Most dog owners would love to spend every minute of every day with their pups. Alas, life gets in the way of that for many of us, which means trying to maximise whatever time we have together.
But what about when we want to get frisky with another human? Should we let our four-legged friends stay in the room? Or is it better to separate ourselves from our dogs before we start stripping down?
“When [my boyfriend] Benji and I have sex, we don’t let [our dog] Jumi on the bed, but he’s in the bedroom, and I feel a little bit weird about it,” Michelson admitted. “I feel like he doesn’t exactly know what we’re doing. What do you think about this from a behaviour standpoint?”
Levine said this is a common question she often gets from pet owners.
“For most dogs, it just doesn’t matter,” she said. “If they’re not bothered by it, it doesn’t matter at all. Dogs don’t have this hang-up like people do about things. They sort of live in the moment.”
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However, there are some behaviours that signal a dog should not be present
“Where we shouldn’t have the dog in a room when people are having sex is when the dog tries to intervene,” Levine told us.
“There are lots of dogs who have a little bit of FOMO … like when people are like hugging, the dog wants to join in and so the dog is just like, in a happy way, ‘Hey! What’s going on here?’ and that just ruins the mood.”
Other pups might be uncomfortable for a more worrisome reason.
“There are also dogs who will get very distressed because of the sounds that are being made [during sex],” she said. “They may interpret some of those sounds as aggression [happening to] you, and then it’s not fair to the dog to have them in the room for that.”
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Levine advised giving our furry friends a treat or a toy – either in the room or in another room – to keep them occupied until we’re done getting busy.
We also tackled a question from a listener about a similar – yet very different – scenario.
“We recently adopted a new dog and he loves to lick our older dog’s penis,” the listener said. “What’s going on there? And is there any downside to this or should I just let them go at it?”
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“There are different reasons a dog may lick another dog’s penis,” Levine said. “It may be that there are just so many good odours in [that area] that they’re attracted to that.”
She also noted that they might be enjoying a taste that is present on or around the dog’s genitals.
“We want to make sure the dog doesn’t have like some sort of yeast infection or something in there that’s making it more attractive to the other dog,” she said.
What about the dog who is letting his friend lick him? “If he’s allowing this, he probably just thinks it feels good, or it does feel good,” she explained.
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Levine told us she wouldn’t be worried about the behaviour if it’s happening “here and there”, but if it’s ongoing, it could cause problems.
“The concern about it going on for too long or too frequently is it’s possibly setting up for an infection in the penis that’s being licked.”
We also chatted with Levine about how to address unwanted barking, why some dogs get more aggressive as they get older, what to know before you let dogs and kids play together and much more.
Have a question or need some help with something you’ve been doing wrong? Email us at AmIDoingItWrong@HuffPost.com, and we might investigate the topic in an upcoming episode.
Around 523,000 people from the UK travelled abroad for surgery in 2024, with the most popular destinations for ‘medical tourism’ being Turkey, Poland and Romania, according to data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS).
People might travel abroad for treatments such as dental and cosmetic surgery, cancer treatment, weight loss surgery, fertility treatment, organ transplants and stem cell therapy, according to experts at TravelHealthPro.
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“Transgender travellers may seek hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery abroad,” they added.
The growth in medical tourism appears to stem from a mixture of factors, including higher disposable incomes, increased readiness to travel for health care, low-cost air travel and the expansion of internet marketing, TravelHealthPro said.
NHS waiting lists have also been growing in recent years, though NHS England noted it delivered more elective activity in 2025 than any other year in its history, “helping cut the waiting list to its lowest level since February 2023”.
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If you’re one of the many people tempted to go abroad for surgery or treatment, Qian Huang, international claims manager at William Russell, has shared some key considerations below.
What you need to know before travelling abroad for surgery
“The idea of having surgery abroad can be nerve-wracking, particularly when it comes to questions of safety,” Huang said.
“Many people considering surgery abroad decide not to go because of concerns about safety, the quality of the medical care, or not understanding the foreign healthcare system.
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“However, in reality, many international hospitals and clinics follow standards of care that match or exceed those found in the UK, US, or Europe. The key is knowing what to look for.”
