January Is Notorious For Job Layoffs. Here’s To Manage The Anxiety

Posted on 09/01/2023 by Boris Clair

January marks the start of a new year and many fresh beginnings – but it also kickstarts a grim month of layoffs.

In the first week of January alone, Amazon, Vimeo and Salesforce disclosed plans for mass layoffs. In a letter to employees, Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff said the company is cutting 10% of its workforce, explaining it had “hired too many people leading into this economic downturn we’re now facing.”

Over the last 10 years, January has been on average one of the most common months for layoffs, according to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics data. The reason is largely calendar-driven, experts say.

“We often see quite a bit of layoffs in January,” says Sarah Rodehorst, co-founder of Onwards HR, a company that helps businesses conduct layoffs.

“As they analyse their data from the last year, what budgets they have going forward, they really are planning strategies for the year, so there’s often a lot of restructures, reorganisations.”

Rodehorst says she is seeing an uptick in layoffs for the tech, retail, banking and insurance industries in the new year. If a company in those fields hasn’t made an announcement, she says, “chances are there is some planning happening.”

Another reason could be that many bonuses are typically awarded in January, too. “That’s a time when you also give bonuses, and so if you are trying to be mindful and not particularly ethical about who gets those and how much they get, some companies may try to take advantage of this” and lay off eligible employees instead of giving them their bonus, says Sandra Sucher, a professor of management at Harvard Business School who has researched layoffs.

If you’re worried about losing your job this month, that can send you into a spiral of panic and deep anxiety. Take a deep breath and plan accordingly. Here’s how to deal if you know or suspect a layoff is coming.

Recognise first that these intense feelings are totally normal

Losing a job is among the most psychologically stressful things we ever go through. One study asked 112 professionals to do a retrospective checklist of their most stressful life events, and losing a job as head of the household ranked above divorce, hospitalisation due to illness or injury and the death of a close friend.

Something that can help alleviate the anxiety? Focusing on what you can control instead of worrying about whether you will be laid off on some uncertain date. The decision to lay you off may have already been made weeks ago, so Gregory Tall, a workshop facilitator who coaches managers, does not recommend “working your tail off” in an attempt to be spared.

If you have heard rumours about layoffs coming, Tall instead advises assuming that you will be laid off and planning for that future. “It’s easier to cease all preparations than to begin all preparations if you don’t,” he points out.

Calculate your finances and document what you want to save now. This is the time to calculate and save for your emergency fund. Tall says to ask yourself, “Am I immediately in trouble? Because if so, I need to think right now about how to generate income.”

And while you have a job, save client testimonials and past performance evaluations that will aid you in a future job hunt. If you believe you may lose your job for discriminatory reasons, legal experts advise documenting everything now so that if you are suddenly let go, you can be prepared to take your evidence to a lawyer.

Reflect on what you’re good at and what you want to be good at. Losing a job can also be a time to reset and do a career pivot. If you do not know what you want to do next, Sucher recommends take a week or two to note which company stories interest you, what industries they are in, and what it is about them that interested you.

And if you have trusted colleagues, try asking them about your strengths. When she was contemplating a career move from Fidelity Investments to the faculty at Harvard Business School, Sucher says she asked trusted co-workers, “What was I good at?” to get insights that were helpful and sometimes surprising.

This exercise can also be a much-needed boost to your confidence.

“If you do get laid off, that is an assault to your ego,” Sucher says, noting that questions of “Why was I chosen when they weren’t?” are painful, regardless of how quickly you find your next job. “The people who do best at recovering from layoffs are people – and this is demonstrated from research – who have a positive mindset and they don’t blame themselves for the fact that they got laid off.“

See it as an opportunity to job-hunt. Although January is a month with heavy layoffs, it’s also a month where you are more likely to get a new job, too. Rodehorst says it’s the month where companies make the most new hires.

“A company that may be having layoffs may also be hiring in other areas,” she says, adding later that, “It’s the month with the highest level of change. The hiring and firing side, just as companies look to restructure their organisation and plan for the future.”

‘It’s Never Been A Better Time To Be Someone Who Doesn’t Drink’

Posted on 08/01/2023 by Boris Clair

I first removed alcohol from my life around 2015. I have alcohol use disorder, which is how I came to reckon with my relationship with the substance.

This was at a time in New York when alcohol-free cocktails were starting to be taken more seriously. I’m lucky that my alcohol use disorder doesn’t present in a way that makes me uncomfortable being in spaces where alcohol is also being served. So, serendipitously, I entered into the phase of my life where I was no longer drinking alcohol, right when some changes were happening with alcohol-free options.

Bartenders were pushing against the boundaries that had previously limited “mocktails” to unbalanced, syrupy juices. The imagination of the drinks world was moving beyond the Shirley Temple. For someone who wrote about food and drinks and so whose job required her to, in part, be dining out and picking up on what was going on in bars and restaurants, this was impossible not to notice.

“I appreciate things like Dry January, [but] it’s important to remember that sobriety has likely been painful for those with substance use disorders. They make a hard decision every day to stay sober.”

– Julia Bainbridge

Beverage menu real estate was being given to alcohol-free drinks ― those drinks were being given fun names, just like the cocktails were ― that all showed a level of care and intention. So I got in my car and drove cross country a couple of times; that’s how I did research for my book, Good Drinks. It was so clear that something was happening, and I just wanted to celebrate it. It was certainly happening in New York; I guess I wanted to see if it was happening coast to coast.

