I’m Mortified By My Dad’s New Relationship. I’m Afraid To Tell Him The Truth.

Posted on 05/10/2025 by Boris Clair

Family Beef is our family advice column at HuffPost Family. Have a beef you want us to weigh in on? Submit it here.

Dear Family Beef,

My Dad’s (58) new girlfriend (28) is only two years older than me (F26). I want him to be happy but I can’t get over how creepy it is that she was in elementary school the same time I was, that she was still in diapers when he was changing mine. It’s just weird. He has had other girlfriends since divorcing my mom, but they were all in their 40s and 50s and felt more age appropriate. So I’ve never had a bad reaction like this.

He keeps asking me and my boyfriend to go to dinner with them and making comments about how we’ll “get along so well” and I keep finding excuses to avoid it. I find the whole thing embarrassing and don’t want other people in my life to see and judge him as a creepy old cradle robber..

Is this something I should talk to him about or ignore until it hopefully goes away?

— I Don’t Want A Sister Step Mom

Dear Sister Step,

Oh, you’re absolutely allowed to be weirded out. Validating the weird-out here. That’s not to say that their relationship itself is weird, though.

This is one of those situations where what you feel matters, but not nearly as much as what the two adults in a relationship feel about each other. But your ambivalence isn’t uncommon or necessarily irrational either. Two things can be true!

These days, so-called “age-gap” relationships get a lot of flak because, as you allude to in your letter, there’s a lot of judgment floating around. There are situations where the older partner may have more obvious power or sway over the younger partner (emotionally, financially, etc.), and the cartoonish stereotypes of older individuals perpetually chasing youth or younger people looking for a “sugar parent” to spoil them. These dynamics can happen and can be frustrating to watch from the sidelines — but, ultimately, it’s up to those two adults to decide what kind of relationship they want to be in and how they are with one another.

“An adult child has come to understand power dynamics and is used to a level of separation with their parents’ generation,” sexologist and couples clinician Dr. Lexx Brown-James, told HuffPost. “So having a parent dating someone of similar age can feel discomforting because we make the connection that a parent could be dating one of our friends or someone that we could even date.”

To me, it’s not a bad idea to take a little space while you figure out why you feel the way you do. Talk with some trusted neutral parties (friends! your partner! a therapist!) before engaging with your dad and this partner. You might need to purge the “WTF” feelings in a safe, non-toxic way. And that gives you a better chance at responding to the situation you’re actually in rather than just reacting to the scariest stories you’ve been telling yourself about the situation.

“Not meeting a parent partner first off is absolutely a worthwhile strategy and there are a few considerations,” Brown-James notes. “In the ’Ber months of the year, is this person coming to family functions especially? Also, is your parent being safe? There can be questions around health, technology, and other factors that some times elder generations are less savvy with, how much do you as the child want to be involved? Also, know that choosing not to meet the partner, may create some resentment or hurt in your parental relationship. That can cause grief for both of you.”

Avoiding the conversation entirely, though? That won’t be beneficial to any of these relationships. Sure, you may “luck out” and this relationship could go just a few weeks or months before fizzling out – but the T. rex method of “stand still until the scary, uncomfortable or awkward thing is gone” really isn’t ever as effective as we’d want it to be.

But, Brown-James does note that you might want to consider a few things before you initiate a conversation.

“Consider what your parent is looking for in bringing this to you. Are they looking for permission, are they just sharing, are they wanting feedback, are they wanting you to participate in a family structure? Once intentions are set, you can decide your boundaries and share them,” Brown-James said. “In less safe relationships, where maybe there is more expectation on a child to confirm or agree, there might need to be a further distance.”

Elizabeth DeVaughn, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship specialist, also adds that playing through the pain of this discomfort and having the conversation can serve to deepen your parent-adult child relationship in the long run.

“The discomfort she’s feeling could be a beautiful opportunity to connect with her dad authentically. She can name the discomfort she’s feeling while also expressing that she’s working through the details of the discomfort with a therapist or with friends,” DeVaughn said. “This way, she gives herself space to process while staying open to the fact that her dad may be building a great relationship with this new woman.”

I know I would be so morbidly curious enough to want to witness the pair together myself, to really understand if they have something special or if the May-December situation is actually as cartoonish as my nightmares. Some of these dynamics are actually just normal couples who make each other happy. But you won’t know what their situation actually is if you keep them at arm’s length and, if it is as bad as you fear, you can be an informed observer.

Now, if you do decide to power through the discomfort and have dinner with them, here are a few other ways to make that process a little bit easier on you:

Practice some radical acceptance

Ultimately, your dad is an autonomous person as is his 28-year-old GF. Whatever ride they are on together is theirs — and whether or not there’s a lasting love there (or if the age difference gets in the way) is something they need to find out for themselves.

So this is where you have to pull out the “radical acceptance” that therapists are always going on about: You’re not in their relationship, and you can’t make the call on what is “right” for them.

“Radical acceptance means acknowledging reality, rather than resisting the relationship,” Dr. Greg Gomez, Clinical Director at The Oasis Rehab in California “In this situation, it is recognising that the parent has chosen to remain in the relationship regardless of the age gap. This is beyond the child’s control.”

You can, however, have boundaries. You don’t need to want to hang out with him and his partner at this stage in their dating life. You can respectfully side-step the hangs for a bit longer until you get a sense of how lasting this relationship might be.

You can also use some of these tried-and-true strategies for first meetings to make this less of a “Four Seasons” eye-roll situation and more of a “short getting-to-know-you chat with a new person” situation:

Bring a buddy! Having your partner there with you or a trusted friend along as your wing-person could also be a helpful buffer to bring down the temperature of this meeting in your head.
Humanise the new girlfriend. Even if you don’t want to talk about your discomfort just yet, you can ask your dad to tell you more about this partner as a human being. What are her hobbies? What did they do on their first date? These little details can help humanise his new partner and help you connect. This keeps her from becoming a boogeyman in your head.
Build-in a hard out. The best part of going anywhere is leaving. Make a plan with a clear end time so you do not feel like you’re trapped. (I love a “let’s get lunch at 1, but we have to leave by 3.”) It sets expectations and offers you a little bit of a light at the end of the social interaction tunnel.

Try to be ‘happy for their happy’

A term that comes up a lot in non-monogamous and poly circles that might be helpful for you? Compersion. This means that you’re able to be happy for the happiness that you can feel over someone else’s happiness. (The Buddhist term “mudita,” or a sympathetic joy, is similar as well).

It’s a really lovely idea that can benefit all of your relationships when you put it into practice: You don’t need to love or cheer on every decision your loved one makes, but you can look to see if they are happy in this relationship — and try to access the part of you that is genuinely thrilled for that happiness.

“Radical acceptance can be hard,” Brown-James said. “Here is where compersion comes into play. Can you be happy for your parent’s happy? Isn’t that what really matters most?”

