For Parents, It’s A Summer Of Hardship And Impossible Choices

Posted on 13/08/2022 by Boris Clair

We’re at the half way point of the UK summer holidays, a time that is always testing to parents’ patience and bank balances. But when it comes to keeping children happy and occupied amid the escalating cost of living crisis, many families are feeling the pinch like never before this year.

Sally Worrall, 31, has seen a drastic change in her circumstances.

“I can’t get through the month now without borrowing money,” says the Hampshire-based mum of four.

As a single parent to Chester 11, Rory, eight and twins Jenson and Molly, six, the self-employed painter and decorator says that she has to borrow money from her mother each month just to get by.

“I don’t have an extravagant lifestyle, I don’t smoke, drink, or have Sky. I have the cheapest mobile package and the most basic broadband service. But I really struggle,” she tells HuffPost UK.

“Food is especially a big thing. It’s gone up by about £50 a week for me and the children. It’s really difficult. I try not to think about it because the reality is after a shop, I’ve only got about £20 a week to live on,” says Worrall.

Even before schools broke up for the summer this year, the national poverty charity, Turn2US, warned that the financial squeeze was having a stark impact on many families in the UK.

The charity surveyed 2,730 of its service users in June and found that soaring food costs were pushing many into debt as they struggled to put food on the table. Almost half of the charity’s users reported they were left with nothing to live on each week after weekly food costs.

The survey also found that that over half of respondents planned to use the first £326 instalment of the government’s cost-of-living rescue package to help pay a debt for utility bill arrears – and with food and fuel prices only set to rise this autumn and winter, there is concern for how many will be plunged into poverty.

Michael Clarke, head of information programmes at Turn2us, said: “Every day we see more people struggling to afford life’s absolute basics as the cost-of-living continues to push millions of people onto the edge of a financial crisis.”

He added: “We are hearing from parents who are skipping meals to try and keep their children fed, or who are making impossible choices between paying rocketing energy bills or rent. This isn’t right.

“Many people using our services come to us when they are at their most desperate and we fear the worst is yet to come over the coming months.”

These statistics don’t surprise mum of two Kelly Williams, who lives in east London with her husband Marcel and six-year old son Quincy.

“It’s the world in which we now live in,” she tells HuffPost UK. “Everything has gone up and it’s simply not sustainable. I don’t understand how there is such a high rate of inflation and the salaries have not risen to coincide with that.”

Williams, who works as an accountant, added: “It’s creating a huge gap in the cost of living and people have got to find ways to survive.”

“We fear the worst is yet to come over the coming months.”

– Michael Clarke, Turn2Us charity

Certainly, it’s affecting middle-income families, too. “Since the crisis my husband and I are much more conscious of what we do now in terms of managing our money and one of the biggest changes we found was that we don’t go out as often as we used to,” says Williams.

The family are trying to change spending habits with as little impact on their son as possible. “We are both aware of how important it is to our wellbeing that we go out as a family and spend quality time together,” she says.

Williams is focused on giving Quincy a good summer holiday while staying within budget – even if that means a major juggle with work.

“I’m taking advantage of my working from home days. By being at home, I will not have to pay out any extra money to summer camps,” says Williams, who is making the most of free activities and vouchers provided by her local council.

“Picnics and play dates!” she says, citing her summer mantra. “This will just allow me to let my money stretch further.”

When it comes to the food shop, Williams freely admits she’s no longer loyal to a particular supermarket and that her main quest is to get value for money.

“I’m loyal to brands, but not to supermarkets,” she tells HuffPost UK, adding that one of her biggest hacks is getting her petrol at supermarkets.

“When filling up, I tend to use supermarket petrol stations that offer loyalty rewards. Here you can transfer the reward points into vouchers for food. I’ve made huge savings by doing this,” she says.

Worrall, meanwhile, has started doing all her shopping at budget stores.

“I started shopping at B&M because it is so much cheaper than the larger supermarkets,” she says. “I’ve also had to shop at the Local Pantry.”

The Local Pantry, which operates in 70 neighbourhoods around the UK, sells on reduced items that supermarkets would normally throw in the bin. Shoppers using a branch pay £5 a trip, and receive £20 worth of food and groceries.

“Being in a single income household makes a hell of a difference to what we do when it comes to the summer holidays.”

– Catherine

“They have a coloured sticker policy,” explains Williams. “You get five red item stickers, which are meat and cheese and frozen fish. Then you get ten blue items, which is your pasta and tins of beans, etc, and toiletries. Then you get three items that are fruit, vegetables and bread.

“It’s a really good thing, but for a first world country nobody should be in this situation.”

Single parent Catherine Gilmore, who is mum to Arthur, six, says she’s been obsessing about how to stay within budget and keep her son occupied for the length of the summer holidays – and the worry starts earlier each year.

“Being in a single income household makes a hell of a difference to what we do when it comes to the summer holidays,” says the publishing assistant from Leyton, east London.

“Because of the financial squeeze, what I have had to do to ensure that Arthur gets to enjoy the summer is to save all year round, because, come July, financially it hits you hard.”

Meanwhile, hybrid worker Catherine, who preferred not to give her surname, says that in order to save money she is splitting the summer between her home in London and Derbyshire, where her mother lives.

“I get six weeks of holiday and I need to find childcare for four weeks of that time. So to keep costs down. I spend three weeks in London and then it’s up to Derbyshire for two weeks.”

Even factoring in travel costs, this hack makes life a lot easier, she says. “It’s cheaper up there, I pay between £35-£55 per week [on summer clubs] in London and in Derbyshire it’s between £20-£25 per week.”

