Open Is Now Open

Posted on 15/04/2026 by Boris Clair

Registration for Open is now live at StevePavlina.com/Open.

This is a new, in-person, 3-day experience we’re hosting April 28–30, 2026 in Las Vegas. I’ve been sharing about this for the past few weeks, and now the doors are open, so you can see the full details and sign up if you feel called to join us.

Open isn’t a content-based experience. It’s a shared inner journey focused on harmonizing your relationship with yourself and with Life.

Open is in-person only – not recorded or streamed. We’re prioritizing intimacy.

Registration just opened, and the event begins in two weeks, so this is a short window. The reasons why are shared in the full invitation:

StevePavlina.com/Open

Take a look and see if Open calls to you. It’s unique.

❤️

How To Handle A Conversational Narcissist

Posted on 07/04/2026 by Boris Clair

A healthy conversation has a natural rhythm, a give-and-take in which both people feel heard, understood and valued. But with some people, that balance never quite happens.

That’s the case with what experts call “conversational narcissism.”

“Conversational narcissism is a communication style wherein an individual centres themselves in conversations, engages in oneupmanship, fails to ask follow-up questions and has a difficult time maintaining interest in what other people have to say,” Natalie Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told HuffPost.

A conversational narcissist can leave you feeling drained and like you couldn’t get a word in edgewise. They tend to be inattentive and lack curiosity.

“Whatever you share is quickly met with a more extreme or more compelling version of their own experience,” said Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples and family therapy. “Over time, the conversation stops feeling like an exchange and starts to feel one-sided. It results in leaving an interaction feeling unsatisfied and empty.”

Conversational narcissists don’t necessarily have narcissistic personality disorder, though some may fall somewhere on the narcissism spectrum.

“It’s also important to note that many of us have been guilty of conversational narcissism from time to time,” said Lauren Maher, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in anxiety, trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. “If you notice that you’ve inadvertently done this, take a breath, make sure that you bring the conversation back to the original speaker and follow up by asking them questions about their experience.”

There are also best practices for those who find themselves interacting with a conversational narcissist. Below, experts break down ways you can navigate these situations while protecting your energy and reclaiming your voice.

Acknowledge your feelings ― but try not to take it personally.

“First, acknowledge any feelings that are arising for you ― such as frustration, indignation, anger, disappointment or loneliness,” Moore said. “Engaging in an interaction with someone who is a conversational narcissist can bring up lots of intense feelings, especially if you’re someone who spends effort maintaining balance in conversations who values reciprocity in relationships.”

“

If I’m grabbing lunch with a friend who tends to over-talk, I might say right at the start, ‘I’ve had such a heavy week and I really need to vent for a few minutes ― is it OK if I go first?’

– Dr. Sue Varma, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University Grossman School of Medicine

Try not to take someone’s conversational narcissism too personally.

“Know that what you’re experiencing has nothing to do with how interesting or valuable you are, but has more to do with the other person’s ability to take an interest in you,” Moore said.

Consider that a conversational narcissist might also be a kind and generous person in other ways.

“Look at the overall, bigger consistent picture,” said Dr. Sue Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University Grossman School of Medicine and author of “Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being.”

“Is the person able to celebrate your wins and be happy for you and be there for you in your time of need? That to me is most important. If they are a true, solid, loyal friend, you can and should give them grace.”

Be direct about what you need.

“Keep in mind what your objective is in your communications with this individual,” Moore advised. “If your goal is to be seen, heard and understood, you will probably be frustrated and not get what you want. But if your goal is to communicate something specific, find a pause or an opportunity to interrupt and get straight to the point.”

Take a more efficient, practical approach. Adding a little structure to your conversation can ensure you achieve your goal. Being clear and direct about what you need is crucial.

“Set the intention,” Varma said. “If I’m grabbing lunch with a friend who tends to over-talk, I might say right at the start, ‘I’ve had such a heavy week and I really need to vent for a few minutes ― is it OK if I go first?’”

Set limits.

“Protect your peace and walk away if the conversation doesn’t become two-sided or beneficial in any way,” said communications consultant and author Amelia Reigstad.

Setting limits around how much you engage and share can help keep intense emotions at bay.

“If you find that a person is not willing to take accountability for their behaviour, or you feel drained, resentful or even a bit ‘used’ after conversations with this person, then this may be a sign that you need to set much stronger boundaries with this person,” Maher said. “This may include excusing yourself from the conversation or setting a time limit for yourself on how long you will participate in the conversation.”

Dealing with a conversational narcissist requires direct communication and boundaries.

If the conversational narcissist in question is also a fundamentally narcissistic person, you’re better off saving your energy than continuing to engage with them or falling under their control.

“Don’t ‘over-fuel,’” Varma said. “Sometimes, being a ‘great listener’ actually encourages the behaviour. If you’re giving 100% of your focus to someone who isn’t giving it back, it’s OK to lean back, give shorter responses, and politely wrap things up when you’ve hit your limit.”

Adjust your expectations.

“If the pattern continues, it’s also important to adjust your expectations and protect your own energy,” Ross said. “Not every relationship will offer the kind of mutuality you’re looking for, and recognising that can help you engage more intentionally, rather than leaving interactions feeling depleted.”

Come to terms with what the a conversational narcissist can actually provide.