You said it yourself: You want your dad to be happy — and this relationship, even if you don’t understand it, might just be something that makes him feel that way.

Advice From Our Readers

Some of our Platinum HuffPosters offered up their own advice on this question. Here’s what they had to say:

“Let Dad have his fling.”

“I would say let the Dad have his fling.The longer she ignores him the more attractive the younger woman will seem to him. Maybe she should meet her & try to see what it is that he sees in her. It can’t hurt to try [and] it would make her Dad happy. Life is too short for this kind of drama.”

—Sue McCarthy

“Give Dad grace.”

“Did Dad ask for your opinion on his dating life? You want him to be happy, but you want him to make you happy, as well? Grow up. You’re not a child any longer and Dad’s a grown man. It’s not his job to make you happy, he doesn’t need to run his life according to your comfort level. Your entire complaint is about you, not Dad. You’re worried about being embarrassed for whom? Yourself? Dad doesn’t seem to be worried. Stop whining and judging and give Dad grace. If he’s happy, the problem is you, not him. Don’t run away and pout, have an honest conversation with Dad, share your feelings with love and compassion, keeping in mind that you do not have the right to define happiness for another person even if that person raised you and loves you. This lady may or may not be a temporary relationship for Dad, but the damage you’re doing to your own relationship with him may not be easily healed. The biggest question for you: is your selfishness really worth the price you might pay?

— Respectfully submitted for your consideration by Lynne M, a 74 year old woman with wisdom that’s come at a price.

“Speak with him.”

“As long as your dad dates this person, the issue will not go away. You should definitely speak with him. Hearing from you on how uncomfortable dinner would make you is respectful and necessary.”

— MADDEN

This 1 Child Psychology Lesson Will Make You A Better Parent – And Improve Every Relationship You Have

Posted on 04/10/2025 by Boris Clair

Want to be a better parent, friend or colleague?

There’s a simple lesson from psychologists that you can adopt right now to improve your relationships – no matter the age of the person who is confusing or upsetting you. It’s the difference between assuming the best or the worst in people, also known as the most or least generous interpretations.

“Most of us jump right to an ‘LGI’: the least generous interpretation,” said Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and author of Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, who has helped to popularise these terms.

That’s because we likely grew up with people who taught us “to associate bad behaviour with bad intentions or being a bad person,” Kennedy said.

Even trained psychologists like Kennedy deal with this impulse. “When my child snaps or ignores me, my brain automatically goes to: ‘They’re being defiant. They don’t respect me.’”

“I’ve had to train myself to pause and ask: ’What’s the most generous interpretation here? Maybe they’re tired. Maybe they’re overwhelmed. Maybe they don’t yet have the words for what they’re feeling, and so their out-of-control behaviour is the only way to let me know what’s going on.“

It can take some time, but once you learn to make this switch, you might be surprised by how differently you see every toddler tantrum – or miscommunication by a friend or partner.

“That tiny mindshift changes everything,” Kennedy explained. “It doesn’t mean I excuse behaviour. … Ironically, we have to understand a behaviour to help someone change their behaviour.”

Why ‘most generous interpretation’ works so well with adults and kids

Are you practicing an "MGI" or an "LGI"? It can make all the difference. — Are you practicing an “MGI” or an “LGI”? It can make all the difference.

“MGI isn’t just a parenting trick – it’s a life skill,” Kennedy said, because it forces us to separate who someone is from what they are doing and put their behaviours in perspective. When you use it on kids, you get to be the curious, empathetic adult you want kids to grow up to be.

“Kids learn: People can get it wrong sometimes, and there’s often more going on for someone than meets the eye,” Kennedy said. “Because when you help your kid realise they can be curious about their behaviour instead of meeting it right away with judgment and blame, curiosity is what allows them to reflect and move forward in a productive way – whereas shame and blame keep us frozen and make it very difficult to change.”

And it applies to adults, too. With couples, using a more generous interpretation of someone’s behaviour can help bridge divides after doubts and betrayals.

“When I work with couples in therapy, I will ask clients directly: ‘Do you detect malice in what your partner is saying?’” said Brendan Yukins, a licensed clinical social worker and relational therapist at The Expansive Group. “Often when we directly ask ourselves if we think someone is doing something on purpose, we see that ‘LGI’ is an illusion that our brain is casting to protect us from being harmed again. Realising that someone else is trying their best to love us can lead to deep, meaningful healing.“

And it also makes us see “bad friend behaviour” with more understanding eyes. Kennedy gave the example of a friend being late to meet up with you. In this case, the least generous interpretation is to think, “She doesn’t value my time,” and feel judged and distant as a result.

But what if you took the “most generous interpretation” approach? If instead you think, “‘She might be juggling a lot today,’ you’re more likely to feel connected and understood,” Kennedy said.

Once you embody this mindset, you can help be the change you wish to see in others.

It’s OK to use the ‘least generous interpretation’ sometimes, too

Your least generous interpretation is a neurological connection that gets hardwired every time you think the worst of someone. Yukins said it’s “an expression of our anxiety in trusting others.” That’s why it’s good to challenge these negative beliefs.

“If you are able to disrupt the signal, even a little bit, it gives your brain a fraction of a second to catch itself before going into an anxiety spiral,” he said.

“In my own life, I use ‘abducted by aliens’ when someone’s late for a meeting,” Yukins said. “It takes me out of the drudgery of everyday and introduces a playful element that keeps my brain open to interpretation.”

Of course, sometimes it’s more than OK to stop giving adults the benefit of the doubt, especially when they continually disrespect or mistreat you.

“Cycles of abuse or neglect often feature a hurtful person who insists that others continue to give them MGI even when they deserve LGI,” Yukins said.

He noted that if you suspect someone is purposefully hurting you, this is when it’s all right to set boundaries and reclaim your time: “Maybe leave the last text you sent without a follow-up, or schedule a self-care night if they seem hesitant to put you on their schedule.”

MGI is a muscle you can build every day for your wellbeing

Many kids and adults have good intentions that our brains overlook. Using an MGI mindset helps you learn this for yourself.

“The key is not deceiving your brain into trusting everyone,” Yukins said. “Rather, it’s to use MGI over and over again until you find through your own research that most people have the best intentions.”

It won’t just help with how you view others. It will help you be more gentle and understanding with yourself as well.

“Our natural inclination if our trust has been broken is to assume the worst of others,” Yukins said. But when we keep jumping to the worst conclusion of people’s behaviours, “Eventually, we will begin to distrust our own intentions. This can make the world smaller.”

And the great part of this psychology lesson is how you can start using it right away.

Kennedy equates MGI to a muscle. “We have to work it out and build that muscle in calm moments to have a greater likelihood of being able to flex it in the heat of the moment,” she said.

Meltdowns In Kids With AuDHD Are Never A ‘Choice’ – Trying This With Your Child Might Help

Posted on 01/10/2025 by Boris Clair

Every parent knows how difficult it can be when their child is struggling to regulate themselves.

