There is nothing worse than coming home from a busy work day, putting down your bag, and walking into the kitchen to see the contents of the bin are quite simply… all over the place.
Then your pooch looks at you with those sweet eyes and their tail wagging and you just cannot stay mad at them, even if their favourite hobby is nothing short of disgusting.
Advertisement
Why do they do it, though? Especially if there isn’t actually any food in there? Is it for the love of the game?
They may feel like our furry babies but in reality, these domesticated pups still have a little wildness in their bones.
The experts added: “Our pampered pets have inherited the wolves’ keen sense of smell and scavenging tendencies, making ‘playing’ with rubbish a favourite pastime for some.
Advertisement
“Wild wolves also roll in strong-smelling substances, such as faeces, to mask their scent when they’re hunting.”
This will also sound familiar for dog owners who find themselves regularly scrubbing fox poo off their dog’s paws (and coat). Lovely.
Keep your dog out of rooms containing bins unless supervised, using doors or baby gates as barriers.
Use bins with secure, childproof lids that cannot be easily knocked off by your dog.
Anchor outdoor wheelie bins to walls or fences and add catches to prevent your dog from tipping them over (remember to release catches on bin collection day to avoid issues).
If your dog tends to go after other people’s bins during walks, consider using a well-fitting muzzle and keep them on a lead when near bins.
Now, another study has linked a higher intake of ultra-processed food to an increased risk of lung cancer.
Advertisement
Lung cancer is the most common cancer in the world. It’s the third most common cancer in the UK, with around 49,000 people diagnosed each year.
Previous research has noted a “significant association” between intake of UPF and the risk of several cancers, including colorectal, breast and pancreatic cancer.
Here’s what you need to know about the latest study.
First up, what is ultra-processed food?
Ultra-processed food typically undergoes multiple processing steps and contains long lists of additives and preservatives. It’s often ready-to-eat or heat.
Advertisement
Examples include ham, mass-produced bread, cereal, crisps and biscuits.
It’s thought more than half of the typical British daily diet is made up of ultra-processed food. But not all of these foods are terrible news – yoghurt and high-fibre cereals, for instance, can form a part of a healthy diet.
There is however a clear link emerging between negative health outcomes and diets high in UPF.
The Food Standards Agency (FSA) noted “we still don’t know whether it is because these foods are unhealthy because of how they are made, or if it’s because a large majority of processed foods are high in calories, saturated fat, salt and sugar”.
As high consumption has already been linked to a heightened risk of several health conditions, researchers wanted to know if this might also include lung cancer.
Cancer diagnoses were tracked until the end of 2009 and cancer deaths until the end of 2018.
Some 101,732 people (50,187 men and 51,545 women; average age 62) who completed a Food Frequency questionnaire on their dietary habits on entry to the trials were included in the study.
Advertisement
Foods were categorised as: unprocessed or minimally-processed; containing processed culinary ingredients; processed; and ultra-processed.
The three types of UPF that featured the most were lunch meat (11%), diet or caffeinated soft drinks (just over 7%) and decaffeinated soft drinks (nearly 7%).
After accounting for factors including smoking and overall diet quality, researchers discovered participants who ate a diet high in UPF were 41% more likely to be diagnosed with lung cancer than those who ate the least UPF.
Specifically, they were 37% more likely to be diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer and 44% more likely to be diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. The findings were shared in the respiratory journal, Thorax.
The study has major limitations
The study is observational, so no firm conclusions can be drawn about cause and effect.
The researchers also acknowledged they weren’t able to factor in smoking intensity (worth noting given smoking is the main cause of lung cancer) and dietary information was collected once, so couldn’t account for changes over time.
Advertisement
In response to the study, Professor Sam Hare, consultant chest radiologist at the Royal Free London NHS Trust, said: “A quarter of lung cancer cases occur in non-smokers so we do need research exploring whether other factors are associated with lung cancer. We also know immunity is linked to cancer biology so it is a good idea to do research into factors like diet.”
