyle change could expose him to.

She didn’t seem comfortable with the arrangement, leading the poster to wonder whether or not his demands were unfair.

A divorce lawyer said his demand makes sense

O’Neil said that in her decades-long career, she’s seen firsthand “how decisions like this can create significant financial disadvantages for the spouse who steps away from their career”.

“While becoming a stay-at-home parent is a deeply personal decision, it must be made with full awareness of the long-term financial risks,” she continued, “particularly in the event of a divorce.”

Additionally, the divorce lawyer calls the discussion – or lack thereof – around the change a “red flag”.

“When one spouse dictates a major life change rather than engaging in a collaborative discussion, it often signals deeper power imbalances in the relationship which lead to bigger issues,” she told HuffPost UK.

“Decisions about career sacrifices, parenting roles, and financial security should be mutual, not unilateral.”

Explaining that staying home to look after a child can lead to a loss of earning potential, a smaller pension, a lack of asset equality, and financial dependence, O’Neil said the husband’s request for equity in the home is “a smart negotiation move”.

Though not everyone can offer a share of their home to mitigate those risks, the divorce lawyer advised: “Marriage is a partnership, and both spouses’ contributions – financial and otherwise – must be valued and protected.

“If one spouse makes a career sacrifice, the financial risks should be acknowledged and mitigated before the decision is made, not after.”

11 Early Signs Your Relationship Is Quietly Falling Apart

Posted on 14/03/2025 by Boris Clair

A 2011 meta-analysis of studies found that marriage doesn’t actually make couples happier ― if your relationship with your partner wasn’t great before the big day, their research says, it likely won’t become that way afterwards.

That’s why Evon Inyang, a licensed associate marriage and family therapist and the founder of ForwardUs Counselling previously told HuffPost UK that it’s important not to go along with a failing relationship for the sake of it.

There’s no need to settle for unhappiness “just because invitations have been sent out, the dress has been bought and deposits have been paid,” she wrote.

Still, many of us struggle to recognise when our relationship is “off.” So it’s a good thing u/one-droplet recently asked the netizens of r/AskReddit: “What are the early signs of a failing relationship that most people ignore?”

Here are some of the most-upvoted responses:

1) “Not wanting to talk to them about things you find interesting because you feel their reaction will ruin it.”

Credit: u/Oograsti

2) “In my experience, when you stop imagining a future together, that’s how you know it won’t last.”

Credit: u/PurpleDreamer28

3) “When you love the memories more than the person standing in front of you.”

Credit: u/dragonzander1

4) “Only one person doing all the work.”

Credit: u/Slick_Nick420

5) “I used to slow down at work just so I would have to work late even though I wasn’t getting paid for it.”

“Did this for years before I finally decided to leave my ex.”

Credit: u/AwkwardlyTwisted

6) “When you stop arguing with your spouse. Not because things are good but because it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Credit: u/AwkwardlyTwisted

7) “When conversations become minimal or surface-level, it can indicate a deeper disconnect.”

Credit: u/LaylaLoyal3

8) “If a partner is too busy for you then they’ve found something more important than you.”

“If you’re of importance to someone, they’ll make time for you.”

Credit: u/saqreye

9) “Indifference. When you really have no emotional response to each other.”

“This the death of a relationship.”

Credit: u/dma1965

10) “When you stop sharing the little things — random thoughts, funny memes, or how their day went.”

“When the small talk disappears, the connection starts fading.”

Credit: u/GreedyFig6373

11) “Feeling annoyed when you know you have to see them in the evening. Or when you hear them chewing.”

“Or when they start talking and you just wish they would stop soon. Feeling annoyed when they kiss or hug you or give you affection. You might not even know you are annoyed.

“You just get that heavy feeling in your chest when you have to be in their vicinity. You hear an ‘ugh’ go through your mind.”

Credit: u/Brynhild

Do you agree with these or have any thoughts to add?

You Ask, Experts Answer: ‘My Husband Lent £7,500 To His Mother Without Telling Me’

Posted on 04/03/2025 by Boris Clair

In a recent Reddit post shared by Twigs-Rain, the Redditor explained that their “husband lent all of our money to his mother” without telling them recently.

They explained that they’d recently totalled their main car, and while their family had a backup vehicle, it wasn’t big enough for their kids and was often used by their husband for work.

So, they saved up enough for a new vehicle, but their bank didn’t let them withdraw as much as they needed in one day.

To solve the problem, the poster’s husband “transferred the money to his mother’s bank so she could get the money or a cashier’s check out for us.”