But for parents of children with AuDHD – those who are both autistic and have ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) – it can be especially tough to navigate emotional outbursts that seem to come out of nowhere.

In my experience, understanding the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum is crucial in knowing how to respond – and how to help.

What’s the difference?

A tantrum is a way of expressing frustration or attempting to get something. It is typically goal-oriented and usually the child has some control over it – for example, if they get what they want, they are usually able to calm down.

A meltdown is not a choice. It’s a neurological response to overwhelm – whether that’s too much sensory input, emotional stress, or cognitive demand.

Meltdowns are associated with the range of intense emotional regulation challenges that can accompany AuDHD. Importantly, meltdowns stem from a loss of control, not a desire to gain it.

An emotional safety plan can help

An emotional safety plan is a proactive, collaborative tool that helps children identify their emotions, recognise their triggers, and explore personalised strategies for managing distress.

It can be as simple as a colourful chart or journal page created together with your child, divided into spaces to note what each emotional state looks and feels like, what might have caused it, and what helped in those moments.

Involving your child in building their plan is key: it not only gives them a sense of ownership, but also helps them reflect on their own needs, feel heard, and develop vital self-awareness skills over time.

This can provide children with the tools to “name it to tame it”, putting words to feelings, to help reduce distress. This can be empowering, in addition to providing a sense of validation and control.

Key emotional states you can map together

Here are some common emotional states your child may experience, and ways you can support them through each one:

Hyper-arousal (meltdowns)

A meltdown is an intense, involuntary reaction to being overwhelmed, often as a result of stress and exhaustion. It may present physically, such as kicking or self-harming; verbally, such as screaming or shouting; and/or emotionally, such as through crying.

Meltdowns are highly individual and situational, with many potential causes, such as sensory overload, changes in routine, loud environments, and an inability to communicate effectively.

Co-regulation is a highly effective strategy to manage a child’s meltdown – stay calm and regulate yourself, while validating their experiences.

Reducing demands and sensory input, such as turning off lights or providing noise-cancelling headphones, can also be very helpful.

Establishing a safe physical space and toolkit for when a meltdown occurs, tailored to an individual’s needs, can provide an important foundation of safety.

Identifying potential triggers can flag opportunities to plan effectively, such as by using visual aids to plan transitions or changes.

Dysregulation (overwhelm)

Dysregulation is linked with overwhelm, such as from sensory input, emotional demands, or social expectations. Masking (suppressing natural responses to ‘fit in’) takes a toll on the nervous system, often resulting in emotional outbursts when this becomes unsustainable.

For example, a common scenario is when an AuDHD child arrives home from school and ‘releases’ overwhelm in a ‘safe’ environment, having masked all day. This can be referred to as the ‘shaken Coke bottle’ effect, where dysregulation builds up pressure internally, until this becomes external.

Overwhelm could appear as ‘naughty’ or ‘rude’ behaviour, which may be more accurately described as decompressing and adjusting.

Identifying these experiences with your child can help signpost potential strategies for support. For example, providing predictable decompression time before any conversations or demands after arriving home from school, or predictable rituals, can provide space for healthy decompression.

‘Normal’/balanced

Many AuDHD children grow up feeling like they need to adapt to what others expect – smiling when distressed, hiding self-soothing activities, or mimicking social behaviours, for example. This can make it difficult for them to understand what they actually need, or what it feels like to be authentically themselves.

Helping them to identify their own version of ‘normal’ (by identifying situations where they feel safe to unmask) and their sensory preferences can empower them to know their own baseline. This enables them to better recognise dysregulation, including when and how to seek support.

Reframing masking in this way can help AuDHD children (and adults) understand the difference between harmful suppression and strategic adaptation in masking, moving towards conscious choices, as opposed to involuntary reactions.

Dysregulation (numbness)

Not all dysregulation looks explosive – sometimes, it can manifest as becoming numb, distant, or zoned out, failing to follow instructions. This stress response may be a form of dissociation, where the brain temporarily disconnects to protect itself from overwhelm or perceived danger.

Such behaviours may be misunderstood as ‘rudeness’, ‘laziness’ or ‘not paying attention’, when the individual is in fact likely freezing up mentally and physically.

Triggers could include high pressure environments (such as classrooms), feeling criticised or misunderstood, or sensory overload, which builds up slowly.

Helping children to identify that these experiences aren’t ‘normal’ – or their fault – can be empowering. This can not only enable children to identify early warning signals, but also helpful activities to move through such states.

For example, creating mindfulness routines, such as counting breaths or colours, can help to centre their focus, in addition to identifying tools such as fidget toys to offer grounding through sensory input.

As a parent, providing non-intrusive presence, or grounding activities such as a firm hug (if your child is comfortable with this) can be highly effective. Ultimately, compassion can help them move into a state of safety.

Hypo-arousal (or shutdown)

Hypo-arousal is an intense state of nervous system under-action, often referred to as a shutdown. This is an internalised response, where the body and brain effectively go into ‘power-saving mode’ to survive overwhelm, effectively switching off.

Although highly individual, signs of shutdown can include selective mutism, where they become unable to speak. Children might become non-responsive, and extremely fatigued, withdrawing from interaction or situations and becoming detached from their surroundings.

Triggers for this involuntary response could include being told off, a lack of sleep, or an inability to communicate their needs. Certain sensory stimuli – such as smells, lights, noises, textures or movements – could also result in a shutdown.

In all situations, it’s crucial to prioritise the safety and wellbeing of the child, such as gently guiding them to a less stimulating, safe environment, and respecting their personal space. Avoiding pressure, such as to talk or communicate, is important, and pre-identifying alternative communication methods such as hand signals can be highly effective.

Practicing grounding and self-soothing techniques in a safe environment, such as deep breathing, or identifying calming activities such as colouring or journaling, can also help to form the basis of an emotional safety plan.

These plans can help empower children

Every child’s experience will be very different, but they likely already have a lifetime of experiences to draw upon and identify their own unique triggers and strategies that have helped them.

Having a step-by-step list of things to do in situations that trigger emotional dysregulation can be a highly empowering touchpoint, especially within states of overwhelm.

Just like you wouldn’t be able to stop crying just because someone told you to, neither can children – especially when they’re AuDHD. However, these plans can bridge the gap, providing a window into their invisible experiences, enhancing awareness and empathy.

Ultimately, kindness and understanding are key to supporting AuDHD children. Avoiding judgement, demonstrating reassurance and providing well-informed, tailored support is key to creating environments where AuDHD children can thrive – not just survive.

The experiences I’ve mentioned above are not ‘bad’ – they are simply part of a normal reaction to a world that isn’t designed for their unique neurological makeup, but all AuDHD children deserve to feel happy, safe, and empowered as they are.

Leanne Maskell is the founder and director of ADHD coaching company ADHD Works, and the author of AuDHD: Blooming Differently – a new book offering practical help and advice for AuDHD individuals and those who support them.

