Why ‘Before And After’ Photos Are More Problematic Than You Think

Posted on 29/08/2021 by Boris Clair

Before and after photos are ubiquitous for a reason. They’re what marketers call a “social trigger” – a type of content that prompts those who see it to feel or act a certain way. They make it clear to viewers that one situation (the “after”) is more desirable than another (the “before”).

Think of before and after photos focused on weight loss, for example. If a group of people looked at a single photo of someone standing in a bathing suit, each person in that group might have a different reaction. Some might feel attracted to the person, others might feel indifferent about the person and others might focus on something else entirely – like what the person is wearing or how the sunset looks behind them.

But if that same photo is shown next to another photo of the same person, in which they wear a similar bathing suit but have a larger body, the reactions of the group looking at the photo become much more uniform. They notice the size of the person’s body in both photos before anything else. That comparison is the trigger.

While before and after photos might work for marketers and content creators, they’re often toxic for the rest of us. Sure, some are harmless – a photo of a dirty plate before it gets cleaned with dish soap versus after, or a messy bookshelf next to a tidied-up one. However, any pair of before and after photos that shows a human being sends a dangerous message: that certain types of bodies (or faces, hair types, skin tones, lip shapes, etc.) are better than others.

Here’s why these types of photos are even more insidious than you think:

They trigger unhealthy comparison.

“While sometimes well-intentioned, the impact of before and after photos lend to social and body comparisons, which can cause harm to anyone – especially people struggling with body image and eating concerns,” said Chelsea Kronengold, associate director of communications at the National Eating Disorders Association.

Many people seeing these photos will themselves to look more like the “before” than the “after.” And because the whole point of the before-and-after comparison is to say that the “after” is better, they’ll likely end up feeling less-than, or like their bodies need to be “fixed.” Over time, this can lead to real harm.

“Body dissatisfaction and thin-ideal internalisation are potential risk factors for all types of eating disorders,” Kronengold said. “People with negative body image are not only more likely to develop an eating disorder, but are also more likely to suffer from depression, isolation, low self-esteem and obsessions with weight loss.”

Before and after photos can trigger unhealthy comparison to others and an obsession with our own body types.

They reinforce weight stigma and anti-fat bias.

Before and after photos exist in every corner of social media, but they’re most pervasive in the weight loss space. Often, these posts elicit comments that seem positive, like, “so inspiring!” or “you look great!” But there’s a problematic flip side to these comments: The implication is that the person didn’t look great in their larger body, and that being thinner is always better.

“These subtle and overt messages contribute to weight stigma and perpetuates unhealthy diet culture messages that changing your body, losing weight or being thinner, is viewed as a ‘morally superior’ accomplishment,” Kronengold said.

This weight stigma (discrimination based on a person’s weight) is incredibly pervasive in our society, and it has serious negative effects. A 2018 review in the Journal of Advanced Nursing found that experiencing weight stigma increased a person’s risk of diabetes, eating disturbances, depression, anxiety and body dissatisfaction. It was also linked to an increase in chronic stress and chronic inflammation, and a decrease in self-esteem.

Weight stigma springs from the belief that thinner is better, and that fatness is unhealthy. But that’s not really the case. One 2016 review published in JAMA found that people in the “overweight” body mass index category live the longest. Another 2016 study published in the International Journal of Obesity found that 50% of people classified as “overweight” and nearly percent of people classified as “obese” were metabolically healthy. Meanwhile, 30% of people classified as “normal” weight were metabolically unhealthy.

The relationship between weight and health is incredibly complicated, but it’s fair to say that you can’t determine whether or not someone is healthy by looking at a photo of them.

Kronengold also pointed out that even before and after photos showing weight gain reinforce weight stigma. The eating disorder recovery space is filled with before-and-afters that showcase an extremely thin “before” body next to a less-thin (but still relatively small) “after” body.

“Many of these eating disorder before and after photos send the message that individuals with a history of anorexia and/or a low BMI are the only people impacted by eating disorders,” Kronengold said. “This reinforces the stereotype that eating disorders have a certain ‘look,’ and can alienate people with other eating disorder diagnoses and/or in higher-weight bodies.”

“It’s a very real phenomenon that people who post these before and after photos often feel boxed in by their visual ‘success stories’ when their bodies inevitably change over time.”

– Ashley Seruya, New York City-based therapist and writer

They don’t show the whole story.

Another massive problem with before-and-afters when it comes to bodies is that they only show two moments in time. Bodies are always changing — even the person posting the photos won’t look like their “after” forever.

“It’s a very real phenomenon that people who post these before-and-after photos often feel boxed in by their visual ‘success stories’ when their bodies inevitably change over time,” said Ashley Seruya, a New York City-based therapist and writer.

And yes, it is inevitable that their bodies will change, because the vast majority of people who lose weight will gain it back within a few years. A 2020 review published in the BMJ found that although diets lead to weight loss and health improvements after six months, that effect disappears at the one-year mark across all types of diets.

Another 2020 review concluded that diets cause more harm than good, since permanent weight loss is rare and negative physical and mental health side effects are common.

They put far too much value in appearances.

Just because someone is smiling in an “after” photo doesn’t mean that they’re mentally healthy. In fact, both Seruya and Kronengold said that it can be damaging to assume that someone has experienced positive life changes just because they “look better.”

“I think it’s almost always going to be dangerous to place our self-worth in something as uncontrollable and unpredictable as the human body,” Seruya said. Because, truthfully, how someone looks is very rarely an indication of their well-being.

“Instead of emphasising body transformations, we should be celebrating mental health wins, major life events, and accomplishments that have nothing to do with appearance and/or weight,” Kronengold said.

How To Say No To Social Invitations Without Getting FOMO

Posted on 21/08/2021 by Boris Clair

Learn to say no to social invitations and carve out time for self-care.

After the initial portion of the Covid-19 pandemic kept us apart for so long, many people pledged to take advantage of every opportunity to see loved ones again once vaccines were available. Thus, “hot vax summer” was born, with a focus on filling our social calendars with parties, trips, weddings and more.

Now, as coronavirus variants continue to spread and, with the onset of autumn, opportunities for socialisation could start to shrink again, we may be feeling even more pressure to cram in a bunch of activities.

But saying yes to every single social invitation can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed and to burnout. We let our FOMO (fear of missing out) create a sense of obligation that can negatively impact mental health. The solution? Embracing JOMO or the “joy of missing out.”

“JOMO allows you to redefine what actually brings joy into your life, instead of allowing other people, events or society dictate it for you,” Michelle Wax, founder of the American Happiness Project, tells HuffPost.

“While in the past having a packed schedule of trips, events and activities may have been the norm, the past 18 months have allowed many of us to re-evaluate our lives and decide if how we’re spending our time and energy is what we actually want,” she adds. “JOMO allows you to choose the events, people and activities that will bring the most happiness into your life, and remove the ‘shoulds’ that are draining and time-consuming.”

If you’re someone who feels the pressure to go to every wedding, birthday party, picnic and day trip because you fear missing out, it will take more than just flipping a switch to feel the JOMO. But that doesn’t mean the situation is hopeless. Below, experts share their advice for how to embrace missing out.