Unbeknownst to the poster, though, their mother-in-law needed that £7,500-odd to pay her employees (she’s a business owner).

Without the poster’s knowledge, their husband turned what was meant to be a transfer into a loan ― and started turning down every car the poster showed her, leaving her confused and without transport.

“The fact that they made the plan together, didn’t consult me, and then hid it from me for a week really pisses me off,” the author wrote.

“It’s now been 15 days, and she still hasn’t paid us back. He says she’s waiting for a bank loan to come through. I feel like at this point she’s more of his wife than I am.”

We spoke to relationship expert Sofie Roos and Leah Levi, a psychologist and relationships expert at the safety-first dating app Flure, about what to do if your spouse lends money without your permission or even knowledge.

This is called “financial infidelity”

Just as affairs can be emotional as well as physical, Levi told HuffPost UK that your partner can “betray” you with money too.

“This kind of secrecy about money is called financial infidelity,” she explained.

“Like emotional or sexual infidelity, financial infidelity can create distance between partners and weaken their connection. It can also cause one partner to feel left out and lead to doubts about honesty in other areas of the relationship.”

Roos says that “money is one of the most sensitive topics in a relationship”, adding that a financial misalignment “can really cause relationship problems.”

Money can be tied with respect, loyalty, priority, safety, and equity in your relationship.

So, Levi says, “If your partner is lending money to friends or family without telling you, it can feel like a betrayal and damage trust in your relationship.”

What can I do if the betrayal has already happened?

Both experts agree with Levi’s advice, to “talk about your financial expectations as a couple and set clear boundaries.”

This is a clear case of the husband overstepping what should have been an obvious “boundary”, however.

If this is the case, you need to let your partner know that what they did hurt you, Roos said.

“Then ask them what their thoughts are about this, let them explain why they did what they did and how they view it now when they know how it made you feel.”

“From there, you can come up with a plan for how to deal with money overall, but also on how to deal with situations like the one you just were in, something that can re-build your thrust and minimise the risk of something like this happening again.”

As with any other boundary, if your clearly-stated financial needs are being ignored over and over again, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.

People Are Sharing How Their In-Laws Are P*ssing Them Off At Christmas, And I’ve Got My Popcorn Ready

Posted on 25/12/2024 by Boris Clair

A 2018 study found that about 10% of Millenials were hoping their in-laws would disinvite them from Christmas dinner at the last moment.

Regardless of which age group you’re in, you may know the feeling ― whether you outright hate your in-laws or just wish for the comfort of your own Crimbo traditions, it’s no secret some struggle to deal with spouses’ parents at Christmas.

If you’re among them, I can at least assure you you’re far from alone.

In a post shared to the Reddit forum r/AskUK, site user u/ohshititsthefuzz asked: “What have the in-laws done to annoy you over the Christmas period?”.

Here are some of the most-upvoted responses:

1) “Bought my toddler a gigantic John Deere ride-on tractor toy which is now taking up my entire lounge.”

2) “My MIL bought me a hair brush set. I have alopecia.”

“And I shave the rest so definitely do not need it. She also bought my male partner I floral bath bomb and a Christmas candle set. She does it on my purpose and it winds me up because my partner spends so much time looking for the perfect gifts for them!” Abz75

3) “Mother-in-law (who lives in a posh apartment and dresses in Gucci) arrived at my daughter’s for Christmas day. Her contribution was a bottle of lime cordial.”

“Which she took home with her.” u/cloche_du_fromage

4) “My in-laws are great but God the food is mediocre.”

“Can’t wait to get down to my mum’s for a real spread.” r/luala

5) “Called me fat. Even though I’ve lost weight since knee replacement surgery in October.”

“I’m doing my best.” u/EuroBella

6) “Gifted us a family photo. Without me in it.”

u/DontCatchThePigeon

7) “Tried to physically take my newborn from me after I’d already said no to holding him.”

u/Chinateapott

8) “They turned up just in time to sit on their arses scrolling for an hour while we prepared both days’ Christmas meals, and returned to the couch immediately when it was time to clear up.”

“Then when we’d waited until after lunch and a walk to open the presents so that everyone would be there, they decided they needed a snack and made the rest of the family sit waiting for them to work out where the snacks were, then they returned with their snack without even considering asking if anyone else wanted anything.” u/bluntbangs

9) “Argued that all TV on Christmas day had to be live, and not recorded months before.”

u/hundreddollar

10) “MIL saw the mountain of ingredients and other things I had bought for Christmas dinner and desserts. She was happy with our plan and didn’t want to change anything.”

