Category Archives: Life

Let’s Settle This – Who Gets To Use The Aeroplane Armrests?

Posted on by
Reply

Is it rude to recline your seat? What’s the best way to ask a fellow passenger to switch spots? What about taking your shoes off during a flight?

There are seemingly endless etiquette considerations in the world of commercial air travel. Although some rules and norms are obvious (no, you should not snack on your smelly canned tuna mid-flight), others remain less well understood. For instance, who is entitled to use the armrests between seats?

To answer this question, we asked experts to weigh in on the etiquette for airplane armrests and the best practices for sharing them.

What are the etiquette rules for shared armrests?

“For a row with two seats, the middle armrest is shared,” said Jodi R.R. Smith, the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. “For a row with three seats, both middle armrests are for the person in the middle. The window traveler has the wall and the aisle traveler has the space of the aisle.”

For a row with four seats, she noted that the armrest between the two middle seats is shared and that the two middle-seat passengers also have ownership of the armrest between their seats and the passengers on either end.

Other etiquette experts have slightly different takes on the topic.

“When it comes to armrests, the middle seat generally has their choice but should only use one armrest or the other,” Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and corporate trainer specialising in adult behaviour, told HuffPost.

Meanwhile, the Emily Post Institute’s website notes, “The middle seat arm rests are shared property. That said, it’s generous for the aisle and window seat holders to give the middle passenger a chance to claim them first.”

Consider taking turns or sharing middle armrests when possible as well. This is also the proper approach for a two-seat row in which each passenger has one personal armrest and one shared between them.

“It is proper etiquette for the passenger sitting at the window to use the arm rest near the window as often as they like,” said Jackie Vernon-Thompson, the founder of From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette. “The passenger sitting in the aisle seat has full access to the armrest near the aisle. Typically, the center armrest can be used by either at any time.”

Understanding the space limits of the aircraft and being open to compromise is also key.

“Keep in mind that the passenger sitting in the aisle seat may oftentimes use the middle armrest to leave room for the flight attendants and the cart used to serve everyone and to avoid being bumped on the shoulder when fellow passengers walk by,” Vernon-Thompson noted. “Consideration, respect and courtesy are extremely important when in a shared space and, more specifically, sharing an armrest.”

Smith noted that she is “very militant” about the topic of airplane armrest ownership but emphasised that there are exceptions to the rule of the middle seat passenger having ownership of both armrests.

“When traveling you must also pack your kindness and your consideration,” she said. “If you are a tiny human and the person next to you is folding themselves into an origami-yoga pose to fit in the seat, even if the armrest is ‘yours,’ you should share. Yes, humans are territorial creatures, and when a resource is a premium, our thoughts quickly turn to what we can claim.”

However, what separates humans from many other animals is our ability to empathise and work together, she added.

“Our goal is to arrive at our destination as safely and quickly as possible,” Smith explained. “If you do not need space, offer to share.”

What should you do if your fellow passengers aren’t following these rules?

“If a fellow passenger is not being respectful with their armrest, meaning they are leaning into your personal space over the armrest, look at them and politely request they slightly adjust their body as it seems you are short on room,” Gottsman suggested.

Whatever you do, refrain from taking an argumentative or combative approach to this request. Don’t assume your fellow travellers have bad intentions, and extend grace.

“You may politely ask if it is OK for you to use a portion of the armrest,” Vernon-Thompson said. “There are times passengers may be flying for business and are exhausted or there may be other reasons that have occupied a passenger’s thoughts, and they just did not think about the fact that they should be sharing the armrest.”

Before you broach the topic, take a moment to assess the situation and the possible outcomes. It’s only an armrest after all.

“If someone is using your armrest, you have to ask yourself whether it’s worth the potential altercation,” Gottsman said. “It’s always best to ask a flight attendant for assistance, but arguing over an armrest is probably low on a flight attendant’s radar when they are responsible for the safety and comfort of the entire plane.”

Share Button

This Is 1 Stretch You Should Be Doing More Of As You Age

Posted on by
Reply

Wisdom comes with age. But flexibility? It feels like we lose a little limberness every year — and that can come with some (*ahem*) stiff consequences.

It’s not just that you can’t do the splits or touch your toes like you used to. Having tighter muscles can affect your ability to navigate day-to-day life, something you may have already started to feel if you have a job that requires a lot of sitting.

Luckily, there’s one easy thing you can do to combat this: stretch your hip flexors.

While all types of stretches are good for your body, focusing on your hip flexors is especially important to maintain mobility as you get older. Tight hip flexors can cause lower back pain and muscle fatigue and stretching them can improve balance and resolve other issues, according to a 2021 meta-analysis.