How to find an accredited hospital abroad
Medical accreditations are a key indicator of a hospital’s commitment to international standards.
One of the most widely recognised is the Joint Commission International (JCI) accreditation, often considered the global gold standard, which evaluates hospitals on areas such as infection prevention, medication safety, staff training, patient communication, and emergency readiness.
To find an accredited hospital abroad, patients can check official accreditation bodies’ websites, verify information on hospital websites, contact the facility directly, or consult medical tourism networks and national health authorities.
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What to check before booking surgery
To steer clear of issues, Huang shared six factors to be aware of before booking surgery abroad.
1. Lack of accreditation or vague claims
“Be wary of hospitals that mention ‘world-class standards’ without naming an actual accrediting body,” he said. “Reputable facilities will proudly display credentials from recognised organisations like JCI, ACHSI, or Temos.”
2. ‘Too good to be true’ pricing
Competitive pricing is probably one of the top reasons people consider surgery abroad, but Huang warned ultra-low prices should raise alarm bells.
Check the qualifications of the surgeon, what’s included in the cost, and whether the aftercare and follow-up appointments are covered, he added.
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3. Poor communication or pressure tactics
If you’re struggling to get clear answers from the hospital or feel rushed into making a decision, consider taking a step back. Trustworthy providers are transparent, patient, and more than happy to talk you through the details.
4. No clear aftercare plan
Recovery is just as important as the procedure itself. A good hospital will give you a personalised aftercare plan, including advice on travel, medication, and any physical restrictions, before you agree to surgery.
5. Inconsistent or missing reviews
Take the time to search for independent reviews and testimonials before considering which hospital to have the surgery at. A complete lack of online feedback, or reviews that sound overly scripted, can be a red flag.
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6. Limited information about the surgical team
When researching your hospital, you should be able to find the names, qualifications, and experience of the surgeons who’ll be treating you. If this information is unavailable or unclear, you need to proceed with caution.
Using a public toilet is rarely a joyous occasion. They’re filled with sights and smells that can strike fear in the hardest of hearts (and stomachs), and still, most of us have to venture into them at some point if we ever want to live a life outside of our homes.
So how can we make our time in a public bathroom better or safer or, at the very least, less gross?
“Every time I talk about toilet seats and toilets, I’m always saying, ‘Well, it’s not germy – everything is germier than a toilet seat,’” Tetro told us. “[I’m basing that on] studies that were done back in the 1970s and controlled laboratory environments that were mimicking the home… [but those toilets] also had a lid.”
That lid, which is absent from the vast majority of toilets in public restrooms, is key, he said, to containing what scientists call a “poo plume” – the droplets and aerosol particles that can spray up to six feet out of the toilet when we flush.
“As a result of [there not being a lid], there’s that plume that comes from the toilet that ends up on the seat, and no matter where you go, you’re always going to find that about 50% of the [public restroom] toilet seats at any given time are going to have some kind of poo germs on them in the range of hundreds [of particles],” he said.
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Those poo particles can contain E. coli, salmonella, or even norovirus, all of which, if present in high enough concentrations, can make us sick – but not from sitting on the toilet seat.
“We do see potentially some low level of all sorts of different types of bacteria and viruses that could potentially cause an infection, but the reality is, unless you have a cut, then there’s really no opportunity for that to get into your skin to cause a problem,” Tetro, the author of The Germ Files and The Germ Code, explained.
However, droplets in the air are a different matter altogether. That’s why he says flushing the toilet is the first thing he does before using it to “get a fresh” bowl and he never stays in the stall after flushing.
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“Make sure that you kind of get out of the stall for 30 seconds to let whatever was aerosol or the droplets to fall and then you can go back in,” he said, noting that he actually does this himself before he uses a toilet in a public restroom.
“So here’s the problem: if it’s norovirus or some of the more really troublesome bacteria like E.coli 0157:H7, then you may actually end up getting exposed to a high enough level that it could potentially cause infection,” he warned.
That’s because the droplets from the plume could land in your mouth or nose – which is even more of a danger if you’re standing in close proximity to a public restroom toilet that features an extremely powerful flusher.