“Manage your expectations,” said therapist and “Disarming The Narcissist” author Wendy Behary. “You’re not going to get a whole lot back in the way of a real, reciprocal conversation ― the real give and take of ‘I see you, I feel you. I sense you. You see me, you feel me. You sense me.’”

Practice empathic confrontation.

“I think if it’s someone who’s really intimate in your life, you may want to use the beautiful strategy of empathic confrontation,” Behary said. “Say, ’I know you’re very excited about what you want to share with me, but I have to tell you, I’m feeling a little bit forgotten in what I just shared with you. I feel like we moved very quickly from my experience into your experience, and I just want to be honest with you because you’re my dear friend, or because you’re my husband or whoever.”

With an acquaintance, you might choose to simply set limits or avoid them, but a more direct approach could be preferable for someone with whom you’re more intimately involved.

“Empathically confront them and hold them accountable for this very self-absorbed way of communicating,” Behary said.

Use gentle pivots to redirect the conversation.

“I’m a big fan of the ‘gentle pivot,’” Varma said. “You can say, ‘I love hearing about your trip, but before we move on, I really wanted to finish telling you about my new project.’ Believe it or not, the other person may genuinely be interested in hearing what you have to say and want to know what you’ve been up to.”

“

A person who is not narcissistic will usually reflect on their behavior, take accountability, and try to make more space for you in future conversations.

– Lauren Maher, licensed marriage and family therapist

You can “reclaim the ball,” so to speak, in a way that still protects your energy.

“Re-direct the conversation back to you ― ‘Thanks for that, great point, however, I’d love to share my perspective,’” Reigstad said.

Humour is another way to get a word in edgewise. Make a playful comment or joke to ease the tension of this dynamic.

“If you find yourself regularly interacting with a conversational narcissist, you can first try lightly interjecting with something along the lines of ‘Hang on… I’d love to finish that thought,’” Maher said.

Talk about their conversational narcissism.

“If this type of behaviour is coming from a lack of awareness or habit, then gently bringing this behaviour to their attention could shift the pattern,” said Chelsey Brooke Cole, psychotherapist and author of “If Only I’d Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth.”

“You can start by saying things like, ‘I’d like to talk about something else for a while,’ ‘Our conversations are starting to feel very unbalanced,’ or ‘I feel like when I’m speaking you’re not really listening. Can we talk about that?’”

With time and accountability, the habit of conversational narcissism can shift.

“A person who is not narcissistic will usually reflect on their behaviour, take accountability, and try to make more space for you in future conversations,” Maher said.

The key is to be honest about your feelings and the patterns you’re noticing, but in a relational way.

“Rather than criticising, speak from your own experience,” Ross said. “‘I notice that when I share something important, I feel more supported when you stay with what I’m saying, rather than shifting to your own experience.’ Being clear about what you need ― more listening, more presence ― can sometimes create an opening for change, especially if the person isn’t aware of how they come across.”

The Magnetic Core of Open

Posted on 03/04/2026 by Boris Clair

I’ve advanced the design and shaping of the new Open event (April 28-30, 2026 in Las Vegas), so I can share more about it now. Let me tell you the event’s core focus and purpose.

The magnetic core of Open is very simple. It’s harmony.

Inner harmony within yourself. Outer harmony with your reality.

That’s a big ask in today’s world, is it not?

Harmony Made Real

During my 20s I discovered how easy it was to unbalance my life by elevating certain pursuits at the expense of others, such as by overworking and under-playing.

Freedom, growth, and creativity mattered to me a great deal, so I spent years figuring out how to live in alignment with these values. Now that I’m in my 50s (about to turn 55 this month), I feel very grateful that my younger self put in the effort to make this work on a practical level. It wasn’t easy but it was doable.

Another challenge was figuring out how to attune to abundance and resourcefulness. That was a nice success that harmonized well with my other priorities. Eventually I created the Deep Abundance Integration course to guide people through a 30-day deep dive on that. It’s been rewarding to watch people go through this kind of shift, which really isn’t about money – it’s about whether we’re ready to trust life more. Abundance is something we receive as a gift from life when we’re ready for it, not something we need to chase.

One of the most beautiful gains was infusing my life with lots of love. My wife Rachelle and I have been together 16+ years now, and we’re very much in love with each other. Our wedding anniversary is tomorrow. I’ve had the good fortune of spending most of my adult life in two very loving, long-term relationships. My first marriage ended many years ago, but I never stopped harmonizing with love.

Lately I’ve been practicing loving everyone. A powerful realization was that I don’t need anyone’s permission to love them. I can feel love in any direction I want, and it turns out that harmonizing with love in lots of different directions has been really good and healthy for me.

I also worked on harmonizing with growth, pleasure, play, wonder, embodiment, exploration, contribution, and more. Inviting everything to come in together was even more helpful than trying to do it piecemeal. Ask for it all.

This vibes-first approach has served me well for decades. To this day I still find it crucial to run my life by making vibrational decisions first, such as by choosing cooperation over competition or by choosing intelligence over disappointment. That works so well across all areas of life. The net result is a very satisfying, pleasing, and pleasurable life.

If this were impractical, I expect my life would have fallen apart many years ago, but it’s been the opposite. In recent years the harmony has grown even stronger and deeper. This wasn’t entirely of my doing on a personal level. Much of it came through as a series of gifts, each arriving when I was ready to receive it.

