Sometimes it’s another child at the playground, a friend at a birthday party or a cousin at a family gathering. Often, it’s a sibling. Your young child, who you know can be heart-meltingly sweet, gets upset about some slight — a toy they wanted, a turn on the swings — and they snatch something from another child’s hands, or shove or hit them.
“No!” you cry, hot with embarrassment that your child would behave this way. You run up to them, grab their hands, crouch down to look them in the eye. And then what? You can’t undo the hurt they’ve caused, but you have to do something, right?
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So you say what feels like the appropriate thing, likely the same phrase that your parents used with you when you misbehaved as a child: “Go say you’re sorry.”
It’s a concrete thing for your kid to perform as a consequence, but is this the best way to deal with the situation?
The problem with forced apologies
In a recent Instagram post, therapist Deena Margolin of the “toddler expert” duo Big Little Feelings explains that the problem with forced apologies is “you’re not actually teaching them to feel sorry, to take ownership, to show compassion.”
We’ve all seen children giving inauthentic apologies — perhaps mumbled with eyes to the ground or belted out in a mocking sing-song.
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Sure, you can make a kid say sorry — but can you make them feel it?
“Children who are let off the hook with a simple ‘I’m sorry,’ essentially get a free pass,” Suzanne Barchers, chair of the education advisory board for ed-tech company LingoKids, told HuffPost.
“Often, they aren’t sorry — with an altercation that involved hitting or taking a toy or being ‘sassy,’ the hurtful act is often calculated and perhaps a bit satisfying to the perpetrator.”
If your child seems to get some enjoyment from what they’ve done, and/or their false apology, don’t worry that there’s something wrong with them. Like most kids, they’re still figuring out what it means to see things from another person’s perspective, and shaming them won’t help.
In an email, Margolin and parent coach Kristin Gallant, the other half of Big Little Feelings, told HuffPost: “Forced apologies can leave your child feeling ashamed — like they’re a ‘bad kid.’ Here’s the thing: these feelings totally inhibit any real learning and growing!”
They also don’t guarantee that your child will arrive at an apology on their own the next time.
“Forcing an apology is quick and easy. However, it doesn’t get at the underlying issue,” Barchers said.
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How to help kids feel empathy and genuinely apologize
If you want your child to feel sorry for what they’ve done so that their apology rings true, Margolin and Gallant suggest you try something along these lines:
“She’s crying right now. How do you think she feels?” (Pause to give your child time to respond.) “Yeah. Really upset. Hitting is never okay. Let’s go over and see how we can help her feel better and say sorry.”
Note that the ‘sorry’ is in there, but not without some groundwork to make it actually count.
Your child might not be able to see the other child’s perspective right away. Don’t worry about this too much, either, Barchers said. “Asking the child to describe the other child’s point of view is difficult because children are very egocentric for many years.”
You may have to give your child additional prompts, such as noticing that the other child is crying, or asking how your child would feel if someone hit them.
This way, when you approach the child who was hurt, your child will understand what it “feels like to take ownership of your actions and compassionately apologise,” Margolin and Gallant said.
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Barchers added that you should “encourage the child to expand” beyond the word sorry, as in: “I am so sorry. I should have asked if we could take turns,” or “I am so sorry. Can we talk about why I got so frustrated that I yelled at you?”
If your child is little, or reluctant to speak, you can model what a genuine apology sounds like. Margolin and Gallant suggested that you say something like: “Are you okay? I see you’re feeling really upset. We’re sorry. Hitting is never okay. Is there anything we can do to help you feel better?”
Understandably, you may also want to apologise on your child’s behalf. This is okay, Barchers said, as long as it comes in addition to, not instead of, your child’s own apology. “Apologising on behalf of your child to the other misses a learning opportunity for your child. And it takes your child off the hook, indicating that they don’t have to take responsibility for misbehaviour.”
If there was a conflict between the two children, such as over a toy or whose turn it was, this could also be a moment for you to ask the children how they could’ve handled the situation differently.
Your example teaches them how to handle such situations. “One day, your voice will become your child’s inner voice,” said Margolin and Gallant.
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This includes times that you need to apologise to them. Perhaps you lost your cool and yelled, or didn’t give them attention because you were distracted by something else.
