Rejection-sensitive dysphoria, or RSD, is not an officially recognised diagnosis, the Cleveland Clinic says. But it is sometimes used in connection with formal diagnoses, like ADHD.
“This condition is linked to ADHD and experts suspect it happens due to differences in brain structure,” the Cleveland Clinic adds.
Advertisement
ADHD resource ADDITUDE calls RSD a “common ADHD trait”, though experts are in disagreement about whether it’s a trait or side effect. Nonetheless, a 2024 paper suggested a strong relationship between the two.
So, what exactly is RSD?
RSD is an extreme sensitivity to feelings of rejection. The term’s last word, “dysphoria”, comes from an Ancient Greek word meaning “uncomfortable” or “hard to bear”.
Cleveland Clinic says: “While rejection is something people usually don’t like, the negative feelings that come with RSD are stronger and can be harder to manage or both.
Advertisement
“People with RSD are also more likely to interpret vague interactions as rejection and may find it difficult to control their reactions.”
For those with RSD, something which might be a throwaway comment for one person can come across as a hostile, hurtful insult.
It may be linked to issues with emotional regulation, which neurodivergent people and those with personality disorders might struggle with more.
Advertisement
What are the signs of RSD?
People-pleasing, overreacting to perceived rejection, and struggling to interpret vague or neutral interactions as anything other than bad are common signs, the Cleveland Clinic says.
Feeling easily embarrassed or self-conscious, having low self-esteem, avoiding projects or tasks that include a risk of failure, and being preoccupied with perfection can also be symptoms.
NHS Devon Partnership Trust writes that while “people with ADHD might identify with the definition of RSD… it won’t be given as a diagnosis in the UK”.
Advertisement
But while you are unlikely to receive a formal RSD diagnosis, you should speak to a doctor if you’re experiencing persistent difficulties with: attention, mood, focus, sensory processing, social interactions, or learning that disrupt your day-to-day life.
According to private medical centre, the Dr Jenni Clinic, talking therapies and emotional regulation techniques might help manage RSD. Some ADHD medications can also support emotional regulation, “reducing the intensity of RSD symptoms”.
We’ve written before at HuffPost UK about how to achieve a restaurant-level finish on everything from scrambled eggs to potato wedges.
But even something as simple as cucumbers and strawberries can be elevated to a professional standard, too – provided you know the chef’s secrets.
Advertisement
Luckily, Sabian Mehmetaj, pastry chef at Nottingham restaurant Cleaver & Wake, has shared the secret to getting the most out of the staple Wimbledon berry.
“Strawberries are such a nostalgic fruit,” he shared.
“Everyone remembers picking them, growing them or eating them with cream while watching Wimbledon. They’re simple but full of joy, which makes them perfect for summer desserts.”
Here’s his method for keeping them at their most delicious.
Store strawberries in a manner that mimics the great outdoors
“Fresh strawberries are always best, but how you store them really matters,” the chef revealed.
At his restaurant, they try to mimic outdoor conditions in their kitchen.
“During the day, we keep them at room temperature, then store them in the fridge overnight,” the pro revealed.
Advertisement
“This replicates the natural cycle of the seasons and stops them losing their flavour. When strawberries are too cold for too long, they can taste flat and dull.”
They advise removing strawberries from the fridge “an hour or two” before eating them to get the most of their fragrant flavour.
As America’s Test Kitchen (ATK) shares, strawberries don’t actually have that much sugar; the smell is a big part of why we perceive them as sweet.
Advertisement
Allowing them to come to temperature will make their smell more pronounced, improving the taste of your strawberries.
Swap meringue for crumble, too
Mehmataj shared that though a pavlova is classic, he likes to add a different crunchy layer to his strawberry desserts.
“Most people go for meringue with strawberries, but I like to make a simple crumble topping instead and season it with a pinch of sea salt,” he said.
Advertisement
“That savoury note helps balance the sweetness and gives a really nice contrast in texture” (remember when people started pairing their strawberries with balsamic vinegar?).
If that doesn’t suit, the chef recommends a scoop of Italian meringue instead.