As I worked on harmonizing different areas of my life even more, I found that this harmonizing process began taking on a life of its own. I sensed a deeper intelligence working cooperatively with me. I created the Submersion course to help others explore this way of engaging with life too.

This isn’t about working harder or pushing more. My life is the opposite of hustle culture. I enjoy plenty of stimulating action, but this is harmoniously balanced with other vibes that support my best life as well. Rachelle and I started this week by getting massages first thing on Monday morning, so we began our workweek with relaxation and pleasure. Then we hosted a Zoom call together in Conscious Growth Club – about the intelligence of embodiment. See how nicely that fits?

What opens up the flow of such gifts from life? What invites greater harmony to surface? There are many answers to this, but one of those keys is trust.

In order to really trust this reality, we have to trust that reality is intelligent, not just random, chaotic, or rules-based. And then as we trust that reality is intelligent, another big question is how to engage with this intelligence and harmonize with it. That’s been a huge part of my life journey for many years. This awareness is infused into how I live every day now. Each day, multiple times a day, I seek to orient to this intelligence and engage with it cooperatively. And I dare say that it’s been taking really good care of me lately.

The Limits of Personal Effort

A while back I discovered that there’s a limit as to how harmonious my life could become through personal effort. I sense that’s because effort itself tends to be disharmonious. If we try too hard to harmonize with life, that eventually becomes counter-productive. Hence if we really want to create and live truly harmonious lives in cooperation with life’s intelligence, there comes a point where we must relinquish effort. This involves letting go and releasing whatever prevents us from receiving more gifts. I’ve had a lot of lessons about letting go of old limits.

At some point, greater harmony asks for relaxation, trust, receptivity, and surrender into a deeper organizing intelligence. I would not call this a leap of faith. For me it’s been a journey of sensing and attuning. The next steps reveal themselves as I’m ready for them.

In recent years I’ve especially been paying attention to when life seems to be inviting me to experience or explore something new or to engage with reality differently. And wow does it do that a lot. I just had to open myself to notice this more.

I couldn’t have engineered my relationship with Rachelle into being. I would not have asked for a long-distance, international relationship with a Canadian. No dating app would have brought this through. This relationship has been such a huge gift. Every day it’s a gift. We’re so very good for each other – so much love, caring, passion, fun, affection, adventure, laughter, and more. We are each other’s best friends too. I love being married to my best friend.

My life has been awash in daily “I love you’s” for many years now, not just literally but also energetically. I feel so richly supported by life. And I must admit that a lot of this wasn’t of my doing, at least not in terms of pursuing and achieving goals like you might see someone do in a movie.

So many of the great turning points in my life happened by way of invitation. I couldn’t always pinpoint what specifically triggered these invites to come through other than to acknowledge that they showed up when I was receptive enough and ready to receive them.

I see a spine of upgrades throughout my life taking the form of invitations coming through at the right times. An invitation to go to an event. To join a group. To do my first ayahuasca ceremony. Sometimes it took courage to say yes, and I was richly rewarded when I leaned in and trusted life more. Part of me could sense when an invitation was important for my life path.

Some invitations were internal. I felt an inner sense of wonder about something new, leaned in with some exploration, and gave it room to breathe. What would it be like to spend 30 days in a row going to Disneyland? To have loving sex every day for four months? To feel an urge to travel and be on a plane within a day or two? Such experiences are wonderful and also mind-blowing. They reveal so much.

Now I understand that I can simply let life say “I love you” without my having to earn it. That’s a frequency of beingness that we can allow to come into our lives when we’re ready for it. This is where much greater harmonies start to emerge, whereby each aspect of life begins to fit together like puzzle pieces.

Even when I see parts of the outer world delving into what looks chaotic, I still see the intelligence flowing through it. This life is a place of exploration and lots of lessons, and we’re all engaging with different aspects of it. It’s all meaningful.

As I see people exploring very different frequency ranges, I feel increasingly clear about my own – a path infused with love, harmony, intelligence, cooperation, and delight.

Your Invitation to Open

Open is a space designed to support the emergence of greater harmony in your life. It’s a space of inviting, allowing, and receiving. At Open you’ll be guided through a sequence of containers to help you open to the flow of life’s intelligent cooperation and support. Inside each of these containers, I’ll take you through a unique inner journey of reflective exercises and experiences to help you align your life with greater harmony and intelligence.

The field of Open is intentionally shaped to help you notice disharmonies, release friction, and come into a more harmonious relationship with yourself, with other people, and with life.

Imagine being in a room where everyone holds the intention and desire to make their lives – as well as the lives of everyone else there – more harmonious. It’s a really beautiful space to inhabit, a space of receptivity, positive anticipation, and delightful and intelligent gifts from the flow of life’s intelligence.

I feel very ready to serve as a guide into this way of engaging with life for those who are open to receiving it. I’ve been receiving clear signals that the time is right to put out this invitation. For now, sense what this awakens in you. Some doors don’t open through force. They open through readiness.

Open: Our April 2026 In-Person Gathering

Posted on 20/03/2026 by Boris Clair

On April 28-30 we’re hosting our first live, in-person gathering in 10 years. Yes, it really has been that long.

I’ve been wanting to re-infuse live events back into this space for years now. We almost got back into this several years ago… then COVID. So I waited for the timing to feel right. I told Reality to let me know, and it did. Now I know the time is right to start sharing about this. It doesn’t feel like a coincidence that today is the first day of Spring. It’s been a wondrous journey to reach this point.

