Category Archives: Life

If You Feel Overwhelmed By The News, You May Be Experiencing This

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It’s no understatement to say the past decade and particularly past five years have been rough. A global pandemic in which 7 million people died worldwide, the cost of living crisis, a terrifying rise in far-right politics and a devastating genocide against Palestinian people just to name a few.

Is it any wonder that according to leading mental health charity Mind, around 1 in 3 adults say that their mental health has declined compared to pre-pandemic levels?

Now, researchers from the Boston University have warned that this culmination of devastating news could soon result in a type of trauma that was previously unnamed.

The researchers warn that many of us will be experiencing “vicarious trauma”: distress from secondhand exposure to traumatic events through news, our screens, or from comforting those traumatised by these events.

Vicarious trauma is inevitable, according to the experts

One of the researchers, Laura Captari, a researcher and psychologist said in an interview with Futurity: “It’s not possible to bear witness to suffering, to tragedy, without it kicking up big existential questions, whether we hear about it in the news or we’re watching it on our screens.

″‘Am I safe? Who can I trust?’ What’s particularly challenging in today’s world is that we’re an increasingly polarised and fragmented society, and people engage with social media in all different ways.

“For some people, it can really strengthen their connections, but for other people, it can be pretty isolating.”

Professor Steven Sandage, a researcher and psychology professor adds: “A trauma response is a survival mechanism to turn on hypervigilance and alertness. For any of us that feel under threat and with serious trauma effects, it’s gotten stuck in place as a hypervigilant alarm response.

“We can expect that it’s going to be harder to reset that in environments where there’s lots of polarisation.”

It may affect people differently

Speaking on our exposure to violent imagery on social media, Captari says: “It’s not just about what any of us are exposed to, it’s also about our relationship to what we take in, our ability to make sense of it.

“Does it consume our minds in an obsessive way? People’s social proximity is going to impact their experience of seeing violence through social media.”

He adds that for those directly or indirectly involved, it will be more damaging to their nervous system to see these stories than those who are just spectators. He explains: “If they are part of that community [victimised by the violence] or hold an identity overlapping with the people impacted, that’s going to activate their nervous system.

“So if I identify as queer, and there’s a mass shooting at a queer club, that’s going to hit me differently than the student next to me in class who doesn’t have a queer identity.”

The experts advise using social media more mindfully

While many of us think of social media as escapism or even admit to just doomscrolling, the psychologists recommend a more mindful approach to our scrolling habits.

Captari recommends that when you’re opening social media apps, you ask yourself these questions: “What am I hoping for when I pull up social media? What needs am I trying to meet?

“Is it to connect, to zone out, to amuse myself, to stay up-to-date with what’s happening in the world? How are my mind and body reacting to what I’m seeing?”

He also advises against living online as many of us do, saying, “We also need connection with people in real space and time, connection with nature, movement, for caring for our nervous system.

“We as humans can have morbid curiosity and get stuck in a state of “freeze” when something terrible happens, just watching it on repeat, trying to wrap our heads around it.”

Sandage adds: “Young adults have some of the highest rates of mental health vulnerability, and some of the lowest rates of utilisation of mental health services. This happens in the midst of an awful lot of stress on young people.

“Sometimes young people, I think, feel, ‘I need to face what’s going on in the world,’ which is a courageous commitment to not avoid what’s happening. But if it’s happening in a context of isolation, with few relationships or resources in which to metabolise all that, it’s not a good recipe.”

Take care of yourself.

Help and support:

  • Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
  • Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
  • CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
  • The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
  • Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.
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If You’re Waking Up To Pee This Many Times A Night, It’s Time To Check Your Breathing

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Waking up at 3am is a surprisingly common experience – and there are plenty of reasons why it might happen.

“During a typical night’s sleep, we go through multiple 90-minute cycles that include different stages of sleep, from light to deep and REM sleep,” the doctor said.

“Around 3am, most people are transitioning between cycles, and the sleep tends to be lighter at this point.”

This transition makes us “more susceptible to waking”, suggested the pro, especially if there are external disturbances such as noise, light, temperature changes or even the urge to use the toilet.

But if you find yourself waking up multiple times throughout the night to pee, including a 3am dash to the loo, did you know it could signal an issue with your breathing?

Why your nighttime toilet trip and breathing could be linked

Nocturia, or nocturnal urinary frequency, is an issue characterised by needing to wee more than once throughout the night.

It can be caused by a range of factors, one of which is obstructed breathing.