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“So if you’re gonna go for the clean or for the fresh bowl, make sure that your face is nowhere near that plume,” he added.
Once you’ve finished your business, don’t stick around in the stall after you’ve flushed either – unless you want to be showered by a plume of your own poo particles.
We also chatted with Tetro about the germiest part of a public restroom (spoiler: it’s not the toilet seat), what to do if there’s no soap in the bathroom, and much more.
Need some help with something you’ve been doing wrong? Email us at AmIDoingItWrong@HuffPost.com, and we might investigate the topic in an upcoming episode.
Right now, longevity is all the rage and as we are gradually getting older as a population, we’re hoping to extend our lifetimes even further. It makes perfect sense, right?
Plus, most longevity advice can often be summarised into: eat healthy foods, exercise often and keep a healthy sleep schedule to reduce stress. All of this is great advice and we should be trying to implement it into our lives as much as possible!
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However, there is a stage where a preoccupation with longevity is just a little too far and could be impacting your mental health and even the quality of your life as you lock into the quest for a longer life.
It’s called ‘longevity fixation syndrome’
While this isn’t an official diagnosis, experts at Paracelsus Recovery, a mental health clinic based in Zurich have found that an obsessive and unhealthy fixation on longevity is increasingly presenting as anxiety and stress, and even eating disorders with their patients.
Speaking to The Mirror, Jan Gerber, the founder and CEO of Paracelsus Recovery said: “We are seeing a growing number of people whose lives are being dominated by the fear of ageing and decline, so much so that we have identified it as a new condition, Longevity Fixation Syndrome,
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“What starts as self‑care becomes obsessive self‑surveillance. The stress generated by this mindset can be so intense that it actively shortens lifespan rather than extending it.”
Gerber adds that “there is no longevity without good mental health.”
Additionally, Jason Wood, a former sufferer of this syndrome said to The Guardian that he believes that longevity obsession is closely aligned to orthorexia: a condition characterised by excessive interest in, concern about, or obsession with healthy food.
Wood says: “I believe many of the underlying factors and desired outcomes which fuel orthorexia are the same for longevity fixation syndrome. But with the latter, there are more variables you feel like you need to control, so even more anxiety.”
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If any of this feels familiar to you, speak to your GP or leading eating disorder charity BEAT for support.
The loss of a loved one is a heavy weight and one that all of us will experience throughout our lives. The emotional toll alone can make day to day life incredibly difficult to cope with.
This is before we even consider the practical and financial elements of loss which, according to the loss experts at Empathy, fall disproportionately on women in the UK.
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HuffPost UK spoke exclusively with Clare Dodd, UK General Manager at Empathy who shared: “When we talk about bereavement, the first thing people think of is the emotional devastation – how awful it must be to not have that person in your life anymore.
“But what often gets overlooked, and can be equally painful to deal with, is the practical avalanche that follows a death. And in the UK, that burden disproportionately falls on women.”
This is partially because Census data reveals women are significantly more likely to be widowed than men, and around three quarters of bereavement benefit claimants are female according to DWP data.
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However, the bereavement gender gap goes a little deeper
Dodd adds: “Beyond the statistics, we see a clear pattern amongst the people we work with: women are often the ones left navigating the administrative tasks of loss, while handling their own grief.
“And the to-do list can be lengthy – planning a funeral, contacting pension providers, closing bank accounts, organising the funeral, dealing with probate, all while holding the family together emotionally.”
Of course, this leads to a lot of stress on women. According to Empathy’s research, women are almost 40% more likely than men to suffer physical symptoms of stress, and 60% more likely to experience psychological symptoms post-loss.
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Dodd adds: “We’re also seeing the ramifications of traditional gender stereotypes around finances play out in grief. Empathy’s research found that women are more likely to report being uninvolved in long-term household financial planning, such as managing advisers, pensions and insurance.”
This aligns with UK data showing 70% of people who manage household finances alone are men. Additionally, research from Canada Life also found nearly half of couples don’t know where their partner’s will is kept, highlighting how financial visibility gaps are widespread.
“So when a partner dies, some women are not just grieving; they’re also suddenly trying to understand pensions, investments or debts they may never have been fully included in, find the details for a financial adviser they’ve never met or figure out which insurer to contact,” says Dodd.