The event is called Open.

Super simple. Just Open.

Open is a space where we gather in person, connect (or reconnect for those who’ve gathered before), and immerse ourselves in a deep inner journey over three days together.

Open is very yin. Gentle. Receptive. Warm. Loving. Kind. Generous. Rejuvenating. Spacious.

Open is where you come to open.

Open to new possibilities. To a new relationship with life. To new friends.

Open to a life of wonder, harmony, and intelligence. Open to centeredness. Open to flow. Open to balance. Open to pleasure. Open to delight. Open to ease.

Whether you come to Open from a place of desperation, perspiration, or inspiration, you’ll be met with open-hearted kindness.

Yintelligence

Open is a space of emergence, revelation, and discovery. It’s a fusion of many different energies with a common theme.

Open is where you birth your answer to this one simple question: What next?

What wants to arise next in your life? What wants to emerge into full bloom? What wants to loosen, ease, and release?

What energies want to circulate richly through your life? Which ones are ready to be flushed?

Who are you becoming? What’s your next chapter? What wants to crystallize? What is your life about now?

Open has many facets to it, all of them oriented toward deeper self-discovery and inner harmony. The core of Open is a field of intelligence that we create and work within together.

I’ll be your guide and host. Rachelle will be there too.

Open Energies

These are the main energies we’ll be working with at Open:

Wonder & Receive
Orient & Center
Sense & Open
Loosen & Ease
Circulate & Rejuvenate
Invite & Allow
Arise & Emerge
Clarify & Crystallize
Integrate & Advance

We’ll be working intimately with these energies throughout Open, stepping in and out of them as we go. They’re infused into Open in fractal ways.

Open is here to help you connect the dots from your highest vibrational decisions to your daily actions. Harmonize your human life with the vibes that are most you.

Some Details

Open is happening in Las Vegas, April 28-30, 2026. That’s Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

Open is entirely new. It has never existed before. It’s a one-of-a-kind experience.

Open is only in-person, not streaming or recorded. It’s meant to be a space of some intimacy.

Open welcomes all who feel called to attend. It’s $888 USD.

Once the venue agreement is settled and signed, I’ll happily share the specific location details. For now I’ll just say that we’ll be on the Las Vegas Strip.

In the days ahead, I’ll share more details and open sign-ups. I’ll also be writing and posting new articles and videos on themes we’ll be exploring together there. There’s plenty of time to decide, so for now just sit with this initial invitation and let yourself sense and feel out what wants to emerge next for you.

Open begins in 39 days. More than enough time to feel your way into it.

I invite you to open to the possibility of being in the room with us at Open. Let this fully emerge into your reality if it’s meant to be. You may have some surprises ahead.

You’re Probably Not Asking Your Younger Relatives These Questions – But You Should

Posted on 14/03/2026 by Boris Clair

Baby boomers and Gen-Xers, we know younger generations are giving you a hard time these days. Your millennial and Gen Z relatives don’t always understand where you’re coming from or what you’ve experienced, and their stereotypes about your generation may seem undeserved.

If you’re craving deeper relationships with your younger relatives, one powerful way to bridge the gap is to ask thoughtful questions to get to know what matters to them and how you can best show up for them. Questions like these can open up a more fulfilling way of relating to each other.

We asked three experts on family dynamics to suggest meaningful questions to ask younger relatives, which they’ll deeply appreciate. And they may lead to you learning some important things about your loved ones. Win-win.

1. “How are things going?”

It may seem obvious, but asking this question in a way that shows you truly care about the answer can help your loved one open up.

“Family members tend to assume they know everything about one another,” Everett Uhl, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told HuffPost. “Asking open-ended questions encourages detailed responses rather than a yes/no or simple (good, fine) answer.”

Engaged listening will make all the difference in how the conversation goes. “If one continues to listen, stays curious and makes neutral statements (‘I support your position here; I totally agree with you; you are making total sense’), there is opportunity for continued dialogue with depth,” Uhl said.

“This benefits both parent and child as there will be deeper understanding between generations and each will understand the other’s inner world more.”

Family members might assume more about one another than they should — but asking questions and directly sharing can benefit everyone.

2. “Where do you see yourself in three years?”

Your younger relatives are in a different phase of their lives, which means that their days are very different, as are their goals for the short and long term. So asking about their hopes for the future can really help you understand where they’re coming from and figure out how you can support them no matter what stage they’re at.

“This question allows you as the parent to really see and be with your child in their life stage and understand what is important to them,” Uhl said. “This can lead to a back and forth about the life stage the adult child is in and if they are interested in moving to the next one, or if they are happy staying where they are a little longer.”

This question can replace more intrusive ones, such as “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?” with empathy and curiosity. “This open-ended question lets the adult child share their wants, hopes and dreams about the future without the burden of pressure to be in a life stage by a certain age,” Uhl said.

3. “What does support look like to you right now?”

All three experts suggested you ask your younger relatives some version of this question – it’s that important for a thriving intergenerational relationship.

“This question does something quietly radical: It assumes that support is wanted and that the older relative is willing to provide it in whatever form is actually useful, not just the one they’re most comfortable with,” Saba Harouni Lurie, marriage and family therapist and founder of Take Root Therapy, told HuffPost.

“By asking rather than assuming, the older relative opens the door for the younger relative to be explicit, which is itself a form of respect. And for younger generations who have often felt like their needs were either invisible or inconvenient, simply being asked can be meaningful before a word of the answer is even spoken,” she continued.