In fact, according to the Sleep Foundation, nocturia occurs in up to half of people with obstructive sleep apnea (OSA).

For those who haven’t come across the medical condition before, OSA, which is thought to affect as many as 10 million people in the UK, involves “stop and start” breathing patterns during sleep.

Per the Sleep Foundation, “OSA affects the hormones that control urine production, leading to more frequent urination”.

In a post shared on Instagram, dentist Dr Mark Burhenne (@askthedentist) explained the mechanisms of this further: “When your airway collapses during sleep, you keep trying to breathe against a closed airway. This creates massive negative pressure in your chest that stretches your heart muscle.

“Your heart responds by releasing a hormone called ANP (atrial natriuretic peptide) that tells your kidneys to dump sodium and water.

“Normally during sleep, your brain releases ADH (antidiuretic hormone) that tells your kidneys to CONSERVE water – so you can sleep through the night without peeing. But ANP actively SUPPRESSES that protective ADH signal. So you’re not just making more urine – your body’s brake system gets shut off too.”

He concluded that this means your body is “both actively MAKING more urine” and “blocking the signal that would conserve water”.

What to do about it

Dr Burhenne recommended tracking your nighttime pee breaks, as once a night might be normal, but two or more times “is a red flag”.

If you are waking up two or more times to pee, he urges you to consider: “Do I snore? Wake up exhausted? Have a small/recessed jaw, crowded teeth, or a history of retractive orthodontics?”

And if this is the case, he recommends speaking to a professional.

Sleep apnoea can be serious if it’s not diagnosed and treated, warns the NHS.

Treatment typically involves wearing a CPAP machine to improve your breathing while you sleep.

Alternatively, you might be offered a mandibular advancement device (a gum shield-esque device to hold your airways open when you sleep) or surgery to help your breathing.

Exercising regularly, sleeping on your side, losing weight if you’re overweight and adopting good sleep hygiene habits might also help.

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You Might Catch A Breathtaking Glimpse Of The Northern Lights Tonight

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Stargazers could get more than they bargained for while looking up at the night’s sky tonight.

Thanks to a huge solar storm, the Met Office’s Space Weather forecast suggests the northern lights (aurora borealis) will be visible tonight.

The lights were on full display last night too, with people in America sharing stunning images of a range of colours lighting up the sky.

Where will the northern lights be visible tonight?

The Met Office said parts of northern UK (and similar geomagnetic latitudes) will get the best view. There’s also a chance of sightings for those further south across England and Wales.

That said, cloud cover might make it tricky to see the phenomenon in some parts. You can check your forecast here.

The BBC reported it’s looking like the strongest aurora will happen before midnight, so at least you won’t have too long to wait.

Why will the auroras be visible?

Coronal mass ejections (CMEs) – eruptions of plasma and magnetic field structures from the sun’s atmosphere – are currently reaching earth.

When this happens, it can result in a geomagnetic storm, which can cause disruptions to satellite navigation and even power grids.

But a pleasant effect of such a storm is that it can also cause auroras to show up vividly in the sky.

What causes auroras?

Per Nasa, auroras are natural light shows caused by magnetic storms that have been triggered by solar activity. Due to the coronal mass ejections, “energetic charged particles from these events are carried from the Sun by the solar wind”.

“When these particles seep through Earth’s magnetosphere, they cause substorms. Then fast moving particles slam into our thin, high atmosphere, colliding with Earth’s oxygen and nitrogen particles.

“As these air particles shed the energy they picked up from the collision, each atom starts to glow in a different colour.”

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4 Ways The Cold Weather Might Be Impacting Your Mouth (Yes, Really)

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The cold weather can impact our bodies in so many ways, from making menopause symptoms worse to triggering arthritis flare ups.

But one little-known effect of the winter weather is that it can also trigger or worsen a range of dental problems, according to Dr Raj Juneja, principal dentist at Face Teeth Smile Dental Clinics.

So, in the spirit of staying informed – and preventing any issues from cropping up when the worst of the cold weather hits – here are just some of the ways cooler climes can impact your gnashers.

1. Tooth sensitivity

Dr Juneja said one of the most frequent issues dentists see during winter is tooth sensitivity.

When your tooth enamel (the outer layer of your teeth) becomes worn or thin, the underlying dentin and nerves are more exposed.

This means external stimuli – like hot or cold substances (yes, your morning coffee en route to work is very much included in that) – can reach the nerve and cause a sharp, shooting pain.

