Category Archives: LIFESTYLE

First UK Case Of Permanent Hearing Loss Linked To Covid-19

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Redefining Your Roles

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You have many roles to play in life, such as various job to perform, being someone’s relationship partner, and being a a personal growth explorer.

That there may be gaps, however, in the roles you identify, and you may want to devise a new role to cover a gap.

Look especially for areas where you’ve been procrastinating or getting weaker results than you’d like. Do you have an appropriate role for that area? Have you chosen a suitable label for the role that you like?

Identity Encourages Behavior

Note that identity supports and reinforces behavior, as noted in the recent Be a Voter post. You’re more likely to succeed in making a behavior change if you seek to adopt an identity change to align with your new behavior.

If you’re not exercising regularly, for instance, could it be because you lack a proper role to support this behavior?

One role could be runner. Another could be yogini. A runner runs, and a yogini does yoga. If you want to call yourself a runner, you’ve got to run; otherwise you can’t honestly claim the label.

I like using the athlete label. It’s good role that encourages me to exercise in a more balanced way than runner. Athlete works as a good long-term label. It encourages me to keep growing, exploring, and challenging myself in this area of life.

Sometimes labels have interesting side effects. By thinking of myself as an athlete instead of as just a guy who exercises, I buy better running shoes and exercise clothes because it fits the role. This role helps me see exercise as a long-term pursuit worthy of decent financial support.

Another label that works well for me is vegan. Some people prefer plant-based, which labels the behavior but not the role. Consequently, plant-based is significantly weaker in terms of identity – it’s a label for wannabes and approval seekers. It’s better to lay claim to the vegan role and to not be so timid about it. The identity framing of being vegan is stronger than just calling yourself a plant-based person. Vegan is a lifestyle. My yard is plant-based.

What labels do you use for your health and fitness roles? How are they working for you?

Adopting New Roles for Growth

In addition to tweaking and improving your existing roles and labels, you can also add new ones.

For instance, if you want to really get into music or writing, start labeling yourself a musician or writer. If you want to get serious about coaching, don’t just do coaching – be a coach!

Become that which you want to embody. Create a role for an empowering behavior pattern.

Recently I felt a desire to improve at prioritizing and balancing various projects. Using labels like blogger or entrepreneur don’t help much in this area, so I added a new role to encourage more attention on this skill set: the role of manager.

Previously I didn’t think of myself as a manager, but I do have a lot to manage, and I like the idea of improving my skills to the point where I can genuinely think of myself as a highly effective manager. So this role has a positive association for me – it’s a path of growth.

Note that labels are very personal though. You might dislike a label that works exceptionally well for me. That’s fine. Your invitation is to pick the roles and labels that motivate you.

If a label doesn’t motivate you to engage with some area of life, dump that label, and pick a different one. Sometimes you have to test a few different labels to find one that actually motivates you.

Be careful as well to pick roles that allow room for growth. A good role helps you stretch. A bad role cages you. Take a look at your existing roles. Are there any that you’ve outgrown?

What new roles could you add to your life to remind you to invest in areas that you’ve been neglecting?

Good roles are invitations. They entice you to do some character building in new directions. A good role encourages you to make positive behavioral changes to align with it and to stay aligned. By reminding yourself of the role, you have a shortcut to remember the behaviors you want to adopt.

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Redefining Your Problems

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By looking at a problem from multiple angles, you may spot a creative solution you hadn’t considered before. But another approach is to reframe the way you define the problem to begin with.

For example, suppose you define your problem as how to get a new job during COVID times. Within that problem definition, you can consider many ways to solve the problem. You could work on your resume, look through job postings, fill out applications, ask around to discover unadvertised jobs, and take plenty of other actions. But all the while you’re sticking with the original problem definition that you need to get a job. The issue with that framing is that you don’t actually need a job.

Here are some other ways to redefine the problem instead of needing a job:

  • You need a benefactor.
  • You need a grant.
  • You need to start a business.
  • You need to learn better marketing skills.
  • You need a new degree.
  • You need to reduce expenses.
  • You need to declare bankruptcy.
  • You need to start earning royalties.
  • You need more confidence.
  • You need $10 million.
  • You need to become a monk.
  • You need a better relationship partner.
  • You need a mastermind group.
  • You need a better wand.
  • You need to learn how to survive and thrive permanently without a job.
  • You need a more effective spiritual framework.
  • You need to win the lottery.
  • You need a mentor.
  • You need a better relationship with reality.
  • You need a more creative and disciplined character.
  • You need to become a minimalist.
  • You need to switch countries.
  • You need to master your emotions.
  • You need a Master.