Gavin Hamer, a physical therapist and the national director of clinical education at Fyzical Therapy & Balance Centers, told HuffPost that “stretching will positively affect the joints, ligaments, and muscles around the hip.”

“Flexible muscles are less likely to become strained, and mobile joints are kept healthy by improving circulation and lubrication,” Hamer added.

Not to mention, flexible hips lead to “greater stride length and more effective reactions to balance challenges,” according to Hamer.

Why Do We Lose Flexibility?

Dr. Georgiy Brusovanik, an orthopaedic surgeon and spine and bone specialist at Miami Spine Doctor, said that we lose disc height in our spines when we age, leading to a loss of lumbar lordosis, which is the natural inward curve of your spine.

“Think of it as we get more and more pitched forward,” he explained. “An extreme example of this is our elderly who may have a difficult time even looking up at the horizon.” This is a slow process that happens over time.

“Loss of hip cartilage is inevitable just like loss of knee cartilage and loss of disc height,” he said, adding that doing hip extensions (i.e., stretching your hips) will help slow this down.

“As the joint capsule ages, it gets inflamed and ossifies — parts of it literally turn to bone,” he said. “Stretching may counter that process and maintain a more natural range of motion.”

A bridge can help you stretch and strengthen your hip flexors.

SrdjanPav via Getty Images

A bridge can help you stretch and strengthen your hip flexors.

The Best Stretch To Help With Your Hip Flexors

To directly balance out the normal hip flexion position (think: curling in a ball at night or sitting rounded forward during the day), Brusovanik suggested doing hip extensions.

To do a hip extension, lie flat on your back with your knees bent in front of you. Place your hands on the floor under your lower back, then lift your hips as high as you can in a “bridge” pose.

Doing this stretch is “paramount to counter loss of disc height that is due to disc degeneration,” according to Brusovanik. He added that it’s “key to both maintaining upright posture as well as having the ability to keep a long, healthy stride during walking and running.”

In addition to the “bridge,” Hamer suggested incorporating stretching routines or exercises, like yoga or Pilates, into daily life, as they can “significantly help maintain joint mobility” by stimulating circulation and lubrication.

“While aging inevitably changes our bodies, taking proactive steps to preserve hip flexibility can significantly improve the quality of life,” he explained. “By embracing regular exercise routines that prioritise joint mobility and health, individuals can potentially mitigate the effects of aging on hip stiffness and maintain an active lifestyle for years to come.”

Hamer recommended six additional stretches to try if you want to work on your hip flexibility even more:

  • Forward crouch: Stand in front of a sturdy chair with your feet hip-width apart. Hold the back of the chair and squat down, bending your knees and keeping your back straight. Breathe out as you go down until you feel your butt and thighs working, then breathe in as you come back up, repeating 10 times.
  • Wide crouch: Stand with your feet wider than hip-width apart and your knees and feet turned out. Hold the back of a sturdy chair and squat, making sure to keep your butt out and your back straight. Do the same breathing as before, repeating 10 times.
  • Side lunge: In a wide stance, place the chair to your side. Bend your knees, shifting your pelvis away from the chair and leaning your shoulders toward the chair. You should feel the stretch on the inside leg closest to the chair. Breathe out and add a little more stretch, continuing for 30 seconds and repeating twice on each leg.
  • Forward lunge: With the chair still at your side, position your feet in a lunge position with your front foot farther away from the chair. Bend your forward knee 30 degrees and angle your back foot toward the chair. Raise the arm not holding onto the chair up toward the ceiling, then draw the hip on your forward leg back. Hold for 30 seconds, repeating twice on each leg.
  • Seated figure-four: Sit at the edge of a sturdy chair, putting one leg straight out in front of you and crossing the opposite ankle over the straight leg’s shin. Use your hands to pull the ankle up toward your hip as much as you can. Then, with your hands behind your back, lean forward at the hips, breathing in and out and leaning forward a little bit more. Hold for 30 seconds and repeat twice on each side.
  • Butterfly: Sit on the floor with the soles of your feet facing each other and touching. Your knees should be out wide to your sides and your back should be tall. Lean forward at the hips, placing your hands on your back for support, and stretch as much as you can with each breath in and out. Hold for 30 seconds and repeat twice.

Always consult with your doctor before starting any new exercise routine. And if you are experiencing pain when rotating your hips (or if you have to hold your pants to help lift your leg in and out of the car), then you should make a consultation with an orthopaedic surgeon. You’ll need to make sure a larger problem, like injury or hip arthritis, isn’t to blame.