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“That cognitive load is huge. Grief already affects memory, concentration and decision-making. Layer complex bureaucracy on top of that and it can become very difficult to cope.”
The bureaucracy of death admin can take a toll, too
We wrote last year about how death admin becomes a secondary trauma for grieving people, and Dodd agrees, saying: ” Every bank, insurer and utility provider has its own process. People have to repeat the same painful information again and again, which makes it incredibly difficult to begin the healing journey.
“The way bereavement works from a policy perspective doesn’t make this any easier, which is a real shame. Outside of child bereavement, there is no guaranteed statutory paid leave for losing a spouse or partner in the UK.
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“Many people get just a couple of compassionate days off work, and then they’re expected to return while still navigating funeral arrangements and legal processes, as well as the emotional implications of a loss that they may not have fully processed yet. A few days off simply doesn’t reflect the magnitude of what bereavement involves.”
How we can better support women through the admin side of loss
I asked Dodd what we could do to support women when they’re dealing with this avalanche of admin. She said: “The people we work with often tell us they feel isolated but don’t know why, since a lot of family and friends might be checking in, bringing food or saying things like ‘let me know if you need anything.’
“For most people though, it feels too daunting to make a specific ask – and sometimes they don’t even know what to ask for. So the best support you can give to anyone navigating the admin of loss, regardless of gender, is to offer practical, bite-size support.
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“Little things like researching the process for cancelling their loved one’s driver’s licence or sourcing the number for the right department at the bank can be hugely helpful”
She adds that while your loved one may be capable of managing all of this, they may not have the bandwidth to, saying: “Remember this is not about capability. It’s about capacity. Someone might be perfectly competent or independent, but grief shrinks your bandwidth. Reducing decision fatigue is a real form of care.”
How we can prepare ourselves for loss
It’s not a comfortable topic to address but Dodd says: “The single most protective thing couples can do is talk openly about money and logistics before anything happens. Both partners should know where key documents are kept, understand what accounts exist, and feel confident accessing them. Passwords and important contacts should be documented somewhere secure but accessible.
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“It’s never nice to think about death, but keeping your will up to date is so crucial. Remember big life changes like getting married, divorced or having a child can invalidate previous wills or signal changes to intestacy if someone dies without a will.
“If there are big changes to your assets, for example purchasing a new or additional property, it’s also a great time to review both your will and your insurance cover.”
Look after each other.
Help and support:
Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.
I don’t know about you but suddenly all of my friends are experts on skiing, figure skating and snowboarding – and it’s all thanks to the 2026 Winter Olympics completely captivating them all.
I mean, who can blame them?
The drama, the skill, the absolutely terrifying risks they take as athletes — these sports are not for the faint-hearted and for us, the audience, they make for an incredible viewing experience, even for those who don’t usually care about sports.
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All of this got me thinking, though, how do they cope with performance anxiety?! I struggle to keep it together for a Zoom presentation to 12 people. Can you imagine knowing the world has its eyes on you and the country you represent is depending on you to win?
Couldn’t be me.
What Olympians can teach us about performance anxiety
Writing about the mental health impacts of being an Olympian back in 2021, Dr David M. Lyreskog, of the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Oxford, said: “In elite sports teams, the prevalence of depression and anxiety is sometimes as high as 45%, and in adolescent elite sports the prevalence of eating disorders is approximately 14%. The pursuit of performance – of excellence – does not appear to be a healthy one.”
Among the wider population, mixed anxiety and depression is Britain’s most common mental disorder, with 7.8% of people meeting the criteria for diagnosis, according to the Mental Health Foundation.
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So, how do almost half of Olympians cope with anxiety when they’re supposed to be at the top of their game? And what can we learn from them?
Writing for the official Olympics website, four-time swimming Olympian-turned-sports psychologist Markus Rogan shared how he had been an anxious athlete and had learned four key lessons to get him through bouts of anxiety.
These include:
1. ‘Growing through anxiety’ and connecting with loved ones you trust
“It’s easy to surround yourself with people when you’re amazing, but maybe you can explore relationships with those who are there with you when you’re down,” he said.