What is the actual problem? You get to decide.

To label anything a problem, you must assign meaning to a situation. The meaning you assign frames the problem and defines its scope. But you could also assign no meaning at all and determine that there is no problem to be solved.

So also consider that when you define a problem, you’re declaring that you want to solve that particular problem with that particular frame. If you don’t want to solve that problem though, you could define the situation very differently and solve a completely different problem instead.

Some people find the “get a job” problem to be a really boring one to solve, especially if you have to do it repeatedly. So they don’t bother to solve that problem because they don’t define it as their problem to begin with. Not having a job isn’t actually a problem unless you define it as such.

I haven’t had a job in nearly three decades, and it’s not a problem. Being jobless is actually very nice. There is nothing problematic about being jobless. It’s an imaginary problem that never actually needs to be solved. And because it’s not actually a problem, I don’t need to invest any energy in solving it. What makes it not a problem? Never defining it as such.

Maybe you define your main problem as needing money. Fine, you can solve that. But do you actually need money? Is that a real problem? No, that’s also just another optional choice of framing. You could get by without money. Some people have no money and live interesting and meaningful lives. Someone else could earn money and pay for everything you want – you don’t need a boss or company to pay your expenses.

Not all problem definitions are equally interesting or motivating to solve. If you find a problem definition dreadfully demotivating, don’t beat yourself up for not being motivated or for procrastinating too much. Question how you’re defining the problem to begin with. You’re probably using a definition you’ve inherited from someone else. Be flexible enough to rewrite the problem – many different ways.

Consider a problem where you’ve been stuck for a while. Brainstorm at least a few dozen ways to redefine the problem definition. Then consider which of those other problems interests you more than your original definition. Don’t be a dunce afterwards by going back to your original frame, as if you’re permanently caged there. Actually switch frames and genuinely invest in solving one of those other problems.

One thing you’ll discover if you practice this enough is that other people will teach you a lot of piss-poor ways of looking at problems that don’t work well for you at all. Stop buying into their frames. Dump their frames and use different ones.

If you’ve felt stuck trying to get better at dating, for instance, dump that way of looking at the problem. You don’t need to get better at dating skills – is that even a real thing anyway? Why not solve a more interesting problem, like finding a co-explorer for your desired lifestyle adventures. Skip the dating frame, and go straight to the fun and adventurous part. Invest in dating if you like dating – just note that it’s optional. Many people find relationships, partners, and co-adventurers without dating anyone.

People get so stuck clinging to one way of looking at a problem that has never worked very well for them. They dread having to deal with the problem each time it comes up. If that’s you then dump the problem definition you’ve been clinging to. You don’t have to see that issue as a problem ever again. It doesn’t actually need a solution. You can choose a completely different kind of problem to solve instead.

Work on the problems that fascinate you. Work on the problems that you enjoy solving. Work on problems because you love the character-building effects. Don’t deal in problems that you dislike or dread – that’s just lame. You’re smarter and more creative than that.

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25-Year-Old Man Had Covid-19 Twice In The Space Of Two Months

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Nose Breathing During Exercise

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I’ve continued practicing the exercises from The Oxygen Advantage for the past several days, and this morning I hit a nice exercise-related milestone.

I decided to take the past two days off from running. Instead I went for walks and practiced reducing my breathing while also doing some breath holds. I figured that some extra practice on the breathing side could be helpful.

This morning I went back to running, figuring I’d continue the interval approach. I decided that if I was going to do intervals anyway, I might as well see what it’s like to skip the 15-minute walking warmup. I wanted to know if that part was even making much difference. So I just walked for two minutes and then started running. That’s what I used to do before I’d read The Oxygen Advantage.

I ran a familiar route where the first half is mostly downhill, and the second half is uphill. I figured that I could probably handle a hill better if it was later in the run, so I’d be more warmed up. I’d previously figured out that nose breathing while running gets easier after about 30 minutes.