To make your apology count, you need to go beyond “I’m sorry.”
“Putting the apology in context gives it more meaning,” Barchers said. She gave the following example: “I’m sorry I couldn’t play a game with you. I truly didn’t have time. I have an idea for tomorrow. I would like you to help me with the laundry. Then we would have time for the game.”
Margolin and Gallant offered another: “I’m so sorry that I yelled at you. That probably made you feel really scared. That probably made you feel really sad. I’m really sorry — you don’t deserve that. I’m going to work on not yelling when I have an upset feeling. I love you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Note that here, you are acknowledging your child’s feelings and validating them.
When your child is apologising to you (or a sibling), it often makes sense to talk about the underlying issue and how to prevent it in addition to the apology. Barchers gave the following example: “I accept your apology. However, I want you to tell me how you are going to avoid forgetting to leave your shoes in the way because this isn’t the first time I’ve tripped over them. Let’s figure out a plan.”
Finally, there are some mistakes that even a heartfelt apology can’t smooth over. Barchers recalled, “My son wanted to hold a family heirloom — my great grandfather’s pocket watch. It was on display on a shelf. I told him he could hold it but not play with it. Later he was roller skating — with the watch in his hand — and he dropped it.”
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The watch was irreparably damaged, she said. “I was angry. We had a long discussion about how some things can’t be undone — sorry doesn’t work. I had to learn to forgive him, but he had to work to realise he had deeply disappointed me.”
This conversation, as difficult as it was, still couldn’t resolve the situation — but that doesn’t mean their talk was without value, Barchers said. “As I think back, he never did something so foolhardy again, so perhaps it was useful.”
Rishi Sunak has denied he considered skipping the D-Day commemorations entirely as he struggled during a TV interview to defend leaving Normandy early.
Sunak’s decision triggered a fierce backlash, with Tory veterans minister Johnny Mercer branding it a “significant mistake”.
Speaking to broadcasters on Friday afternoon, the prime minister admitted that “on reflection” it was a “mistake” to ditch the ceremony attended by other world leaders.
And he denied reports he had even thought about not going to the event at all. “That’s simply not right,” he said.
“Having participated in all the British events with British veterans I returned home before the international leaders event later in the day. On reflection that was a mistake and I apologise.”
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But Sunak also suggested those who criticised him were trying to “politicise” D-Day.
Sky News’ Sam Coates, who was conducting the interview, told the prime minister he sounded “more exasperated than apologetic”.
“These men made the ultimate sacrifice and you couldn’t even sacrifice an afternoon?” he said. “Prime minister, you didn’t care did you?”
Coates added: “Keir Starmer managed to stay for the whole event. You didn’t. What does that say about your judgment, your priorities and your character?.”
Sunak claimed the “itinerary” of the event had been set “weeks ago” before he called the election.
His absence meant David Cameron, the foreign secretary, was left to stand in for him at a high profile event with Joe Biden, Emmanuel Macron and Olaf Scholz.
Starmer – who stayed in Normandy for the entire ceremony – said earlier Sunak would have to “answer’ for his decision. “For me, there was nowhere else I was going to be,” he said.
Bacon is one of the most popular breakfasts in the UK, and with good reason. A few rashers placed in a sarnie with lashings of butter or a sauce of your choice? An unreal combination, tbh.
However, according to one chef, we’ve been getting something wrong when it comes to cooking bacon and it all comes down to how we cook it.
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Posting on the /r/Cooking subreddit, user CleopatrasBungus asked: “What are some kitchen hacks that chefs use in the industry that home cooks would benefit from?”, and one chef really stepped up with their bacon hack.
The best way to cook bacon, according to a chef
User thePHTucker said: “Bake your bacon. It’s much more consistent, and there’s less chance of splatter burns. Any restaurant that cooks bacon in large amounts is going to cook it this way.”
To do this, line your baking pan with parchment paper, set the oven between 190-200°C for around 15-18 minutes, making sure to turn the bacon halfway through and cook until your desired level of crispiness is reached.
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Oven cooked bacon can be stored in a sealed container and refrigerator for up to two days.
The best type of bacon to cook with
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent time in the supermarket looking at all the different types of bacon, wondering which one is best for your dish.