Yet he said more work is needed to establish direct causation between UPFs and lung cancer.
“Crucially, whilst the study does make some adjustments for smoking status, the amount of smoking is not factored in, which is known to be directly related to lung cancer development,” he said.
“Dietary habits also change considerably over the course of such long term studies. As such, it is difficult to directly conclude that lung cancer is related to the level of UPF consumption alone given it was only declared at the start of the study.”
Advertisement
Professor Tom Sanders, an expert in nutrition at King’s College London, also noted the smoking link, and added: “Unhealthy diets often go hand in hand with smoking habit and low socioeconomic status. But there appears to be no plausible mechanism to explain why ultra-processed food should affect risk of lung cancer.”
Should you cut out UPFs?
The study’s researchers suggested limiting consumption of ultra-processed food may help curb the global toll of lung cancer.
Supermarkets are home to thousands of UPF products, which can make it really hard to know where to turn during your weekly food shop. Often, these are the most affordable products, too.
Advertisement
The British Heart Foundation previously advised: “Instead of trying to completely cut out these foods, think about the balance in your diet.
“Make sure that there are minimally processed foods in there too – eat fruit and vegetables with your meals and drink water instead of sugary drinks – and try to fit in time over the week for home cooking.”
Risotto is one of those creamy Italian dishes that’s oh-so-comforting and a real treat as the weather starts to cool.
But if you find the risotto you make at home is lacking a certain something, culinary pros have a word of advice – and the mistake you’re making might actually be very easy to rectify.
Advertisement
Recently, a risotto-loving Redditor took to r/AskCulinary to say their risotto smells nice and rich, but “doesn’t taste that way” – and they pondered where they were going wrong.
They shared that they typically cook the onions and toast the rice for a minute, before adding white wine. They then cook the rice in mushroom stock (for about 25 minutes) before adding butter and parmesan.
Redditor ivaivazovski also said they added some mushrooms, which they’d fried separately and, again, deglazed with white wine.
Advertisement
“It tastes alright, but I was expecting it to taste a lot richer based on the smell. What can I do to actually enhance the taste?” they asked.
How to make risotto richer
If you’ve been faced with the same dilemma, chances are you’re skimping on salt. Or butter. Or both. As one commenter said: “Richness comes from fat, so more butter and more cheese folded in.”
The overwhelming consensus was that the probably dish needed more salt, too.
“Risotto, especially mushroom risotto, wants lots of butter, and you’re likely lacking salt as well,” said one respondent.
Advertisement
Others suggested you could add salt (“and a little complexity”) with a tablespoon of soy sauce.
Chef Ben Kelly said when making restaurant-style mushroom risotto, the key technique is to “slowly and gradually cook a starchy ingredient by adding liquid in small amounts and stirring”.
The aim is to “draw starch” from the main ingredient to give the dish its creaminess. The chef said 90% of the creaminess should come from the starch, and the rest should come from butter and parmesan cheese.
Any other tips?
Just. Keep. Stirring.
The chef explained you should be adding a ladle of stock to the rice and then stirring it gently until the liquid has been absorbed – “then add more and repeat”.
Advertisement
The process is long – it will take about 20 minutes in total – but it’s worth it.
“If you want that creamy, silky risotto texture, this is how you get it. The rice is done when it is plump and tender but not mushy. It should still have a tiny bit of chew to it,” he added.
Don’t try to make too much at once, either.
As Italian chef Valentina Harris explained for Sous Chef: “In the vast majority of domestic scenarios, cooking any more than 600g of rice for Risotto in a large pot will just spell disappointment.”
She also warned against browning your onions – cook them in butter until soft, instead – and to add all the rice to the pan in one go, before stirring and toasting the grains “without browning”. Then, gradually add your stock.
Even though I love running and regularly go to the gym, facts are facts; I work from home and don’t love a long evening ramble. As a result, I regularly fail to get 10,000 steps a day, even though that’s been my goal for years.