The first minute was the most difficult, like I wasn’t getting quite enough air. I felt that I might make it about 2-3 minutes before having to step it down to walking for a couple of minutes. Then I could build up to longer intervals like I did last week. But I kept going even though it felt uncomfortable to breathe this way, and my breathing soon stabilized. After 3-4 minutes, I felt like I could keep going and felt optimistic that I could do an hour of nose breathing running without having to step down to walking.

That turned out to be true. I ran for 70 minutes with nose breathing continuously – my first time ever doing a full run that way.

I ran about 10-15% slower than I used to do with mouth breathing, but I’m happy that I was able to do it. I figure I can build back up my speed as my body adapts better to nose breathing.

I didn’t think I’d be able to reach this point so quickly, so that was a nice surprise. I do think that doing more breathing practice for the past two days likely helped.

In the second half of the run, I also did about a dozen breath holds, usually for 12-13 paces. These are harder when going uphill, so sometimes I only made it 10 paces. Note that breath holds are done after exhaling, so the lungs are mostly empty.

I felt like my breathing wasn’t quite where I wanted it to be for much of the run. It seemed a bit heavier than before, even though I was still breathing through my nose the whole time. Interestingly I found that my breathing got lighter at around 55 minutes, during the uphill portion. The last 15 minutes of the run actually felt pretty nice, like I was getting a taste of what it could feel like to nose breathe while running and have it feel comfortable and natural.

I’d love it if my entire runs could eventually feel like those last 15 minutes – with relaxed breathing through my nose.

It’s an interesting challenge to coax my body into a different behavioral pattern, knowing that it’s going to feel uncomfortable for a while. My body breathes heavier as if it needs more oxygen, but it actually doesn’t. It just needs to build up more tolerance for carbon dioxide.

A key point that The Oxygen Advantage makes is that you know you’re making progress when you feel the desire to take a bigger breath. It’s the discomfort of holding back on that bigger breath that helps you progress.

It’s uncomfortable to breathe more shallowly when my body signals that it wants more air. It’s hard to sip air when my body would rather gulp it.

Running while nose breathing doesn’t feel nearly as comfortable as it felt with mouth breathing. I wonder how long it will take for running with nose breathing to feel normal and natural throughout – or even better than my old mouth breathing approach.

Making progress with personal growth often entails discomfort. Building a tolerance for discomfort in general is helpful. The more we build up this tolerance, the easier it is to step into the growth space. If you’re only willing to grow comfortably, you’ll leave a lot of growth possibilities unexplored.

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Be a Voter

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Which is better? To encourage someone to vote or to encourage them to be a voter?

If you want the person to actually vote, encourage them to be a voter. It’s been found that this framing is more likely to lead to action.

If you’d like to strengthen a behavior, weave it into your identity. And if you’d like to change someone else’s behavior, encourage them towards an identity change that includes that behavior.

Use this framing with yourself too.

Don’t just get up early. Be an early riser.

Don’t just make a difference. Be a contributor.

Don’t just do personal growth experiments. Be an explorer.

Don’t just post on social media. Be a blogger, podcaster, or YouTuber.

A similar framing shift motivated me to register to vote this year (my first time voting in any political election). Being encouraged to vote never motivated me to change, perhaps because it seemed like a pointless behavior. I decided to vote this time because I want to be a participant, not a spectator. Being a nonvoter in this election doesn’t feel like a good identity to embrace. This time I feel like I have to vote against stupidity in a way that didn’t seem necessary before.

I’ve found this framing especially helpful for leaning into long-term changes, like thinking of myself as an entrepreneur when starting my first business back in 1994. Being an entrepreneur is a stronger frame than starting or running a business. A behavioral frame lets you get a job when you hit a rough patch in your business, but an identity frame makes that option harder to consider.

Consequently, you may want to use behavioral framing when you’d prefer to keep your options open and give yourself more room to pivot. Behavioral framing is more flexible. If, however, you want to feel more committed and focused, so you can really invest in a particular path, identity framing is often the better choice.

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12 Totally Inspiring Coming Out Videos That We Love On YouTube

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Weight Loss Injection Ads Banned For ‘Irresponsible’ Claims

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Defining Your Own Spiritual Path

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Have you ever connected with someone who had strong preconceived notions about what your spiritual path should look like?

Apparently there’s a rulebook for being spiritual, and you have to satisfy certain criteria for how you’re supposed to think, feel, and behave in order to consider yourself a spiritual person. You got the memo summarizing those rules, right?