Whatever the answer is – whether it be financial or emotional support or something else entirely – try your best to be open to it and to find ways to provide that support in a way that works for both of you.

4. “What am I missing?”

This is a winning question because it invites your child or younger relative to share what has perhaps felt difficult in your relationship or simply what’s important to them in life right now, and it demonstrates that you’re willing to look at your “blind spots” (because we all have them), said Harouni Lurie.

“The conversation that follows might surface moments the younger relative felt misunderstood or hurt and never knew how to bring up,” she added. “Or, it might open into bigger territory: the political climate, evolving values, the ways the world has changed in ways that aren’t always visible from the outside.”

Your family member will be grateful for your curiosity and open-mindedness.

Intentional open-minded conversations can deepen your relationships over time.

5. “Is there an expectation you feel I have of you that is weighing you down that I can release you from?”

We all grow up in families that have specific expectations of us in one way or another, whether these are explicit or implicit. Depending on our individual personalities and trajectories, though, some of these expectations can start to feel heavy – even if it’s totally unintentional.

“Expectations are the dirty word in parenting adult children,” said Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker. “They ruin relationships, damage trust, hurt a child’s self-worth, and place a burden on them that is not theirs to carry. They can put a child in the position of choosing between keeping peace with their parents or fulfilling their own needs, dreams, and desires.”

Knowing this, you likely want to help free your relative from any inadvertent expectations they may be living with, which is where this question comes in. When you ask, try your best to avoid getting defensive and listen with an open heart.

6. “Is there anything from our family’s history you want to understand better?”

We are all shaped by our family histories in big ways, and chances are your younger relatives have many questions about the values, events and traumas that have made up the generations before them.

“Younger relatives are often deeply curious about, and are being shaped by, family history that they were shielded from or handed down in incomplete or distorted form,” Harouni Lurie said. “Asking this question signals something important: that the older relative is willing to be honest, even about the hard things.”

Where previous generations might have preferred to leave the past in the past, younger generations are often highly introspective and want to better understand their family history.

“And with this question, the older relative becomes someone who wants to reckon with the past rather than guard a particular version of it,” Harouni Lurie added.

7. “What evidence do you need from me to know that I love you unconditionally?”

You love your children (or nephews or nieces, etc.). For you, that’s a given. But for them, they may need more hard proof than you think.

“Listen carefully to how your child responds to this question. Do you notice hesitancy? Defensiveness? Nervous laughter?” Hickem said. “Whatever their response, reinforce that nothing could change your love for them. But let me caution you on this: Do not say this if you are not certain you mean it. It is better to leave this question alone than to offer words you cannot stand behind.”

8. “Do you know what I really like about you?”

Loving your child or younger relative is one thing, but liking them for who they are is another.

“This may sound elementary, but when people are asked what their parents like about them, there is often a puzzled look or a joking response like, ‘I was the kid who didn’t keep them awake at night,’” Hickem said.

Being able to share the things you love and like about one another in an earnest, open way can be a powerful way to make your loved one feel seen and valued.

When asking this question, “parents should have a list ready in both their head and their heart of what they genuinely like about their child,” Hickem said. “Even if you have to reach back into childhood or adolescence to remember qualities you may not see clearly right now, look for the unique features that make them who they are.”

Asking this question and engaging in the conversation that ensues can help your loved one feel seen and valued, which in turn will naturally deepen your relationship.

9. “Is there any fear connected to our differences that we need to talk about?”

The socio-political climate today creates a huge rift between older and younger generations, something that has a significant effect on families. “We no longer know how to disagree without taking it personally or making the other person wrong or bad,” Hickem said.

Asking whether these differences between you and your younger relative cause them any fear gives “a parent the opportunity to clarify the difference between disagreeing about social issues, political concerns, or personal values and loving their child for who they are,” according to Hickem. “The relationship always matters more than the issue.”

Disagreeing on particular issues can feel really difficult, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy relationship that also includes disagreement. “Respect, compassion, sincere curiosity, and love can bridge differences,” Hickem said. “Parents may need to say, ‘I may not understand how you landed where you did, but I know you, I respect you, and I trust that you take these things seriously.’”

10. “How do you think we could have more fun at family gatherings?”

Many people end up dreading family gatherings because of their complex relational dynamics, but it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, why have family gatherings at all if the guests don’t enjoy them? This question can encourage some beautiful dialogue about how to make family get-togethers occasions everyone looks forward to.

“We might not be able to take a family trip to Disney World anymore, but creating quality time and fun memories matters,” Uhl said. “This could allow for flexibility around who hosts during the holidays, roles that members play and/or contributions that family members provide. Sharing what would improve the overall experience or motivate family members to have more quality time together can strengthen the connection between generations.”

The Questions Your Boomer Relatives Wish You’d Actually Ask

Posted on 01/03/2026 by Boris Clair

There have always been generational conflicts, but the chasm between baby boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) and other generations after them seems particularly hard to bridge.

Between changing values, hyper-polarised politics, and the radical shift in financial stability and opportunity, it doesn’t take a genius to see why some younger individuals find it challenging to relate to their elders.

As challenging as it may feel sometimes, there’s a simple solution for those wanting to experience more closeness with their boomer relatives and to understand them better: ask more questions.