Stop saying ‘yes’ to everything

“While meaningful social connections are critical to our physical and emotional well-being, finding a balance is also key,” says Sophie Lazarus, a psychologist with the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. “Saying yes to and needing to be a part of everything can be exhausting and paradoxically reduce our ability to get the most out of the time that we do spend with others.”

Of course, caring about other people is important, but this shouldn’t come at the expense of your needs. Don’t feel obligated to attend events or do things you don’t enjoy simply because you feel like you “should.” It’s helpful to disconnect from guilt and obligation and use your time and resources for meaningful things in life.

“For the next month, just say ‘no,’” recommends Matthew Ferry, a happiness coach and author of Quiet Mind Epic Life. “Intentionally abstain from doing more and saying yes. Practise being picky and selective with your time. Ask this question, ‘Will saying yes to this help me realise that all is well in my world?’ If not, then say no.”

Make a list of the things that bring you joy.

Do a ‘joy audit’

“To embrace JOMO, it’s helpful to become self-aware of what really lights you up and rejuvenates you personally,” Wax says. “I recommend taking a ‘Joy Audit’ and writing down what people, places and activities bring joy to your life, and on the flip side, what people, places and activities drain your joy.”

Things that bring joy to your life could be as simple as cooking a new meal, reading a novel, turning off the news, getting out in nature or calling a loved one. When you find yourself with the opportunity to experience the joy of missing out, look to your list and choose one of these activities.

Develop a healthy routine

Self-care is the name of the game when it comes to finding joy in “missing out” or taking a break from the endless chaos of life. Make this part of your daily routine, so that you can get used to prioritising your needs.

“Take your ‘MEDS’ daily – meditation, exercise, diet and sleep,” Ferry says. He emphasises the power of nurturing our bodies with movement, nourishing food, mindfulness and rest. “When you do that, you feel empowered and satisfied with the moment,” Ferry adds.

Take a break from social media

“Nudge yourself into avoiding having to scroll, check, click and like all the time,” says Svend Brinkmann, a psychologist and author of The Joy of Missing Out: The Art of Self-Restraint in an Age of Excess.

Substitute this social media time with something more fulfilling to you on a personal level – whether that’s spending time with people in person or taking a nature walk alone.

“Any changes that help you make wise decisions and also minimise the potential for FOMO can be really helpful,” Lazarus says. “If you know social media is going to make it hard for you to feel good about your decision, then unplug for a bit. Maybe make a plan to engage in a favourite solo activity to help you make the most out of the time you gained from ‘missing out.’”

Take breaks from social media or reframe the way you look at people's — Take breaks from social media or reframe the way you look at people’s posts.

Reframe how you engage with social media

“You don’t have to unplug from social media altogether to avoid feeling the fear of missing out, but when you see people enjoying life online or on social media, another trick you can use is the ‘I am Next’ Strategy,” says Ken Honda, a happiness expert and author of Happy Money: The Japanese Art of Making Peace With Your Money.

“Whenever you feel jealousy or think other people are all out having a great time while you’re not, you can say to yourself, ‘Good for them! I’m next,’” he adds.

Rather than feeling bad about not being part of a certain event or trip, you can also think about how much more enjoyable your current and future life experiences are because you’re taking care of yourself and not getting burned out in the process. And remind yourself that individuals enjoy different things, so every little experience is not necessarily for you.

Take stock of what you have

The joy of missing out can encompass social events and other experiences, as well as spending money on objects. JOMO is about realising that you cannot do or have everything – and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

“There is much in human psychology that drives us towards more, achieving more, earning more money, experiencing more and so on,” Brinkmann says. “But as they rightly say, less can be more, and JOMO is about reminding oneself that more is not always better, but in the consumer society that we have constructed over the last 100 years, it takes a disciplined effort to go against these tendencies.”

To counter these instincts, Honda recommends taking stock of all of the wonderful experiences and items you can already call your own and making time to appreciate them. You can keep physical lists in a gratitude journal or make it a regular mental exercise.

“The hard truth is that you cannot get everything in life anyway. There are thousands of events and chances happening every day that we just don’t know about, so we just enjoy the bliss of ignorance,” Honda explains. “It’s all about where you place your attention. Instead of purposely putting your attention on things you can’t have, it’s better to put your attention on things that you either can have or things you already have that make you happy.”

Engage with and appreciate the objects and memories you already have to shift your mind away from what... — Engage with and appreciate the objects and memories you already have to shift your mind away from what you don’t have.

Let go of false urgency

“Oftentimes we don’t realise the impact of reacting to the assumption, ‘I have to show up to everything I am invited to,’” Ferry says. “We automatically assume that there will be a negative consequence for not attending the party, accepting the dinner invite, or participating in an event that is important to someone else in our life.”

This assumption creates a false sense of urgency, so we assign undue importance to things that are actually more commonplace and routine.

“We behave like the relationship is on the line if I turn down an invitation,” Ferry explains. “Yet, accepting that invitation might not be what’s best for you mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. We are pack animals. We accidentally prioritise other people above ourselves. Put your needs first. Demand to be treated well. Demand to be at peace. Release false urgency and practice just being.”

Make time for reflection and mindfulness

“Since the pandemic started, our daily routines stretched, shifting us positively and negatively, causing us to turn inwards and witness our signals during uncertainty,” says life coach and Behaving Bravely author Anita Kanti. “It revealed a time to ponder life’s interpretations resulting in more gratification, an unexpected gift for many.”

Even as aspects of “normal life” become possible again, it’s important to continue setting aside time for reflection. Listen to what you need and let that guide you. Consider talking to a professional therapist if you don’t already.

Kanti also recommends mindfulness exercises to help with that process and mind shift. “Choosing JOMO while managing unproductive FOMO stimulates us to go deeper within ourselves,” she explains. “Try belly breathing exercises lying down, breathe by bringing the air down toward the belly. Do simple grounding techniques to detach, repeat affirmations, or focus on humour.”

Covid-19 is more than a news story – it has changed every aspect of life in the UK. We are following how Britain is experiencing this crisis, the different stages of collective emotion, reaction and resilience. You can tell us how you are feeling and find further advice and resources here.

How To Say No To Social Invitations Without Getting

What To Do If You’re Fully Vaccinated But Still Anxious About Covid

Posted on 12/08/2021 by Boris Clair

If you’ve been taking the coronavirus pandemic seriously – you’ve worn your mask, social distanced and been fully vaccinated – you might be feeling anxious and angry that Covid-19 has not been beaten yet.

It’s understandable: you did your part, and yet here we are. What else can you do at this point to help end the pandemic? How do you still try to be responsible without sacrificing your mental health?

If you’re feeling anxious right now, experts offer some advice on how you can still move the needle in the fight against Covid-19, while protecting your sanity.

Approach the conversation with empathy and compassion

The thought of trying to convince an unvaccinated family member, friend or neighbour to get the jabs might feel like a futile (not to mention infuriating) task at this point.