“As I’m assembling a massive trifle (made from scratch), after cooking for hours, she waltzes in with a huge jelly dessert and a prepared ham under the other arm.

There’s obviously no room in the fridge and of course, absolutely no way the FOUR of us will be in any way able to eat all of it.

I didn’t say anything of course but I’m mightily pissed off.” u/daniel625

11) “We woke up early to FaceTime them when they were all together for Christmas and my MIL then spent 25 minutes going one by one through the Christmas cards one of them made with AI.”

“She’d already shared all of the images via text.” u/annedroiid

Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments!

5 Not-So-Obvious Signs You Might Be Headed For Divorce

Posted on 07/09/2024 by Boris Clair

Even the healthiest long-term relationships have their fair share of ups and downs. So how do you know when you’re wading through some choppy-but-temporary waters versus when the relationship is seriously in decline?

We asked couples therapists to share some of the not-so-obvious signs a marriage may be heading toward divorce. Here’s what to look out for, according to our experts:

1. You’ve stopped fighting with each other

This one may seem counterintuitive at first because many people believe that less arguing is indicative of a relationship’s strength, said Los Angeles marriage and family therapist Abigail Makepeace.

But when a couple no longer has a desire to hash out their issues, it may indicate they’ve become emotionally disengaged.

“The absence of conflict might suggest that one or both partners no longer see the relationship as worth fighting for or, in a broader sense, as worth saving,” Makepeace told HuffPost. “If one partner stops complaining without any resolution to the underlying issues, it could be a sign that they have given up on the relationship and are preparing to leave.”

West Los Angeles clinical psychologist David Narang said he has observed this while working with male patients in heterosexual marriages. At first, their wives may express their sadness and anger when they feel deprived of emotional connection. This generates conflict and gets the husbands’ attention. But when the wives stop sharing their frustrations, the husbands are often relieved. They figure all is well in the marriage‚ but this assumption is “an error with tragic consequences,” Narang told HuffPost.

“In this situation, the wife has not calmed because all is well, but rather because she has given up, is disengaged, and is beginning to live an emotionally separate life,” he continued.

“This makes the marriage extremely fragile because she has given up getting nourishment from the marriage, and thus, she has less and less investment in it. As such, she is much more likely to react by filing for divorce when something goes wrong,” he said.

2. Your lives have become more and more separate

It’s normal and healthy for partners to maintain some independence within a marriage — whether that’s having their own friendships, career aspirations or hobbies. A “growing sense of division,” however, can be a warning sign that the marriage is in decay, Makepeace said.

“In couples experiencing trouble, the trend toward spending more time apart may not just reflect a healthy balance but rather a preference for living separate lives,” she said. “This increasing separation often points to a deeper disconnect and a diminished desire to share experiences together.”

3. You’re not transparent with one another

Marriage and family therapist Marni Feuerman in Boca Raton, Florida, draws a distinction between privacy and secrecy in a relationship, telling HuffPost: “Privacy is about personal boundaries, while secrecy is about intentionally hiding something.”

If partners have been intentionally keeping secrets from one another, it may signal the marriage is inching toward divorce.

“A lack of trust might be a more obvious reason but there may be more ‘under-the-radar’ type reasons as well,” she said. “For example, one or both of you are more avoidant of intimacy or less willing to take emotional risks with each other so you do not disclose as much about your activities and inner thoughts with your partner. This will certainly erode the emotional connection between you.”

4. You rarely talk about the future

When couples stop discussing their goals or plans for the future, it may indicate a “lack of desire to grow and experience life together,” Makepeace said.

“This absence of future planning often arises from a sense of complacency, where partners become overly comfortable with the present and lose motivation to improve or evolve their relationship,” she continued.

“Consequently, feelings of stagnation can set in, leading to boredom, a lack of personal and relational growth, and general unhappiness.”

Over time, if a couple can no longer imagine a fulfilling future life together, it can “prompt a reevaluation of the relationship, potentially leading to separation,” Makepeace added.

5. You confide more in other people more than you do in your spouse

Another less obvious sign is if you find yourself opening up to a friend, co-worker or relative than you do your spouse, Feuerman said.

“An intimate bond isn’t built with your partner if you don’t bring your inner world to them regularly, including your dreams, hopes, fears, and so on,” she said. “If someone else knows more about you than your spouse, this is a bad sign for the marriage. Perhaps some solid boundaries need to be put in place with others and more emotional energy put toward your marriage?”