I really cast a wide net. I wanted to be on the ground, tasting with people and talking to people. There was just such passion and talent across the board, even in smaller towns that you wouldn’t anticipate. So with the book, I almost struggle with saying I wrote it. It rests on the work of professional bartenders, who were the ones thinking about and developing these beverages, and I’m lucky that they allowed me to capitalise on that newfound energy and take a snapshot of what adult alcohol-free drinking was looking like around the country at that point in time.

Something I saw was bartenders who had come to not drinking themselves, and a light bulb kind of going off the next time they looked at their offerings, deciding that they wanted to better serve people like themselves or their friends who no longer drank alcohol, but still enjoyed the pleasure of a good drink.

I think we almost do these drinks a disservice by comparing them to cocktails. Stop worrying about whether or not it tastes akin to an alcoholic version of the drink and just focus on whether or not it tastes good, you know?

I’m lucky to currently live in New York, where you’re sort of hard-pressed to find a restaurant that’s not being more thoughtful about that. It’s never been a better time to be someone who doesn’t drink.

And when it comes to the drinks themselves, most of the spirits, the non-alcoholic spirits on the market, are not meant to be drunk neat, or without some kind of mixer, even if that mixer is just tonic or soda water. And I think brands have done a good job of showing consumers how to use these products via recipes on their websites, but you have to know to seek out that information. And many people don’t; I wouldn’t if I weren’t, in essence, studying this category. I would encourage people to go to the websites of the products they buy to get some guidance.

So that said, just like consumers need to be educated about how to use these products, so do professional bartenders, and not all of them are taking that on. Someone who is skilled at making classic alcoholic cocktails won’t necessarily be skilled in this realm because the liquids themselves operate differently. It’s not a plug-and-play situation. By which I mean you can’t necessarily substitute two ounces of alcohol-free gin for the gin and a cocktail recipe.

“I’m not anti-alcohol. … It’s pleasurable, and it’s fine for those who can manage it consistently well. But I’m also glad that there’s increasingly more room to talk about the many and nuanced ways in which it’s hard to do that.”

But in these past few years, brands really are showing up strong. I think wine, in particular, is improving as the technology has improved, to allow for gentler dealcoholisation methods. Alcohol-free wines are getting legitimately good. And some even are able to carry through a subtle varietal character. And that’s hard, that’s hard to do. But finally, we just have people actually putting money and effort into this. I think we’re going to see more functional alcohol-free beverages come to the market in the near future.

I think the popularity of Dry January, and certainly that there are all these products on the market, says something. Maybe I’m also reluctant to overstate the alcohol-free trend because what we also know about people’s drinking behaviour, and certainly through Covid, is that there’s still a lot of problematic and unhealthy drinking going on. But in general, I like Dry January. It started as a public health campaign, and I think it’s safe to say it has become a real cultural phenomenon.

In my opinion, it lowers the barrier to entry into examining one’s relationship to alcohol. And we have to remember alcohol is a drug, and it’s a highly addictive one. It’s really not unusual to develop some kind of problem with it, at least for a little while. My point is that most of us have had, at least, a brush with alcohol’s more destructive side. And I think it could be argued that that’s part of the reason that Dry January has become such a welcome pause.

I’m not anti-alcohol. I think it’s inextricably linked with our history. It’s pleasurable, and it’s fine for those who can manage it consistently well. But I’m also glad that there’s increasingly more room to talk about the many and nuanced ways in which it’s hard to do that. And by that I mean, like, consume it in a healthy way on a regular basis. I think it really does help open the door to that conversation a little further.

I guess I’ll get on my soapbox a little. I do think we should be careful not to lump together the sober curious and those in recovery. I think one day, hopefully, the distinction won’t matter, and the paradigm will shift to the point that this just isn’t a thing. Drink, don’t drink, whatever. We don’t need a label. We don’t need a dedicated dry month.

But while I very much appreciate that some people are choosing a sober lifestyle, and as I said, I appreciate things like Dry January, it’s important to remember that sobriety has likely been painful for those with substance use disorders. They make a hard decision every day to stay sober. And to do that, they usually have to engage in multiple forms of treatment. I think we do have to acknowledge that sobriety has been hard-won for many people.

Julia Bainbridge is a James Beard Award-nominated writer and editor who has worked at and written for a variety of publications, including Condé Nast Traveler, Bon Appétit, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post. In 2020, her book Good Drinks: Alcohol-Free Recipes for When You’re Not Drinking for Whatever Reason was named one of the best cookbooks of 2020 by the LA Times, Wires and Esquires magazines. She is currently pursuing a master’s degree in social work at Columbia University.

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‘I’m 26. I’ve Never Found Love And I Don’t Think I Ever Will’

Posted on 05/01/2023 by Boris Clair

You’re reading Love Stuck, where trained therapists answer your dating, sex and relationship dilemmas. You can submit a question here.

By the time we reach our mid-twenties, it can feel like most people have been in a few relationships – but what if this isn’t your reality? You want love but you’re ashamed to admit it hasn’t quite happened yet. You ask yourself if something is wrong with you, and more urgently, if you’ll ever find love.

This is the case for this week’s reader, Patricia. “I’m 26 years old, and I’ve never had a boyfriend,” she writes. “This wouldn’t be a problem in itself, but ever since I moved to a new country/became independent, I feel more pressured to find a significant other.”

This pressure, she says, comes not just from her family but from casual acquaintances, even strangers, who throw out comments such as “you’re such a nice girl, how come you’re single’? or “we weren’t made to be alone”.