One of the biggest problems Catherine found when looking for clubs in London was how quickly spaces got filled. In applying for cheaper camps and council-run activities, she said her son was often overlooked in favour of families in receipt of Universal Credit.

“It’s definitely is not a bad thing that families on benefits get priority, but there should be more available for middle-income families who are struggling to keep their families occupied during the summer,” she tells HuffPost UK.

Sally Worrall says she has taken advantage of similar provision in Hampshire to keep costs down and her kids occupied and happy throughout the holidays.

Her children’s school offers means-tested pupils the chance to attend a free summer camp, which runs during school hours. Each pupil enrolled on the camp is also given a free lunch and snacks throughout the day.

“I’ll only be using it three times a week to help me with food more than anything,” she says. “It also means I can work and I won’t have to worry about paying for childcare costs.”

Worrall has also been in touch with Gingerbread, a nationwide charity that offers support and help to single parent families. She says their team has been extremely helpful to families like hers, who are also struggling in the crisis.

“They have been great at bringing people together,” she says. “It has been nice to connect with families who are in similar situations. They have really great groups that you can lock in with.”

And despite all the challenges facing her family of five, she’s intent on giving her children a great summer. “I’m lucky because I live near the sea and near woodland. The days that I am not working we will spend them either on the beach or in the woods exploring and enjoying natural resources,” she says.

“We’ve just moved into a house from a flat so we will be spending a lot of time outside and taking advantage of the outdoor space. The garden is definitely a huge plus!”

Gingerbread runs a dedicated support service for single parents families – visit its website or call 0808 802 0925.

For further information on support and resources, visit the Turn2us website.

Stillbirths Increased Last Year. Why Is Nobody Talking About It?

Posted on 10/08/2022 by Boris Clair

After years of progress, the number of stillbirths increased across England and Wales in 2021 – but it’s not the story you’ll read about elsewhere.

When the new ONS data was released this week, most newspapers focused on a jolly little fact: last year, more babies were born out of wedlock than among married couples for the first time since records began.

But the figures also show there were 2,597 stillbirths in 2021, an increase of 226 from 2020.

These statistics were barely a footnote in most national newspapers, something the baby loss charity, Tommy’s, was disappointed by.

Kath Abrahams, chief executive at the charity says the latest figures are “unacceptable”. She believes they reflect the “direct and indirect” impact Covid-19 had on pregnant women and people in 2021.

“Indirectly, the pandemic had a significant impact on maternity services, putting them under greater pressure,” she tells HuffPost UK. “There were higher rates of stillbirth in January 2021, which coincided with the peak of the second wave of Covid-19.”

Throughout the pandemic, HuffPost UK reported on the disproportionate impact on maternity services, with pregnant women saying they felt “forgotten” as lockdown restrictions eased. While pubs reopened, mums-to-be reported having routine antenatal appointments cancelled or conducted over the phone.

Though there’s no research to link these practices directly to stillbirth rates, the individual stories paint a picture of incomplete care, at a time of high-anxiety for pregnant women.

Pregnant women also faced misinformation regarding vaccine safety, with some even mistakingly told not to take the jab at vaccine centres. Data from October 2021 found just 15% of pregnant women were fully vaccinated amidst the fear and confusion.

Because of this, Tommy’s says Covid-19 infection is likely to have had a direct impact on the 2021 stillbirth rate.

“Our research has shown that getting Covid-19 during pregnancy could cause problems in the placenta, increasing the risk of pregnancy complications, which is why it’s important pregnant women and people get vaccinated if they can,” Abrahams says.

“Rates of stillbirth had been following a consistent decline over recent years, and we believe 2021’s increase is unacceptable. It highlights exactly why we need to increase efforts to meet NHS England’s aim of reducing stillbirth rates by 50% by 2025.”

The data also uncovered that stillbirth rates differed across the country last year, with more deprived areas, including the North East and Yorkshire, experiencing higher rates than the most affluent regions.

“It is unacceptable that who you are and where you live continues to have an impact on whether your baby is born healthy – and it’s vital that our government and health services continue to focus on tackling these inequalities,” Abrahams adds.

“Action to reduce stillbirth must be a national priority as health services recover following the Covid-19 pandemic, and more work must be done to understand the reasons for the increase in stillbirths and help improve care for pregnant women and people at risk.”

Commenting on the latest figures, Professor Asma Khalil, spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, said every stillbirth “is a tragedy for the families affected as well as the maternity staff involved”.

“Stillbirth rates are still higher in the UK than many other high-income countries and vary widely across the UK,” she said. “We continue to advise women who have concerns or worries about their or their baby’s health – including the baby’s movements – to seek medical advice from their midwife or hospital as soon as possible. We also advise pregnant women to ensure they are fully vaccinated against Covid as this can increase the risk of stillbirth.”

HuffPost UK contacted the Department of Health and Social Care about the increased stillbirth rates, sharing the concerns raised by Tommy’s about stretched maternity services.

In response, a DHSC spokesperson told us: “We are committed to making the NHS the best place in the world to give birth through personalised, high-quality support.

“Since 2010, the rate of stillbirths has reduced by 20.9%, the rate of neonatal mortality for babies born over 24 weeks has reduced by 36% and maternal mortality has reduced by 17%.

“The NHS is investing £127m into the maternity system in the next year to support the workforce and improve neonatal care – which is on top of £95m to recruit 1,200 more midwives and 100 more consultant obstetricians.”