“Either way, it’s a dish that feels seasonal and familiar but with something a little different,” he advised.
A few months ago, a video went viral in which French content creator Éros Brousson offered his take on what it’s like to date a woman who values her peace.
“Some women have been single for so long, they don’t date anymore,” the 25-year-old says in the clip. “They grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor’s badge.”
Advertisement
“You plan a cute date, she’s thinking, ‘That sounds nice, but also, I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12-step skin care routine, order sushi, and not have to listen to a man breathe,’” he jokes.
As a straight guy, he argued, you’re competing not with other men, but with a woman’s inner peace.
The video touched a nerve with single women in the comments ― women are sick and tired of an algorithm-filled dating world (rightfully so) and more than satisfied on their own.
The video called to mind a quote from British poet Warsan Shire that you probably saved on Pinterest at some point, if you’re a millennial: “My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”
“Protecting your peace could also be shielding a fear of vulnerability or letting oneself experience the full spectrum of relational experiences.”
– Liz Higgins, a therapist and founder of Millennial Life Counseling in Dallas
“This video is hitting home for single women because, for the first time in human history, women have the social and economic opportunity to be single over settling for an emotionally lacklustre relationship,” said Lily Womble, a dating coach and author of “Thank You, More Please: A Feminist Guide to Breaking Dumb Dating Rules and Finding Love.”
Advertisement
Women not having to settle in order to gain economic mobility is a relatively new phenomenon, Womble said. It was only 50 years ago that women first had the chance to get a credit card without her husband’s or father’s permission.
Some men may have an emotional skills gap to fill before they can compete with a woman’s inner peace, the dating coach said.
“My clients are now using ‘Do they go to therapy?’ as a qualifying and disqualifying question before going on a first date,” she said. “They want someone who is emotionally intelligent and working on their own growth.”
Advertisement
We’re not here to drag men, though. Given how inhospitable, if not downright hostile, the dating climate is, it’s understandable that both women and men would want a timeout. But it also kind of makes you wonder: If we really are in the midst of a loneliness crisis, might it in part be because people are benching their desires for connection, and if that’s the case, isn’t that a tiny bit depressing?
In a recent YouTube essay, Ashley Embers, a YouTuber with over 155,000 subscribers, made a broader but adjacent argument: “How Gen Z protected their peace too hard and now has no one,” she titled the video, in which she explores how individualism and the shift of our social lives online has left some of us pretty lonely.
Embers points to videos that populate so many For You pages on TikTok: the kinds of videos in which young people talk about going to bed at 9, being in their “protecting [their] peace era” and claim that they “don’t owe anyone anything” and “will cut people out” with a quickness the first time someone steps out of line.
Advertisement
Not compromising any element of yourself or your needs for the sake of being coupled is healthy, but if your goal is to one day have a relationship, eliminating yourself from the dating game probably isn’t the move, said Liz Higgins, a therapist and founder of Millennial Life Counseling in Dallas, Texas.
“Protecting your peace could also be shielding a fear of vulnerability or letting oneself experience the full spectrum of relational experiences,” she said. “Even good relationships aren’t perfect, and relationships are teachers.”
Halfpoint Images via Getty Images
If your goal is to one day have a relationship, eliminating dating entirely may not be the most productive move.
Advertisement
Higgins also thinks the aforementioned TikTok influencers can make it seem like boundaries need to be rigid and absolute.
Certainly, in some cases, we need to put up clear walls when there are instances of abuse or lack of safety, she said.
“But some people may close off too soon before the important work of moving through adversity, building resilience, learning to experience repair with others, can occur,” she said. “These situations are also pivotal to our mental and relational wellness; we must learn to do these things and cannot just play it safe through life.”
Advertisement
The true power of taking a break and “protecting your peace” lies in creating space for being clear-eyed and focused on what you want and who you are, said Clare Cui, a life coach who works primarily with women.
“It allows you to understand your baseline of peace, engage in deeper introspection, and truly identify what brings you happiness and joy outside of a relationship context,” Cui said.
But she’s also learned personally (and through her clients) that stepping away from dating isn’t always a magic cure-all for finding peace in dating or relationships.
