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I’m Mortified By My Dad’s New Relationship. I’m Afraid To Tell Him The Truth.

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Family Beef is our family advice column at HuffPost Family. Have a beef you want us to weigh in on? Submit it here.

Dear Family Beef,

My Dad’s (58) new girlfriend (28) is only two years older than me (F26). I want him to be happy but I can’t get over how creepy it is that she was in elementary school the same time I was, that she was still in diapers when he was changing mine. It’s just weird. He has had other girlfriends since divorcing my mom, but they were all in their 40s and 50s and felt more age appropriate. So I’ve never had a bad reaction like this.

He keeps asking me and my boyfriend to go to dinner with them and making comments about how we’ll “get along so well” and I keep finding excuses to avoid it. I find the whole thing embarrassing and don’t want other people in my life to see and judge him as a creepy old cradle robber..

Is this something I should talk to him about or ignore until it hopefully goes away?

— I Don’t Want A Sister Step Mom

Dear Sister Step,

Oh, you’re absolutely allowed to be weirded out. Validating the weird-out here. That’s not to say that their relationship itself is weird, though.

This is one of those situations where what you feel matters, but not nearly as much as what the two adults in a relationship feel about each other. But your ambivalence isn’t uncommon or necessarily irrational either. Two things can be true!

These days, so-called “age-gap” relationships get a lot of flak because, as you allude to in your letter, there’s a lot of judgment floating around. There are situations where the older partner may have more obvious power or sway over the younger partner (emotionally, financially, etc.), and the cartoonish stereotypes of older individuals perpetually chasing youth or younger people looking for a “sugar parent” to spoil them. These dynamics can happen and can be frustrating to watch from the sidelines — but, ultimately, it’s up to those two adults to decide what kind of relationship they want to be in and how they are with one another.

“An adult child has come to understand power dynamics and is used to a level of separation with their parents’ generation,” sexologist and couples clinician Dr. Lexx Brown-James, told HuffPost. “So having a parent dating someone of similar age can feel discomforting because we make the connection that a parent could be dating one of our friends or someone that we could even date.”

To me, it’s not a bad idea to take a little space while you figure out why you feel the way you do. Talk with some trusted neutral parties (friends! your partner! a therapist!) before engaging with your dad and this partner. You might need to purge the “WTF” feelings in a safe, non-toxic way. And that gives you a better chance at responding to the situation you’re actually in rather than just reacting to the scariest stories you’ve been telling yourself about the situation.

“Not meeting a parent partner first off is absolutely a worthwhile strategy and there are a few considerations,” Brown-James notes. “In the ’Ber months of the year, is this person coming to family functions especially? Also, is your parent being safe? There can be questions around health, technology, and other factors that some times elder generations are less savvy with, how much do you as the child want to be involved? Also, know that choosing not to meet the partner, may create some resentment or hurt in your parental relationship. That can cause grief for both of you.”

Avoiding the conversation entirely, though? That won’t be beneficial to any of these relationships. Sure, you may “luck out” and this relationship could go just a few weeks or months before fizzling out – but the T. rex method of “stand still until the scary, uncomfortable or awkward thing is gone” really isn’t ever as effective as we’d want it to be.

But, Brown-James does note that you might want to consider a few things before you initiate a conversation.

“Consider what your parent is looking for in bringing this to you. Are they looking for permission, are they just sharing, are they wanting feedback, are they wanting you to participate in a family structure? Once intentions are set, you can decide your boundaries and share them,” Brown-James said. “In less safe relationships, where maybe there is more expectation on a child to confirm or agree, there might need to be a further distance.”

Elizabeth DeVaughn, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship specialist, also adds that playing through the pain of this discomfort and having the conversation can serve to deepen your parent-adult child relationship in the long run.

“The discomfort she’s feeling could be a beautiful opportunity to connect with her dad authentically. She can name the discomfort she’s feeling while also expressing that she’s working through the details of the discomfort with a therapist or with friends,” DeVaughn said. “This way, she gives herself space to process while staying open to the fact that her dad may be building a great relationship with this new woman.”

I know I would be so morbidly curious enough to want to witness the pair together myself, to really understand if they have something special or if the May-December situation is actually as cartoonish as my nightmares. Some of these dynamics are actually just normal couples who make each other happy. But you won’t know what their situation actually is if you keep them at arm’s length and, if it is as bad as you fear, you can be an informed observer.