For everyone else, taking a few minutes a day to stretch out your hips can make a huge difference in your ability to walk and tackle each day. Everyone will lose flexibility eventually, but taking steps to slow down the process can have a lasting impact on your quality of life.

Share Button

This Olympic Athlete Schooled A TikTok User Who Commented On Her BMI, And It’s Deliciously Satisfying

Posted on by
Reply

In a recent TikTok, US rugby player Ilona Maher shared a comment she’d gotten on a previous video.

It read, “I bet that person has a 30% BMI” (it seems she was referencing a BMI of 30, which is the point at which a person is officially classed as “obese” by the index).

“Hi, thank you for this comment. I think you were trying to roast me, but this is actually a fact,” Ilona began her video in response to the remark.

“I do have a BMI of 30. Well, 29.3 to be even more exact. I’ve been considered ‘overweight’ my whole life,” the professional athlete explained.

The rugby player broke down how BMI works

After sharing that she had been classed as “overweight” as the result of a physical she’d completed in high school, the rugby star said, “I was so embarrassed.”

Since then, though, things have changed.

“I chatted with my dietician, because I go off of, you know, facts,” she explained, “and we talked about BMI. And we talked about how it really isn’t helpful for athletes,” she said.

That’s because muscle is denser than fat, meaning a square inch of muscle will be heavier than a square inch of fat; you can have a very low body fat percentage (the thing doctors tend to worry about) while maintaining a high weight, especially as a sportsperson.

“BMI doesn’t tell you much. It just tells you your height and weight and what that equals,” Ilona shared. “I’m 5′10″, 200 pounds ― and I have about, and this is an estimate, but about 170 pounds of lean muscle,” she added.

That puts her body fat percentage at 15% (that’s at the lower limit of the Royal College of Nursing’s recommended body fat percentage for women aged 20-40, which is 15% to 31%).

Maher added, “BMI doesn’t really tell you what I can do… So, I do have a BMI of 30. I am considered ‘overweight.’ But alas, I’m going to the Olympics, and you’re not.”

BMI has long had its faults

Not only is BMI not very useful for athletes, but it wasn’t even devised to measure people’s health.

Lambert Adolphe Jacques Quetelet came up with it in the 1830s as a part of his measure of the “average” man, which he saw as aspirational. (“Average” to Quetelet was, of course, exclusively Western European men.)

Researchers from the Perelman School of Medicine, University of Pennsylvania, have published an article in the journal Science which shared that BMI “is an inaccurate measure of body fat content and does not take into account muscle mass, bone density, overall body composition, and racial and sex differences.”

Nick Trefethen, Professor of Numerical Analysis at Oxford University’s Mathematical Institute, also told The Economist in a letter that the calculations of the index are off.

“We live in a three-dimensional world, yet the BMI is defined as weight divided by
height squared. It was invented in the 1840s, before calculators, when a formula had to be very simple to be usable.”

“As a consequence of this ill-founded definition, millions of short people think they are thinner than they are, and millions of tall people think they are fatter,” he wrote.

Take THAT, Wii Fit circa 2008…

Share Button

Here’s Why You Should Never Use Oil Alone When Frying Eggs

Posted on by
Reply

If you’ve ever tried to fry an egg in a nonstick pan, you’ll know how tricky the supposedly easy protein can be to cook.

It’s not just ensuring the whites don’t rip off in a jagged, uneven strip, or preventing the yolk from splitting; there’s also the struggle of getting that lacy, crunchy base and runny yolk without keeping any slimy, uncooked whites.

There’s lots of advice for those looking. For instance, “hot pan, cold oil” has proven a consistent way for me to achieve unstuck eggs every time; I’ve found that using room-temperature eggs is also a helpful tidbit.

But there’s only one egg trick I use every time I fry one; you should be using water as well as oil in the process.

Why should I use water as well as oil when frying an egg?

Once you’ve got the bottom of your egg cooked, water is essential to steam its top. This keeps the egg runny and the whites firm.

As Food & Wine’s culinary director, Justin Chapple, explained, “You start by adding a small amount of oil to the skillet and cracking in the eggs, just like you normally would.”

“Then, about 30 seconds in, you add hot water to the pan, basting the eggs until the whites are set and the yolks are still runny. It creates tender, soft fried eggs with no overdone edges in sight.”

Not only does this prevent rubbery or runny eggs, but it also cooks them more evenly than just oil ― so you won’t have to flip them (just be careful to keep everything on a medium heat to prevent evaporation).

In case you thought we were alone, none other than Best Recipes Australia swears by the hack for “that perfect, gooey yolk” (I’m drooling).

Of course, basting the egg with hot oil can have a similar result ― but even when chefs like Gordon Ramsay use fats only, they ensure it’s not just oil.

