You Ask, Experts Answer: ‘My Husband Lent £7,500 To His Mother Without Telling Me’

Posted on 04/03/2025 by Boris Clair

In a recent Reddit post shared by Twigs-Rain, the Redditor explained that their “husband lent all of our money to his mother” without telling them recently.

They explained that they’d recently totalled their main car, and while their family had a backup vehicle, it wasn’t big enough for their kids and was often used by their husband for work.

So, they saved up enough for a new vehicle, but their bank didn’t let them withdraw as much as they needed in one day.

To solve the problem, the poster’s husband “transferred the money to his mother’s bank so she could get the money or a cashier’s check out for us.”

Unbeknownst to the poster, though, their mother-in-law needed that £7,500-odd to pay her employees (she’s a business owner).

Without the poster’s knowledge, their husband turned what was meant to be a transfer into a loan ― and started turning down every car the poster showed her, leaving her confused and without transport.

“The fact that they made the plan together, didn’t consult me, and then hid it from me for a week really pisses me off,” the author wrote.

“It’s now been 15 days, and she still hasn’t paid us back. He says she’s waiting for a bank loan to come through. I feel like at this point she’s more of his wife than I am.”

We spoke to relationship expert Sofie Roos and Leah Levi, a psychologist and relationships expert at the safety-first dating app Flure, about what to do if your spouse lends money without your permission or even knowledge.

This is called “financial infidelity”

Just as affairs can be emotional as well as physical, Levi told HuffPost UK that your partner can “betray” you with money too.

“This kind of secrecy about money is called financial infidelity,” she explained.

“Like emotional or sexual infidelity, financial infidelity can create distance between partners and weaken their connection. It can also cause one partner to feel left out and lead to doubts about honesty in other areas of the relationship.”

Roos says that “money is one of the most sensitive topics in a relationship”, adding that a financial misalignment “can really cause relationship problems.”

Money can be tied with respect, loyalty, priority, safety, and equity in your relationship.

So, Levi says, “If your partner is lending money to friends or family without telling you, it can feel like a betrayal and damage trust in your relationship.”

What can I do if the betrayal has already happened?

Both experts agree with Levi’s advice, to “talk about your financial expectations as a couple and set clear boundaries.”

This is a clear case of the husband overstepping what should have been an obvious “boundary”, however.

If this is the case, you need to let your partner know that what they did hurt you, Roos said.

“Then ask them what their thoughts are about this, let them explain why they did what they did and how they view it now when they know how it made you feel.”

“From there, you can come up with a plan for how to deal with money overall, but also on how to deal with situations like the one you just were in, something that can re-build your thrust and minimise the risk of something like this happening again.”

As with any other boundary, if your clearly-stated financial needs are being ignored over and over again, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.

I’m A Travel Expert – Hearing This Code On A Plane Can Mean A Tragedy Has Occurred

Posted on 03/03/2025 by Boris Clair

Did you know that airline staff aren’t just being friendly when they greet you onto the plane?

Yup ― according to flight attendant Kat Kamalani, “when you’re walking on the aeroplane and you see our happy smiley face[s], we’re actually looking you up and down, and we are trying to find our ABPs”.

ABPs stands for “able-bodied passengers” – or people who can help in an emergency.

And now, travel experts from Wander have told us: “While most flights go smoothly, flight crews use a secret language to discreetly communicate situations ranging from lighthearted quirks to serious, even life-or-death emergencies – often without passengers ever noticing.”

Code 300 or ‘Angel’ spells tragedy, according to experts

“If you hear ‘Code 300’ or ‘Angel’ on a flight, it could mean someone has died onboard,” the experts at Wander said.

“These discreet codes allow the crew to handle the situation without alarming other passengers or drawing attention to the tragic event,” they claimed.

The International Air Transport Association (IATA) has a set of rules airlines are encouraged to follow when a passenger dies.

Staff are advised to move the deceased to a seat, ideally one with few passengers near it. Some companies place them in a zipped body bag.

They have to notify the destination airport ASAP so the appropriate services are present when they land.

“Take extra care when moving the person and be aware of the difficulty of the situation for companions and onlookers,” the IATA continues.