Now, if you do decide to power through the discomfort and have dinner with them, here are a few other ways to make that process a little bit easier on you:

Practice some radical acceptance

Ultimately, your dad is an autonomous person as is his 28-year-old GF. Whatever ride they are on together is theirs — and whether or not there’s a lasting love there (or if the age difference gets in the way) is something they need to find out for themselves.

So this is where you have to pull out the “radical acceptance” that therapists are always going on about: You’re not in their relationship, and you can’t make the call on what is “right” for them.

“Radical acceptance means acknowledging reality, rather than resisting the relationship,” Dr. Greg Gomez, Clinical Director at The Oasis Rehab in California “In this situation, it is recognising that the parent has chosen to remain in the relationship regardless of the age gap. This is beyond the child’s control.”

You can, however, have boundaries. You don’t need to want to hang out with him and his partner at this stage in their dating life. You can respectfully side-step the hangs for a bit longer until you get a sense of how lasting this relationship might be.

You can also use some of these tried-and-true strategies for first meetings to make this less of a “Four Seasons” eye-roll situation and more of a “short getting-to-know-you chat with a new person” situation:

  • Bring a buddy! Having your partner there with you or a trusted friend along as your wing-person could also be a helpful buffer to bring down the temperature of this meeting in your head.
  • Humanise the new girlfriend. Even if you don’t want to talk about your discomfort just yet, you can ask your dad to tell you more about this partner as a human being. What are her hobbies? What did they do on their first date? These little details can help humanise his new partner and help you connect. This keeps her from becoming a boogeyman in your head.
  • Build-in a hard out. The best part of going anywhere is leaving. Make a plan with a clear end time so you do not feel like you’re trapped. (I love a “let’s get lunch at 1, but we have to leave by 3.”) It sets expectations and offers you a little bit of a light at the end of the social interaction tunnel.

Try to be ‘happy for their happy’

A term that comes up a lot in non-monogamous and poly circles that might be helpful for you? Compersion. This means that you’re able to be happy for the happiness that you can feel over someone else’s happiness. (The Buddhist term “mudita,” or a sympathetic joy, is similar as well).

It’s a really lovely idea that can benefit all of your relationships when you put it into practice: You don’t need to love or cheer on every decision your loved one makes, but you can look to see if they are happy in this relationship — and try to access the part of you that is genuinely thrilled for that happiness.

“Radical acceptance can be hard,” Brown-James said. “Here is where compersion comes into play. Can you be happy for your parent’s happy? Isn’t that what really matters most?”

You said it yourself: You want your dad to be happy — and this relationship, even if you don’t understand it, might just be something that makes him feel that way.

Advice From Our Readers

Some of our Platinum HuffPosters offered up their own advice on this question. Here’s what they had to say:

“Let Dad have his fling.”

“I would say let the Dad have his fling.The longer she ignores him the more attractive the younger woman will seem to him. Maybe she should meet her & try to see what it is that he sees in her. It can’t hurt to try [and] it would make her Dad happy. Life is too short for this kind of drama.”

—Sue McCarthy

“Give Dad grace.”

“Did Dad ask for your opinion on his dating life? You want him to be happy, but you want him to make you happy, as well? Grow up. You’re not a child any longer and Dad’s a grown man. It’s not his job to make you happy, he doesn’t need to run his life according to your comfort level. Your entire complaint is about you, not Dad. You’re worried about being embarrassed for whom? Yourself? Dad doesn’t seem to be worried. Stop whining and judging and give Dad grace. If he’s happy, the problem is you, not him. Don’t run away and pout, have an honest conversation with Dad, share your feelings with love and compassion, keeping in mind that you do not have the right to define happiness for another person even if that person raised you and loves you. This lady may or may not be a temporary relationship for Dad, but the damage you’re doing to your own relationship with him may not be easily healed. The biggest question for you: is your selfishness really worth the price you might pay?

— Respectfully submitted for your consideration by Lynne M, a 74 year old woman with wisdom that’s come at a price.

“Speak with him.”

“As long as your dad dates this person, the issue will not go away. You should definitely speak with him. Hearing from you on how uncomfortable dinner would make you is respectful and necessary.”

— MADDEN

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‘A F*ck-Up Of Epic Proportions’: 7 Of The Worst HR Mistakes Workers Have Seen

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Nobody’s perfect: we all mess up from time to time. But when that happens at work, the stakes can be pretty significant.

For instance, writing to r/AskUK, site user MoonlightByWindow shared that the HR in their friend’s workplace recently sent out a mass email congratulating a worker on their new promotion to manager.

After much ado, though, it turns out this was likely a mistake. “A few hours later, HR announced that they’ve ‘suddenly’ realised that someone else would be better suited for the role,” the poster wrote.