Advertisement
“I found it can be a common trap many fall into, myself included, if the underlying issues aren’t addressed,” Cui said. “I initially believed that simply not dating would somehow make my problems ― poof ― vanish.”
It would never actually work out that way, though, she said. “When I’d take a break, I’d feel good on my own, but the same issues and challenges would always resurface when I’d start dating again because, low and behold, ‘Hi, I’m the drama. It’s me,’” she added.
“There really needs to be intentional self-reflection and awareness of our own wounds or defence mechanisms for ‘protecting your peace’ to work,” Cui said.
Advertisement
Natalia Lebedinskaia via Getty Images
While time alone can be beneficial, learning to navigate relationships with others is also important.
Women who’ve pressed pause on dating to protect their peace share what it’s like.
Jennifer Bartlett-Phelps, a 45-year-old from Indianapolis, dipped out of dating because it all felt sort of lopsided.
“In my experience, men require a ton of emotional energy from women but rarely give back at the same level,” Bartlett-Phelps said.
Advertisement
“I’m working a day job, running a business and building a YouTube channel,” she told us. “I don’t have the capacity to emotionally prop up someone who isn’t giving the same energy back.”
The only con she really sees is that she may be “alone” in her golden years, but “alone” is relative ― she has plenty of single friends she foresees spending time with, a la “The Golden Girls.”
“We are social creatures, so friendship is super important for most of us to thrive. But I don’t believe a romantic relationship is necessary for one to be truly happy,” she said. “I’ve been single for 10 years now and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been.”
Advertisement
Samantha Vigneau, a 33-year-old from Detroit, said you have to ask yourself if you’re truly protecting your peace.
“If you find yourself retreating from dating out of fear, insecurity or anxiety, this may be unconsciously sabotaging your dating life,” she said.
Vigneau thinks you also have to toss out the reductive belief that “no good men exist” and trust that you’ll find a worthwhile match.
Advertisement
“We attract what we believe, so I personally have this mantra of ‘there are plenty of great men out there’ and ‘the relationship that is for me will find me at the right time,’” she said.
Janina Steinmetz via Getty Images
Meeting new people often leads to you reflecting on your place in the world.
The only con of taking a break is how habit-forming your alone time can be, said Bruna Nessif, a 37-year-old writer and life coach from Southern California.
Advertisement
“When your life is no longer intermingled with another, you get to call all the shots,” she said. “You don’t have to experience the triggers that can arise with dating. That can get addicting. It feels good, but it can also become a coping mechanism to bypass the unconscious fear of losing control.”
Sometimes, dating feels like gazing into an unforgiving mirror, Nessif said. Meeting new people ― seeing yourself through new eyes and knowing that they’re making a value judgment on you ― often leads to you reflecting on your place in the world, and what’s actually going on internally and emotionally for you.
“Sometimes, it’s just easier to not put yourself in a position to look,” she said.
Nessif has found a nice, happy medium, though. She’s single but open to “pleasant surprises.”
“The truth is, both men and women have been using relationships as a crutch to the pain they refuse to face within themselves, and it re-creates a cycle of harm until we decide to do something different,” she said. “I’ve learned that I can’t control other people, but I can control what I entertain and what I believe I’m worthy of.”
As the third heatwave of the year begins in earnest, I’ve started to dread the night.
Like most of us, I find that boiling temperatures ruin my sleep.
Speaking to HuffPost UK, Dr Seeta Shah from PANDA London previously said that going to bed half an hour later might help you get some shut-eye (a 2012 paper found that heat affects slow-wave and rapid eye movement sleep, meaning the natural cycles you’re meant to go through when asleep are interrupted).
But the British Red Cross advised doing something a little simpler to control the temperature in your room at night.
Advertisement
Unplugging your electronics might reduce heat
The organisation suggested sleeping on the lower floors in your home, as heat rises, as well as staying hydrated and using some thin, breathable bedding.
So far, so predictable.
But I was surprised to read that “even when in standby mode, electrical items can generate heat”.