All my “Jeffing,” VO2 max training, and treadmill interval sessions were not enough. I average around 6,500 steps daily, and my ongoing attempts to hit the 10k target have proven unsuccessful and inconvenient.
Advertisement
I tried walking after work (a non-starter), taking a lunch-break stroll (sometimes useful, but mostly impossible due to the Endless Kitchen Tasks working from home seems to highlight).
So, you can imagine how happy I was to read about “Japanese walking,” the strolling style said to be as good for us as 10,000 steps, while taking a fraction of the time.
Ironically, despite spending less time walking, my average steps are up to 8,100 a day.
What is “Japanese walking”?
Japanese walking, also known ‘the 3-3 walking workout’, is essentially the interval training of the walking world. It was developed by Professor Hiroshi Nose and Associate Professor Shizue Masuki at Shinshu University in Matsumoto, Japan.
Advertisement
Like “Jeffing,” which sees runners intersperse periods of high-intensity running with walking, Japanese walking packs bursts of intense stepping into a stroll.
Specifically, it asks you to walk for three minutes at a fast pace and slowly for another three minutes. Repeat this five times for a 30-minute workout.
The 2007 paper that the method’s inventors wrote found that, among middle-aged participants, those who tried “Japanese walking” left with lower blood pressure, stronger thigh muscles, and better aerobic ability than those who either did not walk or walked 8,000 steps a day at a moderate pace.
Advertisement
“High-intensity interval walking may protect against age-associated increases in blood pressure and decreases in thigh muscle strength and peak aerobic capacity,” the paper reads.
Dr Suzanne Wylie, a GP and medical adviser for IQdoctor, told HuffPost UK: “Even a modest 30-minute walk delivers remarkable cardiovascular benefits, reducing the risk of heart disease and stroke whilst improving blood pressure control.
“Regular movement helps maintain a healthy weight and strengthens muscles and bones – a crucial factor as we age, to help prevent osteoporosis and preserve mobility.”
Advertisement
Amy Glover / HuffPost UK
A recent early walk (I usually hate them, but Japanese walking made it more bearable)
I’ve never found walking easier or more fun
Having tried the method myself, it’s safe to say I’m never going back.
Somehow, knowing the walk is going to take a maximum of half an hour means I’m much more open to the idea.
I walk more often, enjoy the time more (I think that the three-minute-on, three-minute-off approach makes the exercise go by much faster), and have even upped my step average by a couple of thousand per day.
Advertisement
“From a clinical perspective, any form of consistent, moderate-intensity walking, especially if it incorporates posture, breathing, or mindfulness as Japanese walking sometimes does, can further enhance cardiovascular and mental health,” Dr Wylie shared.
Chances are you either know, or are, a “people pleaser” ― someone who feels the urge to please others, sometimes at your own expense.
It can make you reluctant to say “no” to others, anxious about speaking up for your own needs, and suspicious that the people in your life are always taking advantage of your “helpful” nature.
Advertisement
But speaking to HuffPost UK, Dr. Bijal Chheda, consultant psychologist and the founder of neurodiverse-inclusive mental health clinic Nos Curare, sometimes the instinct can be a form of “fawn mode.”
What is “fawn mode”?
“While many people are familiar with the classic stress responses ‘fight, flight, or freeze,’ there’s a fourth overlooked reaction called ‘fawn mode,’” Dr Chheda told us.
“Fawn mode is a psychological response to threat where, essentially, people-pleasing is turned up to become a survival strategy.”
Advertisement
But instead of causing you to flee from or confront a perceived threat, “fawn mode” means you become hyper-attuned to the needs and expectations of those around you.
It can happen to people who were bullied or exposed to an emotionally unsafe environment in childhood, the expert said, but it can also start in adulthood following toxic work, romantic, familial, or platonic relationships.