When My Daughter Received A Life-Altering Diagnosis, I Heard The Same Phrase Over And Over. I’ll Never Repeat It To Anyone Else.

Posted on 27/09/2025 by Boris Clair

I had just stepped out of the shower when my husband, Scott, called from the hospital, where our 9-year-old daughter had been a patient in the paediatric ICU for four weeks. He had relieved me that morning so I could go home, shower and return for a meeting with the doctors about our daughter’s condition.

When he told me our daughter’s diagnosis was “neuromyelitis optica,” a rare autoimmune disease that attacks the central nervous system, my heart didn’t just sink. It stopped. A silent, internal arrest. In a single moment, my physician’s mind ran through the prognosis. Rare, incurable, potentially fatal. My heart broke under the weight of my devastation.

Steam still hung in the air, my wet hair dripped as I clutched the towel around me, my skin still damp. When the words came through the phone, my legs gave way. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the cold bathroom tile, the phone pressed to my ear, my breath caught in my chest.

Scott asked if I was still on the phone. “It’s good we finally have a diagnosis,” he said, searching for a foothold of hope.

After a long silence, I whispered: “That’s not a good diagnosis.”

As a physician, I knew exactly what this diagnosis meant: Not only was it incurable; it often led to blindness, paralysis and ongoing hospitalisations.

About a month ago, our daughter Nell had woken up one morning with nausea, dizziness and overwhelming fatigue. When I took her to the emergency room, her symptoms escalated rapidly. She became unresponsive, and a brain MRI revealed multiple large areas of inflammation.

As her neurological status declined, her tongue and the other muscles involved in swallowing became paralysed. Because she couldn’t clear her oral secretions, she developed aspiration pneumonia and was admitted to the ICU, where she developed right upper extremity paralysis and lower extremity weakness.

She remained in the ICU for five weeks, hooked up to beeping monitors and struggling to recover from what appeared to be a paediatric stroke. The diagnosis was made a few weeks later.

The contrast between the recent memories of my daughter powering down the lacrosse field, her face lit up with joy after scoring a goal, and now seeing her lying in the ICU was stark. She was unresponsive, her face pale, her little body wired with tubes and monitors. The sound of machines beeping echoed where there once had been giggles.

The author's daughter in the hospital. — The author’s daughter in the hospital.

I had clung to the hope that we would find a cause, treat it and somehow reclaim the life we once had. I am a fixer. It’s in my DNA, both as a doctor and a mom. But this? This wasn’t a problem to solve. It was a reality to endure. In an instant, the future I had imagined for her vanished.

I was left without a script, utterly lost.

And what made it harder were the unspoken and sometimes spoken expectation that we would “bounce back,” pick up the pieces and return to life as it was before.

Friends meant well when they told me, “You’re strong, you’ll bounce back,” or “She’s young, she’ll bounce back.” They thought they were encouraging me. But to me, it was a dismissal. This wasn’t a sprained ankle. This wasn’t a rough semester. This wasn’t a setback. It was annihilation.

The question wasn’t “How do we bounce back?” and return to some previous version of our lives. That was impossible. The real question was: How do we grow through devastation?

I had to learn to sit in the terrifying, liminal space between “what was” and “what is,” without knowing “what will be.” I had to let go of the fixer and become the witness.

It was agonising. The grief, the pain, the fear. I wanted to escape all of it. But once I stopped pressuring myself to bounce back and allowed myself to sit in the rubble of my old life, something shifted. I stopped denying the destruction. I started to feel loss, anger, vulnerability. And in that heaviness, I discovered the first step toward healing.

Only then could the real work begin. Not rebuilding the same house, but examining the pieces that remained. I asked myself: What is worth keeping? What needs to be left behind?

My daughter’s rehab journey was gruelling. I watched her take her first wobbly steps with a physical therapist by her side, her legs shaking but her face set with determination. I watched her clutch a pencil with weak fingers, her letters uneven and jagged like a toddler’s. I sat in waiting rooms as she cried in frustration, knowing her friends were back at school, sprinting down fields and hallways while she struggled just to walk across a room.

The ache of what was lost was overwhelming.

The author's daughter in rehab working with her PT on strengthening and stretching her lower extremities. — The author’s daughter in rehab working with her PT on strengthening and stretching her lower extremities.

But slowly, something new began to take shape. My daughter didn’t return to lacrosse. Instead, she discovered art and writing. She found a way to transform her pain into creativity and purpose, eventually writing a book to help other kids and teens navigate hospitalisation and chronic illness.

We didn’t return to our old normal. We built a new one, grounded in acceptance, resilience and hope. We set aside dreams of athletic glory and the illusion of control, but we kept our core: love of family, strength and the belief that even pain can forge meaning.

That terrible experience, the one I desperately wanted to forget, has become part of who we are, woven into the fabric of our lives. It fuels our rare disease advocacy, shapes our shared mission and deepens our gratitude for each new day.

Now, when I face challenges, big or small, I don’t tell myself to bounce back. I sit in the rubble and really feel what has been lost. Because it’s only from that stillness that true growth begins. Not by rushing to return to what was, but by moving forward into who we are meant to become.

If you’re in your own rubble, whether it’s a diagnosis, a broken relationship, a lost job, or a quiet despair you can’t name, I want to offer you a different approach. Replace “When will I get over this?” with: “How is this experience changing me?” or “What is this pain teaching me?” This shift invites curiosity rather than judgment and opens the door to possibility and transformation.

Today, Nell is walking on her own and back in school full-time, although competitive sports are no longer part of her life.

Though Nell’s disease is incurable, and we live with the ongoing possibility of relapse, we are grateful for the few FDA-approved drugs that help keep the inflammation at bay. That reality, knowing the ground could shift at any moment, makes us cherish each day she can attend school, pursue her passions, cook meals with us and create new memories.

Having lived through this trauma has also connected us to the rare disease community, where we witness the extraordinary love parents pour into children who are dying or living with profound disabilities. This experience serves as a portal into a world that stands in stark contrast to the mainstream, where humanity can sometimes seem absent. But here, in the community of parents of children living with the uncertainty of rare, chronic conditions, humanity feels alive and fierce. Witnessing and being part of this has filled me with a humility and gratitude deeper than I could have imagined before.

The author with her daughter Nell on the beach 2.5 years after her diagnosis.

I’m still a fixer at heart, but I’ve learned not to lament the things beyond my control. I’ve come to trust that my envisioned life may not, in fact, be the best way. And I’ve realised that trying to “bounce back” to my old life would negate the growth, the perspective, the resilience and the connections I’ve gained.

By sitting in this space and allowing it to reshape me, I have discovered more hope and connectedness than I ever thought possible.