If you’ve noticed a bit of sensitivity, the dentist advises using a desensitising toothpaste and a soft-bristled brush, as well as avoiding acidic foods and whitening products that can thin the enamel further.

2. Cracked teeth and damaged fillings

Unfortunately, cold temperatures can also make teeth and dental restorations (like fillings and crowns) more brittle, said the dentist.

This is because when you go from warm to cold environments rapidly, your teeth can expand and contract slightly. Over time, this stress may lead to micro-fractures in enamel or even damage old fillings.

If you notice pain when biting or temperature sensitivity in a specific area, Dr Juneja recommends scheduling a dental check-up promptly, as early detection prevents small cracks from turning into a bigger issue.

3. Dry mouth and chapped lips

It’s not just your teeth which might be feeling the strain as the winter weather hits, as you ramp your heating up, you might notice you have a dry mouth. This can lead to bad breath, tooth decay and discomfort, said the dentist. You might notice your lips feel positively desert-like, too.

Dr Juneja’s advice? Stay hydrated, use a humidifier at home, and consider sugar-free lozenges or gum to stimulate saliva flow. He also advises applying a protective lip balm to prevent cracked lips and corners of the mouth.

4. Jaw tension and tooth grinding

Lastly, cold weather can cause people to clench their jaws or grind their teeth subconsciously, said the dentist, especially if you’re spending a fair bit of time shivering.

“This can worsen temporomandibular joint (TMJ) pain, lead to headaches, and wear down tooth enamel,” he said.

If you’ve noticed you’re a winter clencher, try relaxation exercises and keeping your face warm with a scarf. And don’t forget to ask your dentist about a night guard if you grind your teeth during sleep.

Keeping on top of dental check-ups can also help flag any signs of tooth damage or decay early on.

Good luck!

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The 15-Minute Lunch Change An Expert Says May Banish Your Afternoon Slump

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It feels like we went from 9pm sunsets to a black sky at half bloomin’ four in a matter of seconds.

And with increasing darkness comes the onset of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and vitamin D deficiencies for some. That’s not to mention potentially dysregulated sleep and decreased physical activity, either.

So perhaps it’s no wonder that Brenig Moore, health and safety and technical officer at Astutis, told HuffPost UK: “Lunch breaks matter all year round, but more so over the darker seasons of autumn and winter”.

In fact, Moore said, a 15-minute change to your lunch break could be considered a “basic safety requirement”.

You should go for a walk on your lunch break in winter

Sunlight during winter is scarce, which can deplete your stores of vitamin D and even disrupt your sleep.

But it will likely be too dark to get enough of that sweet sunlight on the other side of your work day.

So, the Royal Osteoporosis Society’s advice – “to let the sun shine on your face or arms for about 10 minutes between 11am and 3pm” – might be best achieved for many on their lunch break.

“It is a basic safety requirement to get out and take a small walk for at least ten minutes to boost your alertness, mood and energy,” Moore revealed.

He added, “Short days mean your body’s natural wake/sleep cycle is disrupted. Even just fifteen minutes outdoors can help you avoid that mid-afternoon slump that leads to mistakes, stress and burnout.”

Even your joints struggle in the colder, more sedentary months, he continued.

“Cold weather tightens muscles and joints, and what’s going to make that even worse is sitting in the same office chair all day… Moving at midday resets posture and reduces aches that lead to long-term issues.”

It may be especially useful in times of high pressure, the health expert stated: “Winter workloads spike, but powering through kills efficiency… The people who pace themselves work smarter, not longer. A 30-minute break can save hours of tired mistakes.”

What are the other benefits of taking a walking break this winter?

“You may find your mood to be a lot lower in winter than it is in summer, and this isn’t uncommon,” Moore said.

“A break in natural light helps keep serotonin levels stable, and stops stress building up and overwhelming you.”

Not enough motivation?

“Constant screen time drains the brain. Stepping away at lunch resets concentration and judgement, which will lower the risk of accidents happening both at work and at home,” the expert ended.

“By going out and resetting your brain, you’re less likely to come back to the office or your laptop and make any mistakes. Some accidents may just be something as simple as not including an attachment in an email, but some accidents may be something that could cause injuries for you or others in the workplace.”

BRB, just putting my trainers on…

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Yes, Science Says Exercising In Winter Really Is Harder

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Who was summertime me? I don’t recognise that running, strength-training, “Japanese walking” powerhouse – winter me is an immobile hermit.

I know, I know, staying active in the colder months is great for your health.

But I just can’t bring myself to work out often now that the clocks have gone back. The motivation simply won’t kick in.