Nicola Adams And Partner Ella Baig Welcome First Child

Posted on 11/07/2022 by Boris Clair

Nicola Adams and her girlfriend Ella Baig have welcomed their first child.

The couple previously announced they were expecting a baby boy, and said they “felt and instant love and the strongest bond” after his arrival.

On Monday, the Olympic boxer posted a photo of her and Ella in the delivery room and a picture of their son’s feet.

Nicola wrote: “We are so excited to announce to the world that baby adams has arrived. The first moment we laid eyes on you we felt an instant love and the strongest bond.

“We went to the moon and back to get you and we can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives watching you grow.”

Nicola and Ella announced they were expecting a baby in February after four rounds of IVF starting in 2019.

The pair began dating after meeting on a night out in the Olympian’s hometown of Leeds.

In addition to her illustrious boxing career, Nicola made TV history in 2020 when she became the first celebrity to compete in Strictly Come Dancing as part of a same-sex pairing.

Unfortunately, she and Katya Jones had their Strictly journey cut short when the professional dancer tested positive for Covid.

How To Check If You (Or Your Children) Have Had The Polio Vaccine

Posted on 23/06/2022 by Boris Clair

Polio, which was officially eradicated in the UK in 2003, can cause paralysis in rare cases and can be life-threatening. Public health officials have declared a national incident while the latest traces are being investigated.

Polio is caused by a virus that spreads easily when an infected person coughs or sneezes, according to the NHS. It can also be caught from food or water that’s been in contact with the poo of someone who has the virus.

So far, it’s unclear how many people may be affected by the new outbreak, but being fully vaccinated will protect you. Here’s how to check if you (and your kids) are up to date with jabs.

When do people usually receive the polio vaccine?

The polio vaccine is given on the NHS when a child is eight, 12 and 16 weeks old as part of the 6-in-1 vaccine. It is given again at three years and four months old as part of the 4-in-1 (DTaP/IPV) pre-school booster, and at 14 as part of the 3-in-1 (Td/IPV) teenage booster. The teenage vaccine is given routinely in secondary schools.

All of these vaccines need to have been given for a person to be fully vaccinated, though babies who have had two or three doses will have substantial protection.

Latest figures show that by the age of two in the UK, almost 95% of children have had the correct number of doses. However, this drops to just under 90% in London. When it comes to the pre-school booster, just 71% of children in London have had it by the age of five.

How to check if you’ve had the polio vaccine

All immunisation records are linked to your unique NHS number, which is assigned to you at birth.

You may be able to see your full health records (including your immunisation history) via the NHS app or NHS online portal, if you’ve already registered for full online access.

You’ll need to register with your GP surgery for online access to see your full record. If you only downloaded the NHS app to see your Covid travel pass, for example, the basic profile only shows your Covid vaccines, medicines and allergies – not your full medical history.

There’s a portal on the NHS website which details further instructions on how to register for full online access to your records. But something to note: this service works alongside GP surgeries and is not yet available in all areas of the UK.

If you’re having trouble accessing your records online, or your surgery does not offer this service, you’ll need to contact your GP to enquire about your polio records via email or telephone.

A polio vaccine will not be labelled as ‘polio’

When you do access your records, don’t panic: a polio vaccine is rarely labelled with the name ‘polio’.

On Twitter, GP and broadcaster Dr Ellie Cannon shared the labels to look out for:

Empowered, Indifferent, Old: This Is How Men Feel About Turning 40

Posted on 21/06/2022 by Boris Clair

“Am I where I expected to be at 40?”

This is probably not a question Prince William is asking himself as enters his fifth decade. But the Duke of Cambridge’s birthday has got us thinking about milestone ages, and why some of us place so much significance on certain numbers.

For women, approaching ‘The Big Four O’ often means discussions of fertility and the biological clock intensify (whether or not you want children and even though a woman doesn’t suddenly wake up on her birthday unable to conceive).

But what’s at the forefront of men’s minds as they approach this age? We asked a bunch of guys aged 39 and over to find out.

‘I get a lot of stick for being single still’

“I’m almost 40, single, with no permanent long-term job. I still love travelling and exploring and totally lack any sort of plan. But I’m kind of okay with that.

“At 40, you’re expected to have job security, a demonstration of some sort of career progression, where you’ve ended up with a bigger salary, a nicer suit and a nicer house.

“I get a lot of stick for being single still. All my friends are in marriages or second marriages in some cases, people say: ‘you’re not going to get sorted are you?’ Every now and then, you do question your life choices. There are always going to be periods in a 12 month calendar where you’re going to have a couple of phases of self-doubt, where you might question the way you’ve done things. You might feel a bit sorry for yourself and have a bit of a pity party. But on the whole I’m quite content with where things are – I’ve seen a lot of the world, I’ve met a lot of great people. I’ve been very, very fortunate in that sense.” – Stephen Boyd, 39, Lincolnshire

‘I was fine with turning 40, but turning 41 hit me hard’

“Turning 40 didn’t phase me, but when I turned 41 I began to obsess over the fact that my life was in a type of descent towards the inevitable end, and that my best experiences were behind me. I was also worried that if I had a child I’d have a limited amount of time to be in their life. My dad was 53 when I was born and I was teased about it at school, so I didn’t want to be an ‘old dad’.

