Whether you identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer, it’s hard to be happy when you have to lie about who you are. For many LGBTQ+ people, coming out as their true gender or sharing their sexuality comes fraught with fear over how family members will react, whether they’ll lose friends once they bring their authentic selves into the light, or if their workplace, church or community will look at them differently.
But no matter how difficult, the closet is no place for a person to truly live. Five people from across the LGBTQ+ spectrum share their coming-out stories, to unfurl the beautiful array of experiences the journey entails.
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Sammy Altman
Sammy Altman
It took me a while to realise that I was in fact gay. I grew up without ever interacting with anyone who was LGBTQ+, and I thought for a long time that I was just strange and didn’t want to have sex. I then realised that I just didn’t want to have sex with a guy.
I was about 20. I told my sisters first who both were really kind and supportive, and encouraged me to tell my mum, but I was incredibly nervous. I’m Jewish and from a tight-knit community, so I wasn’t sure how my parents would react.
My Mum was on a holiday so I decided that would be a great time to tell her. I Skyped her with both of my sisters and I panicked and couldn’t say anything. I handed the phone to one of my sisters and she told my Mum, who hung up and for a long time it was difficult, and she wasn’t accepting.
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I had a few coming out stories because I had to come out to my Mum and then I was silenced, having to come out to my dad and family separately. My Dad was really accepting. Yet, still my partner and I were not invited to family events and we were not allowed to tell my extended family.
Eventually they came to realise that they either accepted me for who I am, or they were going to lose me. So, 12 years later I’m now engaged and getting married in December to my fiancé Rachael, and my parents are very accepting towards her and treat her no differently to how my sister’s partners are treated.
At the time, I was ashamed. I wish I wasn’t, and now if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then fuck off. That’s not my problem!
Zoey Allen
Zoey Allen
I came out in January 2019. After years of fighting who I was, I finally discovered the language to describe how I felt and figured it was time to truly embrace who I was. I nearly came out to my wife at the time on so many occasions, but fear of losing my family put me off. I over masculinised, with tattoos, shaved head, big beard and some muscles, but it only made me more depressed.
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I began dressing up in more feminine outfits for parties, shaved my beard and began losing weight. I had no other way of controlling how I looked and couldn’t put it into words.
Although my wife and I are no longer together, when I came out to her, she was there for me, particularly, in the early days and our children truly accepted me.
We began working on our blog www.ourtransitionallife.com and socials which I now solely run, talking about my journey and other LGBTQIA+ issues.
I lost a few friends and family members along the way due to a lack of understanding, but now at nearly 42 and four and a half years into my transition, I have not only reconnected with some, but I have a whole new LGBTQIA+ family who support me.
Sam Thomas (he/him)
Sam Thomas
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The word gay was a slur when I was at school. Being effeminate with mullet-like hair, I stood out. For years, I was called gay, which meant I was disliked. Over time, the bullying went from verbal insults into physical violence. I’d hide in the boy’s toilets where I knew I wouldn’t be found. By sixteen, the bullying subsided. I guess to an extend I earned their respect for standing up for myself.
It was only at college did I realise what gay meant. There was a guy the same age as me, who I had a huge crush on. Back in 2002, when homophobia was rife, I had never met an openly gay guy before, but he was out & proud. This was when the penny dropped, and I realised fancying boys meant I was gay.
When I came out to my friend, she said, ‘I know. We all did back at school!’ It seemed everyone knew I was gay but me. She was the first person I spoke to about my sexuality and came out as lesbian soon after. We forget that coming out isn’t just giving ourselves permission to become our true selves. It’s also about giving others permission to become the people they’ve always yearned to be too.
Maria Eilersen (she/they)
Maria Eilersen
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I came out to myself on a yoga teacher training in the Guatemalan jungle. I was in my late twenties and had just been made redundant from my corporate job. Not wanting there to be too glaring a gap in my CV but craving an eat-pray-love solo trip, I’d opted for a YTT abroad instead of a yoga retreat.
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Spending three weeks immersed entirely in spiritual practice, surrounded by strangers who cared little about my life and career back in London, I was able to fully be myself for the first time without labels or expectations. That freedom allowed me to admit I was falling for one of the fellow yogis, and finally feel safe enough to accept that I’m queer. My solo travels supported this integration before I got home and felt ready to come out to friends and my sister. It took another six months and getting my first serious girlfriend for me to eventually come out to the rest of my family in Denmark.
Looking back, there were so many earlier signs of my bisexuality, but it took being stripped of societal expectations in the jungle to feel safe enough to finally explore it.
Moe Ari Brown (they/them or he/him)
Moe Ari Brown
Having been assigned female at birth and a biologically identical twin, I was also assigned a life plan and role within the world before I’d opened my eyes. My childhood was filled with listening to others’ expectations and receiving praise for trying to live up to them, forgetting how to live on my own terms. Despite my success in adulthood, I couldn’t seem to feel the joy I was supposed to feel at what everybody thought was the peak of my life. Enough was enough, and I embarked on a journey to understand why I felt this way.
I allowed myself to realise that I am transgender non-binary and discovered that losing my facade was the only way to experience joy truly. It was difficult to accept that I would no longer receive validation for meeting the expectations of others, especially when those expectations were about being like my twin. I experienced a kind of grief when I began to shed the layers of the persona I’d built based on those expectations – like when I first cut my hair.
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For years, my long hair was one of the prominent ways that people identified me and my sister. They’d frequently refer to us as “the tall twins with the long hair.” In January 2015, the day I decided to cut my hair was one that I’ll never forget. It’s then I jumped straight into figuring out who I am as Moe Ari.
I’d recently made my relationship official with my then girlfriend, now wife, after knowing her for about three years. I was nearing the end of my graduate program in family therapy, and I was finally in a place where I was ready to be my full self with myself and in a romantic partnership. I came out to my parents as “queer” about a month later and began the process of coming out as transgender non-binary about a year after that.
I’m a work in progress, but when I learn new things about myself, I welcome others into celebrating with me rather than seeing it as “coming out” because I try to live my life now as though there are no walls and no closets to come out of.
Huge crowds marched together through the centre of the capital on Saturday as part of London Trans Pride.