They asked other members of the forum, “What’s the biggest cock-up by HR that you’ve witnessed?”

Here are some of the most-upvoted responses:

1) “HR came to see me a told me to collect my things and meet them in the office with a higher-up. So I did.”

“They then informed me I was being suspended from my job pending both an internal investigation and a possible criminal investigation. I was suspected of gross misconduct (theft of money) and harassment.

“My manager looked dumbfounded during [this], as did I. HR had somehow got themselves confused: I was the victim of the harassment and the witness to the theft of money.”

Credit: u/MissLotti

“That’s a fuck up of epic proportions,” u/EastEven5980 replied.

2) “At my level, everyone’s contract stated that employees needed to give three months’ notice, [while] the company only needs to give one month’s notice to let you go. ”

“But mine read that the company needed to give me three months’ notice. So when redundancy came round, I was in quite a strong position.”

Credit: u/CIMAJ98

3) “After a little increase in responsibility and a bump in pay, I got a new contract with an extra 0 in the salary.”

“I had to ask my boss if I was really gonna be paid £600k.”

Credit: u/Bokkmann

“I once received an offer letter paying me £90,000 per month instead of per year,” u/ang14 replied.

“The actual contract I received later fixed it, but that was nice to dream about.“

4) “HR accidentally sent out a spreadsheet with every job title listed, with its salary, instead of just sending it to a director.”

“Imagine the amusement as literally hundreds of staff launched grievances about pay disparity. It ended up costing circa £10m… to settle the grievances.”

Credit: u/KibboKid

5) “I found letters firing people on the shared drive (including one for me!).”

“I called them up on it and in the end didn’t get fired, as I had some leverage.”

Credit: u/BrisTing123

6) “I got added to a private Slack channel discussing a colleague’s disciplinary, with a bunch of messages advising the manager heading the investigation on how to phrase questions to make them difficult to respond to.”

Credit: u/hunsnet457

7) “HR had a server which was split into two sections: 1) a whole company reference section with things like company policies, handbooks, and how-to guides, and 2) a private section… which had employee files, payroll, etc.”

“They were migrating to an online HR platform, so someone in HR created an Excel export with everyone’s personal info to be added to the new system. Names, personal addresses, contact info, bank details and salary.

“Guess which area of the server they saved it on.”

Credit: u/dcpb90

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This 1 Type of Walking Could Be The Key For Upping Your Step Count Without Wrecking Your Body

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Want to add some extra challenge to your walk? Or want to tone down your too-tough run? “Jeffing” may be your answer.

Jeffing is a training method that comprises both running and walking intervals during a workout. It was founded by Jeff Galloway, an Olympic runner, who came up with the run-walk concept to help folks of all levels run further, protect themselves from injuries and enjoy running more, according to Galloway’s website.

The method is known by a few different names, such as the Galloway run-walk program and the run-walk method, but they all have the same goal: to help people build endurance, run faster and move more by employing both running and walking intervals during a workout.

Here’s what jeffing might look like: Going for a two-minute run followed by a three-minute walk and repeating that a few times for a full workout.

Whether you’re a runner or not, jeffing is a way to make running more accessible and for your step count to skyrocket in the process. Here’s what to know:

‘Jeffing’ is useful for runners of all levels, but is especially valuable for beginners.

Jeffing is good for anyone to try, whether you’re running a marathon or lacing up your shoes for the first time ever.

“I’ve always thought of Galloway’s run-walk as taking what he did when he was an Olympic runner … and … [bringing it] to people like my mom who never thought that they could be a runner,” said Randy Accetta, the director of coaching education at the Road Runners Club of America and founder of Run Tucson.

Runners training for races are known to employ this run-walk (or run-jog) method in their training, Accetta added.

While jeffing can help someone running a high-stakes race cross the finish line, it can also be a particularly good strategy for new runners, said Jeff Dengate, the runner-in-chief for Runner’s World magazine.

“We’ve seen this time and time again where somebody [takes] up running, they head out their driveway, and they think, ‘I have to be a runner. I have to be fast,’ so they get down the road and they’re just cooked, they’re just exhausted,” Dengate said.

For new runners, having a run-walk strategy can keep that exhaustion from happening. “It’s a really good introduction to running,” said Riley Buchholz, the men’s and women’s cross country coach at Temple University in Philadelphia. And it can be protective.

“A lot of people don’t realize that whenever you’re running, you’re applying three to four times your body weight [on your joints] — so, it’s a lot on the body to handle, especially if you just start pumping out miles at a harder effort that you aren’t used to. It takes time to adapt to that,” Buchholz explained.

