Tag Archives: Life

5 Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be A Narcissist (And How To Deal)

Posted on by
Reply

Throughout your career, you will encounter difficult co-workers who drain you, bore you and annoy you. But a narcissistic co-worker is one of the worst types to deal with.

They are insecure and cannot handle criticism. They can make their failures seem like they’re your responsibility, hurting your self-esteem to boost their own. And according to Marie-Line Germain, a professor of human resources and leadership at Western Carolina University and author of “Narcissism at Work: Personality Disorders of Corporate Leaders,” narcissists often find “safe havens” in the workplace.

“They very often end up in very top positions in organizations because they are smart, they are able to manipulate others,” Germain said. “The workplace is perfect for that. If they do well, they will be recognized. They will get a promotion. They will be looked at as prestigious. That’s not necessarily something they can get from their personal relationships.”

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder can include an inflated sense of self-importance, fantasies of perfection and superiority, a sense of being special and unique, a need for praise and attention, a strong sense of entitlement and a tendency to exploit others.

It’s important to note that it’s up to trained professionals to make an official diagnosis, but knowing how a narcissist operates can help you learn to set hard boundaries when you’re forced to team up for a project with someone who seems to fit the profile.

Here are the big differences between a co-worker with a need for admiration and high confidence in their abilities and a co-worker who’s exhibiting narcissistic traits:

1. Confident colleagues are OK with others being the center of attention. Narcissists always have to have the last word.

Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and executive coach who works with people who have dealt with narcissistic abuse, said that a need to steal your thunder is a hallmark trait of narcissism in self-aggrandizing co-workers. They may talk over you or interrupt you frequently, she said.

Confident colleagues can celebrate your success and want to see their co-workers shine, while a narcissistic colleague will insert themselves into “any topic, even if it is completely irrelevant, and they will hijack and make it about them,” Neo said.

2. Narcissists are charismatic charmers — until your relationship no longer serves them.

At the beginning of a work relationship, narcissists are good at impressing and manipulating their targets to feel like the center of attention, Germain said. But when you stop helping them feel superior and important, don’t be surprised if you see a sudden change in their attitude toward you, even if it’s months or years later.

“You may feed their needs, so there is no need for them to display any of those negative signs,” Germain said. “It’s when trouble brews for them that they start showing all of the negative behaviors.”

3. They believe the ends justify the means, and display a consistent lack of empathy to colleagues.

Germain finds the lack of empathy to be a cornerstone of narcissism, one that distinguishes narcissistic co-workers from merely confident ones. They do not care if their success comes at your expense, and they may steal your ideas.

“They will do anything for that prestige, that power,” Germain said. “It doesn’t matter if they have to steal your ideas to appear as brilliant.”

“NPD individuals have a difficult time understanding the feelings of other people, if they even care to understand them,” she said, because “they are on a relentless hunt to guarantee their own narcissistic supply of attention, of approval, prestige, admiration, understanding, encouragement, power, perfection, money, sometimes even beauty.”

This lack of empathy can also manifest as selfishness, disregard and a lack of compassion for other people. Narcissistic types can use their power to belittle and harass you.

They may display disregard, in particular, when your repeated attempts to set “hell no” boundaries are not honored, Neo said.

“They will take every chance to erode upon your boundaries,” she said. “Trample upon [your boundaries] so that they can lower the bar at every successive attempt and train you to put you in your place, so that you… play the role that you are smaller and a lot more deferential to them.”

4. They can’t handle criticism.

Narcissistic colleagues don’t reflect on or own up to mistakes. They lash out when they hear negative feedback, because the way they perceive it, “you are not just criticizing their work, you are criticizing their self-worth,” Germain said.

They make you feel small to make themselves feel big. If a person loses control and gets angry at you for offering some constructive criticism, that’s a red flag for narcissism, she said.

5. Narcissistic co-workers believe you’re either with them or against them.

There is no neutral ground with narcissistic colleagues.

“They have a very dichotomous approach to life. It’s all or nothing. It’s either good or bad. You’re either a winner or loser,” Germain said. “They don’t do well with defeat.”

If you support a narcissistic co-worker, you are on their good side. “But the day you criticize them, the day you no longer support them… then you will cross over to the enemy side,” Germain said.

To deal with a narcissistic co-worker, do your best to limit your interactions.

Luckily, unlike with narcissistic bosses, narcissistic co-workers have less direct control over your career. But they can still mount smear campaigns and wreck your work experience if they see you as an enemy. Here are some tips on how to deal:

Withdraw. You have every right to set boundaries, even if a narcissist tells you otherwise, Neo said. Germain recommended limiting the attention and praise you give a narcissist.

Narcissists want you to engage with them and lose your temper. Sometimes, the best option for how to deal with one is to limit your interactions as much as possible.

“They love to see people lose their cool. Part of it is a power play. Part of it is a bit of sadism. They want to make you look like a loose cannon, so they can tell you in the future that you are being sensitive and difficult,” Neo said. “Don’t try to hold them accountable all the time. Accountability is what gets you suckered in.“

Document your own contributions. Narcissists are likely to throw you under the bus, so it’s important to keep track of your accomplishments on projects. “You may have to justify your own contributions. It’s sad, but it’s true,” Germain said. She recommended looping people in on certain emails and communications to increase the visibility of your contributions if you’re forced to work with a narcissist on a project.

Go to HR with the narcissistic abuse, and consider an exit strategy if necessary. If the narcissist is berating and belittling you, and you are losing sleep over it, you should take it to human resources, Germain said.

Unfortunately, narcissists tend to be high performers who are often valued by their organization. If a move to a different team is not possible, or if you feel like your complaints are not being heard, Germain recommends job-hunting elsewhere.

“It’s really hard to imagine that you as the victim need to leave, but that’s a self-protective tactic,” she said. “You need to remain proactive by not only recognizing the damaging facets of the NPD person on your work, but also on your well-being. Well-being must remain your focus.“

Lean on your support system outside of work. Germain said narcissistic co-workers are good at gaslighting you into feeling like you are the problem, so it’s important to find a sounding board with a loved one or a therapist who can help you see that “there is nothing wrong with you,” she said.

Share Button

Why Do We Need To Pee So Much When We’re Fasting?

Posted on by
Reply

Many of us fasting through the month of Ramadan can attest to the annoying feeling of needing to get up to pee through the night and generally throughout the day.