According to model and activist Munroe Bergdorf, more than 20,000 people joined the march, which went from Wellington Arch by Hyde Park to Soho Square.
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Protesters wrote powerful messages on signs to mark the occasion including “Take Down the Cis-Tem” and “Trans Lives are Sacred”.
The joyous event, which came one week after London Pride, celebrated trans rights after a particularly difficult year which has seen the government – and “gender critical feminists” – put the trans community in the spotlight.
The U-turn was denounced as targeting an already marginalised group, especially as it was announced on Trans Day of Visibility.
The Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) also called for the Scottish government to pause its reforms to the Gender Recognition Act, as well as pushing for Westminster to delay reforms to conversion therapy for trans and intersex people.
A spokesperson for London Trans+ Pride said: “The irony is not lost on us, this is an abhorrent and deliberate attack.”
They added: “The EHRC is actively damaging human rights for trans people.
“We deserve better: London Trans Pride is calling for the EHRC to be abolished. We march to demand the legal recognition of non-binary, intersex and gender nonconforming people.”
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’Boris, bye!′
Trans actress Yasmin Finney, known for starring as Elle in Netflix’s Heartstopper and for her upcoming role in Doctor Who, also gave an emotional speech to a large crowd.
She said she felt “so connected to my community” adding: “If the government is trying to eradicate us, we’re all here and we’re just duplicating.”
She continued: “Boris, I hope you see Heartstopper, I hope you see Doctor Who, because I exist. And I know you know I exist. We all exist. And we’re not going anywhere!”
Trans author Charlie Craggs also gave Johnson a shout-out in her speech at Trans Pride, referencing her all-black outfit and saying they were there to celebrate” the end of the political life” of the prime minister.
“When it comes to thinking what I want to say about this man who has been consistently transphobic, homophobic, all the phobics, er it was really hard to summarise it in a few words, but I think I found two words to sum it up and those two words are: ha, ha.”
She continued: “I’m so tired of being fucking sad. Being happy is the biggest finger up to these people, they don’t want you to be happy – they don’t even want you to be alive.
“So being happy and alive is the biggest fuck you to these people. So go home after this Pride and be fucking happy – you deserve it.”
Mark Kerrison via Getty Images
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Mark Kerrison via Getty Images
Mark Kerrison via Getty Images
‘Things ARE changing’
Munroe Bergdorf wrote about the march on her Instagram account, asking why there was so little reporting around such a major event.
She pointed out that “it speaks volumes” that this was not covered it in the mainstream media, claiming trans rights only come up when presented as part of a “culture war”.
But, she added: “Things ARE changing, but trans joy doesn’t sell papers. Transphobia sells. Fear sells. Hate sells. Resist.”
Steph McGovern is recalling her recent night out at the launch of ABBA’s Voyage live show and is being typically down-to-earth about the fact she was considered a VIP guest.
“I felt quite honoured actually. I was like ‘how did I manage to blag this?’”
It’s this genuine “she’s-one-of-us” charm that has helped the Middlesbrough native go from the Beeb’s business reporter to hosting her own daily Channel 4 show. Since its launch in September 2020, the show has gradually won over more and more viewers thanks to its mix of real issues, real people and lots of laughs, and earned a Bafta nomination in the process.
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“I always wanted it to be a place where… I kind of liken it to a blended family,” Steph explains. “Slightly dysfunctional and you’re not necessarily going to like all of us all of the time and you might find one or two of us irritating, but you liken them to your annoying auntie who you still wouldn’t throw out of your family even if you don’t agree with them.”
“Fundamentally at our core is just people who like having a laugh and who are nice to each other.”
“Fundamentally at our core is just people who like having a laugh and who are nice to each other,” she says of her “gang”, a quality she feels is sorely missed from a lot of what’s on the box these days.
“You might think on paper that’ll make for boring telly, because everyone seems to be obsessed with people fighting and controversy and people going up against each other with opposing views, but that’s not my style at all.
“I don’t really like confrontation and I’ve had to do a fair bit of it when I’ve interviewed politicians in the past, but for me it’s just about learning from people who have had different life experiences.”
Despite leaving the notoriously bureaucratic BBC in 2020 after 13 years, Steph hasn’t got a bad word to say about her former employer.
“I absolutely loved my time at the BBC,” she insists. “I think the difference doing Channel 4… it’s a bit more freeing in the sense of it’s my own show. But I didn’t feel like I was ever silenced or censored at the BBC.”
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That said, we can’t imagine the Beeb ever signing off on her having a smear test done on live TV, and she’s typically candid about doing just that on Packed Lunch.
“I’ve literally got my muff out on the telly so once you’ve done that I don’t think there is anything that can be really embarrassing,” she laughs.
“Because I’ve always done live telly, there’s been loads of things over the years,” she adds. “When I was on BBC Breakfast my dress once split down the whole back of it and we had to do a camera angle where someone could gaffer tape it to stop it from totally exposing me.
“I was talking about really serious stuff as well like the economy and I’m nearly flashing me boobs. But anything that happens on Packed Lunch I can normally just have a laugh about it.”
As well as being up for almost anything on her show (“I’m not an animal person”), Steph has been juggling the success of Packed Lunch with being a first-time mum.
“I was never asked if I’m honest,” Steph says about her sexuality. “I think because I didn’t necessarily look like a gay woman I don’t think people ever bothered to ask me.
“And so my kind of coming out was being pregnant, because obviously everyone then asked questions. Also, I grew up in the era where, although there weren’t that many gay women on telly, I felt like there were loads around me in my social setting, so I didn’t feel like I needed to do a big thing of ‘hello I am gay’.”
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Despite being out to her friends and living in an era where someone’s sexuality – regardless of their fame – is usually about as interesting as what they had for their (packed) lunch, Steph admits she was still “anxious” about the story breaking.
“A paper found out and they wanted to publish that I was pregnant and I managed to bat it off for a while,” she recalls. “And then eventually I couldn’t, and so me and my partner didn’t know how it was going to go down because I had another friend – she’s high-profile – when she came out she did get a bit of abuse.
“I just thought for my unborn child, I’m already really protective of her and I’m really super protective of my partner as well, and so I thought ‘right, let’s just take ourselves away and escape what madness might come from this’. And so we went to a place I love in Wensleydale, a really quiet country hotel.”