“As it turned out I was 43 when my daughter was born so I beat him by 10 years! Now my life is all about watching her grow and develop (she’ll be three in August) and it has given me joy but also anxiety. I’m trying to live in the moment now because I don’t want to have more regrets than I already do, and I want my daughter to have the happiest and most secure childhood I can give her. So now I don’t obsess as much over my age or my past as I have a real focus on ensuring Flora is happy and loved.” – Peter McKerry, 45, Westcliff-on-Sea

‘Men get more of a free pass’

“I turn 44 this week and love it. I think 30 was more of hurdle for me psychologically, as it was the age where I felt you needed to knuckle down to some responsibilities and achievements personally and professionally, as well as resenting the fact I was no longer young and carefree. So by your 40s, you can enjoy all the new challenges and opportunities that come your way.

“There’s far more pressure on women at all ages but particularly 40s to have a great career and be a mum, I think. As far as media and peer pressure goes, men get more of a free pass. I’m lucky in the sense family and friends have never had any great competition between us to do well, some days are a grind, some days are easy. If you set yourself targets you lose sight of what’s important, which in my case is just trying to enjoy whatever it is I’m doing.” –Andy Dewar, 44, Hamilton, Scotland

‘I haven’t altered anything’

“I felt perfectly fine [approaching 40], with no pre-conceived thoughts of 40 being an issue and prohibiting me from what I can do physically and mentally. I look younger than my age so perhaps that played a fact in my mindset.

Has anything about being 40 surprised me? No not at all, why should it? I haven’t altered anything about my lifestyle to encompass my age or felt as if I had needed to.” – Michael Charles Grant, 40, Hertfordshire

‘Turning 40 made me re-evaluate my health and fitness’

″40… oh, that sounds old. Well, that was the thinking I had when I was in my mid 30s and heading towards 40. Society slots you into a category when your age starts with a four. I had just had my twin boys Alex and Lewis a few months before and dealing with them was really taxing on the mind and body. It was then also that I decided that ‘Dad Bod’ wasn’t something I liked and that I needed to do something about it. General fitness levels were poor and I found myself struggling with day to day tasks in dealing with two newborns. So I said to myself ‘Paul, you’re now 40, you’ve got the twins to think about, you don’t want two young boisterous boys growing up with a dad that can’t keep up… time to get into shape.’ It was a ‘If I don’t do this now, I never will’, moment.

“I’m in better shape now that I was in my 20s and 30s. Confident in how I look, with loads of energy for playing with the twins. My change in physique also motivated my wife to get back to the gym too, plus it has brought us closer with shared interest in fitness and just being better for our sons. Also, more body confident = more intimacy too.” – Paul McCaw, 46, Belfast Northern Ireland

‘Every decade has got better for me.’

“Every decade has got better for me so – despite the birthday itself not feeling like a big deal – I was really excited that my 40s would continue that trend.

“My 30s were where I started to put into action the stuff that I had discovered in my 20s. I left my really great job in the public service (which I totally loved) to start my own business in brewing. My wife and I started the business, had three kids, and then moved our business and family from New Zealand to UK. It was busy beyond belief, but we were both doing things we loved. Coming up for seven years into my 40s and despite the clusterfucks of Brexit and Covid, I’m having the time of my life!

“While there’s immense privilege in being a man – and that’s something far too few men understand – I think there’s a lot of pressure on men to achieve certain things by certain ages. I’m constantly aware of how, at certain stage in my life, I feel like I’ve still not grown up. And I wonder if my parents felt the same. I do remember my dad telling me that he didn’t actually feel safe and comfortable in his life until he was in his 50s. I totally get that. I guess a part of it is kids growing up and releasing that weight of expectation around looking after them.” – Stu McKinlay, 46, London

We Love Pride, And So Do Our Kids

Posted on 19/06/2022 by Boris Clair

You’re never too young to go to Pride.

Don’t believe us? Ask mum-of-one Kate Everall, who’s taken her son since he was born, or mum-of-three Amie Jones, whose made wearing the family’s Pride-themed babygrow a rite of passage among her horde.

The fastest way to teach kids #LoveIsLove is by celebrating it in all forms from day one. Add in some rainbow flags, glitter and fun and they won’t question it one jot.

As writer Victoria Richards put it, explaining LGBTQ+ relationships to kids is actually very simple: “Try it: ‘Some men love men, some women love women and some people love both (or neither).’ Ta da.”

Pride is the perfect time to normalise queer love, to show kids that they don’t have to play “mums and dads” in the playground, and that they’ll be loved at home always, whoever they turn out to be. For LGBTQ+ parents, it’s also an opportunity for kids to see more families like their own.

We spoke to five families who enjoy Pride about what it means to them and their little ones.

‘Pride is a time to celebrate our queer family’

Kelly Allen with her wife, Zoey, and children George (12) and Molly (11).

“We take our children to Pride because we feel it’s integral to their future, and the future of other human beings, to be surrounded by a diverse community. We also feel Pride is a time to celebrate our queer family in a safe and fun way. It’s essential they are able to grow knowing they can be their true selves, and Pride is a time for us to really celebrate our diversity, amongst a community that accepts us for who we are.

“It’s become even more essential since Zoey came out as transgender, as the world can feel very bleak at times for the trans community. However, Pride gives us a chance to feel fully accepted and loved as the LGBTQ+ family we are.” – Kelly Allen, 40, who runs ourtransitionallife.com with her wife, Zoey

‘A great way to teach our boys what it means to be an ally.’

Amie Jones' two sons Dylan and Huw in the family Pride romper. — Amie Jones’ two sons Dylan and Huw in the family Pride romper.