A mix of running and walking when you head out to the trail or track can help protect your body from that impact.

Jeffing is a run-walk method that can help build up endurance and muscle strength.

FG Trade Latin via Getty Images

Jeffing is a run-walk method that can help build up endurance and muscle strength.

It can help build up strength and endurance.

Don’t let the walking fool you. If your goal is to build up your running capability, this jeffing still has a place in your training.

Alternating between running and walking can help you build up your lung capacity, endurance, and muscles, noted Buchholz before adding, “Anytime you’re exercising, you’re getting better.”

“It helps a lot of people build, not only the stamina, the endurance, but also speed,” Dengate said. “Runners can get faster by using those little walk breaks as well.”

Jeffing is also a good way to learn your preferred pace and effort, Buchholz said.

It takes some of the pressure off running, too.

Anyone who has gone for a run knows the feeling of wanting to stop for a break but feeling guilty about the pause. While there is never a reason to feel guilty (movement is movement), jeffing helps take away those bad feelings during exercise.

“It gives us all the opportunity to exercise without having to feel bad about wanting to stop,” Accetta said. “In the Galloway run-walk, you [intentionally take] the walk breaks. So you know going in that you’re going to run for five minutes and walk for a minute.”

That way, when you’re done with your workout, you can proudly check it off your to-do list because you set out to run and walk from the beginning, Accetta added. “And that’s different than, ‘oh my god, I’m so tired, I need to take a nap. I need to stop walking’ and then stressing whether … you’re ‘quitting’ or not.”

Here’s how to try it:

While some people choose to follow a formula such as one-to-one efforts (meaning, for example, five minutes of running followed by five minutes of walking), there really isn’t a hard-and-fast rule, according to Accetta.

“I think the beauty of … jeffing, or run-walk, is that you can manipulate the effort and rest intervals to fit the physical and emotional needs of the athlete as well as the terrain,” Accetta explained. “For me, there is no perfect ratio.”

It’s all up to you how you start. New runners could try running for 30 seconds, followed by a three-minute walk, or even 15 seconds of running, followed by a three-minute walk. Experienced runners could run for 10 minutes and follow it up with a 30-second walk. There is no wrong formula.

Buchholz said he generally recommends a one-to-four ratio for beginner runners. “Normally, the running is the one and the four is your walking,” he said.

This means if you’re moving for 20 minutes, five minutes can be spent running and 15 can be spent walking, Buchholz said.

If you do want a specific formula, Dengate said there are run-walk calculators online that can help you determine your pace and timing based on your mile time.

When it comes to pace, there are a few things to keep in mind. An everyday jog pace shouldn’t totally deplete you, according to Dengate. “We usually say to use the talk test. If you can’t carry a conversation with the person next to you, you’re probably running too fast on most days.”

“But then, how fast do we do those walk intervals? It’s not a full recovery — you want to walk with purpose … I like to tell people, move like you’re a New Yorker going down the sidewalk. You’re getting somewhere,” Dengate explained.

If you slow down too much during your walk interval, it’s hard to start running again, Dengate added.

Movement should feel good and rewarding, so take the pressure away and keep that in mind when you head outside for your weekly jeffing.

“Far too often we thought of running as punishment for other sports, or it’s something I have to do,” Dengate said. “I like to remind people, running is something we get to do. We’re fortunate enough to be able to have that opportunity to go out and spend that time doing it, so go have fun with it.”

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This 1 Child Psychology Lesson Will Make You A Better Parent – And Improve Every Relationship You Have

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Want to be a better parent, friend or colleague?

There’s a simple lesson from psychologists that you can adopt right now to improve your relationships – no matter the age of the person who is confusing or upsetting you. It’s the difference between assuming the best or the worst in people, also known as the most or least generous interpretations.

“Most of us jump right to an ‘LGI’: the least generous interpretation,” said Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and author of Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, who has helped to popularise these terms.

That’s because we likely grew up with people who taught us “to associate bad behaviour with bad intentions or being a bad person,” Kennedy said.

Even trained psychologists like Kennedy deal with this impulse. “When my child snaps or ignores me, my brain automatically goes to: ‘They’re being defiant. They don’t respect me.’”

“I’ve had to train myself to pause and ask: ’What’s the most generous interpretation here? Maybe they’re tired. Maybe they’re overwhelmed. Maybe they don’t yet have the words for what they’re feeling, and so their out-of-control behaviour is the only way to let me know what’s going on.“

It can take some time, but once you learn to make this switch, you might be surprised by how differently you see every toddler tantrum – or miscommunication by a friend or partner.