One important note here: Too often, unhappy partners don’t tell their spouse how miserable they are “until it’s almost too late,” marriage and family therapist Becky Whetstone in Little Rock, Arkansas, told HuffPost. That’s why it’s so important to speak up when you’re struggling rather than bottling it up. And don’t hesitate to lean on outside resources — such as books and professional counselling — to help you rebuild and strengthen the relationship.

“There is so much to know about having a great marriage,” Whetstone said. “People can’t expect you to wing it; you have to be mindful and deliberate. I tell couples to dig in with a good therapist, let them be their teachers and learn the skills. It’s so worth it.”

Mistakes Brides Make When Shopping For Their Wedding Dress

Posted on 22/06/2024 by Boris Clair

Shopping for that special dress is one of the most memorable experiences in the wedding planning process. It can also be incredibly overwhelming as you wade through endless styles, fabrics and opinions.

“Wedding dress shopping entails a deeply emotional journey, especially for those experiencing it for the first time,” Anna Ramirez, head of design at Pronovias, told HuffPost. “The process serves as a learning curve for many brides, as initial perceptions of gown styles often evolve during fittings, revealing what truly complements their body and boosts their confidence. It is common for brides to discover a style they hadn’t anticipated as their own.”

As the popularity of shows like “Say Yes to the Dress” have shown, there’s no shortage of opportunities for fun and drama in the world of bridal gowns.

To help keep any stress at bay, we asked wedding dress experts to share some common mistakes they see people making as they shop for their special day. Read on for the biggest missteps to avoid and some advice for making the wedding dress shopping process as enjoyable as possible:

Bringing Too Many People

“When you bring all of your friends and family to your appointment, you run the risk of being overwhelmed by too many opinions — even the well-intentioned ones,” said Nikki Deeds, global brand director at Allure Bridals. “Your mother-in-law may only like ballgowns, while your sister loves a vintage silhouette, and your mom insists on a traditional long sleeved lace gown like the one she wore in 1985. It’s hard enough to find the perfect dress, so why overcomplicate things with too many voices?”

She recommended bringing only a couple of people who make you feel your most relaxed and beautiful on the main shopping journey and then inviting the larger group to a final fitting or other appointment after you’ve said “yes” to your dream dress.

“Filter down your guest count to two people who are very close to you, that you have a very comfortable, loving relationship with,” echoed bridal designer Katherine Tash. “You need people cheering you on and wanting what’s best for you, not criticising or bringing down the energy.”

Wearing The Wrong Undergarments

“Don’t wear bright coloured underwear,” Tash advised. “It seems like it would be common sense to wear skin tone, but I consistently see brides forget and then become distracted by the colour showing through and asking if the gown is see-through.”

Wear a thong or seamless panty that blends in with your skin tone. Many brides opt for a well-fitting nude strapless bra or pasties, and some shop in shapewear as well.

“The right undergarments can significantly impact how a dress looks and feels,” said designer and Studio Levana founder Evgenia Shimanov. “Consider these elements when trying on dresses to get a complete picture. Nowadays, there are plenty of options for bras, spanks and other supportive undergarments.”

Shopping Without An Open Mind

“You may think you know exactly what you want in a wedding look, but I can’t tell you how many people change their mind after they try on ‘the one,’” Deeds said. “I’ve seen many a chic minimalist melt at the sight of themselves in a lacy ballgown, so never say never! Try on a bit of everything and see how you feel before narrowing your search on to one particular aesthetic.”

Look at your first appointment as an opportunity to experiment with different silhouettes, necklines, fabrics, embellishments, etc. Remember that clothes look very different on a hanger or even a mannequin than they do on your body.

“Keep an open mind to unexpected choices that may surprise you,” Shimanov said. “Try on a variety of styles, including those you may not have initially considered.”

Trying On Dresses Outside Your Budget

“My number one tip is simple: Start with the budget,” Deeds said. “Don’t fall prey to trying on the gorgeous but expensive gown featured in the shop window. There is absolutely always going to be something you’ll love in your price range, but if you fall head over heels for an out of budget gown from the start, it’s really hard to come back from that.”

Before you start putting on dresses, get real about your budget, taking into account the cost of accessories like the veil as well.

“I know learning something is out of budget can be annoying and sometimes triggering, but it’s best to do some research and learn what designers or bridal salons are in budget and which ones aren’t before your appointment,” said Leah Langley-McClean, founder and CEO of elleNelle Bridal. “This can help save time for all parties involved and eliminate some disappointment. Most stores and designers will publish a price range of their dresses or the typical spend of their clients, and a safe strategy is to shop where you fall in the middle of that range.”