Well, thankfully, the folks at BBC Good Food have exactly the answer that we’re looking for. They said: “To achieve super-crispy bacon, opt for the streaky kind. It can be used in salads, crumbled over macaroni cheese or sprinkled on soups.”
One of the eternal truths about sex is that we all do it a little differently, and have different relationships with bedroom antics.
However, this Pride month, the sexperts at Beducated have shared that they believe that heterosexual folks could learn a lot about sex and intimacy from their queer counterparts.
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Given that heterosexual women orgasm less than LGBTQ+ women, we reckon that there are definitely some essential insights we could all learn from.
What straight people can learn from queer sex
There is no ‘right way’ to have sex
While a lot of us feel pressure to perform well in the bedroom and get it ‘right’ when it comes to sex, there’s actually no wrong way to have sex and orgasms can come (pun intended) without any penetration.
Beducated CEO Mariah Freya said: “There is this outdated misconception that sex is only complete when there is penetration involved. That can be a problem because it makes penetration the main event.
“However, we know that people with vulvas require more than just penis-in-vagina action to reach an orgasm.”
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Your gender doesn’t define whether you’re submissive or dominant
While there is no gender behind these roles, society often imposes rigid gender roles in sexual dynamics, expecting straight men to be dominant and straight women to be submissive. Queer sex challenges these norms.
Freya said: “Why let gender define how we express ourselves in the bedroom? Instead, think about the role you find most pleasurable, expectations be damned.”
Toys and gadgets are your friends, not foes
Sex toys and accessories are not just for replacing body parts; they can enhance sexual experiences significantly and bring a whole lot of fun to the bedroom.
Freya said: “Lesbian folks are often asked, ‘Don’t you miss dick?’ Cringe aside, sex sans penis doesn’t mean you have to skip the penetration — there are dildos for that.
“Beyond replacing body parts, toys, lubes and accessories can elevate sex to a whole new level.”
Outdated prejudices limit your pleasure potential
Freya said: “People with penises are blessed with this small gland called a prostate, which has the potential to lead to next-level orgasms. For some ridiculous reason, we’ve decided as a society to completely ignore it because prostate stimulation involves getting close to – gasp – the anal region.
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“Imagine having something that powerful, and not using it because of prejudice. The world is upside down.”
There is no magical secret to orgasms, just knowledge
Though the orgasm gap between straight and queer women is a real thing, it really doesn’t have to be, and Beducated believe the only difference is a knowledge gap.
Freya said: “You don’t need to have a vulva to know how to turn one on; all you need to do is educate yourself.
“Getting familiar with vulva anatomy means you can find the G-Spot and cervix, for example. Sure, clitoral stimulation is great, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The same goes for male body anatomy – you want to know where the perineum is, or how to approach hand jobs when your partner is (or isn’t) circumcised.”
In yet another blow to PM Rishi Sunak as his campaign continues to flounder, YouGov has revealed that that two thirds (67%) of Brits disapprove of the government’s record.
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Three quarters (73%) think the UK is a worse place than it was 13 years ago, too – and that includes a majority (59%) of 2019 Tory voters.
In fact, even 61-68% of those planning to vote Tory in the next election agreed.
Of the 2,040 adults polled between 29 and 30 May, only 8% think the UK is better now, and 11% think life is pretty much the same.
YouGov also asked participants what they thought about how the government has handled 21 different topics, from social issues to healthcare.
The respondents were most united in their reaction to how the cost of living has changed over the last 14 years – 85% said the Tories had made it worse.
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This was closely followed by the NHS, which 84% thought had worsened under the Conservatives.
The poll offered similarly bleak reactions over what has happened to immigration system and the economy in the last decade and a half with 78% saying both areas had worsened.
This will be an especially disappointing result for those in the Conservative headquarters considering the party has been pledging to reduce the number of migrants since David Cameron got into office.
The party has often portrayed itself as the one which is best at managing the economy, too – but it seems that reputation is now in tatters.
In fact, more than half of participants thought the Tories had made 15 of the 21 issues worse – including housing, crime and policing, Britain’s standing in the world and standards in public life.
A majority also had a poor opinion of what’s happened to the health of British democracy, the tax system, transport, schools, the state of the armed forces, the welfare system and local government services.