“That tiny mindshift changes everything,” Kennedy explained. “It doesn’t mean I excuse behaviour. … Ironically, we have to understand a behaviour to help someone change their behaviour.”

Why ‘most generous interpretation’ works so well with adults and kids

Are you practicing an "MGI" or an "LGI"? It can make all the difference.

VioletaStoimenova via Getty Images

Are you practicing an “MGI” or an “LGI”? It can make all the difference.

“MGI isn’t just a parenting trick – it’s a life skill,” Kennedy said, because it forces us to separate who someone is from what they are doing and put their behaviours in perspective. When you use it on kids, you get to be the curious, empathetic adult you want kids to grow up to be.

“Kids learn: People can get it wrong sometimes, and there’s often more going on for someone than meets the eye,” Kennedy said. “Because when you help your kid realise they can be curious about their behaviour instead of meeting it right away with judgment and blame, curiosity is what allows them to reflect and move forward in a productive way – whereas shame and blame keep us frozen and make it very difficult to change.”

And it applies to adults, too. With couples, using a more generous interpretation of someone’s behaviour can help bridge divides after doubts and betrayals.

“When I work with couples in therapy, I will ask clients directly: ‘Do you detect malice in what your partner is saying?’” said Brendan Yukins, a licensed clinical social worker and relational therapist at The Expansive Group. “Often when we directly ask ourselves if we think someone is doing something on purpose, we see that ‘LGI’ is an illusion that our brain is casting to protect us from being harmed again. Realising that someone else is trying their best to love us can lead to deep, meaningful healing.“

And it also makes us see “bad friend behaviour” with more understanding eyes. Kennedy gave the example of a friend being late to meet up with you. In this case, the least generous interpretation is to think, “She doesn’t value my time,” and feel judged and distant as a result.

But what if you took the “most generous interpretation” approach? If instead you think, “‘She might be juggling a lot today,’ you’re more likely to feel connected and understood,” Kennedy said.

Once you embody this mindset, you can help be the change you wish to see in others.

It’s OK to use the ‘least generous interpretation’ sometimes, too

Your least generous interpretation is a neurological connection that gets hardwired every time you think the worst of someone. Yukins said it’s “an expression of our anxiety in trusting others.” That’s why it’s good to challenge these negative beliefs.

“If you are able to disrupt the signal, even a little bit, it gives your brain a fraction of a second to catch itself before going into an anxiety spiral,” he said.

“In my own life, I use ‘abducted by aliens’ when someone’s late for a meeting,” Yukins said. “It takes me out of the drudgery of everyday and introduces a playful element that keeps my brain open to interpretation.”

Of course, sometimes it’s more than OK to stop giving adults the benefit of the doubt, especially when they continually disrespect or mistreat you.

“Cycles of abuse or neglect often feature a hurtful person who insists that others continue to give them MGI even when they deserve LGI,” Yukins said.

He noted that if you suspect someone is purposefully hurting you, this is when it’s all right to set boundaries and reclaim your time: “Maybe leave the last text you sent without a follow-up, or schedule a self-care night if they seem hesitant to put you on their schedule.”

MGI is a muscle you can build every day for your wellbeing

Many kids and adults have good intentions that our brains overlook. Using an MGI mindset helps you learn this for yourself.

“The key is not deceiving your brain into trusting everyone,” Yukins said. “Rather, it’s to use MGI over and over again until you find through your own research that most people have the best intentions.”

It won’t just help with how you view others. It will help you be more gentle and understanding with yourself as well.

“Our natural inclination if our trust has been broken is to assume the worst of others,” Yukins said. But when we keep jumping to the worst conclusion of people’s behaviours, “Eventually, we will begin to distrust our own intentions. This can make the world smaller.”

And the great part of this psychology lesson is how you can start using it right away.

Kennedy equates MGI to a muscle. “We have to work it out and build that muscle in calm moments to have a greater likelihood of being able to flex it in the heat of the moment,” she said.

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Putin Hits Back At Trump’s New Criticisms Of Russia With A Classic Playground Insult

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Vladimir Putin seems to have resorted to childish tactics to hit back at Donald Trump after the US president turned on Russia last week.

Until recently, Trump tried repeatedly to force Moscow to end its war in Ukraine through flattery, even offering up a peace deal on Putin’s terms – and suggesting Ukraine should give up its sovereign land.

But, after months of failed attempts at negotiations, Trump blasted Russia and unexpectedly claimed Ukraine could win the conflict instead.

