‘Long Covid’ Damaged My Body. But It Destroyed My Mental Health

HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.

Your personal data that may be used

  • Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address
  • Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps
  • Precise location

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select ‘I agree‘, or select ‘Manage settings‘ for more information and to manage your choices. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls.

Share Button

The Secrets To Long-Term Love, From Couples Who’ve Been Married For Decades

HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.

Your personal data that may be used

  • Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address
  • Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps
  • Precise location

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select ‘I agree‘, or select ‘Manage settings‘ for more information and to manage your choices. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls.

Share Button

Goals of Being

Many years ago one of my goals for public speaking was to design and deliver my own three-day workshop on the Las Vegas Strip. I first achieved that goal in 2009. That was a goal of doing.

Another goal I had for public speaking was to develop such strong comfort with public speaking that I could feel fully present in front of an audience, so I could be spontaneous and in the moment and not feel anxiety or nervousness – just enjoyment, fun, playfulness, and connection. I achieved that goal somewhere along the way. I demonstrated it at the three-day 2015 Conscious Heart Workshop, delivered spontaneously with lots of fun, playfulness, and inspiration in the moment – and no nervousness or anxiety. There was no plan or content preparation for that workshop. I facilitated it from the flow of inspiration and audience suggestion moment by moment. That was a goal of being.

At another time I had a goal of writing a book and getting it published. That was achieved in 2008. More doing.

But I also had a goal of writing that book in a way that I could always feel really good about it, and I wouldn’t feel like I’d outgrown it a decade or two later. I wanted to have a timeless relationship with that book and its principles throughout my life. More being. I still feel such a connection to that book, now 12 years after it was published.

The culture that I find myself within gives a lot of weight to doing and not enough to being. Pursuing goals “at all costs” is lauded by many. But we pay a price for this focus – a loss of connection to being.

When you set goals for the New Year (or anytime really), give some attention to the beingness aspects, not just to your activities and results.

Beingness is surprisingly powerful. A lot of doingness takes care of itself if you invest in the right experience of beingness.

Results of Beingness

Here are some examples of goals that I’ve achieved that have enhanced my life greatly, which have more to do with being than doing.

  • I’m in a long-term relationship with a woman who makes me smile when I see her. We laugh together every day. Even after spending so much time together, especially this year, I still look forward to more time with her.
  • My vegan diet forever changed the way I relate to animals. I look upon them with a sense of fellowship and reverence, not as objects to be bought and consumed.
  • I have written millions of words of published content, but for me the more important goal was learning to write from inspiration. I never get writer’s block. That’s due to trust, not because of self-discipline. I don’t have to force anything. I’ve learned how to invite, tune into, and trust the flow. With the right beingness, the doingness is relatively easy. Most of the content I’ve written, including all of my blog articles and YouTube videos, are donated to the public domain, so anyone is free to republish, repurpose, or translate them.
  • I’m happy. I like my life. I look forward to each day. I often feel appreciative and grateful and lucky, not as some kind of deliberate practice but just as an automatic inner response. I’ve made it a priority to live my life in such a way that these feelings naturally arise. I say no to a lot of doing-based projects that would predictably reduce my happiness. I say yes to invitations and activities that will predictably increase my happiness. And I test that predictability now and then to see if my predictions are still accurate.
  • I get up at 5am each morning. This doesn’t require any force. I’m simply in love with the early morning hours. I seem to have a special relationship with that time of day. It’s that relationship that makes it easy to get out of bed – no force or discipline needed.
  • I feel that I have a healthy and positive relationship with money. I enjoy earning it and find it fairly easy to earn plenty of it when I want. I like spending it too. I like saving it. I invested a lot of thought and experimentation into improving my relationship with money – to drive out the fears and worries about it and to replace those fears and worries with play, trust, creativity, appreciation, inspiration, and other positive aspects of beingness. I used to struggle with money during my 20s, and that struggle didn’t occur during my 30s and 40s. This was solved not with more doing but with better being.
  • I have friends who inspire me to be a better person. I find that such people naturally flow into my life and stick around, not from working on my action-based social skills but from deepening my connection to the person I really want to be in each moment. When I express my beingness in the moment, people who are aligned with me seem naturally attracted to me. I also find it beautiful, remarkable, and empowering when someone else really expresses their beingness. It makes me feel in awe of that person. I tend to feel more awe from a person’s beingness rather than from their actions and accomplishments.