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In most ways, most Britons think the UK is worse now than it was in 2010
% who say the following are now worse than in 2010 Cost of living: 85% NHS: 84% Immigration: 78% Economy: 78% Housing: 72% Crime/policing: 71% Britain’s standing in the world: 67% Standards in public life:… pic.twitter.com/U24Sb33tIn
More than half (57%) said they thought Rishi Sunak was a poor or terrible prime minister, and only 13% thought he was a great or a good one.
YouGov is not the only one predicting a pretty bleak turnout for Sunak at next month’s election, either.
On Tuesday, Survation’s mega poll predicted the Conservatives face electoral wipeout at the general election, with just 71 MPs in a potentially “extinction level event” ahead.
Still struggling? You could be unknowingly consuming something that’s to blame. According to sleep doctors, there are more foods and drinks that can mess with sleep than people realise. Rounded up here are seven foods and drinks that sleep doctors recommend steering clear of if you struggle with sleep. Plus, they offer guidance on which foods will work for you, not against you.
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7 Foods And Drinks That Surprisingly Can Cause Sleep Problems
1. Spicy foods
Digging into some hot chicken wings or curry at dinner could cause sleep problems when you head to bed. Dr. Abhinav Singh, a board-certified sleep medicine and internal medicine doctor, is medical director of the Indiana Sleep Center and a medical reviewer for Sleep Foundation. He told HuffPost that eating food that’s spicer than you’re used to can increase acidity in the stomach, which can cause acid reflux that can make sleeping difficult. Singh explained that gastric acid is already naturally higher at night, and if it continues to rise, it can disrupt sleep.
Dr. Ruchir P. Patel, a sleep medicine doctor and medical director of The Insomnia and Sleep Institute of Arizona, agreed. “Eating spicy food close to going to bed can cause acid reflux, which can trigger the brain to wake up excessively.”
In addition to triggering acid reflux, Singh said, spicy food can make people feel hotter, which can also disrupt sleep.
2. Pizza (or anything with tomato sauce)
Patel said many people don’t realise that tomato sauce can be an acid reflux trigger, which can disrupt sleep similarly to the effect of spicy food. That means having pizza or spaghetti for dinner could keep you up.
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In general, Patel said, it’s best to avoid eating food that’s high in sodium and saturated fat (like pizza, especially if it has pepperoni) three hours before bed because it takes longer to digest, which can then cause sleep problems.
3. Burgers
Like greasy pizza, burgers are another food that takes the body longer to digest. For this reason, Singh said, eating a big, juicy burger too close to bedtime could keep you up, especially if it has ketchup on it, which, again, can trigger sleep-disrupting acid reflux.
If you want a burger that will help with sleep rather than disrupt it, choose a plant-based burger made with lentils, which Singh said are easier to digest, or, if you are going to have beef, go for as lean a cut as possible.
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4. Ice cream
You might want to resist having a bowl of ice cream for dessert if you’re dealing with sleep issues. Dr. Raj Dasgupta, the chief medical adviser for Sleep Advisor, told HuffPost that foods high in sugar, such as ice cream, can keep you up. “The high sugar content can cause fluctuations in your blood sugar, cause stomach issues and keep you alert at bedtime, preventing you from relaxing and falling asleep,” he said.
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Singh also said that chocolate ice cream in particular can keep you up. “Many people don’t know that chocolate has caffeine,” Singh said, adding that dark chocolate has more caffeine than milk chocolate. Singh explained that the high fat, high sugar and high caffeine in chocolate ice cream is a triple whammy in terms of disrupting sleep.
5. Milk
In movies, TV shows and children’s books, kids are often given a glass of milk before bedtime. But in real life, Patel said, this can make falling asleep harder.
“Milk can trigger acid reflux,” he said, adding that this can happen to both children and adults. Patel explained that the lactose in milk can be problematic. If you are prone to acid reflux but want to have milk in the evening, his advice is to choose a plant-based milk, which is lactose-free and shouldn’t cause symptoms.
6. Vitaminwater
Though most people know that caffeine can disrupt sleep, Patel revealed that not everyone realises they’re consuming something with caffeine in it. “Some fancy water brands, like vitaminwater, can have up to 50 milligrams of caffeine,” he said. Singh added that some electrolyte drinks or powders can also contain caffeine.