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2. Facing tough questions
When your brain is racing with ‘what if’ questions, ask yourself why you’re worried about this. Is the worry founded or are you just having anxious thoughts?
3. Asking people for their opinions
Sometimes, our anxiety simply comes from the unknown. Ask your loved ones to help. Ask them what you’re afraid to hear and trust them to protect you as they do so.
4. Not ignoring your thoughts
Sometimes bad thoughts are just bad thoughts, but once you label them, you can work on them. “Don’t forget that even the most profound thought is still just a thought,” he assured.
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Speaking to Psychology Today, Dr Cindra Kamphoff, who has worked with professional and Olympic athletes for two decades, shared how she supports them following Olympic performances.
She said: “After the Olympics, we debrief. We evaluate what worked, what didn’t, and how to grow from the experience. Then we reset goals and begin preparing for the next competition.
“Confidence and mental performance are ongoing processes, not event-specific interventions.”
A new wellness trend has hit social media – and while it’s usually tempting to approach these trends with a healthy dose of skepticism, this one might actually be worth trying.
It’s called ‘dark showering’ and it’s exactly what it sounds like: showering in the dark, not long before you wind down for the night. A cosy nighttime routine that puts you into a restful mindset and could, in theory, help you get a good night’s sleep.
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It doesn’t have to be pitch black, and dimming the lights could be enough (or even just leaving your hallway light on and the bathroom door ajar), but it does appear to feel good for some people.
As @Emgilly on TikTok said: “One way I reset my nervous system as a [Stay At Home Mom] is by taking a shower in the dark. Try it, it works.”
Why might showering in the dark work?
First things first, we know that dimming the lights can help us tell our bodies it’s time to sleep.
Writing for The Conversation, Timothy Hearn, a lecturer in Bioinformatics, said: “Bright light in the evening signals to the brain’s internal body clock that it is still daytime. This delays the release of melatonin, a hormone that helps regulate sleep and is often described as the body’s ‘darkness signal’.
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“In a laboratory study of 116 adults, typical room lighting between dusk and bedtime reduced early night melatonin levels by about 70% compared with very dim light. Exposure to room light before bed also shortened the total duration of melatonin release by about 90 minutes. Participants reported feeling more alert.”
Then there’s the warm water element. Just like parents use bathtime as a sleep cue for their kids, having a warm shower can work in a similar way. But why does it work?
The Sleep Foundation explains: “Body temperature plays an important role in the sleep-wake cycle, and human bodies naturally experience a decrease in core body temperature before nightly sleep.
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“Scientists have found that by impacting this natural temperature regulation process, showers and baths can affect sleep.”
It’s been dubbed the “warm bath effect” – and one analysis found taking a shower or bath in water that’s around 40-degrees Celsius can improve sleep quality.
HuffPost UK spoke exclusively to Archie MacDonald, director of Highland Soap Co., who also believes scent plays a “huge role” in how we experience relaxation.
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“When you shower in low light, fragrance becomes more noticeable because your senses aren’t competing with visual stimulation,” he said.
“Certain essential oils, like lavender and patchouli, are known to help calm the nervous system and reduce feelings of stress, which is why scent-led rituals can have such a powerful effect on mood and wellbeing.
“A dark shower allows that sensory experience to come to the foreground, turning an everyday routine into something more restorative.”
MacDonald suggested the trend is gaining popularity because people are increasingly aware of how overstimulation, screens and busy schedules affect them, and they’re looking for simple ways to unwind that fit into daily life.
“Dark showering doesn’t require extra time or space, but it creates a clear shift from day to night through scent and atmosphere,” he added.
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“That focus on small, intentional rituals reflects a wider move towards protecting wellbeing in achievable, sustainable ways.”
We all know that Wuthering Heights is not about a love that we should aspire to, right? We know that their bond was eventually very toxic, that they mistreated each other and everybody around them, and it ended anything but happily ever after.
All of that being said, watching Emerald Fennell’s take on the novel can definitely remind you of a certain ex. Not the one you had an amicable split with, not the ‘fun summer fling’. No. This ex is the one that you had the senselessly passionate relationship with. Everything was aflame and when it ended, you went no-contact. Probably because your friends begged you to.