Maggie Kang, M.D., is a physician, TEDx speaker, resilience and healthcare coach, and rare disease advocate. After her daughter’s rare disease diagnosis, she writes and speaks about grief, growth and finding meaning in the face of life’s disruptions. Learn more at maggiekangmd.com.

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When Is It Rude To Ban (Or Bring) Kids As Guests?

Posted on 20/09/2025 by Boris Clair

It’s a problem I’ve seen posted all over social media: people without kids are starting to resent their parent friends who bring their children along to events.

“I realise that even though I care about [my parent friends], our relationship has changed, and over time we’ve drifted apart, also because none of them have EVER found a way to go out alone with me, they always bring the kid,” an upset Redditor opined.

A Mumsnet user who is tired of hanging out with her pal’s teenagers, meanwhile, said she’d “tried making excuses” not to meet her anymore.

I don’t have kids, but I have to admit I found these scenarios a bit baffling. Surely, I thought, the polite thing is to state your preference before this discomfort builds?

But then, I’m not an expert. Jo Hayes, founder at Etiquette Expert, is though – and thankfully, she shared her rules for banning (and bringing) kids as guests.

Communication is key – but so is context

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Hayes shared that “the number one key in such situations is communication… Specifically, kind, calm, clear communication”.

And number two, she added, is “common sense, common wisdom and common intuition”.

For something like a wedding invite, the etiquette expert said that invites should “clearly” state who’s meant to come. Hosts might want to explicitly state their child-free rules in this scenario – especially if the children are relatives.

Adding something like “we absolutely adore our nieces and nephews, but, due to limited capacity, this will be an adults-only celebration” works, Hayes said.

But precedent matters. If your annual getaway with your mates never involved kids, it’s up to the parent/s to ask whether it’s alright to bring their child on this occasion.

“For guests, if in doubt about whether children are invited, do not assume. ASK,” she explained.

“In fact, unless it’s an absolutely obvious ‘children are included’ event (eg. there’s a big lawn outside for the children to run around in), I suggest guests ask, just to be on the safe side.”

What should I do if someone has brought kids to my child-free event?

Even the best-written invite, or what seems to you to be a clear-cut child-free event, can be confusing to some parents, Jo said.

If someone has brought a child to an event which is inappropriate for them, the expert said “it may be necessary for the host to have a discrete word to the parent, and have the child taken home, or picked up (say, by a grandparent)”.

Do this quietly and discreetly so as not to embarrass your guest, she added, saying something like “you may have missed this on the invite, but this is intentionally a child-free event”.

She ended: “A note to guests: Do not argue the point, or try to wrangle a spot for your children. This is the host’s event, not yours. If they say no children, it’s no children. It’s impolite not to respect this boundary.”

These 6 Habits Will Transform Your Relationship With Your Adult Kids

Posted on 15/09/2025 by Boris Clair

Being a parent to an adult child is certainly different from raising a toddler, a school-age kid or even a teenager. What they needed from you five, 10 or 20 years ago isn’t what they need from you today.

If your bond with your adult child isn’t where you want it to be, don’t despair. We asked therapists who deal with family issues to share the most significant things parents can do to create a happier, healthier relationship with their grown kids.

Here’s what we learned.

1. Stop giving unsolicited advice

When your adult child comes to you with an issue about their career, their relationship or their own kids, it’s easy to assume they’re seeking your trusted input on the matter. But consider that they may just be looking for a compassionate ear.

The best way to find out what they need is to ask, “Are you looking for advice or are you wanting to vent?” said Dallas marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein.

Adult children “may not want consistent feedback on their choices,” Epstein told HuffPost. “If parents can embrace only offering advice when asked, and learn the skills to listen thoughtfully, their relationship will almost certainly strengthen.”

Winifred Reilly, a marriage and family therapist in Berkeley, California, said it’s important to “stay in your lane” as the parent of an adult child.

“There was a time when we could pick our kids up under one arm and carry them out of the playground. It was our job to call all the shots,” Reilly, who is also the author of “It Takes One to Tango,” told HuffPost. “Once they’re adults, we need to be literally and figuratively more hands off.”

“Once they’re adults, we need to be literally and figuratively more hands off.”

– Winifred Reilly, marriage and family therapist

That doesn’t mean you don’t play an important role in their life anymore. It just means your role has transitioned to “more of a trusted adviser,” Reilly said.

“Instead of, ‘Here’s what I think you should do,’ a better and more respectful move is, ‘Would you like to hear my thoughts on that?’” Reilly said.

“When invited, we can say what we’re thinking and ask what they’re thinking. When we’re not invited, it’s a good idea not to chime in,” said. “The overall message needs to be one of love and respect, even if we don’t fully agree with their decisions.”

2. Show your child that you believe they’re capable of handing difficult situations

On a related note, West Los Angeles clinical psychologist David Narang said that one of the keys to building a strong relationship with your grown kids is to think of yourself as “a sounding board for a powerful adult,” instead of “the rescuer of a helpless child”.

In other words, you should operate under the assumption that your child is capable of tackling the difficult situation at hand, he said.

A common mistake among parents of adult kids is “getting too caught up in” the struggles their child is facing, Narang said. Perhaps you’re a parent who is hell-bent on getting your child to follow your advice. Or maybe you get so worked up about the situation that it makes your already stressed-out child even more overwhelmed, he said.

At this stage of life, your value as a parent is “in your capacity to withstand the suffering that your child is trying to tolerate,” Narang added.

His advice? Allow your child to “air out their distress,” and keep the conversation focused on them. Then, help them arrive at their own solutions.

“As a parent, your understanding of your child’s suffering carries unique power to help him or her feel supported,” Narang said. “Similarly, your awareness of your child’s inner strength has a unique impact to help your child see that strength in him- or herself, especially given your memory of all the times you have witnessed that strength.”

Taking this approach will help bring you and your child closer “because they will feel your support while still experiencing themself as a competent adult,” he said.

These habits should help you create a better relationship with your adult children.

3. Stop playing the blame game and focus on repair instead

Blaming yourself – or your child – for the cracks in your relationship isn’t going to make things better between the two of you.

Instead of pointing fingers, “turn blame into responsibility to do better in the future,” licensed mental health counsellor Tracy Vadakumchery, also known as The Bad Indian Therapist, told HuffPost.

“Your child knows that you did your best,” Vadakumchery said. “Them bringing up their issues with you does not mean they think you’re a bad parent.”

“If your urge is to blame somebody as part of your problem-solving, it’s important that you recognise this as a defence mechanism for feelings of guilt,” she said. “What if there’s no one to blame? Blaming is shaming and accomplishes nothing.”

It’s more productive to focus on repairing your bond: apologise sincerely for any hurt you’ve caused, and make a promise to do things differently moving forward.

And if you’re not already working with a therapist, finding a mental health professional you can talk to “might not be a bad idea,” Vadakumchery said.

4. Do a relationship check-in

You might assume no news is good news as the parent of a grown kid. If your adult child hasn’t raised any issues lately, you figure things must be fine between you. Or perhaps you sense the relationship isn’t on good footing, but you’re not sure where things went wrong.