If that sounds like you, though, some reassuring (or depressing, depending on your mindset) news: you’re not alone. There is real science behind your cold-weather sluggishness.

No wonder we tend to spend more time staying still in the final season of the year.

Why is it so much harder to exercise in winter?

If you are a member of the many people affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), your motivation to head to the gym may be shot.

A paper suggested that vitamin D may potentially increase athletic performance, though more research is needed. Many of us lack the vitamin, linked to bone, muscle, and tooth health, in the darker months, the NHS said.

Some research conducted on military service members suggested that “The combination of cold temperatures with other environmental stressors, including altitude, wind, and wet environments, exacerbates the overall metabolic strain on military service members.”

In other words, it just takes more out of you to work out when it’s chilly out.

Another paper found that people who stood outside in the cold before attempting cycling saw a decrease in performance of 30%.

Your muscles might not work as well in the cold, either (in fact, they can tense up so much in response to cool weather that it may increase your risk of injury).

Want to warm them up ahead of your training session? Fine – but that might take you more energy, too.

More great news: once you’ve completed a chilly session, your hormones may make you hungrier than you would have been if you’d exercised in warmer weather.

How can I motivate myself to work out in winter?

BBC Sports recommends reframing sport as “me time,” working out with others, wrapping up warm, changing your routine to an indoor one, and rewarding yourself when you do get active.

PureGym says that sticking to a routine and seeing exercise as a way to get sunlight – which can help you regulate your sleep, especially after the clock change – may help too.

Even committing to a quick burst of activity on your lunch break can be useful, experts told TODAY.

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Can’t Imagine Yourself Old And Happy? You May Have A ‘Sense Of Foreshortened Future’

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I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve always blanked when someone asked me about my five-year plan or inquired whether I wanted to get married or have kids.

My future feels like it has nothing to do with me, and I struggle to envision it – in general, though, the idea of hitting milestones never felt like it “fit” me.

I also felt vaguely as though I was going to die at 20, then 30 (I wonder if the goalposts will move again). It’s a phenomenon friends have described, too.

So, I felt enormous relief in discovering the term “a sense of foreshortened future”, which may be more common than you realise.

What is a “sense of foreshortened future”?

BACP member Alec Williams, a trauma-focused therapist based in London, said: “A ‘sense of foreshortened future’ isn’t simply just thinking that one’s life will be short”, though that can be a part of it.

“It often goes much deeper and can undermine a person’s entire worldview.

“Often,” he explained, “it happens due to an individual experiencing an extreme traumatic event… that shakes the very foundation of how they experience the world.”

Those with a “foreshortened sense of future” might lose all sense of trust in their environment, no longer believing that it can be a safe place where they are valued and cared for.

“Previous commitments, projects, interests or things they were looking forward to can begin to feel meaningless and become difficult to make sense of. The future of one’s life can often feel collapsed and insignificant,” the therapist added.

“In everyday life, this might mean not making long‐term plans, feeling separate or disconnected from the world or people, or believing that investing in the future is pointless.

“Over time, this can affect all aspects of someone’s life and heap a heavy strain on interpersonal relationships. How do you plan a future with someone who no longer trusts or believes in it?”

Why does “a sense of foreshortened future” happen?

Per Williams, trauma can leave you mentally stuck in your time (or times) of distress.

It “can disrupt continuity in time so that a person feels cut off from a
’before’ and an ‘after’”, he said.

“A catastrophic traumatic event, such as torture, can lead to a change in the
structure of time-based experience… they might not just have difficulty in
imagining the future, but experiencing time in a way where the future fails to
present itself as fully meaningful or available.”

This can sometimes make you feel “othered”.

Because people with a sense of foreshortened future may have a different understanding of both the past and the present (as well as what’s coming next), Williams says that “The future may still exist intellectually, but it lacks the availability and meaning that often allows for planning and hope.

“The world as they knew it has gone, and things that once held meaning are no longer relevant. The future is now either too unknown or too unsafe to engage with.”

It is not as simple as a fear of death, he added. “It’s a seismic shift in worldview that alters a person’s ability to move forward with their life and comprehend a future.

“This can lead to withdrawal. If the future life feels insignificant or meaningless,
the effort required to stay connected and invest in relationships, work, and
long‐term planning can feel futile.”

What can I do if I have a “sense of foreshortened future”?

Therapy can be a great step forward, says Williams. “We can help clients reconnect to what they care about, restore trust in the world, and rebuild time-based experience around past, present and future, helping them to put trauma back on the timeline.”