That decision proved to the presenter and her partner that they really had nothing much to worry about – apart from their unborn child.
“We were there for a night and the next morning we knew the story was going to be in the papers and when we came into breakfast this little old couple sat opposite us and I thought they’d recognised me and they just lent over to both myself and my partner and said congratulations to both of us,” Steph recalls.
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“I get emotional because that made everything alright, because it was a couple you could have easily assumed would have frowned upon it, but the way they were so inclusive to say that to both myself and my partner instantly made us feel that actually this is a brilliant world for our little girl to be born into.”
“Our job as happy, confident gay women is to tell people and make them aware of where they’ve got it wrong, because it’s not malicious.”
That said, Steph acknowledges that despite being “amazing at tag-teaming” with her partner in the care of their two-year-old, there will be unique challenges ahead as same-sex parents but sees it as “our job as happy, confident gay women to tell people and make them aware of where they’ve got it wrong, because it’s not malicious”.
She adds: “We don’t do it in a big ranty way, it’s just reminding people. And I’m really lucky that I’ve lots of friends who have done it before us and paved the way. It’s not as scary as you might think.”
Although she’d be too modest to say it herself, Steph is blazing a trail of her own, simply by being her own authentic self on a primetime daily show and being a role model for young queer people in the process.
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“On telly and stuff [growing up] it didn’t really feel like there were many gay women who looked like me because you know, I’m quite girly and love my hair and make-up and stuff.
“Of course I love people like Sue Perkins and Clare Balding and Sandi Toksvig but I didn’t really feel like them. Like I think they’re amazing and I guess they are role models for gay women but they’re older than me and I didn’t feel like they represented me.”
So what does the future hold for the star? Right now she’s got her hands full with a five-day-a-week show and a toddler, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t fancy following in the footsteps of her Packed Lunch mates John Whaite, Denise Van Outen and Gemma Atkinson by taking to the Strictly dance floor.
“I love the show and so many of my mates have been on it and they’ve all loved it,” she says.
“If I do it I want to totally commit to it and as things stand, it would be near on impossible. I would worry about my little girl and not seeing her for so long. It’s interesting because the very first time I was asked to do it was probably when I should have done it, but then I had a baby. I’ll always say never say never but I’d just want to give it my all if I ever do it.”
I ask why she thinks he’s managed to survive for so long.
“No comment,” she laughs. “Well, you know, I work for Channel 4 so it’s not in my interest to go to war with the man who’s deciding whether we get privatised or not. I learned from the past.”
Our money’s on Steph.
Steph’s Packed Lunch airs Monday to Friday at 12.30pm on Channel 4 and All4.
Steph’s Packed Lunch Pride Special – Friday 1 July, 11.30am, Channel 4 & All 4.This episode of Steph’s Packed Lunch is part of Channel 4′s season of landmark programmes and specials marking 50 years of Pride in the UK, reflecting on the incredible achievements and challenges of advancing LGBTQ+ rights and visibility over the last half century.
Gareth Thomas is undeniably one of the most prolific and celebrated LGBTQ+ figures in the world of British sport.
In addition to his impressive, record-breaking career on the rugby pitch – which included serving as captain of the Welsh national team – Gareth has also received praise for having raised awareness of issues around queer identity, mental health and destigmatising HIV.
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For his latest venture, the rugby pro has teamed up with Ford for a new video series which aims to fight discrimination in industries that are stereotypically male-dominated.
Gareth Thomas pictured in 2020
ITV/Shutterstock
“Tough Talks is all about sitting down with people and giving them a safe place where they feel they can air the problems that are around what is a very very macho and sometimes toxic masculinity kind of environment,” he explains.
“What we’re trying to do is get the culture of this industry up to speed with 21st century thinking and 21st century living. And try to create change, because culture can break people down and stop people being authentic. And to be successful, you need a diverse work environment, you need people to be able to be authentic, you need people to be able to be the best version of themselves.”
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To mark Pride month, HuffPost UK spoke to Gareth about how Queer As Folk provided an insight into a world he’d “only ever dreamt of” before coming out, why It’s A Sin proved to be both an “addictive” and “disturbing” watch and his admiration for Blackpool’s Jake Daniels…
Who was the first queer person you can remember looking up to?
I kind of feel like I used to shelter myself away from many iconic LGBT figures when I was growing up, because I was afraid of being “guilty by association”. So I kind of hid myself away.
But someone I would say now is H Watkins from Steps, who’s a really good friend of mine. He’s probably not somebody that people would think [I would say], because he’s not someone I grew up watching. He’s even younger than me! It sounds like a really bizarre one, because I’m sure people would think, you know, Peter Tatchell or Ian McKellen or somebody like that.
But for me, he has the same lived experience as me, he’s from the same area, he’s always celebrated who he is and he’s very active in fighting for the rights of LGBT people in the community and the area that I know.
H on stage earlier this year
Joseph Okpako via Getty Images
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What was the first LGBTQ+ TV show or film that you remember resonating with you?
Oh my word, well, I wasn’t out at the time, but I remember watching Queer As Folk when it first came out about 20 years ago. And it was like an insight into a world that I’d only kind of ever dreamt of exploring or being in. It was a very interesting watch for me.
It pushed the boundaries and got people’s attention and got people talking about what it’s like to live in that community. I’m not sure if it scared me, or whether it excited me about the potential of, “OK, that’s what’s on the other side of the door if I dare ever unlock it”.
Queer As Folk
What’s a song you associate with your own coming out?
The Freemasons’ remix of Here Comes The Rain Again by The Eurythmics, and I’ll always remember it because it was playing the first time I ever walked into my first gay club experience.
The reason it resonated with me was because that was the first moment where I really saw people not worrying about what other people were thinking about them. It felt like, for the first time in my life, I was standing there, looking around, and feeling really liberated. Whenever I hear that song, I have that memory of seeing people smiling, seeing people holding hands, seeing people not afraid to be themselves.
What was the most recent LGBTQ+ show or film that made an impact on you?