Simple curiosity, by way of a thoughtful question, can make people feel heard and respected – and can also help change your perspective on why someone you love thinks the way they do, why they are the way they are. That dialogue may prove to be one of the most rewarding ones you undertake.

Asking more questions is a great way to start the conversations you're longing to have with your loved one. — Asking more questions is a great way to start the conversations you’re longing to have with your loved one.

“In my work with families, I’ve noticed that older relatives are rarely waiting to be corrected,” Anna Marchenko, a licensed mental health counsellor and principal practitioner at Miami Hypnosis and Therapy, tells HuffPost.

“What they tend to want is to be understood in the context of the world they grew up in. These questions often slow conversations down in a way that makes real understanding possible.”

HuffPost asked family therapists to suggest some starter questions boomer relatives wish they’d get asked more – and they may appreciate having these conversations more than you could ever know.

‘What do you wish people asked you about more?’

If you’re new to opening this kind of dialogue with an older relative, the best start is often… to ask what they want to be asked. Yes, it’s a little like cheating, but this question in itself can lead the way to so much understanding on both sides.

This question “gets at what a parent may want to share more in their relationship with you,” Sarah Epstein, a marriage and family therapist who specialises in family dysfunction, told HuffPost. “Maybe they wish you asked about their health, their hobbies, their careers or their travels.”

For Epstein, this question can open the door to a new dynamic between your parent or older relative and you. “Asking shows an interest in not only having parents support you, but you to invest in them,” she said. “You can then lean into that more by asking about their current excitement and stressors.”

Remember: the point of asking questions in the first place is to allow your relative to feel heard, so open-ended and even apparently vague conversation starters work like a charm.

‘What was your family like when you were growing up?’

Imagine you were meeting a new friend for coffee. You are likely to ask questions about their upbringing. While you may already know the basics about your relative, like where they grew up and how many siblings they have, asking them about their family of origin is an amazing way to get to know them better – and even forge a new kind of relationship with them.

As well as the more general, “What was your family like?” Epstein also recommends asking more specific questions, such as, “What were your parents like?” or “Who in your extended family were you closest with and who were you not close with?”

“As their child, you only see their adult relationships, not the ones they experienced as children themselves,” Epstein said. “Asking these kinds of questions humanises parents to their children and other younger relatives, and gives parents a chance to tell their children more about themselves. It opens up possible vulnerable topics, like what felt good and what felt difficult in their upbringing and how they managed that.”

‘What did the world expect from you when you were young?’

This is an amazing question to get people to reflect on what the world’s expectations of them might have cost them – as well as any gifts they might have brought.

When asked this question, “people usually talk about pressure rather than nostalgia,” Marchenko said. “They describe growing up fast, being needed early, and making tradeoffs that were not optional. It helps younger relatives see that many values were shaped by necessity rather than preference.”

This line of questioning may also naturally lead into other similar revelations from your older relative, such as how systems of power worked in the environment they grew up in and what beliefs their upbringing created that they may have challenged later in life, says Marchenko.

You never got to know your parents or grandparents in certain ways — because you simply weren't there for it. But it's a perspective you won't want to miss out on. — You never got to know your parents or grandparents in certain ways — because you simply weren’t there for it. But it’s a perspective you won’t want to miss out on.

‘When you look at the world now, how does it feel to you?’

One of the greatest obstacles to creating mutually respectful relationships with our older relatives today is the stark difference in values and politics younger generations often have. But phrasing a question like this opens the door to curiosity rather than immediately creating defensiveness.

“This avoids debates about progress and invites reflection instead,” Marchenko said. “People speak about gains and losses at the same time, which allows disagreement without turning anyone into the problem.”

‘Is there anything you still feel responsible for passing on?’

“This reframes older generations as caretakers rather than obstacles,” Marchenko said. “The answers are usually less about advice and more about values, restraint, and hard-earned perspective.”

This is a great question because they may have previously avoided sharing their thoughts on this subject for fear of how they might be received. For you, hearing about how your relative views their potential legacy may also be eye-opening and perspective-shifting.

‘What feels good in our relationship right now? What doesn’t?’

In the same way that you may find some aspects of your relationship with your older relative difficult, they might too. If you can ask this question and receive the answer without getting defensive, the two of you might be able to work together to deepen the relationship and smooth over areas of discontent.

“When you ask straight out how the relationship feels, you can start to have open, honest discussions about how the relationship is going,” Epstein said. “It may turn out you each have things you love doing together, or discussing, that you can double down on. You may also identify things your relative has been feeling about the relationship that you can then work on together. The easiest route to clarity is gently, respectfully asking about the other person’s experience.”

This Trend Is Exploding Among Millennials And Gen Z – And Honestly, It’s Worth Celebrating

Posted on 31/01/2026 by Boris Clair

As more research emerges about the harmful health effects of alcohol, fewer people – namely, younger people – are consuming it.

According to a 2025 Gallup poll, 54% of American adults say they drink, the lowest percentage since Gallup started polling.

With fewer folks relying on alcohol as a social lubricant, a healthier way to interact with others has gained traction. Enter “daylife”, a term coined by the fitness social app Sweatpals.

“Daylife” refers to daytime social outings involving alcohol-free fitness as a way to meet new people with similar interests.

“It’s just the concept of using wellness, using movement as a way to meet, as a way to get entertainment and to socialise, versus relying on alcohol,” Sweatpals co-founder Salar Shahini told HuffPost.