“We have taken our three boys to our local Pride event in Chester since they were very young – and we even have a Pride inspired outfit for them to wear. The photos show my oldest son Dylan (now seven years) and my youngest son Huw (now two years) in the same Pride romper! Unfortunately, I don’t have any photos of us actually at Pride, as we are always having too much fun!

“As founder of Kind Kids Book Club – the UK’s first children’s book club with a focus on nurturing social conscience and sharing inclusive stories – Pride is an important celebration for our family and a great way to teach our boys what it means to be an ally. They always love the day – the atmosphere is brilliant, everyone is so friendly and there’s so much to see and do!” – Amie Jones, 37, Bagillt, North Wales

‘There’s no one way to be a family.’

Caprice Fox with her wife, Holly and three-year-old daughter, Honey

“We celebrate Pride month by attending our local Pride event and decorating at home. Pre-Covid we attended Pride as a family and they had Drag Queen Story Time, a children’s dance stage and a soft play area. We have diverse books out all year round, not just for one month, however we make a conscious effort to read these and encourage preschool to do the same!

“It is so importance for Honey to celebrate Pride and our family so that she realises just how diverse every family can be! There’s no one way to be a family and each one can look different, but it’s about showing that each one has something in common: love!” – Caprice Fox, 32 from Bristol

‘I want him to grow up enriched.’

“Pride is incredibly important to us as a family, which is why when our son came along we would continue our tradition of attending Brighton Pride.

“For us, Pride means ‘community’. It’s a time we feel less isolated and othered;. It also gives us an opportunity to meet up with other LGBTQ families – and making friends along the way, so that our son doesn’t feel as isolated as we were when growing up.

“Our son is currently seven, and we’ve been attending Pride events and celebrations since he was born. For us, it’s important that he sees himself seen and represented in society, not to mention witnesses what other families look like. I want him to grow up enriched; knowing that there’s no one way to be a family and that your family is often more than just blood.” – Kate Everall, Brighton, founder of Lesbemums

‘She would ask me when pride was happening again’

Vicky Warren's daughter, Matilda, loves attending Pride. — Vicky Warren’s daughter, Matilda, loves attending Pride.

“I have taken my daughter to Pride In London, Canterbury Pride and Amsterdam Pride. All of these events are different and I wanted to show her how different people celebrate Pride.

“To me, Pride means supporting people with their life choices, I grew up in a time when it was taboo (I am 49). It was frowned upon and I remember that it was always a scandal when an actor or singer announced they were gay. People that were transitioning into the opposite sex were laughed at and ridiculed. I did not want any of my kids to grow up without understanding and supporting people’s choices.

“Matilda was about six years old when I first went to Pride in London. We went by accident, but then she would ask me when Pride was happening again. Then in 2019 we decided to fly out to Amsterdam early one morning and attend Amsterdam Pride. Instead of the parade going through the streets, it was all on the canals in the city. It was awesome, a complete game-changer for Pride.

“When she was little she loved the vibrance of pride, she loved meeting different people who dressed up for Pride. As she got older, she learned the history of Pride, she wanted to support everyone more. She has held a sign up before offering hugs to members of the LGBTQ community and I am so proud of her.” – Vicky Warren, 49, Kent, who runs the blog Miss Tilly And Me

Raheem Bailey GoFundMe Reaches £100k After Schoolboy Loses Finger Fleeing Bullies

Posted on 23/05/2022 by Boris Clair

Raheem Bailey is a name you would have seen all over your social feeds over the weekend. Devastatingly, the 11-year-old had a finger amputated after he suffered an injury trying to flee bullies at school.

The young Black student was attacked, beaten and pushed to the ground in his school in Abertillery, Wales, based on racist bullying, said his mother Shantal.

Doctors worked six hours to save Raheem’s fingers but ultimately could not save it.

Since she shared the news, the story has gained worldwide attention, with the likes of Anthony Joshua, Jadon Sancho and US basketball player Gerald Green speaking out.

The mum also started a GoFundMe page with the intention of raising £10k for Raheem’s medical costs, including a prosthetic finger. But since the story broke out, donations have poured in, far exceeding the family’s expectations.

Currently, the donations stand at £101,847.

Shantal Bailey wrote on the donations page: “Raheem has faced racial and physical abuse, as well as more generic bullying about his height and other things, since he started secondary school in September 2021.”

Though she had been aware of some comments, she was not aware of the extent of her son’s bullying, she said.

“Raheem was attacked by a group of children and beaten (mainly kicked) after being pushed to the ground. Consequently, Raheem made a desperate attempt to leave the school grounds in order to escape the situation.

“Whilst climbing the fence, his finger got caught and attached to it, causing the skin to strip and the finger to break in half it.”

The mother said she had contacted the school about the incident and was assured it would be dealt with.

The school, Abertillery Learning Community, announced yesterday that it would be closed today as it work with police to investigate the issue.

In a statement issued on Sunday, Blaenau Gwent County Borough Council said that all campuses would be closed on Monday, saying: “Abertillery Learning Community is working with Gwent Police in relation to an ongoing investigation into an alleged assault on the secondary campus.

“All campuses at Abertillery Learning Community will be closed tomorrow on health and safety grounds.

“Learners will access blended learning for Monday, 23rd May. The safety and well-being of learners and staff remains of paramount importance to the Learning Community and the Local Authority at all times.”

How Soon Is Too Soon To Become Attached To Your New Partner’s Children?

Posted on 14/05/2022 by Boris Clair

For parents dating again, figuring out when to introduce a new partner to your kids is a tricky calculus: How many months should you wait? Does the relationship feel stable and safe enough to take that step? Is your child emotionally ready to meet someone new since you split from your co-parent? What will your ex say?