Gordon revealed in a video on the topic that he only uses a “tiny drop” of oil followed by a heartier “knob” of butter, which has a lower smoke point and can be used to banish that “raw egg white” that “can be uncomfortable.”

Any other fried egg hacks?

If you’re really willing to go out of the box, food blogger and cookbook author Lisa Steelewrote for her account Fresh Eggs Daily that you can fry your eggs in cream.

When you think about it, it’s kind of the same philosophy as using butter (which none other than Gordon Ramsay swears by for the job).

She places a thin layer of heavy cream at the base of a cold pan, heats it on medium until it’s bubbling, then adds the eggs.

“The cream will continue to bubble and eventually begin to separate and then caramelize as the eggs cook,” the caption of her Instagram post reads.

Having seen the results in her video, I’m tempted to give it a go (for journalism, of course).

Share Button

These 3 Popular Gen Z Terms Have Been Added To The Cambridge Dictionary

Posted on by
Reply

If you thought you’d narrowly avoided the fate of saying “how do you do, fellow kids?” a la 30 Rock, the new additions to the Cambridge Dictionary might have you feeling every your age right down to the day.

Around 3,200 new words have been added to the Cambridge Dictionary this year and while that fact alone is unfathomable, three of those words are so deliciously Gen Z that we’re obsessed (and feeling ancient, tbh.)

Additionally, Wendalyn Nichols, Cambridge Dictionary’s publishing manager, said that while language is constantly evolving, these new additions have “staying power”.

The Gen Z terms added to Cambridge Dictionary

The Ick

After the past year, this entry is not all that surprising. The term was originally popularised by Love Island but has since become part of our everyday lexicon with everything from bad dates to bad logos giving us “the ick”.

The dictionary gives an example usage of “the ick” as: “I used to like Kevin, but seeing him in that suit gave me the ick.”

Boop

If you spent your lockdown days glued to Schitt’s Creek and falling in love with character Alexis Rose, “boop” has probably been in your vocabulary for a while now. The dictionary describes it as: “a gentle hit or touch on the nose or head as a joke or to indicate affection.”

Chef’s Kiss

That TV finale was chef’s kiss. That sassy-but-classy response to your ex? Chef’s kiss!

The dictionary describes this as a term used to describe something deemed perfect or excellent.

It also means the movement “in which you put your fingers and thumb together, kiss them, then pull your hand away from your lips”.

Mwah, mwah, that definition is CHEF’S KISS.

Hallucinate gained new meaning in 2023

At the end of 2023 Cambridge Dictionary announced that “hallucinate” was its word of the year, as it had gained a new meaning since the development of artificial intelligence.

The BBC explained: “While the traditional definition is ‘to seem to see, hear, feel, or smell something that does not exist’, it now includes ‘when an artificial intelligence (AI) hallucinates, it produces false information’”

Share Button

Thousands Of Women Are Being Failed Every Year Thanks To These Symptoms Being Misdiagnosed

Posted on by
Reply

New research has revealed that misdiagnosis of symptoms women are experiencing is exacerbating debilitating conditions and leaving thousands untreated.

In a survey of 500 women who have experienced a misdiagnosis, Higgs LLP found that 86% of women have had at least one symptom related to periods misdiagnosed.

For example, despite the condition impacting 1 in 10 women, the most frequently misdiagnosed condition was endometriosis, which can cause chronic pain, heavy periods, and fatigue, just to name a few symptoms.

Symptoms that are most often misdiagnosed in women

The top ten most common misdiagnosed symptoms found from the survey were as follows:

  1. Fatigue

  2. Lightheadedness and dizziness

  3. Irregular periods

  4. Painful periods

  5. Heavy periods

  6. Stomach cramps

  7. Achy joints

  8. Headache

  9. Migraines

  10. Nausea/vomiting

With so many of these being tied to menstruation, it’s hard to not see this as widespread medical misogyny.

Health expert and founder of healthcare company Maxwellia, Anna Maxwell said: “On average women will experience 480 periods in their lifetime, which means they bleed for around 7 years of their lives.

“The normalisation and dismissal of period problems can potentially be really damaging for women, both physically and emotionally. Early intervention is key for managing chronic menstrual conditions; it’s so important that women feel heard and that they are being taken seriously to help improve women’s quality of life.”

This research correlates with long waits women have for diagnosis. Endometriosis alone takes around 7 years to diagnose.

The conditions that women were mostly commonly misdiagnosed with were anxiety and depression, irritable bowel syndrome, stress, and skin conditions.

Clare Langford, Medical Negligence Expert at Higgs LLP commented: “The issue of misdiagnosis is not just a failing among medical professionals but a deeply concerning gendered problem that desperately requires reform.