People are certainly still using alcohol-fuelled gatherings to meet new people, whether at a happy hour or a full-on party. But it’s less popular among young millennials and members of Gen Z as they drink less than older generations.

Shahini thinks this shift is partly due to the Covid-19 pandemic. “During Covid, all we could do for a few years was get together outside and just move and work out.”

For younger generations, that type of activity became the norm, Shahini said. During the pandemic, at-home fitness equipment and at-home fitness apps also surged in popularity.

But now, community-based fitness such as Hyrox competitions (which are commonly team-based) and run clubs are only becoming more popular – proof that people are looking for community.

“And we’re going to see more of that,” Shahini predicted.

More and more young people are turning to social gatherings that don't center alcohol. — More and more young people are turning to social gatherings that don’t center alcohol.

“Daylife” allows people to make new friends without centering alcohol

People who are drawn to daylife-aligned activities want to meet people and want to go out, but don’t want social gatherings to be centered on drinking, according to Shahini.

Research shows that alcohol consumption is linked to a higher risk of cancer, including colorectal cancer and breast cancer and an increased risk of dementia.

Beyond the health impacts, Kathryn Cross, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks in Atlanta, said people are avoiding alcohol for its mental health impact, too.

“We are seeing that people are starting to prioritise other activities and other forms of socialisation just because we are in a season where everybody, for different reasons, is feeling heavy and alcohol tends to highlight heaviness in many different ways,” Cross said, “whether that’s aggression, irritability, sadness, it kind of traps people in their mind a little bit, and people are trying to find a better outlet for being so internalised in their thoughts.”

Shahini added that people are aware of the side effects of drinking alcohol – hangovers, bad sleep, getting drunk, bad decisions – which is also leading this shift.

Movement-based social gatherings lead to feelings of joy and accomplishment

“When you work out and feel that high that comes from working out … you keep feeling better. I think that’s much more interesting,” Shahini said.

People want to take care of themselves, he noted, which is a major feature of the run clubs, Pilates classes and other fitness activities that are booming in popularity right now. And while exercise helps you build muscle, bone strength and cardiovascular fitness, it also has measurable mental health benefits.

“Exercise stimulates the release of endorphins, the feel-good hormones in your body, which would help reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression,” Cross said.

Joining a fitness class or run club to meet people already gives you a baseline level of connection

If you go to a certain gym or certain fitness club, you already have something in common with the other people there, Shahini said. You have similar fitness interests and you probably live in the same area.

This makes it easier to build a friendship with someone. Think about it: You can bring up your latest workout or your new fitness goal with another person who understands the kinds of workouts you do.

Social connections help us feel less isolated, Cross added, which is necessary in a country that has an epidemic of isolation and loneliness.

If you want to try out daylife, start with gyms in your area – sign up for classes on the same day and time each week so you eventually get to know the people who go to the gym then. You can also look at local groups on Facebook to learn more about local Pilates groups, running clubs and more, Cross noted.

When you do eventually make it out to one of these fitness groups, don’t be nervous about meeting or talking to new people. As mentioned above, you already have something in common.

Plus, “everyone is looking for an opportunity to feel seen by others, and everyone could use connections,” said Cross.

Help and support:

There Are Clear Body Language Signs Someone Thinks You Are Annoying

Posted on 25/01/2026 by Boris Clair

We’ve all been there: mid-story, mid-vent, mid-enthusiastic ramble, and suddenly the other person’s energy shifts. Their smile fades. Their eyes wander down to their phone. Their whole body seems to quietly scream: “Please stop.”

Most of us don’t realise when we’re annoying someone. We just think we’re being ourselves.

We might think we’re offering the type of advice our spouse really needs to hear right now. We think sharing our story from last night’s gym session is just as funny to our friend as it was to us. Or we might (wrongly) assume that filling the silence with the latest story about our cat is a welcomed icebreaker for our co-workers in the break room.

But what might feel normal or relieving to us can feel like irritation to another.

The thing about annoyance is that it’s rarely announced out loud. People – whether on the playground or in the office – are often too polite to say, “Hey, you’re annoying me right now.” Instead, it shows up through subtle changes in posture, facial expressions, tone and attention.

While we might not always be liked by everyone, which is totally normal, if we’re not quick to notice the signs that we’re annoying someone, we might continue not reading the room and further alienate the people around us.

According to the licensed psychologists HuffPost spoke with, these quiet cues are often more honest than words. Here are the body language signs to watch for when you’re annoying someone.

Their face gives them away

Not everyone has a poker face – no matter how hard they might try.

“Annoyance may first appear in a person’s face,” says Dr. Michele Leno, a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele.

Subtle eye-rolling, a sudden blank expression or looking away while you’re talking – these are all red flags that you’re annoying someone.

“When someone is irritated, their nervous system activates a mild fight-or-flight response,” Leno explained. “Micro-expressions – like an eye roll – are quick, unconscious ways the body tries to release tension.”

In other words: even if they’re still nodding politely, their face may already be telling you how they really feel.

They look at their phone

This one is pretty much universal. “When someone looks at their phone, it often shows boredom or annoyance,” Samantha Whiten, a clinical psychologist, told HuffPost. “They’re using a socially sanctioned way to get out of talking to you and hoping you take the hint.”