In any case, doing a relationship check-in – where you have “a big-picture conversation about the health of the relationship” – is a great step to take, Epstein said.

“Checking in can include questions like, ‘How does our relationship feel to you?’ ‘Do you enjoy our conversations?’ ‘What do you enjoy most or least?’ ‘Do you feel supported?’” she said.

Initiating a check-in demonstrates that you’re open to hearing feedback and having potentially difficult conversations, and that you’re willing to make changes to your behaviour in order to improve your connection.

“In some families, parents dictate how their relationship with their adult children should look and enforce it through a sense of obligation. They explain expectations to their child without ever asking the child what they want from the relationship,” Epstein wrote in a recent blog post for Psychology Today.

“An audit like this one instead signals a desire to get to know your adult child’s needs within the relationship and to commit to a bond that works for both of you.”

A relationship check-in is a powerful way to improve your bond with your adult child.

5. Avoid telling your adult child how they should think or feel

If you have a more challenging relationship with your grown kid and they finally open up to you about something, “know that it took a lot for them to feel comfortable enough to do that,” Vadakumchery said.

“How you respond will either confirm or deny their belief: ‘That’s why I don’t tell you anything,’” she said.

That means steering clear of phrases that discount or minimize their experience, like “That didn’t happen,” “Don’t feel that way” or “I’m sorry you feel that way,” Vadakumchery said.

“While it’s true that memory can be unreliable, even if you’re right, telling your child that what they experienced didn’t happen will not only make them feel unheard or unseen, but you’re training them to not trust their intuition and not come to you about things,” she said. “Listen first before responding.”

And remember that most arguments between two people who care about each other are typically more about underlying feelings than they are about the topic at hand, Vadakumchery noted.

“Instead of focusing on the details, focus on their emotions,” she said. “If you don’t know what to say, sometimes the best response is to just be there. You don’t necessarily have to say anything. Just show that you’re listening.”

6. Honour – and encourage – boundaries in the relationship

Adult children may set boundaries with their parents around certain charged topics of conversation, like their appearance, finances or career choice. Or the boundaries may be physical ones, like “Please call before stopping by the house,” Epstein said.

Rather than bristling at these requests, “parents can listen and honor those boundaries and even commend their child for standing up for what they need to make the relationship work,” she said.

It may help to remember that the intention of boundaries is to help people connect in better, healthier ways. So your child establishing some guidelines isn’t an effort to push you away ― it’s a way to create more honesty and trust in the relationship that will hopefully bring you closer together.

I Run An Assessment Clinic – Here Are 7 Signs Of Autism To Be Aware Of In Children

Posted on 14/09/2025 by Boris Clair

It’s estimated that one in 100 children in the UK is autistic – yet diagnosis for can often be lengthy and complicated.

Swansea University research found it takes, on average, six years longer to diagnose autism in girls than boys.

The study, which involved 400 people, found three-quarters (75%) of boys received a diagnosis before the age of 10 compared to half (50%) of girls.

While the average age of diagnosis was between four and six for boys, in girls it was between 10 and 12 years old, the BBC reported.

Early diagnosis is key to being able to support a child’s development and wellbeing – and as part of this, parents can be aware of the signs to look out for in children so they can begin to seek diagnosis.

While every child is unique, there are common indicators parents can be mindful of, ranging from physical patterns like differences in eye contact and speech, to cognitive preferences like routines and special interests.

Here, Dr Bijal Chheda, consultant psychologist and founder of Nos Curare, a private clinic specialising in neurodiverse care, has shared seven early signs of autism for parents to know.

1. Limited eye contact

“One of the earliest and most noticeable signs of autism in young children is inconsistent eye contact,” the psychologist told HuffPost UK.

You might notice your child avoids directly looking at others’ faces – including yours. They might sometimes glance briefly during interactions, but with minimal reactions.

The expert stressed this “shouldn’t be taken as rudeness or lack of affection”.

“This habit reflects how children with autism tend to process social cues, finding it difficult or even draining to participate in everyday conversations,” she said.

“By limiting eye contact, they allow themselves to focus on processing their surroundings in a way that feels less intimidating and more manageable.”

If you’ve noticed this in your child, it might help to provide them with gentle encouragement and low-pressure one-on-one sessions to help them become more comfortable with social engagement.

2. Delayed speech development

Language delays are common early indicators of autism, said Dr Chheda.

“Some children may not start saying their first recognisable words until around 12-18 months, which is much later than the typical developmental range,” she noted.

“Meanwhile, others may have a limited vocabulary or struggle with forming sentences well into adolescence.”

The expert noted delays can occur because children with autism “often process language in a more analytical way, making it harder for them to grasp context”.

As a result, they may find it harder to imitate sounds or follow basic conversational patterns, she suggested.

“However, autistic children are highly perceptive, and these delays usually coexist with strong non-verbal skills, such as pointing or using sounds to express their needs,” she said.

3. Repetitive movements

Some children might display patterned behaviours such as spinning, rocking, or looping the same phrases – these are signs of autism known as ‘stimming’.

“These rhythmic movements and sounds often serve as self-soothing mechanisms that regulate emotions and process stimuli,” said the psychologist.

″‘Stimming’ provides autistic children with predictable stimulation, reducing anxiety or helping the child cope with overwhelming situations.

“While sporadic repetition is normal in most children, as this can be a way to practice new skills or explore their immediate surroundings, intense patterns may indicate a cognitive difference,” she said.

As interrupting these habits may lead to instant emotional outbursts or sudden aggression, her advice is to provide safe spaces for stimming, “where children can soothe themselves and redirect their focus, without discouraging the behaviour entirely”.

4. Lack of social engagement

Children on the autism spectrum may avoid group play, not respond to their name, or show minimal interest in forming meaningful connections with others, said the expert.

“While not intentional, sensory sensitivities like taking part in small talk may disrupt their preference for predictability,” she said.

“This may trigger the practice of ‘masking’ wherein they suppress autistic traits (like stimming, limited eye contact, or repetitive speech) and mimic neurotypical behaviours to fit in.”

Children can find it really hard to socialise – and being forced to do so can trigger anxiety in some – so Dr Chheda advises starting by encouraging small interactions in familiar settings while respecting their need for breaks and letting them express themselves naturally, so they don’t feel the need to mask.

5. Sensitivity to sound or touch

Perhaps one of the more well-known signs of autism is a heightened sensitivity to stimuli. “These responses are linked to how their nervous system interprets body signals, including physical or emotional reactions to certain noises, lighting, or textures,” said Dr Chheda.

“For example, some children with hypersensitivity may cover their ears in response to common sounds like tapping, vacuum cleaners, or clinking utensils.

“On the other hand, hyposensitive or under-responsive children may not feel certain sensations as strongly, usually seeking more intense sensory input by tapping surfaces or holding tightly onto objects like their favourite stuffed animals.”