“This paired with the fact that I only managed to have flings so far, which never developed into serious/meaningful relationships,” Patricia says. The story goes more or less like this: I meet someone, we spend time together getting to know each other, and after a couple of weeks they say they’re not ready for a serious relationship.”

These experiences have left Patricia questioning if there’s something wrong with her and if she’s worthy of a relationship. “I know that romantic love is an experience that many humans never have and that it is still possible to live a fulfilling life in spite of that, so I have been trying to accept that it might never happen to me,” she says. “However, I must admit that sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on something major that seems to be natural to most people.”

Counselling Directory member Laila Fish shares her advice for Patricia.

Why can there be so much pressure to get into a relationship and how can you release herself from this pressure?

There are a range of pressures on people to embark on relationships, says Fish, including family and societal expectations.

“Family members may have good intentions, they may have experienced this pressure themselves, and would like to see you in a relationship as maybe they are worried about you moving to a new country – despite how frustrating this sounds for you!” she says.

The next time a family member or friend asks Patricia about relationships, Fish wants her to pay attention to herself – “does it make you feel sad or frustrated – this can often tell us a lot” – and take a deep breath before responding. Meanwhile, to release herself from societal pressures, Fish says it’s helpful to avoid comparing herself to other people her age.

“Embrace your independence. It sounds like you are doing amazingly and enjoy all the opportunities ahead of you,” she advises Patricia. “Knowing what you want allows you to tune out society’s messages that don’t reflect your desires currently.

“It can be tough seeing everyone you know meeting someone romantically, but that doesn’t mean it is something that you necessarily want and that’s OK.”

How can you hold on to hope you’ll find someone special?

“Patricia sounds confident and independent and needs to believe in herself that when the time is right she will find the right person, and until then to enjoy meeting new people,” Fish says.

“Patricia says that the people she meets only last a short while. I would advise reframing this perspective into thinking how interesting and great an opportunity to meet new people is. Then, if one day a relationship happens, it does.”

Fish recommends she focuses on herself first and works on her self-esteem.

“Don’t be afraid of feeling like you are missing out on something – that something is ‘you’ and independence right now is your best friend. Also, be kind to yourself and challenge your negative beliefs that you may not be worthy.”

What practical tips would you give this reader to get into a relationship?

Expanding your interests and social activities can provide opportunities to meet different people, Fish says, but it’s important to start with what you want to do.

“Spending time thinking about your likes and dislikes as well as your goals can enable you to be clearer about who you are,” she explains. “Discovering other goals to focus on such as your professional life, your health, alongside meeting someone, can help you feel more confident and empowered if/when you do.”

She suggests Patricia ‘dates herself’ to get to know herself. “Go for a walk in the park, journal about your values and aims in life, go to that museum and see that film – this will all help towards you developing your self-esteem and consequently feeling worthy.”

In the end: “Focusing on finding happiness in your own life will pay dividends to avoid any relationship escalator your family or society is rushing you towards.”

Love Stuck is for those who’ve hit a romantic wall, whether you’re single or have been coupled up for decades. With the help of trained sex and relationship therapists, HuffPost UK will help answer your dilemmas. Submit a question here.

8 ‘Gross’ Things Your Body Does That Are Actually Good For You

Posted on 04/01/2023 by Boris Clair

Have you ever wondered why you have earwax or why you fart? Although these bodily functions might seem gross, they are actually beneficial to maintaining your overall health. So even though they may be stinky, unsightly or a huge nuisance – you need them for optimal functioning.

To provide more insight on the most common disgust-inducing body mechanisms, we chatted with a few doctors on what you might notice and why they happen. Here’s what to know:

1. Earwax

If you’ve noticed a clogged feeling in your ears, then it may be due to a buildup of earwax, also known as cerumen. However, when it’s not causing damage and discomfort, earwax is actually good for you.

“Not only is earwax normal, it’s necessary. Earwax protects the ears from things that could hurt the eardrum, such as dust, hair or small insects,” says Dr. Jaclyn Railsback, an internal medicine physician at Cleveland Clinic Florida Weston Hospital.

Certain factors that may affect the amount of earwax you have include previous ear surgery or trauma, recurrent ear infections, or wearing hearing aids or deep earplugs.

“Unless there is a serious condition, such as hearing loss or infection, it is best to leave earwax alone in most cases,” Railsback says.

2. Leaky nipples

Not everyone has leaky nipples, however, those who just had a baby will likely experience this phenomenon.

“Your body would rather produce too much milk than not enough in the early stages of breastfeeding,” says Dr. Whitney Casares, the founder and CEO of the Modern Mamas Club. “All that extra milk can get messy as your body works out the balance of supply and demand between you and your baby and you may end up with leaky nipples and a wet shirt.”

Leaky nipples are a normal part of the breastfeeding process and are a clear sign of heavy milk production for nursing people. That said, if other discharge leaks from the nipples, or if there’s pain, you’ll want to consult with your doctor to rule out any underlying conditions.

3. Flatulence

While passing gas may be embarrassing and gross, it’s a natural result of the digestive process.

“It is a way for your body to expel both swallowed air as well as the fermented byproducts of undigested food,” says Dr. Brett Mendel, a gastroenterologist and Everlywell adviser.

The volume and frequency of flatulence can vary greatly between individuals and can be affected by diet, activity level, antibiotic use and even altitude.

Additionally, farting may indicate that your diet is high in fibre which can signal improved gut health and that of the microbiome. Plus, it can help prevent unwanted stomach pain and bloating which is commonly caused by “holding it in”.

While farting is normal, too much may not be a good thing. “Excess gas leading to bloating and abdominal pain can be signs of serious medical conditions you should share with your doctor,” Mendel says.

According to Healthline, excessive flatulence is categorised as farting more than 20 times per day. While this is frequently caused by diets high in fibre, in some rare cases it can be indicative of other issues such as Crohn’s disease or dumping syndrome.

4. Burps

You’ve probably been told not to belch at the dinner table, but sometimes you just have to let it out for your health.

“Burping is the body’s way of expelling excess gas from your stomach and even though it seems gross, it is a normal bodily function,” Railsback says. “When we swallow food or drinks, it goes through the esophagus and into the stomach where stomach acids and digestive enzymes work to break food down into nutrients that we use for energy which creates gas during the process.”

If you always hold in your burps because you’re embarrassed or they are just not something you like to do, then you might experience bloating and an overinflation of the stomach that may cause discomfort.

While burping a few times isn’t a cause for concern, if it persists, then you might want to take a trip to the doctor’s office. “While burping is a normal function, it can be associated with certain conditions like GERD, indigestion, gastritis, ulcers and IBS,” Railsback says.

5. Vaginal discharge

While using the restroom, you might notice some discharge when you wipe. Although this clear jelly-like substance might seem gross, it’s actually a sign of a healthy reproductive system.

“Vaginal discharge is a way your body carries away dead cells and bacteria, keeping the vagina clean and preventing infection,” Casares said.

While discharge is normal, Casares noted that if your discharge has a fishy odor, causes itching or changes color, you’ll want to get checked out by a medical professional to rule out any underlying conditions or infections.

6. Mucus

After blowing your nose, you’ll most likely see mucus in a tissue. Mucus is naturally produced by the cells in your mouth, throat, nose and sinuses.

“Mucus plays an important role in lubricating and protecting your upper and lower airway,” Railsback says. “Its slippery consistency helps trap potential irritants as it contains special antibodies and proteins to help fight harmful germs that may be introduced into your respiratory tract.”

Railsback noted that healthy mucus tends to be thin and clear, but if you’re sick or have other lung disease, mucus can become thick, colourful and can potentially cause difficulty breathing.

7. Pooing

As the popular saying goes, “everybody poops.” While it may not smell pleasant, “bowel movements are the mechanism for our body to get rid of materials that cannot be digested,” Mendel says. “It is generally accepted that normal bowel movements are from three times a day to three times a week.”

According to the Bristol Stool Chart, a “sausage-like” poop with cracks or a “smooth soft sausage or snake-like” type of poop is ideal (Types 3 and 4). Anything that falls too far out from the descriptions above should be flagged to a professional for evaluation.

While pooping is healthy, alterations in bowel movements can be an indicator of overall health. For example, if you have chronic constipation, diarrhea, or blood in your stool, you’ll want to schedule an appointment with your physician.

8. Pus

When you get an infection, like a staphylococcus (a bacterial infection) or folliculitis (infection of a hair follicle), you might notice that pus develops. While it may be an eyesore to look at, pus is actually a good thing.

“The white stuff coming out of an infection ― known as pus ― is the collection of defensive white blood cells that are attacking bacteria to trap and kill them,” said Dr. William Li, a doctor and author of Eat To Beat Disease.

It’s usually normal to have some pus present shortly following the presence of a wound – around one or two days after. This means that the white blood cells have flocked to the open wound and are working to fight germs and bacteria. If the wound is healing, it’ll usually be odour-free and not show signs of discolouration.

When you get an infection, however, the pus may smell and the wound may be hot to the touch so you’ll want to be sure to head to the doctor to get it treated and prescribed medication to clear it as soon as possible.

How To Pull Off A Therapy Session In The Middle Of Your Workday

Posted on 03/01/2023 by Boris Clair

Just as you take care of your physical health, therapy is an important aspect of taking care of your mental health. Making a therapy appointment can be a tricky task, especially if your therapist’s schedule overlaps with your workday.

It’s normal to experience a range of intense emotions following your therapy session. Understand that it may seem tough to transition back to work if you’re feeling emotionally and mentally drained. There are also a few ways to make going about your to-do list a little easier post-session.

If you plan to schedule your appointment during work hours, aim for a day when your workload may be lighter and you can work from home, if possible. Moreover, try to block some additional “transition time” in your schedule for after the visit, says Katie Duke, a nurse practitioner on the health care advisory board of the Figs clothing company in Santa Monica, California.

If you have the appointment on a busier workday, it is also helpful to inform your therapist if there are any important meetings that are happening after the session so that the therapist can also be mindful about tailoring what is talked about in the visit, says Alyssa Mancao, a therapist and founder of Alyssa Marie Wellness in Los Angeles.

Mancao also recommends being aware of time so you can spend the last 10 minutes of the visit on coping techniques to transition back to “work mode.”

And if you need a little extra help beyond that, here are a few expert-approved tips on how to pull yourself together after therapy if your appointment is during work:

Go for a walk

Mancao recommends going for a 15-minute walk after your therapy session to help calm your nervous system and transition your mind from being in “therapy mode.”

Take some time to get some fresh air and go for a walk outside or make a few rounds in your office building, if possible.

Try a quick breathing exercise

Deep breathing is a practice that helps cultivate mindfulness, aka. the ability to be present. Mindfulness can help calm your busy mind, improve your mood and reduce any stress you may be experiencing.

“Taking slow, controlled breaths that engage the diaphragm sends signals to our brain to evoke calmness and relaxation,” says Andrea Elkon, a psychologist with Best Within You Therapy & Wellness, based in Atlanta.

She recommends trying the following diaphragmatic breathing practice:

Aim to count to at least four as you inhale, imagining your diaphragm as a balloon filling with air
Exhale for at least another four counts, releasing all of the air

Taking a moment to unwind after your workday therapy session will help you better jump back into your tasks.

Give yourself a little pep talk

If you’re feeling especially overwhelmed or drained after your therapy session, understand that it is completely OK to feel this way. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t let your inner voice criticise you.

“Instead, remind yourself that seeing a therapist is one of the best investments you can make for your mental health and well-being. Shift your focus on how seeking therapy has made a positive difference in your life,” Duke says.

Engage your senses with a distraction

When you focus on your senses in the present, it will shift your attention away from the painful memories and emotions that therapy might trigger, Elkon says.

To engage your senses, try activities like colouring, rubbing lotion on your hands, playing with a fidget toy or drinking a cup of hot tea or a very cold drink.

Nourish yourself with a snack

If you scheduled a therapy appointment during your workday, make sure to have a snack and water on hand after the session.

“Your body will likely have a stress response to the therapy session, leaving you feeling depleted, and having a healthy snack with some water is a way to nourish yourself,” says Kristin Meekhof, a therapist and author of A Widow’s Guide to Healing.

Jump into your to-do list or plan an event

It may be comforting to feel in control by tackling some items you’ve been putting off.

“Engaging in some sort of task that involves your thinking or planning brain will quiet the emotion centres and help you feel centred in the moment,” says Neha Chaudhary, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of BeMe Health, a mobile mental health platform.

Chaudhary recommends drafting an email to someone at work (but not sending it!), writing down a grocery list or meal plan for the week, or thinking about the next place you want to travel and what activities you would do there.

Take it slow when going back to work

It’s normal to feel like you need to occupy your mind with work-related things immediately after your therapy appointment. However, be sure to not ignore any emotions you may be feeling.

Take slow steps as you start completing your work duties, and keep a journal handy to write down any of your thoughts and feelings as they come, says Regine Muradian, a psychologist based in California.

“Give yourself some grace, and remind yourself that you don’t need to finish everything today,” she says.

‘Habit Stacking’ Could Be The Answer To Actually Sticking To Your 2023 Resolutions

Posted on 02/01/2023 by Boris Clair

It’s the same every year – we make a list of resolutions for the New Year the length of our arm, before inevitable breaking them half way through January.

The fact of the matter is, trying to implement so many changes into our lives at once is no easy feat.

Change can be tricky, especially if it involves breaking a habit of a lifetime and requires a whole lot of discipline. However, there is a method that could make us stick to our self-promises for good.

Enter ‘habit stacking’.

The concept is fairly straightforward, as TikToker Elle Leonard explains in her now viral video, habit stacking involves ‘stacking’ a habit you want to do on top of one you already have, meaning it’s more likely to become part of your daily routine.

In her video, Elle uses the example of wanting to speak to her grandparents more. In her home she has mugs that her grandmother gave her and now, whenever she uses one, she uses it as a reminder to phone her relatives there and then to check in.

By incorporating her daily habit of having a morning coffee with a new habit of speaking to her grandparents, she’s managed to stick to it.

And it’s not just TikTok that loves habit stacking, the pros do too.

According to James Clear, author of #1 New York Times bestseller Atomic Habits, “your brain builds a strong network of neurons to support your current behaviours. The more you do something, the stronger and more efficient the connection becomes.”

He defines the formula for habit stacking as: After/Before current habit, I will new habit.

Habit stacking, explains Clear, lets you take advantage of the strong connections you have for a habit you already carry out in order to stick to a new one.

“You have patterns and behaviours that have been strengthened over years. By linking your new habits to a cycle that is already built into your brain, you make it more likely that you’ll stick to the new behaviour,” he writes on his website.

By stacking your habits, effort is less, the new parts of your routine are more natural, and voila! You’re on the road to long-lasting behavioural change.

Another key way of making sure that habit stacking is successful, is clearly setting a highly specific and actionable cue on which to attach your new habit to.

For instance, let’s take ‘eating more healthily’ as a resolution we want to stick to in 2023. According to Clear, this isn’t, well, clear enough.

Instead, to make it actionable, you’d stack it onto something you already do, for instance: “When I cook dinner for myself at night, I will cook a portion of vegetables every single time.”

Or how about, “when I wake up, while I’m waiting for/making my coffee, I will eat a piece of fruit.”

This is far less vague than ‘eat healthier’ as it’s a habit you can incorporate into the one you already carry out.

Here’s another example that many of us will no doubt be promising ourselves in 2023: drinking more water.

Instead of just vowing to do that, we can build it into our routines on top of an action we already carry out – “after I brush my teeth, I will drink a glass of water”, “before I eat my lunch, I will drink a glass of water”, “when I close my laptop for the day, I will drink a glass of water.”

Clear explains: “Be specific and clear: After I close the door. After I brush my teeth. After I sit down at the table. The specificity is important. The more tightly bound your new habit is to a specific cue, the better the odds are that you will notice when the time comes to act.”

Here’s his list of habits you can ‘anchor’ a new one to:

Get out of bed.
Take a shower.
Brush your teeth.
Get dressed.
Brew a cup of coffee.
Eat breakfast.
Take the kids to school.
Start the work day.
Eat lunch.
End the work day.
Change out of work clothes.
Sit down for dinner.
Turn off the lights.
Get into bed.

Happy stacking!

The One Mistake That’s Tripping Up Our New Year’s Resolutions, According To A Psychologist

Posted on 01/01/2023 by Boris Clair

We all want our New Year resolutions to work, but – every year – it always proves particularly difficult to make them stick.

It’s also hard not to drop any plans you may have had for self-improvement by spring, promising to yourself that you’ll try again when the next January rolls around.

We’ve all been there – trying to make the goals smaller, and rewarding yourself along the way, but nothing feels like it works.

Don’t give up yet though.

Senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Law, Mark Jellicoe, has suggested some more evidence-based techniques which could make 2023 the year you actually stick to those healthier habits.

So, here’s what to do – and not to do – this January.

Don’t tell everyone

We know, the usual wisdom advises you to tell more people, so there’s more social pressure – or more accountability – meaning you might be more likely to actually follow through.

But, Jellicoe sats: “There is growing evidence that would suggest doing this can be detrimental.”

Jellicoe suggests that the act of telling someone about the goal – and the subsequent praise you may receive – could “lead us to deceiving ourselves that we have already achieved” it.

So you might end up not actually ending attempting the goal with as much gusto as you may have beforehand.

Do manifest (a little)

A trend which has emerged in recent years suggests if an individual really wants something, they tell themselves actively they already have it to push their mindset into a more optimistic one.

It’s like a wider interpretation of the phrase, “dress for the job you want not the job you have”.

But, as Jellicoe points out that “manifesting is no magic bullet”, and there is little direct evidence suggesting this would help you realise a goal.

However, he suggests that “several supported scientific approaches” have a similar mindset ascribed to manifestation.

He explains: “It makes sense that if we orient ourselves towards an outcome then we might be more motivated to achieve it, which would invoke the pattern of thinking and behavioural beliefs to help us do this.”

The psychologist also suggests that manifesting was most effective when combined with setting goals.

Do set goals

It’s hard to set out clear, achievable targets – and it can sometimes feel too much like homework.

But, this is one of the most effective ways to make sure you reach that end goal.

Jellicoe suggests looking to the WOOP model – Wish, Outcome, Obstacle and Plan – to make sure the targets you set are realistic.

“This approach encourages us to think about the reality of our situation and the likely obstacles that come between us and our ultimate goals, so we can plan ways to overcome them.”

He suggests combining this with the more classic means to approach your goals – SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timebound, for the best results.

“Resolutions, or goals, are like alchemy. There are many reasons why we fail to achieve our resolutions. Often goals can be too vague or in reality, the resolution might be a wish that we are just not that committed to,” he explains.

3. Know your limits

Jellicoe also touches on the impact ab individual’s personality can have on achieving your goals too.

He advises looking at personalities through the five traditional factors which have been identified within most individuals: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism.

He urges anyone looking to change their habits to find out your personality type online so you can adapt your strategies appropriately.

For instance, those who are more conscientious are more likely to see goals through; but equally that could make someone stick at a goal when it’s no longer relevant.

15 Tweets Accurately Describing The Hellscape That Is Parenting On A Hangover

Posted on 01/01/2023 by Boris Clair

If you rang in the New Year last night and are nursing a sore head this morning, you’re probably contending with the fact you’ve now got a day (or two, if you’re really lucky) of looking after your kids while your brain tries to escape your skull.

Never fear though, you’re certainly not alone in your struggles. These tweets are proof that hangovers and being a parent certainly don’t, under any circumstances, mix. But we’ll do it all again next year anyway…

**1. This video is the most accurate depiction of the struggle we’re all facing right now**

2. Trampolining on a hangover is probably not advised

Decently hungover and I went trampolining with a hyperactive toddler for many hours today. I don’t know why I’m like this.

— David Milner (@DaveMilbo) August 1, 2021

3. See also: potty training

Potty training a toddler while hungover. Zero stars. Do not recommend.

— kidversations (@kidversations_) August 4, 2022

4. Why do we do it to ourselves?

5. There is no respite for a hungover parent

6. Sometimes you have to do whatever works for you. And sometimes that means chips and guac for breakfast

7. Why would anyone ever knowingly drink alcohol knowing this awaits them the following day?

It seems what can startle me out of my wretched hungover torpor is a toddler charging towards my face with the toilet brush. Great times.

— mark perkins (@thatmarkperkins) December 11, 2021

8. Behold: parenting with a hangover 2.0

9. PSA: don’t drink the night before any live action children’s show. It’s not worth it

Parenting tip. Don’t have a big, hangover-inducing night out before a 10am live Peppa Pig show 🐷🍷

— James Smith 🏴🇮🇹🇿🇦 (@SobukweScozia) April 23, 2022

10. Hideous is an understatement

11. Sometimes you’ve got to celebrate those small wins…

The best part of hungover parenting, is that my fart shield keeps the kids at a safe distance.

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) February 23, 2019

12. We repeat: greasy snacks are essential

13. If you’re not bribing your kids, you’re doing it wrong

Today has been a masterclass in hungover parenting. I am in the kitchen, surrounded by chaos, watching Columbo. The children are being bribed with crisps and movies. It’s a skill I am rightly proud of.

— lankylass (@northernkt) March 2, 2019

14. When your hangover renders you into a horizontal, immovable state, you’re going to have to contend with being sat on

15. All in all, not an experience we want to repeat in a hurry

Hangover parenting 0/10. Do not recommend.

— Emily (@iamemilymayo) April 1, 2021

For those now wondering how on earth they can cope with today’s hangover, check out these tips from parents on how they’ve survived one with kids in tow (the racetrack idea is pretty genius) and if all else fails, take a leaf out of Jenny Hicken’s book…

About 12 hours of screen time and regret.

— Jenny Hicken 💙 (@GreatNorthMum) December 21, 2022

10 Dating Trends We Want To Leave Behind In 2022

Posted on 29/12/2022 by Boris Clair

Quarantine and social distancing practices made dating weird for the last few years – in New York City, health officials even told singles to use walls and other dividers during sex to avoid face-to-face contact? (“Make it a little kinky,” they advised.)

Now singles are pretty much back into the swing of things, which is great, only there’s a whole slew of new dating trends to look out for.

Below, we catalogue 10 terrible dating trends we’d love to swipe left on in the new year. (Plus, a few we hope last.)

1. Zombie-ing

It’s alive! It’s alive! With zombie-ing, the ghoster you thought you’d never hear from again pops back into your life as if nothing happened. Your best bet? Make like a non-zombie character from “The Walking Dead” and run far, far away.

2. Voice-fishing

In 2021, the dating app Hinge released a feature allowing daters to send voice messages and add audio notes to profiles. Apparently, that’s resulted in a lot of voice-fishing – users use a phony, sexier-sounding voice in the hopes of attracting a date. Think: Paris Hilton using a baby voice even though she actually has a relatively deep voice.

Luis Alvarez via Getty Images

In 2021, the dating app Hinge released a feature allowing daters to send voice messages and add audio notes to profiles, which has led to voice-fishing.

3. Hesidating

A holdover from our collective pandemic mentality, to hesidate is to feel unsure about a relationship and dating as a whole because of how uncertain life has felt since Covid.

A study from Plenty of Fish this year found 70% of singles are unsure about who they’re dating and if they want something serious or more casual. While we can sympathise, in the long run, that kind of avoidant dating behavior benefits no one.

4. Masterminding

Admittedly, this one is going to be hard to understand if you’re not a Swiftie. First, you have to understand that Mastermind is a song from Taylor Swift’s album Midnights that delves into how she laid the “groundwork” for meeting a romantic interest.

In response to the song, TikTokers posted videos sharing the grunt work they put into making things happen with their partners.

There’s nothing wrong with doing your research on a crush or creating a fancy-meeting-you-here “coincidence” or two but some people admitted to vaguely stalkerish behaviour.

“I researched on LinkedIn a lawyer in my area that could help me and then ‘bumped into him’ for a week straight at his local Starbucks until he asked me out,” one woman confessed in a now-viral video, which has been viewed more than 1.8 million times. “We dated for about a month, in which he helped me out so much and I got my legal procedure resolved.”

5. Power PDA-ing

Coined by the dating app Bumble, “power PDA” is like regular PDA, only with more spit and way more ass grabbing.

“People are really making up for lost time,” Caroline West, relationship expert with Bumble, said of the trend on the Dermot & Dave” podcast. “Two in three Bumble daters are saying they’re into [the power PDA trend], and I think it’s related to how touch-starved we were during the pandemic. People are really making up for two years of having nobody touch them.”

We agree that touch is essential but please, try to keep it below Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker levels. The world doesn’t need another Kravis.

6. The excess of ethically nonmonogamous men on dating apps

We’ve got nothing against practicing ethical nonmonogamy – whatever works for you and yours! – but too many times, it’s a cover for shady behaviour. Maybe someone doesn’t admit they’re in an open relationship until they’ve been on multiple dates with a new person. Or maybe their partner isn’t clued in on the nonmonogamy.

As Twitter user @MxMippy put it, “Let’s stop saying ‘ethical non-monogamy’ and start saying ‘consensual non-monogamy’ to emphasise that a lot more people are in non-monogamous relationships than they aren’t consenting to or are aware of.”

7. Pete Davidson

Yep, Pete Davidson has dated enough women this past year to qualify as a veritable trend. (Side note: Is there a way to unsubscribe from Pete Davidson content? If so, let us know in the comments.)

Yes, Pete Davidson has dated enough women this year to qualify as a trend.

8. Beige Flags

First coined by TikTok creator Caitlin MacPhail, a self-proclaimed dating guru, “beige flags” are “signs on dating app profiles that the person behind the profile is probably fucking boring.”

Think: Someone whose entire personality is liking “The Office” or “Harry Potter.” Or someone who writes that they’re “looking for someone who can keep up with me” on their dating profile.

Why are we not into this trend? It’s just sort of petty. Give people a little leeway to be basic sometimes!

9. Winter Coating

Season-specific dating trends to reek of desperation (ugh, “cuffing season”) and this one is no different: Winter coating is when someone you’ve casually dated, hooked up or even just DM’ed with on a dating app hits you up during the aforementioned cuffing season. Gotta keep warm somehow!

10. Hey-ter

Have you ever had a conversation with someone on a dating app where they started off saying “hey” and followed up with “hey” and maybe then tossed in a “good morning!” the next day, just to keep things fresh? Yeah, that’s a hey-ter and we hate that.

And here are five dating trends we want to keep:

1. Infla-dating

According to eHarmony’s end-of-year and 2023 dating trends report, 47% of singles have passed on a date due to their personal financial situation.

Luckily, others have just decided to “infla-date” — or go on less expensive dates due to the rising prices of food at restaurants and gas.

As many as 48% of single millennials and Gen Zers have suggested going on more budget-friendly dates ― think a mid-morning coffee and a walk rather than a £100 dinner ― in response to the economy, according to a survey from Plenty of Fish.

The benefits of infla-dating trend may go beyond your wallet: Going on less expensive dates makes the stakes feel lower and takes some of the pressure off.

“Less pressure can mean more fun, deeper connection, or — if the date is bad — a quicker exit,” dating coach Lily Womble told HuffPost.

According to a recent survey conducted by dating app Plenty of Fish, 48% of single millennials and Gen Zers have suggested going on more budget-friendly dates

2. “Are We Dating The Same Guy” private Facebook groups

“Are We Dating The Same Guy?” started as a Facebook group for New Yorkers where women could anonymously share warnings about guys they’ve dated (or ask if anyone had any intel about a guy before the date). Now there’s a “Are We Dating The Same Guy?” for nearly every big city in the US.

As Glamour wrote of the trend, the groups are like the “whisper network women have been using for centuries, just amplified.”

3. Open-Casting

With the “open-casting” trend, singles shift their focus away from their traditional “type” and give someone they wouldn’t usually go for a chance. According to a Bumble’s annual report, one in three are now more open to whom they would consider dating.

“With open-casting we are seeing people more willing to date outside their type, and valuing emotional maturity over physical attractiveness, which shows we are less focused on superficial qualities like looks and more focused on who we are emotionally compatible with,” Lucille McCart, Bumble’s communications director, told news.com.au last month.

4. Hardballing

To hardball is to be clear with someone about your intentions and expectations for being romantically involved, whether you’re looking for a serious long-term partnership or a casual fling. Hardballing is basically the antidote to “situationships” and awkward “What are we?” conversations.

5. Dating Wrapped

Inspired by Spotify Wrapped, the annual feature on Spotify that shows you stats on your most listened to artists and songs, “Dating Wrapped” videos on TikTok had singles getting brutally honest about their dating activity in 2022, cataloging everything from the the number of first dates they went on, to the the number of times they deleted and re-downloaded dating apps.

“I went on 31 first dates, and if you think that’s a lot, there is more: this does not include one catfish encounter. That’s right, I spent three days talking to someone pretending to be a Polish influencer. I also ended up on the ‘Today’ show because of it,” TikTok user @SamsAreBetter joked.

Not only is the trend hilarious, but detailing the minutiae of your dating life is a great way to pinpoint things you want to change in 2023. Way to put those PowerPoint skills to use, guys!

Try TikTok’s Viral Pillowcase If Your Skin, Hair And Sleep Routine Need TLC

Posted on 28/12/2022 by Boris Clair

We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, HuffPost UK may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

There are three areas many of us strive to perfect when it comes to health and beauty: our skin, hair and sleep. Often the secret to all round good health is a restful snooze, but there are a number of factors that can disrupt your slumber, and have a knock on effect on your physical and mental health.

But Silvi has become a bit of an internet sensation to combat all of the above, in the form of its anti-acne silk pillowcase.

Silk pillowcases have seen a surge in populariy in recent years, thanks to celeb advocates such as Queer Eye’s Jonathan Van Ness, but Silvi has gone one step further with a triple threat in the bedding and beauty game: a pillowcase that aims to prevent hair damage, achieve blemish-free skin, and act as a sleep aid.

Maybe it’s understandable that this pillowcase has gone viral on TikTok, racking up more than 20 million views after a video testing the product proved no nasties grow from, or on, this design, in over a week. Genius, right?

The science behind Silvi’s anti-acne silk pillowcases is that they are treated with silver ions, clinically proven to eliminate up to 99.7% bacteria that contribute to breakouts, within a week.

Not only is the gentle and lightweight fabric antibacterial, it’s hypoallergenic too, and free from any chemicals, making it a good bet if you’ve got sensitive skin, suffer from allergies, or are prone to breakouts – as well as shoppers on the lookout for anti-ageing solutions.

And then there’s the hair benefits. The mulberry silk fabric is soft to the touch, which is ideal for those wanting to prevent hair breakage when tossing and turning through the night. Plus, the gentle fabric means a comfortable surface to lay your head on, which inevitably encourages a better night’s sleep.

Silvi’s pillowcase is also temperature regulating, meaning no more night sweats, or sleepless slumbers leaving you tired and groggy come the morning. In fact, the brand says the fabric is “4.5 times more breathable and cooling than cotton”, making it popular with pre and perimenopausal women, too.

The Anti-Acne Silk Pillowcase comes in two sizes (standard and king size), as well as two colours (white and charcoal grey), to match your bedroom style. It also features a zip fastening so there’s no fear of your pillow slipping out.

Silvi’s pillowcase has been ethically certified cruelty free as it’s not tested on animals. And while the innovative design is machine washable – on a delicate setting with a neutral pH detergent – the silver treatment keeps it fresher for longer, so the pillowcase only needs washing every 10 to 14 days. Fewer washes means this purchase is more eco friendly, too. Every little helps.

Each pillowcase retails for £49, but fans say it’s an investment work making, considering the benefits to your hair, skin, sleep, and washing come laundry day. Buy for yourself, a friend, relative or loved one, and know that if you aren’t quite satisfied with your purchase, Silvi offers shoppers a 100-night guarantee, which means unsatisfied customers are eligible for a full refund.

But, with 100,000 pillowcases sold to happy customers in the first year alone, we don’t expect you’ll be using it any time soon. Sweet dreams!