This way, he hopes, “once again, the future can belong to them, rather than being unreachable due to trauma”.

Per VeryWell Health, being mindful of your thoughts, seeking positive activities, connecting with others and reducing avoidance where possible, practising self-care, and choosing actions aligned with your values often may help too.

Help and support:

  • Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
  • Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
  • CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
  • The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
  • Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.
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Sourdough Bread May Have Health Benefits, But Some Doctors Recommend Reading The Label Carefully

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We don’t know for sure whether sourdough bread definitely has health benefits.

But dietitians like Lizzy Traxler, MS, RDN, also a diabetes educator at University Hospitals, say: “Over time, and in combination with other healthy lifestyle choices and a balanced diet, choosing sourdough over regular bread may provide numerous health benefits.”

These, she told University Hospitals, may include improved digestion. “The improved mineral absorption from the fermentation process supports cardiovascular function,” they add (this might be especially true of sourdough rye bread).

And the British Heart Foundation says sourdough bread may make your blood rise more slowly, too.

So why did Dr Karan Rajan, an NHS surgeon and author, advise we “check the ingredients list” on sourdough loaves before buying?

“Sourfauxs” use different fermentation methods

Quality wholegrain, sourdough, and high-fibre breads may contribute to the “replacement of hyper-palatable baked goods, which are high in sugar, fat, and salt,” which can be beneficial to our health, a 2023 paper reads.

But, they add, one of the reasons sourdough research is so tricky is because “there is no established and internationally recognised legal definition of sourdough bread”. In fact, they found, the artisanal products usually included in trials may differ from the sorts found on most shelves.

“Analysis of bread samples purchased in the market showed that most of these had pH levels of >5.0, substantially above desired levels of pH 4.5 to obtain desired changes in composition,” they wrote.

This paper did not say that this difference definitely meant one was better than the other, or that the higher pH versions were sourfauxs ― though traditional sourdoughs tend to have a lower pH, which is linked to their sour taste.

But if you would like to eat sourdough made from traditional starter, Dr Rajan advises you look at the labels of sourdough breads in search of “added yeast”.

“Authentic sourdough doesn’t mention any added yeast,” he explained, “because it uses a natural fermentation process.”

He added, “Imitation sourdough, or ‘sourfauxs,’ often contain commercial yeast like baker’s yeast and even chemical raising agents like baking powder in addition to, or instead of, live sourdough starter culture.”

To be clear, the doctor didn’t say there’s anything wrong with eating non-sourdough bread.

It’s just that he felt it was important consumers know what they’re really buying (especially considering sourdough bread could be easier for people who usually struggle to digest food to eat).

The Real Bread Campaign has called for more research into the topic. For now, though, the group, which is against “sourfaux” breads, list some studies which suggest the real thing might have some health benefits.

Why might supermarkets create “sourfaux” breads?

“Sourdough” is not a legally-protected term, Swie Joo, head baker at The Palmerston restaurant in Edinburgh, told The Independent (like Dr Rajan, by the way, the chef advised customers to check for the word “yeast” on packages if you want a traditional sourdough loaf).

That means you can add commercial, or non-fermented, yeast to “sourdough” breads.

This can make the rise of bread more predictable and easier to replicate. It can be cheaper and less time-consuming, too.

The combination could make mass production a lot easier.

The Real Bread Campaign write that their campaign “is to better protect us from the risk of being misled by cynical marketing and to allow us all to make better-informed choices about the food we eat”.

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The Average Number Of Friends People Have Is A Lot Lower Than I Thought

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According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), social isolation and loneliness are increasingly being recognised as public health issues across all age groups.

One in six people worldwide, the WHO added, face the problem, which they say can have “a serious impact on physical and mental health, quality of life, and longevity”.

That is not to say, of course, that having a small friend group necessarily means you feel lonely. But new figures from Talker Research have found that the number of mates people have on average has shrunk once again.

And Gen Z reported a higher number of friendships fading in the past 10 years (10.4) than Boomers (7.7).

What’s the average number of friends?

According to this data, which involved 2,000 participants, the figure balances out to 3.6 close pals per person.

As Vice points out, this figure seems to be “shrinking every year”, with younger generations seemingly increasingly affected.

Distance, life transitions, and not having enough time were cited as the top three reasons for growing apart.

In a separate YouGov Friendship Study, 58% of UK respondents said they had less than 10 friends, of any closeness level, overall.