“We must recognise that these misdiagnoses are a trend. They are not just mistakes but symptoms of a larger, systemic problem within the healthcare system where women’s symptoms are too often dismissed or misunderstood.”

Share Button

4 Signs You’re Not Compatible With Your Travel Partner

Posted on by
Reply

Traveling with another person — be it a friend, relative or romantic partner — has a way of strengthening or straining the relationship. When you have similar travel styles, the trip is generally more likely to go smoothly, bringing you closer together and deepening your bond. When you have differing travel styles, the vacation can become tense and stressful, driving a wedge between you.

So how do you know if your travel styles are aligned or not? We asked travel experts to share some of the telltale signs you might be incompatible in this area and offer advice on what to do about it.

1. One of you is a planner and the other is more spur-of-the-moment.

When one person loves having a well-thought-out plan and the other would prefer to fly by the seat of their pants, you’re bound to hit some turbulence on the trip.

“If you are someone who likes to have a flexible itinerary and be open to spontaneous changes in plans, while your travel companion prefers a more structured and organised approach, it can lead to resentment and conflict,” travel blogger Sean Lau of The Turkey Traveler told HuffPost.

“You may feel restricted and constrained by their need for a rigid schedule, while they may feel stressed and anxious in an environment that lacks clear plans and direction.”

2. One of you is an early riser and the other likes to sleep in.

Having conflicting sleep schedules can create friction when traveling together. The morning person may get up early, eager to get a head start on the day, while the night owl may want to skip morning activities to log some extra sleep.

“For instance, if you want to get up early and walk around the city but your companion is hungover from the night before, that could be a problem and a sign of incompatibility,” travel content creator Jen Ruiz, author of “12 Trips In 12 Months,” told HuffPost.

Similarly, when you and your travel partner have different energy levels, it can make it difficult to find a pace for the trip that suits both people, Lau said.

“If one person may want to do a lot of activities while the other may prefer a more relaxed pace, this can lead to disagreements and arguments,” he added.

“The idea that your romantic partner also needs to be your number one travel buddy is a myth,” says dating coach Damona Hoffman.

Charday Penn via Getty Images

“The idea that your romantic partner also needs to be your number one travel buddy is a myth,” says dating coach Damona Hoffman.

3. One of you is an adventure-seeker and the other prefers a leisurely trip.

Travel content creator Sam Cormier, the woman behind the @samanthas_suitcase Instagram account, said one of the most important factors to consider when choosing a travel companion is what you each enjoy doing on a trip. Some people want to pack their days with lots of action and new experiences, while others may be looking for more leisurely activities, for example.

“Are you an outdoorsy hiker who wants to get out into nature while your travel buddy wants to explore museums? Would you want to shop and sightsee until you drop, while the other person just wants to relax at the spa or by the pool?” she told HuffPost. “This will likely cause tension on what should be a fun vacation because neither of you are doing what you want to do.”

Having different levels of comfort when it comes to physical activity and nature can make it more difficult to find mutually enjoyable activities, Lau said.

4. One of you is a big spender and the other is a saver.

Having different priorities around money can be a major source of conflict when traveling. Issues tend to arise when one person is looking to splurge and have a more luxurious experience and the other person is looking to save a few bucks wherever possible.

“If you want to go to a high-end restaurant and stay in posh hotels while your travel partner wants to microwave something from a local gas station and stay in long-term rentals, one of you is going to be uncomfortable,” Ruiz said.

“Make sure your values around money are similar and that you’re prepared to have a budget and spending range that’s aligned with each other. Otherwise, one person feels stretched and worried about money, and the other can feel restrained in their ability to enjoy the destination how they’d like.”

What To Do When Your Travel Styles Don’t Align

“Planning the trip together so that you both have a say in activities, restaurants and accommodations is key in making sure both sides are heard,” says travel content creator Sam Cormier.

SimonSkafar via Getty Images

“Planning the trip together so that you both have a say in activities, restaurants and accommodations is key in making sure both sides are heard,” says travel content creator Sam Cormier.

Can you still travel together and have a good trip even if your travel styles are less-than-compatible? Cormier says it’s possible with two key ingredients: open communication and a willingness to compromise.

“Planning the trip together so that you both have a say in activities, restaurants and accommodations is key in making sure both sides are heard,” she said. “If you respect the other’s preferences but also set your own boundaries, you should be able to still have a great trip together.”

If you know (or suspect) that you and your travel partner have different vacation styles, Ruiz said her best advice is to book separate accommodations when you can.