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It’s not romantic but it’s definitely alluring: the thrill of the chase, the passion between you, the way they took up residence in your head and squeezed into every thought… they’re pretty unforgettable, probably quite toxic, and seeing a highly stylised version on-screen with this blockbuster can easily reignite certain memories.
Why you can’t get over your toxic ex
On paper it should be easy, but getting over this kind of ex is not simple, much like the bond itself – as divorce coach Carol Madden notes on Medium: toxic relationships take longer to heal from than healthier ones.
Speaking to Business Insider, relationship expert Jessica Alderson explained that these kind of relationships are a bit like an addiction, saying: “They are often characterised by extreme highs, during which relationships seem perfect and magical, followed by crashing lows, which are usually caused by a partner pulling away or acting out – this can make people feel alive.”
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Once the relationship finally ends, your body can still crave this unpredictability. She added: “The emotional rollercoaster can make it harder to move on and accept that the relationship wasn’t meant to be.”
How to get over an ex
Clinical psychologist Dr Ruth Ann Harpursuggested that after a relationship breaks down, people will naturally try to seek answers about where it all went wrong – and while it’s a “crucial step” in the early moments of the breakup, it’s important not to keep going over every detail of the relationship and your ex’s behaviour.
If you get stuck ruminating, you become “tied to the past” and end up reliving the pain, she suggested. So, her advice is to: “Understand that ruminating on past abuses may feel safe but it keeps you from living fully in the present and building healthier relationships.”
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She also urges people to focus on activities they really enjoy to keep busy and connect with themselves again, and to open themselves to new friendships and relationships.
I was 14 the first time I really thought about the death penalty. Every day in freshman English, our teacher wrote a new question on the whiteboard. Before class began, we had to write a short essay on the topic. One day, the prompt read: “What is your opinion on capital punishment?”
Until that moment, I hadn’t given it much thought. Whenever I heard that someone had been sentenced to death, I just assumed they probably deserved it. But I’d never been asked to consider whether it was morally right.
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I wrote my first sentence with a No. 2 pencil: “I believe the death penalty is appropriate when a serious crime has been committed.”
Then I stopped. I picked up the eraser and erased it. I realised I couldn’t, in good faith, justify capital punishment.
Unlike my answer to the question on the board, death wasn’t a decision that could be undone just by picking up an eraser. Death was final. So, from that moment forward, I knew where I stood: I was against the death penalty.
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As I grew older, my opposition to the death penalty never faded. It became a core part of my identity, a topic I often returned to in conversations with friends, or sometimes even strangers.
The more I read about the topic, the more disturbed I became by how unevenly capital punishment is applied. Two people can commit the same crime and receive completely different sentences, depending on where the crime occurred, or on their access to money and legal resources.
I learned about the many people who were executed and later found to be innocent. I began donating to The Innocence Project, an organisation that works to free the wrongfully convicted. At times, my donations were small. But it was my way of staying connected to a belief I had carried since I was 14.
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I never expected that 20 years later, I would again be confronted with the same question written on that whiteboard. But this time, it wasn’t hypothetical.
In April 2025, I received a jury summons. I didn’t have time for jury duty, but the court’s website said most proceedings last only two to three days. I assumed I would not be selected, and if I was, I expected it to be brief.
Ultimately, I was selected to be a juror, and I quickly realised this wouldn’t be the case. It was a trial of an accused serial killer who was alleged to have murdered eight people: Andrew Remillard; Parker Smith; Salim Richards; Latorrie Beckford; Kristopher Cameron; Maria Villanueva; his mother, Rene Cooksey; and her partner, Edward Nunn.
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As the scope of the case became clear, I knew that a death sentence was a real possibility, and I felt conflicted about moving forward as a juror. But as I listened to other potential jurors answer the attorneys’ questions during selection, I began to think maybe I belonged there. I hoped I could keep an open mind and bring nuance to deliberative conversations.
One of the most difficult days as a juror was when the youngest daughter of Maria Villanueva testified. Maria had been abducted and sexually assaulted. Her lifeless body was found in an unpaved alley – nearly naked, surrounded by trash cans and cigarette butts.