The British Red Cross therefore suggested switching them off entirely at night.
“Make sure any in the bedroom are turned off and unplugged,” the site said.
Speaking to Ideal Home, David Rees, an appliances expert from HomeSupply, explained that phone and headphone chargers might pose a particularly toasty risk.
These can “seriously overheat and use a lot of excess energy in the summer if not unplugged,” he warned, suggesting we power our devices “throughout the day, so that they can be unplugged as soon as they are fully charged… this will help to save money and prevent overheating in summer”.
Advertisement
Are there any other ways to keep cool?
Wearing cool socks, donning loose-fitting pyjamas, and maintaining a wind-down bedtime routine can all help, the Red Cross said.
“Many take a cold shower before bed in hot weather, but a shockingly cold shower can actually raise core body temperature as your body works to counteract the sudden cold,” Dr Shah warned.
Closing your windows and curtains or blinds at the hottest parts of the day, and opening them in the evening or early morning can help to keep your home cooler, too.
You probably shouldn’t stick to the social media-beloved carnivore diet, heart health experts say – it may end up raising your “bad” LDL cholesterol.
But what about “fibremaxxing,” a recent TikTok obsession which sees some creators eat more fibre in their breakfast than most people eat in an entire day?
Advertisement
I’ve been on the fibre bandwagon for a long time. It’s linked to lower bowel cancer, dementia, and heart disease risk, but 90% of us fail to hit the recommended 30g a day.
Am I in the right, though? Though many of us lack the crucial carb, can “fibremaxxing” go too far?
Amy Glover / HuffPost UK
My “fibremaxxed” breakfast
Advertisement
Most of us really could benefit from “fibremaxxing”
Registered dietitian Brea Lofton from Lumen shared that “most adults in Western countries really consume far less fibre than the general recommendation.”
On average, she said, adults hit 20-15g a day (as little as half the recommended amount).
“The gap in fibre can contribute to higher risks of cardiometabolic diseases, like type 2 diabetes, obesity, and even heart disease,” the dietitian added.
Oats, brown rice, legumes, beans, wholegrain versions of foods like pasta and bread, and fruits and veggies can all provide a fibre boost.
But the expert gave a word of caution; you should up your intake slowly, particularly if you didn’t eat much fibre before “maxxing” it.
Too much too soon can lead to “bloating, gas, cramping, constipation or diarrhoea, and nutrient malabsorption,” Lofton said.
“Diarrhoea and constipation can occur depending on the type of fibre, in addition to how much water an individual is drinking, and malabsorption can occur when consuming excessive amounts of fibre over a significant span of time.”
This might be especially noticeable for those boosting their fibre through fortified food or supplements, which she suggested “may not provide the same microbial benefits as whole foods.”
Upping your fibre isn’t for everyone, either
Though in general, more of us should eat more fibre, Lofton stated that older people, those with IBS, people in the post-surgery period, and chronically ill individuals might want to consult a doctor before eating more fibre.
Feelings of fullness when you haven’t eaten much, a bloated, gassy, or “upset” stomach can all reveal you’re doing too much, too soon.
This happens because “the extra bulk and water absorption properties of fibre can cause intestinal muscles to contract more than usual, sometimes leading to cramping or discomfort,” regardless of your health status.
“The overall message is that fibre is foundational, but more isn’t always better,” Lofton concluded.
Bad news for fellow heatwave haters, especially in the south and east of the UK – “hot spells remain possible” this month, the Met Office says.
The BBC has predicted temperatures as high as 31C in parts of the country this Sunday, July 13.
And according to appliance repair company Atomic Tech, that can spell bad news for your fridge (and the food in it).
Advertisement
“Refrigerators are sensitive to heat and may struggle to cool if they are in an environment too hot (or too cold),” they wrote.
That’s why it’s important, they shared, to “keep the doors closed and ensure the gaskets seal completely… to maintain a consistent temperature inside.”
But gasket issues (problems with the accordion-like rubber seal that closes your fridge door) can be hard to spot – unless, of course, you own a torch.
Advertisement
How can a torch help me to spot issues with my fridge door’s seal?