In today’s always connected culture, phones provide an easy escape. But when someone is genuinely interested in you, they stay engaged, and if they do get interrupted, they usually apologise and try to come back to the conversation.

If you continuously encounter someone gazing down at their phone when you open your mouth, chances are, you annoy them.

They start distancing themselves

If someone is annoyed with you, you may feel them pulling away – emotionally, physically or both.

“Did they walk away when you entered the room? Did they indirectly refuse to engage in conversation with you? If so, you may annoy them,” Leno said.

They may avoid you by declining invitations that include you. Texts might become sporadic or ultimately leave you on read.

It’s hard not to take this behaviour personally, but as Leno notes, people typically act like this when they feel “overwhelmed, and in an effort to protect their personal space, they keep their distance.

A person’s emotional bandwidth may not accommodate anxiety-producing situations, so they remove themselves as needed.”

They sigh, fidget or take deep breaths

Those exaggerated inhales you heard from your co-worker when you started talking about your latest Netflix obsession? They’re not random.

“We need to protect our well-being at all times,” Leno said. So behaviours like deep breaths, fidgeting or shifting in place, she said, are all physical attempts to calm the nervous system and reset when tension is building, aka when you’re annoying someone.

If someone suddenly starts sighing or picking at their fingernails while you’re talking, it may be their body signalling overload.

Their arms cross over their chest

Seeing someone with crossed arms doesn’t necessarily mean you have to hike up the thermostat at work – it’s often about protection.

“This is a defensive posture,” Whiten said. “The person is trying to put up a virtual shield.” If crossed arms are paired with looking away, a lack of smiling or silence, it’s a strong sign the person feels intruded on or overwhelmed.

That’s your cue to give them space.

Their tone changes

Listen not just to what a person says to you but how they say it.

“If a person goes from calm and engaged to flat or high-pitched, they may be attempting to reduce tension,” Leno said. Short answers like “yes” or “no” when more detail would normally come are another giveaway. This goes for text messages too.

Tone shifts often happen when someone wants out of a conversation but doesn’t feel comfortable saying it.

They yawn – openly

Most adults can usually control their yawns. So when someone yawns right in front of you?

“Some part of them is hoping you’ll notice and disengage,” Whiten said. ”If someone combines this with looking away or an unsmiling or quiet demeanour, it is best to conclude that you may be irritating or overwhelming them, and move to talk to another person.”

What to do if you realise you’ve annoyed someone

First: pause. “Listen without offering advice or judgment,” Leno said. “Ask what is needed instead of assuming.” Simply slowing down and being curious can de-escalate tension quickly.

The simplest tool to become more self-aware of your behaviour? Watch how people respond to you.

“The best way to understand how your behaviour affects others is to notice their reactions to your presence,” Leno said.

And if you suspect something is off, a gentle, honest conversation can help clear the air.

At the same time, it’s OK to accept that not everyone will love your communication style. “It’s important to be authentic,” Leno said. “If someone is unreasonably irritated by who you are, it may be healthier to create distance than to contort yourself to please them.”

Engage 20: Creating Positive Social Ripples

Posted on 22/01/2026 by Boris Clair

Lesson 20 of the free Engage course invites you to consider simple ways to encourage and uplift the people whose lives you touch.

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Dealing With A Narcissist? The ‘BIFF’ Method Could Help

Posted on 20/01/2026 by Boris Clair

You might have heard of “grey rocking”, a method which experts say can make dealing with narcissistic and high-conflict people a little easier.

It involves keeping comments and responses to antagonistic individuals short, boring, and emotionally uninvested.

And, therapist Danielle Pinals shared on her Instagram, the “BIFF” method might help those dealing with a narcissist ensure they don’t “allow you to get derailed by emotional manipulation or control”.

Here, we spoke to relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, about how (and when) to try the BIFF method.

What is the BIFF method?

Coined by Bill Eddy at the High Conflict Institute, the term stands for “brief, informative, friendly, and firm”.

In other words, don’t spend too long explaining yourself, stay courteous, make sure you relay only the relevant information, and stick to your guns.

An example, the High Conflict Institute explained, could be getting a very long, angry text accusing you of being a terrible person and mother because you asked your coparent to take the kids to your boss’s birthday during their stay.

A BIFF response, they said, would be: “Thank you for responding to my request… Just to clarify, the party will be from 3-5 on Friday at the office, and there will be approximately 30 people there.

“There will be no alcohol, as it is a family-oriented firm, and there will be family-oriented activities. I think it will be a good experience for them to see me at my workplace. Since you do not agree, then of course I will respect that and withdraw my request, as I recognise it is your parenting time.”

When should you use the BIFF method?

Aside from being useful for navigating situations like divorce and coparenting, Roos said, “it can also be helpful during conflicts at work, with relatives and your partner’s family.”

This does not have to be limited to people you suspect of narcissm, though it may be useful then too.

In fact, she added, “I would recommend people to use the BIFF method when they notice that the conversation starts to get loaded, [accusatory], or [circular and] aggressive. It’s especially useful in written communication, such as in emails or SMS.”

Following the BIFF method significantly decreases the chance of escalation, she added.

“I see this as a great way to protect both yourself and the relationship in question as it helps you set boundaries without being cold, cynical or aggressive,” she ended.

“And while it’s far from easy all the time, it’s definitely a strategy worth getting better at as it’ll help you long term with getting more peaceful, communicative and mature relationships, no matter if they’re private or professional.”