Other passengers are let off the plane first, while the dead passenger and any family accompanying them stay on board “until the proper local authority has arrived to take care of the body”.

Are there any other codes?

According to Wander, yes.

They say that a “code yellow” refers to “a minor medical situation” such as a passenger feeling lightheaded or nauseous.

“While not an emergency, this term lets crew members discreetly monitor the situation and prepare any necessary assistance,” they explained.

And airline staff referring to a person as a “mermaid” is a
“playful yet passive-aggressive nickname for a passenger who deliberately sprawls out across empty seats to deter others from sitting in their row,” they added.

The more you know…

I’m A GP ― Never Ignore These 3 ‘Normal’ Seeming Symptoms

Posted on 03/03/2025 by Boris Clair

Tiredness is common complaint in the UK, which can make it hard to work out when to actually see a GP about your sleep issues.

Other potential symptoms ― severe period pain, bruises, and even fingernail changes ― can seem like “normal” signs, but are sometimes worth a trip to the doctor too.

In a helpful TikTok, Dr Ahmed, a GP, shared some information which might make the “normal or not?” call easier to make.

He said: “Here are three symptoms you may think are normal, but they are not, and you need to see a doctor if you have them.”

1) Back pain that lasts longer than six weeks

Though the issue is “very, very common” and “can have many causes, and most of them are completely benign,“Dr Ahmed says you really ought to see your GP if it lasts longer than six weeks.

It doesn’t matter how harmless you think the issue is ― “go to your doctor to make sure there’s no serious underlying cause” after the time ends, Dr Ahmed advised.

2) A sudden increase in eye floaters

Of course, eye floaters are common and usually aren’t cause for alarm. They “look a bit like squiggly worms ― some may be see-through” while others might be opaque, Dr Ahmed shared.

“It’s generally much worse when you look at bright light.”

While they’re usually completely harmless, Dr Ahmed says that if you experience a “sudden increase in the number of floaters” or lots of dark spots in your vision, you should get it checked out.

This “could be signs of a serious problem with the back of your eye, which could permanently affect your vision if it’s not treated quickly,” the NHS warns.

3) Chronic fatigue

“A lot of people may have” this but “ignore” it, Dr Ahmed says.

“Now I don’t just mean feeling a little bit tired all the time or if you’ve got a very good reason for feeling tired,” he explained.

He’s talking instead about “extreme fatigue, where you can’t function when there’s no obvious reason or cause, especially when this has started relatively recently.”

Though there could be “hundreds” of reasons for the change, a lot of them are worth speaking to your doctor about, he continued.

You Ask, Experts Answer: ‘How Do I Turn Down A Promotion?’

Posted on 02/03/2025 by Boris Clair

Gen Z isn’t keen on middle management gigs, Forbes says – a phenomenon it calls “conscious unbossing”.

For more and more young people, the publication explains, the added stress, hours, and responsibility aren’t worth what is all too often a meagre pay rise.

A Reddit post shared to r/work suggests the (quite sound) logic isn’t just a generational thing, either.

Poster u/city-lights77 wanted to know how they should politely say they are not interested in a promotion they’ve been told they need to “fight for”.

They explained that their manager is looking to fill a departing colleague’s role and had offered the job to them (even though they had not applied for it) but only on the grounds that they “proved” themselves.

“Frankly, I’m not interested in the slightest. I don’t want the job, and the menial pay raise (less than £3k a year) wouldn’t be nearly worth the added stress that I know accompanies the job,” the site user said.

Well, u/city-lights77, we’ve got your back ― we spoke to Dr Heather Lamb, a workplace wellbeing expert, about how to handle the situation.

How can I tell when to turn a promotion down?

If you’re worried that turning down a promotion might make you seem unambitious in the eyes of your boss, Dr Lamb says you shouldn’t be.

“Saying no to a promotion that doesn’t align with your values, your wallet, or your life? That’s not a lack of ambition. That’s wisdom,” she said.

And if you’re not sure whether the career boost will actually lead you in the right direction, she said there’s a simple measure.

“A promotion should be a win, not just more work with a fancy title,” the expert told HuffPost UK.

“If saying ‘yes’ means more stress, longer hours, and little to no financial gain, then it’s okay to take a step back and ask, ‘Is this worth it?’.”