People who have delayed getting a vaccine might seem as though they’ve made up their mind. But a lot of people who’ve held off are finally realising just how serious this all is; it’s possible that you can help reiterate that message.

“Encouraging and facilitating every single person to get vaccinated is one of the most valuable anti-Covid actions one can possible take,” said Sten Vermund, an infectious disease epidemiologist with Yale School of Public Health.

Many unvaccinated people actually aren’t stubborn anti-vaxxers, but rather victims of harmful misinformation campaigns or people genuinely worried about the safety of the jabs. Instead of blaming, lecturing and shaming unvaccinated people, have a conversation in an open, nonjudgmental and safe way.

“Help answer questions, and help direct people to trusted guides and the facts,” said Lucy McBride, a practicing internal medicine physician in Washington DC.

As we come out of this highly charged, emotional time, it’s easy to feel anxious and angry when you learn someone has chosen not to get vaccinated.

But McBride said you’ll be able to make the greatest impact if you engage people with empathy and compassion. “If you can try to understand and listen more and shout less, you might actually change a heart or a mind,” she said.

Adjusting your behaviour based on transmission in your community is vital – even if you've already received your shots. — Adjusting your behaviour based on transmission in your community is vital – even if you’ve already received your shots.

Behave based on local transmission

You should also keep an eye on what’s going on with Covid in your community. When case rates are low and vaccination rates are high, know that you – and even those around you who aren’t vaccinated – are extremely well-protected.

On the flip side, if you’re in an area where Covid cases and hospitilisations are higher, you may want to consider wearing a mask in indoor, unventilated situations where vaccinated and unvaccinated people are mixing. The risk of getting infected and passing the virus onto others, while still rare if you’re vaccinated, increases in these high-risk environments.

“Masks are a well-documented way of reducing the risk of droplet and aerosol transmission,” Vermund said.

Set firm boundaries and consider vaxxed-only events

If you want to play hardball, you can consider socialising exclusively with people who are vaccinated. Make vaccinations a requirement for your get-togethers. Not only are you unlikely to get seriously affected by Covid, but your social circles are also less likely to contract the virus and transmit it to others in their communities.

“The likelihood of any kind of serious event emerging from such an activity is vanishingly small,” said Vermund, who noted that this approach might be somewhat controversial and unpleasant — but potentially impactful.

If you do host an event where vaccinated and unvaccinated people are mixing in an area with high transmission, it would be prudent to ask people to mask up.

Maskless interactions are safest with vaccinated people, and there's nothing wrong with limiting your interactions to only those who have gotten the shots. — Maskless interactions are safest with vaccinated people, and there’s nothing wrong with limiting your interactions to only those who have gotten the shots.

Share stories about your own experience

Telling your story can be a powerful way to encourage people in your community to get vaccinated. Open up about how the pandemic has impacted your family or uprooted your life, and explain how the vaccine is our ticket back to all the things we love – work, play and school. This can be on social media, in conversations with loved ones or through local campaigns or advocacy groups.

“Be local educators,” Vermund said. “Tell your story, share your experience.”

Be flexible

The unfortunate truth about the pandemic is that things change, and we have to adjust to that change at a moment’s notice. What we know now about Covid-19 is different from what we knew back in April 2020, and will be different from what we understand six months from now.

The virus evolves, as do the treatment options, restrictions and recommendations. Perhaps the most impactful thing vaccinated people can do is follow the science – stay up to date with the latest learnings and behave accordingly.

The Psychology Of Why Watching Sport Makes Us Want To Get Fit

Posted on 09/08/2021 by Boris Clair

You’re reading Move, the nudge we need to get active, however makes us happiest and healthiest.

A funny thing happens after a big sporting event takes over our televisions: fitness centres, gyms and sports clubs see a spike in new members.

It happened after the 2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup, when 850,000 more women signed up to play footie. Then again during and immediately after Wimbledon the same year, when the Lawn Tennis Association saw casual player court bookings jump by around 49%.

So imagine the impact of Team GB equalling the glory of London 2012 to record their joint highest ever Olympic medal tally in Tokyo this past fortnight with an amazing 22 golds, 21 silvers and 22 bronzes – adding up to 65 medals in all.

After the pandemic forced the cancellation of so many sporting fixtures and events in 2020, the bonanza of summer 2021 has been all the more inspiring. From multi-screening the Euros and Wimbledon, enjoying a whole new cricket tournament in The Hundred, and getting glued to the Olympics and the Paralympics yet to come, we’ve never been more ready to tune in, then train up.

Participation data has yet to be released for the year, but we’d put money on it being big. So, why does watching sport make us want to get sporty ourselves?

Team GB's athletes celebrate their triumphs on the track in Tokyo — Team GB’s athletes celebrate their triumphs on the track in Tokyo

“Watching sport makes us realise the power of community and triggers the sense of belonging that we all crave,” says sports psychologist Dr Josie Perry , whose audiobook, The 10 Pillars of Success, is out on August 15. “We watch people trying their absolute hardest, achieving great things and looking amazing and we want a piece of that too. We want to feel part of that world.”

The pull we feel watching elite athletes is so strong, it’s even felt by other sporting pros. Five-time Olympian Jo Pavey tells HuffPost UK she gets inspired to try other sports when she watches them on TV – even if they’re out of her own comfort zone of long-distance running. And what’s true for adults also applies to kids, says Pavey, who narrowly missed out on a spot in Tokyo.

“When England were playing football in the Euros it inspired us all to keep playing football matches in the garden. When Wimbledon is on, we’re more likely to have a go at tennis,” says the mother-of-two.

“I think it’s great for kids to see role models on the TV as it inspires them to have a go at different things. I also find it motivating to watch the determination of sports people competing in different events.”

Not only does a high profile tournament inspire many of us to try something new, it can also remind us of past sporting fun, adds Dr Perry. Watching a sport we’ve dabbled in ourselves, “helps us remember the pleasure we got from both doing it and from the feeling we had mastered aspects of it,” she says.

The summer Olympics, with 339 events and 33 different sports, offers the ultimate opportunity to reminisce – even if we’re simply laughing about how terrible we were at javelin in school and wondering if we’d do better now.

The Olympians understand this knock-on-effect. “That’s why we are all here, because sport has an amazing power to inspire people and hopefully this is going to be an amazing motivation for people,” said swimmer Adam Peaty after winning Team GB’s very first gold medal of the game.

They also understand that sport is about mind as well as body. Never has a games shone such a clear light on the link between physical and mental health – as US gymnast Simone Biles showed the world when she prioritised both.

This is why HuffPost UK has chosen this moment to relaunch our fitness section as Move – a renewed commitment to celebrating exercise in all its forms, putting accessibility front and centre. We aim to provide bags of ideas for getting active, however makes you happiest and healthiest – but we’ll also get real about motivation, addressing the barriers that stop so many of us from moving more.

Take participation after a major sporting event. We know people sign up in their thousands after watching sport on TV, but we also know that many people drop out soon afterwards.

A quarter of people have given up on certain sports because they didn’t think they would be good enough, according to research from Procter & Gamble. A further 16% of people have been put off a sport, because they didn’t believe they fit the stereotype of what people playing that sport are “supposed” to look like. For many, the pandemic and long stints indoors has only exacerbated such worries, particularly among those who’ve historically felt excluded from the fitness community, and not catered for in gyms and sports centres.