I tend to value my gains in beingness more than my gains in doingness. That’s because the right beingness makes the doing part easier and more fun.

Setting Goals of Being

I encourage you to actually set some goals of being. They may look like doing-based goals on the surface, but how you experience them is at least as important as the doing part. So the goal is really about the presence you bring to the experience.

Here are some examples:

  • Deliver a one-hour presentation with zero nervousness or anxiety.
  • Learn to enjoy doing your taxes that you file them at least a few weeks ahead of the due date. Find a way to fully enjoy the process with little or no resistance.
  • Earn $10K in one day, in a playful and inspired way. Form the intention, and then act on the flow of inspiration moment by moment. This seems like it’s about the doing, but it’s really about working through self-limiting beliefs and creating a more playful and inspired relationship with reality. You have to stop the self-censoring and self-doubt and learn to “yes, and” the ideas that flow through. This goals is nearly impossible if your relationship with inspiration is weak. It can be fun do it if that relationship is strong. You might even set such a goal and then find that you’re getting redirected towards an even better or bigger goal.
  • Prepare and eat a meal that’s super healthy, super delicious, and feels delightful to prepare it, eat it, and digest it. This requires that you really listen to how you’re connecting with the food during each step. And then you must be present to how your body is experiencing the food after you’ve eaten it.
  • Become a hugger. Become a person who gives and receives willing hugs, maybe even every day. Create a life rich in consensual touch. Oh, this was an amazing one to achieve, given my starting point. It took years to get there, but it was so worth it.
  • If you start a blog, YouTube channel, podcast, or something similar, define what kind of relationship you want to have with the many loops of creating and publishing new material that you’ll experience. What I’ve found helpful is that the process must be a growth experience for me; otherwise I’ll get bored and resist it. I also have to write for people I care about helping. This is more important than traffic or numbers. I need to love the process of creation. If I don’t love it, it means the beingness is wrong, and I need to approach it differently.
  • Make a really good, new friend. Good luck with turning this into a step-by-step action plan. With the right beingness though, this one is a lot easier. What makes you a good friend? Are you being that kind of person consistently?

So don’t just consider the what aspect of your goals. Pay great attention to the how and the why. Consider what kind of life you’re creating. Look at the inner experience of what it will be like to achieve your goals one way versus another way. There are so many ways to achieve results externally, but many approaches won’t feel very aligned or pleasant on the inside.

When you ignore the beingness aspect of a goal, you’ll likely sabotage the doingness part as well. It’s hard to take action when you’d rather procrastinate. If you’d rather play video games, how can you bring the beingness aspect that you enjoy while gaming into your other goals? What kind of player are you being in those game worlds? Are you being that player in other areas of life?

One sign that I have the beingness right is that I smile warmly when I think about my goals. It makes me happy to think about doing them. I look forward to working on them day by day. I’m not just motivated by the end result. I can savor the journey as well.

Share Button

This Pigs In Blanket Cheesy Quiche Recipe Is A Festive Dinner Winner

HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.

Your personal data that may be used

  • Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address
  • Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps
  • Precise location

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select ‘I agree‘, or select ‘Manage settings‘ for more information and to manage your choices. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls.

Share Button

A Guide To Doing Your New Year’s Eve At Home Because… 2020

HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.

Your personal data that may be used

  • Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address
  • Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps
  • Precise location

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select ‘I agree‘, or select ‘Manage settings‘ for more information and to manage your choices. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls.

Share Button

Why You Can Get The Vaccine Even If You’d Already Had Covid-19

HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.

Your personal data that may be used

  • Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address
  • Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps
  • Precise location

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select ‘I agree‘, or select ‘Manage settings‘ for more information and to manage your choices. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls.