How do I reject a promotion without burning professional bridges at my workplace?

The other worry is that you might come across as uninterested in your job, or disrespectful of your boss’ offer.

To “clearly and graciously” share your feelings without shutting any doors, Dr Lamb has offered a helpful script: “I’m so appreciative of this opportunity, and I appreciate the confidence you have in me. Right now, I’m trying to make sure my next career step is the right one – professionally and financially. I’d like to keep the door open for the perfect opportunity in the future.’”

She said: “That way, you’re not shutting anything down — you’re just setting your own terms. And that, my friend, is power.”

By thanking your boss and reaffirming your commitment to your career, the pro said you can keep the possibility of future advancement “on your terms”.

“The right opportunity will arise, and when it does, you will know that it is truly a step ahead,” she added.

I’m A Hearing Specialist — These Are The Earwax Colours You Shouldn’t Ignore

Posted on 01/03/2025 by Boris Clair

It turns out our bodily fluids and waxes can actually tell us a lot about our overall health. Yes, once you overcome the ‘ick’ that these juices give you, they can be very helpful.

In fact, Hannah Samuels, an in-house audiologist at Boots Hearingcare, urges that as more people are becoming aware of their ear health, it’s essential that we learn exactly what our earwax colours mean.

I’m all ears. (Sorry.)

What does the colour of your earwax mean?

Yellow or light brown

If you have noticed that your earwax is yellow or light brown, then good news: you’re likely doing well. Samuels explains that this “typically indicates healthy earwax production” as fresh earwax is often lighter in colour.

Dark brown

If it’s actually a little darker, this can indicate that the earwax has been in the ear for a while and has dried out. Samuels assures that this is still considered normal though it could be a sign that the wax has been exposed to dust or debris.

Black

Black earwax can result from old, dried-up earwax, especially if it’s been in the ear for a long time. It can also occur if there’s been frequent exposure to earwax buildup or irritation. In some cases, it could indicate a fungal or bacterial infection.

Green

If your earwax is green and accompanied by symptoms such as pain, itching or discharge, you may have an ear infection. Samuels says: “The colour comes from the presence of bacteria, or sometimes, the discharge from an infection.”

Red or bloody

This can be a sign of irritation or injury to the ear canal. It might happen if you accidentally scratch or injure the ear while cleaning it, or it could be due to an infection. Samuels urges that if the bleeding persists, it’s best to see a doctor.

Orange

A reddish-orange or orange earwax is usually a mixture of fresh and old earwax. Samuels says: “It can be typical for individuals with a natural combination of oils and earwax in the ear.”

Clear

Clear earwax is less common, but it can occur. It is usually associated with watery or fluid-like earwax which might indicate that the ear is trying to flush out an irritant or infection.

“Whilst colour is an important factor, other things can be good indicators of your hearing health, and help ensure you are protecting your hearing, and lowering your risk of hearing loss,” Samuels shares.

Signs of healthy earwax

If you are sill concerned about your overall ear health, Samuels shares some signs of healthy earwax:

Texture: “Earwax that’s healthy is usually soft and slightly sticky, which helps it trap dust, debris, and microbes to protect the ear canal. It is not too dry, crumbly, or hard.”

Odour: “Healthy earwax doesn’t have a strong smell. It might have a faint, neutral odour. If you notice a foul smell, it could indicate an infection, ear canal irritation, or the presence of bacteria.”

Discomfort: “Your earwax shouldn’t cause discomfort. If you’re not experiencing pain, itching, or a feeling of fullness in the ear, it’s a good sign that your earwax is at a normal, healthy level.”

Movement: “Your ear has a self-cleaning mechanism that pushes earwax out of the ear canal over time. Healthy earwax is usually not something you need to remove manually unless it’s excessive or causing problems. The natural process moves earwax to the outer ear where it dries up and flakes off.”

No unusual build-up: “Earwax should not cause a blockage or excessive buildup. If earwax accumulates excessively and leads to partial or full blockage, it might need attention. Sometimes, earwax buildup can cause hearing loss, which is rare in individuals with a healthy earwax production process.”