7. Peppermint
Sucking on a peppermint after dinner or sipping peppermint tea seems pretty innocuous. But Singh said that this can cause sleep problems for some people. Why? Like many other foods on this list, he said that peppermint can trigger acid reflux, a link most people aren’t aware of.
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Grace Cary via Getty Images
A handful of nuts is a smart option for bedtime snacking.
What To Eat Instead
Now that we know greasy foods, spicy foods and ice cream are off the menu, what can you eat that will work in your favour? All three sleep doctors recommend eating a dinner that includes complex carbs, fibre and lean protein. Examples of complex carbs high in fibre are most vegetables, brown rice, lentils, beans, whole wheat bread and quinoa. Examples of lean protein are poultry and fish.
Dasgupta explained that these types of food support healthy digestion, which in turn is good for sleep. Scientific research backs this up, showing that a diet high in fibre, complex carbs, protein and unsaturated fats is connected with good sleep.
Singh says that meal timing matters, too. If you are going to eat close to bedtime or want a nighttime snack, he recommends keeping the portion small, under 300 calories. “A handful of nuts is a good nighttime snack because it has fibre and unsaturated fats,” he said.
What we eat and drink has a powerful effect on the body, including how well (or not) we sleep. If you have trouble falling or staying asleep, avoid the seven foods and drinks on this list to see if it makes a difference. Soon you might not need that melatonin after all.
“Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”
Ever since I entered the workforce about a decade ago, I’ve noticed versions of this expression on inspirational posters, mugs, online memes, laptop stickers and more. The phrase speaks to the idea that if you are passionate about your work, it won’t feel like a chore or a burden, but rather an enjoyable and fulfilling experience in which you want to take part.
This is all a nice idea, but even in a job you love, is it really possible to feel like you’re never working? I spoke to career coaches, psychologists and people who genuinely love their jobs to find out what they think about the expression and how it relates to the reality of work.
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It makes sense why the phrase appeals to people.
“When so many people are stressed and burnt out by work, the idea that you could have a job that doesn’t ‘feel like work’ is incredibly appealing,” said Lauren Appio, a psychologist, executive coach and organisational consultant who specialises in mental health at work. “It’s aspirational and soothing for people who live in a culture like ours in the U.S., where there is little social safety net and people typically have to work very hard to make ends meet.”
Many people have very negative relationships with their work. Gallup’s latest State of the Global Workplace report showed job dissatisfaction to be at an all-time high, along with staggering rates of unhappiness and disengagement.
“You hear about the ‘Sunday Scaries’ or a ‘case of the Mondays,’” said career strategist Ana Goehner. “Some people also believe that everyone hates their job. This expression gives people hope that finding a job they love makes their negative feelings about work go away.”
While people commonly attribute the quote to Confucius, there’s very little information regarding the origin of “find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day.” Some citations of the expression date back to the 1980s, but it seems to be even more prominent in the Etsy era of embroidered quote pillows and inspirational memes.
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“I think this mantra is almost as millennial as ‘live, laugh, love,’” said Kate Kennedy, author of the upcoming book “One in a Millennial” and host of the “Be There in Five” podcast. “I’m not sure when it became widespread, but I remember hearing it a lot in the early 2010s, whether it was a product of being post-recession, the start-up boom, or being in peak ‘Shark Tank’ America.”
Having entered the workforce amid the economic downturn of the Great Recession, Kennedy believes many young people were made to feel lucky to have any job at all.
“There comes the point of burnout where a lot of the joy is sapped from the hobby when it becomes your meal ticket.”
– Kate Kennedy
“That built-in sense of indebtedness to our employers normalised having a job you tolerated that paid the bills, so having a job you loved seemed like the most glamorous dream of all,” she said.
Meanwhile, technological advancements expanded our career options, with full-time bloggers, Instagram influencers and entrepreneurs monetising their hobbies through e-commerce and other new sources of income. Social media compounded the shift, as we saw people “just like us” showing off their flexible schedules, financial success and other aspects of these new aspirational work lifestyles.
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“It’s hard not to find other people’s lives and careers more desirable based on how they portray them online,” Kennedy said. “It’s almost like the volume of options and the frequency of seeing successful examples of exercising those options created a sense of ‘elsewhere’ for careers, where during the moments you are feeling job dissatisfaction, it’s hard not to idealise doing something else.”