If you notice this in your child, you can help them by creating calm environments that offer sensory breaks, with easy access to safe items that satisfy your child’s needs.

“When they are ready, gradually introduce new sensations at a comfortable pace with the guidance of a qualified professional,” added the expert.

6. Resistance to change

Plenty of us are creatures of habit and don’t particularly love change, but a strong preference for predictability is common among children with autism. You might notice that sudden shifts in daily schedules, including meals and bedtimes, can trigger distress and even lead to meltdowns.

“When children with autism experience frequent disruptions to their routines, it can contribute to feelings of unease, leading to demotivation and low mood,” said the psychologist.

Her advice is: instead of demanding immediate changes, introduce small adjustments gradually and provide visual schedules to help children adapt.

“Accommodating their need for structure, such as giving advanced notice of upcoming changes, can help children prepare and feel more secure, making transitions easier,” she added.

7. Special interests

“Children with autism often develop deep interests in specific topics or activities called ‘hyperfixations’,” added Chheda. “These hobbies may seem unusual in intensity or subject matter compared to their peers, leading to challenges in group or classroom settings.”

The psychologist pointed out that many parents worry that this extreme interest in a specific area could limit social development.

But “we must highlight that these special interests can actually act as leverage for learning, skill-building, and connecting with others who share similar passions,” she said.

Her advice is to encourage exploration of these niche interests in safe and structured ways. “You can enroll them in inclusive special needs programs or incorporate these fixations into educational activities, using them as a bridge to develop any delays in communication and problem-solving skills,” she added.

This Skincare I’d Never Heard Of Gave Me The Smoothest Skin Of My Life

Posted on 11/09/2025 by Boris Clair

There’s something about the thought of prescription skincare that makes me feel a bit anxious.

I love new lotions and potions (who doesn’t?), but my skin can be a right sensitive Sally – I’ve had some pretty uncomfortable reactions to overly-strong concoctions in the past.

Think redness, burning, tingling; all things you don’t really want your face to experience after trying something new.

Yet since having kids, my skin has changed A LOT. Its lost some of its elasticity and vibrance, becoming a bit dull. I’ve also aged because, well, I’ve gotten older (and had many a sleepless night, which I’m sure doesn’t help). There are more lines cropping up here and there. My skin doesn’t feel as tight as it once did.

I’ve been lucky in a lot of respects as I haven’t had bad breakouts or issues with pigmentation, both of which can crop up after having babies (cheers, hormones).

But it’s fair to say my usual skincare combo of CeraVe cleanser and a Beauty Pie moisturiser had been working very hard – and my skin still felt like it was left wanting.

I figured a change was in order. But where to even begin? I don’t have time to visit a dermatologist (nor the money, let’s face it).

I was intrigued by Dermatica’s online skin consultation offering, particularly as they provide personalised skincare tailored to your skin’s very specific needs (after you fill out an easy online questionnaire – it took me about 5-10 minutes in total).

You simply explain what you want to treat – whether that’s acne, melasma, rosacea or something else. In my case, I just wanted less tired mama and more glow get ’em.

As part of the online consultation process you also share information about your skin and what you’ve reacted to in the past. It’s pretty extensive – it’s also worth noting they cater to women who are pregnant or breastfeeding, so if you let them know they can tailor your products accordingly.

Dermatica’s team then provides you with a specially formulated product designed for you, as well as other key products to help you achieve your skin goal(s).

In my case, I wanted something that was anti-ageing and would help give me a bit of a glow. I received their:

Caring squalane cream cleanser – a super luxurious cleanser that melts off makeup, doesn’t dry you out, and leaves skin really soft.
Azelaic acid/niacinamide lotion, which I’ve been applying after cleansing each night. I was really worried this was going to bring me out in a rash but it didn’t.
Nourishing ceramide + peptide moisturiser, which I use morning and night. It’s just the right amount of nourishing without being greasy.
Vitamin C 15% fresh batch ascorbic acid – I’ve been using this after cleansing in the morning and before applying moisturiser. It does tend to leave my skin a bit tight but I heap the moisturiser on after and it seems to balance it all out.

And that’s my routine.

My skin definitely feels brighter and tighter than it was.

Even in the space of just a few days after using these four products, I noticed my skin felt brighter, tighter and the smoothest it’s ever been. (Or at least, the smoothest it’s been as an adult.)

Honestly, my cheeks are rivalling my toddler’s right now for softness. I can’t stop stroking them. I’ve even had compliments from strangers (which never happens!).

I was very dubious about how well an online consultation could work – and how accurate it would be – however I’m pleased to report I’m a convert. Now to see if it stands the test of time…

In the meantime, if you want to try it for yourself, your first month of personalised skincare should be £24.99, but is currently £2.90 – so really, what are you waiting for?

Well-Intentioned Parents Often Say This 1 Common Phrase – And It’s More Damaging Than You Realise

Posted on 08/09/2025 by Boris Clair

Many parents nonchalantly refer to their children, whether babies or adults, as their “best friend”. It can be an offhanded comment about an infant daughter or a declaration to the room at your child’s 30th birthday party.

It’s a phrase that, generally, comes from a good place. But if a parent actually treats their child as a best friend, such as by sharing personal stories or swapping gossip, it can become a problem.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to spend time with your child and [if] you find that you have fun hanging out with them, that is great, but when you are referring to your child as your best friend, that is a blurring of boundaries,” said Holly Humphreys, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks in Roanoke, Virginia.

This can cause the relationship dynamics to move from parent-child to parent-friend or parent-counsellor, she noted.

“So, you’re actually putting your child into a different category when you say that they’re your best friend, and then that can lead into oversharing of personal details that your child should not know about,” Humphreys noted.

It can also cause problems for both the kid and the parent in other realms, too. Here’s what therapists want you to know:

Your young children should absolutely never be your “best friend”

It’s always a no-no for parents to refer to and treat a young child as their best friend, therapists say. And that’s true whether you have kids in elementary school, middle school, high school or college.

The idea that your young child is “your best friend” may come from a loving place, “but even with good intentions, it points to a deeper issue,” said Carrie Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach.

“Kids need their parents to be their parents. They need [their parents] to be the safe, guiding adults in their lives, not their peers. And when those lines get blurred, it makes it harder to set boundaries and actually parent well,” Howard explained.

If you treat your kid like your best friend, they may not want to listen to you when you do set rules. Or, they may feel pressure to care for you, either emotionally, practically or both. This role-reversal is known as parentification, Howard explained.

“A child can’t be their parent’s best friend without feeling some unspoken pressure to meet the needs of the parent that just aren’t theirs to meet,” said Howard.

“Children aren’t developmentally equipped to be a parent’s primary emotional support system.”

– Kyndal Coote, licensed social worker

Kyndal Coote, a psychotherapist, said when she hears a parent refer to their young child as their best friend, her first concern is the emotional burden that’s falling on the child.