Muslims observing the holy month refrain from eating from just before the sun rises until it sets, which means packing in all the hydration before fasting commences. That can leave us needing to run to the loo a lot more, of course.

But many Muslims will also notice frequent urinating through the fasting day too, despite not actually drinking anything.

So why do we need to pee so much? Surely what goes in has already come out by a certain point?

Well, just because you’re not drinking doesn’t mean the bladder’s job is done.

Dr Gareth Nye, an ambassador for the Society of Endocrinology, tells HuffPost: “So the bladder is actually the ‘waiting room’ of our urinary tract where urine is stored before we go to the toilet. To look at changes in urine output or how much we do/don’t wee, we need to take a step back and look at the kidneys.

“The kidneys are involved in filtering our blood. It takes toxins and waste products and keeps the useful products the body needs to keep. One of the main filtered products is water which can be let go or kept in different amounts based on our body’s needs.”

So, on average, water makes up about 60-70% of the human body, largely depending on your age. Our bodies lose water through our urine, sweat, faeces and breath, so we have to continually replace this by drinking and eating (around a third of the water we consume comes from our food). If we don’t do this, our bodies can become dehydrated.

But we’re dehydrated, which means less pee right? Not necessarily.

Dr Nye explains that the bladder still needs to flush to out toxins, even when you’re dehydrated, thus creating more urine.

You might even notice a different colour in your pee when you fast.

Dr Nye adds: “The first stage of dehydration is thirst, which kicks in when 2% of body weight is lost. The signals that tell our brain we are thirsty also act on the kidneys to send less water to your bladder, keeping the water within the body and darkening your urine. You do need to flush out the toxins and so your body still produces urine even if you are dehydrated.”

You might notice other changes too in your urine while fasting.

“The key thing is, our bodies can go quite a long time without drinking and show no change in our urine output. Regularly when we sleep we can go eight-10 hours without taking any fluid on board and when you do drink/eat your body will replenish. You may notice changes in concentration as you go through the day as the amount of available water drops.”

So when iftar comes round, don’t forget to drink up (though you will feel the effects of it later).

Share Button

This 5-Minute HILIT Workout Will Boost Your Fitness, Without Wrecking Your Joints

Posted on by
Reply

You’re reading Move, the nudge we need to get active, however makes us happiest and healthiest.

HIIT, or high intensity interval training, was all the rage a few years back. And if you love getting your sweat on with rapid circuits and burpees, you do you.

But there’s a new trend in town that might appeal to those who found HIIT, well, a little too intense.

Enter HILIT, which stands for ‘high intensity low impact training’. Instead of throwing yourself around at the gym, HILIT is all about small, targeted movements that lead to mighty results.

And according to Amber Johnston, assistant head trainer at Barrecore, this type of exercise is “suitable for everyone,” including “new people to exercise, prenatal and postnatal people, plus athletes recovering from injury”.

“Very simply, via HILIT work outs, you are putting less impact on your body, especially your joints,” she tells us.

The benefits of HILIT, according to Johnston, include:

• Raising your heart rate

• Improving cardio fitness and muscle strength

• Protecting you from joint damage, pain and injury

• Burning calories

Below, Johnston has shared a five-minute HILIT workout that focusses on squats. “Squats are great for ankle and hip mobility, you will work your quads, glutes, hamstrings and core whilst getting your heart rate up with the full range movements especially the arms above your head,” she says.

“Watch your alignment; knees in line with toes, knees and ankles stacked and keep breathing! If you have trouble with your knees/hips/ankles keep the range of motion smaller and higher.”

Give this a go at home or in the gym.

1. Start with slow squats, feet wider than your hips, toes turned out slightly, weight in your heels as you drop down for two counts and up for two counts, repeat for 30 seconds. Speed up to single count down, single count up, repeat for another 30 seconds.

2. Raise arms above your head as you come up, repeat for 60 seconds, then hold at your deepest squat position and do tiny pulses for 30 seconds.

3. Hold your squat position and start walking to the side as if you are a crab, maintaining your deep squat position, step five times to left, five times to right, then four, then three, then two then one. This should take around 60 seconds to complete. Come back to your squat position and start to do single full range [as low as you can squat] again with arms and legs together for another 30 secs.

4. Finish your workout in a 30 second straight arm plank with mountain climbers.

5. Then finally lower onto your forearms for the last 30 seconds for an active recovery whilst targeting all of your major muscle groups in a full isometric hold.

Focus on keeping your elbows under your shoulder, head in line with your spine, tailbone slightly tucked to prevent arching in the lower back, whilst focusing on drawing your belly button to your spine on each exhale breath. Modify onto your knees if you are struggling with your form in this position.

Move celebrates exercise in all its forms, with accessible features encouraging you to add movement into your day – because it’s not just good for the body, but the mind, too. We get it: workouts can be a bit of a slog, but there are ways you can move more without dreading it. Whether you love hikes, bike rides, YouTube workouts or hula hoop routines, exercise should be something to enjoy.

HuffPost UK / Rebecca Zisser

Share Button

The Power Of ‘Finishing Strong’ With Your Kids At Night

Posted on by
Reply

At the start of the pandemic, when my family was locked down in our 800-square-foot New York City apartment and reeling from the pivot to remote work and no school or day care, an Instagram post from Glennon Doyle saved my sanity.

Her post was primarily about how parents should embrace screen time as a survival tool. But she also offered a theory that sticks with me still, two years on: the idea that all parents really need to do is finish their days with their kids well. Doyle hatched her theory when she worked as a preschool teacher. She’d spend hours devising thoughtful activities and lesson plans to fill the kids’ hours, but ultimately what they remembered most was whatever came at the end of their days.

“This is my philosophy with all things children now. All you have to do is finish strong,” Doyle said in her video post.

I loved this advice then, and I love it still now because it feels like self-compassion. I remembered it last night when, after a day with my younger son that involved more tears and nagging than I’d like, we salvaged the day with a big bedtime hug and a chat about the relative merits of dump trucks versus forklifts. After a pretty blah parenting day, it was the reset we both needed.

Of course, Doyle isn’t the only one preaching the power of ending the evening on a high note. Here’s why the last thing you say at night can be so powerful — and how to work on “finishing strong” with your kiddo.

The Power Of Nighttime Routines And Rituals

Consistency is essential to children, parents are told time and again, because it’s true. Establishing routines with younger children can help strengthen the connections in their brains that help them make sense of their days. Research suggests that kids with strong family routines tend to be emotionally healthier than those without.