The US president even called Russia a “paper tiger” – a seemingly powerful entity who is actually ineffective – last week.

Now Putin has responded by simply turning the insult back on Nato, and insisting the defence alliance is the real “paper tiger.”

Speaking on Thursday, he said: “A paper tiger. What follows then? Go and deal with this paper tiger.

“Well, if we are fighting with the entire Nato bloc, we are moving, advancing, and we feel confident, and we are a ‘paper tiger’, then what is Nato itself?”

According to Reuters news agency, he insisted his forces were advancing along the entire warfront in Ukraine – and alleged that almost all of the US-led Nato alliance was now fighting against Moscow.

He also issued a stern warning to the US over the possibility that Trump might give Tomahawk cruise missiles to Ukraine, something the White House is yet to confirm.

Putin claimed: “It is impossible to use Tomahawks without the direct participation of American military personnel.

“This will mean a completely new, qualitatively new stage of escalation, including in relations between Russia and the United States.”

But Putin had a flippant response to European claims he had launched drone incursions over Poland and fighter jets over Estonia.

He said: “I won’t do it anymore – to France, Denmark, Copenhagen, Lisbon – wherever they could reach.”

He claimed the most recent accusations that Russian drones had flown over Denmark were parts of Nato efforts to “inflame tensions to boost defence spending”.

Europe is taking these provocations much more seriously, though.

Polish prime minister Donald Tusk said “this is war” on Thursday, and called on Nato to abandon “illusions” and confront a “new type of war”.

The EU has also launched a drone wall initiative to boost its eastern flanks amid fears Putin is testing the bloc’s defences.

But Putin still insisted alleged plans of Russia trying to attack a Nato member were “impossible to believe” on Thursday.

“I just want to say: cool down, sleep calmly, and take care of your own problems. Just take a look at what’s happening on the streets of European cities,” he claimed.

But – in typical Kremlin fashion – he added: “If anyone still has a desire to compete with us in the military sphere, as we say, feel free, let them try. Russia’s countermeasures will not be long in coming.

Putin often falsely portrays his Ukraine invasion as something he was forced into by Nato’s expansion eastwards, rather than the land grab the West believes it to be.

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George Michael’s Estate Reacts To Sample Featured On Taylor Swift’s New Album

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George Michael’s estate has heaped praise on the new Taylor Swift album, which features an interpolation of one of the late singer’s signature hits.

On Friday morning, the Grammy winner unveiled her new album The Life Of A Showgirl, including the song Father Figure.

Earlier this week, the writing credits for this track were revealed to include George’s name, leading many fans to speculate that Taylor’s recording would incorporate the former Wham! star’s song of the same name.

Upon the song’s release, this was confirmed to be the case, with George’s successors posting a statement in support of Taylor’s new album on Instagram.

“We were delighted when Taylor Swift and her team approached us earlier this year about incorporating an interpolation of George Michael’s classic song Father Figure into a brand new song of the same title to be featured on her forthcoming album,” they said. “When we heard the track we had no hesitation in agreeing to this association between two great artists and we know George would have felt the same.”

“A forever thank you goes out to my mentors and friends Max [Martin] and Shellback for helping me paint this self portrait. If you thought the big show was wild, perhaps you should come and take a look behind the curtain…”

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The 3-Minute Home Test A Surgeon Says Could Save Your Life

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. And on their page about the topic, the World Health Organisation (WHO) said the first pillar of the WHO’s Global Breast Cancer Initiative is to “empower individuals and communities to recognise symptoms and seek care early”.

Still, research has shown that women checking their breasts has dropped from 49% in 2022 to just 45% in 2024.

That’s a shame, breast cancer surgeon Dr Cihan Uras from Acıbadem Hospitals said, explaing that: “Breast cancer is the most common cancer among women worldwide… when it’s detected early, survival rates are very high.

“The best thing you can do for yourself is to be familiar with your own body and notice changes quickly. A self-check takes only three minutes,” the surgeon added.

How should I check my breasts at home?

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Dr Uras said the check, which should be done once a month, involves three steps.

These are:

1) Look in the mirror

To begin your test, the surgeon advised, stand topless in front of a mirror for one minute.

“Stand with your shoulders straight, with your hands on your hips, and look in the mirror for any noticeable differences. As you do this more often, these differences will be easier to spot,” he advised.

“Initial signs that you should be looking for include dimpling of the skin, any redness, rashes or changes to the nipple, particularly inversion or discharge.”

2) Raise your arms

This should take 30 seconds, Dr Uras told us.