Samuels concludes that as long as you aren’t experiencing symptoms like itching, pain, hearing loss, or a persistent change in earwax colour or texture, your earwax is “likely healthy”.

“If you’re concerned about any changes in your earwax or have one of the causes of concern about ear wax colours, you should contact your healthcare provider immediately,” she adds.

I’m An Influencer. This Is The Dark Side Of My Job I Wish More People Knew About

Posted on 01/03/2025 by Boris Clair

It’s easy to scroll through TikTok or Instagram and see your favorite influencers sharing glamorous updates, whether that’s opening free gifts, walking red carpets or traveling.

At first glance, it looks like influencers are living their dream life ― and, in a way, they are. They have access and opportunities the general population doesn’t normally get, simply because of their follower count. But on the other hand, social media is a glorified highlight reel, and it does come with dark sides — even for people whose job is to be on social media.

According to a 2023 Morning Consult survey of 1,000 Gen Zers, 57% of them wanted to be influencers. That statistic is a clear example of how this career path is becoming more popular among young adults and the general population. But there are a few downsides you should know first.

To get the lowdown, we spoke to influencers about the dark sides of influencing they wish more people knew about. Here’s what they had to say:

Being an influencer is time consuming

Most jobs feel long and draining, whether you’re working a nine-to-five in an office or scheduled for a 12-hour shift at a clinic. When it comes to being an influencer, although the hours might not be predetermined, the time put in is still the same ― and sometimes even more.

“Being a content creator involves tons of editing, concept development and collaboration with brands,” said Savannah Vinson, a New York City-based influencer with almost 200,000 followers on TikTok. “For instance, a simple voiceover can take me six hours, not including the time spent filming or editing. It’s not always glamorous, even though people often think it is.”

Aside from creating the content itself, there’s also a lot of back and forth that goes on between brands before filming and posting take place. For example, for Vinson, time is spent coordinating visits and planning transportation to different locations in New York City and beyond to capture the content itself.

Not to mention the fact that social media makes us feel like we always have to be “on.” The same holds true for influencers ― you’re never truly unplugged from your job, making the actual working hours much longer than you think.

Social media can be fake

Aside from being time-consuming, Vinson told HuffPost that social media can be incredibly disingenuous.

“Everything looks polished, but behind the scenes, it’s all about angles, lighting and editing,” she said. “I try to show the full experience, but you can’t always trust what you see online. It’s important to follow your gut and remember that things aren’t always as perfect as they may seem.”

On social media, most people post their happiness and successes. Think about what you personally post; chances are you’re not constantly sharing about your conflict with your partner or the criticism from your boss at work. You’re also likely not uploading a photo you feel is unflattering. The reality is that there’s often a lack of vulnerability and truth about the full spectrum of your life, and that can be draining.

“I try to show the full experience, but you can’t always trust what you see online. It’s important to follow your gut and remember that things aren’t always as perfect as they may seem.”

– Savannah Vinson

Influencing can be detrimental to your mental health.

Peter Petrella, an Orlando-based influencer with 85,000 followers on TikTok, told HuffPost it can be hard to navigate strangers’ opinions and mean comments ― and that can take a toll on your overall mental health.

“Speaking online means that you’re speaking to millions. It’s safe to say that no matter what you say, there’s going to be someone that doesn’t agree or doesn’t like what you have to say ― and some people can be not so nice,” he said.

Petrella noted that he had to learn to not let the comments section discourage him and post regardless of what people think.

“Being able to stay true to your own integrity while not letting those that disagree get in your head is a learned mindset that becomes essential when you take the path of becoming an influencer,” he said.

You can’t control the algorithm — and that can affect your success

Although an influencer might have a lot of followers, that doesn’t necessarily mean every video they post is going to perform well.

“Sometimes, most random things go well, and something you thought was going to go viral does not perform as you wish,” said Karina Achaeva, a New York City-based influencer with more than 950,000 followers on TikTok. “It’s truly impossible to control the algorithm most of the time.”

This can be hard for influencers because this is the main way they get followers, but it also can be hard from a business perspective. This is because brands they work with have certain expectations when it comes to engagement (likes, comments, views and more) ― and your income can rely on that engagement. When the algorithm doesn’t surface your content, it can be challenging to meet those goals.