“Children aren’t developmentally equipped to be a parent’s primary emotional support system. They don’t have the tools to do that, their brain is not even developed,” Coote said.

If a child is a parent’s primary emotional support system, the child may feel responsible for managing a parent’s feelings, she noted. “And that is a very, very heavy burden for someone who should just be focused on learning how to manage their own development,” added Coote.

As children get older, this kind of emotional burden can cause the child to feel insecure in their decision-making and lead to guilt when prioritising other relationships, such as romantic partnerships, Coote said.

“When we rely too heavily on our children in adolescence or in childhood, that relationship is just going to continue to be enmeshed as the child grows into an adult child,” said Meredith Van Ness, a psychotherapist and the owner of Meredith Van Ness Therapy.

(Enmeshment is a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which someone lacks boundaries and autonomy in a family.)

The line is a little more blurred with adult children, but they still shouldn’t be your “best friend.”

With adult children, this is a much more nuanced issue and likely depends on the relationship and the family, Van Ness said.

Treating your adult child as your best friend isn’t as damaging as treating a young child that way, because adult children can understand grown-up issues, but it can still be problematic and is not advisable.

“With adult kids, the dynamic is a bit different. Sometimes these relationships can feel very close and even look like a friendship in some ways – you might talk on the phone every day or spend a lot of time together, and that can be really wonderful, but I caution parents not to mistake that closeness for a peer-to-peer best friend relationship,” Howard said.

When your child becomes an adult, they’ll start to have their own relationship woes and other grown-up problems. “And they should still be able to come to you as their parent,” Humphreys said.

More, the parent-child history doesn’t just disappear when a child grows up, which can lead to an imbalance in the so-called “best friendship,” Howard said.

“Think of it this way, in my role as a therapist, ethically, I can’t be friends with my clients when they discharge from treatment, even though we’re both consenting adults, and there’s an important reason for this. It’s really hard to have a truly mutual, healthy, give-and-take relationship when there’s been a significant power differential in the past, like with therapist [and] client or parent and child,“
Howard explained.

Former roles in a relationship leave an imprint, Howard added. “It’s hard to erase that history of who had more power, influence or responsibility in the relationship,” Howard noted.

This can then make the relationship vulnerable to bad boundaries and blurred lines, Howard noted.

Finance adds another power dynamic to this relationship, Van Ness added.

Parents often pay the dinner bill for their grown-up children or give them money for the grandkids. This isn’t so common in friendships.

While it's OK to be friendly and warm to your child, you shouldn't lean on them as you would with a best friend. — While it’s OK to be friendly and warm to your child, you shouldn’t lean on them as you would with a best friend.

There are red flags that the parent-child friendship has gone too far

There can certainly be an aspect of friendship within a parent-child relationship, but you have to understand when that goes too far, Howard said.

“We want to maintain boundaries with our kids … these are long-standing relationships, so we don’t want to infringe on those boundaries by burdening [our kids] with our emotions that we really need to rely on someone else for,” Van Ness said.

If a child, no matter the age, has to become the emotional caretaker of the parent, it’s a red flag that the parent-child friendship has crossed a line, said Van Ness.

“Unfortunately, that happens with young children when parents get divorced,” said Van Ness.

This may look like one divorced parent trying to get a child to “side with them” instead of the other parent, Van Ness said.

Oversharing personal details that your child shouldn’t know is another sign that the relationship isn’t healthy, Humphreys said.

“You should not be going to your child to discuss marital difficulties, problems with other people, that sort of thing,” Humphreys added.

“If you find yourself doing that, then that’s a red flag that you need to have more peer-to-peer relationships,” said Humphreys.

“It’s hard to erase that history of who had more power, influence or responsibility in the relationship.”

– Carrie Howard, licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach

Instead of reaching out to your child about these things, you should aim to talk to your significant other, a friend, another parent, or a sibling, Humphreys noted.

“You should not be relying on your child to help you get through situations. That puts a lot of pressure on a child, and also, if you are going to them when you’re having marital issues or relationship issues, that puts them in the middle a lot of times with the other parent or the other significant person in your life,” Humphreys said.

If you find yourself getting jealous of your child’s friendships or romantic relationships because you feel threatened by the bond, that’s also a bad sign, Coote said. You should want your child to have other happy and healthy relationships.

If you lean on your parent or child too much for support, there are other places to go

If you think you’ve been leaning on your parent or child a little too hard and treating them as that “best friend” role, it’s OK. In most cases, it comes from a place of love.

“This is everybody’s first human experience, so the first thing I tell parents is, it’s not your fault that you weren’t taught healthy relationship skills and you didn’t have the tools to develop that — most of us didn’t get an education on managing your emotions and [emotional] intelligence and relational intelligence and that sort of thing — but, even if you didn’t get that education and you didn’t have that healthy example, it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to do something about it and develop those skills as adults so you don’t unintentionally harm your kids,” said Coote.

The first step in breaking this pattern is developing your own support system, Coote added.

“Do you have healthy adult friendships? Are you good at managing your own emotions independently? Do you know how to regulate your emotions? Can you sit with difficult emotions?” Coote asked.

“You can have warm, loving relationships while still maintaining that role as their parent. It’s almost like mentorship rather than friendship. You’re not their equal, you’ve been on the planet much longer than them, so you really shouldn’t even developmentally feel like they’re equal,” Coote said.

Whether your child is six, 16 or 36, the parent’s job is to “guide them toward independence, not keep them close to meet your emotional needs,” Coote noted.

“Our goal as a parent is to raise our kids so that they can be independent,” Van Ness said.

“We really need to know that our parents are going to be OK without us and that our kids are going to be OK without being in their lives so fully,” said Van Ness.

Leaning on your child (or your parent) as your best friend only puts unfair pressure on them and takes away from all the great aspects that can exist in a parent-child relationship.

Perrie Edwards Announces She’s Expecting Another Baby In Very Sweet Family Video

Posted on 08/09/2025 by Boris Clair

The former Little Mix singer made the exciting announcement in a video posted on social media over the weekend, captioned: “Guess what hunnies…”

In the clip, Perrie could be seen walking away from the camera wearing a top emblazoned with the message “if he wanted to he would…” – the name of her latest solo single – on its back.

She then turned around to reveal a second message, “…and he did!”, revealing her pregnant stomach, at which point she was joined by her footballer fiancé and their four-year-old son Axel.

“Love you and so happy for you all,” Jade wrote, while Leigh-Anne – who was pregnant at the same time as Perrie during their time in Little Mix – added: “Just the best news! Love you all.”

She and Alex share one child, Axel, who was born in August 2021.

Perrie is also currently gearing up for the release of her self-titled debut album, which is coming at the end of this month, and has been preceded by singles like Forget About Us, You Go Your Way and her latest musical offering, If He Wanted To He Would.