“As you’re in the mirror, raise your arms above your head. Look for any changes in contour, any swelling that’s arisen, or any pulling of the skin,” the expert advised.

The move helps because it stretches the skin over your breasts.

“This makes subtle changes more visible, especially puckering or pulling of the skin that may not be very noticeable when your arms are by your side. It can also help reveal differences in movement between the two sides.”

3) Feel your breasts while standing and lying down

This should take about a minute and a half (90 seconds) all-in.

“While lying down, use the flat of your fingertips around your breasts to feel in circular motions,” the surgeon stated.

“Make sure that you cover the whole breast from the top to the bottom, as well as side to side. Don’t forget to go right up to your armpit area too. Apply different pressures; light, medium and firm, to ensure you’re feeling all layers of the breast tissue.

“You should be feeling around for any thickened areas, any tenderness that feels unusual to you, not to be confused with pushing down too hard, and of course any lumps.”

What should I do if I notice any changes?

If you do feel something a little different, don’t “panic straight away, as most are not cancer,” Dr Uras said.

But do get it checked as soon as possible, just in case.

“The chances are, you would’ve spotted it early, especially if you’re doing this every month, and your doctor can begin any treatment sooner rather than later,” the surgeon ended.

“The best time to do these checks is a few days after your period ends, when you’re less likely to experience tender breasts due to your cycle. For women who no longer get periods, picking the same time each month will just help you get into a better routine.”

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Here’s What Monster Creator Ryan Murphy Actually Said About A Potential Luigi Mangione TV Drama

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For the past few days, you may well have seen one or two headlines indicating that TV super-producer Ryan Murphy is considering Luigi Mangione as a potential future subject of his true crime anthology series Monster.

Earlier this week, Variety published an interview with the Emmy winner about the upcoming third season of his award-winning Netflix drama, which will focus on the notorious serial killer Ed Gein this time around.

During the conversation, Murphy defended his show from accusations that it’s “exploitative”, insisting he instead hopes to “provoke the question” about society with each season about a different societal theme, using various real-life murder cases to do so.

He also ruled out future seasons about John Wayne Gacy (“there’s nothing redemptive there?”) and Ted Bundy (“when you look at those crimes, what are the themes there? It doesn’t ask you any questions about society”), which is when the subject of Magione was then raised.

So, what did he actually say?

Luigi Mangione in December 2024
Luigi Mangione in December 2024

via Associated Press

Well, speaking to the US outlet, Murphy revealed that he and his team “have a ‘maybe one day’ file” of ideas for future seasons of Monster that “just aren’t ready yet”.

He then said that one such concept would be a season about Magione, the 27-year-old who is currently in police custody, accused of fatally shooting Brian Thompson, the CEO of the American health insurance organisation UnitedHealthcare.

According to Variety, Murphy quickly dismissed the idea of focussing on Mangione after he, in their words “deemed it too early to proceed”.

“We know nothing about him,” the Emmy winner pointed out.

Monster: The Ed Gein Story will debut on Netflix on Friday 3 October, with a fourth run of the controversial show already in production.

The next iteration will be the first to centre around a female killer, with Ella Beatty set to reunite with Ryan Murphy for the new series, which she’ll lead as Lizzie Borden, sharing the screen with other Murphy-verse alum including Billie Lourd and Vicky Krieps.

Rebecca Hall and British performer Jessica Barden will also be part of the cast of the show, which Netflix said will tell the story of “the infamous young woman accused of murdering her parents with an axe”.

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Alexander Skarsgård Opens Up About What Makes The Sex Scenes In His New BDSM Biker Romance So Unique

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Alexander Skarsgård has opened up about his new film Pillion, and how the movie’s much-hyped sex scenes differ from other projects he’s appeared in over the years.

The Emmy winner’s latest film features Harry Potter actor Harry Melling as Colin, a young man who embarks on a BDSM relationship with a biker gang leader, Ray, played by Alexander. Pillion became one of the Cannes Film Festival’s most talked-about films when it premiered earlier this year, not least because of its unique premise and graphic sexual content.

Speaking to Variety about making the film in an interview published earlier this week, Alexander reflected on how he and Harry worked with intimacy coordinator Robbie Taylor Hunt to ensure that these sex scenes felt real in their awkwardness.

“We wanted it to be clumsy and weird,” he explained. “On screen, [sex] often looks like a ballet, but [it] can be awkward and funny.”