It has to be It’s A Sin, without a shadow of a doubt. For me, watching It’s A Sin, as much as I found it addictive and wanted to binge-watch it, I also found it quite disturbing. I live with HIV myself, and through the work I do now, I know a lot of people who are from that generation. They’ve told me stories, but to see it played out and the reality of what it was brought it to life a lot more.
I became very appreciative of the times I live in now, the fact that I can live on medication now. But also, I felt so connected to, and helpless for, the people who lost their lives in horrific, horrific ways. They spent the rest of their lives, after diagnosis, being locked in a room or being discriminated against or with people not wanting to touch them.
[Seeing] the reality of what happened, and with my connection to it, I wished I could have done something then, but also it made me more determined to realise, “at least I can do something now”. That gave me a sense of motivation, but also a sense of sadness that people had to live through that.
And I made sure that everybody that I spoke to watched it, because I wanted to make sure that we never go back to times like that. There is always a chance in society that if we relax or if we stop talking about things, it’s easy to fall back to the way things were.
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The cast of Channel 4’s It’s A Sin
via PA Features Archive/Press Association Images
Who is your ultimate queer icon?
Growing up, I loved Dennis Rodman so much. He was a great athlete, he was a great basketball player, but he also always pushed the limits. He would wear a dress if he woke up and felt like he wanted to – it didn’t define him, he just felt like he wanted to wear one. He had tattoos and piercings and it felt, to me, he was someone who had no shame around his identity. And if his identity didn’t match what someone else thought it should be, that was somebody else’s problem to deal with, not his.
I was such a sports fan, and I think to have a sporting icon – which he was at that time – pushing the boundaries and the limits of what people assumed every sports person should be, or look like, or wear, or say, it was very iconic to me. He didn’t follow the rules, and he didn’t break the rules, he just made his own rules.
Dennis Rodman at the VMAs in 1995
Ron Galella, Ltd. via Getty Images
Who is a queer person in the public eye right now that makes you excited about the future?
It has to be Jake Daniels, the footballer. It kind of blew me away, reading about him coming out. It was such a brave decision – he’s 17 and he’s only just signed a professional contract. At 17 I was so immature, so to show that maturity and bravery at such a young age, makes him such a positive role model for that generation – and everyone else.
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And now, whether he’s successful or not, he’ll be able to look himself in the mirror and say, “I gave myself every opportunity”. Because if he failed, and he hadn’t spoken about his sexuality, he could have been left wondering, “would I have been successful if I had been authentic?”. The fact that he’s willing to put himself under that spotlight and that pressure, he’s willing to take the failures or successes and through all of it being himself, I think that is such a positive message for the future.
Jake Daniels
Lee Parker – CameraSport via Getty Images
Why do you think Pride is still so important today?
There are so, so many reasons. For me, Pride was not created or born out of a need to celebrate but being gay, it was born out of a need to fight for the right to exist without persecution. And we still live in a world where there is discrimination, nobody in this world can sit down and say there is zero discrimination against the LGBT community. There are still 69 countries where it is still illegal to be gay.
There are far-reaching messages from these Pride festivals and marches, that transcends borders and transcend communities. And it gives people hope. If I go to a Pride, I don’t go there to celebrate me being gay, I go [to celebrate] my right to exist without being persecuted for it.
Gareth Thomas
Ken McKay/ITV/Shutterstock
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What’s your message for the next generation of LGBTQ+ people?
Everyone goes through life wanting to be liked by everyone. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But I’d like the next generation of people to realise that it’s OK to be disliked for being authentic, but it’s not OK to be liked for being a version of you that’s a version that other people think you should be.
I feel that if people didn’t feel the need to lie about who they are, life would be a lot easier for everybody.
Watch Gareth Thomas and Ford’s Tough Talks video below:
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Don’t believe us? Ask mum-of-one Kate Everall, who’s taken her son since he was born, or mum-of-three Amie Jones, whose made wearing the family’s Pride-themed babygrow a rite of passage among her horde.
The fastest way to teach kids #LoveIsLove is by celebrating it in all forms from day one. Add in some rainbow flags, glitter and fun and they won’t question it one jot.
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As writer Victoria Richards put it, explaining LGBTQ+ relationships to kids is actually very simple: “Try it: ‘Some men love men, some women love women and some people love both (or neither).’ Ta da.”
Pride is the perfect time to normalise queer love, to show kids that they don’t have to play “mums and dads” in the playground, and that they’ll be loved at home always, whoever they turn out to be. For LGBTQ+ parents, it’s also an opportunity for kids to see more families like their own.
We spoke to five families who enjoy Pride about what it means to them and their little ones.
‘Pride is a time to celebrate our queer family’
Kelly Allen with her wife, Zoey, and children George (12) and Molly (11).
“We take our children to Pride because we feel it’s integral to their future, and the future of other human beings, to be surrounded by a diverse community. We also feel Pride is a time to celebrate our queer family in a safe and fun way. It’s essential they are able to grow knowing they can be their true selves, and Pride is a time for us to really celebrate our diversity, amongst a community that accepts us for who we are.
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“It’s become even more essential since Zoey came out as transgender, as the world can feel very bleak at times for the trans community. However, Pride gives us a chance to feel fully accepted and loved as the LGBTQ+ family we are.” – Kelly Allen, 40, who runs ourtransitionallife.com with her wife, Zoey
‘A great way to teach our boys what it means to be an ally.’
Amie Jones
Amie Jones’ two sons Dylan and Huw in the family Pride romper.
“We have taken our three boys to our local Pride event in Chester since they were very young – and we even have a Pride inspired outfit for them to wear. The photos show my oldest son Dylan (now seven years) and my youngest son Huw (now two years) in the same Pride romper! Unfortunately, I don’t have any photos of us actually at Pride, as we are always having too much fun!
“As founder of Kind Kids Book Club – the UK’s first children’s book club with a focus on nurturing social conscience and sharing inclusive stories – Pride is an important celebration for our family and a great way to teach our boys what it means to be an ally. They always love the day – the atmosphere is brilliant, everyone is so friendly and there’s so much to see and do!” – Amie Jones, 37, Bagillt, North Wales
‘There’s no one way to be a family.’