Share Button

Making Unpopular Decisions

If you’re committed to learning and growing, you’ll need to get used to making decisions that others disagree with. It’s inevitable that you’ll eventually face decisions that are opposed by some social resistance.

Maybe you’d love to pursue the path of entrepreneurship, but your family thinks it’s a bad idea.

Maybe you’d like to upgrade your diet, but your friends keep trying to talk you out of it.

Maybe you’d like to explore an open relationship, but your partner keeps nudging you away from that.

If you’re in a situation like this, you’re not alone. This is one of the most common types of feedback I’ve received in the past 16 years that I’ve been working in this field.

People see this kind of social resistance as a real block that’s holding them back. But it’s really just a basic test of whether you can make growth-oriented decisions and follow through. Having people whine about your choices is hardly the biggest challenge you’ll face. It may seem like a major hurdle, but it’s a minor speed bump relative to more interesting challenges you’ll face.

This block doesn’t usually go away on its own. If you let it stop you today, it will still be there in the future. It’s a problem to solve in your mindset today, not in a month or two.

The (somewhat obvious) truth is that if you want to pursue interesting goals and experiences, you’ll need to get used to making decisions that some people oppose. This needn’t make you cold and callous. You can consider others’ opinions. But it’s your life that you’re living, and you’re responsible for your results.

While other people may be affected by the external effects of your decisions, no one else has to live in your mind each day, dealing with the internal consequences of inaction and stagnation.

Here’s a mindset framing that I’ve found helpful in these situations:

If I don’t do this, I’m still going to be thinking about doing it next year… and the year after… and the year after that. I know it’s risky, and I still want to explore it. Even if it doesn’t pan out, it’s still worth doing to satisfy my curiosity about it. Then I could let it go, and at least I’ll be letting it go from a place of some knowing and personal exploration, not from ignorance.

No matter what happens, I’ll surely learn something if I engage in this. It doesn’t matter that much if I fail. I can recover from failure, and I’ll be a little smarter and wiser on the other side. And besides, one failure doesn’t rule out the entire possibility space in that direction. I can always try again in a different way. There may be a lengthy learning process to go through.

But what if this does lead to a better life? I have to find out if that’s the case. Even if this first step doesn’t work for me, it could also be a stepping stone to something better. I can’t see past this idea till I test it, so I have to test it to at least get it out of the way and clear this from my mind.

If you don’t take action to explore what keeps churning in your mind year after year, you’re sentencing your future self to more of the same.

When you’re tempted to explore something, you’re not really present to what’s arising in your life right now. Part of you would rather be doing something else, living somewhere else, or connecting with different people. That isn’t likely to change. You’ll continue to be tempted and distracted until you do something about it.

When I dive into a new exploration – actually when I make a committed decision, even before I get into the active exploration part – I feel an immediate increase in presence. Life feels more real and vivid. I feel more engaged with reality on a day to day basis. I feel more energy and excitement flowing through me. Have you had similar experiences?

I might also feel a bit scared or trepidatious. I think: What am I getting myself into here? Am I really doing this?ˆWith action this kind of emotion flows into some early results that encourage me to keep going.

When you face these situations, be deeply honest with yourself. If other people want you to let go of your idea, can you really do that? Can you let it go and forget about it? Can you continue living in the world that others would have you live in? Can you be fully present to that world?

Or will you continue dreaming, wondering, pondering, and asking what if?

What do you predict will happen?

If you don’t honor this voice enough, you’re not honoring who you really are. You’re stamping out the person you’re capable of becoming, and if you keep doing that, it will lead to a hollow life of massive regret. You’ll be sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else explore… always wondering what might have been. You’ll be a non-player character in the game of life.

You can’t just dream. You have to act on those dreams. Otherwise your dreams will eventually abandon you, and they’ll go to someone else, but they will leave behind just enough energy to haunt you for decades. Someone else will get to experience the results of action. You’ll get to experience the results of if only.

Realize that it won’t get any easier to postpone your dreams and ideas. You’re only sentencing yourself to another year of non-presence. But of course people don’t usually sentence themselves to a year at a time. They do it a day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute at a time.