But the reality is often detached from the ideal.
“It’s important to acknowledge that not everyone has the luxury of choosing a job they love,” said Elizabeth Pearson, a women’s career coach and author of “Career Confinement.” “For many people, their work is simply a means to an end, and they may not find much enjoyment or fulfilment in it. Additionally, even if you do love your job, there will still be times when it feels like work ― deadlines, difficult projects and long hours can all take a toll on your energy and motivation.”
We Are via Getty Images
Having a job you love is no guarantee that you won’t face challenges, difficult co-workers and other obstacles that make it feel like work, at least sometimes.
Stressful situations, terrible bosses, difficult co-workers, economic downshifts and other obstacles can arise no matter how passionate you feel about your work. Thus, “find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life” is, for most people, more of a feel-good statement than a feasible reality.
“I see this idea sold to service professionals: Work for yourself and do what you love,” Goehner said. “But few people discuss the challenges of building a business and performing tasks you dislike. Few people talk about the issues you face and all the learning involved. Doing what you enjoy should be the norm, but it’s still work. You are still trying to make a living.”
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Even if you have the freedom to take a leap and monetise your hobby, it probably will still feel like work at times.
“There comes the point of burnout where a lot of the joy is sapped from the hobby when it becomes your meal ticket,” Kennedy said. “The biggest issue for me when I started a product-based business was not having access to capital to outsource or hire out many of the functions to get off the ground efficiently, so it all fell on me to figure out, which ended up with me working way more hours for a lot less money than I made in my corporate job.”
The job doesn’t magically feel like it’s not work once you’ve found a sustainable way to make a comfortable living, either.
“I absolutely love my job, and I’m still beat by the end of the day,” Appio said. “It requires deep, sustained focus and active emotional processing and regulation for hours at a time. Outside of my sessions, I also complete paperwork, manage all of my billing, marketing and communications with clients and colleagues, offer consults for prospective clients, develop and deliver trainings, and pursue continuing education.”
Any job comes with difficult days, including one that overall brings fulfilment and joy. And it’s normal to not always want to devote the required time and effort to the job.
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“Even when you find work you love, jobs are temporary,” Goehner added. “In our current economy, you won’t likely spend your entire career with one company and do the same tasks. Even people who dedicate their lives to their careers may have tough days or perform tasks they dislike. You do what you enjoy, receive pay and hopefully get recognised for your efforts.”
What you ‘love’ doesn’t always translate to success or happiness.
“Telling others to ‘do what you love!’ is an oversimplification. Doing what you enjoy is not enough. Doing what you’re good at ― and being willing to stick with something, even when what was fun is no longer so fun ― can be just as important,” said Gorick Ng, a career adviser at Harvard University and author of “The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right.”
Consider whether you can leverage certain skills or expertise to succeed in your field.
“Maintaining the belief that work you love isn’t actually ‘work’ can create shame for people who feel burnt out or overwhelmed by work that they do truly love. This is especially common in work like health care, mental health and education.”
– Lauren Appio
“The expression doesn’t help people see possibilities based on where they are in their careers now,” Goehner said. “You can use your skills, gain new ones and find a workplace where you use 60-70% of the skills you enjoy. Sometimes, feeling a sense of expertise and having the freedom to share that at work can help you feel a sense of purpose or connection with your job.”
If you’re feeling drawn to a completely different path, give it a lot of thought and do your research. Ng emphasised that the idea of something is often more interesting than the thing itself.
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“Would I like to be a musician? Sure! Can I sing to save my life? No!” he said. “And does singing the same song over and over again in a different city each week still sound fun when I haven’t been home for six months? I’m not so sure.”
“Your number one passion may not be a realistic career,” Goehner added. “I’d love to take care of baby pandas, but the likelihood of this happening is minimal. Also, what you love may not provide a decent living for yourself or your loved ones. It could be a source of income, but you may need to supplement it with another job. Love doesn’t always pay the bills.”
Morsa Images via Getty Images
Even if you love a hobby like photography or baking, that doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily love the business of doing that hobby as a career.
Additionally, consider how you feel about the business of the thing you love, not just the activity or hobby itself.