According to House Digest, placing a lit torch (or your phone’s flashlight) in the fridge and then closing the door can reveal any seal issues.
Place the light facing out.
If any light seeps through the gasket, the seal isn’t as tight as it needs to be.
That means air is escaping your fridge, making it harder to keep your food cool.
It could even raise your electricity bill as your appliance struggles to circulate cooling air around your food, the publication says.
It helps if you do this earlier or later in the day, when it’s darker in your kitchen.
Keep other lights off to make the beams easier to spot.
The UK’s recent heatwave has ended (for now), meaning watering and mowing rules have gone back to normal for gardeners.
Still, a bowl of water left in your garden remains useful for animals like hedgehogs, and though this week is safer than last for trimming your grass, you might want to keep your cut shreds on the lawn.
Advertisement
And according to author and former garden manager for various Royal Horticultural Society and National Trust sites, Simon Akeroyd, apparently, we should be peeing in our watering cans too.
“Sorry if this horrifies you,” a recent Instagram Reel of his read, “But the key to successfully growing plants is natural fertiliser.”
Why pay for specially-made products, the gardener argued, when “you have free access to the best natural stuff out there” – pee?
Advertisement
How could pee possibly help plants grow?
Calling your very own liquid gold the “best plant food” out there, Akeroyd shared that wee is “high in the three main plant nutrients needed for healthy plant growth – nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium.
Nitrogen is key to plant health as it provides the building blocks of their DNA (though too much isn’t great for them either – nitrogen created by sewage can throw off the ecosystems of waterways, leading to too much algae).
That may be why Akeroyd recommends diluting your free plant feed “at a rate of about ten parts water to one part wee.”
Advertisement
Once placed in a watering can, t can be used to treat plants “once a week,” he added.
The expert isn’t alone – a 2017 paper published in Environmental Science and Technology reads, “Human urine contains significant amounts of N (nitrogen) and P (phosphorus); therefore, it has been successfully used as fertiliser in different crops.”
“Humans have been collecting urine and using it for fertiliser for a long, long time, but then in the west that really stopped with the invention of [the] sewage system,” Dr Krista Wigginton, who researched the topic, told The Guardian.
“We are just trying now to figure out with this infrastructure system that we have, how do we pull back and think differently about what goes into this sewage system and capture some of those valuable products before [they] get mixed and diluted with everything else?”
Advertisement
Does pee get rid of foxes?
Some people report that male human pee, and especially the first one of the day, can repel foxes by interrupting their scent markers.
“Once the fox’s scent has been masked, they will feel more vulnerable and leave your garden altogether. This is a free, effective, if not a bit strange way to get rid of foxes without killing them,” Shield Pest Control wrote.
Advertisement
As Black Foxes UK said, there’s no empirical evidence to prove this definitely works yet.
But hey – if you’re using it to feed your plants anyway, it might be a welcome side-effect.
I couldn’t have been more than 19 years old when, as a happy-go-lucky UCLA student, I looked down at my penis and decided I was dying.
Cancer, I thought, noticing small red bumps at the tip of my penis. Since I wasn’t having sex with anyone — not for lack of trying, I might add — what else could they be? I was doomed before it was even legal for me to drink.
A quick trip to the university’s emergency room followed, where, under harsh lights, a female doctor held and studied my genitals, then, in front of a female nurse, broke out into laughter.
Advertisement
“My husband has those,” she told me. “They’re varicose veins in an uncommon place. Nothing to worry about. Go Bruins!”
It turns out, I had a lot to worry about… but not for reasons the doctor dismissed.
As a young, gay actor who moved to New York City right after college, in 1987, having red bumps on my penis wasn’t exactly the invitation to sex that I was hoping to find. Not every guy I slept with noticed, but the ones who did often thought they were a sign of AIDS, herpes or god knows what else. I’ve never forgotten the man who said, simply, that I was “a whore,” and, since he was in a relationship with another man, he couldn’t take any risks. Um, kettle…?
That said, jovially saying to guys, “relax, they’re just varicose veins,” didn’t work as well as my former doctor insinuated. Perhaps I should have had her write a note.