Why not make a different decision this minute? You can do that. Yes, it takes courage, so be a person of courage.

Make your choice. Explore your idea. Let people squawk about it.

Share Button

This Is How Top Chefs Make Scotch Eggs So Deliciously Runny Inside

HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.

Your personal data that may be used

  • Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address
  • Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps
  • Precise location

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select ‘I agree‘, or select ‘Manage settings‘ for more information and to manage your choices. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls.

Share Button

How To Stay As Safe As Possible In Pubs And Restaurants

HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.

Your personal data that may be used

  • Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address
  • Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps
  • Precise location

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select ‘I agree‘, or select ‘Manage settings‘ for more information and to manage your choices. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls.

Share Button

Pondering a 365-Day Challenge for 2021

Are you thinking about doing a 365-day challenge for 2021?

I’m already thinking about doing another one.

I still have 4 weeks left on my 2020 daily blogging challenge, which actually started on December 24, 2019. It feels like an easy coast to the finish line after blogging for 345 days in a row.

Doing something every day for a year can be transformational, even if you stop after that year, because it creates an empowering reference experience. You gain a memory of achievement that you’ll have for the rest of your life.

Knowing that you can do something every day for a year helps you nuke any future excuses about not feeling motivated or capable. It permanently changes your self-image. It will make you ask: If I can do this, what else could I do?

You also get the benefits and results of whatever you achieved with that habit. This year I’ve published hundreds of new articles and some new videos. I also created and published the 65-lesson Stature course and wrote a rough first draft of a new novel (55K words). It’s been a great year creatively as well as a great year income-wise. Timing-wise it was somehow perfect as well.

The daily blogging challenge was always meant to be for just one year, so I’m not going to continue with everyday posting in 2021. I’m looking forward to a year of less frequent blogging in 2021.

The Early Game

This is a good time to start pondering whether you’ll do a 365-day challenge for 2021, especially if you need time to work on the early game of preparation. It can take a while for the mind to warm up to the idea. Sometimes it’s a slow build to get to the point of commitment.

I often feel that these challenges choose me rather than the other way around. I catch myself pondering a crazy idea, and it keeps bouncing around in my mind week after week. First I feel inclined to reject it as too extreme or burdensome. But then it slowly seduces me. The many benefits eventually tempt me to go for it, especially when I consider how such a challenge will still be paying dividends 20+ years later.

You win such challenges before Day 1. If you have any doubt that you’ll successfully complete the full year before Day 1 starts (other than not being able to account for surprise risks like unexpected health problems), you haven’t done the early game well enough.

It is possible to fail at such a challenge, but if you’re still harboring significant self-doubt at the start, then you’ve already lost the challenge in your mind. You win these challenges mentally before you win them physically.

A 365-day challenge is a commitment test. Can you follow through on some specific behavior every day for a year? Knowing that you can commit and follow through on a daily activity for a full year is powerful. It grants you access to bigger and more interesting goals that require consistent investment over a long stretch. It helps you move beyond the limitations of instant gratification.

You can always quit along the way. Maybe the challenge won’t create the benefits you expected, and you may find it wise to reassess your commitment. But even in such cases, you may decide that it’s best to press on and finish. It’s a special achievement to complete the full year without missing a single day, even if it doesn’t go as planned.

It’s predictable that some days you will think about quitting. So you can decide in advance how you’ll handle those days when they occur. How will you get yourself to continue even when you don’t feel like continuing? How will you access the will to keep going?

Some days this year I didn’t feel like blogging. That was no surprise. I could predict in advance that I wouldn’t always motivated to follow through. Surely there will be some difficult days over an entire year. But I also knew that I could still create and publish on those days. I could frame those days as invitations to lean deeper into trust, to listen more closely to inspiration, to train up my self-discipline, to focus on helping people, etc. I have plenty of inner resources to leverage when the going gets tough.

That’s one of the key benefits of a 365-day challenge. It deepens your connection to your best inner resources. It makes you a stronger and more capable human being.