The stress doesn’t end there; once the introductions have been made, you need to check in with your kids to make sure it’s all not too much, too fast, and that they’re comfortable around your new partner.

This common post-divorce dilemma has played out on a very public stage in recent months, since reality star Kim Kardashian has started dating Saturday Night Livekim comedian Pete Davidson.

Things seem to be going swimmingly for the new couple, but Kardashian’s ex, Kanye West, has expressed concern about Davidson’s relationship with his kids. (At one point West even dramatically wrote, “NO YOU WILL NEVER MEET MY CHILDREN” on an Instagram post.)

Still, photos taken recently show that Davidson has met the couple’s kids. And earlier this month, another photo popped up showing what appears to be a new tattoo for the comedian: The ink reads KNSCP, letters many fans believe stand for Kardashian’s four children with West: North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm.

If the tattoo is real – and Davidson does have a history of getting tattoos for the women in his life, including a branding in dedication to Kardashian – it’s a showy display of commitment on his part.

Family therapists we spoke to wondered just how committed a person could be after roughly six months of dating.

“The tattoo seems more like evidence of his impulsivity rather than his genuine attachment to his girlfriend’s kids, which he could not possibly have in any substantive way after only six months,” says Virginia Gilbert, a Los Angeles-based therapist specialising in high-conflict divorce.

“I think six months is too soon to meet her kids, especially with an in-process messy divorce and Kanye being so opposed to the meeting, but everything Kim does is in the public eye, it would have been hard to keep Pete a secret, so the question is probably moot,” she added.

Kurt Smith, a family therapist in Roseville, California, who mostly works with men, says that the desire to connect deeper with your significant other by showing interest in their kids is understandable.

Ultimately, though, new partners need to recognise that it’s a delicate dance ― one that usually requires a healthy distance.

“Pete should be asking himself why that was so important for him to do at this stage of the relationship,” he says.

Since this co-parenting quandary is top of mind for many right now, we decided to ask family therapists and other experts on blended families to share the advice they’d give to parents newly dating again like Kardashian. Here’s what they say.

First off, when should introductions be made?

For divorced parents, when to introduce and involve a new partner in children’s lives is a complex question, with no “one size fits all” answer.

For some people, six months is enough; for others, a slower approach might be necessary, says Dawn O. Braithwaite, a professor of communication studies at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

Braithwaite has spent her career studying how families interact to create, navigate and change relationships, routines and traditions, especially in stepfamilies and chosen families.

According to her, parents need to consider the following six things before making introductions:

What they believe will be the future of their new relationship
The age of the children
How long it’s been since the separation or divorce
How well children have adjusted to changes in their family situation
The relationship with the co-parent
The interest the new partner has in meeting the kids

“While there are exceptions, most scholars have found that new partners can play a positive role in children’s lives, but that they should go slow and act as a friend for children rather than overstepping and acting in ways that are confusing or inappropriate for children,” the professor says.

Meetups should be casual at first

To avoid coming on too strong or overstepping boundaries, keep those early getting-to-know-you meetups as casual as possible: Arrange a park date or meet up for a Marvel movie and pizza.

“The onus needs to be on the new partner to meet the kids where they are ― meaning you need to participate in the kinds of things they like to do,” Gilbert says. “I would also suggest postponing adult sleepovers until the kids become comfortable with the new partner.”

Remember that your relationship is not with your partner’s kids — it’s with your partner only

If you’re the parent, reinforce that you’re not a package deal – not yet, anyway.

“Maintaining this boundary is important for both partners, the health of the new relationship, and, most importantly, for the kids’ health,” Smith says.

Move too quickly and you could quickly incur the annoyance of the kids ― and the potential ire of the other parent.

“I’ve counselled divorcing parents where his new girlfriend posted pics on social media of his kids at a birthday party like they were her own and believe me, it did not go over well with the other parent,” Smith says.

“It’s hard enough bringing in new partners and blending families, so avoiding anything that could cause tension or conflict should be avoided,” he explained.

Be comfortable being an outsider for a while.

Kids in situations like this are usually grappling with competing, confusing concerns, says Amy Begel, a family therapist in private practice in New York City and author of the blog Most Human: “Will they betray their father if they have a relationship with this new guy? Will they betray their mother if they are loyal to their father and want to protect his feelings?”

That’s why it’s important to take a backseat for a bit if you’re the new partner. It may feel like a blow to the ego to be treated as marginal, or worse, an intruder, but patience during this process is crucial, Begel says.

As Jenna Korf, a stepmom and founder of StepmomHelp.com, previously told HuffPost, you’re an outsider joining an already-formed family – even if your partner and their kids eventually move into your home.

“A lot of this is unintentional, but kids automatically go to their parent,” she says. “You might be sitting right next to your partner and they won’t address you, often leaving you out of the conversation.”

If you’re the new partner, take the approach of a new friend or neighbour, not an automatic stepparent.

New partners should try to befriend the kids, but move at a pace determined by the kids, says Ron Deal, the founder of SmartStepfamilies.com and author of a number of popular books on blended families.

“In my book with Dr. Gary Chapman, Building Love Together in Blended Families, I tell stepparents it’s like making friends with a new neighbour,” Deal says. “You don’t just push your way into their house and tell them you’re their new BFF. That makes enemies.”

Instead, the stepdad and author advised, you knock and wait patiently on the doorstep.

“You may even have to talk to them through the door for a while until you find a few things you have in common. Only when they open it can you begin to connect face to face,” Deal says. “Slowly, over time, a friendship is made that stands on its own terms.”