“Because they fully believe that their safety or acceptance depends on keeping others happy, people in fawn mode feel the need to work extra hard in the moment to maintain peace,” the psychologist shared.
Advertisement
For those on the autism spectrum, fawning behaviours “may overlap with masking or the act of camouflaging one’s real traits as a way to blend in with social expectations.
“They do this consciously in order to minimise rejection or avoid criticism, often resulting in burnout.”
Those with ADHD may face similar pressures, she continued.
What are the signs I’m in “fawn mode”?
Per Dr Chheda, you may be in fawn mode if:
1) Saying no feels impossible, even when you’re overwhelmed.
You might find it hard to set boundaries, even ones that are sorely needed, the psychologist said.
“Even when your own energy or time has been depleted, you tend to prioritise others’ needs to avoid conflict or confrontation.”
Advertisement
2) You are constantly anxious about upsetting others.
“This heightened anxiety makes every interaction feel like a test where one wrong move could lead to disapproval or instant abandonment,” Dr Chheda told us.
This can make clear, honest communication “exhausting.”
3) Apologising has become a reflex or automatic response.
Find yourself saying “sorry” out or habit, even if you’ve done nothing wrong?
“In these instances, apologising has become a default response used to smooth over situations or deflect potential criticism,” explained the psychologist.
“Over time, this habit can blur the lines of personal responsibility.”
4) Your sense of self-worth depends on being needed.
Some people in “fawn mode” tie their self-worth to how useful they feel they are to other people.
“In turn, this dynamic makes it hard to recognise your own personal needs or prioritise self-care without feelings of guilt,” Dr Chheda stated.
Advertisement
5) You feel responsible for how other people feel.
You might be hyper-vigilant about other people’s emotions and moods.
“This constant monitoring can leave you emotionally exhausted. In focusing so much on others, it becomes easy to lose sight of your own feelings or identity,” the pro told us.
What should I do if I think I’m in “fawn mode”?
You don’t have to turn a lifetime of habits around in a day, Dr Chheda revealed.
“Self-awareness is the first step to breaking free from fawn mode. Take time to reflect on when these behaviours began and how they have been reinforced throughout your life,” she advised.
“Once you have done this, you can start setting micro-boundaries. Begin with small steps like saying no to low-stakes requests or pausing before agreeing to things.”
Advertisement
The process of untying your worth from the needs of others can be lonig and tricky, the psychologist ended, but is ultimately worth it.
Parkinson’s disease, the condition Ozzy Osborne was diagnosed with roughly five years before his death, affects about 153,000 people in the UK at the moment.
It is a progressive neurological disease. While there is no single, outright cure for it yet, the NHS says therapies like medication and physiotherapy can minimise its symptoms for many.
That’s why organisations like Parkinson’s UK champion better, earlier diagnoses, and hope one day for a single test that can accurately spot the disease as soon as possible.
In the meantime, however, they’ve shared early signs of the condition; one of which involves changes to your handwriting.
How is handwriting linked to Parkinson’s?
Parkinson’s UK says that noticing smaller handwriting over time is one potential early sign.
This is called micrographia, and could affect as many as 50-60% of people living with Parkinson’s, though the numbers are not settled.
Advertisement
“You may notice the way you write words on a page has changed, such as letter sizes are smaller and the words are crowded together,” the charity shared.
A 2022 paper suggested that the handwriting change may precede other motor symptoms of Parkinson’s, like tremors.
Parkinson’s is not the only cause of handwriting changes – it’s been linked to other neurological changes, while Parkinson’s UK says “writing can change as you get older, if you have stiff hands or fingers or poor vision” – but it may be worth seeing your doctor about it, especially if it comes with other symptoms.
But “if you have more than one sign, you should consider making an appointment to talk to your doctor,” they wrote.
Aside from micographia, the other possible symptoms they listed were:
Tremors. Shaking in your finger, thumb, hand, or chin while at rest is a common early symptom.