Advertisement
In reality, who could really blame these men for being suspicious? Guys were dropping dead from AIDS on a daily basis, and vigilance was everything. I spent a lot of time trying to have sex in the dark or simply praying that guys wouldn’t examine my tip too closely. Many a hard-on was deflated just worrying one of my hook-ups would suddenly scream out, “Dude, what’s wrong with your dick?!” One guy did just that.
Even in the midst of the AIDS pandemic, I slept with a lot of strangers (I always used protection for intercourse), and to them, I was just another dick — pun intended. I’m certain that, if the situation had been reversed, I’d have had a difficult time believing the varicose vein story, too.
During the periods when I had steady boyfriends, the situation diminished because they trusted me and knew I wouldn’t place them in harm’s way. (Although I’ve read reports to the contrary, I’ve never once had one of the blood vessels break, during sex or otherwise.)
Advertisement
However, even those men weren’t always polite about my “deformity.” One guy I dated for a long time told me that having oral sex with me was like eating ice cream with nuts — and he didn’t like nuts. Charmed!
Courtesy of David Toussaint
The author when he was in college
I’ve spent a lot of my life single, though, and as I grew older in a new century, I learned that no matter what time of life you choose to be sex-positive, there will always be a target on your back from groups who find sex with multiple partners shameful.
Advertisement
I also found that as I got older, most complaints would come from men much younger than myself. Being a “Dilf” or a “Daddy” has been a sweet time of life for me, but the sexual scrutiny from millennials and Generation Z has become more intense. I’ve had guys show up at my door and get naked, then, after foreplay, examine my penis like I was having a medical exam. Some were polite when they walked out the door, some were not.
Since this rarely happens with men close to my age, I chalked it up to retro-fear of older men — an AIDS-era residue that meant those of us who were sexually active during that horrifying time were still physically scarred.
By 2022, I’d had enough. I was seeing a man 20 years younger than myself and having a great time, until the night he abruptly stopped oral sex and demanded to know why I had bumps on my penis. I told him they’d always been there and that he’d just never noticed, which he didn’t believe, and he said he never wanted to see or talk to me again. I’ve not spoken to him since.
Advertisement
I immediately made an appointment with my doctor, pulled down my pants in the office, and asked if there was anything that could be done about my grotesque abnormality.
After yet another bright-light examination, mixed in with small talk of his impending wedding and honeymoon, he told me that, contrary to what my initial doctor said, the bumps were not varicose veins, but more than likely angiokeratoma, benign blood vessels that form on the skin. His diagnosis was delivered in a tone so carefree I definitely wanted him to write a note to future lovers.
He gave me a referral to an excellent dermatologist in New York, Dr. Bradley Glodny, who, when he studied my penis — sometimes I think my flaccid package has gotten more attention than the stiff version — confirmed that I had genital angiokeratoma, and said that, for an affordable price, he could remove them via laser.
Advertisement
“Yes, please,” I said faster than he could turn on the equipment to fix my equipment.
When I told him that my dates were often repulsed by my groin area, he asked, flatly, “What kind of people do you go out with?”
Fair point.
I haven’t always been the best judge of character when hormones get in the way.
“What I’m baffled by — and what shocks me upon reflection — is that I ignored seeking help for my condition for 40 years, and, just as insane, I took the opinion of one doctor without seeking a second opinion.”
A week of healing went by, and, as promised, almost all of the bumps disappeared (some were too tiny to remove). My self-esteem and self-confidence jumped up 100%, and my sex life since then has become substantially more fulfilling. I had no idea that hearing Dr. Glodny say that one word could change everything.
Advertisement
In the bedroom, I’ve become, like, “Hey, feel free to examine my penis. Nice, isn’t it?” and “Sure, we can have sex in bright light. Sounds like fun!”
Since an internet search returned lopsided statistics on how many people have my condition, I asked Dr. Glodny for his thoughts.
“While I cannot give you an exact statistic, I believe that most men over the age of 30 have at least a few angiokeratomas in their genital area,” he said, adding that they become more prevalent as we age.