It's important to establish a budget before trying on dresses. — It’s important to establish a budget before trying on dresses.

Waiting Too Long To Start

“With the popularity of fast fashion, some brides make the mistake of shopping too close to their wedding date which limits the selection of designer dresses they can purchase and have altered before the wedding,” said Marissa Rubinetti, executive vice president and chief operating officer at Kleinfeld Bridal. “Brides should shop for their wedding dress nine to 12 months prior.”

Shopping for a wedding dress too late in the process means limiting your options and also potentially having to pay big rush fees.

“Keep in mind that veils and accessories also require time, especially if you’re considering customisation options,” Shimanov said.

Forgetting About Alterations

Another reason it’s important to get an early start is to give yourself enough time for alterations. It usually takes a few fittings to ensure the dress fits perfectly to your body, and looks and feels the way you want.

“Allow eight to 10 weeks before the wedding for the first alteration appointment,” Rubinetti said.

Don’t forget about those all-important alterations as you calculate the timing and costs involved in your wedding dress shopping.

“Always account for the cost of alterations when determining your wedding dress budget,” Langley-McClean said. “It’s rare that your dress will fit perfectly, even with a made-to-measure dress. Our bodies are all different and alterations allow you to perfectly contour the dress to the unique shape of your body,” pointing out that alterations can add $300 to $1,000 to the cost of the dress.

She also advised getting in touch with an alterations specialist before shopping if you’re on a tight deadline and buying off the rack.

“They may even be able to jump on the phone with you during your appointment,” Langley-McClean added. “You want something that can be easily altered. The last thing you want to do is find yourself buying a dress 10 sizes too big and thinking the alterations process will be simple. I’m here to tell you, it won’t be.”

Not Doing Your Research

“I always think it helps to be prepared for any situation you’re entering into that can feel high pressure,” Tash said. “So do a little research on what your true style is, and research a store’s stock beforehand to understand which pieces from a designer the store carries.”

Before going to shops, you can gather style inspiration and get a preliminary sense of your vision from Pinterest, bridal blogs, influencers and more.

“Explore local flagship stores of preferred brands or nearby retailers listed on the brand’s website to try on specific gowns of interest,” Ramirez said. “Compile a list of preferred styles and brand names before your appointment. Sharing this information with the store in advance can help them better understand your preferences.”

Overshopping

“Do not overshop!” Rubinetti said. “Trying on wedding dresses can be exhausting. You should not plan more than two appointments in one day.”

She recommended shopping at a bridal salon with a range of styles you love to allow for some variety, at least at the beginning. Going from store to store and trying on gown after gown can get overwhelming and turn what should be a fun experience into a chore.

“Furthermore, it’s advisable to refrain from exploring other gown options after making a purchase,” Ramirez said. “Continuously browsing can sow doubt and undermine the confidence in your chosen gown. Once you have found the dress that resonates with you, trust that decision and avoid second-guessing. Fashion trends may evolve, but the key is to remember the joy and certainty you felt when you said ‘yes’ to your dress.”

Ultimately, you want to strike a balance and follow the process that feels right for you.

Julie Sabatino, a wedding stylist and author of “Dressed, Styled, and Down the Aisle: Becoming a Stylish Bride,” recommended figuring out what type of decision-maker you are. Do you need to feel as though you’ve explored every option before deciding, or do you only need to see a sample to make a decision and feel good about it?

“I’ve spoken with SO many brides that tell me they were pressured into purchasing a dress that they weren’t sure about and didn’t feel comfortable in on their wedding day, or worse, they bought another one right before the wedding,” Sabatino said.

Deferring Too Much To Others

“Prioritise your opinion when making decisions about your gown,” Ramirez said. “While input from your entourage can be valuable, remember that this day is about your preferences and feeling your best in your chosen dress.”

Listen to your gut when assessing whether or not you like a particular gown, not what other people say or what’s trendy at the moment.

“I always tell my brides to follow their instincts and follow their own vision and not someone else’s,” said fashion designer and creative director Monique Lhuillier. “A bride that stays true to her personal style and feels happy and confident on her special day will glow from within!”

Engaging In Negative Self-Talk

“Brides come to appointments and sometimes they are their own worst critic ― focusing on all their flaws and being hyper-critical of their body,” Langley-McClean said. “When those not-so-nice intrusive thoughts creep in and you’re about to go on a self-deprecating bender, I want to encourage brides to immediately stop and think about what it is that you do like about yourself, and say that instead. Yes, we all have our insecurities, but we don’t need to be mean to ourselves about it.”