After listening to her talk about her mother, I had a 6pm dinner reservation for pasta and drinks with my neighbours. The juxtaposition felt shameful, but I was desperate to think about anything other than what had happened in court.
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After months of testimony, the jury deliberated on whether or not the defendant was guilty. We found the defendant guilty on all charges, but the jury still had to determine if the defendant would receive life in prison with no release or the death penalty.
Before the sentencing phase of the trial began, the victims’ families read their impact statements.
When Kristopher Cameron’s partner spoke, I knew her words would hurt.
“Our son was only 10 months old when his father was taken. My daughter never got to meet him. My kids will never experience dances or donuts with their dad. He had dreams. Now all we are left with is the void his absence will carry.”
Kristopher’s children will never hear his voice or watch him walk through the front door after work and kiss their mother. Instead, they’re left with ashes on a mantle. They won’t know his smell, his laugh, or how it felt to hug him. They will never unwrap a gift with a tag that says, “From Dad.” Kristopher’s murder ended one life, but it also fractured every life he was connected to.
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After several more months of listening to the prosecution and the defense arguing over mitigating circumstances, it was time for the jury to deliberate again. We immediately took a preemptive vote.
I was the only one who didn’t instantly vote for death.
Photo Courtesy Of William Ehlers
The author with his dog.
Attempting to keep an open mind, for six out of the eight counts, I voted as “undecided”. For the murder of the defendant’s mother and her partner, I voted in favour of life without parole.
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I braced for the judgement from the other jurors. I explained that I had tried to consider all the mitigating circumstances related to the defendant. He had been abused. I know his childhood was difficult, and I know that he had a problem with drugs. Legally, these factors all allowed us to grant leniency. But any attempt to have these conversations fell on deaf ears.
Many jurors refused to acknowledge the defendant’s history of drug abuse and mental illness, despite expert testimony from both the defense and the prosecution. All the mitigating circumstances were irrelevant to them. The only thing that mattered was making sure the defendant was executed.
It didn’t feel like justice for the victims – it was vengeance toward the defendant.
After just a few days of deliberation, I knew if I didn’t change my vote to execute, I’d be the cause of a hung jury, which meant the sentencing phase would have to be retried, a process that would take months. A new group of jurors would be tasked with deciding a sentence for a verdict they hadn’t delivered. And there was no way to know how long it would be before the new trial began.
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I sat on the floor of the jury room hallway, creating a list.
If I choose death, that’s it. He’s dead.
But if I choose life, the jury will hang. His sentence will be retried, some new set of jurors will go through it all again, and the victims’ loved ones will be denied closure.
There was no option that did not harm someone, if not many people. There was no option that minimised the damage. I’d gone into this trial initially believing I would not vote to execute the defendant under any circumstance. I romanticised the idea of refusing to crack under pressure, and the mercy I would be extending to someone. But after a week of sleepless nights and several bottles of wine, I knew what I had to do.
“All in favour of life for count one, regarding Parker Smith, raise your hand.”
“Now, all in favour of death, raise your hand.” Twelve votes.
I was forced to put my hand up for each individual charge until I had voted for death six times. I couldn’t bring myself to vote for death regarding the murder of the defendant’s mother, Rene Cooksey, and her partner, Edward Nunn, because I did not believe the defendant was in a coherent state of mind when he committed these murders.
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Once the vote was done, I managed to lift my head off the table, only to drop my face into my palms and weep. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I could hear backpacks zipping as the other jurors packed up their belongings to head out for lunch, while I just cried.
The defendant had been arrested on Dec. 17, 2017. Exactly eight years later, we turned in our verdicts. They were read out loud the next day.
Being a juror on a capital murder trial unearthed frustrations with our system that I never knew existed. I always knew that I didn’t support capital punishment, but I supported it even less after this experience.
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I know I will always partially regret my decision. My life will forever exist in two sections: before trial and after trial. If I was able to give in on my most strongly held belief, what do I really believe in, and what do those beliefs even mean? Being responsible for an execution is a burden I will carry with me. While the death of each victim brings me sorrow, so does the inevitable death of the defendant.