Caprice Fox
Caprice Fox with her wife, Holly and three-year-old daughter, Honey
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“We celebrate Pride month by attending our local Pride event and decorating at home. Pre-Covid we attended Pride as a family and they had Drag Queen Story Time, a children’s dance stage and a soft play area. We have diverse books out all year round, not just for one month, however we make a conscious effort to read these and encourage preschool to do the same!
“It is so importance for Honey to celebrate Pride and our family so that she realises just how diverse every family can be! There’s no one way to be a family and each one can look different, but it’s about showing that each one has something in common: love!” – Caprice Fox, 32 from Bristol
‘I want him to grow up enriched.’
“Pride is incredibly important to us as a family, which is why when our son came along we would continue our tradition of attending Brighton Pride.
“For us, Pride means ‘community’. It’s a time we feel less isolated and othered;. It also gives us an opportunity to meet up with other LGBTQ families – and making friends along the way, so that our son doesn’t feel as isolated as we were when growing up.
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“Our son is currently seven, and we’ve been attending Pride events and celebrations since he was born. For us, it’s important that he sees himself seen and represented in society, not to mention witnesses what other families look like. I want him to grow up enriched; knowing that there’s no one way to be a family and that your family is often more than just blood.” – Kate Everall, Brighton, founder of Lesbemums
“I have taken my daughter to Pride In London, Canterbury Pride and Amsterdam Pride. All of these events are different and I wanted to show her how different people celebrate Pride.
“To me, Pride means supporting people with their life choices, I grew up in a time when it was taboo (I am 49). It was frowned upon and I remember that it was always a scandal when an actor or singer announced they were gay. People that were transitioning into the opposite sex were laughed at and ridiculed. I did not want any of my kids to grow up without understanding and supporting people’s choices.
“Matilda was about six years old when I first went to Pride in London. We went by accident, but then she would ask me when Pride was happening again. Then in 2019 we decided to fly out to Amsterdam early one morning and attend Amsterdam Pride. Instead of the parade going through the streets, it was all on the canals in the city. It was awesome, a complete game-changer for Pride.
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“When she was little she loved the vibrance of pride, she loved meeting different people who dressed up for Pride. As she got older, she learned the history of Pride, she wanted to support everyone more. She has held a sign up before offering hugs to members of the LGBTQ community and I am so proud of her.” – Vicky Warren, 49, Kent, who runs the blog Miss Tilly And Me
A year since Pose left our screens for good, the show’s presence is still being felt thanks to the conversations it sparked, the joy it brought to those who loved it and the success its cast members are continuing to enjoy.
Among its stars is Angelica Ross, best known to fans of the Emmy-winning show for her portrayal as ballroom staple and lip sync queen Candy Ferocity.
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Since her character exited the show in 2019, Angelica has remained booked and busy. She played three markedly different characters in two seasons of American Horror Story, contributed to the must-see documentaries Disclosure and Framing Agnes and, more recently, has been releasing music.
Angelica Ross
James Anthony
However, it’s for her performance as Candy that Angelica is still best known, even though she admits now that she almost missed out on Pose completely.
“This is what they mean when they say, ‘what is for you will not pass you by’,” Angelica tells HuffPost UK. “I initially said no to the audition. I looked at the [script] and the pages were for Blanca and Elektra. Blanca – I felt like, the name alone, I was like, ‘well Blanca is a Latinx girl’. And Elektra – the only person who could have played Elektra is Dominique Jackson.
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“But what I didn’t realise was the Pose team was using those roles to figure out who else would be in the house. So even though I passed up on it, my agent was like, ‘no no, you need to audition for this’.
“And so I did a self-tape, and I got a call back and they flew me to New York to audition in front of Ryan Murphy and 16 other network executives, it was very nerve-racking.”
Angelica in character as Candy in Pose
Having aced her audition, Angelia reveals her “spiritual practise” had led her to believe she was going to land a part, explaining: “There were a couple of things that just happened serendipitously that told me that I was going to be on the show.
“But I did not get the role of Blanca, which was the role that I was reading for. And I was devastated. I remember crying and really letting it all out, because everything in my being told me I was going to be on the show. And when it didn’t happen I was like, ‘are my spiritual senses off?’.
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“And then a month or two later, I get word from Pose that they want to give me an offer to play Candy, a role they’d written for me. And that blew my mind.”
In the future, Angelica says she wants to see “myself and other trans actors be involved in romantic comedies”, and personally wants to branch out into the action and musical genres.
“I’d love to be in a James Bond film,” she reveals. “I think I’d be a wonderful James Bond girl. I would bring the sex appeal and the fierceness.
“There are some things I have my eye on in the superhero world, that I’m working on manifesting, but I’m honestly just open to all the different types of roles. And I’m really looking forward to doing comedy work. Even though I do drama, comedy is my backbone. And maybe some stuff that involves music. Some musicals.”
For Pride, we spoke to Angelica about her unsung heroes in the LGBTQ+ community, enjoying Pose like a fan and her “radical” advice for the next generation of queer people…
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Who was the first queer person you can remember looking up to?
When I was really young, maybe 18 years old, I remember living in Rochester, New York and I went to this club, Marcella. That was back in the day when I met Pandora Boxx and Darienne Lake, all these Drag Race girls all worked at this club.
There was this queen who worked there called Armani, who was a trans woman. I think it was the first time I’d ever seen a trans woman up close and in person. And I think I sort of immediately rejected the notion, I was like, “I’m not like that”, you know? At first. But getting to know her and watching her perform, I realised that I didn’t have to be afraid. I looked at her and [at first] I was almost afraid that I would see myself, you know? I didn’t really understand how to sort of put the pieces together.
It wasn’t until I got out of the military and met my drag mother, Traci Ross – where I got my last name from, we come from a long line of Rosses – that I did.
These are people that aren’t famous, that aren’t necessarily celebrated in the history books, but they were some of the first people who reflected to me Black trans women who were creating their own life on their own terms.
Angelica Ross
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What was the first LGBTQ+ TV show or film that you remember resonating with you?
Noah’s Arc resonated with me so much. I watched shows like Queer As Folk, because those were the only shows that we had. Or movies like Trick or Mambo Italiano or Billy’s First Hollywood Screen Kiss, but they did not have Black representation. Noah’s Arc had an all Black, gay cast, and it was the first time that I felt that I saw myself, and saw my community, and just laughed and loved.