At the end of the day, influencing does come with a lot of perks: it can be lucrative, a way to make your own schedule and there’s obviously the potential for internet fame. But there are still some challenges, similar to any profession. Just remember that everything you see on your feed isn’t always reality.

UK Gardeners Advised To Do These 6 Tasks In March

Posted on 28/02/2025 by Boris Clair

When I texted my partner, “You won’t believe what I’ve just seen!” this morning, I think he figured I’d witnessed a crime.

Nope ― it’s just that my 7:45 return from the gym was bathed in real, blue-skied sunlight. That felt unthinkable even two weeks ago.

This sign of life sounds the first death knell for February, to which I say, good riddance. Spring is on its way; intrepid blossoms take their first floral gasps of above-0° air, and the garden begins to return to its verdant glory.

Of course, all this comes with a downside (or upside, depending on your perspective). Don your dormant gloves, gardeners ― we’re back to work!

Here are the tasks experts advise finishing in March:

1) Plant and sow

Now’s the time to plant everything from summer-flowering bulbs to new roses to shrubs, climbers, and wildflower seeds.

You can also sow onions and shallots, alongside other hardy veg like cabbage, lettuce, early potatoes, broad beans, radish, and cauliflower.

2) Prune roses

For the most bountiful display in spring and summer, it’s important to prune roses and climbers early on in the month ― dogwoods and willows will benefit from a harsher cut-back now too.

3) Weed, even if the weeds don’t look all that damaging

We’ve written before about how tackling perennial weeds before summer hits is key, even if they don’t look like they’re doing much harm.

They’ve growing thick, hard-to-remove roots at the moment; lift them and their roots from the ground as soon as you can to save yourself a horticultural headache later.

4) Get ahead of slug infestations

Slugs and snails seem to wake up the second your prized veggies do (funny, that).

Try biological controls or alternatives to keep their numbers in check ahead of spring.

5) Check for aphids too

Tender new stems don’t stand much of a chance against swarms of spring aphids. Manually remove them before the problem goes out of control.

6) Deadhead spring flowers

We were all excited when the first daffodils puffed their yellow chests up, but it’s important to deadhead those who have since wilted.

That’ll ensure an equally resplendent show next year, especially if you feed the bulbs with tomato feed.

Mary Berry’s No-Bake Banoffee Pie Recipe Is So Simple That I’ll Never Make It Another Way

Posted on 27/02/2025 by Boris Clair

Sometimes, you get hit with a very specific craving. For a while there, I had a hankering for sour cream and chive pretzels. No idea why — it’s not like they’re something that I have often.

Now, though, now I am craving the delectable, moreish joys of a banoffee pie. Sweet, soft, and with a lovely silky finish to it… I actually can’t think of anything I want more in this moment.

Thankfully, I don’t need to wait too long to tuck into this coveted dessert as the cake queen herself Mary Berry has a banoffee pie recipe that is so simple that it doesn’t even require baking.

Marry Berry’s banoffee pie recipe

As featured on her BBC One series Classic Mary Berry, this recipe requires:

around 10 digestive biscuits
butter
muscovado sugar
condensed milk
vanilla extract
double cream
bananas
dark chocolate or cocoa powder

Additionally, she advises, if you’d like to make a salted caramel version, you only need a teaspoon of sea salt. Yum.

The base can be made up to a day in advance and to make it, Mary advises doing the following: “Crush the biscuits to fine crumbs and melt the butter over a low heat.

“Pour both into a bowl and mix to combine. Spoon into the base of the tin and press down with the back of a spoon until level. Place in the fridge for 15 minutes

The banana and cream should be made on the day and left for around an hour to set in the fridge.

The toffee is the only really tricky part of the recipe, requiring precision and focus. For that, you heat butter and sugar together and stir over a low heat until combined. Then you add the condensed milk and bring to the boil, stirring for a few minutes.

However, if you over-boil it, it will become grainy and more like fudge, which is not the vibe.

If you’re also ready to treat yourself to this delicious pie, you can view the full recipe here.

‘You’ll Never Forget Just One Shoe!’: Flight Attendant’s Trick To Stop Losing Things On Holiday

Posted on 27/02/2025 by Boris Clair

Visiting Paris gave me a greater appreciation for reliable public transport, a really well-made coffee and stunning European architecture.