Advertisement
What I’m baffled by — and what shocks me upon reflection — is that I ignored seeking help for my condition for 40 years, and, just as insane, I took the opinion of one doctor without seeking a second opinion. Varicose veins run in my family, and I have them on my legs, so it did seem like a legit diagnosis. But doctors, lest we forget, are simply professionals with theories, and should always be questioned.
Part of me was embarrassed, too, to even discuss such a sensitive part of my anatomy with a stranger, let alone have them examine it. Clearly, I’ve grown up on that front. I hope that if you’re reading this and have any skin condition that scares or confuses you, you won’t be as stubborn as I was and seek help immediately.
I don’t regret having an active sex life — quite the opposite. But I should have been more dismissive of the men who disbelieved me when I told them they were safe. I accepted humiliation in the hopes that I could score some hot ass. (Remember the guy who called me a liar? I recently reached out to him so he could see the “new and improved” me. He never responded, and, frankly, I think I dodged a bullet.)
Advertisement
Like most guys I know, I want all of my body to be appreciated — the muscles, the hairy chest, the penis. We all have physical imperfections, wherever and whatever they may be. When we are humiliated on any level, it only increases the kind of body fascism that needs to be eradicated.
Laser removal for angiokeratoma doesn’t last forever, and I have them tweaked about once a year. Yeah, it hurts — a lot. Yes, insurance doesn’t cover it because it’s considered cosmetic. And, yes, I have to go off the market for a good week or two afterward. But at this point in my life, skipping out on the procedure and going back to hiding in the sexual shadows would be just plain nuts.
David Toussaint is a four-time book author, journalist, professional screenwriter and playwright, and actor. He lives in Manhattan with his pug, Deja.
A sex toy can be an exciting and confidence-boosting gift to buy for yourself.
But is such an intimate item ever an appropriate thing to give as a gift to someone else, particularly if you don’t have a sexual or romantic relationship with them?
According to sexologists and relationship experts, the answer is… it depends.
Who should you give a sex toy to?
“Gifting a sex toy to a friend can be a fun, empowering gesture – but context and consent matter,” said Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institute.
Advertisement
“It’s usually appropriate when you have the kind of relationship where sex and pleasure are openly discussed, and you’re confident they’d receive it in the spirit it’s intended: playful, supportive, or celebratory.”
She recommended considering their sense of humour, comfort level and any cultural or religious beliefs that might influence their response to such a gift.
“Are they someone who celebrates their sensuality? Do they feel safe exploring? Trust your intuition, and always come from a place of love and respect,” said relationship therapist and sexologist Joy Berkheimer. “The goal of the gift should be to uplift, not to pry or push boundaries.”
Advertisement
Think about the closeness of your relationship as well.
“If your friendship is open, playful, and you’ve talked about sex before, then you probably have a green light, and a pleasure toy can be a great gift,” said Sadie Allison, a sexologist, author and founder of sex toy retailer TickleKitty.
“‘Giving the gift of pleasure’ is thoughtful and unique, and you’re almost always guaranteed a big smile out of it.”
Avoiding the awkward – and keeping it classy
Allison suggested giving your friend a sex toy as a gift for their bachelorette party or birthday – or as a self-love boost, perhaps after a breakup. As for specific products, consider if they’re more reserved or new to sex toys.
Advertisement
“In those cases, keep it subtle and pick a beginner-friendly product,” she said, recommending “a rechargeable bullet vibe that’s small and not intimidating” or pleasure lubricant.
“Have they expressed curiosity about toys or pleasure products?” Needle said. “If you’re unsure, err on the side of caution or opt for a gift card to a reputable sexual wellness store, which gives them the autonomy to choose.”
She emphasised that presentation is everything when it comes to giving such an intimate gift.
“Keep it classy, light-hearted, and respectful,” Needle advised. “Avoid public gifting unless you’re 100% sure they’ll love the attention.”
Advertisement
In larger group situations like a party, ask yourself whether your friend would be OK opening this gift in front of the other guests present.
“If you feel it may be awkward, give it to them on the side and let them know there’s something ‘frisky’ inside as a heads-up,” Allison said.