Loss of smell, especially for strongly-scented foods like bananas, liquorice, and gherkins.
Moving a lot in your sleep, especially if you start acting out your dreams or thrashing around a lot.
Trouble with movement or walking. You might find your arms don’t swing as much as they used to when you walk, that your limbs or stiff, that your shoulders of hips feel tight, or that your feet feel “stuck to the floor.”
Constipation. This can be normal, but it can persist with Parkinson’s.
Developing a soft, low voice that others might describe as hoarse or breathy and which might sound quieter than usual.
’Facial masking,′ or a sad or angry expression on your face that happens regardless of your mood.
Dizziness or fainting, for instance, when getting up out of a chair – this can be linked to low blood pressure, which is associated with Parkinson’s.
Stooping or hunching over, especially if this is new for you.
But given that almost a third of us wake up in the middle of the night at least three times a week – and that multiple friends had cited 3am as their most common early rising hour – I thought I’d ask Dr Seeta Shah from PANDA London if there’s anything “special” about that time.
Here’s what she told us…
Why do I always wake up at 3am?
“Waking up around 3am is a surprisingly common experience,” Dr Shah confirmed.
This, she said, could be down to a mixture of biological and lifestyle factors, like your body’s natural sleep cycle.
“During a typical night’s sleep, we go through multiple 90-minute cycles that include different stages of sleep, from light to deep and REM sleep,” the doctor said.
Advertisement
“Around 3am, most people are transitioning between cycles, and the sleep tends to be lighter at this point. That makes us more susceptible to waking, especially if there are external disturbances such as noise, light, temperature changes or even the need to use the loo.”
Then, she said, there’s a hormonal component. “In the early hours of the morning, the body begins to increase its production of cortisol, the ‘stress hormone,’ in preparation for waking,” she explained.
“This natural rise in cortisol, combined with a dip in melatonin (the sleep hormone), can make the body more alert and prone to waking around this time.”
Advertisement
Cortisol usually dips to a low at around midnight and slowly rises thereafter.
“If you’re feeling anxious or have an active mind, this early-morning wakefulness can quickly turn into prolonged sleeplessness,” Dr Shah told us.
How can I stop waking up at 3am?
“Lifestyle factors such as alcohol consumption, late-night screen use, inconsistent bedtimes, and even blood sugar dips can all contribute to waking at this hour,” the doctor explained.
If you suspect this may be the cause of your early morning wake-ups, consider changing your habits and seeing how it affects your kip.
Advertisement
But “if waking at 3am becomes a regular pattern, it’s worth examining both physical and mental health, as well as evening habits, to identify and address any underlying causes,” Dr Shah cautioned.
The NHS said that if poor sleep is affecting your day-to-day life and causing you distress, you should speak to your GP about it.
I still remember the backlash when it turned out that Ned Fulmer, the ex-BuzzFeeder who had been dubbed the “wife guy” of online group Try Guys, had cheated on his partner with his colleague.
Though the company have not confirmed Andy was the person in the viral video, they have written in a statement that “Our leaders are expected to set the standard in both conduct and accountability, and recently, that standard was not met.”
I have already shared that I’m not the biggest fan of how some people are engaging with the “Coldplay affair.”
Advertisement
Nor do I think that public reaction should influence a person’s professional status before an official investigation.
For instance, the company’s Senior Director of People, “identified” by TikTok detectives, has had her LinkedIn profile bombarded by commenters who think she got her promotion by hiding her boss’ romance.
The comments came despite there being absolutely no evidence that this was the case (the company has since revealed she “was not there. This is a rumour started on Twitter”).
Advertisement
This is wrong. A likely innocent woman’s professional page is now littered with potentially career-disrupting claims due to almost certainly baseless delusions of online “accountability.”