The 2021 Challenge I’m Pondering

For 2021 I’m considering eating raw for the whole year.

I’ve eaten fully raw for as much 6 months in a row before but never a whole year straight. The last time I was really into raw foods as a lifestyle was back in 2008-2009, so it’s been more than a decade.

Since then I’ve done some 30-day raw food challenges now and then, along with various other health-related challenges, including a 17-day and a 40-day water fast and lots of detoxing experiments.

In fact, if not for all the health-related experimentation over so many years, I think this year of daily blogging would have been a lot harder. It’s easier to produce an abundance of creative work when the mind feels calm, clear, and focused. Reducing the toxic load on our bodies pays huge mental dividends.

The benefits of eating raw are stellar, even compared to my baseline of eating fully vegan for almost 24 years (mostly whole foods). So I’m curious what it would be like to experience that for a whole year.

At the very least, I intend to go raw for January. But I’m thinking of a bigger step up to a full year. That seems more intimidating but also more exciting.

I think 2021 would also be a good year to do this. I don’t expect to do much, if any, traveling for the first 6 months of the year. It’s relatively easy for me to eat raw at home, but it’s harder to maintain while traveling (depending on where I go).

I have a lot of experience with this diet already, so I’m sure I could do it physically. It really is a different mode of living though, not just diet-wise, so I’m pondering whether I really want to invest in that lifestyle for a year.

What I’m curious about it what it would be like to establish eat raw as my new baseline. I think it would be interesting to establish that as my default way of eating and then to experiment around it to see what effect certain tweaks and changes would have, such as:

  • Including occasional steamed water-rich veggies like zucchini or broccoli
  • Including occasional cooked starches like potatoes, sweet potatoes, or squash
  • Including occasional roasted nuts like pistachios
  • Olive and/or coconut oil vs no oil
  • Different % of calories from fat (10%, 20%, 30%, 40%)
  • Smoothies with added powders vs no powders (maca, carob, acai, maqui berry, etc)
  • Taking detox supplements vs none
  • Cacao vs no cacao
  • Caffeinated tea vs herbal tea vs none
  • Juicing daily vs not juicing (16-32 oz)
  • Including green smoothies vs eating only solid foods
  • Olives vs no olives
  • Avocado vs no avocado
  • Salt vs no salt
  • Fermented foods like tamari or sauerkraut vs no fermented foods
  • Dehydrated foods vs no dehydrated foods

When I try to do these kinds of experiments on a cooked vegan diet, I usually don’t notice any differences. The baseline is too complex and obscures such subtle changes. I have to make much bigger changes to notice a meaningful difference.

So I’m considering this as a self-study experiment. I’d love to learn more about how my body reacts to certain foods. But to do the kind of experimentation I’d really like, I need a more sensitive baseline.

I might also weave in a juice feast along the way for 30, 60, or 90 days. This means having only fresh juice (no food or smoothies) but still consuming plenty of calories. I did a 30-day juice feast in 2008, and it was a rough experience, but I loved the mental and emotional gains after I was done. I felt a bit unprepared for that experience last time, but now I have a better understanding of what it’s really like. It was actually harder than water fasting.

I’m still incubating this idea, so it may change form within the next few weeks. This includes exploring the why for doing it versus not doing it. There are a lot of angles to eating raw, so if I do this as a one-year challenge, I’ll want to give myself some flexibility in how I define it. Since I’ve already eaten raw for an extended period before, I’m less interested in doing this for discipline reasons, and I’m more interested in long-term self-understanding and health benefits. So if I do this one, I’ll want to frame it as a dynamic and adaptive experience. I expect that this kind of experiment could take on a life of its own after a few months.

I do feel like raw foods are calling to me once again though. I’m starting to lose interest in cooked foods, even as I continue to eat them this month. The energy signature of raw foods is feeling more aligned.

If you start feeling tempted by the idea of doing a one-year challenge, let the idea incubate for a while. You don’t have to commit this early. Let it roll around in your mind first. Give it a chance to seduce you. See if you start noticing synchronicities about it. Does it feel like the challenge is choosing you?

Share Button