“It’s great to have a dream job, but it’s also important to remember that you may not like the day-to-day tasks associated with monetising that dream,” Kennedy said. “I started a handmade business selling home decor where I hand-painted things, and I loved the category, I love working with my hands and being creative and I loved the idea of self-employment. But I didn’t spend most of my days doing an artist’s work ― I was mostly buried in things I was less passionate about, like shipping, fulfilment, customer service, and inventory management before I could afford help in those areas.”
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Ng shared a time he met a talented photographer and asked if he wanted to pursue his art as a full-time career.
“His response surprised me,” Ng recalled. “He said, ‘I love taking photos, but I hate the business of taking photos. The minute I start relying on photography to pay the bills is the minute I’ll stop loving it.’ Be honest with yourself if you’re thinking of turning an interest into a career. Do you love the business of doing something as much as you love doing the thing itself? Not everyone will say yes to this question and that’s OK.”
The expression sets up workers for dissatisfaction and shame.
One problem with this idea about work? “It can keep people preoccupied with finding their ‘dream job’ and experiencing a chronic sense of dissatisfaction,” Appio said. “Because if your work feels like work ― as work does ― does that mean you’re doing something wrong?”
This fantasy of doing what you “love” and never feeling like you have to work can also lead to feelings of guilt or shame for those who don’t take a huge leap. This is especially true in the age of social media when we frequently see “creators” sharing all the highlights of their careers and few if any of the downsides.
“When I was in a corporate job, I wondered if I had ‘sold out’ or forwent meeting my potential by working in the corporate world,” Kennedy said. “Sometimes, it creates a fear that you actively chose to do something you don’t love when you could have followed your passion.”
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There’s a sense of guilt for those who do make the choice to pursue a passion-based career.
“Maintaining the belief that work you love isn’t actually ‘work’ can create shame for people who feel burnt out or overwhelmed by work that they do truly love,” Appio said. “This is especially common in work like health care, mental health and education. Professionals in these areas may feel guilty or ‘ungrateful’ for experiencing compassion fatigue or needing a break.”
She also believes the “find a job you love and you’ll never work” expression can be used to further devalue creative or mission-driven work.
“If you love your job, people will often tell you that you ‘didn’t get into it for the money,’” Appio said. “But we all work to earn money, and even if we’d do our work for free in a different world, we all deserved to be paid well for the work we do.”
But it’s not completely off base.
“This is actually an expression that I believe in myself, and there have been moments where I lived it,” said career coach Jasmine Escalera. “The thing is, I do believe the expression needs to be tailored because it isn’t just about finding work you enjoy, but finding work that is connected to your purpose, to your passions and to your strengths.”
She believes a job that integrates the skills or tasks you’re particularly good at can make you feel inspired and as though you’re not working at all.
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“The company culture is such an integral part of enjoying the work, as well,” Escalera said. “So I would say not just find a job you love, but find an environment that will let you be the most successful version of you, and you’ll never feel like you have to work a day in your life.”
Other experts offered their own rewrites of the expression.
“To make the expression accurate, I’d say, ‘Find a job you enjoy and that recognises your efforts, and build time for hobbies and activities that bring purpose outside of work,’” Goehner said. “You are more than your job.”
“I’d tell people if they haven’t found a job they love, to find a job comprised of tasks they like and do what they love on the side,” Kennedy added. “Jobs are often more about the day-to-day than the broader industry or buzzwordy job description, and paying attention to the type of work you find engaging can be a good way to find job satisfaction within the confines of being employed by someone else.”
Whether you’ve monetised a hobby or simply work to pay the bills and seek greater purpose elsewhere, Ng noted that there is no objective right or wrong in your approach to your career, just a difference in personal choices and values.
If you do want to find meaning in work, however, he shared this rewrite: “Find something that brings you joy and purpose every day, and you’ll always have something to look forward to.”
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“Ultimately, the idea that you should ‘find a job you love’ is a good one, but it’s not always realistic or feasible,” Pearson echoed. “Instead, it’s important to strive for a job that aligns with your values and provides some level of fulfilment, while also being realistic about the fact that work is still work, even if you love it.”
This story was previously published on an earlier date.
Commentator Piers Morgan called out politicians for omitting Brexit from their election campaigns last night.