I wish the trial hadn’t ended this way. But I wish there didn’t have to be a trial at all, because I wish that all eight victims were still here. I think about Andrew, Parker, Salim, Latorrie, Kristopher, Maria, Rene and Ed constantly. I will always do my best to make sure they live on.
I chose death, not because I wanted the defendant to die, but to bring closure to the families and to allow the victims to finally rest in peace. Although I know I am going to carry the burden of that choice with me forever, I hope it lifted at least a little of that burden off them.
Marvel’s latest hit TV show follows the story of Simon Williams (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II), an aspiring actor struggling in the entertainment industry who’s desperate to star in a major remake of his favourite childhood superhero film, Wonder Man.
Simon meets fellow actor Trevor Slattery (Sir Ben Kingsley), and the pair strike up a friendship as they attempt to bag themselves life-changing roles in the new film.
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The pair get into a few scrapes throughout the series, and we see Simon struggling with anxiety, his racing thoughts and emotions getting the better of him.
In one scene, Trevor teaches Simon about the art of “box breathing” to regulate himself, which the actor then continues to utilise throughout the series.
While it’s not a new technique, viewers who weren’t previously familiar with this breathing exercise have now adopted it in their own lives, with positive results – especially when they’re feeling anxious.
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What is box breathing?
As the exercise involves holding your breath, Medical News Today notes that people with high blood pressure or who are pregnant should consult a doctor before trying it.
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To give it a go, draw a box in your mind – or in the air in front of you with your finger:
Breathe in for four seconds, while drawing along one side.
Hold your breath for four seconds, while drawing along the next.
Breathe out for four seconds, while drawing along the third side.
Leave your lungs empty while you draw along the fourth side.
Mental health pros are big fans of this breathing technique.
Counselling Directory member Donna Morgan tells HuffPost UK: “Box breathing is one of the simplest and most effective tools I use in my work as an anxiety therapist.
“I smile when clients mention they first saw it on Wonder Man, because popular culture sometimes introduces people to techniques that are genuinely powerful.”
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Breathing properly (that is, utilising your lung’s full capacity) has many benefits –it can reduce stress and anxiety levels, slow heart rate, lower blood pressure, and sharpen focus.
Morgan explains that box breathing is effective because it creates balance and predictability, “which is incredibly reassuring for an anxious nervous system”.
“What makes it so effective is not just that it distracts the mind, but that it directly influences physiology. Slow, controlled breathing stimulates the vagus nerve and supports the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest and repair,” she shares.
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Counselling Directory member Sabah Moran agrees it’s an effective strategy to help regulate stress hormones and activate the parasympathetic nervous system, taking our body back to its ‘rest’ state.
When we are anxious, our fight or flight response is activated leaving us with those classic symptoms: raised heart rate, shallow breathing, sweaty palms and that nauseating feeling in the pit of your stomach.
“The controlling of the breath both in and out, allows the levels of oxygen and carbon dioxide to be back in balance. Adrenaline and cortisol can leave the system,” Moran adds.
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Donna Morgan noted that when we consciously slow the breath and create even counts, “we send a clear message to the brain that we are safe”.
“We have the power to do this. Over time, clients learn that they can influence their own state rather than feeling hijacked by it,” she added.
Love box breathing? Try the ‘5,4,3,2,1 method’
In addition to box breathing, both therapists love grounding techniques such as the 5,4,3,2,1 method, which is designed to bring someone out of anxious thinking and back into the present moment by using the senses.
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It works like this:
5. Name five things you can see. 4. Notice four things you can feel or touch. 3. Identify three things you can hear. 2. Notice two things you can smell. 1. Name one thing you can taste or one thing you appreciate.
Explaining why it works, Morgan says: “When someone is anxious, the amygdala is activated and the brain is scanning for threat.”
This method redirects attention to neutral sensory data, however. “That shift reduces cognitive spiralling and signals safety to the nervous system. It also engages the prefrontal cortex which supports rational thinking and emotional regulation,” she adds.
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“Like box breathing it is simple. We may not be superheroes on screen, but we all have the capacity to influence our own mind and calm our nervous system when we understand how it works.”
Clearly, Trevor is onto something…
All eight episodes of Wonder Man are available to watch on Disney+ now.