Meeting for the first time? Keep it casual. Think: The new Marvel movie on Disney+ and pizza at home where you get a chance to talk and get to know each other.

Avoid “erase and replace” messages if you’re the new partner

According to Deal, exaggerated gestures like Davidson’s tattoos send the wrong message to kids. The goal for new partners is to come across as additive rather than substitutive. The kids should feel like they’re potentially adding to the family, not getting a substitute dad or mum.

“Pete’s tattoo may sound romantic – that’s the kind of thing people do to win the affections of their dating partner – but to the children it declares, ‘You’re mine.’” Deal says. “Someone might say, but isn’t that great as well? Not necessarily to a child. In their world, it may seem like Pete is trying to ‘erase and replace’ their father.”

A child’s loyalty lies, understandably, with their biological parent, not the new stepparent. A message like that threatens their relationship with their father “may partially explain Kanye’s strong reaction and only escalates the battle between the parents,” Deal tells HuffPost.

“Here’s my rule of thumb: a new partner who tries to erase and replace a biological parent is, in fact, going to be erased and replaced themselves,” he says.

"As a general rule, it takes at least two years before a new partner can assume a traditional parenting role," said Virginia Gilbert, an LA-based therapist specializing in high-conflict divorce. — “As a general rule, it takes at least two years before a new partner can assume a traditional parenting role,” said Virginia Gilbert, an LA-based therapist specializing in high-conflict divorce.

Most kids with newly divorced parents are dealing with abandonment issues; don’t add to them

It’s awful for a child to get attached to a new partner who then disappears from their lives. If your partner is coming on too strong with the kids, Gilbert says to acknowledge that this is a tough transition for everyone and tell them you really appreciate their efforts.

Then, shift the conversation: Try to encourage them to see things from the kids’ perspective: Among other things, your kids may be feeling extra loyal to your ex or they may be experiencing grief that their parents are no longer together. They may not want to share you with a new person and they may not want someone to have control over changes in their lives.

“Your new partner needs to understand how overwhelming your relationship might feel to the kids and that their ambivalence is not about them,” Gilbert says. “If the issue is creating conflict between you and your new partner, consider seeing a therapist who can help you both make child-centred decisions.”

The big takeaway here, though, is to take things slow: “As a general rule, it takes at least two years before a new partner can assume any sort of traditional parenting role,” Gilbert says.

Priyanka Chopra And Nick Jonas Share First Photo Of Baby Daughter After Spending 100 Days In Intensive Care

Posted on 09/05/2022 by Boris Clair

Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas have shared the first photo of their baby daughter, Malti Marie, after she spent the first few months of her life in a neonatal intensive care unit.

Priyanka said it had been a “challenging few months” in an Instagram post shared by the Quantico actor on Mother’s Day.

“On this Mother’s Day we can’t help but reflect on these last few months and the rollercoaster we’ve been on, which we now know, so many people have also experienced,” she captioned the picture.

“After 100 plus days in the NICU, our little girl is finally home.

“Every family’s journey is unique and requires a certain level of faith, and while ours was a challenging few months, what becomes abundantly clear, in retrospect, is how precious and perfect every moment is.”

In the photo, Priyanka holds Malti against her chest as her singer husband holds the baby’s hand.

“Our next chapter begins now, and our baby is truly a badass. Let’s get it MM! Mommy and Daddy love you,” she wrote.

“Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers and caretakers in my life and out there. You make it look so easy. Thank you.”

She added: “Also.. there is no one I’d rather do this with than you. Thank you for making me a mama @nickjonas I love you.”

The couple also took the opportunity to thank the doctors and nurses at Rady Children’s Hospital, La Jolla and Cedars-Sinai, Los Angeles, for their care and support.

The couple, who married in 2018, confirmed in April that they had named their first child Malti Marie Chopra Jonas.

“We are overjoyed to confirm that we have welcomed a baby via surrogate,” the couple said in January. “We respectfully ask for privacy during this special time as we focus on our family. Thank you so much.”

These Photos Show The Unique Bonds Between Black Mothers And Their Sons

Posted on 08/05/2022 by Boris Clair

I’ve always found it endearing the way men pay homage to the mothers and matriarchs in their lives. We love songs like Tupac’s Dear Mama” and Bill Withers’ “Grandma’s Hands.” We witness the robust relationship between Kanye West and his late mother, Donda, who was undoubtedly his biggest fan, in the documentary Jeen-Yuhs: A Kanye Trilogy. We heard the gut-wrenching cries of George Floyd calling out for his mother moments before his death in 2020.

Black motherhood has often been centered in the analysis of the Black family — and for Black men, the maternal connection is vital, political and liberating. These affirmations are dedicated to women whose labor and love are far-reaching and priceless. The vocal appreciation is always welcomed, especially when the work of mothers has often been overlooked.

“My mother is a force of nature. If she wants to get something done, it’s getting done. I think that’s been pretty evident in the course of her journey,” said Sulaiman Rashid, a 20-year-old college student in Washington, DC, whose mother raised four kids. “My siblings and I have different career paths, but we are all grounded in the desire to create change, and that stems from my mom’s passion to help and to serve others and to aid in the betterment of the world.”

I wanted to explore the relationships between sons and their mothers. In this series of portraits, I photographed families and asked the sons to share some perspectives of the role their mothers had in their lives. From guidance on love, career and education to artistic inspiration and global travel, we see an expansive view of the strong bonds between Black sons and their mothers.

