When My Daughter Received A Life-Altering Diagnosis, I Heard The Same Phrase Over And Over. I’ll Never Repeat It To Anyone Else.

Posted on 27/09/2025 by Boris Clair

I had just stepped out of the shower when my husband, Scott, called from the hospital, where our 9-year-old daughter had been a patient in the paediatric ICU for four weeks. He had relieved me that morning so I could go home, shower and return for a meeting with the doctors about our daughter’s condition.

When he told me our daughter’s diagnosis was “neuromyelitis optica,” a rare autoimmune disease that attacks the central nervous system, my heart didn’t just sink. It stopped. A silent, internal arrest. In a single moment, my physician’s mind ran through the prognosis. Rare, incurable, potentially fatal. My heart broke under the weight of my devastation.

Steam still hung in the air, my wet hair dripped as I clutched the towel around me, my skin still damp. When the words came through the phone, my legs gave way. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the cold bathroom tile, the phone pressed to my ear, my breath caught in my chest.

Scott asked if I was still on the phone. “It’s good we finally have a diagnosis,” he said, searching for a foothold of hope.

After a long silence, I whispered: “That’s not a good diagnosis.”

As a physician, I knew exactly what this diagnosis meant: Not only was it incurable; it often led to blindness, paralysis and ongoing hospitalisations.

About a month ago, our daughter Nell had woken up one morning with nausea, dizziness and overwhelming fatigue. When I took her to the emergency room, her symptoms escalated rapidly. She became unresponsive, and a brain MRI revealed multiple large areas of inflammation.

As her neurological status declined, her tongue and the other muscles involved in swallowing became paralysed. Because she couldn’t clear her oral secretions, she developed aspiration pneumonia and was admitted to the ICU, where she developed right upper extremity paralysis and lower extremity weakness.

She remained in the ICU for five weeks, hooked up to beeping monitors and struggling to recover from what appeared to be a paediatric stroke. The diagnosis was made a few weeks later.

The contrast between the recent memories of my daughter powering down the lacrosse field, her face lit up with joy after scoring a goal, and now seeing her lying in the ICU was stark. She was unresponsive, her face pale, her little body wired with tubes and monitors. The sound of machines beeping echoed where there once had been giggles.

The author's daughter in the hospital. — The author’s daughter in the hospital.

I had clung to the hope that we would find a cause, treat it and somehow reclaim the life we once had. I am a fixer. It’s in my DNA, both as a doctor and a mom. But this? This wasn’t a problem to solve. It was a reality to endure. In an instant, the future I had imagined for her vanished.

I was left without a script, utterly lost.

And what made it harder were the unspoken and sometimes spoken expectation that we would “bounce back,” pick up the pieces and return to life as it was before.

Friends meant well when they told me, “You’re strong, you’ll bounce back,” or “She’s young, she’ll bounce back.” They thought they were encouraging me. But to me, it was a dismissal. This wasn’t a sprained ankle. This wasn’t a rough semester. This wasn’t a setback. It was annihilation.

The question wasn’t “How do we bounce back?” and return to some previous version of our lives. That was impossible. The real question was: How do we grow through devastation?

I had to learn to sit in the terrifying, liminal space between “what was” and “what is,” without knowing “what will be.” I had to let go of the fixer and become the witness.

It was agonising. The grief, the pain, the fear. I wanted to escape all of it. But once I stopped pressuring myself to bounce back and allowed myself to sit in the rubble of my old life, something shifted. I stopped denying the destruction. I started to feel loss, anger, vulnerability. And in that heaviness, I discovered the first step toward healing.

Only then could the real work begin. Not rebuilding the same house, but examining the pieces that remained. I asked myself: What is worth keeping? What needs to be left behind?

My daughter’s rehab journey was gruelling. I watched her take her first wobbly steps with a physical therapist by her side, her legs shaking but her face set with determination. I watched her clutch a pencil with weak fingers, her letters uneven and jagged like a toddler’s. I sat in waiting rooms as she cried in frustration, knowing her friends were back at school, sprinting down fields and hallways while she struggled just to walk across a room.

The ache of what was lost was overwhelming.

The author's daughter in rehab working with her PT on strengthening and stretching her lower extremities. — The author’s daughter in rehab working with her PT on strengthening and stretching her lower extremities.

But slowly, something new began to take shape. My daughter didn’t return to lacrosse. Instead, she discovered art and writing. She found a way to transform her pain into creativity and purpose, eventually writing a book to help other kids and teens navigate hospitalisation and chronic illness.

We didn’t return to our old normal. We built a new one, grounded in acceptance, resilience and hope. We set aside dreams of athletic glory and the illusion of control, but we kept our core: love of family, strength and the belief that even pain can forge meaning.

That terrible experience, the one I desperately wanted to forget, has become part of who we are, woven into the fabric of our lives. It fuels our rare disease advocacy, shapes our shared mission and deepens our gratitude for each new day.

Now, when I face challenges, big or small, I don’t tell myself to bounce back. I sit in the rubble and really feel what has been lost. Because it’s only from that stillness that true growth begins. Not by rushing to return to what was, but by moving forward into who we are meant to become.

If you’re in your own rubble, whether it’s a diagnosis, a broken relationship, a lost job, or a quiet despair you can’t name, I want to offer you a different approach. Replace “When will I get over this?” with: “How is this experience changing me?” or “What is this pain teaching me?” This shift invites curiosity rather than judgment and opens the door to possibility and transformation.

Today, Nell is walking on her own and back in school full-time, although competitive sports are no longer part of her life.

Though Nell’s disease is incurable, and we live with the ongoing possibility of relapse, we are grateful for the few FDA-approved drugs that help keep the inflammation at bay. That reality, knowing the ground could shift at any moment, makes us cherish each day she can attend school, pursue her passions, cook meals with us and create new memories.

Having lived through this trauma has also connected us to the rare disease community, where we witness the extraordinary love parents pour into children who are dying or living with profound disabilities. This experience serves as a portal into a world that stands in stark contrast to the mainstream, where humanity can sometimes seem absent. But here, in the community of parents of children living with the uncertainty of rare, chronic conditions, humanity feels alive and fierce. Witnessing and being part of this has filled me with a humility and gratitude deeper than I could have imagined before.

The author with her daughter Nell on the beach 2.5 years after her diagnosis.

I’m still a fixer at heart, but I’ve learned not to lament the things beyond my control. I’ve come to trust that my envisioned life may not, in fact, be the best way. And I’ve realised that trying to “bounce back” to my old life would negate the growth, the perspective, the resilience and the connections I’ve gained.

By sitting in this space and allowing it to reshape me, I have discovered more hope and connectedness than I ever thought possible.

Maggie Kang, M.D., is a physician, TEDx speaker, resilience and healthcare coach, and rare disease advocate. After her daughter’s rare disease diagnosis, she writes and speaks about grief, growth and finding meaning in the face of life’s disruptions. Learn more at maggiekangmd.com.

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When Is It Rude To Ban (Or Bring) Kids As Guests?

Posted on 20/09/2025 by Boris Clair

It’s a problem I’ve seen posted all over social media: people without kids are starting to resent their parent friends who bring their children along to events.

“I realise that even though I care about [my parent friends], our relationship has changed, and over time we’ve drifted apart, also because none of them have EVER found a way to go out alone with me, they always bring the kid,” an upset Redditor opined.

A Mumsnet user who is tired of hanging out with her pal’s teenagers, meanwhile, said she’d “tried making excuses” not to meet her anymore.

I don’t have kids, but I have to admit I found these scenarios a bit baffling. Surely, I thought, the polite thing is to state your preference before this discomfort builds?

But then, I’m not an expert. Jo Hayes, founder at Etiquette Expert, is though – and thankfully, she shared her rules for banning (and bringing) kids as guests.

Communication is key – but so is context

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Hayes shared that “the number one key in such situations is communication… Specifically, kind, calm, clear communication”.

And number two, she added, is “common sense, common wisdom and common intuition”.

For something like a wedding invite, the etiquette expert said that invites should “clearly” state who’s meant to come. Hosts might want to explicitly state their child-free rules in this scenario – especially if the children are relatives.

Adding something like “we absolutely adore our nieces and nephews, but, due to limited capacity, this will be an adults-only celebration” works, Hayes said.

But precedent matters. If your annual getaway with your mates never involved kids, it’s up to the parent/s to ask whether it’s alright to bring their child on this occasion.

“For guests, if in doubt about whether children are invited, do not assume. ASK,” she explained.

“In fact, unless it’s an absolutely obvious ‘children are included’ event (eg. there’s a big lawn outside for the children to run around in), I suggest guests ask, just to be on the safe side.”

What should I do if someone has brought kids to my child-free event?

Even the best-written invite, or what seems to you to be a clear-cut child-free event, can be confusing to some parents, Jo said.

If someone has brought a child to an event which is inappropriate for them, the expert said “it may be necessary for the host to have a discrete word to the parent, and have the child taken home, or picked up (say, by a grandparent)”.

Do this quietly and discreetly so as not to embarrass your guest, she added, saying something like “you may have missed this on the invite, but this is intentionally a child-free event”.

She ended: “A note to guests: Do not argue the point, or try to wrangle a spot for your children. This is the host’s event, not yours. If they say no children, it’s no children. It’s impolite not to respect this boundary.”

These 6 Habits Will Transform Your Relationship With Your Adult Kids

Posted on 15/09/2025 by Boris Clair

Being a parent to an adult child is certainly different from raising a toddler, a school-age kid or even a teenager. What they needed from you five, 10 or 20 years ago isn’t what they need from you today.

If your bond with your adult child isn’t where you want it to be, don’t despair. We asked therapists who deal with family issues to share the most significant things parents can do to create a happier, healthier relationship with their grown kids.

Here’s what we learned.

1. Stop giving unsolicited advice

When your adult child comes to you with an issue about their career, their relationship or their own kids, it’s easy to assume they’re seeking your trusted input on the matter. But consider that they may just be looking for a compassionate ear.

The best way to find out what they need is to ask, “Are you looking for advice or are you wanting to vent?” said Dallas marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein.

Adult children “may not want consistent feedback on their choices,” Epstein told HuffPost. “If parents can embrace only offering advice when asked, and learn the skills to listen thoughtfully, their relationship will almost certainly strengthen.”

Winifred Reilly, a marriage and family therapist in Berkeley, California, said it’s important to “stay in your lane” as the parent of an adult child.

“There was a time when we could pick our kids up under one arm and carry them out of the playground. It was our job to call all the shots,” Reilly, who is also the author of “It Takes One to Tango,” told HuffPost. “Once they’re adults, we need to be literally and figuratively more hands off.”

“Once they’re adults, we need to be literally and figuratively more hands off.”

– Winifred Reilly, marriage and family therapist

That doesn’t mean you don’t play an important role in their life anymore. It just means your role has transitioned to “more of a trusted adviser,” Reilly said.

“Instead of, ‘Here’s what I think you should do,’ a better and more respectful move is, ‘Would you like to hear my thoughts on that?’” Reilly said.

“When invited, we can say what we’re thinking and ask what they’re thinking. When we’re not invited, it’s a good idea not to chime in,” said. “The overall message needs to be one of love and respect, even if we don’t fully agree with their decisions.”

2. Show your child that you believe they’re capable of handing difficult situations

On a related note, West Los Angeles clinical psychologist David Narang said that one of the keys to building a strong relationship with your grown kids is to think of yourself as “a sounding board for a powerful adult,” instead of “the rescuer of a helpless child”.

In other words, you should operate under the assumption that your child is capable of tackling the difficult situation at hand, he said.

A common mistake among parents of adult kids is “getting too caught up in” the struggles their child is facing, Narang said. Perhaps you’re a parent who is hell-bent on getting your child to follow your advice. Or maybe you get so worked up about the situation that it makes your already stressed-out child even more overwhelmed, he said.

At this stage of life, your value as a parent is “in your capacity to withstand the suffering that your child is trying to tolerate,” Narang added.

His advice? Allow your child to “air out their distress,” and keep the conversation focused on them. Then, help them arrive at their own solutions.

“As a parent, your understanding of your child’s suffering carries unique power to help him or her feel supported,” Narang said. “Similarly, your awareness of your child’s inner strength has a unique impact to help your child see that strength in him- or herself, especially given your memory of all the times you have witnessed that strength.”

Taking this approach will help bring you and your child closer “because they will feel your support while still experiencing themself as a competent adult,” he said.

These habits should help you create a better relationship with your adult children.

3. Stop playing the blame game and focus on repair instead

Blaming yourself – or your child – for the cracks in your relationship isn’t going to make things better between the two of you.

Instead of pointing fingers, “turn blame into responsibility to do better in the future,” licensed mental health counsellor Tracy Vadakumchery, also known as The Bad Indian Therapist, told HuffPost.

“Your child knows that you did your best,” Vadakumchery said. “Them bringing up their issues with you does not mean they think you’re a bad parent.”

“If your urge is to blame somebody as part of your problem-solving, it’s important that you recognise this as a defence mechanism for feelings of guilt,” she said. “What if there’s no one to blame? Blaming is shaming and accomplishes nothing.”

It’s more productive to focus on repairing your bond: apologise sincerely for any hurt you’ve caused, and make a promise to do things differently moving forward.

And if you’re not already working with a therapist, finding a mental health professional you can talk to “might not be a bad idea,” Vadakumchery said.

4. Do a relationship check-in

You might assume no news is good news as the parent of a grown kid. If your adult child hasn’t raised any issues lately, you figure things must be fine between you. Or perhaps you sense the relationship isn’t on good footing, but you’re not sure where things went wrong.

In any case, doing a relationship check-in – where you have “a big-picture conversation about the health of the relationship” – is a great step to take, Epstein said.

“Checking in can include questions like, ‘How does our relationship feel to you?’ ‘Do you enjoy our conversations?’ ‘What do you enjoy most or least?’ ‘Do you feel supported?’” she said.

Initiating a check-in demonstrates that you’re open to hearing feedback and having potentially difficult conversations, and that you’re willing to make changes to your behaviour in order to improve your connection.

“In some families, parents dictate how their relationship with their adult children should look and enforce it through a sense of obligation. They explain expectations to their child without ever asking the child what they want from the relationship,” Epstein wrote in a recent blog post for Psychology Today.

“An audit like this one instead signals a desire to get to know your adult child’s needs within the relationship and to commit to a bond that works for both of you.”

A relationship check-in is a powerful way to improve your bond with your adult child.

5. Avoid telling your adult child how they should think or feel

If you have a more challenging relationship with your grown kid and they finally open up to you about something, “know that it took a lot for them to feel comfortable enough to do that,” Vadakumchery said.

“How you respond will either confirm or deny their belief: ‘That’s why I don’t tell you anything,’” she said.

That means steering clear of phrases that discount or minimize their experience, like “That didn’t happen,” “Don’t feel that way” or “I’m sorry you feel that way,” Vadakumchery said.

“While it’s true that memory can be unreliable, even if you’re right, telling your child that what they experienced didn’t happen will not only make them feel unheard or unseen, but you’re training them to not trust their intuition and not come to you about things,” she said. “Listen first before responding.”

And remember that most arguments between two people who care about each other are typically more about underlying feelings than they are about the topic at hand, Vadakumchery noted.

“Instead of focusing on the details, focus on their emotions,” she said. “If you don’t know what to say, sometimes the best response is to just be there. You don’t necessarily have to say anything. Just show that you’re listening.”

6. Honour – and encourage – boundaries in the relationship

Adult children may set boundaries with their parents around certain charged topics of conversation, like their appearance, finances or career choice. Or the boundaries may be physical ones, like “Please call before stopping by the house,” Epstein said.

Rather than bristling at these requests, “parents can listen and honor those boundaries and even commend their child for standing up for what they need to make the relationship work,” she said.

It may help to remember that the intention of boundaries is to help people connect in better, healthier ways. So your child establishing some guidelines isn’t an effort to push you away ― it’s a way to create more honesty and trust in the relationship that will hopefully bring you closer together.

I Run An Assessment Clinic – Here Are 7 Signs Of Autism To Be Aware Of In Children

Posted on 14/09/2025 by Boris Clair

It’s estimated that one in 100 children in the UK is autistic – yet diagnosis for can often be lengthy and complicated.

Swansea University research found it takes, on average, six years longer to diagnose autism in girls than boys.

The study, which involved 400 people, found three-quarters (75%) of boys received a diagnosis before the age of 10 compared to half (50%) of girls.

While the average age of diagnosis was between four and six for boys, in girls it was between 10 and 12 years old, the BBC reported.

Early diagnosis is key to being able to support a child’s development and wellbeing – and as part of this, parents can be aware of the signs to look out for in children so they can begin to seek diagnosis.

While every child is unique, there are common indicators parents can be mindful of, ranging from physical patterns like differences in eye contact and speech, to cognitive preferences like routines and special interests.

Here, Dr Bijal Chheda, consultant psychologist and founder of Nos Curare, a private clinic specialising in neurodiverse care, has shared seven early signs of autism for parents to know.

1. Limited eye contact

“One of the earliest and most noticeable signs of autism in young children is inconsistent eye contact,” the psychologist told HuffPost UK.

You might notice your child avoids directly looking at others’ faces – including yours. They might sometimes glance briefly during interactions, but with minimal reactions.

The expert stressed this “shouldn’t be taken as rudeness or lack of affection”.

“This habit reflects how children with autism tend to process social cues, finding it difficult or even draining to participate in everyday conversations,” she said.

“By limiting eye contact, they allow themselves to focus on processing their surroundings in a way that feels less intimidating and more manageable.”

If you’ve noticed this in your child, it might help to provide them with gentle encouragement and low-pressure one-on-one sessions to help them become more comfortable with social engagement.

2. Delayed speech development

Language delays are common early indicators of autism, said Dr Chheda.

“Some children may not start saying their first recognisable words until around 12-18 months, which is much later than the typical developmental range,” she noted.

“Meanwhile, others may have a limited vocabulary or struggle with forming sentences well into adolescence.”

The expert noted delays can occur because children with autism “often process language in a more analytical way, making it harder for them to grasp context”.

As a result, they may find it harder to imitate sounds or follow basic conversational patterns, she suggested.

“However, autistic children are highly perceptive, and these delays usually coexist with strong non-verbal skills, such as pointing or using sounds to express their needs,” she said.

3. Repetitive movements

Some children might display patterned behaviours such as spinning, rocking, or looping the same phrases – these are signs of autism known as ‘stimming’.

“These rhythmic movements and sounds often serve as self-soothing mechanisms that regulate emotions and process stimuli,” said the psychologist.

″‘Stimming’ provides autistic children with predictable stimulation, reducing anxiety or helping the child cope with overwhelming situations.

“While sporadic repetition is normal in most children, as this can be a way to practice new skills or explore their immediate surroundings, intense patterns may indicate a cognitive difference,” she said.

As interrupting these habits may lead to instant emotional outbursts or sudden aggression, her advice is to provide safe spaces for stimming, “where children can soothe themselves and redirect their focus, without discouraging the behaviour entirely”.

4. Lack of social engagement

Children on the autism spectrum may avoid group play, not respond to their name, or show minimal interest in forming meaningful connections with others, said the expert.

“While not intentional, sensory sensitivities like taking part in small talk may disrupt their preference for predictability,” she said.

“This may trigger the practice of ‘masking’ wherein they suppress autistic traits (like stimming, limited eye contact, or repetitive speech) and mimic neurotypical behaviours to fit in.”

Children can find it really hard to socialise – and being forced to do so can trigger anxiety in some – so Dr Chheda advises starting by encouraging small interactions in familiar settings while respecting their need for breaks and letting them express themselves naturally, so they don’t feel the need to mask.

5. Sensitivity to sound or touch

Perhaps one of the more well-known signs of autism is a heightened sensitivity to stimuli. “These responses are linked to how their nervous system interprets body signals, including physical or emotional reactions to certain noises, lighting, or textures,” said Dr Chheda.

“For example, some children with hypersensitivity may cover their ears in response to common sounds like tapping, vacuum cleaners, or clinking utensils.

“On the other hand, hyposensitive or under-responsive children may not feel certain sensations as strongly, usually seeking more intense sensory input by tapping surfaces or holding tightly onto objects like their favourite stuffed animals.”

If you notice this in your child, you can help them by creating calm environments that offer sensory breaks, with easy access to safe items that satisfy your child’s needs.

“When they are ready, gradually introduce new sensations at a comfortable pace with the guidance of a qualified professional,” added the expert.

6. Resistance to change

Plenty of us are creatures of habit and don’t particularly love change, but a strong preference for predictability is common among children with autism. You might notice that sudden shifts in daily schedules, including meals and bedtimes, can trigger distress and even lead to meltdowns.

“When children with autism experience frequent disruptions to their routines, it can contribute to feelings of unease, leading to demotivation and low mood,” said the psychologist.

Her advice is: instead of demanding immediate changes, introduce small adjustments gradually and provide visual schedules to help children adapt.

“Accommodating their need for structure, such as giving advanced notice of upcoming changes, can help children prepare and feel more secure, making transitions easier,” she added.

7. Special interests

“Children with autism often develop deep interests in specific topics or activities called ‘hyperfixations’,” added Chheda. “These hobbies may seem unusual in intensity or subject matter compared to their peers, leading to challenges in group or classroom settings.”

The psychologist pointed out that many parents worry that this extreme interest in a specific area could limit social development.

But “we must highlight that these special interests can actually act as leverage for learning, skill-building, and connecting with others who share similar passions,” she said.

Her advice is to encourage exploration of these niche interests in safe and structured ways. “You can enroll them in inclusive special needs programs or incorporate these fixations into educational activities, using them as a bridge to develop any delays in communication and problem-solving skills,” she added.

This Skincare I’d Never Heard Of Gave Me The Smoothest Skin Of My Life

Posted on 11/09/2025 by Boris Clair

There’s something about the thought of prescription skincare that makes me feel a bit anxious.

I love new lotions and potions (who doesn’t?), but my skin can be a right sensitive Sally – I’ve had some pretty uncomfortable reactions to overly-strong concoctions in the past.

Think redness, burning, tingling; all things you don’t really want your face to experience after trying something new.

Yet since having kids, my skin has changed A LOT. Its lost some of its elasticity and vibrance, becoming a bit dull. I’ve also aged because, well, I’ve gotten older (and had many a sleepless night, which I’m sure doesn’t help). There are more lines cropping up here and there. My skin doesn’t feel as tight as it once did.

I’ve been lucky in a lot of respects as I haven’t had bad breakouts or issues with pigmentation, both of which can crop up after having babies (cheers, hormones).

But it’s fair to say my usual skincare combo of CeraVe cleanser and a Beauty Pie moisturiser had been working very hard – and my skin still felt like it was left wanting.

I figured a change was in order. But where to even begin? I don’t have time to visit a dermatologist (nor the money, let’s face it).

I was intrigued by Dermatica’s online skin consultation offering, particularly as they provide personalised skincare tailored to your skin’s very specific needs (after you fill out an easy online questionnaire – it took me about 5-10 minutes in total).

You simply explain what you want to treat – whether that’s acne, melasma, rosacea or something else. In my case, I just wanted less tired mama and more glow get ’em.

As part of the online consultation process you also share information about your skin and what you’ve reacted to in the past. It’s pretty extensive – it’s also worth noting they cater to women who are pregnant or breastfeeding, so if you let them know they can tailor your products accordingly.

Dermatica’s team then provides you with a specially formulated product designed for you, as well as other key products to help you achieve your skin goal(s).

In my case, I wanted something that was anti-ageing and would help give me a bit of a glow. I received their:

Caring squalane cream cleanser – a super luxurious cleanser that melts off makeup, doesn’t dry you out, and leaves skin really soft.
Azelaic acid/niacinamide lotion, which I’ve been applying after cleansing each night. I was really worried this was going to bring me out in a rash but it didn’t.
Nourishing ceramide + peptide moisturiser, which I use morning and night. It’s just the right amount of nourishing without being greasy.
Vitamin C 15% fresh batch ascorbic acid – I’ve been using this after cleansing in the morning and before applying moisturiser. It does tend to leave my skin a bit tight but I heap the moisturiser on after and it seems to balance it all out.

And that’s my routine.

My skin definitely feels brighter and tighter than it was.

Even in the space of just a few days after using these four products, I noticed my skin felt brighter, tighter and the smoothest it’s ever been. (Or at least, the smoothest it’s been as an adult.)

Honestly, my cheeks are rivalling my toddler’s right now for softness. I can’t stop stroking them. I’ve even had compliments from strangers (which never happens!).

I was very dubious about how well an online consultation could work – and how accurate it would be – however I’m pleased to report I’m a convert. Now to see if it stands the test of time…

In the meantime, if you want to try it for yourself, your first month of personalised skincare should be £24.99, but is currently £2.90 – so really, what are you waiting for?

Well-Intentioned Parents Often Say This 1 Common Phrase – And It’s More Damaging Than You Realise

Posted on 08/09/2025 by Boris Clair

Many parents nonchalantly refer to their children, whether babies or adults, as their “best friend”. It can be an offhanded comment about an infant daughter or a declaration to the room at your child’s 30th birthday party.

It’s a phrase that, generally, comes from a good place. But if a parent actually treats their child as a best friend, such as by sharing personal stories or swapping gossip, it can become a problem.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to spend time with your child and [if] you find that you have fun hanging out with them, that is great, but when you are referring to your child as your best friend, that is a blurring of boundaries,” said Holly Humphreys, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks in Roanoke, Virginia.

This can cause the relationship dynamics to move from parent-child to parent-friend or parent-counsellor, she noted.

“So, you’re actually putting your child into a different category when you say that they’re your best friend, and then that can lead into oversharing of personal details that your child should not know about,” Humphreys noted.

It can also cause problems for both the kid and the parent in other realms, too. Here’s what therapists want you to know:

Your young children should absolutely never be your “best friend”

It’s always a no-no for parents to refer to and treat a young child as their best friend, therapists say. And that’s true whether you have kids in elementary school, middle school, high school or college.

The idea that your young child is “your best friend” may come from a loving place, “but even with good intentions, it points to a deeper issue,” said Carrie Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach.

“Kids need their parents to be their parents. They need [their parents] to be the safe, guiding adults in their lives, not their peers. And when those lines get blurred, it makes it harder to set boundaries and actually parent well,” Howard explained.

If you treat your kid like your best friend, they may not want to listen to you when you do set rules. Or, they may feel pressure to care for you, either emotionally, practically or both. This role-reversal is known as parentification, Howard explained.

“A child can’t be their parent’s best friend without feeling some unspoken pressure to meet the needs of the parent that just aren’t theirs to meet,” said Howard.

“Children aren’t developmentally equipped to be a parent’s primary emotional support system.”

– Kyndal Coote, licensed social worker

Kyndal Coote, a psychotherapist, said when she hears a parent refer to their young child as their best friend, her first concern is the emotional burden that’s falling on the child.

“Children aren’t developmentally equipped to be a parent’s primary emotional support system. They don’t have the tools to do that, their brain is not even developed,” Coote said.

If a child is a parent’s primary emotional support system, the child may feel responsible for managing a parent’s feelings, she noted. “And that is a very, very heavy burden for someone who should just be focused on learning how to manage their own development,” added Coote.

As children get older, this kind of emotional burden can cause the child to feel insecure in their decision-making and lead to guilt when prioritising other relationships, such as romantic partnerships, Coote said.

“When we rely too heavily on our children in adolescence or in childhood, that relationship is just going to continue to be enmeshed as the child grows into an adult child,” said Meredith Van Ness, a psychotherapist and the owner of Meredith Van Ness Therapy.

(Enmeshment is a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which someone lacks boundaries and autonomy in a family.)

The line is a little more blurred with adult children, but they still shouldn’t be your “best friend.”

With adult children, this is a much more nuanced issue and likely depends on the relationship and the family, Van Ness said.

Treating your adult child as your best friend isn’t as damaging as treating a young child that way, because adult children can understand grown-up issues, but it can still be problematic and is not advisable.

“With adult kids, the dynamic is a bit different. Sometimes these relationships can feel very close and even look like a friendship in some ways – you might talk on the phone every day or spend a lot of time together, and that can be really wonderful, but I caution parents not to mistake that closeness for a peer-to-peer best friend relationship,” Howard said.

When your child becomes an adult, they’ll start to have their own relationship woes and other grown-up problems. “And they should still be able to come to you as their parent,” Humphreys said.

More, the parent-child history doesn’t just disappear when a child grows up, which can lead to an imbalance in the so-called “best friendship,” Howard said.

“Think of it this way, in my role as a therapist, ethically, I can’t be friends with my clients when they discharge from treatment, even though we’re both consenting adults, and there’s an important reason for this. It’s really hard to have a truly mutual, healthy, give-and-take relationship when there’s been a significant power differential in the past, like with therapist [and] client or parent and child,“
Howard explained.

Former roles in a relationship leave an imprint, Howard added. “It’s hard to erase that history of who had more power, influence or responsibility in the relationship,” Howard noted.

This can then make the relationship vulnerable to bad boundaries and blurred lines, Howard noted.

Finance adds another power dynamic to this relationship, Van Ness added.

Parents often pay the dinner bill for their grown-up children or give them money for the grandkids. This isn’t so common in friendships.

While it's OK to be friendly and warm to your child, you shouldn't lean on them as you would with a best friend. — While it’s OK to be friendly and warm to your child, you shouldn’t lean on them as you would with a best friend.

There are red flags that the parent-child friendship has gone too far

There can certainly be an aspect of friendship within a parent-child relationship, but you have to understand when that goes too far, Howard said.

“We want to maintain boundaries with our kids … these are long-standing relationships, so we don’t want to infringe on those boundaries by burdening [our kids] with our emotions that we really need to rely on someone else for,” Van Ness said.

If a child, no matter the age, has to become the emotional caretaker of the parent, it’s a red flag that the parent-child friendship has crossed a line, said Van Ness.

“Unfortunately, that happens with young children when parents get divorced,” said Van Ness.

This may look like one divorced parent trying to get a child to “side with them” instead of the other parent, Van Ness said.

Oversharing personal details that your child shouldn’t know is another sign that the relationship isn’t healthy, Humphreys said.

“You should not be going to your child to discuss marital difficulties, problems with other people, that sort of thing,” Humphreys added.

“If you find yourself doing that, then that’s a red flag that you need to have more peer-to-peer relationships,” said Humphreys.

“It’s hard to erase that history of who had more power, influence or responsibility in the relationship.”

– Carrie Howard, licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach

Instead of reaching out to your child about these things, you should aim to talk to your significant other, a friend, another parent, or a sibling, Humphreys noted.

“You should not be relying on your child to help you get through situations. That puts a lot of pressure on a child, and also, if you are going to them when you’re having marital issues or relationship issues, that puts them in the middle a lot of times with the other parent or the other significant person in your life,” Humphreys said.

If you find yourself getting jealous of your child’s friendships or romantic relationships because you feel threatened by the bond, that’s also a bad sign, Coote said. You should want your child to have other happy and healthy relationships.

If you lean on your parent or child too much for support, there are other places to go

If you think you’ve been leaning on your parent or child a little too hard and treating them as that “best friend” role, it’s OK. In most cases, it comes from a place of love.

“This is everybody’s first human experience, so the first thing I tell parents is, it’s not your fault that you weren’t taught healthy relationship skills and you didn’t have the tools to develop that — most of us didn’t get an education on managing your emotions and [emotional] intelligence and relational intelligence and that sort of thing — but, even if you didn’t get that education and you didn’t have that healthy example, it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to do something about it and develop those skills as adults so you don’t unintentionally harm your kids,” said Coote.

The first step in breaking this pattern is developing your own support system, Coote added.

“Do you have healthy adult friendships? Are you good at managing your own emotions independently? Do you know how to regulate your emotions? Can you sit with difficult emotions?” Coote asked.

“You can have warm, loving relationships while still maintaining that role as their parent. It’s almost like mentorship rather than friendship. You’re not their equal, you’ve been on the planet much longer than them, so you really shouldn’t even developmentally feel like they’re equal,” Coote said.

Whether your child is six, 16 or 36, the parent’s job is to “guide them toward independence, not keep them close to meet your emotional needs,” Coote noted.

“Our goal as a parent is to raise our kids so that they can be independent,” Van Ness said.

“We really need to know that our parents are going to be OK without us and that our kids are going to be OK without being in their lives so fully,” said Van Ness.

Leaning on your child (or your parent) as your best friend only puts unfair pressure on them and takes away from all the great aspects that can exist in a parent-child relationship.

Perrie Edwards Announces She’s Expecting Another Baby In Very Sweet Family Video

Posted on 08/09/2025 by Boris Clair

The former Little Mix singer made the exciting announcement in a video posted on social media over the weekend, captioned: “Guess what hunnies…”

In the clip, Perrie could be seen walking away from the camera wearing a top emblazoned with the message “if he wanted to he would…” – the name of her latest solo single – on its back.

She then turned around to reveal a second message, “…and he did!”, revealing her pregnant stomach, at which point she was joined by her footballer fiancé and their four-year-old son Axel.

“Love you and so happy for you all,” Jade wrote, while Leigh-Anne – who was pregnant at the same time as Perrie during their time in Little Mix – added: “Just the best news! Love you all.”

She and Alex share one child, Axel, who was born in August 2021.

Perrie is also currently gearing up for the release of her self-titled debut album, which is coming at the end of this month, and has been preceded by singles like Forget About Us, You Go Your Way and her latest musical offering, If He Wanted To He Would.

My Kids Are Asking About All The England Flags. What Should I Tell Them?

Posted on 30/08/2025 by Boris Clair

English flags are cropping up in towns and cities across much of the country – and even further afield (a village in Wales woke up one morning to find St George’s Cross graffiti plastered across signs and bus stops).

While these flags usually crop up during football tournaments, children are asking why they’re being flown – and in some cases, graffitied, now – and for some parents, they don’t know where to even begin.

Such was the case for one parent who took to Mumsnet to say their children, aged eight and 11 years old, were “asking about the current influx of England flags”.

“How do you explain it?” asked the parent. “I’ve tried to explain it but to be honest I don’t really understand it fully myself, and think I’ve just bumbled out a lot of rubbish that they don’t really get. Any ideas on an age appropriate way?”

While some people say they are being proud and patriotic by flying the flag, given the wider context and division around immigration right now, as well as how the flag has been co-opted by far-right groups, it can be a tricky area for parents to navigate when kids ask what it all means.

Responses were mixed. One commenter said: “In a nutshell people are displaying the flag in what they feel is a rebellious act against a government which doesn’t listen to them or, in fact, care about them in any way at all.”

Another said: “At 8 and 11, I would presume that they have an understanding of racism? I would just explain that there are sadly still a lot of racists around, and that some of them like to express this by flying the flag.

“I would also explain, of course, that there is nothing inherently racist about the flag itself, but that the racists were trying to claim it for their own cause.”

It’s certainly a tricky one – and not something they write about in your average parenting advice books. So, I enlisted the help of a therapist who works with young people, and a clinical psychologist, to advise parents on the best approach to take.

How to talk to kids about the influx of England flags

The issue is the flag has multiple meanings – and not only this, it means different things to different people. While some might see it as a way to say you’re proud to be English, others might see it as a sign of division and hatred.

And this is even more confusing for children.

Fiona Yassin, family psychotherapist and founder of The Wave Clinic, told HuffPost UK: “The double meaning of some flags and symbols can leave children and young people confused.

“It’s important to remember that children are often asking questions from a place of curiosity, not judgement. When a question feels loaded for parents, they may try and defend it, which can create anxiety in parenting.

“Avoid answering questions from this standpoint and try not to parent through the lens of anxiety. Stick to short, understandable sentences and simple, age appropriate explanations.”

Both experts agree that a balanced and open approach is best. But how much detail you offer will depend on the age of your child.

For primary school-age children

Yassin suggested connecting the discussion to real-life examples to help make it more meaningful for a child. For this conversation, parents may want to use the concept of team or house colours at school.

“You could explain that flags are similar to team colours at school. Just like cheering for the purple team on sports day shows that you’re part of a team, a flag can show pride in a place or a group,” she explained.

The therapist said parents could share that being excited about a team or a flag “doesn’t mean that we are better than anyone else” or that “we should leave anyone out”.

“For example, cheering for the purple team doesn’t mean the green, yellow or red teams are less important,” she said.

“Introduce the idea of different messages. You might say ‘Flags can have nice meanings, like being proud of your home, but sometimes people use them to say unkind things about others. It’s important to be kind and inclusive, no matter what team you are in or flag you are waving’.”

Dr Patapia Tzotzoli, clinical psychologist and founder of My Triage Network, told HuffPost UK the goal during these conversations is not to provide a single answer, “but to open a space for dialogue, showing children that it is possible to hold multiple perspectives while keeping compassion at the centre”.

“In this way, they learn that while symbols may sometimes divide or unite, what matters most is treating people with kindness, fairness, and inclusion,” she said.

For tweens and teens

If your child is a bit older, it might also help to ask them what they think the flags mean. “Acknowledge and validate their feelings – whether they find the flags exciting or unsettling – and then explain that symbols can carry different meanings for different people,” said Dr Tzotzoli.

“For example, for some, flags represent pride and belonging, while for others they may bring discomfort because of how flags are being used or have been used in the past.”

Yassin urges parents to be “honest and balanced” when talking to kids about the flags. “Acknowledge that some people use flags to show unity, whilst others may use the same symbols in a way that are not kind or inclusive. Encourage them to think critically rather than telling them what to believe,” she said.

The therapist stressed that “our job as parents is to empower children to be critical thinkers and make solid, valuable decisions, and to do that, we need to provide them with factual information”.

You could discuss values and choices with your child, as part of this discussion. It might be helpful to show them that being part of something – whether that’s a team, a community, or a country – “should involve curiosity, respect, and fairness”, she added.

“It’s okay to celebrate identity, but it should never come at the expense of being unkind or excluding others.”

And if your child does share their viewpoint on the flags, the therapist warns not to “dismiss it”.

“When children express their thoughts on these issues, as parents it’s important we actively listen and validate our child’s experiences. Being present and open for discussion is essential,” she said.

“Ensure they know they will not be judged. Let your child know that there is no question too small or too silly to ask. If we encourage children to talk, we must ensure we meet it with empathy, and reassurance that they will not be judged. If children fear talking to us, it’s unlikely they will come to us when they need help the most.”

These Eyebrow-Raising Hacks For Stopping Tantrums Actually Worked

Posted on 28/08/2025 by Boris Clair

Sometimes we have to get very creative to get our kids to a) comply and b) not meltdown over certain events (namely peeling a banana incorrectly).

Parents have previously opened up about the slightly unhinged hacks that helped make their lives easier – from buying 15 of the same t-shirt to leaving food on the counter and telling their child they can’t eat it (the only way to guarantee they will eat it).

And now it’s time to talk turkey on the thing every parent wants so desperately to master: tantrums. While one parenting coach recommended to just verbalise what’s going on and acknowledge the feeling mid-tantrum, others have found distraction can be a big help. (The NHS also recommends distraction as a technique.)

Here’s what parents on Reddit say worked for them when their kids’ big feelings got the better of them…

“My GO TO is say something wrong.”

“For example, if [you’re] trying to get their shoes on ‘Hey we need to get your shoes on, here let’s put them on, they go on your head right?’ Or ‘Lets put on your green shoes’ (when they are red shoes).

“Saying something obviously wrong will snap my 3 year old out of it almost instantly. You can use it as kind of a distraction too, ‘Let’s go see your ‘wrong coloured’ room.’”

– MaddamMoxxie90

“I bent over and made a fart noise with my mouth, then looked surprised and said ‘oops! Excuse me!’”

“My toddler lost it and we both started laughing hysterically for several minutes. Sadly one of my prouder parenting moments.”

“This sounds so weird but sometimes I run away from him.”

“He thinks it’s hilarious and starts chasing me and forgets whatever he was pitching a fit over.”

“If it’s a throwing things tantrum, I give him a bunch of balls…”

“And tell him to rage throw them down the hallway (where he can’t break anything). I demonstrate by whipping one as hard as I can and say ‘phew! I feel better now. Wanna try?’ He always goes for it.”

– thekaylenator

“If it’s a screamy tantrum, I ask ‘do you smell/hear that?’”

“And he often stops and tries to smell or hear it, then I ask him what he thinks it is and we talk about that for a bit before moving on.”

– thekaylenator

“I say, ‘Quick! Tell me 5 things you see that are blue!’”

“He’ll look at me like I’m crazy but then start looking around. Name things. If he’s still upset, I’ll ask him to name 4 things he can hear. Usually by now he’s over it.”

– subtlelikeawreckball

“When my son screams no I like to pretend he’s [saying] the name Moe, so I’ll be like ‘Moe? Who is Moe?!?? I don’t know a Moe?’”

“And it makes him giggle 90% of the time.”

– Extension-Much

″‘Baby, can mummy have a turn at crying?’”

“Cries dramatically. ′Okay baby mummy has finished using the cry do you need it back or shall I hold on to it?’”

– hippo20191

Meghan Markle Opens Up About A Painful Parenting Moment She’s Never Shared Before

Posted on 27/08/2025 by Boris Clair

The Duchess of Sussex has opened up about a challenging time during her journey through motherhood.

Meghan, who shares two children – Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet – with Prince Harry, got candid during Season 2 of her Netflix series, With Love, Meghan, which premiered on Tuesday.

During the season’s third episode, Meghan shared an emotional memory with Queer Eye star Tan France – a father himself who has two boys with his partner.

While in conversation, Meghan said parenting has been “better” than she ever presumed, according to a story published by People on Tuesday.

The two discussed various aspects of parenting, including how they will “miss” their little ones when they eventually grow up and move out. People noted that France took it a bit further, saying, “I might die without my kids. I need my boys. If I don’t see them for a couple of days, I feel like my heart is broken.”

Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, looks on as she attends a Sit Out at the Nigerian Defence Headquarters in Abuja on May 11, 2024.

It was then that Meghan revealed she was away from her children for an extended period following the death of Queen Elizabeth II.

“The longest I went without being around our kids was almost three weeks,” she recalled. “I was… not well.”

In his 2023 memoir Spare, Harry detailed the time the couple had to be apart from their children.

“Our quick trip would now be an odyssey. Another ten days, at least. Difficult days at that,” he said, in an excerpt cited by the outlet. “More, we’d have to be away from the children for longer than we’d planned, longer than we’d ever been.”

In April, the Duchess of Sussex opened up about experiencing postpartum preeclampsia after the birth of one of her children. During an episode of her podcast Confessions of a Female Founder With Meghan, she discussed the experience with Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd – who also experienced the condition.

“It’s so rare,” Meghan said. “And so scary! And you’re still trying to juggle all of these things, and the world doesn’t know what’s happening quietly. And in the quiet, you’re still trying to show up for people.”