The cast of Noah’s Arc
What’s a song you associate with your own coming out?
There’s a song called Unspeakable Joy by Kim English, and that song has such a special place in my heart.
I remember hearing it for the first time like it was yesterday. It was my first Pride in Rochester, New York, I was wearing these white bell-bottom-y pants, a white A-shirt and some white butterfly wings, and I just remember the song blaring and her singing “joy, unspeakable joy”. And it still slaps!
It never fails to get me in such a great mood when I hear that song, because that is prayer for LGBTQ+ people around the world – unspeakable joy. Part of my purpose is honestly to be able to create joy for my community and for my people.
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What was the most recent LGBTQ+ show or film that made an impact on you?
I would have to say Pose. Of course, I’m on the show so there’s a little bias there. But in reality, a lot of my experience with Pose was as a fan. I watched the show like the fans did, really sitting my younger self, my inner child, with my eyes wide open, just in awe of what I was watching on television. Watching a love story that ends in a fairytale ending for a trans woman, or when I watch someone like Elektra become rich or Blanca finding love – it felt to me that there was nothing like it.
This is one of those shows that really centered Black and brown folks and everyone else were peripheral characters. The white people were, you know… they were there in season one and I don’t think we saw them in season two! Not to say that they weren’t great additions to the show, obviously. Evan Peters and Kate Mara, they were all amazing. But I think that it was very clear that we weren’t sure if society was ready for a show led by a Black and brown queer cast, so we brought all the bells and whistles to the table in that first season, but then really honed in and focussed in on the characters as of seasons two and three. And the fans every day tell us they miss us. And I miss them too.
Pose stars MJ Rodriguez, Hailie Sahar, Dominique Jackson, Janet Mock (writer and director), Angelica Ross, and Charlayne Woodard
Andrew Toth via Getty Images
Who is your ultimate queer icon?
That’s so hard because I think there are so many icons out there who are iconic in so many different ways. Everyone from Miss Major, who has been iconic as a grass-roots leader in the movement for trans equality and trans rights to people like Raquel Willis, who, even though she might be young, she has been just legendary and iconic in the ways that she represents our community.
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Then you’ve got folks like Janelle Monáe and Lil Nas X and Sam Smith and Shea Diamond and Diana King – even RuPaul! RuPaul is a queer icon, obviously. Sis has created a legendary legacy.
I’m just especially inspired by queer elders, and by every day queer people who have been iconic in the way they live their lives.
Janelle Monáe
Josh Brasted via Getty Images
Who is a queer person in the public eye right now that makes you excited about the future?
Raquel Willis is… I feel like she’s my daughter. She deserves the world. When I did my speech for the State Of The Union address for Logo, I wanted to make sure that Raquel was on the team. She’s a young person who’s on the cutting edge of advocacy – and I’m constantly learning from other people, so those are the people I want on my team, who are going to keep me in the know and keep me fresh.
Journalist and trans activist Raquel Willis
JP Yim via Getty Images
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Why do you think Pride is still so important today?
Pride is so important because it’s a moment when we all get to come together and realise that there’s a community out there so much bigger than ourselves. There are more people going through similar things that we’ve gone through.
But also, it’s an opportunity to ask the question: “Are you proud?”. Are you proud of yourself, are you proud of our community? Because there are times where I’m not necessarily proud of where our community is.
For me, Pride is a conversation around both celebrating, but also checking in and making sure that you have done the work to be proud of yourself. The history books are being written right now. There is an attack on the autonomy of women’s bodies, there is an attack on the autonomy of trans people’s bodies, there is an attempt to roll back even things that gay folks have been taking for granted. So, it really is a question of, while all this was happening, while wars were being raged, while people were being oppressed, while people were being brutalised and killed by police, while all that was going on… what were you doing?
That’s what I want folks to focus on. What are you contributing? How are you helping to create the world that we all want and need? The peaceful world that we want is not just going to happen. We have to make it happen. So what are you going to do to make it happen?
Angelica Ross at the opening night of Blues For An Alabama Sky
Paul Archuleta via Getty Images
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What’s your message for the next generation of LGBTQ+ people?
My message for the next generation of queer people is to understand that there are laws and then there are universal laws. And sometimes, the law of the land is not moral and it’s not just. Sometimes, the law of the land approves slavery. Fights wars. All these different things. So, you don’t always have to subscribe to the laws of the land.
And I know that this is going to sound so radical. But as our elders would say, as my friend Candice Benbow would say, “govern yourselves accordingly”. All these laws were not made for you, sweetie. They weren’t made for you to succeed, they were barely made for you to breathe and live. So once you understand that, you will govern yourselfaccordingly.
If you strive to be a good person, and to be great at something so you can contribute to the world that we are all building together, that is all you need to focus on. You don’t need to focus on what anybody else is saying.
Watch the music video for Angelica’s song Only You below:
To say the past couple of years have been busy for Ryan O’Connell. Last year saw the second season of his sitcom Special – the sitcom he co-created and starred in – debuting on Netflix to huge acclaim, after which it was revealed he’d joined the cast of the much-awaited Queer As Folk remake.
On top of that, he’s also about to release his first novel, Just By Looking At Him, which he’s already working to have adapted for the big screen.
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It’s been an exciting time for Ryan, he tells HuffPost UK, but not one he’s in a particular rush to repeat.
Ryan O’Connell
Aaron Jay Young
“I can’t have a couple of years like that ever again,” he admits. “I was working so much that I truly felt like I was hanging on by a thread.
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“I’m really glad that [projects I’ve worked on] are coming out, but a lot of this stuff that we’re talking about now was born from the pandemic, and trying to stave off existential dread and channel that into work. And now I’m kind of like… oh, I want to have fun. See my friends, and live laugh love.”
It’s fair to say these past two years have been especially busy for Ryan
Monica Schipper via Getty Images
And while Ryan has enjoyed being “a lady of leisure”, he’s already looking to the future, and says directing is the next challenge he hopes to pursue.
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“I’d never really taken that time for myself where I really, truly did nothing. But being a lady of leisure only works if you know that it’s finite,” he says.
“It was really fun, but because I’m a Virgo, I was then like, ‘OK, back to work’. It was also nice to do that knowing I was about to go into the press cycle for the novel and Queer As Folk.”