“I often find sex on screen quite boring,” he continued. “Usually, all the tension is leading up to that moment, and then once people are in the sack…”

Alexander Skarsgård and Harry Melling at a photo-call for their film Pillion at this year's Cannes Film Festival
Alexander Skarsgård and Harry Melling at a photo-call for their film Pillion at this year’s Cannes Film Festival

via Associated Press

Alexander went on to praise director Harry Lighton, who he said “didn’t put on silk gloves to tell this story” and instead “embraced the awkwardness” of the sex sequences between the two central characters.

Critics have already been full of praise for the sex scenes in Pillion, with Vanity Fair hailing the film as “frank, kinky [and] utterly idiosyncratic” and The Daily Beast describing it as “quite possibly the sexiest movie at Cannes this year, that’s also delightfully tender”.

And while Pillion certainly doesn’t shy away from sex, orgies or scenes of BDSM, Alexander also thinks the director approached these themes in a “beautiful” way rather than leaning into shock value.

“I think my mum will like this movie,” the True Blood star insisted. “[Even though] it’s about kinky gay bikers and a D/s relationship, [it’s] portrayed with the perfect amount of respect, but not too much respect.”

And as much as Pillion’s sex scenes have so far dominated conversation around the film, it turns out the movie is not nearly as graphic as it could have been.

The Big Little Lies star noted: “The sex scenes weren’t graphic for the sake of being graphic. We shot way more graphic stuff than you’ve seen just now.”

Earlier this year, director Harry Lighton told Variety during another interview that more daring sex scenes in Pillion had been cut so the audience didn’t end up “feeling they were being deliberately shocked by an image”.

“There was one close up of a dick, a hard dick … like down the barrel of the lens. And after watching the film on that ‘fuck-off’ screen I thought, yeah, cutting it was probably the right decision!” he quipped.

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The Key Nimbus And Stratus Symptom That’s Different To Covid-19

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You might have heard that some newer strains of Covid – namely, the Stratus and Nimbus variants – are on the rise in the UK.

Indeed, the UK Health and Security Agency (UKHSA) recently reported that XFG and NB.1.8.1 (Stratus and Nimbus) formed most of the Covid cases last month.

And because Covid cases are ramping up right now, especially among the very young and the elderly, that means more instances of both new strains.

So far as the UKHSA currently knows, these strains are not more dangerous or make you any sicker than “regular” Covid.

“The most important thing is for those eligible to get their vaccination when it is due,” they wrote, as this can help to prevent the most extreme versions of Covid taking hold.

But how can you tell Nimbus and Stratus variants from “normal” Covid, and what should you do if you spot it?

Nimbus and Stratus vs Covid-19 symptoms

Dr Zachary Hoy, an infectious disease specialist with Pediatrix Medical Group, previously told HuffPost that the Stratus variant “would have similar symptoms to other COVID variants that have recently been circulating.”

These include:

  • a high temperature or shivering
  • a new, continuous cough – coughing a lot for more than an hour, or three or more coughing episodes in 24 hours
  • a loss or change to your sense of smell or taste
  • shortness of breath
  • feeling tired or exhausted
  • an aching body
  • a headache
  • a blocked or runny nose
  • loss of appetite
  • diarrhoea
  • feeling sick or being sick, per the NHS.

But Dr Naveed Asif, GP at The London General Practice, also said that the Nimbus variant’s most unique feature is a sore throat – one that can create a “razor blade sensation” while swallowing.

This still seems to be the case and has since been said to appear in cases of the Stratus variant, too.

And the Stratus variant may also be associated with a higher likelihood of developing a hoarse, raspy voice, a dry cough, exhaustion, and fever, though these can be a part of Covid-19 too.

What should I do if I have the Stratus or Nimbus variants?

As with any other strain of Covid and/or flu, you should try your hardest to avoid spreading the illness to others.

UKHSA says: “If you have symptoms of a respiratory infection, such as COVID-19, and you have a high temperature or do not feel well enough to go to work or carry out normal activities, you should avoid contact with vulnerable people and stay at home if possible”.

If you can’t do this, take precautions like wearing a well-fitting mask, avoiding crowded places, taking your exercise outdoors, away from others, covering your mouth or nose when you sneeze, washing your hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds, and avoid touching your face.

In terms of keeping yourself well while you have Covid, the NHS advises lots of rest, plenty of water, painkillers like paracetamol or ibuprofen if needed, sitting upright in a chair to help with breathlessness, and taking a spoonful of honey (don’t feed this to babies under a year old) to relieve sore throats and cough.

Call a doctor if your symptoms do not improve or get worse. Call 999 or go to the A&E if your breathlessness comes on suddenly or is so bad that you struggle to say short sentences when resting.

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