The wedding dress experience understandably brings a lot of things people are self-conscious about to light, especially when it comes to the shape and size of their bodies. Ramirez emphasised keeping sizes and other numbers out of your mind as the consultant takes your measurements and places your order, especially because these gowns tend to run smaller than standard street size clothing.

“Size is merely a number, and the aim is to procure a gown that fits the bride at her largest measurement, with subsequent alterations tailoring the gown to her specific body shape,” she explained.

And don’t hesitate to talk to the consultant about any areas of sensitivity, whether it’s about physical insecurities or another issue that will affect the shopping experience.

“Be honest with your sales associate and let them know if you have any concerns that they should know about,” advised bridal stylist Jackie Avrumson.

Having Unrealistic Or Unclear Expectations

“While this is your time to live out your bridal fantasy, some real world considerations will help you pick the best dress for your wedding,” said Daniel Sanchez, creative director at Azazie.

He emphasised the importance of considering budget and season. These elements will also help you develop a clear wedding day vision.

“A lot of details will impact your wedding dress decision ― location, venue terrain, time of day and overall theme,” Sanchez explained. “Shop once you have selected your venue and theme. While shopping on the fly seems fun, many brides later find themselves last minute shopping for another option more in line with their wedding planning.”

The weather is particularly crucial, as choosing a dress without taking that into consideration can lead to physical discomfort.

“A heavy, ornate gown might not suit a beach wedding, and a lightweight dress might be inappropriate for a winter ceremony,” Shimanov said. “Select a dress that not only looks stunning but also feels comfortable to wear throughout your wedding day. Comfort is essential for enjoying every moment without distraction. Ensure the dress allows you to move freely and makes you feel completely at ease.”

Forgetting To Enjoy It

“So many brides feel disappointed if they don’t find THE dress at the first visit,” Deeds said. “Try to prioritise the journey, not the destination — enjoy the champagne, and time with family and friends, even if it takes two or three trips to your local bridal shops.”

Try to cherish the exciting moments throughout your wedding planning process. It’s meant to be happy, not stressful, so maintain some perspective.

“Remember that dress shopping is such a fun part of getting married,” Tash said. “And the best is yet to come after you walk down the aisle.”

This Is Why Preparing For Divorce Is The Most Romantic Thing You Can Do

Posted on 10/06/2024 by Boris Clair

You’ve said your vows, celebrated with your loved ones and now all that’s left to do after your wedding is, uh, prepare for divorce?

According to a barrister at 4PB, Rhiannon Lloyd, this is exactly what you should be doing and, in fact, it’s the most romantic thing you could do for one another as a married couple.

Speaking exclusively with HuffPost UK, Lloyd said: “The reality of divorce, its brutality, cost and the damage it can inflict, if not handled correctly, on children and families is something any prospective spouses should seriously think about.

“The importance of planning for the eventuality of a split, and minimising it’s impact on you and any future children is underestimated.”

Lloyd wisely added: “What could be more romantic than trying to ensure that you have the best possible chance of remaining a positive presence in each other’s lives and the lives of your future children post any future divorce?”

Well, yes.

How to financially plan for a potential divorce

The barrister recommends that couple start a ‘divorce fund’ to financially see them through any divorce proceedings and ensure that neither party are left out of pocket.

Lloyd explained: “Whereas prenups plan for management of asset division, they don’t ordinarily address contribution to a fund to manage the cost of any eventual divorce process.

“This is now changing and many couples are opting to make joint (or sole) contributions into a divorce fund as well. A fund is set aside, earmarked for the costs ( or even settlement) of any future divorce often in line with the prenup’s provisions.”

As for how much you should put in a divorce fund? Well, Lloyd says that a ‘sensible’ starting point is £100k. Quite unfathomable to most of us, especially during a cost of living crisis.

However, while this sum may make you gulp, Lloyd warned: “It’s important to point out though that even in modest asset cases costs can spiral into the hundreds of thousands when people litigate unreasonably.”

Eye-watering.

As for the how, Lloyd said: “Any fund would have to be an Escrow or joint mandate account where neither party could withdraw without the consent of the other.

“It would also be sensible, either as part of a prenup, or by way of a separate written agreement, to set out the terms under which either party could utilise sums from the fund, how any excess was to be treated and the parties’ intentions in respect of the fund generally.”