To launch our new Pride interview series, we spoke to Ryan about the queer TV that made him feel seen when he was growing up, befriending his ultimate queer icon and being the “Kris Jenner of Gen Z”…
Who was the first queer person you can remember looking up to?
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Megan Mullally and Sean Hayes in Will & Grace
NBC via Getty Images
There was a show on The WB called Popular, it was actually Ryan Murphy’s first show. And Mary Cherry and Nicole Julian, while not gay men, essentially were gay men. They were these really bitchy high schoolers that were, like, hellbent on destruction and being Machiavellian, and they were the most glamorous, insane characters I’d ever seen on TV.
I was maybe 12 years old when the show came out, and I had no idea about what a “queer sensibility” was until I saw that show. and it was like, “oh, I’m laughing because I’m gay”. And then it was like, “oh, I’m gay”.
And then of course, Will & Grace. Karen Walker and Jack McFarland were my first real peeks into queerness, like a little lifeline. So, Mary Cherry, Nicole Julian, Karen Walker and Jack McFarland. Notice that there’s only one actual gay man on that list.
What was the first LGBTQ+ TV show or film that you remember resonating with you?
Wilson Cruz and Devon Gummersall in My So-Called Life
ABC Photo Archives via Getty Images
I was eight years when My So-Called Life came out – I should not have been watching it, but my family was obsessed, so we’d watch it every week. And in that show, there was a character called Ricky, who was queer. It wasn’t even really discussed that much, which I think was kind of transgressive in its own way. There wasn’t, like, a “very special gay episode”, he just was gay.
And I remember being eight years old and feeling like, “hmmm I really seem to connect with this character for reasons that I’m not quite sure about and also scared of and also intrigued, dot dot dot”. So definitely My So-Called Life, Popular and, of course, Will & Grace.
What’s a song you associate with your own coming out?
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I came out when I was 17 on the last day of my junior year in high school. And I did it because I had a crush on this boy, and I knew that in order to date him I would have to come out of the clos’ and live my truth. And that summer was this magical coming-of-age, queer Criterion collection vibe.
There was this movie I was watching at the time called Cherish, this small indie film that nobody had seen – and no one has still seen it – and the theme song of that movie was Cherish by The Association. Remember that song? It’s like an old-school 1960s kind of haunted song. And that was me and my boyfriend’s song. Or at least it was in my head.
What was the most recent LGBTQ+ show or film that made an impact on you?
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The Other Two
I watched Stranger By The Lake in quarantine, and I loved it. It’s this horny French queer thriller. There are cumshots, there are uncut dicks, it’s sort of spooky spaghetti, I love it. And of course I love The Other Two. Iconic.
But I don’t watch a lot of scripted shows, to be honest. Because I work on scripted, sometimes it feels like I’m doing my homework, so basically I only watch Below Deck.
Who is your ultimate queer icon?
JOEL SAGET via Getty Images
That’s a really, really good question. I’m just going to go with the first person that comes to mind, and that’s the director Gregg Araki, who did films like The Doom Generation, Nowhere, Mysterious Skin and The Living End.
I feel corny saying that, because I’ve actually become friends with Gregg – not to bra-aag. But whenever I’m with him, I’m always like, “you have no idea how obsessed I am with you”. Basically, in the early 90s, he created this new wave of queer cinema, that was so amazing, and he always included a lot of Shoegaze which is my favourite genre of music.
And then next to Gregg, I would say Parker Posey.
Parker Posey
Dia Dipasupil via Getty Images
When I was growing up, Party Girl, Clockwatchers, House Of Yes, all those indie films were so major to me. Those are two icons to me. She’s amazing, she’s so specific and so herself.
One scripted thing I am watching right now is The Staircase which ordinarily I would not do because it’s like, “honey we’ve already seen the documentary, must we revisit again?”. But honey, if Parker is there, I have to RSVP.
Who is a queer person in the public eye right now that makes you excited about the future?
Fin Argus
Dia Dipasupil via Getty Images
I am biased, but Fin Argus. They’re in Queer As Folk, they play a character called Mingus. They’re 23 years old, and when I first met them I was like, “OK, they’re 23, I’m 35, we probably won’t have anything in common, they’re only a child”. But we actually got extremely close and I think they’re so brilliant. They also do music and their music is incredible.
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I’m obsessed Gen Z. I’ll go on the record as saying I feel like a spiritual grandfather to Gen Z, I’m a big fan. I am very the Kris Jenner of Gen Z, that’s a moniker that I will take proudly.
What’s your message for the next generation of LGBTQ+ people?
We live in a really mind-fuck-y time, in the sense that the world as we know it is becoming more and more progressive, but because of that, there is a fight to retain the old thought. And that fight is actually winning. So it’s this really very weird, emotional, whiplash-y time where the minority is coming into power, but their views don’t reflect the culture that we live in today.
Ryan O’Connell pictured in 2021
Media Access Awards Presented By Easterseals via Getty Images
That’s a very hard place to be in, and it’s a confusing place to be in. But my one piece of advice is to know the culture is going with you, rather than against you. And what you’re seeing is, there’s a lot of fear and people wanting to maintain the status quo. But that’s going to change with or without them.
You can’t change the fact the culture is becoming more progressive. So, even though it’s a very scary time for a lot of minorities, more people are with them rather than against them.
The reality is that if it wasn’t real, if the change wasn’t happening, if the world wasn’t becoming more progressive, there wouldn’t be these death rattles of the old guard. These last power grabs. So it makes sense, even though it’s terrible.
Ryan O’Connell’s new book Just By Looking At Him is out on Tuesday 7 June.
A few students from nearby Central Saint Martins chat on the steps of the Queer Britain Museum, which is tucked away on one side of Granary Square in King’s Cross, London, on the ground floor of a large 19th century building.
After years in the making, this is the UK’s first permanent, national LGBTQ+ museum – and it’s much needed. As the founders point out, queer people have impacted every part of culture, yet all too often their lives have been written in the margins of history books. This is a space for queer history to be “preserved, explored and celebrated”.
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The museum itself is all on one floor, spread across three rooms, and opens with ‘Welcome to Queer Britain’ – a display showcasing artwork from the LGBTQ+ community alongside historical photographs.
Once inside the step-free threshold, the gift shop to the left is most immediately obvious. Laden with colourful memorabilia, it’s got the usual staples: high-end chocolate, greetings cards and candles. But it’s clear that this is an LGBTQ+ space: a table of books curated by the Gay’s the Word bookshop sits in the centre, and there are plenty of rainbows – on badges, bottles and fridge magnets – plus Queer Britain’s own branded merchandise.
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Ella Braidwood
The museum comes after the successes of multiple temporary exhibitions in this area. Earlier this year, the Barbican held its Out and About! installation, exploring LGBTQ+ history in London, while last year, Museums & Galleries Edinburgh launched an online exhibition celebrating young Scottish LGBTQ+ people. Queer Britain will also not be the last: in June, another long-term LGBTQ+ cultural space in London will open, Queercircle in Greenwich.
In fact, Queer’s Britain’s co-founder and director Joseph Galliano explains that it was while at another LGBTQ+ exhibition, the Tate Britain’s Queer British Art, that his vision for a permanent museum really solidified. (Though, he had first had the idea as far back as 2007, when he was editor of Gay Times.) Held in 2017, the exhibit marked the 50th anniversary of the partial decriminalisation of male homosexuality.
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“I was struck by the fact that so much momentum had been built up around that anniversary within the museums sector,” says Galliano. He spotted an “opportunity to take that momentum, and broaden it” with his vision of a bricks-and-mortar museum truly reflective of the UK’s LGBTQ+ community, including “women’s stories, people of colour, [and] trans people”.
Ella Braidwood
Museum co-founder Joseph Galliano.
With that, Galliano set about putting Queer Britain into action, which he co-founded with Ian Mehrtens alongside a diverse committee of trustees and advisors, including Stonewall co-founder Lisa Power, Trans Britain author Christine Burns, and gal-demfounder Liv Little.
“We made sure that the leadership structures are very diverse,” adds Galliano. Of his hopes for the museum, trustee Krishna Omkarsays in an email: “Our relationship with our past defines our present, and helps direct what is to come. Telling stories that have remained untold, and collating a collective memory of the past is crucial. Representation matters. Remembrance matters.”
In the first room, there are two large images: Sadie Lee’s domineering oil painting of cabaret artist David Hoyle, whose eyes, shrouded in bright make-up, fixate on the viewer, plus Paul Harfleet’s aptly-named Cock of the Rock, named after the South American bird.
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The second and largest room is split into two sections, the first dedicated to the topic of “chosen family”, originally shown by Queer Britain as a pop-up in collaboration with Levi’s in 2019. For this, a series of bright images by four artists – Alia Romagnoli, Bex Day, Kuba Ryniewicz and Robert Taylor – show the diversity of the LGBTQ+ community, including people of colour and those of marginalised gender identities.
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Also in this room are a series of wide-ranging historical photographs, dating as far back as the 1870s. These cover various milestones in the UK’s LGBTQ+ history, such as the introduction of Section 28 in 1988, which banned schools and local authorities from “promoting” homosexuality, and the legalisation of equal marriage from 2014 in England, Wales and Scotland (followed by Northern Ireland in 2020). Among the imagery are notable figures including Leo Abse, the MP behind the bill that partially decriminalised homosexuality in 1967; TV presenter Sandi Toksvig; and Margeurite Radclyffe Hall, who wrote the classic lesbian novel The Well of Loneliness.
The museum’s opening comes during a time of increased visibility for LGBTQ+ people, with millions tuning in to watch Netflix’s hit series Heartstopper. However, visibility and equality have not come hand-in-hand. Last December, it was reported that homophobic and transgender hate crimes soared in the summer of that year; in the five financial years up to 2021, anti-LGBTQ+ hate crimes rose annually, according to official Home Offices figures.
Ella Braidwood
The museum’s theme is generally jubilant and celebratory, though, with little on the harrowing parts of LGBTQ+ history. For instance, while the AIDS epidemic is briefly referenced, including with a photograph of Princess Diana comforting an HIV-positive man, the museum does not delve into the sheer tragedy of the thousands of gay and bisexual men whose lives were lost during this crisis. A placard highlights the accomplishments of Justin Fashanu, the first openly gay professional footballer – and Britain’s first black footballer to command a £1 million transfer fee – with no mention of his tragic early death, at the age of 37 by suicide.
For Galliano, it was a deliberate choice to focus on celebrating queer accomplishments, rather than the tragic parts. “There is stuff there that needs to be celebrated, rather than just always starting with the sad ending,” he explains. “That said we have to be telling hard stories and we have to be asking the hard questions.” Still, Galliano notes that displays may be adjusted depending on how they are received by the public.
Since being registered as a charity in 2018, Galliano explains how Queer Britain has come up against multiple challenges, most notably financially. “Funding was always a challenge from the start, [it] will always be a challenge,” he says. This is even more so given that entry to the museum is free, including for its exhibitions. “If we’re going to talk about inclusion, we need to talk about economic inclusion as well,” adds Galliano.
Ella Braidwood
The space, too, leased from the Art Fund, came up in January, which, says Galliano, was “a year earlier than we were expecting…but it was too good an opportunity to not run full tilt”, and so what is on display was pulled together quickly, in time for this Spring opening.
In July, Queer Britain will host its first exhibition, marking the 50th anniversary of the UK’s first pride parade. Though Galliano is tight-lipped about its content, he says this will consist of a “heritage items and community voices” which will also go towards “addressing” representation of all four nations that make up the UK.
The current final room includes portraits from award-winning photographer Allie Crewe, which celebrate the trans and non-binary communities, and two images – both arresting and beautiful – donated by Robert Taylor, who is also a trustee of the museum.
For Galliano, this museum is all about giving back to the queer community, alongside showing the richness – and diversity – of its history, not only to those who are LGBTQ+, but also to their heterosexual counterparts. “I want queer people to feel celebrated, and belonging, and lifted up,” he says, “and all their friends and families to recognise [where] their stories start and the importance of those.”
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Queer Britain opens May 5 2022 and is located at 2 Granary Square, London, N1C 4BH and open Wednesday to Sunday from 12pm – 6pm.
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