That’s the sort of perversely gleeful dogpiling I’m sure Jon Ronson’s So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed would have a field day with.
via Associated Press
Ned Fulmer
Advertisement
Lawyer Eric Kingsley, firm partner at Kingsley Szamet Employment Lawyers, told us: “Legally, the private life of an individual usually will not be cause for termination unless the private life somehow overlaps the professional environment or threatens the organisation.”
But in the case of both Fulmer and, if true, Bryon, there’s more to the story than just “bad vibes.”
“If the conduct in question involves other staff members or directly affects the workplace environment, the rationale for termination greatly changes,” the lawyer said.
“A Chief Executive Officer being involved in a romantic relationship with an employee, even more so if there exists a position of power, creates huge potential for problems of favouritism, coercion, and the risk of legal action based upon harassment or retribution,” Kingsley added.
“Even if the relationship remains voluntary, the potential can damage the morale of employees, cause intra-company disputes, or violate stated policies of the company. Some companies place explicit policies regarding intra-company relations in place in order to avoid complications.”
@instaagrace via TikTok
The pair on a kiss cam
Advertisement
Meanwhile, Thomas Roulet, a fellow and director of studies in psychology and behavioural science at King’s College, Cambridge, says that “If someone’s personal life affects their professional performance and engagement, yes, we could definitely consider HR interventions (it could be a warning or go as far as getting fired).”
The same goes if their performance and judgement are affected by the relationship, he added.
But I don’t think unfairly prying and overly moralistic internet commenters keep those rules in mind in their hunt for a perceived “bad guy” – Astronomer’s Senior Director of People is proof that many of us make the court of public opinion far too punishing, despite using inconsistent “laws.”
That misses the point; it’s all about power dynamics.
As it happens, piling on an (again, likely innocent) woman who you believe to have gotten her promotion based solely on hiding an affair without any evidence whatsoever is not exactly the best use of our collective power.
Advertisement
I fear the “reward” of firing a person armchair warriors believe to have cheated has left some to believe that their beliefs about adultery, whether grounded or not, ought to result in indiscriminate real-life action.
Personally, I don’t think that unkind quest has anything to do with accountability; we are confusing our own amateur sleuthing for genuine, professional investigation.
Just because the two might sometimes have the same result, though, does not mean it’s fair to equate them.
But this World Emoji Day, Anna Pyshna, a spokesperson for language learning app Preply, said how you show laughter over text might be another such marker.
One emoji in particular seems to be a part of the generational divide, she added.
Older people may be confused by the use of the skull emoji to mean laughter
The language app found that where previous generations might use a smiling face with tears of joy to signal laughter, younger people might prefer a skull.
“This shift has swept through social platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and X, where the skull emoji’s ironic tone matches Gen Z’s preference for dry, surreal, or exaggerated humour,” she shared.
Advertisement
“It’s a kind of emotional hyperbole, saying something’s so funny it ‘killed’ you. To older generations, that can sound dark or even offensive. But to younger users, it’s just another way to say ‘LOL.’”
Another option includes the crying face emoji, which indicates someone is laughing so hard they’re weeping.
“Emojis feel like a shared language, but their meanings evolve just like words do,” the expert continued.
Advertisement
“Emojis are an extension of how we speak, think, and joke. They’re not static, but are instead shaped by pop culture, memes, and even literature. That’s why they resonate differently depending on who’s using them.”
Death and humour are increasingly being linked in daily language, too
Preply found that the association between death and laughing has been growing in general, not just in emoji use, since the ’40s (they used Google’s Books Ngram Viewer to find these numbers).
Across Spanish, Italian, French, and English, phrases like “dying laughing” and “dead funny” have been on the rise in everyday speech in that period, it seems.
Advertisement
“For grandparents born in the 1940s, the idea of pairing death with laughter would have been unfamiliar,” Anna claimed.
“As the data shows, phrases like ‘dying of laughter’ and ‘dead funny’ were virtually nonexistent in literature during their formative years.
“This dramatic linguistic shift suggests that associating death with humour is a modern, global phenomenon and one that’s only in the past few years started influencing how we use emojis.”