“That way, everyone can retreat to their own space at the end of the day to let tensions defuse,” she said. “I have rented an Airbnb where everyone gets a different room, and that works well. Not always feasible for a hotel, but if possible I’d get separate rooms there, too.”

And keep in mind it’s totally OK to travel together but do some stuff on your own, too.

“You can also choose to spend some time apart, each doing separate activities, and come together for a specific meal or activity throughout the day that you both want to do,” Ruiz said.

As Lau said, “A trip together is about enjoying each other’s company and creating everlasting memories, but that doesn’t have to be every single minute of the day.”

“A trip together is about enjoying each other’s company and creating everlasting memories, but that doesn’t have to be every single minute of the day.”

– Sean Lau, blogger at The Turkey Traveler

And, of course, it’s OK to choose to travel with certain people less frequently (and in some circumstances, not at all) based on your differing personalities and preferences.

For example, you might feel pressure to always vacation with your spouse because, well, you’re married. But if your travel styles are incompatible, why not also plan some trips with your sister or your college roommate who may like to do things that are more your speed?

“The idea that your romantic partner also needs to be your number one travel buddy is a myth,” dating coach Damona Hoffman recently told HuffPost. “You probably have other friends with whom you do regular trips or who already like to travel your way. It’s more important to continue to value those friendships and carve out time for those trips than to force your partner to do everything you like to do the way you like to do it.”

No matter who you’re traveling with, clearly voicing your expectations ahead of time “especially around money, time, activities, and accommodations” will “limit surprises on the ground,” said Ruiz. When planning a trip with someone new, it’s a good idea to do a trial day trip with them first before you agree to something longer.

“Can you tolerate three hours in a car with this person before you commit to a cross-country or international flight?” she said. “Is there anything that bothers your partner during travel, like allergies, motion sickness, ear popping issues? This is good information to know because maybe they’ll be irritable or extra sensitive to these things, and that can help explain any shift in mood or behavior.”

Share Button

Security Experts Warn That Young People Are At Risk Of Revenge Porn

Posted on by
Reply

New research into revenge porn has revealed that young people are at the risk of abuse.

The report, conducted by major cybersecurity firm Kaspersky with support from the Revenge Porn Helpline, a UK charity helping adult victims of intimate image abuse, is the largest ever to understand the extent of the intimate image abuse (or ‘revenge porn’) problem globally.

While younger generations tend to think that they are more tech-savvy than their elders, the study has revealed a fundamental shift in attitudes towards online sharing of intimate images.

Of the poll of over 9 thousand people worldwide, a quarter admitted that they have shared images of themselves with people they are chatting to, with the number increasing to 50% amongst 25–34-year-olds.

Security experts urge people to take caution when sharing intimate images

A third of the UK respondents confirmed that they either know somebody who has survived revenge porn or have actually experienced it themselves. The report also highlighted that this form of abuse is particularly pronounced among younger generations, with 69% of 16-24 year-olds and 63% of 25-34 year-olds reporting such experiences.

David Emm, Principal Security Researcher, Kaspersky, said: “Our research highlights the increasing normalisation of a critical societal issue: the public, especially younger individuals, are sharing intimate images in increasing numbers without considering the consequences.

“Over the past 25 years, technology has made capturing and sharing such images effortless, and there have been significant shifts in behaviour and attitudes towards online dating, accelerating the trend of sharing intimate messages.”

Emm advised that awareness of the risks that are being taken can empower people to make more informed digital choices.

How to protect yourself against revenge porn

The experts urge people to follow this advice to stay safe:

  • Think before you post. Be mindful of who you share your data with and when. Always consider how the content you share online might be interpreted and used by others
  • Understand which messengers are safe and which have end-to-end encryption
  • If you think you are a victim of revenge porn, keep evidence, and report it to the police and platforms where you believe your data is available
  • Always check the permission settings on the apps you use, to minimise the likelihood of your data being shared or stored by third parties – and beyond – without your knowledge
  • Use a reliable security solution like Kaspersky Password Manager to generate and secure unique passwords for every account; resist the temptation to reuse the same one
  • Utilise StopNCII.org, a global online tool to help protect intimate images from being shared online across some of the most widely used platforms across the world

Help and support:

If you, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police. If you are not in immediate danger, you can contact:

  • The Freephone 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline, run by Refuge: 0808 2000 247
  • In Scotland, contact Scotland’s 24 hour Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline: 0800 027 1234
  • In Northern Ireland, contact the 24 hour Domestic & Sexual Violence Helpline: 0808 802 1414
  • In Wales, contact the 24 hour Life Fear Free Helpline on 0808 80 10 800.
  • National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0800 999 5428
  • Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
  • Respect helpline (for anyone worried about their own behaviour): 0808 802 0321
Share Button

How A Dildo Party Helped Me Leave Behind Everything I Knew And Find My Place In The World

Posted on by
Reply

Rick and I were sitting in the bishop’s office, holding each other’s hands and our Book of Mormon, on our first Sunday in our new ward. The bishop offered us a handshake and a prayer, and settled behind his desk.