Bedtime routines help set clear expectations for behavior and (ideally) help make kids feel relaxed and primed for sleep. A good, consistent bedtime routine may help improve your relationship, if for no other reason than it will help ensure they’re getting enough zzz’s. (Reminder: Kids need substantially more sleep than adults.)

But nighttime rituals and routines serve a strong emotional purpose, too. Kids need to feel that they’re getting plenty of together time and love during their days. Making sure to emphasize connection at bedtime can help fill that cup.

“All kids are wired for positive attention and emotional connection from us on a daily basis,” said Amy McCready, founder of PositiveParentingSolutions.com and author of “The Me, Me, Me Epidemic.” “If they don’t get it proactively, they’ll act out in ways to get attention and power.”

Remember: Bedtime Battles Aren’t Inevitable

While I’m personally heartened by the idea that I can turn around a crappy day with a decent nighttime routine, sometimes that feels impossible. My preschooler excels at dragging out bedtime. Many nights, I’m a frazzled, grumpy shell of myself with little left to give emotionally.

That’s why I like McCready’s focus on what she’s dubbed “mind, body and soul time.” It is a simple strategy that can help minimize bedtime battles and give kids the sense of connection they so crave.

“Here’s how it works: Plan to spend 10 to 15 minutes of one-on-one time with your child at bedtime after they have gone through their to-do lists (teeth brushed, room tidied, etc.),” McCready said. “Minimize distractions — no cellphones, no TV blaring in the background, no mental to-do lists running through your mind! During this time, be fully present in mind, body and soul — and play or do something your child wants to do.”

That could be reading a book, playing a silly game, listening to some wind-down music, she said — what matters is that you let your kiddo call the shots.

“By doing so, you’re filling [their] bucket with the essentials to feel loved, safe, secure and valued — no matter what else happened that day,” McCready said. “What a great way to end each day and promote peaceful sleep, for them and you!”

Be sure to let them know this is something they can expect regularly, she added. Again, it comes down to establishing routines and rituals and fostering connection. McCready suggests saying something like: “Spending this time with you is the best way to end my day, and I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.”

Share Button

People Marrying Their ‘Second Choice’ Is More Common Than You Think

Posted on by
Reply

Here’s something few of us are brave enough to admit about long-term relationships: We don’t always end up with our first choice.

Sometimes, we settle for “second best” ― and usually, that’s OK.

Technically, we’re all someone’s “second choice,” at least if your partner ever had an ex whom they intended to be with long term. Yes, that means you may be your current S.O.’s second choice without realizing it. (Sorry for waking up and choosing chaos with this article!)

That slightly uncomfortable relationship subtext was made explicit in the most recent season of “Love Is Blind,” Netflix’s notoriously messy dating show where singles meet through a wall, fall in love and propose without ever seeing each other.

One of the couples, Jarrette and Iyanna, became engaged after Jarrette failed to secure a “yes” from his first choice, a contestant named Mallory. (Bear in mind, he had an easy chemistry with both women, arguably to an equal degree.)

After sitting with the fact that her would-be fiancé had basically proposed to another woman before proposing to her, Iyanna said “yes.” (She’d also gotten reassurance from Jarrette that what he felt for her was genuine.)

Iyanna and Jarrette were one of the few couples whose storyline ended in marriage, and a year later, they certainly seem to be happy and in love, at least going by their recent interviews, the reunion show and their many loved-up Instagram posts.

Still, many fans of the show felt discomfited by how it all played out.

“Never allow yourself to be someone’s second choice,” most of the tweets essentially said.

“IYANNA, DON’T BE A SECOND CHOICE,” tweeted “Never Have I Ever” actor Maitreyi Ramakrishnan. “STAND YOUR GROUND.”

Others pointed out that there was actually something hyperrealistic about the reality show romance. (A reality show giving us realism? Since when!?)

“As much as I dislike Jarret [sic] not picking my Iyanna first, people forget that in reality some of us are actually someone else’s second choice, we just don’t know,” writer Dami “Oloni” Olonisakin tweeted, to a refrain of “sad but trues.”

The problem with ‘The One’

Why are so many of us icked out by the idea that people will end up with their “alternate picks”? (Outside of the fact that the language of “second choices,” “backup plans” and “alternate picks” is, admittedly, pretty icky.)

Maybe it’s because we’re eternally, hopelessly, wedded to our belief in soul mates. Personally, I think the sooner you disabuse yourself of the idea that you have exactly one soul mate wandering the Earth looking for you, the sooner you can date with clear eyes and intention and actually find a decent person.

There’s not just The One. There’s The Ones ― people who, with enough physical chemistry and mutual effort, could be perfect, loving, long-term partners for each of us. (Singles especially should embrace the plurality of The Ones ― the odds are in your favor!)

Kate Stoddard, a marriage and family therapist at Wellspace SF, agrees that people’s ideas about soul mates set them back.

“I think this ancient narrative of ‘the one’ ― or ‘first choice,’ if we wanted to put it in those terms ― can be really problematic to modern couples,” she told me. “It’s also why people feel uncomfortable about second choices.”

“‘The One’ presumes that there is one person that can fulfill the heart’s desire, and we will ‘just know’ when we meet them, when really, there’s a lot that goes into how we select our partners,” she said.

We have to look for physical attraction, of course, but also an intellectual and emotional connection. Then there’s the considerably less sexy stuff: logistical things like family values, political/religious compatibility and for some folks, socioeconomic status.

“The One” isn’t always the one who can provide you with emotional stability in the long run. Those first-round picks aren’t always the most stable, especially if you grew up in a household with emotionally unavailable or fragile parents. It’s all too common to mirror that in young adulthood by seeking out emotionally unavailable partners.

“If you haven’t assessed and addressed early wounds, you may look for a partner that repeats a generational pattern,” said Akua K. Boateng, a psychotherapist and owner of Boateng Consulting. “If this is true, your first choice could be more harm than good even if you’re passionate about them. Your second choice may be more stable.”

As one man said in a viral Twitter thread about second choices in 2018, “My greatest loves didn’t necessarily go hand in hand with being the best relationships.”

If anything, shows like “Love Is Blind” and even “The Bachelor,” for all its myriad problems, have demonstrated how complicated it is to figure out the most compatible partner for you, said Samantha Burns, a millennial dating coach and author of “Done With Dating: 7 Steps to Finding Your Person.”