Research from the disability charity Scope for its new Make It Count drive – dubbed “a movement of movers” – found that nearly half (48%) of disabled people have become less active since the pandemic began. Four in 10 (40%) said they never do sport or physical activity, but 91% want to be more active.

So, how do we take inspiration and energy from a summer of sport such as this one and harness it once the media hubbub has died down? And how can we shake off the inner critic that tells us we’ll never be as good as the pros?

Hannah Cockroft is one of Team GB's great hopes at the Paralympics in Tokyo. — Hannah Cockroft is one of Team GB’s great hopes at the Paralympics in Tokyo.

Well, we can start by stealing some motivation tactics from elite athletes, says Jeremy Snape, a former England cricketer-turned-sports psychologist, who hosts the podcast Inside the Mind of Champions.

“We have this myth that elite performers are going to wake up every morning with a zest for their painful training and are going to do that for eight or 10 years without a break, but that’s not true,” he tells HuffPost.

“A professional athlete, that’s their job, so while their motivation may ebb and flow through the various training cycles, their commitment remains the same.”

A professional athlete’s commitment – or end goal – may be winning a certain tournament or hitting a new world record. They’ll use a number of tactics to visualise not only what this might look like, but how this might feel, says Snape. They may imagine a social gathering where they’ll show family that trophy, or put an inspirational image as their phone screen saver that makes them feel good about their ambition.

Team GB's Mixed Relay Triathlon team show off their gold medals — Team GB’s Mixed Relay Triathlon team show off their gold medals

For you, the commitment may be getting fitter so you don’t get so tired out during your work week or so you can play with your kids without getting out of breath. Snape recommends thinking about how great this will feel, rather than focusing on something static – such as weight loss – as the goal.

When your motivation is high, such as after watching sport on TV, he suggests putting “architecture” in place for when it inevitably dips. This might be signing up to a class, or laying out your gym kit with your phone alarm in the shoe.

“The chances are, when we wake up, we’ll think the duvet is going to beat us, but if your alarm is going to ring in your gym shoes and it’s all laid out, you’ve 90% more chance that you’re going to follow through,” he says. “The hardest part of a run is getting out of the front door.”

Pavey recommends listening to music before and and during a workout to help “get you in the groove,” exercising with friends, and planning what you’ll do after a workout. “But the main thing is to enjoy it,” she says. “If you’re experiencing a lack of motivation try varying your workouts or maybe take the time to exercise where there is beautiful scenery as this can be so uplifting.”

And if self-doubt starts to creep in, remember that any movement is positive movement – and you don’t need to look like an elite athlete to take part.

“What we’ve got to do when we look at Olympians is look at the characteristics we aspire to. Things like their personal discipline, the selflessness in teams, [their] wellbeing.”

“You’ve got to bear in mind that it’s those people’s professions and they’ve studied and sacrificed for 15 years to look like that, some of them started their training when they were five years old,” says Snape.

“In the same way you’d look at a doctor and say ‘wow that’s amazing,’ you’re not just going to turn up and be a doctor within two weeks of good intentions, because there’s a whole raft of training and skills that go behind it. I think what we’ve got to do when we look at Olympians is look at the characteristics that we aspire to – things like their personal discipline, the selflessness in teams, things like [their] wellbeing.”

Seeking inspiration closer to home can also help, says Dr Perry. “It might be the person at Parkrun who is like you but a bit faster or the guy at your football club who has worked incredibly hard on their fitness who inspires you,” she says.

“They give us what is known as ‘vicarious confidence,’ knowing they can do it helps us believe we can too. So look at friends and acquaintances – who is doing well and what element of that would you like to emulate?”

Above all, give yourself to permission to take things slowly and celebrate each win, whether that’s swimming a length for the first time, or feeling less out of breath as you walk to the end of the road.

“I think the pandemic has taught us that being outside and being active is incredibly liberating from a mental health perspective,” says Snape. “For both elite athletes and the average person, we should be not be judging ourselves on the outcome, but about our progress.”

Move celebrates exercise in all its forms, with accessible features encouraging you to add movement into your day – because it’s not just good for the body, but the mind, too. We get it: workouts can be a bit of a slog, but there are ways you can move more without dreading it. Whether you love hikes, bike rides, YouTube workouts or hula hoop routines, exercise should be something to enjoy.

5 Weekend Morning Mistakes That Secretly Screw Up Your Whole Week

Posted on 07/08/2021 by Boris Clair

By the time the weekend rolls around, most of us are exhausted. Burnout is at an all-time high and people, understandably, want to use their weekends (or whatever days they get off during the week) to relax, socialise and sleep in.

But creating and maintaining a weekend morning routine can really help set the tone for the rest of the week. With that in mind, here are five common mistakes people tend to make on their days off — and how to create a healthy morning routine that won’t mess with how you’re feeling on other days.

Mistake #1: Sleeping too late

No one wants to be scolded for sleeping in on the weekends. But many experts agree that blowing past your usual wake time can hamper overall well-being. Research shows that significant variability in sleep and wake times leads to less healthy behaviours overall. Studies have also linked “social jet lag” — the shift in sleep habits from weekdays to weekends — to greater overall fatigue and sleepiness.

“Getting up at around the same time daily helps to set your body clock with light exposure, awakening the body and allowing one to start to build up an appetite for sleep for the following night,” said psychologist Shelby Harris, author of The Women’s Guide to Overcoming Insomnia Without Relying On Medication.

“Sleeping in on the weekends makes it harder to fall and stay asleep the following night simply because you’re not awake for enough hours to be hungry enough for sleep that next night,” she added, noting that she makes an effort to practice what she preaches and gets up consistently at 6 a.m.

However, not all research knocks catching up on ZZZs on the weekend. One study found that people who were sleep-deprived during the week but caught up on the weekend lived just as long as people who got sufficient sleep overall. (As opposed to people who were sleep-deprived, who were more likely to die early.)

Ultimately, balance is key.

“Sleeping in a little bit is one thing; sleeping in for hours and hours so that you then can’t get to bed on Sunday night is another,” said Debra Swan, a Chicago-based health coach who works with clients around the US. She stressed that you should try to keep your sleeping in to an extra hour or two.

Mistake #2: Not hydrating first thing

Hydrating is really important first thing in the morning, Swan said, particularly after a night of drinking. And she really thinks it’s best if coffee isn’t the first liquid you have in a day.

Sipping H2O ― even if you’re not thirsty ― helps you stay adequately hydrated throughout the day. There are plenty of ways to sip it if the idea of starting off your Saturday or Sunday with a tepid glass of tap water sounds meh. Have a seltzer on hand if that’s your preference, or try herb- or fruit-infused water. Your goal should be to try to find something you actually like, so you’re more likely to make a.m. hydration a long-term routine.

Hydrating when you first wake up is important.

Mistake #3: Not making yourself accountable to someone or something

It’s easy to stick to routines on weekdays because we all have someone or something we’re accountable to, whether it’s waking up to take kids to school or to get to work on time. Try to build that same sense of accountability into your weekend mornings, Harris suggested.

“Kids are frequently a helpful routine alarm, but if that’s not in the mix, consider signing up for a workout class in the morning or meeting a friend for coffee, or even doing your laundry in the building on Saturday morning because it is quiet,” she said. “Accountability is very helpful in beginning a routine.”

Or maybe you want to find an accountability partner, like a friend or family member who can help you if you’re, say, really struggling not to sleep until noon.

Mistake #4: Not prepping for the week ahead

“You should absolutely relax on the weekend,” said Swan, who took pains to point out that morning routines should be really manageable and not feel like a chore.

She knows people need a chance to unwind. Still, she thinks it can be a missed opportunity when people don’t use their time off prepare for the days ahead, and said the mornings can be a really nice time to do a bit of that work.

“The weekdays are so busy, and people have high hopes of meals and eating healthy – but preparation is key,” she said.

Swan often recommends that clients she work with use the weekends to think about any recipes they want to try out, then make sure they have the ingredients they need on hand and do any possible prep work, like chopping vegetables, ahead of time.

That way, you’ve made your life easier for hectic weekdays – and you’ve also helped set the tone for the rest of the week.

Mistake #5: Not getting outside

“Get some fresh air and sunshine,” Swan said, adding that it’s good to get outside shortly after you get out of bed. “Bright light lets your brain know it’s time to wake up.”

Spending time outdoors has all kinds of health benefits, including how people say they feel overall, and research shows that morning light exposure can lead to better rest at night.

Going outside in the morning isn’t the kind of change that’s particularly difficult or burdensome, but it’s powerful.

“How you behave one day influences how you behave the next,” Swan said. “Yes, the weekend is less structured. Yes, it’s a time to relax. But you still want to have a good start to the day.”

8 Lasting Changes We Might See In Children After This ‘Lost’ Year

Posted on 03/08/2021 by Boris Clair

The Covid-19 pandemic changed all of our lives, but for developing children, its impact may have more long-term effects.

“Every child’s experience of the pandemic is different based on their temperament and their home life,” Jacqueline P Wight, director of mental health services at DotCom Therapy, told HuffPost. “Many children have experienced mental health challenges, and we anticipate that for some of these children, there will be lasting effects. For others, the challenges were more situational and will subside as life returns to normal.”

There’s no easy way to know which camp your child may fall into, but parents can take note as the situation evolves.

“Children are starting to experience the ripple effects from the collective trauma of the pandemic, and the long-term implications of this ‘lost’ pandemic year may not be fully understood for years to come,” said licensed clinical social worker Nidhi Tewari.

“The good news is that children – and humans in general – are resilient beings, and we will begin to recalibrate as the threat of Covid-19 dissipates in the coming months and years,” she added. “If we take steps to attend to our mental health and well-being now, then we can mitigate some of the long-term impact of this pandemic.”

Ultimately, awareness is key. Below, Wight, Tewari and other experts share some potential long-term changes for parents to keep in mind as they guide their children through the coming months and years.

Understanding of loss

With the current Covid-19 death toll at more than 4 million worldwide, countless children have been exposed to loss and grief during the pandemic. For many, this may have been their first experience with death.

“For the thousands who lost parents, grandparents and other loved ones, the loss is immeasurable, and grief and bereavement can take many forms,” said Dr. Ilisse Perlmutter, director of child and adolescent psychiatry at Talkiatry.

Even those who haven’t lost a loved one may have felt grief over lost experiences or opportunities. Parents should be prepared to help their children cope with grief and understand that it’s all part of the human experience.

“While it is easier said than done, it is best not to overthink the possible losses that children have experienced during the pandemic,” said Wight. “They have lived through a profoundly unique and powerful experience. They have gained skills as well as understanding during this time.”

Vulnerability to mental health issues

“Through the pandemic, there were significant increases in children and adolescents reporting anxiety and depressive symptoms, and this will likely continue trending upwards,” Tewari said.

The data doesn’t look great. A report from Save the Children found that the Covid-19 pandemic has had a “devastating” impact on families’ and children’s emotional health in the US.

“We will see on the negative side increased vulnerability to anxiety-based disorders such as eating disorders and pressure on children and adolescent mental health services,” said psychotherapist Noel McDermott. “Investment in mental well-being needs to increase and the whole needs of our kids considered.”

While many parents are anxious about their children catching up academically, McDermott believes kids have gained the perspective to recognise the other important issues in life – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“We have a lot of choice about how to frame this for ourselves and for our kids,” he said. “Whilst we have seen an increase in anxiety disorders and depressive disorders during this time in kids, if we respond well to this with effective support, positive skills can be learned by kids about how to manage challenge and there can be improved resilience going forwards.”

Social anxiety

“Many children may continue to struggle with social anxiety due to the isolation of the past 1.5 years, so gradual exposure to social situations and redeveloping social skills will be essential in helping them in [reacclimatising],” Tewari said.

Dr Dyan Hes, founder of Gramercy Pediatrics, said she’s concerned about childhood development, particularly with the littlest of little ones, as the most rapid brain growth occurs from birth until the age of three. Missing out on interactions with others may have fostered a sense of social isolation that will need to be overcome.

“These children have not seen many facial expressions behind masks, they have not learned to navigate the social skills needed to play with other toddlers or even the motor skills to run on a playground,” she explained. “As a paediatrician, I wholeheartedly encourage families to send their children to school, camp or day care. The benefits far outweigh the risks, unless their child has a medical condition that would make Covid life threatening. … We need our children to reemerge into society and we need all adults to be vaccinated for this to happen.”

“We do know that kids from already stressed and underresourced communities were more adversely affected during the pandemic.”

– Dr Helen Egger, child psychiatrist and co-founder of Little Otter

Health anxiety

All of the mania around sanitising and disinfecting may also have a long-term impact on some children.

“There could be increases in illness anxiety disorder due to fears of catching the virus and having to maintain the strict hygiene protocols that have been necessary through the pandemic,” Tewari said.

“Most people’s nervous systems are dysregulated due to the pandemic’s threat to our safety and health, so it will take time for our brains and bodies to recover after the pandemic ends,” she added. “As a result, we may feel disoriented, and have a hard time believing that life can ever be ‘normal’ again.”

Anxiety around illness may also mean some children feel a fear or discomfort around going outside.

“I have noticed many kids who have never climbed up the playground ladder, learned how to ride a scooter or a bike,” Hes said. “These kids have been kept indoors for fear of Covid because they are too young to be vaccinated. I try to encourage parents to take kids out to get fresh air, run and play.”

Widening inequality

Although we can’t yet fully know the extent of the pandemic’s lasting impact on children’s academic performance or development, there are certain trends that are already very clear.

“We do know that kids from already stressed and underresourced communities were more adversely affected during the pandemic,” said Dr. Helen Egger, a child psychiatrist and co-founder of Little Otter. “Widening inequality for children may be one of the worst impacts of the pandemic.”

From economic challenges to mental health struggles, many existing gaps between populations have worsened during the pandemic, and children are bearing much of the brunt.

“Children who were struggling before the pandemic may lag further behind,” Perlmutter said. “Youngsters who are homeless, have disabilities, subjected to racial violence are especially at risk.”

Making positive memories

The impact of the pandemic isn’t entirely terrible. Wight pointed out a silver lining of living through such “unprecedented times” unlike anything kids have experienced before.

“It’s important not to overlook that children will also have special or positive memories related back to the pandemic,” Wight said. “They might remember having more quality family time, a slower pace of life, FaceTiming with family members across the country and new hobbies they developed while at home.”

McDermott highlighted other positive aspects – like spending more time with family and the refreshing old routines.

“The ‘interruption’ to the treadmill of school, university and jobs can also be viewed positively as it has allowed time to focus on important relationships in our lives,” he said.

Connection to others

Although the pandemic brought social isolation, it also fostered a sense of global community. There’s also a universality to the experience, which creates common ground for children growing up with the trauma of Covid-19.

“As a global event, there is a shared experience for all the world’s children,” McDermott said. “As has been shown around issues such as climate change, kids are truly amazing at seeing their connections and joining together. Is this the global generation? Some of us hope so.”

He also emphasised the power of the internet in allowing children to connect to each other even amid their isolation.

“The hegemony of online experience has moved forward and we will see this generation more connected to that and connected to global voices and experiences,” McDermott said.

Resilience

“Despite the horror of this devastating year, understanding that in the face of trauma and this public health disaster we have the capacity for resilience has been comforting and grounding,” Perlmutter said. “Marking life events and celebrations in the usual ways was disappointing but not out of the question. Watching the grace and enthusiasm of high school seniors’ graduation ceremonies in living rooms, drive-by birthday celebrations, Zoom visits with grandparents, and bar and bat mitzvahs and confirmations on Zoom was humbling. It gives me hope.”

Throughout the pandemic, children have learned to cope with many unforeseen changes and challenges. While the experience wasn’t always positive, it fostered major growth and resilience.

Wight encouraged parents to keep this bright side in mind as we continue to work through the evolving situation.

“It is critical for parents to manage their own distress and worries, as it directly impacts their children’s well-being,” she said. “It is most helpful to focus on the resilience of children and to give them many opportunities to return to play and the work of being children.”

Small Talk With A Stranger Can Still Save Lives, Say Samaritans

Posted on 03/08/2021 by Boris Clair

Small talk is something many of us avoided even before the pandemic, and neither months of social distancing or the awkward return of socialising has made it easier – but it’s something that can still save lives.

That is the message from Samaritans, as the mental health charity and helpline relaunches its campaign to raise awareness about the role small talk can play in preventing suicide on the railways and in other public settings.

The ‘Small Talk Saves Lives’ campaign has run in partnership with Network Rail, British Transport Police and the rail industry since 2017. But as the UK steps out of lockdown, it is focusing on rebuilding public confidence to trust our gut and start conversations with anyone who looks as though they may need help.

Brits are known for being quite reserved, especially in public. We rarely go out of our way to speak to strangers and keep ourselves to ourselves. But engaging in the smallest of conversations – it could be as simple as asking “hello, what’s the time?” – may help interrupt someone’s suicidal thoughts, Samaritans says.

Handsome confident businessman on his way home from work. He is standing on the train station platform at sunset, waiting for his train.

The pandemic has had a huge impact on mental health – and while it may have made the idea of small talk more daunting, it has also made us value a sense of community.

Dom, who prefers not to give his surname, knows how important small talk can be. As a teenager, he was experiencing suicidal thoughts but was interrupted at a crucial moment by someone who used small talk to ask if he was ok.

“When I was 19 years old, I was struggling to cope and didn’t know where to turn,” he tells HuffPost UK. “I was on my way to university one day and found myself thinking about ending my life. A lady came over and started a conversation with me and when I heard her ask, “are you ok?” it instantly snapped me out of thinking about harming myself.”

Dom, who now works for Network Rail himself, says he’s supporting the ‘Small Talk Saves Lives’ campaign because it saved his.

“From my own experience, I know suicidal thoughts can be interrupted and it was the kindness behind the small talk that also made a difference to me,” he says. “That human connection made me feel seen.

Working in the railway sector for almost a decade, Dom has used small talk on several occasions when someone’s behaviour has concerned him.

There aren’t “typical” signs someone might need help, Dom says. “When I’ve approached people, sometimes it’s because they’ve looked withdrawn, distant, or upset. Other times, they seem completely calm, but I’ll notice that they’re in an unusual location in relation to the environment. I would say, if you get a sense that something might be wrong, trust your instincts and start a conversation – as I’ve experienced, you could save a life.”

The public is better prepared for these interventions that you might expect.

A YouGov survey for Samaritans found over three quarters (78%) of UK adults have engaged in small talk during the pandemic – 37% of those surveyed said they had chatted with neighbours they hadn’t spoken to before and 37% with strangers at the supermarket.

Almost one in five said they are also more likely to want to make small talk with a stranger face-to-face not that restrictions are lifted. Given that small talk makes 57% of respondents feel less lonely and boosts the mental health and wellbeing of a further 45%, there’s potential to make a real difference here.

Of course, starting a conversation with a stranger can be difficult and it’s natural to feel nervous.

“If you spot someone you’re worried about and aren’t comfortable approaching them, then that’s completely fine as well,” Dom says. “You can still act by trying to find someone else who might be able to help, for example, a member of staff or police officer, or you can call 999 in an emergency.”

But with everything that’s happened in the past 18 months, Dom is optimistic that people can make a difference. “One thing I’ve noticed is the pandemic seems to have brought out a greater sense of community,” he says.

“I think we all recognise how important human connection is and that checking in on each other – whether it’s a friend or family member, a neighbour or key worker you’ve never spoken to before – can make a huge, positive difference to someone else’s day, as well as your own.”

Useful websites and helplines

Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.

CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.

The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk

Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

How Do You Talk To Kids About Trauma? This Mum Needed To Know

Posted on 01/08/2021 by Boris Clair

In 1994, one of Rwanda’s darkest moments in history took place – a genocide that saw the death of 1,100,000 people – of which 800,000 people were Tutsi, an ethnic group that were minorities in comparison to the majority Hutus.

At the time, Alice Musabende was 13-years-old. Her parent, grandparents, and siblings all died during the war. The now mum-of-two had only a few surviving members of her family; her aunt, uncle, and their kids. In 2005, as part of her studies, Musabende left Rwanda for Canada, building a life for herself; she married (but has since separated), and had two precious boys.

She began working as a journalist and academic, later moving to the UK to work at the University of Cambridge. But despite her writing and hours of research into what happened, Musabende found it almost impossible to articulate the reality of the violence which was unleashed on her people.

“I have spent so many hours, countless of times, writing and reading and trying really to capture the magnitude of the horror. And I still haven’t,” she tells HuffPost UK.

Now, her two children, aged five and eight, have questions about their grandparents, their home in Rwanda, and how their mother feels about it all.

So, in an attempt not to “run away from her demons”, Musabende had to find a way to voice the unspeakable horror she endured at such a young age. Which is how she began making a radio show with the BBC to start the story.

In Unspeakable, Musabende asks for help and guidance from other genocide survivors, second-generation holocaust survivors, a therapist who works with AIDS orphans in South Africa, and a publisher of stories in Rwanda.

She explores identity, generational trauma, and the place of storytelling and with the help of these other voices, she tries to piece together the answer to one fundamental question: how do I tell my kids about my trauma?

Mum-of-two Alice Musabende is figuring out the words to explain what happened in Rwanda 27 years ago

Firstly, says Musabende, she has had to come to terms with her own past.

“For the last 20 years, I’ve focused so much on me,” she explains. “I’ve done therapy, I tried to figure out how to live with PTSD, to understand how I will actually live a life without family, without anyone. I thought I was really getting a good handle on it. Then I moved here and in the middle of trying to reconfigure being a single parent and my work, I remember just one day thinking, ‘Oh no, I’m going to have to tell the boys about the genocide.’

“That bit was way more complicated than anything else I have done, mainly because the story of the genocide, for me, is extremely painful, but I think it’s painful for all the other survivors as well. Because I’ve spent so many years trying to run away from it, it was so hard.”

Growing up, Musabende was aware of the ethnic persecution of her Tutsi people – her family members had been arrested on suspicion of being part of rebel forces, and her granddad’s land had been seized.

After travelling to Ottawa for her graduate studies, Musabende recognised signs of PTSD in herself. She explains: “In school I couldn’t really function. I had a really difficult transition, I did so many things that we now associate with post traumatic stress disorder but at the time no one told me what it was.

“It wasn’t until I started different forms of therapy to make sense of what I was going through. Through those sessions, I wanted to find the essence of who I was, I wanted to be okay. I wanted to have joy, and I wanted to be able to use my brain to serve, to study and perhaps maybe even teach.”

In 2017, Musabende went back to Rwanda for the first time. Two years later, she took her two sons to show them where their family came from – so they could understand the great beauty, as much as the trauma, of her birthplace.

“I remember arriving in Rwanda and looking at these tiny humans and thinking, ‘This is their home, but I don’t know if they know that this is their home as well.’ That’s when things just started percolating in my head, I was like: ‘How do I do this, what do I say?’ She took her eldest boy, six at the time, to where her house used to be – now just a plot of land since it was destroyed in the genocide.

“I told him that’s where my home used to be and that’s where my brother and sister used to live. We were walking on this plot, he looked down, saw a piece of cloth, picked it up and said, ‘Do you think this was your sister’s dress?’ And I hadn’t seen that one coming. It was a bit of a struggle but I couldn’t cry.

“My words just left me. That’s when I realised he has questions. He has real questions where he’s trying to figure out where he fits into a story that’s so obscure and mysterious to him.”

Alice has since taken her children to Rwanda to show them the country

And Musabende had questions of her own, which is how the documentary came about. “I couldn’t write about it,” she says. “I don’t know how to write about it, so I thought to just ask people what they think.”

She was terrified. “I thought, ‘Oh, am I traumatising my children by telling them these horrible things?’ Previously I’d thought it’s best not to say anything as you don’t upset them. But I know that they want to know. They’re not asking tough questions. Their questions are like ‘Do you miss your mum?’ or ’Do you think your mum would have loved me?’Those things are so difficult because they send you right back to that place where you wish you didn’t have to go.

Unspeakable is Musabende’s attempt to bridge the gap between that place she has avoided for the past 27 years “and the place I am in now, as a parent hoping to raise healthy, well-grounded, empathetic children.”

Alice's radio show Unspeakable comes out today — Alice’s radio show Unspeakable comes out today

It’s not just genocide she has to talk to her children about. By virtue of being a mother to two young Black boys, Musabende knows that she will become accustomed to difficult conversations.

“Raising Black boys in a western culture that’s always telling them so many things about them that are false, it’s an even bigger responsibility to tell them about where they come from, what happened to them and tell them exactly who they are, so that when they get out there, they know in their hearts that they’re valued, that they are loved, that they are cared for.

“It is my job to tell my kids who they are. I haven’t quite figured out how to tell them the full story of my history so you’ll see in the documentary, I’m still learning, it’s a long journey.”

Unspeakable airs on BBC Radio 4 on Fridays and is available on BBC Sounds.

Approaching conversations about trauma

Alice Musabende wants to share the following advice for fellow parents.

First of all, accept you don’t know how to say it all

“That realisation that I don’t know how to talk to my children was the beginning of my quest because for a very long time, I just pretended that it wasn’t there. Once I sat down and I thought, ‘I know I have to, and I don’t know how,’ that was the beginning.”

Find a safe space to make sense of the trauma yourself

“I wouldn’t have been able to have this conversation five years ago. I had to do so much of my own work in self-healing, therapy, in figuring out how to listen. It took me so much time to get here.”

Seek guidance, talk to others who might understand

“You’ll be surprised about how many people are struggling to address these serious issues with their children. There are parents everywhere trying to figure out how to say things.”

Know that the conversation is hard but important

“You can’t just focus on the fact that you are transmitting trauma. You also have to know that by processing things, by seeking to figure out what the appropriate language is, you’re also ensuring that your kids will be more resilient, because you are being more resilient.”

Celebrate yourself for all that you’ve overcome

“We often forget to celebrate our resilience but ultimately, we should really look at ourselves and think, ‘We are here. We made it. We have children and they seem somewhat okay.’ That’s a win for me.”

Useful websites and helplines

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.

Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).

CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.

The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk

Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Birth Injuries Are Leaving Some Mums Wishing They’d Never Had Kids

Posted on 14/07/2021 by Boris Clair

One in four women who experience a severe injury during birth regret having their child. It’s taboo to admit, but with more than 600,000 women giving birth in England and Wales alone each year, we need to talk about this.

A new survey of mothers affected by birth injuries lays bare the physical and psychological impact on women, which can last years into their child’s life.

The overwhelming majority (85%) of mothers who suffered severe injuries say their experience damaged their relationship with their child, with 14% saying this harm was permanent. One in three (34%) said they saw their child as the cause of the injury while, heartbreakingly, three in 10 (31%) thought their child would be better off without them.

The research, from birth injury charity The MASIC Foundation, surveyed 325 women who self-identified as having suffered severe perineal trauma when giving birth. The sample size may be small, but the research adds to growing concern about women’s health outcomes after giving birth in the UK.

While it’s important to acknowledge that millions of women around the world give birth each year without problems, it’s equally important to say this isn’t always the case – and women are increasingly talking about their negative experiences and demanding better care.

HuffPost UK has previously reported on the gaps in NHS postpartum care that widened during the pandemic. In a separate survey of mums, the majority (91%) said they were not given enough advice during pregnancy about postpartum recovery.

We also know that Black women are five times more likely to die during childbirth than white women. A controversial proposal to tackle this – inducing labour at 39 weeks for pregnant black, Asian and minority ethnic women as a matter of course – has been called “racist” by some doctors and midwives.