Diane Redfern

Sons: Christopher and Charles Tarpley

My mother, commonly known as Lady D, is a resilient and confident mother. She has a jazzy personality and is a strong woman of faith. She raised my brother and I to become the gentlemen we are today. – Charles

My mother’s favourite saying is “I’m gonna tell you what God loves … the truth.” This is what I admire about my mother the most, her love of God. She has such a strong will to never give up no matter how tough things may be raising twins. – Chris

Tamara Redfern

Sons: Yaseen Ellison and Mujahid Ellison

My mother has always been a source of light in my life. Across time and space – from my earliest memories in the US to years later and continents away – this has rung true. The continuum of joy and love surrounding my mother could not be summarised by a discrete moment. How would I describe my mother, who first showed me the magic and vibrancy of life? Who taught me firm confidence in my ability to grow, adapt, achieve and inspire?

I realise I don’t have to isolate any single experience to highlight who she is when everyone who encounters her is liberated by her grace and kindness, and when all spaces she walks through are automatically elevated by her presence. It is no wonder Allah says heaven lies at the feet of the mothers. I love you, Mom. – Yaseen

When I think of my mother, my thoughts often associate her with the moon. Her radiant, smiling face is akin to the light of the moon on a clear night sky. Her sound judgment and listening ear have served as a therapy to the many problems I’ve come to her with over the years. Her belief and willingness to lend a helping hand to me, unwavering, in times when I felt all was lost. Time after time, failure after failure, my mother has always been by my side. The best person to have around when sharing good news, as her pure, bona fide joy for you can be experienced by anyone who has interacted with her. The funny thing is my mother has taught me virtually everything I need to survive and thrive on my own, but hates it when I’m not around. There’s no better feeling than being capable of being alone but still having someone who never wants you to be alone. She’s my light and my guidance; my mother is my moon. I love you, Mom. – Mujahid

Aisha Hassan

Son: Bilal Hassan

Ummi is very special to me; she means the world to me. She is my friend, travel buddy and confidant. I love being around her. She raised me into the young man that I am today. She is generous, caring, loving and not afraid to speak her mind. She was literally my first teacher. I was homeschooled from kindergarten to sixth grade by her and my father, who has since passed away. Back then, we didn’t have all of the home-schooling resources that exist today. Now, homeschooling is this big thing with programmes that you can do online. She created an amazing curriculum for us. She was extremely resourceful in making sure that we had an optimal learning experience. We did so much with very little. We had so much fun on our extended learning library trips. She is a genius. I could never repay her for how much she has poured into me. – Bilal

Jamilah Rashid

Son: Sulaiman Rashid

My mother is a force of nature. If she wants to get something done, it’s getting done. I think that’s been pretty evident in the course of her journey. My siblings and I have different career paths, but we are all grounded in the desire to create change, and that stems from my mom’s passion to help and to serve others and to aid in the betterment of the world. I love her because she gave that to me. I can’t describe all the ways and reasons why I love her. As I grow into a man, I hope that my need for her doesn’t wane or fade. When I was younger, I needed her to read me bedtime stories, and what I need from her now is guidance in selecting a companion and partner. She did a really great job, and I’d be very blessed to find someone like her. I’m grateful to her every single day for who she is as a mother, wife and a person. – Sulaiman

Adama Delphine Fawundu

Sons: Amal Buford, Kofi Buford and Che Buford (not pictured)

My mom set the standard and laid the foundation. She’s always been so driven and always accomplishes what she sets her mind to. There are so many roles that a mother can fulfil: a provider, a protector, a friend, an inspiration. She does it all. Some of my most fond memories are of us getting up really early and riding the subway to school. Even though it was the crowded subway, it felt like just us; it was so warm. We would have some of the best conversations. We would talk about anything and everything. We would read together; we would do math problems together. I love thinking about those times. It makes me nostalgic. You don’t realise how important that is, and I don’t ever want to take that for granted. It’s never been a question as to whether my brothers and I were her priority. She would drop us off and then have to go work her own job. It’s a job within a job. I’m older and I live on my own; I’m independent, but my mother is still my biggest inspiration. – Amal

My mother introduced me to so much. The knowledge and experiences that she imparted on me shattered the limitations that would otherwise be present in my life. It’s the reason why my creativity flourishes. We’ve traveled together. She took me to Sierra Leone, New Orleans, Phoenix, so many places. When we travel, we have fun, but we also learn about the land, the monuments, the historical connections. Our travels showed me the beauty of different cultures and that there are many ways of living. I love my mother. She always supported me. – Kofi

Karen D. Taylor

Sons: Chenzira Taylor Lewis and Siyaka Taylor Lewis

I have always been enamoured by my mother’s unadulterated focus and ability to create as an artist. It’s always helped me to see her not only as a mum, but also as an artist and creative in her own right. And it’s been inspiring to see her flourish throughout my life in her different creative identities. She always encouraged my autonomy and inquisitiveness and aided my creative spirit. Her determination demonstrated that my dreams and creative endeavours are attainable. ― Chenzira

I see my mother as a community pillar, a preservationist of Blackness and Black culture and Black excellence. She is a preserver of the relic, an educator, a nurturer, a policer of integrity. I love the uniqueness of who she is, her quirks, her silliness, her strength and intelligence. She is very New York to the core; she is an intellectual, a scholar with the grit of the jazz nightlife scene. Most definitely a music snob, jazz and blues head, creatively impulsive, loving, laid back and full of big laughs. At the core, she is serene. She is literally the perfect yin and yang of creativity and strong love. – Siyaka