Being spiritual is a label and lens. But it’s not the same lens for everyone. We all assign different meanings to what it means to be spiritual or to walk a spiritual path. My meaning is undoubtedly different from yours.

These days I’m not a huge fan of the spiritual label / lens. I found it interesting in my 20s and 30s, partly as a reactionary alternative to being religious. Back then being spiritual meant being independent and also spending time exploring the nonphysical aspects of life. I could label meditation, reading eye-opening books, listening to speeches from dudes who don’t wear pants, and lucid dreaming as spiritual practices.

Today if I think about spirituality, I’d frame it as exploring my relationship with reality and with my character. It’s not something I can compartmentalize into a short list of practices. I regard what I do all day, every day, as part of my spiritual practice, including writing this blog post, especially when I’m making carefully considered choices about what to do.

My spiritual path is mine to determine, and there is no rulebook that I must follow. I’m not beholden to anyone’s expectations. I’m walking my own spiritual path, which isn’t for anyone else to walk or even to understand.

When people purport to tell me what it means to be spiritual and how my thoughts, feelings, or behaviors aren’t spiritual enough, I see that as immensely presumptuous. It’s an emotionally manipulative pattern, similar to the patterns I shared in the article on emotional consent last month.

While some who consider themselves spiritual may regard this year as being about lessons of tolerance and acceptance – and good for them if that’s what they’re exploring – my lessons for this year feel very different but no less spiritual.

I see this year as having more to do with boundaries, firmness, and calling out stupidity when it’s plain as day.

I see this year as posing some interesting alignment questions, especially with respect to truth alignment, social connections, and assignment of meaning.

I’ve also been thinking about why so many people are so ridiculously loyal and obedient. This makes me want to understand obedience better – more than just thinking about it from a D/s play angle. I see it as a puzzle that I don’t really understand. Why does it seem like so many humans are behaving like insects in an insect colony?

This year also points me in the direction of deeper character sculpting, which could be because developing the Stature course earlier in the year helped me get into this framing. I see some really lame character behavior in the world, and my reaction to that makes me think more consciously about how I’d like my own character to continue developing.

While many people seem to dislike this year, I personally find it fascinating. It’s been one of the best years of my life, despite not getting to travel as much and having fewer in-person social connections.

I see the events happening in the world as invitations. Reality invites me to choose my framing and my response. How will I interpret these events? What meaning will I assign to them? How will I evolve my character to adapt to changing circumstances? To me these are fascinating and worthy challenges. I could label them spiritual too.

I like what this year is doing to me. I feel confident, optimistic, and motivated. I have a lot of passionate energy flowing through me. I have an endless stream of inspired ideas. Even as it seems like we’ve entered the bizarro universe, my personal world has experienced some nice improvements.

I also feel more fighty in a way. I don’t feel that my spiritual path is to be all “let’s pray together and intend harmony” this year. I see how being too passive perpetuates more ridiculous behavior like racism. I do think there’s a place for that passively accepting kind of vibe, but I’ve explored that one a lot already, and now I feel called to explore in other directions. I also don’t see a conflict between accepting reality as it is and also investing in changing its course.

I don’t mind spending some time in the bizarro universe because the sheer lunacy of it makes me ponder: Who do I want to be in the bizarro universe? How shall I frame this experience? What kind of character sculpting can occur under these conditions? How is this a healthy and positive invitation for my good and the highest good of all?

It’s like if you’re Yossarian or one of his friends living through the reality of Catch 22. Do you let that crazy world with its crazy rules and crazy characters drive you crazy too? Or do you see the craziness as an empowering invitation to see what you’re made of?

From another perspective I’ve already been living in the bizarro universe for a long time – that’s often what it feels like to be vegan in a non-vegan world. How did I end up in the dimension where humans think it’s normal to drink milk from raped cows? Then they skin the cows and put the skin on their feet and waists like trophies.

Look at me! I’m wearing a raped cow! And I drink its milk, so its baby gets none! Maybe I eat its baby too! Me strong! Rawr!

Sometimes y’all adopt some truly nutter practices in this dimension.

What kind of personal development framing or investment makes this year a win for you? You could see it as your spiritual path to figure that out.

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The Top 40 World’s Coolest Neighbourhoods In 2020

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