“It’s hard to decide who you love or want ‘the most’ because people make us feel different ways and elicit different versions of us, and those feelings are constantly changing, intensifying or decreasing,” she said.

If your first choice is unavailable ― emotionally unavailable, geographically, or in any other way ― or doesn’t bring out the best in you, there’s nothing inherently wrong with choosing someone of quality who is available to you. You just need to be willing to leave person No. 1 in the past.

“Choosing someone else who is available doesn’t mean you’re ‘settling,’” Stoddard said.

<img class="img-sized__img portrait" loading="lazy" alt="Generally speaking, there's nothing wrong with choosing someone else who is available to you if that person possesses all the qualities you’re looking for in a long-term partner, Stoddard said.” width=”720″ height=”720″ src=”https://www.wellnessmaster.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/people-marrying-their-second-choice-is-more-common-than-you-think-3.jpg”>

CSA-Printstock via Getty Images

Generally speaking, there’s nothing wrong with choosing someone else who is available to you if that person possesses all the qualities you’re looking for in a long-term partner, Stoddard said.

People who married their ‘second choice’ sound off

Peter, a 33-year-old construction worker, certainly doesn’t feel like he “settled” with his wife of five years, Ann.

The proverbial “one that got away” for him was his high school sweetheart, Sharon. The two met at a bowling tournament in eighth grade. Over strikes and spares, they hit it off almost instantly.

“Back then, we were talking daily, at night into the wee hours of the a.m.,” Peter, who like others in this story, asked to use his first name only to protect his privacy. “We just got each other.”

Unfortunately, college got in the way of their early-aughts romance: Sharon was headed off to a school in North Carolina while Peter went to Rutgers in New Jersey.

Even 500 miles away, Sharon kept her spell-like hold on Peter.

“Like, even when we knew we weren’t going to be together and that life changes, I could never fully unclasp from her grasp even if I wanted to,” he said. “She knew the vulnerabilities of me that I never let anyone know for a long time.”

At some point in his freshman year of college, Peter knew he’d have to distance himself from Sharon or he’d never be able to find someone else or even fully enjoy college life. He wrote her one final email and cut off all contact.

After allowing himself a period of “healing” ― “at the time my idea of healing was the whole, ‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else,’” Peter joked ― he ended up meeting Ann, his future wife.

The relationships he formed with both women couldn’t be more different.

Sharon “will forever be part of who I am,” Peter said, but the relationship was untenable. It didn’t have legs, and not just because of the physical distance. Young and in love (and more than a little naive), Peter relied on Sharon and their relationship as his sole source of happiness.

“Maybe I was just a sucker in love but she could tell me to jump and I’d ask ‘how high?’” he said. “I was a people pleaser when I was young. After that and seeing how I put so much of my happiness in the hands of someone else, I refused to do that ever again.”

With Ann, he’s self-contained and happy on his own, but even happier in her company ― the gold stamp of a solid, healthy relationship.

“We are the yin to each other’s yangs,” he said. “We complement each other so well, and we feed off each other’s energies. But we also recognize our individualities and understand that at the end of the day, the only person responsible for your happiness is yourself. Ann taught me that and I’m so grateful.”

“When people threw the words marriage or a family with Ann, I never flinched or got anxious. I had a sense of calm flowing through me. That’s how I knew.”

– Peter, a 33-year-old construction worker who technically married his second choice

There’s a common belief, famously referenced in an episode of “Sex and the City,” that men will marry whoever is around once they decide to settle down ― but that wasn’t the case for Peter.

The marriage had nothing to do with happenstance, timing or distance: Nothing like “Ann was there and Sharon wasn’t.”

“It wasn’t even that I wanted to get married, actually,” Peter said. “It was more that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Ann.”

“When people threw the words marriage or a family with Ann, I never flinched or got anxious,” he added. “I had a sense of calm flowing through me. That’s how I knew.” (And if you’re curious, Ann knows about Sharon.)

Others are less sentimental about ending up with their second choice, like Aether, 30, a married woman who gave up on her first choice after they shared a chaotic whirlwind romance.

“My ex is honestly someone I find to be ineligible for marriage with anyone — especially with myself,” she told HuffPost. “The attraction was one of a series of trauma bonds. I’ll just say it’s easier to control your enemy when you’re sleeping with them.”

After some relationship missteps ― Mr. Ineligible For Marriage being a big misstep ― Aether realized that what she wanted most in a partner is someone who’s “reasonable and rational.”

“And in this world, we seldom find such people,” she said.

“While we wouldn’t have a marriage based on true love, we would have friendship, mutual respect, and had similar values for raising a family. So, in the end I suppose I threw in the towel so to speak and settled.”

– Jason, a 48-year-old hydrologic engineer

Of course, not everyone feels at peace about not ending up with their first choice. Jason, a 48-year-old hydrologic engineer, still wonders what might have been if he’d pursued the co-worker he fell deeply in love with at his summer job in college.

Jason, who asked to use a pseudonym, sensed that the woman, Jennifer, also had a crush on him, but nothing ever happened between them. The timing was always off ― one of them was always coupled up when the other was single.

After college, Jason relocated to another state and threw himself into his career and pursuing a graduate degree. He put his love life on the back burner, though in that decade of singledom, he dated a friend on and off. The friend tried to push a relationship on him, but Jason never felt that same heady rush of feelings for her like he did for Jennifer.

Still, his mid-30s were approaching, and he wanted to be a dad. His friend was also eager to start a family.

“I thought she would be a great mother,” Jason said. “While we wouldn’t have a marriage based on true love, we would have friendship, mutual respect, and had similar values for raising a family. So, in the end I suppose I threw in the towel, so to speak, and settled.”

Fourteen years into marriage ― tough years filled with a miscarriage and his wife’s cancer scare, but also happy ones thanks in large part to their adopted son ― Jason still regrets having settled.

“My wife and I rarely fight or argue and don’t appear miserable but I’m not really happy and I don’t think she is either,” he said. “It’s like a type of purgatory for a relationship; more of a business partnership.”

He still thinks about Jennifer, whom his wife doesn’t know about ― at least not as a concrete person with a name. Jason suspects that his wife knows he “settled for her.”

He and Jennifer sporadically kept in touch, even after she married someone else. One year, when Jennifer was in the same town for a work conference, they decided to meet up.

“In the end, she confessed that she had settled as well,” Jason said. “Turns out she had always felt the same. Tragic we both now have marriages and families. Not that I would have ultimately made the cut, but I still wondered what if.”

“I caution against quickly jumping into a relationship after a breakup or if you’re still pining for someone,” said Sarah Spencer Northey, a marriage and family therapist based in Washington, D.C.

CSA Images via Getty Images

“I caution against quickly jumping into a relationship after a breakup or if you’re still pining for someone,” said Sarah Spencer Northey, a marriage and family therapist based in Washington, D.C.

How to make sure your ‘second choice’ is the best choice, according to a marriage therapist

Obviously, there’s a spectrum of outcomes when you marry your runner-up: You could be entirely fulfilled and in love like Peter, indifferent to your circumstances like Aether, or disheartened and openly questioning like Jason.

If you’re questioning your decision, it may mean that you didn’t give yourself adequate time to heal from your first choice’s rejection, said Sarah Spencer Northey, a marriage and family therapist based in Washington, D.C.

“I caution against quickly jumping into a relationship after a breakup or if you’re still pining for someone,” she told HuffPost.

“I try to normalize for clients that there are two big stages to getting over an ex,” she said. “One: getting over an ex to a point where you feel stable on your own, and two: getting over an ex to the point where you feel stable in a relationship with another person.”

That said, the therapist thinks it’s unrealistic to tell someone to remain single until they’re 100% over their ex: “Can you ever be 100% over someone who was a big part of your life?”

For most folks, feeling as though you “settled” with a successive partner is a fleeting feeling, Spencer Northey said.

“It’s important not to feed into the idea that the person you end up with is your ‘second choice,’” she said. “When things get tough in your current relationship, it’s easy to idealize the ex as the one you should really be with, but that is seldom the case. ‘The one that got away,’ got away for a reason.”

Ultimately, making it work with the person you love now boils down to two things: actively choosing them and reassuring yourself that relationships can last if both people prioritize each other and put in the work.

In time, your second choice naturally becomes your first choice, your best choice, hopefully for the rest of your life if that kind of monogamy is what you’re after.

That’s what happened for happily married Peter, though he admits he’s not a “what-if” type of person.

“I keep my focus on my relationship and marriage more than thinking about the past,” he explained.

In the end, he said, “I think I did get my first choice because the woman I married is the only woman I ever associated the word ‘marriage’ with. With Ann, I’m happy, fulfilled and content, even if she wasn’t my initial ‘first choice.’”

Share Button

It’s Not Normal For Our Work Places To Leave Us In Tears

Posted on by
Reply

You’re reading Life-Work Balance, a series aiming to redirect our total devotion to work into prioritising our personal lives.

Finding a quiet toilet cubicle, a vacant conference room, or any corner of the office or work floor you can privately sob. Sound familiar?

Crying at work isn’t an alien experience for many of us. And since the pandemic, those who have been propelled to the WFH environment can weep away without shame and the judgemental glances of their co-workers.

It can be a cathartic experience, to let out your work frustrations and stresses before carrying on with your responsibilities. You might even have an open policy at work where all sentiments are welcome.

While it’s good to let your emotions out and express yourself, we must also ponder the question – should our work places be making us cry?

It’s no secret that employment, no matter in which form, is stressful and occupies much of our thoughts. But our employment isn’t supposed to dominate our emotion in the way it does.

Work under capitalism has terrorised our emotion – we’re forced to constantly be switched on, available, regulate our feelings on demand (think how often we have to suppress anger, indignation, sadness at work and put on a face), and offer ourselves as capital toward businesses much more successful than we as workers are.

So when it feels like we’re hamsters on a never-ending wheel, with the bills and responsibilities mounting on us, with little room to breathe, it’s easy for our emotions to overspill and reach breaking point – often ending in tears.

Lucy*, 43, from Northampton, can relate all too well to this. “In my 20s and 30s, I cried a lot at work, for various reasons. I was figuring out who I was and my work place often wanted me to be someone that just wasn’t my personality. I ended up in tears because my work kept expecting me to be more assertive and forceful, which is the opposite of who I am.”

But Lucy had to keep her feelings private because, she says: “I think they would have seen crying as a weakness or unprofessional and unbusinesslike.

“Our workplaces just expect us to navigate our own emotion without any effort to remedy any ill feelings.”

But, Lucy admits, it does also depend on your profession. “Some are better than others with helping people. My workplace also provided a certain number of therapy sessions per issue you were having but I don’t think a lot of people even knew about it.”

Similarly, for Nora*, 29, a deputy lighting director at a theatre in London, not only has her job left her weeping in the past, she doubts little would change if bosses were aware of the toll they had on her.

She tells HuffPost: “My work place made me cry because of severe lack of resources and time and constant pressure to complete goals by an unmovable deadline under adverse circumstances. I was regularly working 60hr+ weeks with minimal breaks, high levels of physics and mental work and increasing demands of productivity.”

Like many of us, Nora kept her feelings hidden.

“I didn’t let work see me cry, instead I removed myself to a private location. If they had seen I think they would have responded well emotionally, i.e being initially caring and empathetic but fundamentally no actual structural or practical changes would be made.”

The experience has left Nora with little belief in workplaces to care genuinely about their employee’s wellbeing.

“I think workplaces put on a show, in most cases even earnestly, of supporting our emotions and mental health but in practice don’t actually have any infrastructure or ability to back these up,” she says.

“Most middle management are not themselves emotionally equipped or trained to deal with mental health or emotional breakdowns and yet are expected to solve problems usually caused by industry wide issues created and perpetuated by those at the highest level.”

So why is work so emotionally charged and how can we have a better grip on our emotions?

Well, it’s due to the nature of work itself and not a personal failing, says wellbeing psychologist Dannielle Haig.

“The workplace can be highly charged emotionally due to the fact there are numbers of humans grouped together in an environment that can be highly pressured with difficult interactions, personality differences and deadlines and so on,” she says.

“You become so emotionally exhausted that you’re vulnerable to external stressors and can no longer control your emotions. This is a sign that you need to take a break, you need some recovery time where you are investing in yourself and allowing your emotional batteries to recharge.”

But emotions arise from somewhere. You might consider addressing the stimulus – is it a difficult boss, a toxic environment?

Haig adds: “If you are feeling resentment for example, then it is time to build your boundaries and to start saying no to others and yes to yourself. If you’re feeling anger, then it’s a signal for you to remove yourself from the situation and once calm, to approach a situation from a different angle. The more you lean into your emotions and get curious about them rather than just allowing them to happen or trying to stop them, the more emotionally agile you’ll become.”

In an ever precarious job market, compounded with the cost of living crisis, most of of us are hyperaware of our earnings and employability, we might even be willing to put up with mistreatment, regardless of its emotional and mental cost.

But we’re also protected by labour rights and, in most places, a nascent understanding of work place harms and toxicity.

If we’re left in constant tears, it’s okay to question our employers, table open discussions, speak to HR, and try to change the environment, instead of toiling away to our own detriment, emotionally and physically.

*Names have been changed.

HuffPost UK/ Isabella Carapella

Life-Work Balance questions the status quo of work culture, its mental and physical impacts, and radically reimagines how we can change it to work for us.

Share Button

The First Thing Productivity Experts Do When They Wake Up

Posted on by
Reply

How you start your day can set the tone for everything that follows.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a morning person, there are easy, small steps you can do as soon as you wake up that can make a big difference in your mood and stress levels as your workday gets underway.

Here are some of the things productivity experts say they do to get weekday mornings off to a good start. Their answers were lightly edited for clarity and length.

I drink a glass of cold water.

“Every morning, I start my day with a big glass of ice water. Although it’s tempting to head straight for the coffee, when you start your day with ice water you’re rehydrating yourself after seven to nine hours of fasting.

“Rehydrating with ice water helps me feel more alert, and supposedly there are benefits like jump-starting your metabolism and helping you flush out toxins. To make this morning step a no-brainer — especially because I am not a morning person — I fill up an insulated tumbler with ice water and place it on my nightstand before bed. When I wake up, it’s right there and ready for me without having to make my way to the kitchen to fill a glass. Once I’ve had my glass of water, I enjoy a delicious cup of that life-giving coffee.” — Anna Dearmon Kornick, a time management coach and host of the “It’s About Time” podcast

I do a breathing exercise to get centered.

“As a night owl, the early morning club is not for me. These three simple habits have been helpful for me for many years now: daily affirmation, meditation and gratitude journaling. Once awake, I silently say a positive affirmation. Usually, it is ‘I am calm. Breathe.’ But, if I [know I’m going to be speaking publicly that day], the affirmation could be ‘I am confident.’

“Then, meditation or a breathing exercise follows to deepen the positive affirmation. It takes 10 minutes, but if I do not have time, I would just do a one-minute breathing exercise. I love doing ‘4-2-4,’ which is inhaling for four seconds, holding for two seconds and exhaling for four seconds. It helps the body relax and focus.

“Finally, my gratitude journal helps me set the intention for the day because I write three things that I do to make my day great.” — Samphy Y, productivity coach

I meditate, then review my schedule.

“I meditate and journal every morning before I begin work. This helps me relax and prepare for the day to come. I then review my schedule for the day and week, making note of work sessions, upcoming meetings and appointments. Lastly, I create a short list of my daily to-dos.” — Rashelle Isip, productivity consultant

I decide how I want my day to end.

“Start the day by setting your own finish line. We live in a world where work never ends. There’s always more you can do: another idea to explore, another request to consider, another step to take in that ongoing project, another lead to follow up, article to read or social media post to comment on.

“So in a world where work never ends, it’s up to us to define our own finish lines. What’s on my agenda? What does success look like today? What’s most important? How do I want to show up today? When we check in with ourselves first, we can set our own finish lines for the day, and we can celebrate when we cross it. Our brains find this much more rewarding, and are less prone to being tempted by other distractions that might derail us.” — Grace Marshall, productivity coach and author of “How To Be Really Productive: Achieving Clarity and Getting Results in a World Where Work Never Ends”

I write down my daily goals.

“The first thing I do after praying is write in a goal-setting journal. I write my daily goals, review my weekly and monthly goals and even set a few new ones.

“This is actually a newer ritual for me. It’s more holistic. Previously, I did very pedantic productivity things like ‘writing a to-do list’ only, but incorporating my prayer and affirmative work also helps me take [care] of my person.” — Lindsey Holmes, productivity consultant and CEO of Usable Tech Co.

I read and write to get in a creative headspace.

“I spend the first 90 minutes of my morning getting kids up and ready for school. But once I’m at my desk, I make sure to do two things: I read and I write a little in my ‘free writing file.’

“This year I’m reading through all the works of Shakespeare, so I read 3-4 pages in my collected works of Shakespeare. Last year I read through ‘War and Peace’ one chapter a day; there are 361 chapters. Then my experimental writing this year is about a single day in a character’s life, stretched over 365 bite-sized entries. So I write one of those (100-200 words). Both help me start the day in a creative space.” — Laura Vanderkam, a time management expert and author of the forthcoming book “Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters”

I do a spiritual practice.

“For the past 10 years, I’ve started my morning with the spiritual practice of Bible reading and prayer. I wake up before my kids, pour a cup of strong coffee, and spend about 30 minutes on my most important relationship — the one I have with God.

“Of course, not everyone’s spiritual practices look the same. But I’ve found that starting the day by caring for my soul helps me to remain peaceful and grounded when life gets hectic. It also helps me to start my day on my own terms. For the first 45 minutes that I’m awake, I don’t have to react to my kids, my clients or anyone else’s agenda. It helps me remember that, as a human being, I’m not defined by how much I get done.” — Katie Wussow, a business coach for creatives and host of “The Game Changer” podcast

I do something that brings me pleasure before starting work.

“For several years, I’d wake up and scroll social media apps, which is a horrible way to start the day. Finally, I just moved my apps off my home screen so I no longer opened them out of muscle memory, and, since my intention with opening Twitter first thing was to catch up on the news, I’d simply … open a proper news app instead.

“Once I’ve read the news and am a bit more awake, I pivot to the real nice way to start my day: doing a crossword puzzle (and, now, Wordle!). It’s a nice, gentle way to start the day that has nothing to do with productivity — these days, I don’t even make a to-do list until I officially start working — and everything to do with introducing a little pleasure into my morning routine.

“After the crossword, I putter around with coffee and podcasts and maybe even some knitting and/or ‘Real Housewives.’ Basically, I treat my mornings as my own time, free of the stress of work emails or too many Twitter takes, or even just limited to the most functional tasks like showering or taking the dog out, which allows me to start my actual workday in a focused and relaxed place.” — Rachel Wilkerson Miller, Vox senior editor and author of “Dot Journaling — A Practical Guide”

Share Button

What Is Aphasia? Bruce Willis’ Condition Explained

Posted on by
Reply

Bruce Willis is “stepping away” from his acting career after being diagnosed with aphasia, a condition that affects the ability to express or understand speech, Willis’ family announced on Wednesday. The condition is “impacting his cognitive abilities,” the family said.

So what is aphasia? And what causes it? Here’s what you need to know.

Aphasia is a condition that affects communication.

Aphasia is a disorder that stems from damage to parts of the brain responsible for speaking, writing and understanding language, the Mayo Clinic explains.

It often occurs after a sudden emergency, like a stroke (when the blood supply to the brain is disrupted) or head injury. But aphasia can also come on more slowly over time. It can affect people of any age, but is most common in those middle-aged and older. Estimates say roughly 180,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with aphasia every year.

The specific communication challenges people face can vary.

With aphasia, some people may speak in short or incomplete sentences or longer sentences that don’t make any sense. Other times, they might use unrecognizable words or seem unable to follow a conversation. All of that may extend to writing, too.

In general, people with aphasia tend to fall into one of three different patterns, according to the Mayo Clinic:

  • Expressive aphasia (sometimes called Broca’s or nonfluent aphasia) in which people are better at understanding others than they are at speaking. They often struggle to get words out or speak in phrases, rather than complete sentences. For example, they might say things like: “Walk park today,” the Mayo Clinic explains.

  • Comprehensive aphasia (sometimes called fluent or Wernicke’s aphasia) in which people tend to speak in long, complex sentences that don’t make sense. They may have difficulty understanding spoken language, and do not always realize that others can’t understand them.

  • Global aphasia. People with this pattern tend to have poor comprehension and difficulty forming words and sentences, the Mayo clinic says.

Aphasia is usually the result of a serious brain issue, like a stroke, injury or tumor.

Aphasia is not something that just happens on its own; it is caused by damage to one (or more) of the areas of the brain responsible for language. Stroke is a common culprit. When the blood supply to part of the brain is stopped or greatly reduced, that prevents brain tissue from getting the oxygen and nutrients it needs to function — which can have an immediate, and sometimes lasting, impact on communication.

Serious head injuries are another possible cause of aphasia, as are brain infections.

But the condition can also develop over time, particularly if a person has a brain tumor or a progressive neurological condition, like Alzheimer’s.

Willis’ family has not provided any details beyond his aphasia diagnosis.

If you have any concerns, talk to a doctor ASAP.

Because aphasia is linked to extremely serious underlying brain issues, it is important to see a doctor right away if you (or a loved one) notices any changes in speech or cognition.

If you suddenly develop any of the following symptoms, you should seek emergency medical care immediately, the Mayo Clinic says, as they may be a sign of a stroke:

  • Difficulty speaking

  • Trouble understanding speech

  • Difficulty with word recall

  • Problems with reading or writing

Depending on a person’s condition, doctors may run tests like a magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) or computed tomography (CT) scan to better understand what is happening. They may also run tests to gauge a person’s ability to answer questions and hold a conversation.

There are ways to treat aphasia.

Treating aphasia depends a lot on the root cause. For example, after a brain injury like a stroke, some people are able to recover significant function — including language skills — depending on what parts of the brain were affected and how extensive the damage was. Many people go to rehabilitation programs, which often include a speech pathologist (in addition to a team of medical providers) who can help with recovery.

In general, doctors will attempt to deal with whatever the underlying causes of aphasia are, and then help people regain communication skills to the extent it is possible.

“Aphasia therapy aims to improve a person’s ability to communicate by helping him or her to use remaining language abilities, restore language abilities as much as possible, and learn other ways of communicating, such as gestures, pictures, or use of electronic devices,” explains the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders. There are individual and group therapy options, as well as speech-generating technologies that can help people communicate throughout their days.

Share Button

Slap Or No Slap, Did Jada Really Need Will Smith To ‘Defend Her Honour’?

Posted on by
Reply

Just moments after it happened, Chris Rock knew his altercation with Will Smith at this year’s Oscars was going to make headlines, calling it “the greatest night in the history of television”.

For those yet to watch the clip, Rock made a joke at the expense of Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, when he said he was “looking forward to seeing GI Jane 2”.

Rock was apparently referencing the actress’ shaved head, which is a result of the hair loss condition, alopecia. Seconds later, Smith climbed onto the stage, slapped Rock and said: “Keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth.”

Some have excused Smith’s actions, saying he was simply “defending his wife’s honour” – but that phrase in itself has left others feeling uncomfortable.

Most of us will agree that there’s other ways to stand up for someone you love without resulting to physical violence. But it also raises the question: do women still need their “honour” defended by a man?

Plenty of people have praised the actor for stepping in to “defend” his wife.

But others have highlighted that Jada Pinkett Smith is a grown woman and perfectly capable of defending herself if she chooses to.

Jada Pinkett Smith arrives on the red carpet before the 2022 Oscars ceremony.

Future Publishing via Getty Images

Jada Pinkett Smith arrives on the red carpet before the 2022 Oscars ceremony.

Later in the evening, Smith won the Best Actor award for his portrayal of Richard Williams, the father of Venus and Serena Williams, in the biopic King Richard.

In his acceptance speech, he apologised to the Academy and his fellow nominees for his behaviour, adding: “I look like the crazy father, just like what they said about Richard Williams. But love will make you do crazy things.”

But his words only sparked further criticism.

A lot of people agree that both men were in the wrong in this scenario, calling out toxic masculinity on either side.

But one thing is clear: the headlines this morning are all focused on Chris Rock and Will Smith. The woman at the heart of this story, Jada Pinkett Smith, has been erased in all the drama.

Share Button

How History Still Weighs Heavy On South Asian Bodies Today

Posted on by
Reply

Walking home from secondary school with my sister many years ago, I spotted a London bus plastered with a depressing advert, solemnly warning of the dangers of diabetes. “What’s the big deal?” I asked rhetorically. “Diabetes for an Asian person is a regular Tuesday.”

Though I was being facetious, I wasn’t wrong. South Asians do seem more susceptible to diabetic conditions. According to Diabetes.co.uk, the likelihood of developing type 2 diabetes is reported to be as much as six times higher in South Asians than in Europeans, with a number of factors – mostly linked to lifestyle – believed to be behind this increased risk.

But have we also considered the role history plays here? Is colonialism another overlooked factor that contributes to South Asian bodies? It’s well understood that people can inherit psychological trauma from previous generations but, for many racialised people, there can be physical consequences, too.

Think back to GSCE history. You may have learned the Indian subcontinent was subject to many famines, with some particularly severe ones occurring under British rule. For centuries, up until India gained independence in 1947, starvation plagued the nation, in part a byproduct of colonial times.

The East India Company’s raising of taxes, policy failures (including a “denial of rice”), resources being deployed to the military, and droughts that were met with British inaction, resulted in the deaths of millions. In 1943, West Bengal saw the worst of it all, a famine in which up to three million people died of malnutrition.

Yet, famines in the British era were not due to a lack of food, but due to the inequalities in the distribution of that food, Nobel Prize winning economist Amartya Sen argues, linking this inequality to what he describes as the fundamentally undemocratic nature of the British Empire.

You might wonder what’s all this got to do with South Asians now? Well, not only was the “great famine” in Bengal only 79 years ago (for some, a part of living memory), but when a group of people are exposed to starvation on this scale, it can affect subsequent generations.

Dr Mubin Syed, a 56-year-old radiologist from Ohio who also works in vascular and obesity medicine, recently went viral on TikTok and Instagram for making this crucial link.

As he explains in his video, South Asians have a tendency to generate and store fat and not burn it off, amassing low lean muscle mass. This, he points out, is because South Asians are “starvation-adapted”, due to having to survive at least 31 famines, especially during the 18th and 19th century.

Surviving just one famine doubles the risk of diabetes and obesity in the next generation, even without a famine, according to a study by Brown university. The risk of cardiovascular disease increases 2.7 times for their grandchildren.

Dr Syed, whose research in this area for the past five years led him to these conclusions, tells HuffPost UK: “Exposure to even one famine has a multi-generational effect of causing metabolic disorders including diabetes, hyperglycemia and cardiovascular diseases. Imagine having an exposure to at least 24 major famines in a 50-year period.”

And the problem carries through to the present.

“In the modern era of abundance, it becomes an evolutionary mismatch. Our adaptation to scarce food availability is no longer suitable for our environment of food abundance,” he says.

So, storing nutrients was an evolutionary response to famine, but now, where scarcity is no longer a problem for much of the modern, western world, it creates a conflict, heightening our risk of certain health conditions.

“South Asians have a unique physiology,” Dr Syed explains. “For instance, we have higher body fat percentage and lower lean muscle mass. We have a six times greater risk of developing diabetes, one of the highest rates of diabetes and pre-diabetes in the world, and a four times greater risk to have a heart attack before the age 50. Furthermore, one in three South Asians will die of heart disease before 65.”

While our genes, inherited from our ancestors, can explain some of these predispositions, diet is another contributor – though not in a straightforward way. “It’s a multifactorial perfect storm,” says Dr Syed. :Genetics is one issue, but of course, lifestyle is always important. But, South Asians have to exercise twice as much as Caucasians to get the same health benefits.”

Dr Syed has been researching this area for half a decade

Mubin Syed

Dr Syed has been researching this area for half a decade

It certainly feels like Indians, Bangladeshis, and Pakistanis, who once made up India, are still reeling from the effects of colonialism, mentally and physically.

My family are certainly still feeling its effects. Though my parents weren’t around when the Bengal famine took place, their generation is impacted; my dad is diabetic while my mum is prediabetic, and this leaves me in a precarious position, too.

Another concern for the community is a lack of awareness about how our past informs our future. This is why filmmaker Phelan Chatterjee, 26, set out to create a short documentary, Straining The Rice that captures the trauma endured by Bengali people, told through the lens of a grandmother, Nana (not his own).

The London-based producer laments how little people know of the famine and how it affects us today.

He tells HuffPost UK: “I had a lot of conversations with Asian friends and family in the UK. I found very little mention or memorialisation of the catastrophe, despite the enormous number of people who died, and its effects today.

“The sheer number of lives lost, the brutal way in which they perished and the helplessness of those demanding change at the time. It’s difficult to come to terms with the fact that it’s not a part of our national conversation in any meaningful way.”

Phelan's film Straining the Rice includes testimony from Nana, who experienced the famine as a child.

Phelan Chatterjee

Phelan’s film Straining the Rice includes testimony from Nana, who experienced the famine as a child.

Chatterjee questions those who say the famine was simply an environmental consequence, and asks why there’s no accountability for why such conditions were created.

“The protagonist of the film, an elderly Bengali woman says the famine sparked a great deal of protest against the colonial government of the day,” he says.

“This suggests there had always been a keen awareness of the links between policy choices and the famine. But frequently, I’ve experienced famines and similar events to be thought of as beyond human control.

“I wonder what a reappraisal of those policies might bring, and how that could inform the way we understand contemporary famines, global inequality – including health inequality – and climate change.”

Straining the Rice focuses on a family discussion of the Bengal famine

Phelan Chatterjee

Straining the Rice focuses on a family discussion of the Bengal famine

If schools, for instance, taught students about these historical atrocities and their contemporary implications on us mentally and physically, we might have a better understanding of how to navigate our lives now. Healthcare research and responses might even cater better to our bodies, as a result.

But, despite the risks and impact of inequalities on South Asians today, Dr Syed says it doesn’t mean ill health is inevitable for us.

“It’s not a doom and gloom scenario,” he says. “The risks are avoidable, we just have to pay closer attention to diet, exercise/fitness, sleep, stress and other substances.” This means how much alcohol and tobacco we consume, says Dr Syed, and for South Asians who enjoy it, consumption of betel nut or supari.

Nana remembers how beggars would ask for the starchy rice water

Phelan Chatterjee

Nana remembers how beggars would ask for the starchy rice water

“Even our dental health,” he adds. “The key thing is awareness, getting regular check-ups, including lipid profiles, is critical. Do not assume you are healthy, as normal height/weight BMIs are misleading for South Asians.”

Many South Asians in the West who are told “colonialism was a long time ago” and not to “dwell on the past” will struggle with all these conflicting messages. We certainly can’t nor should forget a history that still continues to impact us. And there are many who still remember the harshness of colonial times.

For those who came before us, as well as ourselves, it’s imperative we keep educated and informed of our past and how plays a crucial role in our future.

Share Button