The way people behave in restaurants – where they have buying power but not ultimate control – can offer significant clues about their personalities. Since a restaurant is a little microcosm of life, you can find out a lot about a person when observing how they interact with staff, experience their food and cope with any occasional hiccups in service.
If you recognise any concerning behaviours when dining out, you might want to think twice about a second date. After all, as Chris Van Dyne, founder of Cosmic Pie Pizza in Santa Fe, New Mexico said, “Restaurants are stress tests. You’ve got time limits, money on the line and the potential for little annoyances everywhere. So if someone’s rude in a restaurant, they’ll be rude in traffic, in arguments and in bed.”
While a restaurant staff endures your bad date for just a couple of hours, you might end up with that person long-term if you don’t pay attention now. Chef Jonathon Scinto warned: “Each of these behaviours is like a preview trailer for a full-length toxic personality you don’t want to co-star with.”
Advertisement
1. They play games with seating
One well-known power play occurs when it’s time to be seated, said Rick Camac, executive director of industry relations at the Institute of Culinary Education’s New York City campus. He’s owned, operated, managed and consulted at 20 restaurants and bars since 2000, so he’s well-versed on the kind of ego tripping that begins before the first course is served.
“One of the worst examples happens when someone with a party of two requests a bigger table, like a four-top, in a clearly very busy restaurant,” Camac said. When it’s obvious that every other couple in the place has been seated at a two-top, it takes a real jerk to insist on special treatment. Demands like that show just how clueless – and power-driven – your date actually is.
“There are certain people who heard somewhere that they should never accept the first table they’re offered,” he observed. “They believe it’s obviously the intention of the restaurant to give the absolute worst table to them, and refusing the table is a sign of being smarter than the staff. It’s usually a sign of insecurity, and it’s funny to watch. We just roll our eyes and give them another table.”
2. They order for you without consultation
No, we haven’t gone back in time to the 1950s, but yes, this behaviour is still happening, food service professionals said.
“I saw a man cut off his date mid-order, telling the server, ‘She’ll just get a salad with no dressing. Trust me,’” Scinto said. “You could feel her energy change. He made it about control, not care. And that just gets worse over time.”
Advertisement
Dimensions via Getty Images
Taking the initiative isn’t always as helpful as you think it might be.
Incredibly, this is something that front-of-house staff still see quite a lot. Belize Hans Polloso, who now works in tech, managed a high-end restaurant in Miami for four years, and she said that this was the most telling red flag she experienced.
“I once witnessed a man interrupt his girlfriend repeatedly when she tried to order, insisting she’d ‘enjoy the salmon more,’ despite her stating she didn’t eat fish. It signals a controlling personality who prioritises their preferences over their partner’s autonomy.”
Advertisement
3. They treat staff unprofessionally
When it comes to a classic red-flag-waver, you’ll notice that certain words just aren’t in their vocabulary.
“They never say ‘thank you,’” Scinto said. “They don’t thank the hostess, the person running food, nobody. It’s subtle, but it screams arrogance. If someone can’t give basic human respect to the team bringing their meal to life, they’ll probably struggle with gratitude in relationships, too.
“If they’re rude to staff, it shows how they view people in general,” he added. “I’ve watched a couple sit down and within five minutes, one of them is barking questions like they’re on an episode of ‘Kitchen Nightmares.’ They ask things like, ‘Is the chicken free range?’ or ’Do you know if the chef knows how to make it actually gluten-free?’But it’s not what they ask so much as how – with a tone of entitlement. When someone talks down to my staff, especially in a place that’s built on warmth and intention, that should be an automatic no-go for their dining partner, too.”
Advertisement
“I think the No. 1 way to get under my skin as a chef is to treat the front of the house staff poorly,” said chef Robert Irvine, owner of Fresh Kitchen by Robert Irvine. “In my restaurants, the staff is unified in trying their best to give the customer a great experience. If that’s falling short for reasons real or imagined, there is no world in which it’s OK to start taking it out on the servers.”