While critiquing the first leadership debate of the election so far, Morgan told BBC Newsnight: “The great unmentionable in all this is Brexit. Nobody is talking about Brexit.
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“Eight years after that referendum, I was someone who voted Remain but was adamant that you can’t just have another referendum immediately.”
The former TalkTV host said while he thought the initial “re-moaning was ridiculous”, he thinks it is now time to consider voting on the topic again.
Morgan said: “After eight years, given the state of the supposed ‘control’ of our borders, which is terrible, and given the self-harming effect on our economy, surely it’s time that Labour had an honest conversation about where the polling is on Brexit, which is where most people in this country would like another referendum, to see if they would like what they’ve been given.”
Piers Morgan, “The great unmentionable is Brexit.. Nobody is talking about Brexit” #ITVDebate
“I was somebody who voted remain.. I was adamant that you can’t just have another referendum immediately.. But I’m sorry, after 8 years.. Given the state of our borders.. The self… pic.twitter.com/XdcDYZKdJf
Labour called for another referendum on the UK’s EU membership back in 2019, before the country had officially left the trading bloc.
At the time, Jeremy Corbyn was the leader of the opposition and parliament was deadlocked over the terms of the withdrawal agreement.
Corbyn said he wanted to stop “no deal” or a “damaging Tory Brexit”.
Since then, Corbyn has lost the Labour whip and the party’s leader Keir Starmer – who is widely expected to win the next election, according to the polls – said last September there is no case for returning to the EU.
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He has stayed quiet on the topic ever since.
The Conservatives have not mentioned Brexit at all, despite spending the whole of the 2019 general election arguing that they were the ones who “got Brexit done”.
However, the topic is only more likely to rear its head now Chief Brexiter Nigel Farage has just returned to frontline politics.
To great fanfare, he announced this week that his eighth attempt to run for parliament in Clacton as the new Reform UK leader.
Helen is best known for her portrayal of Weatherfield resident Gail Platt in the long-running soap, a character she first began playing in 1974.
After five decades on the cobbles, the award-winning actor announced on Wednesday that she would be stepping away from the show later this year, and will be filming her final scenes as Gail next month in what’s being described as a “major storyline for the Platt family”.
“This year felt like the perfect time to leave the show after celebrating 50 years in the most wonderful job on the most wonderful street in the world,” she said.
“I made the decision at the start of the year and spoke to the producers who were very kind and understanding. I have been truly blessed to have been given the most incredible scripts week in week out, and to have worked with fantastic actors, directors and a brilliant crew.”
The 73-year-old admitted: “The past 50 years have flown by and I don’t think the fact that I am leaving has quite sunk in yet.”
Over the last 50 years, Corrie fans have seen Gail at the centre of numerous huge plotlines, most notably her daughter Sarah-Louise’s teenage pregnancy, an attempted murder attempt by her ex-husband Richard Platt and her Tudor-esque six marriages.
In 2014, to coincide with her 40th anniversary playing Gail, Helen was honoured with an Outstanding Contribution prize at the National Television Awards.
She was also recognised with an MBE last year for her services to drama.
Rishi Sunak has been accused of a “bare-faced lie” for wrongly claiming the number of migrants crossing the Channel in small boats is coming down.
Sunak said: “Over the last twelve months, the number of crossings [are] down a third because the plans we’ve put in place are starting to make a difference.”
But figures released by the Home Office today show that 10,745 have made the perilous journey so far this year – up 41% on the same point last year.
Jonathan Ashworth, Labour’s shadow paymaster general, said: “Another bare-faced lie from Rishi Sunak has been exposed.
“Last night, he told the British people that the number of small boat arrivals were coming down. But today, we have confirmation from the Home Office itself that small boat arrivals so far in 2024 are at a record high, running more than 40% higher than last year.
“Even worse, we now know that – when Rishi Sunak promised the British people that he would stop the boats – he was telling another lie.
“Exactly 18 months on from that day, 40,000 people have now made the crossing, while he has sat on his hands doing nothing to take on the smuggling gangs. Rishi Sunak has become a desperate liar.”
The row follows the controversy over Sunak’s claim that Labour will put up taxes by £2,000 per household if the party wins on July 4.