In return, I gave Paris a brand-new pair of ankle boots, a book, and an unread copy of Cosmopolitan magazine. What can I say? I never really was that great at gift-giving.

Seriously though, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve left behind something important when travelling and it is really starting to frustrate me. RIP to those boots, several scarves in New York and the strappy top I swanned around Berlin in.

I do take some comfort in knowing that I’m not alone. According to the holiday experts at eShores, 80% of people lose, forget or have something stolen when they go on holiday.

Thankfully, a flight attendant shared her secret to never losing important items abroad

In a TikTok video, a British Airways flight attendant revealed that she has a slightly strange technique for ensuring that she never loses anything particularly important – like documents, purses, passports, etc., – abroad again and honestly… she’s on to something.

The flight attendant, Zoe, says in the video: “When I have my passports or anything valuable, when I put them in the safe, what I always do is, I always put one of my crew shoes in the safe because I would never forget anything I’ve put in there.”

Many people in the comments agreed with her, with one adding: “I always put my belt and tie in the safe! Will never forget anything I hope!”

Zoe also helpfully assured that even as a cabin crew member, she has also lost things abroad and that’s actually what resulted in a colleague telling her this handy tip.

She added: “You’ll never forget just one shoe!”

Here’s hoping.

I’m An ADHD Assessor — These 2 Signs In Adults Show It’s ‘Not Just Disorganisation’

Posted on 26/02/2025 by Boris Clair

We’ve recently written at HuffPost UK about how to spot the signs of autism in adult women and young girls.

Autism diagnoses in the UK have risen; alongside that, more and more adults have received treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Still, ADHD UK says over 80% of cases go undiagnosed. That’s partly because, a 2014 paper says, people often get treated for conditions associated with ADHD (like oppositional defiance disorder and depression), but not ADHD itself.

Additionally, ADHD “was, until recently, erroneously perceived as only present in young people, with little or no impact later in life,” according to a review of literature on the topic, despite persisting into adulthood in roughly a third to two-thirds of cases.

So, we reached out to Dr Mikki Lee Elembaby, a Manhattan-based psychologist from Clarity Therapy NYC, who specialises in autism and ADHD assessment, to find out how to tell “regular” disorganisation from ADHD in adults.

What are the signs?

It can be hard to draw a distinction between non-clinical disorganisation and ADHD, the expert told HuffPost UK, “because disorganisation can look different for different people and manifest differently in various areas of life”.

It may affect how tidy people’s homes are, how focused they can stay in conversation, how well they can stick to routines, and how often they lose things.

But two signs that distinguish one from the other, the psychologist told us, are:

1. Intensity

“One key sign to look for is the level of disorganisation,” Dr Elembaby advised.

“If it’s chronic and pervasive, meaning it persists despite your best efforts and significantly impacts your work, relationships, or daily life, it could be a sign of ADHD.”

2. Accompanying symptoms

Signs of ADHD may appear in disorganised people, the expert told us, but ADHD is “a pattern of persistent struggles with attention, impulse control, and self-regulation across multiple areas of life”.

That means it involves a series of concurrent symptoms, including:

Difficulty focusing or staying on task
Impulsivity (acting without thinking)
Poor time management
Forgetfulness
Hyperactivity.

“To meet the clinical criteria for ADHD, these symptoms must show up in multiple settings, like work, school, and home, and have been present before age 12 (even if they weren’t obvious at the time, especially in girls),” Dr Elembaby said.

What if I think I have ADHD?

The assessor says it’s time to speak to an expert if “your attentional challenges are negatively impacting your quality of life and if you are experiencing a pattern of difficulties with organisation and time management, attention and focus, impulse control, emotional regulation, or work, school, or home responsibilities”.

The NHS says your GP might refer you for an assessment if they think you have ADHD.

The health service adds that while ADHD diagnosis is trickier for adults because not all professionals agree on what counts as an adult case, they say that sometimes “an adult may be diagnosed with ADHD if they have 5 or more of the symptoms of inattentiveness, or 5 or more of hyperactivity and impulsiveness, listed in diagnostic criteria for children with ADHD”.