In the latest research, 78% of women surveyed said they have traumatic memories of birth and 52% said they face embarrassment due to symptoms of their injury.

This rings true for Catherine*, who had a prolonged labour following induction with her son, which then required an episiotomy and ventouse (vacuum delivery).

She had a third-degree tear (defined as a tear that extends into the anal sphincter), but it was initially misdiagnosed as a second-degree tear, meaning she wasn’t offered the correct treatment. Her undiagnosed injury left her in too much pain to sit down or attend mother and baby groups, leaving her “essentially house-bound” for her maternity leave. After a year – and hitting a brick wall with the NHS – she accessed help at a private clinic.

The damage has been permanent, though, and she’s still prone to toilet urgency and accidents. Catherine now carries pads, wipes, Imodium and spare underwear everywhere she goes. She quit a job she loved as she was struggling to manage her condition, and has been diagnosed with PTSD.

““My confidence, my me-ness, the essence of who I am, has been destroyed.”

– Catherine, 44, Bristol

“My confidence, my me-ness, the essence of who I am, has been destroyed,” says the 44-year-old, from Bristol. “My relationships with my child and my partner have suffered.”

Catherine has struggled to talk to friends about her experience – or even watch programmes when childbirth is mentioned – and has counselling each year in the run-up to her son’s birthday.

“With my son, I love him dearly, he is the best thing in my life, but his birth caused the injury and it is difficult to square the two,” she says.

“Every year I dread his birthday and the reminders of my traumatic experience. It is not fair on him or on me – his birthdays are not a happy occasion, but every year I have to pretend it is.”

While her partner has been understanding, Catherine says “he also carries his own guilt about what happened”. Their physical relationship has also been impacted hugely. “I feel like a shell of my former self at times,” she adds.

Like Catherine, 69% of mothers surveyed said the impact of a birth injury was both physical and emotional. Almost half (45%) said they have had postnatal depression as a result and 29% said it has affected their ability to breastfeed their baby, with 18% stopping earlier than planned.

Elizabeth*, who now has a 10-year-old daughter, describes the period after birth as the “worst time of [her] entire life” and is still impacted by her birth injury a decade later.

Aged 30, she had a fourth-degree tear (a tear that extends further into the lining of the anus). Six days after delivery, she passed faeces vaginally and was in extreme pain. She was then readmitted to hospital and found to have a recto-vaginal fistula, causing an infection in her vagina and bowel.

““I am ashamed to say that at times I wished I had never become a mother and I grieved for the life I had before.””

– Elizabeth, 40, Hampshire

Although she’s had further treatment, she still experiences rectal incontinence, which has affected her ability to socialise and work. “I often avoid eating out as this stimulates my bowel,” says the now 40-year-old, from Hampshire. “I always need to know where the toilets are.”

Her birth injury meant Elizabeth was forced to give up her beloved hobbies of horse riding and swimming. For a long time, she was in too much pain to even walk her dog. “I am ashamed to say that at times I wished I had never become a mother and I grieved for the life I had before,” she says. “I paid such a high price to have a baby.”

Jen Hall, a MASIC spokesperson, is sadly unsurprised by Catherine and Elizabeth’s stories, after having a “brutal forceps delivery” that left her with physical and psychological damage herself.

“Nobody warns you that having a child can leave you with life-changing injuries and no woman should have to go through this without support and proper medical care,” she says.

Most of these injuries are “entirely preventable”, she adds – the result of something going wrong during birth or a failure to identify risk factors beforehand, according to MASIC. The charity is calling on the government and the NHS to roll out a programme of training for medical professionals.

The Obstetric Anal Sphincter Injury (OASI) care bundle – a package of training which has been praised by the Royal College of Midwives – has been trialled in 16 maternity units across the NHS and is being extended to a further 20, but this still leaves three in four (76%) maternity units yet to be reached.

The charity is calling for it to be rolled out nationwide. They’ve also set out a seven-point plan for better care, calling for:

Improved identification, diagnosis and treatment of birth injuries in the NHS.
An education programme for obstetricians and midwives so that severe injuries are recognised at birth and treated in line with best evidence.
A primary care education programme so that all women are asked at contacts following birth about signs and symptoms of OASI/incontinence, with appropriate referral pathways for those with symptoms in line with the NHS long-term plan.
Information about the risks of OASI given to all women antenatally.
Women’s concerns to be listened to and not dismissed as “normal” postnatal experiences.
Specialised psychological treatment and support for women after OASI injury and an end to the stigma and taboo of talking about these injuries.
Dedicated OASI clinics nationwide.

HuffPost UK has contacted NHS England and the Department for Health and Social Care for a response. We’ll update this article if they provide a statement.

Without change, women like Catherine do not feel like they can have a second child. “I feel like I was someone the birth just happened to,” she says. “At the time I was happy to place my faith in the medical professionals dealing with me; I had no reason not to. Whilst birth is normal, natural and inevitable, and women’s bodies are designed to do it, unfortunately as we all know it isn’t always that simple. The people who were meant to help me through it let me down.”

• Surnames have been omitted to offer anonymity to interviewees.

Useful websites and helplines

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.

Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).

CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.

The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk

Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Meghan And Harry Back Racial Justice Movement And Mental Health Charity

Posted on 13/03/2021 by Boris Clair

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s Archewell Foundation has named new causes it would be supporting, including an online racial justice movement and mental health charity Mind.

It made the announcement on Friday, less than a week after their televised two-hour tell-all primetime show with Oprah Winfrey was broadcast.

During the programme, Meghan told the chat show host she had been suicidal while in the royal family and claimed she received no help after telling staff about her suffering.

She and Harry also made explosive allegations of racist comments about their one-year-old son, Archie.

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The British royal family has been left reeling by allegations of racism by the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Meghan and Harry, pictured here during their tell-all interview with Oprah Winfrey

In an update from the foundation, it said it would be providing support to Colour of Change, Mind, The PressPad Charitable Foundation and URL Media.

UK-based charity Mind was among those who supported Meghan’s openness about her mental health struggles during the interview.

They tweeted: “We applaud Meghan Markle for speaking out about her experiences of suicidal thoughts. We know that opening up in this way can be really difficult, but when high-profile people talk about these experiences, it helps to break down the stigma around mental health issues.”

Colour of Change describes itself as the US’s “largest online racial justice organisation” and works across criminal justice, voting freedom and economic justice, adding: “We cannot end racism in one area without tackling it in all areas.”

The PressPad Charitable Foundation works to improve diversity within the media by “lowering the financial barrier for young people who want to become journalists”.

Social enterprise PressPad wrote on Twitter: “We are delighted to announce that we have just registered a sister charity, The PressPad Charitable Foundation, and are thrilled that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex and their Archewell Foundation will be among our first donors.

“We’re excited by such positive action after difficult yet important moments of reckoning for the UK media.

“We’re proud to say our values of action, compassion & community align with the #archewellfoundation. Thanks to everyone who spoke their truth.”

URL Media describes itself as a “multi-platform network of high-performing Black and Brown media organisations” and was launched in January.

On their website, they said: “As the US enters a new chapter, we offer an alternative to business as usual.”