Irena Sowinska via Getty Images
Context and consent are important when it comes to this kind of gift and how you present it.
Advertisement
You don’t need to go overboard with the gift wrapping, either. “Wrap it like you would any other thoughtful gift – no gag wrapping unless that’s clearly your shared vibe,” Needle said.
She also suggested including a little note with the gift, sharing why you thought of it for them – “because everyone deserves some self-love” or “you don’t need them” after a break-up.
“Try something like, ‘I saw this and thought of you, hope it adds a little spark and joy to your journey,’” Berkheimer said. “Keep it simple, genuine, and free of shame or judgment.”
Advertisement
If you think they’ll be surprised by the gift, a little card can provide some context and reassurance.
“If you’re nervous, pairing it with a more traditional item ― like bath products or a wellness-themed gift basket ― can soften the edges while still making a statement,” Needle said.
When it’s not a good idea to give sex toys
As noted, consent and context are incredibly important. Although times have changed and sex toys are less stigmatised, this kind of gift could cross boundaries, cause discomfort or even be considered harassment under the wrong circumstances.
Advertisement
If you don’t know this person very well and have never discussed intimacy or pleasure, you probably aren’t in the type of relationship where this would be an appropriate gift. If you’re on the fence, you could ask to gauge how they’d feel about that kind of present, but be respectful of the answer.
For someone with whom you have a professional relationship where specific power dynamics are at play, this kind of gift would also probably be a no-no.
Clinical psychologist and sex and intimacy coach Lori Beth Bisbey believes gifting a sex toy to a platonic friend can feel easy and uncomplicated if it’s someone you talk with about partners and sex. But advises to be mindful of situations where you have a different motive, though.
Advertisement
“If there is a flirtation between you, you need to be more careful about gifting a sex toy,” she said. “You need to be clear with yourself as to why you are giving this toy and what message you are trying to send. I would suggest thinking twice if the friend doesn’t know you have an interest in them.”
As someone with insomnia, I struggle to get to sleep in the first place. I’m not alone – 21% of us find it hard to nod off at least once a week.
So when we do finally reach dreamland, it’s pretty unpleasant to be yanked out of it by heartburn or indigestion.
Advertisement
One paper called nighttime heartburn an “under-appreciated clinical problem that impacts sleep and daytime function” among adults with gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD).
Meanwhile, some researchers think indigestion and acid reflux create a vicious cycle; they affect your sleep, which may in turn increase your risk of indigestion, and so on.
Though you should see a GP if you have indigestion often, if it comes alongside other symptoms (like iron deficiency anaemia, pain, trouble swallowing, and weight loss), doctors like GI surgeon Dr Karan Rajan say that sleeping on one side over another may help for one-off cases.
Advertisement
Don’t sleep on your right side
Your stomach is not a perfectly balanced or symmetrical organ.
Instead, it’s curved, with much of its bulk (which contains the acid that causes indigestion and heartburn) lying on the left-hand side.
That bend means that it’s harder for stomach acid to make its way into your oesophagus because it’s got a steeper curve to climb than your more gently sloping right-hand side.
Per the Gastrointestinal Society: “Due to gravity, the shape of the stomach, and the angle of the connection between it and the oesophagus, sleeping on your left side can greatly reduce reflux.”
Advertisement
“By the same principle, if you lie on your right-hand side, at this point the stomach and its contents are slightly higher than the lowest of your sphincter,” Dr Karan Rajan agreed.
That means “more chance of reflux back into the oesophagus,” which creates that horrid indigestion burn.
What else can I do to reduce the risk of nighttime indigestion?
The NHS says that indigestion is common and is usually “not a sign of anything more serious… you can treat it yourself.”
Advertisement
Solutions can include cutting down on coffee, tea, and booze, raising your stomach above your head when you sleep and avoiding eating closer than thre to four hours before bedtime.
Skip spicy, fatty foods if you’re struggling with indigestion, don’t smoke, and speak to your pharmacist about getting over-the-counter treatments if needed.
The health service adds you should see a GP if you:
