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‘My Wife Wants Me To Become A Stay-At-Home Dad. Are My Financial Terms Fair?’

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In a 2020 YouGov poll, 38% of mothers and 14% of fathers said they thought having kids hurt their careers.

That can take the form of reduced hours, taking fewer opportunities, and leaving the workplace entirely, respondents shared. “All of these factors tend to lead to stagnating or lower pay,” YouGov added.

In a now-deleted Reddit post, a site user asked members of r/AITAH (Am I The A**hole Here) whether that trade-off deserved financial compensation from their spouse.

So, we spoke to divorce lawyer and CEO of OW Lawyers Michelle O’Neil about whether the demands were fair.

A father wants a share of his wife’s property in return for becoming a stay-at-home dad

The post author said his pregnant wife, who makes substantially more money than he does, told him he was expected to become a stay-at-home dad when their first child was born.

The suggestion – which had not been discussed with the father beforehand – left the poster uneasy because he didn’t like how that might play out in the event of a divorce.

When he brought this up to his wife, he suggested she offer him a share of her property as a safety net in return for the career stagnation, lack of pay, and financial insecurity the lifestyle change could expose him to.

She didn’t seem comfortable with the arrangement, leading the poster to wonder whether or not his demands were unfair.

A divorce lawyer said his demand makes sense

O’Neil said that in her decades-long career, she’s seen firsthand “how decisions like this can create significant financial disadvantages for the spouse who steps away from their career”.

“While becoming a stay-at-home parent is a deeply personal decision, it must be made with full awareness of the long-term financial risks,” she continued, “particularly in the event of a divorce.”

Additionally, the divorce lawyer calls the discussion – or lack thereof – around the change a “red flag”.

“When one spouse dictates a major life change rather than engaging in a collaborative discussion, it often signals deeper power imbalances in the relationship which lead to bigger issues,” she told HuffPost UK.

“Decisions about career sacrifices, parenting roles, and financial security should be mutual, not unilateral.”

Explaining that staying home to look after a child can lead to a loss of earning potential, a smaller pension, a lack of asset equality, and financial dependence, O’Neil said the husband’s request for equity in the home is “a smart negotiation move”.

Though not everyone can offer a share of their home to mitigate those risks, the divorce lawyer advised: “Marriage is a partnership, and both spouses’ contributions – financial and otherwise – must be valued and protected.

“If one spouse makes a career sacrifice, the financial risks should be acknowledged and mitigated before the decision is made, not after.”

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I Tracked My Periods For Six Months And Realised Something That Changed My Life

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Before my last period, I was inconsolable. Nothing much had happened but it felt like the world was closing in on me and it was hard to imagine ever feeling happy again.

I couldn’t pinpoint what had caused such a significant drop in my mental health. I lost my granddad at the start of January and I have some personal struggles that I’m grappling with but even with those in mind… it seemed pretty out-of-nowhere.

I cried every day in the week leading to my period, several times a day. I was so worried I was falling back into the dark depression that swallowed me whole around 15 years ago.

Quite sooner after, the darkness lifted

Almost as soon as this deep depression had hit, it left again. I wasn’t fully out of the woods but I could definitely bring myself to make a cup of tea, to ask my partner for a hug and could get out of bed with my alarm rather than hours after it had gone off.

I made the most of the new burst of energy by doing the things you’re supposed to do to support your mental health; I ate well, I spent a good amount of time soaking up the sun in my garden and I made sure that I went to bed around the same time every night.

I still wondered, though, what had caused the crash I’d just experienced.

Then my period tracking app delivered a report

Since my temporary menopause ended, I’ve been using the period tracking app Flo to log not just my periods but my moods before, during and after my period as well as other symptoms I experience throughout my cycle.

Unbeknownst to me, this app also delivers full reports of the data you’ve given them and highlights patterns that may help to decode your physical and mental health.

The most common symptom that I logged around 1-4 days before the end of my cycle was depression. Every month, for six months.

My first response was to feel ashamed — I’ve been getting periods since I was 9 years old, the past 25 years of my life, how did I not notice? Then, I gave myself some much-needed grace: life happens, you can’t keep on top of all of it.

Immediately, I booked a doctor’s appointment. I knew what this could be and even knowing this happens every month was a huge weight off my shoulders.

I was immediately diagnosed

The doctor confirmed what I already knew: I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD).

It’s a condition that 800,000 women in the UK live with, and according to leading mental health charity Mind: ”[PMDD] is a very severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). It causes a range of emotional and physical symptoms every month during the week or two before your period. It is sometimes referred to as ‘severe PMS’”.

According to the Royal College of Nursing, around 8% of people who get periods have this condition.

Treatment can involve medications, talk therapy or even surgery to remove the ovaries, according to Bupa. For me, we’re still figuring out what my next steps should be but even understanding this about myself has given me something I can work with once my cycle is coming to an end.

Help and support:

  • Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
  • Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
  • CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
  • The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
  • Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.
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Is Self-Diagnosing ADHD From TikTok So Bad? I Asked A Psychotherapist

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A recent headline about ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), which more and more UK adults have received treatment for over the past couple of years, said the condition is being “wildly overdiagnosed”.

The article’s author adds the condition “has become a scam” because so many people say they have it.

Some worry that apps like TikTok are giving people misinformation that leads them to inaccurately “self-diagnose” the condition, too.

But, perhaps down in part to long and highly variable NHS ADHD assessment wait times, ADHD UK says roughly two million cases are still undiagnosed in the UK.

So, we spoke to psychotherapist and founder of Philadelphia Talk Therapy Matt Sosnowsky about what he thinks about the increase in diagnoses, including self-diagnosis, from social media videos.

Sosnowsky doesn’t think regular people are mental health experts, but that’s not always the point

Sosnowsky says that he works with people of all ages, and says “very few clients” have a professional-level understanding of mental health diagnoses.

But they are, he told us, “the authority on how they feel and what they’re experiencing – which is critical.”

“Perhaps surprisingly, I’m not against folks using media and social media to get a sense of what might be troubling them,” the therapist added.

After all, he points out, “Mental illness remains disproportionately unrecognised and underdiagnosed” (2024 research from the UK Longitudinal Household Study found 12 times as many people in the ‘undiagnosed distress’ category than those considered ‘overdiagnosed’).

“Further, many mental health issues are quite subtle,” Sosnowsky adds.

“Pure ‘O’ OCD, for example, involves constant mental checking – a version of OCD different from what we see in movies, and not dissimilar to regular old rumination. Yet, I’ve had clients suffer from this for decades with absolutely no idea that they had a very treatable diagnosis.

“If seeing your own struggles mirrored back to you in a TikTok video prompts one [person] to seek help, that’s a win to me.”

That’s not to say actual diagnoses should be left to non-professionals, though

“Of course, the devil is in the details and moderation is key,” Sosnowsky said.

He doesn’t, for instance, think identifying with a social media clip amounts to a formal diagnosis or anything like it.

“If you suspect you have a diagnosis, that’s your cue to get it checked out with a professional,” he told HuffPost UK.

“In the interim, avoid jumping to conclusions or catastrophising as neither is likely to give you good data or the help you need.”

That’s not to say you should ignore any signs of ADHD you think are worth exploring completely, he writes.

“Instead, consider doing some light-touch research from responsible sources to educate yourself.

“Not only will this empower you, but it will improve your ability to convey concrete symptoms to your future therapist or psychiatrist.”

Help and support:

  • Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
  • Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
  • CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
  • The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
  • Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.
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Nigel Farage Calls Rupert Lowe’s Actions ‘Disgusting’ And ‘Contemptible’

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Nigel Farage called Rupert Lowe’s alleged behaviour “disgusting” and “contemptible” in leaked WhatsApp messages, according to the BBC.

Lowe was suspended from Farage’s Reform UK earlier this month following accusations of workplace bullying and threats of physical violence towards the party chairman. He denies all the allegations against him.

Reform UK’s decision to oust the MP for Great Yarmouth, hire a KC to investigate the claims and report him to the police came hours after Lowe told the Daily Mail that Reform was “a protest party” led by “the Messiah” – Farage.

Reform has insisted that its suspension of Lowe is completely separate to the MP’s criticisms of party leader Farage.

Even so, the two men have exchanged furious insults since the incident, with Lowe accusing Farage of a “malicious witch hunt”.

The BBC has now reported that, in an private exchange shortly after the then-Reform UK MP publicly criticised the party’s leadership, Farage accused Lowe of “damaging the party just before elections”.

Speaking with a source who worked recently with Lowe, Farage said the Great Yarmouth MP was “damaging the party just before elections. Disgusting.”

The Clacton MP went on: “He is contemptible. Thousands of people working hard for May 1st. The KC inquiry was the right thing to do no question. Reputation of the party must be protected.”

He added: “In 30 years I have never seen worse.”

Reform UK’s first major electoral test since securing five MPs in July will come in the May local elections. The party is hoping to win big after significant success in the polls where it has rivalled Labour and the Tories.

Responding to the leaked messages, Farage told the BBC: “The suspension was to protect the party, simple. The newspaper attack on Reform UK is separate but dreadful.”

But Lowe claimed this text exchange proved the Daily Mail interview was the reason behind his removal from the party.

“That interview is why they designed and launched their horrific smear campaign against my name. It is evil behaviour,” he told the broadcaster. “Nigel Farage must never be prime minister. All I have done is tell the truth, and I will continue to do so.”

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In messages, uncovered through a BBC investigation, Nigel Farage personally admits the real reason why he removed me from Reform.

It was because I raised reasonable and constructive criticisms about Reform structure, policy, and communication in the Daily Mail interview.

That… pic.twitter.com/0gifZ8Az2V

— Rupert Lowe MP (@RupertLowe10) March 20, 2025

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In messages, uncovered through a BBC investigation, Nigel Farage personally admits the real reason why he removed me from Reform.

It was because I raised reasonable and constructive criticisms about Reform structure, policy, and communication in the Daily Mail interview.

That… pic.twitter.com/0gifZ8Az2V

— Rupert Lowe MP (@RupertLowe10) March 20, 2025

The BBC report came after it emerged that Farage had travelled to the US for his eighth trip since being elected to represent Clacton in July.

He was scheduled to be the keynote speaker at a fundraiser for Florida Republicans’ ‘Disruptors’ dinner. Seats cost up to $25,000 (£19,000).

Meanwhile, as Farage repeatedly denies that Reform is “riven with in-fighting”, a Tory shadow minister, Greg Smith, has hinted at a partnership between the Conservatives and Reform UK.

Even though Tory leader Kemi Badenoch has repeatedly rejected such an idea, Smith He told TalkTV: “I think if we want to get rid of socialism from this country, there may well be a point where the right-of-centre parties have to play nicely.”

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