12% of Britons said they had just one close friend, while 41% put it at two to three; meaning a majority (53%) have three close friends or fewer.

7% of people polled by YouGov said they didn’t have a single person they don’t have anyone they’d call a close mate (women and men formed equal parts of that figure).

How can I find and keep friends in adulthood?

Speaking to HuffPost UK previously, Dr Uma Darji, a family doctor who told us she’s often felt too tired to hang out with her friends, said, “What matters most is staying emotionally connected, not necessarily seeing each other constantly”.

She added, “I suggest adjusting expectations. If you aren’t up for a long dinner, try to engage with a short voice note or quick meme exchange to keep the lines of communication and connection alive without draining you… Be honest with your friends, you don’t have to pretend that you can do it all.”

And after seeing the Talker research we mentioned earlier, Kyle Sligar, a psychologist at All In Bloom Therapy, said “taking initiative, being consistent, and stepping into vulnerability” can help you to form new connections, too.

“There are so many other adults out there feeling lonely,” he added. The psychologist recommends attending community meet-ups, trying new classes, volunteering, and even trying new online groups.

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‘Banksying’ Could Be Why You Never Got Closure From Your Ex

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Look, no breakup is easy.

But “Banksying,” a dating trend which Dr Matthew Leahy, psychologist and the Director of Group Programming at Momentous Institute, describes as a kind of “emotional avoidance, spurred on by technology,” can be especially rough.

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Dr Leahy shared that the behaviour can leave people feeling lost and confused.

Here’s what the term means, how to spot it, and why the psychologist thinks it happens.

What is “Banksying”?

Named after the graffiti artist Banksy, whose artworks often pop up out of nowhere, “Banksying” refers to a breakup that leaves one party completely blindsided.

Though the person who breaks up with the other person may have been planning it for months, they can stay loving, attentive, and kind while planning their exit. For the other person, it seems the relationship was fine one day, but over the next.

Dr Leahy told us, “Dating apps have changed the game… our technological lives have created distance in actual human connection. We condition ourselves to view ourselves as more important than others and look at others as pieces in a game.

“We learn socialisation and dating etiquette in different ways now, and it’s become very easy to view others in a less empathetic and sincere way.”

This, he said, can lead us to avoid guilt and confrontation.

“Banksying,” the expert added, becomes a “mechanism to circumvent… having difficult conversations. ‘If I remove myself from someone, I don’t have to face their emotions,’ and ‘out of sight, out of mind’ kicks in.

“A big issue with this is that closure doesn’t occur. And that’s what has changed in the last 20 years. When I ghost, ‘Banksy,’ or vanish, the victim… is left to their own devices and thoughts to manage what happened and find meaning, which is often hard.”

How can I spot “Banksying”?

The point of “Banksying” is that the other person plans their exit without giving you any hints at all, if possible. That can make spotting it difficult.

Still, Dr Leahy said, “Human communication is just as much non-verbal as verbal, and your brain will notice subtle changes in your partner… Maybe they sigh a bit more often when you go in for a hug, or perhaps they’re sitting further away on the couch when you watch a show.”

A very rushed relationship can be a red flag, too, he added. “Often, a quick buildup means someone may try to exit quickly as well.”

Additionally, “Partners who quickly brush aside conflict or avoid discussions when issues arise may also be quick to leave or might already be wandering.”

Examine what happens when you two have disagreements. “Do they shut down until it goes away, or are they willing to face it and work with you?,” the psychologist asked.

“Those who avoid conflict might be showing signs that avoidance is how they handle their relationships, which could mean a fast exit and avoidance of those emotions as well.”

How can I handle a breakup that came out of nowhere?

It’s not an easy situation to be left in – your mind can run wild if you’ve been “Banksied” as you scramble to work out what went wrong and why.

As hard as it may be, though, Dr Leahy said, “Don’t allow your mind to create its own stories. It’s always good to reflect on our own experiences, but don’t let your brain assume that you did something wrong.

“Rely on trusted others, take a breath, and realise that people leave for many reasons.”

The most difficult step, he added, is accepting you may never know what went wrong. He says he spends many sessions working with people to embrace this.

“Brains want clarity with everyone and in every situation, and life doesn’t always work out that way. Learning to sit with uncertainty is a huge skill.”

Lastly, Dr Leahy said it’s important not to let “Banksying” affect your view of dating in the long-term.

“Don’t allow yourself to shut off from future relationships and vulnerability! Don’t let avoidance take hold of you! Get back out there,” he ended.

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