“Brother and Sister, welcome!” he said. “Tell me about yourselves.”

We’d been together for five months — engaged within a month of meeting and married four months later. I was a substitute teacher. Rick was working construction. We lived in a tiny apartment, with no health insurance and a combined savings of $300.

“Are you aware of the prophet’s counsel on having children?” the bishop asked, looking directly at Rick.

Not allowed more intimacy than a kiss before being married, Rick and I were one month into a more carnal relationship. We blinked at him awkwardly. The bishop stared at Rick with commanding eyes.

“Heavenly Father will bless you,” he said. “The prophet urges us to not delay.”

I was pregnant by August.

A week before our wedding, I told Rick he shouldn’t marry me. I wasn’t sure that I could be a devout Mormon wife and mother.

The church had an explanation and a rule for everything. My life was prescribed to me by men. The penultimate goal: a temple marriage. The ultimate goal: a gaggle of children to indoctrinate.

The church has manuals for each year of childhood. They are full of saccharine lesson plans on how to pray, what to eat, read, watch, wear. How to be a neighbor, a friend, an obedient servant of the Lord. How to spend time and money, stay sexually pure, repent of sin. How to become worthy.

Doubt was the devil’s work, and it had festered in me since I was a small child. I felt suffocated by the rules, but I knew no other way.

“You are the one for me,” Rick insisted. He thought the Lord would fix me.

"Four months after we met, Rick and I married in the Mount Timpanogos Temple in American Fork, Utah, on January 11, 2002," the author writes.

Courtesy of Meg Poulin

“Four months after we met, Rick and I married in the Mount Timpanogos Temple in American Fork, Utah, on January 11, 2002,” the author writes.

By our third anniversary, we had two baby girls, 15 months apart. Each night in bed, Rick read aloud from the Book of Mormon while tears leaked into my ears.

When I gave birth to my second daughter, I knew I could not teach my children to be Mormon. Rick finally recognised my suffering, and we broke free.

I quickly discovered that leaving a world of blind obedience was, in a sense, like death. Every part of my life had been dictated by the rules of Mormon men. I didn’t know my own mind. While my girls were learning to crawl, I was frantically trying to find a sense of self, but it was impossible to grow up faster than my babies.

I did the easy things first. I bought tank tops and colourful underwear and shorts that did not skim my kneecaps. I drank coffee. I sampled gin and vodka from tiny bottles. I spent money on Sundays. I dared to say the word “fuck” out loud.

Firsts happened in the bedroom, too.

We were new to the neighbourhood when I bumped into the woman next door, who insisted I come by that evening. She was hosting a ladies’ night with other moms on the block. If she mentioned it was a “passion party,” I was too innocent to catch on.

She greeted me at the door with a hug and rattled off a list of wines. I had never had wine, so I just pointed at an open bottle. Glass of red in hand, I sat, then noticed the woman across from me, flanked by her mother, holding a huge gyrating dildo with metal rows of beads spiralling inside the ropy shaft. Next to me, an Avon lady-looking woman with an open suitcase full of fake penises waited for me to settle. My soul left my body when the dildo made its way into my lap.

Everyone can see me holding this penis and this wine. Someone’s mom can see me.

We were all given plastic sticks with a swipe of birthday cake-flavoured lube to suck off. Then we took turns stumbling to the powder room with a Q-Tip with a tingle cream swiped on the end, to be applied to our clitoris. I applied the cream with an obedience not unlike what I once used to navigate secret temple rituals.

Someone’s mom has been in here, touching her clit.

Her daughters know.

I am someone’s mom.

The author and Rick's three kids enjoying vacation in Madison, Wisconsin, in June 2016. "At least one was wearing eyeliner," the author writes. "They have no memory of the Mormon rule book."

Courtesy of Meg Poulin

The author and Rick’s three kids enjoying vacation in Madison, Wisconsin, in June 2016. “At least one was wearing eyeliner,” the author writes. “They have no memory of the Mormon rule book.”

My clit was on fire as someone poured me a second glass of wine. Eventually I found myself in a home office alone with the saleslady and her suitcase.

I did not order the beaded dildo. I did order my first vibrator ― not out of bravery, but out of obligation I felt to the woman selling them. I was following the rules of the party.

My sex education had consisted of a variety of lessons at church. Our teacher gave us gum to chew, and then asked us to spit it in the trash. Without our chastity, we were told, we would be used-up gum that no man would choose.

I learned that losing my virginity before marriage was akin to murder. My cousin gave me an Albertsons sack of Harlequin romance novels, which I read and hid from my parents. The sex scenes filled me with shameful desire and a sexual vocabulary limited to “his shaft” and “her mound.”

Once I was home, I told Rick about the party: the comfortable way moms and daughters passed around vibrators, cock rings and butt plugs, none of which I had ever seen or understood just a few hours before. I realised how vast the work would be to grow myself up.

As our girls began preschool, my desire to know the right way to mother was all-consuming. Is it OK to let them play with a pretend coffee maker? Should preschoolers wear a two-piece swimsuit? A sundress with thin straps? Is it bad to take the Lord’s name in vain if we don’t believe in the Lord?

The older my girls got, the deeper my yearning for those glossy church manuals grew. Mormon children are taught to speak in front of the congregation each month. Perched on moms’ hips — their breath hot in our ears with the right words — we spoke: “I know this church is True.”

With that knowing came all the answers we’d ever need, given to us by worthy men.

The author and Rick in Portland, Maine, in May 2023. "Rick and I celebrate growing together through radical change in our 22 years of marriage," the author writes.

Courtesy of Meg Poulin

The author and Rick in Portland, Maine, in May 2023. “Rick and I celebrate growing together through radical change in our 22 years of marriage,” the author writes.

Without God’s plan, “I don’t know what I’m doing” was the incessant white noise in my mind. I was trying to teach my daughters a language I had never heard before.

We completed our family with a third baby girl while I white-knuckled through their obsession with Lady Gaga (“Disco Stick”) and Flo Rida (“Blow my whistle, baby”). I let them wear sundresses. I felt out of control, with no sense of the consequences of my choices.

Knowing my own mind was slow work. I learned I like pinot noir and black coffee. I learned I could skip cake-flavoured lubes.

We barrelled into the tween years. I confided in my mom friends, and they assured me they felt stressed too. They worried about grades, carpool and vegetables. But I wanted to know… should kids wear eyeliner? Watch “Grey’s Anatomy”? Drink Starbucks? Wear a top the size of a sports bra to school?

Sex and relationships in the teen years has been a hum of low-grade panic. I want someone to take over this part. I want to be their guide. Surely, there is a space between no plan at all and already-chewed gum.

A few months ago, I was having dinner with a friend who is more conservative than I am with kids younger than mine. I told her I was considering buying my teenagers vibrators. She gasped loud enough to draw attention. She couldn’t imagine a worse idea. But I’m not sure. I want them to know their own bodies — to enter sexual relationships from a position of confidence and understanding. My friend was scandalised.

“They’ll get one for themselves — as adults,” she said. She’s sure I’m crossing a line. Am I going too far? I haven’t decided. But I’m starting to understand that the right decision isn’t in a manual. It’s the one I will make.

Our kids are now 20, 19 and 14. I’m no longer Mormon, and no longer a stranger to myself.

I thought I was leaving my Mormon heritage behind. Now, I realise I’m not unlike my pioneering ancestors, dragging their belongings across the plains to a new life. Modern parenting is the new frontier. I still envy their certitude, the way they were free of the burden of answering their own questions. But the manuals of men no longer contain my answers. Like every mother out here in the wild world, we must write our own.

Meg Poulin is a freelance writer and textile artist based in Connecticut. She’s passionate about telling the truth about motherhood. Despite her revolt against her Mormon roots, she still wears aprons, bakes cakes from scratch and embroiders while watching TV. She is currently helping her three children move into their own wide worlds.

Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@huffpost.com.

Share Button

A Box Set Of Every Single A Court Of Throne And Roses Book Is On Sale For £20 From £50 In Amazon’s Prime Day, So Let’s Race, Romantasy Fans

Posted on by
Reply

We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, HuffPost UK may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

If you didn’t already know, it’s Amazon’s Prime Day sale today ― meaning you can snag deals on everything from tech to beauty and home products until 12 AM tomorrow.

Many of us have our eyes peeled for normally pricey home and tech deals, but if you love reading, it’s a pretty great day for you too.

BookTok sensation A Court of Thorn and Roses by Sarah J. Maas has five books in its viral series; A Court of Thorns and Roses, A Court of Mist and Fury, A Court of Wings and Ruin, A Court of Frost and Starlight, and A Court of Silver Flames.

Usually, the box set of all of them costs you £50. But during Prime Day, it’s going for £20 ― that’s a massive 60% price reduction.

Share Button