When asked why this behaviour continues to happen, Irvine said, “There’s some combination of spending money and buying into the old myth that ‘the customer is always right’ that can make people think they’re entitled to not just a good meal, but to making the employees jump through various hoops.”
Being overly brusque is one red flag, but being overly familiar is another. Many servers have horror stories of the person who ignored a date completely to flirt with them all night. And if your date starts getting handsy, you really don’t want to hang around to see what happens next. Chef Rossi, owner of New York-based The Raging Skillet and author of the memoir “The Punk Rock Queen of the Jews,” offered up a simple phrase to live by: “Never, ever, touch the staff.”
Advertisement
4. They freak out if there’s a problem
Chef John Sugimura pointed out the “toxic bitch” tendencies of the rare customer who is never satisfied.
“They’ll criticise and ridicule every aspect of their dining experience. In my head, I’m thinking, ‘Bitch, please!’ I have a lot more customers deserving of my positive energy, so this behaviour is exhausting.”
If you’re wondering which customers this type of behaviour most frequently applies to, Keane spelled it out: “Let’s be perfectly clear — 99.9% of the time it’s a guy being douchey, and it’s all ego- and entitlement-based — definitely not someone you want to date. For that .1% of red flags that remain, it’s a woman who usually pre-gamed a little too much and is just being loud or a little obnoxious. Usually, she’s nothing too hard for our staff to deal with.”
Advertisement
5. And now, for a toast… or not
“Intoxication is the most easily observable red flag, and it’s the one that probably comes up the most,” Irvine said. In addition to lapping up too much of the sauce, true jerks can establish themselves in tussles over the wine menu. A common play for the arrogant, Irvine said, is expressing “annoyance that the wine list isn’t sophisticated enough for their tastes. Their arrogance demands that they demonstrate the full depth of their knowledge, so they’ll begin lecturing a server about the proper way to do their job.”
As sommeliers can tell you, the wine list can cause all sorts of ego-related acting out. Camac noted a few things that are likely to have the staff secretly choose your date for the un-coveted title of “guy we can’t wait to see the last of.” Wine-related red flags he noted include “when the date doesn’t know how to pronounce the name of certain wines, but is still trying to come off as an ‘expert,’ when they don’t know how to properly taste good wine or when they send back perfectly good wine.”
6. They tip badly (or make you pay the whole bill)
Many people in the food service industry have seen firsthand how skinflints can ruin a good server’s night.
Advertisement
“My father was a horrifyingly bad tipper,” Rossi said. “I spent a lot of my young adulthood apologising to waiters. When I got older, I’d reach into my pocket and add $20 to the $5 he’d left, which dad thought was adequate for our family dinner for five.”
These days, Rossi has clear advice for anyone dining in a restaurant: “Unless your waiter is a serial killer, tip them properly. Actually, it might be more important to tip if they are a serial killer, because you don’t want to piss them off.”
“We overheard one guy who left no tip at all, telling his girlfriend, ‘They already get paid,’” Van Dyne said. “She looked horrified, so we slipped her a free dessert.” Another behaviour is one that Van Dyne described as “the classic credit card ghost”: “Someone pulls out their wallet, pretends to reach, then freezes. They leave their dining partner to cover everything.”
Advertisement
Your server is paying attention, and so should you.
Many relationship hurdles need to be cleared when you’re dating someone – meeting up with friends, attending work events or finally meeting the parents. But along the way, you’ll also want to pay attention during coffee dates, casual brunches or fancy nights out, and make sure that your date is treating restaurant staff the way you expect to be treated.
“If you want to know who someone really is, take them to a restaurant and watch, not just what they eat — but how they act,” Scinto said. “Because if they can’t show respect to the people feeding them, they’ll never be able to feed a relationship with the same care.”
